The Real Bros of Simi Valley: The Movie (2024) Movie Script

- It's me, your boy Xan.
- Xan!
I've been in Simi my whole life.
Everything I need is
right here: my girl...
- Will you marry me?
- Oh, my God, yes!
- My family...
- (bleep) you, Mom. What do you know?
- Hold me back, Jeff!
- I got you!
My truck...
but most importantly, my boys.
up for Bryce Meyer.
Bryce, please, get down! We're
your friends. We care about you!
(crowd shouting, clamoring)
I want to pull the
plug. Where's the plug?
You're not hooked
up to any plug.
That, yeah, that's for the TV.
- What's up? I'm Wade.
- JEFF: Wade, what the hell are you doing?!
Dad, get the (bleep) back
inside, okay? I'm doing art.
Pretty much just kick it with
my brother and his friends
'cause everyone my age
(bleep) sucks, dude.
- Want to hit this shit?
- Nah, dude.
Do you, uh, do you not burn?
Wait, you don't burn, Wade?
Oh, my God! Dude, I
(bleep) burn, okay?
BRO: Duncan!
What the (bleep) was that about?
I'm sad, Dad. Can't
you see how sad I am?
What if you ran, like, a
surf shop without your dad?
DUNCAN: If you were to tell me
five years ago that I was gonna
open up a surf/skate shop with
Johnny Mendez, I would've said,
"You're crazy, brother."
Yo, Tessa, will you marry me?
I'm down.
I don't think I can
get married right now.
She just broke off the
engagement or whatever, but...
Now that I know that Dani's the
real blunt mastermind, it's, like,
have I been in love with
her this whole time?
Dani, you need to
choose right now.
- Or we're done.
- Then I guess we're done here.
Well, it's safe to say I'm officially
the most dumped guy in Simi.
- I'm pregnant.
- What do you mean?
And if it's a guy, we're
naming him Chez, Dax or Hawk.
- Yo, Bryce, you want to hold him?
- Nah, I'm good.
Xander's my boy, but
not this Hawk fool.
He deserves to be locked in a hot
car with the windows rolled up.
- Toaster oven. I'm gonna toast your child.
- (overlapping shouting)
- Gonna toast my child?
- BRYCE: I'm gonna toast him.
Just think about it, you know,
we were pretty sick
in high school.
I mean, we were really
cool in high school.
Obviously, we were super
sick in high school.
God, high school was
so sick, I'm sorry.
But high school was so sick.

You got the money?
For sure.
And it's 100% legit?
You ask a lot of questions.
That was one question.
Let's put it this way.
This transaction
is about as legit
as my belt.
No offense, but...
I can't tell if your
belt is legit or not.
Listen here, snow cone,
this isn't the only backstreet
bayou bargain I got for today.
Got a 1:30, Camarillo.
So buen or no buen?
I just got to make a quick call.
Very well, then.
(line ringing)
- WADE: Yo.
- Yo.
Wade, there's no
time to explain,
but I need you to get
everyone to the house now.
It's an emergency.

All right, class, if Aaron
beats this level without losing,
no homework for a week.
Yo, don't blow
this for us, Aaron.
- I won't, shut up.
- (ringtone playing)
- Suh.
- Yo, dude. Xan just hit me.
He said he needs all of us
at the house ASAP Rocky.
Sounds like a huge deal.
An HD?
Yeah, like, a 4KHD.
Holy cannoli.
That's quite the Lilo and sitch.
Yeah, man, like, a
Sabrina the Teenage sitch.
And that's on gang?
Yeah, that's on our Lord
and Savior Jesus H. Christ.
Good God.
- (line beeping)
- Oh, one sec.
Duncan's calling. Dunc,
you're on with Wade.
Wade, I just got your text.
What the H-E-double hockey
sticks is going on, dude?
Is it actually a 4KHD?
From what Xan was saying,
sounds like it might be an 8K.
Are you cranking my shaft, dude?
- What, is he dying or something?
- (line beeping)
Uh, hold on,
Johnny's calling me.
Hang up, hang up.
Deny it, deny it.
Yo, I think you just
accidentally denied my call.
Johnny, it wasn't an accident.
I don't have time to explain, but
we need to get to Xan's immediately.
Wade, what is going on?
I told you to grab the crossbow.
We don't have a crossbow.
WADE: The last time
Xan assembled the squad
on some
emergency-situation-type vibes
was back in '08 when a bunch of
randos showed up at Lexy's party
and Xan almost knocked
Mike Schaffer, so...
yeah, you could say I'm
prepared for battle right now.
- Bryce, what's going on?
- I think Xan has ass cancer.
Don't say that.
That is not funny!
- BRYCE: I mean, he might.
- WADE: Just shut the (bleep) up, Bryce.
No, you shut the (bleep)
up. Hold me back.
You want to do this right now?
I have a literal bat, dude.
- I will kill you with that bat.
- MOLLY: No weapons!
- (indistinct shouting)
- JOHNNY: So I don't know
what's going on right now, but
the vibe is high-key stressful.
All my serotonin got replaced
by straight-up anxiety, bro.
It's a ride, bro.
(engine revving)
WADE: Is that guy
revving at us?
- Who's that?
- WADE: Uh-oh.
(gasps) Goddamn it!
- WADE: I don't like this, guys.
- BRYCE: Am I gonna have to knock this truck?
Check it out!
- (truck door closes)
- Wait, wait.
Is that what this is all about?
(all clamoring)
- (laughter)
- So sick!
- (laughter, clamoring)
- Dude!
New truck, baby!
(laughs) Dude,
lately, Molly and I have
been on really bad terms.
And I've been
feeling super down.
So I thought what better way to
solve this relationship issue
than with a brand-new truck?
Did you know about this?
Dude, this looks so expensive.
Dude, it was. Casually had to
empty out the savings real quick.
(laughs) Let's go!
That's so tight.
Look at the lift on this puppy.
This is noticeably
bigger than before.
- Dude, peep the specs on these handles.
- DANI: Hell yeah, Xander.
Sick truck.
- Thank you, Dani. Appreciate you.
- Straight up.
- Thank you, Dani.
- Oh.
Xan, can I pull you for a chat?
Xander has always had a habit of
making really impulsive purchases
without telling me.
And I'm not talking casual things.
I'm talking huge tattoos...
- Oh, my God!
- A motorcycle,
a parabolic microphone,
and now this truck that looks
exactly like his old truck.
We've had so many
conversations about it,
that this is just
starting to feel like...
the last straw.
- What's up?
- "What's up"?
You didn't think to tell me that you
just emptied our entire savings account
to buy yourself a new truck?
I didn't empty the
entire savings.
There's still, like,
500 bucks in there.
Xander, that is so wack!
- I did this for us.
- No.
You did this for you.
And now... I'm about
to do something for me.
I swear to God, if you take
that ring off right now...
- Molly...
Check this out.
- This is big.
- BRYCE: What is it?
JOHNNY: Just found
this in the mailbox.
"You are cordially invited
to the Simi High
ten-year reunion."
No way.
(clamoring excitedly)

