The Narcissists (2017) Movie Script

- Chapter one...
- Oh, really? You're gonna lead with that?
- With the black and the white and everything?
- Too much?
Why are you avoiding
the question?
I'm not avoiding
the question.
I told you before; I like his films,
and he's extremely prolific.
I just find him to be a tad inauthentic
and way too derivative of his influences.
Yeah, I don't know
- you know... I... I...
I sometimes think you don't like certain
things just because other people do.
No. I just don't agree with the amount
of importance people place on winning awards.
Yeah, but
awards are important.
Yes, insomuch as winning them
can help get your next project funded,
but you cannot judge art. There
are no bests, only favorites.
I'm pretty sure some works
of art are better than others.
Hey, let me ask you something: If you
knew you could make any film you wanted to...
anything you wanted to make,
what would you write?
I don't know, maybe something
about the troubling times we live in.
- Which troubles specifically?
- Christ, take your pick...
I mean, you got cops are shooting
unarmed black men at an alarming rate;
you can't go to a movie theater without worrying
some psycho's going to shoot the place up;
government's out of control;
education is pathetically low;
women are still fighting
for equal pay;
you got whole families that are starving in
the most food-wasting nation on the planet;
and you got an income gap that makes
the Grand Canyon look like a divot.
Yes, all very important subjects
which I would sadly do no justice;
but I'm talking about something you
could shoot with very little money.
- Oh, okay... like your films?
- Yes.
Okay, so something
along the lines of this?
If that's what
you found interesting.
I don't think
I'd lead with this.
I mean, empty shots
of Manhattan
with the random dialogue floating over
them is just not exactly riveting.
I'm not asking you
how you would start the film,
I'm asking you what it would be about
overall. You know, in a nutshell?
Why don't you just tell
me what you're working on?
I'll tell you if I think
it's interesting.
Okay, so far, all I know is it's
gonna be two guys walking around New York City,
talking about their core belief on life,
love, etc, cut between two women,
the main guy's girlfriend and her best
friend, discussing what's on their minds.
So another
movie about you?
Yeah, no... sort of...
I mean, not about me, but
things I'm going through
or have gone through.
Mmm, who's
playing you this time?
In order to save the most money,
I figure I gotta play myself.
Okay. Then can I play me?
you're not an actor.
What acting? You said two guys walk
around the city talking to each other.
We do that all the time.
How hard could that be?
Yeah, okay,
we'll play ourselves.
Wait, wait, wait... don't you think
that's going to be confusing to the audience?
Why would it
be confusing?
Because, we would be
in the beginning as ourselves,
discussing how you're
going to make a film
about these other guys who
we would also be playing.
What are
you talking about?
I... I wouldn't put us in the film
as ourselves and as characters.
That would be absurd.
I thought that's
what you were going for.
I'm not Buuel...
Although, that is an interesting concept:
a guy tells his friend about a
film he's planning on making,
but that discussion is actually the beginning
of the film and leads into the fictional story,
in which two of those characters are
actually played by these same two guys.
- But how would that work?
- I don't know.
Have you thought of a title?
Yeah, I've come up with some ideas
but I haven't settled on one just yet.
How about,
Yeah... how 'bout I get
someone else to play you?
Whatever you're planning
on titling it is just fine...
Yeah, well, the title doesn't
exactly matter if I can't write it first.
- You have writer's block?
- It's more like, what's the purpose of making anything
in this meaningless
world block?
Oh Christ, Oliver, I'm not in the mood
for an existential discussion right now.
Well, it's
a tad unavoidable
being as that I'm in the midst
of an existential crisis.
Yeah, but you're always in
the midst of an existential crisis.
It's like your single most
defining characteristic.
Yeah, because life is
totally meaningless and terrible,
and we're all
gonna die one day.
And... and don't get me started
on where goose down comes from.
Listen, I know what you're trying
to do, and believe me, you're much saner,
you're much happier, with Cassi,
so you need to fight for her.
She cheated on me.
Big deal, she made out with
an ex-boyfriend a few times.
Yeah, and
they almost had sex!
But, they didn't.
And almost sex isn't sex.
And, would it be that big a
deal if they had fucked?
Oh, well, when you
put it to me that way, yeah -
I mean, tell me the truth, were you
really that surprised when she confessed?
What are you implying?
It's just that, you've broken up, what,
twice in the five years you've been together?
It's not exactly like you had
the perfect relationship.
Oh, oh, oh... so... so now you're
saying that I'm somehow responsible
for Cassi's cheating on me.
Six months ago you told me that
you guys were barely having sex.
That she wanted to but you
weren't feeling it, or some shit.
No. That... that -
that's the natural ebb and flow of passion
in long term relationships.
Yeah, well, some people need
to make love to their partner
in order to feel actually loved.
- Since when did you become Dr. Ruth?
- Hey, I observe.
I see what's going on in the world,
I just don't want any part of it.
And, I'm just pointing out
that you do still love Cassi,
and you need to do what you can to
work things out with her. That's all.
That's why we're apart.
I'm figuring it all out.
Yeah, well, don't take too long.
I can't, ha... Have you not been
listening to me?! I can't take too long.
We have to figure out whether or
not we're gonna renew the lease,
because neither one of us can
afford the apartment on our own.
- Forget the lease.
- Max, this is New York.
- You're right. Take care of the lease.
- That's what we're doing.
You know, my Uncle Maurice, he had a
homosexual relationship for four years,
just so he could
have stabilized rent...
Okay, okay,
alright... now look.
Let me just finish telling you about the
story I've been working on, alright?
So Cassi's been staying at her
sister's house on the Upper West Side.
When we first see her, she's walking up the
street to meet her best friend, Letty...
Oh, thank God! Let
me have a drag... please.
You're not
worried she'll see?
A week ago I would have
said yes without hesitation.
- But...?
- Just give me the cigarette.
- Oh, wow... That bad, huh?
- Yeah...
But believe me
it is not the couch.
I didn't think
it was the couch.
The couch is nicer than anything
Oliver and I have in our apartment.
My sister, on the other hand...
Same old Erin.
It's as if... It's as if it's
not enough for her to be doing amazing,
things have to be miserable for me in order
for her to truly enjoy her own success.
Okay, well, my offer
still stands, so...
Thank you.
I love you, but it's just easier this way.
And, besides, if I
moved in with you now,
my mother would be convinced
I were a lesbian.
Yeah, but,
she knows you're not, so...
Yeah, but she's
not so sure about you.
You never told me that.
I've never
been this tired.
Well, did
she tell you why?
Is it the way, I don't know...
is the way I dress or how I talk?
Is it my haircut or something?
Like, what...
Nah, I think it has more to do
with the fact that we are now thirty
and you still
remain autonomous.
I'm not a country.
I thought it sounded better than
"perpetually single."
Yeah, well that's a choice, because
relationships are bullshit and don't work.
I mean, hello.
Okay, believe me, the
irony is not wasted on me...
but, I mean, I'm just...
That's my mom.
Anyway, at this point, I wish I were
a lesbian, just to freak her out.
So, Debbie's
being Debbie.
No, Debbie's
being El Diablo.
Still better than my
mom, El No Show.
And, she's so down on Oliver, like
it's as if she's in the relationship with him.
Didn't I tell you from the beginning
that I thought she was way too keen on him?
Yeah, well
now it's the opposite.
It's the same thing.
You can't hate someone you don't truly love.
Don't be ridiculous. That would
mean that every Jew really loves Hitler.
- Okay, let me rephrase that...
- Yeah...
There's a certain
kind of frustration and anger
that comes only with
those whom you truly love.
And the worst part is, I haven't
told her that this is all my own doing,
so her anger at Oliver
instantly becomes my guilt.
Yeah, well, forget
about how your mom feels,
you have to figure out
what you want to do.
- Can't you do it?
- Believe me, you don't want me doing it.
I'm seriously stuck.
Okay, let's just... let's...
let's figure out where we're gonna eat
and start walking
in that direction.
Well, I was thinking we could walk
down to the Crosby, or somewhere else in SoHo?
Ugh, no, babe... I'm not walking
eighty blocks just to eat lunch.
Let's just, let's
just stay nearby.
It's so nice out, it'll
be beautiful down there.
Yeah, but
it's nice here too.
Let's just, okay, let's just go to
Whole Foods and sit in the park.
