The Penny Dreadful Picture Show (2013) Movie Script
1
It's done, mum.
We've made the selection and
it's ready for you.
The perfect edit.
"Pop Goes the Weasel"
This is so amazing, isn't it?
No, it's kind of creepy, honey.
No, just watch.
It's exactly like the kind I had
as a child,
and the lady, she didn't even
charge me for it.
She just gave it to me.
No, I'm sorry.
That's just weird.
It's not weirder than your doll
collection.
My vintage Barbies aren't
terrifying.
Ken sure is.
"Pop Goes the Weasel"
"Pop Goes the Weasel"
"Pop Goes the Weasel"
Tonight's the big night.
Everything needs to be perfect.
Are you sure this is a good
idea?
Whatever do you mean?
We've never exactly had guests.
Oh.
It's only been the three of us
as long as I can remember.
And the girls.
Of course the girls.
The girls.
You're not scared are you,
Neddy?
A little.
Oh.
And, Penny, you know it takes a
lot frighten me.
Well, don't worry.
Everything will be perfect.
I've waited my whole
non-existent life for this.
The excitement, the romance,
the magical power of true love's
first kiss.
Oh, it'll be tremendous,
stupendous,
spontaneously wonderful.
Penny,
might ask you, where exactly
did you find this gentleman?
The Internet.
You can find almost anything on
the internet.
Come on.
Mum,
what if our guests just don't
respond well to us?
Well, fiddle-dee-dee.
What's not to love?
Come on, help me get ready.
What if they suspect that we's
different,
that we's not normal?
Ah, whew.
Look if he causes any trouble
and he's not
the one then well, we'll just
handle it.
By handle it do you mean
politely ask him to leave?
No we slit his throat and chop
him
into a million pieces and throw
him
into the incinerator.
Very good, mum.
How do I look?
You look...
you look...
Oh, he's here!
Bugger.
Yello?
Hello.
You must be Rex.
Yeah that's me.
I'm Penny.
Welcome to my...
Great! You wanna go grab a taco
or a drink or something?
No silly, we're in a movie
theater,
we're gonna watch a movie.
A scary one.
Now we all have to be on our
very best behavior.
Tonight we have a special guest.
Judith?
No slouching.
That's better.
Ok that's a little strange.
No talking during the movie.
Shh.
Popcorn?
Sure.
Actually I'm good.
Hey you know what? Why don't...
Shhh, it's starting.
Oh God.
It's fine.
Whatever happened last night,
it's fine.
We made it home all in one
piece.
Mostly.
Oh God.
I ordered the chocolate glaze,
you can have the one with
sprinkles.
Are you telling me
there's only one chocolate
doughnut?
No! Wait! There's...
one with chocolate glaze.
And two with chocolate doughnut
and chocolate glaze.
Does a doughnut with only
chocolate glaze
count as a chocolate doughnut?
I don't know but gimmie it.
Nothing happened.
I swear.
Just...
one innocent flirtation that's
it.
Can we at least talk about it?
Alice please.
Charlie don't.
What do you want me to say?
I'm not a mind reader.
Well great, this is just great.
So we're just gonna sit out here
all night, huh?
Let's just go inside.
We'll have a good time,
then we can work this all out in
the morning.
Come on.
Yeah, then everything will be
fine right?
It's weird, I'm not...
I'm not even jealous or angry.
I'm just...
I'm just numb.
I've been meaning to do this
for awhile now...
I just never found the right
time.
Would you...
Alice...
you just... just put it on.
I'm, I'm sorry Charlie.
I can't do this.
What? Isn't this what you want
from me?
What more can I do for you?
Charlie you're drunk and you're
confused
but this isn't a solution to any
of this.
Just...
Take it.
Please?
Just...
Think it over.
Maybe you'll come around.
I really need to be alone right
now.
I'm sorry.
Please don't follow me.
What!
You know, why don't you just
pawn
the God damn rock?
It's okay.
I had the doughnut.
Morning.
You guys seen Theo?
I'm making art.
I can see that.
You missed an amazing party.
What'd you guys do?
What is this, a joke?
We got trashed.
Sit. Sit!
Come on!
Sit.
That's better.
I missed you.
Whoa!
You are going to need these.
I'm sorry.
Now that I think about it.
I haven't seen the cat.
That's weird.
Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty,
kitty.
Theo.
Thanks Charlie.
Here kitty, kitty, kitty,
kitty.
So, really, none of us have
seen the cat?
Anniversary party.
Tonight at the lake, if you're
coming.
Yeah. I remember.
They're going to be really happy
to see me.
I'll be home by seven.
Who are?
What do you mean? They love you.
Besides your drunkenness
and general lack of pedigree.
So, where'd you go last night?
Oh, God, honestly I don't even
remember.
It's all kind of a fog.
Convenient.
It takes a true drunk to black
out.
Alice, you never cease to amaze.
You should've been there.
Yeah, you should've been there.
Um, have you seen the keys?
Don't you have to work, Angel?
My world would be so dark and
lost without you.
You're pure enlightenment.
I'm enlightenment.
Where are my keys?
Of course.
I'm, off.
Great.
Oh, God.
Freedom in a bottle.
All you have to do,
...is drink.
Whoa!
So, of course,
I called the water company.
He says he doesn't know how long
it will take to fix it.
Can you believe that?
Not like it's his job or
anything.
That is so unprofessional.
The least they could do
would be to give us some kind of
timeframe.
A place like this.
Almost makes you feel more
alone.
It's funny isn't it?
I'm talking to somebody, am I
right?
Maybe it's just some sick joke.
To making us think that we
deserve...
Or really, maybe, maybe,
maybe...
This is just all there is.
You're welcome
Gosh, I seem to be talking on.
I'm sorry you don't know me.
Don't be sorry.
I think...
I think it would be nice to get
to know you.
Why? You gonna give my ring
back?
Oh. Yes.
I apologize.
It's not even really mine.
I'm not married or anything.
Look. You should probably
really head home.
This place can get a little
rough.
I thought you said
you want to get to know me.
Beside it can't be all bad,
you're here.
Can we get another round of what
ever he's having?
Clive.
Alice.
Hey.
Sorry, I did it again.
Remember we've got that meeting
today at 2.
Did you do something with your
hair?
Hey, Jim, have you ever have
one of those nights where you
think
you may have changed your life
forever,
but you just cannot
remember what happened?
Are you kidding?
Most patrol nights back in
Korea.
Yeah I figured.
Has charlie been fooling around
again?
You know, I'm not sure.
But thanks for reminding me.
You've been a big help.
Anytime sugar.
So the meeting?
Be there or be square.
I'll get ya in on a little
secret.
It's Sue's birthday.
There will be cake.
I don't think I'm gonna make
it.
Actually, I haven't been feeling
so well.
I think I'm just gonna pop on
over
to the doctors and get a check
up.
That's too bad.
What a bummer you'll miss the
cake and the streamers.
I think it's vanilla with
a butter-cream frosting.
That's what I'm hoping for.
Do you want me to save you a
piece?
Alice?
Yes.
Dizziness?
Yes.
Fever?
Yes.
And memory lapses...
Huh, stomach pain loss of
appetite?
Yes.
Ok, were gonna need to run a
few tests.
I'll have the receptionist call
you in a day or two.
Whats wrong with me?
At this point, there are lots
of possibilities.
When I get the blood work back
we'll know more.
So this could just be a really
bad hangover?
Should it be?
That's the thing, I...
I can't seem to remember.
My memory's a little foggy.
Well, just try and get some
rest.
Thank you.
Hello.
We really have to do something
about this heat.
How did you...
I'm special.
But you already knew that.
Look I'm, I'm sorry, is there
something
I can do for you miss?
Doctors can't help you.
Are you following me?
Ya know,
you pull off decomposition very
well, I must say.
It's cute and vile all at the
same time.
It's very sexy.
I know it's silly but I missed
you
and I'm sure you missed me too.
Look I'm sorry.
I don't know who you think I am
or what you suppose
happened between us but you're
imagining it.
Please leave me alone.
You're dying inside.
Every little organ is slowly
giving out,
one by one by one.
You're experiencing life in a
way
you never thought possible,
sounds are heightened,
reflexes faster,
touch,
taste,
smell...
Wow look what the cat dragged
in,
I have missed you.
Three shots of Ouzo.
I'm sorry I didn't mean...
I'm just...
You're not going anywhere.
I'm sorry if you think me rude.
I'm just not that good with
strangers.
What is that perfume you're
wearing?
I'm not wearing any perfume.
Alice, have you ever been with
a woman?
You have such a sad, sad look on
your face.
Jess, leave her alone.
So like a man Clive.
Uninspired.
So this is what we're going to
do.
Your gonna take this,
and then you're coming with me.
See that wasn't so bad.