I'm straight-up over the
moon right now, dude. Like...
I've been waiting for this day
since we graduated high school.
I totally thought they were gonna
cancel it because of the pandy.
- Remember the pandy?
- Dude, the pandy was so randy.
I feel like it's not that
chill to call it "the pandy."
Yo, it's only three weeks away.
Do you ever check your mail?
Dude, honestly, I didn't
even know we still got mail.
- Yo, but I'm so pumped for the reunion!
- XANDER: Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Okay!
I'm not pumped for
the reunion at all.
I just lied to every single
person's face in that driveway.
In reality, I've low-key been
stressing this day for years.
All my friends were
in the class of '010
since everyone in my
year (bleep) sucked.
And I didn't technically graduate
till a couple years later,
but I need to make sure
I get an invite somehow.
We're gonna go get
some kickback stuff.
We'll be right back.
- Love you.
- Love you.
- Love you so much.
- Love you so much.
XANDER: Obviously, Molly
and I were on the precipice
of potentially ending
our marriage for good,
but after getting
such joyous news,
we just decided to
put all that on hold,
ride this high, and have a
celebratory kickback at the pad
despite it being 11:40
a.m. on a Wednesday.
(engine revving)
Is he gonna hit that?
We'll be right back, dude.
MOLLY: There's a little bit
of a learning curve with this.
He'll get there.
Yo, dude, let's go!
We are about to show up
and flex so hard
on all these fools.
BRYCE: Dude, facts.
This is, like, the day we've all been
waiting for, like, our whole lives.
Honestly, if I can
say so, I feel elated.
Look at my hand.
- That's how elated I am, I'm shaking, bro.
- Wow, dude.
Dude, right? I feel elated, too.
Yeah, Dunc, you elated?
Yeah, obviously.
Really, Duncan, you're elated?
I just said I was elated,
and now you're suddenly
feeling elated, as well?
I feel giddy AF right now, bro.
- (grunts, laughs)
- BRYCE: Yeah?
Even though you're
dating Dani and Tessa,
but at the end of the day, you
got to pick one for the reunion
which means the other one's
just gonna be mad pissed?
They're probably both gonna
be super pissed at you.
Damn, dude.
It's not like I was
planning on dating
Dani and Tessa at the same time.
Should I have said no to one
of them when they both asked
to get back together
at Xan's wedding?
Maybe we should give
it another shot?
Yeah, I'm down.
Would you be willing to
put the past behind us
and give this another shot?
Yeah, I probably
should have. Probs.
But it's a wedding.
Like, I was so fired up on love.
I was torqued on love, dude.
- You know who else isn't hyped? Wade.
- WADE: What?
- Dude, I am hyped. I'm so hyped.
- You're not even invited.
All right, Bryce,
chill out, dude.
Xan, this truck is so lifted, bro,
I feel so high above the ground.
I know, right? Can you
imagine a more lifted truck?
- I can't.
- I can't.
Dude, I know, I
feel so high, too,
which I'm, like, very familiar
with that feeling. (laughs)
So in the past, you know,
I've gotten a lot of
heat for "not burning."
Which is crazy, 'cause, like, I'm,
like, the biggest stoner in the world.
If I had to name all the ways
I get high on the regular?
B-Bong, piece,
bubbler, gravity bong...
Let's talk about this
Monster fridge in the center.
Are you JK-ing me right now?
Are you J.K. Rowling me?
- XANDER: Pretty sick, huh?
- Yeah, that's a nice touch.
Dude, you are definitely gonna take
home the Truck of the Year trophy.

XANDER: Every year at the Simi High
ten-year reunion, they give the person
with the dopest truck the
Truck of the Year prize.
It's a BFD.
My dad won it at his reunion.
His dad won it at his reunion.
I'd be lying if I said winning that
trophy hasn't always been a dream of mine.
I don't want to jinx it, but...
with this new BBT...
this big, black truck...
I 100% have this
thing in the bag.
Yo, peep this custom
horn I recorded.
- (horn honking) - XANDER'S VOICE: Move
bitch, Truck of the Year coming through!

BRYCE: Oh, my God,
look at this truck.
Dude, is that even street legal?
It's got to be a professional
dirt biker, right?
Brocko Zamboni?
Slap my ass and
call me a bad boy.
Is that Bryce Meyer?
What is up, boys?
- What up?
- Dude, what's so sick about Simi
is that it's so small, you
can just run into people
from your high school
when you least expect it.
Jatthew S and his squad were
the baseball bros in our class,
and we had an alliance in case
something ever went down with
the football bros or
the field hockey girls.
Solid B team.
Seems like they're doing
pretty well now, though.
Which is dope.
You know? And I don't
necessarily think his truck
is-is better than mine.
It's just... it's
just different.
They're both sick trucks.
You know, I saw on IG you guys have
been killing it in the real estate game.
Yeah, we're high-key
slinging pads these days.
Hey, where you fools
headed with all this stuff?
JATTHEW: Oh, dude, we're
coming back from Tahoe.
Agoura's got a place up there.
We took the Jet Skis out,
split a quad of shrooms,
got some sick epic drone footage
jumping the hot
springs. So sick.
That's, like, the sickest sentence
I've ever heard in my life.
But, yo, we're about to head up to
Jatthew's crib to celebrate the reunion.
You guys should cruise.
Let's black out.
Oh, you guys are
cruising to the reunion?
- Yeah, dawg, of course.
- Duh.
Coming for that Truck
of the Year trophy.
That's dope, dude.
That's super dope.
Gee whiz, is that sick!
Yo, did you just
say, "gee whiz?"
I know Xander's trying
to be chill right now
'cause Jatthew just pulled
up in, like, an absolute rig,
but as soon as he
said "gee whiz"...
Gee whiz, is that sick!
I knew that fool was flustered.
Not gonna lie, I'm
pretty flustered myself.
XANDER: You know, that sounds
chill but we're actually having
a low-key kicker at our pad
so we can't cruise to
yours. Thanks, though.
- (car horn honking)
- Bro, just pull up.
Man, it's right up the street.
Besides, the squad would
love to see the Simi legends.
I mean, we are legends.
- (car horn honking)
- Yeah, we are legends.
He's got a good-ass point.
All right, yeah, we'll cruise
through for, like, five to ten.
- Nice!
- Yeah.
Let's go! All right,
follow me, all right?

Wonder what the boys are up to.
What's taking them so long?
Probably just whacking
off to Xander's truck
and talking about how
sick it's gonna be
when we pull up to the
reunion in Xander's truck
because that's the only thing he cares
about is his truck and that's it.
Are you good?
I guess this whole reunion thing
just has me thinking, like...
like, what's my truck, you know?
You have that little
Tacoma, though, right?
MOLLY: Not literally,
Johnny. Idiot.
- Like, metaphorically.
- TESSA: Who cares?
We were dope then.
- We're even doper now.
- Seriously.
Yeah, we had the sickest
squad in high school, by far.
DANI: Exactly.
And as someone who's been getting
really into manifestation lately,
I think it could be really
good for you, Molls.
Think about it, my Taylor
Swift Eras Tour floor seats?
I thought of them, I sent
the ticket link to my mom,
I got the tickets.
I manifested that.
MOLLY: Oh, really, Dani?
Did you manifest
all of your things?
Are we just going to
pretend that your grandpa
isn't the inventor
of the wall mount
and your family's not
worth $50 million?
(scoffs) I swear to God,
if this bitch says one more
word about manifestation,
I will straight up
choke her out...
That is so true.
Manifestation's, like,
a really helpful tool.
TESSA: So, Dani,
we finally gonna meet your
secret lover boy at the reunion?
Oh. (laughs) Tessa.
Um, I guess it could
be a good time.
What about you, Tessa? We
haven't met your man, either.
Oh, yeah.
(laughs) Maybe we should not do
that for the reunion, though.
Maybe that's
definitely not the move
for the reunion, for sure.
And that... and we all agree?
Hey, Johnny? Can I
pull you for a chat?
- Mm-hmm.
- Good.
DANI: I know it's
none of my business,
but you need to get it together.
What are you talking about?
The last three date
nights with me and Duncan,
he's had to leave early
because you've been messing
things up at the shop.
What could you be messing
up so bad at midnight?
I want to have Duncan's
back and stuff,
but he's come up with this slanderous
narrative that I'm bad at my job
to use as an excuse of why he's
always, like, with the other girl.
Bro, I'm starting to hurricane
harbor some resentful energies.
I'm not gonna lie.
At the same time, I got to
hold it down for my boy.
Now, I remember. I do mess
things up every night.
Oh, really?
Around 11:30, I start
messing things up.
Figure it out,
because I'd hate for
- things to have to get physical.
- Me, too.
JOHNNY: Bro, I barely
even flinched, bro.
Like, I was honestly
flinching about something else
that I was remembering, like,
a scary thing in-in the moment.
I'd knock Dani. Easy.
- Johnny.
- Yeah?
Can I pull you?
For sure.
Tessa, on the other hand...
I worry about Tessa.

