The Kissing Bandit (1948) Movie Script

- Hello, Chico.
- Hello.
I have a letter for you.
- There's two pesos due on it.
- Then keep it.
But maybe somebody wants a room here.
Nobody ever wants a room here.
- Who is it from?
- It's from the United States.
- Someplace called Boston.
- Boston?
Boston! Give it to me. Here.
Here. Give it to me. Boston.
Rosita, a letter from Boston.
Must be from Ricardo, the chief's son.
Fernando, letter. Must be the little one.
But, hey... But who can read it?
- Pepito. Pepito, he can read.
- Pepito.
Here I am.
Please. Here, Pepito.
If you can read this for me,
a whole peso for you.
"Dear, Chico, my father's old friend.
How nice of you to invite me
to come out to California...
...the home of my childhood.
I am sorry to hear
that business has been bad...
...but please stop worrying.
I know that I can help you.
There is a school right here in Boston...
...that teaches nothing
but how to manage a business like father's.
For years, I have been studying.
I am leaving at once to join you.
Together we'll run the business
and turn it into a great success.
Ever yours, Ricardo. "
You hear that? In Boston
they teach you how to be a bandit.
You can learn it in a school.
When we're back in business again
we're gonna be bandits once more.
We'll ride and rob
and be rich and famous.
Fernando, my horse. Get my horse.
Quick. I gotta tell the men.
Ol, Pablo.
Come on.
Come on.
Amigos. Amigos.
Look what I have been keeping
for our new chief.
A beautiful picture of his father,
a real likeness.
How proud his son will be.
And why not?
In the whole history of California...
...never has there been such a reward
for a bandit. Never.
Do you know what they are offering
for the head of Dirty Danilo?
- No.
- Five hundred pesos.
- And that's too much.
- Sure it's too much.
Where are you going to hang him?
Please, let us not use that word.
The boy will be just like him.
Wait and see.
Chico, Chico, look.
Ricardo's arriving.
He rides like the devil.
How he rides.
Just like his father.
What a leader he will make.
Come, everyone, let us greet him.
Manuel, bring the music.
- Come on. Hurry up.
Come on, muchachos.
Everybody, come on.
Let us give him a welcome of a hero.
Come on, everybody.
How do you do?
L... I'm terribly sorry.
I haven't known the horse very long and I...
And I'm terribly sorry
that I messed up the furniture.
- This is a very nice place you've got here.
- Yes.
- And who is that?
- That is the Kissing Bandit.
- The Kissing Bandit.
- Your father.
It's my father, the Kissing...
My father, the Kissing Bandit?
- Of course.
- My father...
Where...? Where am I?
What happened?
Little one, you fainted.
I fainted?
- No. No, no, don't worry.
Don't worry, Ricardo.
I am Chico, your old friend, remember?
Oh, yeah. Hello.
...what you said about my father,
he did own the inn, didn't he?
He was an innkeeper, wasn't he?
Shh, shh, shh.
Didn't you ever hear about him
doing something else?
Yes, I heard he had a little sideline.
Mm. Mm-hm.
You mean, the little sideline
was being a bandit?
No, the little sideline
was being an innkeeper.
The main thing was being a bandit.
Oh, my.
Oh, me.
Son of a bandit.
That's terrible.
But you're not the son of just a bandit.
You're the son of the Kissing Bandit,
the greatest bandit in all California.
Big thing.
Tell me, when you answered my letter...
...when you said you wanted to take
your father's place... meant you wanted to be
an innkeeper?
Of course.
Chico, I know all
about the hotel business.
I've studied.
Look, I brought my cookbooks...
...and plans to make this
the finest hotel in all California.
L... Hot water in every room.
Clean sheets on every bed.
And window boxes.
Window boxes in every window
with pretty flowers and...
You mean, when you sent for me
to take my father's place... thought
I would be the bandit chief?
Of course.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
- But... But, listen, Ricardo.
- No.
Ever since your father died,
I kept his men together.
They had offers, good offers
from other chiefs.
From Dirty Danilo, One-Eyed Louie...
...but I never let them take the offers.
"No," I said, "we will wait
for the son of our chief. "
"He will be a great leader," I said,
"just like his father. "
And you gotta be.
You gotta be and you're gonna be.
No, no, Chico, that's ridiculous.
I couldn't lead any men.
I couldn't lead anybody.
Look at me.
If I held you up,
would you give me your money?
Well, I...
Well, your father didn't look too good
when he first started either.
But, Chico, I can't even ride.
You saw me fall off that horse.
- Well, everyone can have an accident.
- That was no accident.
I've been falling off that horse
ever since I got him.
I'm afraid of him.
I'm afraid of fights and loud noises and...
Well, I'm practically afraid of everything.
Nearly everybody is afraid
of nearly everything.
All you gotta do is not to show it.
There. That was your father's.
- Oh, it's no use, Chico.
- Wait.
Your father's sombrero.
Oh, you're wasting your time.
What a difference.
Already you look twice as big.
Sure. Look at yourself in the glass.
Go on. Look.
Oh, you look just like your father.
If I didn't know it was you,
I would think it was him.
You were born to be a bandit.
You know, I read a lot of books
when I was a little boy about bandits.
Like Robin Hood and people like that.
- Must be a rather exciting life.
- Huh?
You read books about the bandits?
Then you know practically everything
and what you don't know, I will show you.
You're gonna be rich and famous
like your father.
Then I will be happy,
the men will be happy...
...and everyone will know
the Kissing Bandit is riding again.
Chico, why did they call my father
the Kissing Bandit?
Oh, every bandit chief got a trademark.
After every robbery,
your father used to kiss the women... you're gonna do.
That was his trademark.
- He kissed women he didn't even know?
- Sure.
