The Love Hypothesis (2026) Movie Script

1
Oh, God.
Okay.
Deep breaths, Olive.
You're good. You're good.
You're-- Oh, my God.
My God.
That is not good.
Ugh. Ah, fuck. Shit.
Oh, God.
Oh, shit.
Not another one.
This is my lab bathroom
to dispose of reagents and wash equipment.
If you need to cry, there's a ladies' room
- on the first floor.
- Oh.
I'm not crying.
- Right.
- No, I-I-I...
I'm wearing expired contacts.
Very expired.
Why would you do that?
Um, contacts are expensive.
So are corneas.
The burning just lasts a couple minutes,
and I have my grad school interview
right now.
You plan on enrolling?
Yeah.
I mean, it's Stanford, so...
...probably, may-maybe.
Probably, maybe?
I guess I...
I worry that I'm not good enough.
Well, why do you want it?
What's your reason?
Well, the research that I want to do is...
important to me.
It's very important. It's personal.
And the answer that I'm searching for,
no one seems to be able to find it,
but I think-- I know that I can find it.
Is that a good enough reason?
It's the best one.
You're exactly where you need to be.
But not in my lab bathroom.
I'm...
...Olive.
Opened two double doors
Typical, pretty sure
every time I get too close
I just go mess it up
Okay, I sweat through
that interview,
and now I'm at Stanford.
Because I belong here.
I think.
Yeah. Yes.
I could be anywhere,
I'm on your block...
Welcome to Stanford.
Music Club over here!
Welcome to Stanford. Hi.
Okay, why is everyone
smiling so much?
Do they all know each other?
Did I miss orientation?
No. No.
I'm doing too much
Did I fall out of line
when I called you?
I got this.
I will find my people.
I will make connections.
The entire universe,
down to a single atom,
is built on trying to find order
through connection.
It's just a building. Grow up.
Okay.
I keep thinking maybe
if you let me back in
we could make it better
breaking every habit
Pull myself together
You could watch it happen
Let it happen, let it happen
Science tells us
that molecules will stay in motion,
vibrating and colliding endlessly
until they find a match.
Pull myself together
You could watch it happen
And when they do,
something totally new forms.
'Cause every time I get too close,
I just go mess it up
Bam. A bond.
My dopamine is surging, and--
Okay, stop staring at him. Don't be weird.
All right, just sit back here, alone.
Act normal. Act like I'm--
If I hear one more conversation
about crypto, I will kill myself.
It's like astrology for guys.
Hi. I'm Anh.
Hi. Olive.
Come on. We can't see anything
all the way back here.
I'm good here.
We are not here to hide.
Excuse me. Hi.
Coming through. Hi. It's women. Yes.
You can talk over us and take credit
for all of our ideas later.
Hey, excuse me.
Wow, there's more guys even.
Pick a lane. Okay.
Excuse me.
We could've just been allies,
acquaintances who sometimes bitched
to each other
and then mostly just ignored
one another, but instead...
No way.
Don't worry
about what's going on...
We discovered we both love
junk food and watching reality TV.
Anh dragged me to every department mixer,
- support group and workshop on campus.
- Hi.
So I know this isn't usually your thing,
but I have a lot of really cool people
I'd love for you to meet, okay?
And forced me
to actually talk to people,
which isn't exactly my strong suit.
- Hey. What's up?
- Hey. Olive.
- I'm Malcolm.
- N-Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- I like your shirt.
- Thank you.
- Pepperoni.
- Malcolm, look.
- Yeah.
Even though
Anh made it look so easy,
I always felt awkward around new people.
- Except when it came to him.
- Pizza.
He made the air feel warmer.
- Thank you.
- Oh.
Electric.
You really just almost took food
from a random stranger.
- Jeremy.
- Olive.
Around Jeremy, I could feel every atom
in my body humming.
Only I was too burned out to realize
- that the heat...
- Is this seat taken?
- ...it wasn't directed at me.
- No, it's fine.
Okay.
He's really, really asleep.
And when I pretended
to be going home for Christmas
but was actually staying alone
in my shitty dorm for an entire week...
- Ho ho ho.
- Hey.
- Guess what.
- What?
Pack your bag.
You're coming to Michigan.
- What?
- Yes, you are.
You're not staying
in this sad little dorm room.
- Come on, let's go.
- How?
How? On a plane. Let's go.
Come on, you guys!
Anh used all
her frequent-flier miles
to bring me to her house in Michigan...
Not before dinner.
...to eat delicious adobo
with her family...
All right. I'm all in.
Oh!
Do I do this?
...and take all her brothers' money.
- Did I win?
- You won.
- I did? Yay.
- You won! / She's good.
- How did you do that?
- Sorry.
Because she knew that I didn't have
any family of my own.
I have something for you.
What are we doing?
It's a tradition.
Can we do an inside tradition?
It's freezing.
So, we have this belief that,
when someone dies,
their spirit might become restless.
Releasing these lanterns
helps them find peace.
And so, Anh just became my person.
I would do anything for her.
Protein kinases
play an essential role
in the regulation of cell division...
Are you seriously taking this many notes?
No. I'm googling how much money
emu farmers make.
There's a start-up cost,
but we could have chickens.
You had me at emu.
Oh, my God.
We appreciate the enthusiasm, Olive.
The MAPK cascade is quite fascinating.
But what it does
to drug-resistant therapies
is really gonna knock your socks off.
- I got a response.
- Which one?
Shh!
Shut up, McConnell.
Dr. Tom Benton at Harvard.
- I'm gonna read it later, just in case.
- Thank you, everyone.
- See you next week.
- It's gonna be a yes.
We'll see.
Dr. Aslan. Am I right?
I mean, Anh, you probably already have it
memorized 'cause you're a genius.
I mean, you-you, too, Olive.
You're both geniuses.
Smart girls in the house. Whoo-whoo!
Women. Smart women that I...
that I deeply respect.
Are you guys hungry?
Um, I have to go to a thing.
All right. I'll see you later.
Don't forget, you promised to help me.
Because you're
such an amazing friend and--
'Kay. Love you. Bye. It's gonna be a yes.
She has a thing.
Yeah, yeah. I-I have a thing, too.
This is the time of day I usually
lie down in the fetal position,
cry a little bit
and reconsider all my life choices.
Whoa.
What?
That's a foul.
Hey. What's up?
Should I be in
my molecular bio sem right now?
Yes, technically,
the answer to that is yes,
but this morning,
Dr. Evil said that all of my data
on chimeric antigen receptors
- was uninspired.
- Hence "Dr. Evil."
So he's making me start all over again
and throw everything out.
And on top of that, Paul dumped me.
Uh, which-which Paul? Ice-skater Paul?
No, puffy nips Paul.
The guy you went on two dates with
and said there was no chemistry?
Exactly.
I had zero chemistry with him.
He had so much chemistry with me.
But he ghosted me,
and now I feel like shit.
You know, with stuff like that,
you always--
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
- Oh, my God.
Okay.
I'm having a really rough day.
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
- Malcolm.
- Hmm?
I got an email response.
Dr. Benton.
Harvard.
- What?
- Mm-hmm.
D-Do you want me to read it?
No, I can read it. I'm an adult.
Oh.
- Okay.
- You're good.
I got you.
Come on.
- Get up.
- Okay.
Because if he says no,
it's not that big of a deal.
Like, there are plenty of other grants
and labs where I can finish my research.
Maybe not as prestigious as Harvard, but--
I mean, do you know how freezing
Cambridge is in the winter?
It's very cold,
and I get eczema on my hands,
so that's probably not even really--
- He wants to meet.
- He what?
He wants to meet.
"Hello, Olive Smith.
Thank you for recently submitting
a scientific paper to my attention.
Your research on pancreatic cancer
sounds very promising.
I'll be lecturing at Stanford
for the next month.
Why don't we plan to chat while I'm there?
Cheers, TB!"
- He wants to meet.
- Okay, he wants to chat.
- Yeah. He wants to chat.
- He wants to chat.
Dr. Tom Benton wants to chat.
Why... why does he...
why does he want to chat?
I put it all there in the pdf.
- No--
- There's a pdf that he read.
- Why do we need to chat about it?
- No. No.
Don't overthink it.
Yes, no, because when I'm in my lab
with my mice,
I know what I'm doing and I'm in control.
It's when I have to present my ideas
to other people
I stutter and I-I freeze up.
I sweat. You know I have
a nervous sweating problem.
You do. You should Botox it.
I can't do that.
Yeah, you can. I know an injector.
- No, I-I can't do that.
- Oh.
Yeah, you can.
You just got to take
your emotions out of it.
Think of it like dating, okay?
You got to be aloof. Be cold.
Act like you could really give a fuck.
And that is when they really
start to want you.
That's unbelievably unhealthy.
Okay. Agree to disagree.
Look, you can freak out later.
Right now,
we are gonna celebrate this dub.
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay?
Where are we gonna go? What do you want?
No, um, you're gonna...
you're gonna go to class.
You can make the last hour
of your sem, okay?
Don't let Dr. Evil
make you doubt yourself.
