The Perfect Escape (2023) Movie Script

A film by
A gang of passionate filmmakers
Gretta's green guide
It's Greta.
I love her!
You know the anagram of Greta,
is actually great
And I think that
describes her perfectly
She is the true leader
of our planet
You should read it.
It's really great.
- Seb...
- What?
Do you mind just keeping it down?
There are people in this train.
Come on,
Let them hear some music!
Are you enjoying your meal?
- Yes, thank you!
- Yeah?
- Would you like some?
- No, thank you!
Do you know how long it takes
for plastic bags to decompose?
- No.
- 450 years
450 years!
So you are not only destroying the planet, you
are also cursing the lives of future generations
I'm just saying...
I hope you can live with that...
Bon Apptit!
By the way
Did you arrive?
Have fun!
Please be careful and don't
take your brother outside the tracks.
Can you pass him on the phone?
No. Ok. Very well. Bye love! Yes.
Dad sends love too.
Had a late night.
This project is taking up
so much time.
The boys just arrived to the chalet
They will stay there for New Year's Eve
- Can you help me?
- Sure.
Yeah. Just got home.
- Yeah, I'm just going to pack and I'll be at the airport...
- Can't that wait Scott?
Yeah, yeah, no
I won't forget...
Fallen star?
Huh, cut off.
The nanny will do it.
My sister is waiting for me,
I should go.
Why do you have conferences
on New Year's Eve?
I change it if I could,
but you know...
- Work is...
- I know
I go to change
Honestly, I feel like a clich.
Looking for someone smart, of course
as talented as possible,
funny is crucial,
it's very important,
and what else?
Without any family history of disease
no serial killers in the family.
The way you talk, I get the hint,
but I can't be a donor.
- Internal policy
- OK...
This way, please.
Good day!
What's the most sought-after
donor profile?
"The Swedes" is classic,
blue eyes, smart, a bit aggressive...
But I don't recommend it.
Long term, those genes
haven't been exposed to much light,
might lead to skin cancer
or suicidal tendencies.
- Then no.
- No, definitely not.
- Anything else?
- It's simple.
Australians for height and
body shape.
Hispanics for that "sangre caliente."
And Asians for manners.
That's pretty much it.
But for all these qualities...
try a French touch.
- Ok, great. Thanks!
- Bye!
I'm off.
- Let me know when you get there safely.
- Sure. Yeah.
- And say help to your sister for me.
- Yeah.
- Don't work too hard.
- No, no.
- Ciao!
- Ciao! I love you!
Can't wait to meet you!!!
Le Chable railway station
Swiss Alps
Hi there!
- Namaste!
- Hi!
Welcome, my friends!
I'm Joel
This is Laura
and I am Sebastian.
I just want to make sure that everything at the
hotel is 100% eco-friendly, like you advertised?
Whole shebang 98% to be exact
- We projected it ourselves
- 98%?
98% to 100%.
And this, what is this?
Hibrid, alternative fuel?
You see, Laura here, is a
climate change activist.
As are we that is why we
decided to move out here
See. He understands.
This truck is gas,
But we bought it second hand.
We only use it to pick up visitors,
goods and for emergencies
- I'm not taking this car. It's gas!
- Come on.
Come on, I can't carry all of
this stuff by myself.
Then you take the car, but
I'm gonna be walking.
it is this way.
- Excuse me, what is you wifi password?
- No WIFI.
- Alessa!
- What?
I asked you to book
a cab with WiFi.
- Yeah.
- Sorry, but I forgot.
- Well, at least I got some great news, you know.
- Yeah? What is it?
I went to the sperm bank
this morning.
- Already?
- Yeah.
We just have to decide who is
going to be the biological mother now
I have a lot of contracts going on and
to be honest, I am quite busy right now.
Yeah, right, your carrier.
Yeah, I'm starting to make real money
with it. You know.
It's good.
- It is happening.
- It's ok.
I'll do it.
So, what kind of sperm
do you want to go for?
I think just classic. You know...
They have someone tall,
handsome and funny?
- What about the sperm star sign?
- Thank you Can you chose that?
- Ok, n that case I want... Libra.
- No, I'm just kidding
- Hello Sir! Thank you
- Hi!
Welcome to my small world.
What a day is today,
What a rare mood
and it is almost like being in love
You have a great sense of
textures and colors.
You're an artist?
It's an art form.
Vanilla, patchouli...
Armani Prive, Damascus Rose.
Am I right?
No you are not a cliche. Very good!
It's an exquisite choice sir.
Are you on your way to
see somebody special?
I hope so.
It's a blind date.
Why the blind date?
What are you after?
Oh God... What am I after?
What am I after?!
Someone who understands me,
interested in what I have to say.
Yeah, I didn't mean to cross the line
but I see vitality sexual exuberance
I'm motivated and inspired by Rubens
His heighten sense of realism
in women
So, yes... I'm a painter
and I just do this to earn
some extra cash
so I can survive in city
as an artist
But here, take my card,
you can see all my stuff on my website.
