The Long Dumb Road (2018) Movie Script

[dog barking]
Whew! I think that's everything.
Come here.
Running my mouth off
At the storm
Yelling, Man, what the hell
Did you do that for?
And I was watching
The old men fish
And they'd all
Give their catch away
And I can hear
A woman singing
And I could hear
That piano play
It'd go like
[piano plays]
Tears will gather In my eyes
Hold my head
And babe you know I'll cry
And I can hear
That drummer roll
As I listen
To that choir cry
And I could hear
A guitar weeping
I could feel
Those pipers pipe
And all the beauty
I couldn't see
But it just cut me
At my knees
And I was watching
The old men fish
And they'd all
Give their catch away
And I could hear
A woman singing
And I could feel
That piano play
Tears will gather In my eyes
Ah, babe You know I'll cry
Like a baby
Oh, I held my head And cried
Come on, Dorothy
Oh, you know
We could go all night
[pump beeps]
[engine cranks]
Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
[engine cranks]
Oh, come on.
[engine cranks]
[engine cranks]
- [man] Fired? You're firing me!
- [man 2] Get the fuck outta here.
Oh, fuck you, Manny!
I quit! How 'bout that?
- [Manny] Give me my fuckin' shirt.
- [man] You want your shirt back?
Great news. You can have your
piece-of-shit shirt back.
Here ya go, dude. Choke on it.
Hey, where's my stuff? You
guys have my stuff in there!
Oh, great, you too, Gary?
Fuckin' dick.
Hey, what do you need?
- Um, a mechanic. I'm looking for a mechanic.
- Great.
You just found the best goddamned
mechanic in town! Let's go.
I'm driving to I.
And my car broke down.
- Those guys would've fuckin' ripped you off.
- Really?
- Oh, okay.
- Eat shit, Manny!
- Richard, by the way.
- Oh. Nathan.
Everyone calls me Nat.
Hey, you mind if I, uh, take a
couple of, uh, pictures of you?
- You wanna take a picture of me?
- Yeah, yeah, of you.
You're uh...
you're interesting, you know?
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
I mean, don't get me wrong, dude.
I'm interesting as fuck.
- Yeah.
- If you wanna take a picture of the real deal,
like, you came to the right place.
Let's do this.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Fuck, yeah.
- Awesome. Great.
- This is crazy.
- Okay.
- Fuck, yeah.
- Nice.
- Yeah, right?
- Okay.
- Yeah.
This is America
at its purest, dude.
Oh, nice. Okay.
[shutter clicks]
- Yeah.
- [laughs]
- Cool, man. Let me see 'em.
- Huh?
- Let me see 'em.
- No, this is... It's a film camera.
- It's film.
- Oh, yeah.
- Cool, man. Wow.
- Developing and everything.
Yeah. That's old school, huh?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Crazy.
What are you,
an artist or something?
I'm gonna start art school.
That's why I'm driving to LA.
- Fuck.
- Yeah.
- Good for you.
- Thank you.
- What's your philosophy?
- My philosophy?
Yeah, like, your
artist's philosophy.
What's your outlook on the world?
What do you got to say?
Uh... I don't know.
I mean, listen,
I'm not an artist.
I'm like a fuckin' piece of
shit, you know. I'm a zero.
- But even I've got a philosophy.
- Uh-huh.
Three things matter in life.
Friends, shelter, and a little
bit of food in my belly.
Everything else, bro... is fuckin'
bullshit, and I'm at war with bullshit.
- Everyone hates bullshit, right?
- Yeah. Right?
If there's one thing I learned
in my 35 years on this planet,
it's that this world
is full of fuckin' bullshit.
Hey! Here we go. Get ready.
- Start it up.
- Oh. Oh. You sure?
- Yep. Start it up.
- Okay.
- You ready?
- Yeah.
[engine starts]
- Boom!
- Oh, my God, yes!
[Nathan] Thank you.
How 'bout that?
I really appreciate it.
Yeah, don't worry about it.
Just a loose hose. Nothing.
Yeah. Thank you. I never
would've found it myself.
Listen, it's just, like, I don't
know, maybe a hundred bucks?
Yeah, yeah. Of course, man.
- I'm fuckin' with you, man.
- What? What the...?
I'm fuckin' with you.
Don't worry about it.
Oh, my God, dude, that's so generous.
Thank you.
- I wish there was something I could do for you.
- Oh. There totally is.
I'm going about 45 minutes up
the road, town called Alpine.
- Okay.
- If you wouldn't mind just giving me a ride.
You can drop me on the side of the
highway near the town. That'd be fine.
I just need to get there
pretty quick.
Um... I don't...
I don't know, man.
- I don't know you...
- Enough said. I get it. You don't know me.
You know, I'm a stranger.
You don't want me in your car.
But look. Look in my eyes, man.
I have very kind eyes.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm a good guy.
- What d'ya say?
- Um...
You know what?
Yeah. Yeah, hop on in.
- Come on.
- Fuck, yeah! Yes! You just made my day, man.
[Richard] You want a road brew?
No-no, I'm good. I, I don't, uh...
not while I'm driving.
- But you're more than welcome to do it.
- All right.
You know, keep it low, just in case
there's any, uh, cops or anything.
Don't worry about it. I'm pretty much at
professional level at drinking and driving.
[chuckles] Well, good
thing you're not driving.
[chuckles] So what's
your story, you party?
Yeah. I mean,
I go to parties often.
- What?
- Nah.
I don't mean, do you go to
parties, like a sweet 16.
I mean, do you party,
like, do you do drugs?
Oh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Cool. Fuck, yeah.
- Yeah. Weed and drink.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Well, that's good news.
- Yeah?
'Cause I happen to have
a pretty rad jazz cigarette.
- Wow, that's awesome, man.
- Yeah.
- You wanna piece of this?
- No, I'm driving. I don't smoke...
- Mind if I smoke it?
- No, not at all. Please, go for it.
So, where you headed, man?
- Vegas.
- Vegas.
Yeah. Bright lights,
beautiful women.
- Cool.
- It's the perfect place to start over.
- That's awesome, man.
- Yeah.
Yeah. I've never been to Vegas.
- You've never been to Vegas?
- No, no, no, no, no. Never.
- Oh, dude, you gotta go to Vegas.
- Yeah. I know.
I wanna go for my 21st birthday.
I know it's clich and
all that, but, you know?
- Dude, that's smart.
- Right?
- All of the best stuff in Vegas, you gotta be 21.
- Yeah.
The bars, the casinos,
gambling, strip clubs.
Dude, all the best hookers
are at strip clubs.
- Good to know.
- Yeah.
- Uh, good to know.
- Oh.
Thank you.
Maybe if I'm there, I'll look
you up and we can hang out.
Yeah. Sure.
Tell you what.
I'm done with all this bullshit.
Nothing for miles,
small-town nonsense.
Fuckin' assholes at work.
Shitty jobs.
Fuckin' terrible people.
Vegas, baby. [Laughs]
From that movie?
So, it's this building
right here.
- Oh, awesome.
- Yeah.
- Pull up right here on the right.
- Great.
Thank you so much, Nat.
This is... You really
did me such a solid.
- I appreciate it.
- No problem.
- You take care of yourself.
- You take care of yourself.
This baby's gonna get you to I.
No problem now. Don't you worry.
Thanks to you, man.
Keep your dick dry out there.
You know what I'm saying?
- Okay.
- Wrap it up.
All right. I will.
[Richard] Fuck!
Hey, man, what's up?
The whole thing's closed.
I don't even think the fuckin'
busses come here anymore.
- What the hell?
- What?
Yeah. Fuck me.
Oh, shit, man. Well, uh,
what're you gonna do?
I-I'll probably just stay here the
night, and hitch in the morning.
It's, like, not a big deal.
You know what? Um, I'm
staying in Marfa tonight.
If you wanna join... I don't
know if they have a bus station,
but it's closer to Vegas.