Okay? You got this.
Go. Go get 'em.
First of all,
this condenser is totally crooked.
- Oh, my God. What an outrage.
- Outrage?
- Could you please help with it?
- Sure.
How is that?
It's the exact same
as it was before.
You know you didn't do anything just now.
Hey. Okay, how's that?
It's beautiful.
Oh.
Um...
Shit.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry. I'm--
Yeah.
Look, I-I-I didn't mean to, like...
I just... I just thought you...
- I'm a moron.
- No.
No, I did. I do.
Oh, o--
Great, great, so... let's take it slow.
Let's go on a date.
Like, a dinner or-or-or lunch or a movie.
I can't.
But why?
I-- Now I-- Now I don't understand.
Sorry, I just can't.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, how you doing?
Hello.
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
Hey, kids.
This is my best friend, Ms. Olive Smith,
who's gonna be helping us out today.
Who's ready to create some
ionically cross-linked polymer networks?
Okay.
Who's ready to turn liquid into...
...slimy science worms?
- Ew!
- Aah! So gross.
- Thanks for coming.
- Of course.
Malcolm never showed. Shocker.
Well, it was nice of Jeremy to show up.
And he got here even before I did.
He, um, asked me out.
Really?
That's amazing. That's so great.
I said no.
What? Why?
Jeremy's awesome. I don't get it.
You know you have a crush on him.
It's just girl code.
Chicks before dicks, right, Ms. Anh?
Exactly, Rosa.
But also, don't say "dicks."
Your cross-linked hydrogels today
were stunning.
- You rocked it.
- Anh.
Don't be crazy.
I may have had a crush on him, like,
a thousand years ago
for a month during exams.
I was probably dehydrated
and hallucinating.
Okay, it was longer than a month,
and you know it.
Whatever. That's not even the point.
I don't like him like that anymore. I--
He's like a brother to me.
That makes it even weirder, though.
Anh, there's no weir-- It's not weird.
Ol.
Besides, I'm-I'm seeing someone.
You mean, like, a therapist?
What? No. Like, a-a human man.
It's-it's, like, super new,
and we've just been on a couple dates.
I really-- I like him.
And I did not tell you about him,
because I just didn't want to jinx it.
- Olive.
- Yes.
You're a scientist researching
pancreatic ductal adenocarcinoma,
but you believe in jinxes?
Yes. Mm-hmm.
Big on jinxes.
And I'm going on a date tomorrow night.
- You have a date?
- Yes.
And I will tell you all about it
- afterwards.
- Mm.
Okay.
Go... out with him.
I mean, who wants to be on a date?
I'd much rather be here anyway,
hanging out on a Saturday night,
talking to mice.
Okay. I need sugar.
No one do anything cool while I'm gone.
Shit. Shit.
Shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Fuck. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Can I kiss you, please?
Excuse me--
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Dr. Evil.
- I'm sorry?
- Dr. Carlsen.
- You kissed me.
- No.
I didn't mean to do that.
That was an emergency.
I was being followed by a very stubborn
Filipino woman who's gone now.
Okay, what exactly is going on here?
Uh, um, it's, uh, complicated,
and it doesn't actually involve you,
so I'm afraid I can't talk
to you about it.
I'm sorry.
No, I understand.
- Oh.
- I'll just go back to my office, then,
prepare my Title IX complaint.
- Good night.
- Uh...
- Title IX?
- It's a federal law
that protects against sexual misconduct
in academic settings.
No, I-I know what it is.
I don't see how it applies
to this situation.
How so?
Because I asked you first
if I could kiss you.
Mm. You asked,
and then you didn't wait for my consent.
- I did.
- You did not.
- I did.
- Mm-mm.
- I didn't?
- No.
Okay. I thought I...
I thought I heard you say yes.
I was pretty sure that you said yes.
- I didn't.
- Really?
Mm-hmm.
It happened very fast,
so that was my mistake.
Well, that is something we can agree on.
Olive Smith.
There's a guy...
I'm listening.
Oh. Uh, there's... there's a guy that I...
- Love?
- No.
Maybe. I don't know.
It doesn't matter, because he wants
to go out with my best friend Anh,
who was just here spying on me.
The stubborn Filipino woman?
Exactly. And she won't go out with him
unless I can convince her
that I don't have feelings for him.
But you do.
Right. No.
You're-you're missing the point.
The only way that she will date this guy,
who is perfect for her,
is if I'm dating someone else.
Only there is nobody else,
so I pretended to be on a date tonight.
So she came here to bust me
working in the lab alone, so I had to--
Kiss the first random person you saw
in the hallway to throw her off.
Without their consent.
Yeah. That's correct.
In hindsight, not my finest moment.
Mm, maybe not.
Sadly, it's not my worst.
Um, so, okay, this has been...
awkward and humiliating,
which is kind of the story of my life,
so I'm just gonna go crawl
into a black hole and die.
Good night.
Come on.
I'll explain later.
Oh, my God.
We know that DNA
from one strain can transform another...
Oh, God, I slept through my alarm.
Did I miss anything important?
What? Oh, God,
do I have something on my face?
Oh, yeah, you got a little bit
of the Antichrist's lips
smooshed all over your face.
- What the hell?
- Shh.
Do you two mind? I missed the last part.
Oh, shut up, McConnell.
It's N of t, where t is greater
than or equal to zero. Duh.
It's N of t, where...
What could you possibly see in Dr. Evil?
I mean, I get it, he's superhot,
but most serial killers are.
He... he's...
nice.
Nice?
Do you have a brain tumor?
Wait. Do I have a brain tumor?
Oh, my, God.
Does Malcolm know you're in love
with his archnemesis?
We are not in love.
It was super casual.
We went on a few dates.
It was fun. I've already moved on.
That is not what it looked like
Saturday night,
when you had your tongue
down his throat in the hallway.
- She's kidding.
- Mm-hmm.
It was just a fling.
It's not serious at all.
Olive.
Dr. Carlsen needs to see you
in his office immediately.
- Dr. Evil?
- Oh.
Dr. Carlsen would love to see you
- immediately.
- Stop.
- You're so lucky.
- Interesting.
Stop.
Text me back this time.
That's my entire body of work.
You know, this is why everyone hates you.
I hate you, I hate you.
I hate you, Dr. Evil. I hate you.
Olive.
Come on in. I'll be with you in a moment.
Oh, that's okay. I can come back
if now is not a good time for you.
I called you into my office.
Why wouldn't it be a good time?
That guy seemed upset.
Perhaps he was unhappy when I suggested
his proposal was derivative,
fundamentally flawed and better suited
to an eighth-grade science fair
than a doctoral student.
Yeah, that was probably
a contributing factor.
You pulled me out of my class?
Yes. Dr. Hargrave's molecular biology.
I assure you there is nothing
so revolutionary in his lectures
that you couldn't uncover
with a cursory Wiki search.
Well, Dr. Hargrave is also on
my dissertation committee,
so I can assure you
his lectures are quite important to me.
Oh.
Then I'll be brief.
I accept your proposal.
What proposal?
To deceive your friend into believing
that I'm your love interest.
That was your hypothesis, correct?
That your friend will agree
to date the man
that you're in love with
if she believes that you have a boyfriend?
Well, I did not say
that I was in love with him, but--
Then I accept.
We'll have to go over
the parameters, of course.
Define the possible extraneous
and confounding variables,
design the experimental treatments--
Uh, just why?
Well, it's proper protocol
when designing an experiment.
No, why are you helping me?
Why would you agree to do--
I believe that there is an opportunity
for us to help each other.
Dr. Fastuca, the head of my department,
recently informed me that Stanford
may not be renewing my grant.
Millions of dollars that I need.
Why?
Your work on circulating tumor cells
is groundbreaking.
I read your study in Nature.
Hmm. Well, apparently,
they consider me a flight risk.
A longtime friend recently received a very
large grant for his project at Harvard.
He's been trying to convince me
to leave here and join him for years.
He offered me a position, and...
I suppose word got out.
Are you planning to leave?
Of course not.
If it wasn't for Stanford,
my study on CTC isolation and detection
wouldn't be on the precipice
of a huge breakthrough.
But I need those funds
to continue my research.
Why can't you just tell them
that you're not leaving?
I have, many times.
The consensus is I have no roots here.
No house, no family, not even a pet.
Nothing to keep me
from running off with their money.
But a serious girlfriend,
one who still had a year left
of her doctoral study here,
might change their minds.
Why don't you just
get a real girlfriend?
I suppose the same reason
you don't get a real boyfriend.
- Relationships are time-consuming.
- Confusing.
Right. I also don't have time
for a boyfriend.
That's the main reason.
So I can help you deceive your friend--
Sounds really bad
when you put it like that.
Help your friend find...
true love with this guy?
That's better,
'cause now I'm, like, the hero.
And you can help me convince Dr. Fastuca
to renew my grant.
Are we not breaking university rules?
No, I already checked
with Stanford's Code of Ethics.
They allow relationships
between doctoral students and postdocs
as long as they're in
completely different fields of study.
I propose an end date of October 29th.
