The Kiss List (2023) Movie Script

Yo, what's going on, guys?
Welcome back to our channel.
Welcome back.
By the title of this
video y'all already know
we're going to be
talking about how we kiss
- and kissing...
- Yeah.
- And different ways of kissing.
- Yeah.
So you wanna make sure your
lips are nice and moisturized
before you go kissing somebody.
When you're in the
moment, some people,
you just, you might forget
to swallow your spit.
Yeah, that's awkward.
- You just don't wanna...
- It's the slobber.
Yeah, you don't
wanna surprise them
when you're getting
comfortable with them
and you start adding
tongue and stuff like that,
it's like you're not anticipating
it and I just go like, I'm like...
Right in there, like,
you don't wanna do that.
You have to, like, use
your arms and your hands.
You know what I'm saying?
Girls just like being touched,
like, through their hair, like this.
You have to, like,
grab them, touch them.
Like, don't be scared, don't just
go, like, you know, like this.
- Just a bit.
- Demonstration.
Camille, do you have any
clothes that need washing?
- All right, don't let...
- Are you watching...?
- No!
- Are you? Let me see.
- No, mom.
- Turn it on.
No. What would you even do
if there was actually...
Like, that's so awkward, mom.
- Awkward? Can you turn it on?
- No, I don't know how.
- You better turn...
- I don't know, I forgot.
- Dad turned it on for me.
- What are you talking about dad?
- Turn it on!
- Nope.
- Turn it on.
- You're seeing things.
My God. My God.
You are in so much trouble, young lady.
Just wait till I talk to your father.
Okay, yes, that's me in the car
having my first real
kiss with Dylan Morris.
Dylan Morris, only the
hottest guy in school
and my crush for,
like, for ever!
I can't believe this
is really happening.
Do not mess this up, Camille.
Am I doing this right?
Lemme try that one thing
from the Cosmo article.
You're a good kisser.
Thanks. I've done
a lot of research.
- What?
- Nothing.
This is my favorite part.
So you kissed Dylan
in the car wash?
- That's gross.
- It was romantic.
You know, car washes can
be hacked in remotely
and turned into literal
killing machines, right?
You wouldn't get it.
I don't know. Let
me see the back.
I thought we said no
relationships, you know?
Like romantic anarchy, remember?
Yeah, that was to make not getting
any sound cool and on purpose.
It's actually dope
when someone likes you.
I think this could really, like,
be something, you know?
Are we sure Dylan
likes you, though?
Yeah. Why?
You know, he's still
dating Raelynn.
- They broke up.
- Yeah, for, like, the 14th time.
Very funny.
I'm just trying to
look out for you, man.
Or you're just jealous
that I finally found someone
who actually likes me.
Dude, I'm not jealous.
Okay, let me try this again.
My God, your first kiss! Yes!
- Better?
- Thank you.
It's all I needed from you.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- That's sick.
- Wait, hang on.
- Yo!
- Yo! Destiny.
You're taken on a desert island.
- Your one item?
- Porn.
- Like a magazine?
- You'd get bored of it.
On your phone, then.
There's no signal on
the island, though.
Yo, Liam.
You're stranded on a desert
island. You can only take one item.
Easy. A NOMAD multi-tool
tactical shovel.
- Wrong.
- A what?
Sorry for giving you the correct
answer for your question.
Hey, Val, do you
wanna grab a beer?
No, thank you.
Hey, can you pass me one?
Yeah, sure thing, my dude.
Mason, I'm sorry, is dude okay?
Yeah, it's fine,
I feel like most, like, casual
slang terms like that are...
pretty gender neutral.
Dude, mate, fella.
Dandy, dawg.
Chap, old-timer.
Good to know.
Cool outfit, by the way.
You look like the moon.
Thank you.
As in, not photogenic.
I thought about going to
smoke. Do you wanna come?
No, no, no, I did weed once
and it did not go well.
- Did weed?
- Yeah.
I thought Liam was
an undercover cop.
And I've known him
since I was ten.
Are you looking for
somebody or something?
Yeah. Dylan Morris.
That's all you,
man. Help me out.
Hey, Cam-bam, maybe you don't
wanna see what's going on.
I told you not to
call me like that.
Maybe they're just fighting.
And I felt nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
This is what it's about.
Damn it.
You okay?
Yeah. Totally fine.
- Are you sure you're good?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
She did the damn-it kiss.
- The what?
- The damn-it kiss.
When you're with someone
who you know is bad for you
and you shouldn't kiss,
but the raw erotic energy
takes control of your body and
you're just like, "Damn it."
- So you're good?
- Yeah.
Like, it was just a
kiss. Like, I'm over it.
- That's good.
- Yeah.
Completely over it. This
is good for me, you know?
Totally fine.
- See you.
- See you.
Dylan Morris. Really?
Why are you so weak
for him, Camille?
