The Kettles in the Ozarks (1956) Movie Script
1
MAN ON PA: The Atlantic and
Southern Pioneer leaving at 9:15.
Gate 4 is now open for Pullman
and coach passengers.
MA: (WHISTLES) Come on!
MAN ON PA:
Your attention, please.
Come on, kids.
The Saint Louis Flyer
now arriving on Track 8.
(MEOWING)
(DANGER BARKING)
Oh!
Who did that? I don't know, Ma.
What's the matter?
(BARKING)
(SCREAMING)
(YOWLING)
Stop him! Stop him!
Stop Danger!
(BARKING CONTINUES)
(SCREAMING) Get him!
Hold him. Stop him.
Stop him!
Help her!
Oh, no!
Stop him!
(SCREAMING)
Oh, help her!
(MEOWING)
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
Stop him!
MAN ON PA:
Your attention, please.
You shouldn't have oughta
done that, Danger.
Ma, are you all right?
The Arkansas Argonaut
leaving on Track 16
at 9:00.
That's us. Get me
on my feet, kids.
The Arkansas Argonaut leaving
on Track 16 at 9:00.
This is the last call.
I'll take Danger.
AW, gee, Ma!
Since I bought the tickets, I'd
like to ride to the Ozarks,
not run to them.
Just can't ride facing front.
Makes me dizzy.
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Oh! Oh!
Sorry, mister.
I'm Ma Kettle.
Pleased to meet you.
Unharness yourselves,
kids.
Be little ladies
and gentlemen.
Find places to sit.
Here, Ma.
Come out here.
Oh, I'll take Jenny.
(CLUCKING)
GIRL: How's Jenny, Ma?
She's a good traveler.
(DANGER BARKING)
No animals
in the car.
Absolutely
no animals allowed.
(WHIMPERING)
That dog must go.
(CONTINUES BARKING)
(WHIMPERING)
Now that's all right. You
can keep a bird in a cage
as long as it's covered,
but absolutely no animals.
(EXCLAIMS)
The dog will have to
ride in the baggage car.
Oh, Ma!
(SHUSHES)
It's the rules!
Could you put this
up here, please?
(CLUCKING)
A chicken's a bird.
Ain't it?
Sit down, Janie.
(WHIMPERING)
Sure have to cart
a lot of stuff
travelling
with 13 kids.
So long, Danger.
We're going to Mournful Hollow.
That's in Arkansas.
We're gonna visit my husband's
brother, Sedgewick Kettle.
He lives on a farm.
It's a nice, big place.
Sedgewick and Pa,
that's my husband,
they was willed it
by their father.
But Sedge runs it.
Not very good though.
(SOFTLY) Janie!
Wouldn't you like to sit
with the other kids, Janie?
JANIE: No, Ma.
The bank man wrote Ma
and Pa a letter.
He wants to take
Uncle Sedge's farm away.
That's why we're going
to Mournful Hollow.
MA: Financial matters
get in such a mess,
but I figure I can
straighten things out,
and me and the kids
will put that farm
on a paying basis
in no time.
Pa's staying home to look
after our house in town,
and the farm
in Cape Flattery.
Real responsibility
having two places.
Pa started to grow a
peanut crop this year.
Of course, Geoduck and Crowbar
will do all the work.
Pa watches them do it.
(STAMMERING) Pa's
kind of delicate like.
He ain't able to
do too much.
The bank says Uncle Sedge
doesn't do much either.
That's why they want
to take his farm away.
Sedge must be sick,
is what Janie means.
Tickets.
Tickets, please.
Ma's got 'em.
She's there.
Oh.
Well, are you all
in the same family?
How many of you
are there?
Sixteen.
Six... Sixteen?
And who's the youngest?
He is.
And how old are you,
little man?
Six and a half.
Six and a half.
Oh! There it is!
Tickets, please.
Tickets?
They're here someplace.
Those are mine, Ma.
I knew
they weren't mine.
Well, I put 'em in here.
I... I know I did.
Where'd they get to?
Oh, here they are.
All 14 of 'em.
Shouldn't there be 16?
No, just four full fares.
For me and Nancy,
and Freddie, and Betty.
No, she's half fare.
She won't be 12
till November.
It's Johnny who...
No, Ma. Johnny's nine.
One moment!
May I ask how many
children you have?
Sure. Sixteen.
And you bought
14 tickets?
Yes. For me
and 13 kids.
Why should I buy tickets
for Tom and Rose and Elwin?
Are they under five?
Ha! Of course not!
They're the oldest.
Well, then, why didn't you
buy tickets for them?
'Cause they didn't
come with us.
Now, uh...
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Ma! It's raining!
What in tarnation
is that?
I guess Billy must've
brought Oscar.
(KIDS LAUGHING)
(CROAKING)
Oscar got out
of the bottle.
I thought Oscar
stayed home with Pa.
I've got him.
(SCREAMING)
Oh, excuse me. I... I
thought I had Oscar.
I'll get him, Ma.
(WOMEN SCREAMING)
I'll get him!
I never should've
left home.
Sedge or no Sedge.
You comfortable, Sedge?
Well, you might fluff up the
feathers just a little, Bedelia.
Mmm-hmm.
Mighty much obliged
to you.
You are
extremely awkward.
I think Small Fry
could use some help.
Bedelia!
Howdy, Bancroft.
Howdy.
Big Trout's gonna kill off
that corn sure enough,
putting them dead fish
in the ground like that.
Big Trout knows
what he's about.
Thank you, Sedgewick.
My people
taught corn-raising
to Myles Standish and John
Alden at Plymouth Rock.
(LAUGHS)
Maybe that's the way they do
it in them foreign places,
but it ain't
the Ozark way.
(SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE)
This corn will be good enough
to sell for seed, Sedgewick.
Hmm.
Ain't gonna
do you much good,
if'n the bank
takes over your place.
That's right un-neighborly
of you, Bancroft Baines.
Me being your
sister's intended.
Never mind him,
Sedgewick.
Let us hope the bank holds
off until harvest time.
If I could just give 'em
a little bit on account.
Perhaps your wealthy sister-in-law
will lend you the money
when she arrives.
Oh, I don't like to take
advantage of my kinfolk,
but I'll think
of something.
BIG TROUT:
Certainly you will.
That corn ain't
no good for seed.
Big Trout's crazy!
But, Bancroft, it is the finest
corn in Mournful Hollow.
Fine thing!
My own sister what lives off
of me, taking sides agin' me!
Come on! You got the milking
and the washin' to do.
'Sides, you ain't
done the plowing yet.
Sun's moved,
Small Fry.
Howdy, mister.
Well, why the galoshes
on a goose?
Well, the eggs
got mixed up,
and Gertie was hatched
by a hen.
Chickens don't like
to get their feet wet,
and Gertie
is even fussier.
Them galoshes
make her happy.
Is that your cornfield?
Yep. Right nice,
ain't it?
Looks like a good crop.
I'm Jack Dexter of the International
Development Company of America.
Well, I'm Sedgewick Kettle
of Mournful Hollow.
Just call me Sedge.
Mighty glad to
make your acquaintance.
Well, I don't mind
if I do.
You got a match?
I travel
around the country,
buying up crops
in the field.
Before harvesting?
Well, if the weather turns
bad and the crop spoils,
the farmer gets his
money just the same.
Must be mighty nice fellers,
doing things like that.
We have to protect
ourselves, of course.
The farmer
signs an agreement
to do all he can
to ensure a good yield.
Well, can't blame 'em
for that.
I'll give you $100
to bind the agreement,
and the balance
at harvest.
Well, the bank fellers
will be glad of that.
Better talk 'em over
with Big Trout first.
Who's Big Trout?
Oh, he's a real
educated feller.
Come down here
to study...
What is he studying?
Cherokee Indians'
big trek westward.
Chief Sequoyah
slept here.
Either take it
or leave it.
I'll take it.
Better have your wife
sign these, too.
Ain't got no wife.
Just me.
You live here
all alone?
SEDGE: All by myself.
What about him?
Oh, just a friend, comes
around to help me.
CROW: (CAWING)
Here he is!
Here he is! Go away, Jimmy.
Go away!
(CAWING) Here he is!
What was that?
That was my neighbor
Bancroft's pet crow.
He pesters me
all the time.
Don't like me
very much.
Why not?
Well, a long time ago
when I was a young'un,
I got a job working
for a revenuer.
You just chopped wood
for him.
Yep.
It was enough to make the
neighbors all turn against me,
and they never
did forget it.
What's all this got
to do with the crow?
He's trained
to spot revenuers.
When he sees one,
he yells, "Here he is!"
Just like he done
to me.
Would you like to
make some extra money?
Working?
Nothing like that.
I'd like to
rent your barn.
You see, my company's working
on a secret project,
developing new products
from corn.
Too much to ask for $5
a month, or maybe $6?
Could you
afford that?
My company's generous.
We'll make it $7.
Must have money
to burn.
I'll be back
with the...
Other fellows
tomorrow some time.
Just sign these
and we're in business.
Better read it first.
It's just a regular
rental form.
Grandpa Kettle says you can always
trust a man with an honest face.
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Oh, it's you.
Excuse me.
Thanks for getting us
the berths.
The kids sure
need a good rest.
I hope they sleep all the
way to Mournful Hollow.
Oh, they don't need
that much sleep.
(YELLS) Come and get it!
(KIDS CLAMORING)
Let me in there, kids.
I'm hungry, too.
Madam! I...
Oh, we're just having
a little snack.
If you're hungry,
dig in.
Madam, it's my duty to
encourage train travel.
But from now on,
I hope you fly.
What time you say the train
is coming in, Bedelia?
3:30. You read
the letter, Sedge.
I wonder what your
sister-in-law is like.
I hope she's
not too uppity.
Well, I don't know. Being from
the city and rich, besides.
Being rich, she ain't
used to working.
I told you, Sedge, you
should've answered the letter.
You could've asked her
for the money
and told her
to stay home.
Oh, Bedelia,
you know how I feel
about borrowing money
from my kinfolks.
After all, this place
is half theirs.
Well, we'll make
the best of things.
Being used to
living so fancy,
maybe she won't
stay long.
