The Miracle Woman (1931) Movie Script
[Music:]
[BELLS CHIMING]
[CHOIR SINGING HYMN]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
I wonder what's keeping him.
You wouldn't be in a hurry either
if you'd been fired, would you?
The Reverend Fallon
was not fired.
Look, here comes
his daughter.
This morning my father was to have
delivered his farewell sermon to you,
but he has been ill,
as you all know,
and today he cannot be with you.
But he dictated his sermon to me,
as he has done for so many years.
I have it here,
and I'm going to read it to you.
"Friends, I leave you today after
a score of years in this church
as a servant of the Lord,
to whom I pray
that he may let
words of my mouth
and troubled meditations of my
heart be acceptable in his sight.
I have baptized many of you
in the Lord's grace,
a few of you I have joined
together in marriage,
and over the bodies
of some of your loved ones,
I have spoken the beautiful,
triumphant victory
that comes
with the Lord's salvation.
I would dearly love to stay as your
pastor for the rest of my years,
for I had hoped to live
and die at this pulpit.
But you have seen fit
to call another,
a younger man to guide
and serve you.
And though I leave you,
I do not leave the Lord.
Surely goodness and mercy shall
follow me all the days of my life.
And I will dwell in the house
of the Lord forever.
When the heart is thirsty,
there is drink in the Testaments:
The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down
in green pastures.
He leadeth me beside
the still waters.
He restoreth..."
That's as far as he got.
This is his farewell message to you.
You see that he stopped
in the middle of a sentence.
My father is dead.
He died in my arms
five minutes ago,
before he could
finish his message to you,
but I'm gonna finish it for him.
Miss Fallon,
the news you bring is painful,
but I hardly think it proper...
You're the head deacon of
this church, Mr. Simpson,
and I want you to listen
to what I have to say,
because it's your clique
that started all this trouble.
Leave if you like.
My father preached to empty hearts.
I don't mind talking to empty pews.
My father is dead,
and you killed him!
You crucified him just as
surely as he was crucified.
He died of disappointment,
of heartbreak, of ingratitude.
He gave his life to serve you
and when he was old and worn
you threw him out.
You all came to this church in
automobiles. He always had to walk.
He didn't even leave enough money,
after 20 years of service to you,
to buy a burial in a decent cemetery.
There, there.
This is not the time nor place
to speak of such things,
and I must ask you to remember
you are in the house of God...
What God? Whose God? Yours?
This isn't the house of God,
this is a meeting place for hypocrites.
You're out of your head, and I,
for one, will not listen to such...
Well, go on, get out!
You've been running this church,
but I'm gonna run it for the next hour.
I'm gonna preach the sermon
my father should have preached.
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
The Bible says the labourer
is worthy of his hire.
But you wouldn't pay your pastor
what you pay your chauffeurs.
I've worked for you too,
without pay.
I've served you by helping him,
and you've got to listen to me.
I don't have to make
any notes either.
I was brought up on the Bible,
and I know it by heart.
I'm gonna take my text this morning
from chapter 23
of the Gospel of Matthew.
And I say unto you as Christ
said to the scribes and Pharisees,
"Woe unto you hypocrites,
for you devour widows' homes,
and for a pretence
make long prayers."
You're crazy, woman.
Get out of that pulpit!
You're crazy, yourself. Give it
to them. I'm with you, Florence!
Who among you is poor in spirit?
Who among you mourns?
Which of you
is merciful and humble?
Some of you have listened
to my father for 20 years,
and you can't remember one word he
said to you, but you'll remember this:
You subscribe to temperance,
and I can tell you
the names of your bootleggers.
You pretend to be decent.
I know which of you are cheating
wives and husbands.
Shall I call out your names?
What are you running away from?
Are you afraid of the truth?
Is that why
you got rid of my father?
You are thieves, killers,
adulterers, blasphemers and liars
six days a week.
And on the seventh day,
you are hypocrites.
Go on, get out, all of you!
Get out, so I can
open these windows
and let some fresh air
into this church.
[SOBBING]
[MAN APPLAUDING]
Attababy! Attababy!
What do you want?
Believe it or not,
I'm waiting for a train to take me
out of this town. Hornsby is the name.
I blew in this town
by accident.
And I don't mind telling you that I was
thinking all the things you just said.
This trip looked
like a double zero to me,
but I've got a hunch that it
won't be a blank after all.
I'd like to have
a talk with you, Sister.
Leave me alone.
Get out of here.
HORNSBY: Pardon me
for horning in, Sister.
I heard you say there
wasn't money enough left
to give the reverend
a decent burial.
I'm pretty well-heeled,
and if you'll let me...
No, thanks,
I can manage.
Don't get me wrong.
I know I've got no right to
crash in here at a time like this.
But if there's
anything I can do...
Have you sent
for your people?
I haven't any people.
That's tough.
I know how you feel.
What are your plans?
I haven't any plans.
Gee, you were sure
great out there.
But you were knocking your
head against a stone wall.
So was your father.
What did it get you?
What did it get him?
After what you slipped them
in the church a while ago,
I don't suppose you wanna
hang around here, do you?
Where do you figure on going?
Oh, I don't know.
Please go. There's nothing you can do.
Well, sorry.
Thought I might be
able to help, that's all.
Thanks for being so kind.
You ought to listen to me, Sister,
because we're both in the same boat.
I've got no plans either.
No profession, no belief and no limit.
But I have got one thing:
A way to get along.
And it works.
You think you beat those people
out there just now, don't you?
Well, you didn't.
They beat you.
There's only one way
to lick a mob. Join them.
Now, wait a minute,
Sister. Let me finish.
You're not a hypocrite
if you admit it.
The thing is, be on the
winning side. Play percentage.
Most of the trouble in this world
comes from people who have convictions.
The answer is,
don't have any.
If you have none, you can assume
the ones that happen to pay.
You're sore at those people
because they fired your old man,
and it killed him. You wanna
get back at them, don't you?
Well, I can tell
you how to do it,
and get famous and get
rich and what's more...
get even.
Interested?
I'm listening.
Okay, now let's get organized.
First of all, what do you know?
You know the Bible by heart.
You can pull nifties
out of it like raisins.
Your old man
was a preacher.
And you've got
hot spiel in your blood.
It was born in you. You've got to
do something with it, don't you?
Now religion's like everything else.
It's great if you can sell it,
no good if you give it away.
Now, let me prove it to you.
FLORENCE [OVER RADIO]: And I
bring you the promise and pledge
that God's in his heaven,
and all's right with the world.
Oh, my dear ones,
I can't see you,
but I can feel you
all around me.
Thousands and thousands of you
tuning in on Station G-O-D, God,
on a wavelength that
carries his blessed words
to the furthermost reaches
of the universe.
Just as the little
microphone before me
carries my voice to your ears...
JOHN:
Mrs. Johnson!
Do you mind turning
that radio down a bit?
FLORENCE [OVER RADIO]:
- The Lord broadcast to you on a universal wavelength
that penetrates
the hearts and souls
of those who are ready
for his program.
I come to you
with a joyous message...
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Come in.
It's me, Mrs. Higgins.
Give me a minute to catch
my breath, Mr. John.
Some mail for you.
Letter or parcel?
Parcel.
But you never can tell a book
by the cover, I always say.
I'll open it for you.
It's the songs.
They've come back again.
There's a letter too.
It's from the Ziegler Music
Corporation, Songs that Sell.
"Dear Mr. Carson..."
I know, I know.
"We regret that they're
unsuitable for our present needs
and are returning them herewith.
Thanking you," and so forth, and so forth.
That's right.
They're always
nice about it, anyway.
That's from Ziegler, you said?
Yes.
Well, we've sent them out
from A to Z.
After Z, what?
X, Y, Z... Nothing.
Well, here goes nothing.
Now, you mustn't get
too discouraged.
Oh, what makes you
think I'm discouraged?
I know what would
cheer you up:
A good cup of coffee.
Now, you sit right there
while I go and make it for you.
You've been pretty
nice to me, Mrs. Higgins.
Ill remember you in my will.
[CHUCKLES]
Ill be dead and gone long
before you make your will.
FLORENCE [OVER RADIO]: The trouble with most
people is, they're quitters. They're yellow.
The moment they're put to
any sort of test, they cave in.
The difference between
a man and a jellyfish
is the fact that a man
has backbone.
What did God give him
a backbone for?
To stand up on his feet.
That's what real men do.
Beethoven wrote his greatest
symphony when he was deaf.
Oscar Wilde wrote
his greatest poem in jail.
And Milton, a blind man,
gave us Paradise Lost.
It's easy to forgive sinners,
but it's hard to forgive quitters.
[LAUGHS]
God has a plan...
What are you laughing at?
I'm laughing at you, for telling
me that nothing comes after Z.
Well, what does
come after Z?
A.
A? A what?
A good punch in the nose
for being such a wet blanket.
HIGGINS:
Me?
I've been thinking.
It came over me
like a flash.
Ill tell you,
"A what."
A wife.
[LAUGHING]
[HUMMING MENDELSSOHN'S
"WEDDING MARCH"]
HIGGINS:
Now, you leave me alone.
I've been meaning to speak
to you about it before.
[CHOIR SINGING HYMN
OVER RADIO]
I only wish meself,
I was about 30 years younger.
Who's that coon shouter that
broadcasts over the radio every day?
Coon shouter?
Oh, do you mean
Sister Fallon?
Yeah. Have you
ever seen her?
Oh, who hasn't seen her?
Well...
what's she like?
Oh, she's that marvellous
and wonderful...
You can't hardly
describe her.
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
[MARCHING BAND PLAYING]
Good evening.
Good evening.
I'm glad we came early. It's the
early bird that catches the worm,
I always say.
I always say.
USHER:
Good evening. Two?
Right this way.
Thank you.
[CHOIR SINGING
"OVER THERE"]
When do they bring on
the elephants?
[WHISPERING]
Don't be sacrimonious.
[APPLAUSE]
That's great, everybody,
that's the spirit.
Now, we just have time for one
more song before the service begins.
Number 14, everybody.
[BAND PLAYING HYMN]
Gee, I wish I had
some peanuts.
I always say.
Shh!
It looks like we stand
them up again tonight.
Give me a match.
Hey, nix, Mr. Hornsby.
The fire inspectors will raise...
Ill take care
of the fire inspectors.
It's your funeral.
Go on, hit it.
[WHISPERING]
Okay, pull the curtain.
[BAND PLAYING FANFARE]
[LIONS ROARING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
[CHOIR HUMMING HYMN]
[WHISPERING]
Is she blond or brunette?
Shh.
Stand by with those guns.
Don't let anything
happen to Sister.
He sure does take care of
his meal ticket, doesn't he?
The grace of our Lord
be with you all.
Amen.
CROWD:
Amen.
Dearly beloved,
all you meek of the earth,
all you that labour
and are heavy-laden,
I come here to lift the
heavy loads from your hearts.
All you that thirst and hunger,
I come here to feed
your famished souls.
I stand here in a den
which is a cage of fear,
behind these bars
which are the bars of doubt.
I stand here among beasts
that tear and destroy,
and behold, they cannot
hurt me. For I am...
She's going great tonight.
Hitting on all six. Hot dog!
- As Daniel said unto Darius,
my God has sent an angel,
and has shut the lion's mouth.
And I say unto you, there is
not a single soul among you
these beasts can hurt,
if you come into this cage
with love and understanding
in your heart.
Who among you will prove there
is no fear in God's kingdom?
What man, what woman?
Step up, somebody.
Anybody.
Isn't there one among you
who trusts the Almighty?
Didn't my Lord deliver Daniel?
Why not every man?
[CHOIR SINGING HYMN]
What's the matter with that guy
Collins? Hasn't he shown up tonight?
You paid him last night,
didn't you? Well?
On the booze again, eh?
Sure.
He's dead drunk.
Hallelujah! Why not every man?
Don't you know that the lions
can't hurt you if you have faith?
I know it, you know it.
But do the lions know it?
Isn't there one here who will
take the Almighty's dare?
What's the matter
with these people?
Are they gonna
leave her flat?
Shh.
Where are you going?
I always wanted to run
away and join a circus.
Praise the Lord,
there's a brother with faith.
The lions will eat you.
No, they won't. I've got a murad.
Usher, show that man this way.
Right this way, sir.
Beg your pardon?
She's trying to tell
you I'm blind.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
Oh, dear, I hope nothing
will happen to him.
Oh, I'm sure nothing will happen
to him while Sister's there.
[CHOIR SINGING " BATTLE
HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC"]
Come right in, brother. Don't be
afraid. These beasts won't hurt you.
I'm more afraid of you
than I am of the lions.
Oh, bless you, brother.
Here, sit right here.
Who's that mug?
Where did we get him?
He's one of the town boys.
Used to be an aviator.
Is he really blind?
Yeah. Blind as a bat.
I wonder how much
he'd want for that.
How long have you been
blind? How did it happen?
I joined the Army
to see the world.
What's your name?
Well, I guess it
ought to be Daniel.
[LION ROARS]
Oh, it's glorious
to see belief like this.
A blind man has come into
this cage because he has faith.
Oh, didn't my Lord
deliver Daniel?
CROWD:
Hallelujah!
Blessed are the blind
who cannot see fear.
O ye that see, have the
faith of this blind boy.
He answered
the call of his God
to come up here
among the beasts of prey,
just as he answered
the call of his country
to go among the beasts
of war in France.
Hallelujah, my people!
CROWD: Hallelujah!
Bless you, my friends.
I thank the Lord that you are here,
for I love every one of you,
and particularly this
blind boy, who shames us all
with a shining
example of faith.
And I would take
you into my arms
and whisper in your ear
the sweet secret of salvation.
Hallelujah!
CROWD:
Hallelujah!
Outside of this temple, the pulse
of the world beats with hate.