You are so soft.
What the hell this is my house,
how did you?
We have to do something
about that memory of yours.
Of course, gallivanting around
outside all day
hasn't helped.
You still have a lot to learn.
What in God's name are you?
God?
God has nothing to do with this.
I was the one that took a sad,
pitiful,
meaningless girl and turned her
into something truly
spectacular;
And now it's your turn
to return the favor.
On one hand you can become a
rotting corpse
and on another...
a god among men.
Oh my God, are you insane?
Drink.
Have you listened to yourself?
Have you looked at yourself?
Go on take a look.
You have minutes...
seconds left on this earth.
Last night I gave you a vial,
but it's not
enough to change you, not
completely.
Oh my God.
Oh my God, oh my God, am I going
insane?
Why couldn't you just leave me
alone to die?
I could have.
But for crying out loud.
There, there.
Maybe you weren't special in
this world.
Maybe you weren't loved the way
you needed to be loved.
But you can be with me.
"House of the Risin' Sun"
You've done this before.
You are the only thing I'm
thinking about.
I want you so bad don't be
afraid.
Alice,
why weren't you at work?
I've been calling you.
Jess, please. Let him go.
What the hell?
Alice are you okay?
Listen to me, if you've hurt
her...
You're pretty.
I would have expected you to be
taller.
You're kind of cute.
All talk no bite.
Jess, don't please.
Something I forgot to mention
how is it that humans
don't know we exist?
It's strange right?
See anytime one finds out,
they cease to exist.
That's it.
Do you feel the hunger
growing inside of you?
It will only grow and grow until
you drink.
Charlie...
You're a monster
Watch
How powerful is a kiss?
A blending of the minds.
Charlie dear, why don't you
go lie down you look tired.
But I want to be near you.
Go.
Yes, of course.
Charlie... Charlie...
Alright.
Charlie.
Charlie.
It's amazing.
It's sexy isn't it.
Power.
So what happens now?
We drink his blood and then
what?
Do we live together forever?
Well, yes.
Except you will drink.
He's too common for my taste.
Inbred spoiled brats like him
have such thin blood.
Past this puritanical disguise
I know your true nature.
We will be the perfect match.
Yes but I don't want to
hurt the people I love.
Oh, for crying out loud, Alice.
How long are you going to keep
this up.
Theo? Theo?
You... You ate my cat?
Yes.
When we got back I was in the
mood
for something sweet.
Oh, so you can eat my cat
but you can't eat my boyfriend?
Are you really surprised?
You know we can do this all day,
we have an eternity to work
things out.
Right now, we have a boy that
needs draining
and I really think it would be
better for both of us
if you did it before he was
fully conscious.
Don't you?
You're right.
You've been right all along.
I don't know what's wrong with
me.
I shouldn't be fighting you.
I should be grateful to you.
You saved me.
I always knew you would come
around.
You are different.
I knew it from the moment we
met.
Yes, we will always be together.
Yes, we'll always be together.
I love you so bad.
It's ok.
"When Summer Is Through"
"Hand In Mine"
So what's a nice guy like you
doing in a place like this?
What do you say you and I get
out of here?
Ya hey!
Wow! Wow, wow...
Now, as we always do, we shall
discuss.
Ladies?
What do you mean?
How can you say that?
Your opinions are so whacky.
I think we've had enough of your
negativity.
Whoa, whoa, Jesus Christ.
Sorry.
I'm so sorry you had to see
that.
Okay. Put the gun down now,
psycho.
Okay?
Oops.
Yeah.
Oh, pointing loaded guns at
people is rude.
Yeah.
Okay, I'm just going to walk out
of here now.
Okay? Nice and slow, I'm just
going to...
No.
No, wait.
You're supposed to stay.
You're supposed to give me a
kiss,
a kiss of true love.
I knew this was going to
happen.
Yep.
Okay, listen, lady.
This is too much for me, okay?
The creepy theater, the old
movie,
talking to dolls.
I mean, at first I was like,
"Hey, cool costume.
Nice ass. Maybe I could hit
that."
You know?
Okay, look.
Look, if you want to we can
still
go back to my place and get it
on.
Just not in front of the freak
show
you got going on over here.
So what do you say?
We get a nice bottle of booze,
go back to my place, put on a
little...
Dirty, dirty, nasty boy.
And to think I thought you could
give me
my first kiss.
Help!
Oh.
Help me!
No, no, you keep bleeding.
You're a very, very bad man.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, thanks, Neddy.
It's okay.
I double booked just in case
things didn't work out.
Wolfboy,
go get the chainsaw
and the trash bags.
Do you mind if I snacked a bit
first?
We rarely get meals so fresh.
This is true.
Oh, go ahead.
He's here early.
Hello?
Hello?
Welcome.
My, my, my.
What perfection.
It's an amazing look.
These look so real.
You're so cold.
Do you need a jacket or a cape?
I have something to show you.
This is so great.
You know, you should really post
some tips
on how to your look on the
cosplay boards.
I have a Facebook group too.
You should...
...this place. Wow!
You know, this would really be
like
the best date ever.
Oh!
Amazing!
What props, and the makeup?
You really didn't have to
do all this for me. I mean
this...
It's for true love.
I mean, that's great.
I mean, you know I'm into the
whole
horror movie thing and
everything,
but you didn't have to do all
this.
This is...
Okay, this is your seat
and I'm sitting right here.
Oh, okay. Yeah, great.
Let's do this.
So...
You talk a lot.
I'm sorry.
Am I talking a lot?
I talk a lot when I get nervous
and I'm really nervous right now
because I rarely ever go out on
dates.
Rarely.
I mean, like never,
and you're so...
hot!
If I'm not being too forward.
I'm really glad we met.
Okay, it's time for the movie.
What kind of film is this?
Is it a creature feature, or a
slasher,
or aliens?
It's a good one.
Cool!
Hey, babe.
I supposed
old Manna the bear and her cubs
are about bedded down for the
winter.
Yoo-hoo, anyone home?
Hi, Mr. Ranger.
Hey, mom, Mr. Ranger's here.
What's up, man?
Good morning.
Fucking cartoons.
What time is it?
Three, I think...
Where's Nancy at?
She's waking the others.
Come on guys, we have to hit
the road.
We're coming.
Seriously guys come on I know
what you're doing.
We have to hit the road.
I really shouldn't...
...Betty's going to be pissed.
Fuck her.
You guys are seriously toking?
Don't be mad?
I won't be mad if you don't
bogart the thing...
Pass the Jane.
My girl is the coolest thing
in the world.
Way cool
Hey baby what's up?
They're in there doing it
again.
You guys what the fuck are you
doing?
It's totally Zen baby.
All aces.
Really? Well I don't want to
stay
another night in this dump.
We have shit to do.
You know what? You're right.
Come on.
Let's jam brother.
Upsy daisy.
Hello. Hello?
This makes shop lifting easy.
We really are in the sticks.
The bathrooms locked.
How're you all doing?
Sorry nature called.
Great do you have the key to
the bathroom?
The bathroom ain't worked in
ten years.
Should have just boarded it up
instead of locking it.
Suggestions then?
I usually go out back behind
the oil drums.
You have any cold beers boss?
Oh yeah sure.
American beer only.
None of that European crap.
Works for me.
Can I get seven dollars on pump
2?
Fillin' er' up. Alright.
You kids on spring break?
Something like that.
Don't get very many vacationers
up here anymore,
especially since all the bad
press
this place has been getting.
Oh you are talking about those
missing persons.
Serial killers, monsters in the
woods...
Some'n like that.
Oh hey, man.
Yeah, let me take a couple of
these.
Alright.
Oh honey, I need some Bit O'
Honey.
Are you serious.
We'll take these
not these.
Hello?
Do you want a bag for them?
No we're drinking in the car.
Alright, we're jetting!
Guess what? I'm commandeering
the 8 track.
No more of that Captain &
Tennille bullshit.
11 missing people
over the past three years
all within a sixty mile radius.
I haven't seen a town for sixty
miles.
Yeah seriously, your research
is not exactly spot on...
the last three hot spots...
hot spots had nothing, zilch.
I just read the news.
How can you read a coloring
book?
I vote we keep driving.
I'll make that call.
Oh. Oh, okay.
Make the call.
Put your foot down. Oooh.
My van, my road trip, my rules.
Could someone get their twist
in a joint,
and turn up the music please?
Hey what do you want to listen
to, Jerry?
No Doobie Brothers.
We can't listen to music
we'll miss the hot spots, right
guys?
Could we at least put some
tunes on?
There's no power.
Oh God.
Hey Jerry, tell us a story?
You're always so funny.
Oh. Oh no, Jerry is not very
entertaining.
Hey, I resent that.
I think that you are very
entertaining
No, no please don't give him a
hand job
in this car. We don't want to
see that.
