The Incredible Jessica James (2017) Movie Script

I think it's really dangerous
to seek personal fulfillment
through romantic relationships.
I do.
I'm just letting you know. FYI.
You shouldn't need other people
to validate or define you.
I shouldn't?
No, you shouldn't. Nobody should.
Oh, yeah. No. Totally.
- Can I get you something to drink?
- No, thank you.
Drinking is basic AF.
Oh, yeah. I guess.
I'll get you some waters.
- Thank you.
- Awesome.
- Totes presh.
- Totes presh.
- What?
- Totes presh.
So, uh...
- have you been on Tinder long or...
- All right.
I'm gonna stop you right there
because I'm not loving the whole vibe
of this interaction so far.
And I would literally
rather have my period
for a thousand years, non-stop,
than continue this portion
of the conversation.
You mentioned something earlier
about wanting to bone?
- Oh. Yeah. Yeah.
- See right here on Tinder, we matched.
- Right.
- Awesome.
And then, I texted you, "Hi."
And you said, "S'up?"
And I was like, "Not much."
- And then you said, "Want to bone."
- "Want to bone?" I guess I did.
- Do you remember that?
- I... I guess I do. Yeah.
So, did you come here tonight
expecting to bone?
- Yes.
- It's not gonna happen.
Well, what happened?
Did I do something wrong?
Kind of.
It's like, when I walked in,
you just shook my hand.
Well, what should I have done?
I don't know. Maybe you should have, like,
grabbed me by the shoulders,
and whispered something real sexy
in my ear.
- Like what?
- Like...
"Go in the bathroom
and take off your panties.
I want to smell 'em."
And you would have done that
if I told you to do that?
Maybe. I don't know.
There's a huge chance I would have
just punched you in your ding-a-ling.
But who knows?
Sort of in this weird transitional phase
in my life
where I don't know what I'm gonna do next.
- I'm going through a really bad breakup.
- Oh.
- Yeah. It sucks.
- Yeah.
That's really the only reason
why either of us are here right now.
- What does that mean?
- He usually comes on Fridays.
So I was hoping
that he'd catch us together,
and then he would freak out
- and be like super devastated.
- Wait, what?
Oh, my God. He's here. He's here.
- He's here right now.
- Are you kidding? He's here now?
Oh, frick me. He's brought a date,
and she's super-hot.
I didn't even know
he liked girls like that.
- Don't turn around!
- Well, what do you want me to do?
I don't know.
Act like we're gonna have sex later.
How do you act like
you're going to have sex?
Be sexual. Do you want me
to have to figure this out for you?
- Figure it out.
- I...
Hey, Jess.
Hey, Damon.
It's great to see you've moved on already.
After only two-and-a-half months
of not dating.
Three-and-a-half months, actually. But...
Hi. I'm Heather.
I'm sure you are.
What's that supposed to mean?
- You tell me.
- Yeah. Um...
We're gonna go eat outside.
- But, um, nice to see you, Jess. Honestly.
- Mm-hm.
Wish I could say the same to you.
But I can't.
Because you broke my heart
into a million little pieces.
Take a deep breath in.
And out.
Deep breath in.
And out.
Deep breath in.
And out.
Hands out of your pockets, please.
Right at your sides.
Oh, boy.
Now, close your eyes.
I want you to imagine
that you're on the beach.
- What beach?
- Any beach.
San Diego Beach?
That would be included
in the options for any beach, yes.
I hate beaches.
Okay. Just imagine it anyway.
It's a sunny day.
There's a sweet breeze in the air.
You take off your shoes
and you wiggle your toes in the sand.
Did I bring sunscreen?
No, you didn't. But your mom did.
And she's rubbing it on your back
right now.
Tell me what you see.
- Water.
- Good.
Is it calm? Or are there waves?
Tell me what you hear.
I hear the waves?
People splashing.
I don't hear anything.
That's okay. Just relax and try.
What do you smell?
- Suntan lotion.
- Salt.
What do you feel?
- Hungry.
- Happy.
I don't feel anything.
Well, what's that like?
I don't know.
It doesn't feel like anything?
All right, let's try something else.
I want you to think about feeling nothing.
And, I mean, really think about it.
And I want you to write a paragraph on it
for class next week.
Four sentences minimum.
Do you think you can do that?
Do I have to?
This is theater, Shandra.
We don't have to do any of this.
We do it simply because we must.
What do you assholes know, anyway? Hm?
"Oh, nothing.
We're just collectively responsible"
for the success
of every major dramatic writer
"in the past 100 years."
Oh, okay. Tight.
I can get over us not being together.
Really, I can.
Look at me.
I'm tall, I'm pretty, I'm smart.
I am a coco queen.
I will have many great loves in my life.
It's just...
I feel like I lost my best friend
and it really sucks.
- Are those for the guests?
- Yes.
All right. So, we're done here?
- Hi.
- Hi.
- What are you doing?
- Oh, yes.
- This is exactly what I want.
- No, no, no.
We're supposed to be serving this stuff.
- It's so good.
- Mm-hm.
You know, when you invited me
to come here,
I thought I would be a guest, not serving.
It's $500 a ticket.
And I thought you needed the money.
- Oh, I do need the money.
- You're gonna get us both fired.
Relax, girl. These are my people.
I'm mingling.
Okay, this is like, old money,
theater-subscribing Manhattan.
These are so not your people.
Have you been talking to them about Damon?
Yeah, yeah, but...
I'm going through a process right now.
Okay, I'm standing in my own truth.
- Dude, you need to get out.
- I am out.
No, no, you need to go on a date.
A real one.
Ew, no. Dating's the worst.
Have you ever actually seen a man eat?
Like, there's never been a grosser thing.
I've seen a live birth before.
And it's still not close to a man
eating a piece of chicken.
Oh, my God! I actually know somebody.
- Is he cute?
- Yes.
What's his deal?
He's divorced.
Tasha, there has never been a redder flag.
It's perfect. You guys can just rebound
right off of each other.
On to each other and into each other,
and just like...
- Are you talking about sex?
- Hetero-ing... Yes.
- How old is he?
- Thirty. Tops. Maybe just a little older.
And he's already failed at marriage?
So, what? Life is just a series
of failures in the first place. So...
- What?
- What?
He is nice.
- You'll have fun.
- I don't want to have fun.
What do you want?
- You ready?
- Yeah, I'm ready.
You're about to win the award
for best playwright ever of all time.
Really? I don't even know
they made that award.
Well, they just made it for you.
- For me?
- Mm-hm.
- Oh, my gosh. Thank you, everybody.
