The Perils of Pauline (1967) Movie Script

If you're in peril
Try not to scream
Hang on, I'll save you
My pretty Pauline
Protect me!
My name is Pauline.
Yes, Pauline.
Nobody will get you
away from me.
Never ever!
Luther is an accountant and he
works at home a lot.
So what we want is a nice
quiet baby.
Laverne used to teach
at Arthur Murray's
And she always wanted a little girl
that she could train to be a dancer.
If you're looking for a well
behaved child,
I can certainly
recommend Pauline.
Thank you.
She's neat, Ethel.
Perfect for us and Henry.
Deliver Pauline
this afternoon.
There it is.
Pull over.
How good of you to come,
Mrs. Carruthers.
-We've been waiting all morning.
-Hello, did you have a nice trip?
It's nice of you to welcome us.
Come, Pauline.
How good to see you.
Doesn't she look lovely?
Oh, let's get into the house.
-Watch your step lady.
-What's her...
My goodness!
I'm Henry.
He's very inventive.
Are you Pauline?
Come in.
I have a
live rattle snake.
Henry, go get
Pauline's suitcase.
Oh, it's in the back.
Oh, I forgot
my toothbrush.
Pauline, Pauline!
Stop that car!
Henry! Pauline! Stop it!
-Pull the brake!
Be careful, Pauline!
Pauline, stop it!
It's a one way street.
Transcription: Rosita McCartney
Where are you,
My pretty Pauline?
I will search the world
For Pauline.
By jet, by steam
or by submarine
This I do promise,
My pretty Pauline.
Where are you,
My pretty Pauline?
In Morocco or Argentina?
If you're in peril,
Try not to scream
Hang on,
I'll save you
My pretty Pauline
Where are you,
My pretty Pauline?
I love you,
My pretty Pauline.
Pauline, jump!
Hang on, Pauline!
Here I am, Pauline.
-George! Help me!
-I'll get you. Slide off.
It's all right, son!
Easy boy.
-Is he all right?
-Just calm down.
Mom is here.
Oh, darling.
We don't want your girl.
He almost killed our Henry.
-Just calm down.
-He's all right, pa.
Who released that brake?
I did it, Mrs Carruthers.
-I was just playing a little joke.
Go back to the
Foundling Home,
you evil boy
and pack your bag.
Wait for me!
I'm going with you.
We're going west on a motorcycle
and will pick oranges.
No, Pauline.
You're too young.
But I look older with
my hair up.
I'll lie about my age.
Please, George.
For the last time:
you're just a baby.
Stop being...
a pest!
All right! Then, go!
Who needs you?
I never loved you anyway.
I never loved you at all.
Pauline, look at me.
Remember that day when we
sneaked off and went to the park
and saw the daffodils
coming up?
Oh, why can't you take me with you?
I don't eat much.
Then, when we went back
they were in bloom.
I won't eat anything.
That's the way it'll be with you.
Just grow up straight.
When you're in full bloom,
I'll be back.
But that could take forever.
No, it won't.
Before you know it,
you'll grow bigger
and I'll grow rich.
And then what, George?
We'll get married
and go on a honeymoon.
London, Paris, the whole world!
Maybe even Venice.
I'll wait, George.
I'll be a daffodil and bloom.
Dry your tears,
My pretty Pauline
I'll be back,
My pretty Pauline
I'll make millions,
You'll see what I mean
Yes, I do promise,
My darling Pauline.
First rate!
I'm bored.
Let me shoot a guard.
Give me that.
I'm a royal prince and
you're not to touch me.
Your highness, your highness!
Your new tutor has arrived.
Is she blonde
and American?
How did you find her,
your highness?
I saw her picture at the orphans
office of employment.
So I saved my allowance and
sent away for her.
Just a minute.
What is this, boy?
I'm starting my own harem.
Your harem? You hired
an innocent orphan
to indulge in hanky panky?
I should certainly inform
your father about this.
You do it and I'll slice
your ears off.
I'm Colonel Sten Martin
of the Royal Blues.
I wasn't hired only to
teach you shooting,
but also to develop
your moral character.
Haven't you got
any morals?
I'm sick of morals.
Throw him over the wall
and into the jungle.
Take your hands off me!
You can't do this to me!
I gave up a commision
from the British Army.
I gave up a chance
for a pension.
I'll catch this damn child!
Tell the American blonde that
I'm ready to go to school.
"My name is Pauline"
Now, class, you might as
well know that this is
my first experience
as a teacher.
So, if I seem a little nervous,
I know you'll bear with me.
And if I make mistakes,
I'm sure you'll forgive me.
You'll be studying physical
education and deportment.
Let's start
with deportment.
-Are you engaged?
-Oh, yes, your highness.
Since I was about your age.
His name is George.
Where is he?
He's looking for me.
I know he is.
-I mean, where is he now?
-I don't know.
Then you're engaged to me.
Thank you, your highness,
but I'm afraid my blood
isn't royal enough.
Be engaged to me or
I'll cut your head off.
It's very bad manners to threat
your teacher with a scimitar.
I'm a prince and
you'll do as a I say.
What we need is a better
teacher-pupil relationship.
Doris, Boris, get her!
Those are real sharks!