I know we're gonna be okay
I'm telling you We're
gonna find our way
I promise you We're
gonna be okay, okay, okay
Can you turn it up, please?
Gonna be okay I promise you
We're gonna find our
way I know it's true
We're gonna be okay, okay, okay
Okay, okay
So glad you could
make it, Camille.
Hasn't gotten to
our part yet, right?
Perks of being the bass.
We get, like, two notes.
Having no rhythm pays off.
At least we didn't get
conductor like Chapman.
- That looks exhausting.
- Yeah.
Ignore that.
What does it mean?
I'm sorry.
I told them to drop it.
It's really Dylan behind it.
He wants to save face for
Raelynn, so he told us you're...
Our part's coming.
- I'm what, Brady?
- Get ready.
- Tell me!
- He said that you're a bad kisser.
He said you're...
I'm sorry.
You engulf.
Hence, the Kraken.
- I don't kiss like the Kraken.
- Hey, I told you. I don't believe it.
So you'd kiss me, then?
Camille and Brady.
- Stop. You're just saying that.
- I'm serious.
Actually, you'd probably
be really good at it.
Aren't you, like, bisexual?
Yeah. What does that
have to do with it?
You're experienced.
I'm flattered you'd think that,
but I only just learned about
sex, like, two years ago
when my mom rented
Gaspar Noe's LOVE 3D
thinking it was Love Actually.
Whatever, man.
Just give it a few
days, it'll blow over.
They say high school
is about making a mark.
I always thought that that would
be like an award or something.
But apparently, my high-school legacy
is that I'm an epically bad kisser.
Release the Kraken.
Release the Kraken.
Release the Kraken.
What's going on, honey?
Nothing. I'm fine.
Something is wrong with you.
Are you still hungry?
Is something wrong
with the daal chawal?
No, mom, it's not
the daal chawal.
You want some more, then?
- No, I'm good.
- You are still hungry.
- No, that's not it.
- Here.
- Mom! What...
- Camille!
I told you I didn't
want any more daal!
Thanks, Mrs. Varma.
And we're just friends.
You don't gotta worry about
me doing anything untoward.
So I'll leave the door open.
You wish.
I thought Indian moms were
supposed to be, like, strict.
They are. She just doesn't
see you as a threat.
I mean, I'll try to
not act hurt by that.
Pete's just a skidmark.
Don't even look at that.
Why do you do this to yourself?
Just stop looking at it.
Give me that.
What's wrong with me?
Well, you're a bit of a
psycho, but it's cute on you.
No! What's wrong with me?
Why don't people like me?
- People like you.
- Like me, like me.
maybe just because nobody
likes you right now
doesn't mean nobody ever will.
I mean, look at Joanne Bryce.
Nobody thought
she'd ever get any.
And then Chris Cherbowski
confessed his love to her
during the History Club's
trip to Rome. Remember?
Yeah, a bit extra, but cute.
how about how Richie Spindle
asked Yalina de Cordoba
to homecoming on
a hot-air balloon?
I mean, these kids are wild.
Yeah, but see, that's
exactly what I mean.
I still haven't had that crazy,
spontaneous, extraordinary romance.
You know, the hot-air
balloon, the trip to Rome,
driving across an
empty desert highway,
their hand on your thigh,
not knowing where you're going,
but knowing it doesn't matter
because you'll be together.
I mean, both the hands
should be on the wheel for...
No, no, at first I thought it's
okay, it'll happen eventually, but...
I don't know, maybe...
maybe some people just don't ever
get those experiences, you know?
maybe there's just
something about me
and it's just
never gonna happen.
You know what, be cool, just go
on, like a social-media cleanse,
you know, just like, don't
look at your phone, you know.
No, it's something, just like,
it's freeing for self-care Monday.
- What?
- No, don't!
God. Just delete Instagram.
What? No!
It's okay, just delete
it. Don't look at it.
That's it.
I'm... I'm the Kraken.
Am I really that bad? Kiss me.
Gross! It's like
kissing my sister.
Your sister's super-hot.
Don't tell me you
haven't thought about it.
No, I've never thought
about kissing my sister.
I wanna die.
X square plus...
X to the fourth times
X-squared minus X.
Pete, number three.
Okay, think, think, think.
What could be? What could be?
So, wrong already.
Are you really this dumb, Pete?
Yes, you are.
Thank you, Pete.
What's this?
Pete Wanamaker asked a question,
"Would you make out with the Kraken?
These are the people
that replied, "Yes."
This is, like,
some serious intel.
I'm not even gonna ask
how you got these names.
But are you sure they're not
just, like, you know, trolling?
Believe me, that was my
first thought. But look.
Brady Tucker was low-key flirting
with me in English Handbells.
Alejandra Ramirez isn't
even friends with Pete,
so she has no reason
to make fun of me.
And DJ Ice, like, he takes
himself way too seriously.
What about the fourth one?
I just got the Insta.
Cinnamon Rolls Official.
