The Pay Day (2022) Movie Script
1
Oh, I've heard it all before.
Work twice as hard
for half as much.
But that never stopped me from
getting to this side
of the table.
But...
And before you say it,
I don't owe you a thing.
Want me to do for you
what no one did for me?
What about...
appreciation?
Oh.
You want me to stand
on my doorstep and clap for you?
Is that what you want?
I'll do one better.
Thank you, Jennifer,
for all your work.
Your services are no
longer required.
You can't do that.
I just re-coded
your entire computer
system, okay?
I've given you everything.
And what?
And what if I don't leave?
What if I take a stand?
Are you going to take a stand?
No.
No I'm not.
[Pilots' Is That What You Want]
Are you going to take a stand?
Keep working hard,
like you always do,
and something will appear.
So how's the wedding prep going?
She still wants me to
do a speech, Mum.
She's got a job on there.
So, any umm?
Nope.
Don't be such a cynic.
So how much to save
this place, then?
50 within the month.
It's ridiculous what
they're doing Mum.
Happened in Brixton,
happening everywhere else.
I turnover enough money.
It's just this one
bloody payment
they're slapping everyone with.
[Phone rings]
Who is it?
Hmm?
Hello?
How do you expect high rewards
if you don't take high risks?
Sorry?
Be at the Ruby Blue Bar
on Oswald Street
at 12 noon.
Who are you?
I have a job for you.
When you arrive,
just say 'Anne Boleyn's
ruby slipper
always shone in the
pale moonlight'...
I just don't know who'd do this?
Have you let anyone go recently?
Only 27 people in
the last month.
27?
Fix it now.
Anne Boleyn's ruby slipper
always shone in the
pale moonlight.
What?
Oh, sorry.
Did I not say that right?
Say it again.
Anne Boleyn's ruby slipper
DID always shine in
the moonlight.
All the whilst
Henry's codpiece
protruded several inches
from his crotch.
Although,
by all accounts,
there was a lot more room
in that codpiece,
than Henry wanted
people to know.
Ok Buster,
vamoose.
Okay boss.
Once I despised the pomegranate.
It looked weird, hard
to penetrate.
Pretty messy.
But then
once
I tried it,
and I never looked back.
Oh.
So...
a job.
Do you fancy
nipping into an office
building...
in the city?
Logging onto a computer
and pulling some information
from it.
And what is the info exactly?
I'll come back to that later.
But here's what you need to do.
Enter the building.
Assuming the identity
of one of their employees.
My insider said
that the man on duty on our day
is very lax...
and loves to flirt.
So just bung some glossy,
mesmerizing, smooth talk at him.
Okay?
They require an official I.D.
that has a biometric
chip inside it,
which we won't have.
So you're going to have
to distract, charm
and convince him
that he doesn't need to scan it.
I'll marry your brother
just to get in your family.
Once inside, you'll have a map
to direct you to the
remote terminal.
You will override the six digit
security code to get
into the room.
With your skills that'll
be easy breezy.
But these aren't
the skills of a computer
programmer.
I was joking.
I have the door code
from an ex-employee.
[Phone rings]
Sorry.
Hello?
Alan darling...
a useless Scouser finishes
his time.
Is that news?
Yeah.
While, I remember.
Would you source a prop for me
for Wednesday?
Thank you.
Erm, before you go on,
I just want to say that
you know that...
You locate a folder
called Oliver.
Then extract the encrypted
data from it.
Throw it onto a flashy drive.
You mean a flash drive?
No.
After that, you'll be met by my
delightful driver.
Once I've received the flashy
from you,
checked the data is
all tickety boo.
I will give you your fee.
So what is the fee?
What's 1% of 500 million?
Must be pretty valuable
data then?
It's a collection of accounts,
passwords and pins accessing
the compound
interest on the hushed up money
that MPs skimmed off
their expenses
BEFORE the scandal of '09.
And just to put it
all out there,
this is illegal, isn't it?
Do you want to carry
on playing by the rules?
Or do you want to play the game?
I can't.
Oh, yes, you can.
You really can.
I know you can,
because I know you need it.
Also a little bird happened
to tell me
that you planted a parting gift
on the FWP database.
Yeah that proves to me
that you have a degree
of derring do,
but also...
it gives me something
to hold over you.
Pomegranate?
No thank you.
You have 48 hours.
Yes. Oh.
Ah great!
Yeah thanks.
We'll keep your details on file.
We'll get back to you.
Whatever.
Come on.
It's not the public,
it's family and friends.
And I want to upstage
Harley's best woman speech!
Lols.
Family and friends.
A thousand people. One
single stranger.
All terrifying Ade, no.
Any job luck?
I've had an offer.
Boom!
Black girl magic baby!
Yeah, but I dunno if
I'm gonna take it.
You're behind on your
rent, aren't you?
Three months.
So what's it saying moneywise?
The job?
It's saying...
it's saying a lot.
So what's the problem?
While I remember...
Eric is...
coming to the wedding
and he's bringing his new bae.
Great.
Bring someone.
I remember
when all I wanted to do was just
fall in love and have
kids with a tall,
dark, handsome bachelor
who had a cheeky sense of humour
and a megawatt smile.
Oh, and someone who could slay
hip hop karaoke!
Anything else?
A Magic Mike bod?
Well, if he HAPPENED
to have been in Channing shape,
I wouldn't have complained.
You're speaking in past tense?
Yeah, there's a reason.
I think Jennifer
needs to step out of
her comfort zone.
And I think
Adrienne needs to mind
her own bees wax.
How many have you got left?
Two!
Oh good!
Keep your head still.
[Laughter]
[Phone rings]
Ready?
Are you sabotaging my job
applications?
I want you.
I know you can do it.
And I know you and
your family need the moolah.
I've never done anything
like this before.
Am I incarcerated right now?
Am I a novice
without decades of experience?
I know what I'm doing.
Take the leap.
For once in your life.
Yes, we may be dipping outside
the rules a tad
but this is money
no one will miss apart
from the men
who know they are in the wrong.
I really don't want to
have to inform FWP
of your meddling machination
costing them thousands
of pounds.
This is blackmail.
No this is persuasion.
5 million?
For an hour's work.
I'll be back here at 1500.
What the hell is that?
Protection.
I don't need that.
All Gates' employees
are expected
to protect themselves.
Boss's orders.
I am a computer programmer okay?
I don't need that.
Take the bag.
I'm fine, honestly.
Take the bag.
I'm really not comfortable
with this.
Might wanna check
the safety's off.
Pretty sure it is.
I.D.
Lovely weather we're
having today eh?
Is it?
Tara Munis.
Vice president.
Never seen you before.
Oh, we've probably just
missed each other.
I have to scan it.
Wait.
Has anyone told you
that you have really
lovely eyes?
No.
[Machine beeps]
Oh could you do that
again for me please?
No.
There's usually a
male receptionist
that works here,
is he here today?
No.
[Phone rings]
The receptionist
won't let me in.
Knew I should have put
you in skimpier attire.
Erm also...
you didn't mention anything
about... a gun.
I protect all my employees,
not least when they're
stealing account
information of the shady
senior bank execs
who took illegal tax free cash
bonuses before the
Bank of England
banned them in 2019.
Wait.
I thought you said it
was MP's expenses?