No, no, no... I'm sick of staying
above 58th. My creativity is waning.
Wow, you're having
hipster withdrawal.
I live in Brooklyn
Heights, not Bushwick.
Let's just... let's
just go Upper East.
No, Letty, I am not... I don't want to
be surrounded by spoiled, snobby housewives.
No, you'd rather be around spoiled,
snobby college kids and nameless models.
But, if we go Upper East,
by the time we're done, I'll already be home.
Oh, gee, thanks.
You know what I mean.
Letty, please,
can we just walk a bit and eat downtown?
I really need
a change of scenery.
Fine, but let's just,
let's walk to the seventy-second station
and take the subway from there. Otherwise I
will be over-walked by the time we get downtown.
Awe, your precious feet.
Oh, fuck you!
There she is!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
- Hit... hit that.
What are you doing, man?
You can't just smoke that shit anywhere.
Dude, it's not nineteen-ninety anymore.
Everybody smokes pot.
doesn't smoke pot.
does smoke pot!
And this is an electronic atomizer,
so you can't smell what I'm smoking.
Trust me, people just
assume it's tobacco.
Okay, look, look,
look, look, look...
Nobody assumes it's tobacco and you look
like you're sucking on a plastic dick.
So you're gay bashing now?
You, of all people?
What? No, I'm not gay bashing.
And, what do you mean,
me "of all people?"
No, no, I'm just... you know,
I'm merely pointing out,
that with your history
of sexual experimentation,
you might not want to use fellatio
as an insult. That's all.
Okay, look, note taken. But please,
Max, just put the fucking pipe away.
Okay, look... I'm gonna assume this
is all stress related to Cassi, okay?
I'm not take any offense, and look,
putting the fucking pipe away right now.
- Thank you...
- But, I just want to go on record,
saying that if you
took a few puffs of that,
it's gonna fix all
of your problems.
You know that I quit smoking
because it gave me panic attacks.
You had one lousy attack
four years ago.
If you just try smoking a little bit,
it probably wouldn't happen again.
Let me ask you something:
why did you want to hang out with me today?
Because, you seemed
really down last night, okay?
And I just want to make
sure you're all right.
I mean, is that alright?
Is it okay that I want to be here for my
best friend in his time of need, huh?
My buddy, my paisan...
My prairie home companion.
Okay. All right, yes.
It's just, you know... sometimes
you're a little strange.
- Oh, I'm strange?
- Yeah...
Well, listen: uh, you know, I'm not the
one picking a fight with his best friend
because he decided to be
nice, hang out with you,
walk around the city, talk about your
troubles, forget your problems...
I think that's a little odd.
You're right, I'm sorry. I don't
mean to attack you. It's just,
I'm freaking out lately, you
know... I, I... I apologize...
Thank you.
But I really do think if
you took a few puffs...
I'm not even responding to that.
- It's... I don't know what to say to you anymore.
- Come on, dude.
- It's ridiculous.
- I'm just saying, bro. it's medicinal.
Okay, come on,
Smokey. Let's go.
So, I had an
epiphany recently.
Oh, please, not another
insight about my relationship.
It's not about you guys, but it
does relate to human beings as a whole.
Alright, just spit it
out so we can move on.
Okay, I was watching the
news and thinking about human beings
and how we have behaved since the beginning of civilized time.
And basically, it seems to me,
that we haven't changed at all.
The only things that have truly evolved
are technologies and medicines.
Just machinery and health.
But, if you think about, I
don't know, any slice of time,
any hundred to five hundred
year period over the past
five thousand years,
the general patterns would be the same:
war over here; someone trying to
dominate the world over there;
famine on this side; power
struggles over there
and, most people just going along with
whatever the times have to offer.
It's almost as if it's human nature to
be this way, as if it's in our DNAs.
Yes, it... most people can be
shoved into one category or another;
that's what makes
us so predictable.
Exactly. Which lead me to
thinking about you and Oliver...
And, there it is.
And, while he has
definitely stepped it up,
been supportive,
committed, and loyal,
ultimately, he's never stayed
in a relationship this long.
So, my problems, the
things I've done to him, to us,
are actually manifestation
of my own intuitions
that he would ultimately
fail the relationship?
Sort of...
More like, hurt him before he hurts you.
I mean, I'm not saying you don't
have to own your own fuck ups,
but at least you can understand
them and stop beating yourself up.
I am what I am.
So, I just have
to blame him?
You know what I mean.
I do, but I think
it's inaccurate.
Oh, another thing I was
thinking of was statistics.
Well, you know how people say,
"I quit drinking
because I didn't want to
end up a statistic?"
Well, they're
still a statistic.
They're just on the positive
side of the spectrum.
You can't have a negative
without a positive.
I never thought
about it that way.
Yeah... talk to Oliver.
We're seeing each other tomorrow
to discuss the lease
and whether or not
to renew, or break up.
Well, good, at least you can
put your anxieties to bed.
And, move on to second guessing.
Okay, Cass, I know I say a lot of
stupid shit and we fuck around a lot,
but I'm worried about you.
I know. Thank you. I love you.
But this just needs time.
And, unfortunately, I don't have any.
happened to Sarah?
No idea. I stopped talking to her
five years ago, when I moved in with Cassi.
Yeah, yeah, I know, but why?
Because, I told you, Cassi doesn't
trust any women that I've been with...
And, actually, a few
that I haven't been.
So, what you're really saying
is, she doesn't trust you.
No, you see, you just
don't get relationships.
What's to get?
You meet an individual,
you fall in love with them because
they are uniquely different than you,
then do your best to change them
into a variation of yourself
until you resent each other
and you're fucking miserable.
So maybe you do
get relationships.
Anyway, I wasn't asking why you
didn't remain friends with Sarah
after getting together
with Cassi,
I was wondering why you originally
stopped talking with her?
And I thought, also,
that she cheated on you.
No, no, see, not physically.
Or, she wouldn't admit to it,
but, you know, other stuff.
- Uh-huh...
- You see.
This is becoming your pattern.
Okay, I don't want
to talk about it.
Oh, come on dude, you really
gotta learn to compartmentalize.
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, says the
guy whose strongest personality trait
is most aligned with that
of a sociopath's...
Well, if you want
to be accurate,
it's more closely aligned with
that of a psychotic's, but...
- Oh, apologies...
- I think I'm gonna try to fuck that barista.
And, I take that apology back.
No, no, I'm serious man.
She's something else.
- Who, Janie?
- Is that her name?
- The woman who just served us?
- Yeah.
Yes. Janie.
Really? I thought it was Pamela.
It's not. And, please,
don't hook up with Janie.
You know I can't
promise you that.
God, please don't. Look... she knows we're
friends, okay? She sees me every morning.
So what?
So, you're gonna screw things up and I'm
gonna have to find a new coffee shop
just like I had to find
a new taco stand last year.
I did you a fucking favor, dude.
Those tacos were garbage!
And, besides, there's like,
uh, thirty-five coffee shops
in a twelve-block radius
of your apartment.
Seven of which alone
are Starbucks.
Okay, look, look, look, look.
Let me just put it to you this way, alright?
They know me there,
alright? I like it.
- Uh-huh.
- They give me free coffees,
and I like it, and it's
comfortable, okay?
- So... so what, that makes Jenny off limits?
- Oh my God, it's Janie!
Dude, it could be fucking Marsha for all I
care... I don't care, she's fucking hot!
Oh, oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah...
That's right, see. Why do you feel the need to
put your dick in every pretty girl you meet?
Dude, it's not just pretty
girls, I don't discriminate...
I go after whoever turns me on
- whoever turns me on...
You remember that, uh, big girl Samara
with the funny face and the fat rolls?
- Yeah, yeah, fat Samara.
- Fat Samara...
I used to take Vaseline, put it on
her back fat and fold it around my...
Okay! Alright.
I get the point, alright?
Now just, please, stay away from Janine.
I see.
What? See what?
Oh-kay. You know your futile attempt to
dissuade me now made complete fucking sense.
You got a crush on Janet.
Oh my god, it's Janie!
Not Janet,
not Janine, not Jenny...
You're like in love
with this chick, bro.
Oh, my fucking... would you just - you're
fucking doing this to make me crazy. It's, I...
- I'm... I... Fuck!
- Why can't you just be honest?
- No more!
- Just be honest!
- No more...