Guys I think someone is coming.
No shit.
Not in here out there.
Hey, pretty thing.
What seems to be the problem?
We're stuck can you help us?
Yeah I'll take a look.
Lost a spark plug wire.
Well shit fire and save
matches, boy.
How long have you been driving?
- All night at least five hours.
- Five hours, yeah.
Deader then a door nail.
Really?
I ain't got that part in my
shop.
You'll have to wait till
morning.
Is there a motel nearby
or somewhere you can take us?
Yeah?
Nearest motel is about 100
miles back that way.
Oh. That's where we just came
from.
He's not that creepy.
No, he's...
he's creepy.
Are you desperate enough I guess
I can let you all stay at my
place.
Really you'd do that?
Sure, fix it in the morning.
It would take me
fifteen minutes to put the part
on.
Take no time at all.
We don't want to be any
imposition.
Ain't no trouble. Just gotta
give you
a heads up though,
my family's a might bit
eccentric
if that don't bother you.
Different strokes for different
folks, right?
We just don't want to sleep in
the van again.
Why don't you hop in the truck
there, boy.
And you, pretty little thing,
hop in the van
Appreciate it.
Who would stop in the middle of
the night?
He is going to let us stay at
his house.
Perfect strangers.
That's kind of weird.
Bad idea to talk to strangers.
Now you all remember now,
like I said about my family,
ain't quite typical...
especially you big city folk,
you're big city folk right?
Yeah.
Brother!
Hey!
Sweetheart!
Good to see ya.
This here is my baby sister
Ruth.
Candy. Everybody calls me
Candy.
Incest... check.
Gosh, Ruth is kind of an old
sounding name
don't you think?
Yeah.
Hi. June.
Jay.
So why do they call you Candy?
Because I am the sweetest thing
in this entire county.
I bet you are.
Hi. I am Nancy and I am not
amused.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, Mama.
Oh.
This here is Ron.
He and his friends,
they got stuck in route 33.
They going be staying the night,
if that's okay.
Oh, well how do you do?
Good to meet you Ma'am.
How many friends did you say?
Ah, they'll be six of them.
Six!
Some real good party.
Yeah!
It's my brother's 45th.
Now, I know you can't believe
that I would have a son that
old, can you?
I never would've guessed ma'am.
You look great.
Oh well now, aren't you just
most charming
little devil, you.
Will you stop that!
Shit fire, Mama!
I'd told you not to get in my
cooking.
Yes ma'am.
We are gonna have
some real good party tonight.
Ah, you do like cake don't you?
I love cake.
Oh I hope we have enough...
nice meeting you, I'll be right
in.
And get that chaw out of your
mouth.
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you.
One set of lovers campus beds.
These beds are really sturdy.
See, Cody is really good with
his tools.
Ron and I will take this room.
Great. Okay so there's two more
rooms
down the hall, so just make
yourselves at home.
I gotta go get ready for the
show.
Show?
You'll see.
Give that bitch a show.
Babe, mellow...
Hello?
Oh hi, honey, what?
That's great news, I'll see you
then.
That was Papa, so we can start
the show.
He said he'd be home in time for
dinner.
Cody!
Are you drinking a Pepsi?
Have you offer these folks a
Pepsi
or a beer?
Where are your manners?
When are you gonna learn to be
hospitable?
I'm sorry Mama.
All right well you do the right
thing now,
have a beer Pepsi.
Yes Mama.
You want Pepsi?
Hey. Yay!
Okay guys
just don't make fun of my
outfit.
I grew a bit since I graduated.
Do you want to tell her that
her outfit
isn't a problem or shall I?
Brady loves my cheers.
Ruthie and Cody, Candy and all
of them.
Candy, Ruthie likes to be called
Candy now.
I love Candy!
Yeah we all love Candy.
Give me a G.
Yay!
I don't have a good feeling
about this.
Nah this is cool.
Come on everybody.
Give me an R, A.
It's kosher, trust me.
Okay now give me an S.
S!
Okay, that does spells?
Generals!
Way to go Brady, Way to go
Brady.
Happy birthday.
Ah...
I missed the show.
Honey.
You wore your apron home again.
Yeah, I've been busy.
I can't believe you don't
know...
have smell that thing when you
are driving home.
Oh stop it, it's just me, I'm a
butcher.
Everybody let's eat, we'll ah,
make
introductions at the table.
Now where you kids heading, uh?
Ran away from home.
That isn't funny, don't insult
our guests.
Really not that insulting.
No...
Aren't you guys eating?
There is plenty of food.
Yeah go and get you some.
No, where are not gonna eat,
because we are not fucking
cannibals.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
You guys are those vegetarians.
Silly me, I should've of known,
big city kids.
I'm sorry I should've made you
more vegetables.
We're not vegetarians.
Well then.
What is it then?
That you insult our
intelligence ma'am.
We know what you inbred
hillbillies are up to.
Now that's insulting.
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to...
ask you kids to leave.
Why because we are not falling
for your
fucking tricks, not eating your
poison food?
Not willing to become your next
set of victims?
What in the hell are you
talking about.
Don't piss him off lady.
You are starting to piss him
off.
Mama I'm getting scared.
Shut the fuck up you little
tramp.
That's enough!
I want some salt.
Where is he, huh?
The other brother.
The one with the chain saw,
power drill,
you guys keep him locked up in
the basement,
waiting for us to get all doped
up on your
poison food. Is that it?
Now listen boy, I've got the
van,
I think it's best you all sleep
outside tonight.
Okay, I don't want no shit y'all
happen to be on,
but you're scaring my family.
Scared?
And that ain't right.
You wanna see something really
scary?
Yes!
Ow... Ow...
You know what pistol whipped
is?
Check this shit hole out,
I'm sure there's place where
they are
keeping the bodies, or at least
all this shit that they jacked.
Shut up!
Stand her together; Just in
case anybody
gets sloppy I want you to fuss
them all.
Whoa...
Why y'all doing this?
Justice, payback.
It's the right thing to do.
Why are you splitting everybody
up.
It's psychological,
see what you think is going on,
is almost always worse than
what's really going on...
Although we do intend to do
some pretty wicked shit.
That sounds gruesome.
No. God, no.
Y'all think we killed
them Potterville kids don't you?
And the spring break kids
and the missing girl scouts, or
the hitch hiker?
No, I swear we didn't have
anything to do with it.
I swear you have the wrong
people.
I don't think so.
I am going to ask you one more
time.
You got monogrammed shit
all over the house.
Okay, you have an extra place
setting
at the fuckin table.
So where is Rusty?
Rusty is our son.
He was lost in the war.
He never came home.
I always set a place for him.
Why are you trying my patience.
Bitch, do you want to die?
Okay, okay it's your birthday.
What do you want for your
birthday?
It'll be like magic.
I want my cake.
Try this. Try this, come on.
What?
I'm eating them all night.
Don't worry about it, man.
It's your birthday, man.
You're not getting cake, fuck
tard.
You're not getting cake.
Good girl, one, two.
Nice, nice.
Nice little torture chamber we
have here.
Okay, okay, okay.
Calm down, no tears, you want
cake?
Yeah.
Here is the fuckin cake, here
it is.
I want cake. Big piece.
Tell me what are you?
Necrophiliacs? Pedophiles?
Not that I have any fucking
idea.
Fuckin republicans you son of a
bitch
That an old picture of Tricky
Dick up there.
I mean, not that that explains
anything at all.
Even though there are plenty of
cannibals
with pictures of Nixon on the
wall.
You know what I'm saying?
I am what you might call a
nympho.
I'm always horny.
I think about sex every second.
Mmm. Yum. Cake is good!
Good!
Do you want some?
You can have a piece.
You can have a piece, we can
share it
with your friends.
Wait!
Cake, you want some?
Have a piece of cake.
Hello?
Shit.
You all right?
Yeah, I'm cool.
Your fella is on fire tonight.
That's far out.
Dynamite.
So you got some dirt, right?
Man, these people are all good.
Tight as a drum.
Even checked back in the shed.
Nada.
But they are guilty, you know?
Who.
Ronnie is always right.
Yeah. Ronnie is always right.
Yeah I do know one thing
though,
I am way too sober for this
shit.
Wanna rock a speedball?
Hey,
just promise you won't touch my
tits okay?
Promise.
This guy he is a fuckin demon.
Hey get a grip, Hoss.
He is a fuckin demon.
Hey, calm down.
Why you gone like this?
Us?
We're normal, you're the
weirdoes.
It is 1975,
who the fuck doesn't own a
television?
We just want to be left alone,
that's all.
Just want to be left alone.
Too bad, bro. We are all in
this together.
See what you do effects other
people.
You know that tow truck out
there?
It spits shit out into the air.
