The Itch of the Golden Nit (2011) Movie Script

Hello! Right, I have something
very important to tell you.
Myself and thousands of kids
from all over Britain got together
and thought up some genius ideas
with the Tate Movie Project, and...
ALL: We made a film!
# I'm a star, I'm a star... #
# Uh-uh-oh, ay-ay-ay
# I'm a star
# My name is Stella, I'm not an Ella
or a, I'm not a Bella
# Ay-ay-ay
# I'm the best, I'm the best
# I'm a star, I'm a star! #
Aaargh! It's gone,
it's plopping gone. Are you sure?
It's ever so tiny. Of course,
I'm sure. It's escaped. Wheeeeeee!
Help me find it.
I'm coming to get you.
Check those shoes.
You might have trod on it.
I'll tread on you in a minute.
Aaargh! I am flabbergastingly mad.
Why so stressy anyway?
It's just a bug.
Waahh! That bug's my ticket
to ruining the universe.
You're never going to get friends
if you take over the universe.
I don't care!
I just want to rule the world.
Like, I had the whole house
all to myself.
I went for a pedicure
and a manicure.
You want to go the chippy?
Hey, sis. Get lost, Beanie.
Beryl, who's the kid? Oh, uh, nobody.
Then, like, I had a like,
a chocolate bar.
I've got some of it left, want some?
Beanie! Are you playing?
To me! To me! On your head, Beanie!
Ha, ha-ha! Ouch!
Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha!
Oh, yes, nice header.
I can always do it
when there's no-one watching.
Footy Fortnight, got it.
Guinea Pigs Go Wild, freaky!
How To Dance Like A Dad, no way!
Ah, sick, the new Ten Heart Hero!
I am Ten Heart Hero and I fight evil
for justice.
Need your city saving from evil
monster cars? Cool, super light.
I wish I was a superhero. Then I'd be
a somebody, not a nobody.
Don't get me mad. You already are.
There it is! After it, Firebreath!
It's FireBOY. What-ever!
Aargh! You meant that.
# I'm a mad, mad dad, oh, yes, I am
# A mad, mad dad, oh, yes, I am
# Do the funky dad dance
Do the funky dad dance
# I'm a funky dad, yes, I am. #
Do the mad dancing!
'This is a newsflash.
The sun is dying.' Uh?
'Yes, that's right, Bill - dying.'
What about Julie? The kids?
The organic allotment?
Julie, have you heard the news? Yes.
Bang goes our summer! Ha-ha! Hi.
The sun is going out, the world
is ending, we're all going to die
and you say, "Hi."
Not just the world, silly,
it's the end of the entire universe.
Hmm, looks like number 23
have got a new car, then.
I am named Stella.
MOUTHS CHORUS: Named Stella!
Oh. Are you from the council?
Ha, ha-ha! Du-uh!
You have what is mine.
So give! Give!
We only give to Children In Need.
Rrrrhh! Bubble up.
Oooh! Aren't they pretty, Bill?
Waaah! All right?
Maybe. Seize them, Fireball.
It's Fireboy!
Julie, run like you've never run
before! I've never run before! Ooh!
Soon, I will control
the universe... Universe!
..and everyone will know
it's all about me. Me!
Stay calm, cool and collected, Bill.
Cool might be a bit difficult,
ha-ha. Owww!
Huh? Hello-o-o-o! Beryl?
This is so not happening to me.
Like, where were you?
Mum and Dad got shrunk and abducted
by actual aliens.
Abducted by aliens? Wow!
We've got to get them back, but how?
What can we do? Who can help?
Why? How? Who? How?
My social life is so over.
We need a superhero.
There's no such thing.
Like there's no such thing
as an actual alien?
'Greetings, needy person,
Ten Heart Hero speaking.'
My mum and dad have been shrunk
and taken by aliens.
'And I'm out, saving the galaxy.
Leave me a message
'and I'll be right back atcha.'
What about Crazy Daisy?
'Crazy Daisy isn't free today.
I'm visiting
'a museum of chocolate cake
dating back to 1982.'
But we need help! Someone, anyone!
What about Hairyman?
'Today is Save Yourself Day.
Please call back tomorrow.
We'll have to save them ourselves.
