The Monster Club (1981) Movie Script

Flemish day and had sat for two weeks
well I'll be glad to give you some money
for food can't keep food down never
I'll do anything I can to help you
oh thank
may I be permitted to introduce myself
my name is Aramis I am a vampire overt
of course you know that I say what
happened your fangs
oh they're retractable when not in use
oh it's alright I didn't buy deep you
won't become one of us it was the best
blood I have ever tasted and from such a
noble source you are the great arch
Edwin Hayes the writer of those
magnificent horror stories you are my
favorite author I wouldn't have thought
you needed to read horror stories so you
do yourself an injustice everybody likes
to read about themselves and their own
yes well I'm glad Rapinoe helped you I'm
glad you like my blood my books but I
must be on my way
oh no I can't hear of such a thing you
want more of my blood no no no you
misunderstand me I owe you something I
want to help you to repay you
no it's quite all right thank you very
much I'm glad using a service well I can
get your material for your next book
material what sort of material I will
take you to a place where my friends for
gather there are vampires werewolves
ghouls every kind of monster you could
ever imagine and some far beyond the
imagining of mere mortals there you will
find stories of such blood-curdling
terror that it will make your toes curl
and your hair reach up towards the sky
where is this place it's just a short
distance it's called the monster club
okay my
I have to use play Type B is awesome but
I'll have to make do with that comment
type o divine messages tomato juice
I could looking in the monster nation
mr. wheeler wants to meet you he's
waiting for the moon with a bison touch
you hear a midnight crush
no you can trust
Thank You of them now this is present
enough but it doesn't sustain us but to
get real nourishment we have to take our
food directly from the source and it
becomes more difficult constantly people
are so well-educated these days it's all
those horror films and television
everybody knows about garlic and steaks
through the heart yes we all have our
cross to bear
I'd rather you didn't use that word oh
that's a monsters genealogical chart you
see first we have the primate monsters
vampires werewolves and ghouls now a
vampire and the werewolf would produce a
weird vamp but a werewolf in a ghoul
would produce a weird goo but a vampire
in the ghoul would produce a bamboo a
weird goo and we're vamp would produce a
shedding now a we're goo in the VAM goo
would produce a Maddy but a will famine
of van ghoul would produce a Randy now
if a shaggy were to mate with a Randy
for a Maddy the results would be amok
amok frankly that's just a polite name
for a mongrel
you know it's it's quite simple really
all you have to do is remember the basic
rules of monster them vampires up will
woes hunt ghouls tear shad ease lick
Maddie's Jean mocks blow but shadmocks
only whistle that monks if for mock
worse mate with any of the other hybrids
their offsprings would be called shad ma
and they only whistle well they don't do
it very often
some do terrifying or but you should see
the results of her shadmocks whistling
chatbox are the lowest in the monster
higher yet they have this power what
happened on a shed luck whistles I heard
of a man once who saw the results of a
shadmocks with that's all he saw and yet
he's been like that for the past six
months if we only knew what was going on
behind those staring eyes we might be
able to help him he was found under
extraordinary and inexplicable
anything nothing have used to us maybe
we ought to profit jobs and be slaves
all our lives know what we need to the
big one one big break someone we can
take to all these work good enough money
we might even get married
oh you're selling antiquary requires
secretary to help catalog collection and
preparing you for some of those old food
about stuff that's worth thousands go
melt it down untraceable not very likely
these are free enough money
a brick house
mr. Raven I'm Angela Angela Jones I
wrote to you about your advertisement
yes of course please do come in my study
is this way they all have to be
catalogued before we begin there's
something I must tell you some people
find me difficult and impossible to work
for why did you beat up your secret
tryst no I I pride myself on being a
very easy task master it's just
I can't do it how did he turn you down
he wanted me all right and the house is
full of good stuff
but the way he looked there's something
terrifying about him full of good stuff
I'm not going back
how do you get someone to clean this
place I can't but I can't ask people to
come here you have no idea how hard it
was for me to to advertise for you I
must never go near people I can never go