You can always call me if you need another
ride. Because I need the freaking cash
I'm never going to look at that.
So, what's her name?
- Rose.
- Beautiful.
From the latin rosa.
That, my friend, is a rose
in full bloom.
You might want to capture that
before the petals fall off.
Please stop talking!
We finally meet.
Wow, what a powerful aura.
Such strong energy.
No. I'm Britta.
Your Rose is waiting for you at the hotel.
I'll just grab your bag.
So... what do you do?
- I'm...
- I'm an influencer.
Life style and LGBTQ culture.
- What do you do?
- She's a teacher.
The thing with influencers is driven by the
relationship between the influencer and the followers.
I have over a million of them.
When you are creating content
you have to understand
How the algorithm works
Teach maths?
Oh, God, no!
Primary school.
- You must love kids.
- I do.
Please don't start.
I'm an architect.
- Are you?
- Yeah.
Finally some grown up stuff!
- Do you have any cool projects?
- No.
- I studied interior design at school.
- There
- Yeah, it is...
- You definitely deserve a 10 for that
It's called "10" because that is
the month I was born in
Oh, Ok.
So you are a libra then?
- Yes.
- Be careful what you wish for!
Wow, this is... AWESOME!
Thank you
Here you can hear the silence.
- So... what do you sing?
- I actually compose.
- A bit of rock here and there, some folk
- Ok.
Oh, sorry, Laura got me this watch
for Christmas
It checks the air quality
Well, ain't that something.
Do you know we have over 60%
oxigen n our bodies
What does it say?
Cleanest air ever.
And... the perfect place
to get inspired
Well, any good friend of nature
is a good friend of mine Joel
Stop it!
You're going to make me blush
the last time I did that was
in 1999
I felt asleep in the buff
at 30 degrees C
It was Woodstock III festival,
in Rome, New York.
You can imagine the burns
I got down below
I was on fire.
On fire, yeah.
"Your sex is on fire!"
Please, don't sing!
Because... because...
You have to
You have to, Rest your voice!
- Bip. bip.
- Come on.
That is the thing with
mass production.
We're now, buying 65% more clothes
then we did 15 years ago.
So, I'll let you imagine...
Laura, I fell like
I'm at a trivia contest, honestly
Ok, let's talk about
your song then
I still don't get
why you have to go for 6 months
Pff.. that's a long title.
Not very catchy.
Really? Six months in Brazil
to save the amazonian forest?
You can come and visit.
Oh, yeah, of course I can come and visit
Why didn't I think of that?
Let me just check my account
balance reel quick
and it says: You are broke Sebastian
- You know you can meet someone else.
- I don't want to meet someone else.
Then what is the point of being
in an open relationship?
What are you talking about?
What is that? What's a rel-openship?
Who is in that?
I don't know, we can try.
Monogamy is so old school.
Polyamory is the new thing.
I don't care about what is the new thing.
I care about you.
That is nice, but...
We should be inspired by nature
Plants and trees combine in the
most unusually ways
and great things happen from there.
Did you cheat on me?
Seb, we, people,
have a lot of love to give.
Let's spread that love.
- Wait, wait a minute.
- I thought we were spreading it, on each other
but we will still be together
let's just...
let's just explore!
That is all I'm saying.
It's like me telling you
to eat meat.
What? Why would you do that?
Because it is something you don't like.
- It is the same as with me and this thing.
- It is not the same at all.
- It is exactly the same.
- No it is not.
- Of course it is.
- It is not.
Hi, I'm Philip.
Your lady friend is waiting for you,
Last room on the right.
- Did you get it?
- Yeah.
Maybe slightly higher.
- What the fuck?!
- What the fuck?!
What are you doing here?
What am I doing here?!
What are you doing here?
You're checking on me?
Is this some sort of joke?
Did you read my emails?
- What are you talking about?!
- Oh, my God!
- You're Rose?
- And you're Philip?
Welcome to your
perfect escape weekend!
It's too nice!
What the hell are you doing here?!
How did you get here?
Home away from home.
It's very beautiful!
Thank you!
No, this isn't possible.
I have deadlines, I have clients who are
waiting for my content, I have followers
Please, tell me there is a solution.
I'm sorry sweetheart, but why don't
you take this opportunity to disconnect
Are you serious?
- Yeah.
- Damn! Our weekend is ruined.
I worked so hard for my career
Please don't do this to me!
- Let me show you to your room.
- Yeah.
It's going to be ok honey.
What are you doing here?!
- I'm in my room.
- Your room?
Yes, my room, I booked it and
that is my suitcase by the way.
You're ridiculous! I need this weekend
for myself with or without Philip
but certainly without you
Do you think there is any chance?
I had no ideea that your sister,
lived at the top of a mountain
Yeah, didn't you hear? She moved
here so she could attend your conference.
Dating sites, Susan?