And that pollution is causing
the planet to cool.
Yeah that's right fucko.
Another ice age because of
idiots like you.
It's called global cooling
You serious?
Fuckin right I am!
Why the fuck can't you people
just be normal?
You know I am a little
disappointed, I...
thought a hooker like you would
perform better.
Huh?
Are you itchy, I am itchy.
I'm a little itchy, I'm a little
itchy.
I got some bug spray.
Does Candy have some crabs.
You got some crabs?
Maybe sweet little Candy has the
crabs.
Stop it, please.
Say cheese.
Birthday Brady, birthday Brady.
Yeah I am just getting warmed
up.
Hey you ready Mamma?
You ready for the show?
It's my birthday.
No cut a piece. Cut a piece. Cut
a piece.
Don't take, cut apiece!
Did we get them little bugs
out? Hmm?
Why don't you just chew on
these for a minute.
Make yourself useful.
It's gonna be good.
Okay, ready?
Sit tight back there.
I'll get you all ready.
Come on, come on.
No, No.
Don't waste that good shit.
You're wasting it.
Come on.
It is good.
I know.
Wow!
It's why you married him, you
know?
It is good!
Real beautiful, fucking crazy
beautiful.
What?
What are you saying?
Yeah, come on.
Come on.
No, no, no, my cake.
What?
It's mine.
What?
Fucking Bitch!
Fucking shoot in me.
Jesus.
Fucking Bitch!
What the fuck happened?
Why did you do that?
This is my cake!
Now what?
Jesus.
That bitch has a gun!
Whew!
So... fucking pervert.
Ron?
Ron, what happened?
She got all fucked up.
Where's Nancy?
Nancy is missing, you go find
her.
But first shut that old hag up.
Okay.
I'm going to take care of the
retard.
Yeah.
Hey. What happened?
I want some cake.
Can I have some more cake?
Your friend ate my cake, I
shared.
I did.
And he took more.
Can I have some cake?
You know maybe at the end of
the day,
she really does make sense.
This isn't like last year.
I didn't have any friends at my
party last year.
Fuck me.
I just hope this Rusty shows
up.
Because I'll be ready for him.
Rusty can't come home.
He's with grandma and grandpa
now.
Cody? Ooh.
Maybe we should just leave it
up to fate.
Can you wake up my brother he
has to take me
to the mall on Thursday.
Okay monkey boy.
Game. I like games, I play
games.
I am good at games.
Checkers and cards
and ping pong.
Since things got a little out
of hand
I figure it's the only way to
keep it fair.
Pow.
Look at you super star.
You got yourself a second
chance.
That's a gun.
A gun.
And its for you.
My dad has a gun. He wont let
me touch it
He says it's dangerous.
It is.
Dangerous. Dangerous.
That's right, it's time for you
to exercise
your second amendment rights
friend.
Cody says that
"Guns don't kill people. People
kill people."
We went hunting.
Cody took me.
Don't be shy.
Come on.
Aim that thing right her.
And he shot a deer and we ate
it.
Shoot me.
And it was dry, I didn't like
it.
Shoot me.
Oh come on and shoot me,
you retarded mother fucker.
Okay.
Did I?
Did I win?
Jerry?
Hey Jerry, Jerry wake up.
Jerry wake up.
Where are we?
I don't know, convenience
store?
What happened
I was passed out.
Here is some tea
to warm you up.
There you go, sport.
Oh darling let me help you.
There you go.
Kind of a rough night up there,
huh?
We don't know what you are
talking about.
We got real drunk, and...
Passed out real early.
Real early.
Drinks?
Are you sure about that?
You still have that rig
tied around your arm.
I am sure you don't need that to
throw back
a couple of cold ones.
Shame what happened to the
Slaughter family.
Slaughter family?
Oh yeah.
Slaughter
That was their, that's their
name.
Kind of ironic seeing as how
Billy Jack was a butcher.
Ah, been having a tough time
last couple of years.
Rusty and all.
Their son.
It was kinda tough on me too
being in the middle
of the family situation like
that,
having to keep that secret.
How do you mean?
Well, Rusty got a little messed
up
in Johnson's war over there.
Brutally disfigured, face all
burnt up.
He didn't want to come back
to the family looking like that.
He wasn't ready for normal
society.
So we just decided to tell them
he's dead.
And I told him he could come
here and live with me
and I would help him out with
his issues.
Jerry?
They turn our boys in to killing
machines.
It's hard to let go.
Hey, maybe someday
Rusty will just want to stop
killing.
Could maybe even turn back to be
normal.
Rusty!
That was great!
I have never seen that one
before.
And I thought I have seen every
slasher
especially from the seventies.
Will you stop talking?
You talked through the entire
film.
Nobody does that not even
Agatha.
And she's crazy.
I'm sorry.
Maybe we can just be friends.
I already have the best friends
in the world.
I don't need friends.
What I need is true love's first
kiss,
and you are definitely not it.
Okay, okay, don't have to get
all crazy.
Crazy, crazy, psycho?
The last boy said mean things,
too.
No, no, no. This is real?
This is real?
Uh, hello? Welcome to the
undead movie party.
So do you all think
we should let him go?
Probably not a good idea.
This
is going
to be
harder
than I
thought.
Ah. All better.
Who's that?
Hello?
Is anybody here.
I am here about the items you
posted
on craigslist.
I didn't post.
I did.
Oh
He was trying to make a little
extra money.
Ah. Well this is a great place
you have here.
It's a real fixer upper.
Are you guys putting on a show
or something?
Something.
Okay. That is my personal space
thank you.
Here we go these are all
antiques.
Each one is $10,
or you can take the whole box
for $100.
Wow, okay yeah.
This is actually some great
stuff here.
You should take this.
Okay, but I was thinking more
about the...
It's free.
Free?
Free?
Well, great. Okay.
Yeah, I mean it's just like the
kind I had as a kid...
You should really do that at
home.
Okay I will do that at home.
Thank you, for the...
and let me know about the whole
show thing I'll buy tickets and
bring the family.
Goodbye.
Should we go after him?
Oh no I think we got him
covered.
Sorry about the lack of
finances, Wolfboy.
That's okay I am more worried
about Penny.
Oh that's sweet.
Feels like this true love thing
is
right in front of me
starring me in the face.
What should we do in the mean
time?
Let's watch a movie.
"Halloween"
Froggy Fresh
and Money maker Mike, of
course
Ghosts, goblins and monsters
galore
I don't even wanna trick or
treat no more.
Some of the scariest things
I've ever seen.
You know what I mean? It's
Halloween.
Ghosts, goblins and monsters
galore
I don't even wanna trick or
treat no more.
Some of the scariest things
I've ever seen.
You know what I mean.
It's Halloween.
It was October 31st
Me and Mike have walked 10
miles
and we were dying of thirst
Then all of a sudden
we remembered about the curse
It was the curse of the
Birmingham hearse
On this very night, 20 years
ago
A big black hearse went
spinning off the road
For no good reason it blew all
4 tires
And guess who was inside it?
Mike Myers
We heard stories but we knew
they weren't true
About the boy who went
missing,
They only found his shoes.
Scary, but it never happened
to us
We weren't afraid, we were way
too tough
But then we heard a noise,
and then a creepy voice
Was it a monster?
Was it James and his boys?
Then Mike Myers came busting
out the bush
We got up on the bike,
I screamed "Push Mike, push!"
Ghosts, goblins and monsters
galore
I don't even wanna trick or
treat no more.
Some of the scariest things
I've ever seen.
You know what I mean.
It's Halloween.
Ghosts, goblins and monsters
galore
I don't even wanna trick or
treat no more.
Some of the scariest things
I've ever seen.
You know what I mean.
It's Halloween.
Mike pedaled fast but it
wasn't fast enough
Mike Myers never runs but he
always catches up.
He knocked us down and we both
went flying
The candy sprayed everywhere
and Mike started crying
Forget the candy Mike,
go and grab your stinking bike
Plus we got a bunch of candy
I don't even really like
Mike, he's got a stinking
knife,
We're about to loose our life
Pedal Mike, pedal Mike,
pedal Mike with all your
might.
We pedaled and pedaled,
it felt like forever
He said it had never happen,
well... never say never
I took a look behind me,
I didn't see a thing
But then my shoelace
got caught up in the chain.
The bike swerved, the bike
crashed
And then we both got covered
in trash
And right before
our heads are about to get
hacked off
Mike Myers takes his mask off
Ghosts, goblins and monsters
galore
I don't even wanna trick or
treat no more.
Some of the scariest things
I've ever seen.
You know what I mean.
It's Halloween.
Ghosts, goblins and monsters
galore
I don't even wanna trick or
treat no more.
Some of the scariest things
I've ever seen.
You know what I mean.
It's Halloween.