outside these grounds
don't you ever lonely only you knew the
academic my loneliness some of my
relation visit me from time to time but
they're different why can't you go what
is all the noise the traffic I might
I didn't mean to frighten they're my
only friends soon though I'll learn to
get to know you soon they'll accept you
as a friend
I must get to work
I've always been fascinated by the
things of the dead it's probably
something to do with my ancestry and
then the living have always
I used to wear a mask once it was no use
it just made people curious they had to
see what was underneath then it's much
better to get over the shock right at
the beginning then they might even grow
should always have flowers masses of
you'll always be surrounded with flowers
the birds will expect their big sister
yes yes you're right I mustn't neglect
my other friends
you've no idea what meeting you has been
what are you playing what's going on
let's forget it check the whole thing in
you're afraid of him
you said yourself he was a weekly what
can he do I don't know at least get hold
of something so i can see what sort of
stuff he's got get it valued do like it
you're in love with him or something no
he terrifies me
this sort of stuffs almost impossible
defense it's too specialized and we need
a talented for the meltdown Valley to be
worth anything at all so we give up yeah
we've invested too much to chuck it in
now Biffy snow you you almost certainly
pays for that stuff in cash you must
have a safe some way to keep it handy
probably keep some of the small really
valuable articles in there too
does he come out of his room yet I
haven't seen him for days
good then you have plenty of opportunity
to look for the safe
Angela look it used to belong to
princess Sahara she was said to be the
most beautiful woman of her day that was
some three thousand years ago say oh you
must hide your coloring matches your
eyes your skin
you should keep all those things in the
I don't like thanks you have to see
people know my things are much better
here with me Angela will you marry me I
realized my appearance and everything
but you could still love me
we've got it all planned do it don't
worry everything will be just remember
the plan play along with him get him to
give you the ring as an engagement
present and then remember the
combination when he opens the safe you
may be so very very happy of course you
may have the ring it's only fitting it
should adorn a living hand after so many
centuries such a beautiful hand I I have
something of a confession I must make to
you I am a sad walk that suppose you
know what that is if I ever whistle well
I must never whistle no matter what
you must beat some of my relations they
could explain the situation to you much
better than I ever can party an
engagement party it can be in fancy
dress everyone can wear masks my
relations are a bit much to take all at
once that way you can have a chance to
get used to them gradually I like
dressing up on spite of my relations in
spite of everything you could still love
it is a crime to hide such beauty but
here we must all be mastered
I love may I present my great-uncle
Uriah great uncle may I present my
bride-to-be this angelajones
the money in the other things that don't
matter to me
take them do what you want with them
give them to him so ever you please
you could still love me oh no no don't
touch me that's all I ever wanted from
you you must even say that I could never
love you
but did you get it
you still love me
there is nothing sadder than the
agonized grief of it and the hottest
bump they're playing my song
hey fix me a drink and making a Bloody
Mary don't forget to spike in my
favorite record you're so vain you come
from Pennsylvania I'm from Transylvania
the club secretary
oh then turn producer for like they all
it's a great honor for me to be invited
here tonight to show you an excerpt from
my latest film it is I assure you the
picture very close to my heart for his
based on my own childhood but in a
modern setting
lower-budget I was born and brought up
here in London I can't say I am ever
felt the urge to follow in my father's
profession you see he was a night worker
who spent the daylight hours asleep he
needed peace and quiet but as a
naturally shy child
I too was glad we lived in a secluded
house and avoided our neighbours but
even the Shia Sutra must go to school my
mother may the earth lay lightly on her
bones was always determined
I should look my best
now remember Oh God never speak to
now Manfred you must hurry or you'll
miss the 5:30 what's the circus Oh quite
right my dear your business is so messy
I shouldn't like to think of you being
taken for a butcher oh I've worked
during tonight I must get my sleep
are you of it oh no my son I am NOT of
it but I suppose I do have something to