- Hey, I'll stay away.
I had computer sex
with Zane yesterday.
What? Letty, come on.
I thought you said he had a girlfriend.
What? It's not cheating.
What are you mean? Of course it's cheating.
He had sex with another person.
Cybersex. There's a difference.
I don't think his girlfriend
would see it that way.
Well, lucky for me I don't give
a shit about his girlfriend.
Not cool.
But, regardless, why are you even
communicating at all with that asshole?
You mean, that sexy asshole?
He's a jerk!
Yeah, with a big dick!
Why does it always come down
to penis size with you?
Because that's what I like.
I mean, you prefer soft cuddles and
wooing whispers, and I like a big cock.
And, I'm not talking about a generally
large penis. His dick is anaconda huge.
In fact, once when we were
stoned and fucking around,
he pretended his dick
was a boa constrictor
and wrapped it clear
around the cat's neck.
Oh, my god!
Yeah. It was funny until the cat got
scared and dug its claws into the shaft.
You know, you don't know how much blood
is flowing through one of those things
until you see ten little puncture wounds
pulsating to the beat of a man's heart.
What? It's really,
really, really big.
Okay. I get it. I get it.
And, I might add, it's just cybersex.
I mean, Oliver masturbates to porn.
And, that bothers me for a
whole slew of other reasons,
but this is totally different
and you know it.
Why, because I'm a real person?
No, because he knows you.
And, because he's your fucking ex!
And, because it's just wrong.
Wha... why does... why does... why is it wrong?
Why does it have to be an issue of morality?
Well, if it's not wrong,
then why doesn't he tell his girlfriend?
Because she'd freak
out and be insecure.
Yeah, and she'd leave
him and hate you.
Well, I don't give a shit if she'd hate me,
and I don't think she'd leave.
Well, you should give a shit. And you told me
that it wasn't even technically a relationship
when you were together,
that you were free to date other people.
Yeah, that I was free to date
other people, not Zane.
And, Zane was okay with that?
Why would I have
ever told him that?
Oh, how could I have forgotten?
You have that don't ask don't tell policy.
I might add that if you
had the same policy,
you and Oliver wouldn't be
in this pickle you're in.
Okay, first of all, I didn't fuck Charlie,
we only shared a few innocent kisses.
Cass, if you're going
to lie, don't do it to me.
I'm not lying.
You told me
Charlie fingered you.
Even by my standards that's a tad more
intimate than a few innocent kisses.
Okay, can you please...
Don't remind me.
I have nothing but shame and remorse
for my actions those evenings.
Well, that's why
you're in a pickle.
Well, if the only reason
I wasn't in a pickle
was because I was sleeping
with whoever I wanted to,
behind my partners back,
then I'd be in a whole other pickle.
And, Oliver didn't find out because I told
him, he found out because he found evidence.
And, more importantly, I don't
want to be in a relationship
with someone I don't wholly want
to be in a relationship with.
Okay then, you don't
want to be with Oliver?
That's not what I'm saying.
You're twisting my words.
I'm talking about your actions.
- Yes, I fucked up!
- More than once.
Yes, okay, so I'm not
perfect. We know this.
But, you're too
hard on yourself.
And, you're too easy.
Said the girl in a pickle.
You... you can't go through life not
taking responsibility for your actions,
especially when
they hurt someone.
I don't care. I don't really give a
shit about what people think, I mean,
I just do whatever I want,
and I don't give a shit about consequences.
Okay, well, that's the
crux of your issues.
And I promise you, if Zane's girlfriend knew,
she would leave him.
Yeah, that's why
he doesn't tell her.
You've gotta stop this.
It's fucking Zane and some
twat he met on Tinder.
Yeah, well you don't know this twat, and
she probably didn't know you were together
when she met him, and she
could be a very nice person.
Then I'd be doing her a favor.
Letty, do you understand how
backwards that thinking is?
I mean...
Okay, not that I should be
lecturing anyone on relationships.
I'm aware of the hypocrisy.
It's always easy to see other people's problems.
It's what informs us to work on ourselves.
We are but mirrors
to one another's flaws.
Did Guru Dan tell you that?
No, I quit that class
a month ago.
Wait, you never told me that.
Yeah, I saw Guru Dan feeling some
twenty-one-year old's perfect tits
while repositioning her.
What a pervert.
I'd agree, but I think just deep down
I was jealous he never did that to me.
- Letty.
- What? It's true.
Well that explains the cybersex.
Yeah? So what explains
the fingering?
Okay, can we...
Can we just walk on?
Never trust anyone
who quotes the Bible.
Like a politician?
No, never trust a politician,
period. But never trust anyone:
teachers, advisers,
your parents,
anyone who quotes anything
even biblical in nature.
New Testament or Old?
Any testament, any sect...
it doesn't even matter what religion.
You're better off taking advice from
someone who quotes AliceinWonderland
or "Hop On Pop."
Is this what went
wrong with Marie?
Why do you feel the need to go
over every one of my failed relationships
each time I'm struggling
in my current one?
I'm just trying to see where
it all goes wrong with my friend.
It doesn't
all go wrong.
Relationships are tricky.
In the case of Marie,
it did have to do with
religious differences.
So she didn't want
to be with an atheist?
It was more
because of the kid.
What kid? You guys
talked about having kids?
I must have told you
I accidentally got her pregnant.
No, you didn't.
Yeah, well, it led to us
discussing how this child would be raised
and I made it abundantly clear,
no kid of mine would ever be
brainwashed with religious jargon,
and especially not that
of the gospel variety.
Oooff, she took
offense to this?
To say the least.
So what happened,
she miscarried?
No, she
had an abortion.
Wait, didn't we just established
the fact she was Christian?
Max, don't be so naive.
I mean, you know religious people
today are like bakers making cookies:
If they don't like an ingredient
they just take it out.
You must have been freaking out.
Yeah, well, sadly, I had
been through that before.
You got someone else pregnant?
Three other people.
- Three others people? So, four total?
- Yeah.
I was really young, stupid and naive,
and irresponsible in my early twenties.
I thought I got a chick pregnant once.
Turns out she was just constipated,
had to take a huge shit. But, for like
two days, I was freaking the fuck out!
Look, her turd ended up being so massive,
we actually named it.
Listen, I don't want to hear about
your girlfriend's shit. Okay?
- So, what, do you want to have a kid?
- I... I mean...
It is something that Cassi and I have discussed,
but, we gotta see what comes of us first.
But, do you
really want one?
I don't know,
most of the time.
I mean, I have to have
someone to leave my stuff to.
- Your stuff?
- My money, or whatever I have.
Fuck. Listen, Oliver.
I'm fucked up, okay? I admit it.
Okay, I got very dark thoughts about life,
love, sexuality. I'm a masochist, a misogynist.
I'm a flender. I'm pretty much the
last person to take real advice from,
and to tell you the truth,
I think kids are fucking disgusting.
But trust me when I tell
you that to have a child
just to have someone to leave
your shit to who isn't a stranger
- is gonna be severely damaging this child.
- No.
You're not, look... I don't just wanna
have a kid to leave my stuff to,
I'm looking for meaning in my life,
you know, a reason to wake up every day.
And, besides, Cassi wants
to have a child eventually.
That's fucked up.
No, that's the reason
people have kids;
to give their otherwise sad
little lives meaning and purpose.
I mean, do you think if anybody took five
minutes to think about the future ramifications
that their child will one day have to
deal with, anybody would ever procreate?
I mean, is this your argument for
having a kid or for not having one?
Okay, look, uh.
What I'm saying is that having a child seems
to change people's perspectives on lives.
And, maybe it's about time that I
changed mine. That's all, you know?
- Anyway...
- Alright.
I told you I had
an abortion once, yeah?
It was the worst. Not the physical pain,
just the emotional pain;
and, the disappointing stares
from my grandparents.
I can't even imagine.
Oh! Did I tell you I was uptown and I
saw April Menlow's name on a building?
Wait, she's already
donating buildings?
Yeah. It's as if she thinks
it'll bring her parents back.
I'm pretty sure people do
that for their children's sake,
not to bring back their
deceased parents.
No. Uh-uh. They do it because
they're self-important pricks.
You can't call everyone who
donates a building a prick.
A lot of them are
honored posthumously
and, for the most part, they're
very important buildings.