Happy Halloween, everybody.
It's done, mum.
We've made the selection and
it's ready for you.
The perfect edit.
"Pop Goes the Weasel"
This is so amazing, isn't it?
No, it's kind of creepy, honey.
No, just watch.
It's exactly like the kind I had
as a child,
and the lady, she didn't even
charge me for it.
She just gave it to me.
No, I'm sorry.
That's just weird.
It's not weirder than your doll
collection.
My vintage Barbies aren't
terrifying.
Ken sure is.
"Pop Goes the Weasel"
"Pop Goes the Weasel"
"Pop Goes the Weasel"
Tonight's the big night.
Everything needs to be perfect.
Are you sure this is a good
idea?
Whatever do you mean?
We've never exactly had guests.
Oh.
It's only been the three of us
as long as I can remember.
And the girls.
Of course the girls.
The girls.
You're not scared are you,
Neddy?
A little.
Oh.
And, Penny, you know it takes a
lot frighten me.
Well, don't worry.
Everything will be perfect.
I've waited my whole
non-existent life for this.
The excitement, the romance,
the magical power of true love's
first kiss.
Oh, it'll be tremendous,
stupendous,
spontaneously wonderful.
Penny,
might ask you, where exactly
did you find this gentleman?
The Internet.
You can find almost anything on
the internet.
Come on.
Mum,
what if our guests just don't
respond well to us?
Well, fiddle-dee-dee.
What's not to love?
Come on, help me get ready.
What if they suspect that we's
different,
that we's not normal?
Ah, whew.
Look if he causes any trouble
and he's not
the one then well, we'll just
handle it.
By handle it do you mean
politely ask him to leave?
No we slit his throat and chop
him
into a million pieces and throw
him
into the incinerator.
Very good, mum.
How do I look?
You look...
you look...
Oh, he's here!
Bugger.
Yello?
Hello.
You must be Rex.
Yeah that's me.
I'm Penny.
Welcome to my...
Great! You wanna go grab a taco
or a drink or something?
No silly, we're in a movie
theater,
we're gonna watch a movie.
A scary one.
Now we all have to be on our
very best behavior.
Tonight we have a special guest.
Judith?
No slouching.
That's better.
Ok that's a little strange.
No talking during the movie.
Shh.
Popcorn?
Sure.
Actually I'm good.
Hey you know what? Why don't...
Shhh, it's starting.
Oh God.
It's fine.
Whatever happened last night,
it's fine.
We made it home all in one
piece.
Mostly.
Oh God.
I ordered the chocolate glaze,
you can have the one with
sprinkles.
Are you telling me
there's only one chocolate
doughnut?
No! Wait! There's...
one with chocolate glaze.
And two with chocolate doughnut
and chocolate glaze.
Does a doughnut with only
chocolate glaze
count as a chocolate doughnut?
I don't know but gimmie it.
Nothing happened.
I swear.
Just...
one innocent flirtation that's
it.
Can we at least talk about it?
Alice please.
Charlie don't.
What do you want me to say?
I'm not a mind reader.
Well great, this is just great.
So we're just gonna sit out here
all night, huh?
Let's just go inside.
We'll have a good time,
then we can work this all out in
the morning.
Come on.
Yeah, then everything will be
fine right?
It's weird, I'm not...
I'm not even jealous or angry.
I'm just...
I'm just numb.
I've been meaning to do this
for awhile now...
I just never found the right
time.
Would you...
Alice...
you just... just put it on.
I'm, I'm sorry Charlie.
I can't do this.
What? Isn't this what you want
from me?
What more can I do for you?
Charlie you're drunk and you're
confused
but this isn't a solution to any
of this.
Just...
Take it.
Please?
Just...
Think it over.
Maybe you'll come around.
I really need to be alone right
now.
I'm sorry.
Please don't follow me.
What!
You know, why don't you just
pawn
the God damn rock?
It's okay.
I had the doughnut.
Morning.
You guys seen Theo?
I'm making art.
I can see that.
You missed an amazing party.
What'd you guys do?
What is this, a joke?
We got trashed.
Sit. Sit!
Come on!
Sit.
That's better.
I missed you.
Whoa!
You are going to need these.
I'm sorry.
Now that I think about it.
I haven't seen the cat.
That's weird.
Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty,
kitty.
Theo.
Thanks Charlie.
Here kitty, kitty, kitty,
kitty.
So, really, none of us have
seen the cat?
Anniversary party.
Tonight at the lake, if you're
coming.
Yeah. I remember.
They're going to be really happy
to see me.
I'll be home by seven.
Who are?
What do you mean? They love you.
Besides your drunkenness
and general lack of pedigree.
So, where'd you go last night?
Oh, God, honestly I don't even
remember.
It's all kind of a fog.
Convenient.
It takes a true drunk to black
out.
Alice, you never cease to amaze.
You should've been there.
Yeah, you should've been there.
Um, have you seen the keys?
Don't you have to work, Angel?
My world would be so dark and
lost without you.
You're pure enlightenment.
I'm enlightenment.
Where are my keys?
Of course.
I'm, off.
Great.
Oh, God.
Freedom in a bottle.
All you have to do,
...is drink.
Whoa!
So, of course,
I called the water company.
He says he doesn't know how long
it will take to fix it.
Can you believe that?
Not like it's his job or
anything.
That is so unprofessional.
The least they could do
would be to give us some kind of
timeframe.
A place like this.
Almost makes you feel more
alone.
It's funny isn't it?
I'm talking to somebody, am I
right?
Maybe it's just some sick joke.
To making us think that we
deserve...
Or really, maybe, maybe,
maybe...
This is just all there is.
You're welcome
Gosh, I seem to be talking on.
I'm sorry you don't know me.
Don't be sorry.
I think...
I think it would be nice to get
to know you.
Why? You gonna give my ring
back?
Oh. Yes.
I apologize.
It's not even really mine.
I'm not married or anything.
Look. You should probably
really head home.
This place can get a little
rough.
I thought you said
you want to get to know me.
Beside it can't be all bad,
you're here.
Can we get another round of what
ever he's having?
Clive.
Alice.
Hey.
Sorry, I did it again.
Remember we've got that meeting
today at 2.
Did you do something with your
hair?
Hey, Jim, have you ever have
one of those nights where you
think
you may have changed your life
forever,
but you just cannot
remember what happened?
Are you kidding?
Most patrol nights back in
Korea.
Yeah I figured.
Has charlie been fooling around
again?
You know, I'm not sure.
But thanks for reminding me.
You've been a big help.
Anytime sugar.
So the meeting?
Be there or be square.
I'll get ya in on a little
secret.
It's Sue's birthday.
There will be cake.
I don't think I'm gonna make
it.
Actually, I haven't been feeling
so well.
I think I'm just gonna pop on
over
to the doctors and get a check
up.
That's too bad.
What a bummer you'll miss the
cake and the streamers.
I think it's vanilla with
a butter-cream frosting.
That's what I'm hoping for.
Do you want me to save you a
piece?
Alice?
Yes.
Dizziness?
Yes.
Fever?
Yes.
And memory lapses...
Huh, stomach pain loss of
appetite?
Yes.
Ok, were gonna need to run a
few tests.
I'll have the receptionist call
you in a day or two.
Whats wrong with me?
At this point, there are lots
of possibilities.
When I get the blood work back
we'll know more.
So this could just be a really
bad hangover?
Should it be?
That's the thing, I...
I can't seem to remember.
My memory's a little foggy.
Well, just try and get some
rest.
Thank you.
Hello.
We really have to do something
about this heat.
How did you...
I'm special.
But you already knew that.
Look I'm, I'm sorry, is there
something
I can do for you miss?
Doctors can't help you.
Are you following me?
Ya know,
you pull off decomposition very
well, I must say.
It's cute and vile all at the
same time.
It's very sexy.
I know it's silly but I missed
you
and I'm sure you missed me too.
Look I'm sorry.
I don't know who you think I am
or what you suppose
happened between us but you're
imagining it.
Please leave me alone.
You're dying inside.
Every little organ is slowly
giving out,
one by one by one.
You're experiencing life in a
way
you never thought possible,
sounds are heightened,
reflexes faster,
touch,
taste,
smell...
Wow look what the cat dragged
in,
I have missed you.
Three shots of Ouzo.
I'm sorry I didn't mean...
I'm just...
You're not going anywhere.
I'm sorry if you think me rude.
I'm just not that good with
strangers.
What is that perfume you're
wearing?
I'm not wearing any perfume.
Alice, have you ever been with
a woman?
You have such a sad, sad look on
your face.
Jess, leave her alone.
So like a man Clive.
Uninspired.
So this is what we're going to
do.
Your gonna take this,
and then you're coming with me.
See that wasn't so bad.
You are so soft.