do with the food trade i lightens the
burden and also we have too much and
receive certain nutritional benefits in
return a hip and we suck em in the
fielding feed without greed set has
always been asleep the rush hour trains
and say after theatre cards provide a
rich harvest for someone who knows his
mr. Robers becomes a lookout was a
guinea to be squat
be fair of men carrying diodon hystrix
I do not think there there's any need to
reveal the problems of your profession a
gentleman does not mix his business and
her life sufficient for Linton to know
that he has an unusual father who loves
his family love him
we've got to swim the thing will see you
now you mustn't worry about those horrid
children teasing you you see you must
remember that you are better than they
are back in the old country
where we came from your father was a
he's a count which means of course that
I am a countess well then you must be a
I don't I'm better than all of you I'm a
what did you say I said I'm a Viking my
your grace you think we'd children
what's going on here
oh come on I'll I'll walk home with you
and see that they don't harm you
merciful heavens why not my mother told
me never to speak to strangers but I'm
not a stranger
I'm a clergyman would you like a caramel
no thank you
I can't let anyone come to my home why
not I don't know there must be a reason
I think my father escaped from somewhere
in the middle of Europe perhaps he's
hiding why were those limbs of Satan so
angry with you I said I was of I can't
mmm is your father a nobleman I hardly
seen my father he sleeps all day and
goes out at night where does he sleep
downstairs I've never been there why
don't you go down there one day he might
wake up early and play with you waited
her mother goes out then she needn't
I'm just going to the shops now you
remember it's not to let anyone in while
I'm away
we are the B Squad sunny the blini
Special Branch concerned with blood
crimes we have sworn to eradicate the
curse of vampirism from this land sir
he's getting dark the boy said his
father slept downstairs look for a
cellar your father has been the most
difficult case of my career I've hunted
him for months he's been clever very
clever but now I've got him down he
should witness the end
I'll get an ambulance
you'll need more than an ambulance my
husband didn't just take a tricular
refreshment he bit deep do you know what
that means
you are one of his kind now you will
have to be staked fire own men she's
right sir the virus is in you come
moonlight you'll be on the rampage we'll
have to do our duty sir
you are talking to Pickering a
departmental agent head of the blini why
I've staked over 2,000 facts you can't
mean you wouldn't want us chasing you
through the underground sir wouldn't be
respectful sir no if you could just see
your way to layin out nice and flat like
well Envy I'll do instill your ticker in
a jiffy where would you be most
Watson stretcher
well thank you for a very pleasant
evening I really must go the other
segment is about to connect
yes that girl there's the Buffett
georgina monsters you know that's a Hume
a cross between a ghoul and the human
being as well as mating with each other
monsters not to make human being results
in nearly always disastrous do it what
do they do they pursue like that Hume
goes evil Harold though apart from an
unfortunate appetite for carrion which
they get from the side of I believe to
hear it over their relations one of them
told me an intriguing story once it
started with you
again it's a wrap last night I want you
to print three eleven and thirteen I
suppose I'll have to sort the whole mess
out in the cutting room as usual ah Sam
can you have a look at these pictures of
the new locations that we've where you
looked here here and here
well what's wrong with this area it
looks far more remote far more promising
I want a strange eerie lonely half
deserted village in which to make an
atmospheric horror film you really
expect to find such a place surrounded
by a motorway a power station and a
group of five-star hotels I'll go out
this weekend and I'll find the place
know anyone here
I'd like to use your telephone no
telephone here but perhaps you could
help me you see I'd like to use this
village for a film a film for the cinema
but whose permission do I need who runs
things around here around the elders how
do I contact him he'll be here soon
don't worry about it see I'll have my
production office or oh man I'll talk to
my argument when I get back to London
tonight you not get cannot do far not
safe for not you stay here
did it be there vermin
I lightly then serving real monsters
they are that may be safe
it's someone directly to the nearest
garage ah
well surely you can suggest something
soon be dark thanks - dog stay here