That's the day the department delivers
their final decision
on all grant reapplications.
Which gives us one month to convince
your friend and my colleagues
that we are in love.
- Does that work for you?
- Um...
so we're fake-dating?
Uh, yes.
Sorry. Um, no, it's just...
I-I mean, it's just so--
Unbelievable that you would date Dr. Evil?
It's fine.
Of all the nicknames I've heard,
I think I like that one the best.
I have another meeting now.
Okay.
- So if you'll excuse--
- Oh.
I thought you were going in for a hug.
- No, I was just getting my jacket.
- Sorry.
- Um, okay, so we can work on the--
- Should I-- Is it okay to call--
- A-Adam, is it?
- Yeah.
- We'll work on the specifics later.
- Okay. Okay.
Bye.
Oh, great. Freaking pen ran out.
Don't have another one, so I guess--
What?
Here you go.
Thanks.
Hi.
It's real...
I'm gonna order a coffee.
Okay.
- I should order you one.
- You don't have to.
No, it will seem more believable
that we're on a coffee date
if we both have coffee.
- Okay. Good point, yes.
- Yes.
- Hello, Doctor--
- One coffee, black,
and, um... uh, whatever she's having.
Order whatever you like.
Oh, thank you. Uh, can I get the
Velvet Caramel and White Chocolate Bliss?
With extra whip cream.
And can I get chocolate sprinkles
on there, too?
You're together?
I mean, you're paying together?
Yes.
Oh, can I... can I just...
These, too. Yeah.
Thank you.
Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
It's real...
People have very strong reactions to you.
Have you noticed that?
Uh, they're probably just
concerned for your health.
I cannot believe as a doctor of science
that you would put that into your body.
Oh, I'm not a doctor yet.
I've put way worse
into this body.
I got it.
I think it's already working.
This woman over there
just pretended to take a selfie,
but she was taking a photo of us.
Hmm.
Um, so to be clear, uh, this is strictly
a campus-based arrangement.
I will not be available for trips home
to meet your parents
or to attend any weddings
as your plus-one.
Well, that won't be a problem,
because I don't go home.
And I hate weddings.
I'd actually rather teach the patch-clamp
technique to a bunch of toddlers.
I do that every week.
Dr. Carlsen, was that a joke?
Sadly, no.
So, uh, no parents and no weddings.
Uh, but we should meet at semi-regular
intervals for other... uh, activities.
I'm not gonna have sex with you.
- What? No, no, of course not.
- If that's what you're implying here.
Obviously, there is zero
sexual component to this arrangement.
- That is ridiculous.
- Good.
So, what activities are you talking about?
There is a faculty picnic this Friday,
which would give us a great opportunity
to be seen by both your peers and my boss.
I suggest that we meet up there and, um...
- Talk? Hang out?
- Mm.
- Eat hot dogs?
- Yes.
Although I will not be eating hot dogs.
Neither should you.
You know what's in those things?
No, I do not,
and I'd like to keep it that way.
I told you.
Can you, um, act nat-natural?
- Normal, not your version of--
- Yes.
- Happier. Smile, smile. Smile right now.
- I can do it.
- Hi, guys.
- Mm.
Hi. You guys, this is-- You know him.
- He's Doc-- Adam.
- Hello, Malcolm.
Oh. Uh...
How are those computational models
coming along?
Great. Super.
I'm actually on my way
to the lab right now.
I was gonna doub--
I was gonna triple-check my work.
Fantastic. I'm impressed.
Thank you.
Considering how subpar
your last submissions were,
I think double-checking's
a really good idea.
Thank you. There it is.
You must be Anh.
Me? Maybe. Why?
Well, I've heard wonderful things
about you.
Aw.
I wish you were-- Huh?
- Uh, well, I should get back to the lab.
- Okay.
Um, it was lovely to see you both.
- And I will call you later, uh, babe.
- Great.
"Babe"?
I'll see you later.
- Bye.
- Later.
- "Babe"? Huh?
- Drugs. It's drugs.
- Wait, you're dating? It's real?
- Look. Look.
- Look at her eyes.
- Oh, my God.
He has access to chemicals.
I think--
- She did-- She didn't blink.
- She didn't blink.
- She did not blink.
- Tickling. She didn't laugh.
How do you guys know
that we were even here?
Oh. Everyone knows.
Uh, that's not cool, Janine.
You're department secretary. Come on.
- It's rude.
- That's messed up.
I just can't believe it.
We live together.
- I'm your best fr--
- Hey.
Very close second, male best friend.
Why didn't you tell me?
I'm sorry. It's because it was so new.
- Very new.
- He's a monster.
Why couldn't you date someone who's, like,
I don't know, not trying
to fail me out of school?
Okay, to be fair, you're almost failing
because you're out partying
every single night.
Oh, wow.
Okay. I am, because I am trying to deal
with the overwhelming stress
of working under Dr. Evil.
It's called self-care.
- It's for gay guys, too.
- Okay.
- Hey, guys. Hey.
- Hey.
Olive, I just saw the weirdest post.
It was you and Dr.--
Carlsen. They're dating.
You're seriously dating Dr. Evil?
Does he even have real human emotions?
- See? I told you. Makes no sense, right?
- No, no, he actually does not.
- Anger, maybe. Maybe.
- Maybe.
Yes, he does.
And yeah, we're-we're dating.
We're going to the student/faculty picnic
on Friday.
You should come with us.
Come on a date with you and Dr. Carlsen?
- And Anh. And Malcolm.
- What?
What? Why? Why do I have to go?
Oh, Anh, are you going?
- I can maybe stop by.
- She's going.
She's going.
We're all going together on Friday
- to the picnic together.
- Okay.
It's settled.
Okay, I'm gonna get potassium iodide.
Please tell me that you have
a severe online gambling problem
and you're not still working.
Yeah, no, I'm going over
my presentation one more time.
I have a meeting
with Dr. Benton on Wednesday,
and if he's gonna offer me a spot
on his research team, I have to be...
overly prepared.
Well, you will be because you're amazing.
Oh. Thank you.
Listen.
I came in because I just wanted to say...
I forgive you.
For what?
For dating the spawn of Satan
without telling me.
I don't think that I have to--
Ah.
No more apologies.
I'm just happy you're getting laid.
I know it is rough out there
for you demisexuals.
What's a demisexual?
You know, like, you have to have
an emotional bond with someone before...
You have to be in love to have sex.
Isn't that what everyone's looking for?
Oh, my God. Wait, you're serious.
That is adorable.
- No, mm-mm.
- Okay.
No.
- Sorry, it's just...
- Okay.
Paul,
guess what Olive just said.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Here you go. Enjoy.
Hey. Hi.
Seeing my advisors in social situations
makes me so uncomfortable.
It's unnatural.
Like, how can I trust your judgment when
I've seen you eat potato salad in shorts?
- Hmm.
- Dr. Aslan!
- Hey, Anh.
- So good to see you.
I like her.
I know someone who doesn't mind
seeing their work colleagues
outside of the biology building.
Or do you guys do it
in the lab after hours?
- Oh, my God.
- Thank God.
I was really starting to think
that you were spending all that time
alone with the mice.
That would be sad.
But if those mice could talk,
they would tell you about
- all the hot sex I've been hav--
- Ooh.
- Hey, guys.
- Hi.
- You look hot.
- Thank you.
Like, hot, sweaty. Hot and sweaty.
- Like you've been running around.
- Yeah. It's, uh, Ultimate Frisbee.
Your boyfriend's team just crushed us.
My boyfr-- Oh, Dr.-- Adam.
Dr. Carlsen? He plays Frisbee?
Yeah.
He's actually really good.
Huh. I just can't imagine him doing,
like, joyful activities.
- Oh.
- He seems more of, like,
the "lie in a coffin waiting
for the dark cover of night
to rise and, like, suck the life out of
an unsuspecting student" kind of person.
I am, but sometimes I play Frisbee.
Okay.
- Dr. Carlsen.
- Mm.
I was kidding
about the whole coffin thing.
You have a very creative mind, Malcolm.
It's why I accepted you
on my research team in the first place.
- Thank you.
- Just think what you could do with it
if you had a single ounce
of self-discipline.
So, uh, how are the nitrates?
Oh, I wasn't sure they would be
in season, but they're good.
You have the diet
of a 12-year-old schoolboy.
It's very alarming.
And also, um, very charming and endearing.
- Mm. Aw.
- For--
Oh.
- Yes.
- Mm.
- Great. Mm-hmm.
- Ooh! Sweaty all over me.
Oh, actually, you know what?
You're kind of starting to burn
a little bit, so...
Ol, why don't you put this
on his back, help your boyfriend out.
- Oh.
- I'm just having my hot dog...
- Oh, look, hot dog's gone.
- ... right now.
- Wha--
- Here.
All right, there we go.
Put some lotion on his back,
for God sakes.
Hmm...
Let's l-lube you up.
- Over here.
- 'Kay.
Okay. Sorry. I panicked.
Yes, you were incredibly awkward.
Okay. Me?
Have you ever embraced
a human being before?