- You wouldn't mind, for real?
- Yeah, man.
It'd be nice
to have some company.
Okay. Here's one.
What's your favorite movie
of all time?
The Graduate. Done.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
- Never seen it.
- Really?
I don't even know what it is.
The Graduate?
- Dustin Hoffman. You know...
- I'll check it out.
What about you?
What's your favorite movie?
Uh, Fast and Furious:
Tokyo Drift.
- Really?
- Oh, yeah. That movie is crazy.
It's about these guys
and they race all these cars.
And they, like,
they drift the cars.
I mean, they're... they're all right...
those movies, to be honest.
- I mean...
- Fast and Furious One and Two?
Fuckin' the best movies
I've ever seen.
I mean, they, like,
they lost their steam,
like, by the time
they got to, like, six.
I think they're on,
like, eight now.
There's more
of those fuckin' movies?
Yeah. There's, like, eight more.
Are you fucking... Oh, my God!
- Yeah, they added...
- That's fuckin' amazing!
They got Dwayne
"The Rock" Johnson.
- The Rock...
- Yeah.
- From wrestling...
- Yeah.
- Is in The Fast and Furious?
- Yeah, I mean, yeah.
Fuck. He's like
my favorite wrestler...
It was sad when the guy
died, the main guy.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't tell me.
- Who... In the movie?
- No, no, not in the movie.
- Vin Diesel?
- Not Vin Diesel, the other guy,
- but in real life.
- Brian?
- Yeah.
- Brian died in real life?
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God. Wow.
They CGI'd his face 'cause he,
like, only shot half of the movie,
and they did the rest
with his brothers.
Very touching.
- Dude, you are fucking blowing my mind.
- Yeah.
We need some tunes
up in this bitch, right?
Yeah, oh, totally.
- Let's get it goin'.
- My girlfriend...
Well, ex-girlfriend, gave me
this iPod as a going-away gift.
- All right, let's see what we got.
- Yeah, check it out.
Any Aerosmith on here?
Uh, I don't know. I haven't
actually looked at it.
Well, I hope there is, because
I'm in the mood for Aerosmith.
- Ooh. I have an update.
- What?
Your ex has shit taste in music.
This is garbage.
Yeah. No, I know.
There's, like, three Indigo
Girls records on here.
- [laughs]
- Is that why you dumped her?
- 'Cause I get it.
- No.
No, no, no, no, no.
She, uh, she dumped me.
Or, well, no,
it was kind of mutual.
She made the decision. Um...
Ew. This is not sounding good.
No, no, no, no, seriously.
It was the right decision.
So I'm-I'm totally fine with it.
Say no more. I get it.
I'm just excited to start this
new phase, this new path.
Yeah. You should be.
You're going to
fuckin' art school, dude.
'Cause you know what
art school is full of?
Hot girls, who, like, have those
weird, chunky, black glasses
- and, like, black bangs and all this shit.
- Yeah, it's...
All they're into is, like, doing threesomes
and being lesbians for a minute.
- Wow.
- Like, you're gonna get crazy-laid.
You eat pussy, dude?
- [laughs] Yeah.
- Okay, good.
If there's one thing you walk away from this
conversation with is, you've gotta eat that pussy.
You know, it's like, my-my last girlfriend,
she didn't really like getting eaten out...
Okay. Time out. Time out.
Time out. I'm gonna
stop you right there.
She likes getting eaten out.
You're just bad at it.
Well, here's the thing, okay?
The honest truth, you want
the honest truth right here?
She's the only person
I've ever been with.
Oh, dude, that's
not embarrassing.
You're fuckin'... What are
you, 19 years old you said?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. That's fine.
Fuck, I wish I had that.
I fucked a bunch of dummies before I
fucked the one true love of my life.
Shit, man.
This is embarrassing. Fu... Fuck. I can't
even believe I'm about to tell you this.
No, come on, tell me.
I'm still, like, hung up on this
girl from when I was 15 years old.
- I'm talkin' like 25 years ago, man.
- Wow.
My high school sweetheart...
Sharon was her name...
Ooh. She had, like,
this beautiful angelic face.
- We just got each other. You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
I feel like in an
alternative universe,
- we'd be married and have kids and be real happy, you know?
- Yeah.
It's, like, there was
this fork in the road,
and on one side was this
beautiful paradise with Sharon,
and on the other fuckin' side, is
just, like, 25 years of fuckin' shit.
And I don't know why, but I fuckin'
chose the 25 years of shit.
And sometimes I'm laying in
bed, trying to fall asleep,
and I just think about
that universe with her,
where it's just us
and we're happy.
And I don't know what the
fuck happened, man. You know?
Dude, is this the hotel?
Yeah. I rented out
one of those trailers.
Oh, no. I spent my whole life trying
to get out of a fuckin' trailer park.
Now you're gonna make me
sleep in one again?
What is this, some kinda fake poverty
bullshit your generation's into?
I know it's corny and all,
but, you know, it's just fun.
Hey, I gotta check in. Do you wanna come
in with me, or do you wanna wait out here?
Uh, no thanks. I saw
a bar couple blocks back.
- Why don't you meet me there in 30.
- Uh, okay.
So sometimes I'm all right
And sometimes
I get you off my mind
But other times
All I do is cry
- Richard.
- Hey.
- Hey, how's it goin', man?
- Good. What, did you get lost?
Oh, no. That ex I was telling
you about, she called.
- Dude, you gotta cut her loose.
- I know.
- You're over 21, right?
- Mm-hmm.
What'll you have?
- We'll, uh, we'll get two whiskeys.
- Yep.
- Holy shit, I didn't get carded.
- Yeah, okay, be cool.
- Thank you so much.
- Yeah, thank you.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Oh!
- [clears throat]
- We'll do two more of these. Make 'em doubles.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
- Mmm.
- Fuck.
- What?
- I'm sorry, dude.
- I just did a real fuckin' dick thing.
- No, what did you do?
I ordered a bunch of drinks, and I've
only got ten bucks in my pocket.
Oh, come on, don't worry about it, man.
I got the drinks.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
You've already been
so fuckin' nice to me.
Giving me a ride,
and all this other stuff.
It's all good.
Don't worry about it.
- No, no, no.
- What?
Don't flash that kind of
money in a place like this.
- What'd you do, fuckin' rob a bank?
- No.
Jesus Christ.
- Are you fuckin' rich?
- No.
Oh, thank you.
Your parents are rich.
- Well, I mean, they're like upper-middle class-ish.
- Right?
I fuckin' nail... I nailed it, man.
I got your number.
So, I've had, like,
a pretty sheltered life.
Everything's planned out for me.
You do well on your SAT's.
Graduate high school.
You go to college.
You get a job.
You get married.
Blah, blah, blah.
And that's fine for some people, but that
type of life doesn't interest me at all.
Yeah, I get it.
No one had a plan for me.
Nobody fuckin' expected
anything out of my life.
Yeah. And-And see?
That's-That's my point.
You're one of the realest people I
think I've ever met in my entire life.
And I-I guess that's what I'm
trying to do with my photography.
I'm trying to get to... to the-the
heart of real America, you know?
And I feel like being
in here in this place
with you right now, with all these people
around, that this is real America.
Nat, I have an update.
I think this might be
the asshole of real America.
You're a good kid, Nat.
I like you.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
I think the universe brought us
together for a reason, you know?
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
I will fuckin' rip the condom
off of your mind, dude,
so you can fuck this world raw.
I wanna see you fuckin'
raw-dog this world, man.
That's what you're doing.
[both laughing]
Fuck the world raw.
[man] Did you guys
just fuckin' see that?
- Fuckin' kid just took our photo.
- That's funny.
Hey. You just take
my fuckin' photo?
What the fuck are you thinkin'?
I-I'm sorry, yeah.
What the fuck are you doin'?
Erase that.
Got any fuckin' manners?
This is a film camera.