Yeah, well, I'd be too embarrassed
to have my name on one.
Wait, that would be embarrassing?
Out of all the things you've done in public,
having your name on a building
would be embarrassing?
Yeah I mean, I definitely don't give
a shit about leaving a legacy behind.
I mean, you're here
and then you're gone,
and no amount of buildings with
your name on it makes you immortal.
I never realized you gave
the subject so much thought.
Yeah, well, I think
about lots of shit.
Hey, did I ever tell you that
in high school I was voted
least likely to become
Okay, a bit of a
non-sequitur, but I'll bite.
Why did your school even
have that option available?
I don't know. It's better than
what Joey Federini was voted:
Most likely to suffer from
premature erectile dysfunction.
What the hell was wrong
with your school yearbook?
It wasn't the official school yearbook,
it was an off campus, underground weekly
that usually concentrated its efforts on
destroying the carefully guarded reputations
of mean teachers who also happened to
be closeted alcoholics or homosexuals.
I thought it was hilarious back then,
but now I'm not so sure.
Two different teachers resigned
after one particularly harsh issue.
One of them sued the school and
the other tried to kill himself.
Jesus! What was in it?
Just your run of the mill, semi-warranted,
immature assaults on their character.
And, a bunch of pictures of teachers with
the word "cunt" written on their foreheads.
Still, that doesn't
sound like suicide bait.
Oh, no, the teacher who tried
to kill himself, Mr. Dobbs,
- was caught in his car during school hours, masturbating.
- Oh!
What a creep!
I don't know.
It just... it just made me feel
sad for him, and lonely...
Anyways, that was the first year
I fucked my English teacher.
And it just keeps
on unraveling itself.
I celebrated eight
years sober on Monday.
Letty! That's amazing! Why
didn't you lead with that?
Oh, you know
how I feel about it.
Ugh! You should be
proud of yourself.
No, trust me, I'm beyond grateful to be
sober, I just feel like... I don't know,
I just feel like an addict celebrating
getting sober would be like
if an arsonist celebrating escaping from
a burning building that he set on fire.
No way. It's really awesome!
Lunch is on me today.
No, please, let me buy.
It reminds me that I only have
money because I'm not strung out.
Then I'm buying
you dessert later.
Wow, well you know
my weakness.
Really, desserts? I
thought it was large phalluses.
Oh, well, what I wouldn't do
for a large, chocolate cock right now!
I have only myself
to blame for that.
They're so tasty! And the balls
are made from Cadbury cream eggs.
Okay, now
you're just showing off.
- But, do they really taste like that?
- Uh-huh.
You ever try to last when
jerking off to some really good shit,
as if it's a real person in the room
and you're trying to impress them?
No. When I masturbate,
I just want the end result.
Oh, you gotta
practice your edging, bro.
- My what?
- Your edging. It's like, trying to control your pop.
Okay. I can control
my pop just fine, thank you.
Uh-huh. Forget it, man, you wouldn't
understand. It's a Tantric thing.
Oh, what... you're suddenly some
kind of Kama Sutra, sex master?
Did you see the girl
I was talking to last night?
Are we still talking
about the same thing?
Now just stop trying to beholden me
to your oppressive, linear values.
Okay, I don't know what the fuck
you're talking about anymore.
Just answer the question: did you see the
girl I was talking to last night? Yes or no?
I did see the girl.
She sat with us for forty-five minutes.
And what did you think?
I don't know, I didn't talk
to her. She was pretty.
- That's it?
- Are you trying to get me to ask you what happened?
- What do you mean what happened?
- Oh, my god.
Yes, I walked her home.
No, I didn't fuck her.
But I did make out with her,
and believe me, I'm gonna fuck her soon.
Oh, great. Sounds good.
You know what?
Being in a relationship
for the past five years
has made you forget what it's like
out there for the rest of us.
No, I'm just not interested in
every single one of your exploits.
Don't be a snob.
I'm your best friend
and I'm just telling you
about a beautiful woman
that I'm going to put my
erect penis into one day.
Oh, well, we all
have to have goals.
Yeah, well you judge now, but if you and Cassi
do break up, you're gonna see what it's like.
Yeah. You know, can we talk about
something a tad more serious?
Like what? Those tiny little
indie films you love so much?
- With the no budgets and no names?
- Yeah.
I like them because they're the
purest films in cinema today.
Don't you think that's just
like a slight exaggeration?
No, no. I think as soon as too much of
somebody else's money gets involved,
or too many names, out goes
the pure vision of the director.
And, I think it's imperative
that any filmmaker
tries to expunge as many
outside opinions as possible.
Yeah, along with the audience.
Yeah. Don't get me started on filmmakers who
make films with an audience's concerns in mind.
You know, some people do
make films with the hopes
that someone other than themselves
are going to see it eventually.
Okay, you know what?
Let's not talk about films.
What about people you've seen?
Have you ran into anybody lately,
had any interesting
I pretty much only talk to you, women I'm
sleeping with, and women I'm trying to sleep with.
Okay, my bad...
Uh, what about books you've read recently?
I told you, uh, I quit
reading books years ago.
I thought that was a joke.
Why would I joke about that?
Why would you stop
reading books?
Uh, I think I... you know... I thought I
read, pretty much everything I cared to read
that would have been made available
during the lives of my favorite authors,
and I'm just not interested
in contemporary authors.
Yeah, another whackadoo theory by Max
the Great! I mean, this is absurd!
Do you... There's tons of... brilliant,
contemporary authors out there today.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Well, I don't give a fuck!
- Oh my god, it's like you're allergic to culture.
No. I just don't waste time
with all that bullshit.
Oh, no, no, no, that's right... playing
Grand Theft Auto is far more important.
No, I don't think either's more important,
but, GTA is certainly more entertaining.
It's rotting your brain.
Listen, Oliver... look. I've been smoking
pot every day since I was eleven years old.
Okay? I enjoy drinking, Xanax, a little Xbox,
and a little butthole play, okay?
I'm not exactly concerned
about my brain.
And don't you should be focusing a little
bit more on your problems with Cassi
than worrying about
my lifestyle choices?
Holy shit, bro. I have
never seen you speechless.
Okay, you know what? Fuck you! Again.
Yeah, you do have, like,
a little something in there.
Are you serious?
Yeah. I don't know... looks like
spinach, or... what did you have for breakfast?
What do I do?
Take the spit and, like,
swish it through your two front teeth.
- Yeah, like that.
- Is it gone?
- Yeah. You're good.
- Okay.
- Ah, gross.
- It wasn't bad.
- Cass...
- If I saw it before I would have said something.
That's so embarrassing.
It's fine.
Yeah... talking to people, and you're
like, hey! This big green thing.
You're beautiful no matter
what's in your teeth.
Oh, well, thank you.
I appreciate that.
I think... I like the female
power thing. I like, like, the...
the female-centric stories
now. You know.
I mean, I agree, but...
- I don't know.
- But what?
I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know.
To be honest, I fell asleep
for like twenty minutes.
Oh my god, you
do that every time.
- No, I don't, do I...
- Yes you do!
Every time I go see
a movie with you...
You fall asleep.
And there's always, like...
inevitably there's always, like, popcorn...
- Right.
- That has spilled all over you because you drop it.
Maybe I just need to do, lot's
of... Popcorn makes me so gassy.
Yeah, I know.
Do you ever prolong your
orgasm when masturbating?
Why do you have to ask me stuff
like that? You know it embarrasses me.
Yeah, that's why I ask you.
It's so fun to watch you squirm.
So much.
It's "so much fun," or
"such fun," but not "so fun."
Oh, don't do that,
It's really frustrating.
My grandfather used
to correct me all the time.
Holy shit! Did I just
accidentally stumble upon the one thing
that makes Letty
squeamish in public?
Okay, back to you and Oliver.
If you want
my uncut advice,
I think you should pack it in,
call it a day and move on.
This isn't an auto loan
I'm considering, this is my life.
Stay single, focus on your
career while you're still young enough.
My career
isn't the problem.
No, your daydreaming is.
In what way?
In the way that it's exactly what drove
you to go get finger-popped by an old flame,
when things got
tough with Oliver.
- Really? Finger popped?
- Yeah.
And, had you been single, that
wouldn't have been an issue.
I don't like
being single.
No, you don't
like being alone.
- There's a difference.
