The Professor (2018) Movie Script

[soft orchestra music playing]
[door opens]
[door closes]
[doctor] It doesn't look good,
In fact, to be quite frank,
it looks pretty bad.
Rather than beat
around the bush,
I'm just gonna come right out
and say it.
Richard, you have stage four
lung cancer.
The pain you've been
experiencing in your upper back
is actually the result
of malignant tumors
within your lungs,
which it sadly appears
you have for some time.
As we're catching this late
in the game,
your cancer has also had
the opportunity to spread
specifically to your spine,
and adrenals.
[emotive music playing]
You wanna put in notice
with the college.
You should notify Veronica
and your daughter
as soon as possible as treatment
will begin immediately.
How long are we talking?
[doctor] With treatment, a year,
a year and a half,
if you're lucky.
And without?
[doctor] Probably six months.
I am so sorry, Richard.
[dramatic music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[Peter] So let's make this
a fantastic quarter.
We get that extra
little bit of funding
that we so desperately need.
Uh, any questions?
What...? Uhm... Okay.
[dramatic music continues]
[sighs] Fuck.
[music intensifies]
Jesus fucking Jesus.
Jesus. God. Fuck.
Fucking bastard!
Fuck! Jesus!
Fuck it, huh?
Fucking God!
Fuck you!
Fuck you.
[duck quacking]
[music continues softly]
Shall the atheist
say grace then?
Shut up, Richard.
Of course, my dear.
I actually have something
I wanna say.
Go ahead, kid. What do you got?
I wanted you to know
that I'm gay.
[laughs] What on Earth?
[Richard] Jesus Christ.
Olivia, I thought
it was something bad.
[laughs] No, you're not, Olive.
What do you mean I'm not?
You're not gay. I mean,
you're not a lesbian.
- [scoffs]
- Yeah, I am.
Yeah. No, I think I'd know
my own sexual preference.
Uh, it's just a phase.
I, for one,
think it's fantastic.
Don't placate her.
I'm not placating my daughter.
How dare you deny me like this.
I'm not denying you, sweetheart.
I'm just denying your call
for attention
or whatever else this is.
That's all.
I know you, Olive,
better than you know yourself.
No, mother.
You know no shit about me.
Olivia, please come back,
sweetheart. Olivia.
[Veronica sighs] Let her go.
Your finesse of parenting...
has always amazed me.
[Veronica] I also have something
I'd like to say.
I can't wait.
I'm having an affair.
I'm having an affair
and I thought you should know.
And why did you think
I should know?
Because it's with Henry.
Henry who?
Henry Wright.
- Henry Wright?
- Uh-hmm.
My boss?
No, no, no, no. Veronica.
That's real revolting.
Are you out of your mind?
Come on.
At least have a little bit
of taste in your infidelity.
It's up to you, but I'd fucked
a pool boy myself or a plumber.
Then had some fucking
nutless sack.
[Veronica] I assure you
it's not empty.
Henry has been blessed
with a spare testicle.
Henry was blessed
with a spare testicle?
Are you sure it's not a cyst
or a cancerous growth?
Do you even care?
About his third nut?
No. No, I don't.
As far as I'm concerned,
that real estate's
lost its value long ago.
You're such an ass.
So let us drink
to our holy matrimony.
Drink by yourself.
Much better idea.
Ugh. What was it you wanted
to tell us?
[sighs] [clears throat]
I was, uh,
afraid I overcooked the steaks.
[Veronica sighs]
Such an asshole.
[clock chiming]
[girl] No, but that's not
what she's saying at all.
She's laying the groundwork
for the whole feminist movement.
Go on.
Like a hundred years
in advance and...
- [thud]
- [students gasps]
[boy] What was that?
Aren't you gonna do anything?
Like what?
I don't know. Call someone.
Were you friends with it?
Did you know it personally,
by, like, by name?
It's a fucking bird.
I don't know who to call.
- Can I continue?
- No, you may not.
[phone ringing]
Oh, whose phone is it?
Is that your phone?
[student] Shit.
There we go. Here she is.
Mine. Sorry.
Um, I thought
it was on vibrate but it's...
No, no, no, please,
take your call.
Stand up and take your call.
Please. Don't be shy.
Stand up and take your call.
[phone continues ringing]
I'm gonna call you back actually
because I'm in class.
No, as in I'm in class.
Right now. I'm standing up.
- [students laugh]
- I know it's weird. Okay.
Goodbye. Bye. Bye.
[boy laughs]
[Richard] Fascinating.
I'm sorry.
Oh, don't be.
From here on out,
we're gonna do things
very, very differently.
So for those of you who are not
even remotely interested
in being here, please leave.
Just simply walk out the door
and you'll receive
an automatic C.
I no longer have time
to be wasted
nor do I intend
on wasting yours.
So for those of you
who receive grades of,
say, a C or worse,
let's just be proactive.
Pack up your shit.
And vamos now.
[soft cheerful music]
Good. Here we go.
If any of you
have any intentions
of studying business,
get the fuck out now.
I'm not gonna say it again.
If you look down and you happen
to find yourself in sweatpants
or rather pants with
the drawstring or something,
- just please leave.
- [girl] What?
Most important of all,
if you've never read a book
for our own internal pleasure...
you don't belong here.
Get out.
If any of you find yourself
falling into
any of these categories.
I assure you,
you will not do better than a C.
[laughs] Here we go.
The government workers
and the politicians included.
The, uh, sweatpants comment
is not a joke.
I'm sick. I have a cold.
Right. Now, for those of you
who are interested
in learning from greater minds,
and there are today,
you're in charge of reading
one book
and one book only
to this quarter.
After doing so,
you will then stand up here
and you will run a class
of your own.
Excellent. There go the kings
and queens of the water cooler,
corporate whores of tomorrow.