- Mm-hm.
So, we're at the ceremony.
And you don't know you're about to get it.
- What do I think we're here for?
- I don't know.
- Hamilton?
- Keep going.
Then, Oprah comes out.
And she announces to the whole world
that you are the best playwright
- in the history of the universe.
- In the history of the universe.
And you turn to me, and...
Hey, Oprah knows my name!
Oprah knows my name.
Oprah knows my name!
- So...
- I like this future.
- It's pretty cool, right?
- Yeah.
So, um, Tasha tells me
you're a playwright.
Yeah. I write plays.
That's something that I do.
Have you written anything
I might have seen?
Do you see a lot of plays?
Did you write Hamilton?
Have you seen Hamilton?
- No.
- No.
No, I didn't write Hamilton.
I haven't had a play produced in New York.
I have had interest from a small handful
of theater companies, though.
And they want to work with me, so...
I'm just waiting.
Right place, right time,
so I can make my mark.
I don't know anything about theater.
It's pretty much all I care about.
Well, that's great.
That you're committed
to something you love.
Why did you get divorced?
That's a pretty brutal transition.
Don't you think?
No offense, but I don't even know
if I wanna be here right now.
Oh, wow, why would I be offended by that?
I don't know,
Tasha thought this would be good for me.
To help me get over this guy
I thought I was in love with.
But, to be honest, this whole thing
is making me think of him more intensely.
Oh, yeah? How so?
I'm just really reminded
of how much of him you're not.
I mean, I get it.
You are the complete opposite
to my ex-wife.
What is she? Dumb, short, and fugly?
What I meant was...
compared to her, you are much more...
Honesty is, like, the only thing
that matters to me.
Oh, yeah. I believe in honesty.
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
So, can we be totally honest
with each other?
Why are you here?
Well, it's been a little while
since my divorce. Bleh.
And I thought if this went well,
then we could make out later.
You just want to make out?
Why did you say that you think
you were in love with your ex?
I don't know. It's complicated.
We were together for two years,
and then he just sort of gave up on us.
I'm sorry. That must be rough.
Why did you get married?
I think I was in a hurry
to get on with my life.
What went wrong?
I'm still figuring that out.
But I'm pretty sure it was her fault.
You have a great smile.
What's your go-to karaoke song?
I do not care for karaoke.
Really? Boo, dude.
You're booing me when I'm being honest?
You're right. I'm sorry. That was rude.
How do you pay your rent?
I work at a non-profit in Hell's Kitchen.
I teach public school kids how to write
and produce their own plays.
So, how do you pay your rent?
I, uh, I live in deep Bushwick.
Like, deep, deep, deep Bushwick.
What about you?
I invented an app.
Thank you.
Okay, well, thanks. This was interesting.
In, like, an anthropological way.
I'm gonna take that as a compliment.
Yeah, I guess you could.
Look, I don't want to disappoint you
or anything, but...
I don't think we should make out.
Don't worry. I gave up on that idea
halfway through the meal.
I enjoyed being honest with you.
- That's the only way to be, so...
- All right.
Well, good night.
Oh, we're hugging. Good night.
- Are you going this way, too?
- Yeah.
That's awkward.
I wouldn't say this is any more
or less awkward
than every other part of the night.
That's funny.
You're funny.
I'm also good at cunnilingus.
Well, that's good to know.
So, which way do you go now?
"You can talk, but no one hears you."
You can see, but can't be seen.
Nothing you do matters to anyone.
- "It feels like you don't exist."
- Wow.
That was amazing.
That was really well put.
Shandra, do you feel like that a lot?
I don't know.
Has anybody in this room
ever felt like that?
Raise your hand if you have.
Girl, you just articulated
a pretty complicated feeling
that everybody in this room can relate to.
How does that make you feel?
Hey, everybody, guess what?
- What?
- What?
This is your one and only life.
What do you want to tell people about it?
- What the hell are you doing out here?
- I've been thinking, all right?
- Yeah?
- Yeah, I made a lot of mistakes.
I should have never let you go.
Damon, this is literally so crazy.
Please come off the ledge.
I can't. I won't go on without you.
You're being so melodramatic right now.
I live on the second floor.
I need to tell you how I feel.
Okay. Fine. How do you feel?
I... I don't know.
You hurt me a lot. You know that, right?
I know. I know, okay? I'm an asshole.
- You know, I'm just gonna jump right now.
- No, no, no!
Wait, wait, wait!
You smell like Vick's medicated vapor rub.
You smell like Vick's medicated vapor rub.
What do you mean, like, right now, or...
Yeah, like, right now.
Like, usually, always.
It's kind of been your thing
ever since we first met.
Well, why didn't you tell me this before?
I don't know. I guess I didn't
wanna hurt your feelings.
But, you know, here we are.
Well, what else did you want to tell me?
You're not as funny as you think you are.
Okay, now, you're just... Whoa!
Oh, my God!
- Yeah?
- Hey. Are you busy?
I need to go out.
If you listen close
You might hear the sound
Well, I would never let you down
I thought you were a man of action
- Hey.
- Hey.
I'm getting a lot of inquiries
regarding your status.
Yeah. It's my raw feminine energy.
It really fucks up the room.
Yeah, that's actually
what most of the girls are saying.
Hey, ladies! You're all queens.
Or however you choose to identify.
- Woo-hoo!
- Woo!
Hey, what kind of vibe
are you rocking with these days?
I need some recommendations.
You mean, like,
what is the one vibrator I'm using?
- Yeah.
- Do you only have one vibrator?
Do you have more than one vibrator?
Uh, has one man ever fulfilled
all of your needs?
There was one.
- Hm.
- Bullshit aside.
He was pretty dope at sex.
Oh, how did the date go
with the divorced dude?
I spent the night with him.
You ended up spending the night with him?
Yeah, you said he was cool.
Yeah, no, I don't actually know him
that well.
I only did it
because you said you knew him.
No, I just acted in a diversity workshop
at a retreat for his app.
You spent the night with him!
You are so baller!
Well, it wasn't even like that, dude.
There was no P and V penetration.
Oh, well, what did you do?
Everything else?
Oh, my God. Anal?
What? No! Are you crazy? Anal?
Well, do you like him?
I'm not even sure if I like dudes anymore.
Well, let me know if you wanna make out
because I would totally be
into helping you transition.
You know, just to see how it feels.
Appreciate it, but I'm going to stick
with this basic peen for a while.
You know, he was very thoughtful
in his role-playing
during our sexual harassment scenarios.
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
What's his app called?
Oh, I don't know.