Hate!
But here within, there
is a heartbeat of love.
I want you to join hands.
Right where you're sitting,
join hands, everybody.
That's right, brothers.
That's right, sisters.
It doesn't make any difference
whose hands you grab.
Take the nearest to you.
I want an unbroken chain
of love in this tent tonight.
I want you to be one, not many.
One with me,
and one with God.
I want you to turn to
one another and smile.
Smile and let love and
sunshine into your hearts.
There now,
don't you feel better already?
Faith.
You have shown it, brother, by
coming up here with me tonight.
And I solemnly promise
that the day will come
when your faith
will be rewarded.
The Lord will deliver you
as he delivered Daniel.
He will open up your eyes,
and you shall see again.
Sister, will you put
that in writing?
Why, it is in writing.
It's in the Holy Book. It's in
every word, in every page of it.
You have shown faith,
and you shall see again.
Hallelujah!
CROWD:
Hallelujah!
[HUMMING]
Hey, who's dead?
Nobody, but Ill bet some of
us are gonna be pretty sick
before the day's over.
Did Hornsby send for you too?
Yeah.
GUSSIE: If he bawls me out, Ill quit.
Ill bet you will.
VIOLET: Me too.
That ain't half of it.
Wait till he starts...
The crummiest crew
of come-ons I ever hired.
Here I am, breaking
my neck to get crowds,
and we're packing them in to the
rafters. And what good does it do?
Night after night
I keep telling you,
"Be up on your lines!
Know your stuff!
And when you get on that
platform to testify, mean it!
Mean it!"
You told me you were
an A-number-one cripple.
And when I put you on, I promised you,
you could limp yourself into a Rolls-Royce.
Boss, l...
Why, you couldn't limp yourself
into a pair of roller skates.
A week ago you slipped up on your
cue to walk into the lion's den.
Tonight you missed your cue again.
I didn't hear it!
Well, hear this: If it
happens again, you're fired.
And you're supposed
to be a widow,
bereaved of all her loved
ones, alone in the world.
You told me you had ten years in
stock and could knock them over.
Oh, l... I can, Mr. Hornsby.
Sure you can. With your breath.
You nearly knocked
me over tonight.
You know as well as I do that
hiccups and hallelujahs won't mix.
What happened to you tonight,
Brown? You acted like a dummy.
Well, I'm supposed
to be paralyzed.
Yeah, but not from the neck up.
And you.
I suppose you're going to say
I was paralyzed too.
HORNSBY: You can't paralyze ivory.
We cook up a sob routine for you
that would melt a mountain.
And you pull it like you're
reading out of a telephone book.
How do you expect to get the hang of
the trade with your mush full of gum?
Bernhardt couldn't do it,
and you ain't Bernhardt.
You ain't even one of
the Cherry Sisters.
I want action on that platform!
I want sincerity and pep.
How do you expect the customers
to believe it if you don't?
Sister gets them all hot and bothered,
reaching for the clouds.
Then you punks step up, and they
start grabbing for their hats.
They go to sleep on you. Now, if
you people wanna eat regularly,
you'd better digest
what I just told you.
Now evaporate, you misfits.
Get into character!
I don't know what
I'm gonna do with those mugs.
Why don't you
get rid of them.
Now, Flo, I told you
time and time again,
we can't carry on a business
like this without shills.
Sure you can.
Do you know why we always
slow up at the finish?
Because those come-ons
don't do their stuff right.
No, it's because
I don't do my stuff right.
They're fakes, Bob,
and I know they're fakes.
It makes me feel like one.
And then I'm no good.
How do you mean?
Oh, I don't know.
Well, all I know is this: When I'm
out there talking to those people,
I've got to make it seem real,
or I can't put it over.
You've got me worried.
You're beginning to fall
for your own ballyhoo.
And that's bad.
Why don't you take a tip
out of your Bible where it says:
"Don't let your left hand know
what your right hand is doing."
Do you know why we're sitting
on top of the world right now?
Because we're professionals
and not amateurs.
You can't get along
without shills.
How much did you pay that blind
man that came in the cage last week?
Oh, that guy.
Say, we'd starve to death if we
waited for people like that to come up.
It takes plenty of money
to run a tabernacle.
Do you know how much it costs
us to grease the politicians
to allow us to operate
in this old barn?
No, and I don't wanna know.
That's right.
I don't want you to worry
your head about those things.
That's my end of it.
Say, what's eating you, kid?
You've got everything
you want.
No, I haven't.
I feel like exhibit A.
I never go anyplace. I never
get a chance to meet people.
Why, you meet
thousands of people.
Oh, I don't
mean that way.
What are you watching
me for all the time?
I can't go around the corner
without somebody being with me.
That's only for your
own protection.
You've got to remember who you are.
We've worked up a trademark.
We've got to watch our step.
Well, that doesn't mean I have to
be a prisoner all the time, does it?
Oh, now, honey, you're tired.
You've got to go home
and go to bed.
I don't wanna go to bed.
I couldn't sleep anyhow.
Say, there's a carnival in town,
a lot of old pals of mine.
Ill get them together,
and we'll have a lot of laughs.
Laughs.
I've almost forgotten how.
You'll learn all over again tonight.
Say, where shall we go?
How about my apartment?
Oh, I don't care.
Anyplace, anyplace at all.
That's right.
You just leave it to
your old pal Hornsby.
Now, you've been
working too hard, honey.
You've been giving those
apple-knockers too much for their money.
Now you take a nice little nap,
and Daddy will take
off your shoes.
Ill get the clowns together...
and we'll make whoopee.
I'm crazy about you
when you're mad, baby.
You look more beautiful.
Hello, chief! Hello, Sister!
Go right ahead. Don't mind me.
No see-ee, no hear-ee
and no speak-ee.
I know what you're gonna say,
"No think-ee."
HORNSBY: What do you want?
Just been checking over
last night's sucker list.
And folks, when
we leave this burg,
we're gonna own everything
but next year's wheat crop.
How many times have I told you to lay
off talking business when Sister's around.
I didn't think you'd object
if I was telling her good news.
I object to anybody
telling her anything.
And don't come in here
again without knocking.
What's on your mind?
Well, as your
general sales manager,
I beg to report that since
we've installed a new system
of not taking any filthy money
in the tabernacle,
but giving the saps the high
pressure the next day at home,
I've more than
doubled the take-in.
Yeah? By the time
you get yours,
we don't get any more than we used
to get when we passed the hat around.
It's costing us too much.
Is that so?
Well, you may be working for the Lord,
brother. But I'm working for Bill Welford.
I've got 20 chiselers on my staff, and
I have to split my commission with them.
You may think I'm getting too much,
but I don't think 20 percent is enough.
You're crazy.
You seem to forget we're collecting
that money to build a tabernacle.
I know, I know,
that's what I tell them too.
The trouble with you, Welford,
is you're too mercenary.
Now, come on over to my joint
and meet some carnival cuties.
They'll make you forget
all about money.
WELFORD:
Oh, is that so?
They'll never make
you forget about it.
Sister?
"Sister"?
I'm sorry.
Oh, my goodness.
Lew! Lew!
Could you help
a lady in distress?
My car is parked across the street,
and my chauffeur's asleep.
I wonder if you'd be good
enough to run over there
and ask him
to drive up here.
Why, l...
Here, do you mind?
I'm sorry, I...
Oh, all right. Don't bother.
Lew!
Sure, I'd be glad to.
Please.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Forgive me. You see,
I didn't recognize you.
Here, you must let
me give you a lift.
Oh, no. Please don't bother.
Ill be all right,
there's a bus on the corner.
No, now, you wait right here,
and Ill be back. Now, wait.
Lew! Lew!
Yes.
You see that man
walking down the street?
Yes, ma'am.
Pull up ahead of him.
Right there.
Taxi, mister?
I'm all right, thanks.
The rain won't hurt me.
Neither will I. Come on.
FLORENCE: Hey, wait for me. Wooh!
That's as near as I can get
to Sir Walter Raleigh.
Well, the hat is a bit large.
Riding with you
gave me a swelled head.
Thank you.
Wait for me, Lew!
I better take...
I better take you
back to the car.
Well, if you do, Ill only have
to bring you back here again.
Oh, I've been trouble enough.
Listen, Sir Walter Raleigh wouldn't
leave a woman out in the rain
on a night like this, would he?
Well, it's four flights up.
The elevator isn't running.
You know something?
I never use elevators.
They make me terribly dizzy.
Come on.
Here it is. Running water, steam heat.
On a fine day, you can
see clear across the alley.
FLORENCE: May I take off your
hat and look across the alley?
Oh, but all kidding aside, I know
I'm keeping you from going someplace.
You told me yourself
you were all dressed up.
Oh, I am, but I haven't
anyplace to go.
Absolutely?
Positively, Mr. Shean.
Hey, you're terribly anxious
to get rid of me, aren't you?
I must be an awful bore.
Oh, no, no. Do stay. Sit down.
Ill make you a cup of tea.
Let me take off your coat.
I should say,
let me take off my coat.
Oh, excuse me. I might
give you a little light.
Oh, how will you have
your tea? With lemon or...
lemon?
Lemon, please.
[CLOCK CHIMES]
Well, the kettle's on.
That's good.
What'll I do now?
I'm sort of rusty at
entertaining, especially ladies.
Outside of Mrs. Higgins, you're
the only woman that's come up here.
And who's Mrs. Higgins?
Oh...
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
It's me, Mrs. Higgins.
Oh, excuse me.
Oh, I didn't know you had company.
Ill be leaving in a minute.
Mrs. Higgins,
this is Sister Fallon.
Oh, sure.
And I suppose you're Saint John,
and I'm Martha Washington.
Say, you do look
like Sister, for a fact.
But I happen to know Sister's
voice as well as her face.
So speak up, and Ill tell you
if you're Sister or not.
Mrs. Higgins...
Go on, say a few words.
Eenie, meenie, minie, mo.
Land's sakes!
You are Sister Fallon.
Oh, and me being
so fresh and all.
But I'm so used to seeing you
in flowing white robes.
Why didn't you tell me
she was Sister?
Still waters run deep,
I always say.
Oh, gracious, I was that excited
I nearly forgot what I came up for.
There's a package for you.
Ill open it.
For land's sake!
Whatever is it?
Oh, what did you have
to bring that up now for?
It's me, Mrs. Higgins.
Yes, but what's it for?
JOHN: Nothing. Someone gave it to me.
Perhaps it'll come
in handy as a chaperon.
Chaperon?
Oh, two's company and
three's a crowd, I always say.
Good night, Sister.
Good night.
Good night, Mr. John.
Good night.
You mustn't mind her.
Why don't you come
and sit down here by the fire.
I want you to know I don't approve
of their selling that clay thing.
What made you get it, anyway?
Well, I wanted to know
what you look like.
Yes, but how could you...?
Oh.
You used to be an aviator,
didn't you?
Oh, well,
that was so long ago, I really
don't remember much about it.
What'll we do now?
Who plays the piano?
Well, I do, when no one's around.
Say, would you like to hear
some real good music?
I'd love to.
Allow me to present
my two friends:
Pagliacci the clown,
and Sambo the hoofer.
Now, what would you like to hear?
Ballads, songs, symphonies?
Oh...
Oh, I guess a bit of opera.
Opera. Very well.
Laugh, clown, laugh.
[PLAYING "THE FARMER
IN THE DELL"]
Isn't that cute?
[SINGING]
Can't you sing it?
[BOTH SINGING]
[JOHN LAUGHING]
Come on, sing.
[SINGING]
[FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING
AND PEOPLE SINGING]
Tabernacle doesn't answer,
Mr. Hornsby.
Well, phone her apartment again and
keep phoning it till you get her.
[JOHN AND FLORENCE LAUGHING]
Please don't make me
laugh anymore. I'm sick now.
Why, you haven't seen anything
yet. Here, take a card.
It's the ace of spades.
Uh-huh.
Put it back in the middle.
Is it in the middle?
Yes.
Take the top card.
Well, how in the world...?
[LAUGHING]
Oh, you faker, they're all the ace
of spades. I want my money back.
Write me a letter about it.
Oh, I can read it, all right. But
you've gotta write it with scissors.
Scissors?
Yeah.
I told you the hand was quicker
than the eye, didn't I? Look.
You know what this is?
It looks like King Tut's will.
It's called Braille.
It's kind of like a Morse code,
only the dots are raised,
and you read it with
your fingers. Watch.
A book of verses
underneath the bough
Here, you try it.
A loaf of bread, a jug of wine
And thou beside me
Oh, you faker. You're not
reading, you're remembering.
Yes, but I could learn it.
It's just like shorthand.
You know, my father dictated
all his sermons to me.
Oh, is your father
a minister too?
Yes.
Gee, he must be
mighty proud of you.
Have...?
Have you any folks?
Not a soul.
Don't you get lonesome,
living here all by yourself?
But I don't live here all
by myself. I've got a pal.
Oh, my goodness.
I hope we didn't keep him up.
Ill get him.
I want you to meet him.
No. Oh, no.
Please, some other time.
Oh, Al would never forgive me
if I didn't introduce him to you.
Come on, chump,
get up out of there.
Come on, I want you
to meet a lady.
AL: Leave me alone. I met a lady.
JOHN:
Come on, chump.
AL: All right, all right.
But she better be good.
Al, I want you to meet Sister Fallon.
Oh, how are you, Sister?
Where you been all my life?
Cut that out, Al.
Oh, go lay an egg.
Lay an omelette, will you?
You know, Sister,
every time I express myself,
this big dummy
tries to step on me.
Mind if I join the party?
Come right in.
Lucky break for you, chump.
You know who I am?
I'm the skeleton in the closet.
He keeps me locked up until he gets
into a jam and then he hauls me out.
No utsgay. No utsgay.