No. Usually, I just let their dead bodies
fall to the ground
after I've sucked the life out of them.
Okay.
Okay, look, uh, Dr. Fastuca
is right over there.
This is actually a really good opportunity
for him to see us looking,
um, you know, couple-y.
Whoa. What was that?
I'm pretending like you said
something funny. Laugh like--
- Yeah, no. I can't-- I can't--
- Just pretend like I'm saying some--
- Yes.
- I can't just laugh on command. That's--
Yes, you can.
You can laugh on command.
- No, I can't laugh on--
- Adam!
Glad you could come out and join us.
- Me, too.
- See?
- Mm-hmm.
- It's working.
Okay, fine. Can you just... just put
some lotion on, please?
You do know you have to start
actually touching me at some point?
I'm evenly distributing it
so you don't get burned.
Okay, just try and make it look
like you're enjoying it.
Can you smile, please?
Yes, I can smile.
What are they doing?
I have no idea.
Stop doing that. It is incredibly jarring.
It's called flirting.
- It's very unnatural.
- Whoa. Am I interrupting something?
Oh, no, I'm, uh...
I'm just getting some, uh, sunscreen.
Yeah. Who's this?
Uh, Tom, this is Olive Smith,
uh, my girlfriend.
Uh, Olive, this is Dr. Tom Benton,
good friend of mine.
He's visiting from Harvard.
I invited him to guest-lecture
a few of my classes this quarter.
They didn't offer him
a permanent position.
You know, I remember graduating
summa cum laude. What were you again?
In a more challenging major.
- Right.
- Mm-hmm.
Forgive him, Olive. Pleasure.
Wait. Olive Smith,
my Wednesday 10:00 a.m.?
Yes. Yeah, Dr. Benton.
It's such an honor to meet you.
I'm-- Oh, sh--
Girlfriend? Adam, bro, you didn't tell me
you were dating someone.
Let alone the same woman
applying to work in my lab.
- Well, no, I didn't want to...
- Well, I didn't tell him...
- ...you know, influence your decision.
- ...that it was your lab.
- For conflict of interest.
- Yeah.
Right.
So, how long you two been dating?
- Six months.
- Couple weeks. Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, time's a-flying.
- Yes.
- It is a-flying.
- Time is a-flying
- when you're in a lab all night and day.
- Mm-hmm. Fast. Yes.
Oh, I think we are up.
- You're-you're needed over--
- Yeah, so we should go.
Olive, Olive, you're coming with Adam
to Dr. Fastuca's cocktail party
tomorrow night, right?
- No, I'm not--
- No, yes. Yes.
- We are looking forward to it. We are.
- No, I can't go to that.
I have the prior... the prior commitment
that I told you about.
Oh, yeah, right. Yeah.
That's the special guest lecture
on epigenetic modification?
- Yeah, that's it.
- Mm-hmm.
That's-that's where I'll be.
Perfect. Yeah, because that ends at 6:00.
Dr. Fastuca's cocktail party,
that starts at 7:00. Right?
So we've got plenty of time.
- Great.
- Great.
- You ready, buddy?
- Mm-hmm.
You got enough sunscreen on that
- baby-soft skin of yours?
- No, he needs more.
- Yes.
- See you tomorrow night, Olive.
- Yeah, looking forward to it.
- Nice to meet you.
- Okay, that's--
- I'm not going to that party.
- Why not? It is the--
- I'm not going to that party.
It is the perfect opportunity for us to
exhibit our relationship to Dr. Fastuca.
This is the entire purpose
of our arrangement.
I can't be in a room
full of distinguished scholars and mingle.
What if they try to talk to me?
Then you talk to them.
No. That's easy for you to say.
You have no problem talking to me.
You don't count.
That's not-- You know what I mean.
I don't care what you think about me.
In a nice way.
You are a scientist at Stanford,
one of the most prestigious
research universities in the country.
Yeah, I'm great at science.
I'm not great at talking about it.
You can handle a cocktail party.
It did not blend in at all.
But it's all about the width,
not circumference.
Layering matters.
It changes the entire
thermal gradient completely.
It's basic thermodynamics.
You're wrong.
What changes the gradient
is a thinner matrix.
Why are you yelling?
It's deep dish or thin crust.
It's not that serious.
What?
Pizza is the true intersection
of art and science.
I agree.
Oh, you agree with that?
Yeah, I'll get it.
It's not my house, but that's fine.
The top layer gets cold,
then that makes the bottom layer cold,
and it's a chain reaction
all the way to the--
Oh.
- Oh, hello, Anh.
- Oh.
Showing up to your girlfriend's place
empty-handed. That is a choice.
May I?
Yes, come on in.
Olive, your boyfriend's here.
Malcolm.
Hi.
Hi.
You look, um...
This can really only go one of two ways.
Uh, nice.
You look... you look very nice.
Thank you.
Hey.
You guys should stay and hang out.
- Have a drink with us.
- Um...
They should?
I mean...
yeah, they should.
No, we should get going.
- Yeah.
- Aw.
Look, it's already open.
You can have one drink.
Let's get to know your boyfriend a little.
Yeah!
- Cheers.
- Whoa, that's low.
This is so fun.
Okay.
Hi. I'm Adam.
Yeah, I know who you are, Dr. Carlsen.
Oh.
Natalie Lazotti?
You were on
my dissertation committee last year.
You failed my proposal.
Oh, right.
Natalie. How are you?
I had to stay on campus all summer
and completely redo it.
All my research.
Took three months.
I never got to go home and see my family.
But look, here you are
in the same program,
so congratulations
on your fortitude and persistence.
Apparently, it paid off.
Our family dog died that summer.
Oh.
Pickles.
We got him when I was eight.
I never even got a chance to...
to say goodbye.
Well, that's just bad luck.
Okay, we're gonna head out.
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
- Quickly.
- Mm-hmm.
I think that went pretty well.
A girl was sobbing.
You do know you fail
more student proposals
than any other committee member, right?
There is an actual poll.
You won.
Not in the good way.
You know, you are gonna have to actually
talk to me tonight if this is gonna work.
I mean, maybe you could've
told Natalie that
in a nicer, more supportive way.
This is a PhD program, not a preschool.
She's gonna get inundated with feedback
she doesn't like for the rest of her life.
But do you have to crush people's souls
to motivate them?
Some people don't respond to that.
I mean, you have to know
how you're perceived on campus.
Yes, and I couldn't care less.
And maybe if your friends spent less time
worrying about how they're perceived
and more about their work,
they wouldn't be such mediocre scientists.
- And maybe you're a dick.
- Wha--
Ah.
Good evening, Olive.
I'm so glad you could join us.
- Hi, Dr. Fastuca.
- How are you...
Eugene?
- Adam.
- Mm-hmm.
- Please come in.
- Thank you.
- Come in.
- Good to see you.
Dr. Keeney has been dying
to speak to you all night.
- Oh, he ha-- Uh...
- Yes, he's right over there.
- Dr. Carlsen!
- Excuse me.
- Um, hey. Nice to see you.
- How is the research coming?
Oh, slow and steady.
You know how it goes.
Uh, excuse me.
I'll be right back.
Okay, would you just stop eating
for one second and-and hear me out?
I did not imply that you were
a mediocre scientist.
Oh, so just my friends, then?
Sorry not all of us can win a Nobel Prize.
Okay, that is not what I meant,
and you are being completely irrational.
Mm, I'm mediocre and irrational now?
Am I immature, too?
Is this--
- Does this feel--
- Am I immature?
- Does this feel mature to you, Olive?
- Yeah, it does, actually. Yeah.
- I feel very mature right now.
- A room full of adults that's used for--
- Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Yeah. What's the matter?
- Hey, Dr. Aslan is on her way.
You two cannot keep your hands
off each other.
- First at the picnic, and now here.
- Oh. Oh.
I am not used to seeing
this side of you, Adam.
- I know.
- Normally, you're so--
Arrogant and unapproachable?
- Socially awkward?
- Mm-hmm.
I would call him reserved.
You should hear what
his grad students call him,
but I guess I just can see past that
through the bitter, harsh,
cold, unfeeling exterior
- to the--
- Ha-ha. Just kidding. Just kidding.
- To the soft, squishy center.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Okay, so how did you two get together?
I would love to hear this story.
Oh, it was not really that interesting.
I, uh... I asked her out
- for a cup of coffee and--
- No.
- There's more to it than that.
- No? More than coffee?
Yeah. Should I tell them?
Don't be embarrassed. It's funny.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- I think we'd all love to hear it, right?
- Yeah.
I was working late one night in the lab,
and then I, um... I heard this screaming
coming from Adam's office,
so I... I rush down the hallway,
I look in there,
and there he is, he's shrieking.
- I don't think I was shrieking, Olive.
- Oh, he was shrieking.
- Was I shriek-- Really?
- Yes.
And he was, like, crouched down in
the corner, like, frightened and shaking
because there was a spider on his desk.
No.
- Spider?
- Adam, you're afraid of spiders?
- No, I'm not afraid of spiders.
- He is.
No, no, um, I think it was more of a yell
- of surprise than--
- No, it was pure fear.
