The Last Starfighter (1984) Movie Script
'Good morning.
It's 8:00 in wonderful coombs county,
'where once again state police
have refused to confirm or deny
'more of those mysterious "lights in
the sky" sightings by local residents.
'Roving air reporters spoke
with miss Josie floss,
'who made just such a sighting.'
'I've seen those lights
with my own eyes.
'And when I called the police,
they told me it was swamp gas.
"Bullshit! Ain't no swamps
in coombs county!
'I tell you, with them illegal aliens...'
gonna be a sparkling day.
Sparkling.
Aargh! Makes me crazy! Clara!
Clara!
My electric's gone out again, Clara!
I'm gonna miss my soaps!
- Oh, stop your yakking.
- Bill?
Bill, elvira's blacked out again.
Pass the word.
- Have a nice day, honey.
- Okay, thanks, Mrs. Boone. You, too.
Elvira's got no electric.
If she can't see her soaps,
she'll hyperventilate.
- Great day for a picnic, Maggie!
- Can't wait, Mr. Boone.
- Catch yourself a big one.
- Sure gonna try!
Granny, I fixed your lunch
and put it in the fridge.
- Have fun, child.
- Sure you're gonna be okay?
I'll be fine, dear.
Now you just run along. Bye!
- Hi, Mrs. rogan.
- Hi, Maggie.
- Did you find that picnic basket yet?
- Mm-hmm, it's in the living room.
Oh, thanks. Where's Alex?
- Where else?
- Right.
Louis!
Good morning, space-son Louis.
- Earthling.
- Louis!
Jane!
Elvira's electric is out again,
and she's gonna get hyper
if she can't see her soaps!
Granny, tell elvira that Alex will be over
to patch her electric in time for the soaps.
- I'll tell her, Jane. Elvira!
- Louis!
Louis! Go tell Alex that I need him.
Beware, aliens,
Louis rogan, the cosmic cadet,
the space avenger,
is on your case.
'Greetings, starfighter!
"You have been recruited
by the star league to defend the frontier
'against xur and the ko-Dan armada.
'Get ready.
Prepare for blast-off!'
okay. Let's go.
'Prepare for target light practice,
starfighter.'
mom's looking for you, Alex.
Right there! Right there!
Aim. They're all through the center.
Shoot them, okay?
Now from the bottom up, okay.
There's one right over there.
Okay, doing good.
Right up there.
- Move your head, will you, Louis?
- Uh, sorry.
Maggie!
Hey, you guys!
Hi. How you doing?
Come on, Alex. They're here!
Maggie, queen of the trailer park!
Alright... starfighter Alex rogan
requests permission
to turn the bridge over
to my little brother, Louis, sir!
Okay, you alien dorks are dead.
"You are defeated.
25 cents more, please.'
oh, crapola!
- Rogan, come on.
- Alex, how you doing, man?
- Just a second.
- Let's do it, buddy! Come on!
- What are you doing?
- Come on, Alex. Hurry up!
- Alex, did it come yet?
- Uh... no, I don't think so.
What's it this time, rogan?
You joining the foreign legion?
Yes, sir, folks, step right up and meet
boy adventurer Alex rogan
on the last leg
of his worldwide tour to nowhere.
Funny, Blake.
You guys think I'm gonna hang out here,
watch you shine your pickup,
go to the drive-in, get drunk
and throw up every Saturday night,
go to city college like everybody else?
Forget it, man.
I'm doing something with my life.
- Uh-oh, Mr. serioso!
- Alex!
- Yeah?
- Honey, elvira's electric is out.
Oh, ma, that's gonna take all day.
I was going to silver lake.
Honey, I know. I'm sorry.
I'm working lunch and dinner.
I'm gonna be in town all day!
- Oh, alright. Okay, ma. I'll do it.
- Thanks, honey.
We're gonna be late.
Look, you, uh...
You'd just better go ahead without me.
- No. Alex, I'll stay.
- No. That's okay. This'll take a while.
Uh... I'll catch up with you later.
Alex...
- Bye-bye, rogan!
- See you, dude!
Alex, come help me!
Hey, Alex.
Could you give me a hand here?
Thanks, Alex!
What should we do tonight?
I don't know. How about cards?
- Hey, that's a good idea.
- Yeah, but we played cards last night.
The missus wants to go
into town tonight and go dancing.
The fish were really biting
down there at the stream.
It was pleasant fishing today.
Yup. It's gonna be pleasant
tomorrow, too.
Gonna be a pleasant summer
according to farmer's almanac.
Yeah. I love the farmer's almanac.
I've been reading it for years.
'Greetings, starfighter.
"You have been recruited
by the star league
'to defend the frontier
against xur and the ko-Dan armada.'
yeah. Yeah.
'Get ready.
Prepare for blast-off.
'Prepare for target light practice,
starfighter.
- Oh, hi, Alex.
- Hey, Otis.
Where's your Maggie?
Good question.
Out having a good time, I guess.
Oh. And you never have
a good time. Is that it?
Oh, sure, I love patching
30-year-old fuse panels
and plunging people's toilets.
Otis, I never even get a chance
to have a good time around here.
Things change. Always do.
You'll get your chance.
Important thing is, when it comes,
you got to grab it with both hands
and hold on tight.
'Enemy squadrons
in sectors 3, 6, 7 closing fast.'
- Thanks, Jack.
- You're welcome.
- Night, maggs.
- Goodnight.
Thought you were gonna meet me
at the lake. What happened?
Same thing that always happens.
I couldn't get away.
Where's everybody else?
Oh, they went to a movie.
Old Jack Blake just happened
to be going your way, huh?
'Enemy squadron in sector 3.
He said it was on his way home.
Blake lives on the other side of town.
Come on, Alex.
I wanted to get back to you.
Okay?
'Good show, starfighter! Way to go.'
Alex, look!
Oh, my god.
What is that? 900,000!
900,000!
You gonna bust the record!
Hey! Hey! Listen up! Everybody!
Alex is going for the record!
Record?
Take a hand.
Got them!
Oh, he's gonna get that one!
You can do it!
Otis?
Otis, what are you yelling about?
What's wrong?
Come on! Come on!
He's gonna bust the record!
Hurry! Hurry!
Everyone get back! Don't crowd him!
I said, get back!
- Alex, you never got this far before!
- Go, Alex!
Come on, Alex!
Good boy! Come on!
'Ko-Dan command ship
entering kill zone."
- Command ship!
- Oh, command ship!
What's a command ship?
You can do it, Alex!
You can do it!
One more now. Come on!
That's the one!
That's the one we want!
Alright, Alex!
Alright, Alex! Do it!
Yeah! Yeah!
Good night. Way to go, Alex!
- Night, kids.
- Alex, you're something else.
- You're wonderful, boy.
- Thank you.
If I said it once, I said it
a thousand times,
that boy's gonna go places.
That's one smart boy.
Night, Alex.
"Night, Alex"? Wait a second.
Maggie? Maggie?
Hold on a second.
Where are you going?
What's wrong?
Well, I guess it just hit me.
You really are leaving here,
aren't you?
Of course, I'm leaving.
We're both gonna leave here.
- Both of us, Alex?
- Yeah.
We talked about this.
When I get to school, I'll find a place
and come back and get you.
Well, what about granny?
Granny?
Truth is, you're scared
of leaving this trailer park.
I'm not scared of leaving
this trailer park, Alex.
Hey. Listen.
Whatever happens,
it's you and me forever, right?
Right?
I love you so much, Alex.
I'll always love you, maggs.
Diarrhea!
Maggie! Maggie!
Alex, I got to go in. Good night.
- Night.
- Night.
Someday they're gonna say,
"this is where it all began."
What?
Mom, I finally broke
the starfighter record.
Oh, that's nice, dear.
Nice? It's stupendous!
Uh, Alex...
Mr. brenner knew that you'd want
to see this as soon as possible,
so he brought it
by the diner and, uh...
Well, I was so excited, I opened it.
Oh, that's okay. What is it?
It's about your loan.
You can still go to city college
with your friends.
'Greetings, starfighter.
'Greetings, starfighter.
"You have been recruited by
the star league to defend the frontier.
"You have been recruited.
Greetings, starfighter.
"You have been recruited...'
"you have been recruited...'
'get ready.
Prepare for blast-off.'
'get ready..."
Hello? Excuse me, son.
Store's closed, mister.
I'm not here for cigarettes
or bubble gum, my boy.
Can you tell me the name of the person
who broke the record on that game there,
where I might find him?
Alex rogan. You're looking at him.
Alex rogan. A-ha-ha!
- Who are you?
- Centauri's the name.
I invented starfighter,
which is why I'm here.
- Tis?
- Ltis.
We have to talk about a matter
of utmost importance.
Step into my office.
That's it. Come on now.
Nothing to be afraid of.
Oh, yes.
Say hello to my assistant, beta.
Howdy.
Ow!
I must congratulate you
on your virtuoso performance, my boy.
Centauri is impressed.
I've seen 'em come and I've seen 'em go.
But you're the best, my boy. Dazzling.
Light years ahead of the competition.
Which is why centauri is here.
He's got a little proposition for you.
Are you interested?
I guess.
Hey!
- What are you doing?
- Listen...
Centauri wants to keep it
for a surprise.
Trust me.
Oh, you're gonna love it. Love it!
The amusing thing about this,
it's all a big mistake.
That particular starfighter game was
supposed to be delivered to Vegas,
not some flea-speck trailer park
in the middle of tumbleweeds
and tarantulas.