Women he wasn't introduced to?
Oh, but you're gonna like it.
Oh, no, I won't.
Why, in Boston you don't even kiss
women you do know.
- Not until you're engaged to them. Oh, no.
- But wait.
Kissing is the best part of the job...
...because in California,
all the women are beautiful.
We got nothing but beautiful women.
Teresa, the carriage is waiting
and your aunt is getting nervous.
Oh, thank you, sister.
Teresa, are you sad
about leaving the school?
- Hmm.
- Well, are you happy?
No more studying once you're home.
And no more classes.
And you won't get to play with us
and sing for us or anything anymore.
What are you going to do?
You're finishing everything today.
Oh, no, my life begins tomorrow.
It's true there won't be classes
or lessons but...
Well, there will be new things.
Things like... Like romance.
And that's something
you don't even know about.
As a matter of fact, it's something
I don't even know about yet.
They say romance is sweet
My dreams have told me so
Though love and I have yet to meet
Tomorrow I should know
Tomorrow means romance for me
For my lover will appear
There's a meaning to romance for me
When I see my cavalier
He may be a dream that sings to me
Or a shepherd in disguise
Or an angel morning brings to me
With the devil in his eyes
Oh, I know that sweet tomorrow
Will be different from today
For the love I meet tomorrow
Will take my heart away
Though no gypsy told me foolish things
Still my walk becomes a dance
And my heart with all
Its music sings
For tomorrow means romance
Oh, Teresa, that was beautiful.
It is good idea, Chico,
putting him up there out of the way.
Oh, sure.
I never thought he would give in
so easy:
Well, it's what he thinks
a bandit chief should look like...
...a man on a white horse
way up in the clouds...
...where he's nice and safe.
I told him when the coach stops
to come down the back way...
...that will take a long time.
By then, the holdup is finished
so he can kiss the women who are around.
It's a nice, good plan.
You told him he's got to kiss?
Oh, I made him swear.
Hey, Chico, look, look.
He's waving his arms.
- Chico, Chico, the coach.
- The coach.
All right, amigos, business.
It's wonderful.
Our first holdup in a long time.
How he carries on, what enthusiasm.
Stay where you are.
Get on top.
Stay where you are.
- What is this?
- A holdup by the Kissing Bandit.
The Kissing Bandit?
Since when is he riding again?
Since now. Get the trunks off.
You wouldn't dare. I'm Colonel Gomez
of the governor's own guard.
No, colonel, I wouldn't.
You're very surrounded.
Yeah, I guess I am, all right.
I'm escorting the governor's daughter
back home to the governor.
We have no money.
Maybe you forgot something.
Get him off the horse.
No, please.
The governor won't like this at all.
- That's too bad.
The governor won't like this at all.
Who are you, you ugly man?
I have the honor to be one of the men
of the Kissing Bandit.
- The Kissing Bandit?
- The Kissing Bandit?
Uh-huh. That's him up there.
But don't be afraid.
We don't harm the women.
Oh, I'm not afraid of you.
Oh, and I'm not afraid of you neither.
But this one, this one scares me a little.
The beast.
Teresa, stay away from that window.
Oh, Aunt Isabella, look.
Isn't he wonderful?
That's the way a man ought to look.
Teresa, I must speak to you.
You've doubtless heard what he does.
The Kissing Bandit, to women, I mean.
Why, he kisses them.
Yes, well, it mustn't happen to you.
Your father would never live down
the disgrace.
And so you're to stay right here
and I will get out.
- But what good will that do?
- Why, he'll kiss me instead.
It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make
for the honor of our family.
Come on. Get out. Over there, please.
Gonzales, our moment has come.
No, Ricardo, please go back.
That's not the right way.
I'm terribly sorry about all this.
Don't be afraid.
Stop this coach immediately.
Everything's all right now.
I'm awfully sorry.
We almost had a terrible accident.
You were wonderful.
Thank you very much for saving my life.
I'll be right down.
Oh, no, please, senor.
I'd rather you wouldn't.
I'd rather extend my thanks
from where I am to where you are.
Do you know who I am?
Yes, you're a bandit.
Not just a bandit.
The Kissing Bandit.
- What's the matter?
- Nothing, I...
Have you been having a nice trip?
It's wonderful weather for a trip.
Certainly, I'm not having a nice trip.
Do you think I enjoy meeting
a man like you?
I'm having a terrible trip.
Oh, yes,
I suppose I did interrupt your journey.
I'm awfully sorry.
Why are you making fun of me this way?
How can you be so horrible?
I'm not making fun of you.
Oh, you're not?
Standing here making conversation
about the weather...
...when all the time
you know what you're going to do.
What I'm going to do?
I know you're going to kiss me.
If you think I'm going to be as...
As undignified as to struggle with you,
you're wrong.
No, I... I'm not going to kiss you.
- You're not?
- I couldn't.
Look, there come my men.
Are you all right, little one?
- Yes, I'm fine.
- When you kissed her, did she faint?
- No.
Well, maybe next time.
Come on. We got to get away from here.
But we can't just leave her here.
Pedro, get the senorita's party together
and send them on their way.
Come on. Get on your horse.
Gonzales, honestly,
sometimes I think you're not dependable.
Hurry, Ricardo, hurry.
Yes, Chico, I'm coming.
Well, chief, remember what I told you
about beautiful women?
I think I'm gonna like being a bandit.
You're gonna be great.
Come on, little one.
Jose, something terrible has happened.
Our coach was held up
by the Kissing Bandit.
The Kissing Bandit? Is he back?
- Teresa...
- She's safe.
But, Jose,
there are things I must tell you first.
Gentlemen, leave us. Now...
I said leave us.
Now, Isabella, tell me.