- You're wrong. I enjoy my alone time,
when I'm in a relationship.
It's nice knowing
that it's temporary.
Everything is temporary.
My arm is temporary.
There's nothing
more isolating
than sleeping next to a person
you feel estranged from.
I never said
I felt estranged.
Okay, disconnected.
Disconnections come and
go. It's about communication.
But you always say
that Oliver wants space.
That has to more to do with my own
fear and insecurity that he wants to leave me.
Not my annoyance with the fact that he
needs solitude in order to do his work.
I prefer what I have.
I see someone I want to be with and
I'm with them. As simple as that.
No, except,
you're never actually with them.
Which is why, no
matter who you choose,
you will never actually
experience true intimacy.
What I do is
the definition of intimate.
No, what you do is
the definition of uninhibited,
promiscuous even,
but not intimacy.
- I disagree...
- In fact, one could,
one could argue that it's
the antithesis of intimacy.
I disagree.
I think the only thing that
matters is in the moment,
and in the moment
of sexual collision,
the only thing that exists is
me and the person I'm with,
and that moment is the most
intimate moment possible.
If anything, couples hide
behind the delusion of safety,
thinking that equates to intimacy and
meaning, when really it's just a smokescreen
from having to look at
yourselves honestly and clearly.
Wow, you're
really fucked up.
Agree to disagree.
Letty, please,
talk to a professional about that theory.
You talk
to a professional.
I do. Twice a week.
And, look
where it's gotten you.
I'm here because relationships
are imperfect and because I fucked up.
So why be in it?
Because, they're also some of the
most beautiful expressions of love,
and with some work,
and a lot of faith,
you can experience
something better than any drug
or momentary, sexual
encounter has to offer.
Okay, then you
know what you wanna do.
I wish it
were that easy.
Well, why isn't it?
I don't know.
Can we just, keep walking in silence, please?
What do you think it is about
younger women make 'em so attractive?
Can we not
do this right now, Max?
What, are you too
mature to answer that?
No, I'm just not obsessed
with sex the way you are.
Every man is a obsessed with
sex; some just don't admit it.
Oh, yeah... well, you
have no problem there.
Fuck no! I own that shit! I know what I
like and I say it to the fucking world.
You know, admission
doesn't always equal honesty.
No, but it does equal intimacy.
No, not when the truth of the admission
is being used as a smokescreen.
You're really not going to discuss why
younger women are so hot, are you?
Okay, what's to discuss? They
have softer, smoother skin,
they aren't worried
about careers or portfolios,
they not hung up on
marriage and children,
they have a naive innocence and their skin
smells like fresh, blossoming flowers.
I mean, what do you wanna hear?
I just wanted to discuss why men,
in general, find younger women attractive,
and, but you, you've really
given this a lot of thought.
You're a real fucking sicko.
Okay, you know what?
Go fuck yourself.
Come on! Eh...
I'm joking! I'm just kidding!
I agree, they smell
like flowers!
I would never date
a younger guy.
Don't be so turned off.
I just don't see the appeal.
The appeal is that they are young,
hard-bodied studs
ready to fuck on a moment's notice,
and more than once in an evening.
Why do you have to be so crass?
Why do you have
to be such a prude?
I'm not a prude,
I just don't want to hear the crude details
about the prepubescent boys you screw.
not prepubescent,
they just shave themselves clean;
it's a generational thing.
I thought Millenials are
into having hair down there.
I can't stand being hairy.
I think I'll always have a bald...
Okay. Okay... I get it.
I can't remember,
have you ever tasted pussy?
Okay, now you're just trying to be shocking;
and, please don't use that word.
No, I'm sincerely wondering.
No! I haven't. Not interested.
I used to fuck around with my cousin,
Rita, when we were in our early teens.
And, I only mention this because,
I tasted so much sweeter back then;
and I think it's the same
for men's semen too.
Can we please talk
about anything else?
Do you think your mom has
ever shaved her vagina?
Cass, I'm joking!
I think the biggest reason I
don't like being in relationships
is because you also have
to date that person's family.
Yeah, I mean, it can be tricky.
Especially when for no
reason grounded in reality,
they suddenly decide
they don't like you.
But when you have lost as many people in your
family as I have, it can also be a nice thing.
I guess.
I mean, I just never even liked playing
at other kids' houses when I was a kid,
because suddenly you gotta
abide by someone else's rules.
Yeah, well, you don't have to play exactly by
their rules, you just have to be mindful of them.
Nah. I hate rules.
Everybody hates rules.
Not everyone.
You know, I think my ideal woman
would be an eighteen-year-old orphan
who just lost her entire family
and inherited a billion dollars.
Does Oliver
ever get frustrated
with how inundated the world is
with amateur filmmakers these days?
You've heard his rants.
It's beyond frustrating.
Yeah, well, I think it's brave of
him that he's still making a go of it.
It must be unnerving knowing that everyone
with a cell phone or YouTube account
thinks of themselves
as an auteur.
He just doesn't
know what else he would do.
I mean, this is what he's
wanted since he was a kid.
He's very passionate about
it. It's all he knows.
And, I truly feel like the cream rises to the
top, so it's just a matter of time for him.
He's lucky to have had
your support all this time.
I mean, no offense, but I too would have
to be with somebody financially endowed.
Wait, you know Oliver has his own
money and you have plenty of your own.
Yeah, but I wouldn't want
to have to take care of them.
It would make me too resentful.
Plus, I would never date anyone
who was broke or in debt.
Yeah, I feel like that's
pretty hard to find nowadays,
but you definitely don't want to
marry somebody who's in debt.
But money isn't everything.
Yeah, I just think
we're at the age now
where financial security
factors into love.
It's not just needing to be with somebody at
all costs, like it feels when you're twenty-one.
I would have to know that if necessary, this
person could take care of me financially.
Well, maybe when you're actually
ready to be in a relationship,
you could be Donald
Trump's fifth wife?
Fuck no! I'd rather have
Ivanka shit in my mouth
than touch his old, disgusting,
drooping, ginger balls.
Gross! Letty, come on.
I'll bet his pubic hair curls over his dick
like he fancies that dead squirrel on his head.
I actually
have no comment.
Did I ever tell you that I
lost my virginity to my step-sister?
At least
a hundred times.
Well, did I mention that after our
parents separated, we tried dating for real?
No, I'd have
remembered that.
I don't know why
I only attract crazy girls.
Yeah, because I told you:
calm attracts calm and crazy attracts crazy.
Yeah, well I'd change my energy,
but crazy loves to fuck!
Anyway, I never felt that weird,
because, you know, we weren't related,
and, I think outsiders
viewed it differently
'cause we did grow up together
since we were, like, ten.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure anyone who is
not on parole for a lewd and lascivious sex act,
views all your proclivities differently,
sexual or otherwise.
Actually, I ran into her a few years ago,
and believe it or not, she apologized to me
for having had sex with her
at such a young age.
The only reason she was even
sexually aware to begin with
is because she was molested by a family member
about a year before our parents had met.
- That's terrible.
- Yeah, I felt awful for her. It's horrible.
You know, I was
molested when I was a kid.
You never told me
you were molested.
Yeah, well, I try
not to refer to it that way
out of respect for those who
were more seriously affected.
Well, who did it?
Was it a baby sitter? Was she hot at least?
No, it was a family
friend, and it wasn't a she.
- You were molested by a guy?
- Sort of.
- What do you mean sort of?
- Look, I was twelve, he was fifteen.
According to my shrink,
that's a clear molestation.
- Yeah, but...?
- I didn't think so because I initiated it.
Ah, dude, you were definitely molested.
That guy should have known better.
I suppose.
Dude, you sound like one of those
kidnap victims with Stockholm syndrome.
No, I'm just saying...
Look, I know what you're saying, okay?
I got it, I know what you're saying.
And you were definitely molested.
That guy should have known better.
Yeah? Well, it happened.
Fuck. So did your
parents find out?
I told my mom but I begged
her not to tell my dad.
I was terrified he would run down the
street and literally kill the guy.
So... It's like so sick to me how we feel
the need to protect those who harm us?
Yeah, you know,
the worst part is,
is that two weeks later
I tried to doing the same
thing to this foreign kid I went to
school with, and he freaked out,
and I stopped before anything
happened... I ran home crying.
And, I didn't know this then, of course,
but looking back, hindsight what it is,
obviously that was an attempt
for me to take my power back.