So, it must be fate,
destiny, blind chance,
luck, even, that brings us together.
And as the poet says,
"the rest is history."
Where are you going?
Where are you taking me?
I told you.
I wanna save it for a surprise.
Hey, are you the kind of kid who reads
the last page of a mystery first?
Who pesters the magician
to tell you his tricks?
Who sneaks downstairs
to peek at his Christmas presents?
No. Of course you're not!
That's why I'm not gonna tell you.
Oh, god.
Besides, I just love surprises, don't you?
- Hey, look out! Stop!
- Oh, dear...
Hit the brakes! Hey...
Oh sh...
Aargh!
Shifting into star drive
at columba zeta. Hold tight.
Hey. Hey, let me out of here!
There's a perfectly
logical explanation for all this.
Hey! Wait! Where are you going?
Hi! How are you? Uh... what is this?
Listen, do you speak english? I'd...
This is nice but, uh...
Centauri, what's going on here?
He's just saying how delighted
he is that you're here.
If there's anything he can do to make
your stay more enjoyable, give him a ring.
My stay? What are you talking about?
Where are we?
Welcome to rylos, my boy!
Rylos? Wait a minute.
You mean... you mean like in a game?
Oh, he's quick. He's quick.
He's very quick.
He's speechless.
So long, Alex! Have fun!
May the luck of the seven pillars of gulu
be with you at all times.
Oh, someday these cheapskates
will thank centauri. Trust me.
Where the hell is June?
Yolanda, baby!
Hi, maggs.
Hi, Louis.
- Is he up?
- Yeah. He's been up all night moaning.
Alex?
Your mother told me about the loan.
Is there anything I can do?
Listen, I'll be next door
if you need anything, okay?
Gunstars.
I gotta be dreaming.
Yeah, right...
Listen, there's been a big mistake.
'...immediately after situation report..."
- Welcome to starfighter command.
- You speak english?
No, you hear english,
thanks to your translator device.
Hurry up.
We haven't got much time.
The briefing begins immediately.
Join the other recruits.
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
Wait a minute! What are you
talking about, recruits?
I don't believe this.
'Attention. Attention, please.
Ambassador enduran has arrived
'and will now address
starfighter command personnel.'
as you all know, we have been
on a desperate quest...
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- To find starfighters and navigators.
I should... I should crush you
to gorun dust!
I'm sorry, uh...
It was an accident.
I didn't mean to step on your, uh...
- Whatever that is.
- Hideous creature.
If I may continue,
our forces have...
You don't trifle with a bogati.
They love to fight.
That's why they're perfect for this war.
- Did you say "war"?
- But of course!
Why else do you think you're here?
You were recruited
by the star league to defend...
"To defend the frontier
against xur and the ko-Dan armada."
Eons ago, our ancestors created
our great frontier,
a barrier of energy encircling
the peaceful systems of the universe,
and forever shutting out
the scourge that lurks beyond.
Fellow rylans,
because of a dark betrayal,
our frontier will soon collapse.
So we turn to you, starfighters,
and your navigators.
For of all the billions of creatures
in the star league,
only you few were found
to possess the, uh... gift.
You, and you alone,
stand between us
and the black terror of the ko-Dan.
Victory or death!
Victory or death!
Victory or death!
Victory or death! Victory or death!
Victory or death!
Victory or death!
Victory or death! Victory or death!
Victory or death!
Victory or death!
Victory or death! Victory or death!
Victory or death!
Victory or death!
'Now, starfighters,
if you will reach underneath your seats,
'you will find a packet
which contains one...'
this is a restricted area,
off-limits to...
My apologies, starfighter.
Star navigator first class grig
at your service, sir!
Hi. I'm Alex rogan.
I was playing this game back home,
and this guy came up to me.
Only he's not a guy, he's an alien, right?
And I get into his car,
only it's not a car, it's a spaceship.
And, uh... there's been a big mistake.
Am I to understand you're actually declining
the honor of becoming a starfighter?
- You got it.
- Extraordinary!
For eons, all creatures have dreamt
of being starfighters.
- Where are you from?
- Earth.
And we're not at war with anybody
except each other.
Earth? Earth isn't a formal member
of the star league,
and isn't due to be approached
until it matures.
This is all highly irregular.
Tell me, who recruited you?
Centauri.
- There he is. That's him!
- Centauri? I might've known.
Up to your old Excalibur tricks
again, eh, centauri?
Did it ever occur to you
that it's against the law
to recruit from worlds
outside the star league?
Earth's in danger, too, isn't it?
And, no, I did not use
the Excalibur test.
It was called a video game.
What's all the brouhaha?
After all, he does have the gift.
This may come as a bit
of a shock to you,
but he doesn't want to be a starfighter.
Doesn't want to be a...?
Are you a coward?
- Are you crazy?
- You didn't tell me about any of this!
Return the money, centauri!
Return the money? Are you delirious?
Do you know how long it took
to invent the games,
to merchandise them, to get them
into the stores by Christmas?
It must be terribly embarrassing for you,
and I do sympathize, however...
But I saw him fight!
He could be the greatest starfighter ever!
- That was a game, centauri.
- A game?
You may have thought it was a game,
but it was also a test.
A-ha! A test!
Sent out across the universe to find
those with the gift to be starfighters.
And here you are, my boy.
Here you are!
- Right! Here I am, about to be killed!
- Killed...
You don't seriously think
it's dangerous, do you?
Don't be silly. Trust me.
Xur!
Xur!
Xur?
Yes, father, your mighty frontier
grows weaker by the moment.
Do not call me father!
You are no longer my son!
You're an outcast!
Why have you returned?
I have returned for the good
of all rylans.
With an armada
of ko-Dan warships behind you?
There are some rylans
who would welcome me, father.
Star league justice
put down your xurian cult.
Your followers are few and scattered.
Star league?
A refuge for weak worlds
not worthy to be our equals!
That is for the rylans to decide,
and not for a dangerous
and evil child such as yourself.
And yet, it is this child
who caught your master spy.
Hear me, rylans!
When the green moon of galan is
eclipsed, ko-Dan armada will invade,
and not even your mighty starfighters
will be able to save you.
We shall see, xur. We shall see!
Ha-ha! You still wanna go
and miss all the excitement?
Little brat.
I invent the game, find the kid,
drag him up there,
and he doesn't wanna be a starfighter.
I give up!
'Control, do you copy our star
angle difference from parking angle?"
'Delta beta two at six,
delta gamma three at five.'
Emperor xur ordered me
to bring his scepter.
Let him enter.
"Target vector
remains on scope.'
Just like your ko-Dan emperor's,
isn't it, commander kril?
It takes more than a scepter
to rule, xur,
even on rylos.
You're right, kiril.
It does take more than a scepter.
How long must we endure this fool?
- We have a break in the frontier.
- Fire the meteor gun!
My dear ko-Dan friends,
lest we forget,
it was your own emperor who granted me
command of this armada.
For only I hold the secret
to the frontier.
Only I know the location
of the starfighter base.
And therefore,
only I will give the order to fire!
Forgive me, xur.
You are forgiven, commander kiril.
Meteor gunner... fire.
Sergeant!
I have an unidentified
incoming object in sector 31, sir.
They're headed for the base.
Alert! We are under attack!
I repeat, we are under attack!
Activate automatic repulser guns.
'Condition red! Condition red!
At last, it is done!
Soon the frontier will be down,
and they will bow
to their new emperor!
Or I will darken the sky
with their ashes.
Commander, the xurian spy reports
that one starfighter has escaped.
Escaped?
Sure I can't give you a hand?
You've done quite enough
already. Thank you.
Well, uh...
It's only a few more miles from here.
I guess... I guess I can walk it.
So long. Bye, centauri.
Oh, Alex!
Here!
Hey, listen. I can't take a present
from you, centauri.
He reduces me to poverty again
and he thinks I'm giving him a present.
- What a world this is.
- What is it, then?
It's a second chance, my boy!
If you change your mind,
just tap the communo-crystals.
- Keep it.
- Ah, Alex, Alex!
You're walking away from history.
History!
Did Chris Columbus say
he wanted to stay home? No!
What if the Wright brothers
thought that only birds should fly?
And did geloca think the yulus
were too ugly to save?
Who's geloca?
Never mind.
Listen, centauri, I'm none of those guys.
I'm a kid from a trailer park.
If that's what you think,
then that's all you'll ever be!
Hey. Maggie!
Listen to this.
You're not gonna believe this...
I told you, Alex.
Me and my... how did you put it?
"Strange sexual urges"
aren't talking to you anymore.
- Who's there!
- Shh! You're gonna wake up Louis.
- Hey, you look like me!
- Of course I do. I'm the beta unit.
What the hell's a beta unit?
A beta unit is a simuloid,
an exact duplicate of you,
only not as loud.
- Huh?
- I was in the starcar, remember?
We shook hands?
I became you, unfortunately.
Let me get this straight.
You're a robot?
I beg your pardon.
I'm a state-of-the-art,
top-of-the-line beta unit,
put here as a courtesy replacement
for while you're away.
Lucky me.
Wait a minute.
What are you doing back?
Are you kidding? It's war up there!
Oh. Save the whales
and not the universe, huh?
Well, why don't you
go up there and fight?
Simuloids can't fight.
We're not allowed.
Well, tell them that you're me!
Pretend!
Be quiet, Alex.
Sorry, Louis.
Thanks for the lift!
Sure thing, buddy. See you around!