Jose, ever since the holdup,
there's been an expression on Teresa's face.
A sort of secret expression.
Never mind the expression on her face.
Tell me what happened.
I don't know what happened.
I wasn't there.
- You weren't there? They...
- They were alone.
Now, if you add that
to the expression on her face...
Come inside, darling.
Come inside with Papa.
No, not you.
If there ever was a time
when a niece needed her aunt.
Now, look, when you were a little girl... brought all your little troubles to me,
Now that you are a big girl...
...I want you to feel that you can bring
all your big troubles to me.
- Yes, Father.
- Yes.
Well, now,
when I was a little boy in Spain...
...they used to tell a story
about flowers and birds...
...and bees.
All that sort of thing in...
But out here in California...
...they have such big flowers...
...and such giant eagles that I...
Father, is it the Kissing Bandit?
Is that what you wanna talk to me about?
Wait a minute, darling.
Let's not rush into this too fast.
Sit down, please.
Tell it to Papa, in your own way,
right from the beginning.
Well, when I first saw him on horseback,
he looked magnificent.
And then I saw him close-up
without his mask...
...and he looked very nice too.
You know, there's something wonderful
about a man being a bandit.
Teresa, darling, you don't understand.
What I want to know is,
when he kissed you, he...
When he kissed me?
He's the Kissing Bandit.
He kisses every girl he sees.
I ask you, would it be reasonable
for him not to kiss you?
No. No, it wouldn't, would it?
Of course not.
Now, tell Papa what happened.
Well, we talked.
What did you talk about, darling?
Conversation, that's all.
- That's all?
- Mm-hm.
Fine. Fine.
Father, you seem quite pleased
about all this.
Pleased? Of course I'm pleased.
This time we will catch him.
At last, after all these women
he has kissed...
...there is one who will identify him.
I promise you, darling,
he will not only be caught...
...he'll be hung.
Take down this description.
Go ahead, darling.
Well, he was large and fat.
In fact, he was huge...
...and he was very old
and had little piggy eyes.
Little piggy eyes?
But you said he was nice-looking.
Did I? Well, it isn't as though
I saw his face, you see.
He wore a mask.
But you said he didn't wear a mask.
Oh, well, I don't know what I'm saying.
I'm tired and upset...
...and you keep me here answering
these silly questions.
Oh, Teresa, forgive me.
Go to your room and rest...
...and you are not to think anymore
about the Kissing Bandit.
There is nothing to be ashamed of.
After all, the man kisses
every woman he sees.
He kisses every woman he sees.
And now, Major Gomez...
...I would like to have
a little talk with you.
Excuse me,
but you're calling me Major Gomez...
...and everybody knows
I'm Colonel Gomez.
Oh, no, not anymore.
Not after what happened this afternoon.
- You are demoted.
- Why?
Because you are in terrible trouble,
- Am I?
- Mm-hm.
A new tax collector
is on his way from Spain.
- He'll be here any day.
- We never had trouble with tax collectors.
They come for the taxes,
they don't get them, they go back to Spain.
- It's very simple.
- Yes.
But this time, the king has sent
his right-hand man, Count Belmonte.
And Count Belmonte's orders
are to bring back...
...either the tax money or my head.
But, governor, if it's the tax money
or your head, how am I in trouble?
Oh, not that I wouldn't
be sorry, of course.
You'll be sorry...
...because with Count Belmonte
is a certain General Torro...
...who is the head
of His Majesty's secret police.
And General Torro is coming here... see how much law and order
there is in California.
- And there isn't any.
- No.
No law, no order, just plenty of bandits.
Yeah, it's pretty terrible.
Do you know what General Torro
is gonna do with you...
...if he gets here before you capture
the Kissing Bandit?
- No.
- He's going to take you back to Spain...
...and put you in a little dark dungeon
with rats.
Then one day,
a man with a black hood over his head... going to come in to garrote you.
- You know what that means?
- No.
To choke you until you are dead.
- No, no.
- Yes, yes.
Excuse me. I think I'd better go along now.
I don't wanna hear any more.
Well, Jose, is the child all right?
- Did she tell you everything?
- Of course she's all right.
Of course she told me everything.
I suggest you concern yourselves...
...a little more with the problem
of the tax money...
...and a little less with my daughter.
Juanita, what is the matter with you?
Oh, Senorita Teresa, forgive me,
but I'm so happy for you.
I just heard about your good fortune.
The whole hacienda's buzzing with it.
My good fortune?
Why, that you were kissed,
of course, by him.
Oh, senorita,
I understand what you must be feeling.
You see, I too had the honor.
You too had the honor?
Five years ago.
But I remember it like it was yesterday.
Juanita, is it true about him?
Does he kiss everybody?
That's what's so wonderful about him.
He has time for everyone.
No prejudice.
No one's too young. No one's too old.
Tell me, senorita... long were you out?
- Out?
- After he kissed you.
Well, I...
I don't know.
Senorita Teresa, forgive me.
I know you must wanna be alone.
Everyone does afterward.
Oh, there's so much to think about.
What's wrong with me?
Why didn't he kiss me?
He had the chance for a romance
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with me?
Why couldn't I thrill him?
He didn't feel I had appeal
What's wrong with me?
Maybe I'm not too exciting
I haven't the glamour he's had
Maybe I'm not too inviting
But I can't be that bad
What's wrong with me?
Why wouldn't he kiss me?
Why did he go?
I want to know
What's wrong with me?
Why wouldn't he kiss me?
I thought he might
How can I right
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with me?
Why didn't I kiss her?
I had the chance for a romance
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with me?
Why didn't I kiss her?
I didn't try
Why didn't I?
What's wrong with me?
She was a lot more exciting
Than all of the girls I have met
Her lips were awfully inviting
But mine played hard to get
What's wrong with me?