-Now, will you?
-Will what?
-Kiss me?
-Certainly not.
All right.
I'll give three.
Why don't you scream?
The others did.
What others?
My other tutors. It's more fun
when they scream.
Screaming was never allowed at
the Baskerville Foundling Home.
Hold it!
Hold it!
Stop it!
What have you done?
Who gave...
Mrs. Carruthers!
George Stedman!
Back after 7 years!
-What's going on here?
-We're being demolished.
-Where's Pauline?
-I let her go with the others.
-No. Poor girl!
She was my only failure.
There was a jinx on her.
Just as you planned, sir.
What plan?
To keep her at the orphanage
until he could come back
and lay the riches of the
world at her feet:
Sable, jewels, chocolate...
It was you who put
the jinx on her!
I should know.
Don't you understand?
I love her, Mrs. Carruthers.
I've always loved her.
He wrote her every day
for seven years.
-And I torn them up.
-But why?
I never told you this,
you may have inherited
evil tendencies.
If he had, madame,
he has overcome them.
-He's made a fortune for her.
-How big a fortune?
He's rented Venice
for their honeymoon.
-The whole city?
-Including the canals.
Oh! And I thought it was
only puppy love.
How blind I was!
Is she pretty,
Mrs. Carruthers?
She's beautiful.
If you had come back 2 days ago
before she left for Africa.
Where in Africa?
Basbah. To tutor a
twelve-year-old prince
in deportment and
physical education.
Not Prince Benji
of Alabaris?
His father and Mr. Stedman
have a joint venture in oil.
She was promised the protection
of the royal family.
Let's go, Thorpe.
We'll take my jet.
That kid is the worst delinquent
since Ivan the Terrible.
When they bite off your head
it goes crunch.
What are you doing playing
with my sharks?
He's just mischievous,
your majesty.
You'll have your harem
when you're 18 and not before.
Now go to your suite.
You hurt my ear!
It's really my fault,
your majesty.
you see, I haven't been
able to establish
a proper teacher-pupil
He won't bother you again
or I'll cut off his hand.
Nothing can happen to you
while I'm alive.
I'll, drag you behind the
racing camels.
I'll have you squeezed by
the royal python.
All right! You can have a harem.
Take mine.
Oh, I don't want your old harem.
I'm stuck with the teacher.
Benji, Benji,
I'm your sire.
Doesn't it mean
anything to you?
Good morning, teacher.
Why was I bathed in oil?
Why an I in this
diaphanous knickers?
Why am I a prisoner?
And where's your father?
He's taking a nap.
I'm sorry about the sharks.
I'm a bad boy.
Oh, but you aren't hopeless.
There's no such thing
as a bad boy.
A ruby carved like an apple!
An apple for my teacher.
Put it on.
That's the apple of Arabia.
As long as you wear it,
we're married.
This is inexcusable,
your highness!
Shame on you!
Once and for all:
I'm waiting for George.
But George isn't here
and Benji is!
Now I have you.
Yes, you have,
you handsome thing.
You've touched the
strings of my heart.
Kiss me on the cheek.
I'll burn your hair!
I'll paint you green!
Get me out of this.
Your excelency,
your highness!
Where did she go?
To the royal garage, your highness.
The royal garage.
Go! Go!
Hurry! Hurry!
Faster! Faster!
All right, New York.
Over and out.
Industries running
Rail steady.
Utilities nervous.
Thorpe, did I ever tell you that I took
her to se the Statue of Liberty?
Hurry, hurry!
Oh, your highness!
Have you seen
an American girl?
A beautiful square girl with
diaphanous knickers?
About 5.2 feet tall?
No, your highness.
She must be here.
Search the whole place.
I'll take this one.
American girls bring
a fortune in the Congo.
The market survey we made last
year disclosed a vacuum in cement
industry here in Basbah.
The local product is grainy and...
Never mind the local cement.
Where is that little monster?
Mr. Stedman, greetings!
Where's she?
Where's Pauline?
Your new school teacher
from America.
Oh, that Pauline.
She never got here.
She fell off the boat.
Then, what is this?
Where's she?
What have you
done to her?
Wall me up, your gangster?
You're in house arrest.
And no harem until
you're 35.
You hurt my nose!
Mr. Stedman, greetings!
How's our il company
doing in Wall Street?
Never mind Wall Street!
Produce Pauline at once or
you'll lose your oil
and your country!
Your majesty!
News of the American tutor.
She's on her way to the Congo
to be sold to Bamble,
the leader of the white pygmies
in exchange for his horde of ivory.
If I could drop a writ of
plaintiff who would sign it?
Forget that! We'll take the king's
half track to the Zambezi River
and then we'll go by canoe.
Residence of Mr. William Sten Martin,
notable white hunter.
I'll see if he's in.
Telephone, bwana.
I'm having my dinner.
What is my dinner?
A nice zebra steak fried
in monkey fat.
Zebra, zebra, zebra.
Can't you cook
anything else?
Sten Martin here.
This is prince Benji.
Yes, your highness!
I have a job for you.
I will pay you a
princely fortune.
An American girl named Pauline
is about to be sold to Bamble.
Get her and bring her
back to me.
Yes, sir.
Get my Mauser gun.