(GRUNTS) Got you fixed
up as good as I can.
I'll go get myself
ready now.
Before you pretty up,
Bedelia, you'd better
harness Sweetnin'.
Mmm-hmm. Sweetnin'!
Sweetnin'!
Come on, boy!
Come on, boy!
We're going to town.
Come on, Sweetnin'.
Come on, honey.
That's got to
be Uncle Sedgewick.
(LAUGHING) Nobody but a Kettle
would drive an outfit like that.
Whoa. Whoa.
You be my kinfolk?
If you're Brother Sedge,
we are.
We're kinfolk. Kind of
not what I expected,
but you're right welcome
to Mournful Hollow.
Thank you.
I want you to make yourself
acquainted with Miss Bedelia Baines.
You might call her
my intended.
Well! I didn't know
Sedge was engaged.
Glad to hear it.
We've been
for 20 years.
Cautious types,
ain't you?
I'm not, but he is.
Oh.
You don't look like Pa, but
you sure remind me of him.
Brothers got things
in common, son.
MA: Pile in, kids.
Pile in now.
(DANGER BARKING)
Sedge, maybe I better stop
off and see the banker.
Oh, no need
bothering them fellers.
I got everything
fixed up.
Already sold my corn crop
to some city fellers.
Rented my barn, too.
Why, Sedge. You mean you're
going to be able to pay
the mortgage off
with no trouble?
Sure.
Sorry the bank
bothered you.
I didn't want to
worry my brother,
in spite of
his being so rich.
Rich! Ha!
I see you need catching up
with the family history.
It sort of hits you the
first time you see it.
Like I said,
it's quiet.
You sure there's no one
to snoop around here?
Not a one.
Yeah, this is
a good spot.
You used your head
this time.
Thanks, Professor. This will be the
easiest caper we ever tackled.
Our worries are over. There won't
be a thing to disturb us here.
Okay, park the stuff.
Ah, it's so quiet
it gives me the creeps.
Isolation is exactly
what we need.
We like solitary,
huh, Professor?
(LAUGHS)
(KIDS CLAMORING)
(CHICKEN CLUCKING)
Ha! All it needs is
Geoduck and Crowbar
and I'd think I was back
in Cape Flattery.
(LAUGHS) Oh!
That does it.
Just like home.
Howdy, Mr. Dexter. Want you
to meet my brother's wife.
Just call her Ma.
Pleased to meet ya.
What'd you say
your names was?
This is my boss,
the Professor.
That's Benny
and this is Joe.
Howdy.
This is a surprise.
Well, it ain't
no surprise to me.
I been expecting Ma
and the kids.
They come to visit me.
Come on, Ma.
I want to make
you acquainted
with Big Trout
and Small Fry.
So you made
a mistake.
Let's set up
operations anyway.
If we're careful, they'll
never know what we're doing.
They can't kick us out.
Kettle signed away the crop and
we got the lease on the barn.
(BARN ANIMALS BAYING)
(EXCLAIMS)
Sure looks familiar.
Go! Get out of here.
(CLUCKING)
Shoo! Shoo! Get out!
Get out of here.
Go! Shoo!
I told you Ma wouldn't
like hens in the kitchen.
No sense moving 'em
till we was sure.
Git! Git! Git!
(BLEATING)
Outside, Genevieve.
Company's come.
Kind of foolish to pull
all that stuff down, Ma.
It was stacked
so neat and tidy.
Everything's got to be in its proper
place and in its right place.
(LAUGHS) Grandpa
Kettle always said.
I better get this place cleaned
up before I start supper.
Well, Bedelia'll be
glad to help you.
(sums)
Tarnation!
Gonna fix that
one of these days.
(LAUGHS)
Come and get it!
Dear Sir,
we thank you
for the fine vittles
that Ma's prepared for us,
and I'd appreciate it
if you could make my kinfolk's
visit an enjoyable one.
ALL: Amen.
You know, Uncle Sedge
says grace just like Pa.
Uncle Sedge and Pa
are lots the same.
Don't you
think so, Ma?
(LAUGHING) I can see
what you mean.
The reason is that me and
your pa got our lessons
on your
Grandpa Kettle's knee.
You hear that,
children?
Look here.
That's your
Grandpa Kettle.
He's the dude
of the family.
Yeah, your pa
was kind of like him.
In fact,
he favors him a lot.
Well, the hat's
the same.
I think it looks
like you.
Aw, shucks no.
Everybody in the family knows I'm the
spitting image of Grandma Kettle.
Why do you keep the
picture covered up?
Gotta keep things clean,
you know.
(RATTLING)
(KIDS LAUGHING)
Get away from there!
What are you doing in there, mister?
I couldn't see.
We don't want nobody
snooping around here. See?
Go on!
(KIDS LAUGHING)
Who did that?
Go ahead, scram.
You heard me.
Don't do that.
I can't stand it.
Ow!
(KIDS LAUGHING)
(BLEATING)
Help! Help! Help!
Help!
Help!
(GROANING)
Help! Help!
Hang on to this.
(SCREAMING)
Here, haul him up.
Help! Help! Help!
(GROANING)
Uncle Sedge!
We can't hang on!
Spit on your hands.
You can get
a better hold.
(KIDS CLAMORING)
Take some mending,
but I'll get around to it
one of these days.
Hey, you all want us to
help you unload that corn?
No, you all... And you kids
stay away from that barn!
Benny!
Them city people
sure are strange.
Ain't no use in trying
to figure 'em out.
Well, I think
I'll rest a spell.
Gertie, move over.
It's my turn now.
(QUACKING)
What do we
need these for?
We're research chemists.
This'll help fool
the local yokels.
Ah, who worries
about them?
All these people aren't like Sedge.
They're no dopes.
And they don't like
outsiders moving in here
with this kind
of operation.
If the revenue boys
stay away,
everything'll go okay.
If these hicks
get sore at you,
they can be tougher
than any city mob.
Joe, go unpack
the rest of the stuff.
We'll get a fire going
and we're in business.
Your biggest headache will
be getting rid of the mash.
Don't worry about it. We'll
bury it in the woods.
We'll have a good fire
going in a minute, boss.
(MEN COUGHING)
(KIDS LAUGHING)
Uncle Sedge!
Uncle Sedge!
Uncle Sedge!
Uncle Sedge!
Wake up!
Is it important?
Look!
The barn's on fire!
Well, go get the hose
and put it out.
And get the other kids
to help you.
Come on, kids!
(KIDS CLAMORING)
(EXCLAIMING)
Barn's on fire!
We just saved you.
Stop that!
You're flooding it!
What?
Turn that water off.
Disconnect it.
Been quite a dry spell.
Mind if the hogs
join you?
Next.
Evening, Bedelia.
Got your chores done?
Reckon so.
Leastwise till Bancroft
thinks of something
else he wants done.
Ouch! I ain't
that dirty, Ma.
Sorry, honey.
You're done.
If'n you're tired, Ma, I'd be
pleased to spare you awhile.
Oh, I'm not...
Why, that's nice
of you, Bedelia.
I am kind of tired.
Good night, Ma.
Good night.
Just give me a lick
and promise.
Ma washed me good
before supper.
(LAUGHS)
Good night, Ma.
Good night.
Do you like
little girls?
Sure do.
Little boys, too.
When you marry
Uncle Sedge,
you can have lots of
kids, just like Ma.
Oh.
Good night, Ma.
Good night.
Remember to say your prayers.
Okay.
When I was a young'un,
just spoken for by Sedge,
I used to say I wanted
a whole house full of kids.
Guess we kind of
waited too long.
Bedelia, you ever tried pushing
Sedge toward the preacher?
Tried lots of times, but Sedge
don't want to be hurried into it.
The best thing for
Sedge and this farm
is for you
to marry him.
He can't take care
of himself,
and I can't
stay here forever.
Nothing I'd rather do
than take care of him
and, oh,
this wonderful place.
You know,
making a man jealous
is one way
of hog-tying him.
Ain't nobody around here
to make him jealous of.
That's too bad.
We'll think of
something, I reckon.
Another thing
that bothers me,
the neighbors never
come around.
Ain't Sedge
got any friends?
None but Big Trout
and Small Fry.
All the others
shun him.
Say, is there any way
you could fix things,
so I could meet
the neighbors?
We could go
to the social
at the schoolhouse
Saturday.
Good!
Except Sedge
won't want to.
We'll all go.
Maybe I can straighten Sedge
out with the neighbors.
KIDS: Dear Lord, bless this
house and all of us in it.
Bless Pa, too.
Take care of him.
Bless Ma
and help her
get Uncle Sedge
straightened out. Amen.
JANIE: P.S. Please help
Bedelia marry Uncle Sedge.
She'd like to so bad.
KIDS: Amen.
Yoo-hoo, Mr. Benny!
Morning, Mr. Benny.
I fetched you a present.
Sugar cookies.
Baked 'em last night.
If I do say, and who shouldn't,
they're right tasty.
I never touch the stuff.
I'll take 'em.
Nice of you to make these
cookies for Mr. Benny.
Well, dearie, we got to think
of something better than that.
Bedelia, I sure don't like the
idea of going to that social.
I wish you hadn't
told Ma about it.
You gotta mix with
the neighbors, Sedge.
Living like a hermit
the way you been doing,
folks get the idea
you don't like 'em.
You'll see
for yourself.
Folks around here
don't wanna mix with me.
Never should've
chopped that wood.
(SCOFFS)
Soured you on work
ever since, huh?
Ma! Ma!
A letter from Pa.
Ah! I hope
Pa's all right.
I been kind of
worried about him.
(WHISTLES)
(KIDS CLAMORING)
A letter from Pa,
kids!
BOY: Read it,
read it, Ma.
MA: Give me a chance.
Nice, quiet place.
"Howdy, Ma, Nancy, Freddie, Sammy,
Sally, and the rest of you.
"Geoduck is writing
what I have to say.
"I and he and Crowbar
had a hard day.
"The pigs got
in the peanuts, Ma.
"There won't be
no peanuts,
"but the pork ought to
taste awful good."
Well, pigs is pigs.
Seems that way.
"I'm taking good care
of the place
"and there's nothing for
you to worry about.