C. Maybe not.
And then you will stand up here
and you'll persuade your peers
of the work's importance.
For that, you'll receive a B.
If you teach us something new,
you receive an A.
Any questions?
Ah-ha. Yes. One more thing.
No feminist or queer propaganda.
The plight of unkempt women
is truly the last thing
I would like to think about
right now.
[girl] I don't think
you can do that.
- [Richard] I just did.
- [scoffs]
And now, I shall embark
on an emotional...
bender for 72 hours.
Most likely,
I'll be drinking alone
and I'm all right with that.
So as a result,
class is cancelled.
That's it.
Class dismissed.
Oh, yeah, by the way,
if any of you sell marijuana
or you know anyone who does,
would you please visit me
during office hours?
Thanks. Bye.
What the fuck?
I need to go on sabbatical
next quarter.
I would... No, I can't give you
a sabbatical, it takes a year.
A year to get
that kind of thing done.
You're gonna have to do
something to speed it up.
[laughs] No, I can't.
What do you want
to go on a sabbatical for?
I would like to write
the next great American novel.
- Oh, yeah?
- Or novela,
- depending on the length.
- What's it about?
It's gonna be about an orphan
who raises rabbits or bunnies
around there.
And what's it called?
Right now, the tentative title
is Bunny Fun Found
because her name is Bunny
and oddly enough,
- she was having fun...
- You're full of shit.
You're full of shit.
You're having me on.
- I have cancer, Peter.
- What?
I have cancer
and it doesn't get look good.
Jesus Christ, Richard.
[ambient music playing]
I don't want to die here.
I don't wanna die here
like this.
Please get me out.
Just let me die alone.
Let me die in peace.
Oh, Richard.
No hands above the table.
What kind of cancer is it?
It's, uh, it's lung cancer.
You don't smoke.
No. I can now. [laughs]
Listen, this is what happens
to everybody.
It's what happens to all of us.
I mean, you could be ridden
with the same damn thing.
Why would you say something
like that to me, huh?
No, no. I'm making a point.
I'm sorry. It came out wrong.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- That's allright.
[waitress] There you go.
I really hate
these effeminate glasses.
What are we gonna do?
I'm gonna fill
my medicine cabinet.
I'm gonna ride this thing out.
Wait, you're not gonna
get treatments?
- You owe me, Peter.
- Uh, yes.
Yes. Yes, of course.
Thank you.
You can let go of my hands now
and then we can have a drink
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
So to the months end.
To your health.
There's no need to be facetious.
I didn't mean to be facetious.
And don't go blabbering
your little wet mouth
about this.
- No, no.
- This is no one's business.
- But my own
- Of course.
- [Henry] I think your art is
- [siren wailing outside]
brilliant, stunning,
and a wonderful investment.
In fact... [sighs]
[siren continues wailing]
could you do the whole campus?
- Certainly with your talent...
- To the College of Florida?
That's my responsibility.
You don't need to worry
about that.
To your latest infidelity.
And your honorable cuckolding.
[ambient music playing]
Ooh, what's that?
It's a white oblong pill.
Where did you get it?
We're well-to-do
middle-aged wasps.
We can get prescriptions
for anything we want, darling.
If you behave yourself...
I'll give you
a blue triangular one next.
I heard you're quite fond
of them.
Onto serious matters.
- Go for it.
- And you know at heart,
I don't give a damn
about you and Henry.
You do whatever you please.
But you have to realize
that from here on out,
I'll be living just as freely.
I've played a rather quiet role
in the tragedy
that is our marriage.
quite frankly, I'm done.
It's time that we lived a bit
closer to the...
primal truth of it all.
So from this point on,
let us fuck who we wanna fuck.
Let us ingest
what we wanna ingest.
And all in all, just do whatever
the hell we damn well please.
Here, here.
One request,
that we do so discretely.
Let us at least attempt to keep
the parental damage
to our sweet lesbian love child
to a minimum.
I wholeheartedly agree.
And the matter is settled.
Yes, dear?
Dare I ask
if your equipment still works?
[Richard] I don't know.
I mean, sadly, it's laid dormant
for years.
But if it doesn't, it's just
one more prescription to fill.
Here's to, uh, our new lives.
And your new freedoms.
Now, hand over a blue one
I've behaved myself admirably.
[Olivia] He was like this, um...
17th century poet who fell
in love with his cousin and...
- [glass breaking]
- [Veronica laughs]
- fell in love with his cousin?
- Oh, shit.
[Veronica] You're such
an asshole.
- [Taylor] What?
- My parents are home.
[Taylor] Hey. It's okay.
[Olivia] Can you promise
not to judge me?
Don't worry, seriously.
[cheerful ambient music playing]
- [Richard] It's broken.
- Hmm.
[Richard] I mean,
the whole thing is broken.
- [Richard] That's [mumbles].
- [Veronica laughs]
Oh, Olivia. Look, dear.
- It's Olivia and company.
- What's going on?
[Richard] Uh, your mom
broke the lamp.
Are you all right?
Yes, darling.
Of course, why wouldn't we be?
Because you seem like
you're drunk or on drugs.
[Richard] Admittedly,
we are on a bit of both.
[music continues]
But don't let that influence
your decisions.
[Veronica] Oh,
don't listen to him.
They're just prescriptions.
I'm Veronica, Olivia's mother.
Hi, I'm Taylor.
Oh, nice to meet you...
[burps] Excuse me.
Careful, dear.
Let's not exert yourself.
So is this... is she...
[Olivia] Taylor is Taylor,
Yes, yes, of course, you are.
[Taylor giggles]
And by the way, I'm Richard.
- Would you like a drink?
- Yes, please, come.
- Join us for a drink.
- No, hang on. No.
You're being very creepy.
We're going.
- Creepy?
- [Olivia] Yes.
[Veronica] We're just
having fun.
Come on.