36 years old, really?
I was once.
You wrote: Funny!
Emotionally stable?!
42 years old, sensitive, good listener?
Go on! Get out!
What now?!
That is the problem with only dating.
You never get the whole picture.
Poor woman! Huh?
Was that you in the reception earlier?
I don't know if you still have
my number. Laura.
- There is no wifi network here.
- Huh?
No, no, it's the IT guy. He just texted me.
We're trying to fix it.
I wasn't asking who, but thanks!
What are you doing?
Not now.
fun first.
How long are you staying?
There has been a slight misunderstanding.
I need another room.
What kind of misunderstanding?
Something wrong with your room?
Something wrong with my room?
I think you heard everything.
Unfortunately we don't have anything
available right now.
The gift that keeps on giving.
This is a complete disaster
Meet us around the campfire at sunset
and don't be late.
- Hei, Seb!
- Hei, Laura!
You look good!
Sun is shining, but...
Oh, no, no, no.
- beautiful day
- What is this?
You're ok?
You're strangling the plante with plastic,
so no, I'm not ok.
Oh, God! You're not right in your head!
I think we can sort this out.
Look, when you're done with this little
gadget of yours, it will end up in a landfill
Ok? It will pollute the air, the water
Do you know we ingest at least 5 grams
of plastic every goddam week
That is like eating a credit card
Is that so? Because you know, I'm a teacher
and I don't earn enough money anyway.
Ha, ha, do you think this is funny?
- Can you?
- What?
Ease off a little bit please?
Everyone is here just to have a good time
- Try and plastic out
- I can't plastic out, this is exactly
I know, I know baby, but please
- Fine
- Promise?
I promise!
I hope that is not an open promise
- like our relationship.
- Oh, my God!
Give me a g.
Give me a g.
05:58,970 Hei! Big man.
How much for you
to drive me down?
No, can do. It's getting late
- and there is a storm brewing
- What?
Wouldn't want you to have a
mishap on the way down.
Help is a long way off.
Come on!
One bar
Oh, yeah, here we go.
Hello? Hi!
It's Scott, the guy from...
I was going to meet rose
something has gone horribly wrong!
No, no, not the woman from the car park.
No, I have not looked at your website!
Listen what I...
I cannot see a storm, it is sunny!
It is too sunny!
I can pay you a lot of money!
Please, I...
My wife is out there!
She is Italian!
Aaa... this is amazing!
Baby, look! I'm going to have
massive engagement with those photos.
Oh! Are you two getting engaged?
Good luck!
We are not getting married.
Engagement is something online.
You are getting engaged online?
I can't think of anything less romantic.
You know what, Joel and I...
No, we are not getting married.
I don't get this
new generation anymore
We used to take love so much
more seriously, didn't we sweet heart?
Right. Let's put some more logs
on the fire
The forest is crying right now.
Better than all of us
freezing to death.
I got to say,
I am quite disappointed
The info on your website is
really different from reality.
Never let the truth get in the way
of a good story. Mark Twain.
Enjoy life a bit
I hope that is fake fur
Oh, I hope not.
It was a gift from my first
Swan Lake.
She is joking
It is fake, right?
I'm sorry, I don't like fakes.
No... just remember what you promised
- That's it?
- That's it!
Sheets are clean.
How am I supposed to fit in that?
You'll figure it out.
It's not that far, actually...
Quite relaxing.
quite walk in the dark.
Perfect escape my ass
Almost sounds like a nice person
when he snores.
Merry Christmas! What?!
Ok, everybody... How about this excuse:
"The dog ate your condoms"?
That's crazy, right?
Ok, how about this:
- "Sex by the fire place and a cinders
- pops out of it. - What do you do?
Is this an intervention?
No, since we are all stuck in
because of the snow
we thought we will play a game together
- Would you like to join
- No, no, no.
I got a lot of work to do.
Work, work, work always work.
Work, work, work...
It's Rihanna.
- It's great.
- Just, you know...
- Oh, yeah, you are right.
- just like.
I need to rest my voice, I know that. It's just
singing man, it just comes so naturally to me.
- Because this is your vocation.
- Yeah, exactly.
I think the high altitude is
affecting your hearing sweetheart
Shut up! Will you?!
I can join in.
- Hi!
- I can be fun!
Fun, fun, fun, fun, Scott
Are you talking about Scott
or Philip?
- Scott.
- Oh, yes!
The Tina Fey of architecture!
- It's a good one!
- "The thing I hate the most?!" Scott.
Don't particularly like you either.
No... I just nominated you
to answer.
What? No.
Ok. Anyone else?
Yeah, I got one.
Open relationships.
- Ok. How about another card!
- No!
I hate people who think they
are above mother nature
Well, I hate activists.
Is this like a Deepak Chopra
sort of moment?
Is someone gonna rebirth?
I hate when people forget about you.
Anyone in particular?
No, I used to be a ballerina...
a famous one
That's amazing!