- Any idea who it is?
- No.
It's a Finsta.
Literally just cinnamon rolls.
But, wait, look
at the following.
Yeah, he definitely
goes to our school.
Or she. Or they.
So what are you gonna do
with this information?
And smile.
Great. Next.
It's a kiss list.
So you're gonna, like,
date all these people?
No, I'm a summer away
from my senior year
and I'm not gonna enter it with
everyone thinking I can't kiss,
these four people are on the
record, willing to canoodle.
So by the end of the
school year next week,
I'm gonna kiss each of them.
- You go.
- How do I look?
So who's up first
on your sex rampage?
No, no, not sex.
It's not about that.
These are just swoony,
movie-caliber kisses.
- Movie-caliber?
- That's right.
I'm not just gonna kiss them,
I'm gonna blow their minds.
Four people, four
extraordinary moments.
And then my reputation
will be spotless.
Right. So who is up first?
Okay, so if you're in a three-man zone,
all right, the knuckling zone, the...
You'll have...
So what, you're just gonna run
on to the court and kiss him?
I'll figure it out.
Cop another
chocolate-chip cookie?
Say something.
Well, stop.
- What?
- What?
What about what?
Okay, this is...
It's awkward now.
Brady was telling us how you
were hitting on him all
the time in music class.
And we dared him to
go along with it.
So I'm putting a stop to it.
Is that true?
Is it?
So why is it tortoise
and not tort-was?
What's wrong?
Or maybe a live
turtle is tortoise
and then a dead
turtle is tort-was.
Man, that's actually
really sad, though.
Look who came to
give it another shot.
Prove it.
How do you like this, Dylan?
And the entire lunch room.
He's actually into it, too.
Kraken, my ass.
That just happened, right?
Next on the list...
What's your deal?
Okay then, guess I'm
going plant shopping.
The Echeveria.
It's beautiful.
It really is the Nicki
Minaj of the genera.
You looking to take one home?
No, just admiring them.
I don't blame you. They
are wonderful beings.
One day we'll rise.
- What?
- What?
Let me know if
you need anything.
Thank you.
I didn't know anyone
else came here.
It's kind of like my spot.
Yeah, I just discovered it.
Yeah, It's my happy place.
Well, don't really don't know how
I feel about the name, though.
I mean, they chose a concept
and went for it, you know?
Pete's a skidmark.
Thank you.
Yeah, I replied yes to
his poll, by the way.
You didn't have to do that.
Well, it's true.
Yeah. I...
I always had, like, a
little baby crush on you.
Besides, you're the only other
out queer girl in our school.
Yeah, we're pretty sparse. Yeah.
I'm used to finding girls in,
like, other schools or on Tinder,
Bumble, Scissr,
Her or college campuses,
walking down the street
and they ask for my number.
It's hard, man. You know?
Yeah, so... see you around.
You got more Echeverias?
Yes. Aren't they beautiful?
Truly the Nicki
Minaj of the genera.
Hey, nice!
Thank you.
there's a screening of Desert
Hearts at Vintage Village tonight.
Do you wanna...
- Do you wanna go?
- Hell, yeah! I love that movie.
I know.
I mean, me too.
So I'll pick you up tonight?
It's a date.
Guess it is.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
The sansevieria starfish,
aka the sensation!
- That'll be 52 dollars.
- Fifty...
It's 52?
All right, mom, going out.
Where are you going?
On a date.
On a date? Who is this guy?
Camille, what is his name?
Her, actually. Alejandra.
Why are you going on
a date with a girl?
Are you serious?
I'm bisexual, mom.
I came out to you.
Like, two years ago.
- Bisexual?
- You're kidding me.
I came out to you. I
gave you a whole speech!
Well, I thought you would
have got over it by now.
I'm not getting over it,
mom. It's my sexuality!
Okay, I suppose I didn't
understand you, chutki.
You did, mom. You're just
choosing to ignore it.
- Does your dad know?
- Yes!
And he's okay with you being...
My God! Yes! My
God, you know what?
I'm not even talking
about this right now.
You're not gonna ruin
this night for me.
- Camille, come here.
- I won't be back late.
[speaking in hindi]
I won't be back late.
Go, go, go!
What's wrong?
Nothing, just, maybe disobeyed my mom
for the first time ever in my life.
Well, was your dad on
your side at least?
No. He lives in India.
Well, it's a good thing
I like bad girls, then.
Cute shirt, by the way.
I love this playlist.
Thanks. It's taken
me years to build.
You know her?
Yeah, she's pretty famous.
Yeah, we dated, actually.
Hey, are your
parents cool with...
The whole gay thing?
Yeah, they were, like,
annoyingly supportive about it.
Like, the Christmas after I came
out, they took me to see Ellen.
Want a hit?
I can... hell, I
can't feel my face.
You save us some seats.
I'll get the popcorn?
No, I'll go.