Hey, well, it was very nice
meeting you.
- [Veronica] Bye.
- Nice to meet you.
That was pleasant.
So how do you think that went?
[Veronica] On a scale
of one to ten,
I'd say a four.
I'm only mildly disappointed
in myself.
I feel ashamed. Yeah.
[music continues]
[Veronica] What happened
to us, Richard?
What happened to us?
[Veronica] You know,
if I could go back in time,
I don't even know what it is
I'm supposed to fix.
[Richard] Oh, I could readily
think of many things.
I didn't ask you.
[Veronica] You're gonna break
all our wedding presents.
Did you ever notice
that they're all hollow?
Ah, what does that mean?
It doesn't matter.
[Richard laughing]
Yes, dear?
Thank you for helping me.
Of course.
[soft dramatic music playing]
Holding your hair back
has always been
one of my life's great honors.
I'm serious.
In ways, so am I.
Do you think Olivia hates me?
But she's supposed to.
I'm not a bad person.
I know you're not, Veronica.
No one ever said you were.
[indistinct chatter]
[Richard] Well, you are a...
relatively attractive
group of kids.
I mean, I see a few
weak chins here and there.
But, uh, I think that's probably
just due to some
fine New England breeding. Hmm?
Beautiful mother, rich father,
cold winter, that kind of thing.
Do you smoke?
You look like you do.
I do, Mr. Brown.
Would you mind if I have one?
No, not at all.
So, um...
let's go through
and introduce ourselves.
Any volunteers?
I'll go first.
My name is Richard.
I'm your professor. Go ahead.
That was fucking wretched.
Who's next?
How about you?
- Me?
- Yeah, you,
girl with the phone.
Who are you,
why should we know you,
what do you want to do
with your life?
I'm Claire.
I'm from Upstate New York.
Why you should know me?
I don't know. [chuckles]
Yeah. I don't know.
I guess because my uncle
is the president of the school.
Ew. Henry Wright is your uncle?
- Yes.
- I can't stand the fuck.
I don't really like him either.
That's very good to hear.
I mean, he's so peach melba.
Just slimy and...
I've got an idea.
How about we put
a little pause to this shit
and we go down to the bar,
and we can run over it there.
My biological father
actually met my mothers
at a monthly compost meeting
in Boston.
He's this social anthropologist
over at a...
[Richard] Okay. Rose,
go and grab two more pitchers
for everybody, would you?
Why don't you just put them
in your tab?
No, that's not the point.
See, I want you to go
and get them.
And I want you go
and get them now, please?
Can I get some hummus?
Yeah, get some hummus.
[soft ambient music]
Thank you.
Let me give you all
a piece of advice.
Steer very clear of anyone
who has even the faintest,
slightest whip
of intentional conception.
I was conceived intentionally.
Well, I need to know your name.
By the way,
I hope your parents all told you
that you fucking die at the end.
You're gonna die.
You're gonna die.
You're gonna die. One day,
even our blessed
little Rose will die.
So, what I'm wondering is,
why the fuck
do we sort of float
through this weird thing
called life without living?
You know, live.
Don't exist. Don't simply exist.
That's boring as fuck. Live.
You know. Stir some shit up.
Fuck some shit up.
Fuck it right. What I wanna
focus on is enriching our lives.
And try to extract
some sort of wisdom
that we can carry with us.
You know, something other than
mommy and daddy's baggage.
Ah, bless you, dear.
You know, I'd wink at you
but I never learned how.
So I just thought
you should know it.
- Anybody want anything else?
- Yeah, could I get a whiskey?
Oh, that's fine.
She winked at me.
I got the hummus, so...
Christmas is saved.
[Richard] My God.
Here we go.
May we forever remember
that in each and every moment,
we are composing the stories
of our lives.
Let's aim to make it
a meaningful read
or at least,
an interesting one, yeah?
All right. Cheers.
[students] Cheers.
Now, if you will excuse me,
I intend to explore
a smidgen of infidelity.
[Veronica] What the fuck?
[Richard] All right, kids.
Have fun.
School is over!
I'm so sorry.
- Just fuck me.
- Okay.
Time to build
A summer dream
Do be do be do...
You don't have to make
any choices at all.
We can cover it all.
We could renovate science hall.
We could bring in a new chair
to the English department.
Well, I said, "Well, of course,
that goes without saying."
Zoom, do be do be do be
Zoom, do be do be
Zoom, zoom, zoom,
Be do be do
I feel so happy
In the summer time
We'll be together
And you'll be mine
Nights will be warmer
So here's my scheme...
Surely you have better...
you know,
college rankings than I.
[Veronica] Shut up.
[yelps] Jesus, Veronica.
What the hell was that?
- Shh. Shh.
- [grunts]
- [toilet flushes]
- [laughs]
- [bell ringing]
- Fuck off.
Let them watch.
Zoom, do be do be do
I will never mourn or die
No one knows the tears
I've cried, since my...
Rose, close your mouth.
It's unattractive
when you gape like that.
Danny boy, do me a favor.
Uh, close out the tab
when you're done.
- [Danny] Yeah.
- And what... what...
I'm sorry, what's your name
again, sweetheart?
Be sure and leave Sarah
a healthy tip
because it turns out
she's a very, very nice person.
I'll see you guys next week,
Oh, yeah, Rose. Let me
get you out of the way first.
- So be prepared.
- But I don't know what to do.
[Richard] Moby Dick.
Moby Dick it is.
Good idea. All right.
Have a good one.
He just picked up that waitress
in less than a minute.
And fucked her in the bathroom.
Yeah, well, they're both
consenting adults,
so they can do
whatever they want.
[man] Cheers to that.
[country music playing]
Jibbles, Jibbles, Jibbles, look.
Look, I feel mommy is cheating.
[door closes]
What's it say?
It works.
[Peele] Let's go try to stop him
- from drinking so much.