Here, Al. One more crack like that,
and Ill put you back in the trunk.
Yeah, you
and what piano mover?
Ill bet the chump's been
telling you the story of his life.
Ill bet he's been showing
off. He always does.
He even thinks
he's a ventriloquist.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
There you go again,
getting personal.
Sure, I'm getting personal.
It's time somebody was
getting personal around here.
You know, Sister.
I've heard a lot about you.
From whom?
From the sapodil here.
That's all he talks about.
Sister this, Sister that
and Sister the other.
I wish you'd do me a favour.
Now, look here, Al...
Shut up. I'm not talking to you.
You let that little boy alone.
Ill be glad to do you
a favour. You know me, Al.
See, you, will you keep
your mush out of this?
It isn't for me personally.
It's for the boyfriend.
You know what's wrong with the
slob? He's looking for a job.
Slob. Job.
Hey! I'm a poet.
What rhymes
with "Sister"? I got it.
"Mister."
There once was
a sister named Flo
All dressed up and no place to go
One night in the rain
She ran into a swain
And was she annoyed?
No, no.
[LAUGHING]
You know why he was
a stage-door Johnny tonight?
He wants to go to work for you.
For me?
Not for money. He gets along fine
on what the government pays him.
He wants to go to work
for you for nothing.
Ain't that right?
That's right.
Yes, but why should you?
Go on, tell her.
All right, if you don't, I will.
It's because you saved his life.
Me?
Yeah, you.
The funny part is you didn't
know you were doing it.
He was gonna jump
right out that window,
but you happened to be on the air
at that moment. And you stopped him
with a few well-chosen words
about quitters.
Is this true?
Certainly, it's true.
I told him the same thing many a
time, but he wouldn't listen to me.
As far as I'm concerned,
he could've jumped.
Only I didn't wanna be left
alone with Mrs. Higgins.
Two is a company, three
is a crowd, I always say.
You mean to say that
something I said over the radio
actually stopped you from
jumping out of the window?
Yeah. I started to go Hamlet,
but you kidded me out of it.
Say, couldn't I do something
for you? Go to work for you?
[CHUCKLES]
Card tricks or something?
Well...
You write music. Do you
suppose you could write hymns?
Boy, and could I write hymns.
All right, you're hired.
I thank you,
and Al thanks you
and Ill be around to the tabernacle
first thing in the morning.
Oh, l... I don't think you'd
better come to the tabernacle.
Too many people coming
in and out all the time.
I think you'd work
much better here at home.
Whatever you say.
And then it would sort of
give me an excuse
to come and see
you once in a while.
Say, if you'll do that,
Ill never leave the house.
Well, it's been a lovely visit.
And you taught me how to laugh
almost after I'd forgotten how.
Now, you keep out of the rain and
don't you go Hamlet anymore, will you?
All right.
Good night.
Good night.
I'm...
I'm glad I saved your life.
[CHEERING]
Step up, folks.
Don't miss the big show.
Drown your sins in good old gin,
and don't miss the great,
one-and-only Miracle Lady.
[CHEERING]
Oh, dear ones!
The spiel that I have cooked up for
you this evening is on the subject of
"Will you have ginger ale,
or will you have white rum?"
Come on in, Sister.
We're having a swell time.
WOMAN:
- No sin in the world like mixing drinks!
Yea, brethren and "sistren"...
Oh, hello, Sister. Hallelujah!
[CHEERING]
Stand back, please.
I phoned your house a dozen times.
Where the devil have you been?
Do I have to bring
home report cards?
Where did you collect
all that garbage?
Now, wait till they warm up.
You told me you wanted
a lot of laughs, didn't you?
Say, chief, I hear you're
looking for some shills.
They're not paying salaries
on our lot, and I'm available.
Yeah?
Yes.
Get this for a miracle.
You see, I comes up to Sister like this.
She lays on the healing mitts.
I sees the light and...
Wham!
Hallelujah!
I play the saxophone too.
Drop in and see me tomorrow.
Okay, boss.
He's not bad, is he?
What's the matter?
I thought you
wanted to relax.
Don't you like my party?
No.
Now, Ill throw them all out.
And we'll have a nice, quiet
little party all by ourselves.
No, thanks. I wanna go home.
Hello, Sister. I'm glad
you decided to show up.
I was just telling Hornsby...
Lay off!
No, I want her to hear this. She
can't pull this Pollyanna stuff on me.
I'm sick of doing the hard work and
seeing you two get all the gravy.
Twenty percent to me, and I have to
kick back half of that to my chiselers.
And you split
80 percent between you.
I told you that goes
to the tabernacle.
Oh, yeah? Well, who's gonna
live in it? Santa Claus?
I rate a three-way split.
And I'm gonna get it too.
Not from me.
If I don't get it from you,
I know where I can get it.
Where?
The nearest newspaper office.
Well?
Do I get mine,
or must I take up journalism?
You'll get yours.
Okay, baby. Live and
let live. That's me.
Wait a minute. Ill take you home.
No, thanks.
I don't want any company.
Let me alone.
Follow her and see
she goes right home.
Now from the whole tabernacle.
Did you receive God's message?
CROWD:
Amen!
FLORENCE:
Glory hallelujah!
CROWD:
Glory hallelujah!
[BAND PLAYING HYMN]
Here's your paper, sir.
Lew?
LEW: Yes, sir.
Where does Sister Fallon go
every night after services?
Why, home.
Always?
Well, sometimes she likes
to go for a drive.
Alone?
Sure.
You like your job, don't you?
Certainly.
You wanna keep it?
Yes.
Well, if you do, remember,
the people I like stick around.
The people I don't like, don't.
Okay, sir.
And that big,
black derby of yours.
You feel pretty good
lately, don't you?
Yeah. I guess the climate
agrees with me.
It doesn't show
in the box office.
Now that business is off, you
walk around singing all the time.
Maybe it's because
I'm a bad businesswoman.
Maybe.
You rang down early tonight,
didn't you?
I'm all in.
I wanna go home.
If you'll clear out,
I can get dressed now.
Did you read the evening paper?
No.
We're on the front page again.
Take a look.
The cops are screwy.
It's a plain case of suicide.
Hornsby, did you have
anything to do with this?
Me? Why, I haven't seen
Welford in over a week.
I suppose there'll be a couple
of dicks around to see us.
If they should happen to get
to you when I'm not around,
I advise you not to hold out
anything you may know about it.
What could I know about it?
You know as well as I do,
he was drinking like a fish.
He was despondent,
he had hallucinations.
Briggs, bring in
last week's report.
Suicide, plain as day.
Still, I suppose there'll be
a couple of cops snooping around.
It might be a good idea
for us to call time-out.
What do you mean?
Well, I've been thinking we ought to
pull up stakes and get out of here.
You need a change.
Not that kind of a change.
No? Well, what
do you suggest?
I suggest that you get rid
of those shillabers!
We don't need them around here
anymore, and I'm through with them.
Is that so?
Well, get this.
We made a deal,
and it's worked out.
I delivered all
I promised you and more.
When I ran into you,
you were flat on your back.
Now you've got all the money
you want. You've got a swell flat,
a car, a chauffeur,
all the clothes and doodads
a woman could possibly want.
What's got into you?
What more do you want?
Come on.
Come clean.
Come clean,
that's what I'd like to do.
We don't need these fakes.
I wanna play square.
Then why don't you play square
with me. You think I'm blind?
What becomes of you after services
every night? Where do you go?
Where I please.
You don't own me.
No. But I hold sort of
a first mortgage.
And it won't be safe
for anyone to try to horn in.
You made a squawk around here
about your being a prisoner.
Sure you are, and I'm going
to keep you a prisoner,
because I'm nuts about you.
I fell for you the first
time I ever saw you.
Let go of me!
Hornsby, if you
ever do that again...
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
We did 8,300 last week, sir.
Where are you going tonight?
Home.
That's right.
Early to bed and early to rise...
makes a lady healthy and wise.
I think Ill go home myself.
Well...
see you in church.
Home, Mr. Hornsby?
No.
Drive me to Sister Fallon's apartment.
- Twenty-two, 23, 24.
Many happy returns.
Oh, wait.
Don't rush me into
another year like that.
It's four more minutes
until my birthday.
Just time enough for...
Are you a teetotaller?
No, not annoyingly so.
Good.
Here's something I've had for
a long time, over ten years.
I got it in Paris.
Real Napoleon. Look.
1804?
The year of the great vintage.
Just think. It was bottled over
100 years before you were born.
I've been saving it
for something special.
Something particularly,
specially, extra special.
Now, if you'll hold
your breath for a moment...
Here's looking at you.
[CLOCK CHIMING]
Happy birthday!
Speech! Speech!
Mr. Chairman,
Al,
ladies and gentlemen,
unaccustomed as I am
to public speaking,
I wanna take this opportunity
to thank our host
for this wonderful banquet.
Hear, hear!
I've eaten, I've drank
and I've laughed.
And if our host had done
nothing else for me,
I should be forever grateful to him
because he taught me how to laugh.
I've never had
a birthday party before,
and Ill never forget this one,
that's a promise.
And it reminds me of a promise
I made to a young man
a few weeks ago on the
platform of the tabernacle.
I wonder if he remembers.
He remembers.
With all my heart...
I hope it comes true.
And now we'll hear
from our host.
[CLEARING THROAT]
Ladies and gentlemen.
You too, Al.
I want you all to close your eyes
for a moment and keep them closed.
Now what do you see?
Nothing.
Well, when you can't see the
world, you invent one of your own.
And, folks, mine's
been a lovely world,
since the guest of the
evening came into it.
I've never met
anyone like her.
Even before we met,
she saved my life.
And since that,
she's changed it.
I never thought much
about God before.
But I do now. He must
be fine and wonderful
if she believes in him.
There! I'm not the one that's gonna
bore you with speechmaking tonight.
I'm only here
to introduce them.
We have with us tonight
a man who is so well-known,
he doesn't need
any introduction.
I take great pleasure
in presenting...
that bon vivant,
that accomplished rake,
that experienced traveller,
the donnest of Don Juans,
the rummiest of Romeos,
Aloysius K. Eucalyptus.
Hooray!
Mr. Eucalyptus to you.
Just Uke to you.
[LAUGHING]
Ladies and gentlemen.
You too, Carson.
Naturally, I was asleep
while our distinguished host
was addressing you,
which reminds me of the story
of the travelling salesman...
Oh, we've heard that one.
- And the farmer's daughter.
We've heard that one too.
Thanking you very much
for your kind attention,
ladies and gentlemen,
I remain very truly yours, Al.
Good night, kiddies!
Bravo! Bravo!
Bravo! Bravo!
Have a good time, Sister?
Marvellous, Al.
[HICCUPS]
Are you sober?
Yes, Your Honour.
All right, then,
say, "Truly rural."
Tooly, rooly rural.
Acquitted!
Next case.
Are you sober?
Positively.
Thirty days!
Sister, I was hoping
he was lit up too.
Why, Al?
If he was plastered,
he might have nerve enough
to tell you something.
Go on, Carson.
Tell her in your own words.
JOHN: If I could be sure
she wouldn't laugh at me.
AL: Suppose she does
laugh. Tell her anyway.
Go on, get it off your chest.
I won't laugh.
You hear that?
Tell her, Carson.
All she can say is no.
You tell her, Al.
All right.
Here goes.
Sister, he wants
to tell you he...
He...
I must've lost
my key someplace.
Ill do as much
for you sometime.
Thank you.
[SINGING "THE FARMER
IN THE DELL"]
Have a good time?
You wouldn't be interested.
What do you want?
We're bowing out, Sister.
We're blowing this way station
on a one-way ticket.
Not me. I like this town.
So I notice.
But we're going away...
on account of your health.
There's nothing
the matter with me.
Oh, yes, you're overworked.
You're on the brink
of a nervous collapse.
Don't take my word for it.
Look.
I went out at 4:00 in the morning,
especially to get a copy of the paper for you.
"Quitting on doctor's orders."
And I'm the doctor.
Hornsby, you're going to send out
a denial of this story right away.
How come?
I'm not going to Palestine.
Of course you're not. The
newspapers think it's Palestine.
My idea of the Holy Land
is the south of France.
Monte Carlo,
champagne, roulette,
and your old pal
Hornsby around,
just to keep it from being
a Cook's tour.
I'm not going to Monte Carlo
with you, or anyplace else.
Ill tell you what Ill do.
Ill compromise with you.
Ill give you your choice
of two places:
Monte Carlo or...
jail.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You know this:
I always keep my word,
even with the rats
like Welford.
And I'm tipping you now,
if you don't do as I say,
you'll have a lot
of time to regret it.
The penalty for embezzlement
in this state is ten years.
You can't scare
me that way.
You collected a lot of money
to build a tabernacle.
What's become of it?
I don't know.
You've had charge of it.
Well, it's collected in your name,
was banked in your name. It still is.
You signed all the checks.
I got the stubs to prove it.
If larceny doesn't bother you,
how about a little murder trial
for your money?
Murder?
The more I think of it,
the more it looks to me like
Welford was knocked off.
Only tonight,
I found out that he was
on his way to a newspaper office
when it happened.
He had a lot of dope
in a briefcase.
All about you too.
How do you know?
I've got the briefcase.
As a good citizen, I ought
to turn it over to the police.
You wouldn't dare.
No?
Why not?
I'm just a faithful employee.
You're the boss.
Poor old Welford.
Must have worked hard
to write all that stuff.
It may get into the papers yet...
if you insist.
There must be
thousands of people
who contributed
to that tabernacle fund.
What a swell dish it will be for
them to read the inside story...
of Sister Fallon.
[SOBBING]
[MUSIC BO X PLAYING
"THE FARMER IN THE DELL"]
Don't you envy me? I'm going to the
River Jordan and maybe swim in it.