It's like a Tinder thing
for people that have herpes.
- What?
- Joking.
Everybody scream as loud
as you possibly can.
Oh, my God. That was awful.
Now, you're on a trampoline.
Boing, boing, boing.
Who can backflip? Just kidding.
Don't do that, it's a liability.
Hands up in the sky. High, high, high.
Get on your tippy-toes.
Now, wiggle your fingers
like your tickling a giant.
- Except he's got armpit hair.
- Ew!
Gross. Gross, gross.
Okay, you just dropped your ice cream
and you don't have money to buy a new one.
- Oh, shit!
- Kayla.
Valid reaction. Don't say shit.
- Oops.
- Your best friend moves to Hawaii.
Send me a postcard.
It's too hot there.
You get stood up at your own wedding.
Marriage is an outdated social construct
- I don't care. I don't care.
- I don't care.
I don't care. I don't care.
I don't care.
All right, guys, great job today.
Also, don't forget
that I need your permission slips
for our writer's weekend coming up.
And I haven't gotten anything from anybody
except for Shandra.
Seriously, don't forget
to ask your parents.
Or I will do it myself.
I will make it weird.
Kayla? Seriously.
Hey, Ms. James?
You okay?
I can't go to the writer's weekend.
What? Why?
Shandra, no, you're the only one
who turned in your permission slip.
I'm sorry.
Is somebody coming to pick you up?
I wanna see... Oh, there it is.
Excuse me. Are you Shandra's mom?
Hey, I'm Jessica James.
I know who you are.
All right, uh, Shandra mentioned
something to me earlier
about her possibly not making
the writer's weekend next month?
- Yeah, that's right.
- She cannot miss that weekend.
Well, unfortunately, she has to.
- Why?
- It's complicated.
It's just that it's a really big deal.
Sarah Jones is gonna be there.
Look, I don't know who Sarah Jones is,
but Shandra can't go.
She's an amazing playwright.
She, like, won a Tony.
Do me a favor, when you get home,
google Sarah Jones TED Talk.
- Okay. Come on.
- Seriously, why can't she make it?
Well, if you must know,
Shandra's dad is taking her
and her brother to Six Flags that weekend.
I'm sorry, Shandra's mom.
That is the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.
It's her dad's weekend.
This is the weekend
where they actually write their plays.
You know how long it took
to reach a custody agreement with my ex?
Two years.
Two years, six lawyers, and $34,000.
We just signed an agreement last week.
He gets that weekend.
Do you mind if I talk to him?
You're kind of an annoying person,
aren't you?
Hey, uh, Mr. Phillips.
This is Jessica James
from the Children's Theater Project.
I was just calling because...
Well, because I'm 25
and I haven't been completely broken
by life yet.
But also, I was hoping to try
and convince you
to rethink taking Shandra to Six Flags
during the writer's weekend.
And I know from talking to Mrs. Phillips
that you all have had a really hard time
the last couple of years
and that you just reached
a custody agreement.
I don't want to butt in,
but I just want to say
that I kind of know
what Shandra's going through.
I think it could be
really empowering for her
to sort through all those really confusing
and scary emotions
and turn them into something good.
And, look, I know that a lot of people say
that theater is a dead art form
performed by the rich
for the even richer, and...
I guess I do agree with that
to some extent, but...
I still really believe in it.
I think it has the power
to transform lives.
I mean, it completely transformed mine.
So, Mr. Phillips, can you please, please
let her come to the writer's weekend?
I promise you will not regret it.
- Mr. Phillips?
- Hey. No. Uh, it's Boone.
- Who?
- Yeah. We had dinner.
Remember? We, um, stayed over at my place
and we had dessert?
The divorced guy.
Oh, wow. Shit.
Sorry, I forgot that was your name.
No, sure, that's understandable.
Uh, how are you?
It's, um, kind of a weird moment for me.
But... I guess I'm okay.
- What about you?
- Oh, I'm great. Thanks for asking.
Listen, I had a terrific time
the other night.
Oh, my God. Is this a booty call?
No. No.
Do people still say booty call?
This is totally a booty call.
Oh, Boone.
Okay, I guess it's kind of a booty call.
But I did enjoy spending time with you.
Just because you catch
a unicorn in the wild
doesn't mean you get to tap it
whenever you want, buddy.
Are you calling yourself a unicorn?
I didn't realize unicorns
were so arrogant.
All right, look, we can go for a walk.
But only if it's in my neighborhood.
And that's it.
Okay. Cool.
I'll, um, I'll take that.
All right. Well, don't forget.
We're just literally walking...
- Boone, are you okay?
- I'm fine.
- Are you sure?
- Huh?
Did some trash cans fall over on your end?
Is that your end?
- Ew. What?
- Oh, no, I don't know.
Okay, I'll see you soon.
- So this is, uh, this is Bushwick, huh?
- Yeah.
- It's pretty great, right?
- It's delightful.
So, when are they gonna burn it down?
Well, not all of us can afford to live
in neighborhoods
where you got artisanal pickle shops
on every corner.
Every person that I've seen
in this neighborhood, so far,
looks like they work in a pickle shop.
That is true.
So, I think my wife has started seeing...
My ex-wife has started seeing somebody.
Oh, Boone.
Is that what you wanna talk about
right now? Really?
- Come on.
- I'm struggling.
- How'd you find out?
- Fucking Instagram.
- Oh, no.
- Yeah.
How many times a day
do you check her Instagram?
Oh, you know, not that often.
- Yeah, pretty much every waking moment.
- Yeah, me too.
- Do you still talk to him, though?
- No. I don't want to talk to him.
You just prefer to obsess
about what he's doing online?
- Yeah. Yeah, I do.
- Don't think that's very healthy.
Well, that's coming from a guy
who checks his ex-wife's Instagram
like a thousand times a day.
- Oh, true, that.
- Yeah.
Hey, what do you think would happen
if you unfollowed him?
I don't know.
What do you think would happen
if you unfollowed her?
To be honest, I'd be kind of relieved
that I didn't have to look
at so many pictures of food
on my timeline.
Oh, is she one of those ladies
that posts photos of food all day?
It's the worst.
How could you marry somebody like that?
Well, to be fair, she is an award-winning
food photographer.
- Oh, that's kind of cool.
- Yeah.
Hey. I'll do it, if you do it.
- Do what?
- Unfollow my ex.
- Oh, are you serious?
- Yeah.
Yeah, this is really good.
Actually, we should do this.
That's like a really big step, Boone.
No, it's just a couple of little taps.
Then, we can get on with our lives.
- Okay. Fine. Fuck it, let's do it.