Let's not get hung
up on the minutia.
Time to use your noggin
to get into the place.
Trigger the fire alarm?
Don't be ridiculous darling.
Find the back entrance.
Slip in.
Alright love?
I couldn't trouble you
for one of those could I?
Alright.
Ah thanks love I'm gasping!
Where do you think you're going?
Work.
What like that?
Oh, I've got a date later.
Lucky man.
Well look Valentina's
still on shift.
Oh, yeah.
The agency called.
They want to give her a day off,
so I'm covering.
A day off?
I could do with one of those.
Have fun.
Oh, come on.
You were on 67% this morning!
Wait.
What did he say it was?
He said it was...
the month reversed...
and the door number... ugh!
Erm...
excuse me?
You're not supposed to
be on this floor.
Hello?
Umm I was told to
start at the top
and then work my way down?
It's my first day
so I'm a bit lost. Sorry.
That's okay.
We'll get you down to Rebecca
and we'll find out where you're
supposed to be...
[Phone beeps]
Erm do you think we
could try and...
CRAP!
Donny coin's going
through the roof.
You get yourself to reception.
Find out where you're
supposed to be.
Okay, will do.
This is the part of
the job I hate.
Actually, that's a lie.
This is the best bit.
What's your job?
Oh don't worry. It's fake.
I used it for a stag do
a few months back.
Was a good do.
I'm John Smith, COO,
and this is my place.
Forgive me,
but it doesn't look
like you're doing
much cleaning right now?
Maintenance on the
internal network.
Oh, I had to re-train.
I have two jobs,
you know, make ends meet.
Erm could you give me
a little bit of privacy
please so I can...
Oh, I need to go and
speak to a client anyway.
Cool beans.
How long will you be?
10 minutes?
Cool beans.
I've heard it's rough
in your kinds
of neighborhoods...
But wow.
Oh, don't worry.
I'm not a grass.
Well if you don't mind...
Oh, yes, of course.
I'll go and make a coffee
and do a video call.
Would you like me
to bring a coffee in for you?
I really should just
finish my work,
otherwise I'll be in trouble.
Cool.
Well I'm gonna.
I'm gonna.
Gre...
Great.
[Phone rings]
Yes dear?
Car trouble.
Yeah it's just not playing ball.
Well you better fix it then?
Haven't you?
And quickly.
[Knock knock knock]
Made you a coffee.
One minute.
You looked like
you could use a caffeine boost.
I don't drink coffee.
Oh, you work a cleaning job
and an I.T. job,
but you don't drink coffee?
I like tea.
A nice herbal tea
in a flask and a walk
up to Muswell Hill.
Muswell Hill
I always thought that'd
be a great name
for an R&B group.
You know like Dru Hill,
112, Black Street, Jagged Edge.
They all sound like locations.
90s R&B.
If only that level of
romance was possible
in real life.
You know, I found my girlfriend
cheating with my best
mate from uni
on the day I was going
to propose.
Well, if it's any consolation,
there's only three ways
a marriage can go really.
Disappointment,
divorce
or death.
What do you call that?
'The Three D's'?
'The Three D's'.
I think we're on the same page.
[Machine pings]
Peaches and cream.
Job done?
Almost.
Now...
you don't do caffeine, but...
do you do tobacco?
I'm fine, thanks.
How long? Ten?
I'll definitely be gone by then.
Well,
I'll be up on the roof
having a smoke
in case you change your mind.
It's a lovely rooftop.
Right.
Let's get out of here.
Right I'm going for a break.
Oh, baby.
What?
Can't believe I almost
forgot this!
I'll be up on the roof
having a smoke
in case you change your mind.
Peaches
and cream.
Hmm. Dance with me.
Sorry what?
The song by 112.
I always preferred
'Dance With Me' to
'Peaches & Cream'.
Here.
I'm trying to give up.
How were are you
going to propose by the way?
Booked out the restaurant
we went to on our first date.
Spelled out her name in
roses on the table
and sang 'Let's Get
Married' a cappella
with my schoolmates
on backing vocals.
Corny I know.
Brandy...
'Brandy'?
That was her name?
Not THE Brandy, of course.
Although that'd be rather great.
He swapped 'em.
What?
When he gave us the
coffees he's um...
yeah, yeah he's given
me the latte.
Has he?
Yeah.
It's an Americano.
Its my Americano.
Yeah.
Ugh.
Well here you are.
Cheers mate.
[Elevator pings]
Hello.
Look, my pickup is coming
any minute now.
Where's my USB?
You've got it.
This one is blue.
Mine is red.
Where is it?
Search me...
if you want?
Start at the top and
work your way down.
I can search you
without your instructions.
Funny thing about being
a big COO of a...
You NEVER touch a black
woman's hair.
That's not your real hair?
Yes it is.
I bloody PAID for it!
If we don't increase
the sales target
by next quarter,
we're all going to be
really, really...
[Eelevator pings]
She's my chiropractor.
Really?
I just assumed
it was some kind of role play?
Guilty as charged. Haha.
Maybe find somewhere
more discreet?
Yeah, the storage cupboard on
the fifth floor is
kind of handy.
Great.
Have fun.
So I don't think this
board of directors
know what they're doing anyway.
So I think we could do is...
Well they should have
made you partner.
Well of course they
should have...
I can't let you leave with that.
Seriously?
Give me the USB.
I think we both know
you're not going to shoot...
[GUNSHOT]
4-7-5 to base, investigating
possible gunshot
at RAD building, West Side.
Report back when we
know more, over.
Wow, guns are loud!
Jesus Christ you bloody shot me!
Oh my god.
I'm so sorry.
Oh well that's alright then!
Okay we're gonna have
to get out of here right now.
What happened to your voice?
What are you talking about?
This is my voice. And this...
Alright, this is my
real voice. Okay?
Who are you working for?
Myself. I'm working for myself.
Police!
Is everything alright up there?
We've got to get out
of here right now.
Not before you give me the USB.
Oh...
[Elevator pings]
We're trapped.
Yep.
But God loves a try-er.
Maybe a beam fell?
How old's the building?
Did you hear that Guv?
Hear what?
[Phone rings]
Seriously?
Let me have a wander.
Parker I'm gonna go and do a
sweep of the ground floor.
As soon as Chopra gets here,
I want you to work your way up
the building.
Right so where am I going?
You're working your way
up the building.
Up the building?
D'ya mean at the top?
I mean up.
Right, up.
Got ya, no worries Guv.
Seen anything?
Heard some noise.
Might have been some
office noise?
Definitely sounded
like a gunshot.
Well this is awkward.
Hmm.
You're the worst thief
I've ever come across.
I'm not a thief,
I'm a computer programmer.
Yeah.
Anyway, I saw an office
party downstairs.
Did ya?
You know what that means?
What does that mean?
Free cake.
So what we do now?
John?
JOHN!
Stop messing around.
I didn't mean to shoot you.
By the way.
What was it?
Didn't find anything
out of the ordinary.
Could be the beams?
He's obsessed with beams.
What?
Just keep an ear out.
Let us know if anything else
out of the ordinary happens.
I'm just going to see
if next door has a kit.
[Football crowd cheers]
Oh come on!
How're we losing 2-0?
[Phone rings]
I'll be there soon.
How long?