And this is the backyard.
Oh, my God, dude. I can't
believe this is your pad.
DUNCAN: Yo, dude, they have
Franco's Tacos catering it.
BRYCE: That's such a flex.
Babe, look who it is.
Xan? What's Gucci?
Here, have an ice cold beer.
Whoa. Okay.
- Wow, it's so cold. Yeah.
- Oh, my God, they're so cold.
Oh, my God, it's been so long.
For sure. Yeah.
Um, I'm sorry.
Do-do I know you from somewhere?
Who the (bleep) are you?
(laughs) Really?
It's Agoura. Hills.
Oh, my God.
- From high school. What's up?
- Yes!
S now. Agoura Hills S.
- Oh, snap.
- Yeah.
That's... Congratulations.
Yeah, thank you.
Man, you look so, um,
like, so much less fat
- than you did in high school.
- Right? Right?
Seriously, I was
just thinking that.
Yeah, well, I got my nose done.
- And lip filler.
- Oh, word. Yeah.
In my ass.
Oh, cool. Yeah. That looks,
that looks, uh, super good.
Sick, right? Look at
my wife's ass, dude.
Yeah. No, it looks...
For sure, I'm looking at it.
Yeah, cheers. It looks great.
Would you take me
to homecoming now?
Would you?
- XANDER: Like, um...
- Take me to homecoming now?
I was like, "Is she
still pissed about this?"
- Oh, my God.
- XANDER: Agoura Hills. Damn.
Totally forgot I was about to ask
her to homecoming sophomore year,
until I saw Molly crank that
Soulja Boy at Quinoa's quinceaera.
Couldn't help but look
at her, like, damn.
Like, what else can she crank?
But, yeah, it seemed like their
whole squad is really glowed up.
MAN: Yo, Wade. What up, dude?
- What's up, dude?
- My guy.
- How you been, man?
- I'm good, dude.
Good. Dude, you want an edible?
Yeah. Yeah, slip
me one of those.
- Here you go.
- For sure.
Oh, wow, look at that thing.
Oh. Strong-strong.
Yeah, dude, it's dank.
Tastes like gasoline.
- Cool. Thanks, man.
- For sure, dude.
- Yeah, I, uh...
- Appreciate that.
Are you gonna eat it, or...
Oh, uh, yeah, yeah.
Probably, yeah, in an
hour, I will, probably.
Is that... I don't want to be
faded right now, but, like,
I'm down to be faded
in an hour, probably.
Oh, well, dude, it takes,
like, an hour to kick in,
so if you eat it
now, that's perfect.
- Oh, what did I say? I said an hour?
- Yeah.
Oh. I meant two hours. So, I'll
probably eat it in an hour.
- Oh.
- Sorry, I'm all jumbled up.
- No, dude.
- Daylight savings, you know?
It was a stupid question.
That plan's insane.
So, where's Molly?
Did you guys break up?
- Oh, no, no.
- Oh.
She's just back at the house,
probably pretty pissed, actually,
since we just, like, came here
and didn't, like, give them
the heads-up or anything.
That's pretty lame.
Wait, does Molly
have any passions?
Uh, not particularly, no.
I'm gonna hit her up.
Or we should go on a double
date to that hot new spot.
Oh, that hot new
spot is so fire.
- So fire.
- So fire.
- So fire.
- Oh.
You've been?
Jatthew, of course he's been.
It's Xan,
- Simi Valley top dog.
- Of course.
He could've invited anyone to
homecoming and he brought Molly.
Money, money, money, all the
time, what I'm thinkin' 'bout
Bitches on my mind
all the time...
So, these are my girlfriends
Topanga, Ventura.
I love 'em both.
Uh, and that's my homie Shaun.
What up?
Oh, damn.
Dude, you're...
you're Shaun White.
Yeah, man.
What are you even doing here?
What am I doing here?
I can't just be here?
Well, you can, but, like...
it's just crazy
seeing you in Simi.
Why is it crazy?
That I'm just here,
sipping Shirley T's,
my drink of choice, just
hanging with my buds?
What's crazy about that?
No, no, it's totally cool that you're,
like, sipping the Shirley T's and what...
I think he just more so means
- it's super random that you're here.
- Yeah.
I don't think it's random.
You're random.
Okay, anyway, circling
back... Hey, Brocko.
You said that, uh...
So, both of these girls
are your girlfriends?
And you guys are all, like,
totally cool with that?
Yeah. (laughs)
I think it'd be pretty weird if he was
dating both of us and we just didn't know.
Yeah, like, morally, that'd
be, like, really messed up.
It's like the movie Savages except
I'm the Blake Lively character.
Have you seen the movie Savages?
Yeah, it's like that.
Yo, just out of curiosity, uh,
like, what are you
benching these days?
I'm mostly into
calisthenics now, bro,
but last I checked,
probably, like, 350.
350? That's not bad.
AGOURA: How much
do you bench, Xan?
It's been a hot min,
for sure, but, um,
I'd say... probably five hundo.
You ever get into Muay Thai?
Muay Thai? No, that's
way too spicy for me.
I do like sushi, though.
That reminds me, bro. Your truck
is pretty tricked. Was that pricey?
No idea, Agoura got it for me.
I mean, it came with,
you know, the lift
and, like, the bright baby blue,
but, uh, I added the subs...
But it's probably like a gas
guzzler and a half, though, right?
Nah, it's actually a hybrid,
so it's pretty chill.
No way. Indica or
sativa dominant?
(chuckles) No, like,
it only takes half gas.
You're telling me your
truck runs on mid kush?
You guys are funny.
Who's this little guy? Hey, bud?
I like your shirt.
Okay, I'll just go
(bleep) myself then.
(dog barks)
(laughing): Oh, damn.
What did he say?
What's he saying?
You didn't have to do
him like that, Jonny.
- BRYCE: No, what'd he say?
- That was so savage.
BRYCE: What's up
with your dog, fool?
Trying to start
some shit or what?
I don't think he's the
one starting some shit...
but he might be the one
finishing some shit.
- Oh, yeah?
- You don't want this, bro. Trust me.
I'm sure to beat the (bleep)
out of your dog, bro.
He will tear you apart, bud.
I'll take his leash around,
swing him, helicopter, throw him.
(Jonny growls)
Hey, hey. He ain't worth it.
You want to go for a walk?
Dude! You can't say W-A-L-K.
Now, I have to take him.
I just took him.
Matter of fact, hey, why
don't you give him a treat?
- Aw, damn it.
- XANDER: Yo, Bryce, let's dip, dude.
- Sorry about that, bro.
- No, no, for sure. All good.
No worries, dude. I'll see
you guys at the reunion.
Yeah, I guess you will.
MOLLY: About time.
Wait, where's the
kickback stuff?
We forgot it.
How? You were gone
for, like, two hours.
Well, we forgot it. Okay, Lexy?
Wait, what the hell is going on?
Yo, the comeback squad.
Hello? What happened?
BRYCE: You want to
know what happened?
We're not that sick
is what happened.
What? Yes, we are.
I was just telling them we're
about to go to the reunion...
BRYCE: We're gonna
go to the reunion,
we're gonna stunt on fools,
we're gonna flex on fools
and look dope. Not
gonna happen like that.
We shouldn't even go.
- Okay, we have to go.
- I am not missing it.
The baseball bros are
sicker than us now.
What? Like Jatthew S and them?
JOHNNY: Bro, that's a
physical impossibility.
The baseball dudes were way less
sick than us in high school.
Yeah, well, not anymore, Johnny.