"I got hungry for some biscuits
like you used to make,
"but couldn't get
the stove to draw.
"Threw in
some gasoline.
"Never did get
the biscuits that day."
Pa should never try
to help with the work.
Something always happens.
One good thing, he
don't help very often.
A man's smart to not tackle
anything that he ain't good at.
Yeah.
"Forgot to tell you, Ma,
kitchen's burned a little.
"There's a new hole
in the roof.
"Don't worry about me
and the place.
"I'm taking care
of things fine.
(SCOFFS)
"Say howdy
to Sedge for me.
"Your loving husband, Pa."
Come on, gang!
That was a fine letter.
I'm glad everything is
going so good out there.
I'd say Pa was getting along
about the same as usual.
Ma, dinner's ready.
Come and get it!
GIRL: Come on, let's hurry.
(KIDS CLAMORING)
Pa and Sedge is sure cut
from the same pattern!
Well, this is as good
a place as any.
Oh, I hate this
part of the job.
This mash has got
to be ditched right.
One slip-up here
and we're in trouble.
(BUSHES RUSTLING)
(ROARS)
There's a bear! There's
a bear in the woods!
You scared
of something?
There's a man-eating
bear out there!
Oh, they won't bother you
unless you hurt 'em.
They only eat sweets like
honey and wild berries.
You city fellers
got a lot to learn.
Well, gotta put
Gertie to bed.
Good fight, Game.
All right, get out there
and bury that mash!
I ain't digging holes
with bears for company!
Okay, okay!
Bring it back here
and we'll bury it first
thing in the morning.
Bears! Goats! Gooses with galoshes!
Thousands of kids!
A cop would sure look
good to me right now!
Come on!
Come on!
The coast is clear!
Hey, what's that?
I don't know.
(BUZZING)
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow!
(ALL SCREAMING IN PAIN)
Howdy, Bancroft.
Howdy.
That some of your pumpkin liquor?
Yeah.
Where're them
city fellers?
Thought I might
sell 'em some.
Well, you oughtn't to be
fooling with them hornets.
Got something right
here in this jug
that'll make you forget
about them stings.
(LIQUOR SLOSHING)
A 'w??-?
Never do favors
for strangers,
but you're
nice fellers
and I feel sorry for you. Yeah?
Best liquor you ever tasted
right in that pumpkin.
Make it in
the shell.
You're kidding.
No, he ain't. He's been
making it all his life.
How do you do it?
(CHUCKLES) That's
my secret.
Only takes a week, and you ain't
got no mash to get rid of.
That's the dangerous
thing about a still,
getting rid
of the mash.
Well, uh, how do you get
rid of the pumpkin shells?
Oh, feed it to
the chickens.
Makes the eggs right
tasty, too. Here.
I'll open it up and
give you a taste.
Good morning.
Goodness sakes.
You need fixing up.
Well, Bancroft's gonna take care
of that with his pumpkin liquor.
Liquor? Where?
In the pumpkin,
like I told you.
(LIQUOR SLOSHING)
You ain't got the
right to do that!
You ain't got the right to bring
bootleg stuff on this property!
I won't stand for any
liquor around here!
Ain't nothing worse
than a bossy female.
Go on! Git!
Git! Go on!
Go on!
Hurry up!
I know just what'll take the
sting out of those bumps.
It's an old
country remedy.
(SNORTS)
Fellers, come on!
You're next!
(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)
Hi, Bedelia!
Glad you could come!
Thank you.
This here's Mrs. Kettle.
Howdy.
Howdy!
Just call me Ma.
Glad to know you, Ma. Happy
to know you, Mrs. Kettle.
This is my daughter, Nancy.
ALL: Howdy.
I remember your husband,
Egbert, well. (LAUGHS)
Egbert moves slower than
any boy in the Hollow.
What's he like now?
I think you'd still
recognize him.
So you're Egbert's
woman, eh?
Got any kids?
Sixteen!
Nice,
respectable-size family.
Can see Egbert married
hisselfa good woman.
Glad Egbert turned
out so good.
Not like some
I could name.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Bedelia, you
seen my grandson?
There's Lafe now, Miz Hawkins.
Oh.
Where'll I put
the ham, Grandma?
On the table!
Miz Hawkins's about
Nancy's age, ain't she?
About, I figure.
How old's Lafe?
23, 24,
I reckon.
Just tell me
one thing.
How does a 17-year-old
girl get to be grandma
to a 23-year-old man?
Real natural.
Miz Hawkins is
Mr. Hawkins' third wife.
Other two died from
one thing or another.
Lafe's Mr. Hawkins'
grandson
by his oldest daughter
by his first wife.
Being Lafe's
Mr. Hawkins' grandson,
and being this Mrs. Hawkins
is Mr. Hawkins' wife,
naturally, she's
Lafe's grandma. See?
Kind of.
(LIQUOR SLOSHING)
(FOLK MUSIC CONTINUES)
Run along with the folks,
honey, and dance!
Have a good time!
Okay, Ma!
I hear you been right
friendly to Bedelia.
Why not? Bedelia's
a fine woman.
Be glad when Sedge
makes her a Kettle.
I don't know why
she wants him.
But there's no accounting
for other people's tastes.
MA: Are you gonna
hold it against Sedge
for something he
did 25 years ago?
Well, what's he done since
to make us like him?
Sister, if you give
folks a chance,
nine times out often you'll find
there's plenty in them to like.
Well, maybe our men folk will
forget that awful thing he did,
but us women don't
let our men forget.
That ain't right.
WOMAN: Us women folk
got to stick together.
The way Sedge's been
keeping Bedelia here
dangling for 20 years
is a shameful thing!
Sets a bad example
for the other men.
You all ain't got a right to
speak so mean about Sedge.
He is gonna marry me.
Someday.
From the number of
the kids in the Hollow,
I'd say Sedge never had any
influence on the other men.
If Sedge
marries Bedelia,
would you all be
friendly to him,
like neighbors
ought to be,
and let your men-folks
do the same?
Reckon so.
That's sure
foolish talk.
Sedge ain't never gonna tie
the knot with Bedelia.
You might get
a surprise.
All right, folks!
Everybodyjoin the ring play!
(PEOPLE CHEERING) Go on, Ma!
You're good at verse-making.
Well, what
do you do?
Oh, just say anything comes to you.
Watch him.
(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)
Raccoons a-coming
from the hollow
Possums a-coming
from the swamp
A hoot-owl called
a get-together
All the critters
want to stomp
ALL: Hoot-owl called
a get-together
All the critters
want to stomp
Go on, Ma!
(LAUGHS) Well,
if you go first.
Everybody's mighty social
This here is
a social night
Sedgewick, dear,
don't look so fearful
These good folks
ain't gonna bite
ALL: Sedgewick, dear,
don't look so fearful
Us good folks
ain't gonna bite
(ALL LAUGHING)
I can see you folks
is social
('d be friendly
if I might
[ain't mean like
you been saying
My dam shoes
is just too tight
ALL: He ain't mean
like we been saying
His dam shoes
is just too tight
You sure are
a pleasing woman
Would you like
to dance a mite?
I'd admire to
do some stomping
With the belle
of Social Night
ALL: He'd admire to
do some stomping
With the belle
of Social Night
'Fore I dance with
this here feller
There is something
must be told
Brother Sedge may
not be perfect
But he has
a heart of gold
(ALL LAUGHING)
(ALL CONTINUE LAUGHING)
(WOMEN SCREAM)
(ALL CHEERING)
You saved it, Cousin!
Ah, good catch,
Sedge! (LAUGHS)
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
We should've buried it
like the Professor said.
My idea'll work fine,
and with less trouble.
(CLUCKING)
(HICCUPS)
(CROWING)
(HICCUPS)
(QUACKS)
(HICCUPS)
(ALL HICCUPPING)
(CROWING DRUNKENLY)
(MOOING DRUNKENLY)
(QUACKING DRUNKENLY)
(CACKLING)
(CLUCKING DRUNKENLY)
(BARKING)
(CACKLING)
(CLUCKING)
(SQUEALING)
(SQUEALING)
(CLUCKING)
(MOOING)
(HICCUPS)
(BLEATING)
(GROWLING)
(SQUEALING)
(CLUCKING)
u-uccuppnwe)
What's going
on here?
(MOOs)
(CLUCKING)
If I didn't know better, I'd swear
these critters have been drinking.
(LAUGHING)
CROW: (CAWING) Boy!
What a party!
What a party!
(HOWLS)
(SNORING)
(CAWS) Wow!
What a party!
BILLY: Ma! A letter from Pa!
Hey, Ma, open it up!
JANIE: What's Pa
been doing, Ma?
Well, land sakes, honey! I don't
know till I get it open! (LAUGHING)
"Dear Ma and family,
"I got something
on my heart
"I'd like to
say to you.
"How are you?
(CHUCKLES)
"Mighty quiet 'round here,
Ma, since you went away.
"Sure miss your
bellering out at us,
"and the nights
is awful lonely.
"Sure would like to hear
"the hollering
of little voices
"and the clumping
of growing feet."
What's Pa mean, Ma?
It means your Pa
misses us, honey.
Oh, I miss him, too!
SALLY: So do I!
BILLY: Me, too!
"But I ain't
complaining, Ma.
"Being alone now
makes me appreciate
"how nice it is
when you're around.
"Maybe you ain't the prettiest
woman in the world,
"but you make up for it by
being such a hard worker.
"Soon as you get Brother
Sedge straightened out,
"please hurry home.
"I sure miss you.
"Your loving husband, Pa."
Uncle Sedge, you'll be
lonesome when we go home.
Sure will, honey.
Why don't you
marry Bedelia?
Then you won't
be lonesome.
MA: You'll be mighty
uncomfortable, too.
There won't be nobody
to take care of you.
Bedelia'll do for
me like before.
Ain't Bedelia
told you yet?
She ain't coming
around no more.
She's decided it ain't
right to work for nothing,
'less she's your wife.
Folks are starting to talk!
Course, once you're married,
she can work like a dog
and nobody'll think
a thing of it.
You aiming to
desert me, Bedelia?
That's right, Sedge.
I ain't waiting no more.
Well, why didn't you say
you was getting anxious?