Hard to say...
20?
20!
Do they have first aid
kits in toilets?
Bloody hell!
You haven't got a mixer have ya?
Would you rather a herbal tea?
Okay...
So I'm gonna help you,
but not before you tell me
who you are and what
you're doing here?
Cook.
George Cook.
Was the secret agent response
really necessary?
Well I thought it
was appropriate.
I'm not some Oxford Cambridge
silver spoon COO.
I'm a state school lad
from the land of the Beatles...
and I steal things.
Cook.
You ready?
It's an easy job.
5 mil, no fuss.
...and I steal things
usually while deceiving people.
Kind of like what you
do with your hair.
Don't push me.
Put your hands out.
What?
I still don't trust you.
Come on!
By the way,
I'm only doing this...
Because you fancy me?
Because I've got a conscience!
Hmm.
Are you sure you know
what you're doing?
Oh, okay. Take it
easy, easy, easy.
ARGH!
OH!
OH MY GOD.
Quiet!
Chaa!
You're not very
good with your hands are ya?
I'm nearly there!
OH!
Hopefully that should do it?
Well done Guv.
What for?
What you did back there.
What did I do?
Come on.
Calm, measured, respectful.
You're what every police officer
should aspire to be.
Not really.
Oh,
and modest as well.
You were born to do this.
Funny.
What?
I've never...
kissed a guy I've shot before.
Well there's a first
time for everything.
George?
George?
GEORGE!
George.
Can you hear me?
You passed out, I think
you were dreaming.
Hold on.
Where you sex dreaming?
'Sex dreaming'?
About ME?
As if I'd be 'sex dreaming'
about you.
Where's this pickup
of yours anyway?
He's not answering his phone.
But the police have
left at least.
Hey...
what if we went 50/50?
I should ask for more.
Call it compensation
for the assault.
I'm going to leave now.
Pick up or no pick up.
What's Gates...
giving you...
out of interest?
You know him?
Here's three reasons
why you need to take my offer.
One.
You're in over your head.
You've never done anything
like this before.
Right...
So why not hand over the Oliver
folder to me?
The career criminal.
Let me get my hands dirty,
lessen the risk.
Two.
You shot me.
Now, that's not just a
Section 18 assault.
That's attempted murder,
which carries
a fifteen year minimum sentence.
If I choose to press charges...
which I will.
And three.
The one you really want to hear.
I did work for Gates...
and I know...
that Gates is gonna
screw you over,
as soon as you hand
over the loot.
So what's it going to be?
I think you're more
of an opportunist
than you let on.
This is just a little one
off pay day in between jobs.
Right...
A bonus for someone
who's done things the RIGHT way
and deserves a little
cash injection.
MAYBE this someone doesn't
want to have to work
twice as hard for half as much.
MAYBE this person deserves
to pay off thirty grand's
worth of student debt.
You know, the moment
when society punishes
you for studying
and getting good grades?
MAYBE
this person deserves
to put a deposit down
on somewhere
half decent to live in the city
she was BLOODY born in.
And finally get on the
property ladder.
I mean, is that so much to ASK?
Have you given that
speech before?
Every working class
generation gets a raw deal.
My dad died when I was three
and me Mum couldn't afford
to bring me up so...
I moved in with me Nan.
We didn't have much,
but she made the best of it.
Like her mum and her mum's mum.
We used to play blackjack
and rummy every afternoon
after school.
And she beat me every time.
You know what she used to say
after I lost?
'God loves to try-er'.
And what I thought
she meant was,
is that eventually
I get rewarded.
If I kept putting in efforts
and hard work.
But then I realized
what she actually meant was,
you only win
if you push your luck
and go outside the rules.
She always beat me because
she cheated.
She did what she had to do.
Now I dunno about you,
but I feel totally guilt-free
about taking the access codes
from the accounts containing
the millions
British councils have
taken in undeserved
parking fines since 1986.
Parking fines?
Daylight robbery innit?
No, I mean, Gates said
it was the undiscovered
expenses from MPs,
but then they also
said it was dodgy
banker bonuses...
I don't know.
Oh?
Well...
whatever it is,
could you untie me so
I can go for a wazz?
I'm bursting at the seams here.
What I'm serious!
[GUNSHOT]
Oh!
Thank you.
Forget something?
Let's go. Me and you.
It's funny you're offering
me that now.
Unlike you.
I have shot people before...
and I've got no problem
doing it again.
I'm not telling you where it is,
so you might as well
just shoot me.
What's happening?
Can I help you?
Look.
It's either 50/50 or
Gates takes it all.
You're not going to shoot me.
Oh, yeah? Why's that?
You fancy me.
As if.
You know I've spent
my entire life being a pushover.
For once I'm going
to take a stand.
What are we doing up here?
What are you doing?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did you fancy waiting
in that room
for when the cops checked it?
Still think it's the beams?
Blimey.
Are you going to pull that
trigger then or what?
Give me the USB.
I already told you.
I'm not going to do that.
I need this money.
I deserve this money.
And I didn't spend
all those years in prison...
just to come out and
get done over
by that posh...
What are you doing here George?
It's a fake.
I've seen the real thing.
And this looks like
the real thing.
What?
Undercover all along.
Is this the stuff?
What do you mean
he was undercover all along?
Long story.
Is this or is this
not the stuff?
No.
Um it's in the herbal
tea tins downstairs.
You what?
Room 1380.
One sec!
Give me that?
What you doing?
Anything to make a copper
look more dumb innit?
I don't think you understand.
I've been given orders.
We need to leave the
building now.
Gunshots to the ceiling,
signs of struggle.
Send forensics to retreive
the bullet.
Take bloods and dust
the place really.
Send some extra squaddies
for security.
Someone needs to question
the receptionist.
I'll stay here, make sure
no one contaminates
the evidence.
How are we going to
get past them?
You might want to consider a
change of career.
You know...
re-train.
Thanks, Boris.
[Phone rings]
It's done.
Good.
[Laughter]
Did he take it?
He did.
Jennifer?
George?
Can I buy you a drink sometime?
That makes a better story
than swiping right.
My best friend's
getting married in a
couple of weeks...
Maybe you'd like some company?
Maybe I would?
JENNIFER!
Jenn!
Can you hear me?
Sex dreaming?
As if.
We'd better get out of here.
Bizzies are swarming.
Hang on?
Are you a cop or not?
Take your clothes off.
We really got time for that?
Just take your clothes off. Now!
Why what am I putting on?
This.
No, I've got a better idea.
Should still be...
I'll put on...
what I came in with.
Oh, great idea. Cat
burglar outfit.
The police won't bat an eyelid.
You're right.
Ah, whoah whoah whoah, slow.
You alright?
Gimme that...
This?
Yeah.
Stop flexing.
Stop perving.
Don't flatter yourself.
So when you've finished
cleaning the toilets
on every floor, I'd like you to
dust the ceilings thoroughly.
Oh sorry Officer, I was told
the incident happened
on the 4th?
I'm Tara Munis, Vice-President.
Oh. Pleasure.
Yeah well it's clear
you run a very tight
and honest ship here so...
Yes, well, I'm just finishing
showing this one his rounds.
Erm how about we meet
in my office
in let's say fifteen minutes?
Lovely.
Alright, after you.
Wonderful.