- You're gonna do it?
- Yeah, I'm gonna do it.
- Sweet.
- Let's do it on three.
- Hold on.
- Okay.
- One, two, three...
Okay, how do you feel?
I already hate it.
I want to know what's going on already.
What about you?
Yeah, I've got this belly-full of regret.
Oh, shit.
Well, what if we followed
each other's ex's on Instagram?
That way, we can tell the other person
if something big comes up.
That's a really good plan.
- Yeah.
- Let's do that.
- Okay, what's your fellow's name?
- At Damon Johansing.
- And then what about your ex-wife?
- Mandy Moore.
- Wait, what?
- Oh, it's not the singer stroke actress.
It's a very common name.
Holy shit. Is this him?
- Yeah.
- He's beautiful.
I know, he's a beautiful man.
- Are you kidding me?
- I know.
You're never gonna get the likes
of that again.
- I would fuck this guy.
- Would you? Oh, me too.
Is this her?
- Yeah.
- She's cute.
Oh, she's blonde.
- Yeah, I'm really into blondes.
- Oh, sorry.
Does he make fucking
handcrafted phone cases?
He does.
Is there something wrong with that?
Oh, no. It's just,
I really need a new phone case.
Boone, we're working on boundaries
right now.
There's a million places
you can get phone cases from.
Yeah, okay.
- He makes such pretty stuff, though.
- Yeah, he's really, really good.
Oh, wow, she posted a beautiful photo
of a hamburger today.
Yeah, she's really knows
what to do with meat.
That's a weird thing to say to me.
Oh, God. You probably thought that...
No, I meant she's good with dick.
Tasha, are you sitting down?
- I'm at ease. Yeah.
- Get this.
I just got a personalized rejection letter
from Tim Sanford at Playwrights Horizons.
You don't sound that excited,
but I'll take it.
Oh, I don't know. It's a rejection.
Yeah, but it's a personalized
rejection letter.
Get this.
"Despite the eloquent and oftentimes
hilarious tone of your work,
it is not right for Playwrights Horizons
at this time."
Wow! That is...
I don't know what that is.
What is that? That's...
It's amazing.
Do you know how many
form letter rejections I've gotten
from lesser-known theater companies
and fellowships this year?
Tim Sanford from Playwrights Horizons
read one of my plays
and he gave me an encouraging response.
This is huge.
Oh, that is so cool.
- Are you masturbating right now?
- Yeah.
Okay, next time I call you
when you're doing that,
- just don't answer the phone.
- Okay. Good to know.
What are you doing here?
You unfollowed me.
Wow. That was fast. How did you know?
I only have 70 followers on Instagram
and Twitter, combined, so...
- Yeah, you are not good at social media.
- I make phone cases.
All right, I don't have clever,
witty ideas
that I like to share with the world
like everybody else.
I just don't understand
why you unfollowed me.
Well, Damon, it's not like
we're together anymore.
So, what? That means we can't be friends
on Facebook?
No, I don't think we can.
No. No, we cannot.
I don't get it.
I don't get it, how one minute
we can be in love,
and the next minute
we're less than strangers.
What, you're asking me?
Yes. I'm asking you.
I don't know.
I didn't think it'd be big of a deal.
Really? You unfollowed me.
I guess, secretly, I kind of hoped
that you would notice,
but I didn't want you
to get all bent out of shape about it.
It feels like deep down,
you wish we never would've met.
I guess I kind of wish we hadn't met.
- No, don't do that.
- I do.
Don't negate everything we had
just because you don't like
the way it ended.
Well, why not?
- Because it was good.
- And then it wasn't.
Well, why do you think that is?
- I don't know. You tell me.
- Oh, wow!
You act so...
You don't realize how frustrating it is,
how stubborn,
- and hardheaded you are sometimes.
- I am not stubborn.
Okay, do you want me
to explain to you why it ended?
Yeah, that would be most excellent
if you could.
It ended because you...
All right, everybody, listen up.
This is Tasha.
Tasha is an actress,
and she's gonna teach you guys
an improv game.
Thank you so much, Jess,
for that amazing introduction.
Um, as was mentioned five seconds earlier,
I'm Tasha and I'm going to teach you
an improv game called, "Yes, And..."
Has anybody ever heard
of "Yes, And..." before?
Perfect! Okay, well, it is super simple.
All you have to do is agree with anything
that your partner says
by saying "yes."
And then, adding something to it.
Jessica, would you like
to help me demonstrate?
Yes. And I would also like to add
that this game rules.
Yes. This game does rule.
And I'm excited to play it
because your class is super attractive.
And on top of being very attractive,
they also have really,
really great brains.
Yes. They have great brains.
And I can tell because I just so happen
to be a brain-eating zombie
who loves kids' brains.
Yes. I knew that.
And I have something to tell you.
I'm a zombie slayer.
Yes, you are.
And we have a long feud going back...
centuries, and centuries, and centuries.
Yes, and for some reason,
we always seem to run in circles
which is why we've been feuding
for so long.
Yes, this is a cosmic dance
between two people.
Two people who don't know
how to fight.
I am your archenemy!
But I came here today to tell you...
that I love you.
- Hello?
- Hey.
- It's Boone.
- Who?
Just kidding. I know who you are.
What's up?
I was just, um, calling to let you know
that Damon finally started watching
The Sopranos
and he thinks it's pretty good.
Okay. All right.
That's really useful information
for me to know.
Thank you very much for telling me.
I don't know what took him so long.
It's a really great show.
I don't know.
I feel like if I want to watch
a bunch of morally corrupt dudes
do some stuff,
I could just, like, literally,
leave my apartment at any given moment.
Yeah, men are horrible.
Oh, my gosh. By the way,
I am loving your ex-wife's Instagram.
Her photos were so good.
Food photography really is an art.
It's just the dabblers I don't care about.
Yeah. Food porn
is one of my top two favorite porns.
What's your other favorite porn?
That is a good porn.
That's a good form of porn.
Also, um, I was wondering
what you were up to this weekend?
You were, were you?
Yes, I was, I was.
I, um, I'm actually gonna be in Ohio
for my little sister's baby shower.
Oh, a lot of new information there.
What, you're from Ohio?
Yes. I am, unfortunately.
It's weird I know more
about your ex-boyfriend than I do you.
Yeah. I guess it is, huh?
um, when you get back into town,
we could go on a real date?
Well, that depends, Boone.
What's your idea of a real date?
Hot dogs and laser tag?
- Um, I'm busy.
- I'm joking.
Something brilliant.
No, we'll, um...
We'll have a great time, I promise.