I'm rusty
No, no, can you do that again?
Sorry dear, balerina never
do encore.
Ok, let's have another card
sweetheart, Joel?
Joel. Joel!
- Sorry!
- Alright...
Oh, you know what?
Why don't we just stick with the hate...
I hate the narcism of youth.
And I hate emoji's
You know what I hate?
I hate narcissistic men
who are eggplants
Well, I happen to like eggplants
What?! He didn't get it.
- I don't think he did.
- I don't get it.
- No.
- He didn't get it.
- He didn't get it.
- Oh, Christ!
You didn't get it either?
Eggplant... it's a dick.
It's a penis.
This was fun
We laughed and open relationship
I'm gonna have a shower.
- Enjoy!
- I'll make some more tea.
Ahh.. I think it's about time
I go do my vocal warmups, so...
Great idea.
Hei, baby!
How do I look now?
Am I sexy as a pregnant woman?
Not now, can we please talk
about this late?
When we get back to the city.
What's wrong?
Nothing, nothing.
Come on, tell me!
You just keep going on and on
about the same thing and we're on holiday,
we're trying to take a brake, right?
- Do you even want this baby?
- Hum?
I have a serious situation here
I have a lot of content I can't
post right now
Come on, please, just answer
the question
Yeah, yeah, sure, I want a baby.
Is the coffee ready yet?
Because I really want to take a picture
of it with the snow in the background
Hei! What...
- I thought I'll find you here.
- Where else?
- Do you want me to go?
- Interesting question!
I get back to you on this.
Do you have something else
to tell me?
It was my first time
on a dating site
Me too.
I love you
I just don't like you anymore
I prefer Philip
and I prefer Rose
"and they seem like fire"
- fire rhymes with...
- Tire maybe?
Or inspire?
- Admire, desire maybe
- No, inspire!
Yeah, that was the one! Thank you!
Inspire - Well, I'm a teacher
you know, that's what I do
Can I see?
No, no, it's not finished yet.
Oh, come on!
I work with 1st grade kids
I'm used to seeing the worst
and still act like it is a masterpiece
- Yeah, pretty bad.
- I'm just teasing it is very good.
Yeah? You think?
I'm still working on it, I am
trying to give it a little flow
It goes like...
- It's kind of like that.
- Nice!
Right, you should do a duet together
We might do, actually.
Do you wanna be our manager?
Huh, that's funny.
No can do, I'm afraid I've got a
video to record for the team in Brazil
and I'm looking for help.
You seem to be forgetting something honey,
there is no internet here.
I know that, honey.
But as soon as it's back on, I want to
send it, let them know I'm still on board.
Well, if you need any help with recording,
Franky is your man, I mean .. woman
Yes, why didn't I think of that before.
I don't know. I go get her.
Well, she certainly seemed comfortable
in my bed
Come back to bed. I still have a
little more essence to give you.
We have guests.
So, tuck it away, inside your
mystical box until later.
I might be too tired to open my
third eye by then.
We did expend more energy
then you find in a hive
You do enjoy being a queen bee.
I dooo
but we have gnarly guests out there
and you need to come up with something
to keep it together for the next few hours.
What is it like having kids?
Do you have a cat?
No. Why?
A dog?
No. Why? are you saying I should
get a pet first?
Darling, first you get a puppy.
Wake up in the middle of the night,
clean their poop, try not to vomit
then give up your space
in bed for good
try desperately to understand if
he is crying because
he is hungry or
you feed him too much
Then accept that your white sofa
is now a set copy of a Jackson Pollock
If you still enjoy it, after a week
then you are ready to have a baby.
Ah, on top of that, you will
never have time to have sex again.
Or shower
Try not to panic if you drop
them in the bath tup
Wait... what?!
Who did you drop?
But there are beautiful parts too, right?
Which one did you drop?
- Many.
- Can you tell me which ones?
When they grow up and they leave the house
that is when you realize you miss them.
Was it Leo? Is it that why he
is a bit slow on the uptake.
That would explain a lot.
- Not that thing again
- Come on...
I hate it!
Oh my God!
You're exactly the same
I think this is it.
I can't believe you're here.
I have not seen you for what? 5 years
- Yeah.
- It's crazy!
I know, right?!
So... Sebastian?
He seems nice.
- He is nice.
- Yeah...
- No, I don't want any of that on my face.
- Oh my God! You really haven't changed one bit.
- It is just a bit of blush.
- I don't care.
- Your face will be shiny.
- I really don't care
I prefer shiny natural then
mat chemical
Oh my God! Oh my God!
Are you ok?
I think so.
- I think this is definitely broken.
- Yeah, I think it is.
It is one small loss for Franky
a giant leap for mankind.
- Maybe... maybe...
- Oh yeah
- we should just use daylight
- For what?
- For...
- Ah, the video
- Yes! Yes!
- Yes, the video for Brazil...
Yes, this is why I came here.