And then to Wailing Wall I've
read so much about in Jerusalem.
I suppose Ill have to do some
plain and fancy wailing.
How do you wail?
Ooh!
Come on, you taught me how to
laugh. Now teach me how to wail.
My wailer isn't
working tonight.
Why didn't you tell me last
night you were going away?
Oh, I didn't even know it myself.
My manager takes care of all that.
We go every year.
It's all part of the routine.
You're not going on
account of me, are you?
What do you mean, silly?
I mean, I don't expect...
Well, I have no claim on you.
You know how l...
How you...
If you wanted to stay,
you needn't ever see me again.
Now, you're not going to go
Hamlet again are you?
Listen, I'm taking along a dozen pair
of scissors with me to write you with.
And one of these days, Ill be
coming back like a bad penny.
Forgive me for
being so selfish...
but last night I forgot the
thousands of others who need you.
You and I were the only
two people in the world.
I even started
to think that... Oh...
It's not gonna be the same
world for me with you away.
Don't, John.
Just pretend I'm not going.
Darling, you're...
You're crying.
No, I'm not.
God, Florence, I wish I could see
your face just once before you go away.
I...
I haven't forgotten.
Dear Father in heaven...
thy first commandment
was "Let there be light."
Oh, God...
please send light
to these sightless eyes...
Reward the faith that...
Oh, it's no use, I can't.
What's wrong?
Everything is wrong.
I don't know how to play
on the level anymore.
God wouldn't believe
me under oath.
You see my face now
without your eyes.
It's the face of a liar
and a hypocrite.
Don't! Don't say
things like that.
You wanna know why
I'm going away?
It's because I'm a fake.
And all those people
who tell about the good things
I've done, they're fakes too.
They're paid to testify.
It's lies. All lies!
I'm not going away,
I'm running away.
What from?
From all those people
I've robbed and cheated.
Those people who think
I've performed miracles.
Miracles.
I wouldn't even
believe in them myself.
The only decent thing
I've done since I've known you
is to tell you the truth now.
Honey, it doesn't matter.
I love you.
You're fine, you're real.
You're not a fake.
Why, you couldn't be.
Ill prove it to you.
All those people
that love and trust you,
you have helped them. I know you
have, because you've helped me.
No, they wouldn't believe it, not even
if you got on a platform and told them so.
There's something that's... Something
that's changed and frightened you.
Tell me, what is it?
Tell me. I love you, darling.
Don't run away. I love you.
HORNSBY:
Am I intruding?
I'm glad I happened along.
I wanted to meet your boyfriend.
Oh, God, he's blind.
Yeah?
Well, well, if it isn't my old pal
Daniel who stepped up to the lion's cage.
What's Sister doing,
been giving you a treatment?
Florence, who is this?
Oh, come on, Hornsby, please.
Wait a minute. What's the matter? You're
not ashamed of me, are you, Sister?
Ill tell you who I am.
I'm the guy who tells her
what to do and she does it.
It's a lucky thing for you,
sucker, that you're blind.
I ought to make you see
a few stars at that.
Keeping Sister out so late when
she's got so many things to do.
FLORENCE: Oh, Hornsby, come on, please.
You take Mr. Carson home.
I'm going with Mr. Hornsby.
LEW:
Yes, ma'am.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Land's sakes. What time is it?
All right, I'm coming.
I'm in your room.
I'm dying of curiosity.
What happened?
Mrs. Higgins, will you do something
for me without asking questions?
Oh, you do ask the
most impossible things.
Come on, get your hat and coat.
Where are we going?
To the tabernacle. I want you to
bring some matches and a candle.
HIGGINS:
Candle?
HIGGINS:
Here's a window.
Where?
Over here.
This is it.
Open it.
I can't, it's locked.
It's dirty too.
Cleanliness is next to
godliness, I always say.
[GLASS SHATTERING]
What are you
doing that for?
You've broken it.
Oh, I hope there's
no policemen about.
What are we doing
this for anyway?
Follow me.
Me?
Oh, dear.
I don't think I can.
Oh, I'm going to fall. If
we're burglars, I don't approve.
Oh, I haven't been through
a window for years.
JOHN:
Here. Light this.
HIGGINS: Not since I eloped with
that... Where are the matches?
- Good-for-nothing sailor.
I don't believe it.
Now show me to Sister Fallon's room.
All right.
I hope there are no mice.
Find her room.
All right.
[WHISPERING]
"Tabernacle Committee."
"Sister Fallon, private."
This is it.
Now, what are we going to steal?
Nothing.
All I want you to do
is to be my eyes.
I want to know this room,
every part of it.
What for?
So I can pretend I can see.
Now, what's in it?
Well, two armchairs
and a couch
and a dressing table...
How far to the dressing table?
About six steps.
No, to the left.
This way?
That's it.
Why do you want
to pretend you can see?
So I can make Sister Fallon
believe that she made me see.
And maybe she'll stay.
I want to manufacture a miracle.
Now do you understand?
But what good would it do?
What's this?
That's a small table.
She'd only find out
the next time she saw you.
There are some
cigarettes on it.
There won't be any next
time. I'm going away.
Now, what's on this
side of the room?
A large table.
How far?
About three steps.
But if you're going away,
why do you want her to stay?
What's this?
It's a picture of someone.
There's something
written on it too.
Read it for me.
"To Florence,
with love from her daddy."
Ah, isn't that nice?
Put it back where
it was, please.
And sit down and tell me
if I've got this thing straight.
Dressing table.
HIGGINS:
That's it.
Cigarette.
Picture.
That's right.
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
[PHONE RINGING]
More telegrams,
Sister. Look.
Telegrams from
all over the world.
MAN 1: Do you want the whole
band for tonight, Mr. Hornsby?
Certainly, the whole band.
What do you think this is?
Answer the telephone,
somebody.
Sure you can, madam,
in half an hour.
MAN 2: The place is packed, Mr.
Hornsby. Shall I put chairs on the stage?
Nothing doing, stand them up.
MAN 2: All right, Ill stand them up.
WOMAN: Oh, Mr. Hornsby,
we'd like to say goodbye...
HORNSBY: I'm sorry, you can't see
Sister now. She's all worn out.
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
MAN 3: You wanted me, Mr. Hornsby?
Yes. Send the gang in.
[PHONE RINGING]
Yes. Yes.
The photographer's
here? Okay.
Say, Brown, you better do your
stuff tonight, or else you won't eat.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello. Operator? Say, keep the people
off this wire for a few minutes, will you?
Go out there, Brown, and keep the
rest of the people from coming in.
BROWN:
All right.
Now get this. We wanna make
this farewell sermon of Sister's
the greatest thing
that she's ever had.
Remember what
George M. Cohan said,
"Always leave them laughing
when you say goodbye."
Now, Georgie was a great showman,
but I'm gonna go him one better.
I'm gonna leave
them all crying.
There's been a lot of money
spent on flowers tonight.
I want those flowers
watered with tears.
I want those tremolo stops
pulled wide open.
Let's give Sister a farewell
she'll never forget.
She deserves it. And it won't hurt
the free-will offerings either.
Now get out of here and give me the
best you can. Go on, get out. Beat it.
Take the flowers with you. Take those
flowers. Hurry up now. Step to it.
That's it. Come on.
Come on, kid, buck up.
I know how you feel.
I'd be blue myself if it wasn't for the
good times we're gonna have together.
[BAND PLAYING HYMN]
The Riviera, baby.
The only thing blue down there
is the Mediterranean.
And, Sister, how blue that is.
[CROWD SINGING HYMN]
It won't be long now, honey.
Sister, Sister!
A miracle! A miracle!
Seeing is believing, I always say,
and I wouldn't have believed it
if I hadn't seen it
with me own eyes.
John can see, Sister.
John can see!
Oh, bless you, Sister. He's so
happy. He's like a little boy again.
He's coming here to see you,
Sister, and no cane.
No cane. Wait right here, Sister.
Ill bring him to you.
He's outside now. Don't move.
Ill bring him here.
She's there and alone.
What's she got on?
Her hair isn't done up yet.
She's got on the white robe
with the white shoes.
And there's a signet ring
on her right hand.
And she's standing by
the dressing table.
Get in there, quick,
before anybody comes.
You wait for me in the cab.
You got to take me to the depot.
Cab, nothing. Ill stand watch
here and keep people out.
MAN 1: Take those
flowers up on the stage.
MAN 2: Yes, sir.
MAN 1: Hurry it up.
This is it.
Think I can make it all right?
Of course you can. Good
luck and God bless you.
I pray for you, and
keep my fingers crossed.
FLORENCE: John.
Florence.
I had to see you. I couldn't
let you go away without knowing.
Your prayer worked.
I can see.
I can see you now. You're beautiful,
just as I've always dreamed you.
You've got a white dress on.
Your hair is down your back.
It's brown.
Your eyes are blue.
There's a ring on your finger.
It's a signet ring.
Watch how well
I can get around.
See? Standing.
Sitting, standing.
It's the funniest feeling.
It's like learning to walk
all over again.
There's a picture.
Why, it's a picture
of your father,
with an inscription on it.
Ill read it to you.
It says, "To Florence,
with love from her daddy."
See, isn't it wonderful?
You won't have to write me
letters with scissors anymore.
John, you've got to come up
on the platform with me tonight.
Oh, I'd like to,
but I can't.
I've gotta make a train.
I'm leaving town tonight.
Why are you going away?
Well, there's something
I've got to do. And...
Oh, please don't ask me
to go up there.
I don't wanna advertise it.
It's sort of a private miracle.
What time is your train leaving?
Nine o'clock.
What time is it now?
Well, I...
By that clock.
Clock? What clock?
[CLOCK CHIMES]
Seven-thirty.
Another miracle.
Oh, I know it's hard
for you to believe.
I can hardly believe it myself.
When something like this happens
you've got to believe it.
Oh, don't go away, Florence.
Don't leave.
All these people need you.
Don't you see all the good
you're doing?
Florence.
Oh, it's all right, John.
It doesn't matter.
I'm sorry. I guess you can't
make miracles to order.
Yes, you can.
You've done it.
You've made me see.
And you were going away
so I'd never find out.
[MOUTHING WORDS]
You can't go in there.
What's the matter?
You mustn't go in there, I say.
There's a miracle going on.
Sister's just made a blind man see.
Get out of the way.
Sorry to butt in
on a miracle, Sister.
But there are customers out there
waiting to say goodbye.
I'm not saying goodbye
to them tonight.
But I'm saying goodbye to you.
Yeah?
I'm not afraid of you anymore.
You can't hurt me.
You can do anything you please,
but it doesn't matter.
Where are you going?
Up there on that platform
to tell those people the truth. To tell
them what a liar and cheat I've been.
And neither you nor anybody
else is gonna stop me.
You're nuts.
They'll tear you to pieces.
You're through telling
me what to do. Let me go!
I will...
Let her go.
Sister! Sister!
Oh, you can see now, eh?
Well, take a look at this one.
[BAND PLAYING HYMN]
[CHEERING]
What a hand she got!
The grace of our Lord
be with you all.
Amen.
CROWD: Amen.
If you only knew, those roses
you threw at me tonight
might have been stones.
During the past few months,
many of you have come up here
to confess your sins
and tell how you were saved.
Tonight, I'm gonna tell you
how I sinned and how I was saved.
I've wandered far away from God...
and now I'm coming home.
Cut off those lights.
But, boss...
Cut off those lights.
Fire! Fire!
MAN:
Fire!
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
God's here with us.
Don't be afraid.
Sister! Sister!
Band, play "Onward,
Christian Soldiers"!
Choir, sing!
Sing "Onward, Christian
Soldiers"! Everybody, sing!
[BAND PLAYING "ONWARD
CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS"]
FLORENCE:
If you believe in God, sing!
Fire can't hurt you!
Nothing can stop you!
If you trust and have faith
in God, tell him so!
If you have faith
and trust in God, sing!
Sing, everyone!
Everybody, march out!
You're all protected!
[SIRENS WAILING]
[PEOPLE SINGING "ONWARD
CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS" IN DISTANCE]
Everybody, sing!
If you have faith
and trust in God, sing!
Sing "Onward, Christian Soldiers"!
March out, everybody!
[SIRENS WAILING]
FLORENCE: Sing "Onward, Christian
Soldiers"! March out, everybody!
March out!
JOHN:
Florence!
FLORENCE: Everybody, march
out! You're all protected!
Fire can't hurt you!
Nothing can stop you!
JOHN: Florence!
John!
Florence, where are you?
Here I am.
Florence!
[COUGHS]
Florence!
Florence.
Where are you, Florence?
Florence.
Our Father, who art in heaven
CROWD:
Hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On Earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those
Who trespass against us
But lead us not into temptation
And deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom
The power, and the glory
Forever and ever
Amen
[HORN HONKING]
Look out. You'll get knocked out
before you get in the ring.
When I named you Gunboat, I must've
been thinking of the Swiss navy.
Six months I've been feeding you, and
you haven't won a fight for me yet.
But, boss, give me a chance...
If you don't knock
out that mug tonight,
I'm gonna drop you back
in the ashcan where I found you.
I can't waste my time
with second-raters.
Oh, never mind.
I'm ready to fight.
How are you, chief?
CHIEF: Hi.
What about those left hooks
I've been showing you?
When you get in the ring,
all you do is throw a lot of rights.
Where do you suppose Dempsey
would be without his left hook?
But I gotta hit...
Oh, shut up.
What's all this crowd for?
Holy smoke.
WOMAN: All right, everybody
line up quickly for the open air.
[DRUM BEATING]
WOMAN:
All right, drummers.
[BAND PLAYING " BATTLE
HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC"]
[SINGING " BATTLE HYMN
OF THE REPUBLIC"]
And she gave up
a million bucks for that.