XANDER: Before our run-in
with Jatthew's squad,
we were super stoked
for the reunion.
And also, just, like, overall
very content with our lives.
But now I realize
we're not even close to living the
kind of life that looks sick online.
Like, I didn't even know
about the hot new spot.
Look, guys.
I know we're on some seriously
insecure vibes about some things
that are, quite frankly,
completely out of our control.
All right? I think the only
thing we can do right now,
is spend every waking moment
between now and the reunion
making sure we look
as sick as possible.
- LEXY: Hell, yeah!
- Yes! - Yeah!
- TESSA: Oh, yeah!
- JOHNNY: Oh, yeah! - WADE: Yes!

WADE: Oh, oh!
Oh, oh! Oh, God.
- MOLLY: Xan...
- Oh... Ooh, yeah!
I said I'll take
care of it tomorrow.
- It is tomorrow.
- WADE: Oh, yeah!
- Xander.
- Okay, okay.
- It sucks. Come on.
- Okay, okay.
At the end of last season,
Wade said he needed
somewhere to stay
for a couple weeks
and we totally believed
him on that timeline,
but it's been like a
couple of years now
and he seems to just be getting
more and more comfortable.
- Oh... Ah... oh...
- Yo.
Yo, Xan! Are you trying to get in
on the cold plunge grind there?
- No, dude, I'm just trying to sleep, low-key.
- (huffing)
You guys still
sleeping in super late?
I mean, it's...
- It's, like, 5:00, dude.
- (panting): Oh. Oh, God.
Yo, but Molly and I
were talking and, uh...
Oh. This is the hardest part. Right
here, before you go numb. Oh...
- Right, yeah.
- It sucks.
But I was just wondering if you've, like,
I don't know, been looking for places
or taking any steps, like,
in that direction or...
(bleep) I got to bail. Can you
hand me that towel right there?
Yeah, but after I hand
you the towel, could we...
Xan, the towel, man. My
dick's going in, man.
I can feel it going in.
Look, at heart, I'm an artist.
Everyone knows that.
But I don't know, man.
Lately, I've just been focusing
on optimizing my lifestyle,
which all starts with
a morning routine.
Let me educate you.
(alarm playing gently)
Wake up at 4:20 a.m.
and just get ready
to penetrate the day.
Measure out exactly 18
grams of coffee beans.
Brew 'em.
Film myself getting a
little cold plunge in.
List out my yearly
goals, followed by
a 45-minute meditation in the
middle of the living room.
After that, I'll knock out
some work, if I have time...
and then the second
half of my day
mostly consists of doing yoga.
And listening to podcasts where white
guys with rich dads give life advice.
Drinking your own
piss is, hands down,
the best way to
retain your nutrients.
I haven't eaten all
week. I'm just recycling.
I will easily live
to be about 200.
Yeah, dude, like, I'm-I'm glad
you're on your routine and all that,
but I just feel like it's not
actually making you any money.
You know? Or getting you any closer
to actually moving out of the house.
Listen, Xan, I hear you, but...
I just can't help but
feel what you're saying
to me right now is a projection
of your own insecurities
because you no longer have
the wettest truck in Simi.
I was pretty sure that
wasn't at all my intention
for starting this conversation,
but after Wade brought it up,
I was like "Maybe I do
have an ulterior motive."
Usually, when I'm
feeling insecure,
I can remind myself, like, "at least
I have a bigger truck than that fool."
But I don't right now.
It has me feeling like I might
have to get unnaturally jacked
in order to be sicker than
Jatthew at the reunion.
Especially since Wade
isn't even gonna be there.
Dude, I'm gonna be there.
You're not even in
class of 2010, though.
I'll just be someone's plus-one.
Pretty sure you can't be someone's
plus-one unless it's a significant other.
Hmm. Well, how would they even
prove you're someone's sig?
I think you have to suck face
at the door when prompted.
Fine, I'll just go
with Lexy, then.
That'd be sick.
WADE: Lexy and I are, like,
low-key star-crossed lovers.
Our timing has just
never really been right.
I really thought it was gonna go down
in Cabo at Xan's bachelor party, but...
WADE: people from our past
just keep cockblocking us
at, like, the least
opportune moments.
I've been responding to all of her
stories with a fire emoji, though,
so I think it's only
a matter of time.
It is only a matter
of time, and I agree.
You should start
hooking up with Lexy
for the sole purpose of
securing a reunion invite.
Well, no, I'm...
That's what's up.
And by the time she realizes
your whole evil plan,
you'll already have
attended the reunion,
- so it won't even matter.
- Yeah, dude,
but I actually kind
of like her, though...
Anyways, back to me.
All this talk about the
reunion has given me clarity.
I know what I need to do
to secure my sickness.

And that's get the biggest
truck in all of Simi.
Holy shit, that's genius.
- (laughs)
- Yeah. And...
I'm gonna be the most jacked.
Dude, I can train you. You should
hop on my morning routine grind.
Oh, dude, that'd be so helpful.
Oh, wait.
- Shoot.
- What?
You said I had to move
out. (exhales) Bummer.
Wait. Hey.
Forget that. You're staying.
- You mean it?
- Yeah.
- Oh, sick.
- Dude.
- WADE: Yes!
- XANDER: It's gonna be so sick.
WADE: Dude, it's
gonna be awesome.

BRYCE: Obviously, I had dreams of
coming to the reunion as a pro skater.
I mean, I was raw as
(bleep) in high school.
I'm just too injury-prone.
But that's not really
something I talk about.
I like to keep that, uh, at
the deepest parts of my heart.
- Yo, what up, Mr. Meyer?
- What's up, G?
But, yeah, I've been a
lit teacher at Simi High
for the past year.
And recently, you know, my ego's just
been in full-blown spiral mode, so...
um, I think it's time
for that promotion.
- Oh. You just gonna walk right in, huh?
- Yeah.
- What up. Ms. B?
- Good morning, Bryce. What's up?
Got you an apple.
Oh, thank you.
Seems like this one
has a... hole in it.
Yeah, I smoked out
of it earlier, so...
So, what'd you want
to talk about, Bryce?
You know, it's been over a
year. I've been killing it.
- Well...
- Yeah, I was thinking about, like, a promotion.
- You know?
- Yeah...
That's not typically how we do promotions,
um, but what'd you have in mind?
What's, like, the position under your,
like, directly under your position?
That would be vice-principal.
(clicks tongue) I'll take it.
- You want to be vice-principal?
- Yeah.
Um, well, unfortunately that
position has been filled.
By who?
Mrs. Stringbaum.
Yeah. Is that a problem?
Backstabbing bitch.
- Excuse me?
- Uh...
I said, "That's
tight. That's sick."
- Really?
- Yeah.
'Cause it sounded like you
said, "That backstabbing bitch."
Nah, I didn't say
that, actually.
Uh, you're tripping, so I'm
gonna take my pipe back.
And I'll see you.
Mrs. Stringbaum?
Dude, she definitely
only got the job
because she has the most
teacher-y sounding name.
I thought we were
homies, but as a wise
and definitely
super unproblematic
Chris Brown once said,
"These hoes ain't loyal."
No... these hoes
ain't loyal.
And that was straight-up
written about Janet Stringbaum.
Watch your back, Stringbaum.
I'm not the kind of guy that
just folds under pressure,
goes out without a fight.
So, after hearing about Janet
completely butt-ramming my mouth,
I had to devise an
incredibly sick plan.
(bell rings)
- What's up, Bryce?
- Yo.
Got your note.
AARON: What's going on, dude?
Are you struggling with,
like, feelings of inadequacy
leading up to the reunion,
or what's up, bro?
What? No.
Uh, okay, long story short, that
position, vice-principal position,
Mrs. Stringbaum snagged it
out from under my nose, bruh.
And did she know that you
wanted it, like, super badly?
Like, you were working
hard towards it?
Not really. No.
But, I mean, you have
been working hard
- towards it?
- No. Not at all.
But she knew, like, deep
down you really wanted it?
You just hadn't expressed
that to her yet?
No, I just found
out about it today.
- The position, so...
- Oh, damn, bro. Wow.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Okay, that makes it, like, harder
to empathize with you over this.
- But it's...
- Look, dude.
We have to organize
a boycott. Okay?
- AARON: Okay.
- We have to tell
the entire school,
especially Mrs. Stringbaum,
that if she doesn't step
down from this VP posish,
none of us are coming
to class next year.
(both laughing)
AARON: I mean, we're seniors.
So, like, we're gonna graduate
and go to college and shit.
We're not coming back next year.
Are you joking?
What do you mean?
I'm going to Simi State and
he's going to U of Simi.
- Yeah.
- But we're gonna see each other on the weekends.
- Yeah, all the time, bro.
- You know, like try to make it work long-distance.
AARON: I'm not worried at all.
Don't you remember, we asked you
for those letters of recommendation,
like, like, like, months ago?
Yeah, and I said, "(bleep)
college, you don't need it."
We all laughed.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. We thought you were kidding.
- Yeah.
- Did you not write those letters?
Those are important.
So you guys are betraying me? I
thought, uh, thought we were boys.
We are boys, dude, but,
like... (chuckles) I mean,
but we're not gonna,
like, sabotage our futures
just to kick with
you at high school.
After everything I taught
you, this is how you repay me?
Well, I guess it's gonna be
pretty hard to get into college
when you both are
failing this class.
Yeah, but we're not failing
this class. We both have A's.
Wait, it doesn't look
like that on my end.
Why don't you take
a look at this?
Dude! That's illegal.
Listen to me.
I will not hesitate to
do everything in my power
to make sure neither of you
reach your full potential.
- (scoffs)
- To make myself feel better.
All right? You got that?
(whistles) Get the
heck out of here.
Out of my sight. (whistling)
- What is that?
- (whistling)
- Bye.
- What's that mean?