What the hell this is my house,
how did you?
We have to do something
about that memory of yours.
Of course, gallivanting around
outside all day
hasn't helped.
You still have a lot to learn.
What in God's name are you?
God?
God has nothing to do with this.
I was the one that took a sad,
pitiful,
meaningless girl and turned her
into something truly
spectacular;
And now it's your turn
to return the favor.
On one hand you can become a
rotting corpse
and on another...
a god among men.
Oh my God, are you insane?
Drink.
Have you listened to yourself?
Have you looked at yourself?
Go on take a look.
You have minutes...
seconds left on this earth.
Last night I gave you a vial,
but it's not
enough to change you, not
completely.
Oh my God.
Oh my God, oh my God, am I going
insane?
Why couldn't you just leave me
alone to die?
I could have.
But for crying out loud.
There, there.
Maybe you weren't special in
this world.
Maybe you weren't loved the way
you needed to be loved.
But you can be with me.
"House of the Risin' Sun"
You've done this before.
You are the only thing I'm
thinking about.
I want you so bad don't be
afraid.
Alice,
why weren't you at work?
I've been calling you.
Jess, please. Let him go.
What the hell?
Alice are you okay?
Listen to me, if you've hurt
her...
You're pretty.
I would have expected you to be
taller.
You're kind of cute.
All talk no bite.
Jess, don't please.
Something I forgot to mention
how is it that humans
don't know we exist?
It's strange right?
See anytime one finds out,
they cease to exist.
That's it.
Do you feel the hunger
growing inside of you?
It will only grow and grow until
you drink.
Charlie...
You're a monster
Watch
How powerful is a kiss?
A blending of the minds.
Charlie dear, why don't you
go lie down you look tired.
But I want to be near you.
Go.
Yes, of course.
Charlie... Charlie...
Alright.
Charlie.
Charlie.
It's amazing.
It's sexy isn't it.
Power.
So what happens now?
We drink his blood and then
what?
Do we live together forever?
Well, yes.
Except you will drink.
He's too common for my taste.
Inbred spoiled brats like him
have such thin blood.
Past this puritanical disguise
I know your true nature.
We will be the perfect match.
Yes but I don't want to
hurt the people I love.
Oh, for crying out loud, Alice.
How long are you going to keep
this up.
Theo? Theo?
You... You ate my cat?
Yes.
When we got back I was in the
mood
for something sweet.
Oh, so you can eat my cat
but you can't eat my boyfriend?
Are you really surprised?
You know we can do this all day,
we have an eternity to work
things out.
Right now, we have a boy that
needs draining
and I really think it would be
better for both of us
if you did it before he was
fully conscious.
Don't you?
You're right.
You've been right all along.
I don't know what's wrong with
me.
I shouldn't be fighting you.
I should be grateful to you.
You saved me.
I always knew you would come
around.
You are different.
I knew it from the moment we
met.
Yes, we will always be together.
Yes, we'll always be together.
I love you so bad.
It's ok.
"When Summer Is Through"
"Hand In Mine"
So what's a nice guy like you
doing in a place like this?
What do you say you and I get
out of here?
Ya hey!
Wow! Wow, wow...
Now, as we always do, we shall
discuss.
Ladies?
What do you mean?
How can you say that?
Your opinions are so whacky.
I think we've had enough of your
negativity.
Whoa, whoa, Jesus Christ.
Sorry.
I'm so sorry you had to see
that.
Okay. Put the gun down now,
psycho.
Okay?
Oops.
Yeah.
Oh, pointing loaded guns at
people is rude.
Yeah.
Okay, I'm just going to walk out
of here now.
Okay? Nice and slow, I'm just
going to...
No.
No, wait.
You're supposed to stay.
You're supposed to give me a
kiss,
a kiss of true love.
I knew this was going to
happen.
Yep.
Okay, listen, lady.
This is too much for me, okay?
The creepy theater, the old
movie,
talking to dolls.
I mean, at first I was like,
"Hey, cool costume.
Nice ass. Maybe I could hit
that."
You know?
Okay, look.
Look, if you want to we can
still
go back to my place and get it
on.
Just not in front of the freak
show
you got going on over here.
So what do you say?
We get a nice bottle of booze,
go back to my place, put on a
little...
Dirty, dirty, nasty boy.
And to think I thought you could
give me
my first kiss.
Help!
Oh.
Help me!
No, no, you keep bleeding.
You're a very, very bad man.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, thanks, Neddy.
It's okay.
I double booked just in case
things didn't work out.
Wolfboy,
go get the chainsaw
and the trash bags.
Do you mind if I snacked a bit
first?
We rarely get meals so fresh.
This is true.
Oh, go ahead.
He's here early.
Hello?
Hello?
Welcome.
My, my, my.
What perfection.
It's an amazing look.
These look so real.
You're so cold.
Do you need a jacket or a cape?
I have something to show you.
This is so great.
You know, you should really post
some tips
on how to your look on the
cosplay boards.
I have a Facebook group too.
You should...
...this place. Wow!
You know, this would really be
like
the best date ever.
Oh!
Amazing!
What props, and the makeup?
You really didn't have to
do all this for me. I mean
this...
It's for true love.
I mean, that's great.
I mean, you know I'm into the
whole
horror movie thing and
everything,
but you didn't have to do all
this.
This is...
Okay, this is your seat
and I'm sitting right here.
Oh, okay. Yeah, great.
Let's do this.
So...
You talk a lot.
I'm sorry.
Am I talking a lot?
I talk a lot when I get nervous
and I'm really nervous right now
because I rarely ever go out on
dates.
Rarely.
I mean, like never,
and you're so...
hot!
If I'm not being too forward.
I'm really glad we met.
Okay, it's time for the movie.
What kind of film is this?
Is it a creature feature, or a
slasher,
or aliens?
It's a good one.
Cool!
Hey, babe.
I supposed
old Manna the bear and her cubs
are about bedded down for the
winter.
Yoo-hoo, anyone home?
Hi, Mr. Ranger.
Hey, mom, Mr. Ranger's here.
What's up, man?
Good morning.
Fucking cartoons.
What time is it?
Three, I think...
Where's Nancy at?
She's waking the others.
Come on guys, we have to hit
the road.
We're coming.
Seriously guys come on I know
what you're doing.
We have to hit the road.
I really shouldn't...
...Betty's going to be pissed.
Fuck her.
You guys are seriously toking?
Don't be mad?
I won't be mad if you don't
bogart the thing...
Pass the Jane.
My girl is the coolest thing
in the world.
Way cool
Hey baby what's up?
They're in there doing it
again.
You guys what the fuck are you
doing?
It's totally Zen baby.
All aces.
Really? Well I don't want to
stay
another night in this dump.
We have shit to do.
You know what? You're right.
Come on.
Let's jam brother.
Upsy daisy.
Hello. Hello?
This makes shop lifting easy.
We really are in the sticks.
The bathrooms locked.
How're you all doing?
Sorry nature called.
Great do you have the key to
the bathroom?
The bathroom ain't worked in
ten years.
Should have just boarded it up
instead of locking it.
Suggestions then?
I usually go out back behind
the oil drums.
You have any cold beers boss?
Oh yeah sure.
American beer only.
None of that European crap.
Works for me.
Can I get seven dollars on pump
2?
Fillin' er' up. Alright.
You kids on spring break?
Something like that.
Don't get very many vacationers
up here anymore,
especially since all the bad
press
this place has been getting.
Oh you are talking about those
missing persons.
Serial killers, monsters in the
woods...
Some'n like that.
Oh hey, man.
Yeah, let me take a couple of
these.
Alright.
Oh honey, I need some Bit O'
Honey.
Are you serious.
We'll take these
not these.
Hello?
Do you want a bag for them?
No we're drinking in the car.
Alright, we're jetting!
Guess what? I'm commandeering
the 8 track.
No more of that Captain &
Tennille bullshit.
11 missing people
over the past three years
all within a sixty mile radius.
I haven't seen a town for sixty
miles.
Yeah seriously, your research
is not exactly spot on...
the last three hot spots...
hot spots had nothing, zilch.
I just read the news.
How can you read a coloring
book?
I vote we keep driving.
I'll make that call.
Oh. Oh, okay.
Make the call.
Put your foot down. Oooh.
My van, my road trip, my rules.
Could someone get their twist
in a joint,
and turn up the music please?
Hey what do you want to listen
to, Jerry?
No Doobie Brothers.
We can't listen to music
we'll miss the hot spots, right
guys?
Could we at least put some
tunes on?
There's no power.
Oh God.
Hey Jerry, tell us a story?
You're always so funny.
Oh. Oh no, Jerry is not very
entertaining.
Hey, I resent that.
I think that you are very
entertaining
No, no please don't give him a
hand job
in this car. We don't want to
see that.