The poor sap.
[BELLS CHIMING]
[CHOIR SINGING HYMN]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
I wonder what's keeping him.
You wouldn't be in a hurry either
if you'd been fired, would you?
The Reverend Fallon
was not fired.
Look, here comes
his daughter.
This morning my father was to have
delivered his farewell sermon to you,
but he has been ill,
as you all know,
and today he cannot be with you.
But he dictated his sermon to me,
as he has done for so many years.
I have it here,
and I'm going to read it to you.
"Friends, I leave you today after
a score of years in this church
as a servant of the Lord,
to whom I pray
that he may let
words of my mouth
and troubled meditations of my
heart be acceptable in his sight.
I have baptized many of you
in the Lord's grace,
a few of you I have joined
together in marriage,
and over the bodies
of some of your loved ones,
I have spoken the beautiful,
triumphant victory
that comes
with the Lord's salvation.
I would dearly love to stay as your
pastor for the rest of my years,
for I had hoped to live
and die at this pulpit.
But you have seen fit
to call another,
a younger man to guide
and serve you.
And though I leave you,
I do not leave the Lord.
Surely goodness and mercy shall
follow me all the days of my life.
And I will dwell in the house
of the Lord forever.
When the heart is thirsty,
there is drink in the Testaments:
The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down
in green pastures.
He leadeth me beside
the still waters.
He restoreth..."
That's as far as he got.
This is his farewell message to you.
You see that he stopped
in the middle of a sentence.
My father is dead.
He died in my arms
five minutes ago,
before he could
finish his message to you,
but I'm gonna finish it for him.
Miss Fallon,
the news you bring is painful,
but I hardly think it proper...
You're the head deacon of
this church, Mr. Simpson,
and I want you to listen
to what I have to say,
because it's your clique
that started all this trouble.
Leave if you like.
My father preached to empty hearts.
I don't mind talking to empty pews.
My father is dead,
and you killed him!
You crucified him just as
surely as he was crucified.
He died of disappointment,
of heartbreak, of ingratitude.
He gave his life to serve you
and when he was old and worn
you threw him out.
You all came to this church in
automobiles. He always had to walk.
He didn't even leave enough money,
after 20 years of service to you,
to buy a burial in a decent cemetery.
There, there.
This is not the time nor place
to speak of such things,
and I must ask you to remember
you are in the house of God...
What God? Whose God? Yours?
This isn't the house of God,
this is a meeting place for hypocrites.
You're out of your head, and I,
for one, will not listen to such...
Well, go on, get out!
You've been running this church,
but I'm gonna run it for the next hour.
I'm gonna preach the sermon
my father should have preached.
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
The Bible says the labourer
is worthy of his hire.
But you wouldn't pay your pastor
what you pay your chauffeurs.
I've worked for you too,
without pay.
I've served you by helping him,
and you've got to listen to me.
I don't have to make
any notes either.
I was brought up on the Bible,
and I know it by heart.
I'm gonna take my text this morning
from chapter 23
of the Gospel of Matthew.
And I say unto you as Christ
said to the scribes and Pharisees,
"Woe unto you hypocrites,
for you devour widows' homes,
and for a pretence
make long prayers."
You're crazy, woman.
Get out of that pulpit!
You're crazy, yourself. Give it
to them. I'm with you, Florence!
Who among you is poor in spirit?
Who among you mourns?
Which of you
is merciful and humble?
Some of you have listened
to my father for 20 years,
and you can't remember one word he
said to you, but you'll remember this:
You subscribe to temperance,
and I can tell you
the names of your bootleggers.
You pretend to be decent.
I know which of you are cheating
wives and husbands.
Shall I call out your names?
What are you running away from?
Are you afraid of the truth?
Is that why
you got rid of my father?
You are thieves, killers,
adulterers, blasphemers and liars
six days a week.
And on the seventh day,
you are hypocrites.
Go on, get out, all of you!
Get out, so I can
open these windows
and let some fresh air
into this church.
[SOBBING]
[MAN APPLAUDING]
Attababy! Attababy!
What do you want?
Believe it or not,
I'm waiting for a train to take me
out of this town. Hornsby is the name.
I blew in this town
by accident.
And I don't mind telling you that I was
thinking all the things you just said.
This trip looked
like a double zero to me,
but I've got a hunch that it
won't be a blank after all.
I'd like to have
a talk with you, Sister.
Leave me alone.
Get out of here.
HORNSBY: Pardon me
for horning in, Sister.
I heard you say there
wasn't money enough left
to give the reverend
a decent burial.
I'm pretty well-heeled,
and if you'll let me...
No, thanks,
I can manage.
Don't get me wrong.
I know I've got no right to
crash in here at a time like this.
But if there's
anything I can do...
Have you sent
for your people?
I haven't any people.
That's tough.
I know how you feel.
What are your plans?
I haven't any plans.
Gee, you were sure
great out there.
But you were knocking your
head against a stone wall.
So was your father.
What did it get you?
What did it get him?
After what you slipped them
in the church a while ago,
I don't suppose you wanna
hang around here, do you?
Where do you figure on going?
Oh, I don't know.
Please go. There's nothing you can do.
Well, sorry.
Thought I might be
able to help, that's all.
Thanks for being so kind.
You ought to listen to me, Sister,
because we're both in the same boat.
I've got no plans either.
No profession, no belief and no limit.
But I have got one thing:
A way to get along.
And it works.
You think you beat those people
out there just now, don't you?
Well, you didn't.
They beat you.
There's only one way
to lick a mob. Join them.
Now, wait a minute,
Sister. Let me finish.
You're not a hypocrite
if you admit it.
The thing is, be on the
winning side. Play percentage.
Most of the trouble in this world
comes from people who have convictions.
The answer is,
don't have any.
If you have none, you can assume
the ones that happen to pay.
You're sore at those people
because they fired your old man,
and it killed him. You wanna
get back at them, don't you?
Well, I can tell
you how to do it,
and get famous and get
rich and what's more...
get even.
Interested?
I'm listening.
Okay, now let's get organized.
First of all, what do you know?
You know the Bible by heart.
You can pull nifties
out of it like raisins.
Your old man
was a preacher.
And you've got
hot spiel in your blood.
It was born in you. You've got to
do something with it, don't you?
Now religion's like everything else.
It's great if you can sell it,
no good if you give it away.
Now, let me prove it to you.
FLORENCE [OVER RADIO]: And I
bring you the promise and pledge
that God's in his heaven,
and all's right with the world.
Oh, my dear ones,
I can't see you,
but I can feel you
all around me.
Thousands and thousands of you
tuning in on Station G-O-D, God,
on a wavelength that
carries his blessed words
to the furthermost reaches
of the universe.
Just as the little
microphone before me
carries my voice to your ears...
JOHN:
Mrs. Johnson!
Do you mind turning
that radio down a bit?
FLORENCE [OVER RADIO]:
- The Lord broadcast to you on a universal wavelength
that penetrates
the hearts and souls
of those who are ready
for his program.
I come to you
with a joyous message...
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Come in.
It's me, Mrs. Higgins.
Give me a minute to catch
my breath, Mr. John.
Some mail for you.
Letter or parcel?
Parcel.
But you never can tell a book
by the cover, I always say.
I'll open it for you.
It's the songs.
They've come back again.
There's a letter too.
It's from the Ziegler Music
Corporation, Songs that Sell.
"Dear Mr. Carson..."
I know, I know.
"We regret that they're
unsuitable for our present needs
and are returning them herewith.
Thanking you," and so forth, and so forth.
That's right.
They're always
nice about it, anyway.
That's from Ziegler, you said?
Yes.
Well, we've sent them out
from A to Z.
After Z, what?
X, Y, Z... Nothing.
Well, here goes nothing.
Now, you mustn't get
too discouraged.
Oh, what makes you
think I'm discouraged?
I know what would
cheer you up:
A good cup of coffee.
Now, you sit right there
while I go and make it for you.
You've been pretty
nice to me, Mrs. Higgins.
Ill remember you in my will.
[CHUCKLES]
Ill be dead and gone long
before you make your will.
FLORENCE [OVER RADIO]: The trouble with most
people is, they're quitters. They're yellow.
The moment they're put to
any sort of test, they cave in.
The difference between
a man and a jellyfish
is the fact that a man
has backbone.
What did God give him
a backbone for?
To stand up on his feet.
That's what real men do.
Beethoven wrote his greatest
symphony when he was deaf.
Oscar Wilde wrote
his greatest poem in jail.
And Milton, a blind man,
gave us Paradise Lost.
It's easy to forgive sinners,
but it's hard to forgive quitters.
[LAUGHS]
God has a plan...
What are you laughing at?
I'm laughing at you, for telling
me that nothing comes after Z.
Well, what does
come after Z?
A.
A? A what?
A good punch in the nose
for being such a wet blanket.
HIGGINS:
Me?
I've been thinking.
It came over me
like a flash.
Ill tell you,
"A what."
A wife.
[LAUGHING]
[HUMMING MENDELSSOHN'S
"WEDDING MARCH"]
HIGGINS:
Now, you leave me alone.
I've been meaning to speak
to you about it before.
[CHOIR SINGING HYMN
OVER RADIO]
I only wish meself,
I was about 30 years younger.
Who's that coon shouter that
broadcasts over the radio every day?
Coon shouter?
Oh, do you mean
Sister Fallon?
Yeah. Have you
ever seen her?
Oh, who hasn't seen her?
Well...
what's she like?
Oh, she's that marvellous
and wonderful...
You can't hardly
describe her.
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
[MARCHING BAND PLAYING]
Good evening.
Good evening.
I'm glad we came early. It's the
early bird that catches the worm,
I always say.
I always say.
USHER:
Good evening. Two?
Right this way.
Thank you.
[CHOIR SINGING
"OVER THERE"]
When do they bring on
the elephants?
[WHISPERING]
Don't be sacrimonious.
[APPLAUSE]
That's great, everybody,
that's the spirit.
Now, we just have time for one
more song before the service begins.
Number 14, everybody.
[BAND PLAYING HYMN]
Gee, I wish I had
some peanuts.
I always say.
Shh!
It looks like we stand
them up again tonight.
Give me a match.
Hey, nix, Mr. Hornsby.
The fire inspectors will raise...
Ill take care
of the fire inspectors.
It's your funeral.
Go on, hit it.
[WHISPERING]
Okay, pull the curtain.
[BAND PLAYING FANFARE]
[LIONS ROARING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
[CHOIR HUMMING HYMN]
[WHISPERING]
Is she blond or brunette?
Shh.
Stand by with those guns.
Don't let anything
happen to Sister.
He sure does take care of
his meal ticket, doesn't he?
The grace of our Lord
be with you all.
Amen.
CROWD:
Amen.
Dearly beloved,
all you meek of the earth,
all you that labour
and are heavy-laden,
I come here to lift the
heavy loads from your hearts.
All you that thirst and hunger,
I come here to feed
your famished souls.
I stand here in a den
which is a cage of fear,
behind these bars
which are the bars of doubt.
I stand here among beasts
that tear and destroy,
and behold, they cannot
hurt me. For I am...
She's going great tonight.
Hitting on all six. Hot dog!
- As Daniel said unto Darius,
my God has sent an angel,
and has shut the lion's mouth.
And I say unto you, there is
not a single soul among you
these beasts can hurt,
if you come into this cage
with love and understanding
in your heart.
Who among you will prove there
is no fear in God's kingdom?
What man, what woman?
Step up, somebody.
Anybody.
Isn't there one among you
who trusts the Almighty?
Didn't my Lord deliver Daniel?
Why not every man?
[CHOIR SINGING HYMN]
What's the matter with that guy
Collins? Hasn't he shown up tonight?
You paid him last night,
didn't you? Well?
On the booze again, eh?
Sure.
He's dead drunk.
Hallelujah! Why not every man?
Don't you know that the lions
can't hurt you if you have faith?
I know it, you know it.
But do the lions know it?
Isn't there one here who will
take the Almighty's dare?
What's the matter
with these people?
Are they gonna
leave her flat?
Shh.
Where are you going?
I always wanted to run
away and join a circus.
Praise the Lord,
there's a brother with faith.
The lions will eat you.
No, they won't. I've got a murad.
Usher, show that man this way.
Right this way, sir.
Beg your pardon?
She's trying to tell
you I'm blind.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
Oh, dear, I hope nothing
will happen to him.
Oh, I'm sure nothing will happen
to him while Sister's there.
[CHOIR SINGING " BATTLE
HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC"]
Come right in, brother. Don't be
afraid. These beasts won't hurt you.
I'm more afraid of you
than I am of the lions.
Oh, bless you, brother.
Here, sit right here.
Who's that mug?
Where did we get him?
He's one of the town boys.
Used to be an aviator.
Is he really blind?
Yeah. Blind as a bat.
I wonder how much
he'd want for that.
How long have you been
blind? How did it happen?
I joined the Army
to see the world.
What's your name?
Well, I guess it
ought to be Daniel.
[LION ROARS]
Oh, it's glorious
to see belief like this.
A blind man has come into
this cage because he has faith.
Oh, didn't my Lord
deliver Daniel?
CROWD:
Hallelujah!
Blessed are the blind
who cannot see fear.
O ye that see, have the
faith of this blind boy.
He answered
the call of his God
to come up here
among the beasts of prey,
just as he answered
the call of his country
to go among the beasts
of war in France.
Hallelujah, my people!
CROWD: Hallelujah!
Bless you, my friends.
I thank the Lord that you are here,
for I love every one of you,
and particularly this
blind boy, who shames us all
with a shining
example of faith.
And I would take
you into my arms
and whisper in your ear
the sweet secret of salvation.
Hallelujah!
CROWD:
Hallelujah!
Outside of this temple, the pulse
of the world beats with hate.
Hate!