I'm too sexy for my shirt
too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts
I have an idea!
- Oh, please, Joe, no...
- Don't worry!
This one is a guaranteed succes.
- I hope it's not...
- Hot Yoga
Oh lord Shiva, give me strength!
I'm your mean, lean,
yoga machine!
Chef Susanna in the house!
At least I know how to... boil water.
Used a recipe?
Tea, please!
- Susanna!
- Susanna! Au!
- Sorry! Is it hot?
- It is hot, it is boiling water.
Don't touch his...
- That's a...
- Sorry, I...
- It' ok.
- Sorry!
Having a party?
Hei! All good with the recording?
Perfect, thanks!
Some vitamins and rainbow colors
for my favorite guests.
- Thank you!
- We are the only ones in the resort, so...
What have you been up to?
Why? Did you miss me?
Like a hippie misses their pipe.
Oh.. well, don't tell Joel.
Hot, hot, babby!
Hot, hot, babby!
- God!
- What is that?
Ladies and gentleman you are
all invited to a hot yoga class
I love hot yoga.
- Yeah. Me too!
- Don't know anything about yoga.
Like you know about being hot?
It's not a competition folks, but
it is a lot of fun!
Meet me in the yoga room
in 5 minutes
- Cool!
- Cool!
I don't have time for this.
You mean for fun, Scott?
I don't get how come the
ring light is broken now?
Low quality materials...
Cheep shit.
Thanks, babe!
This was a gift from me.
- Huh?! That one was a gift from you?
- Yeah.
I love it, it's my favorite one!
- Hate you!
- No, I'm serious it has sentimental value.
Anything that comes from you has.
- Did she break it?
- She, who?
Miss save the univers
and kill all the fun
Oh, come on.
Don't exagerate now.
Ok, do you think
it's gonna be fixed or...
- Don't think so.
- Ok, don't think so.
Oh, well...
Hey guys, so, we are back
and today is a hot yoga class.
Yes, it is going to be spicy
and as you can see
I am wearing a beautiful outfit
Hot, hot, baby...
Hot, hot
Welcome my yogis! Welcome!
The humidity in here has to be high.
Joel! Joel!
Are you all ready
to get rid of your Christmas tummies
- Yes.
- Yeah?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?!
Let your inner Mick Jagger inside
and start already!
Ok, first pose.
Standing asana.
Feet together or slightly apart
stand up straight, arms besides you
and now raise your arms
Yes, up, up, right up to the Gods!
And lean to the left
push your hips out to the right
Keep breathing in through the nose
and out through the mouth
Hold it! Hold it!
Hold it!
You're doing well.
And back to center
and the other way
Bend to the right,
hips to the left
Keep breathing, keep Breathing,
in through the nose out through the mouth
Breathe, hold, hold it.
Push a little more, yes... yes
and back to center
Now palms down to your chest
Let's have a nice, relaxing, breath...
That's good!
Right, now bend over,
hands flat on the ground
leggs back
either one at a time or hop back
and then right into
a downward facing dog
The eggplant emoji is a long and purple
eggplant that is used to represent a penis
How bad can it be?
Come on my yogis just the last
15 minutes of pure joy
- God!
- Cannot unsee that.
Now stretch the right heel,
and bring the left leg in the air
Are you ok?
You're crazy...
you're crazy
You guys relax,
I'm gonna hit the showers.
- What are you doing here?
- Me?
- Yeah.
- What about you?
Oh, my God, no!
You know what, I'm just gonna get
changed and make some dinner
- I'll have a shower.
- Oh, yeah, good idea.
No, no, no, no, no, no...
I mean shower with myself.
Not with you, not shower together.
- I mean just the two of us, just me
- Seb, See, stop talking!
- Yeah, ok.
- Good.
My sweet lord!
Are you ready
for a quickie before dinner
My darling Parvati,
tantra takes time,
I already had one of my blue buddies
I like the sound of that
My animal passions are ignited
- Are you ready?
- Oh, yes, I'm ready!
- Let's get down on it!
- Let's get on it!
I hear something, I hear voices.
It is probably Brahma or Vishnu
looking down on us right now,
annoyed that we are rushing things
No, no, I hear real voices.
Maybe is that cocky Scott
mucking around
moaning about something or other
Hei! Let's not allow him
to sully our sanctuary
Oh, oh, yes!
Now, now, focus on my breathing
- Look into my eyes
- Would you stop talking Joel and come on
Come on, let it all go Let it go
Oh, yeah!
My Goddes
Now, come on,
let's go feed the flock.
- Wait!
- What?
Let me wash your back in the shower.
Are you trying to get me
in there under false pretenses?
Damn right, I am!
- Love you, you old girlie you!
- Love you too, you horny old goat!
Get in the shower!
- Hey guys!
- Hey!
- Where have you been?
- Hell!
Yeah, I guess
and believe me, hell is filled with sex
No, no... No!
Alright! Now we are talking.