Guys I think someone is coming.
No shit.
Not in here out there.
Hey, pretty thing.
What seems to be the problem?
We're stuck can you help us?
Yeah I'll take a look.
Lost a spark plug wire.
Well shit fire and save
matches, boy.
How long have you been driving?
- All night at least five hours.
- Five hours, yeah.
Deader then a door nail.
Really?
I ain't got that part in my
shop.
You'll have to wait till
morning.
Is there a motel nearby
or somewhere you can take us?
Yeah?
Nearest motel is about 100
miles back that way.
Oh. That's where we just came
from.
He's not that creepy.
No, he's...
he's creepy.
Are you desperate enough I guess
I can let you all stay at my
place.
Really you'd do that?
Sure, fix it in the morning.
It would take me
fifteen minutes to put the part
on.
Take no time at all.
We don't want to be any
imposition.
Ain't no trouble. Just gotta
give you
a heads up though,
my family's a might bit
eccentric
if that don't bother you.
Different strokes for different
folks, right?
We just don't want to sleep in
the van again.
Why don't you hop in the truck
there, boy.
And you, pretty little thing,
hop in the van
Appreciate it.
Who would stop in the middle of
the night?
He is going to let us stay at
his house.
Perfect strangers.
That's kind of weird.
Bad idea to talk to strangers.
Now you all remember now,
like I said about my family,
ain't quite typical...
especially you big city folk,
you're big city folk right?
Yeah.
Brother!
Hey!
Sweetheart!
Good to see ya.
This here is my baby sister
Ruth.
Candy. Everybody calls me
Candy.
Incest... check.
Gosh, Ruth is kind of an old
sounding name
don't you think?
Yeah.
Hi. June.
Jay.
So why do they call you Candy?
Because I am the sweetest thing
in this entire county.
I bet you are.
Hi. I am Nancy and I am not
amused.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, Mama.
Oh.
This here is Ron.
He and his friends,
they got stuck in route 33.
They going be staying the night,
if that's okay.
Oh, well how do you do?
Good to meet you Ma'am.
How many friends did you say?
Ah, they'll be six of them.
Six!
Some real good party.
Yeah!
It's my brother's 45th.
Now, I know you can't believe
that I would have a son that
old, can you?
I never would've guessed ma'am.
You look great.
Oh well now, aren't you just
most charming
little devil, you.
Will you stop that!
Shit fire, Mama!
I'd told you not to get in my
cooking.
Yes ma'am.
We are gonna have
some real good party tonight.
Ah, you do like cake don't you?
I love cake.
Oh I hope we have enough...
nice meeting you, I'll be right
in.
And get that chaw out of your
mouth.
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you.
One set of lovers campus beds.
These beds are really sturdy.
See, Cody is really good with
his tools.
Ron and I will take this room.
Great. Okay so there's two more
rooms
down the hall, so just make
yourselves at home.
I gotta go get ready for the
show.
Show?
You'll see.
Give that bitch a show.
Babe, mellow...
Hello?
Oh hi, honey, what?
That's great news, I'll see you
then.
That was Papa, so we can start
the show.
He said he'd be home in time for
dinner.
Cody!
Are you drinking a Pepsi?
Have you offer these folks a
Pepsi
or a beer?
Where are your manners?
When are you gonna learn to be
hospitable?
I'm sorry Mama.
All right well you do the right
thing now,
have a beer Pepsi.
Yes Mama.
You want Pepsi?
Hey. Yay!
Okay guys
just don't make fun of my
outfit.
I grew a bit since I graduated.
Do you want to tell her that
her outfit
isn't a problem or shall I?
Brady loves my cheers.
Ruthie and Cody, Candy and all
of them.
Candy, Ruthie likes to be called
Candy now.
I love Candy!
Yeah we all love Candy.
Give me a G.
Yay!
I don't have a good feeling
about this.
Nah this is cool.
Come on everybody.
Give me an R, A.
It's kosher, trust me.
Okay now give me an S.
S!
Okay, that does spells?
Generals!
Way to go Brady, Way to go
Brady.
Happy birthday.
Ah...
I missed the show.
Honey.
You wore your apron home again.
Yeah, I've been busy.
I can't believe you don't
know...
have smell that thing when you
are driving home.
Oh stop it, it's just me, I'm a
butcher.
Everybody let's eat, we'll ah,
make
introductions at the table.
Now where you kids heading, uh?
Ran away from home.
That isn't funny, don't insult
our guests.
Really not that insulting.
No...
Aren't you guys eating?
There is plenty of food.
Yeah go and get you some.
No, where are not gonna eat,
because we are not fucking
cannibals.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
You guys are those vegetarians.
Silly me, I should've of known,
big city kids.
I'm sorry I should've made you
more vegetables.
We're not vegetarians.
Well then.
What is it then?
That you insult our
intelligence ma'am.
We know what you inbred
hillbillies are up to.
Now that's insulting.
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to...
ask you kids to leave.
Why because we are not falling
for your
fucking tricks, not eating your
poison food?
Not willing to become your next
set of victims?
What in the hell are you
talking about.
Don't piss him off lady.
You are starting to piss him
off.
Mama I'm getting scared.
Shut the fuck up you little
tramp.
That's enough!
I want some salt.
Where is he, huh?
The other brother.
The one with the chain saw,
power drill,
you guys keep him locked up in
the basement,
waiting for us to get all doped
up on your
poison food. Is that it?
Now listen boy, I've got the
van,
I think it's best you all sleep
outside tonight.
Okay, I don't want no shit y'all
happen to be on,
but you're scaring my family.
Scared?
And that ain't right.
You wanna see something really
scary?
Yes!
Ow... Ow...
You know what pistol whipped
is?
Check this shit hole out,
I'm sure there's place where
they are
keeping the bodies, or at least
all this shit that they jacked.
Shut up!
Stand her together; Just in
case anybody
gets sloppy I want you to fuss
them all.
Whoa...
Why y'all doing this?
Justice, payback.
It's the right thing to do.
Why are you splitting everybody
up.
It's psychological,
see what you think is going on,
is almost always worse than
what's really going on...
Although we do intend to do
some pretty wicked shit.
That sounds gruesome.
No. God, no.
Y'all think we killed
them Potterville kids don't you?
And the spring break kids
and the missing girl scouts, or
the hitch hiker?
No, I swear we didn't have
anything to do with it.
I swear you have the wrong
people.
I don't think so.
I am going to ask you one more
time.
You got monogrammed shit
all over the house.
Okay, you have an extra place
setting
at the fuckin table.
So where is Rusty?
Rusty is our son.
He was lost in the war.
He never came home.
I always set a place for him.
Why are you trying my patience.
Bitch, do you want to die?
Okay, okay it's your birthday.
What do you want for your
birthday?
It'll be like magic.
I want my cake.
Try this. Try this, come on.
What?
I'm eating them all night.
Don't worry about it, man.
It's your birthday, man.
You're not getting cake, fuck
tard.
You're not getting cake.
Good girl, one, two.
Nice, nice.
Nice little torture chamber we
have here.
Okay, okay, okay.
Calm down, no tears, you want
cake?
Yeah.
Here is the fuckin cake, here
it is.
I want cake. Big piece.
Tell me what are you?
Necrophiliacs? Pedophiles?
Not that I have any fucking
idea.
Fuckin republicans you son of a
bitch
That an old picture of Tricky
Dick up there.
I mean, not that that explains
anything at all.
Even though there are plenty of
cannibals
with pictures of Nixon on the
wall.
You know what I'm saying?
I am what you might call a
nympho.
I'm always horny.
I think about sex every second.
Mmm. Yum. Cake is good!
Good!
Do you want some?
You can have a piece.
You can have a piece, we can
share it
with your friends.
Wait!
Cake, you want some?
Have a piece of cake.
Hello?
Shit.
You all right?
Yeah, I'm cool.
Your fella is on fire tonight.
That's far out.
Dynamite.
So you got some dirt, right?
Man, these people are all good.
Tight as a drum.
Even checked back in the shed.
Nada.
But they are guilty, you know?
Who.
Ronnie is always right.
Yeah. Ronnie is always right.
Yeah I do know one thing
though,
I am way too sober for this
shit.
Wanna rock a speedball?
Hey,
just promise you won't touch my
tits okay?
Promise.
This guy he is a fuckin demon.
Hey get a grip, Hoss.
He is a fuckin demon.
Hey, calm down.
Why you gone like this?
Us?
We're normal, you're the
weirdoes.
It is 1975,
who the fuck doesn't own a
television?
We just want to be left alone,
that's all.
Just want to be left alone.
Too bad, bro. We are all in
this together.
See what you do effects other
people.
You know that tow truck out
there?
It spits shit out into the air.
And that pollution is causing
the planet to cool.