Yeah, well, it must have definitely
affected you more than you thought.
- Okay, can we talk about something else?
- Yeah. Fine.
I think you should, uh, write something
other than those little talkie-talks.
Like, maybe, maybe a horror
film, or something.
I write slice of life stuff.
Yeah, you write about yourself.
I write about what I am going
through. What's wrong with that?
There's nothing wrong
with that, but you, bro,
you're going on and on about a film
you're thinking about writing,
that essentially centers around
your current life situation,
instead of focusing on what you could be
doing about that situation in reality.
So, it's self-indulgent,
it's narcissistic,
uh, you're setting yourself up
for failure, and, you know,
worst part is you're
not even aware of it.
Well let's not forget about the impending
sense of doom I feel on a daily basis?
Ah well, so what?
You're also depressive.
But, we've always
known that, you know?
Okay, you know what?
How's about a little silence for a change?
I think you should take some time,
reflect on what we just discussed,
really absorb it, you know?
- Yeah, I'd like to absorb you in the East River.
- Hmm...
I feel like I'm not as intelligent
or as mentally equipped as my parents were
at my age to make
significant decisions.
I'm sure your parents felt
the same way when they were your age.
I promise
you they didn't.
By the time they were
my age they were married,
working professionals,
who owned a house and had two kids.
Yeah? And, how'd
that turn out for them?
Point taken.
But, divorce aside,
I'm talking about their individual,
mental capabilities to retain knowledge
and handle life-changing
Yeah, well, they were post-war
children, they had to grow up faster.
And, I might add, it's because
of our parents' successes
that our generation has been afforded
a way of life that lends itself,
or rather, actually imposes self-reflection,
and delays our emotional growth.
In other words, it's our parents'
fault that our generation is stupid?
No, it's not a question of intelligence.
It's a question of motivation, a lack of drive,
stemming from the overbearing sense
of being too good for anything,
which is, in fact, their fault.
So, in other words,
because our parents made us feel
like we're center of the universe,
it backfired and turned us
into spoiled, entitled brats.
No, that would
be Millennials.
We're just late bloomers. And it's not a
question of our... our mental capabilities.
I don't know.
I truly feel like will never be
as smart as my parents were.
Yeah, well. I disagree.
What am I gonna do, Letty? There's
so much pressure to make the right choice.
Well maybe the fact that it's a
hard choice speaks louder than you think?
But relationships
are hard.
Yeah, but choosing to be in one
shouldn't be. Even with tons of work to be done.
Well, unfortunately, I don't
think it can be broken down that simply.
Everything can be
reduced to basic human impulses.
Well, my impulse
says to stay with Oliver
and work on what we have invested
in over the last five years.
- Yeah, but to what end?
- Hopefully to no end.
Yeah, but that doesn't
justify making a poor decision
when you have all of the
information ahead of time.
What's that
supposed to mean?
It means that blindfolding
yourself is not the same as being blind.
Cass, what are we doing?
We're going to get food.
No, I know, but what are we
doing right now? Why are we together?
Why are we wandering
around the city
when you should be sitting with Oliver
and talking to him about all of this?
I told you, Oliver and I
needed space to gain perspective.
Okay, but you've been apart for
over two weeks. That hasn't been enough?
If you're sick of
talking about this, just say so.
Cass, that is so unfair. I've
been there for you every step of the way.
I've sat up with you, cried
with you, laughed with you,
listened to everything
you've had to say...
But you don't seem
to want to be in action.
You just want to talk, and not
even about what's important.
And, when you are in action, it always seems
counter-productive to improving your dilemma.
Meaning, you say you want
to work on your relationship,
but instead you go on a date
with an ex-boyfriend.
It wasn't a date.
Yeah, well, whatever
it was, it wasn't kosher.
How can you judge me?
A, what your implying
is really fucked up,
and B, I'm not judging you.
I'm your best friend; I love you. I'm just...
I'm trying to open
your fucking eyes.
I don't want to see.
Yeah, that's my point!
So why even bother struggling with this shit?
Just fucking end it.
Why are you getting
so worked up?
Because, I'm sick
of hearing about problems
you're not willing to work toward a solution
on. Especially when it comes to relationships,
which I don't even believe in, and it's
always I who has to convince you to stay.
Okay, relax. I'm sorry.
No, it's really
frustrating, Cassi.
I know.
I said I'm sorry.
Yeah, well you won't work on it,
so your apology doesn't mean shit.
Okay. I'll
change. I hear you.
And, knock this shit off
with Charlie. Stop talking him to...
stop talking to him altogether.
All right,
I said I'll change.
Now, can you just stop talking
for a minute? I need to think.
Yeah, that's my point: stop thinking,
go to Oliver. Talk to him about all of this.
I don't know
what I've been doing.
Thank you, Letty.
I love you.
I love you too. Now, go.
Go, go, go. I'll be fine.
- Okay.
- I love you.
I'm gonna
go to Brooklyn.
- Okay.
- I'll text you later.
Love you.
So why haven't you been talking to
your therapist about all this Cassi stuff?
What are you talking about?!
Of course I talk to her about this.
I don't know, it just seems like
you haven't given it much thought.
Are you kidding me?
If anything, I've given it too much thought.
- So then where's the action?
- It's complicated,
there's a lot of pressure
to make the right move.
Yeah, but
is there a right move?
there's a right move.
Otherwise there wouldn't
be so much pressure.
Yeah, but what if that
pressure could just be removed?
How do you mean?
I don't know. Maybe, you guys agree to stay
together and you don't renew the lease,
but, you know, maybe
find someplace else to stay.
- No, no. Definitely not in the cards.
- Why not?
Because, that's not how it
works when you're in a relationship
and living together with
someone for five years.
- Yeah, but who's rules are these? I mean, why?
- That's just how it is.
- Yeah, but who says? I mean, why does it have to be?
- Be... uh... oh my god!
- Are you trying to fuck with my patience?
- No.
No, I think you are.
I think you think if you get under my skin
it's gonna cause me to make a
move in one direction or another,
but, I'm telling you, Max, it's not
helpful and I really wish you'd stop it.
Dude, I'm just trying to get
you to focus on your problems
and solve shit out
with Cassi. That's all.
How are you trying to get me to focus? You
haven't said anything even remotely helpful.
Yeah, well, that's my style.
- What?
- Yeah, you know.
I get your attention that's
concentrated on something else, okay?
And if the subject you're fretting
upon is strong enough, okay,
it's gonna pull will pull you back and make
it undeniably imperative to deal with.
Right, right. But how do you explain what
comes out of your mouth the rest of the time?
You know what, man?
Fuck this shit.
I don't need to be hanging out
with friends who are ungrateful.
Come on... you know I'm joking.
Yeah, but I'm not joking.
I'm not joking, man.
Listen, let me make
a blunt observation, okay?
- Please?
- Yeah, yeah, fine.
- Listen, I've known you a long time, known you a long time.
- Yes.
And, I've never known
you to be happy.
What? No, that's not true.
I'm always generally happy.
Generally happy, yes,
but specifically happy, no.
That... no, that doesn't
sound right.
Okay... why...
why you here with me?
What are you talking about?
We said we're gonna hang out.
- Yes, I know, but why?
- To get lunch.
Okay, you're just not
getting it, okay?
You're on the verge of making the greatest
decision of your life or a the worst one,
and you are not giving it the
respect and attention it deserves.
No, that's not true.
It is... it is true! Then what are you
even hanging out with me for? Huh?
Go be with Cassi, go talk
this shit through with her.
I can't. We have a no communication
rule until after five in effect.
So break the fucking rule, man!
Or go fi... go find her, go to her sister's
and go talk this
shit out with her.
You're right, you're right.
I'm gonna go...
I'll go find Cassi, I'll go
to her sister's, and uh...
I'll talk this out with her, I...
I don't know... But we haven't ate lunch.
It's just... Don't worry
about lunch, man. Just go.
- You sure?
- Yeah. Just go.
- You sure?
- Yeah. Go be with her.
Okay. Okay, thank you.
- You're welcome, man. I love you.
- I love you too, dude.
I love you. Um...
- That way.
- Yes. I'm gonna... Okay. I'll call you later.
- Yeah, call me later.
- Thank you.
I love you, dude.
- I love you too. I...
Take care...