Whoa! Up here, Beanie brain.
All a superhero needs are pants,
gadgets and a heart.
It says so in here!
Hi, is that Super Co? I don't
suppose you do gadgets, do you?
You do? Great! How do we get to you?
I think our taxi's arrived.
Whoa-ho! Whoaaaa!
# Whoa-ho! My name is Stella
I am the best... #
This couldn't be
any more embarrassing.
I don't know, I'm quite enjoying it.
You have my nit. I want it back.
Oh, goodness me, all this
kerfuffle over a tiny parasite?
It's not just any nit,
it's the Golden Nit.
It's the key
to powering the universe.
Once I get my hands on it,
I, Stella, will be the most
important person EVER.
Flick the switch on the
nit extractor thingy, Fireface.
Come on, where are you, nitty?
Hey, it's like, still out there.
What do you mean,
it's still out there?
You can't argue with the nit-nav.
Well, go and get it, then!
Why does nobody ever listen to me?
It is so, so annoying.
Whoaaa! Wooooo! Wheeeee!
I can't wait to go inside,
I bet it's all futuristic-y
and stuff.
Halt, Earthlings! Sorry, sir,
but you're, like, in the way.
My name is President Pinky, huh!
And I come from the planet
mamamama. Whatever, Pres.
Can we come in, please?
This shop is for superheroes only.
You have to answer a question to
pass. What is your superhero name?
You have ten seconds.
Tick... Um.. Well, I'm really good
at football, so mine is Footie Boy.
That is just SO not true.
You're rubbish at football.
It's B for Blend In Boy. You've got
the ability to be totally ignored.
you're Shouty Beryl with the loudest,
most brain-boiling voice
in the entire universe.
Tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick.
Blend In Boy and Shouty Beryl,
welcome to Super Co!
And you've got a face like
a smacked... Shut up! Whoah! Wow!
Are we in the future?
Oh, whoa, this is sick.
I can see Electroboy.
Mum, I'll be there now in a minute!
And that must be The Painter.
Hm, but I need the mega rainbow
power ultra paintbrush.
And is that Mothman?
I am Mothman, I seek enlightenment.
I didn't know superheroes shopped.
Everybody shops.
Whoa, sonic footballs!
Freeze ray, oh, yes.
Rocket jeans, bring 'em on. Laser
lip gloss, I wonder how this works?
Hmmm, mwah!
Ow dee ow ow ow ow!
I've got the gadgets,
you take the pants.
Grow up! Oh, sorry, you can't.
Thank you for shopping at Super Co,
saving money and the universe.
You're Ten Heart Hero!
Why are you here?
I thought you were saving the galaxy?
Ugh, it's a long story.
Blend-in pants - now these rock.
Your Super Co card?
I think, I don't...have one.
You can't pay?
Embarrass alert!
But we need these gadgets,
to save my mum and dad.
This weird alien lady
and a freaky boy on fire,
they shrank my parents.
So we called for help,
but all the superheroes were busy.
This sounds like the work of...
Evil Stella.
I heard she stole the Golden Nit.
The Golden what?
What is it?
Pull yourselves together. Haven't
you seen the Golden Nit before?
Can someone tell me what's going on?
I'm what's going on!
To escape Evil Stella,
I hid in the most boring,
insignificant place I could find.
All right, all right!
I am the flame that ignites the sun,
so if you don't get me home,
then the universe is kaput.
So where's home? The sun.
Keep up, toddler.
Ha, ha-ha! You must take me,
to save the universe.
It's your destiny, Blend In Boy.
The actual sun?
You do know you can't get within
ninety-two million,
eight hundred
and sixty eight thousand miles of it
without burning up, don't you?
Looks like someone needs a hero.
How am I supposed to know what to do?
I don't want a destiny,
I just want my mum and dad back.
Oh, and a sonic football.
Da-daah! Ta-dah! Da-daah!
Here she is,
my beautiful rainbow spaceship.
I've got you now, nitty.
You leave
our Beanie and Beryl alone.
Oooh, I'm loving Beryl's new look,
and hasn't Beanie grown?
I think it's Beryl that's
shrunk like us, love. Oh, yes.
She's not the brightest star
in the galaxy, your Julie.