Same again?
No. The receptionist's
already seen me.
That was with your
wig on though...
Really?
Well, throw in an accent
to really sell it?
Risky...
Madam. It's for your own safety.
We need you to leave
the building right now.
Listen, I think this is really
unnecessary.
I've been given orders.
We need to leave the building.
It's for your own
safety. Please,
will you follow me?
I'm not leaving the desk.
Don't you think you're
just overreacting
just a little bit?
No, we need to leave now.
High risk,
high reward.
Brandy Harris C.I.D.
Great work today, officers.
Wait.
I've met you before.
Your name's Tara?
Tara something.
Everything okay here?
Do we all look the
same to you then?
What?
Nice bit of racial
profiling on a Wednesday
afternoon.
No.
Lucky for you, we have a bigger
incident to investigate,
don't we officer?
Yes, ma'am.
Well, this one's
a bit shaken up,
so I'm gonna take him
for a coffee and you're
gonna give me a statement.
Aren't you Dimitri?
Yesh... da, da.
Although I have not
yet finished ze
cleaning of ze toilets.
Is this okay?
You've been through
enough, Dimitri.
Let's go.
Come on.
What about appreciation?
You want me to stand
on my doorstep and clap for you?
Is that what you want?
So you're not giving
me a bonus then?
For being undercover
for the best part
of three years?
Sorry, you're out.
Empty handed.
Can I just ask ya one thing?
The account numbers and
pin codes stolen
and put onto the USB.
I was told it was parking
fine profits from councils
but then, I heard it was
illegal funds from
banker bonuses
and then
I heard it was a secret stash
from MPs expenses...
Is there a question
in there somewhere?
Well, which one was it?
You're not on the
payroll anymore.
Why would I tell you?
Last day tomorrow.
I'm sorry, Mum.
It's not your fault.
I should have been able to help.
Don't be stupid.
I should have been
able to help YOU.
Mums are supposed to do that.
Come on, Mum.
So, yeah,
that's the long and short of it.
Oh. My. God.
You can't tell anyone, though.
Who do you think I am?
I don't know what
I'm going to do.
Seriously.
Ask him if he's free
on the 23rd?
Joking.
Or am I?
Lolz?
What would you do, though?
Really?
So the bad guy screwed you over?
You went in with nothing,
came out with nothing.
But you did shoot this guy?
Yeah...
And you did attempt
to steal millions of pounds...
But if this piece of white
chocolate is a con artist?
Then I don't think
you have anything
to worry about.
And if he's a cop?
Then you better hope and pray
he fancies you...
like early nineties
jungle fever vibes.
We're gonna need some
more wine then!
So this is the spot?
Not bad.
I could show you a few rooftops
better than this though.
How's your shoulder?
Hurt's like a bastard.
Sorry.
Wait, you have the red USB?
I do.
But I checked your pockets?
Okay?
You alright?
I had a feeling you would.
So I stashed it.
You went back in?
Nope.
I had a trusty receptionist.
She was working with
you the entire time.
Little insurance never
hurt anymore.
Well no wonder you got
into the building so easily.
You walked right through
reception.
Oh...
No, I came in through
the rooftop.
You came in from the roof?
Yeah, I told you. It's
kinda my thing.
So about that then.
Did you erm...
happen to?
Yeah I did.
And it turns out some people can
write over data so
that it's hidden
but still on the drive.
Little programmer trick.
So Gates will have received...
A copy of the 'Oliver' folder
with nothing on it.
How did you know that
Big Al would...
Took a risk.
So is it true what
they say then?
Is it all Xbox's and
slap up meals?
Where?
Prison.
I'm glad you find it so funny.
You know what I DO find
funny, though?
That I'm going to offer
half of this to...
someone who shot me.
Wait?
So you're not police?
Not anymore.
Anymore?
They let me go.
Well it looks like you're going
to have to re-train.
Hmm.
I've heard Switzerland's
a great place?
I heard that too.
Do you think they'll
have gin on the plane?
I should hope so.
So...
Are we doing this then?
It certainly looks that
way, doesn't it?
Stop everything else.
I want them found
and brought to me.
And bring me a fresh
fucking margarita!
Make it quick, I'm very busy.
Thank you, Mrs. Boomer.
But your services are
no longer required.
What?
I came into a bit of money
and I decided to invest in FWP
As the majority shareholder.
What's going on?
Don't worry.
I'm sure you'll find something.
That bitch!
Cool beans?
Cool beans.
So there's been something
I've been meaning to ask you...
Was the whole
'Brandy-the-fiance' story real?
Her name really was 'Brandy'
and she kind of broke
my heart to be honest.
Haven't dated anyone since.
Why not?
Hmm.
Scared.
So...
something I've been meaning
to ask you.
How come you can do a perfect
Liverpool accent?
The mother.
What she's?
She is.
[Laughter]
When do you think
we can go back?
A couple of weeks should do it.
Well...
In that case,
I have a proposition for you.
My best friend is
getting hitched
and I was wondering
if you wanted to be my plus one?
I erm...
think it's probably best we go
our separate ways after this.
Oh.
For the best?
Okay.
Cool...
Cool beans.
What a u-turn.
I know.
What happened?
It's not that big
of a deal, Mum.
Family and friends,
a thousand people, one
single stranger.
It's all terrifying!
You want me to do this or not?
Look at her, she's made up.
I'm going to go for a
quick puff before...
Should never have started
that habit in the first place.
Size seven?
What?
The ruby slipper.
Yes, I know it's a ruby slipper
but what are you doing with it?
Oh.
Err.
You know, Anne Boleyn?
So Gates uses that
line on everyone?
Pretty much.
And I'm wearing a
Henry cod piece.
Can't you just enter the venue
like a normal person?
No...
You can get up now.
Still need a plus-one?
I thought you said it'd be best
if we go our separate ways?
That was a lie.
And how did you even...
I've got skills haven't I?
And by skills
he means he asked me
for the address.
And you just gave it to him?
Oh, come on.
I know he's your Mr.
White Choco...
Don't you dare finish
that sentence!
What?
We have a nickname for you,
I'll let her tell you.
So MUM...
how's the salon?
Business is booming
and the customers love
the renovations.
Thank you.
Hey, how much to charge
for a Scouse perm?
I could do with a new look.
If you let me give
you a Scouse perm,
it'll be on the house.
Oh, don't encourage him please!
You gonna get your plus-one
a bevvy or?
I haven't confirmed or denied
whether you're actually
my plus-one.
You don't know
what you're getting
yourself into.
Hmm.
Champers?
Or gin?
Is there going to be
a mixer this time?
Come on.
Starting to think
I might be open to
marriage again.
Really?
Well...
Crucial question,
though, who's playing
the reception?
112, Jagged Edge, Dru Hill
or Black Street?
All four.
Crucial question for
you though...
Yeah?
Are there actually,
any women who would
want to marry you?
I hope your speech bombs.
And I hope you get shot
in your other shoulder.
[Glassware chinks]
Jenn...
Yeah?
You're going to knock
it out the park.
Just to check...
this is just a one off
partnership, right?
Yeah.
Absolutely yeah.
Total one off.
Peaches and cream.
Yeah she's a stunner mate.
She is.
Naughty as well right?
She makes me dress up
in uniform for her.
Nice.