You just name the day
and we'll get hitched.
Well, the circuit rider's
due here Thursday.
Fine. Then
Thursday's the day.
Uh, that suit
you, Bedelia?
This is so
sudden, Sedge!
Well, now, if
it's too soon...
But I accept!
That's settled.
Don't say nothing to Bancroft
till the circuit rider comes.
No sense letting him have
time to start trouble.
Maybe we oughta ask
Bancroft's permission.
MA: Not on your life!
(HUMMING WEDDING TUNE)
(SINGING)
La da de da da da
Here comes the bride
AH dressed in white
La da de da
da da da da
(CLANKING)
(GASPS)
I hope we can get this mash
buried without no big deal.
We will and we'll start a
new batch in the morning.
Bootleggers! (SCOFFS)
They must have had a good laugh
when I bawled Bancroft out
for bringing that
pumpkin liquor here.
And they seemed like
such nice fellers.
Well, I'll send Small Fry to
get the sheriff tomorrow.
Sedge, that agreement
you signed,
did it say what they was
going to use the barn for?
I don't know.
I didn't read it.
Maybe there's something in it
that'll get Sedge into trouble.
Me and Pa owns this
place with you, Sedge,
and if the papers
get you in trouble,
we'll be messed
up in it, too.
I don't know, (STAMMERS)
what're we gonna do, Ma?
The first thing we do is to
find out what the papers say.
Them folks around
here find out
that I been outsmarted
by them city fellers,
I'll never be able to
live down the disgrace.
Bancroft would have a good
reason to stop the wedding.
We'd all be disgraced,
but we ain't
gonna be!
We know you got
a still in there.
So? What do you think
you're gonna do about it?
Get the sheriff,
that's what.
Ah, now, you wouldn't want to
do a thing like that, partner.
Partner?
Sure, didn't you know?
The agreement Sedge signed lets me
use the barn for anything I want.
You raise the corn,
we process it.
That makes us partners.
I want to see
that paper.
Ah, no, I couldn't
let you do that.
You've gotta
show it to us!
I don't gotta
do anything.
All you've gotta do is
keep your mouth shut.
And I don't want to hear anymore
talk about sheriffs, either.
(BLOWING TRUMPET)
Howdy, Miz Tinware.
Howdy, Sedge.
Howdy, Bedelia.
Howdy.
I guess you'd be Sedge's sister-in-law.
I heared about you.
Howdy.
Any news around the
mountains, Miz Tinware?
Nothing much.
The usual courting, fighting, and
birthings, 'cept the revenuer.
He's been nosing
around town lately.
Revenuer?
Figure he's on
to something?
Ah, revenuer thinks there's
a gang of city men
operating a still here
in the mountains.
No outlander could work a still
without our folks finding out.
Seems so.
Are the revenue
officers sure?
MIZ TINWARE:
They ain't certain.
But they're gonna search
the whole mountain,
starting at Laughin' Creek,
way over to the other side.
Hear tell they're going to work
their way down to Smilin' Valley,
over Sober Peak,
then across to
Frownin' Lake.
Then over to
Mournful Hollow.
That's right, winding
up at Weepin' Springs.
How long do you figure it'll
take them to reach here?
MIZ TINWARE:
Oh, about a week.
Don't you think
so, Sedge?
Well, I figure so, unless they
detour around Shriekin' Falls.
(STAMMERS)
Excuse me,
Miz Tinware.
You know, all of a sudden
I feel right poorly.
You meet up with the circuit
rider lately, Miz Tinware?
Well, uh,
not lately.
But I'm sure to run into
him somewhere around.
Got a message you
want me to deliver?
(STAMMERS) Oh, it's
a secret, Miz Tinware,
but me and Sedge
is gonna get married,
soon as he comes
around on Thursday.
Oh, that's fine!
It's about time, too.
If'n I run into him,
I'll tell him.
Oh, you'll be needing some
of my wares for sure now!
I worried all night, Ma.
I'll be the first Kettle
to ever be a jailbird.
They'll let you off on
accounting you're a woman
and having so many
kids to take care of,
but... You ain't gonna
be no jailbird!
We'll find away to
outsmart those skunks yet.
You know, you just
give me an idea.
I'm-a going out and find
Big Trout and Small Fry.
Got to finish my
breakfast first, though.
I don't know about
this idea of yours.
Skunks are
like bombs.
Once released, they're
difficult to control.
You got a
better idea?
JOE: What's that?
BENNY: Ah, they're cats.
PROFESSOR: Get 'em outta here.
BENNY: What's that smell?
PROFESSOR: (EXCLAIMS)
They're skunks!
(ALL COUGHING)
Run up to the
creek and jump in.
I'll bring you some
soap and towels.
You'll have to burn
all them clothes.
I know!
Keep all your
papers in there?
All of them!
Where's the glue, Ma?
In the cupboard,
over your head.
Too bad we ain't got time to
fix a fancy wedding for you.
Just so the preacher gets
here and marries us
before they tote
Sedge off to jail.
Sedge ain't
going to jail!
And you're going
to be married tomorrow!
Can you actually believe tomorrow
is your wedding day, Bedelia?
Won't believe it till the
words are said over us.
They'll be said,
all right!
I just wish we didn't have
nothing else to worry about.
Ma, would you mind if these
fellers sat down for awhile
till the barn
airs out?
Okay.
(SCREAMS)
Gonna fix that
one of these days.
Dust in it.
That smells good.
What is it?
Taffy candy.
The kind you pull?
Yeah.
Well, let's see.
I remember pulling taffy once.
I was a kid.
Yeah, I remember, Boss. We was
in reform school together.
Yeah, that was
it. (CHUCKLES)
Shut up!
Ma! What are you doing? Shh!
Nancy, run out and see if
the kids are all right.
They went to the woods to
pick flowers for tomorrow.
Okay, Ma.
Taffy-pulling's fun!
Of course, you
have to know how.
There's atrick
to it, all right.
We had a taffy-pulling
contest once.
I won!
Is that so?
Well, you probably
forgot how by now.
I'll bet I haven't.
How about letting us try?
Sure! If you want to.
The candy's about
ready to pull now.
Ma, that candy ain't
ready to pull yet.
What do you
know about it?
I just said it ain't
ready to pull.
Here, taste it and see.
(GRUNTING)
(MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY)
Yeah! Yeah!
Bedelia, take
Sedge and sit down.
Everything's gonna
be just dandy.
Well, there you are.
Grab it and
start pulling hard.
All right, boys.
Butter up!
(GRUNTS)
Ah, just like old times, huh, Professor?
Ah, yeah!
Hey! Something's wrong!
Oh, no, nothing's wrong with it.
Just work it more.
Ooh! This is awful!
Ah, this is worse
than handcuffs.
Are you sure? BENNY: You
did this on purpose!
Hey, you! (GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
Give me that!
Here it is!
(SCOFFS) There ain't nothing
in this to hurt Sedge or me.
You lied to us!
Do you hear
that, Sedge?
We gotta get
outta here!
(CHILDREN SHOUTING)
Ma, the circuit
rider's come!
Sedge!
Well! You're a day
early, Reverend.
Yes. I met
Miz Tinware.
Glad you
got here.
I understand you're the
Justice of the Peace, too.
That I am.
There are the bootleggers the
revenuers are looking for.
I got here
just in time.
I'll take 'em into
town right now.
Oh, never mind. We can lock
'em up in the storeroom.
I don't want
you leaving now,
until Bedelia is
Mrs. Sedge Kettle.
Well, all right.
Good! Then you can
be on your way
as soon as you speak the words
over Sedge and Bedelia.
(ALL CLAMORING)
As soon as I get a drink
of water, we'll start.
Is there time
for me to fix up?
Yes, but make it fast.
You go help her, honey.
(BOTH GIGGLE)
Come on, Nancy.
Now, children, you know those words?
ALL: Yes, Ma.
Well, let me get you
lined up like we said.
That I will.
Sticky, isn't it?
What's the
matter, Reverend?
(MUMBLING)
Avery smart trick,
but it won't work.
I had to shut his mouth. Now he's
done the same thing to the preacher.
Will it be legal if
you hold the book
and I say the
words for you?
Kind of like your proxy?
Mmm-hmm.
I'll be his
proxy, too.
Watch him, and
I'll go get Bedelia.
You and Small Fry can
be the witnesses.
Here she comes!
One, two.
ALL: (SINGING)
Here comes the bride
Bursting with pride
There stands the groom
A picture of gloom
Lady victorious
He'll run no more
He did his running
all before
Bedeli a is the bride
All happy inside
Sedgewick's the groom
With no place to hide
Uh, this ain't exactly the
kind of wedding we'd planned,
but I guess it kind of fits into
the Kettle way of doing things.
Sedge, pay attention!
As Reverend
Martin's proxy,
I'll now begin.
"Dearly Beloved,
"we are gathered together
here in the sight of God
"to join together
this man and this woman
"in holy matrimony.
"If any man can
show just cause
"why they may not lawfully
be joined together,
"let him speak up now."
You ain't gonna find anybody
around here to object.
"Will you, Sedge, have this
woman to be thy wedded wife,
"to live together in the
holy state of matrimony?
"Will you love her,
comfort her,
"honor and keep her in
sickness and in health
"and forsaking all others,
"keep you
only unto her
"so long as you
both shall live?"
Nod your head! "I do."
"Wilt thou have this man
to be thy wedded husband?"
I'm glad to.
"Who gives this woman
in marriage to this man?"
You can do that,
Big Trout.
I do.
Thanks.
"Do you, Bedelia, promise to love,
honor, and cherish this man,
"and keep only unto him?"
(ALL SCREAMING)
"With this ring,
I thee wed.
"With this ring,
I thee wed."
I hope that don't make me married
to Sedge, too. (LAUGHING)
You're just
the proxy, Ma.
With a wedding like
this, who can tell?
"I now pronounce you
man and wife."
Time to kiss
the bride.
This you can do for
yourself, Sedge.
(ALL CHEERING)
He's all mine!
Shucks! It ain't nothing.
Let her find that
out for herself.
Thanks, Reverend. Now you
can take your prisoners.
Well, Bedelia, you got a
husband, and Niagara Falls, too!