I can't erase it.
- Give me the fuckin camera.
- No, stop!
Hey, leave the kid alone, okay?
He didn't mean anything by it.
What the fuck are you
gonna do about it, huh?
Okay. Just go back to your game
and play pool with your bros.
Uncle Joe, Ryan, come here.
You wanna meet my boys?
Hey, Richard. Come on. Let's go.
Let's just leave.
Oh, no, no. Hang on, Nat.
I'm about to meet
Uncle Joe and Ryan.
You are.
[Nat] Richard.
Richard, come on, let's go.
Please. I'm so sorry.
Richard, please? I'm so sorry.
Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna go.
- What do you mean you're gonna fuckin' go?
- [Nat] I'm sorry.
Thank you, ma'am.
- Sorry for the disturbance.
- Fuckin' pussy.
- Ooh. One sec.
- Li'l fuckin' baby.
[Nat] What?
- [Nat] Oh, my God!
- [Richard] Run!
Go, go, run!
I think we lost 'em.
Oh, my God.
Did you see that guy's
face when I hit him?
Oh, fuck, man.
- That... That was... That was cra...
- Did you get your camera?
Yeah, I got it. I got my camera.
That was crazy though.
That was not crazy.
That was just a bar fight.
Come on. You've never
been in a fight before?
How are you so calm right now?
How are you not?
You know what?
Drink the rest of this, okay?
- You need to relax, buddy.
- Yeah. [Laughs]
I'll be back here,
taking a piss!
Hey, don't come back here
unless you wanna see my dick.
I don't wanna see your...
Ha ha! I'm so drunk right now.
Hey, you think those guys
are gonna find us?
- [urinating]
- The guys from the bar?
Fuck, no. And by the way,
if they do, guess what.
We'll just kick
their fuckin' asses.
- Yeah? That's right.
- Boom!
- You fuckin' hit him so fuckin' hard.
- Yeah.
I'm pretty fuckin'
hydrated today.
Hey, man, you ever thought of
getting in touch with that girl
- that you're still in love with?
- Who, Sharon?
- Uh, Sharon.
- Fuck, no. Why would I do that?
Well, because you're
still in love with her.
You haven't tried to contact her once?
That's crazy.
I've looked her up. But we had a pretty
bad falling out, so what's the point?
You know where she lives
though, you looked her up.
- Yeah, I looked her up.
- You looked her up.
- Fine. Yes, I looked her up.
- So you know where she lives.
Where does she live?
- [sighs]
- Where does she live?
227 Lojitas Lane.
Las Cruces, New fuckin' Mexico.
Okay? You happy now?
That's right off the I-10.
- We should go visit her.
- No.
Yes. Yes!
It's on the way to Vegas!
No matter what, you're gonna drive
by there, so why not say hi?
Why? Because I was a piece
of shit back then, okay?
And, yes, I'm still a piece of shit,
but a very different piece of shit,
one I would rather
she didn't see.
- Just hit this and stop bothering me, okay?
- Okay. Here.
You're bumming me out.
- [coughs]
- [groans]
I don't know, man.
- You think I'm ugly?
- What?
- I'm ugly.
- No!
- I'm ugly now.
- No, no, no.
When she knew me, I looked like
a good-lookin' kid, you know?
I look in the mirror now and there's a
old, ugly-ass man staring back at me.
I'm balding,
my hair is going gray.
I'm shocked I get laid as much as I do,
which is, by the way, quite a bit.
I don't think women
like me for my face.
- I think they just like the danger.
- [coughs]
- Oh, that's real sensitive...
- Can't breathe!
You know what?
You're a fuckin' dick.
You know what? Fine. Fine!
Fine, We'll go,
we'll see Sharon,
then we'll see
who has the last laugh.
[laughing] So funny.
All right, done.
We're done here.
Time for bed. Shut up.
[Richard whistling]
Oh, that's beautiful.
- Oh, fuck. Birds?
- What?
- What's wrong with birds?
- Oh. Nothing.
No, no, Richard.
What's wrong with birds?
Let's just go. Come on.
No, no, no. Richard.
Tell me. Come on, dude.
Birds like that usually
means a storm's coming.
It's an old Hopi legend.
Let's just go.
Storms. Storm?
I don't see any storm.
Yeah, well it doesn't
have to be a literal storm.
It can be a metaphorical
storm or some shit.
Let's just get on the road.
Goddamn it. Come on!
[Nathan] All right.
- [engine starts]
- It's really cool
that you know all about the Hopi
legend and stuff like that.
Yeah, you're not doing your duty as a
goddamn citizen of the United States
if you don't know
all the old Indian legends.
Hopi, Apache, Sioux, Iroquois,
Choctaw, Cherokee.
I mean, come on, these are the people whose
land we stole, whose women we raped.
Not my ancestors. [Laughs]
I'm one-eighth Jewish.
Besides, I don't think you're supposed
to call 'em "Indians" anymore.
I think the proper term
is "Native American."
Your generation
is 100 percent pussies.
- Think we're here.
- Fuck.
All right, let's slow down
with those, all right?
- Oh.
- How many...
Oh, dude,
I'm fuckin' nervous, okay?
I'm in a real vulnerable state right now.
I need your support.
- How do I look?
- You look great.
You look fantastic.
You got your good shirt on.
You... You're doing great.
- You mean that? You're not just saying it?
- No, I'm not just saying it.
You look good.
Fuck. Did you just see that? She
just walked past that window.
- Did you see that?
- Yes. Yes, I did.
And what are you waiting for?
Come on.
Come on, big guy.
- Okay.
- You got it.
Here we go.
Whoo. Wish me luck.
- All the luck.
- Okay.
Oh, boy.
Oh, God.
- I can't do it. Let's just go.
- What?
What are you talking about?
Let's get out of here!
- No. You gotta do it.
- Come on, man.
I don't wanna be here anymore.
This is... What're you doing?
What're you doing?
- Oh!
- Richard, you're making me do this.
Do not go in...
Do not touch that door.
- Fuck!
- For your own good.
No, I...
- Who are you?
- I'm Ashly.
- Do you know Sharon?
- Yeah. She's my mom.
Is she here?
No, actually,
she's, um, she's dead.
- Fuck.
- Oh, shit.
Yeah, she died last year.
Fuck. How?
- She killed herself.
- What?
Slit her wrists in the bathroom
and I was the one who found her.
- Jesus Christ.
- Oh, fuck.
I'm so sorry.
[woman] Hey, who's at the door?
Oh, hi, Mom.
- Hi.
- Sharon?
Wait. You're not dead.
Dead? Oh, what the fuck? Ashly.
- Whatever.
- Can I help you?
It's Richard.
- I'm sorry. I think...
- Wait!
I think you have
the wrong person.
No, no, no!
It's Richard, from high school.
Richard. Oh. Wow. [Laughs]
- In the flesh.
- It's you.
- It is.
- And who's this?
This is my friend, Nat.
- Uh...
- That's Sharon.
Nathan, but I go by Nat.
- Yeah.
- Nathan, hi. Hello. Come in.
Uh, you sure we're not
bothering you or anything?
No. Come on in. Please.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- This is a surprise.
- Very nice to meet you.
Wow. Is everything okay?
[Richard] Yeah. Oh, yeah.
No, we were just, you know,
driving through town,
and, you know, Facebook sent me a
message that you lived near here,
so I figured I'd stop by and
see if you wanted to catch up.
- Facebook doesn't do that.
- Ashly, go do something.
Well, I'll be in my room,
if you care or whatever.
I'm sorry my daughter's
such a fucking brat.
- Oh, that's okay.
- You know what?
I was actually about to open up a
bottle of wine, if you want some.
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- That sounds great.
- You want some too?
Uh, ye... No, no.
I'm fine, thank you.
So, wait. He's not your son?
Him? No.
- Richard, hey, I'm gonna just be in the car.
- Yeah, I don't care, Nat.