I'm going up the river.
Ah! Look what you're getting.
She's a beautiful American Blonde.
And she's a hard
working orphan.
And she doesn't belong
to the Peace Corps.
I make deal.
You, new queen!
Sit on throne.
Oh, thank you very much, but
I'm afraid I'm too big for it.
You see, I'm 34-22-34.
You drink and you'll be little
like us: 17-11-17.
No wonder the prince
wanted you back.
You're 34-22-34.
Just fine for a short safari.
Benji will never see
you again.
Where am I?
You're in the great green greasy
banks of the Zambezi River.
And who are you?
William Sten Martin, notable
white hunter at your service, my dear.
I am an American citizan
looking for employment.
Can you take me
to civilization?
White pygmies!
My canoe is just over the hill.
Why go looking for a job when
you could stay here with me
in my hunting lodge below the
high river dam. You'd love it!
Every night when the sun sets over
the savannah, I'll, bring you
fresh meat:
rhinos, zebras...
I love a nice sunset,
but I don't believe I know
how to cook a zebra.
You fry it in monkey fat.
And every night afer dinner,
we'll sit by the fire and
laught out loud with the hyenas.
We used to laugh so much
at the Foundling Home.
Sometimes we ran out of oatmeal
and we'd just sit around
and George would tell us
funny stories for dinner.
Poor unhappy child!
You're a federal judge.
What are the marriage laws
among these natives?
There's no divorce among
the white pygmies.
Dear Pauline, take the word
of a man of the world.
He's abandoned you.
What worries me is that she must
think that I've abandoned her.
He'll find me no matter
where I am.
Sometimes I fell he's just
around the corner.
We've passed the island.
There's a whirl ahead when
the sill way of the dam is open.
Everything comes to
those who wait.
Pauline, life is a jungle.
Why go through it as a
lonely school teacher?
Lonely?! With so much
to do in the world?
I'll get into something:
Urban renewal, the poverty program,
maybe help the blind.
I could be somebody's eyes.
No, no, Pauline, listen to me.
I have a confession to make.
I was to be paid a princely fortune
to return you to Benji, but I fell
in love with you at first sight.
Marry me, Pauline!
Thank you very much,
Mr. Sten Martin.
I appreciate the offer,
but I'm engaged to George.
Don't move!
Don't panic!
Yes, and with hunger.
Keep still.
I'll shoot past your head.
Now, you listen to me:
I want her back!
Did you hear?
Go in jungle
with white hunter.
Wait a minute!
Message coming in.
White hunter and girl
down river.
Attacked by hippos.
Should I wire the
Duce and cancel Venice?
Back in the canoe.
I have one more
shoot left.
Mr. Sten Martin,
your eyes are all black.
I can't see,
I can't see.
Take over.
We're approaching white waters.
Aim to the hydroelectric
plant on the right.
I'll try to low
the water level.
Where are we now?
On the 7th floor of the
New York Mercy Hospital.
Just down the hall
from the chapel.
Pauline, I can't let you do this:
marry a blind man...
Well, you saved my life,
You gave up a
princely fortune.
It's the least I can do.
-What's the matter with him?
-He's almost drawn in the
great green greasy banks
of the Zambezi River.
His lungs are full of
vicious African organisms.
7th floor.
And now,
I pronounce you man and...
Wait! You stepped
over the soap.
You can see!
You tricked me.
You're a fake!
Well, I was blind,
but unfortunately I got better.
You know what I think: A man
can't be out in the jungle too long.
And zebra cooked in monkey fat can
have something do with it too.
That's right.
It twisted my mind.
I understand you, Willy.
But I don't love you.
Marry me anyway, Pauline.
I'll do anything.
I'll go blind.
Come, my son.
I'll take you to the psychiatric
ward in the annex.
Mrs. Carruthers!
What are doing
scrubbing floors?
Why aren't you at the
Baskerville Foundling Home?
It's a bowling alley now.
I could have stayed down
as a pinsetter.
But i'm not as agile
as I used to be.
I know! The apple of Arabia.
It'll buy a new foundling home.
-If I can get it off my finger.
-Dip it in the soaped bucket.
Isn't it wonderful,
Mrs. Carruthers?
Something good comes out
of everything.
Oh, Pauline,
you're a sweet girl.
The orphans will praise
your name.
Oh, please, could we call it the
George Stedman in Foundling Home?
Pauline, there's something
I must tell you.
Two days after you left,
George came back.
He did? Oh, where is he?
Where did he go?
To find you. Just as
you always hoped.
He's rented Venice for
your honeymoon.
George! George!
Oh, George!
Is it really you?
-You're so pale!
-You're so beautiful!
Did I bloom, George?
Am I a daffodil?
A whole bouquet.
-Now we'll be together always.
-Always, Pauline!
Don't touch him!
He's full of vicious
African organisms.
-What are his chances?
-One in a million.
Does he know?
He was told when he came
though customs.
It's almost spring,
Oh, it's just a common cold,
There are wonderful
drugs now.
Of course, I'll be hopping
around in no time.
Then we'll go to Venice.
Yes, and we'll get the Piazza
San Marco and turn it into a
playground for the children.
Oh! The tragedy of it all!