Yeah, sure.
I'll go on a real date with you.
It sounds fun-ish.
Oh, okay. Well, thanks.
Can you just give me a call
when you're back into town?
And, uh, bring me back some potatoes.
- That is Idaho.
- Yes, it is.
Do they grow anything in Ohio?
Just weirdos.
Well, bring me back some weirdos.
Will do.
- Bye, Jessica.
- Bye.
Who wants to know?
Look, man, I...
I don't want to make this weird
or anything, but, um...
Mandy sent me down here
to see if you want to, like,
come upstairs and talk or something.
What? Why?
We saw you out here
circling around the block, it's...
It's sad, man.
I'm what...
Well, you can tell Mandy
that I happen to be on the phone,
arranging a date with a girl, a woman,
who is a wonderful playwright from Ohio.
I didn't even know
that I was in your neighborhood.
Yeah, no, I'm not gonna tell her
any of that.
Fine. Don't tell her. I don't give a shit.
You know, she still has a great deal
of affection for you.
Oh, she does, does she?
She still has a great deal
of affection for me?
Did she say that?
Hey, look, I know it's hard, man.
I went through a divorce myself
a couple of years ago.
I didn't... I didn't realize.
I'm sorry. What did you say your name was?
Oh, that's right. I don't give a shit.
You all right?
Your sister is so excited you are home.
You don't even know.
It's like all she can talk about.
Well, it's not every day we get a visit
from our big city girl.
Please do not call me "big city girl,"
We missed you at Christmas.
Yeah, I know. I know. I'm sorry.
- I missed you guys, too.
- So...
Tell us everything. How's your writing?
How's Damon?
It's good. Writing's good, Damon's good.
It's all good.
Oh, Jess, it's so good to see you.
Now I'm back in a world
That greets me with a smile
And what makes it all worthwhile
Who's here?
- Hi.
- Oh, my God!
You actually came!
Of course, I came.
- Thank you.
- Oh, my goodness.
Wow, this is amazing.
You're making a little human.
Yeah. What are you wearing?
What? This is a jumpsuit.
- You look like an auto mechanic.
- It's cool though, right?
I mean, you're not gonna wear it
to the party?
I'm not gonna wear it to the party.
This is just...
This was for the plane.
- Hey, Jess.
- Hey, Duane.
- What's up?
- Not too much.
- What you got there?
- Cupcakes for the party, so...
You look nice.
- Thank you.
- Yup.
- Oh, my big sister's here!
- I know. Yay!
She's here.
- Yup. I'm gonna go change.
- Okay.
Let me get this.
Yeah. Thank you, Kenny.
- You're welcome.
- All right. See you later.
- Do you have heels, babe?
- No.
So, you're leaving next month?
- Yeah.
- Excellent. Wait, Jessica.
Jessica, you remember Mrs. Taggart,
don't you?
- I do. Hi, Mrs. T.
- Hi, Jess.
Well, Carol and her husband
are going to New York next month.
But we were hoping
that you could recommend a show
for them to see while they're there.
Yeah, definitely.
What sort of shows are you into?
Um, well, we've heard
that Jersey Boys is good?
Oh, yeah, but that's a musical.
That's not really what I'm into.
What type of thing are you into?
Dialogue driven dramas
that explore the human condition.
Uh, is there anything like that
playing next month?
The really great things are sort of few
and far between.
Theater is in a really troubled state
in America right now.
Most things are trash, like,
you'd be surprised at who they allow
to do shows on Broadway.
Or, I heard that Cats just opened
and it's supposed to be good.
Oh, I have heard good things
about that one.
Oh, great, thanks.
Jessica studied theater in college.
Oh, Kimmy, these are adorable. Thank you.
So sweet.
That one's mine.
Uh-huh. From my big sister.
- Aw.
- Hello.
- Mom, can you?
- Yeah.
Thank you.
"The ABC's of Subverting
the Patriarchal Paradigm."
I figure since you're having a girl,
although, boys can benefit
from that as well, right?
Oh, "P is for Peaches."
A singer performance artist,
"who challenges the traditional notions
of gender identity."
I drew those pictures myself.
- Wow. This is amazing, Jess.
- Thank you.
I figure it's never too soon, right?
Never too soon for what?
To start questioning the system.
What system?
The system that we're all prisoner to.
I'm not prisoner to any system.
You just...
pretended to eat poop out
of a diaper, so...
Let's open another present.
- Yes.
- Yes.
Thank you. Who belongs to this, huh?
- Yes.
- I'm really sorry.
I think my whole life,
I've been in love with love.
But I've never really felt love.
Until now, Dustin.
You complete my everything.
I love our love.
I love you.
Madison, I know.
You made me see
that the one could be anyone.
As long as there's love.
And having you by my side
is what completes me.
I can honestly tell you
this has been the best day
of my whole life.
When I look into your eyes,
I can see forever.
And I never want it to end.
Madison, will you marry me?
Yes, Dustin! Oh, my God!
- Is this real?
- It's so real.
Oh, my God.
I love you so much.
This is your idea of fun?
No, this is my nightmare.
I just, for some reason,
I thought you'd be better at it.
I am both flattered and offended.
No, I just...
I can't believe you've never skated.
I've been six feet tall
since I was 12 years old.
Not once have I thought,
"Oh, let me put some wheels on this."
- You're doing great.
- I'm not.
You wanna try without the baby thing?
I don't want to let go of this.
Everybody's kind of sniggering at you.
Nobody's doing that.
Come on, take my hand.
I'm rock solid over here.
You get this. This is no risk.
- Okay, all right. Okay.
- Trust me.
- Okay.
- Okay, that's good.
- Nice, doesn't that feel good?
- It's okay, so...
Whoa. All right.
I got you.
You're good.
I also brought a picnic.
This is just like what you do
on a first date?
So, tell me about your app.
Oh, God.
Okay, I'll tell you,
but you have to promise not to judge me.
Is it Tinder for people who have herpes?
What? No.
- That's not a terrible idea, by the way.
- Right? They have to, like, date somehow.
No, mine is called "Hi, Mom."
- Have you heard about it?
- No.
Basically, we make it seem
like you're staying in touch
with your parents or whoever,
without you having to stay in touch
with your parents or whoever.
That's insane.
How do you do that?
We study users' text feeds,
and social media.
And we generate
a weekly personalized message
in their own voice
from their own cellphone number.
A typical one would be, "Hi, Mom."
I was just thinking about you.
Thought I'd say hi.
"You're so right.
That cat video was cute and funny."
That's amazing.
You're like a genius or something.