- [Donna] Oh. Peter, come on.
He's having a good time.
Ah, Richard,
you're looking rather sprite.
[Richard] Oh, I just had
unprotected sex.
[Peter] Oh, with who?
Some very sweet girl from
the Lion's Pub. Hello, Donna.
[Donna] Oh, that's disgusting.
Why would he tell us that?
[Peter giggles]
[Richard] So, how was your day,
- Good. Fine's fine.
- [door opening]
- How's Taylor?
- She's fine.
That's even finer.
Let us cheers
to a fine day all round.
[footsteps approaching]
[Veronica] Hello.
Hmm, Veronica.
Sit down.
Thank you.
You're so welcome.
[Jibbles barks]
Now, let's give this
another shot, shall we?
Olivia, your mother
would like to apologize.
Yes, I would like
to apologize... [clears throat]
for my behavior [sighs]
the other night.
I don't know why my reaction
was so, um...
I don't know.
[Richard] Right wing?
I'm really sorry.
Olivia, do you accept
your mother's apology?
Well, good.
The matter's settled.
Bon appetit.
So, Ishmael claims
that a journey around the world
just brings you back to where
you were before you started,
but this is actually coming from
a man, who's lost everything
that's been his entire
reality and consciousness
for the past few years...
Do I look like
I'm getting some color?
I don't know.
Hard to tell from here.
It really feels like
I'm getting some color.
Does anyone have any questions?
What? Oh, uh, yes. Um...
In a word?
So, you liked it?
Yeah. Yeah, I did.
And yet, there were no broad
shouldered women lamenting,
and sobbing out of second
story windows, were there?
- No.
- [Richard] Good.
That means we're breaking down
that co-op personality of yours.
I think we're probably gonna get
a bit of an edge out of you
before the end of the quarter.
Excuse me?
[Richard] You get an A minus.
That's not a bad thing.
Just give me one second, kids.
I'm gonna have to take
one more look
- at this artistic still born.
- [indistinct chattering]
Look at it, Jesus Christ,
it's a boner.
That is a gigantic boner.
- [chuckles] Hi, honey.
- Isn't that your wife's work?
Yeah, it is. It is.
It doesn't mean I don't have
an opinion on the matter.
[soft music playing]
[knock on door]
Who is it?
Uh, it's Daniel Wright.
Come on in.
Nice music.
Thought you'd be listening
something different.
Really, like what exactly?
I don't know. Uh, Buddy Holly?
Jesus, uh, uh,
how old do you think I am?
Maybe around 60.
That's fucking depressing.
- [Daniel] I'm sorry. I...
- No. No. No.
You spoke your mind,
it's all right. Come on in.
Well, I brought you some pot.
- No.
- Yeah.
I made you some brownies.
Wow. That's very kind of you.
How, uh, how much do I owe you?
It's on the house.
If you want more,
we can talk prices later.
Fuck me. Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.
- Thank you.
Mm-hmm. Mmm.
You mind if I ask you
something personal?
No, go ahead.
Have you ever been with a man?
No. Nope. Nope. Nope.
No, I can't say that I have.
Would you like to fuck me?
- in your ass?
- Yeah.
- Is it... is it clean?
- Yeah. I mean it should be.
But no. I mean, I can always
give you blowjob, too.
Oh, yeah
Okay. Pour me
another one of those
and make it very generous
because I'm...
- Of course.
- Really not sure how much
of this I'm gonna
wanna remember.
Can't you see
That you and I
Was just meant to be
Heaven knows
Thank you.
Yeah, oh, yeah, baby
[Richard] So, like, there's no...
I mean, couldn't...
we don't have to kiss, right?
- There's no kissing.
- [Daniel] No. Wow.
[Richard] Is it like 'cause
we're boys?
- [Daniel] Yeah.
- [Richard] Oh, okay.
And so we're gathered
to dedicate...
the work of one of the finest
contemporary artists of today,
and someone that I am honored
to call a dear friend,
Mrs. Veronica Sinclair Brown.
Well done.
- It's blatantly foul.
- [man] Beautiful.
It's, uh, wonderful.
[crowd chattering]
[man] Oh, that's great.
May I ask what is it?
It's a giant schmeckle.
- [woman] Oh.
- [man chuckles] There you go.
- Excellent. Well done.
- [man] Hear, hear.
- [man] Beautiful.
- [woman] This is lovely.
We appreciate it so much.
We're lucky to have you.
Would you excuse me?
- What do you think?
- Oh.
Um, mom says I'm not allowed
to go to state schools.
Your mom is not allowed
to say you're not allowed.
It's probably best if you don't.
[clears throat]
Don't listen to him.
Listen to me.
Splendid work, truly.
- Thank you, Peter.
- [Peter] Yeah.
What do you think, Olive?
The... uh, it was... yeah,
it was good.
It's all right, yeah.
So, shall we have
a celebratory drink?
I'd love to, but Henry has me
going out to dinner
with the benefactors.
It's an old money from Connecticut.
- Oh.
- I'll see you two at home.
Bye, sweetie. Thanks, Peter.
Are you sure you don't want
a little splash of vodka
or brownie?
Why are you and mom
still together?
[laughs] Yeah.
That's a rather odd question.
No, it's not.
And I guess you're right,
we... um...
I think as you get older,
you, um, find yourself
needing someone
to hold accountable for life
not turning out exactly
as you'd imagined it.
Jesus, dad.
I know.
But listen to me, not every
relationship has to be that.
I mean, having said that,
most are.
On that happy note.
How's it going with Taylor?
It's going really well.
Yeah? Good, that's good.
That's very good.
Are you in love?
Yeah. I am.
Wow. No shit.
Yeah, well, I'm happy for you,
I'm so happy.
I'm so happy for you.
You make sure
she understands your worth.
- [Olivia] I know. She does.