Why didn't I kiss her?
Why did she go?
I'd like to know
What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with me?
Fine bandit you are.
Would Robin Hood have acted that way?
Or Romeo?
No. They would have followed her
right to the governor's hacienda.
They would have climbed the balcony.
That's what they would have done.
Climb the balcony.
Gonzales, Gonzales, over here.
Ricardo. Little one.
If I steal a kiss, dear
I'll surely return it someday
If I steal your dreams, dear
I'll bring them back some way
If I take your moonlight
I'll bring it back more divine
But if I steal your heart, dear
I'll keep it close to mine
I'll bring it back more divine
But if I steal your heart, dear
I'll keep it close
To mine
I'll keep it close
To mine
- Chico?
- Sure, sure.
Come on. It's time to go.
Oh, but I can't run away.
- No?
- Yes.
- Where's Gonzales?
- He went home. He's no fool.
Come on.
Teresa, darling, are you all right?
Who was it?
Well, I don't know, Father.
I didn't see him.
I was sound asleep
and then I heard a lot of noise.
It was the Kissing Bandit.
It must have been.
Jose, how long are you going to let
this man insult you?
But he didn't insult father.
I mean, well,
if it was the Kissing Bandit... was me he was singing to.
For that man to dare to serenade
the governor's daughter.
What I would like to do to him.
If ever I'm in a room with him,
I'll spit right in his little piggy eyes.
I will just tear him to pieces like...
It's all right.
I'll show you.
Where are you, idiot? You imbecile?
Are you calling me, Your Excellency?
Yes, I'm calling you, Captain Gomez.
Get on your horse. Get your men.
Follow him!
He's the Kissing Bandit.
Do you hear me, Captain Gomez?
Yes, Your Excellency. Aye, aye, sir.
- Captain Gomez?
Captain Gomez.
Of all the foolish things to do.
Take a chance to spoil everything.
Just when I thought
you was going to do better.
You traitor, you.
Don't say another word to Gonzales.
He knew he wasn't smart to go
to the hacienda or to stay there even.
What was wrong with it?
Lot of people serenade girls
under balconies all the time.
But not the governor's balcony
and not the governor's daughter.
But, Chico, she's so lovely.
I had to see her again.
In your business,
you don't see anybody again.
You kiss and vamoose. That's all.
I don't see why.
Many outlaws had steady girls.
- Look at Robin Hood and Maid Marian.
- No, you look, Ricardo.
There are hundreds of girls in California,
but only one governor's daughter.
And this one is not for you.
You found that out tonight.
- Well, she came out on the balcony.
- Sure, sure.
But they weren't shooting water
from those guns.
Little one,
I love you like you were my own son.
This you know.
But if I hear one more word about this girl,
I'm finished with you, this I mean.
Where is Bianca?
She's upstairs, inside.
Keep Ricardo there for a little while,
then send him over to me.
All right, Chico.
I've been waiting for you, little one.
Chico, I'm sorry I worried you.
No, no, it's nothing. It's all forgotten.
Now, sit down.
I've got a little surprise for you...
...that will take all the foolishness
out of your head.
I like you
If you like me
Go to work.
I like you
If you like me
Soon the moon will rise
There will be stars divine
If you are there
You'll be mine
I like you
If you like me
That was beautiful, miss.
- A wonderful dance.
- Thank you.
Where are you going?
Uh, I've got to put
this in some water.
What happened?
Where is Ricardo?
Ha had to put a flower in some water.
You explain it to me.
Put that gun away, maybe they are guests.
Get out. All of you, keep out of sight.
You're the innkeeper? We desire rooms.
- We got no rooms.
- Nonsense. This is an inn, isn't it?
We are all full up. Please go away.
Peasant, do you know to whom
you are talking?
I'm Count Belmonte of Spain
of His Majesty's royal household.
And this, this is my aide, General Torro.
I don't feel so good.
Now then, innkeeper,
show us rooms at once.
Your best rooms.
But, please, there is a better place
up the road about 17 miles.
They got fine rooms
and bigger rooms and...
And clean towels and...
And... And...
Sheets, even. And...
But they will not do for you
the things we will do.
Wait with that beautiful chest.
Do not scratch it.
Here, you are tired. I will help you.
Everything is gonna be fine.
This room here.
The peasant certainly changed
his mind in a hurry.
You're disgusting.
Sneeze and dribble, yawn and snore.
I've never seen such a man.
How can you be so mean
when I am so sick, Belmonte?
Please, can I go to sleep?
Go upstairs, find the innkeeper, have him
show you your room and go to bed.
I can't understand it.
Never in my life
did I ever have a cold before...
...until I come to California.
Fetch me some wine.
Something fit to drink.
Why, yes, of course. I'll be glad to.
Why do you keep staring at me?
Never seen a gentleman before?
I've never seen
such beautiful clothes before.
The wine. The wine.
Yes, of course.
That's one of the finest swords
I've ever seen.
Must be a Toledo blade. And you have
the look of a man who knows how to use it.
- Well, really?
- Oh, yes.
I know a man who's had adventure
when I see one.
Many is the duel you must have fought
over some young maid.
Peon flunky,
how dare you sit in my presence.
Get up!
Get up before I cut your heart out.
You needn't be so rude about it.
I just wanted to have a little talk.
I didn't get angry when you
asked me to get the wine.
Get the innkeeper. Get him down here.
I'll have his heart and yours.
My mother was right.
Fine clothes do not make the gentleman.
Get the innkeeper!
Chico, what are you doing?
Ricardo, do you
want to kill your old friend? Shh.
You're not stealing from them?
Of course.
But these men are our guests.
We can't rob them in cold blood.
Ricardo, I am a simple
hard-working bandit.