We waited so long, George.
A few more days won't matter.
Of course not, Pauline.
I'll see you in a little while.
Oh, Pauline,
one in a million...
No! He's good and kind.
He'll be the one in a million.
Oh, George, I'll nurse you
back to health.
You're kind and good,
First, we'll need some white shoes,
a white dress and a...
If anything happens to me, you'll
be the richest woman in the world.
I wonder if Gimbels is
still open.
-Did you see that?
-Right into the sewer.
Where does it come out?
Somewhere in the
dark Atlantic.
Yes, sir?
Break off a piece of that seaweed.
It's good for my throat.
Yes, Mr. Coleman.
Where am I?
You're washed ashore in the
impregnable state of Casper Coleman.
The second richest man
in the world.
-Who are you?
-My name is Pauline.
I'm engaged to George Stedman,
the richest man in the world.
Get her into the house,
Stafford, Yes.
-And call Dr. Reinhart.
-Oh, yes, sir.
You see I would have
taken her out of the snow.
Face it, man.
You're 18 years too late.
The group is right.
It's impossible
to get between them.
Their love is, if you pardon
the word, sacred.
Well, if their love is sacred,
mine should be profane.
Oh, Martin,
get hold of yourself.
Out of my way!
I want her, I need her and
I'm going to have her!
It can't be true, Thorpe.
It can't be true.
Try to be calm, sir.
You're full of wonder drugs.
How can I...
How can I stay calm?
I want every sewer searched,
every coast line dragged.
I've got to find Pauline.
Where is she?
Where is she?
-Much better today.
Just rest and keep warm.
All right! Go on my dear,
what happened next?
Well, then I fell into this hole.
And the next thing I knew
I was emptied
in the dark Atlantic.
What a brave girl, sir!
Oh, I'm not brave.
I'm just lucky.
George is the brave one.
May I use your telephone
to call the hospital?
I'll reverse charges.
Yesterday, my dear, while you
were under sedation, I checked
his condition. He's in a coma
and taking no calls and now,
my dear, you need a little nap
before lunch. Nurse!
Take Pauline
to her room.
But sir, the hospital said
that George Stedman had made
a remarkable recovery and
is convalescing at home.
I couldn't tell her that,
you idiot!
She'd go to him.
I want that courage and gallantry
and I'm going to have it.
But sir, you're 99 and
a half years old.
You subsist on cookies
and mother's milk.
It's not for myself.
I'm going to marry her
to my grandson Dwayne.
-Bring my grandson!
-Bring his grandson!
That's my grandson!
Wedding bells for you,
my lad.
Wedding bells.
You like that, uh?
Won't you?
But the disparity
in their ages, sir?
Pauline is 19,
whereas Dwayne is only one.
When he's 21,
she'll be 40!
Reinhart? You're the head
of my laboratories.
Think of a solution.
It's quite simple:
Freeze her.
Freeze her?
I don't follow.
The girl is 19,
your grandson, one.
Freeze her for 25 years and
then your heir will pass her.
By then,
Dwayne will be 26
and Pauline will still be
a blushing 19.
We can use the lab.
Of course,
all we need is her consent.
Oh, yes, yes.
We'll put something in her tea.
Drink your tea, my dear.
Hum! It's delicious.
Thank you.
We used to drinks lots of tea
at the Baskerville Foundling home.
On chilly afternoons like this,
George would make a big pot and
we'd all have a cup before
taking our naps.
He said the sugar would
give us sweet dreams.
I fell sleepy already.
To the laboratory!
My crews have cruised every
sewer in New York City, sir.
I've branched every inch of
the Atlantic Ocean coastline
and there's no trace
of Pauline.
Well crawl and drain
some more.
I want her found.
Did you hear it?
Yes, sir.
Stedman speaking.
-For you.
-Thank you, sir. This is Thorpe.
Oh, hello Stafford.
Oh yes, we are.
She is?
I can't believe it!
Yes, I'll tell him.
Thank you, Stafford.
Tell me what?
Who was that?
Casper Coleman's
male secretary.
Pauline was washed away in the
old tycoon's private beach.
He plans to marry her
to his grandson.
But that's ridiculous!
His grandson is
only one year old.
He solved that problem.
He's reducing Pauline
to a state of torpor,
then freezing her
for 25 years.
That monster!
I don't think it's legal,
but on the other hand,
the estate is impregnable.
If Stafford works for Coleman,
why did he confess to you?
There's a secret confraternity
between male secretaries, sir.
25 years!
I'll be 50!
She'll still be sweet 19.
January and June marriages
are sometimes the happiest, sir.
Get me the head
of my laboratories.
She catches a cold
just so easily, Thorpe.
Did you know that?
She had pneumonia once.
I rubbed her back
with goose grease.
Just the thought of her
shivering in that ice...
Doctor, Stedman. How soon can
I be frozen up for 25 years?
Almost immediately.
It's a simple technique.
Much like making an ice cube
in your refrigerator, sir.
-May I ask why you?
-No, doctor. Yes you may not.
Just get things ready
and I'll be right along.
But the risk, sir, the danger
to your life.
Without Pauline, life is just
not worth living.
Just think, Thorpe.
In 25 years I'll be
just like I am now.