'Greetings, starfighter.
"You have been recruited
by the star league
'to defend the frontier
against xur and..."
And, hey, what did you do
to Maggie?
Do to her?
We're sitting outside, looking at the
stars, and she sticks her tongue in my ear!
I screamed.
I'll apologize tomorrow, okay?
You're not gonna be here.
You're going back with centauri right now!
What's up, Alex?
Back to sleep, Louis,
or I'm telling ma about your "playboys"!
You're blowing it, Alex!
What the shit?
I said, back to sleep, Louis,
or I'm telling ma about your "playboys"!
Come in, centauri.
Come on. Get back here.
And take your tonka toy with you.
'Greetings, starfighter.
"You have been recruited
by the star league to defend the frontier
'against xur and the ko-Dan armada.
'Greetings, starfighter.
"You have been recruited by the star league
to defend the frontier against xur...'
where are you?
Come on, where are you?
Centauri?
Greetings, starfighter!
Centauri?
Oh, shit!
Come on, Alex. Don't be such a wimp!
Hey!
- Centauri, look out!
- What the...?
Phew! Foul stench.
Dirty creatures.
Get a good look, Alex.
You can bet your asteroids
you'll be seeing more of them.
- What?
- This is a zando-zan.
An interstellar hitbeast,
compliments of xur.
Xur? Why is he after me?
Somehow he found out
you're a starfighter.
So you see, Alex,
you gotta go back. You got no choice.
Cos if you stay down here,
you're dog food.
Trust centauri, my boy.
Because in two hours, this place will
be crawling with ten zando-zans
with just one thought
on their microscopic little minds:
Kill Alex rogan.
- Kill Alex rogan?
- He's right, Alex.
At least up there, you'll have
a fighting chance in a gunstar.
Exactly. Meanwhile, down here,
they'll be going after beta.
- Beta.
- Beta?
Of course.
What do you think he's here for?
Wait a...
Wait a second here, centauri.
Alex, look out!
Centauri!
- Beta, get a doctor!
- No. No native cures. No witch doctors.
I'm fine. Just a scratch.
Now face it, Alex.
You're a born starfighter.
Are you with me?
Okay, let's go, centauri.
Good luck, Alex.
You, too, Alex.
Centauri to starfighter command.
Centauri to starfighter command.
Come in, please.
Hey, centauri.
'Attention all personnel.
Starcar approaching docking bay 12.
Centauri! Centauri!
- Hey, hit the brakes!
- 'Starcar approaching docking bay...'
- grig! Hey, grig!
- Alex!
They got centauri. He's hurt.
He's right over here.
Ah! You see?
- Centauri brought him back.
- Yes, I see. Don't talk.
- Does he have my money, Alex?
- I have a fortune for you, centauri.
Now, please be still.
It's here. It's all here.
Piles and piles of it.
All for you.
Ah...
At last.
Alex, I want you to know, it was
for the greatest good I brought you back.
Of course... it...
It never hurts to be rich.
Until the next dimension, old friend.
I'm sorry, Alex.
Centauri?
Centauri?
The frontier could collapse
at any moment.
Alex!
Now I need an ear job.
I'm dying here. Dying!
Alex, what the hell's going on?
Louis, you're having a terrible nightmare.
Go back to sleep.
Louis!
Oh, no.
Am I to understand there's a beta unit
taking your place back home?
He's trying.
So it's safe to assume that
xur thinks you're still on earth.
Yeah.
That could work to our advantage,
theoretically.
Ah! Now you look human!
Is this my gunstar?
This is a prototype,
different from the other ships.
She has a greater range, more power,
and a slight weapons modification.
And of course, she's got deflective plating
so she can withstand several direct hits.
From here,
this is where I navigate the ship,
maintain life support
and propulsion systems.
- Okay. Where do I sit?
- Way up there, in the gunnery chair.
- Hang on!
- Okay.
Now, climb into the gunnery chair.
Now, I'm moving you
into launch position.
There in front of you are the two switches
for your heads-up display. Turn them on.
While you're engaging the enemy,
the screen will reflect
all battle instruments towards you.
Where did it go?
It's still there,
suspended in a xenon mist.
But it's only visible
if you look dead ahead.
Ah, got it.
The lever on your left is
the chair controller.
As you can see, all guns will track
with your every move.
Hal
grasp the target control
with your right hand.
At your fingers is the weaponry,
the lasers, photon bolts...
Photon bolts and the particle beams.
Wait a minute, this is just like back home!
- What's this?
- Careful, careful!
That's death blossom,
a weapon of last resort.
Luckily, I was in here working on it
when the hangar went up.
Now, are you ready?
All systems, go!
Ignition!
- Wait, when did the hangar go up?
- I told you, when xur attacked.
- And where were the starfighters?
- In the hangar!
You mean they're dead?
Death is a primitive concept.
I prefer to think of them
as battling evil in another dimension.
In another dimension?
How many are left?
- Including yourself?
- Yeah.
One!
One?
Hold it!
There's no fleet,
no starfighters, no plan?
- One ship, you, me, and that's it?
- Exactly!
Xur thinks you're still on earth.
Classic military strategy. Surprise attack.
- It'll be a slaughter!
- That's the spirit.
No, my slaughter.
One ship against the whole armada?
Yes.
One gunstar against the armada.
I've always wanted to fight
a desperate battle against incredible odds.
- Target lights, Alex.
- Target lights?
Yes, you might want to squeeze off
a few rounds while you have the chance.
Just work the bugs out of the system.
After all, it is her maiden voyage.
Steady. Don't fight the chair.
Take your time.
Watch your gun sights.
Lead your targets.
And above all, relax!
Terrific. I'm about to get killed
a million miles from nowhere
with a gung-ho iguana
who tells me to relax.
Interstellar!
Alex!
Sorry.
Okay, now, come on. Ease it up.
Okay.
Oh, that's... that's it. Easy.
Nice and easy. Yep.
A little bit more
and we'll get it in there, now.
- Aargh!
- Alex!
Sorry. Hi, maggs.
- Alex, are you alright?
- Yeah. Yeah, I'm... I'm fine.
Come on. Try it again.
Did you smell anything?
- Like what?
- Likeaz...
Forget it.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry
for slapping you last night.
Oh, that's okay, maggs.
I deserved it.
I'm sorry.
Well, maybe we can make it up
to each other tonight at silver lake?
The armada will break
through the frontier here,
and reach rylos in 20 klicks.
Squadrons of deck fighters
will precede the mother ship.
Squadrons? How many squadrons?
It isn't the number of squadrons
that concerns me.
It's this communication turret that sends
out the commands to the deck fighters,
which enables them to act
as one during the fight.
Wait a second. We knock out
the turret to get the fighters.
But to get the turret,
we gotta get through the fighters.
We're dead.
I'll have it all figured out
by the time we reach the frontier.
- What's that?
- The frontier.
Now, that's strange. What's a cargo ship
doing this close to the frontier?
'Hail. This is gunstar one.'
I repeat, this is gunstar one.
Identify yourself, please.
Alex, look out.
A xurian ship!
Congratulations, Alex.
This is your first live target.
Live?
Within range in five klicks.
Get ready.
I've blocked its beam of frequency,
so it can't report back to the armada.
- Fire when ready!
- Grig, wait...
We mustn't lose them
in these caves, Alex. Fire!
Shoot, Alex!
Shoot!
You did it! Ha!
I did it? You did it!
You almost got me killed!
My deepest apologies, Alex.
I had hoped that by putting you
in the thick of battle,
a great starfighter would emerge.
But, alas, perhaps there was never
one within you to begin with.
I shall take you home.
You still may live
a long and fruitful life back there.
That is... until the ko-Dan reach earth.
But then again...
Hey, yo, Blake!
Make that sucker blast, man!
- You got it, dude!
- Alright!
So Blake comes back in
to grab his pants, right?
Sees her old lady, and he says,
"I hope this doesn't rule out
dinner on Tuesday night."
That's my man!
Alex, are you okay?
Hmm? Yeah, sure. Why?
I don't know,
you're just acting spaced out.
You're... you're not yourself.
Well, if you were me,
what would you be doing right now?
Well, for one thing,
I'd be trying to enjoy myself.
Leaning back.
Kidding around. Laughing.
Laughing?
Well, it's a start, Alex.
Laughing...
Aargh!
Nice place. Reminds me of home.
This reminds you of home?
Ah, yes.
I live below ground.
With my wifeoid
and 6,000 little griglings.
At least, until xur turns them
into slaves.
Where does your kind live?
Oh, uh, houses, mostly.
That's caves above ground.
See, here...
Here's my family.
See, that's...
That's my folks and my brother, Louis,
and that's Maggie.
That's a cave that goes places.
Only we never went anyplace.
A mobile cave that never went anywhere.
Fascinating.
Yeah, but we have below-ground caves
near the trailer parks.
Me and my brother, Louis,
used to play hide-and-seek in them.
- Hide-and-seek...
- What is it, Alex?
Well, I was just thinking,
maybe we could hide here,
let the armada pass by,
and then hit the turret from behind.
Then we might take them by surprise.
Your plan might really have worked.
What a pity there are
no starfighters left to carry it out.
Yeah. Yeah.
A xurian base!
Two more dead ahead! Closing fast!
Earth course logged
into navigational beams.
Grig?
What is it, Alex?
Maybe there is a starfighter left.
Ow!
What's wrong?
Should I put my tongue
in your ear now?
Don't bother, Alex.