(LAUGHING HEARTILY)
MAN ON PA: The Atlantic and
Southern Pioneer leaving at 9:15.
Gate 4 is now open for Pullman
and coach passengers.
MA: (WHISTLES) Come on!
MAN ON PA:
Your attention, please.
Come on, kids.
The Saint Louis Flyer
now arriving on Track 8.
(MEOWING)
(DANGER BARKING)
Oh!
Who did that? I don't know, Ma.
What's the matter?
(BARKING)
(SCREAMING)
(YOWLING)
Stop him! Stop him!
Stop Danger!
(BARKING CONTINUES)
(SCREAMING) Get him!
Hold him. Stop him.
Stop him!
Help her!
Oh, no!
Stop him!
(SCREAMING)
Oh, help her!
(MEOWING)
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
Stop him!
MAN ON PA:
Your attention, please.
You shouldn't have oughta
done that, Danger.
Ma, are you all right?
The Arkansas Argonaut
leaving on Track 16
at 9:00.
That's us. Get me
on my feet, kids.
The Arkansas Argonaut leaving
on Track 16 at 9:00.
This is the last call.
I'll take Danger.
AW, gee, Ma!
Since I bought the tickets, I'd
like to ride to the Ozarks,
not run to them.
Just can't ride facing front.
Makes me dizzy.
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Oh! Oh!
Sorry, mister.
I'm Ma Kettle.
Pleased to meet you.
Unharness yourselves,
kids.
Be little ladies
and gentlemen.
Find places to sit.
Here, Ma.
Come out here.
Oh, I'll take Jenny.
(CLUCKING)
GIRL: How's Jenny, Ma?
She's a good traveler.
(DANGER BARKING)
No animals
in the car.
Absolutely
no animals allowed.
(WHIMPERING)
That dog must go.
(CONTINUES BARKING)
(WHIMPERING)
Now that's all right. You
can keep a bird in a cage
as long as it's covered,
but absolutely no animals.
(EXCLAIMS)
The dog will have to
ride in the baggage car.
Oh, Ma!
(SHUSHES)
It's the rules!
Could you put this
up here, please?
(CLUCKING)
A chicken's a bird.
Ain't it?
Sit down, Janie.
(WHIMPERING)
Sure have to cart
a lot of stuff
travelling
with 13 kids.
So long, Danger.
We're going to Mournful Hollow.
That's in Arkansas.
We're gonna visit my husband's
brother, Sedgewick Kettle.
He lives on a farm.
It's a nice, big place.
Sedgewick and Pa,
that's my husband,
they was willed it
by their father.
But Sedge runs it.
Not very good though.
(SOFTLY) Janie!
Wouldn't you like to sit
with the other kids, Janie?
JANIE: No, Ma.
The bank man wrote Ma
and Pa a letter.
He wants to take
Uncle Sedge's farm away.
That's why we're going
to Mournful Hollow.
MA: Financial matters
get in such a mess,
but I figure I can
straighten things out,
and me and the kids
will put that farm
on a paying basis
in no time.
Pa's staying home to look
after our house in town,
and the farm
in Cape Flattery.
Real responsibility
having two places.
Pa started to grow a
peanut crop this year.
Of course, Geoduck and Crowbar
will do all the work.
Pa watches them do it.
(STAMMERING) Pa's
kind of delicate like.
He ain't able to
do too much.
The bank says Uncle Sedge
doesn't do much either.
That's why they want
to take his farm away.
Sedge must be sick,
is what Janie means.
Tickets.
Tickets, please.
Ma's got 'em.
She's there.
Oh.
Well, are you all
in the same family?
How many of you
are there?
Sixteen.
Six... Sixteen?
And who's the youngest?
He is.
And how old are you,
little man?
Six and a half.
Six and a half.
Oh! There it is!
Tickets, please.
Tickets?
They're here someplace.
Those are mine, Ma.
I knew
they weren't mine.
Well, I put 'em in here.
I... I know I did.
Where'd they get to?
Oh, here they are.
All 14 of 'em.
Shouldn't there be 16?
No, just four full fares.
For me and Nancy,
and Freddie, and Betty.
No, she's half fare.
She won't be 12
till November.
It's Johnny who...
No, Ma. Johnny's nine.
One moment!
May I ask how many
children you have?
Sure. Sixteen.
And you bought
14 tickets?
Yes. For me
and 13 kids.
Why should I buy tickets
for Tom and Rose and Elwin?
Are they under five?
Ha! Of course not!
They're the oldest.
Well, then, why didn't you
buy tickets for them?
'Cause they didn't
come with us.
Now, uh...
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Ma! It's raining!
What in tarnation
is that?
I guess Billy must've
brought Oscar.
(KIDS LAUGHING)
(CROAKING)
Oscar got out
of the bottle.
I thought Oscar
stayed home with Pa.
I've got him.
(SCREAMING)
Oh, excuse me. I... I
thought I had Oscar.
I'll get him, Ma.
(WOMEN SCREAMING)
I'll get him!
I never should've
left home.
Sedge or no Sedge.
You comfortable, Sedge?
Well, you might fluff up the
feathers just a little, Bedelia.
Mmm-hmm.
Mighty much obliged
to you.
You are
extremely awkward.
I think Small Fry
could use some help.
Bedelia!
Howdy, Bancroft.
Howdy.
Big Trout's gonna kill off
that corn sure enough,
putting them dead fish
in the ground like that.
Big Trout knows
what he's about.
Thank you, Sedgewick.
My people
taught corn-raising
to Myles Standish and John
Alden at Plymouth Rock.
(LAUGHS)
Maybe that's the way they do
it in them foreign places,
but it ain't
the Ozark way.
(SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE)
This corn will be good enough
to sell for seed, Sedgewick.
Hmm.
Ain't gonna
do you much good,
if'n the bank
takes over your place.
That's right un-neighborly
of you, Bancroft Baines.
Me being your
sister's intended.
Never mind him,
Sedgewick.
Let us hope the bank holds
off until harvest time.
If I could just give 'em
a little bit on account.
Perhaps your wealthy sister-in-law
will lend you the money
when she arrives.
Oh, I don't like to take
advantage of my kinfolk,
but I'll think
of something.
BIG TROUT:
Certainly you will.
That corn ain't
no good for seed.
Big Trout's crazy!
But, Bancroft, it is the finest
corn in Mournful Hollow.
Fine thing!
My own sister what lives off
of me, taking sides agin' me!
Come on! You got the milking
and the washin' to do.
'Sides, you ain't
done the plowing yet.
Sun's moved,
Small Fry.
Howdy, mister.
Well, why the galoshes
on a goose?
Well, the eggs
got mixed up,
and Gertie was hatched
by a hen.
Chickens don't like
to get their feet wet,
and Gertie
is even fussier.
Them galoshes
make her happy.
Is that your cornfield?
Yep. Right nice,
ain't it?
Looks like a good crop.
I'm Jack Dexter of the International
Development Company of America.
Well, I'm Sedgewick Kettle
of Mournful Hollow.
Just call me Sedge.
Mighty glad to
make your acquaintance.
Well, I don't mind
if I do.
You got a match?
I travel
around the country,
buying up crops
in the field.
Before harvesting?
Well, if the weather turns
bad and the crop spoils,
the farmer gets his
money just the same.
Must be mighty nice fellers,
doing things like that.
We have to protect
ourselves, of course.
The farmer
signs an agreement
to do all he can
to ensure a good yield.
Well, can't blame 'em
for that.
I'll give you $100
to bind the agreement,
and the balance
at harvest.
Well, the bank fellers
will be glad of that.
Better talk 'em over
with Big Trout first.
Who's Big Trout?
Oh, he's a real
educated feller.
Come down here
to study...
What is he studying?
Cherokee Indians'
big trek westward.
Chief Sequoyah
slept here.
Either take it
or leave it.
I'll take it.
Better have your wife
sign these, too.
Ain't got no wife.
Just me.
You live here
all alone?
SEDGE: All by myself.
What about him?
Oh, just a friend, comes
around to help me.
CROW: (CAWING)
Here he is!
Here he is! Go away, Jimmy.
Go away!
(CAWING) Here he is!
What was that?
That was my neighbor
Bancroft's pet crow.
He pesters me
all the time.
Don't like me
very much.
Why not?
Well, a long time ago
when I was a young'un,
I got a job working
for a revenuer.
You just chopped wood
for him.
Yep.
It was enough to make the
neighbors all turn against me,
and they never
did forget it.
What's all this got
to do with the crow?
He's trained
to spot revenuers.
When he sees one,
he yells, "Here he is!"
Just like he done
to me.
Would you like to
make some extra money?
Working?
Nothing like that.
I'd like to
rent your barn.
You see, my company's working
on a secret project,
developing new products
from corn.
Too much to ask for $5
a month, or maybe $6?
Could you
afford that?
My company's generous.
We'll make it $7.
Must have money
to burn.
I'll be back
with the...
Other fellows
tomorrow some time.
Just sign these
and we're in business.
Better read it first.
It's just a regular
rental form.
Grandpa Kettle says you can always
trust a man with an honest face.
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Oh, it's you.
Excuse me.
Thanks for getting us
the berths.
The kids sure
need a good rest.
I hope they sleep all the
way to Mournful Hollow.
Oh, they don't need
that much sleep.
(YELLS) Come and get it!
(KIDS CLAMORING)
Let me in there, kids.
I'm hungry, too.
Madam! I...
Oh, we're just having
a little snack.
If you're hungry,
dig in.
Madam, it's my duty to
encourage train travel.
But from now on,
I hope you fly.
What time you say the train
is coming in, Bedelia?
3:30. You read
the letter, Sedge.
I wonder what your
sister-in-law is like.
I hope she's
not too uppity.
Well, I don't know. Being from
the city and rich, besides.
Being rich, she ain't
used to working.
I told you, Sedge, you
should've answered the letter.
You could've asked her
for the money
and told her
to stay home.
Oh, Bedelia,
you know how I feel
about borrowing money
from my kinfolks.
After all, this place
is half theirs.
Well, we'll make
the best of things.
Being used to
living so fancy,
maybe she won't
stay long.
(GRUNTS) Got you fixed
up as good as I can.