- She better.
She damn well better.
Your daughter is in love.
Did you tell her to be careful?
Told her to enjoy herself.
[girl] To realize one's destiny
is a person's only obligation.
Uh, and so, uh, he begins
listening to the desert,
and, uh discovering
the soul of the world,
which then inevitably,
uh, leads us to...
[Richard] All right, stop.
You get a B.
- But I'm not finished.
- Take a seat.
[boy] I thought it was great.
Let me ask you a question.
Are you guys getting anything
out of this shit?
[students] Yeah.
Good. Because I have to say,
I am as well.
I mean, you're all rather
a solid group of young adults,
and I enjoy your company.
[Rose] Yeah. Yeah, uh, I'd say
we're all pretty mature.
Well, maturity is really just
another word for...
how much misery you'd swallow.
Yeah, totally.
[Richard] I'm talking about the
piss and shit of others, Rose,
not your own.
Do you mind if I smoke a joint?
I'm more than happy to help,
uh, pick up his classes,
if that helps at all.
[clears throat]
- [coughing]
- [laughing]
[man] You got to be kidding me.
Is he smoking
a marijuana cigarette?
[Peter] Uh, look, um,
maybe he's just trying to be...
[man] Fucking unbelievable.
Oh, Richard.
- [soft ambient music playing]
- [people chattering]
Why are you wearing sunglasses?
I have cancer,
I'm supposed to wear sunglasses
in unusual places.
Excuse me,
can we have two more please?
Uh, no, uh, the check please.
Look, you're coming with me.
I don't wanna go with you.
[Richard] Peter,
where are we going?
[Peter] I'm taking you
to support group.
[Richard] A support group
for what?
- Cancer.
- Oh, Jesus.
[Richard] Want me to help you
with your sabbatical,
then do this for me.
This is not easy for me,
it's actually, it's quite hard.
Uh, I understand that, but,
you know, it's my death.
What the fuck is this?
Well, it's, uh, it's Barbara's.
Eww. Um, I'm not getting in.
Shut up,
and get in the damn car.
It actually drives quite nice.
- [Peter] Here you go.
- Well done.
[engine starts]
After 20 years of marriage,
I thought she'd, you know,
stick around until I died.
At least, I hoped she would.
But, I guess,
it was really no point,
you know, I guess it makes
more sense for her
to move on now.
But despite all that, I'm-I'm...
I'm feeling pretty good.
[stammers] I'm doing okay.
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing
the journey of your battle, Ed.
[man] Uh-hmm.
All right.
Whenever you're ready.
Uh, my name is Peter,
I'm healthy,
I don't have cancer,
at least I don't think I do.
my friend,
Richard does.
And I thought that he could here
and talk about it.
I'm worried,
I don't wanna lose
my best friend. [cries]
That is really very lovely
of you, Peter.
Thank you for sharing
the journey of your...
All right, Richard.
- [woman coughs]
- Whenever you're ready.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not doing this. No, no.
- Come on.
- I have nothing to say.
- [Peter] It's good for you.
- Uh, well, um,
why don't you start
with your diagnosis?
- Uh-hmm.
- [Richard] Uh, I'd rather not,
I'd actually prefer
to leave this place
because the lighting
is poor down here,
and it smells like urinal cakes
and sugar cookies.
Uh, well, you find that if you...
if you start
with your diagnosis...
I think that you're gonna find
that I already know
that I disagree with whatever
you're about to say.
Peter, let's go.
We'll give it another shot.
Would anyone else like to go
and grab a drink,
and escape
this emotional circle jerk?
What about you?
You might need a drink or two.
Richard, I... I've got cancer.
[Richard] So do I.
Well, best of luck
with your impending deaths.
- Yeah, you, too.
- Thank you.
Oh, Richard, you gotta stay.
Uh, I wanna help you.
Peter, no.
I'd die here, and my corpse
is nothing more than
a breeding ground for ticks.
[soft ambient music]
Plus, this way,
I get to collect my salary
until the bitter end.
Maybe even after, depending on
how quickly it takes me
to find, my, uh, body.
I have to leave for, uh...
for Olivia's sake.
Oh, no, no, come on. Listen.
- Uh, yeah.
- All right. I'm gonna...
- I am so sorry.
- I know.
My friend.
Oh, Richard.
- Listen to me.
- Yeah.
I think it's time to go
up to Canada.
- No. I don't...
- Yeah.
Peter, you know
they're talking about us.
Hi. Hello, Professor Brown.
- Hey, Claire.
- What are you doing here?
- Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.
This is... Claire, uh...
This is Claire
and this is Peter.
- [Peter] Hi.
- Nice to see you.
She's, in fact,
a niece of Henry Wright.
Henry, Henry? Oh, how wonderful.
That's great, good to meet you.
You don't have to say that shit
because she despises him
- as much as we do.
- Don't say things like that.
He's all right, Henry Wright.
He's perfectly right.
I'll have another three please.
- No, I don't want go.
- No, no, you're...
- I'm having fun.
- You're behaving like a troll.
We gotta go.
Has anyone ever told you
that you're beautiful?
Thank you, Peter.
Good boy.
Okay. That's it. Okay.
Get in the car. Just get...
Hey, can I, uh,
buy you a nightcap?
[Peter] Nightcap?
Barbara's gonna kill me.
Would you be
disappointed if I said no?
[Peter] Was it a Mini Cooper?
- Goodnight, Peter.
- Night.
- Richard?
- [Richard] Yeah.
Love you.
I'd like to say
how much I admire your bravery.
Bravery for what?
For being who you are,
and doing so, unflinchingly.
That's not bravery,
that's apathy.
No, it's not.
I'm gonna go put on some music.
[slow music playing]
Are you all right? [chuckles]
...never had no one
No, I'm not.
I got cancer.
It's all right.
Everyone my age has cancer.