Well, it's just... I'm kind of new
at these gland games.
What are you talking about?
It's like you're
a million miles away, Alex!
'Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, darling.
'Darling, forgive me."
Darling, forgive me.
'Come on!
"You're my Juliet. My Venus.'
you're my Juliet. My Venus.
Alex!
'All the other girls meant nothing to me.
It was you, you, you.'
'shut up and talk dirty to me.'
the other girls meant nothing to me.
It was you... you... y...
Should I talk dirty to you now?
- That does it.
- Oh, god. Alright, I give up.
- I'm not Alex rogan.
- What?
I'm a beta unit.
I'm an exact duplicate of Alex.
He's up there saving the universe,
while I'm down here for target practice.
See?
- Alex! Or whatever you are. Wait. Wait.
- What? Let me go.
If that zando-zan reports back that
I'm not Alex, Alex is in big trouble!
- You're staying here.
- No, I'm not.
I'm not staying anywhere
until I find out what's going on!
God!
Hey, my truck...
Hey, hey, come back!
Scratch that paint
and you're dead, rogan!
- Ready to invade, commander.
- Invade.
Commander, the xurian ships
have not answered our invasion code.
The frontier is down,
the moon is eclipsed,
the starfighters are dead. Invade!
All squadrons ahead, half speed,
with energy probes on.
Energy probe.
Shut down, Alex. Shut down.
Power off.
Alex in space?
Is this for real?
Yes! That's what I'm trying to tell you!
- It's all for real!
- Well, then, don't talk. Drive!
Commander kril, we're getting
a signal on the alert frequency.
Acknowledge.
There it is. Alright, when I give
the signal, we're gonna jump!
- Okay?
- What do you mean, "jump"?
- We're gonna ram him.
- What?
Extermination emissary zeta 6,
one message.
- Ready?
- Oh...
- Jump!
- Alex!
"The last starfighter..."
You owe me one, Alex.
Alex!
Transmission pulsars have stopped,
commander.
"The last starfighter"?
Is dead!
The last starfighter is dead!
Nothing can stop us now.
Ahead full.
To rylos!
The command ship!
There. The turret at the far end.
I see it.
Good luck, starfighter.
Thanks, grig. For everything.
I love you, Alex rogan.
Six.
- Heads-up display. Check.
- Five.
Lasers. Check.
- Four.
- Particle beam. Check.
- Three.
- Proton bolts. Check.
- Two.
- Chair control. Check.
One.
Let's do it.
Tracking alert.
Unidentified craft. What is it?
Wait...
A gunstar!
So, the last starfighter is dead?
This has gone far enough.
Sejze him!
How dare you?
I am the emperor of rylos.
I and I alone command
this entire op...
Release me! I command you!
You will pay for this with your lives!
All guns fire!
There it is, the turret!
Alex, now!
- Yes!
- Got it!
Hurry, Alex, fire!
The armada's almost to rylos!
'Escape pod activated.
'Escape pod ignition.'
the gunstar is gone from our sensors.
Alert wing commanders.
Communication turret
is destroyed.
'All communication radar systems
are out, wing commander.
'Proceed with a visual attack formation.'
life support good.
Ammo packs at peak.
I think we've gotta use death blossom.
Remember, death blossom delivers
only one massive volley at close range.
- Theoretically.
- What do you mean, "theoretically"?
After all, d. B. Has never been tested.
It might overload the systems,
blow up the ship.
What are you worried about, grig?
Theoretically we should already be dead.
Mmm-hmm.
Open death blossom petals.
Switch is on.
Do not trigger d. B.
Until we're within range.
Just use your lasers until I give
the signal. Remember to lead...
I've been recruited by the star league
to defend the frontier.
- Now, are you ready?
- This is it. Here we go.
Charge!
On your right!
Your left!
Evade!
Power packs are low.
We need time to recharge.
Laser power draining!
Grig, my weapons are gone!
Should I do it?
Easy, easy! Wait till they're all
in death blossom range!
Firel
We did it.
Yes, we actually did, didn't we?
The command ship!
Commander, our guns are out.
Damage control is repairing them.
Forget the guns! Ramming speed!
- Grig, we need power!
- Death blossom's drained all power.
I'm working on it.
I'm trying to run boost.
All we have left is life support power.
Grig!
Alright!
Weapons on.
We have them now! Fire! Fire!
Damage report!
Guidance system out.
Auxiliary steering out.
Divert!
- Divert!
- She won't answer the helm!
We're locked into the moon's
gravitational pull!
What do we do?
We die.
Ya-hoo!
On behalf of the star league
and all citizens of rylos,
I congratulate you
on your dazzling victory.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
But as you know,
the frontier is down,
xur escaped,
and there is still danger.
So I was wondering
if you wouldn't be willing to stay on,
and rebuild the starfighter legion.
Wait a minute.
- Rebuild the legion?
- Yes.
Of course, you'd have the help
of an old friend.
An old friend? Who?
Centauri! I thought you were dead.
Me die and miss all the excitement?
Oh, no.
I was merely dormant
while my body repaired itself.
No, I won't bore you
with the details.
Suffice it to say,
you're on rylos, my boy.
Stop thinking human.
That's lesson number one.
Now, lesson number two,
you've got a good thing going here.
Keep smiling. Don't blow it.
And lesson number three,
always trust centauri.
Alex, they love you!
You see, all rylos is behind you.
- You've got to stay, Alex.
- You will stay, won't you?
Of course, he'll stay.
That's very reassuring, centauri.
Grig, I leave it in your capable hands.
I'll stay.
Alex! Alex!
'Greetings...
'Greetings, starfighter.'
- bunny, have you seen Alex?
- Can't say that I have.
Well, ask Maggie.
She knows where he is.
- She was with him.
- Maggie, where's Alex?
Yeah, where's my truck?
Where's your boyfriend?
Mrs. rogan, about Alex,
you see, he's...
- What's going on? I don't know.
- What the...?
Oh, my god!
Whoo! Alright, we're being invaded!
Maggie.
Maggie!
- Alex?
- Hi, maggs.
Alex...
Is it you?
I mean... is it really you?
- Look!
- My god...
It is you.
It's Alex! Alex!
Alex, what is going on here?
What is this thing?
I mean... is this your spaceship?
- I don't know what's gotten into him.
- I don't understand that.
- It's all so strange!
- Wait, hold it. Hold it, everybody.
Alex, what is all this?
I've been to another planet, ma.
- Another planet?
- What?
Who was it helped fix my antenna?
- Yeah, who stole my truck?
- And cut my electrics?
And ruined my stove?
Oh, that was... that was a beta unit.
- Beta unit?
- A robot.
A robot? Come on!
- A monster!
- Oh!
A monster? Ha!
- He should have chains on him.
- Alright! It's an alien!
Oh, no, wait! Hey!
Granny, put away that shotgun.
What's wrong with you?
This is my friend grig.
I want you all to meet my friend here.
- You gotta be kidding!
- Grig, this is Mrs. Boone.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- And, uh, this is elvira.
- Delighted.
- Me, too. How you doing?
- I do well.
- And this is granny.
- How do you do?
How do you do?
- And this here's Otis.
- A pleasure.
Any friend of Alex...
And, uh, this is Maggie.
A very large pleasure.
Hi. Uh...
You must be Louis!
I hear good things about you.
Hear that, you slimes?
I'm famous.
And, uh... this is my mom.
You should be proud of Alex, Mrs. rogan.
You must all be proud of him.
He saved the star league
and hundreds of worlds, including earth.
- Oh, for heaven's sake!
- Oh, my god!
Time to leave, Alex.
Alex?
I have to, ma.
They need me up there.
Oh, Alex, I always knew
you'd leave someday,
but I never expected this.
Gee, can I go, too, Alex? Can I?
Sorry, squirt.
There's only enough room up there
for me, grig, and Maggie.
- Me?
- Yeah.
- Alex, I don't think I can...
- What? Come here. Come here.
- Why else do you think I came back?
- Well...
Didn't we say we'd always be together?
Well, yeah, I mean,
together here or in the city.
But... but up there, Alex...
Maggs, you gotta come. I'm not...
I don't know when I'm gonna be back.
Don't you see?
This is it. This is our big chance.
It's like what Otis says,
when it comes, you got to grab on
with both hands and hold tight.
Well, what about granny, Alex?
You're right.
I'm scared of leaving here.
Why can't you just stay?
Maggie, I have to leave,
and I want you to come with me.
Alex! Hurry!
- Well, I gotta go.
- Um...
Bye.
Alex, we can't hold off
their radar any longer.
Yeah, okay. I got to go, ma.
Bye. Take it easy.
So long. So long, everybody.
- Hey, bye, Alex!
- Bye!
- Bye, Alex!
- Bye!
Alex!
Granny...
Be sure and write,
or whatever it is they do up there.
Alex! Wait, Alex!
- Get back! Come on! Get back!
- Bye!
- Keep your distance!
- Watch what you're doing.
Keep your distance, now!
This baby really packs a punch!
Bye! Bye!
Look at him. Bye! Bye!
Oh, go on. They're gonna be happy
up there. So long, Alex!
So long, Alex!
- We're gonna be famous, aren't we, Otis?
- Yes, sir.
The whole world, the whole universe
is gonna know about it!
Starlite, starbrite, the place where
Alex and Maggie left for the stars!
Louis! Louis!
'Greetings, starfighter.
"You have been recruited
by the star league
'to defend the frontier
against xur and the ko-Dan armada.'