I'll go get myself
ready now.
Before you pretty up,
Bedelia, you'd better
harness Sweetnin'.
Mmm-hmm. Sweetnin'!
Sweetnin'!
Come on, boy!
Come on, boy!
We're going to town.
Come on, Sweetnin'.
Come on, honey.
That's got to
be Uncle Sedgewick.
(LAUGHING) Nobody but a Kettle
would drive an outfit like that.
Whoa. Whoa.
You be my kinfolk?
If you're Brother Sedge,
we are.
We're kinfolk. Kind of
not what I expected,
but you're right welcome
to Mournful Hollow.
Thank you.
I want you to make yourself
acquainted with Miss Bedelia Baines.
You might call her
my intended.
Well! I didn't know
Sedge was engaged.
Glad to hear it.
We've been
for 20 years.
Cautious types,
ain't you?
I'm not, but he is.
Oh.
You don't look like Pa, but
you sure remind me of him.
Brothers got things
in common, son.
MA: Pile in, kids.
Pile in now.
(DANGER BARKING)
Sedge, maybe I better stop
off and see the banker.
Oh, no need
bothering them fellers.
I got everything
fixed up.
Already sold my corn crop
to some city fellers.
Rented my barn, too.
Why, Sedge. You mean you're
going to be able to pay
the mortgage off
with no trouble?
Sure.
Sorry the bank
bothered you.
I didn't want to
worry my brother,
in spite of
his being so rich.
Rich! Ha!
I see you need catching up
with the family history.
It sort of hits you the
first time you see it.
Like I said,
it's quiet.
You sure there's no one
to snoop around here?
Not a one.
Yeah, this is
a good spot.
You used your head
this time.
Thanks, Professor. This will be the
easiest caper we ever tackled.
Our worries are over. There won't
be a thing to disturb us here.
Okay, park the stuff.
Ah, it's so quiet
it gives me the creeps.
Isolation is exactly
what we need.
We like solitary,
huh, Professor?
(LAUGHS)
(KIDS CLAMORING)
(CHICKEN CLUCKING)
Ha! All it needs is
Geoduck and Crowbar
and I'd think I was back
in Cape Flattery.
(LAUGHS) Oh!
That does it.
Just like home.
Howdy, Mr. Dexter. Want you
to meet my brother's wife.
Just call her Ma.
Pleased to meet ya.
What'd you say
your names was?
This is my boss,
the Professor.
That's Benny
and this is Joe.
Howdy.
This is a surprise.
Well, it ain't
no surprise to me.
I been expecting Ma
and the kids.
They come to visit me.
Come on, Ma.
I want to make
you acquainted
with Big Trout
and Small Fry.
So you made
a mistake.
Let's set up
operations anyway.
If we're careful, they'll
never know what we're doing.
They can't kick us out.
Kettle signed away the crop and
we got the lease on the barn.
(BARN ANIMALS BAYING)
(EXCLAIMS)
Sure looks familiar.
Go! Get out of here.
(CLUCKING)
Shoo! Shoo! Get out!
Get out of here.
Go! Shoo!
I told you Ma wouldn't
like hens in the kitchen.
No sense moving 'em
till we was sure.
Git! Git! Git!
(BLEATING)
Outside, Genevieve.
Company's come.
Kind of foolish to pull
all that stuff down, Ma.
It was stacked
so neat and tidy.
Everything's got to be in its proper
place and in its right place.
(LAUGHS) Grandpa
Kettle always said.
I better get this place cleaned
up before I start supper.
Well, Bedelia'll be
glad to help you.
(sums)
Tarnation!
Gonna fix that
one of these days.
(LAUGHS)
Come and get it!
Dear Sir,
we thank you
for the fine vittles
that Ma's prepared for us,
and I'd appreciate it
if you could make my kinfolk's
visit an enjoyable one.
ALL: Amen.
You know, Uncle Sedge
says grace just like Pa.
Uncle Sedge and Pa
are lots the same.
Don't you
think so, Ma?
(LAUGHING) I can see
what you mean.
The reason is that me and
your pa got our lessons
on your
Grandpa Kettle's knee.
You hear that,
children?
Look here.
That's your
Grandpa Kettle.
He's the dude
of the family.
Yeah, your pa
was kind of like him.
In fact,
he favors him a lot.
Well, the hat's
the same.
I think it looks
like you.
Aw, shucks no.
Everybody in the family knows I'm the
spitting image of Grandma Kettle.
Why do you keep the
picture covered up?
Gotta keep things clean,
you know.
(RATTLING)
(KIDS LAUGHING)
Get away from there!
What are you doing in there, mister?
I couldn't see.
We don't want nobody
snooping around here. See?
Go on!
(KIDS LAUGHING)
Who did that?
Go ahead, scram.
You heard me.
Don't do that.
I can't stand it.
Ow!
(KIDS LAUGHING)
(BLEATING)
Help! Help! Help!
Help!
Help!
(GROANING)
Help! Help!
Hang on to this.
(SCREAMING)
Here, haul him up.
Help! Help! Help!
(GROANING)
Uncle Sedge!
We can't hang on!
Spit on your hands.
You can get
a better hold.
(KIDS CLAMORING)
Take some mending,
but I'll get around to it
one of these days.
Hey, you all want us to
help you unload that corn?
No, you all... And you kids
stay away from that barn!
Benny!
Them city people
sure are strange.
Ain't no use in trying
to figure 'em out.
Well, I think
I'll rest a spell.
Gertie, move over.
It's my turn now.
(QUACKING)
What do we
need these for?
We're research chemists.
This'll help fool
the local yokels.
Ah, who worries
about them?
All these people aren't like Sedge.
They're no dopes.
And they don't like
outsiders moving in here
with this kind
of operation.
If the revenue boys
stay away,
everything'll go okay.
If these hicks
get sore at you,
they can be tougher
than any city mob.
Joe, go unpack
the rest of the stuff.
We'll get a fire going
and we're in business.
Your biggest headache will
be getting rid of the mash.
Don't worry about it. We'll
bury it in the woods.
We'll have a good fire
going in a minute, boss.
(MEN COUGHING)
(KIDS LAUGHING)
Uncle Sedge!
Uncle Sedge!
Uncle Sedge!
Uncle Sedge!
Wake up!
Is it important?
Look!
The barn's on fire!
Well, go get the hose
and put it out.
And get the other kids
to help you.
Come on, kids!
(KIDS CLAMORING)
(EXCLAIMING)
Barn's on fire!
We just saved you.
Stop that!
You're flooding it!
What?
Turn that water off.
Disconnect it.
Been quite a dry spell.
Mind if the hogs
join you?
Next.
Evening, Bedelia.
Got your chores done?
Reckon so.
Leastwise till Bancroft
thinks of something
else he wants done.
Ouch! I ain't
that dirty, Ma.
Sorry, honey.
You're done.
If'n you're tired, Ma, I'd be
pleased to spare you awhile.
Oh, I'm not...
Why, that's nice
of you, Bedelia.
I am kind of tired.
Good night, Ma.
Good night.
Just give me a lick
and promise.
Ma washed me good
before supper.
(LAUGHS)
Good night, Ma.
Good night.
Do you like
little girls?
Sure do.
Little boys, too.
When you marry
Uncle Sedge,
you can have lots of
kids, just like Ma.
Oh.
Good night, Ma.
Good night.
Remember to say your prayers.
Okay.
When I was a young'un,
just spoken for by Sedge,
I used to say I wanted
a whole house full of kids.
Guess we kind of
waited too long.
Bedelia, you ever tried pushing
Sedge toward the preacher?
Tried lots of times, but Sedge
don't want to be hurried into it.
The best thing for
Sedge and this farm
is for you
to marry him.
He can't take care
of himself,
and I can't
stay here forever.
Nothing I'd rather do
than take care of him
and, oh,
this wonderful place.
You know,
making a man jealous
is one way
of hog-tying him.
Ain't nobody around here
to make him jealous of.
That's too bad.
We'll think of
something, I reckon.
Another thing
that bothers me,
the neighbors never
come around.
Ain't Sedge
got any friends?
None but Big Trout
and Small Fry.
All the others
shun him.
Say, is there any way
you could fix things,
so I could meet
the neighbors?
We could go
to the social
at the schoolhouse
Saturday.
Good!
Except Sedge
won't want to.
We'll all go.
Maybe I can straighten Sedge
out with the neighbors.
KIDS: Dear Lord, bless this
house and all of us in it.
Bless Pa, too.
Take care of him.
Bless Ma
and help her
get Uncle Sedge
straightened out. Amen.
JANIE: P.S. Please help
Bedelia marry Uncle Sedge.
She'd like to so bad.
KIDS: Amen.
Yoo-hoo, Mr. Benny!
Morning, Mr. Benny.
I fetched you a present.
Sugar cookies.
Baked 'em last night.
If I do say, and who shouldn't,
they're right tasty.
I never touch the stuff.
I'll take 'em.
Nice of you to make these
cookies for Mr. Benny.
Well, dearie, we got to think
of something better than that.
Bedelia, I sure don't like the
idea of going to that social.
I wish you hadn't
told Ma about it.
You gotta mix with
the neighbors, Sedge.
Living like a hermit
the way you been doing,
folks get the idea
you don't like 'em.
You'll see
for yourself.
Folks around here
don't wanna mix with me.
Never should've
chopped that wood.
(SCOFFS)
Soured you on work
ever since, huh?
Ma! Ma!
A letter from Pa.
Ah! I hope
Pa's all right.
I been kind of
worried about him.
(WHISTLES)
(KIDS CLAMORING)
A letter from Pa,
kids!
BOY: Read it,
read it, Ma.
MA: Give me a chance.
Nice, quiet place.
"Howdy, Ma, Nancy, Freddie, Sammy,
Sally, and the rest of you.
"Geoduck is writing
what I have to say.
"I and he and Crowbar
had a hard day.
"The pigs got
in the peanuts, Ma.
"There won't be
no peanuts,
"but the pork ought to
taste awful good."
Well, pigs is pigs.
Seems that way.
"I'm taking good care
of the place
"and there's nothing for
you to worry about.
"I got hungry for some biscuits
like you used to make,
"but couldn't get
the stove to draw.
