The Junk Shop (1965) Movie Script

Central Film Archive presents
Dear Saint Judas Thaddaeus,
good bloke that you are,
put in a kind word in Heaven
so when the butchers bring their pans
full of blood and stinking flesh,
their van veers off the road
down into the Vltava river.
And when those pharmacists
dump empty sacks of powder,
their vehicles are squashed flat
and the drivers are afflicted
by heart attacks and leprosy,
and all their tyres are punctured,
so when they come to us,
their lorries are too wide
for our driveway.
OK? Will you fix that? Amen.
Damn it all!
- A good morrow to you, honest fellow!
- I have to take all this down.
And screw it all back
in the church on the other side.
Our Lord must have
really strong nerves.
Heaven makes no distinction
between a doctor or an engineer.
Hana, bring your cart.
I have some art junk for your boss.
Yes, I will. The Collection Centre
will be delighted.
Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year.
Aren't you a bit early today?
Well, I overslept a little.
I have a question, though.
Have you seen a big car round here?
- What kind of car?
- A normal one, but I see you haven't.
- Well, I had a little chat.
- What have you been saying, Hana?
What a quiet life we'd have,
if Hana would keep his mouth shut.
He just talks and talks
wherever he goes.
- Here's the fourth one.
- Yes.
He's told his friends
I was poisoned by Schweinfurt green
while painting a nude.
How can I sleep in peace?
What idiot has made all this mess?
Hello, Miss Marcella!
Hello, inspiration personified!
An oil painting, in a gold frame -
how beautiful that would be!
This world is full of strange beauty.
A single lifetime
isn't enough...
Send the money
to the Works Council
But save half of it for our lunch.
What about lottery tickets instead?
Yes, let him win a car!
Our boss has won it already.
We divided the rest of the prizes
between us.
You might win mittens,
a shawl or a book at best...
Or shit, most likely.
Thank God I have my family tomb.
I don't like football results
like six to nil or five to one.
There's no drama in that.
I prefer to see the better team
lose a decisive contest
with two penalty kicks
hitting the bar
and their own defence
shooting into their own goal.
That's what I call dramatic.
What have I done to deserve this?
Another sleepless night...
Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
- What do you want for this?
- A lottery ticket.
We'll give you one, of course.
And you're sure to win a car.
Lovely eyes he has...
So bright, so clear!
Let's weigh it.
Five kilograms.
One Czech crown or a lottery ticket?
Only one crown? Why so mean?
Twenty hellers for a kilo.
That's one crown or a lottery ticket.
But this isn't just ordinary paper.
These are letters from my darlings,
my love letters.
You've come to the wrong address.
This is the Collection Centre,
not an auction hall.
Letters written by Hemingway
or even Churchill
would fetch the same price.
One crown per kilogram.
Or... one lottery ticket.
I'll keep the letters then.
You should have taken them.
They contain my whole life.
What wonderful letters -
and some of them even in verse!
Get out of here!
One crown and not a heller more!
- Or a lottery ticket.
- Or... a ticket.
Can I even believe my own eyes?
- Hello.
- Hello, darling Hedwig.
Come in...
Those legs!
Thirty kilograms?
You carried such a load?!
Hana, it's half past ten.
Go to the cellar! OK!
We have a goose here, boss.
Leave it alone then!
But it's only quarter past...
Oh, the sacristan said
he had something special for you.
He asked me to come with a cart.
Well, what are you waiting for?
Get over there at once!
What's your goose doing here?
Here's the receipt.
Thirty kilos.
And now let's weigh sweet Hedwig.
Only forty-six kilos?
So light? ls that even possible?
Who shall we weigh next?
Well, Bohou, of course.
Those hands... Ah, those hands.
You weigh one hundred
and sixty-five kilograms.
One hundred and sixty-five
and thirty grams.
I found it, finally!
Now you weigh ninety-five!
That's impossible.
You're looking from the wrong angle.
These are
from a cashier from Drd'any.