[Ashly] Yo!
Come here.
Shut the door.
[pop music playing, faint]
- Uh, ca... Should I?
- Yeah, totally.
Just throw all that shit
on the ground.
You smoke?
Uh, no. No, I'm fine.
- What do you think they're talking about?
- Huh?
What do you think
they're talking about?
- Who's this?
- That's my husband.
- [low voice] Seems like a real asshole.
- What?
Uh, he's a lucky guy, huh?
Have all this.
- That's great.
- Yeah.
What's goin' on over there?
That is, I am studying for
my real estate license.
[coughs] Really?
Yeah, really. Why?
Come on. That doesn't add up.
[laughs] Not the Sharon I knew.
Sharon with purple hair, whose
favorite phrase was "fuck off."
Who gave me a hand job under the
bleachers at the homecoming game.
Oh, my God. I cannot believe.
- I haven't thought of that in so long.
- But you remember, right?
Isn't it so funny when you
look back at the past,
and you're, like, "Oh, my God,
I thought that was intimacy."
You just, like, stabbing me with
two fingers over and over again.
You were always like, "Cut your
fingernails," all that shit.
I was like, "This hurts!"
That was...
- The greatest.
- Weird.
So, you from around here?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm from Texas.
But I'm moving to LA.
I cannot wait to get the fuck out
of here the second I turn 18.
Yeah, really?
Where you gonna go?
Anywhere. Just not here.
I'm so sick of my dumb friends
and my dumb parents
and my dumb teachers
and my dumb job
down at The Cone Zone.
Maybe I'll go to I. Too.
I'll be an actress or on a reality
TV show or something like that.
Hey, can you stay,
like, right there?
- Oh, yeah, totally.
- Yeah?
Everyone always tells me
I should model.
Oh, okay. Great.
- How old are you, again?
- Fifteen.
Well, I will be in two months.
- Thanks.
- I'm on Instagram.
Ashly Richards 42069. Tag me.
Can I get some more of that?
- Richard.
- Oh, man!
Why are you here?
Of course. Why am I here?
[sighs] I just...
- I feel like I never...
- You don't have to...
said it then, and it's what you
always wanted to hear, but...
- No. You did say it.
- I love you, Sharon.
I've always loved you.
You know, you're the... [sighs]
You're the love of my life,
you know?
- Richard...
- And...
When I see you here now,
I realize this is the life
I was supposed to have.
- You know, don't you ever feel like that?
- Richard.
That, like, in another world, you and
me would be living in this house,
and we'd have kids,
and we'd have a happy life.
Richard, I think you should go.
Wait. Because
I said I loved you?
No. I... That... Uh, sorry.
That... I'm-I'm try...
I'm trying to explain myself.
- Wait-wait, no. I don't... I don't wa...
- I want you to take this...
- What's that?
- And just go.
What the fuck is that?
- This... I'm just trying to help you.
- What the fuck?
- Dude, I don't want your fucking money.
- Richard. Okay. Calm down.
That's not why I'm here! I'm trying to
tell you I'm fucking in love with you.
- I don't want your fuckin' money!
- Okay, Richard,
I want you to... No, no, no!
No, please don't...
Don't touch me, okay?
No. No, I'm not touching you.
- If you kiss me, you'll remember.
- What?
You'll remember what we had!
When we were laughing!
Please get out
of my house, Richard!
Seriously, you're scaring me.
[Richard and Sharon
continue arguing]
- Out of my house.
- Don't worry, I'm leaving.
- Nat, let's go.
- What?
You're a fuckin' bullshit
person, living a bullshit life.
Your shitty little house
and your bullshit husband,
- and your fuckin' mean tricks-playing daughter.
- Okay.
You know what?
When you're tired of
your fucking plastic life,
just remember out there, there's
a man who fucking loves you,
who'll always love you.
I-I'm so sorry.
Don't tell your father.
[laughing] Oh, my God.
[Richard] Fuck... me.
I need a fucking drink.
Why is there no fucking
booze in this car?
Okay, just calm down, and then
tell me what happened, okay?
- What happened in there?
- What happened was it didn't work, Nat!
It didn't fuckin' work!
Your big idea,
it didn't fuckin' work!
I never would've come here
if it wasn't for you.
Look, I-I feel awful.
Just tell me
what I can do, okay?
- You wanna make it up to me?
- Yes, I wanna make it up to you.
You can get me a hamburger,
and a 12-pack of beer.
- Okay. Sure.
- Make it a case.
[Nathan] I haven't eaten fast
food in, like, ten years.
My school made me watch this animal
cruelty video and, oh, I think it...
- Hello?
- No, hey.
Don't fuckin' yell at them.
I'm not even yell...
I just said, "Hello."
When they're ready, they'll say what's up.
Don't yell at them.
- I literally just...
- [man] Thank you for choosing Bob's Burgers.
Would you like to try
our famous taco burger?
Yes, we would. Thank you.
Uh, let's see.
Two taco burger combos,
one Frito pie,
and then, uh,
six-piece chicken nuggets.
- One four-piece chicken nuggets...
- No-no, six... six-piece chicken nuggets.
Hey, hey, hey. Be nice.
Six-piece, please.
Okay, your total's
gonna be $15.27.
- Please drive to the second window.
- No, stop! Stop! Thank you!
- What the fuck, dude!
- What?
He wasn't fuckin' done. You don't fuckin'
just take off. You say fuckin' "Thank you."
I'm gonna say thank you right now.
The second window.
No, you don't know
it's the same guy!
You've never worked at one of these
places before, Nat, I'm sorry. I have.
Sometimes it's one guy taking the order,
and another guy gives you the food.
You say fuckin' thank you.
You have fuckin' manners.
- I'm sorry this isn't your dad's country club, okay?
- Oh, my God.
But when a guy takes your order
and fuckin' does your food,
you say fuckin' thank you,
you say fuckin' please,
because all day long they're getting
shit from fuckin' assholes like you.
- Goddamn it.
- Okay. Sorry. I didn't mean to be an asshole!
- Hi.
- Hi.
- $15.27.
- Yep.
Feel like I have to fuckin'
apologize for your behavior.
Okay. Fuck.
- They're fuckin' human beings back there, man.
- [groans]
Fuckin' human beings
making the food
that you're gonna shove
into your stupid fuckin' mouth.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Whoa, you blew it.
Mm! You should come
to Vegas with me.
- Right?
- Um, sure.
We're fuckin' driving there
Like, fuck art school, man.
We can have drinks
with show girls.
We can go to the casinos.
It'd be so fuckin' fun.
We'd have the best time.
I... I bet we would.
Just two fuckin' hustlers taking
over the-the city and desert.
I'm not a hustler.
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
- You're an artist, right?
- Yeah.
Yeah. What's a fuckin'
artist but a hustler, dude?
Get used to it, 'cause that's what you're
gonna be doing for the rest of your life.
- Okay.
- Plus, you know what?
Anybody who wants a piece, guess
what they're gonna get? Boom.
Dude, what the fuck?
I'm gonna protect you. Okay?
- You're gonna hurt yourself.
- I'm not gonna hurt myself.
- Put the knife away!
- If anybody fucks with you...
- Okay. Yep.
- I'm gonna fuckin'... I'll fuckin' slit their throat.
- Put the knife away!
- Slit their fu... Okay!
[knife drops]
- Jesus.
- Jesus Christ.
Such a fuckin' baby
about the knife.
I'm just showing you that I'm like,
like a big brother, I'm gonna...
'Cause you're like...
I can tell. You're like...
I'm gonna sleep
for, like, ten minutes.
And then I'll drive
and then you can sleep.
- Okay.
- Okay?
You're doing a good job.
- You're a good kid.
- Thank you.
You're a good kid, Nat.
You're a good kid.
Just my little brother,
who I'm teaching everything to.
Come on. Okay, come on.
It's time to go.
What's going on?