It's fine. I'll go.
No, I mean, I'll
get the popcorn.
You got the tickets.
So I'll get the popcorn, yeah?
I mean, that checks
out logically, right?
- You okay?
- Yes.
Okay, I'll save you a seat.
- Hey.
- Mason.
Hi. I mean, hi as in
hello, not in as I'm high.
Yeah. I got that.
Large popcorn, please.
Okay. That'll be 8.10.
The Kraken.
I'll go get the popcorn.
Here you go. Keep the change.
What the... What?
In case of emergency,
exits are located...
Where is the popcorn?
Last but not least...
I bought it, but I...
I walked away before
they gave it to me.
There is no talking
during the show.
Now sit back, relax and enjoy.
It's chill.
You're funny.
Well, I'm ready to hear that.
You know I'm not allowed
to go out of state lines.
- I'll tell you...
- Phone!
God! God! My phone.
Shoot! Jesus, Camille.
Where is it? My gosh.
Okay, you know what? Just
leave it, just leave it.
Focus on your breath. Breathe.
There we go.
Okay, what's this?
Okay, no, just get comfortable.
Are you trying to shock me?
No. I was only
telling you the truth.
Have I misled you in any way?
Not for a minute.
you know I care a lot about you.
What the f...
Roll it all the way down.
My gosh!
- Release the Kraken.
- God.
- God.
- The Kraken.
My God. Get me out of here.
Really, you and me.
I don't care about
anyone else, just...
No. Not this again.
- Camille, come here.
- Mom?
- God.
- Camille...
[speaking in hindi]
Maybe there's just
something about me,
and it's just
never gonna happen.
The Kraken.
The Kraken.
[speaking in hindi]
I had fun.
Yeah. Yeah, me, too.
Well, thanks for the ride.
Absolutely too high for this.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm so stupid!
Why did you smoke weed, Camille?
Why did you smoke weed? What?
Why did you smoke weed, Camille?
What are you, what,
are you Seth Rogen now?
What? Snoop Dogg?
Stupid! God! Crap.
All right. Okay, I
can still salvage it.
I can still, I can still,
yeah, I can still salvage it.
I can still salvage it.
Yeah, that's what I could do.
I'll text her.
That's right. I'll text
her, I'll text her and...
No. I'll call her.
I will call her.
I'll tell her, "Wait,
wait, I forgot something.
I forgot something
and I need to just..."
- Hi.
- Hello again.
I... My God, thank you!
- You live on Rosewood, right?
- Yeah.
You're on my way. Let me
walk you. I'll just close up.
It's not funny. I
basically hallucinated.
It's hilarious.
I mean, look, I love weed.
But, man, it'll mess
some stuff up in there.
So there won't be a second date?
I mean, it wasn't really a
date. I just wanted to kiss her.
I'm on a bit of a
romantic walkabout.
A sex-capade.
More like a kiss-capade.
- Forget it.
- What?
I made a kiss list.
- That's cool.
- It's stupid.
It's like I have to
prove Pete wrong.
But also I'm just like,
I feel like these experiences
should have happened already,
and I just kinda wanna make
up for lost time or something.
By living extraordinary moments.
More power to ya.
I'm not sure though, after
tonight it's just like,
it's like I wanna
be confident and I,
I wanna be straightforward
with people, charming, but...
maybe it just isn't me.
You know, I feel like you're posing
an interesting question here.
I mean,
should we strive to be the
best versions of ourselves
or should we just learn to
live with what we've got?
Well, let's try it out.
Let's sneak in.
I'm serious. Okay, look,
we could keep walking.
We can give into whatever
boring end of the night
the universe has
in store for us,
or we say, "Screw the Universe"
and we go for a swim.
Okay, yeah you're crazy.
Okay, do you want to
be the type of person
to sneak into a
private school's pool?
- Yeah.
- I do, too.
- So let's do it.
- Okay.
- There's somebody coming.
- No, there isn't.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
Okay, let's do it!
One, two...
Well, it's not as cold as
I thought it was gonna be.
No, it's not that bad.
Can you do a handstand?
- Maybe.
- Okay, get down there.
I got water in my nose.
All right, hold on, let me try.
Can you do this?
- Wait, hold on. There you go.
- What?
Okay, how do you do that?
Wanna see another cool trick?
It's getting a bit chilly.
- You didn't kiss Mason either?
- No.
I thought about
just saying like,
"Wanna see another cool trick?"
And then just
laying one on them.
Okay, that is literally
visual poetry.
I mean, you should have done
it. My god, I did it again!
I had two opportunities
and I wussed out.
Why am I like this?
- You did fine with Brady.
- I know!
It's like I used up
all my confidence.
It's fine. Mason was not
on the Kiss List anyways.
Maybe they're the
CinnamonRolls account.
I feel like they're above
having a food porn finsta.
You know, you don't have
to stick to the list.
Yes, I do.
What validation do you
get from being a...