He embezzled funds because of me.
Got twenty years for it.
And I only get one crown?
You ought to be ashamed!
If you looked from the right,
it's five kilos less
and from the left five kilos more.
Look at it from the front.
I'd like to carve you in limewood...
...and focus on this spot...
- Naughty...
- Why?
You know why!
You probably won't believe me
but I used to be a circus dancer.
My father was a Red Indian
and every night we used
to throw knives around Mother.
I believe everything you say.
Here's five crowns. Now get out!
Don't let me see you again,
you ugly witch.
She really was beautiful.
Damn vermin!
He got my invoice mixed up
with the waste paper!
I've been working on it for days!
Where did you put it, please?
Don't make me laugh, lady.
It's right here, in amongst all this paper.
- See what you've done?
- Maenka!
Go on, start searching!
Thank God for my family tomb...
There's no paper, no lunatics, nothing.
Oh Lord...
Look for it properly
or I'll show you...
Come up!
Your boss really wants it in pieces?
Yes, he wants to bring it home
piece by piece.
Why are you so sad?
Because of the metal plaques?
That too, but it's mostly our flock.
They steal flowers in parks
to bring them to the church and say,
"A good servant of God should change
the water three times a day."
Do you understand?
To cut the stalks...
Look, a saddle...
So the flowers can drink... One hundred
and twenty vases and fifty tins
and I have to change the water!
The neck next?
The neck...
Why don't you get married?
It's a beautiful thing to be able
to open your heart to someone,
with the occasional row at night,
the furniture flying around...
It would change your view of the world,
and of your dearest.
Our flock is hard work.
I recently surprised a woman
near the vestry,
fixing her suspenders.
Fine thighs she had...
But she shouted at me,
"Look away, you pervert!"
Why should I have looked away?
This one we can cut above the knees.
We're like surgeons...
Having children
is also good for a marriage.
How wonderful it is
when your son gets arrested
and always worrying about
your daughter getting knocked up?!
And the shoes?
No, Hana, but you can take that angel
and cut its wings off.
This one will be good for the fire.
It's been blessed.
Nobody wants it, but it burns like petrol!
I'd certainly like
to chop up angel's wings for fuel
and then put the legs on,
and then finally,
the hand with the raised finger.
Our greatest nuisances are the drunks.
Whenever they puke
in front of the church door
the Dean says indulgently,
"As Christians,
we must be forgiving."
So, he forgives
and I clean up the mess.
Cutting this angel in half,
I expect to see blood at any moment.
You're new to this.
Hana, you've made me very happy.
Have you found the invoice?
Sod the invoice, I can't find Pepa!
What's on your programme now, girls?
The best film we've ever shown.
"The Hunchback".
Eight bags of ice cream paper daily!
Pepa, where are you?
Little Pepa!
They've cut it up!
How could you do that?!
The sacristan said
that's how you wanted it.
You vandals!
In halves...
And the halves in half again!
Next week will be even better.
We'll be showing "Hamlet".
The girls say
it's a touching love story.
It's no use, Ma'am. You can
never find anything round here.
People have mistakenly brought
all kinds of things.
An engine as good as new...
Shoes, radios, petrol vouchers,
and once even diamonds
worth one and half million.
Look! A goose!
Good Lord, Maenka!
Seven detectives spent a whole week
going through this heap,
page by page,
and they found nothing.
You'll sooner find
King Solomon's buried treasure.
No, it's Pepa, Pepa!
They cut them into little pieces!
Do you know all the films by heart?
No, I'm more of a theatre girl.
Well, how can you tell
which film is good?
A good film yields
eight bags of waste paper,
a poor one only two.
It'll take hours to weigh all this.
- What do you estimate?
- Seventeen quintals.
- Sixteen.
- All right.
Good Lord...
Good afternoon, Madam.
Good afternoon, Frantiek.
- Your former husband?
- No, my former chauffeur.
Yes, we had twelve rooms,
two maids and a chauffeur.