Wow!
It's 8:00 in wonderful coombs county,
'where once again state police
have refused to confirm or deny
'more of those mysterious "lights in
the sky" sightings by local residents.
'Roving air reporters spoke
with miss Josie floss,
'who made just such a sighting.'
'I've seen those lights
with my own eyes.
'And when I called the police,
they told me it was swamp gas.
"Bullshit! Ain't no swamps
in coombs county!
'I tell you, with them illegal aliens...'
gonna be a sparkling day.
Sparkling.
Aargh! Makes me crazy! Clara!
Clara!
My electric's gone out again, Clara!
I'm gonna miss my soaps!
- Oh, stop your yakking.
- Bill?
Bill, elvira's blacked out again.
Pass the word.
- Have a nice day, honey.
- Okay, thanks, Mrs. Boone. You, too.
Elvira's got no electric.
If she can't see her soaps,
she'll hyperventilate.
- Great day for a picnic, Maggie!
- Can't wait, Mr. Boone.
- Catch yourself a big one.
- Sure gonna try!
Granny, I fixed your lunch
and put it in the fridge.
- Have fun, child.
- Sure you're gonna be okay?
I'll be fine, dear.
Now you just run along. Bye!
- Hi, Mrs. rogan.
- Hi, Maggie.
- Did you find that picnic basket yet?
- Mm-hmm, it's in the living room.
Oh, thanks. Where's Alex?
- Where else?
- Right.
Louis!
Good morning, space-son Louis.
- Earthling.
- Louis!
Jane!
Elvira's electric is out again,
and she's gonna get hyper
if she can't see her soaps!
Granny, tell elvira that Alex will be over
to patch her electric in time for the soaps.
- I'll tell her, Jane. Elvira!
- Louis!
Louis! Go tell Alex that I need him.
Beware, aliens,
Louis rogan, the cosmic cadet,
the space avenger,
is on your case.
'Greetings, starfighter!
"You have been recruited
by the star league to defend the frontier
'against xur and the ko-Dan armada.
'Get ready.
Prepare for blast-off!'
okay. Let's go.
'Prepare for target light practice,
starfighter.'
mom's looking for you, Alex.
Right there! Right there!
Aim. They're all through the center.
Shoot them, okay?
Now from the bottom up, okay.
There's one right over there.
Okay, doing good.
Right up there.
- Move your head, will you, Louis?
- Uh, sorry.
Maggie!
Hey, you guys!
Hi. How you doing?
Come on, Alex. They're here!
Maggie, queen of the trailer park!
Alright... starfighter Alex rogan
requests permission
to turn the bridge over
to my little brother, Louis, sir!
Okay, you alien dorks are dead.
"You are defeated.
25 cents more, please.'
oh, crapola!
- Rogan, come on.
- Alex, how you doing, man?
- Just a second.
- Let's do it, buddy! Come on!
- What are you doing?
- Come on, Alex. Hurry up!
- Alex, did it come yet?
- Uh... no, I don't think so.
What's it this time, rogan?
You joining the foreign legion?
Yes, sir, folks, step right up and meet
boy adventurer Alex rogan
on the last leg
of his worldwide tour to nowhere.
Funny, Blake.
You guys think I'm gonna hang out here,
watch you shine your pickup,
go to the drive-in, get drunk
and throw up every Saturday night,
go to city college like everybody else?
Forget it, man.
I'm doing something with my life.
- Uh-oh, Mr. serioso!
- Alex!
- Yeah?
- Honey, elvira's electric is out.
Oh, ma, that's gonna take all day.
I was going to silver lake.
Honey, I know. I'm sorry.
I'm working lunch and dinner.
I'm gonna be in town all day!
- Oh, alright. Okay, ma. I'll do it.
- Thanks, honey.
We're gonna be late.
Look, you, uh...
You'd just better go ahead without me.
- No. Alex, I'll stay.
- No. That's okay. This'll take a while.
Uh... I'll catch up with you later.
Alex...
- Bye-bye, rogan!
- See you, dude!
Alex, come help me!
Hey, Alex.
Could you give me a hand here?
Thanks, Alex!
What should we do tonight?
I don't know. How about cards?
- Hey, that's a good idea.
- Yeah, but we played cards last night.
The missus wants to go
into town tonight and go dancing.
The fish were really biting
down there at the stream.
It was pleasant fishing today.
Yup. It's gonna be pleasant
tomorrow, too.
Gonna be a pleasant summer
according to farmer's almanac.
Yeah. I love the farmer's almanac.
I've been reading it for years.
'Greetings, starfighter.
"You have been recruited
by the star league
'to defend the frontier
against xur and the ko-Dan armada.'
yeah. Yeah.
'Get ready.
Prepare for blast-off.
'Prepare for target light practice,
starfighter.
- Oh, hi, Alex.
- Hey, Otis.
Where's your Maggie?
Good question.
Out having a good time, I guess.
Oh. And you never have
a good time. Is that it?
Oh, sure, I love patching
30-year-old fuse panels
and plunging people's toilets.
Otis, I never even get a chance
to have a good time around here.
Things change. Always do.
You'll get your chance.
Important thing is, when it comes,
you got to grab it with both hands
and hold on tight.
'Enemy squadrons
in sectors 3, 6, 7 closing fast.'
- Thanks, Jack.
- You're welcome.
- Night, maggs.
- Goodnight.
Thought you were gonna meet me
at the lake. What happened?
Same thing that always happens.
I couldn't get away.
Where's everybody else?
Oh, they went to a movie.
Old Jack Blake just happened
to be going your way, huh?
'Enemy squadron in sector 3.
He said it was on his way home.
Blake lives on the other side of town.
Come on, Alex.
I wanted to get back to you.
Okay?
'Good show, starfighter! Way to go.'
Alex, look!
Oh, my god.
What is that? 900,000!
900,000!
You gonna bust the record!
Hey! Hey! Listen up! Everybody!
Alex is going for the record!
Record?
Take a hand.
Got them!
Oh, he's gonna get that one!
You can do it!
Otis?
Otis, what are you yelling about?
What's wrong?
Come on! Come on!
He's gonna bust the record!
Hurry! Hurry!
Everyone get back! Don't crowd him!
I said, get back!
- Alex, you never got this far before!
- Go, Alex!
Come on, Alex!
Good boy! Come on!
'Ko-Dan command ship
entering kill zone."
- Command ship!
- Oh, command ship!
What's a command ship?
You can do it, Alex!
You can do it!
One more now. Come on!
That's the one!
That's the one we want!
Alright, Alex!
Alright, Alex! Do it!
Yeah! Yeah!
Good night. Way to go, Alex!
- Night, kids.
- Alex, you're something else.
- You're wonderful, boy.
- Thank you.
If I said it once, I said it
a thousand times,
that boy's gonna go places.
That's one smart boy.
Night, Alex.
"Night, Alex"? Wait a second.
Maggie? Maggie?
Hold on a second.
Where are you going?
What's wrong?
Well, I guess it just hit me.
You really are leaving here,
aren't you?
Of course, I'm leaving.
We're both gonna leave here.
- Both of us, Alex?
- Yeah.
We talked about this.
When I get to school, I'll find a place
and come back and get you.
Well, what about granny?
Granny?
Truth is, you're scared
of leaving this trailer park.
I'm not scared of leaving
this trailer park, Alex.
Hey. Listen.
Whatever happens,
it's you and me forever, right?
Right?
I love you so much, Alex.
I'll always love you, maggs.
Diarrhea!
Maggie! Maggie!
Alex, I got to go in. Good night.
- Night.
- Night.
Someday they're gonna say,
"this is where it all began."
What?
Mom, I finally broke
the starfighter record.
Oh, that's nice, dear.
Nice? It's stupendous!
Uh, Alex...
Mr. brenner knew that you'd want
to see this as soon as possible,
so he brought it
by the diner and, uh...
Well, I was so excited, I opened it.
Oh, that's okay. What is it?
It's about your loan.
You can still go to city college
with your friends.
'Greetings, starfighter.
'Greetings, starfighter.
"You have been recruited by
the star league to defend the frontier.
"You have been recruited.
Greetings, starfighter.
"You have been recruited...'
"you have been recruited...'
'get ready.
Prepare for blast-off.'
'get ready..."
Hello? Excuse me, son.
Store's closed, mister.
I'm not here for cigarettes
or bubble gum, my boy.
Can you tell me the name of the person
who broke the record on that game there,
where I might find him?
Alex rogan. You're looking at him.
Alex rogan. A-ha-ha!
- Who are you?
- Centauri's the name.
I invented starfighter,
which is why I'm here.
- Tis?
- Ltis.
We have to talk about a matter
of utmost importance.
Step into my office.
That's it. Come on now.
Nothing to be afraid of.
Oh, yes.
Say hello to my assistant, beta.
Howdy.
Ow!
I must congratulate you
on your virtuoso performance, my boy.
Centauri is impressed.
I've seen 'em come and I've seen 'em go.
But you're the best, my boy. Dazzling.
Light years ahead of the competition.
Which is why centauri is here.
He's got a little proposition for you.
Are you interested?
I guess.
Hey!
- What are you doing?
- Listen...
Centauri wants to keep it
for a surprise.
Trust me.
Oh, you're gonna love it. Love it!
The amusing thing about this,
it's all a big mistake.
That particular starfighter game was
supposed to be delivered to Vegas,
not some flea-speck trailer park
in the middle of tumbleweeds
and tarantulas.