But here within, there
is a heartbeat of love.
I want you to join hands.
Right where you're sitting,
join hands, everybody.
That's right, brothers.
That's right, sisters.
It doesn't make any difference
whose hands you grab.
Take the nearest to you.
I want an unbroken chain
of love in this tent tonight.
I want you to be one, not many.
One with me,
and one with God.
I want you to turn to
one another and smile.
Smile and let love and
sunshine into your hearts.
There now,
don't you feel better already?
Faith.
You have shown it, brother, by
coming up here with me tonight.
And I solemnly promise
that the day will come
when your faith
will be rewarded.
The Lord will deliver you
as he delivered Daniel.
He will open up your eyes,
and you shall see again.
Sister, will you put
that in writing?
Why, it is in writing.
It's in the Holy Book. It's in
every word, in every page of it.
You have shown faith,
and you shall see again.
Hallelujah!
CROWD:
Hallelujah!
[HUMMING]
Hey, who's dead?
Nobody, but Ill bet some of
us are gonna be pretty sick
before the day's over.
Did Hornsby send for you too?
Yeah.
GUSSIE: If he bawls me out, Ill quit.
Ill bet you will.
VIOLET: Me too.
That ain't half of it.
Wait till he starts...
The crummiest crew
of come-ons I ever hired.
Here I am, breaking
my neck to get crowds,
and we're packing them in to the
rafters. And what good does it do?
Night after night
I keep telling you,
"Be up on your lines!
Know your stuff!
And when you get on that
platform to testify, mean it!
Mean it!"
You told me you were
an A-number-one cripple.
And when I put you on, I promised you,
you could limp yourself into a Rolls-Royce.
Boss, l...
Why, you couldn't limp yourself
into a pair of roller skates.
A week ago you slipped up on your
cue to walk into the lion's den.
Tonight you missed your cue again.
I didn't hear it!
Well, hear this: If it
happens again, you're fired.
And you're supposed
to be a widow,
bereaved of all her loved
ones, alone in the world.
You told me you had ten years in
stock and could knock them over.
Oh, l... I can, Mr. Hornsby.
Sure you can. With your breath.
You nearly knocked
me over tonight.
You know as well as I do that
hiccups and hallelujahs won't mix.
What happened to you tonight,
Brown? You acted like a dummy.
Well, I'm supposed
to be paralyzed.
Yeah, but not from the neck up.
And you.
I suppose you're going to say
I was paralyzed too.
HORNSBY: You can't paralyze ivory.
We cook up a sob routine for you
that would melt a mountain.
And you pull it like you're
reading out of a telephone book.
How do you expect to get the hang of
the trade with your mush full of gum?
Bernhardt couldn't do it,
and you ain't Bernhardt.
You ain't even one of
the Cherry Sisters.
I want action on that platform!
I want sincerity and pep.
How do you expect the customers
to believe it if you don't?
Sister gets them all hot and bothered,
reaching for the clouds.
Then you punks step up, and they
start grabbing for their hats.
They go to sleep on you. Now, if
you people wanna eat regularly,
you'd better digest
what I just told you.
Now evaporate, you misfits.
Get into character!
I don't know what
I'm gonna do with those mugs.
Why don't you
get rid of them.
Now, Flo, I told you
time and time again,
we can't carry on a business
like this without shills.
Sure you can.
Do you know why we always
slow up at the finish?
Because those come-ons
don't do their stuff right.
No, it's because
I don't do my stuff right.
They're fakes, Bob,
and I know they're fakes.
It makes me feel like one.
And then I'm no good.
How do you mean?
Oh, I don't know.
Well, all I know is this: When I'm
out there talking to those people,
I've got to make it seem real,
or I can't put it over.
You've got me worried.
You're beginning to fall
for your own ballyhoo.
And that's bad.
Why don't you take a tip
out of your Bible where it says:
"Don't let your left hand know
what your right hand is doing."
Do you know why we're sitting
on top of the world right now?
Because we're professionals
and not amateurs.
You can't get along
without shills.
How much did you pay that blind
man that came in the cage last week?
Oh, that guy.
Say, we'd starve to death if we
waited for people like that to come up.
It takes plenty of money
to run a tabernacle.
Do you know how much it costs
us to grease the politicians
to allow us to operate
in this old barn?
No, and I don't wanna know.
That's right.
I don't want you to worry
your head about those things.
That's my end of it.
Say, what's eating you, kid?
You've got everything
you want.
No, I haven't.
I feel like exhibit A.
I never go anyplace. I never
get a chance to meet people.
Why, you meet
thousands of people.
Oh, I don't
mean that way.
What are you watching
me for all the time?
I can't go around the corner
without somebody being with me.
That's only for your
own protection.
You've got to remember who you are.
We've worked up a trademark.
We've got to watch our step.
Well, that doesn't mean I have to
be a prisoner all the time, does it?
Oh, now, honey, you're tired.
You've got to go home
and go to bed.
I don't wanna go to bed.
I couldn't sleep anyhow.
Say, there's a carnival in town,
a lot of old pals of mine.
Ill get them together,
and we'll have a lot of laughs.
Laughs.
I've almost forgotten how.
You'll learn all over again tonight.
Say, where shall we go?
How about my apartment?
Oh, I don't care.
Anyplace, anyplace at all.
That's right.
You just leave it to
your old pal Hornsby.
Now, you've been
working too hard, honey.
You've been giving those
apple-knockers too much for their money.
Now you take a nice little nap,
and Daddy will take
off your shoes.
Ill get the clowns together...
and we'll make whoopee.
I'm crazy about you
when you're mad, baby.
You look more beautiful.
Hello, chief! Hello, Sister!
Go right ahead. Don't mind me.
No see-ee, no hear-ee
and no speak-ee.
I know what you're gonna say,
"No think-ee."
HORNSBY: What do you want?
Just been checking over
last night's sucker list.
And folks, when
we leave this burg,
we're gonna own everything
but next year's wheat crop.
How many times have I told you to lay
off talking business when Sister's around.
I didn't think you'd object
if I was telling her good news.
I object to anybody
telling her anything.
And don't come in here
again without knocking.
What's on your mind?
Well, as your
general sales manager,
I beg to report that since
we've installed a new system
of not taking any filthy money
in the tabernacle,
but giving the saps the high
pressure the next day at home,
I've more than
doubled the take-in.
Yeah? By the time
you get yours,
we don't get any more than we used
to get when we passed the hat around.
It's costing us too much.
Is that so?
Well, you may be working for the Lord,
brother. But I'm working for Bill Welford.
I've got 20 chiselers on my staff, and
I have to split my commission with them.
You may think I'm getting too much,
but I don't think 20 percent is enough.
You're crazy.
You seem to forget we're collecting
that money to build a tabernacle.
I know, I know,
that's what I tell them too.
The trouble with you, Welford,
is you're too mercenary.
Now, come on over to my joint
and meet some carnival cuties.
They'll make you forget
all about money.
WELFORD:
Oh, is that so?
They'll never make
you forget about it.
Sister?
"Sister"?
I'm sorry.
Oh, my goodness.
Lew! Lew!
Could you help
a lady in distress?
My car is parked across the street,
and my chauffeur's asleep.
I wonder if you'd be good
enough to run over there
and ask him
to drive up here.
Why, l...
Here, do you mind?
I'm sorry, I...
Oh, all right. Don't bother.
Lew!
Sure, I'd be glad to.
Please.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Forgive me. You see,
I didn't recognize you.
Here, you must let
me give you a lift.
Oh, no. Please don't bother.
Ill be all right,
there's a bus on the corner.
No, now, you wait right here,
and Ill be back. Now, wait.
Lew! Lew!
Yes.
You see that man
walking down the street?
Yes, ma'am.
Pull up ahead of him.
Right there.
Taxi, mister?
I'm all right, thanks.
The rain won't hurt me.
Neither will I. Come on.
FLORENCE: Hey, wait for me. Wooh!
That's as near as I can get
to Sir Walter Raleigh.
Well, the hat is a bit large.
Riding with you
gave me a swelled head.
Thank you.
Wait for me, Lew!
I better take...
I better take you
back to the car.
Well, if you do, Ill only have
to bring you back here again.
Oh, I've been trouble enough.
Listen, Sir Walter Raleigh wouldn't
leave a woman out in the rain
on a night like this, would he?
Well, it's four flights up.
The elevator isn't running.
You know something?
I never use elevators.
They make me terribly dizzy.
Come on.
Here it is. Running water, steam heat.
On a fine day, you can
see clear across the alley.
FLORENCE: May I take off your
hat and look across the alley?
Oh, but all kidding aside, I know
I'm keeping you from going someplace.
You told me yourself
you were all dressed up.
Oh, I am, but I haven't
anyplace to go.
Absolutely?
Positively, Mr. Shean.
Hey, you're terribly anxious
to get rid of me, aren't you?
I must be an awful bore.
Oh, no, no. Do stay. Sit down.
Ill make you a cup of tea.
Let me take off your coat.
I should say,
let me take off my coat.
Oh, excuse me. I might
give you a little light.
Oh, how will you have
your tea? With lemon or...
lemon?
Lemon, please.
[CLOCK CHIMES]
Well, the kettle's on.
That's good.
What'll I do now?
I'm sort of rusty at
entertaining, especially ladies.
Outside of Mrs. Higgins, you're
the only woman that's come up here.
And who's Mrs. Higgins?
Oh...
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
It's me, Mrs. Higgins.
Oh, excuse me.
Oh, I didn't know you had company.
Ill be leaving in a minute.
Mrs. Higgins,
this is Sister Fallon.
Oh, sure.
And I suppose you're Saint John,
and I'm Martha Washington.
Say, you do look
like Sister, for a fact.
But I happen to know Sister's
voice as well as her face.
So speak up, and Ill tell you
if you're Sister or not.
Mrs. Higgins...
Go on, say a few words.
Eenie, meenie, minie, mo.
Land's sakes!
You are Sister Fallon.
Oh, and me being
so fresh and all.
But I'm so used to seeing you
in flowing white robes.
Why didn't you tell me
she was Sister?
Still waters run deep,
I always say.
Oh, gracious, I was that excited
I nearly forgot what I came up for.
There's a package for you.
Ill open it.
For land's sake!
Whatever is it?
Oh, what did you have
to bring that up now for?
It's me, Mrs. Higgins.
Yes, but what's it for?
JOHN: Nothing. Someone gave it to me.
Perhaps it'll come
in handy as a chaperon.
Chaperon?
Oh, two's company and
three's a crowd, I always say.
Good night, Sister.
Good night.
Good night, Mr. John.
Good night.
You mustn't mind her.
Why don't you come
and sit down here by the fire.
I want you to know I don't approve
of their selling that clay thing.
What made you get it, anyway?
Well, I wanted to know
what you look like.
Yes, but how could you...?
Oh.
You used to be an aviator,
didn't you?
Oh, well,
that was so long ago, I really
don't remember much about it.
What'll we do now?
Who plays the piano?
Well, I do, when no one's around.
Say, would you like to hear
some real good music?
I'd love to.
Allow me to present
my two friends:
Pagliacci the clown,
and Sambo the hoofer.
Now, what would you like to hear?
Ballads, songs, symphonies?
Oh...
Oh, I guess a bit of opera.
Opera. Very well.
Laugh, clown, laugh.
[PLAYING "THE FARMER
IN THE DELL"]
Isn't that cute?
[SINGING]
Can't you sing it?
[BOTH SINGING]
[JOHN LAUGHING]
Come on, sing.
[SINGING]
[FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING
AND PEOPLE SINGING]
Tabernacle doesn't answer,
Mr. Hornsby.
Well, phone her apartment again and
keep phoning it till you get her.
[JOHN AND FLORENCE LAUGHING]
Please don't make me
laugh anymore. I'm sick now.
Why, you haven't seen anything
yet. Here, take a card.
It's the ace of spades.
Uh-huh.
Put it back in the middle.
Is it in the middle?
Yes.
Take the top card.
Well, how in the world...?
[LAUGHING]
Oh, you faker, they're all the ace
of spades. I want my money back.
Write me a letter about it.
Oh, I can read it, all right. But
you've gotta write it with scissors.
Scissors?
Yeah.
I told you the hand was quicker
than the eye, didn't I? Look.
You know what this is?
It looks like King Tut's will.
It's called Braille.
It's kind of like a Morse code,
only the dots are raised,
and you read it with
your fingers. Watch.
A book of verses
underneath the bough
Here, you try it.
A loaf of bread, a jug of wine
And thou beside me
Oh, you faker. You're not
reading, you're remembering.
Yes, but I could learn it.
It's just like shorthand.
You know, my father dictated
all his sermons to me.
Oh, is your father
a minister too?
Yes.
Gee, he must be
mighty proud of you.
Have...?
Have you any folks?
Not a soul.
Don't you get lonesome,
living here all by yourself?
But I don't live here all
by myself. I've got a pal.
Oh, my goodness.
I hope we didn't keep him up.
Ill get him.
I want you to meet him.
No. Oh, no.
Please, some other time.
Oh, Al would never forgive me
if I didn't introduce him to you.
Come on, chump,
get up out of there.
Come on, I want you
to meet a lady.
AL: Leave me alone. I met a lady.
JOHN:
Come on, chump.
AL: All right, all right.
But she better be good.
Al, I want you to meet Sister Fallon.
Oh, how are you, Sister?
Where you been all my life?
Cut that out, Al.
Oh, go lay an egg.
Lay an omelette, will you?
You know, Sister,
every time I express myself,
this big dummy
tries to step on me.
Mind if I join the party?
Come right in.
Lucky break for you, chump.
You know who I am?
I'm the skeleton in the closet.
He keeps me locked up until he gets
into a jam and then he hauls me out.
No utsgay. No utsgay.