- You don't think it's awful?
- No, I think it's trash.
But it's cool that you do it.
- That's awesome.
- Thanks.
Do you think I could get a hook up
for like my mom and my sister?
- How thoughtful of you.
- Do you know a guy? Yeah.
Yeah, I, sort of, know a guy.
How about you?
Tell me about one of your plays.
Nah, let's just change the subject.
I don't...
I thought theater was all you cared about.
- It is.
- So, what's going on?
Do you remember when I mentioned
that there was like
a handful of theater companies
that was interested in my work?
I lied.
Oh, shit. I found something
that you feel insecure about.
What? I'm like insecure about everything.
- You hide it well.
- Well...
I just really love theater.
You know, I feel like I love it
the way that most people
love like sports or food.
- Oh, I love food and sports.
- Yeah.
- You love it that much?
- Yes, I do.
And I've been like that since I was a kid.
I love everything about it.
I love reading it.
I love watching it even when it's bad.
I love teaching it.
I especially love making it.
I just... I love it all.
That's great. So, what's the problem?
I don't know if it loves me back
and that scares the shit out of me.
Come on. I'm sure it loves you back.
No, I have a wall full
of rejection letters that beg to differ.
- I would love to read one.
- What? A rejection letter?
No. I would love to read one
of your plays.
Maybe, I'll think about it
and get back to you.
You'd happily share it
with a room full of strangers,
but for me, you have to think about it.
Yeah, well, it's different to share it
with somebody that you know.
It's like really intimate.
I already know I'm gonna like it.
Okay, well, don't do that.
If I do show you my stuff, and that's if,
you have to promise me
that you will be honest.
Honesty is like all I care about.
Was that supposed to be
an impression of me?
Oh, it did sound like you, I guess.
Yeah, it did, a little bit.
Well, this is me.
Yeah. I know. I already, uh, spent
the night here, remember?
- Yes.
- Mm-hm.
- I had such a great time today.
- Me, too.
It was really lovely.
- You're such a beautiful skater.
- Thank you.
I had a really terrible teacher.
You're sure I don't still remind you
of how not Damon I am?
- No.
- Mm-hm.
Are you gonna invite me up?
I was thinking maybe not.
Why? I already know your bathroom
is gross AF.
First of all, I've cleaned it thoroughly.
- Good.
- And second of all...
I think we should slow it down
a little bit.
I spent the night here
the first time we hung out.
- Yes.
- Mm-hm.
- And it was tremendous.
- Mm.
You booty called me like four days later.
- So, so fun.
- You're an excellent lover.
Well, please don't call me lover.
It's disgusting.
What's the problem?
I probably seem to you,
like I have my shit together.
But, um...
I just got out of a marriage
eight months ago.
And everything is just a bit shit.
Boone, you so do not
seem like you have it together.
And, I don't either.
I just got out of a relationship, too.
Well, all the more reason to...
Say good night.
Really? Boone.
- Yeah.
- Boone, Boone, Boone.
- I'm trying to be strong.
- I'm a unicorn.
That's got to mean something.
Good night, Jessica.
Good night.
- Mm.
- Mm-hm.
Oh, fuck it.
- Just come up.
- Yes.
We can always say good night
in the morning, right?
We're naked.
We are so naked.
You're so beautiful.
I am.
I'm a little nervous.
Oh, no, no, no.
You don't seem nervous at all.
- I love the way you feel.
- I like the way you feel me.
- Yeah?
- Mm-hm.
How about if I feel you here?
Oh, shit, Boone. Yup.
Where do you like to be touched?
Oh, you know.
Anywhere is nice.
- Yeah? Is that okay?
- Yeah, there.
There is the best.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- You got a dog?
- I did.
Wow, it's a really cute dog.
She's so little.
Are you just walking around here?
Uh, yeah.
Hm? You're just walking around
the neighborhood?
- You don't live around here.
- What?
Why are you walking around here?
- Well, honestly I've been thinking.
- Oh, you've been thinking?
- You've been thinking?
- Yeah, I've...
- Why do you keep doing that?
- Because you don't live around here.
You're walking her over here.
That's weird.
Excuse me, sir.
Is this woman bothering you?
No, no. She's not bothering me, man.
It's fine.
- Would you like me to call the police?
- No, man. No.
I'm gonna call the police.
Don't call the police, man.
I love her, okay?
I love her!
Good luck.
I love you.
Hey, listen, I know you think
you're the one with the broken heart.
But, remember, you broke up with me.
You didn't have to accept it so easily.
Well, what was I supposed to do?
- I don't know, fight for us.
- Fight for what?
We were already in a relationship.
I was scared shit.
Scared of what?
Of everything.
Of being defined as your girlfriend,
of not being a writer,
of trying and failing,
of losing myself in this relationship.
Listen, Jess, I just think
that we deserve another chance.
All right? I deserve another chance.
I'm kind of seeing somebody right now.
Well, would you want me to fight him?
Because I'll punch him right...
No, Damon. Go home, okay?
Don't walk your freaking cute ass dog
in my neighborhood anymore.
- Jess, come on.
- Go! Seriously.
- Jess...
- Jess. Jess.
You all right?
I'm okay, just thinking.
I was gonna make some coffee.
You want some coffee?
- Oh, I am more of a tea person.
- Ah.
Then, I shall bring you tea.
Thank you.
All right.
Close your eyes and open your minds.
We're gonna play another game.
Except this game is not going to be
as easy as the others.
Why not?
You'll see.
You ready?
It's your birthday,
and you're in the car with your parents.
My parents don't have a car.
Then use your imagination.
Okay, I'm gonna imagine I'm in a Ferrari.
Okay, great.
The whole year, you've been
telling anybody who would listen
that all you wanted
for your birthday was a dog.
And you think that you're on your way
to the pet store
to pick one out right now.
But what you don't know
is that your mom just found out
that she's going to have another baby.
And your parents have already
been stretching their money
to make sure that they can pay
for your college education.
You don't know any of this yet
because you're just a kid
and they work really hard
to shield you from that stuff.
But, unfortunately, this creates
a lot of tension between them.
Sometimes, you hear them yelling
at each other late at night
when they think you're asleep.
And it really scares you.
Now your dad, being the proud
and impractical man that he is,
really wants to get you this dog
even though he knows
that you can't afford it.
And your mom is frustrated at him for this
because she works, too.
And she knows that she's going
to have to quit her job
to take care of this new baby.
Wow. I didn't know things were so tight.
My parents should probably sell
this Ferrari.
Cool it with the Ferrari, okay?
Imagine that you're the dad.