- So, that's it?
- That's everything.
I don't understand.
- What don't you understand?
- How that could be it.
That's all
there is to tell.
But nothing happened.
A lot happened.
So, what, do they renew the lease,
they stay together, do they call it quits?
What do you think?
I think the film
is incomplete.
I told you,
it's a slice of life story.
So, that means you don't
finish it? You're a lazy writer.
That was the finish.
So, what... what about the audience?
How are they supposed to take it?
What about the
How they supposed to
take it? Nothing was resolved.
I don't know.
I think a lot was resolved.
- So they stay together?
- It's whatever you think.
What I think is no one
is going to watch this, okay?
What I think is, is you're never going to find an
audience if you keep writing this type of stuff.
And furthermore, I think you
should focus on other genres
and stop writing
this drivel immediately.
Oh, you do?
Yeah, I think it's gonna be
better for everybody involved.
And, don't even get me started on what
the critics are probably going to say.
You don't think they'll like it?
If they simply don't like it,
you're gonna be getting away with murder.
Okay, that's a little extreme.
Oliver... Oliver... please...
Just, do not make this film.
- What?
- Okay, just... just, promise me...
If I have any influence over you,
whatsoever, please do not make this film.
Okay. Relax. I... I promise...
I won't make this fi...
Wanna shift?
- You're okay with that?
- Okay...
- Two second adjustment...
- Move?
- Can you shift to that one?
- Yup.
Still rolling.
- This one?
- Are you bored?
Yeah, just a little
to the side. Yeah... thanks.
First person that broke my heart,
which is somebody I won't name...
Uh... was the first person
I was ever engaged to...
I was definitely
in love with him.
And, man, I went psychotic...
Like, I probably would have checked myself
into a mental institution if I knew better.
I still regret my freak-outs.
They were really bad.
Yeah, I think, because of that, it brought a
lot of fear for me, absolutely, because...
nobody wants to be
brokenhearted, it sucks.
It's the worst pain ever.
I opened my heart one time, so big,
that, I gave all my heart away,
and it just got
completely destroyed.
I don't think I've ever recovered,
to be honest with you,
and, so, I think I go through
my life a little bit reserved
and I don't know if I'm ever gonna
be able to open it up all the way,
'cause I don't know what...
I don't want that pain to ever happen again,
to be honest with you.
it's just too much
for me to bear.
Uh, so... I kind of approach
things a little bit gentler now,
and, with a little bit
of caution and pause, and...
maybe I'll meet the right
one, one day, and it'll like,
it'll happen again...
but I don't trust it...
it doesn't ever work out
for anybody that I know.
I'd never seen it really work
out, really for anybody, so...
why bother... you know? Save a little
bit for myself. That's the way I think.
Why don't you think you...
you've had relationships that have lasted?
I don't know. I think I just didn't
have a good upbringing, maybe.
I mean, I feel like my grandparents
were too old to teach me anything,
and I was too young to really
want to learn anything,
and they just... they just grew up
in a different generation, so...
Maybe that's what's scaring me
with relationships? I'm not sure.
I do think Oliver is a good
long-term partner.
He's needed some...
Coaching every now and then,
but it's been pretty worth it.
We've had our...
we've definitely had our ups and downs,
but, I mean, we've stayed together
for five years, so I think...
I think we can do it.
I know this can last, but do I wanna just
ride the wave of being in the relationship?
So are we in this because
we're fearful of being alone?
Are we in this just because of the security
blanket the other person gives the other person?
That sense of... of,
uh, longevity, and umm...
such, or are we in this
because it's fulfilling,
and we're growing,
and umm, you know, uh...
and... and it's enjoyable,
and it's what we want
and, and I think a lot of it
does come down to fear.
I think, you know a lot of times you stay
in a relationship out of fear, and...
What do I think about
Oliver and Cassi?
I think it's a good thing... I really do. I think
it's a good thing, because, Oliver's a mess,
you know, he's a mess in general,
but when he's with her,
for some reason I've seen him stabilize...
I've seen him get, like, really grounded,
he gets productive,
he gets creative...
And, uh... for whatever reason, whatever
universe they're floating in together
without judgment, I think
it's a good thing for him.
So I'd like for him to get... I'd like
for him to stay together, I really would.
I think it's a good thing.
Do you like Cassi?
Do I like Cassi?
Yeah, I do. I think she's a good person.
I think she's a good person,
she's struggling
like the rest of us.
We're all trying to make our way through the
world, and do the best we can, you know? But...
yeah, in general, I think she's a good
person, she's a sweetheart. I like her a lot.
I do, I think Oliver's
a decent guy. He's...
I think they're both not
perfect, in any way, and...
I think they both talk a lot and complain
a whole bunch, and they're super similar
but all in all, they really
do love each other, and,
they can be pretty cute
together sometimes.
Could I see myself spending
the rest of my life with Oliver?
And also, no. Um...
It's a very weird time
in our relationship.
And it's hard for me
to articulate why...
it... it's gotten to the point
that it's gotten to, but...
I hope... I hope that he is.
Uh, my mom, uh, was uh,
a terrible alcoholic when she was younger,
and she'd been sober many, many years
prior to her, uh, passing away, but um...
she used to say to me when I'd say,
"How do you stay sober twenty-five years?"
And she would say, uh, "You
know, you just don't drink."
And, umm, I feel like that's basically
how it is with relationships.
So, can a relationship last for
twenty-five years? Absolutely.
Just don't get divorced.
Is it fulfilling? Is it...
you know, helping you
grow as a person? Uh,
not only in that relationship,
but on this planet,
and amongst your peers and your family,
and... so, I don't know, so... umm,
that's kind of a... a hard
question to answer, just...
I mean the obvious answer is yes,
relationships can last.
Um... Do you want it to?
I don't know.
You know, right now, I like
what I have with
Cassi, and um...
That's the problem
with relationships,
is it gets stale at a point, but,
that's up to you guys to work on.
You know, it's like, you both have
to do something to make it exciting.
Whether that's travel by
yourselves, watch porn,
add somebody in with you, I don't know,
whatever works for you, I guess.
Whatever floats your boat. But, try it, if
you want to be with somebody for a long time.
- So...
- Communication too. That's huge.
I don't know that staying
in a relationship is...
guaranteeing that you're having deeper
meaning in your life, or relationship.
But the more I'm learning about relationships,
I'm learning that cheating is actual...
it's kind of a contract, and I think it's
different with every... every relationship.
To me, in my mind, cheating is when I'm taking
my sexual energy, and my emotional energy,
and taking it outside the relationship
in any form, to be honest with you,
and that means flirting,
to a certain extent,
you know, I know inside when I'm
across the line, like, would this...
if this was seen by my significant other,
would she, like, would this hurt her?
And if I could think that and...
and say yes to that, I think that's cheating.
I really do. I think most
women would agree.
I'm not most women,
but that's what I think.
The point you know, and you consider what
you're doing is cheating, is, I think,
the second you get
that "uh-oh" feeling
and that's usually, like,
that feeling in your gut,
and I feel like that's usually... even
the second you text or call someone else.
Or if someone else
is even serving as, like,
an emotional support for you that
your boyfriend isn't, but it's
another male.
You know... I think...
I think I got involved with my ex-boyfriend,
Charlie, because...
I was looking for a way out of my
relationship with Oliver in a way.
We've been having the same conversations
over and over and over again
for the past five years,
and some things just haven't changed and...
One of which, being the passion.
And, Charlie and I just have always
had a more passionate relationship
if I compared the two,
that's what really stood out, is, we just...
the sex was great. So...
and Oliver and I haven't
been sleeping together, so...
You know, that's a whole other thing
and that's interesting to me too,
like, why stay in a relationship after you
know somebody is... cheated or something,
I... You know what?
Because... what else is out there?
You got... you got, uh...
a whole new set up and all that stuff
and also it's an opportunity to work
on your trust and growth and such.
And it's not so easy,
just throwing people away, you know?
It's uh... uh...
And... umm... you know, we've lived
together for five years, so, um...
I don't know. I don't know, uh...
where we're going exactly,
but I do know I am not
done with it yet.
That's the thing.
As much as I don't want relationships,
and they scare the shit out of me,
I'd still like to grow old with somebody.
How do you do that?
I don't know.
Obviously everyone wants to feel love.