- Finally some real relaxation.
- And 100% natural. I'm all in!
- What is this?
- Mushrooms
Nature's greatest gift!
- Alright, guys...
- Cheers!
- Stairway to heaven!
- Stairway to heaven...
Wow! What a trip
Forgive me! Ok?
Please, please forgive me!
I'll be better next time.
I won't let them take you away.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry...
No, don't worry about it! It's...
We will find our way out of it
- People make mistakes.
- I'm sorry! I'm so sorry
- Please, please, forgive me!
- Oh, Laura! I forgive you!
What are you doing?
What am I doing?! You said...
I'm sorry I couldn't stop it!
I'm sorry they took you away
from your brothers and sisters
and the holly forest!
I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!
Laura, you were talking to the tree?!
Please! Don't make me hate you!
Like I hate your music?
Seb, you don't need to rest your voice
you need to find something else to do
Maybe programing...
- Yes.
- Programing?!
No, what?
That's, that's just plain mean
No, baby boy, is just the truth
You suck!
No, no, no...
You're a tree hugger
Hot yoga effect baby!
Hot yoga my ass!
this is exactly what they need
Oh, my head...
That's my wife!
Take of you clothes
faster than leaves in late autumn
Oh, yeah, baby!
Look! You saved the day
Yeah, we saved the day
You're so cute with these little...
ALERT Ovulation Day 01
Tonight is the night
- You're very good looking
- I know
- and I'm quite good looking too right?
- You're ok
Can you imagine
how good looking our kid would be?
- What?!
- Our kid.
Yeah, our kids.
You and I.
- What... I'm married
- I know
- That's my wife.
- I know.
I'm gonna go
get a glas of water.
Go be! Fly away, fly away.
You are the best
guest we ever had!
You can come back
anytime for free.
What a woman!
I know, right?!
She's... I love her!
- I love her too!
- No, I love her more.
- Love her, who?
- Who!
- Who do you love?
- You.
Only you
I was just trying
to make her feel comfortable
You know, I think
she already feels comfortable
Now poor me a drink
That's my wife
Where's the hairdryer?!
No! Please, please please!
Fire, fire...
- Come on!
- Fuck it!
- No!
- Let's dance!
Fuck it!
Fuck it!!!
Now this is what I call a party!
I'm sorry! What did I do?!
Who is going to be
the lucky father then?
You, big angry bear?
Man, am I that irresistible
tonight or what?
Or is it going to be you? The
smartest man in the room.
You think so?
Hah, me too.
O2 Level low
What the hell are you doing Sebastian?
Get out of the way and
close the door
No, no, no it's all good man.
It's all good, it's all good!
It's just a bit of water.
- What's wrong with you?
- It's not even that cold.
- It's actually really cold
- No!
It's warm and I'll prove it to you.
And you know why it's warm, Laura?
Because of global warming,
which I am grateful for!
- No you did not!
- I just did, yes!
- He can't say that!
- How dare he?!
Fuck, who knew you were
hiding such a good body!
What are you doing?
You're an idiot!
No worry ladies,
everything is under control!
- What are you doing?!
- You're gonna freeze to death!
Ok! Show us what
you're made of big man!
You see Joel, it's only snow.
- I can do that!
- Water
Hidrogen two oxigen, it's not
like it is snowing shit.
- Come back inside and don't be an idiot!
- It's below zero out there!
You know you're not his age
anymore, right?
What is everyone doing?!
Oh, no, no way!
Get inside!
- You're such a kid
- He is such a kid literally
What are you laughing about?
Why didn't you go out there then?
Have you ever read the Bible Scott
There is a story about a wise man
and a foolish man.
I'm the first one
The Bible and Tantra?
Whoooo! Very impressive!
You're the cause of all this
damn chaos!
What? me? me?!
Easy, easy...
Ahaha... let's dance!
You pseudo psycho shaman!
- Took classes at the community center
- In what?
Capoeira, my friend, Capoeira!
I have watched
the karate kid four times
Enough is, enough!
Go to your rooms!
Can someone take the tree off me?
Let's just leave him there.
You're a really nice person
You're a nice person
As you are
Since you love me,
but you don't like me
perhaps you and I
would make better friends
- Friends?
- Best friends.
Best friends
I just need some time on my own...
to think.
It was never your mind
that I was interested in...
to think about something other
than you and the boys
Have you thought about dancing, again?
It used to make you shine
I have
and I will
and you?
I think it might be a good ideea
if I stop thinking as much.
By the way, it wasn't Leo I dropped.
It was you
We dropped each other
Good morning!
When your face says exactly the opposite
- Last night was so crazy
- Yeah.
Does anyone have a charger?
Do you know where my charger is?
Good mo...
Don't worry,
I'm not interested anymore
- Really?
- Yeah.
It was just my
biological clock you know
Well I would put that on snooze sweetheart,
it's what I did with mine
Nobody told me such a thing exists.
Good advice!
Why so serious?!