What time is it?
It's late, uh...
It's early morning.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Why aren't we driving?
- Because I need to sleep.
- Fuck it. Come on.
- Okay.
- I'll drive. I can drive.
- Nope. Let's, uh,
let's put you to bed, bud.
This way.
[continues snoring]
[engine cranks]
[engine cranks]
[engine cranks]
What's the matter, won't start?
Uh, no.
- Fuck.
- Yeah.
I'll take a look at it after
we eat our free breakfast.
Right? They got a
waffle bar, you know.
Come on, let's go.
I'm fuckin' starving.
- You know you left this on the table upstairs?
- Oh.
You don't have to
tip maids at motels.
They're not actually
cleaning anything.
All they do
is make the bed again.
Shit, man, I'm sorry
I couldn't fix it this time.
But, good news is,
the universe just handed us
a day off in a pretty cool city.
So, let's enjoy it, right?
Get a picture of me
with this barbed wire.
- Uh...
- It's fuckin' tough as shit, right?
Yeah, sure.
[shutter clicks]
Oh. Oh, boy. Here we go.
[laughs] Classic.
- I know what'll fuckin' cheer you up, bro.
- What?
Fuck Vegas. I'm not goin'.
Because I'm gonna
go to I. With you.
- Right?
- Yeah. That's great.
- I can't believe it didn't occur to me before.
- It's fuckin'...
[cell phone rings]
Yeah, hi, this is Nat.
[clears throat]
Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. Thank you.
It'll cost more to fix
the car than it's worth.
Yeah. I'm not surprised.
I'm so fucked. Classes start
in, like, three days.
You know what? I'm just gonna...
I'm gonna go back to the hotel
and call my parents, okay?
Things get a little hard and you fuckin'
bail and go call Mommy and Daddy?
- What would you do?
- What would I do?
I'd go to the fuckin' bar, have a
couple drinks, fuckin' chill out,
and then tomorrow, I swear to God, I
will put you on a bus to I. Myself.
- Yeah, but what about all my stuff in my van?
- Fuck that stuff.
- You don't need it.
- I need some of it.
Great. Take that and leave the rest.
Who cares? Come on.
Come on, what're you doing?
Come on. Let's go.
- [sighs]
- You got this. You got this.
To I., man, where everything's
gonna go fuckin' great for us.
If we ever make it there.
Oh, we're gonna make it.
Don't you worry.
You need to be more Zen
about how things happen.
You know,
you get real down and...
Can I have a tequila
soda, please?
Can I have a beer, please?
- Hey.
- What?
Check out these girls over here.
- [unzips wallet]
- [Richard] That girl just smiled at me.
What about Sharon?
Sharon? Come on, man.
That was yesterday.
I'm moving forward with my life.
I'm trying to do
something new now.
[Richard] Where they goin'?
- Let's go talk to them.
- No.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- No, no. I'm good.
I'm gonna just stay right here.
I don't feel like talking
to anyone right now.
What's the matter with you, dude?
Come on.
- No, I'm sorry. I just...
- There are cute girls here and they smiled at us.
- I'm sorry.
- That's a signal.
- Mm.
- You know what? Fine, forget it.
You sit here and mope
while I go talk to those girls.
I'm just saying... [sips]
It'd be a lot more fun
if you were there.
- This is so stupid.
- I know, right?
- Let's do it.
- [sighs]
- How ya doin'?
- Hey.
I'm Richard. This is Nat.
- I'm Nina.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Rebecca.
You mind if we join you
and maybe get you a drink
or something?
- Absolutely.
- Oh.
- Fuck, yeah.
- Great.
Nat, why don't you go, uh, why
don't you get us those drinks.
I'll come with you.
[Nathan] Oh? Yeah.
- Hi.
- Four shots of whiskey.
- Is that okay with you?
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
- You guys live around here?
- No.
We're just traveling through.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- What about you guys?
- [sighs]
Just doing a little road
trip with my sister.
Nice. Where you guys headed?
You can keep the change.
- We're driving back to LA.
- Really?
No way. That's where I'm headed.
Uh, starting college,
art school.
Shut the fuck up.
I'm finishing art school.
- Really?
- Going into my last semester.
- Dude, that's hilarious.
- That's cool.
I know, right? Uh...
- Yeah. I go to Cal Arts.
- What kind of art do you do?
I can't believe you guys are
staying in the same motel as us.
- I know. Isn't that crazy?
- That's insane.
- [Rebecca] You are?
- Yeah.
- Guys, this is like fate or some...
- Fate.
- Whoa.
- What the fuck?
This is weird.
This is now officially...
- We... Guys, a toast.
- Oh, my God.
All right? A toast to
fate and new friends.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Arrrr! Ooh!
- [Richard] Whoo.
- [Nina] Ooh-wee!
- [Richard chuckles]
- Oh, uh, so to answer your question.
Um, I take
a cross-disciplinary approach.
So like, the work exists between
paintings and performance.
- Oh.
- I don't know.
I don't want it to be any
one thing, you know?
Becs, no one understands what
the fuck you're talking about.
- [Richard chuckles]
- What she does is she makes paintings based on her dreams.
- That's her thing.
- Whoa.
- Oh. Okay.
- I mean, no, it's not that simple.
It's an easier way of saying it.
No, it's not.
Okay, she's mad at me because she
takes everything very seriously.
[chuckles] He's the exact same.
He gets all uptight
about stuff all the time.
This might be weird, or like some
junior high shit or something,
but this is a great song.
- May I have this dance?
- Yeah.
Fuckin' right on.
I promise I'll bring her back
in one piece. Maybe.
I like you. You're feisty.
- I'm gonna go get us another round. Okay?
- Yeah. Okay.
Uh, sure. Do you...
Do you need...
[rock ballad playing
on speakers]
- Oh...
- Okay, here we go.
Sorry. I should've helped you.
Oh. No, it's okay.
I still have a tab open.
You wanna take one?
Sure, yeah.
- To art.
- To art.
[Richard, Nina laughing]
[clears throat]
I have no idea why I agreed
to let her drive with me.
I'm going crazy.
I feel the same way.
It's the grind of the road,
you know? Takes its toll.
[rock playing on speakers]
- [man] Somebody, please
- Oh, my God. I love this song.
Do you wanna dance to it,
the song, uh, with me?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
It makes you want to cry
Oh, honey Sometimes you don't
know If you want to leave
Oh, baby
Or you wanna die
Oh, oh, I want your love
Babe, I long your love
Oh, baby
Who knows the reason why
- [laughing]
- Ow!
Oh, I just got to know
Hey, Nat,
Richard told me about your car.
You guys should just
come with us.
They're not listening to you.
Somebody, somebody
Why don't somebody
Tell me, honey?
Got to Got to know
Honey, I'm down on my knees
Please, woman
Honey, I love you
With all my heart, honey
I don't care
How big you get now, woman
You are going to have
so much fun in college.
I really hope so.
You will.
I know it's hard to imagine,
but especially since
you're going to art school too.
It's... It's an entire school
filled with weirdos, like us.
Hey, can I...
Can I take your picture?
- Right now?
- Come on.
Come on, just stand right there.
It'll be fine.
Uh, but I hate having
my picture taken.
- Oh, why? You're beautiful.
- Oh!
- You're gorgeous. You... You...
- You're...
You are the prettiest girl
I've ever met.
- Okay, fine.
- Yeah?
[shutter clicks]
[sighs] That was such hard work.
All right.
Into my room, we go.
Into my room...
Come on! In or out, guy?
[laughing, groaning]
- Ew! Oh, my God.
- Oh, my gosh!
- That's incredible!
- I guess we should go to my room.
That's... Oh, my God.
Can I kiss you?
- [knocking]
- [faint] Hey, Nat, get out here.
Wait. Do you hear that?
[faint knocking]
No, I... I think
there's someone there.
- What do you want, Richard?
- Hey, come here. It's an emergency.