No, whatever you're doing,
a kissing slut, a mouth slut.
I don't know, okay?
I just, I have to prove
that I'm type of person
that just kisses people and...
The type of person
people wanna kiss.
- Yeah.
- All right. I get it now.
If you wanna be a mouth slut, you
have my blessing to be a mouth slut,
- maybe that's...
- Is there another term we can use?
Well, the Overnight's
this weekend.
I bet you can scratch a few
names off the list there.
It's not about
knocking them off.
I'm creating memorable
moments here.
Are you really, love?
Well, I'm just saying,
there's gonna be dozens
of drunk teens in a house,
and sloppy make-out
sessions are like a given.
You kiss someone
then, if it's so easy.
I wish.
You know there's a rumor going
around that I'm a lip virgin,
but not a regular
virgin? Like what?
I mean, I've kissed
before... once.
- Hey, guys!
- Hey, Val.
Whatcha doing? You on a date?
- No.
- No, I'm single. Completely...
I'm alone, but not lonely, you
know. I'm like dating myself.
Like independently
owned and operated.
Okay, you going
to the Overnight?
- Yeah.
- See you there.
Did you just have a moment?
I mean, I thought I was being
delusional, but, like, right?
Hey, maybe you'll get
some at the Overnight too.
You think Val would
make out with me?
- You like Val?
- I mean, yeah, why?
No reason, she is cute,
she is just a little...
Hey, it's our song.
No, this is not our song,
you don't even know it.
- Yes, I do.
- No, no.
I just see you, you're
just, you're lipping
"Peas and Carrots"
over and over again.
- No...
- Yes, you are.
Stop doing it.
Okay, so, I wanna replay
everything I did wrong in my head,
like an endlessly
repeating loop from hell.
These kisses aren't gonna happen
unless I get my groove back.
Time to cross off
some more names.
Who's next?
Yeah. DJ Ice. Hot.
Camille? Let's talk?
I can't. Liam's here.
Hi, Mrs. Varma. How are you?
See, I'll bring her back safe,
and we're still just friends,
so you don't have to
bring out the ol' shotgun.
Or hit me with your... sandals.
- How do you...
- Chappals.
- Hit me with your chappals.
- You still wish.
And we're not gonna
like drink or anything,
so you don't gotta
worry about that.
- There's something else.
- Why would you drink?
No, he's just joking.
There is no, no drinking
on this turtle trip.
Yeah, so are you ready
to carry the baby turtles
so they can reach the lake?
Actually, Camille, we're not
supposed to carry the turtles
because that can affect
their imprinting process
and they won't be able to
return to the same shore
and won't be able to lay their
eggs, it's like a whole thing.
We're having conversation
when you're back.
Yeah, bye.
- Bye, Mrs. Varma.
- Bye!
So, turtle trip?
Are we going to the same place?
Okay, I lied and said I'm going
on a trip for science class.
You think they wouldn't
let you go otherwise?
No way. Things are
super weird right now.
It's just like
hanging in the air.
It's like we ran someone over and
agreed to never mention it again.
What's this?
Sleeping gear, what do you mean?
We're not free-soloing El Capitan,
we're gonna be inside a house.
Yeah. You gotta be prepared
for the un-prepabable.
Wait, un-pre-pa-pre-pa,
how do you say it?
- Un-pre-pa...
- Okay, okay. Whatever.
- I'm gonna go in the back.
- Un-pre-pa...
T's not that hard.
Liam, the door.
Now I know why you're
Uber-ating solo.
We're picking someone else up?
I volunteered to
drive people up.
We got two more.
My homies.
I'm your only homie.
I didn't plan this, I swear.
I tried to tell you
back at your house,
but you tangled me up
in your web of lies.
I posted on the class Discord
that I have two seats available
and two people
responded and, well...
Hey, pretty girl.
- Hey, guys.
- Hi.
- Thanks for the ride.
- Yeah, no problem.
- Hey.
- Hey, hi.
- You guys ready?
- Yeah, yes.
- Let's go, let's do this.
- Yeah.
That's a lot of water, Cam-Bam.
I'm not stopping for a pee break.
Everybody okay back there?
Yeah, cool.
Could you hurry up?
I really want to pee.
Told you to ease on
the water, Cam-Bam.
You, like, chug at it, man.
- It was actually irresistible?
- Yeah, I was pretty thirsty.
I'm just gonna go ahead...
I'll just, you know,
get my stuff later.
Are you sure? You don't
want it to get stolen.
Whatever. I gotta pee, dude.
Dope fit, Ice.
What's that puffer?
Double taps? Sus boy?
Bingo! Number three, DJ Ice.
- Hey, Isaac.
- What's guch, Camille?
- You DJing tonight?
- Yeah, playing my new mix.
Thirty minutes of beats,
only using samples from
Medieval Troubadours.
- I call it Trouba-core.
- Sounds lit.