If this is wrong,
why is it all right to rob the coach?
When you rob a coach,
there's adventure, there's danger.
But there's danger here too.
He might wake up, the fat man.
And he's bigger than me.
- Chico, for my sake, put the money back.
- Oh, no, no.
Please. For me.
- Let me help you.
- But it's a shame.
We gotta have a long talk
on the question of ethics.
Believe me, we gotta.
I think I shall have you hung
outside the inn... an example to the other peasants.
Get something to tie him with quick.
- But he's winning.
- Please, little one, don't argue with me.
Torro. Torro.
How dare you.
Help, Torro, help.
Torro, you fool, wake up! Wake...!
What is that?
Ricardo, sit on him.
Everybody going, coming,
going someplace tonight.
Tie a few more knots in him.
I'll be right back.
You misunderstood.
We weren't taking the money.
We were putting it back.
- Are you the innkeeper?
- Yes, yes.
I'm Captain Gomez
of the governor's guard.
We're looking for the Kissing Bandit.
He's a man with little piggy eyes.
Oh, little piggy eyes? Well, he's not here.
My good man, do you take me for a fool?
I'm gonna search every room of this inn.
Cover every inch of ground.
I'll take upstairs.
Wait, captain. I wouldn't.
Because we got two very important guests
upstairs just arrived from Spain.
A Count Belmonte and a General Torro.
I wouldn't bother them
because they're all tied up right now.
Nonsense, nonsense.
Count Belmonte?
General Torro?
Men, men!
Men, new orders. Back to the hacienda.
We've got to tell the governor.
Come on, men, follow me.
All tied up.
I told him they were all tied up.
They don't know the joke.
I wonder why that Gomez was so scared
of these two, huh?
There must be a reason.
What is the matter?
- I have the funniest dream.
I dreamed that three men was fighting
and they tie me up with the rope and...
How do you like that? I'm still dreaming.
Go to sleep.
- Chico.
- What?
Chico, look.
"To the governor of California:
I introduce to you herewith Count Belmonte,
my personal tax collector...
...and General Torro,
chief of my secret police.
They will report on your activities to me
and bring me, once and for all, your taxes.
Their will is to be your law.
Signed, Alfonso. "
- Who is he?
- Alfonso the king.
Oh, Chico,
these are terribly important men.
- Then maybe we'd better shoot them, huh?
- No, you can't.
Those soldiers, you already told them
that these two are here.
That's right. But we cannot let them go.
They will snitch on us.
This letter will introduce them
to the governor.
Remember, please, remember...
...not one word about taxes today.
I've planned entertainment
for all day long.
Every moment filled.
So they won't have time to ask
about the money.
- Is that right, Isabella?
- Right, Jose.
Just keep them busy
and pray for a miracle.
Soldiers, you are in a very bad position.
You have to go this direction.
- Never mind about the soldiers.
- Never mind about the soldiers.
And musicians, go over this...
That's all right.
You're all right where you are.
And don't forget now,
play loud and long.
Not long, short.
- And I say short I mean...
- Your Excellency.
- You're demoted.
- Well, why? What did I do now?
That's for nothing, Lieutenant Gomez.
Is that right, Isabella?
They're coming. They're coming.
Big, happy smiles, everybody.
Like this:
Ricardo, I don't know how to act.
They won't be fooled.
They'll take one look at me and shoot.
Chico, I know how gentlemen act.
I've seen them in the hotels
where I have worked.
Just do everything I do. Come on.
It's a salute, in our honor.
In our faces.
Smile. Smile.
This is really living.
It may be dying.
This is a very charming room.
And now, gentlemen,
my most precious jewel:
My daughter, Teresa.
Teresa, I wish to present
His Majesty's emissaries.
Count Belmonte and General Torro.
Well, dear?
Count Belmonte...
...and General Torro?
Teresa, don't you have
anything to say to our guests?
But she don't need to.
She looks so nice
when she don't say nothing.
Thank you.
But she wants to say
it's a great honor to meet you.
Don't you, dear?
It's a great honor.
Perhaps the senorita had imagined me
as being quite different.
Very different.
And the difference is very pleasant,
isn't it, darling?
Yes, very pleasant.
Now, she's very anxious for you to try
our good California wine.
Aren't you, dear, yeah?
Yes, very anxious.
Father, if I could just go to my room.
Yes, dear.
Oh, general. The secret police.
What a dangerous life you must lead.
Believe me.
Count Belmonte, you don't know how
honored I am to have you under my roof.
What was that?
A joke.
A family joke.
A very funny one.
If the joke is finished, you can
tell us where the tax money is, huh?
- No.
- No?
Why, I wouldn't think of bothering now
right after you have arrived...
...when you are tired and weary
from your journey.
Certainly not.
Right now you should be entertained.
If you steal a kiss, dear
Please bring it back
With the dawn
But if you steal
My heart, dear
I'll know it's gone
Forever gone
Forever gone
Excellent. Excellent.
Fine. Fine.
Now we can go and get the taxes, huh?
Teresa, why don't we show our guests
the rest of the hacienda?
Wonderful idea. Why don't you show them
around the patio, Teresa, slowly?
I mean, so they can see all the flowers.
Yes, why don't you, senorita?
I think Aunt Isabella
better come along too.
She knows the Latin names of all
the flowers, don't you, Aunt Isabella?
- But, chief...?
- Come along, General Torro.
I'm coming right back.
How many flowers can there be?
Your Excellency. Your Excellency,
I'm very suspicious about something.
And it's one of your guests.
That General Torro.
I have a very definite feeling
I've seen him somewhere before.
Oh, of course, I don't suppose
I could have seen him anywhere, could I?
After all, with me in California
and him in Spain.