- Pure fear? Wow.
- He's absolutely terrified of them.
He... he even sleeps
with a little silk cap so they don't crawl
- into your hair at night.
- Well, that is ridiculous.
- No, it's--
- Isn't it?
- Don't you think that's--
- Well, you do it.
- People have phobias, babe. It's fine.
- Right.
I caught it for him. I let it go outside.
It was not... [whispers] very big.
And then I came back in,
- and he wiped his tears...
- Mm-hmm.
...and then asked me out for coffee
to thank me for saving him.
Wow. Brave and smart.
- You really hit the jackpot, my friend.
- I did. Yes.
She's very... very creative.
- Mm-hmm.
- Speaking of creative,
I'd love to hear more about your project.
Ah, come on, Tom.
It's a party, not a chalk talk.
Let her just enjoy herself.
We're surrounded by the brightest
and best minds in the industry here.
I mean,
what else are we gonna talk about?
Olive, you have the floor.
- Please.
- Yeah. Go for it.
Everyone...
Hey, kill that music.
Hello.
Um, I...
Okay. Uh, so...
Pancreatic cancer is one of
the most aggressive, deadliest cancers,
with very poor prognosis,
and early detection is key,
but it is incredibly hard
to diagnose at curable phase.
But we do have very effective
screening tools,
like magnetic resonance imaging,
that have proven quite successful
for diagnosis.
Yes, but-but that is expensive
and often not useful,
due to the position of the pancreas.
But biomarkers, specifically blood--
This is well-worn territory.
Multiple translational research studies
have explored noninvasive biomarkers,
and none, alone or in combination,
are superior to CA 19-9.
True, yes, but, um,
CA 19-9 can be unreliable
due to its lack of expression
in five percent of the population--
Unreliable?
Ridiculous.
Nothing even comes close to it
in terms of sensitivity and specificity.
Why pancreatic cancer?
Sorry?
Uh, look, that's actually irrelevant
and, honestly, invasive.
Olive, you don't have to speak to that.
Well, personal connection
is what separates
the good scientists from the great,
wouldn't you say?
You really think you need to have
a personal connection
to want to cure cancer, Tom?
No, there-there's...
there's no personal connection.
I just, um, enjoy being challenged.
Well, I hope you also enjoy
being disappointed.
Harsh.
I'm gonna use the bathroom.
Nice.
- Excuse me.
- Oh.
Olive. Olive, wait.
- Where are you going?
- No, I'm going home. I'm sorry.
Okay, well, let me take you.
- No, stay with your friends.
- They're not my friends.
They're professional colleagues
that I have to interact with.
- Plea-- Can you just let me drive you?
- No, I want to walk. It's not far.
Go back to your cocktail party. I'm fine.
I'm not gonna let you walk home alone.
- I don't want to talk, Adam.
- Great.
I hardly ever want to talk.
To anyone.
I sounded like I didn't know
what I was talking about.
- No, you didn't.
- No, yes, I did.
I know what I want to say.
I can't... say it.
- I get overwhelmed. I sweat.
- Well, you can't tell.
Okay. Wow. That is a lot of, um...
But, look, you told
the spider story really well.
It was very charming.
That's different.
That doesn't mean anything.
I was just taunting you.
Yeah, no, I got that. Thank you.
Oh, Dr. Keeney,
"I hope you enjoy being disappointed."
Yeah, I'm addicted to it.
That's why I'm a woman in science.
See, you just need to be more like Keeney.
Carry yourself with the confidence
of a very mediocre white man.
- I'm not crying, by the way.
- Oh, I know.
They're those expired contacts.
Yeah, I really need to--
That was you?
In the lab bathroom two years ago?
Wow, you really are blind.
I can't believe that was you.
You really calmed me down before
the most important interview of my life.
You belong here. You just had to hear it.
Um...
You know, for the optics.
- Right?
- Right.
I lied to everyone
about my personal connection
to the research.
I-I do.
I know.
You're passionate and incredibly driven.
That comes from somewhere.
My mom died from pancreatic cancer
when I was 15.
I am so sorry.
Thank you.
And your father?
I didn't know him,
and I had no other family, so...
went into foster care
and got out of there at 16.
She's my mom.
I didn't get enough time with her.
Olive, I can't imagine.
That must have been so hard.
I was a unique kid.
I mean, I memorized the periodic table
just for fun.
- Mm, that's not--
- It is fun.
No one would give it a chance.
- Mm.
- When my mom died,
I lost the one person in the whole world
who believed in me.
When she was gone, I was just
completely alone until I met Anh.
That's why this is so important to you.
This fake dating, it's for Anh.
Yeah, she's the only family I have,
and I would do anything for her.
I should kiss you.
What?
Your friends, they're watching
from the balcony.
Yeah, I could-- Yeah.
- Oh... my God.
- Okay.
He's starving.
Okay.
Good night.
Uh, good night.
Dude, you're killing me.
Your "hanging from a wire" genes
are genetically modified.
You're not supposed to be good at this.
I thought
I might find you here.
Hi, Dr. Benton.
I'm so sorry that I left
the party abruptly.
I did not give a good explanation
of my work.
I know our meeting is Wednesday,
but I read your research.
And while it really does show
a lot of promise--
You don't want to fund it.
You don't have to explain. It's fine.
No.
I need to hear more about the specifics.
What techniques you're using,
what challenges you foresee.
When you have the proper time to prepare.
Okay. Well, thank you so much, Dr. Benton.
I can present something to you
later this week.
I was actually thinking of something
on a little larger scale.
- Will you walk with me?
- Yes.
So, I am on the board
of the SBD conference
- scheduled in a couple weeks.
- Mm-hmm.
I would love for you to present
your abstract there.
Stop.
The Society for Biological Development
conference?
- That's the one.
- Oh, my God. That's huge.
That's huge.
That's for people
with extra letters behind their names.
I don't have those extra letters yet.
My friends and I are going.
We're just going to listen
to the people speak.
Well, I'll be able to hear
your entire proposal.
- Okay.
- In its proper context.
- Okay.
- I... consider it part of my apology
- for putting you on the spot.
- Oh, no. It's okay.
You're fine.
- So, are you in?
- Yes. Oh, my God, yes.
Thank you so much.
I feel like I have to ask:
Is this only happening
because I'm Adam's girlfriend?
- Hardly.
- Okay.
You know, back in our undergrad days
at Harvard,
I was known as the mean one.
Well, you can shove those tissue samples
up your ass, because I quit!
Nice.
Hey.
Hi. Um, Tom...
Let me guess. Rain check on lunch?
Yeah. You mind?
A spot just unexpectedly opened up
on my research team.
Olive, always a pleasure.
Thank you so much.
I look forward to hearing you present
at the conference.
Yeah.
Good luck finding a replacement, buddy.
You're speaking at the SBD conference?
Yes, if I don't have a stroke first,
which is likely.
Wow.
Hey, you know, your research students
may not quit all the time
if you tried being a tiny bit nicer.
You could show them a softer side of you.
Adam Slightly Less Evil.
Okay, smart-ass.
And how exactly do you suggest
I go about doing that?
You could come out with us tonight.
There's a party.
Okay? Anh's gonna be there.
We can look couple-y.
Mm.
I went to Dr. Fastuca's with you.
Okay.
- I'll come.
- Thank you.
Lose control...
Drunk or high?
- We're making teams: drunk or high?
- High!
Ava, Ava.
- Drunk or high?
- Very drunk.
High, obviously.
Even better. Get in there.
- Drunk or high?
- No way.
Okay, lock in.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I did not believe
you would actually show up.
Well, I guess I'm just, uh,
full of surprises.
Yes, you are, aren't you?
- You want to play?
- Oh, no. I'm fine.
Come on, it's fun.
Is it fun?
Yes. Let's go.
Let's go.
One team is high.
The other is drunk.
They both execute the same challenge
to see who performs it better.
What about the control group?
No one wants to be in that group.
Look who's here.
- Dr. Evil, man.
- Why is he here?
But it's not a true experiment
- if there's no control group.
- Coming through.
Teams!
Your objective is simple.
Build a working Rube Goldberg machine.
- A what?
- Ugh.
One action sets off a series of chain
reactions that leads to a final task.
Try to keep up.
That final task is...
...blowing up these balloons.
You have 15 minutes to complete.
You can use any item you find
in the apartment.
If you leave, you will be disqualified.
What about pee breaks?
One time, I didn't leave the lab
for 36 hours.
I peed in a bucket.
Gross.
- That is so hardcore.
- Yeah.
Teams,
you will be rewarded points
for creativity and for execution.
For objectivity's sake,
I am both drunk and high.
Yeah, you are.
- Your time begins...
- Super impartial.
Ah-ah-ah. What?
- Now!
- Go, go, go! Get out of the way!
McConnell, you don't even smoke weed!
I-I-I got a contact high
on the drive over.
- That doesn't count.
- It counts!
I hate you!
- You're going down!
- Come on, come on, come on, come on!
Bounce to this,
hold your hands high in the air...
Paper towels!