JOHNNY: Yo, Tuck.
The... you got to flip the hats
around so the logos are facing out.
Otherwise, how are
people gonna know
what's on the hat, you know?
Oh, shit.
Good call.
So, you're gonna
do that right now?
Can I be honest
with you, Johnny?
Kind of feel like you're
micromanaging me right now.
- I am your manager.
- Tucker, out. Go hide.
- Seriously, get out of here.
- JOHNNY: Yo, Duncles.
DUNCAN: I don't
have time for that.
Got a few questadillas
about this, uh, upcoming...
I don't have time. I don't
have time for that, dude.
I have to make it look like
I'm working really hard.
- Tessa's about to be here.
- Okay, but I was working really hard.
Okay, well, not
everything's about you.
JOHNNY: Sucks for you.
Dani, hey.
Everything was going
according to plan, dude.
I went on my 45-minute date
with Dani, she drops me off,
I run into Dunc Surf
trying to get ready
for my date with Tessa,
and then Dani walks in two minutes
before Tessa's supposed to show up.
At this point, I just got to hope Tessa
gets into a car crash or something.
Nothing fatal.
But definitely something
that'll slow her down.
You, uh, you left your
Savages DVD in the car, so...
Oh, you should
just hang on to it.
You should check it out.
It's actually pretty good.
What's up, Johnny? Of course
you're here not doing shit.
I was working pretty hard.
Were you working?
- Then why are all those hats backwards?
- (Duncan sighs)
I leave for one hour and
everything goes so south.
- Pathetic.
- Look, I'm swamped right now.
I would love to hang out,
but I-I really can't.
I have to get back to work.
DANI: Okay.
Hey, Dani.
Tessa, what are you doing here?
TESSA: Um, I just
needed to swing by
and pick up...
pick up some wax.
- Huh.
- TESSA: Um...
what about you? What
are you doing here?
Uh, I was just here
because I was, I was...
picking up some grip tape.
Oh, word? (chuckling)
You needed new grip tape?
I was out.
Well, we have grip tape
and we have wax, so...
- Johnny, can you help them instead of, like...?
- Yes. Yeah.
DUNCAN: Having both baes
on either side of me
in another extremely close
call is really getting me
to thinking that this is just
not a sustainable situation.
Like, it's not fair to them,
but mostly it's not fair to me.
I think it's about
time I keep it real.
Not now, but soon.
20 bucks for wax?
Would you like to leave a tip?
30, 35 or 40%?
Couldn't risk either of
them getting suspicious,
so I actually just
cha-charged them
both double. (laughs)
So, can, um, can you
approve these logos
that Wade sent
over for the drop?
Dude, I do not have the
bandwidth for that right now.
Did you not see what
just transpired?
JOHNNY: I've been pretty
patient about doing all the work
at the shop while Duncan
fabricates an elaborate lie
that I'm a bad employee
to use as an alibi
to cheat on both
of his girlfriends.
But enough is enough.
Okay, Dunc.
I'm just gonna vocalize
some words real quick.
This is unsustainable, bro.
Dani and Tess are
the homies, you know?
It's not fair to them,
it's not fair to the shop.
And most importantly, bruv,
it's not fair to you.
Wow. Thank you, dude.
- I care about you.
- Just never thought of it like that.
Um, hey, could you do
me a favor real quick?
Um, could you go
(bleep) yourself?
You have the nerve...
no, the gall...
to come in here and gaslight me?
Bro, I'm spitting facts.
Dude, you're spitting fables.
Do you know how much
pressure I'm under right now?
That's what I'm saying, though.
Okay, well, you know
what I'm saying?
You, Johnny Johnny
Mendez, are fired.

- MOLLY: Ah, Agoura.
- Hey.
- What's up?
- What's up? Oh.
Me and Agoura were super close
after we dissected a frog
in Mr. Dalton's physiology
class freshman year.
But then Xan asked
me to homecoming,
and we just, like, kind
of stopped talking.
But then she texted me the
other day that she ran into Xan,
and she has a once-in-a-lifetime
business opportunity.
Lexy wanted to
check it out, too.
Not exactly sure why
Wade is here, though.
You look so... different.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
- Yeah.
- You look so, like, the same.
How are you? How's Hawk?
He's great, yeah.
He's getting so old.
They grow up so fast.
You have no idea.
He just, uh, he moved
out of the house.
So it's just me
and Xan there now.
And Wade, I guess.
Yeah, I'm just kind of between
projects right now, so, you know,
focusing on optimizing
my daily routine,
- stuff like that.
- Fun.
- That's fun, so...
- What is this business opportunity?
'Cause, you know, I've been really
looking for my truck. Metaphorically.
I feel that.
Everybody deserves their
truck. Metaphorically.
- Yeah.
- Molly,
how would you feel about
getting into real estate?
Um, yes, please.
- Yeah?
- Yeah!
Okay, let's get right into it.
So, do you own a real
estate company or something?
Something like that.
What do you mean
"something like that"?
Lexy, chill. You're
blowing this for us.
I asked two questions, Molly.
Basically, you pay a one-time
membership fee every month
of $5,000 directly to me,
and then you can get into
our open house parties, events.
You can be on our reality show.
So, is it a one-time fee,
or is it once every month?
Exactly. Well, okay, you guys,
- the best part is...
- WADE: Lexy.
LEXY: Hey.
So, you going to the
reunion, or what's up?
- LEXY: Yeah.
- WADE: That's sick 'cause I'm gonna be there, too, so...
I mean, I'm not, like, technically
invited yet or whatever,
but, like, there's
got to be some way
that I could go, right?
Yeah. Sorry, Agoura,
what were you saying?
AGOURA: That's okay.
So, basically, like, the best
part is, you recruit people...
and then you make commission
off of everyone
that they bring in.
L-Like a funnel.
- Exactly. Exactly.
- Like a funnel.
What is the
commission on, though?
Like, houses, McMansions.
Lately we've been really
into gentrification.
Ooh. Brilliant.
And I don't really like to say
numbers, but I have been making
between $240,000
and $250,000 a year.
So, $245,000 per year?
I'm not really comfortable
sharing numbers.
So, what do you think?
Are you in?
Oh, we're in.
- (both squeal)
- Shake.
(Molly laughs)