You're driving the car
and you look in the rear-view mirror,
and you see your kid
with this big dopey smile on her face.
I don't have a dopey smile.
You're right, you have a beautiful smile.
Thank you.
Now, imagine that you're the mom.
You're in the passenger seat...
and you see a look of anguish
go across your husband's face
as you pass the pet store.
What? We're passing the pet store?
Where are we going?
That's a good question.
Where are we going?
I don't know. This is your game.
Yeah, but it's up to you
to decide where we go next.
Uh, hey.
- Ms. James?
- Oh, hey.
What are you doing over here?
Where's your mom?
Oh, she's waiting for me
around the corner.
Is everything okay?
Well, my dad got your message.
Can you just tell him
I'm sorry about that?
He told me to tell you that he's glad
that you haven't been broken by life yet.
And, uh, I can go to the writer's weekend.
- What, are you serious?
- Yeah.
Yes! Yes, yes.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
This is amazing.
This is the best news I've heard in weeks.
I'm so excited.
- This is gonna be great.
- Huh. Yeah, yeah, great.
What's wrong?
My dad's still taking my brother
to Six Flags.
So? Six Flags seems pretty awesome.
Are you kidding me?
I thought you were serious
about this program?
I am.
Obviously not, if you're gonna ditch,
so that you can go ride roller coasters.
I don't know.
I haven't made up my mind yet.
You know what? Forget it.
Just do whatever you want, Shandra.
Why should I care if you don't?
I didn't say I didn't care.
Obviously, you don't. I have to go.
Are you mad at me?
I'm not mad at you.
I'm just really disappointed.
Look, you have to go
to this writer's weekend, okay?
I'll be super hurt if you don't.
That's not fair!
Wake up, Shandra.
Since when is life supposed to be fair?
You know what? Whatever.
I'll send you a postcard from Six Flags.
Booty call.
What are you doing here?
Oh, uh, sorry I didn't let you know
I was coming.
It's just my phone died earlier,
and I kind of had a shitty day, so...
Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Uh, I wish... I wish you called.
Do you want to go for a walk or something?
- I got pickles in here.
- Um...
- Hey, I'm gonna get out of here.
- Oh, fuck.
Just hold on a minute.
You must be Mandy Moore.
I'm Jessica James.
It's really nice to meet you.
I love your work.
I love the way you shoot carrots.
- Thank you.
- Jess.
You suck balls.
I got to go.
Jess, hold on.
- Jess.
- What?
- Wait.
- No.
Jess, come on!
She was just delivering
a Windsurfing Magazine
that keeps getting sent
to her place by accident.
Then, you know, we got talking.
You weren't just talking.
Don't bullshit me.
- Yes.
- Where's your shirt?
Okay, yeah. I'm sorry.
But you, more than anyone,
must realize what it's like
to have a history with someone.
Those feelings don't just evaporate.
Yeah, no. I understand.
Nothing works out, people let you down,
and you should never trust anybody ever.
I've known that since I was a kid.
We were fucking married, Jess.
Our families watched us say,
"Till death do you part" together.
I mean, it's...
It's a little bigger than just saying,
"Oh, maybe I'm in love with this guy."
Oh, my gosh. Wow, I'm sorry.
I didn't realize that my feelings
weren't as valid as yours.
- That's not what I meant. I'm sorry.
- Okay.
- That...
- Wait a second. You windsurf?
- Yeah. I windsurf.
- Come on, man.
- I like the sensation of being at sea.
- Mm.
You would like it. You should come.
No, I'm good. And you know what?
- Mature.
- Yeah.
I really like you.
Yeah, Boone. Of course, you do.
Everybody does. I'm freaking dope.
- You got everyone?
- Almost.
Should we wait?
No, we can go.
Got you.
The Notebook.
No, or like, The Cat and The Dog.
Romeo and Juliet, you know
how, like, they're in different worlds.
And, like, they're not allowed
to be together.
It's cat and dog...
I'm gonna write another story
about a mega-ultron cookie bird.
D plus C...
- Equals...
- Equals five.
How do you spell five?
It's supposed to be, apparently,
like a spiritual journey.
- Excuse me?
- Hi.
- Hey, you're Sarah Jones, right?
- Yes.
Oh, I don't know why I asked that.
I knew it was you.
I really think about you a lot.
I really do.
You are fierce and passionate,
and unapologetic.
And I love the way
you write your characters,
and I love the way you write women. Um...
And I just...
I'm so thankful that you're here.
And the kids are really thankful
that you're here.
I mean, not as thankful as I am
just because I, like, love you.
I really do. I... And I...
You're like six feet almost. I'm six feet.
Uh, what is your name?
Oh, it's Jessica. It's Jessica James.
That was really weird of me to do.
- And I'm sorry. I'm blabbing.
- No, don't worry.
- Um, can I ask you something?
- Yeah, sure.
When did you know
that you were gonna make it?
That's a big question. Uh...
I guess I would say
I'll let you know when I get the memo.
What do you mean when you get the memo?
You literally won a Tony.
Yes, but, you know...
That and a MetroCard gets me on a subway.
You still take the subway?
Yeah, girl. How much do you think
playwrights make?
So, you're just saying
that no matter what I do,
there's still no assurance
that I'm actually gonna make it
even if I win the best award
that playwriting has to offer?
Yeah, it's really more about like,
what does theater actually mean to you?
- I just love it.
- And you're doing it.
Like, that's why we're here. Right?
This is it.
There's kind of not more to it than that.
Is Shandra home?
Can I speak to her?
I watched those TED Talks.
You were right, she's cool.
No shoes in the house.
Yes, ma'am.
Knock, knock.
What are you doing here?
I'm here to apologize.
About what?
I'm really, really sorry
for making you feel bad
about wanting to spend time with your dad.
Do you mind if I sit down?
Well, this is a really cool room.
I thought about you a lot this weekend.
I thought of how it must be hard
to be 11 years old
and have your parents negotiating
through lawyers to spend time with you.
- And my brother.
- Yeah.
And your brother,
and I get how
that can make you feel invisible.
You feel like you're forgotten, and...
You know, I went through the same thing
when I was a kid.
- You did?
- Yeah, I did.
Except my parents never got it together.
Eventually, they just asked me
and my sister to choose
who we wanted to spend more time with.
Hm. Who did you pick?
My mom.
But it wasn't because I loved her more.
You know, I really loved both
of my parents.
I just thought that my mom
would have harder time without us.
And that really broke my dad's heart.
And he hasn't forgiven me for that.
But you never got that dog either,
did you?
That's sad.
I brought you back something.