- Got it!
- Come on, come on, come on!
Now, hear this...
That could work.
Oh, perfect! Yeah!
Skateboard.
Ooh, baby.
Did you come to party?
Yeah, we came to party...
Wait.
She's got something.
Hey.
Okay, okay, okay.
Tea.
Coffee.
Lemonade contains citric acid and...
- Sodium bicarbonate.
- There it is.
Yes. Of course.
- Hey.
- What?
- What are you doing?
- Just talking about lemonade?
- No, you can't help.
- Mm.
- You're helping her.
- What?
- You're helping the competition.
- Oh, no.
Yeah, what'd you expect?
I heard he left his own mom
at the restaurant on her birthday
so he could redo a whole-cell
patch-clamp sealing that was too low.
That's totally absurd.
My patch-clamp technique is impeccable.
Ready, set, go!
Go, go, go, go, go!
Yes, yes.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Go, go! Come on!
Go, go, go, go, go! Oh, oh! Yes!
Oh!
Team High, baby!
Wait, what?
- That was awesome. Thank you.
- Really good.
Thanks.
No.
Yes.
Your theories are compelling,
but just slow it all down.
Remember, we're here to listen
to what you have to say.
Right. I'm speaking quickly
because I'm nervous.
- Yeah.
- But, okay, so after the introduction...
Head over heels,
where should I go?
Can't stop myself, out of control
Head over heels, no time to think
Looks like the whole world's...
Yeah, this is Pickles at the beach.
- Mm-hmm.
- This is Pickles on my dad's new rug.
- Oh.
- He made a mess on that one.
- He did?
- Right shortly after.
And, uh... oh, he's so cute.
He's such a good boy.
I've nearly lost all track of time
In every direction
I couldn't see the warning signs
I must be losin' it
'Cause my mind plays tricks on me
It looked so easy
But you know looks sometimes deceive
- Mm-mm.
- It's not poison.
No, I don't know that.
Guess some of us just care more.
- I've been here for eight hours.
- Quitter.
Been running so hard
when what I need is to unwind
The voice of reason
is one I left so far behind
I've waited so long
so long to play this part
and just remembered
that I'd forgotten about my heart
He's coming.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Nice to see you. Yeah, it's good.
- Nice.
- Oh, hi.
- Dr. Carlsen.
- Olive.
- Hi.
Is he gone?
He's gone.
- See you later.
- See you later.
Oh, right. It's Fluchella today.
I'm afraid to ask.
It's free flu shots
for students and faculty.
They call it Fluchella, like Coachella,
minus all the fun music and body glitter.
And someone stabs you
in the arm with a needle.
- Mm.
- Come on.
Dr. Fastuca's in line. You can look
boyfriend-y when you comfort me.
Uh, no, thanks. I'm good.
- Did you already get yours?
- No. I just never get sick.
As a scientist, that's an objectively
ridiculous statement to make.
Hmm.
- Oh, Adam.
- What?
Are you scared of needles?
No. No.
I don't love them.
- But I'm not scared of them.
- Oh.
Olive. I'm not sc-- Olive.
Head over heels, where should I go?
Can't stop myself, out of control...
- Are you okay?
- Hmm?
I'm great. I'm fine.
You know who else is terrified of needles?
- Anh.
- You know who's not terrified of needles?
- Me.
- First Fluchella,
I held her hand, I got her to tell me
about her first science project.
When the nurse was done,
she hadn't felt a thing.
- Ready?
- I'm good.
I'm so-- Okay, it was second grade,
and it involved a lot of Popsicle sticks
and some craft glue.
Mm-hmm. You're good.
- Hmm?
- You're finished.
You're good. I'm proud of you.
Okay, I am definitely gonna
have sex with him.
Like, "crazy, hot, we should have
done this ages ago" sex.
I was gonna wait because sometimes
people have sex with you
and then just immediately lose interest.
Ugh. I'm a Sagittarius.
It's in my nature. We can't be tamed.
I'm just gonna go for it.
I realize I'm not even worried,
because it's, you know, Jeremy.
Just wrap it before you tap it,
'cause I am too young to be a guncle.
- I'm so happy for you guys.
- Mm.
I really am.
So, I am kicking you out of our hotel room
for the SBD conference.
- Sorry, but beat it.
- Wait. What?
You know that I love you, but I want
to invite Jeremy to stay with me
so we can have hot hotel room sex.
Oh! [squeals excitedly] Finally.
Wait. Where am I gonna stay?
All the hotels are already booked up.
I will never find a place.
What are you talking about?
You will stay with your boyfriend.
Adam's going, right?
Oh. Yeah.
He's-- Yeah.
Yeah, I'll stay with Adam.
Okay, then you'll stay with Adam.
Good idea.
- Good.
- Yeah.
Okay, you have to stop stealing
the Sephora samples.
It's out of control.
Jamie...
Oh, God.
I haven't even said anything yet.
You're gonna kick me
off the team, aren't you?
Just say it.
I noticed your bacterial cultures had
unusually high organic diol levels,
indicating to me that the samples
may have been contaminated.
I spilled a little bit of Mountain Dew
onto the control sample.
I thought I saved it, but maybe
a little snuck in somehow.
- I don't know.
- Mm, yes, I think so.
I'm sorry.
Next time, you have to scrap
all the samples and start over.
- Next time?
- Mm-hmm.
You're not kicking me off the team?
Apparently not, no.
But why?
Everyone makes mistakes.
Oh, my God.
Thank you so much, Dr. Carlsen.
You have no idea what this means to me.
Thank you. I will never let you down.
Jamie, everyone makes mistakes,
but everyone on my team makes one mistake.
One. You hear me?
One. Yes, sir, I got it.
Thank you so much.
Oh, it's okay. It's empty.
Thank you so much, Dr. Carlsen.
Thank you.
He didn't kick me off the team.
Hello.
Hello.
You are killing me.
Stop. You're doing so well.
You've dropped
in the student polls this week.
Dr. Keeney edged you out
for the mentor people would like to see
spontaneously combust.
Oh, well, there is that.
What about you?
You ready for the conference?
- No.
- You are.
Just remember to double-check
the order of your slides beforehand and--
No, no, no, it's-it's not that. Um,
I don't have a place to stay in Boston.
I thought you were going with Anh.
Yeah, that's why I stopped by.
The good news is
Anh and Jeremy are getting together,
- so yay.
- Hey.
We're the best fake daters.
What's the bad news?
Uh, she kicked me out of the room
so they can have hot hotel room sex,
and now I have nowhere to stay,
and everywhere within a hundred miles
of the conference is fully booked,
and they think I'm staying with you.
- Obviously, I'm not.
- Why? You can stay with me
at the conference hotel.
It's a double.
It's not. It's one bed.
What? No, I have the confirmation booking.
It's two beds.
Yeah, they say it's a double,
and then something always happens.
Like a pipe burst, the hotel's overbooked,
they switch rooms.
One bed.
Look, smart-ass, I'm leaving
the conference a day early anyway.
You can have the room all to yourself.
It's just for one night.
There are definitely two beds. It's fine.
We're adults.
Okay.
Well, thank you.
I appreciate it.
And, Olive, um,
I am... I am sorry.
For what?
I know you want Anh to be happy,
but I also know that you have
feelings for Jeremy.
Those can't be easy to ignore.
Right.
I'll be okay.
I'll see you in Boston.
See you.
What do you say?
- Thank you.
- Is this the time
for one more try
at a happy life?
Oh, it's always one bed.
What do you say?
Is this unwise
Hmm.
to think my fears
will not reprise?
Woo-hoo-hoo
Ooh-hoo-hoo, ooh-hoo-hoo
Woo-hoo-hoo
Woo-hoo-hoo
Ooh-hoo-hoo, ooh-hoo-hoo
Woo-hoo-hoo
You know I wanna get there
Won't know until we get there
Ooh-hoo-hoo
What was that?
Uh, like, someone upstairs.
Huh.
Hi. Um...
Hi.
Uh, how are you feeling about today?
Good. Uh, you know, I wish I was dead,
but other than that, good.
No, you're gonna be great.
You got your script ready?
- Your slides?
- Yeah.
Got the blazer for your sweat?
I taped little maxi pads under the pits.
Little trick of the trade.
Genius.
Uh... oh, uh, what time is
your presentation?
It's in an hour. Thankfully, it overlaps
with the keynote address,
so probably only a handful
of people will be there.
Anh and Jeremy, maybe some random tourists
who wander into the wrong room.
And me.
You're coming?
Yeah, of course.
I have to give this little talk first,
but then I'm gonna head straight over.
Okay.
Uh, speaking of which,
- I got to get going, so, um...
- Okay.
- Break a leg.
- Well, I wish.
Then I wouldn't have to give this talk.
Hey.
Just remember why you're doing it.
- Olive. Hey.
- Hi, Dr. Benton.
- I'm looking forward to this.
- Me, too. Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Good afternoon, everyone.
Uh, thank you for coming to my discussion
on noninvasive, affordable detection tools
for pancreatic cancer
using blood biomarkers.
Um...