- What?
- Hey.
Don't be a dummy, okay?
Wrap it up.
- Thanks, Richard.
- Hey.
- I'm proud of you, kid.
- Okay.
What did he want?
Uh, who knows?
- Hey.
- I'm so tired.
I'm gonna shut the light off.
- Wait, come here.
- Yeah.
Boop. [Giggles]
- Good night.
- Good night.
- [Rebecca] Hey.
- Hey.
Took you long enough.
- Well, well, well.
- Hi.
[Richard] Look who decided
to join the living.
- Hey. How ya feelin'?
- Hi. I'm all right. You?
- You were talking so much in your sleep last night.
- I was?
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God. I just remembered.
I had the fucking
craziest dream last night.
Yeah. Uh,
I'll tell ya in a second.
Right now, Nat, would you please
join me at the waffle bar?
Great, thanks.
- Uh, oh.
- Hey!
Watch it, you.
- Don't start something you're not gonna finish.
- Ha ha.
- So, yeah.
- So, how'd it go?
Did you use that condom
I gave you, or what?
- No.
- No?
- No, I didn't.
- Too bad.
I didn't use anything.
[clears throat]
We made out, a little.
- Yes.
- I know.
- That's awesome, dude.
- Oh, my God.
- It was so nice.
- Nice work.
So, listen. I, uh...
[exhales] I'm gonna need your help
with something right now, man.
Yeah? What do you need?
Well, I'm about to ask Nina to
marry me, right here, right now.
Oh, wait.
You're... You're serious.
Fuckin'-A right on, I am, dude.
I'm in love with this girl.
I have been since the second
she walked into that bar.
Okay. Plus, check it out.
- I got her this sweet ring at the gas station this morning.
- No, no.
- She's gonna love it.
- Buddy, I think you're being a little impulsive.
- It's happening.
- No, no. You do it at a later time.
[both giggling]
If I could interrupt your
adorable giggling for a second,
I have an announcement.
I know that we haven't known
each other that long,
and this might seem like it's
coming outta the blue, but...
- [giggling] What're you doing?
- Richard, hey...
- [Nina] Shh. Nat, hang on.
- Buddy, nope.
- [Nina] Hold on. Shh!
- Not right now. I'm in the middle of something.
You know the phrase, "Sometimes
when you know you just know"?
Well, I know.
I love you.
And I can tell you love me.
So will you do me the honor
of marrying me?
Oh. Oh, my God, you got
me the special ring.
It's so cute. Did you get
this at the gas station?
- [laughing]
- Don't laugh.
- Get up! Come on. Don't be silly.
- No.
I'm serious.
This is real. I...
Come on, get up.
Yeah. No, you know what?
You don't have to decide now.
I'll-I'll just hold onto
this until you decide.
Wait. What about, uh...
what about your dream?
Oh, yeah, your dream.
Yeah. Right.
[chuckles] Okay.
- It's pretty fuckin' crazy.
- [Nina chuckles]
So, in the dream, I'm on tour
with The Rolling fuckin' Stones.
- Oh, I love The Rolling Stones.
- [scoffs] Of course you do.
Anyway, so, I'm hitchhiking
on the highway, no cars,
and then all of a sudden, huge
black tour bus pulls up, right?
Door opens, so fuck it.
I get in.
And I come face-to-face
with the guys.
Keith fuckin' pulls out
a guitar,
hands it to me,
'cause he wants to jam.
Which is crazy, because I know how to
play every single Rolling Stones song,
even though A,
I don't play guitar,
and B, I probably haven't listened
to The Stones in like, 15 years.
Why, you don't like them
or something?
Are you kidding? I fuckin'
love The Rolling Stones.
They're the fuckin' best
rock band in history.
And before you say anything
about The fuckin' Beatles,
you can shut your goddamn mouth,
because they'd be a hack pop band
without George Martin, okay?
I just don't like what The
Stones stand for, at this point.
- What do they stand for?
- [sighs]
They stand for the fact that my
generation, your generation,
- and their shitty generation has utterly failed to produce...
- Whoa.
A rock band the caliber
of The Rolling Stones.
There is no band that people remember
now, never mind in 30 years.
Are you fucking kidding?
Fuck The Stones.
So let me get this straight.
Because you hate every band but
The Stones, you hate The Stones.
See? You get it.
And believe me, I'm so fuckin'
tired of women saying
they still find these
old men sexy.
Like Mick's strutting up there,
and they're like,
"Oh, I'm still fuckin'
turned on by him."
No you're not.
No you're fuckin' not.
These are old geezers.
And even if you found yourself in
some groupie situation with them,
their dicks wouldn't
even fuckin' work.
I'd still fuck Mick.
[utensils clatter]
[ring clatters]
- Fuck you, cunt.
- Whoa.
Rebecca, wait. Please don't go.
Rebecca, is there any way
I can still go with you guys?
- [Nina] Unlock the car.
- I did!
- Rebecca, please.
- Nina, wait.
- Richard, don't! Please.
- I'm sorry.
- I'll do whatever you need.
- Nat, just call me.
- I don't have your number.
- [Nina] Becca, just go.
- Nina, I'm sorry.
- Please.
- Hey! I love you.
- Rebecca, please.
- [Nina] Get away from the car.
- I love you. I'm sorry.
- Just open the door. Talk to me.
- Get away from the car!
You can't call women
the fuckin' C-word.
Yeah, well, she just broke
my heart, Nat.
So I think "cunt" is
the appropriate word.
I'm gonna go find my way to LA.
Oh, you're just pissed because
Rebecca wouldn't fuck you.
Don't take it out on me, bro.
I'm the one who's brokenhearted here.
I'm the one that just got hurt.
You don't think I see right
fucking through you?
That you're fucking using me?
I'm paying for your hotel room,
your food, your fuckin' drinks,
which, by the way, if you don't
know, you're a fucking alcoholic!
Shut the fuck up, dude.
No, no, no, no, no.
'Cause you're not paying
for jack shit, little rich boy.
- Mommy and Daddy are paying for everything.
- Whatever!
Have fun finding your way
to fuckin' Vegas,
'cause you're not fuckin'
coming with me to LA.
And you think I'm using you, dude?
You're fucking using me.
Okay, my image!
Everything I fuckin' stand for,
for your bullshit fucking art.
Fuck you.
And what you don't even get
is that I have feelings, dude.
I have feelings just like you.
But you don't even see that because
to you, I'm just some weird dude
you're slumming it with on the
road, that you can fuckin' use
for stories to get your fuckin'
dick sucked in art school.
- Fuck you, dude.
- What the fuck are you talking about, Richard?
Come on, man!
You're fuckin' handsome.
You're rich.
You're on your way to becoming some
fuckin' big artist or whatever.
And what am I? I'm just some
fuckin' poor, ugly piece of shit
on his way to an early grave.
And here I was gonna
help you out of a jam
so you wouldn't have to go running
back to Mommy and Daddy again.
- Please, tell me how you were gonna help me.
- How?
- I would love that.
- How? I happen to have a friend
who lives not too far
from here named Franois.
I snap my fucking fingers
and he'll show up here,
- and he'll do whatever it takes to get you to LA.
- Oh.
Pretty soon, you'll be in art
school all safe and sound,
- while I'll be on the road fuckin' dying in a ditch.
- Good luck with that.
I'm gonna take the bus.
Have fun.
Joke's on you, asshole.
There's no bus station
in this town.
Call Francis or whatever
the fuck his name is.
His name's Franois.
I don't give a fuck.
Okay, cool, I just...
I need your phone.
I need your phone
to make the call.
I don't have a phone.
What's your code?
Couple things about Franois.
- What?
- One,
don't call him Francis or Frank
or any shit like that, okay?
He doesn't like it.
Number two,
guy thinks he's some sort of fuckin'
hard-core badass or whatever.
He's not.
He's a fuckin' pussy,
so don't listen to anything
he says, okay?