Yeah that's right fucko.
Another ice age because of
idiots like you.
It's called global cooling
You serious?
Fuckin right I am!
Why the fuck can't you people
just be normal?
You know I am a little
disappointed, I...
thought a hooker like you would
perform better.
Huh?
Are you itchy, I am itchy.
I'm a little itchy, I'm a little
itchy.
I got some bug spray.
Does Candy have some crabs.
You got some crabs?
Maybe sweet little Candy has the
crabs.
Stop it, please.
Say cheese.
Birthday Brady, birthday Brady.
Yeah I am just getting warmed
up.
Hey you ready Mamma?
You ready for the show?
It's my birthday.
No cut a piece. Cut a piece. Cut
a piece.
Don't take, cut apiece!
Did we get them little bugs
out? Hmm?
Why don't you just chew on
these for a minute.
Make yourself useful.
It's gonna be good.
Okay, ready?
Sit tight back there.
I'll get you all ready.
Come on, come on.
No, No.
Don't waste that good shit.
You're wasting it.
Come on.
It is good.
I know.
Wow!
It's why you married him, you
know?
It is good!
Real beautiful, fucking crazy
beautiful.
What?
What are you saying?
Yeah, come on.
Come on.
No, no, no, my cake.
What?
It's mine.
What?
Fucking Bitch!
Fucking shoot in me.
Jesus.
Fucking Bitch!
What the fuck happened?
Why did you do that?
This is my cake!
Now what?
Jesus.
That bitch has a gun!
Whew!
So... fucking pervert.
Ron?
Ron, what happened?
She got all fucked up.
Where's Nancy?
Nancy is missing, you go find
her.
But first shut that old hag up.
Okay.
I'm going to take care of the
retard.
Yeah.
Hey. What happened?
I want some cake.
Can I have some more cake?
Your friend ate my cake, I
shared.
I did.
And he took more.
Can I have some cake?
You know maybe at the end of
the day,
she really does make sense.
This isn't like last year.
I didn't have any friends at my
party last year.
Fuck me.
I just hope this Rusty shows
up.
Because I'll be ready for him.
Rusty can't come home.
He's with grandma and grandpa
now.
Cody? Ooh.
Maybe we should just leave it
up to fate.
Can you wake up my brother he
has to take me
to the mall on Thursday.
Okay monkey boy.
Game. I like games, I play
games.
I am good at games.
Checkers and cards
and ping pong.
Since things got a little out
of hand
I figure it's the only way to
keep it fair.
Pow.
Look at you super star.
You got yourself a second
chance.
That's a gun.
A gun.
And its for you.
My dad has a gun. He wont let
me touch it
He says it's dangerous.
It is.
Dangerous. Dangerous.
That's right, it's time for you
to exercise
your second amendment rights
friend.
Cody says that
"Guns don't kill people. People
kill people."
We went hunting.
Cody took me.
Don't be shy.
Come on.
Aim that thing right her.
And he shot a deer and we ate
it.
Shoot me.
And it was dry, I didn't like
it.
Shoot me.
Oh come on and shoot me,
you retarded mother fucker.
Okay.
Did I?
Did I win?
Jerry?
Hey Jerry, Jerry wake up.
Jerry wake up.
Where are we?
I don't know, convenience
store?
What happened
I was passed out.
Here is some tea
to warm you up.
There you go, sport.
Oh darling let me help you.
There you go.
Kind of a rough night up there,
huh?
We don't know what you are
talking about.
We got real drunk, and...
Passed out real early.
Real early.
Drinks?
Are you sure about that?
You still have that rig
tied around your arm.
I am sure you don't need that to
throw back
a couple of cold ones.
Shame what happened to the
Slaughter family.
Slaughter family?
Oh yeah.
Slaughter
That was their, that's their
name.
Kind of ironic seeing as how
Billy Jack was a butcher.
Ah, been having a tough time
last couple of years.
Rusty and all.
Their son.
It was kinda tough on me too
being in the middle
of the family situation like
that,
having to keep that secret.
How do you mean?
Well, Rusty got a little messed
up
in Johnson's war over there.
Brutally disfigured, face all
burnt up.
He didn't want to come back
to the family looking like that.
He wasn't ready for normal
society.
So we just decided to tell them
he's dead.
And I told him he could come
here and live with me
and I would help him out with
his issues.
Jerry?
They turn our boys in to killing
machines.
It's hard to let go.
Hey, maybe someday
Rusty will just want to stop
killing.
Could maybe even turn back to be
normal.
Rusty!
That was great!
I have never seen that one
before.
And I thought I have seen every
slasher
especially from the seventies.
Will you stop talking?
You talked through the entire
film.
Nobody does that not even
Agatha.
And she's crazy.
I'm sorry.
Maybe we can just be friends.
I already have the best friends
in the world.
I don't need friends.
What I need is true love's first
kiss,
and you are definitely not it.
Okay, okay, don't have to get
all crazy.
Crazy, crazy, psycho?
The last boy said mean things,
too.
No, no, no. This is real?
This is real?
Uh, hello? Welcome to the
undead movie party.
So do you all think
we should let him go?
Probably not a good idea.
This
is going
to be
harder
than I
thought.
Ah. All better.
Who's that?
Hello?
Is anybody here.
I am here about the items you
posted
on craigslist.
I didn't post.
I did.
Oh
He was trying to make a little
extra money.
Ah. Well this is a great place
you have here.
It's a real fixer upper.
Are you guys putting on a show
or something?
Something.
Okay. That is my personal space
thank you.
Here we go these are all
antiques.
Each one is $10,
or you can take the whole box
for $100.
Wow, okay yeah.
This is actually some great
stuff here.
You should take this.
Okay, but I was thinking more
about the...
It's free.
Free?
Free?
Well, great. Okay.
Yeah, I mean it's just like the
kind I had as a kid...
You should really do that at
home.
Okay I will do that at home.
Thank you, for the...
and let me know about the whole
show thing I'll buy tickets and
bring the family.
Goodbye.
Should we go after him?
Oh no I think we got him
covered.
Sorry about the lack of
finances, Wolfboy.
That's okay I am more worried
about Penny.
Oh that's sweet.
Feels like this true love thing
is
right in front of me
starring me in the face.
What should we do in the mean
time?
Let's watch a movie.
"Halloween"
Froggy Fresh
and Money maker Mike, of
course
Ghosts, goblins and monsters
galore
I don't even wanna trick or
treat no more.
Some of the scariest things
I've ever seen.
You know what I mean? It's
Halloween.
Ghosts, goblins and monsters
galore
I don't even wanna trick or
treat no more.
Some of the scariest things
I've ever seen.
You know what I mean.
It's Halloween.
It was October 31st
Me and Mike have walked 10
miles
and we were dying of thirst
Then all of a sudden
we remembered about the curse
It was the curse of the
Birmingham hearse
On this very night, 20 years
ago
A big black hearse went
spinning off the road
For no good reason it blew all
4 tires
And guess who was inside it?
Mike Myers
We heard stories but we knew
they weren't true
About the boy who went
missing,
They only found his shoes.
Scary, but it never happened
to us
We weren't afraid, we were way
too tough
But then we heard a noise,
and then a creepy voice
Was it a monster?
Was it James and his boys?
Then Mike Myers came busting
out the bush
We got up on the bike,
I screamed "Push Mike, push!"
Ghosts, goblins and monsters
galore
I don't even wanna trick or
treat no more.
Some of the scariest things
I've ever seen.
You know what I mean.
It's Halloween.
Ghosts, goblins and monsters
galore
I don't even wanna trick or
treat no more.
Some of the scariest things
I've ever seen.
You know what I mean.
It's Halloween.
Mike pedaled fast but it
wasn't fast enough
Mike Myers never runs but he
always catches up.
He knocked us down and we both
went flying
The candy sprayed everywhere
and Mike started crying
Forget the candy Mike,
go and grab your stinking bike
Plus we got a bunch of candy
I don't even really like
Mike, he's got a stinking
knife,
We're about to loose our life
Pedal Mike, pedal Mike,
pedal Mike with all your
might.
We pedaled and pedaled,
it felt like forever
He said it had never happen,
well... never say never
I took a look behind me,
I didn't see a thing
But then my shoelace
got caught up in the chain.
The bike swerved, the bike
crashed
And then we both got covered
in trash
And right before
our heads are about to get
hacked off
Mike Myers takes his mask off
Ghosts, goblins and monsters
galore
I don't even wanna trick or
treat no more.
Some of the scariest things
I've ever seen.
You know what I mean.
It's Halloween.
Ghosts, goblins and monsters
galore
I don't even wanna trick or
treat no more.
Some of the scariest things
I've ever seen.
You know what I mean.
It's Halloween.
Happy Halloween, everybody.