Here, Al. One more crack like that,
and Ill put you back in the trunk.
Yeah, you
and what piano mover?
Ill bet the chump's been
telling you the story of his life.
Ill bet he's been showing
off. He always does.
He even thinks
he's a ventriloquist.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
There you go again,
getting personal.
Sure, I'm getting personal.
It's time somebody was
getting personal around here.
You know, Sister.
I've heard a lot about you.
From whom?
From the sapodil here.
That's all he talks about.
Sister this, Sister that
and Sister the other.
I wish you'd do me a favour.
Now, look here, Al...
Shut up. I'm not talking to you.
You let that little boy alone.
Ill be glad to do you
a favour. You know me, Al.
See, you, will you keep
your mush out of this?
It isn't for me personally.
It's for the boyfriend.
You know what's wrong with the
slob? He's looking for a job.
Slob. Job.
Hey! I'm a poet.
What rhymes
with "Sister"? I got it.
"Mister."
There once was
a sister named Flo
All dressed up and no place to go
One night in the rain
She ran into a swain
And was she annoyed?
No, no.
[LAUGHING]
You know why he was
a stage-door Johnny tonight?
He wants to go to work for you.
For me?
Not for money. He gets along fine
on what the government pays him.
He wants to go to work
for you for nothing.
Ain't that right?
That's right.
Yes, but why should you?
Go on, tell her.
All right, if you don't, I will.
It's because you saved his life.
Me?
Yeah, you.
The funny part is you didn't
know you were doing it.
He was gonna jump
right out that window,
but you happened to be on the air
at that moment. And you stopped him
with a few well-chosen words
about quitters.
Is this true?
Certainly, it's true.
I told him the same thing many a
time, but he wouldn't listen to me.
As far as I'm concerned,
he could've jumped.
Only I didn't wanna be left
alone with Mrs. Higgins.
Two is a company, three
is a crowd, I always say.
You mean to say that
something I said over the radio
actually stopped you from
jumping out of the window?
Yeah. I started to go Hamlet,
but you kidded me out of it.
Say, couldn't I do something
for you? Go to work for you?
[CHUCKLES]
Card tricks or something?
Well...
You write music. Do you
suppose you could write hymns?
Boy, and could I write hymns.
All right, you're hired.
I thank you,
and Al thanks you
and Ill be around to the tabernacle
first thing in the morning.
Oh, l... I don't think you'd
better come to the tabernacle.
Too many people coming
in and out all the time.
I think you'd work
much better here at home.
Whatever you say.
And then it would sort of
give me an excuse
to come and see
you once in a while.
Say, if you'll do that,
Ill never leave the house.
Well, it's been a lovely visit.
And you taught me how to laugh
almost after I'd forgotten how.
Now, you keep out of the rain and
don't you go Hamlet anymore, will you?
All right.
Good night.
Good night.
I'm...
I'm glad I saved your life.
[CHEERING]
Step up, folks.
Don't miss the big show.
Drown your sins in good old gin,
and don't miss the great,
one-and-only Miracle Lady.
[CHEERING]
Oh, dear ones!
The spiel that I have cooked up for
you this evening is on the subject of
"Will you have ginger ale,
or will you have white rum?"
Come on in, Sister.
We're having a swell time.
WOMAN:
- No sin in the world like mixing drinks!
Yea, brethren and "sistren"...
Oh, hello, Sister. Hallelujah!
[CHEERING]
Stand back, please.
I phoned your house a dozen times.
Where the devil have you been?
Do I have to bring
home report cards?
Where did you collect
all that garbage?
Now, wait till they warm up.
You told me you wanted
a lot of laughs, didn't you?
Say, chief, I hear you're
looking for some shills.
They're not paying salaries
on our lot, and I'm available.
Yeah?
Yes.
Get this for a miracle.
You see, I comes up to Sister like this.
She lays on the healing mitts.
I sees the light and...
Wham!
Hallelujah!
I play the saxophone too.
Drop in and see me tomorrow.
Okay, boss.
He's not bad, is he?
What's the matter?
I thought you
wanted to relax.
Don't you like my party?
No.
Now, Ill throw them all out.
And we'll have a nice, quiet
little party all by ourselves.
No, thanks. I wanna go home.
Hello, Sister. I'm glad
you decided to show up.
I was just telling Hornsby...
Lay off!
No, I want her to hear this. She
can't pull this Pollyanna stuff on me.
I'm sick of doing the hard work and
seeing you two get all the gravy.
Twenty percent to me, and I have to
kick back half of that to my chiselers.
And you split
80 percent between you.
I told you that goes
to the tabernacle.
Oh, yeah? Well, who's gonna
live in it? Santa Claus?
I rate a three-way split.
And I'm gonna get it too.
Not from me.
If I don't get it from you,
I know where I can get it.
Where?
The nearest newspaper office.
Well?
Do I get mine,
or must I take up journalism?
You'll get yours.
Okay, baby. Live and
let live. That's me.
Wait a minute. Ill take you home.
No, thanks.
I don't want any company.
Let me alone.
Follow her and see
she goes right home.
Now from the whole tabernacle.
Did you receive God's message?
CROWD:
Amen!
FLORENCE:
Glory hallelujah!
CROWD:
Glory hallelujah!
[BAND PLAYING HYMN]
Here's your paper, sir.
Lew?
LEW: Yes, sir.
Where does Sister Fallon go
every night after services?
Why, home.
Always?
Well, sometimes she likes
to go for a drive.
Alone?
Sure.
You like your job, don't you?
Certainly.
You wanna keep it?
Yes.
Well, if you do, remember,
the people I like stick around.
The people I don't like, don't.
Okay, sir.
And that big,
black derby of yours.
You feel pretty good
lately, don't you?
Yeah. I guess the climate
agrees with me.
It doesn't show
in the box office.
Now that business is off, you
walk around singing all the time.
Maybe it's because
I'm a bad businesswoman.
Maybe.
You rang down early tonight,
didn't you?
I'm all in.
I wanna go home.
If you'll clear out,
I can get dressed now.
Did you read the evening paper?
No.
We're on the front page again.
Take a look.
The cops are screwy.
It's a plain case of suicide.
Hornsby, did you have
anything to do with this?
Me? Why, I haven't seen
Welford in over a week.
I suppose there'll be a couple
of dicks around to see us.
If they should happen to get
to you when I'm not around,
I advise you not to hold out
anything you may know about it.
What could I know about it?
You know as well as I do,
he was drinking like a fish.
He was despondent,
he had hallucinations.
Briggs, bring in
last week's report.
Suicide, plain as day.
Still, I suppose there'll be
a couple of cops snooping around.
It might be a good idea
for us to call time-out.
What do you mean?
Well, I've been thinking we ought to
pull up stakes and get out of here.
You need a change.
Not that kind of a change.
No? Well, what
do you suggest?
I suggest that you get rid
of those shillabers!
We don't need them around here
anymore, and I'm through with them.
Is that so?
Well, get this.
We made a deal,
and it's worked out.
I delivered all
I promised you and more.
When I ran into you,
you were flat on your back.
Now you've got all the money
you want. You've got a swell flat,
a car, a chauffeur,
all the clothes and doodads
a woman could possibly want.
What's got into you?
What more do you want?
Come on.
Come clean.
Come clean,
that's what I'd like to do.
We don't need these fakes.
I wanna play square.
Then why don't you play square
with me. You think I'm blind?
What becomes of you after services
every night? Where do you go?
Where I please.
You don't own me.
No. But I hold sort of
a first mortgage.
And it won't be safe
for anyone to try to horn in.
You made a squawk around here
about your being a prisoner.
Sure you are, and I'm going
to keep you a prisoner,
because I'm nuts about you.
I fell for you the first
time I ever saw you.
Let go of me!
Hornsby, if you
ever do that again...
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
We did 8,300 last week, sir.
Where are you going tonight?
Home.
That's right.
Early to bed and early to rise...
makes a lady healthy and wise.
I think Ill go home myself.
Well...
see you in church.
Home, Mr. Hornsby?
No.
Drive me to Sister Fallon's apartment.
- Twenty-two, 23, 24.
Many happy returns.
Oh, wait.
Don't rush me into
another year like that.
It's four more minutes
until my birthday.
Just time enough for...
Are you a teetotaller?
No, not annoyingly so.
Good.
Here's something I've had for
a long time, over ten years.
I got it in Paris.
Real Napoleon. Look.
1804?
The year of the great vintage.
Just think. It was bottled over
100 years before you were born.
I've been saving it
for something special.
Something particularly,
specially, extra special.
Now, if you'll hold
your breath for a moment...
Here's looking at you.
[CLOCK CHIMING]
Happy birthday!
Speech! Speech!
Mr. Chairman,
Al,
ladies and gentlemen,
unaccustomed as I am
to public speaking,
I wanna take this opportunity
to thank our host
for this wonderful banquet.
Hear, hear!
I've eaten, I've drank
and I've laughed.
And if our host had done
nothing else for me,
I should be forever grateful to him
because he taught me how to laugh.
I've never had
a birthday party before,
and Ill never forget this one,
that's a promise.
And it reminds me of a promise
I made to a young man
a few weeks ago on the
platform of the tabernacle.
I wonder if he remembers.
He remembers.
With all my heart...
I hope it comes true.
And now we'll hear
from our host.
[CLEARING THROAT]
Ladies and gentlemen.
You too, Al.
I want you all to close your eyes
for a moment and keep them closed.
Now what do you see?
Nothing.
Well, when you can't see the
world, you invent one of your own.
And, folks, mine's
been a lovely world,
since the guest of the
evening came into it.
I've never met
anyone like her.
Even before we met,
she saved my life.
And since that,
she's changed it.
I never thought much
about God before.
But I do now. He must
be fine and wonderful
if she believes in him.
There! I'm not the one that's gonna
bore you with speechmaking tonight.
I'm only here
to introduce them.
We have with us tonight
a man who is so well-known,
he doesn't need
any introduction.
I take great pleasure
in presenting...
that bon vivant,
that accomplished rake,
that experienced traveller,
the donnest of Don Juans,
the rummiest of Romeos,
Aloysius K. Eucalyptus.
Hooray!
Mr. Eucalyptus to you.
Just Uke to you.
[LAUGHING]
Ladies and gentlemen.
You too, Carson.
Naturally, I was asleep
while our distinguished host
was addressing you,
which reminds me of the story
of the travelling salesman...
Oh, we've heard that one.
- And the farmer's daughter.
We've heard that one too.
Thanking you very much
for your kind attention,
ladies and gentlemen,
I remain very truly yours, Al.
Good night, kiddies!
Bravo! Bravo!
Bravo! Bravo!
Have a good time, Sister?
Marvellous, Al.
[HICCUPS]
Are you sober?
Yes, Your Honour.
All right, then,
say, "Truly rural."
Tooly, rooly rural.
Acquitted!
Next case.
Are you sober?
Positively.
Thirty days!
Sister, I was hoping
he was lit up too.
Why, Al?
If he was plastered,
he might have nerve enough
to tell you something.
Go on, Carson.
Tell her in your own words.
JOHN: If I could be sure
she wouldn't laugh at me.
AL: Suppose she does
laugh. Tell her anyway.
Go on, get it off your chest.
I won't laugh.
You hear that?
Tell her, Carson.
All she can say is no.
You tell her, Al.
All right.
Here goes.
Sister, he wants
to tell you he...
He...
I must've lost
my key someplace.
Ill do as much
for you sometime.
Thank you.
[SINGING "THE FARMER
IN THE DELL"]
Have a good time?
You wouldn't be interested.
What do you want?
We're bowing out, Sister.
We're blowing this way station
on a one-way ticket.
Not me. I like this town.
So I notice.
But we're going away...
on account of your health.
There's nothing
the matter with me.
Oh, yes, you're overworked.
You're on the brink
of a nervous collapse.
Don't take my word for it.
Look.
I went out at 4:00 in the morning,
especially to get a copy of the paper for you.
"Quitting on doctor's orders."
And I'm the doctor.
Hornsby, you're going to send out
a denial of this story right away.
How come?
I'm not going to Palestine.
Of course you're not. The
newspapers think it's Palestine.
My idea of the Holy Land
is the south of France.
Monte Carlo,
champagne, roulette,
and your old pal
Hornsby around,
just to keep it from being
a Cook's tour.
I'm not going to Monte Carlo
with you, or anyplace else.
Ill tell you what Ill do.
Ill compromise with you.
Ill give you your choice
of two places:
Monte Carlo or...
jail.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You know this:
I always keep my word,
even with the rats
like Welford.
And I'm tipping you now,
if you don't do as I say,
you'll have a lot
of time to regret it.
The penalty for embezzlement
in this state is ten years.
You can't scare
me that way.
You collected a lot of money
to build a tabernacle.
What's become of it?
I don't know.
You've had charge of it.
Well, it's collected in your name,
was banked in your name. It still is.
You signed all the checks.
I got the stubs to prove it.
If larceny doesn't bother you,
how about a little murder trial
for your money?
Murder?
The more I think of it,
the more it looks to me like
Welford was knocked off.
Only tonight,
I found out that he was
on his way to a newspaper office
when it happened.
He had a lot of dope
in a briefcase.
All about you too.
How do you know?
I've got the briefcase.
As a good citizen, I ought
to turn it over to the police.
You wouldn't dare.
No?
Why not?
I'm just a faithful employee.
You're the boss.
Poor old Welford.
Must have worked hard
to write all that stuff.
It may get into the papers yet...
if you insist.
There must be
thousands of people
who contributed
to that tabernacle fund.
What a swell dish it will be for
them to read the inside story...
of Sister Fallon.
[SOBBING]
[MUSIC BO X PLAYING
"THE FARMER IN THE DELL"]
Don't you envy me? I'm going to the
River Jordan and maybe swim in it.