I'm taking requests too.
Is there something you
wanna hear? Something sexy?
Let me get back to you.
Excuse me.
Is there another
bathroom nearby?
Cool, excuse me.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Look, I found this in one
of the rooms. Isn't it cool?
You wanna kiss him?
- Hey, you're a feisty one.
- And you're a skid mark, Pete.
No! Did I just...?
Camille, sweetie.
You can do this.
Find Liam. Change pants.
Complete the list.
Yeah, all right. Find Liam.
Change pants. Complete the list.
- Hey.
- Nope. Not going there.
Camille, no, no. Change
your pants first.
God, are you serious right now?
Hey, have you guys seen Camille?
- Hey, Val.
- Hi.
What you doing?
- Reading my horoscope.
- Let me guess. Sagittarius?
Yeah. You're into astrology?
It's like, the moon can alter
the ocean levels worldwide,
but somehow the fluids
in our brains are spared?
- Like, give me a break.
- Okay, right?
It takes a certain level of egotism
to think that massive cosmic bodies
have no effect on little old us.
- You must be a Pisces rising?
- Yeah.
Scorpio moon? No, no,
no, don't tell me.
- Saturn in the eighth house?
- Okay, how are you doing that?
Hey, do you wanna maybe, like,
go on a walk by the lake?
No, it's totally fine.
Come on, Liam.
Where are you, dude?
- Hey.
- Sup?
What're you doing?
Just looking for Liam.
Have you seen him? I
really need my bag.
Come and have a drink with me.
Yeah, just... Give me a...
I'm sorry, I just really
need to find Liam.
Okay. I get it. That's cool.
- No, no, Alejandra, I'm...
- I'll be fine, it's cool.
My god, Liam! Where's my stuff?
- I put it in one of the rooms.
- Where?
I told you not to
take the water, man.
Look away.
Hey, look, it happens. It's
no big deal. I've been there.
I think this is one of those, like,
let's-never-talk-about-it scenarios.
- Hey, Cam-Bam?
- Yeah.
Remember when you got your
heart broken into tiny pieces
and your self-esteem
was at an all-time low
and I was there to
kinda support you?
Well, I think I
need that right now.
You're excellent and
handsome and smart.
And just an all-around a
pretty neat dude. Yeah.
- Is that okay?
- Camille.
I gotta go, dude.
I'm this close, okay?
I will talk to you
later. Promise.
- Hey. Pretty girl.
- Hi.
Look, Camille, I don't
like playing games.
If you can't make up your
mind, I'll just do it for you.
Shouldn't you be, like,
DJing or something?
I got the next few
songs lined up.
So I got a couple of minutes.
You wanna grab a drink?
Not really.
Smoke a stoge then?
Or we could just, like,
go make out somewhere.
All right.
Okay, this is nice. I guess.
Okay. Not exactly an
extraordinary moment.
Maybe not every kiss has to be.
Maybe some are just... funny.
Yeah, sick as in awkward.
Well, I gotta get
back to my set.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. For sure.
- How do you do that?
- What?
The confidence thing.
Looks like you got it
pretty figured out.
Yeah, not really.
No, I get it.
You know, I wasn't always...
like this.
I used to like dark crap,
weird fashion, medieval
troubadour music.
I hated my acne scars.
One day I decided,
every mirror I find, I'm
just gonna stay there.
Until I like what I see.
And the secret is, mirrors only reflect
back 85 percent of what's there.
The other 15, what
other people see,
that's where your
true beauty is.
So, you just gotta round up.
You're... you're deep, Ice.
Never change.
I don't plan to.
Cinnamon rolls! Get in my belly!
Hold on, let me get a picture.
- Can I have some?
- Yeah.
You have a refined
palate, m'lady.
And you really
like CinnamonRolls.
I love CinnamonRolls. So much.
- I'm drunk.
- Me too.
Are you also drowning
out your sorrows?
Nah, I just like drinking.
I really wanted to kiss a
girl for the first time.
I mean, maybe make that a...
awkward non-fight with my mom
actually based on something
and not theoretical.
You know?
I've never kissed a girl.
- Do you want to?
- Yeah.
I don't think I should.
Damn it.
God. I'm kissing Val.
Way to be a good
friend, Camille.
No, this barely even counts.
It's, like, missing something.
An electricity.
Maybe I need to kiss someone
who makes kissing feel electric.
This feels like a
static shock at best.
I think I'm straight.
Can I have that back?
And everything is just...
And wow. Almost done.
Back in the groove.
Remember that poll
we did the other day?
- Yes, you do, we were in the same room.
- Look, she made a real one.
I got it.
Hey, what's going on?
- What's with the face?
- Just... leave me alone, Camille.
My God.
My God.
- It's pretty good, right?
- Yeah, it is.
Take it down, Pete.
Why? It's no shade.
It's empowering.
It's like slut positivity.
Right, Camille?
It was just kissing.