Dadda say you eat this
rabbits too
I cook what's your name
you mean our Michael
that is keeper of him
do all people on the outside wear
clothes like yours outside we're only a
couple of miles on the main highway an
hour and my car would take it to a big
city these only clothes we have clothing
all come from offices
taking work with hands to make that four
boxes or were you people get these boxes
in ground on gathering night all come
from boxes clothes would food or from
boxes no more boxes left now all come
I not like others I hyungo my mother
from outside when I born
she'd be put into box then dug up for
great eating Dada says she caught in
mist like you and motorcar you know are
they gonna do with me
tell me beat me tell me you're not gonna
let it go until you do we must get our
I know I've gotta get out of here
why dad they're not going in there
fold down of going there can you light
why younggu can going I come when I can
help you
Almighty God hear the prayer of your
miserable servant and granted the power
to set down the unthinkable evil I have
witnessed we should have destroyed the
first one crushed it underfoot burnt his
foul carcass and tossed the ashes to the
wind as it squatted behind a tombstone
and did jib upon us but I may I be
forgiven did implore mercy for the
creature I took it into my house washed
away the filth filth the like of which I
had never before in my life behold I
clad it in clean raiment and laid it on
a soft bed where did I send merciful God
for should we not succor the afflicted
give good for evil then one night when
the moon was full I saw it cursed be the
eyes that seen the ears that hear
feeding in the churchyard mud on the
hands sitting on a pile of Earth
boy we chased it away but for the one we
drove away 12 did return and they danced
around the village bands to mark the
even as I write I can hear them
not to beat me because I help you
why not go back if you go you'll not be
left here it's nonsense
when I ask you I want you to go with me
and live the life a pretty girl you take
me outside wear clothes like yours
really take me outside right all
underground underground
do you know about the underground
hardest say there is much good eating
don't kill if hit head they call many
animals that way
our next nothing more they wait for
elders to come for great eating does not
like us have much wisdom
you escape when elders are you what were
they this night
than when they run and stay beside me
and stop them
list eldest man look
broke that wouldn't that hit rabbit
rabbit died someone that broke I die
see outside pretty close
I'll go and get some help it'd be
there's a village it's a village up
there a villager
we'll have the fuel take me to the free
where are you going this is the way to
stop don't worry sir
we saw the supply wagon we'll take care
of it
supply way it's just behind that car
you see we always give the elders a
police escort when they return to love
the lives of monsters well it would make
a good story wouldn't it it's so moral
no nudity no sex a little violence
perhaps but now really I must go home
no I've taken a liking to you
but you promised no no no I'm going to
put you up for membership but I'm not a
monster that's it you're the greatest
monster of them all
Oh mr. club secretary I want to propose
my friend here as a member of this
August assembly yes but can we truly
call this a monster club if we do not
boast amongst our membership a single
member of the human race son sir what
can he do in the past 60 years Hulme's
have exterminated over a hundred and
fifty million of their own kind no
effort has been spared to reach this
astronomical figure and the methods that
they have used must demand our unstinted
you know Humes began with certain very
serious disadvantages but these they
overcame with wonderful ingenuity not
having a Fang or a claw or even the
whistle worth talking about they
invented guns and tanks and bombs and
aeroplanes and extermination camps and
poison gas and daggers and swords and
bayonets and booby traps and atomic
bombs and flying missiles submarines
warships aircraft carriers and motorcars
they have even perfected a process
whereby they can spread a lethal disease
on any part of this planet not to say
anything about nuclear power oh oh
during their short history you know
humans have subjected other
Toomes to death by burning hanging
decapitation strangulation
electrocution shooting drowning crushing
racking disembowelling and other methods
far far too revolting for the delicate
stomachs of this August descent
I never realized he was so talented we
don't like to boast I celebrate the
installation of a new member may we hear
our song
I was
through the mirror there's a stake
through your heart
another sinister night another vampire
girl give me on the face
down at the monster club