What type of uniform?
Oh, I've heard it all before.
Work twice as hard
for half as much.
But that never stopped me from
getting to this side
of the table.
But...
And before you say it,
I don't owe you a thing.
Want me to do for you
what no one did for me?
What about...
appreciation?
Oh.
You want me to stand
on my doorstep and clap for you?
Is that what you want?
I'll do one better.
Thank you, Jennifer,
for all your work.
Your services are no
longer required.
You can't do that.
I just re-coded
your entire computer
system, okay?
I've given you everything.
And what?
And what if I don't leave?
What if I take a stand?
Are you going to take a stand?
No.
No I'm not.
[Pilots' Is That What You Want]
Are you going to take a stand?
Keep working hard,
like you always do,
and something will appear.
So how's the wedding prep going?
She still wants me to
do a speech, Mum.
She's got a job on there.
So, any umm?
Nope.
Don't be such a cynic.
So how much to save
this place, then?
50 within the month.
It's ridiculous what
they're doing Mum.
Happened in Brixton,
happening everywhere else.
I turnover enough money.
It's just this one
bloody payment
they're slapping everyone with.
[Phone rings]
Who is it?
Hmm?
Hello?
How do you expect high rewards
if you don't take high risks?
Sorry?
Be at the Ruby Blue Bar
on Oswald Street
at 12 noon.
Who are you?
I have a job for you.
When you arrive,
just say 'Anne Boleyn's
ruby slipper
always shone in the
pale moonlight'...
I just don't know who'd do this?
Have you let anyone go recently?
Only 27 people in
the last month.
27?
Fix it now.
Anne Boleyn's ruby slipper
always shone in the
pale moonlight.
What?
Oh, sorry.
Did I not say that right?
Say it again.
Anne Boleyn's ruby slipper
DID always shine in
the moonlight.
All the whilst
Henry's codpiece
protruded several inches
from his crotch.
Although,
by all accounts,
there was a lot more room
in that codpiece,
than Henry wanted
people to know.
Ok Buster,
vamoose.
Okay boss.
Once I despised the pomegranate.
It looked weird, hard
to penetrate.
Pretty messy.
But then
once
I tried it,
and I never looked back.
Oh.
So...
a job.
Do you fancy
nipping into an office
building...
in the city?
Logging onto a computer
and pulling some information
from it.
And what is the info exactly?
I'll come back to that later.
But here's what you need to do.
Enter the building.
Assuming the identity
of one of their employees.
My insider said
that the man on duty on our day
is very lax...
and loves to flirt.
So just bung some glossy,
mesmerizing, smooth talk at him.
Okay?
They require an official I.D.
that has a biometric
chip inside it,
which we won't have.
So you're going to have
to distract, charm
and convince him
that he doesn't need to scan it.
I'll marry your brother
just to get in your family.
Once inside, you'll have a map
to direct you to the
remote terminal.
You will override the six digit
security code to get
into the room.
With your skills that'll
be easy breezy.
But these aren't
the skills of a computer
programmer.
I was joking.
I have the door code
from an ex-employee.
[Phone rings]
Sorry.
Hello?
Alan darling...
a useless Scouser finishes
his time.
Is that news?
Yeah.
While, I remember.
Would you source a prop for me
for Wednesday?
Thank you.
Erm, before you go on,
I just want to say that
you know that...
You locate a folder
called Oliver.
Then extract the encrypted
data from it.
Throw it onto a flashy drive.
You mean a flash drive?
No.
After that, you'll be met by my
delightful driver.
Once I've received the flashy
from you,
checked the data is
all tickety boo.
I will give you your fee.
So what is the fee?
What's 1% of 500 million?
Must be pretty valuable
data then?
It's a collection of accounts,
passwords and pins accessing
the compound
interest on the hushed up money
that MPs skimmed off
their expenses
BEFORE the scandal of '09.
And just to put it
all out there,
this is illegal, isn't it?
Do you want to carry
on playing by the rules?
Or do you want to play the game?
I can't.
Oh, yes, you can.
You really can.
I know you can,
because I know you need it.
Also a little bird happened
to tell me
that you planted a parting gift
on the FWP database.
Yeah that proves to me
that you have a degree
of derring do,
but also...
it gives me something
to hold over you.
Pomegranate?
No thank you.
You have 48 hours.
Yes. Oh.
Ah great!
Yeah thanks.
We'll keep your details on file.
We'll get back to you.
Whatever.
Come on.
It's not the public,
it's family and friends.
And I want to upstage
Harley's best woman speech!
Lols.
Family and friends.
A thousand people. One
single stranger.
All terrifying Ade, no.
Any job luck?
I've had an offer.
Boom!
Black girl magic baby!
Yeah, but I dunno if
I'm gonna take it.
You're behind on your
rent, aren't you?
Three months.
So what's it saying moneywise?
The job?
It's saying...
it's saying a lot.
So what's the problem?
While I remember...
Eric is...
coming to the wedding
and he's bringing his new bae.
Great.
Bring someone.
I remember
when all I wanted to do was just
fall in love and have
kids with a tall,
dark, handsome bachelor
who had a cheeky sense of humour
and a megawatt smile.
Oh, and someone who could slay
hip hop karaoke!
Anything else?
A Magic Mike bod?
Well, if he HAPPENED
to have been in Channing shape,
I wouldn't have complained.
You're speaking in past tense?
Yeah, there's a reason.
I think Jennifer
needs to step out of
her comfort zone.
And I think
Adrienne needs to mind
her own bees wax.
How many have you got left?
Two!
Oh good!
Keep your head still.
[Laughter]
[Phone rings]
Ready?
Are you sabotaging my job
applications?
I want you.
I know you can do it.
And I know you and
your family need the moolah.
I've never done anything
like this before.
Am I incarcerated right now?
Am I a novice
without decades of experience?
I know what I'm doing.
Take the leap.
For once in your life.
Yes, we may be dipping outside
the rules a tad
but this is money
no one will miss apart
from the men
who know they are in the wrong.
I really don't want to
have to inform FWP
of your meddling machination
costing them thousands
of pounds.
This is blackmail.
No this is persuasion.
5 million?
For an hour's work.
I'll be back here at 1500.
What the hell is that?
Protection.
I don't need that.
All Gates' employees
are expected
to protect themselves.
Boss's orders.
I am a computer programmer okay?
I don't need that.
Take the bag.
I'm fine, honestly.
Take the bag.
I'm really not comfortable
with this.
Might wanna check
the safety's off.
Pretty sure it is.
I.D.
Lovely weather we're
having today eh?
Is it?
Tara Munis.
Vice president.
Never seen you before.
Oh, we've probably just
missed each other.
I have to scan it.
Wait.
Has anyone told you
that you have really
lovely eyes?
No.
[Machine beeps]
Oh could you do that
again for me please?
No.
There's usually a
male receptionist
that works here,
is he here today?
No.
[Phone rings]
The receptionist
won't let me in.
Knew I should have put
you in skimpier attire.
Erm also...
you didn't mention anything
about... a gun.
I protect all my employees,
not least when they're
stealing account
information of the shady
senior bank execs
who took illegal tax free cash
bonuses before the
Bank of England
banned them in 2019.
Wait.
I thought you said it
was MP's expenses?