And then to Wailing Wall I've
read so much about in Jerusalem.
I suppose Ill have to do some
plain and fancy wailing.
How do you wail?
Ooh!
Come on, you taught me how to
laugh. Now teach me how to wail.
My wailer isn't
working tonight.
Why didn't you tell me last
night you were going away?
Oh, I didn't even know it myself.
My manager takes care of all that.
We go every year.
It's all part of the routine.
You're not going on
account of me, are you?
What do you mean, silly?
I mean, I don't expect...
Well, I have no claim on you.
You know how l...
How you...
If you wanted to stay,
you needn't ever see me again.
Now, you're not going to go
Hamlet again are you?
Listen, I'm taking along a dozen pair
of scissors with me to write you with.
And one of these days, Ill be
coming back like a bad penny.
Forgive me for
being so selfish...
but last night I forgot the
thousands of others who need you.
You and I were the only
two people in the world.
I even started
to think that... Oh...
It's not gonna be the same
world for me with you away.
Don't, John.
Just pretend I'm not going.
Darling, you're...
You're crying.
No, I'm not.
God, Florence, I wish I could see
your face just once before you go away.
I...
I haven't forgotten.
Dear Father in heaven...
thy first commandment
was "Let there be light."
Oh, God...
please send light
to these sightless eyes...
Reward the faith that...
Oh, it's no use, I can't.
What's wrong?
Everything is wrong.
I don't know how to play
on the level anymore.
God wouldn't believe
me under oath.
You see my face now
without your eyes.
It's the face of a liar
and a hypocrite.
Don't! Don't say
things like that.
You wanna know why
I'm going away?
It's because I'm a fake.
And all those people
who tell about the good things
I've done, they're fakes too.
They're paid to testify.
It's lies. All lies!
I'm not going away,
I'm running away.
What from?
From all those people
I've robbed and cheated.
Those people who think
I've performed miracles.
Miracles.
I wouldn't even
believe in them myself.
The only decent thing
I've done since I've known you
is to tell you the truth now.
Honey, it doesn't matter.
I love you.
You're fine, you're real.
You're not a fake.
Why, you couldn't be.
Ill prove it to you.
All those people
that love and trust you,
you have helped them. I know you
have, because you've helped me.
No, they wouldn't believe it, not even
if you got on a platform and told them so.
There's something that's... Something
that's changed and frightened you.
Tell me, what is it?
Tell me. I love you, darling.
Don't run away. I love you.
HORNSBY:
Am I intruding?
I'm glad I happened along.
I wanted to meet your boyfriend.
Oh, God, he's blind.
Yeah?
Well, well, if it isn't my old pal
Daniel who stepped up to the lion's cage.
What's Sister doing,
been giving you a treatment?
Florence, who is this?
Oh, come on, Hornsby, please.
Wait a minute. What's the matter? You're
not ashamed of me, are you, Sister?
Ill tell you who I am.
I'm the guy who tells her
what to do and she does it.
It's a lucky thing for you,
sucker, that you're blind.
I ought to make you see
a few stars at that.
Keeping Sister out so late when
she's got so many things to do.
FLORENCE: Oh, Hornsby, come on, please.
You take Mr. Carson home.
I'm going with Mr. Hornsby.
LEW:
Yes, ma'am.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Land's sakes. What time is it?
All right, I'm coming.
I'm in your room.
I'm dying of curiosity.
What happened?
Mrs. Higgins, will you do something
for me without asking questions?
Oh, you do ask the
most impossible things.
Come on, get your hat and coat.
Where are we going?
To the tabernacle. I want you to
bring some matches and a candle.
HIGGINS:
Candle?
HIGGINS:
Here's a window.
Where?
Over here.
This is it.
Open it.
I can't, it's locked.
It's dirty too.
Cleanliness is next to
godliness, I always say.
[GLASS SHATTERING]
What are you
doing that for?
You've broken it.
Oh, I hope there's
no policemen about.
What are we doing
this for anyway?
Follow me.
Me?
Oh, dear.
I don't think I can.
Oh, I'm going to fall. If
we're burglars, I don't approve.
Oh, I haven't been through
a window for years.
JOHN:
Here. Light this.
HIGGINS: Not since I eloped with
that... Where are the matches?
- Good-for-nothing sailor.
I don't believe it.
Now show me to Sister Fallon's room.
All right.
I hope there are no mice.
Find her room.
All right.
[WHISPERING]
"Tabernacle Committee."
"Sister Fallon, private."
This is it.
Now, what are we going to steal?
Nothing.
All I want you to do
is to be my eyes.
I want to know this room,
every part of it.
What for?
So I can pretend I can see.
Now, what's in it?
Well, two armchairs
and a couch
and a dressing table...
How far to the dressing table?
About six steps.
No, to the left.
This way?
That's it.
Why do you want
to pretend you can see?
So I can make Sister Fallon
believe that she made me see.
And maybe she'll stay.
I want to manufacture a miracle.
Now do you understand?
But what good would it do?
What's this?
That's a small table.
She'd only find out
the next time she saw you.
There are some
cigarettes on it.
There won't be any next
time. I'm going away.
Now, what's on this
side of the room?
A large table.
How far?
About three steps.
But if you're going away,
why do you want her to stay?
What's this?
It's a picture of someone.
There's something
written on it too.
Read it for me.
"To Florence,
with love from her daddy."
Ah, isn't that nice?
Put it back where
it was, please.
And sit down and tell me
if I've got this thing straight.
Dressing table.
HIGGINS:
That's it.
Cigarette.
Picture.
That's right.
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
[PHONE RINGING]
More telegrams,
Sister. Look.
Telegrams from
all over the world.
MAN 1: Do you want the whole
band for tonight, Mr. Hornsby?
Certainly, the whole band.
What do you think this is?
Answer the telephone,
somebody.
Sure you can, madam,
in half an hour.
MAN 2: The place is packed, Mr.
Hornsby. Shall I put chairs on the stage?
Nothing doing, stand them up.
MAN 2: All right, Ill stand them up.
WOMAN: Oh, Mr. Hornsby,
we'd like to say goodbye...
HORNSBY: I'm sorry, you can't see
Sister now. She's all worn out.
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
MAN 3: You wanted me, Mr. Hornsby?
Yes. Send the gang in.
[PHONE RINGING]
Yes. Yes.
The photographer's
here? Okay.
Say, Brown, you better do your
stuff tonight, or else you won't eat.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello. Operator? Say, keep the people
off this wire for a few minutes, will you?
Go out there, Brown, and keep the
rest of the people from coming in.
BROWN:
All right.
Now get this. We wanna make
this farewell sermon of Sister's
the greatest thing
that she's ever had.
Remember what
George M. Cohan said,
"Always leave them laughing
when you say goodbye."
Now, Georgie was a great showman,
but I'm gonna go him one better.
I'm gonna leave
them all crying.
There's been a lot of money
spent on flowers tonight.
I want those flowers
watered with tears.
I want those tremolo stops
pulled wide open.
Let's give Sister a farewell
she'll never forget.
She deserves it. And it won't hurt
the free-will offerings either.
Now get out of here and give me the
best you can. Go on, get out. Beat it.
Take the flowers with you. Take those
flowers. Hurry up now. Step to it.
That's it. Come on.
Come on, kid, buck up.
I know how you feel.
I'd be blue myself if it wasn't for the
good times we're gonna have together.
[BAND PLAYING HYMN]
The Riviera, baby.
The only thing blue down there
is the Mediterranean.
And, Sister, how blue that is.
[CROWD SINGING HYMN]
It won't be long now, honey.
Sister, Sister!
A miracle! A miracle!
Seeing is believing, I always say,
and I wouldn't have believed it
if I hadn't seen it
with me own eyes.
John can see, Sister.
John can see!
Oh, bless you, Sister. He's so
happy. He's like a little boy again.
He's coming here to see you,
Sister, and no cane.
No cane. Wait right here, Sister.
Ill bring him to you.
He's outside now. Don't move.
Ill bring him here.
She's there and alone.
What's she got on?
Her hair isn't done up yet.
She's got on the white robe
with the white shoes.
And there's a signet ring
on her right hand.
And she's standing by
the dressing table.
Get in there, quick,
before anybody comes.
You wait for me in the cab.
You got to take me to the depot.
Cab, nothing. Ill stand watch
here and keep people out.
MAN 1: Take those
flowers up on the stage.
MAN 2: Yes, sir.
MAN 1: Hurry it up.
This is it.
Think I can make it all right?
Of course you can. Good
luck and God bless you.
I pray for you, and
keep my fingers crossed.
FLORENCE: John.
Florence.
I had to see you. I couldn't
let you go away without knowing.
Your prayer worked.
I can see.
I can see you now. You're beautiful,
just as I've always dreamed you.
You've got a white dress on.
Your hair is down your back.
It's brown.
Your eyes are blue.
There's a ring on your finger.
It's a signet ring.
Watch how well
I can get around.
See? Standing.
Sitting, standing.
It's the funniest feeling.
It's like learning to walk
all over again.
There's a picture.
Why, it's a picture
of your father,
with an inscription on it.
Ill read it to you.
It says, "To Florence,
with love from her daddy."
See, isn't it wonderful?
You won't have to write me
letters with scissors anymore.
John, you've got to come up
on the platform with me tonight.
Oh, I'd like to,
but I can't.
I've gotta make a train.
I'm leaving town tonight.
Why are you going away?
Well, there's something
I've got to do. And...
Oh, please don't ask me
to go up there.
I don't wanna advertise it.
It's sort of a private miracle.
What time is your train leaving?
Nine o'clock.
What time is it now?
Well, I...
By that clock.
Clock? What clock?
[CLOCK CHIMES]
Seven-thirty.
Another miracle.
Oh, I know it's hard
for you to believe.
I can hardly believe it myself.
When something like this happens
you've got to believe it.
Oh, don't go away, Florence.
Don't leave.
All these people need you.
Don't you see all the good
you're doing?
Florence.
Oh, it's all right, John.
It doesn't matter.
I'm sorry. I guess you can't
make miracles to order.
Yes, you can.
You've done it.
You've made me see.
And you were going away
so I'd never find out.
[MOUTHING WORDS]
You can't go in there.
What's the matter?
You mustn't go in there, I say.
There's a miracle going on.
Sister's just made a blind man see.
Get out of the way.
Sorry to butt in
on a miracle, Sister.
But there are customers out there
waiting to say goodbye.
I'm not saying goodbye
to them tonight.
But I'm saying goodbye to you.
Yeah?
I'm not afraid of you anymore.
You can't hurt me.
You can do anything you please,
but it doesn't matter.
Where are you going?
Up there on that platform
to tell those people the truth. To tell
them what a liar and cheat I've been.
And neither you nor anybody
else is gonna stop me.
You're nuts.
They'll tear you to pieces.
You're through telling
me what to do. Let me go!
I will...
Let her go.
Sister! Sister!
Oh, you can see now, eh?
Well, take a look at this one.
[BAND PLAYING HYMN]
[CHEERING]
What a hand she got!
The grace of our Lord
be with you all.
Amen.
CROWD: Amen.
If you only knew, those roses
you threw at me tonight
might have been stones.
During the past few months,
many of you have come up here
to confess your sins
and tell how you were saved.
Tonight, I'm gonna tell you
how I sinned and how I was saved.
I've wandered far away from God...
and now I'm coming home.
Cut off those lights.
But, boss...
Cut off those lights.
Fire! Fire!
MAN:
Fire!
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
God's here with us.
Don't be afraid.
Sister! Sister!
Band, play "Onward,
Christian Soldiers"!
Choir, sing!
Sing "Onward, Christian
Soldiers"! Everybody, sing!
[BAND PLAYING "ONWARD
CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS"]
FLORENCE:
If you believe in God, sing!
Fire can't hurt you!
Nothing can stop you!
If you trust and have faith
in God, tell him so!
If you have faith
and trust in God, sing!
Sing, everyone!
Everybody, march out!
You're all protected!
[SIRENS WAILING]
[PEOPLE SINGING "ONWARD
CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS" IN DISTANCE]
Everybody, sing!
If you have faith
and trust in God, sing!
Sing "Onward, Christian Soldiers"!
March out, everybody!
[SIRENS WAILING]
FLORENCE: Sing "Onward, Christian
Soldiers"! March out, everybody!
March out!
JOHN:
Florence!
FLORENCE: Everybody, march
out! You're all protected!
Fire can't hurt you!
Nothing can stop you!
JOHN: Florence!
John!
Florence, where are you?
Here I am.
Florence!
[COUGHS]
Florence!
Florence.
Where are you, Florence?
Florence.
Our Father, who art in heaven
CROWD:
Hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On Earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those
Who trespass against us
But lead us not into temptation
And deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom
The power, and the glory
Forever and ever
Amen
[HORN HONKING]
Look out. You'll get knocked out
before you get in the ring.
When I named you Gunboat, I must've
been thinking of the Swiss navy.
Six months I've been feeding you, and
you haven't won a fight for me yet.
But, boss, give me a chance...
If you don't knock
out that mug tonight,
I'm gonna drop you back
in the ashcan where I found you.
I can't waste my time
with second-raters.
Oh, never mind.
I'm ready to fight.
How are you, chief?
CHIEF: Hi.
What about those left hooks
I've been showing you?
When you get in the ring,
all you do is throw a lot of rights.
Where do you suppose Dempsey
would be without his left hook?
But I gotta hit...
Oh, shut up.
What's all this crowd for?
Holy smoke.
WOMAN: All right, everybody
line up quickly for the open air.
[DRUM BEATING]
WOMAN:
All right, drummers.
[BAND PLAYING " BATTLE
HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC"]
[SINGING " BATTLE HYMN
OF THE REPUBLIC"]
And she gave up
a million bucks for that.
The poor sap.