"Threw in
some gasoline.
"Never did get
the biscuits that day."
Pa should never try
to help with the work.
Something always happens.
One good thing, he
don't help very often.
A man's smart to not tackle
anything that he ain't good at.
Yeah.
"Forgot to tell you, Ma,
kitchen's burned a little.
"There's a new hole
in the roof.
"Don't worry about me
and the place.
"I'm taking care
of things fine.
(SCOFFS)
"Say howdy
to Sedge for me.
"Your loving husband, Pa."
Come on, gang!
That was a fine letter.
I'm glad everything is
going so good out there.
I'd say Pa was getting along
about the same as usual.
Ma, dinner's ready.
Come and get it!
GIRL: Come on, let's hurry.
(KIDS CLAMORING)
Pa and Sedge is sure cut
from the same pattern!
Well, this is as good
a place as any.
Oh, I hate this
part of the job.
This mash has got
to be ditched right.
One slip-up here
and we're in trouble.
(BUSHES RUSTLING)
(ROARS)
There's a bear! There's
a bear in the woods!
You scared
of something?
There's a man-eating
bear out there!
Oh, they won't bother you
unless you hurt 'em.
They only eat sweets like
honey and wild berries.
You city fellers
got a lot to learn.
Well, gotta put
Gertie to bed.
Good fight, Game.
All right, get out there
and bury that mash!
I ain't digging holes
with bears for company!
Okay, okay!
Bring it back here
and we'll bury it first
thing in the morning.
Bears! Goats! Gooses with galoshes!
Thousands of kids!
A cop would sure look
good to me right now!
Come on!
Come on!
The coast is clear!
Hey, what's that?
I don't know.
(BUZZING)
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow!
(ALL SCREAMING IN PAIN)
Howdy, Bancroft.
Howdy.
That some of your pumpkin liquor?
Yeah.
Where're them
city fellers?
Thought I might
sell 'em some.
Well, you oughtn't to be
fooling with them hornets.
Got something right
here in this jug
that'll make you forget
about them stings.
(LIQUOR SLOSHING)
A 'w??-?
Never do favors
for strangers,
but you're
nice fellers
and I feel sorry for you. Yeah?
Best liquor you ever tasted
right in that pumpkin.
Make it in
the shell.
You're kidding.
No, he ain't. He's been
making it all his life.
How do you do it?
(CHUCKLES) That's
my secret.
Only takes a week, and you ain't
got no mash to get rid of.
That's the dangerous
thing about a still,
getting rid
of the mash.
Well, uh, how do you get
rid of the pumpkin shells?
Oh, feed it to
the chickens.
Makes the eggs right
tasty, too. Here.
I'll open it up and
give you a taste.
Good morning.
Goodness sakes.
You need fixing up.
Well, Bancroft's gonna take care
of that with his pumpkin liquor.
Liquor? Where?
In the pumpkin,
like I told you.
(LIQUOR SLOSHING)
You ain't got the
right to do that!
You ain't got the right to bring
bootleg stuff on this property!
I won't stand for any
liquor around here!
Ain't nothing worse
than a bossy female.
Go on! Git!
Git! Go on!
Go on!
Hurry up!
I know just what'll take the
sting out of those bumps.
It's an old
country remedy.
(SNORTS)
Fellers, come on!
You're next!
(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)
Hi, Bedelia!
Glad you could come!
Thank you.
This here's Mrs. Kettle.
Howdy.
Howdy!
Just call me Ma.
Glad to know you, Ma. Happy
to know you, Mrs. Kettle.
This is my daughter, Nancy.
ALL: Howdy.
I remember your husband,
Egbert, well. (LAUGHS)
Egbert moves slower than
any boy in the Hollow.
What's he like now?
I think you'd still
recognize him.
So you're Egbert's
woman, eh?
Got any kids?
Sixteen!
Nice,
respectable-size family.
Can see Egbert married
hisselfa good woman.
Glad Egbert turned
out so good.
Not like some
I could name.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Bedelia, you
seen my grandson?
There's Lafe now, Miz Hawkins.
Oh.
Where'll I put
the ham, Grandma?
On the table!
Miz Hawkins's about
Nancy's age, ain't she?
About, I figure.
How old's Lafe?
23, 24,
I reckon.
Just tell me
one thing.
How does a 17-year-old
girl get to be grandma
to a 23-year-old man?
Real natural.
Miz Hawkins is
Mr. Hawkins' third wife.
Other two died from
one thing or another.
Lafe's Mr. Hawkins'
grandson
by his oldest daughter
by his first wife.
Being Lafe's
Mr. Hawkins' grandson,
and being this Mrs. Hawkins
is Mr. Hawkins' wife,
naturally, she's
Lafe's grandma. See?
Kind of.
(LIQUOR SLOSHING)
(FOLK MUSIC CONTINUES)
Run along with the folks,
honey, and dance!
Have a good time!
Okay, Ma!
I hear you been right
friendly to Bedelia.
Why not? Bedelia's
a fine woman.
Be glad when Sedge
makes her a Kettle.
I don't know why
she wants him.
But there's no accounting
for other people's tastes.
MA: Are you gonna
hold it against Sedge
for something he
did 25 years ago?
Well, what's he done since
to make us like him?
Sister, if you give
folks a chance,
nine times out often you'll find
there's plenty in them to like.
Well, maybe our men folk will
forget that awful thing he did,
but us women don't
let our men forget.
That ain't right.
WOMAN: Us women folk
got to stick together.
The way Sedge's been
keeping Bedelia here
dangling for 20 years
is a shameful thing!
Sets a bad example
for the other men.
You all ain't got a right to
speak so mean about Sedge.
He is gonna marry me.
Someday.
From the number of
the kids in the Hollow,
I'd say Sedge never had any
influence on the other men.
If Sedge
marries Bedelia,
would you all be
friendly to him,
like neighbors
ought to be,
and let your men-folks
do the same?
Reckon so.
That's sure
foolish talk.
Sedge ain't never gonna tie
the knot with Bedelia.
You might get
a surprise.
All right, folks!
Everybodyjoin the ring play!
(PEOPLE CHEERING) Go on, Ma!
You're good at verse-making.
Well, what
do you do?
Oh, just say anything comes to you.
Watch him.
(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)
Raccoons a-coming
from the hollow
Possums a-coming
from the swamp
A hoot-owl called
a get-together
All the critters
want to stomp
ALL: Hoot-owl called
a get-together
All the critters
want to stomp
Go on, Ma!
(LAUGHS) Well,
if you go first.
Everybody's mighty social
This here is
a social night
Sedgewick, dear,
don't look so fearful
These good folks
ain't gonna bite
ALL: Sedgewick, dear,
don't look so fearful
Us good folks
ain't gonna bite
(ALL LAUGHING)
I can see you folks
is social
('d be friendly
if I might
[ain't mean like
you been saying
My dam shoes
is just too tight
ALL: He ain't mean
like we been saying
His dam shoes
is just too tight
You sure are
a pleasing woman
Would you like
to dance a mite?
I'd admire to
do some stomping
With the belle
of Social Night
ALL: He'd admire to
do some stomping
With the belle
of Social Night
'Fore I dance with
this here feller
There is something
must be told
Brother Sedge may
not be perfect
But he has
a heart of gold
(ALL LAUGHING)
(ALL CONTINUE LAUGHING)
(WOMEN SCREAM)
(ALL CHEERING)
You saved it, Cousin!
Ah, good catch,
Sedge! (LAUGHS)
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
We should've buried it
like the Professor said.
My idea'll work fine,
and with less trouble.
(CLUCKING)
(HICCUPS)
(CROWING)
(HICCUPS)
(QUACKS)
(HICCUPS)
(ALL HICCUPPING)
(CROWING DRUNKENLY)
(MOOING DRUNKENLY)
(QUACKING DRUNKENLY)
(CACKLING)
(CLUCKING DRUNKENLY)
(BARKING)
(CACKLING)
(CLUCKING)
(SQUEALING)
(SQUEALING)
(CLUCKING)
(MOOING)
(HICCUPS)
(BLEATING)
(GROWLING)
(SQUEALING)
(CLUCKING)
u-uccuppnwe)
What's going
on here?
(MOOs)
(CLUCKING)
If I didn't know better, I'd swear
these critters have been drinking.
(LAUGHING)
CROW: (CAWING) Boy!
What a party!
What a party!
(HOWLS)
(SNORING)
(CAWS) Wow!
What a party!
BILLY: Ma! A letter from Pa!
Hey, Ma, open it up!
JANIE: What's Pa
been doing, Ma?
Well, land sakes, honey! I don't
know till I get it open! (LAUGHING)
"Dear Ma and family,
"I got something
on my heart
"I'd like to
say to you.
"How are you?
(CHUCKLES)
"Mighty quiet 'round here,
Ma, since you went away.
"Sure miss your
bellering out at us,
"and the nights
is awful lonely.
"Sure would like to hear
"the hollering
of little voices
"and the clumping
of growing feet."
What's Pa mean, Ma?
It means your Pa
misses us, honey.
Oh, I miss him, too!
SALLY: So do I!
BILLY: Me, too!
"But I ain't
complaining, Ma.
"Being alone now
makes me appreciate
"how nice it is
when you're around.
"Maybe you ain't the prettiest
woman in the world,
"but you make up for it by
being such a hard worker.
"Soon as you get Brother
Sedge straightened out,
"please hurry home.
"I sure miss you.
"Your loving husband, Pa."
Uncle Sedge, you'll be
lonesome when we go home.
Sure will, honey.
Why don't you
marry Bedelia?
Then you won't
be lonesome.
MA: You'll be mighty
uncomfortable, too.
There won't be nobody
to take care of you.
Bedelia'll do for
me like before.
Ain't Bedelia
told you yet?
She ain't coming
around no more.
She's decided it ain't
right to work for nothing,
'less she's your wife.
Folks are starting to talk!
Course, once you're married,
she can work like a dog
and nobody'll think
a thing of it.
You aiming to
desert me, Bedelia?
That's right, Sedge.
I ain't waiting no more.
Well, why didn't you say
you was getting anxious?
You just name the day
and we'll get hitched.