She'll be just like she is, a
as fresh as beautiful as ever.
It'll be a bright
brand new world!
Sir, I have a request
to make.
May I have the honor of
freezing up by your side?
Thank you, Thorpe,
but someone must stay behind
and run the empire.
But sir, I don't have your
razor sharp mind.
We're ready, Mr. Stedman.
Just step over here.
If you just lie down inside
and make yourself comfortable.
Your certified check for a
million dollars, sir.
You'll need some spending
money when you wake up.
Any last minute
instructions, sir?
If Pauline wakes up before I do,
keep an eye on her.
Yes, sir.
Proceed, doctor.
Goodbye, sir.
Goodbye, sir.
Not goodbye, Thorpe.
Just adios.
What's happening
to her now?
She's just descending
to a state of torpor.
Fill the container
with tap water.
-Mr. Coleman.
A visitor, Mr. Otto Falsone.
He says that after
George Stedman and yourself,
he's the third richest man
in the world.
Reinhart, go on with the freezing,
I'll be back.
-Stafford, mother's milk for two.
-Yes, sir.
Well, Falsone, come, come, come.
I only got a minute.
If you are who you say you are,
how come I've never heard of you?
Well, let's say, I'm somewaht
of a recluse. People annoy me.
That's why I spend most of
my time on my estate
in furthermost Canada.
And I have a little
proposition for you, sir.
I'm making one of
my rare visits.
-Furthermost Canada?
How do you get your money?
Well, suffice to say that my
mother was a very good friend
with the late Shah of Kuwait.
The Shah?
Well, uh...
What is your proposition?
I understand you
have a grandson.
How would you like him to be
the richest man in the world?
How could he be as long as
George Stedman is around?
Ah, thank you.
You see, my daughter in law has just
presented me with a granddaughter.
Now you are the second richest
man in the world, I'm the third.
Their betrothed would combine
two fortunes.
let the little blonde go.
Yes, sir.
Unfreeze the blonde!
Coleman's orders.
It may be too late.
A toast to the youngsters, uh!
What is your granddaughter's name?
To Dwayne and Henrietta,
the richest young couple in the world.
-What did you say this was?
-That is mother's milk.
-I'm 99 and a half.
-Is this tea?
I prefer it.
Oh, well it's not tea.
In fact it is... Oh, dear!
Thank you.
Delicious, thank you.
You were saying just now something
about letting a little blonde go.
Between you and me,
it gets rather cold and lonely
up there in furthermost Canada.
I was wondering if you might
consider passing her over to me, I...
Third richest man in
the world, are you?
He's well and
waiting for you.
Oh I knew he'd be the
one in a million.
Once out of the gate,
turn left and catch agreen bus.
Here's some money
for your fare.
-Thank you.
Oh, the address is
163 Park Avenue. Go!
Guards! Guards!
where are you?
Oh, it feels dazzle.
A bit rude of me.
And what about the blonde?
Pauline, the little blonde,
where's she?
Unfrozen, sir and gone.
Gone? Gone?
In which direction?
Seize this imposter.
Walk him over,
then toss him over the wall.
Come on, you...
I caught a green bus and
got here as fast as I could.
Where's George?
But Casper Coleman
froze you for 25 years.
Yes, but I'm 96 now,
besides it was just an old man's
love for his grandson, Dwayne.
Where's George?
I can't wait to see him.
He's in here.
This may be a little difficult,
my dear.
Brace yourself.
But where's George?
But why?
When he heard you were frozen,
he made the decision himself.
He didn't want to burden you
with his declining years.
I offered to freeze by his side,
but someone had to run the empire.
Oh, did he say anything else
about me?
He said: life without my Pauline
is not worth living.
25 years from now,
I'll be just as I am and
she'll be just who she is,
as fresh and beautiful as ever and
it'll be a brand new bright world.
Oh, George, it will be
a brand new world.
Only in 25 years,
I'll be 44 and
he'll be only 25.
January and June marriages
are sometimes the happiest.
Oh no! Get an ice pick quick,
turn on the oven.
No, my dear, a rapid thaw
would kill him.
25 years isn't so long,
I'll get a comfortable
chair and some good books
and will wait
to be together.
He could be defrosted slowly,
a little every day,
preferably by sun light.
Yes, a warm climate, but where?
And how?
The mean temperature in the
Gulf of Aden is 130.
I'll order the schooner off
the moth balls.
Yes, yes.
Oh, George! It will be a brand
new world.
It's delicious.
What is it? Port?
-It's vanilla extract.
So, you weren't around when she
was left on the doorstep...
So, I was left on
a doorstep.
I'm still here.
And that's the end of
chapter 3, George.
These people
have long names!
Chapter 4. Lara lays feverish
and half conscious in
Feliciata Semiovna's bed.
The Sventitskys, the servants and
Dr. Zhivago were talking in whispers...
And sell the coppers after
Wall Street closes,
merge the Detroit plant with
Montreal electronics.
Thorpe out.
That's all for the day, my dear.
He's beginning to drip.
We'll finish the chapter
tomorrow, George.
Where are we today?
Approaching the Mediterranean.
Just off the coast of Brittany.
Better break out to
The captain said we're
running into rough weather.