You're an asshole.
What are you gonna do?
Nothing, it's funny.
Liam, hey, can we talk?
Val, Camille? Really?
Did you know I liked her?
Or were you just too
absorbed in yourself
to even listen when I told you?
Because I genuinely don't
know which one is worse.
Liam, I was drunk.
I was completing the list.
- I need to complete the list...
- No, you don't! Face it.
It was never about proving
you're a good kisser.
It was tryouts,
a casting call for you to
decide your significant other,
how'd that work out for you?
All right, look, I'm
sorry about Val, okay?
But she's CinnamonRolls.
- God! I'm CinnamonRolls, dude!
- You can't call dibs on people...
- you're CinnamonRolls?
- Yeah...
I'm CinnamonRolls.
Val sent me that picture
so I could post it.
So, wait, why did you reply
yes to Pete's story then?
I don't know, I just, I
thought you needed it.
I don't need you to be
my self-esteem, Liam.
- Don't you?
- No.
You know what? Great. I'm done,
I'm done being your self-esteem.
Now get your own.
Mom! Mom!
Triple feature and no date?
Not this time.
No Liam either?
See you in six, seven hours.
I just got off.
Do you mind if I join you?
Sure. Two to go.
I've never actually done a double
feature much less a triple feature.
You do that a lot?
Only when I need it.
So, what's up?
Are you becoming
your truest self?
I think I'm doomed
to be who I am.
Is that really such
a bad thing, though?
It is if you're me.
I really just don't think you're
as lame as you think you are.
I mean, that other night
at the pool, I mean,
that was like the most
fun I've had in a while.
Hear me out, what if the
person you're trying to be
and the person who
you really are...
What if they're the same person?
- Hang on.
- What?
There's a vicious ladybug
moving in right for the kill.
You flicked a ladybug?
Hey, I'm an equal
opportunity bug flicker.
- Lord or Lady, I don't discriminate.
- Or something in between, I say.
Right. Right?
Damn it.
Okay, I'm no... No,
I'm so sorry. I...
No, I'm totally fine.
I just I misread the situation and
it's like 1000 percent no worries.
I mean, I've had a lovely time, I
just I like somebody else, you know?
I don't know, it's weird.
I feel like I have,
like, zero chance.
And if I do have a chance,
might be for the wrong reasons.
Okay, so, been there.
Well, she's lesbian.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know, she's like, I
want her to want me, but...
I'm not a girl, and I don't want
her to see me as a girl, but...
I don't know, it's just stupid.
I don't think that's stupid.
All right. Well...
I'm pretty close, so
I guess I'll just...
walk the rest of the way.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
I think I should
find that ladybug.
No, not today, Satan.
Nope, with a capital
"N" and a capital "OPE."
No! No! No! No! No!
So you and Raelynn?
Yeah, we just keep doing
this thing, breaking up.
Getting back together.
Having really mind
blowing makeup sex.
Yeah, and the way that she
just went along with Pete,
I wasn't vibing.
She's toxic.
Yeah, totally.
Yeah, and can I say
something, like...
I know Pete says it as a
joke, but I am all for it.
The whole free sexuality thing.
It really was just kissing.
Yeah, I'd love to be some
devil may care bisexual floozy,
but it's just not in my wiring.
Yeah, just kissing a person.
Do I mean anything to you?
Sorry, I'm just, I'm trying
to understand what this is.
I don't know. Do we
have to define it?
I just have fun with you.
Because you're fun.
- A little bit crazy.
- Stop! Stop!
- What's your deal?
- Stop!
I can't believe
I did this again.
Rolling the window down, really?
I heard you car-washed Dylan.
Yeah, he was getting
a little handsy.
He deserves it.
By the way...
I'm flattered I made your list.
You kind of put yourself on
it by answering Pete's poll.
Ended up being crap anyway.
I was low key just hoping I'd
come out of it with a love story.
How pathetic is that?
Not that much.
Everybody low key
wants to fall in love.
Camille, Brady!
- Hey!
- Hey!
You know what? You're right,
this is a happy place.
I told you!
Anything catch your eye?
Yeah! You know what?
I'm really considering
getting a opuntia microdasys.
You know, it kinda reminds me
of these little bunny vibrators?
I owe you an apology.
For what?
For being insecure about us.
No. You...
You have nothing
to be sorry about.
now that were being real, I...
kind of like someone else.
- They, actually.
- Mason?
Okay, and I'm supposed
to, like, only like girls,
but you know what,
they're not a boy,
so maybe I'm a non-boy lesbian.
I don't know. What are
you, the gay police?
No, I'm not.
I actually think you
should ask them out.
- You think so?
- Trust me.
What, you've never asked
someone out before?
I don't know, "Hey,
you wanna hang out?"
Wanna kick it? Wanna hang?
Okay, girls usually just
come up to me, so...
- Okay. Okay.
- You know.
I don't know, what's...