(bleep) knock, bro. Geez.
My bad, dawg.
Wait, were you doing
something sketchy again?
I've been looking for you, dawg.
You went to the juice
bar like five hours ago.
Yeah, well, I've been looking
for something, Hector.
Like what, dawg?
The biggest truck
in all of Simi.
Oh, shit, dawg.
- Yeah.
- And did you find it o qu?
You know, I found some options.
I found good stuff
on, um, Google Images.
Just need to make
sure I can afford it.
How we doing on business?
Why...? You look like you're
about to tell me something
I don't want to hear. Tell
me something good, man.
Look, dawg, I hate to
be the wolf of bad news,
- bro, but...
- Hold on. The what?
The-the wolf of bad news?
You know, like... like
the bear of bad news,
but a wolf instead
'cause it's worse.
Bro. No, it's the
bearer of bad news.
It's not... it's
not a bear of...
Yeah, I don't think so, bro.
But going back to the sales,
sales are... they're-they're
pretty down right now, dawg.
What seems to be the ish?
I think the new truck nuts are
a little too realistic, bro.
We've been Simi Valley's
number one truck nut installer
for almost three years now.
I thought it was crazy when
we installed 300 sacks.
So, to be sitting here,
telling you we've officially
installed over 1,500 sacks
is just nuts... pun intended.
But lately it's just kind
of seeming like our nut tech
has gotten a little too good.
yeah, I don't see what the problem
is. Those look just like my nuts.
Yeah, dawg, I think that
is the problem, you know?
I don't think anybody wants to
look at a realistic pair of nuts.
Is it the ball hairs?
I think it's the hairs,
dawg, the flimsiness of it,
the length.
This one hangs
- a little lower than the right.
- Yeah.
That's me. Remember,
they-they made the,
- the cast with my nuts.
- Yeah.
- It was a super awkward day in here, remember?
- Yeah.
- They put my nuts in the, in the mold, dude.
- I remember, I remember.
So, I mean, bro,
centimeter for centimeter,
that is my nut
sack in your hand.
I hear you, dawg. I hear you.
keep it one hundo with me.
Does this mean I can't afford
the biggest truck in all of Simi?
no, dawg.
XANDER: Seems like
I'm pretty much facing every
type of adversity known to man.
But the thought of
showing up to the reunion
without the sickest
truck has just been
- haunting my dreams.
- (shouts)
I just cannot allow
that to happen.
I will have the best truck
at the Simi High
ten-year reunion,
or my name isn't
Xander Hussein Sanders.
(air horn blows)

The reunion is only
two weeks away,
so I thought the best way
to figure out a game plan
would be to invite the
squad over for a kickback.
- Yo.
- WADE: What's up, boy?
XANDER: But really it's just
a brainstorm sesh in disguise.
What's up, bro?
We got a real, uh, Daenerys
Targaryen over here on the grill.
Shut up, Bryce, everyone
likes a little char, dude.
Xan, you're looking swole, bro.
- Oh, thanks, dude.
- Swollen.
About time someone
said something.
All right, enough of that, guys.
We got two weeks till the reunion,
so I thought it'd be a good time
to do a quick, uh,
squad sickness update.
Bryce, you secure
that promotion?
No, I actually got mad betrayed
by everyone over there,
so I'm just gonna focus
on being the most tatted.
Oh, word. So you can
focus all your efforts on
helping me find the
biggest truck in Simi?
Precisely, yeah. I'm already
(bleep) yatted, so...
DUNCAN: I don't know, dude,
Finneas Bustamante is looking
pretty yatted these days.
Yo, he is looking yatted...
damn... and jacked.
BRYCE: Shut up, dude,
you're not even coming, bro.
- I am coming.
- Oh, yeah?
- You coming?
- Yeah, I'm gonna come.
- You're coming?
- With Lexy.
I'm gonna rizz her up when
she gets here, probably.
That's why I'm wearing
so much cologne.
Yeah, I thought I smelled ass.
XANDER: Dude, everyone
is so distracted.
I'm holding it together,
like, super well,
but unbeknownst to the
squad, I'm pissed off.
Guys, shut up and
focus! Come on!
Yeah, shut up, guys.
If we're gonna be pulling
up in Xan's truck,
we have to make sure he
wins Truck of the Year.
Thank you.
Luckily, I'm living with him,
and for the foreseeable future,
so I can be super
helpful, but, like,
we're gonna need
all hands on deck.
- Hey.
- WADE: Dunc, you can help, right?
XANDER: Duncan.
Dude, I have a lot going
on right now, okay? Jesus.
I have a drop coming up.
Oh, yeah? You got a
big drop coming up?
And I'm still trying to figure out
that whole situation over there, so...
Oh, yeah.
What's your plan there, dude?
BRYCE: Yeah, what's the
plan with that, Dunc?
DUNCAN: I've made my decision.
I'm gonna let you guys know
tomorrow, 5:00 p.m. PST.
Already made hats.
You're gonna do it like you're
committing to a college?
That's exactly what
I'm gonna do, Wade.