Whoa! Beryl,
look at that blue planet!
I think it's Neptune. Mmmm, yeah.
He's an Intergalactic Potato Head,
he lives on Mars in a rocket shed!
Right, let's get on
with your destiny, Blend In Boy.
Now, which way...
The quick way, to the sun!
I can't see it anywhere.
Hey, Planet Jimmy. The sun,
any ideas? Too right I have.
Go past the Party Planet, you know,
the one with the like, the doo-dah.
Take the second right, up a bit,
down a bit and bob's your ding-dong.
There you are, you can't miss it.
Thank you, hero helper.
The sun's dying,
so party like there's no tomorrow,
because there IS no tomorrow!
It's Evil Stella! Oooh,
and Fireboy. And Mum and Dad.
They're shooting full-fat
custard torpedoes at us!
Things might get sticky.
Come and get it!
Two parents for one nit.
Then I can get on
with ruling the universe. Deal?
Over my buffed body!
This universe
is for sharing, sweet feet.
Ha-ha-ha-ha ha-haah!
I like knitting and crocheting
and taking over the universe!
Aaaarrrgghh!! Ha-ha! Argh!
Ha-ha! Ooh!
Argh! Argh! Hurgh!
Who be this in my hearty ocean?
# Oh, I'm a smelly pirate
and I sail the seven seas, yes!
# He's a smelly pirate
and a stinky pirate he
# With hairy knees!
# I like to count me treasure
I've got too much to measure
# I like to sail on a boat
It floats better than a goat
# I like to sail the seven seas
Ha-ha-haaaa, ha-ha-haarrrrr!
Or is it eight? Who cares?
# Oh, I'm a smelly pirate
a stinky pirate me
# A stinky pirate me
# And I don't care! #
You smelly saviours.
We don't save for free, you know.
You must pay gold.
# gold, gold, gold, gold, gold! #
Oooh, hee-hee-hee-hee!
Milk me shake and shiver me shin
splints, what do we have here? Doh!
ALL: The Golden Nit? This laddie's
head's a treasure trove!
Don't take it, we've got to take him
back home to the sun
before it goes out, or we'll all die.
You'll have to do
better than that, laddie.
I'll never see my mum and dad again.
You're not tugging at me mainbrace.
Please, we don't even know the way.
I knows the way,
it be up the Scary Hairy River.
OK, maybe's we can take yer,
but on one condition. Hey!
You get my golden fishfinger back
from the Moody Mermaids.
Moody mermaids?
They stole my prized fishfinger
and taunt me with it every teatime.
Evil, they are, pure evil!
I can't do this, I can't do this!
Well, I can't do it. And this
cape's dry-clean only, you know.
Oh, stop moaning and get on with it.
Activate the blend-in pants.
But how? Give yourself a wedgie!
Argh! Urgh! Argh! Whoooaaaahh!
Poor laddie, but a deal's a deal.
What?! How is this supposed
to help me blend in?
I'm Sparkles, the mysterious fish.
I sparkle all day and night,
glistening around the ocean,
making it nice and bright.
Coo-ee, hell-o-o-o! Oh, no!
The sun can't die,
for carrot's sake!
Why does it always have to be
bad news these days?
They're just talking piffle.
I've been reading
this book about humans
and apparently they're so arrogant.
The golden fishfinger! Yes!
Uh, can we help you?
Umm, uh, hello,
I was just...swimming.
He looks like my dad.
What you got in your case, then?
And who are you exactly?
Umm, I'm a food inspector,
yes, for uh, Cornwall County.
And I need to take this fishfinger
back to the office for...tests.
What kind of tests? Uh,
important ones. This fish is off.
Good day to you all. Uh-oh. Ooooh,
what's that? It's so-o-o cute!
Can I hold it? I saw it first.
G-g-g-get them away from me,
get them away from me!
No! Don't! Ow! Stop that! Excuse me,
madam! Excuse me, hello? Ow!
Haar-ha-ha-ha-ha haaaarrrrr!
Well done, laddie, didn't think
you had it in yer. Uh, thanks.
You never did tell us how you
ended up on the checkout at Super Co.
Well, this may come as a shock,
looking at such a fine specimen
as myself, but I'm not all good.