I recently read a story
where a doctor diagnosed a woman
with only six months to live.
He told her to quickly marry
a research scientist.
He said, "This won't cure you,
but it will make six months feel like
a really long time."
Okay.
Uh, so I'll begin by discussing
solid adenocarcinoma neoplasm
of the pancreas.
By targeting RAF signaling,
we can identify neoplasm of the pancreas.
Altering the genetic makeup
of my test mouse, I've seen
that blood biomarkers can aid
in early detection.
Ms. Smith, I'm Dr. Sethi, and this is
my colleague Dr. Sargis from Yale.
- Excellent presentation.
- Thank you so much.
You're on the brink
of some fascinating discoveries.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Wow.
Fantastic work, Olive.
- You've given me a lot to think about.
- Okay.
- I'll be in touch very soon, okay?
- Yeah. Thank you.
Ooh!
You fucking crushed that.
Oh, the part about
mucinous cystic neoplasms...
You did so good.
Thrilling.
Seriously, I was on the edge of my seat.
Thank you guys.
Will you give me a sec?
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
You did great.
How are the pits?
- Um, they're a little damp.
- Mm-hmm.
- How did your talk go?
- Oh, yeah, fine.
It's nothing important.
You were the keynote speaker?
Eh. It's not a big deal.
I'm pretty sure that's a very big deal.
How did you make it here in time?
Our speeches overlapped.
I talk fast.
Hey, we're all going
to the reception, right?
I already scoped it out.
Mini lobster rolls, free drinks.
- Yes. Will you hold this for me?
- Yeah?
I've had to pee since slide 17a.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
How does a student
who's not even a postdoc
get picked to speak at a panel at SBD?
I guess if you're dating
the keynote speaker,
you can present
your mediocre abstract, too.
Hey.
Anh and Jeremy said
they were gonna get in line at the...
- bar.
- Okay.
What... what's wrong?
What? Nothing.
Olive.
Um...
I overheard some people saying
that the only reason I gave a talk
is because I'm dating the keynote speaker.
Which is probably true.
Well, no, it's not.
You're fake-dating the keynote speaker.
Hey, you're here
because you deserve to be here.
Don't let some jealous assholes
make you doubt that.
Let's get out of here.
What? You don't have to mingle
and schmooze
and do keynote speaker things?
No, I keynote-spoke.
Come on.
Mm.
Thank you for everything.
I really could not have gotten through
that presentation without your help.
You did all the hard work.
I just gave you a few pointers.
Well...
here's to our last fake date
as a fake couple.
Wait. Last date?
October 29th. It's this Monday.
Right. Yeah.
Wow, uh...
Uh, we could have gone
somewhere a little, uh, nicer.
What?
You don't love food
moving around your head?
How do you even know what anything is?
You don't, and that's the fun part.
Oh, that's the fun part.
- Mm-hmm.
- Wow.
You're such a rebel.
- How is it? Hmm?
- It's good.
- You are a terrible liar.
- Well...
Do you think we were
convincing enough as a couple
to get Dr. Fastuca to release your funds?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think we were. I do.
Mm! How do we break up?
Have a dramatic fight in public?
I mean, whatever it is,
I'm sure everyone will assume
- it's Dr. Evil's fault, right?
- They will.
You know I didn't set out
to be a villain, right?
No one teaches you how to be a mentor.
But I'm not a tyrant.
Not like my advisor.
He was a sadist.
He did some terrible things
just for the joy of it.
Like what?
Arbitrary, impossible deadlines.
Stolen credit.
Students pitted against each other
just for his amusement.
Your basic psychological warfare.
Why didn't anyone report him?
He was short-listed for a Nobel Prize.
Twice.
He had powerful friends in high places.
He could make or break your career.
And I think that somewhere deep down...
we felt like...
...we signed up for it.
We deserved it.
You did not deserve that.
I'm so sorry that
that happened to you, Adam.
You weren't invited to speak here
because people think you're my girlfriend.
Tom saw the potential in you.
The work you presented is important,
it is rigorous, and it is brilliant.
Do you want some?
Of course. Of course I want some.
- This one?
- Yes.
Why do you wear those shoes
if they're so uncomfortable?
These are not walking shoes.
These are "standing and presenting" shoes.
So I just need to take
tiny little baby steps
- all the way back to the--
- You know what?
- Let me just--
- No, I'm fine. I can seriously--
I want to make it back before sunrise.
Oh, my God. I like it up here.
- How tall are you?
- Tall enough.
What does that mean?
Okay.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
Um, okay.
And you are... delivered.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Um...
- I'm gonna go brush my--
- So-- Yeah, uh--
- Yes, you go to the-the bathroom.
- Brush my teeth.
I'll just, um...
I'll just, uh... stay here.
Uh...
I couldn't find a good movie. Uh...
Oh, wow, that's probably the best
anyone's ever looked in that T-shirt.
I forgot pajamas.
Mm... yeah, we should probably just
get some sleep anyway.
I've got an early flight in the morning,
and, um...
Olive, um... it's a bad idea.
We got a no-sex rule, remember?
That was before all this, Adam.
Look, we've both had a drink.
You have feelings for, uh, someone else.
This is just a rebound.
I don't have feelings for anyone but you.
Oh.
Okay. Never mind. I'm sorry.
You don't want me.
You have no idea what I want.
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm sure.
Kiss me like
we're meant for each other
Say you'll never leave
my side
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
You're mine
I wish you could see yourself
the way I do.
You are brilliant.
You are beautiful.
You are very...
very sexy.
My side
May I?
Yes.
You're mine
You're edible, Olive.
Put your hands on me
Ride it like a cowboy
Run you out of town, boy
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Adam, come here.
Let's pretend
we're both underwater
Breathe me in so deep
You okay?
Yeah, it's just been a while.
You sure?
I trust you.
I want you. I want this.
Put your hands on me
Ride it like a cowboy
Run you out of town, boy
Good Lord, baby, please
Goin' all around, boy
Ride it like a cowboy
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ride it like a cowboy
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ride it like a cowboy
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
I'm gonna catch up
with you guys.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Skipping out early on all the boring shit?
I know. I, uh... I have to get back.
I've got my department review
with Dr. Fastuca.
- Good luck.
- Yeah.
Hey, I got some good news.
I'm gonna offer Olive the grant.
Full funding to come work in my lab,
starting next month.
Oh. Dude, don't worry.
This is all on her own merit.
- Yeah.
- If anything,
being associated with you was a strike
against her better judgment.
Right. No, that's, uh...
She's gonna be thrilled.
Adam, if I'm going to invest in Olive,
I need to know
she is 100% focused on the work.
She can't be preoccupied with a guy
she left behind in California.
No. Yeah, I understand.
- Sorry, man.
- Mm. No. I, uh...
I have to catch my flight.
See you back at Stanford, huh?
Yeah.
Hi.
Hey. I brought the breakfast of champions.
Black coffee.
You did not have to come
all the way up here
just to bring me coffee, Dr. Benton.
- That's so nice.
- Olive,
I think if we are
going to be working together,
you should really start calling me Tom.
Working together?
I would love for you to come finish
your very important research in my lab.
Really?
Oh, my God. Thank you.
Thank you so much for giving me
this chance, Doc-- Tom.
Tom.
I mean, your, um...
your relationship with Adam is so great.
I am certain ours can be just as, uh...
...productive, don't you think?
I-I'm not sure I know what you mean.
Okay. Well, I'll explain.
You're gonna fuck me.
And then I'll let you use my lab.
Is that clear?
I'm not gonna do that.
I think you will.
Because my lab is your only option.
And you already sent me your protocols,
so I can easily replicate them.
You're gonna steal my work?
Happens all the time.
But sure, go ahead, report me.
Or, better yet,
tell Adam.
And this will be the thing
that follows you everywhere.
Every school, every lab.
This will be your reputation.
You want my friendly advice?
Come to Boston.
You keep me happy, and I'll make sure
you can save the world
from pancreatic cancer.
'Cause your little sob story
about your mom
or your aunt
or your kindergarten teacher or whatever,
that will only get you so far.
You're mediocre.
But I think maybe
you already knew that, huh?
See you soon, Olive.
- Come on, let's go.
- Wait! Slow down!
River, oh, river running down my face
The deep long lines
on my skin it makes
Heavy, so heavy holding in my arms
Pieces of you I left in the dark
I'm still
I'm still here
Tell me, where does love go
when it disappears?
Another party? Seriously?
Consider it my going-away party.
What are you talking about?
Your boyfriend kicked me off
the research team.
That was the last straw for my parents,
so now they're refusing to pay
for an extra quarter.
So that's it.
I'm out.
Why? Why did he kick you off?
I don't know, Olive! You tell me!
He's your boyfriend.
I... I know he told you first.
You could've said
something to him.
You could've tried
to talk him out of it, but...
Why would you?
You know, as long as
everything's great with you,
you don't give a shit about me.
Do you?
Of course I do.
Did you fire Malcolm?
Uh, yes, I did.
Why?
Because his work was always late
and subpar.
I was only keeping him
on the team for you. It was unethical.