Sounds just like you.
You know, you're becoming
a real fuckin' asshole.
Well, I'm learning
from the best.
- Minivan?
- Yep.
All right.
So, just as soon
as I have you sign here...
And here. Yep.
I can go ahead and take that
car off your hands for ya.
All right. [Sighs]
All right.
Pleasure doing business with ya.
Really need all that?
I mean, I can't just
leave it all.
Whatever, man.
Is that him?
What the hell?
[door opens]
Oh, I guess some things
just never change, huh?
It's good to see ya, man.
- What are you wearing?
- Clothes.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- You must be Nat.
- Yes.
Heard a lot of
great stuff about you.
Oh. Good things, I hope.
- Good things, yeah.
- Great.
Um, by the way, thank you
so much for doing this.
No, problemo. De nada.
- That's a nice camera. What is that?
- Uh, Pentax K1000.
- K1000?
- Yeah.
- Where'd you get that?
- Oh, my grandfather gave it to me.
Whoa! What the fuck, dude?
Yeah. That's Jacqueline.
Watch your mouth, brother.
Yeah, miracle of life.
Pretty cool, right? Let's
get the party started here.
Get your shit in the back.
Since when do you drive a Prius?
Since the Earth began to die.
What happened to the GTO, man?
[Franois] I get 45 miles per
gallon in the city in this thing.
Buckle up, dude.
There's a kid in the car.
[folk song playing on radio]
[man] A-tisket, a-tasket
A green and yellow basket
I sent a letter to my mother
On the way I dropped it
I dropped it...
So Richard, uh, you've
been unusually quiet.
What the fuck
happened to you, man?
This guy basically taught me
everything I know.
Literally, I wouldn't even be able to wipe
my own ass if it wasn't for this guy.
You don't know how to wipe
your own ass, you dumb shit.
Well, that is kind of true.
But seriously, what happened?
Hey, life goes on.
People change, man.
You're looking at the new me.
[Richard] Hey, Nat, will
you hand me my backpack?
Uh, yeah, sure.
What the fu... Hey,
have you seen my knife?
Your knife?
Yeah, my knife.
My fuckin' dad
gave me that knife.
It's the only thing I have from him.
It's not here.
Um, no. No, no, no, no. I
haven't seen your knife.
Your knife, no.
That's weird.
[Nathan] Yeah, weird.
[Franois] When's the last time
you were in Albuquerque, Richard?
You're too good for us now.
More like, Albuquerque's
too good for me.
[Nathan] Hey man, again, I just wanna
say thank you so much for this.
I really, really appreciate it.
[Franois] Yeah. Hey, it's Richard
we're talking about, right?
I can't tell you how many times
this guy's gotten me out of a jam.
the sign says
straight for Albuquerque.
- Huh?
- The sign back there, it said straight for Albuquerque.
We're, uh, taking a shortcut.
We're gonna go around
the traffic.
Oh. Okay.
Everybody's got Chlamydia.
- Fuckin' everybody's got Chlamydia.
- [Franois] Yeah.
I'm talking to Franois
about it, and he goes...
- Dude, I can't believe you're bringing this up.
- "My bad."
- You remember that?
- Yeah. I do, I do.
'Cause he was the one
who had it.
He gave everybody
the same Chlamydia.
- Anybody else need to piss?
- [laughs]
Oh, man, we had some good
fuckin' times together, man.
- Oh, shit, we sure did.
- Oh, shit.
- Get out of the car.
- [Nathan] Holy shit. What are you doing?
- Oh, fuck.
- Get out of the car. Get the fuck out of the car.
- Go stand over there.
- Fuck me.
How did I not see this coming?
You, give me your shit.
- What?
- Your shit.
I want your wallet, I want your phone,
and I want that sweet-ass camera.
Put it on the seat right now.
Hey, ndale. Let's go.
Come on.
If you want my shit, you're
gonna have to come get it.
What shit do you have?
You don't have any shit.
That's not how friends
treat each other.
I just told that great story
about how you gave me Chlamydia.
That doesn't make us friends.
The only reason I'm here is
'cause you said
you're with a little rich kid
with a wad of cash.
Now look, you're not gonna say
anything about this to anybody
because if you do, I'm gonna take a
little fuckin' visit to Enfield Lane,
and I'm gonna curb-stomp
your fuckin' mom and dad.
- [baby crying]
- Shh. I know, honey.
It's okay.
I will kick your mother
the fuck over, dude.
Is that what you want?
So you go ahead,
you call the cops.
I'll take it out in pain.
Adios, motherfuckers.
I am so sorry.
- If I had any...
- I'm done.
Hang on, Nat.
This is my fault, like,
almost all of it.
Where are you going?
Nat, hang on.
Yeah, that's right. You-You
lead the way, I'll follow you.
Nat, I fucked up.
Shut up, Richard.
Okay. Good. You're
talking to me again?
Oh, thank God. This has been the
longest three hours of my life.
- Oh, my God.
- You know, if I had my knife,
I totally could've stabbed
that asshole.
I threw your knife
out the window!
- What?
- Yeah.
So fuck you and fuck your knife.
Oh. Well,
I guess we're even, now.
- Richard.
- Huh?
- Shut up.
- Oh.
Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You got it.
- [sighs]
I think I figured
the whole Nina thing out.
I think the mistake I made
was I-I came on too strong.
I just...
I fall in love too quick.
[Richard] You know, that's like...
that's my cross to bear.
[Richard] Hey.
Hey, little guy.
You still mad at me?
[Nathan] Shut up.
[Nathan] You hear that?
Hey, hey!
- Hi.
- Hey.
Thank you so much for stopping.
What the heck
are you doing out here?
Uh, it's a long story.
Uh, do you mind
giving us a lift?
Well, I'm going as far as Silver City.
You wanna go there?
Uh, yeah, that'd be great.
Okay, guys. Hop on in. Come on.
Okay. Great. Thank you.
[woman] Here we go.
I've been up in Gila
for the last few days.
I volunteer
with the Park Service.
- [Nathan] Cool.
- Yeah, cool.
- It is cool.
- It's cold. It's freezing.
Here, take this sweatshirt.
- Here, put it on.
- Are you sure?
Yeah, sure I'm sure.
Thank you.
What's going on with you guys?
What're you doing out
on the road like that?
- Uh, we just got robbed and were stranded up here.
- What?
- What, you got robbed?
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God.
- Friend of mine, who was supposed to be giving us a ride...
- A friend!
- Well.
[laughing] Some friend.
- Yeah.
- Jesus Christ.
[woman] Well, you're
lucky it's January.
It could've been worse.
The bears are all napping.
God, I remember three
summers ago I was out here,
was on an expedition
with a bunch of botanists.
They were out collecting a bunch
of samples out in the field
and I was back at camp.
And I thought I'd make some...
some vegetable soup
for everybody.
So I was peeling potatoes
and I hear this...
- What's that?
- [chuckles]
Yeah, that's what I thought.
"What's that?"
And I look up,
and there's a little cub.
And there's another little cub.
And behind the two
cubs is Mommy.
- Oh.
- Oh, my God.
Yeah. And she was not happy.
- And she was not asking me for soup.
- [chuckles]
And I remembered, you know,
you're supposed to, like,
get real full of
yourself, you know?
You're supposed to, like, you know,
be big, try to be as big as they are.
Well I'm 5'4", you know.
So that's not gonna happen.
But I just got so full of
adrenaline and fear
that I just
started yelling at her.
And I said, "Get the fuck out of
my campground, you crazy bitch!"
And... And I started
throwing my potatoes at her.
And I startled her. She just...
I didn't know what was gonna
happen, and all of a sudden...
Oh, thank you Jesus... she ran!
She ran. Her cubs ran.
And I just kept throwing. I was just
picking up carrots and potatoes
and everything,
and I just went crazy.
And... And then they were gone.
- And...
- That's amazing.