Still, it does seem to me
that I've seen that face somewhere.
Well, I guess I couldn't have seen it
anywhere after all.
No, well, excuse me.
Maybe this other fellow was a relative.
Seems funny to have relatives
all over the country like that...
General Torro, you don't know how
wonderful it is for a woman like me... in the wilds of this terrible California
to meet a man like you.
- What's the matter with California?
- Oh, the men here have no conversation.
But you, fresh from Spain,
must know all the latest gossip.
Tell me, what's new in Madrid?
Oh, the men are chasing the women.
The women are chasing the men.
The same as all over.
But they do it differently in Spain.
- They do? How?
When the king told me I must come
to California, I thought how dreary... very dull,
land of peasants and peons.
Stop it. You can just stop
being Count Belmonte right now.
Do you think I don't know
who you are, you...?
You, bandit, you.
Why are you here?
Did you come to rob my father?
No. No.
I suppose you're going to tell me
that you came here just to see me.
Well, yes.
Oh, what nonsense.
You had me in your power once and you...
You didn't...
You mean...
...I didn't kiss you.
- Why didn't you?
- Oh, anyone but you, senorita.
You were so lovely I just couldn't, I...
Then last night?
I had to find out if you were as lovely
as I remembered.
And you were.
And you are.
But I was told that the Kissing Bandit
had a habit of kissing people.
Well, of course. That's why I'm here.
But you shouldn't have come
to the hacienda like this.
It's terribly dangerous for you.
You might be killed.
Do you think I wouldn't risk my life
for a moment with you?
And besides, what if there is danger?
I live on danger.
Many a night, my men
and I have ridden for miles... some far-off hacienda
where a lovely senorita is waiting.
Waiting to be serenaded by me.
- Many a night we've...
- Many a night, is it?
After all,
you see girls you want so often...
...that you must risk your life
almost every night.
- Oh, no, no.
- Oh, yes.
You kiss every woman you see.
And... And they love it.
- They swoon.
- But this is different.
It certainly is different.
First, if I were one
of the women you kissed...
...I wouldn't swoon, I'd scream.
And second, I just wouldn't be
one of the women you kiss. Not ever.
Do you hear me? Not ever.
But, senorita, please, listen to me.
- You better leave before I tell my father.
- But if you'll only...
Furthermore, don't you dare speak to me
unless it's necessary.
I think you're a...
I think you're...
What's more, I don't even like you.
"Many a night the lovely senoritas
are waiting. " Well!
I wonder what I said that was wrong.
All right, I looked at all the flowers,
now let's look at all the taxes.
Chico, we'd better forget
about the taxes and get out of here.
Forget about the... Now?
When we got the money
right under our nose?
What's the matter with you? Why?
Is it that girl?
Well, things haven't been going
the way I planned.
I don't think she likes me.
Sit down.
Little one, no one's around,
so tell me something man to man.
Have you...?
Have you had much to do with women?
Not much.
Ricardo, tell me the truth.
Before you kissed Teresa,
did you ever kiss anyone else?
And you know something else,
man to man?
I didn't even kiss Teresa.
Now we gotta stay here.
And believe me, I'm not speaking
about the money...
...but a kissing bandit
who never kissed a woman.
It's no good for your reputation,
your father's reputation.
We gotta do something.
You gotta start right now with this girl.
- But, Chico, she doesn't like me.
- She doesn't like you?
- Who said she didn't like you?
- She did.
She did? What does she know about it?
Women always say no, as I remember.
- Well, maybe sometimes they mean it.
- Now, Ricardo, listen.
They always want to say yes.
But when they are little girls
their mothers tell them:
"Don't make it easy. Make it tough. "
So, you gotta make eyes a little...
...flirt a little, waste a little time.
Then they say yes always.
This I do remember.
Maybe you're right.
Perhaps I've been a little too quick.
Tried to rush things a little too much.
Sure, sure.
But now you got a little time, see... you can take care of your little job,
I will take care of my little job.
I go and ask that Don Jose again for
the taxes, and this time he better say yes.
No. Siesta.
It's time for siesta. Everybody sleeps.
Custom of the country, you know.
Come along.
- But we gotta...
- Siesta.
Go away, fly
Stop your buzzing by
Can't you see that I need
Leave me be
Go away from me
Need my energy
For siesta
I want to dream of a maid
And a rose
But how can I dream
When you perch on my nose?
Get off of my chin, get out of my ear
Get off of my nose, get out of here
Get out of my life, I'm talking to you
Fly, why don't you shoo, fly, shoo?
Go away, fly
Stop your buzzing by
Don't you ruin my
Allow me to introduce you.
Senors, senores, my honored guests...
...the emissaries of His Majesty the king...
...Count Belmonte, General Torro.
Say a little something.
I'm sure that His Majesty
would want me to say that he loves you all.
And as for the general and myself...
...why, we're completely overwhelmed
by the lovely women of California.
It's nice to have you here.
How long are you
gonna stay with us, count?
I hope you'll
make your visit quite long...
...and enjoy our beautiful
wine in California.
General Torro,
why should we talk about the taxes?
It's really...
Let's enjoy our dinner.
- Eh, general?
Oh, but you're forgetting Alfonso.
He's the king.
He's the one told us get the taxes
and get out quick.
That's what I wanna do.
General, you can't possibly think
of leaving before the fiesta.
- I'm saving all of my dances for you.
- No, no, I...
The general is rather shy with the ladies,
Dona Isabella.
- He's been a bachelor too long.
- Nobody can be a bachelor too long.
Oh, general, you're so complicated... complex, so full of mystery.
Full of what?
I don't understand women.
That's because you haven't met
the right woman.
Every man needs a woman to inspire him.
Oh, that's so true.