There's a roaring fire
in the basement sallon,
shall we go below?
I just hope he isn't seasick.
A gastric disturbance is impossible
in the state of torpor.
Are you sure those
ropes will hold?
I checket them myself,
my dear.
Now come below.
You're getting drenched.
Oh, George,
wait for me!
-No, no!
-Easy, easy.
Please, let me go with George.
Let go of me.
Please, please, let me go.
Hold on, my dear.
Please, miss, do you want to
wind up in Davy Jones's locker?
as long as I'm with George.
How come you don't stop
the boat?
In this weather? The barometer is
still falling. Now come below.
Please, let me go.
Oh! Keep your spirit up,
You'll wash
ashore somewhere.
Closing Dow Jones average
up 6.5.
You made 3 million dollars
before lunch.
Mr. Stedman would be
proud of you.
What is money without love?
I can't go on, Thorpe.
What you need is
a change of scene.
Somewhere where you can meet
some nice young swingers.
Somewhere like the Riviera.
He's alive, Thorpe.
I know it.
He's some place...
Just floating around.
Your love
may be sacred,
but I'm here now
and you're here.
And you'll never get Pauline.
Never! Never! Never! Never...
What am I doing?
You're my life boat.
I must be going crackers!
This blasted sun!
The French Riviera!
Trash! Trash!
Immature trash!
How can I follow
my greatest epic:
"Life Equals Two and a Half"
with a story like this
where innocence triumphs?
Innocence has never triumphed
in a Frandisi film.
-You know that.
-Don't you know that?
Wait a minute!
Maybe we can
switch it around.
Let innocence be destroyed.
It will win every
festival in Europe.
But who's going
to play it?
Where does one
find innocence?
Nah! There's no more innocence
in this dolce vita.
Just the sound of rats and
feet on broken glass.
That's it!
She's innocence herself.
Sign her at once.
Tell her that she's fallen under
the far out eye of the talented
Frederico Frandisi.
We're being signaled.
If my navy days
serve me correctly,
you've come under the talented
far out eye of Frederico Frandisi.
He wants to make you an international
symbol of innocence.
And will you have dinner
with him tonight?
Oh, that's very sweet of him, but I
haven't been very hungry lately.
Do you think George
isn't melted by now?
Where am I?
Who are you?
I am Colonel William Sten Martin, sir,
formely with the British Army.
I found you floating in ice
in the coast of Britanny
and I saved your life.
there's a cafe over there.
Why don't we go and have a glass
of Cinzano and talk it over?
You're rather saucy, actually .
And so there was nothing else
for me to do but to have
myself frozen
for 25 years.
But what was I doing off
the coast of Britanny?
What were you
doing there?
Hum? Oh,
I was going to Singapore.
I saw you floating by and
the captain wouldn't stop.
So I just dived
and pushed you here.
What else could I do?
Dear sir, you deserve a reward.
You shall have it.
Oh, I don't think so.
A certified check.
Any bank in the
world will cash that.
Here you are.
And thank you.
A million dollars?
A million dollars?
What's my life worth?
May I give you some advice?
Why don't you get
frozen up again?
I mean, if this girl is attractiveas
you say she is, she's worthy that.
The longer you wait,
the older you'll get.
I intend to. But first,
I'd like to call New York
to see if there's
any news of her.
Oh, I hate to ask. Would you
mind lending me a few dollars?
That million was all
the change I had.
I'm sorry, old chap.
I never lend money.
A wise policy.
L'addition, monsieur.
Oh, I'm sorry. I can't pay it.
You see I've just arrived in
Saint-Tropez in a keg of ice
and I have no money.
Il est arriv Saint-Tropez
dans un bloc de glace.
Bloc de glace?
C'est impossible!
Je vais faire quelque chose.
Are you a nut,
In which case I'll take you at
once to the insane asylum.
Or you are an American deadbeat,
in which case we will consult
the proprietor,
who is my cousin.
Of course!
Rent one of our space vehicles
is impossible.
Please, hear me out.
I have a certified check for
one million dollars.
I would perfectly hand this over
to you if you would only put a
certain lady and myself in orbit
for four days.
That's all I ask.
From the Kremlin.
What are the young lady's
Ah, 34-22-34,
five feet three.
So you can understand
why I'm so keen to orbit.
-Sit down.
-Here? Thank you.
You see, apart from a short safari
on the Zambezi River,
we've hardly been alone.
On second thought,
it can be arranged.
There's a space vehicle
leaving tomorrow morning.
We'll fly you and
the lady to Moscow tonight.
Bless you.
-And the check?
-The what? Oh yes, of course.
-Where do we find this young lady?
-The young lady? Oh yes.
Tonight she's having dinner
at the Caf Chez Amour.
We'll take care
of everything.
Excuse me, forgive me...
Shouldn't we have tickets?
-Of course.
We'll meet you outside
the Caf tonight.
Have a Cinzano
while you wait.
Ah, thank you.
A Cinzano, please.
Pardon, monsieur.
You're wanted at the telephone.
Thank you very much.
Excuse me, my dear.
Who are you?
Secret agents from Washington DC,
our nation's capital!
We've been watching you
for days.
We need you to perform a valuable
service behind the Iron Curtain.