Let's put up a smile!
- After all you did last night
- Joel, will you shut up please
- Tough crowd
- Let me make something clear
- We have no electricity...
- What?!
No, no, no, no!
Are you trying to kill me?!
There are very few matches left
and very little food
and you, know why!
- Surely, we can call someone
- The landline is dead...
and it is New Year's eve
so everyone is busy.
Surprize! Not.
Are we going to die here?
Exactly what the last of
your neurons are telling you now?
- Oh, that's funny!
- You are funny!
Well, it looks like we have enough
food for a light breakfast
and an even lighter lunch,
but that's it
No dinner for New Year's Eve?
Oh, darn! We're fresh out of
oysters and champagne.
Will you survive?
What did I do?
I don't know.
Oh, so know you're suffering
from short term memory loss as well?
This is a disaster
No food, no coffee, no internet.
No one knows where I am,
so I'll lose all my contracts
are you happy?
What, so it's my fault now?!
Cause not, nothing
is ever your fault, is it?
You're a saint, saint Alessa
Pray to God!
He'll send you a baby
Well... you're very ugly right now.
You could have just told me
you didn't want a baby.
I think this is very easy.
Like I had a choice.
- You're always trying to control everything.
- No. That's not true
Then why have you been on
an alkaline diet for a year?
Huh? So you can conceive a boy?
Is that even biologically
possible for them to...?
Hang on! Hang on! At least she has
a career and purpose. Unlike others!
Thank you!
Oh, oh, ok. Well, you know what?
I think it's better to be like me
then to be a sad, little person, obsessed with
whatever everyone else is doing with their own lives
You're bullying me on my height?
- And also, I'm sad?!
- Yeah.
Oh, God! Such a mistake to be
with a guy. To be with you.
Women just understand
women so much better
- Sometimes.
- Exactly!
Like, I understand you.
You're amazing!
- You understand.
- Oh, my God this is so cute!
Let's applaud the heroes. You are
going to save the world with your egos.
But what are you going to do to
save the world? At least I'm trying.
- Yeah, you're trying very hard.
- Yes she is, she's doing something.
- Yes, I am.
- Seriously, and what are you doing?!
- Bot just my own self...
- Your own self!? You are in love with yourself.
Are you going to fight?!
Don't look at us!
No, no, we are tired of fighting.
You get wiser with age
Yeah, you get there at some point.
Oh, just a reminder.
When you die,
I'm going to bury you with that.
What? Hang on!
Who says I'm dying first?
Yes, because stress kills
more people daily than frustration.
- But you love your easy life
- yes
I was more than what you could handle
that's why you kept me home
- More than I could handle?!
- Yes!
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
Alright, that's enough!
You two ought to be ashamed of yourselves
Battling it out here in front of our young
friends like a couple of pre schoolers
Don't you think, it's hard enough
for them to fall in love as it is?
We need to be the ones to prove to
them that there is beauty in suffering
and that there is no value
in striving
for a perfection that doesn't exist
They're already afraid to commit
and spend their whole days with
their faces in those devices
We have to be the ones to show them
that there is power in love
If we don't, who will?
Why do you fight so much?!
Well don't just sit there,
say something!
Look what I found!
Dinner is up!
For New Year's Eve?!
You're welcome!
- I would rather walk in the snow.
- I'm gonna go pack.
I mean, yeah, it's wrapped in plastic,
but at least it's organic
Do you like french fries?
Yeah, I do actually.
- Oh, alright, I'm done.
- I can't do this!
Winter service announces storm...
So many colors!
What is this?
Let's see how your followers
like this now
You need to come and see this.
Wait. What?!
That's the t-shirt I got for
winning global social media awards
My life is flying away...
I'm sorry for
how I behaved last night
I'm going to enroll in that
anger management course you recommended
I'm doing this for me
and for us.
- You go
- Of course.
Do you know how many people actually make
it on foot through a snow storm like this?
The emergency services have just announced
that the snowstorm is returning
and is going to be here
for at least another 24 hours
Are you crazy?!
Hei! Hei!
Why did you throw my things out?
I don't know, maybe the window was open.
The wind just blew them away.
"The wind just blew them away"
Two words for you, bullshit
- Well, that's just one word.
- Don't patronize me.
Go pick up my clothes.
Well, since we are all stuck in here,
let's all pull together
and make the best out of the situation. Ok?
- Yeah.
- Can you help me pick up the clothes from outside?
- Yeah, yeah, sigur.
- Thank you!
Are we going to ring in
the new year with no electricity?
- I'll go check the generator
- Do you need some help?
Watch your step!
If I got a nickel for
every generator I fixed...
Yeah, me too
- I fixed some big ones.
- Yeah?!
Well, mostly drew them.
You're such a fierce woman!
That's a nice way of saying crazy
You know what I mean.
Do I?!
What happened last night...
it was amazing
You understand that I'm
much older than you, right?