TESSA: After running
into Dani at Dunc Surf,
I feel like I should probably
make sure she wouldn't feel weird
about me showing up to
the reunion with Duncan.
And I feel like this conversation
has the potential to be very awkward,
so I thought it would be best to quickly
rip one to the dome to calm my nerves.
- There were like, what, six?
- MOLLY: Oh!
(Tessa gulping)
- (can clatters)
- (burps softly)
So, Dani, how's it going?
Um, I mean, I'm a little
rattled by the way
you just housed that El Brazo Especial,
but otherwise I'm pretty good.
How are things with,
um, you and Duncan?
Are things, like,
awkward between you guys?
Like, do you guys talk?
(scoffs) Ooh, Tessa.
That's, like, a super fricking
random question. Um...
I love you.
I love you.
Like, maybe, like, one or two
times in total, but not really, no.
What about you?
- I love you.
- I love you.
(both laugh)
- Um... I actually...
- Dani,
have you considered
purchasing a home?
- Uh...
- I recently got into real estate.
- Oh, cool.
- Shot you over a few links.
- Yeah, no, I saw.
- You see the links?
- I saw the links. So many.
- I love that.
- Like, 20 or 30 links.
- Mm-hmm.
DANI: Is it just me,
or did Molly become a real
estate agent, like, one week ago?
- Let's buy something soon, yeah?
- I think I hear the door.
- Is it the door?
- It's the time!
- Hi. - Wow.
- Get over here.
- What's up, family? Sun salutations.
- How are you?
- (overlapping chatter)
- ALDIS: Oh, it's so good to see you.
XANDER: Yo, I thought
that was your boy, dawg.
You're just gonna let him
swoop your girl like that?
WADE: She wants
to play the old
"bring his former
college roommate
"to the kickback to make
him jealous" strategy.
Look, I went to college with
Aldis. I lived with him.
He threw my art show with me.
I know him very well.
Like, they're so not
right for each other.
It's like, I don't even care. Like,
they would never end up together.
You gonna beat his ass?
Yo. Blindside him, fool.
Straight knock him right now.
- I will right now.
- Knock him, dude.
- What's happening?
- My guy!
Hey! Oh! (laughs)
- Oh, my heart just skipped a beat, dude.
- (laughs)
- What's up?
- Oh, nothing, man.
- It's so sick that you're here, man.
- Yeah? How are you?
It's great to see you, dude.
I'm good, man. How are you?
Yeah, are... you're good?
- Yeah, dude. I'm awesome.
- Okay.
You just seem kind of stressed.
You here with Lexy?
Yeah, dude. That's my
little ginger tea, dude.
- What?
- Yeah.
Crazy she brought you,
man. Super chill, though.
Well, we've been hanging
out a lot lately.
- You guys have been hanging out?
- Yeah, dude, spending a lot of time.
Went to the desert last weekend,
realigned her throat chakra.
That's so good to hear.
- Yeah.
- I love chakras. Yeah, dude.
Nice. Are you sure
everything's okay?
Yo, speaking of knocking fools,
where's your boy at, Xan?
Your son Hawk? Is he coming?
Yeah, he'll be here in a little.
He better not show up.
I mean... (chuckles)
He's gonna show up, so...
He'd better not.
In case you didn't know, I'm
not a fan of Xander's son.
Never been. Never will be.
Yo, why is he looking
at me like that?
What's up, little bud? You
got a staring problem, pal?
Like what, dude? He's just
looking at you. He's a baby.
- He's just looking at you.
- Look at his face. Dumb little face.
MOLLY: Stop.
Yo, Xan, get your boy, dawg.
- MOLLY: Hey. Hey. Hey.
- He's little, dude.
- What's going on?
- BRYCE: What'd you say?
Since he was only one, it's
just been nonstop beef.
But at the end of season two, I thought
I'd be bigger man and finally squash it.
But a couple years later,
when he was all grown up,
that fool came up to me at
Xander's wedding still pissed.
Still can't believe you
threatened to lock me in a hot car
with the windows
rolled up, though.
- You remember that?
- Watch your back.
'Cause this beef is
officially back on.
All right, then.
At this point, I don't even
care if it's Xander's son.
And I don't care how old he is.
If he shows up,
it's hands on sight.
And that's on gang for
real, for real, my baby.
MOLLY: Hawk!
- Mom, hi.
- Hi.
- Aw, thank you for coming.
- Of course. - DANI: Look at him.
- Hawk, look at you.
- HAWK: Hi, how are you?
- MOLLY: Aw.
- DANI: Good to see you, buddy.
- Gonna go kick it with the boys?
- Leave me alone, Mom.
What's up? Uncle Wade!
- What's up, sport?
- What's up? Good to see you.
- How are you?
- Hey.
- What's up, kid?
- Yo. - (Bryce coughs)
- Dad.
- What's up, son?
LEXY: Wasn't he just,
like, 18 at the wedding?
- Yeah.
- I know. He grew up so fast.
LEXY: Isn't that
weird, though?
He's like an old guy now.
- Lexy. Don't be rude.
- Seriously?
Oh, snap. Hey, Bryce, I
didn't even see you there.
All right, guys,
back to my truck.
So, I've been looking online,
and it's been pretty hard to find
a truck in the right price range
that's sicker than Jatthew's.
Dude, that's so true,
Jatthew's truck is sick.
Thank you, Duncan.
Why don't you just
steal Jatthew's truck?
What do you mean?
(bleep) these fools, dude.
I'm saying we jack the truck,
replace the sound
system, get a better one,
paint it matte black,
and then it's your truck.
And they won't have one for
the reunion. Problem solved.
I mean, it-it would
be way less expensive.
So true. What do you think
about all this, Hawk?
To be honest,
I really want to contribute
right now to this conversation,
but I'm getting these seriously
off vibes from Duncan and Johnny.
What's up with you guys?
What are you talking...? We're
good. Everything's chill.
No, yeah, I'm definitely sensing, like,
a lot of dark aura energy right here.
- Something is definitely not okay right here, you know?
- Right?
Yeah, I noticed that earlier, I just...
I-I just didn't want to hear about it.
Everything is fine between
me and Johnny, okay?
We got in a little tiff and
he got fired from work, but...
Wait, what?
- Good call. Smart.
- Besides that, everything's cool.
You fired Johnny? That's so weird,
dude. He's your best friend.
Everything's fine, guys. Seriously,
everything is cool. Right?
I mean, nah. Not cool at all.
Like, I'm feeling very
overwhelmed and, um...
like, I don't know where to...
what to do with my life now.
For real. Like, I
just was doing...
All right, all right, all right,
okay, okay, we get it, we get it.
Duncan, let him speak.
Yo, stay out of this, big guy.
Shut up, Bryce. It's not my
fault you sucked at skating.
JOHNNY: Duncan,
your vibes haven't
been posi for months.
And on top of that,
you're being mean to me
while we're getting
ready for a huge drop
and I'm running Dunc Surf solo?
All so you can date Dani and Tessa
while lying about it and blaming me?
- What?
- What?
Duncan, was he serious?
What is that in her hand?
Dude, it's a parabolic microphone. They
could hear everything we were saying.
Why does she have that?
Molly, why are you
I-I was just showing
them how it works.
- DANI: You've been dating Duncan?
- TESSA: Yeah, since the wedding.
What? I've been dating
him since the wedding.
I'm so confused. You guys
are both dating Duncan?
(sighs) Hey, guys. Um, listen...
First of all, let's
just chill out, okay?
Um, I can fix this, all
right? I have a plan.
Have you seen the movie Savages?
The extremely underrated
Oliver Stone movie
with Blake Lively where she's
dating two hot guys at the same time
and they're living in
a harmonious throuple?
Exactly, yes.
So, I was thinking,
what if the three...?
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Oh, my God.
I'm gonna start a podcast just
so I can talk shit about you.
- Oh!
- You don't mean that, honey, you don't mean that.
Maybe I'll sleep with
one of your best friends.
Which one, you think?
DUNCAN: We can
figure this out.
Tess. Dan.
- Idiot.
- Idiot.