Let's not get hung
up on the minutia.
Time to use your noggin
to get into the place.
Trigger the fire alarm?
Don't be ridiculous darling.
Find the back entrance.
Slip in.
Alright love?
I couldn't trouble you
for one of those could I?
Alright.
Ah thanks love I'm gasping!
Where do you think you're going?
Work.
What like that?
Oh, I've got a date later.
Lucky man.
Well look Valentina's
still on shift.
Oh, yeah.
The agency called.
They want to give her a day off,
so I'm covering.
A day off?
I could do with one of those.
Have fun.
Oh, come on.
You were on 67% this morning!
Wait.
What did he say it was?
He said it was...
the month reversed...
and the door number... ugh!
Erm...
excuse me?
You're not supposed to
be on this floor.
Hello?
Umm I was told to
start at the top
and then work my way down?
It's my first day
so I'm a bit lost. Sorry.
That's okay.
We'll get you down to Rebecca
and we'll find out where you're
supposed to be...
[Phone beeps]
Erm do you think we
could try and...
CRAP!
Donny coin's going
through the roof.
You get yourself to reception.
Find out where you're
supposed to be.
Okay, will do.
This is the part of
the job I hate.
Actually, that's a lie.
This is the best bit.
What's your job?
Oh don't worry. It's fake.
I used it for a stag do
a few months back.
Was a good do.
I'm John Smith, COO,
and this is my place.
Forgive me,
but it doesn't look
like you're doing
much cleaning right now?
Maintenance on the
internal network.
Oh, I had to re-train.
I have two jobs,
you know, make ends meet.
Erm could you give me
a little bit of privacy
please so I can...
Oh, I need to go and
speak to a client anyway.
Cool beans.
How long will you be?
10 minutes?
Cool beans.
I've heard it's rough
in your kinds
of neighborhoods...
But wow.
Oh, don't worry.
I'm not a grass.
Well if you don't mind...
Oh, yes, of course.
I'll go and make a coffee
and do a video call.
Would you like me
to bring a coffee in for you?
I really should just
finish my work,
otherwise I'll be in trouble.
Cool.
Well I'm gonna.
I'm gonna.
Gre...
Great.
[Phone rings]
Yes dear?
Car trouble.
Yeah it's just not playing ball.
Well you better fix it then?
Haven't you?
And quickly.
[Knock knock knock]
Made you a coffee.
One minute.
You looked like
you could use a caffeine boost.
I don't drink coffee.
Oh, you work a cleaning job
and an I.T. job,
but you don't drink coffee?
I like tea.
A nice herbal tea
in a flask and a walk
up to Muswell Hill.
Muswell Hill
I always thought that'd
be a great name
for an R&B group.
You know like Dru Hill,
112, Black Street, Jagged Edge.
They all sound like locations.
90s R&B.
If only that level of
romance was possible
in real life.
You know, I found my girlfriend
cheating with my best
mate from uni
on the day I was going
to propose.
Well, if it's any consolation,
there's only three ways
a marriage can go really.
Disappointment,
divorce
or death.
What do you call that?
'The Three D's'?
'The Three D's'.
I think we're on the same page.
[Machine pings]
Peaches and cream.
Job done?
Almost.
Now...
you don't do caffeine, but...
do you do tobacco?
I'm fine, thanks.
How long? Ten?
I'll definitely be gone by then.
Well,
I'll be up on the roof
having a smoke
in case you change your mind.
It's a lovely rooftop.
Right.
Let's get out of here.
Right I'm going for a break.
Oh, baby.
What?
Can't believe I almost
forgot this!
I'll be up on the roof
having a smoke
in case you change your mind.
Peaches
and cream.
Hmm. Dance with me.
Sorry what?
The song by 112.
I always preferred
'Dance With Me' to
'Peaches & Cream'.
Here.
I'm trying to give up.
How were are you
going to propose by the way?
Booked out the restaurant
we went to on our first date.
Spelled out her name in
roses on the table
and sang 'Let's Get
Married' a cappella
with my schoolmates
on backing vocals.
Corny I know.
Brandy...
'Brandy'?
That was her name?
Not THE Brandy, of course.
Although that'd be rather great.
He swapped 'em.
What?
When he gave us the
coffees he's um...
yeah, yeah he's given
me the latte.
Has he?
Yeah.
It's an Americano.
Its my Americano.
Yeah.
Ugh.
Well here you are.
Cheers mate.
[Elevator pings]
Hello.
Look, my pickup is coming
any minute now.
Where's my USB?
You've got it.
This one is blue.
Mine is red.
Where is it?
Search me...
if you want?
Start at the top and
work your way down.
I can search you
without your instructions.
Funny thing about being
a big COO of a...
You NEVER touch a black
woman's hair.
That's not your real hair?
Yes it is.
I bloody PAID for it!
If we don't increase
the sales target
by next quarter,
we're all going to be
really, really...
[Eelevator pings]
She's my chiropractor.
Really?
I just assumed
it was some kind of role play?
Guilty as charged. Haha.
Maybe find somewhere
more discreet?
Yeah, the storage cupboard on
the fifth floor is
kind of handy.
Great.
Have fun.
So I don't think this
board of directors
know what they're doing anyway.
So I think we could do is...
Well they should have
made you partner.
Well of course they
should have...
I can't let you leave with that.
Seriously?
Give me the USB.
I think we both know
you're not going to shoot...
[GUNSHOT]
4-7-5 to base, investigating
possible gunshot
at RAD building, West Side.
Report back when we
know more, over.
Wow, guns are loud!
Jesus Christ you bloody shot me!
Oh my god.
I'm so sorry.
Oh well that's alright then!
Okay we're gonna have
to get out of here right now.
What happened to your voice?
What are you talking about?
This is my voice. And this...
Alright, this is my
real voice. Okay?
Who are you working for?
Myself. I'm working for myself.
Police!
Is everything alright up there?
We've got to get out
of here right now.
Not before you give me the USB.
Oh...
[Elevator pings]
We're trapped.
Yep.
But God loves a try-er.
Maybe a beam fell?
How old's the building?
Did you hear that Guv?
Hear what?
[Phone rings]
Seriously?
Let me have a wander.
Parker I'm gonna go and do a
sweep of the ground floor.
As soon as Chopra gets here,
I want you to work your way up
the building.
Right so where am I going?
You're working your way
up the building.
Up the building?
D'ya mean at the top?
I mean up.
Right, up.
Got ya, no worries Guv.
Seen anything?
Heard some noise.
Might have been some
office noise?
Definitely sounded
like a gunshot.
Well this is awkward.
Hmm.
You're the worst thief
I've ever come across.
I'm not a thief,
I'm a computer programmer.
Yeah.
Anyway, I saw an office
party downstairs.
Did ya?
You know what that means?
What does that mean?
Free cake.
So what we do now?
John?
JOHN!
Stop messing around.
I didn't mean to shoot you.
By the way.
What was it?
Didn't find anything
out of the ordinary.
Could be the beams?
He's obsessed with beams.
What?
Just keep an ear out.
Let us know if anything else
out of the ordinary happens.
I'm just going to see
if next door has a kit.
[Football crowd cheers]
Oh come on!
How're we losing 2-0?
[Phone rings]
I'll be there soon.
How long?
Hard to say...
20?