It's really pretty. Thanks.
I would really, really, really like
to help you work on your play.
Well, yeah. Sure.
Cool. Because your mom already told me
I could stay for dinner.
And so far, it smells dope!
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Thank you for coming.
- Of course. I was so pleased you called.
I brought you some tea.
Oh, thank you. You remembered.
That's very nice.
Look, I am really sorry.
What are you talking about? It...
You don't need to apologize for anything.
No, you told me early on
you were still trying to figure stuff out
and I guess I just didn't listen, and...
You know, for what it's worth,
I, uh, I called,
and got my Windsurfing Magazine
redirected to my place.
Oh, good.
- So...
- Yeah.
But what about those feelings?
Oh, also redirected.
- Are you sure?
- Oh, yes, I am.
How do you know?
Well, for one,
you know how I used to obsess
about everything she did online?
I do.
Now, the only page I refresh is yours.
Come on.
Oh, that sounded better in my head.
I, um...
- Try this.
- What is this?
That is every single play
that I've ever written.
- Holy shit, it's heavy.
- I know.
I got a lot of thoughts and feelings,
and I have for a really long time.
I can't wait to read it.
Take your time.
And, uh...
You know, no need to rush.
- I'm gonna start.
- Okay, wait, wait. Slow down.
Okay, I'm gonna go, and...
thank you for the tea.
Here you go, thank you.
- Oh! Why, hello there, sunshine.
- What's up, hoochie?
What are you doing here? What's going on?
Nothing. I'm just going to London.
Okay, what for?
I've been invited
by the Donmar Warehouse Theater
to teach
at a children's playmaking workshop
and direct a stage reading
of one of my plays.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, congratulations!
- Thank you.
- Oh!
Uh, anyway, I got you something.
Wait, are you kidding me? For me?
- I should be getting you a present.
- No, but...
You know how I pretty much moved here
to escape my family?
Yes, you and everybody else
who moved here.
Well, I got more than I bargained for.
I love you.
And you're the first person
I wanted to tell
as soon as I find out the news.
Oh, my God. It's an Ola.
It's beautiful.
It captures and replays
your vibration patterns.
I can't believe it.
Oh, my God. I'm gonna cry.
Please don't cry.
You know I hate to show emotion
in public spaces.
Oh, Jessica.
- Thank you.
- Of course.
Okay, everybody, listen up!
Free coffee all around,
in honor of the incredible Jessica James,
whose amazing work is going to be read
by the Donmar Warehouse Theater
- in London.
- Yes.
Bangers and mash
Gonna get bangers and mash
- Yes, gonna get bangers and mash
- Bangers and mash
- Yes, gonna get bangers and mash
- Bangers and mash and this
Wait a minute.
Are you telling me
that you're a mermaid, too?
Not a mermaid.
I'm a merman!
My name is Banana McClain,
and today is my birthday.
I told my parents
that I wanted a puppy for my birthday,
but I'd also be happy with a turtle.
We're on our way to the pet store now.
I hope they don't try
and get me a goldfish.
Goldfish are no fun.
You can't pet or hug a goldfish.
I'm not sure
if you can pet or hold a turtle,
but at least turtles have personalities.
I think it's important for a pet
to have a personality.
Which is why I want a puppy.
They seem like they would be nice,
and loyal, and fun.
Of course, I guess there was a chance
I won't get a pet at all.
And you know what? That's okay, too.
Because birthdays aren't
about getting things.
They're about celebrating what you have,
and what I have is pretty great.
Because it's a beautiful day
and I'm with the two people
I love the most.
And later, we're having cake.
And I love cake.
You're okay. You're okay.
Thank you so much for coming.
Hey, so good.
You guys were so good.
You were great. You were so good.
Of course. Hi.
- Hey, Jessica.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You freaking killed it.
- You really think so?
- Yeah.
I wasn't too over the top?
No, you were perfect.
Thank you.
I thought it was such a great character.
Thank you so much for casting me.
No, you... You were amazing.
You're so good.
- What?
- Don't look behind you. Don't, don't.
- What do you mean?
- Just keep cool.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You've got this.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I didn't know you were coming tonight.
Yeah, well, you know,
I know how much this means to you.
How are you?
- Good.
- Good?
I'm good, yeah. You?
- Good.
- Good.
It's nice to see you.
- Yeah?
- Mm-hm.
Well, it's nice to see you, too.
We should get tea sometime.
Tea sounds great to me.
You're a really good guy, Damon.
I know?
I'm sorry.
No, it's okay.
I'm all right.
I'll call you.
I'll answer. Good to see you.
- See you.
- See you.
It seemed like a positive interaction.
Did you know he was gonna be here?
- I had no idea. It was a surprise.
- I'm sorry.
I could have warned you.
He posted it on Twitter three days ago.
You could probably stop following him
on social media, by the way.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Are you sure you're ready for that?
I guess so.
Well, I guess, you should probably
stop following my ex as well, then.
I don't know if I can.
- The food photos?
- She really knows how to handle a banana.
Hey, I, uh, I read your plays.
- All of them already?
- Every page.
You're a very complicated person.
I know. I'm sorry.
No, don't...
You never need to apologize for that.
There are so many other things
you can apologize for.
Oh, my gosh. I forgot to tell you.
- I am going to London.
- What?
The Donmar Theater wants to do
a stage reading of one of my plays.
That sounds prestigious.
Yeah, I know.
It's like kind of a big deal.
Good job.
- Have you ever been to London?
- No, I haven't. How is it?
Oh, it's the best.
You're gonna have such a great time.
You know, I, um...
I have a ton of frequent flier miles.
You know, just if you wanted
to bring someone with you
to show you around the town.
How does it work?
- How does what work?
- Frequent flier miles.
Dude, I can't believe your boyfriend
bought us tickets to London.
Okay, who said anything about him
being my boyfriend?
Wait. What are you talking about?
This is like the most romantic gesture
I have ever seen.
Yeah, it's dope.
But it takes more than a couple
of roundtrip tickets to London
for somebody to be my boyf.
That is so boss.
- What is so boss?
- Uh, Jessica.
Oh, yeah, duh.
Flight attendants,
please fasten your seat belts
and prepare for takeoff.
It was really cool of your parents
to let you come with us to the workshop.
Well, it was really cool of your boyfriend
to get me a ticket, too.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Sister.
Just because a guy buys a lady
a couple of roundtrip tickets to London
does not make him her boyfriend.
Did you know that I introduced them?
You know, I like your jumpsuit.
Thank you.
Yeah, it's pretty badass, right?
Hm. Yeah, it is.