Our gardener would
come every morning and ask,
"What flowers would you like today?"
So, you've ended up like these books.
Formerly ten fifty each,
now twenty hellers a kilo.
Well, I used to own swings
and a shooting gallery, too.
And I could work two swings
at the same time.
God bless you, cheeky fellas!
I thought I'd drop in for a minute.
My boss has been arrested.
He's gone mad.
He broke up antique angel statues
into pieces.
A vermouth.
What's up?
Now we have to be
nice to each other, Granddad.
We'll be closing down
our Collection Centre.
It'll be turned into a cabaret hall
or we'll be selling gold there.
All this is about as true
as when you said I was pregnant.
Oh, my darling, how could I!
I was misunderstood.
I'd never say a thing like that.
I meant mentally pregnant!
You said nasty things about me.
- That she was pregnant.
- It was a mistake.
I never said she was pregnant.
Pregnant with beautiful thoughts!
And that's why I've brought nourishment
for your refined thinking.
- What will it be, darling?
- I'll let you decide.
- A vermouth?
- Sure.
- Are these love stories?
- Passionate, too.
"Magda's Destiny"
and "The Broken Bonds".
But "The Baron's Desire",
that's a masterpiece.
I can hardly wait!
Tell it in a few words...
One quiet, beautiful night...
...Vilma opened the French window
leading on to the terrace
and cried, "Oh, Baron!"
Then she said,
"Baron, do not utter such words.
"You are a married man
and I am an honourable maiden."
You know what, dear?
Lunch is on me.
The Baron fell on his knees
and whimpered,
"Vilma, love always
overcomes prejudice."
Then the Baroness entered, crying,
"Vilma, how could you admit
a married man at night?
"And I trusted you so!"
And then, my dear?
A terrible disaster.
I'd rather not say.
Never mind me.
I've buried two husbands already.
You're a lady, that's evident.
And in the last chapter,
the Baroness says to Vilma
who's lying on her death bed,
"Vilma, do you deny
having taken poison?"
And Vilma whispers,
"I swear I only have two cats here.
"The third one drowned yesterday."
Take it easy, mister.
We were informed that
twelve cats have run amok in here.
Having twelve cats is against the law.
Come on, sign this paper.
That's Hana's work!
Recently, he was telling people
that I took a plaster cast of a live cat,
then gave it a cold compress
and poured valerian extract
into its ears
and the beast went wild
and bit thirty school children.
Is this where I sign?
You should have brought him to us.
No, that cat.
A cold compress won't help.
We would put it down
without any suffering.
One cut and done.
Give the goose some water.
What have I done to deserve this?
God bless. How is little Oto?
It's Pepa, Pepa!
I can't find him!
I can start building a cottage.
And here's my oven door,
a good one, at least two kilos.
And I, being an idiot,
charged for it as if it were paper!
Stop the press!
What did you say?
You criminal!
Little Pepa nearly got pressed!
You could have been
turned into carpet.
Stop crying!
Here, take him.
Pepa. Pepa...
My darling baby!
See what you've done?
Why did you have to lose my invoice?!
Why? Miserable brat!
Answer me, will you?
Now you're going to sort out
all this paper.
And stop crying!
Such statues keep weariness
and suicidal thoughts at bay.
Creative work alone can withstand
the onslaught of the Infinite.
One has to be full of productive
silence and creative calm.
That's it.
It's the opposite of the roast pork,
dumplings and sauerkraut philosophy.
I pity those for whom the delight
of real creative work has been denied.
If such an individual
did a bit of thinking,
he'd shed tears.
Tears of dread.
In fact, Hana,
I feel sorry for you too
for being deprived of such delight,
such happiness.
Your joy consists
of fuss and provocation.
This isn't an adequate defence
against the violent onslaught
of the Infinite!
Here... come on, goose!
Come right in, gentlemen -
this is your last chance.
Three shots - one crown.
Everybody can take a shot.
That's it!