For some reason, it just
never really kind of...
hit until...
now, what it really means.
You know, because I'm gonna die.
I mean, I'm really gonna die.
- I'm sorry, Richard.
- [Richard] Oh.
Do me a favor, please keep
that between us, yeah?
You're the only person
I've ever told,
outside of Peter.
And I
Never had no one...
Haven't even told
my wife and daughter yet.
Come dance with me.
I don't dance.
Dance tonight.
And I
Never have no one
In times of trouble
I stood alone
What do I do now?
And now
I'm so much stronger...
Is this it?
Well, okay.
Your love is blue
Is this so bad?
No. [chuckles]
No, this is actually quite nice.
When trouble overtakes you
You better check again
But now my days
Gotten brighter
- And I can see the light...
- Richard?
With you by my side
Help. Hey, hey, hey.
[man] Help!
- [coughing, gagging]
- [baby crying]
Oh, Jesus Christ, Richard.
What the hell happened?
I'm all right, just calm down.
Everything's fine,
I'm all right.
I didn't die. I'm good.
Well, who's that?
That's Santiago.
Who's Santiago?
He's my gardener.
What's your gardener doing here?
He's my emergency contact.
[Peter] Christ, Richard
Um, can we have a word
in private please?
No, that's fine,
he doesn't speak any English.
Watch this.
Santiago, what day is it?
[speaking foreign language]
See? Pancakes
[speaking foreign language]
Yes, Lauren Bacall.
Talk. What are you gonna say?
It's fine.
Richard, you've got
to clean up your act.
Yeah. I fucked up.
I'll slow down the candy,
and I'll go green
for a bit, okay?
- Selling grass?
- Marijuana, yeah.
Oh, and where
are you getting it?
Student of mine.
His name is Danny.
Really good kid,
very, very, very smart kid.
Look, I don't want you dying
over something
as infantile as an overdose,
I'm gonna go out.
Oh, or you'll catch something
in the hospital.
Oh, okay. Well, I'll see you
back on, uh, on the campus.
I'll see you back on campus.
Yeah, you said, just go, Pete.
Thanks for coming by.
[Peter] Yeah, you're looking
good, you're looking good.
[speaks foreign language]
[Santiago speaks
foreign language]
Do I look sick to you?
You're in a hospital bed,
You wanna say
where you were last night?
Not really.
We had a deal for Olivia.
I know.
I'm sorry.
Are you okay?
Yeah. It's just my back.
[phone ringing]
[Carol] Richard?
[Carol] Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't hear you answer.
Uh, it's Carol,
Henry's secretary.
Uh, Richard, Henry would like
to have a word with you.
- When?
- [Carol] Now.
Tell him I'm busy.
[Carol] He says the matter
is rather urgent.
Tell him I'm urgently busy.
[Carol] Richard.
[Carol] He's ready
to see you now.
Tell me, Richard,
do you like fish?
No. I mean to eat sometimes,
but outside of that, no.
No, I don't.
I believe men could learn
a lot from fish.
That's the most asinine thing
I've ever heard.
Why don't we just cut
to the chase?
All right.
We need to talk
about certain allegations
that have come to my attention,
some of which are serious.
Don't even start.
Excuse me?
I know you heard what I said.
You're simply saying that
for effect.
You want me to repeat myself,
I won't.
I am chancellor
of this university.
I couldn't give
a fucking rat's balls
who the fuck you are.
I have tenure,
and furthermore,
you're in no position of power
when it comes to the two of us.
You're cheating on your wife,
You're having an affair,
and not just any affair,
but one with a wife
of a devoted faculty member,
Not only that.
But you've allocated funds
from a dwindling budget
for granite erections
that you just littered
throughout this entire campus.
And oddly enough,
they come from the woman
that you're bird dogging
on the side.
Can you remind me
how much does one
of Veronica's works go for?
Chancellor, I have mounted you
like a running stag,
and I am pumping away at you,
like a savage,
and you know it.
[church bell ringing]
I'm gonna take it
that my request for sabbatical
has been accepted.
[church bell ringing]
Don't look so enthusiastic.
Why would I?
Well, for one,
it's gonna be catered.
All Barbara ever talks about
is how well traveled she is.
Well, what else
would she talk about?
Thank you, dear.
The air in Ibiza,
[soft music playing]
there's really nothing like it.
I'm getting misty,
just thinking about it.
Peter, put our agent in touch
with them, all right?
Yes, of course, yes,
I'd be happy to.
Richard, what's the matter?
Uh, darling, let him be.
[Barbara] Anyway,
as I was saying, Ibiza...
Are you all right?
- [Barbara] You won't regret it.
- I'm more than all right.
- You can't.
- I'm perfect.
I mean, unless you're mad.
Am I right or what, Peter?
Oh, you're right, darling,
you're right.
[Barbara giggles]
[Barbara] Does anybody else
have bones in the fish?
[Peter] We have something
to celebrate.
What's that?
You got cancer, too?
No. I do not.
Why do you keep saying that?
Uh, my...
Uh, I... my cyst is rather sore.
Uh-oh, something in your throat?
I think I should
get it screened.
- Maybe.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- [Barbara sings] Morocco.
- Yeah.
Uh, Richard, uh, no, no, no,
that'll only encourage her.
We've noticed
that it's allowed us
every time we've been
to discover something new
about ourselves.
You, my friend, have been
awarded a sabbatical.
Thank you.
Henry Wright signed
the paperwork, only last week.
- [Barbara] Excuse me.
- [Peter] See, I told you.
What are you two doing?
Uh we're discussing work.
That's all.
Peter, it's my birthday,
save it for another time,
and come mingle.
- All right.
- And don't close these doors.
[Peter] No, darling.
[Barbara] Anyway,
Peter was petrified...
Why the hell
did we ever get married?
[mellow music]
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine, babe.