Every man needs a lovely lady
to encourage him... urge him on to great deeds.
Yes, and to marry him.
Well, to me, Count Belmonte
seems the type of man...
...that would prefer a variety of women
rather than any particular one.
Oh, no, no. Really, honestly.
- You see, dear?
- Do you understand, dear?
I think it's perfectly horrible
the way parents try to arrange marriages.
Especially to people they hardly know.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'd like to go to my room.
I wanna change my dress.
But I think your dress is beautiful.
Oh, you do, do you? Well, I don't.
You see, Teresa feels that marriages
should not be arranged...
...but should be for love.
Oh, I think she's right too.
As a matter of fact, I come from a line
of people who believe in marrying for love.
Now, take my father and my mother.
He abducted her.
He abducted her.
Don't scream.
I never scream. What are you doing here?
I've come to take you away,
carry you over the border.
- Someplace where we can be together.
- You want to abduct me?
Yes. We've dilly-dallied long enough.
But this is so unexpected and,
well, I have other things to do.
My father's downstairs waiting for me
and we have a lot of guests...
But in an abduction,
these trivial things don't matter.
But I'm not dressed. Look.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
I had no idea. I mean, I'm sorry.
May I see you about this later,
There's nothing wrong with me
He tried to abduct me
Sometime this Don Jose has
got to stop finding things for me to look at.
Keep the governor busy,
I'm gonna get the money now.
- But about the money, I...
- Believe me, we need it.
Now I know who you are.
And I know who you are too.
Ever since you came here
I've been watching you.
And I've been watching you too.
- You have?
- Yes, I have.
And if ever I saw a criminal face,
you got it.
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.
And if you don't keep out of my sight,
I'm gonna remember your crime.
- Then you'll be sorry.
- But I didn't do anything.
- You did.
- What?
- You know what.
- No, I don't know.
Yes, you do, and if you don't look out,
you know what's gonna happen to you?
- No, what's going to happen?
- You'll find out.
- But I...
- Now get out and don't bother me.
- Yes, sir.
- Wait a minute.
- Where is the treasury?
- Through that door down the corridor...
...turn left then you go downstairs.
- Thanks. Go on.
Yes, sir. Watch the bottom step.
It's loose.
All right.
You were wonderful.
Both of you were simply wonderful.
Why, it's the most beautiful dance
I've ever seen.
Oh, Your Excellency.
He tells that to every dancer he sees.
Well, I never met any dancers in Boston.
Has Your Excellency been in Boston?
Why, yes, I...
I mean, I came through Boston
on my way from Madrid, you see.
And it's...
I beg your pardon.
Will you excuse me?
I offer you the moon
Set in a summer sky
That is mine to give, seorita
I offer you the breeze
Singing a lullaby
That is mine to give, seorita
I can't bring a golden crown
Set with pearls and rubies rare
But I can bring a rose
And place it in your hair
I offer you these things
That come from up above
I give them and my love
To you
You can't bring a golden crown
Set with pearls and rubies rare
But I can bring a rose
And place it in your hair
I offer you these things
That come from up above
- I give them and my love
- I give them and my love
- To you
- To you
Teresa, I love you very much.
- You've never said that before.
- I've never said it to anyone before.
But it's what I should have said
the moment I saw you.
Because I knew it then.
But it didn't seem possible
it could happen so fast.
I couldn't admit it to myself.
But it's true. It did happen.
Yes, I... I know.
- Teresa.
Senorita, your father's looking for you.
- But, Chico, Teresa and I were...
- You stay here. I wanna tell you something.
Well, don't keep your father waiting.
Oh, Ricardo...
Well, I'll tell you later.
She'll tell you later.
Well, I'll tell you now.
What happened to you?
You've got cobwebs on you.
Believe me, that's all I got on me.
That robber,
that fine governor of California.
Do you know what I found
in the treasury?
Twelve stinking pesos...
...and believe me, they look homemade.
Come on.
Now we gotta leave here for sure.
Only I'd like to wait for Teresa.
Oh, Chico, I hope she goes with us.
Why do you want her to go with us?
You've had enough time to kiss her.
But I'm in love with her. I wanna
marry her. I want her for a lifetime.
A life...
A lifetime.
Oh, that's... That's different.
Then there's only one thing to do.
Get on your horse, ride away from here,
never see her no more.
Oh, I couldn't do that.
Then I don't think you love her too much.
I don't understand.
Little one,
it's time to remember something.
You are a bandit.
And that is what you decided to be, no?
Yes, but there's nothing that says
a bandit can't have a wife, Chico.
- Why, in all the books I've read it just...
- Books.
This is not a book, Ricardo mo.
This is not a dream you are dreaming.
But this is your life now,
a bandit's life.
Hard. Sometimes very short.
But there are also good things
in a bandit's life.
Freedom, excitement and adventure.
Sure, for you.
But for a gentle young girl like Teresa... spend her life hiding,
running away, in danger... that you want for her?
No, no, of course not.
Sure not.
It's funny.
Because I'm a bandit chief,
I was able to win my heroine.
And because I'm a bandit chief,
I have to give her up.
I realize I have no right to her, Chico.
Let's go.
Love is where you find it
Don't be blind
It's all around you everywhere
Take it, take a chance now
For romance now
Tell someone that you care
Spring love comes upon you
When it's gone you feel despair
Soon, though, in the moon glow
You'll find that a new love is there
Love is where you find it
Fate designed it
To be waiting everywhere
It may hide from you for a while
It may come tonight
In a smile
Fan the flame of a new love
In the arms of a new love
Seek and you shall find
Love is where you find it
Don't be blind
It's all around you everywhere
Little one, come on. Let us get out.
General Torro, this is the moment
for which I've been waiting and waiting.