So, it must be fate,
destiny, blind chance,
luck, even, that brings us together.
And as the poet says,
"the rest is history."
Where are you going?
Where are you taking me?
I told you.
I wanna save it for a surprise.
Hey, are you the kind of kid who reads
the last page of a mystery first?
Who pesters the magician
to tell you his tricks?
Who sneaks downstairs
to peek at his Christmas presents?
No. Of course you're not!
That's why I'm not gonna tell you.
Oh, god.
Besides, I just love surprises, don't you?
- Hey, look out! Stop!
- Oh, dear...
Hit the brakes! Hey...
Oh sh...
Aargh!
Shifting into star drive
at columba zeta. Hold tight.
Hey. Hey, let me out of here!
There's a perfectly
logical explanation for all this.
Hey! Wait! Where are you going?
Hi! How are you? Uh... what is this?
Listen, do you speak english? I'd...
This is nice but, uh...
Centauri, what's going on here?
He's just saying how delighted
he is that you're here.
If there's anything he can do to make
your stay more enjoyable, give him a ring.
My stay? What are you talking about?
Where are we?
Welcome to rylos, my boy!
Rylos? Wait a minute.
You mean... you mean like in a game?
Oh, he's quick. He's quick.
He's very quick.
He's speechless.
So long, Alex! Have fun!
May the luck of the seven pillars of gulu
be with you at all times.
Oh, someday these cheapskates
will thank centauri. Trust me.
Where the hell is June?
Yolanda, baby!
Hi, maggs.
Hi, Louis.
- Is he up?
- Yeah. He's been up all night moaning.
Alex?
Your mother told me about the loan.
Is there anything I can do?
Listen, I'll be next door
if you need anything, okay?
Gunstars.
I gotta be dreaming.
Yeah, right...
Listen, there's been a big mistake.
'...immediately after situation report..."
- Welcome to starfighter command.
- You speak english?
No, you hear english,
thanks to your translator device.
Hurry up.
We haven't got much time.
The briefing begins immediately.
Join the other recruits.
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
Wait a minute! What are you
talking about, recruits?
I don't believe this.
'Attention. Attention, please.
Ambassador enduran has arrived
'and will now address
starfighter command personnel.'
as you all know, we have been
on a desperate quest...
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- To find starfighters and navigators.
I should... I should crush you
to gorun dust!
I'm sorry, uh...
It was an accident.
I didn't mean to step on your, uh...
- Whatever that is.
- Hideous creature.
If I may continue,
our forces have...
You don't trifle with a bogati.
They love to fight.
That's why they're perfect for this war.
- Did you say "war"?
- But of course!
Why else do you think you're here?
You were recruited
by the star league to defend...
"To defend the frontier
against xur and the ko-Dan armada."
Eons ago, our ancestors created
our great frontier,
a barrier of energy encircling
the peaceful systems of the universe,
and forever shutting out
the scourge that lurks beyond.
Fellow rylans,
because of a dark betrayal,
our frontier will soon collapse.
So we turn to you, starfighters,
and your navigators.
For of all the billions of creatures
in the star league,
only you few were found
to possess the, uh... gift.
You, and you alone,
stand between us
and the black terror of the ko-Dan.
Victory or death!
Victory or death!
Victory or death!
Victory or death! Victory or death!
Victory or death!
Victory or death!
Victory or death! Victory or death!
Victory or death!
Victory or death!
Victory or death! Victory or death!
Victory or death!
Victory or death!
'Now, starfighters,
if you will reach underneath your seats,
'you will find a packet
which contains one...'
this is a restricted area,
off-limits to...
My apologies, starfighter.
Star navigator first class grig
at your service, sir!
Hi. I'm Alex rogan.
I was playing this game back home,
and this guy came up to me.
Only he's not a guy, he's an alien, right?
And I get into his car,
only it's not a car, it's a spaceship.
And, uh... there's been a big mistake.
Am I to understand you're actually declining
the honor of becoming a starfighter?
- You got it.
- Extraordinary!
For eons, all creatures have dreamt
of being starfighters.
- Where are you from?
- Earth.
And we're not at war with anybody
except each other.
Earth? Earth isn't a formal member
of the star league,
and isn't due to be approached
until it matures.
This is all highly irregular.
Tell me, who recruited you?
Centauri.
- There he is. That's him!
- Centauri? I might've known.
Up to your old Excalibur tricks
again, eh, centauri?
Did it ever occur to you
that it's against the law
to recruit from worlds
outside the star league?
Earth's in danger, too, isn't it?
And, no, I did not use
the Excalibur test.
It was called a video game.
What's all the brouhaha?
After all, he does have the gift.
This may come as a bit
of a shock to you,
but he doesn't want to be a starfighter.
Doesn't want to be a...?
Are you a coward?
- Are you crazy?
- You didn't tell me about any of this!
Return the money, centauri!
Return the money? Are you delirious?
Do you know how long it took
to invent the games,
to merchandise them, to get them
into the stores by Christmas?
It must be terribly embarrassing for you,
and I do sympathize, however...
But I saw him fight!
He could be the greatest starfighter ever!
- That was a game, centauri.
- A game?
You may have thought it was a game,
but it was also a test.
A-ha! A test!
Sent out across the universe to find
those with the gift to be starfighters.
And here you are, my boy.
Here you are!
- Right! Here I am, about to be killed!
- Killed...
You don't seriously think
it's dangerous, do you?
Don't be silly. Trust me.
Xur!
Xur!
Xur?
Yes, father, your mighty frontier
grows weaker by the moment.
Do not call me father!
You are no longer my son!
You're an outcast!
Why have you returned?
I have returned for the good
of all rylans.
With an armada
of ko-Dan warships behind you?
There are some rylans
who would welcome me, father.
Star league justice
put down your xurian cult.
Your followers are few and scattered.
Star league?
A refuge for weak worlds
not worthy to be our equals!
That is for the rylans to decide,
and not for a dangerous
and evil child such as yourself.
And yet, it is this child
who caught your master spy.
Hear me, rylans!
When the green moon of galan is
eclipsed, ko-Dan armada will invade,
and not even your mighty starfighters
will be able to save you.
We shall see, xur. We shall see!
Ha-ha! You still wanna go
and miss all the excitement?
Little brat.
I invent the game, find the kid,
drag him up there,
and he doesn't wanna be a starfighter.
I give up!
'Control, do you copy our star
angle difference from parking angle?"
'Delta beta two at six,
delta gamma three at five.'
Emperor xur ordered me
to bring his scepter.
Let him enter.
"Target vector
remains on scope.'
Just like your ko-Dan emperor's,
isn't it, commander kril?
It takes more than a scepter
to rule, xur,
even on rylos.
You're right, kiril.
It does take more than a scepter.
How long must we endure this fool?
- We have a break in the frontier.
- Fire the meteor gun!
My dear ko-Dan friends,
lest we forget,
it was your own emperor who granted me
command of this armada.
For only I hold the secret
to the frontier.
Only I know the location
of the starfighter base.
And therefore,
only I will give the order to fire!
Forgive me, xur.
You are forgiven, commander kiril.
Meteor gunner... fire.
Sergeant!
I have an unidentified
incoming object in sector 31, sir.
They're headed for the base.
Alert! We are under attack!
I repeat, we are under attack!
Activate automatic repulser guns.
'Condition red! Condition red!
At last, it is done!
Soon the frontier will be down,
and they will bow
to their new emperor!
Or I will darken the sky
with their ashes.
Commander, the xurian spy reports
that one starfighter has escaped.
Escaped?
Sure I can't give you a hand?
You've done quite enough
already. Thank you.
Well, uh...
It's only a few more miles from here.
I guess... I guess I can walk it.
So long. Bye, centauri.
Oh, Alex!
Here!
Hey, listen. I can't take a present
from you, centauri.
He reduces me to poverty again
and he thinks I'm giving him a present.
- What a world this is.
- What is it, then?
It's a second chance, my boy!
If you change your mind,
just tap the communo-crystals.
- Keep it.
- Ah, Alex, Alex!
You're walking away from history.
History!
Did Chris Columbus say
he wanted to stay home? No!
What if the Wright brothers
thought that only birds should fly?
And did geloca think the yulus
were too ugly to save?
Who's geloca?
Never mind.
Listen, centauri, I'm none of those guys.
I'm a kid from a trailer park.
If that's what you think,
then that's all you'll ever be!
Hey. Maggie!
Listen to this.
You're not gonna believe this...
I told you, Alex.
Me and my... how did you put it?
"Strange sexual urges"
aren't talking to you anymore.
- Who's there!
- Shh! You're gonna wake up Louis.
- Hey, you look like me!
- Of course I do. I'm the beta unit.
What the hell's a beta unit?
A beta unit is a simuloid,
an exact duplicate of you,
only not as loud.
- Huh?
- I was in the starcar, remember?
We shook hands?
I became you, unfortunately.
Let me get this straight.
You're a robot?
I beg your pardon.
I'm a state-of-the-art,
top-of-the-line beta unit,
put here as a courtesy replacement
for while you're away.
Lucky me.
Wait a minute.
What are you doing back?
Are you kidding? It's war up there!
Oh. Save the whales
and not the universe, huh?
Well, why don't you
go up there and fight?
Simuloids can't fight.
We're not allowed.
Well, tell them that you're me!
Pretend!
Be quiet, Alex.
Sorry, Louis.
Thanks for the lift!
Sure thing, buddy. See you around!