Are you sure?
Yeah. I'm gonna be fine.
[Claire] The person
one loves at first
is not the person
one loves at last.
Love is not an end,
it's a process through,
which one person attempts
to know another.
That's it.
[Richard] And in a word?
In two words,
deceptively simple.
[Richard] Beautifully,
beautifully executed.
And it's a really nice way to
end the class with a little,
kick in the ass.
So, you get an A.
- Thank you.
- [Richard] You're welcome.
And I suppose the rest of you
are waiting
for me to vomit out
some profound words of wisdom.
Yeah, kind of.
Oh, thought you'd never ask.
Come here, give me a hand.
- [groans]
- Hey, hey, okay.
the world needs people like you.
The world is literally dying
for your kind.
Embrace that responsibility,
and you run with it.
Get out there, earn your keep.
Give back.
It's not gonna be easy.
Never gonna be easy.
For much of it,
you'll stand alone
but you've got to stand strong.
You know, I beg you
to not give into mediocrity,
like the other 98 percent
of the world.
Because you would be doing
and the world,
a greatest disservice.
You're all too smart.
You're too smart
to let it go to waste.
And you've got one shot at this.
One fucking shot.
Don't let a moment of it
slip by.
Grab it, snatch it up,
make it yours.
Celebrate every moment.
Celebrate every fucking breath.
I'm telling you, life,
it's a birdsong.
[music fades]
Was that it?
Yeah, I think... I think so, yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
[choir singing]
[choir singing]
[knocks on door]
[Peter] Richard? Richard.
Oh, oh, Richard.
Oh, no, no, no.
Richard, are you all right?
- Angels.
- What?
I hear the angels, Peter,
they're singing.
No, that's the... that's
the acapella group, Richard.
Why? Why do we have
an acapella group?
We've always had
an acapella group.
Well, fuck them.
Can you take me to the bells?
- What?
- I wanna see the bells.
- The bells?
- Yeah.
All right. All right. Come.
[Peter] I'll get you
some water first.
[wood creaking]
there are a lot of other
good places to sit in here.
Hmm, yes.
Of course.
[wood creaking]
Can you feel anything?
But I enjoy the lighting.
- You?
- No.
But that's all right.
Please mother of God,
help my friend...
Afraid it's starting to kick in.
Does it hurt?
Oh, fuck yeah.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I'll manage.
[emotive music]
It's fine, Peter.
We knew this was coming.
I mean, uh,
I look back on everything,
and it all somehow
makes so much sense.
It's as though, uh,
it couldn't be any other way.
Why's our soul broken?
It's perfect.
And it's also perfect
when you look at it.
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
It's gonna be hard
to leave this place.
It's gonna be hard
to say goodbye.
Richard, I'm gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss you too, Peter.
If I'm able.
Fuck, I'm going to cry.
- No.
- Dear God.
- Please.
- [groans]
Please don't do this.
No, no, shh.
- Dammit.
- No, no, no. Listen.
I really prefer
if you didn't cry.
- [sniffles]
- Listen to me. We tried.
- Yes. Yes.
- Now let's go. Come on.
- [sniffles]
- Come on.
- I'm sorry.
- Come on.
It's all right.
Come on, Peter.
- [Peter sighs]
- Oh.
You're a good man, Richard.
So are you, my friend.
[Richard] Thank you for being
so good to me.
I'm trying, Richard.
I'm trying.
[Richard] Isn't it strange
how natural this feels?
- [Peter] Yeah.
- [Richard] Two men,
holding one another,
passionately, in a church.
Groping one another freely.
[both laughing]
[Peter] Yeah.
- Oh, you're stupid.
- [Richard] Come on you, pervert.
[wood creaking]
You're going out tonight?
You have fun, okay?
Yeah, you, too.
I'm not sure that's possible,
but I'm promising you
that we will try.
Go get 'em, kid.
Bye, dad.
[door opens, closes]
[piano playing]
[Henry] Thank you so much
for coming, really.
Oh, oh, you get just lovelier
every year.
Veronica, Richard.
Our guest of honor.
So nice you could make it.
Oh, we wouldn't miss it
for the world.
How do you do?
Hi, I'm Richard.
Oh, okay.
That's a hell of a greeting.
[Richard] I'm going to the bar.
Peter and I have decided
to stay in this year,
and spend Christmas in Miami.
- [Richard] Hello.
- Oh, how fashionable.
Donna, you weren't
at my birthday party. Why?
[gulps loudly]
I've been so wanting to tell you
- that I mixed up the date.
- Oh.
Excuse me everyone,
if I could have your attention.
Dinner is to be served shortly,
so, if you would be so kind
as to begin migrating
to the dining room,
that would be much appreciated.
[piano playing]
You'll be right here next to me.
- Richard.
- [Richard coughs]
Uh, no, no, no.
Tight Quarters, I'm afraid.
He'll be somewhere in the back.
[indistinct chatter]
Hello, everyone.
Um, sorry, why isn't Richard
sitting at this table?
I can assure you
that there has been
a great deal of thought
that's going
into the seating arrangements.
Dead, gone.
Oh, that's horrible.
What was it?
Oh, melanoma, I'm afraid.
[woman] Oh. Oh, welcome,
young man.
And the families?
- you don't wanna know.
- Oh, really?
[glass clinking]
- [indistinct chatter]
- [music stops]
While everyone's being served,
I just wanted to say
a couple words.
On behalf of both myself
and my lovely wife, welcome.
It's an honor to have each
and every one of you
here tonight.
Now, I know I'm not alone
when I say that this quarter
may have been our very best.
And the opportunity to serve,
as your president
and chancellor,
has been nothing short
of humbling.
[indistinct chatter]
So thank you.
I can only hope
to live up to the high standards
that you have set.
- [woman] We will.
- [All] Cheers.