Well, the circuit rider's
due here Thursday.
Fine. Then
Thursday's the day.
Uh, that suit
you, Bedelia?
This is so
sudden, Sedge!
Well, now, if
it's too soon...
But I accept!
That's settled.
Don't say nothing to Bancroft
till the circuit rider comes.
No sense letting him have
time to start trouble.
Maybe we oughta ask
Bancroft's permission.
MA: Not on your life!
(HUMMING WEDDING TUNE)
(SINGING)
La da de da da da
Here comes the bride
AH dressed in white
La da de da
da da da da
(CLANKING)
(GASPS)
I hope we can get this mash
buried without no big deal.
We will and we'll start a
new batch in the morning.
Bootleggers! (SCOFFS)
They must have had a good laugh
when I bawled Bancroft out
for bringing that
pumpkin liquor here.
And they seemed like
such nice fellers.
Well, I'll send Small Fry to
get the sheriff tomorrow.
Sedge, that agreement
you signed,
did it say what they was
going to use the barn for?
I don't know.
I didn't read it.
Maybe there's something in it
that'll get Sedge into trouble.
Me and Pa owns this
place with you, Sedge,
and if the papers
get you in trouble,
we'll be messed
up in it, too.
I don't know, (STAMMERS)
what're we gonna do, Ma?
The first thing we do is to
find out what the papers say.
Them folks around
here find out
that I been outsmarted
by them city fellers,
I'll never be able to
live down the disgrace.
Bancroft would have a good
reason to stop the wedding.
We'd all be disgraced,
but we ain't
gonna be!
We know you got
a still in there.
So? What do you think
you're gonna do about it?
Get the sheriff,
that's what.
Ah, now, you wouldn't want to
do a thing like that, partner.
Partner?
Sure, didn't you know?
The agreement Sedge signed lets me
use the barn for anything I want.
You raise the corn,
we process it.
That makes us partners.
I want to see
that paper.
Ah, no, I couldn't
let you do that.
You've gotta
show it to us!
I don't gotta
do anything.
All you've gotta do is
keep your mouth shut.
And I don't want to hear anymore
talk about sheriffs, either.
(BLOWING TRUMPET)
Howdy, Miz Tinware.
Howdy, Sedge.
Howdy, Bedelia.
Howdy.
I guess you'd be Sedge's sister-in-law.
I heared about you.
Howdy.
Any news around the
mountains, Miz Tinware?
Nothing much.
The usual courting, fighting, and
birthings, 'cept the revenuer.
He's been nosing
around town lately.
Revenuer?
Figure he's on
to something?
Ah, revenuer thinks there's
a gang of city men
operating a still here
in the mountains.
No outlander could work a still
without our folks finding out.
Seems so.
Are the revenue
officers sure?
MIZ TINWARE:
They ain't certain.
But they're gonna search
the whole mountain,
starting at Laughin' Creek,
way over to the other side.
Hear tell they're going to work
their way down to Smilin' Valley,
over Sober Peak,
then across to
Frownin' Lake.
Then over to
Mournful Hollow.
That's right, winding
up at Weepin' Springs.
How long do you figure it'll
take them to reach here?
MIZ TINWARE:
Oh, about a week.
Don't you think
so, Sedge?
Well, I figure so, unless they
detour around Shriekin' Falls.
(STAMMERS)
Excuse me,
Miz Tinware.
You know, all of a sudden
I feel right poorly.
You meet up with the circuit
rider lately, Miz Tinware?
Well, uh,
not lately.
But I'm sure to run into
him somewhere around.
Got a message you
want me to deliver?
(STAMMERS) Oh, it's
a secret, Miz Tinware,
but me and Sedge
is gonna get married,
soon as he comes
around on Thursday.
Oh, that's fine!
It's about time, too.
If'n I run into him,
I'll tell him.
Oh, you'll be needing some
of my wares for sure now!
I worried all night, Ma.
I'll be the first Kettle
to ever be a jailbird.
They'll let you off on
accounting you're a woman
and having so many
kids to take care of,
but... You ain't gonna
be no jailbird!
We'll find away to
outsmart those skunks yet.
You know, you just
give me an idea.
I'm-a going out and find
Big Trout and Small Fry.
Got to finish my
breakfast first, though.
I don't know about
this idea of yours.
Skunks are
like bombs.
Once released, they're
difficult to control.
You got a
better idea?
JOE: What's that?
BENNY: Ah, they're cats.
PROFESSOR: Get 'em outta here.
BENNY: What's that smell?
PROFESSOR: (EXCLAIMS)
They're skunks!
(ALL COUGHING)
Run up to the
creek and jump in.
I'll bring you some
soap and towels.
You'll have to burn
all them clothes.
I know!
Keep all your
papers in there?
All of them!
Where's the glue, Ma?
In the cupboard,
over your head.
Too bad we ain't got time to
fix a fancy wedding for you.
Just so the preacher gets
here and marries us
before they tote
Sedge off to jail.
Sedge ain't
going to jail!
And you're going
to be married tomorrow!
Can you actually believe tomorrow
is your wedding day, Bedelia?
Won't believe it till the
words are said over us.
They'll be said,
all right!
I just wish we didn't have
nothing else to worry about.
Ma, would you mind if these
fellers sat down for awhile
till the barn
airs out?
Okay.
(SCREAMS)
Gonna fix that
one of these days.
Dust in it.
That smells good.
What is it?
Taffy candy.
The kind you pull?
Yeah.
Well, let's see.
I remember pulling taffy once.
I was a kid.
Yeah, I remember, Boss. We was
in reform school together.
Yeah, that was
it. (CHUCKLES)
Shut up!
Ma! What are you doing? Shh!
Nancy, run out and see if
the kids are all right.
They went to the woods to
pick flowers for tomorrow.
Okay, Ma.
Taffy-pulling's fun!
Of course, you
have to know how.
There's atrick
to it, all right.
We had a taffy-pulling
contest once.
I won!
Is that so?
Well, you probably
forgot how by now.
I'll bet I haven't.
How about letting us try?
Sure! If you want to.
The candy's about
ready to pull now.
Ma, that candy ain't
ready to pull yet.
What do you
know about it?
I just said it ain't
ready to pull.
Here, taste it and see.
(GRUNTING)
(MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY)
Yeah! Yeah!
Bedelia, take
Sedge and sit down.
Everything's gonna
be just dandy.
Well, there you are.
Grab it and
start pulling hard.
All right, boys.
Butter up!
(GRUNTS)
Ah, just like old times, huh, Professor?
Ah, yeah!
Hey! Something's wrong!
Oh, no, nothing's wrong with it.
Just work it more.
Ooh! This is awful!
Ah, this is worse
than handcuffs.
Are you sure? BENNY: You
did this on purpose!
Hey, you! (GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
Give me that!
Here it is!
(SCOFFS) There ain't nothing
in this to hurt Sedge or me.
You lied to us!
Do you hear
that, Sedge?
We gotta get
outta here!
(CHILDREN SHOUTING)
Ma, the circuit
rider's come!
Sedge!
Well! You're a day
early, Reverend.
Yes. I met
Miz Tinware.
Glad you
got here.
I understand you're the
Justice of the Peace, too.
That I am.
There are the bootleggers the
revenuers are looking for.
I got here
just in time.
I'll take 'em into
town right now.
Oh, never mind. We can lock
'em up in the storeroom.
I don't want
you leaving now,
until Bedelia is
Mrs. Sedge Kettle.
Well, all right.
Good! Then you can
be on your way
as soon as you speak the words
over Sedge and Bedelia.
(ALL CLAMORING)
As soon as I get a drink
of water, we'll start.
Is there time
for me to fix up?
Yes, but make it fast.
You go help her, honey.
(BOTH GIGGLE)
Come on, Nancy.
Now, children, you know those words?
ALL: Yes, Ma.
Well, let me get you
lined up like we said.
That I will.
Sticky, isn't it?
What's the
matter, Reverend?
(MUMBLING)
Avery smart trick,
but it won't work.
I had to shut his mouth. Now he's
done the same thing to the preacher.
Will it be legal if
you hold the book
and I say the
words for you?
Kind of like your proxy?
Mmm-hmm.
I'll be his
proxy, too.
Watch him, and
I'll go get Bedelia.
You and Small Fry can
be the witnesses.
Here she comes!
One, two.
ALL: (SINGING)
Here comes the bride
Bursting with pride
There stands the groom
A picture of gloom
Lady victorious
He'll run no more
He did his running
all before
Bedeli a is the bride
All happy inside
Sedgewick's the groom
With no place to hide
Uh, this ain't exactly the
kind of wedding we'd planned,
but I guess it kind of fits into
the Kettle way of doing things.
Sedge, pay attention!
As Reverend
Martin's proxy,
I'll now begin.
"Dearly Beloved,
"we are gathered together
here in the sight of God
"to join together
this man and this woman
"in holy matrimony.
"If any man can
show just cause
"why they may not lawfully
be joined together,
"let him speak up now."
You ain't gonna find anybody
around here to object.
"Will you, Sedge, have this
woman to be thy wedded wife,
"to live together in the
holy state of matrimony?
"Will you love her,
comfort her,
"honor and keep her in
sickness and in health
"and forsaking all others,
"keep you
only unto her
"so long as you
both shall live?"
Nod your head! "I do."
"Wilt thou have this man
to be thy wedded husband?"
I'm glad to.
"Who gives this woman
in marriage to this man?"
You can do that,
Big Trout.
I do.
Thanks.
"Do you, Bedelia, promise to love,
honor, and cherish this man,
"and keep only unto him?"
(ALL SCREAMING)
"With this ring,
I thee wed.
"With this ring,
I thee wed."
I hope that don't make me married
to Sedge, too. (LAUGHING)
You're just
the proxy, Ma.
With a wedding like
this, who can tell?
"I now pronounce you
man and wife."
Time to kiss
the bride.
This you can do for
yourself, Sedge.
(ALL CHEERING)
He's all mine!
Shucks! It ain't nothing.
Let her find that
out for herself.
Thanks, Reverend. Now you
can take your prisoners.
Well, Bedelia, you got a
husband, and Niagara Falls, too!
(LAUGHING HEARTILY)