What's something you wanna
do that you haven't done,
because you don't
wanna do it alone?
There's this bromeliad
at the Botanical Gardens
called the Puya Raimondii.
It's the Queen of the Andes, and
it blooms like every 80 years,
and the blooming windows
almost over, so...
That's perfect then. Yeah,
here's what you're gonna do.
Just go to the movie theatre
because that's where they work.
Are you still hungry?
I can make your favorite.
Matar paneer or aloo parathas.
- No, I'm good.
- It'll only take a few minutes.
No, Mom!
You know that's literally your
answer to everything, right?
Okay, then, I'll never give
you food, I'll never feed you,
you can cook for yourself. You
can unclog your own toilet.
Whatever, I'm matlabi.
Can you please leave now?
Is everything all right?
Why hasn't Liam come over?
Mom, I messed up
with him. Big time.
See, the same thing happened
with me and your father.
We were close friends.
Then I started developing
feelings, and...
he didn't know it at first, but then
he realized he was in love with me too.
What? No! Mom! I didn't
fall in love with him.
We're best friends.
Then what are you worried about?
You have it easy. Best friends
always get back together.
See? I understand you
better than you think.
So then why don't you understand
that I like boys and girls?
Honey, I'm trying.
I just need time.
Have some kachori. Come on.
I'll show you how to serve it.
Okay. Last try.
I feel like I've been
apologizing a lot lately.
Well, you kinda have been
a bi... shops hat, see it?
It's funny, right? Come on.
Stop. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I kissed Val,
but I'm, I'm more sorry
that I took you for granted.
You've been the best recently,
and I wasn't the same for you.
Thank you.
But I'm here now, and
I'm ready to be better.
So lay it on me.
It really got to me,
you know, like...
I was literally hitting
on Val right before you,
and she turned me down.
It's like, why do I even try?
Yeah. Yeah, I kind of know
exactly what that feels like.
Hey, don't worry, okay?
- It'll...
- Happen someday.
There's always someday, right?
I want it to happen
now, is that wrong?
I feel like I have this
version of myself in my head,
where I'm like
confident and funny,
but then in real life, it
never happens like that.
Maybe I'll always
just be this...
insecure, cringey guy.
You're not, though. You
are funny and confident.
Maybe you don't see it, because
you're you, but other people do.
Then why hasn't it happened yet?
Okay, so what do you want?
Someone to fall
in love with you?
Well, I mean, for starters,
that would be nice, yeah.
You want, you want someone to
tell you what you're worth?
You want some lame
confession of love?
All right. Let's go.
I love you, Liam.
- No, you don't. Stop.
- No, I do.
I'm secretly in love with you.
You know, when others make a
joke, and I laugh to be polite
or because others are laughing.
You make me actually
laugh, dude.
Like ugly laugh.
Like, the other day,
I farted laughing.
And you're funny without being mean,
which not a lot of people can do.
Well, guess what?
I'm in love with you too.
- No.
- No. Yeah, I am.
You are the only
cool person I know.
No, not the coolest person.
But the only cool person.
And I love that you mouth the
words to songs you don't even know,
and you act like you know them.
Well, I love that you have
a CinnamonRolls fan account.
- It's so random.
- They're delicious.
Delicious! And it's about
time someone did them justice!
Well, I love that you buy books
and you don't even read them.
Like, when are we ever
gonna read "Infinite Jest?"
- Never!
- Never!
And you're the type of person
that if somebody's telling a story
and nobody's paying attention,
you turn to look at them to
show that you're listening.
You just want to make
everybody feel heard.
You make me feel heard.
I love that about you.
Well, I love that you...
You realized your
life can be better
and instead of just feeling
sorry about yourself,
like anybody else does,
you decided to actually
do something about it.
- I love you, Camille.
- I love you, Liam.
No. I...
You're so stupid.
No, but, for real though.
Me too.
I'm your best friend, I
love you more than anybody.
Hey, is this supposed to
be blooming or something?
No, we totally missed it. Only
happens, like, every 80 years.
We'll be here for the next one.
How's the old Kiss List going?
Yeah, it was crap.
They're looking at it.
Yo, Ice!
- Hey, Liam.
- Hey.
So I added you on AstroSigner,
and I noticed that,
your Venus is in Aries
and mine is in Libra.
So we're very
sexually compatible.
Do you maybe wanna go
somewhere less crowded?
As long as it's in the stars.
Sorry, Pete!
Release the Kraken!
Attaboy, Liam!
Okay, so I did some really
embarrassing things.
I also did some good. Like
getting those two together.
Now that is just
one worthy kiss.
But mostly, yeah, I
made some mistakes.
You know what? I'm probably
gonna make a lot more.
Just like the one that
she's making right now.
I love you.
I guess the question
is, am I okay with that?
Am I okay with putting
myself out there?
Am I okay with just being me?
So, do I like the person
I see in the mirror now?