What do you mean?
Well, for ten minutes every week,
I'm cursed with being bad.
So I had to get another job.
Have you been, um, bad this week?
Not that I've noticed. So you
could be bad in, like, two minutes.
Oh, yes. Totally evil.
Cool. Oh, no.
I can see where this is going.
There it is! Oh, who would have
thought it? Our Beanie, a hero.
Loser, more like.
I'm so going to get that nit back
and everyone will be so impressed.
Get us there, Fireface.
Finding a worm-hole
into another dimension
isn't easy, you know.
And don't call me Fireface.
Fireface! Fireface! Fireface!
Got it! Whoooaaahhh!
Land ahoy! Land ahoy!
Beanie, please, say the mission
is going well.
The mission is going well.
Do you mean that? No.
We're all going to die!
We've run aground!
You're on your own, me hearties.
Fear not, my rainbow spaceship
can take us there.
Whooaaahhh!! Ah! Doh!
Easy, Jumbo.
Ah-ha! Feast your eyes on this baby.
Goodbye, Captain Iron Ears,
and all your crew.
Farewell, me hearties.
I'd come with you, but I need a poo.
Uuuuh! Uuuuh! Uuuuh!
Time for plan B.
No! Get off! Get me down!
Let's get out of here!
Shhh, what was that?
Ah, er, sorry, that was me.
Hey! Now that wasn't me.
Aarrghh! It's Rub Rub Sky! Shhh,
whatever you do, don't wake her.
Ooh, sorry, sorry, sorry!
Whooaaahhh!! Ooooff!
Where are we? Homey-womey.
It's miles away. Your canoe,
turn it back into the spaceship.
Sharp thinking, Blend In Boy.
Aarrgghh! Uh-oh! Oh, no!
This is so the end of the world.
Aarrgghh! Not now, black heart.
Oooh! Uurrgghh!
Hello, losers!
Yoo-hoo, kids! Missed ya! Mum, Dad!
"Mum, Dad!"
Now shut up and listen to me.
As you can see, I've got company.
So, last chance,
give me my golden nit.
Umm... Oh, you wouldn't,
not after all the fun we've had?
Of course not. What fun?
I, like, feel so...bad! Huurgh!
Ha-ha-haah! Uurrgghh!
I'll take that, thank you.
Help! Oww! Who's bad?
For you, trifle cheeks.
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Mmmm, mwah!
Flopping heck!
What are you waiting for?
Get that nit! Uh-oh!
Get it, Fireface! Get it!
Get it yourself. Traitor!
Beanie! Move!
Wooooh! Wooo-ha! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Uuuhh, whoooaaahh! Ha!
Bring me the nit.
Ha-ha-haa, yeah!
No-o-o-o-o! Beanie! To me! To me!
THEY CHANT: Beanie! Beanie! Beanie!
Help me!
Oww!! Goodbye, Beanie.
It didn't work, did it?
The sun has gone out. Kaput! Huh?
Yes! Aaaagh! Yeah! Aaaagh!
That was an absolute disaster.
Our Beanie's a hero!
That's so not fair, what about me?
Hey, I thought you were amazing.
Ha-ha-ha! Hee-hee-hee!
Biba Kid! Catbot! Hairyman!
The Painter.
Sambarose. Strrretchy McStrrretch!
ALL: To the rescue!
We got here as quickly as we could.
So NOW you decide to turn up?
Superheroes? Superzeroes, more like.
And as for you...
Sorry about that, had a bit
of a moment. Speak to the hand!
I suppose, I must return
to Super Co for my next shift.
Or...maybe not.
ALL: Woo! Ice cream!
I'll have a Strong Mint Dog,
and a Flyalot Popsicle.
Get out my way, get out of my way!
Give me a Double Mint Death
with extra lies.
You could go for the Happy Hero Cone
with extra sprinkles.
I don't do good!
You could try being evil. Never!
You get to mess with gadgets
and press buttons all day.
Let's give it a go! Ice Cream!
A Super Sprinkle
with a whopper wafer, please!
THEY CHANT: Beanie! Beanie!
Beanie! Beanie!
Press, press, press, press, press,
press, press... Fire! Fire! Fire!
Not fair!