My only wish, my only dream is
to have a baby
- I can be your baby
- No, don't be!
What you need to be is you, ok?
You need to focus
on the guitar, compose...
let others sing for you,
you know?
Why do you work so much?
I am a workaholic.
At the expense of my family
Is that what this weekend is about?
I thought that Susanna
would have an affair first
I didn't realize
how unhappy we both were
Hei guys! Any chance I can
charge my phone here.
We're getting there, but
it seems to be
not quite...
- What does this button do?!
- No!!!
We fixed it!
Good job!
Come on, come on, open up.
Patience is a virtue.
You know, it takes a tree 10 years
to be fully grown
and you want everything
to just work like that
Patience is a virtue
I do not posses.
Oh, yes!
- It is working! It is working!
- See?!
No more mushrooms!
Well, not no more,
but definitely less
You are such
a goofy old man sometimes.
I missed you!
I would rather be dead and
rotting in a worm filled compost
then be without you.
Stop the sweet talk Romeo and kiss me.
So "Namaste"!
- We would never do that.
- Never...
- Because you have grace.
- Yeah...
and you have manners.
At least we agree on something.
We are friends
Best friends
They actually listened
to your speech Britta.
See, I told you they were going
to at least kiss. Now you owe me 20.
Maybe they should get a room.
Let them love each other.
Guys, guys, wait a second
Ten, twenty.
This is not a gang bang for the...
No, just go to the jacuzzi
Yes, yes, to the left.
Hei, guys, guys
I am happy for you, but this is not,
this is not a viagra commercial
Go straight! Yeah. Perfect.
You're not gonna start again are you?
- Queen bee?
- I thought you'd never ask!
Seems like there is one caught in a trap.
He's in agony.
Poor thing!
Wow! This is a great looking tree.
- I sense some sarcasm in there
- No, I'm serious, it's great.
It's great
- "It's great!"
- Yeah, I think so...
No, really, I think you'd kill it if you
put in on the t shirts with the slogan
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
You've got such an entrepreneurial spirit.
But maybe I can use it
in a more constructive way.
What do you mean?
When I opened my phone, and I saw
how many thousands of photos I've taken,
I got scared
I haven't been present
and I've realized I don't know
who I am outside of my phone
and it is time to find out
Frankie, this is amazing!
Yeah. I don't know why
I did that to myself.
There is life outside of the phone
and I want to empower other to see it
and focus on real life issues.
New beginning.
Sorry, Susanna!
To potatoes!
So this is organic?
It's been a while.
Thank you!
I love yours!
We're good friends.
- I didn't expect it would work out.
- Shut up!
Did you touch my bum?
New year, new "moui".
And this one will be in the here
and the now like you said Britta.
- Deep!
- I know. Cheers!
Guys I wanted to check, am I still
ok to stay with you for a little longer.
Of course
What do you say sweetheart?
- More than welcome
- Yeah?
- It is coming!
- It is coming.
Why use all that kerosene flying
to Brazil when I can make a change here
I would love to get this place
to 100% eco friendly if I can
- Sure, that would be great.
- Yeah?
- I think it would be fun.
- Yeah...
I have a new business plan.
Yes you do.
It really feels like reading
parrying quotes on instagram
- You're mean.
- Am I?
I love it.
- I think it is time.
- You got this babe.
Ok... listen up everyone!
In order to celebrate and bring
in joy to this new year,
I have a little something
I'd like you guys to hear
No, no, you don't have to
do that Sebastian
Maybe you should rest your voice.
- Rest your voice...
- Rest your voice!
Come on, guys, guys, trust me
It's a song about relationships
Thank you everyone for being
an endless source of inspiration
Here is: "The Perfect Escape".
Love is hard to find
Sometimes lost in time
Stories that will go untold
Each and everyday
I wish there was a way
to try to let
the light come through
We just didn't know,
Life was our show
A never ending story...
A never ending story
We found our love and glory
A never ending story...
Come one, guys!
- Guys!
- What?!
It's time.
Happy new year!
The end
What did I do?
A never ending story...
And this is a perfect example
for a sustainable way of living
as opposed to a non
sustainable way of living.
I mean really, Joel?
Ketchup, marshmallow... what are you, 12?
And dairy? No!
Let's be friendly with animals.
We love them, we care for them. Yeah?
So, this is good
you've got seasonal fresh products
Do you think everything here
belongs here?
Yeah, I think it looks good.
No! You're wrong!
These, yes, no plastic,
but why use so many
when you could just have
one reusable cup.
This goes here.
There you go...
Wood, reusable glass,
I mean, this just makes me so happy.
Isn't it good guys?!
Good morning,
ladies and gentleman!
Today, the UN is drawing
a convention on social media use
and its no secret social media
has take the world by a storm
and since there is no escaping
we must confrunt all the risks head on.
This is Frances Norman
for the QBC.
Good! The babies look well.
What do you mean babies?
Is it two babies?
This is the best day of my life!