And it was...
It was such a great
feeling, you know?
It was like... It was like...
It was like, you know...
Those times when you just feel
like a penny waiting for a change
and then all of a sudden,
the cash box is full.
Yeah. It was all right.
You know, those botanists came
back and I-I told them that story.
[clicks tongue]
Well, somebody else was Big
Man On Campus that night.
- [both laughing]
- I can tell you that. That was the truth, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Somewhere that bear's telling the story
- about the crazy lady with vegetables.
- Yeah. [Laughing]
Hey, Nat?
Nat. Wake up, buddy.
I think you should report
what happened to the police.
- Um...
- Okay?
- Thank you. Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Um, thank you very much.
- You bet.
- For everything. Really.
- You bet. No problem.
Hey. Hold on a second.
[grunting] Hold on a second.
You guys need this
more than I do.
[clears throat]
- Thank you.
- Sure.
- Really, thank you.
- It's okay. Yeah.
You just... You go on in there
and just tell 'em everything,
and they'll take care of ya.
I've known these guys
for years. They're great.
- Okay, cool. Thank you.
- Okay.
Hey, Richard? Good
luck to ya, buddy.
Thanks for everything, Dotty.
Well... I guess this is it.
I don't know about you,
but I'm starving.
Wait. What?
[Nathan] This is seriously, like,
the best food I've ever eaten.
You've changed, man.
You're no longer like the baby Nat
that I met a couple days ago.
You're like, real hard-core now.
- Being held at gunpoint will do that to you.
- It's true.
Hey, so when you go to the cops,
probably gonna hang out here.
Me and the police, we don't
really mix very well.
I'm not going to the station.
Hitching a ride to Albuquerque.
To Albuquerque?
- You ready to see how it's done?
- By all means, please.
- You ready to see the master in action?
- I would love to.
- Show me how it's done please, bud.
- [blows]
Here we go.
We're about to go
to Albuquerque.
Ten bucks says
I get the first car.
- You guys need a ride?
- [Richard] Yeah.
- [Nathan] Yeah, we would love one.
- Yeah, come on. Why?
[Nathan] Yeah, are you
going to Albuquerque?
Real sorry, dude. She's freakin' out.
I don't know.
Fuck you!
That was weird.
Fuck, man.
Ah, actually that
happens to me all the time.
- Really?
- Yeah.
You get out here and try it. Maybe your
pretty face will change the equation.
Sure. Should I...
So it's blowin' on the thumb?
- Oh, just get out there, you little shit.
- That's... Just blow on it?
- Yeah.
- Like that?
- Shut up.
- Do I shake it?
- Do I go rad?
- You know what? Don't get cocky, okay?
Oh. Hey, hey, hey.
- I think I got one.
- What?
- No!
- Yes!
- [cackles]
- Are you kidding?
- Amazing!
- That's not how it works.
I want you to know that.
- You just got lucky. That's beginner's luck.
- No.
Hi. Uh, we're headed
towards Albuquerque.
- Do you mind if you take us?
- Get in the back.
- Get in the back.
- I got the car.
[Richard] Right up here is fine.
- Thank you so much, Gary.
- [Gary] All right, man.
- Good luck with getting your kids back.
- [Nathan] Thank you very much.
[Richard] Okay, listen.
I don't know what you think
you're doing, okay,
but this isn't your exact world,
okay, crime and so forth.
So you don't just go barging into some
guy's house who robbed you at gunpoint.
- I think that's the car.
- Wait. No.
It may be,
but it doesn't matter.
Are you listening to me?
You... Nat.
- Nat!
- Shut up, Richard. Come on.
- You can't sneak around in the middle of broad daylight.
- Shh!
Walk like a normal person.
You look ridi... Oh, my God.
You're gonna get us arrested.
My wallet and stuff
are in the back.
Shit. It's locked.
What are you doing?
No, no, no, no, no!
Come back. No, don't.
- God! Fuck!
- Shh!
Goddamn it. That cactus got
me right in the fuckin' dick.
- His keys are right by the front door.
- God. Fuck.
- Door's locked.
- Okay. Well, we tried. Let's go.
Yeah. Let's go through the back.
No. We're not
going through the back.
You don't go in the back door
of someone's house
who you know has a gun,
and is also inside the house.
You are doing this wrong. It's not like
the back door is gonna be open anyway.
Oh, goddamn it!
[TV show playing faintly]
[man on TV] When Turner gives
the order, cease fire.
[Nathan whispering] I'm gonna get his keys.
Cover me. Okay?
[man on TV] You wait for a sign.
[TV chatter continues]
[baby babbling] Mommy.
[baby coos]
- Hang on.
- What?
I'm gonna take a shit
on this guy's front step.
No one fucks with my friends.
- [straining]
- Hurry up.
- Richard.
- Oh!
Taking a shit on my steps?
Monica, get the gun.
Oh, God.
You little bitch-ass
piece of shit!
- Franois, I can't hear you.
- I said, get the gun!
Don't yell. You'll wake up the ba...
Oh, you woke the baby.
- So, feed her!
- Father of the Fuckin' Year.
- Is that Richard?
- [Richard] Hi, Monica.
Cool, guys. Awesome.
You think you're so hard,
don't you?
You don't know hard.
You pussy little bitch.
- Richard!
- [Franois] Piece of shit.
You don't know.
You're a fuckin' joke, Richard.
You always have been.
And you always will be.
Come on.
I'll drive.
- What?
- I'll drive!
He's not getting up.
- Hurry up!
- [Richard] I'm hurrying.
It's a fuckin' Prius, dickhead.
Thank you, man. Thank you for
helping me out. That was huge.
- Do you think I hurt him?
- Fuck, yeah, you hurt him. Are you kidding?
- You probably fuckin' killed him.
- What?
I'm kidding with you.
Dude, I'm fucking with you.
- You definitely did not kill him.
- Okay.
At best, he's gonna need
some stitches, okay.
Which he fucking deserves
for coming at us like that.
Whoo! Classic Franois, though.
I'm glad to know
he's still in the game.
[exhales] Look good?
- It's great.
- Okay, good.
- It's good, it's good.
- All right.
- Oh.
- Fuck, yeah. We did it, man.
- We fuckin' did it.
- Oh, my God, your head's bleeding.
- Are you okay?
- What?
Oh, look at that. Yeah.
Oh, he fuckin' got me. [Laughs]
You know what though?
I got to respect it.
He had to come at me.
Makes sense.
I mean, it's crazy.
- It's crazy.
- Nah. You know, it's not crazy.
- It's Franois.
- I hit him.
Dude, did you see when I did it?
I hit him...
- Oh, yeah. It was fuckin' badass, dude.
- Oh, my God. That's amazing.
- I've never done anything like that before in my life.
- That was fuckin' badass moves.
- I love that.
- Jesus Christ.
- What's happening?
- What's happening is you're getting out.
- Let's go.
- What?
Okay. Come on.
We're driving a stolen car.
You just assaulted somebody.
We gotta get you outta here.
What about you?
[scoffs] What about me?
Who cares?
Just take your stuff and go.
That's it?
That's all you're taking?
Yeah. All this shit
doesn't seem important anymore.
You're welcome to keep whatever you
want and throw away whatever you don't.
All right. Whatever.
This is our third time
saying good-bye.
Yeah, well, you know what they say.
Third time's a charm, right?
All right. Oh, okay.
You take care of yourself, Nat.
You too, Richard.
You're a good kid.
Thanks, man.
Keep that dick dry.
- [clears throat]
- You too, bud.
Hey, Nat.
Eat shit.
[R & B intro]
[man] This road
Is gonna take us back now
You look so fine
I don't know how to act now
They say my child
Don't stroll off easy
'Cause when it's time
You gone hear what she said
Is it any wonder?
Is it any wonder?
If you ever leave me alone
I'll be crying
Wishing you'd come home
Oh, baby
[no audible dialogue]