20!
Do they have first aid
kits in toilets?
Bloody hell!
You haven't got a mixer have ya?
Would you rather a herbal tea?
Okay...
So I'm gonna help you,
but not before you tell me
who you are and what
you're doing here?
Cook.
George Cook.
Was the secret agent response
really necessary?
Well I thought it
was appropriate.
I'm not some Oxford Cambridge
silver spoon COO.
I'm a state school lad
from the land of the Beatles...
and I steal things.
Cook.
You ready?
It's an easy job.
5 mil, no fuss.
...and I steal things
usually while deceiving people.
Kind of like what you
do with your hair.
Don't push me.
Put your hands out.
What?
I still don't trust you.
Come on!
By the way,
I'm only doing this...
Because you fancy me?
Because I've got a conscience!
Hmm.
Are you sure you know
what you're doing?
Oh, okay. Take it
easy, easy, easy.
ARGH!
OH!
OH MY GOD.
Quiet!
Chaa!
You're not very
good with your hands are ya?
I'm nearly there!
OH!
Hopefully that should do it?
Well done Guv.
What for?
What you did back there.
What did I do?
Come on.
Calm, measured, respectful.
You're what every police officer
should aspire to be.
Not really.
Oh,
and modest as well.
You were born to do this.
Funny.
What?
I've never...
kissed a guy I've shot before.
Well there's a first
time for everything.
George?
George?
GEORGE!
George.
Can you hear me?
You passed out, I think
you were dreaming.
Hold on.
Where you sex dreaming?
'Sex dreaming'?
About ME?
As if I'd be 'sex dreaming'
about you.
Where's this pickup
of yours anyway?
He's not answering his phone.
But the police have
left at least.
Hey...
what if we went 50/50?
I should ask for more.
Call it compensation
for the assault.
I'm going to leave now.
Pick up or no pick up.
What's Gates...
giving you...
out of interest?
You know him?
Here's three reasons
why you need to take my offer.
One.
You're in over your head.
You've never done anything
like this before.
Right...
So why not hand over the Oliver
folder to me?
The career criminal.
Let me get my hands dirty,
lessen the risk.
Two.
You shot me.
Now, that's not just a
Section 18 assault.
That's attempted murder,
which carries
a fifteen year minimum sentence.
If I choose to press charges...
which I will.
And three.
The one you really want to hear.
I did work for Gates...
and I know...
that Gates is gonna
screw you over,
as soon as you hand
over the loot.
So what's it going to be?
I think you're more
of an opportunist
than you let on.
This is just a little one
off pay day in between jobs.
Right...
A bonus for someone
who's done things the RIGHT way
and deserves a little
cash injection.
MAYBE this someone doesn't
want to have to work
twice as hard for half as much.
MAYBE this person deserves
to pay off thirty grand's
worth of student debt.
You know, the moment
when society punishes
you for studying
and getting good grades?
MAYBE
this person deserves
to put a deposit down
on somewhere
half decent to live in the city
she was BLOODY born in.
And finally get on the
property ladder.
I mean, is that so much to ASK?
Have you given that
speech before?
Every working class
generation gets a raw deal.
My dad died when I was three
and me Mum couldn't afford
to bring me up so...
I moved in with me Nan.
We didn't have much,
but she made the best of it.
Like her mum and her mum's mum.
We used to play blackjack
and rummy every afternoon
after school.
And she beat me every time.
You know what she used to say
after I lost?
'God loves to try-er'.
And what I thought
she meant was,
is that eventually
I get rewarded.
If I kept putting in efforts
and hard work.
But then I realized
what she actually meant was,
you only win
if you push your luck
and go outside the rules.
She always beat me because
she cheated.
She did what she had to do.
Now I dunno about you,
but I feel totally guilt-free
about taking the access codes
from the accounts containing
the millions
British councils have
taken in undeserved
parking fines since 1986.
Parking fines?
Daylight robbery innit?
No, I mean, Gates said
it was the undiscovered
expenses from MPs,
but then they also
said it was dodgy
banker bonuses...
I don't know.
Oh?
Well...
whatever it is,
could you untie me so
I can go for a wazz?
I'm bursting at the seams here.
What I'm serious!
[GUNSHOT]
Oh!
Thank you.
Forget something?
Let's go. Me and you.
It's funny you're offering
me that now.
Unlike you.
I have shot people before...
and I've got no problem
doing it again.
I'm not telling you where it is,
so you might as well
just shoot me.
What's happening?
Can I help you?
Look.
It's either 50/50 or
Gates takes it all.
You're not going to shoot me.
Oh, yeah? Why's that?
You fancy me.
As if.
You know I've spent
my entire life being a pushover.
For once I'm going
to take a stand.
What are we doing up here?
What are you doing?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did you fancy waiting
in that room
for when the cops checked it?
Still think it's the beams?
Blimey.
Are you going to pull that
trigger then or what?
Give me the USB.
I already told you.
I'm not going to do that.
I need this money.
I deserve this money.
And I didn't spend
all those years in prison...
just to come out and
get done over
by that posh...
What are you doing here George?
It's a fake.
I've seen the real thing.
And this looks like
the real thing.
What?
Undercover all along.
Is this the stuff?
What do you mean
he was undercover all along?
Long story.
Is this or is this
not the stuff?
No.
Um it's in the herbal
tea tins downstairs.
You what?
Room 1380.
One sec!
Give me that?
What you doing?
Anything to make a copper
look more dumb innit?
I don't think you understand.
I've been given orders.
We need to leave the
building now.
Gunshots to the ceiling,
signs of struggle.
Send forensics to retreive
the bullet.
Take bloods and dust
the place really.
Send some extra squaddies
for security.
Someone needs to question
the receptionist.
I'll stay here, make sure
no one contaminates
the evidence.
How are we going to
get past them?
You might want to consider a
change of career.
You know...
re-train.
Thanks, Boris.
[Phone rings]
It's done.
Good.
[Laughter]
Did he take it?
He did.
Jennifer?
George?
Can I buy you a drink sometime?
That makes a better story
than swiping right.
My best friend's
getting married in a
couple of weeks...
Maybe you'd like some company?
Maybe I would?
JENNIFER!
Jenn!
Can you hear me?
Sex dreaming?
As if.
We'd better get out of here.
Bizzies are swarming.
Hang on?
Are you a cop or not?
Take your clothes off.
We really got time for that?
Just take your clothes off. Now!
Why what am I putting on?
This.
No, I've got a better idea.
Should still be...
I'll put on...
what I came in with.
Oh, great idea. Cat
burglar outfit.
The police won't bat an eyelid.
You're right.
Ah, whoah whoah whoah, slow.
You alright?
Gimme that...
This?
Yeah.
Stop flexing.
Stop perving.
Don't flatter yourself.
So when you've finished
cleaning the toilets
on every floor, I'd like you to
dust the ceilings thoroughly.
Oh sorry Officer, I was told
the incident happened
on the 4th?
I'm Tara Munis, Vice-President.
Oh. Pleasure.
Yeah well it's clear
you run a very tight
and honest ship here so...
Yes, well, I'm just finishing
showing this one his rounds.
Erm how about we meet
in my office
in let's say fifteen minutes?
Lovely.
Alright, after you.
Wonderful.
Same again?