'Greetings, starfighter.
"You have been recruited
by the star league
'to defend the frontier
against xur and..."
And, hey, what did you do
to Maggie?
Do to her?
We're sitting outside, looking at the
stars, and she sticks her tongue in my ear!
I screamed.
I'll apologize tomorrow, okay?
You're not gonna be here.
You're going back with centauri right now!
What's up, Alex?
Back to sleep, Louis,
or I'm telling ma about your "playboys"!
You're blowing it, Alex!
What the shit?
I said, back to sleep, Louis,
or I'm telling ma about your "playboys"!
Come in, centauri.
Come on. Get back here.
And take your tonka toy with you.
'Greetings, starfighter.
"You have been recruited
by the star league to defend the frontier
'against xur and the ko-Dan armada.
'Greetings, starfighter.
"You have been recruited by the star league
to defend the frontier against xur...'
where are you?
Come on, where are you?
Centauri?
Greetings, starfighter!
Centauri?
Oh, shit!
Come on, Alex. Don't be such a wimp!
Hey!
- Centauri, look out!
- What the...?
Phew! Foul stench.
Dirty creatures.
Get a good look, Alex.
You can bet your asteroids
you'll be seeing more of them.
- What?
- This is a zando-zan.
An interstellar hitbeast,
compliments of xur.
Xur? Why is he after me?
Somehow he found out
you're a starfighter.
So you see, Alex,
you gotta go back. You got no choice.
Cos if you stay down here,
you're dog food.
Trust centauri, my boy.
Because in two hours, this place will
be crawling with ten zando-zans
with just one thought
on their microscopic little minds:
Kill Alex rogan.
- Kill Alex rogan?
- He's right, Alex.
At least up there, you'll have
a fighting chance in a gunstar.
Exactly. Meanwhile, down here,
they'll be going after beta.
- Beta.
- Beta?
Of course.
What do you think he's here for?
Wait a...
Wait a second here, centauri.
Alex, look out!
Centauri!
- Beta, get a doctor!
- No. No native cures. No witch doctors.
I'm fine. Just a scratch.
Now face it, Alex.
You're a born starfighter.
Are you with me?
Okay, let's go, centauri.
Good luck, Alex.
You, too, Alex.
Centauri to starfighter command.
Centauri to starfighter command.
Come in, please.
Hey, centauri.
'Attention all personnel.
Starcar approaching docking bay 12.
Centauri! Centauri!
- Hey, hit the brakes!
- 'Starcar approaching docking bay...'
- grig! Hey, grig!
- Alex!
They got centauri. He's hurt.
He's right over here.
Ah! You see?
- Centauri brought him back.
- Yes, I see. Don't talk.
- Does he have my money, Alex?
- I have a fortune for you, centauri.
Now, please be still.
It's here. It's all here.
Piles and piles of it.
All for you.
Ah...
At last.
Alex, I want you to know, it was
for the greatest good I brought you back.
Of course... it...
It never hurts to be rich.
Until the next dimension, old friend.
I'm sorry, Alex.
Centauri?
Centauri?
The frontier could collapse
at any moment.
Alex!
Now I need an ear job.
I'm dying here. Dying!
Alex, what the hell's going on?
Louis, you're having a terrible nightmare.
Go back to sleep.
Louis!
Oh, no.
Am I to understand there's a beta unit
taking your place back home?
He's trying.
So it's safe to assume that
xur thinks you're still on earth.
Yeah.
That could work to our advantage,
theoretically.
Ah! Now you look human!
Is this my gunstar?
This is a prototype,
different from the other ships.
She has a greater range, more power,
and a slight weapons modification.
And of course, she's got deflective plating
so she can withstand several direct hits.
From here,
this is where I navigate the ship,
maintain life support
and propulsion systems.
- Okay. Where do I sit?
- Way up there, in the gunnery chair.
- Hang on!
- Okay.
Now, climb into the gunnery chair.
Now, I'm moving you
into launch position.
There in front of you are the two switches
for your heads-up display. Turn them on.
While you're engaging the enemy,
the screen will reflect
all battle instruments towards you.
Where did it go?
It's still there,
suspended in a xenon mist.
But it's only visible
if you look dead ahead.
Ah, got it.
The lever on your left is
the chair controller.
As you can see, all guns will track
with your every move.
Hal
grasp the target control
with your right hand.
At your fingers is the weaponry,
the lasers, photon bolts...
Photon bolts and the particle beams.
Wait a minute, this is just like back home!
- What's this?
- Careful, careful!
That's death blossom,
a weapon of last resort.
Luckily, I was in here working on it
when the hangar went up.
Now, are you ready?
All systems, go!
Ignition!
- Wait, when did the hangar go up?
- I told you, when xur attacked.
- And where were the starfighters?
- In the hangar!
You mean they're dead?
Death is a primitive concept.
I prefer to think of them
as battling evil in another dimension.
In another dimension?
How many are left?
- Including yourself?
- Yeah.
One!
One?
Hold it!
There's no fleet,
no starfighters, no plan?
- One ship, you, me, and that's it?
- Exactly!
Xur thinks you're still on earth.
Classic military strategy. Surprise attack.
- It'll be a slaughter!
- That's the spirit.
No, my slaughter.
One ship against the whole armada?
Yes.
One gunstar against the armada.
I've always wanted to fight
a desperate battle against incredible odds.
- Target lights, Alex.
- Target lights?
Yes, you might want to squeeze off
a few rounds while you have the chance.
Just work the bugs out of the system.
After all, it is her maiden voyage.
Steady. Don't fight the chair.
Take your time.
Watch your gun sights.
Lead your targets.
And above all, relax!
Terrific. I'm about to get killed
a million miles from nowhere
with a gung-ho iguana
who tells me to relax.
Interstellar!
Alex!
Sorry.
Okay, now, come on. Ease it up.
Okay.
Oh, that's... that's it. Easy.
Nice and easy. Yep.
A little bit more
and we'll get it in there, now.
- Aargh!
- Alex!
Sorry. Hi, maggs.
- Alex, are you alright?
- Yeah. Yeah, I'm... I'm fine.
Come on. Try it again.
Did you smell anything?
- Like what?
- Likeaz...
Forget it.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry
for slapping you last night.
Oh, that's okay, maggs.
I deserved it.
I'm sorry.
Well, maybe we can make it up
to each other tonight at silver lake?
The armada will break
through the frontier here,
and reach rylos in 20 klicks.
Squadrons of deck fighters
will precede the mother ship.
Squadrons? How many squadrons?
It isn't the number of squadrons
that concerns me.
It's this communication turret that sends
out the commands to the deck fighters,
which enables them to act
as one during the fight.
Wait a second. We knock out
the turret to get the fighters.
But to get the turret,
we gotta get through the fighters.
We're dead.
I'll have it all figured out
by the time we reach the frontier.
- What's that?
- The frontier.
Now, that's strange. What's a cargo ship
doing this close to the frontier?
'Hail. This is gunstar one.'
I repeat, this is gunstar one.
Identify yourself, please.
Alex, look out.
A xurian ship!
Congratulations, Alex.
This is your first live target.
Live?
Within range in five klicks.
Get ready.
I've blocked its beam of frequency,
so it can't report back to the armada.
- Fire when ready!
- Grig, wait...
We mustn't lose them
in these caves, Alex. Fire!
Shoot, Alex!
Shoot!
You did it! Ha!
I did it? You did it!
You almost got me killed!
My deepest apologies, Alex.
I had hoped that by putting you
in the thick of battle,
a great starfighter would emerge.
But, alas, perhaps there was never
one within you to begin with.
I shall take you home.
You still may live
a long and fruitful life back there.
That is... until the ko-Dan reach earth.
But then again...
Hey, yo, Blake!
Make that sucker blast, man!
- You got it, dude!
- Alright!
So Blake comes back in
to grab his pants, right?
Sees her old lady, and he says,
"I hope this doesn't rule out
dinner on Tuesday night."
That's my man!
Alex, are you okay?
Hmm? Yeah, sure. Why?
I don't know,
you're just acting spaced out.
You're... you're not yourself.
Well, if you were me,
what would you be doing right now?
Well, for one thing,
I'd be trying to enjoy myself.
Leaning back.
Kidding around. Laughing.
Laughing?
Well, it's a start, Alex.
Laughing...
Aargh!
Nice place. Reminds me of home.
This reminds you of home?
Ah, yes.
I live below ground.
With my wifeoid
and 6,000 little griglings.
At least, until xur turns them
into slaves.
Where does your kind live?
Oh, uh, houses, mostly.
That's caves above ground.
See, here...
Here's my family.
See, that's...
That's my folks and my brother, Louis,
and that's Maggie.
That's a cave that goes places.
Only we never went anyplace.
A mobile cave that never went anywhere.
Fascinating.
Yeah, but we have below-ground caves
near the trailer parks.
Me and my brother, Louis,
used to play hide-and-seek in them.
- Hide-and-seek...
- What is it, Alex?
Well, I was just thinking,
maybe we could hide here,
let the armada pass by,
and then hit the turret from behind.
Then we might take them by surprise.
Your plan might really have worked.
What a pity there are
no starfighters left to carry it out.
Yeah. Yeah.
A xurian base!
Two more dead ahead! Closing fast!
Earth course logged
into navigational beams.
Grig?
What is it, Alex?
Maybe there is a starfighter left.
Ow!
What's wrong?
Should I put my tongue
in your ear now?
Don't bother, Alex.