But the older I get, I feel like...
the financial security is way...
is... not way more important,
but it's definitely something
to consider, you know?
If I'm like, popping out kids,
and I can't work for a little bit,
the other person has to
be able to support me
at least us, while we're...
while I'm, you know...
while it's like,
attached to my tit.
So, um...
I don't know. Ugh.
I guess, love.
Love, yeah.
Uh... Am I staying in this out
of convenience or fear?
Hopefully, those are not
the only two options.
I don't think, ultimately I'm
staying in it out of fear, uh...
I just think it's something I'm not quite ready
to let go of, if that's the way it's gonna go.
Umm... and...
and I do think, just, we deserve, uh...
You know... to give
it a chance, to, uh,
see what's next.
All... although, it is, um, scary to think
that we'd resign this, you know, lease and...
and then, uh, have a terrible fight in a...
a week, or a month, and
then we're locked into this... you know,
living together and not wanting to. Um...
Which we've kind of been in that
place before and I slept on the couch
but that's neither here nor there,
but it's... it's just... it's not fun,
uh, being in a tight quarter with somebody
you're going through a rough time with. Um...
Do... do I think I
wanna have kids ever?
No. No.
It's like, I don't wanna pass on
whatever fucked up thing I might have
to any potential
offspring I have.
I don't think I could take care of 'em the
right way. I think I'd be a fucked up father.
I know how to love, and I love kids,
but I'd rather do it from a distance,
I don't even wanna
bring it in to the mix.
I don't want to subject
a kid to any of my bullshit.
I just don't.
I think Oliver would
be a really great dad.
I just don't think he thinks
he would be a great dad.
And that's the sad part because... I mean,
we've talked about having kids, and...
I think the thought of him having
to be responsible for a human life
freaks him out
a little bit. And...
he's definitely had his share of
pregnancy scares, with other people.
So, he's considered it, but...
Do I think Cassi and I want
the same thing? Um...
Well, we want different things
out of our, you know, like,
personal lives, it seems
sometimes but, uh... but...
but in a relationship, I think
we want the same thing.
I think we're both looking for
a significant other who wants
to make the other laugh, and, you know,
enjoy interesting conversations and films,
and, at times,
she gets a little bored
and then I get complacent,
and then we forget and lose touch
with what we actually want, and,
uh, it's hard to see that
we want the same thing, but...
I think, ultimately, um, we do.
And, I think that the fact that we're even
trying to figure this out so hard,
whether or not we should stay together
is proof that we do pretty much
want the same thing, it's just...
Yeah, I don't know.
I... that's not such an...
I'm... I'm not sure I can
answer that question. So...
No, no, you know what? I don't.
I don't. I think I am some days
and I think I'm not other days,
you know, like,
maybe two days ago
I was... I was
a raging narcissist.
I didn't give a fuck
about people in my life,
I didn't give a fuck about my family,
I didn't even give a fuck about...
people that I care about.
But, you know, the fact
that I even feel anything...
the fact that I give a fuck about any of it,
makes me feel like, no, I'm not a narcissist,
'cause I care. I ca... I care...
So, no, I'm not a narcissist.
Fuck, man.
To me a narcissist is someone
whose entire universe
and life and every waking thought
kinda revolves around them.
I honestly don't think I am a narcissist,
uh, straightforward.
I think we all have narcissistic qualities,
uh, especially nowadays
with the advent of, like, um,
social medias, and... and, like, you know.
All... all of the...
I mean, the selfie alone is like, a pure, uh,
kind of, you know, extension
of narcissism, I feel.
Um, I have times when I think,
uh, I don't give a shit what happens to,
you know, A, B, and C,
I've gotta get this
thing done for me,
because this is my dream
and this is what I'm doing
and fuck you if you're
not on board and...
You know, those
kind of things, um...
But it's a tricky question
because, I think...
and that's one of the things that I
was trying to do in making this film
was... I want people to
think about those things,
I want people
to think about where,
uh, they've been more selfish,
or less selfish, and...
and how do you relate to what these
characters are going through?
I think Oliver is a narcissist
to a certain degree,
but I think we're all
narcissists in some way.
I mean, you have to be
in order to survive, right?
That's... you know...
narcissism is kind of what
keeps us alive, in a way.
I don't think he's a hundred
percent one, but...
I think... that...
he's definitely...
He needs to grow
up a little bit.
I'm, uh, Oliver, and I'm the
writer, director of the film.
I made this film, because...
Well, I mean, as a writer,
and a filmmaker, you know,
I'm always looking for my next, um,
story to tell, of course, and...
and always working out a new narrative,
and something that interests me. You know,
I really wanted to explore subjects, uh,
and, um, themes that were, um...
accurate and current to what my,
uh peer groups and friends actually discuss,
things that we would talk about,
things that we do talk about.
Hopefully entertaining,
to a degree.
Hopefully interesting. Might spark some
conversation to anybody who watches it,
afterwards, to uh,
maybe debate some subjects, or whatnot.
I mean, I guess I'm the same as the
person that I wrote about in this film.
Was that the question?
Am I the same as the person I wrote about?
I think, yes,
I am the character.
I think, maybe I
exemplify some flaws, or,
uh, exaggerated some characteristics
of certain characters, but...
This is the first film where I
named the character the same name,
uh, that I have, Oliver, so...
I've never done that before.
Usually, I, you know, choose some name
that I've... You know, and not only that,
I named the other characters the same. I
really think I was trying to capture, uh, um,
something real.
Who are the other people?
Well, okay, so, uh...
They are my confidants, uh, my
you know, pool of friends
who ground me.
Um, people who make me feel safe and secure,
who I bounce my ideas off of
who challenge me on my belief systems, and...
and, uh, the ways I think, and, uh...
you know, kind of hold me up to be,
umm, to a higher standard,
to be the best version
of Oliver that I can be.
What is your goal
with the project?
Oh, back to the film.
Well, as a filmmaker, your... The goal is to
make the film and to make the next film, so.
The film goal for this is to just get it
done, get it out there, find its audience,
and hopefully, uh,
find the people or person
who likes it enough to wanna
help me make my next film,
because the goal is to, you know,
always be making another film.
There's a lot of reasons to
make it for very little money.
Um, we made this one for next to nothing,
and the... the point with that was,
A, total control, B, go anywhere you want,
shoot anything you want...
We have almost no, you know, no crew,
no overhead, we keep it very, um...
stripped down to the bone.
And, uh, that allows for a,
great artistic freedom, and um,
I think nowadays, um,
quantity equals quality.
Not in the sense that if you do
more it's automatically better,
but in the sense that more
is better, in this day and age.
It helps you get seen more,
uh, people like to see that
you've done more, um, and...
and, I do think, though, that it is true,
that the more you do, the better you get.
So if you're... if you have no talent,
and you're never gonna be great,
even your, you know, whatever's your best,
is gonna improve by doing more.
Because you'll be quicker at it,
even if it's quicker at being bad,
and more efficient at being bad, or whatever
it is that you're doing poorly, you know,
you'll be able to do it better.
Um, and if you do have talent,
and you have some sort of growth going on,
then it... more will help
you improve there.
So it's not...
It... it's... but what I'm not saying is,
just by having more, you're better,
but, in this day and age,
in this environment that we... that we, uh...
uh, are... are in, in this atmosphere
of filmmaking, I do believe that, uh,
more is better, and
to have more to show...
And, I also believe
that work begets work,
and I don't like to sit around and wait,
so, some films I make for more money,
and then other films
I make for no money
because I just, have to make
the next one, but, um...
That's really why we made
this one, for no money,
uh... or not no money, but
very little money, and, uh...
it... again, it really allows us
to, or myself to express,
wholeheartedly, um,
what I want to express, um...
Yeah. Uh, also,
you know, it's...
This film was... was fun because, uh, it...
it, the... New York plays,
you know, not just as big a character as the
characters in the film, it often plays bigger.
You know, uh.
There was a lot of New York in this,
and that was very exciting to me, and uh...
You can't just do that with...
with a bigger budget,
and where you're, um,
beholden to investors and such, so... Um...
Uh, again, it's freedom...
really it's freedom.
And to continue working, uh...
uh, so that maybe my work will help
me get more work, so... yeah...
Anyway, umm, are we done? Can...
Can I go? I kind of have to,
I got a thing with a guy
and uh... doodle...
Alright. Thank you.