No. The receptionist's
already seen me.
That was with your
wig on though...
Really?
Well, throw in an accent
to really sell it?
Risky...
Madam. It's for your own safety.
We need you to leave
the building right now.
Listen, I think this is really
unnecessary.
I've been given orders.
We need to leave the building.
It's for your own
safety. Please,
will you follow me?
I'm not leaving the desk.
Don't you think you're
just overreacting
just a little bit?
No, we need to leave now.
High risk,
high reward.
Brandy Harris C.I.D.
Great work today, officers.
Wait.
I've met you before.
Your name's Tara?
Tara something.
Everything okay here?
Do we all look the
same to you then?
What?
Nice bit of racial
profiling on a Wednesday
afternoon.
No.
Lucky for you, we have a bigger
incident to investigate,
don't we officer?
Yes, ma'am.
Well, this one's
a bit shaken up,
so I'm gonna take him
for a coffee and you're
gonna give me a statement.
Aren't you Dimitri?
Yesh... da, da.
Although I have not
yet finished ze
cleaning of ze toilets.
Is this okay?
You've been through
enough, Dimitri.
Let's go.
Come on.
What about appreciation?
You want me to stand
on my doorstep and clap for you?
Is that what you want?
So you're not giving
me a bonus then?
For being undercover
for the best part
of three years?
Sorry, you're out.
Empty handed.
Can I just ask ya one thing?
The account numbers and
pin codes stolen
and put onto the USB.
I was told it was parking
fine profits from councils
but then, I heard it was
illegal funds from
banker bonuses
and then
I heard it was a secret stash
from MPs expenses...
Is there a question
in there somewhere?
Well, which one was it?
You're not on the
payroll anymore.
Why would I tell you?
Last day tomorrow.
I'm sorry, Mum.
It's not your fault.
I should have been able to help.
Don't be stupid.
I should have been
able to help YOU.
Mums are supposed to do that.
Come on, Mum.
So, yeah,
that's the long and short of it.
Oh. My. God.
You can't tell anyone, though.
Who do you think I am?
I don't know what
I'm going to do.
Seriously.
Ask him if he's free
on the 23rd?
Joking.
Or am I?
Lolz?
What would you do, though?
Really?
So the bad guy screwed you over?
You went in with nothing,
came out with nothing.
But you did shoot this guy?
Yeah...
And you did attempt
to steal millions of pounds...
But if this piece of white
chocolate is a con artist?
Then I don't think
you have anything
to worry about.
And if he's a cop?
Then you better hope and pray
he fancies you...
like early nineties
jungle fever vibes.
We're gonna need some
more wine then!
So this is the spot?
Not bad.
I could show you a few rooftops
better than this though.
How's your shoulder?
Hurt's like a bastard.
Sorry.
Wait, you have the red USB?
I do.
But I checked your pockets?
Okay?
You alright?
I had a feeling you would.
So I stashed it.
You went back in?
Nope.
I had a trusty receptionist.
She was working with
you the entire time.
Little insurance never
hurt anymore.
Well no wonder you got
into the building so easily.
You walked right through
reception.
Oh...
No, I came in through
the rooftop.
You came in from the roof?
Yeah, I told you. It's
kinda my thing.
So about that then.
Did you erm...
happen to?
Yeah I did.
And it turns out some people can
write over data so
that it's hidden
but still on the drive.
Little programmer trick.
So Gates will have received...
A copy of the 'Oliver' folder
with nothing on it.
How did you know that
Big Al would...
Took a risk.
So is it true what
they say then?
Is it all Xbox's and
slap up meals?
Where?
Prison.
I'm glad you find it so funny.
You know what I DO find
funny, though?
That I'm going to offer
half of this to...
someone who shot me.
Wait?
So you're not police?
Not anymore.
Anymore?
They let me go.
Well it looks like you're going
to have to re-train.
Hmm.
I've heard Switzerland's
a great place?
I heard that too.
Do you think they'll
have gin on the plane?
I should hope so.
So...
Are we doing this then?
It certainly looks that
way, doesn't it?
Stop everything else.
I want them found
and brought to me.
And bring me a fresh
fucking margarita!
Make it quick, I'm very busy.
Thank you, Mrs. Boomer.
But your services are
no longer required.
What?
I came into a bit of money
and I decided to invest in FWP
As the majority shareholder.
What's going on?
Don't worry.
I'm sure you'll find something.
That bitch!
Cool beans?
Cool beans.
So there's been something
I've been meaning to ask you...
Was the whole
'Brandy-the-fiance' story real?
Her name really was 'Brandy'
and she kind of broke
my heart to be honest.
Haven't dated anyone since.
Why not?
Hmm.
Scared.
So...
something I've been meaning
to ask you.
How come you can do a perfect
Liverpool accent?
The mother.
What she's?
She is.
[Laughter]
When do you think
we can go back?
A couple of weeks should do it.
Well...
In that case,
I have a proposition for you.
My best friend is
getting hitched
and I was wondering
if you wanted to be my plus one?
I erm...
think it's probably best we go
our separate ways after this.
Oh.
For the best?
Okay.
Cool...
Cool beans.
What a u-turn.
I know.
What happened?
It's not that big
of a deal, Mum.
Family and friends,
a thousand people, one
single stranger.
It's all terrifying!
You want me to do this or not?
Look at her, she's made up.
I'm going to go for a
quick puff before...
Should never have started
that habit in the first place.
Size seven?
What?
The ruby slipper.
Yes, I know it's a ruby slipper
but what are you doing with it?
Oh.
Err.
You know, Anne Boleyn?
So Gates uses that
line on everyone?
Pretty much.
And I'm wearing a
Henry cod piece.
Can't you just enter the venue
like a normal person?
No...
You can get up now.
Still need a plus-one?
I thought you said it'd be best
if we go our separate ways?
That was a lie.
And how did you even...
I've got skills haven't I?
And by skills
he means he asked me
for the address.
And you just gave it to him?
Oh, come on.
I know he's your Mr.
White Choco...
Don't you dare finish
that sentence!
What?
We have a nickname for you,
I'll let her tell you.
So MUM...
how's the salon?
Business is booming
and the customers love
the renovations.
Thank you.
Hey, how much to charge
for a Scouse perm?
I could do with a new look.
If you let me give
you a Scouse perm,
it'll be on the house.
Oh, don't encourage him please!
You gonna get your plus-one
a bevvy or?
I haven't confirmed or denied
whether you're actually
my plus-one.
You don't know
what you're getting
yourself into.
Hmm.
Champers?
Or gin?
Is there going to be
a mixer this time?
Come on.
Starting to think
I might be open to
marriage again.
Really?
Well...
Crucial question,
though, who's playing
the reception?
112, Jagged Edge, Dru Hill
or Black Street?
All four.
Crucial question for
you though...
Yeah?
Are there actually,
any women who would
want to marry you?
I hope your speech bombs.
And I hope you get shot
in your other shoulder.
[Glassware chinks]
Jenn...
Yeah?
You're going to knock
it out the park.
Just to check...
this is just a one off
partnership, right?
Yeah.
Absolutely yeah.
Total one off.
Peaches and cream.
Yeah she's a stunner mate.
She is.
Naughty as well right?
She makes me dress up
in uniform for her.
Nice.
What type of uniform?