I'd be glad to, but I have to
go back to New York
and run the
George Stedman empire.
What flag flies
over you?
Stars and stripes.
That's better!
The Moscow plane leaves
at 00h30.
We'll pick you at precisely 00h01.
We'll brief you on the way.
They want me back at the hotel.
Some mix over a peach umbrella.
Shall we go?
Oh, you go. I'll just stay here
and listen to the music.
Yes, yes. Have a Shirley Temple.
I'll be back as soon as I get
this straight out.
Peach umbrella?
Peach umbrella...
Miss, step into the kitchen.
The boss said you can take
five in the alley.
Gosh! You're both secret agents
from Washington DC,
just like the other
two Americans.
They are not Americans.
They are Marshal Malekowsky
and Colonel Nifer
of the Russian secret police
posing as diplomats.
They are luring you to Moscow
to take a walk in space.
-Why me?
-You fit the suit.
Gosh! I'm glad you warned me.
I wont' go.
Yes, you will as a double agent for us.
It will save millions of dollars
-and thousands of lives.
Once you're out on space, you can
photograph the instrument panel
in the capsule. Here's your camera.
It'll fit in your left ear.
Well, raise your right hand
and repeat after me.
-For flag and country.
-For flag and country.
I promise to perform
this dangerous mission.
I promise to perform
this dangerous mission.
Behind the Iron Curtain at risk
of torture and death,
Behind the Iron Curtain at risk
of torture and death,
I will go to my grave
with the secret.
I will go to my grave
with the secret.
-So help me God.
-So help me God.
When we leave,
go back to yur table.
-Oh, Pauline, I thought you were...
-And I thought you were...
Let's not talk
about it now.
In the moonlight
And in the morning, Venice!
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
-I mean, no.
I mean, I hope so.
Oh, George, hold me.
Oh, it's been a wonderful
evening, George.
Just like at the
Baskerville Foundling Home.
You washing,
me drying.
We'll have a lifetime of
wonderful evenings, Pauline.
We'll never be
separated again.
What time is it?
-A minute to twelve. Why?
-No reason.
Tell me again, how is
it going to be, please.
Well, we'll be married in Venice
and we'll take he schooner
on a long honeymoon.
Six times around he world.
And we'll settle down
and raise a family.
Blondes like you and they'll
grow up and have more
blondes like you and we'll visit
them on Sundays.
Oh, George,
no mater what happens,
remember I'll always
love you.
you're trembling.
That's nothing. Just the chilly
Saint-Tropez nights.
We're finished here. I'll get my
coat and take you back to the hotel.
We're due to the airport.
You have o hurry!
No matter, what?!
Anything else, monsieur?
Ah, there you are.
-Hurry! We're off to jolly old Moscow.
-She is, you're not.
Pauline? What about Pauline?
Where is she?
I gave the Russians your million
to put us in orbit and now
-He's taken her off to Moscow.
-You idiot!
Mr. Stedman,
you're out of your ice!
I'm out of my mind!
Come on!
We're off to Moscow!
What? Stop it!
Don't you...
We're in space...
Hey, hey listen...
I want Pauline back to the
ground right now!
Or I'll break your economy.
I'll smash the rouble.
Do you understand?
I want her back now!
Yes, impossible.
Her partner cut her
umbilical cord.
She's floating in space with all
the capitalistic junk.
What does that mean?
She'll gradually lose altitude
an burn at reentry.
Mr. Stedman!
Mr. Stedman!
They would be married
in Venice this morning.
I don't know what
this has done to him.
Seems to be in a
state of shock.
The solution is simple:
brainwash him.
Remove her memory from his
But where would I have this done?
And by whom?
Take him to Dr. Gunther Blitz
in Western Berlin,
the neurological genius of
the Kurfrstendamm
any Monday, Wednesday and
Friday. On Tuesdays and
thursdays, he's in his office
in Eastern Berlin.
Oh, he'd never consent to it.
He'd rather live with his pain.
Doctor Blitz's methods are
very subtle.
He wouldn't even know that
his brain has been laundered.
Introduce him as a casual
friend of yours.
Come, sir.
I'd like you to meet a casual friend
of mine who lives in Western Berlin.
Any Monday,
Wednesday or Friday.
What's this, Pushkin?
A first in space!
A triumph for Mother Russia.
Pauline was snagged by a second
capsule, landed in the suburb
and was rushed here by a fast
People's Republic automobile.
Vodka for everyone!
I'm a double agent
for the USA.
Do you have
the photographs?
How do I know you're a
double agent?
Not here!
-Now, where's the photograph?
-It's in my left ear.
Lean your left ear
towards me.
If I'm a heroine
of the Soviet Republic,
how do I get out
of Russia?
Your escape from Moscow has
been arranged.
Go to the corner of Petruskovich St.
and Melanvascovich St. where
-you'll be contacted.
-Petruskovich and Melanvascovich.
But how do I get over
the Berlin Wall?
That's your problem. After the
parade, they plan to kill you
with injections of formaldehyde
and exhibit you in a glass coffin
next to Lenin.
So, hurry.
Is this the one?
Get the formaldehyde.
How do you feel tonight, sir?