- But we've got business.
- Let's dance.
But I don't dance too good.
What I wanted to say was that...
...I'll go away with you now.
That is if you still want me to.
Teresa, I'm a bandit
and maybe you ought to realize...
I wouldn't have you any other way.
Shall we go?
Teresa, would you dance
with me just this once?
All right.
Oh, general, your dancing
is just like you are. Complicated.
Yes, I think so.
Hello. How are you?
I know that face from...
Stop. Stop.
Stop everything in the king's name.
I am Count Belmonte.
Guards, those two men are impostors.
Seize them.
Where is the governor?
Where is the governor?
Where is the governor, I say?
I'm... I'm Don Jose, the governor.
You've made a mistake
that may cost you your head.
You're just what I expected
in the first place.
Send all these people home.
Everybody. Get rid of them.
Bring those two men here.
Look at this man, governor.
This is the man known
as the Kissing Bandit.
The other his chief accomplice.
Guards, take them away.
Throw them in chains.
Have a gallows built. Hang them!
Oh, Count Belmonte, please,
you can't hang them. You just can't.
And who is this?
This is my daughter, Teresa.
She is very pleased to welcome
Your Excellency.
If the senorita would honor me
with her presence for a while...
...I might be inclined to feel
more kindly toward her father... this entire disgraceful situation.
Oh, she would be delighted.
Wouldn't you, dear?
She would be delighted.
Hang the bandits at dawn.
Well, greetings, gentlemen.
What are you so happy about?
Well, I've been demoted to private.
That may sound bad to you,
but I just found out...
...that privates are the only ones
the governor can afford to pay.
So now for the first time I'm getting
money for being in the army.
Well, what do you want
for your last supper?
I don't want nothing.
But what do you want, Gomez?
Because maybe this is
your last supper too.
You're in pretty much hot water,
aren't you?
I am? Again?
Don't you think so?
Why, no. What have I done now?
What do you think the king
is gonna say...
...when he finds out you threw me,
the chief of police, in jail?
- And me, Count Belmonte?
- But you're not.
- You're just impersonating these people.
- Who said that?
- Everybody's talking about it.
- Don't believe them.
You're not General Torro
and Count Belmonte.
- Are you?
- No?
Weren't we introduced to you
by the governor as Belmonte and Torro?
Do you think the governor would lie?
That's a terrible thing to say
about the governor.
I don't like your attitude, Gomez.
I'd be careful if I were you.
Please put down the keys.
They make me nervous.
Everything was clear to me
until a while ago.
Listen to me and we'll clear it up once...
It's all very simple.
- It's not difficult to understand.
We'll take care of everything.
You see, we really like you.
And then you
have nothing to worry about.
Now, don't go no place.
Look, the governor won't like this at all.
What's the matter? Go on. Go on.
She shouldn't be alone
with a man like him.
But it's not our business. Come on.
This is my business.
That will teach you to stay away
from my girl.
And you ought to be ashamed
of yourself.
Torro. Don Jose, call out the guards.
Torro! Torro!
Stay out of this, Chico.
This is my affair.
Torro, draw your sword
and cut these men to ribbons.
You stay out and I'll stay out.
Teresa, you'd better go inside.
This is no place for a lady.
Very well, Ricardo.
Now, are you ready?
This is outrageous.
I don't fight peasants.
Put up your fists.
How unfair.
- I thought they were in jail.
- Stop it. Stop it.
You don't want to help Count Belmonte.
Well, I... No.
But I shouldn't help a man
who is a bandit.
- It'll be much better if he wins.
- Well, I...
Oh, general...
I mean, Mr. Bandit.
But even if Ricardo wins,
he's still a bandit.
You can pardon him, can't you?
You're the governor, aren't you?
That still leaves the problem of Belmonte.
You could order him out of the territory,
couldn't you?
If he goes back without the taxes,
Alfonso will cut off his head.
What are you worried about?
Why don't you appoint someone
to collect the money for you?
But whom?
You have a man right over here who
has more experience collecting money...
...than anyone else in California.
- I don't want the job.
- There will be a commission.
- Then maybe I'll take it.
- You're hired.
You can use my men to help you.
I don't want your men. I got my own.
It's a deal.
Well, Jose, you are the governor,
aren't you?
Belmonte, get out of California.
I'm the governor.
Fine, little one.
Come on. Let's get out of here.
This California climate
don't agree with you either.
I think you'll find Teresa waiting
for you inside.
Thank you, Dona Isabella,
but I can't stay.
If she cared for me at all,
it was because I was a bandit.
And I'm no longer a bandit.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going up to pack.
Run after him, Chico.
Make him change his mind.
After all, you've been outlaws together.
- Why not in-laws together?
- Yeah...
You... You cannot do it, little one.
You cannot go away.
I'm sorry, Chico.
I'm going back to Boston.
- I made up my mind.
- Please, Ricardo.
Go downstairs and talk to Teresa first.
No, Chico, it's all over with.
Then think of me. I'm in terrible trouble.
I cannot face it alone.
It's that... That Isabella.
I am afraid I'm engaged.
Oh, that's fine news, Chico.
- I don't know.
- Congratulations.
For me there's nothing, I guess.
No more adventure. No more romance.
If you steal a kiss, dear
I hope you'll return it someday
If you steal my dreams, dear
Please give them back
Teresa, you don't seem to understand.
If you take my midnight
Please bring it back
With my dawn
There's something I must tell you.
But if you steal
My heart, dear
I'll know it's gone
Forever gone
Teresa, look,
I've got to make this clear to you.
I am not a bandit.
My father was the Kissing Bandit.
I was never a bandit.
I couldn't be a bandit in a million years.
I didn't inherit one single thing
from my father.
Not one single thing.
Or did I?