He's quitting the program now.
He's dropping out of school entirely.
I wasn't doing him any favors
keeping him on.
He should try and find an area
that he can be successful in,
because research
and development is not it.
You didn't return my texts.
Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.
I've been busy working.
My grant was renewed.
Oh.
Twenty-ninth. Congratulations.
So...
I guess this concludes our arrangement.
Your friends are together.
I have my funds.
I'd say it is
a very successful experiment.
Wouldn't you?
Yeah.
Hey. Good luck in Boston.
Tom told me.
He's a great scientist.
You are gonna learn a lot
working with him.
Tom...
Thank you.
And, Olive, if you ever need anything...
anything at all...
Hey. Where have--
McConnell, give us a minute.
What? No, I can't just leave in the middle
of recording time-sensitive--
I helped you rewrite your entire
crystallography paper
when your computer crashed.
Go get a snack.
Ugh.
Tell me.
Is it Adam?
No.
Tom Benton said I had to fuck him
to work in his lab.
That fucking piece of shit.
What did Adam say?
Anh, I lied to you.
I was never dating Adam.
We were pretending this whole time
so that you would go out with Jeremy.
Because I knew how you felt about him,
so I got a pretend boyfriend.
And it was fake.
Fake dating.
It's not real.
I know.
What? What do you mean you know?
- I know. I've known the whole time.
- How?
I am a scientist, okay?
It's literally my job to observe.
And we spend all of our time together.
I know every single thing about you.
Our cycles are synced.
You don't think I'm gonna notice you
secretly dating someone?
Come on.
Why didn't you say anything?
Well, for one, it was freaking hilarious
watching you two idiots
try to pull it off.
But also, you were really cute together.
In a weird, awkward kind of way.
So I just thought, hey,
if I just went along with your stupid game
and forced you two to hang out,
maybe you'd actually fall for each other.
And guess what, uh, I was right.
So you're not mad at me?
Mad?
No, you fake-dated someone for me.
To try to make me happy.
It's the weirdest, most insane...
and best thing
anyone's ever done for me.
You're nuts.
And I'm here for it.
I would do anything for you.
But you were wrong about one thing.
I'm never wrong.
Adam did not fall for me.
Oh, give me a break.
The dude is in love.
You don't need a PhD to see that.
No, well, it's all fucked up now.
And Adam can barely look at me.
And Malcolm hates me.
And Dr. Benton is gonna
completely destroy my career.
Hey, hey, hey.
Okay, look at me. Screw those guys.
It's not about them.
It's about you and me.
And getting through this god-awful,
soul-sucking, mind-crushing,
hellish grind for the past two years
to get to where we want to be.
Where we deserve to be.
So it really doesn't even matter
what Adam's gonna do
or what that asshat Dr. Benton
is going to do.
The only thing that matters:
What's Olive Smith going to do?
God, I love you.
I love you, too.
Whoo!
Yeah.
Girl power! You go, girls.
Shut up, McConnell.
Hey, great class today, guys.
Good questions today. Thank you.
Dr. Aslan?
- Can I have a moment?
- Hello, Olive. How can I help you?
I've reached a really critical point
in my research, and I need funding.
I need a bigger, better lab.
I need your lab.
Olive, you know the deadline
for submitting grant applications
has already passed.
I do know that.
I had another grant secured,
but it wasn't going to be...
a healthy environment for me,
so I turned it down.
That was very brave.
Or very, very stupid, but either way,
I would really love a chance
to present my proposal to you.
I know the challenges that you face,
as a woman in this field.
But fair or not,
it is not enough to be good.
We have to be flawless.
Undeniable.
Twenty minutes. That's all I need.
I have 15 minutes before my next class.
I'll talk fast.
Okay.
Now I'm gone
- Freedom
- Quick as a gunshot
Freedom
Now I'm gone
- Freedom
- But it's nothing I needed
You can fool some people
some of the time
And I was one of those fools...
Okay, I know you're tired.
I'm tired, too.
You can do this.
- Oh, my God. Hi.
- Hi.
How are you doing?
- We're gonna go to bed.
- Going to...
- Stay strong. Keep it up.
- Thanks, guys.
Okay, last modification.
If we want a bigger, better lab,
all you have to do is
not hang from the wire.
You can't make me disappear
Tiny high five.
We did it.
Good job.
What's going on?
Um...
I was wrong.
It was my fault.
Adam was totally right
to kick me off the team.
I'd been messing up for a long time.
Um...
You know, I took a spot in this program
because my parents wanted me to.
It was, like, this life
that they had envisioned for me
that I had no passion for.
Not like you.
- Or Anh.
- Okay.
So what's the life that you want?
Honestly, I don't even know.
Isn't that terrifying?
No. It's exciting.
'Cause now you get to figure it out
for yourself.
You got this.
Uh...
Ol, I just wanted to say
that I'm really sorry--
Shh.
No more apologies.
I forgive you.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Oh, it's you.
Uh...
How's everything?
- Good.
- Yeah? How's, um...
uh, Jeremy?
- Good.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- And, uh...
and Malcolm?
Just ask me already.
How's Olive?
Great.
Yeah, Dr. Aslan helped her secure
a huge grant, massive,
and she's allowing Olive
to use her lab, so yeah, she's killing it.
Wait. Aslan? Wh-What about Harvard?
- Did you know?
- Know what?
Look, she didn't want me
to tell you this, but...
Benton is a piece of shit.
He sexually harassed her
at the conference, then--
Wait, wait. What?
Yeah.
He told her that she'd have to fuck him
in order to work in his lab.
You have great friends, dude.
Wait. I-I-Is she okay? Is she--
Yeah, she's fine.
Because she's brave and she's strong.
And she was really upset when you
completely stopped talking to her.
- I wanted to do what was best for her.
- Stop.
You were not doing what was best for her.
You were protecting yourself.
You know, for being
a big, bad, scary scientist,
you're kind of a little bitch
when it comes to love.
Okay.
You really hurt her.
She really cared about you, you know.
I mean, she might still care about you,
like, a little bit.
Like, this much.
I can neither confirm nor deny.
You're a good friend, Anh.
Yeah, duh.
Symbolic transfer entropy measure
indicates a greater driving influence
on tumor-adjacent, uh...
Well...
Everyone, Dr. Adam Carlsen.
To what do we owe this great honor?
Whoa, buddy, what's going on?
You told her she had to fuck you
to work in your lab?
Who?
Olive?
Dude, that... that is insane.
Look, I--
I don't know what she told you
or what she thought I said,
but come on, man, it's me, huh?
Hey.
Dude, she's obviously
one of those crazy girls,
- so just--
- Shh.
You go near her again,
you even think about her...
I'm gonna kill you.
You go near her again,
you even think about her...
I'm gonna kill you.
You just ruined your entire career.
Oh, trust me, it's not my career
you want to worry about.
No one's gonna touch you after this.
Not Harvard, not Stanford, no one.
You're finished.
Put your fucking phone away.
What did you just do?
What I would have done right away
if I'd have known what he did.
I tried to tell you.
I know.
I know, and I'm sorry.
Look, I'm an idiot.
I've never been in this situation before.
Neither have I, Adam.
I trusted you, and then you acted
like I meant nothing to you.
I know.
I didn't know what to do.
But I know that I never meant to hurt you.
Well, it doesn't matter.
I guess we're both idiots.
- What do you mean?
- Because it was a classic type 1 error.
It's a scientist's worst mistake.
It's a false positive.
Thinking something's happening
between us when clearly it's not.
No, you're wrong about that.
It was a type 2 error.
A false negative?
Missing an effect that does exist.
What effect?
That I am actually in love with you.
At some point, it stopped being for show,
and it became real.
So you contaminated the experiment.
Correct. Yes.
Uh, I did.
Well, that's just bad protocol.
Yeah.
So it looks like we'll have to start over.
Right.
Yeah, and we'd need to, um...
collect new samples.
Contain the variables this time.
Then I just have
one more question for you.
May I kiss you?
With your consent.
You may.
And I love you, too.
Oh, I heard it's one of the hardest
classes in the entire program.
Only ten students pass every year,
no matter what.
- Just ten.
- Same.
I heard the professor kept them
in the lab so long,
and he wouldn't let them have food or
water until they completed their slides.
Oh, and one student passed out
from dehydration.
- And then she totally died.
- Hmm?
I'm just fucking with you guys.
No one died.
Yet.
Dr. Pham, Dr. Smite-- Smith.
- Smite?
- Smite!
- That is a good nickname.
- Oh, my God, that's really good.
- You get all the good nicknames.
- That's a good one.
You've got some good ones.
- Got to go.
- We don't want to be late. Sorry.
Bye.
Hey.
Your mom would be really proud of you.
Did one of your students really pass out
from dehydration?
Yes, but it's because she was at
a frat party the night before.
I do like the ominous tone
it sets for me, though.
Mm.
Go mold terrified young minds,
Dr. Smite.
I'll see you later.
Bonds form only when being
together is more stable than being alone.
And I'm the living proof of that.
I've found my connections.
My family.
The chemistry of belonging.