Still bothered by the little
buzzing noise in your head?
It's down to steady now.
Listen to that, Thorpe!
Some poor devil is trying to
come in from the cold.
-Hello, who are you?
-I'm Pauline.
-How do you do?
Welcome to Western Berlin
and freedom.
I'm going back to the hotel,
That hum is back
to a buzz.
Why doesn't he know me?
He's just been brainwashed by
Dr. Gustaf Blitz, the neurological
genius of Kurfrstendamm.
All memory of you has been erased
from his consciousness.
But why?
When we heard you'd burn up
in reentry,
it seemed the
kindest thing to do.
Oh, George!
Is this permanent?
It'd better be for sake.
There's one
further complication:
when you were washed out
of his brain,
so was his razor sharp acumen.
His mind is clean and so
is his bank account.
I know! You take him to
Switzerland, where they have
strong psychological detergents
and I'll go to Venice and star
in Freddie Frandisi way out movie.
I'll make a fortune for all of us.
you're one in a million.
Oh, gosh no!
George is one in a million.
I see you in Venice.
Now, see, as a former federal judge
you understand that reversing a
laundry job by Dr. Blitz is like
breaking some Japanese code.
What we need is an image
or a key word.
Something to trigger
his subconscious memory.
Ah, here we are.
Good morning, sir.
Baskerville Foundling Home?
Zambezi River?
American T&T?
-Oh, stop, Thorpe!
If I ever knew a Pauline,
I don't know her now.
I'm sick of this sanatorium.
I'm checking out.
Some flowers, sir.
And when I come back,
they'll be in bloom.
And I came back.
And she was
like a daffodil.
And she had
bloomed for me.
Where's Pauline, Thorpe?
Aha! You see!
Excuse me, please.
She's in Venice, making a film
under the talented far out eye
of Freddie Frandisi.
Oh, wonderful, wonderful!
Now the prince in the story...
Sit down. Sit down.
The prince in the story
is a Hamlet like figure.
He's a philosophical brooding,
full of self doubts.
He represents the
modern man today
with a story between
bestiality and innocence.
Yes, gosh!
Now, in this scene,
he must make the decision.
As you come down these stairs,
the prince, he unlocks
the handcuffs and you enter
the gorilla cage, see?
And with your charm,
you invite him out
to have dinner at that table.
But your beauty arouses in
him the low animal nature...
as it does mine.
He takes you in his arms
and he embraces
you and he wants to
take you up the stairs...
A real gorilla?
He was as tame as a kitten
until he saw you.
You afraid, uh?
She's afraid!
Oh, no, there's nothing
to be afraid, no,
because the gorilla
bedroom has two cages.
Now, when the gorilla
goes inside,
the stuntman in a
gorilla costume,
he goes inside, locks up.
Then the stuntman, he comes out
when you call him.
You think I would endanger
your precious life, uh?
You think so?
Thank you, but I think only fair
to tell you I belong to George.
Check your costume with
the wardrobe lady.
Yes, maestro.
But you didn't dig innocence,
It was before
I fell in love.
I'm thinking of the
new production now.
An American classic.
"Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm".
I love her.
I love her.
-Mrs. Carruthers!
What are you doing here?
Why aren't you at the
George Stedman
Foundling Home?
When George's mind went kaput,
we had to close it.
So I took this job as a
way-out wardrobe woman.
Don't worry,
Mrs. Carruthers,
we'll open the
Foundling Home again.
Just as soon
as I make a fortune.
-You're a dear sweet girl, Pauline.
-Frandisi is ready!
Excuse me, Mrs. Carruthers.
I have to go into the gorilla's cage
and arouse his low
animal nature.
Oh no, Pauline.
Must you?
Yes, George needs
the money.
-Mr. Frandisi.
My name is George Stedman.
I'm here to tell you that
this movie is over.
George, her George!
Get out, you square.
-Action, please.
-Insults will not make me leave.
-Where's Pauline?
-Shh. Quiet!
open the cage.
And we will see which
is the stronger:
Sacred love...
or profane love?
Oh, I just locked...
Just a minute!
I know you.
I shot you in the jungle,
outside Basbah White Pigmy
country, yes?
We have the same reason.
Obviously you're after Pauline,
aren't you?
You worked your way from
Africa on a frighter.
And then from Naples
in a blue train.
You're not gonna get her!
I'm going to get her...
Don't you like me,
I won't hurt you,
Come on!
Don't be shy!
Wouldn't you like to come along
and get some dinner, Gorilla sweet?
Come on!
He... outfought me!
You fool!
Pauline, are you hurt?
Oh, George! We're together
and we're in Venice!
I hate innocence!
Man should live
by his hatred.
Toto, cancel Rebecca of
Sunnybrook Farm.
The bells, the bells!
Oh George, listen to the bells.
They're playing for us.
And they will on this day
every year for as many years
as long as there are
stones in Venice.
Thorpe arranged it.
Oh, the glory
of the glory!
Where are you,
My pretty Pauline?
I will search the world
for Pauline.
By jet, by steamboat
or by submarine.
This I do promise,
My pretty Pauline.
If you're in peril,
Try not to scream,
Hang on, I'll save you,
My pretty Pauline.
Transcription: Rosita McCartney