Well, it's just... I'm kind of new
at these gland games.
What are you talking about?
It's like you're
a million miles away, Alex!
'Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, darling.
'Darling, forgive me."
Darling, forgive me.
'Come on!
"You're my Juliet. My Venus.'
you're my Juliet. My Venus.
Alex!
'All the other girls meant nothing to me.
It was you, you, you.'
'shut up and talk dirty to me.'
the other girls meant nothing to me.
It was you... you... y...
Should I talk dirty to you now?
- That does it.
- Oh, god. Alright, I give up.
- I'm not Alex rogan.
- What?
I'm a beta unit.
I'm an exact duplicate of Alex.
He's up there saving the universe,
while I'm down here for target practice.
See?
- Alex! Or whatever you are. Wait. Wait.
- What? Let me go.
If that zando-zan reports back that
I'm not Alex, Alex is in big trouble!
- You're staying here.
- No, I'm not.
I'm not staying anywhere
until I find out what's going on!
God!
Hey, my truck...
Hey, hey, come back!
Scratch that paint
and you're dead, rogan!
- Ready to invade, commander.
- Invade.
Commander, the xurian ships
have not answered our invasion code.
The frontier is down,
the moon is eclipsed,
the starfighters are dead. Invade!
All squadrons ahead, half speed,
with energy probes on.
Energy probe.
Shut down, Alex. Shut down.
Power off.
Alex in space?
Is this for real?
Yes! That's what I'm trying to tell you!
- It's all for real!
- Well, then, don't talk. Drive!
Commander kril, we're getting
a signal on the alert frequency.
Acknowledge.
There it is. Alright, when I give
the signal, we're gonna jump!
- Okay?
- What do you mean, "jump"?
- We're gonna ram him.
- What?
Extermination emissary zeta 6,
one message.
- Ready?
- Oh...
- Jump!
- Alex!
"The last starfighter..."
You owe me one, Alex.
Alex!
Transmission pulsars have stopped,
commander.
"The last starfighter"?
Is dead!
The last starfighter is dead!
Nothing can stop us now.
Ahead full.
To rylos!
The command ship!
There. The turret at the far end.
I see it.
Good luck, starfighter.
Thanks, grig. For everything.
I love you, Alex rogan.
Six.
- Heads-up display. Check.
- Five.
Lasers. Check.
- Four.
- Particle beam. Check.
- Three.
- Proton bolts. Check.
- Two.
- Chair control. Check.
One.
Let's do it.
Tracking alert.
Unidentified craft. What is it?
Wait...
A gunstar!
So, the last starfighter is dead?
This has gone far enough.
Sejze him!
How dare you?
I am the emperor of rylos.
I and I alone command
this entire op...
Release me! I command you!
You will pay for this with your lives!
All guns fire!
There it is, the turret!
Alex, now!
- Yes!
- Got it!
Hurry, Alex, fire!
The armada's almost to rylos!
'Escape pod activated.
'Escape pod ignition.'
the gunstar is gone from our sensors.
Alert wing commanders.
Communication turret
is destroyed.
'All communication radar systems
are out, wing commander.
'Proceed with a visual attack formation.'
life support good.
Ammo packs at peak.
I think we've gotta use death blossom.
Remember, death blossom delivers
only one massive volley at close range.
- Theoretically.
- What do you mean, "theoretically"?
After all, d. B. Has never been tested.
It might overload the systems,
blow up the ship.
What are you worried about, grig?
Theoretically we should already be dead.
Mmm-hmm.
Open death blossom petals.
Switch is on.
Do not trigger d. B.
Until we're within range.
Just use your lasers until I give
the signal. Remember to lead...
I've been recruited by the star league
to defend the frontier.
- Now, are you ready?
- This is it. Here we go.
Charge!
On your right!
Your left!
Evade!
Power packs are low.
We need time to recharge.
Laser power draining!
Grig, my weapons are gone!
Should I do it?
Easy, easy! Wait till they're all
in death blossom range!
Firel
We did it.
Yes, we actually did, didn't we?
The command ship!
Commander, our guns are out.
Damage control is repairing them.
Forget the guns! Ramming speed!
- Grig, we need power!
- Death blossom's drained all power.
I'm working on it.
I'm trying to run boost.
All we have left is life support power.
Grig!
Alright!
Weapons on.
We have them now! Fire! Fire!
Damage report!
Guidance system out.
Auxiliary steering out.
Divert!
- Divert!
- She won't answer the helm!
We're locked into the moon's
gravitational pull!
What do we do?
We die.
Ya-hoo!
On behalf of the star league
and all citizens of rylos,
I congratulate you
on your dazzling victory.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
But as you know,
the frontier is down,
xur escaped,
and there is still danger.
So I was wondering
if you wouldn't be willing to stay on,
and rebuild the starfighter legion.
Wait a minute.
- Rebuild the legion?
- Yes.
Of course, you'd have the help
of an old friend.
An old friend? Who?
Centauri! I thought you were dead.
Me die and miss all the excitement?
Oh, no.
I was merely dormant
while my body repaired itself.
No, I won't bore you
with the details.
Suffice it to say,
you're on rylos, my boy.
Stop thinking human.
That's lesson number one.
Now, lesson number two,
you've got a good thing going here.
Keep smiling. Don't blow it.
And lesson number three,
always trust centauri.
Alex, they love you!
You see, all rylos is behind you.
- You've got to stay, Alex.
- You will stay, won't you?
Of course, he'll stay.
That's very reassuring, centauri.
Grig, I leave it in your capable hands.
I'll stay.
Alex! Alex!
'Greetings...
'Greetings, starfighter.'
- bunny, have you seen Alex?
- Can't say that I have.
Well, ask Maggie.
She knows where he is.
- She was with him.
- Maggie, where's Alex?
Yeah, where's my truck?
Where's your boyfriend?
Mrs. rogan, about Alex,
you see, he's...
- What's going on? I don't know.
- What the...?
Oh, my god!
Whoo! Alright, we're being invaded!
Maggie.
Maggie!
- Alex?
- Hi, maggs.
Alex...
Is it you?
I mean... is it really you?
- Look!
- My god...
It is you.
It's Alex! Alex!
Alex, what is going on here?
What is this thing?
I mean... is this your spaceship?
- I don't know what's gotten into him.
- I don't understand that.
- It's all so strange!
- Wait, hold it. Hold it, everybody.
Alex, what is all this?
I've been to another planet, ma.
- Another planet?
- What?
Who was it helped fix my antenna?
- Yeah, who stole my truck?
- And cut my electrics?
And ruined my stove?
Oh, that was... that was a beta unit.
- Beta unit?
- A robot.
A robot? Come on!
- A monster!
- Oh!
A monster? Ha!
- He should have chains on him.
- Alright! It's an alien!
Oh, no, wait! Hey!
Granny, put away that shotgun.
What's wrong with you?
This is my friend grig.
I want you all to meet my friend here.
- You gotta be kidding!
- Grig, this is Mrs. Boone.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- And, uh, this is elvira.
- Delighted.
- Me, too. How you doing?
- I do well.
- And this is granny.
- How do you do?
How do you do?
- And this here's Otis.
- A pleasure.
Any friend of Alex...
And, uh, this is Maggie.
A very large pleasure.
Hi. Uh...
You must be Louis!
I hear good things about you.
Hear that, you slimes?
I'm famous.
And, uh... this is my mom.
You should be proud of Alex, Mrs. rogan.
You must all be proud of him.
He saved the star league
and hundreds of worlds, including earth.
- Oh, for heaven's sake!
- Oh, my god!
Time to leave, Alex.
Alex?
I have to, ma.
They need me up there.
Oh, Alex, I always knew
you'd leave someday,
but I never expected this.
Gee, can I go, too, Alex? Can I?
Sorry, squirt.
There's only enough room up there
for me, grig, and Maggie.
- Me?
- Yeah.
- Alex, I don't think I can...
- What? Come here. Come here.
- Why else do you think I came back?
- Well...
Didn't we say we'd always be together?
Well, yeah, I mean,
together here or in the city.
But... but up there, Alex...
Maggs, you gotta come. I'm not...
I don't know when I'm gonna be back.
Don't you see?
This is it. This is our big chance.
It's like what Otis says,
when it comes, you got to grab on
with both hands and hold tight.
Well, what about granny, Alex?
You're right.
I'm scared of leaving here.
Why can't you just stay?
Maggie, I have to leave,
and I want you to come with me.
Alex! Hurry!
- Well, I gotta go.
- Um...
Bye.
Alex, we can't hold off
their radar any longer.
Yeah, okay. I got to go, ma.
Bye. Take it easy.
So long. So long, everybody.
- Hey, bye, Alex!
- Bye!
- Bye, Alex!
- Bye!
Alex!
Granny...
Be sure and write,
or whatever it is they do up there.
Alex! Wait, Alex!
- Get back! Come on! Get back!
- Bye!
- Keep your distance!
- Watch what you're doing.
Keep your distance, now!
This baby really packs a punch!
Bye! Bye!
Look at him. Bye! Bye!
Oh, go on. They're gonna be happy
up there. So long, Alex!
So long, Alex!
- We're gonna be famous, aren't we, Otis?
- Yes, sir.
The whole world, the whole universe
is gonna know about it!
Starlite, starbrite, the place where
Alex and Maggie left for the stars!
Louis! Louis!
'Greetings, starfighter.
"You have been recruited
by the star league
'to defend the frontier
against xur and the ko-Dan armada.'
Wow!