Now, let us eat
for the night is young.
[indistinct chatter]
Oh, that was a lovely speech.
Did you actually
buy that shit, really?
Excuse me?
Are you in the
communications department?
[piano playing in background]
[indistinct chatter]
[glass clinking]
I have something
that I would like to say.
Could you stop playing that
before I heave this knife
in your direction?
- [woman gasps]
- [Richard] Thank you.
Uh, young lady with the wine,
would you mind
just standing right by my side,
and never leave?
Because I have much to say
- and many to toast.
- Oh, my God.
Those of you who do not know,
my name is Richard Brown.
Professor of English.
Oh, uh, cheers to me.
[All] Cheers.
- Cheers.
- [Peter] To Richard.
Henry Wright, on behalf
of every one of us here,
let me, please, express
our gratitude,
- for this finely forced evening.
- I'm sorry.
[Richard] The commitment
that you have shown
to the students, faculty,
even the wives of the faculty...
[gasps, laughter]
is very, very impressive.
You've outdone yourself.
And it shows.
As far as I'm concerned,
three balls...
- deserves three cheers.
- [Veronica] No.
All right, Richard,
I think that's enough.
Henry, do not
interrupt me while I'm talking.
Particularly in front
of so many people.
- Do you understand?
- No, I don't understand.
[woman] Nobody has
three testicles.
[Richard] To Peter Matthew.
- Oh.
- [woman] Oh.
Gotta shut up.
Your heart is truly one of gold.
- [Barbara] It is.
- And this college is...
- very lucky to have you.
- [Barbara] Hmm, that's true.
Of course, thank you
for your hard work.
But most important, thank you
for being a true friend.
- [Barbara] Oh, to Peter, cheers.
- [All] Cheers.
[man] To Peter.
Also there are some
parting words
that I feel like I owe.
Because this will be
the last time
that I ever see any of you.
[indistinct chatter]
For not only have I been awarded
a sabbatical, um...
[Barbara] This is strange,
I'm gonna die.
Yeah... [laughs]
- I'm gonna die,
- [indistinct chatter]
and I'm gonna die much sooner
than I had imagined.
- [man gasps]
- [indistinct chatter]
Oh, my goodness.
I know, dear.
- What is he talking about?
- Shh.
So in preparing
for what lies ahead,
I've come to realize
that for much of my life,
I've been mistaken,
and I failed.
I failed, not only
to comprehend my mortality,
but I've failed
to appreciate it.
And as a result,
I've failed to make
the most of my life.
you're one hell of a sport.
You are a very worthy adversary.
to have been able
to call you my wife.
Because life without you
would've been, uh,
far less rich.
And for that, I thank you.
For whatever it's worth...
I love you...
I know.
We've turned our backs
on the most important duty
that we possess,
to live a life
that is rich in experience
that's of our own
independent choosing.
Seize your fucking existence,
Why don't we make death
our closest fucking companion,
so that we can finally
have a second,
a millisecond to appreciate
that little bit of time
that we have left.
And most important of all,
let us live well,
so that we may fucking die well,
because we've never been
so close to death
than this very moment.
[All] Cheers.
[dramatic music playing]
[glass shatters]
[Henry] Dammit, Richard.
Those are crystal.
I'm so sorry
that you had
to find out like that,
and I just didn't...
I mean, I honestly didn't know
how to tell you.
I was scared.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna leave, sweetheart.
That's exactly
what I'm gonna do.
Please, try and find
some happiness.
I'm working on it.
I know you will.
Goodbye, Richard.
Goodbye, Veronica.
[door opens, closes]
What are you doing home, baby?
Taylor broke up with me.
- What?
- She cheated on me
with Nathan Runnings.
Professor Runnings' kid?
Listen. Hey.
Come on, babe. Come here.
Come here.
Don't worry, sweetheart.
You're gonna be fine.
The world's full of women
looking for someone to love.
There's gotta be somebody
who deserves you.
- What'll you have?
- I don't care.
[Richard] Well, when a man
loses a woman,
it's, uh, typically whiskey
he drinks.
I'm kind of assuming that, um,
a lesbian would do the same.
[clears throat]
Here's to your future.
To your bright, bright future.
To Taylor rotting in hell.
And yes,
to Taylor rotting in hell.
[Richard] I'm so proud of you.
[Richard] Because you possess
that a father could ever want
in a daughter, and more.
So much more.
[clears throat]
Yeah, baby?
Are you okay?
I'm sick, Olivia.
I'm sick.
Are you gonna be okay?
It's all right.
It's all right.
[Olivia sobbing]
You're gonna be all right.
Do you hear me?
You're gonna be great.
I'm gonna need to go away
for a little bit.
Where are you going?
I don't really know.
I just got some things
I gotta figure out.
Hey, I love you so much,
my girl.
[Olivia] I love you, too.
You stay on this path of yours.
You hear me?
You stay on this path
that's yours.
You're doing it right, kid.
I'm gonna miss you so much.
I love you.
let's hit the road.
[rain pouring]
Here, Jibbles.
Good boy.
You make sure your mom
takes good care of you, huh?
I can take care of myself.
I have no doubt about that, kid.
[car engine starting]
[car engine revving]
[dog whimpering]
[dog whimpering]
[dog growls]
I'm sorry, Jibbles.
[car engine revving]
[dramatic music playing]
[music fades]
It's the little things
How one look from you
And the sun comes out
And the rains
Fighting through
Yes, it's the little things
You do
It's the little things
That make my world
You're a miracle
Make time stand still
In this moment
Oh, you give me thrill
Yes, it's the little things
You do
It's the little things
That make my world
Let me hold on
To the good times
In my life
So when I close my eyes
I remember
All the little things
The little things
The little things
It's the way I feel
When I look at you
And I like that
thing you do
When you do what you do
It's the little things
You do
It's the little things
That make my world