Yo, yo. Hey, man.
You mind hooking me up with
some grip tape for this deck?
I don't know, could you hook me up with
reviving two shattered relationships
with my ex-girlfriends who just beat
my ass while my friends watched?
Nah, just the grip tape's fine.
- Yeah, dude, give me your board, totally.
- Appreciate this. Thank you.
- Awesome.
- Yo!
- Yo, yo, yo, yo, chill, chill.
- Chill, chill, chill.
- He swung at me, dawg. He swung at me.
- I obviously did not.
- You swung at him?
- No, why would I do that?
- Hold me back, dawg.
- No.
Okay, I-I'm just gonna
go to Cal Surf, fool.
- No! Wait, come back!
- Just leave, bro. Let's go outside.
- Come on. We're gonna smoke a "J."
- Come back!
You need a rip. Let's go.
DUNCAN: I had it all. Two
smoking-hot girlfriends.
My own surf/skate shop.
A completely filled-out punch
card from Franco's Tacos.
And now it's all gone.
You... don't realize
how sad that moment is
when you're eating those tacos
and you don't have the
punch card anymore.
And they won't even let
you punch another card
until you come the next time.
The free tacos can't count
towards your next punch card.
They told me that. They
made sure I knew that.
And I might even go to Michael's
and get my own (bleep) hole puncher.
(strained breathing)
(grunts softly)
- Feel any better?
- (sighs) No.
- Still feel melancholy AF.
- (exhales)
Oh, that reminds me, dude.
Your dad came by earlier today.
He said buying the shop
was a horrible investment,
and if you don't get your
numbers up by the reunion,
he's turning it
into a vape shop.
- What?
- I know.
Dude, the reunion's in ten days.
Why did you wait till after
the "J" to tell me that?
'Cause if you knew, you
would have bailed on the "J."
Of course I would have bailed on
the "J." I can't be high right now.
- Exactly. I knew it.
- (groans)
But, yeah, your dad seems pretty
dead set on tanking this spot, man.
He even offered me a job at
his store down the street.
- What a dick.
- I know, right?
- I low-key took it, too.
- What?
It's wild, bro. I
work at Cal Surf now.
Well, I should probably
get going, honestly.
Your dad runs a tight ship, bro.
- Dude, what?
- I don't want to be late.
Tucker, what the "S"?
What am I gonna do now?
Well, my Uber's
here. I got to go.
How did you time
that so perfectly?
What's good? Welcome
back to Oh, My Pod!
The most inspirational
pod in all of Simi.
DANI: For sure.
I just want to
start off by saying
that I think the problem
with this generation
is that guys these days,
they just want to date two women at
once and own a surf shop, you know?
After I discovered that Duncan
was cheating on me with his
ex-girlfriend and my third best friend,
I started sending him a
bunch of angry voice memos.
And that's when I discovered
I love the sound
of my own voice.
That's why I decided
to start the pod.
Because I know Wade
feels the same way.
- Here's what you do.
- WADE: What?
You buy a cheap
fixer-upper for one, 1.5,
you know, put 500 into it,
sell it for $15 million.
- It's easier than you think it is, you know?
- Exactly.
Well, that's what I'm
talking about when it comes
- to manifesting, gratitude journaling.
- WADE: Yeah. Mm-hmm.
If you think about it,
you can achieve it.
You've kind of inspired me right now,
and I just want to say... (deep breath)
- Right. And so, if you use...
- Here's the thing, though.
- one of my manifestation techniques...
- It's like my dumb older brother and his dumb wife want me
- to mess up my morning routine...
- you can uplift yourself the same way
- that I manifest everything in my life.
- and get a nine-to-five, which I'm not cool with.
- I'm gonna drop that link in the bio for you guys.
- How am I supposed to...?
- Guys! - Exactly, Wade.
- It makes no sense...
Dude, Molly, can you not?
We're rolling, clearly.
Oh, my God. Xan!
And, actually, that brings
us to our sponsor...
Okay, we talked about this.
You said you were
telling him to move,
not telling him to set
up a podcast studio.
Okay, I know, but he's been really
helpful with the truck search
and it's good to, like, have him here
for, you know, research purposes.
To be honest, this kind of
feels like the last straw.
Okay, here we go again
with the last straw.
What does that even mean, Molly?
Like, what kind of a situation
even involves picking straws
and the last one sucks?
Like, what is that? Is
it a sea turtle thing?
Because I told you, that's
all propaganda to distract us
from the fact that the real problem
is industrial fishing boats, Molly.
They kill way more sea
turtles than plastic straws.
It's a metaphor!
I told you, I hate metaphors!
Why are you so aggro lately?
- I'm not aggro.
- 'Kay.
Honestly, Molly has said "This
is the last straw" so many times,
I'm starting to feel like
this is the last straw.
Plus, I don't even use straws.
Well, guess there
was that one time.
But not anymore.
If Wade isn't out of the
house by the reunion,
we're done.
And I mean actual last straw.
Where are you even going?
To work.
To sell houses so one of us can
show up to the reunion looking sick,
you tiny-truck-having ass.
After my conversation with
Molly, it's pretty clear
that stealing Jatthew's truck
should be the number one
priority in my life right now.
It's a complicated
operation, though.
So I decided to call an
emergency heist-planning meeting.
You guys all watch Ocean's
Eleven like I told you to?
- Mm-hmm.
- Sick.
All right, so, look, as
far as the plan goes...
Molly's real estate company is having
a broker's open at Jatthew's house.
I was gonna say we
put a spy cam on her
to send her in and
get some intel,
but unfortunately she's gone
rogue and can't be trusted.
So what I'm thinking is...
Can you guys have this
conversation somewhere else?
Sandra, eyes down,
take the test, okay?
And if anybody else wants to
listen in on this sick convo
between me and my bros over
here, that's detention.
We're trying, but it's kind
of hard when you're discussing
such felonious behavior
in front of us.
Yeah, I don't want to be an
accessory to this weak-ass plan.
"Weak plan"? I'm sorry, dude.
It's not a weak plan, okay?
This is gonna be sick.
- Are you even going to the reunion?
- Ooh.
All right, beta. This guy
doesn't even burn, dude.
- (laughter)
- We all know.
You told your high school
homies I don't burn?
- Yeah.
- Come on, dude.
Hey, screw you, guys.
You know, I do burn.
BRYCE: All right,
everybody shut up.
Unless you have a sick
idea for me and my bruhs,
I don't want to hear a peep.
Why don't you guys just steal
the trucks during the open house
while everyone's
distracted inside?
AARON: Yeah, I mean
that's a good idea.
I like the whole
Ocean's Eleven thing.
But if you're gonna do it, like,
you guys should dress
up as the wait staff.
It would be kind of sick to
dress up as the wait staff.
I've, like, always wanted
to do that. (chuckles)
Could you imagine?
Dressing up like the
wait staff? Oh, man.
I'm getting fired up
just thinking about it.
- You're excited about that?
- Yeah, have y...? Have you guys not...?
XANDER: No, dude,
this plan works.
You and Johnny dress
as the wait staff.
Bryce shows up,
creates a diversion.
- Me and Duncan...
- WADE: Oh, dude, no, dude.
I don't think we can rely
on Johnny for this, man.
Looks like he's doing
ayahuasca with Aldis?
XANDER: Goodness gracious.
Dunc, you really
messed him up, bro.
That's my bad.
I think he's trying
to smash Tess.
I beg your pardon?
From the back.
(clears throat) Would you be
pissed if someone did that?
Uh, would I be pissed if
someone was piping my ex?
Yeah, I'd b... I'd be pretty
pissed off about that.
Oh, yeah, come on in. We're
just having a meeting, you know?
Okay, what are y'all...? You
know what, I don't even care.
Can I speak to you
privately, please?
Ms. B, anything you
want to say to me,
you can say in front of
my boys and my class.
Okay, fine.
After hearing that you altered the
grades of two of your students,
I'm putting you on indefinite
administrative leave.

Y'all (bleep) snitched?
If you want to stay
in this family,
you got to sell houses.
And be hot.
I'll stab anyone in the
back to get what I want.
My clients are some
of the richest people
in the entire world.
High-profile clients.
I just like saying
the word "clients."
Half the time I don't even
understand how this business works.
ALL: But it's working.

- Hi!
- Hey!
- Welcome to mi casa.
- Oh, my.
Okay. Wait, this is your house?
Yeah, babes, this is my house.
Oh, why are you
selling your house?
Well, I sell my house
every quarter or so
to help keep the numbers up.
Oh. Seems... stressful.
I want to make the
investors happy.
- They love to see money move.
- (laughs) Get that.
Um, the bathroom's right
there if you want to change.
Oh, um, this is me.
Yeah, going with the suit.
- Oh, that's so cute.
- Yeah.
I love that.
- Oh, my God, adorable.
- Thanks. Yeah.
Ventura, Topanga?
Meet Molly.
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey.
So, Molly, you're the new girl.
MOLLY: If there's
one thing that I know
about Topanga,
it's that she is not afraid
to drill the new girl.
So how many houses have
you sold this quarter?
Uh, well, none.
You know, I just, I just
started two weeks ago.
- So...
- Molly, do you know
who I just sold a house to?
Oh, no, wh-who?
You know who Billie Eilish is?
Uh, yeah.
I just sold a house to
her chiropractor, so...
I bet you'd like to
know who my clients are.
- Yeah.
- Well, I can't tell you.
- That's super confidential.
- Oh.
I sold a house to Howie Mandel.
No one (bleep) cares, Ventura.
(sighs) Speaking of
clients, mine just arrived,
so I'll be right back.
(indistinct chatter)
Hey! Thank God
you guys are here.
What is happening?
Is this an open house
or is there, like,
another reality show being shot?
Ha, ha, so... (whispers):
Just go with it.
Dani, what do you think?
I think it's pretty sick.
Want to make an offer?
I noticed that you had "flip
houses for passive income"
- on your vision board.
- DANI: I do.
But, you know, that's not
until later in the year
after I've lived in
the south of France.
We've talked about that.
Oh, you're gonna live
in the south of France?
I'm manifesting it, yes.
Are you really, or are
you gonna lie to my face
about that the way you lied to
my face about dating Duncan?
I don't like what you're saying,
so I'm gonna put
up a boundary RN.
Okay? I do not have
the bandwidth for you.
Oh, my God, you
guys, stop. Stop it.
This day has to go
well for me, okay?
Play it cool.
Let's steal this
(bleep) truck, bro!
Dude, I am so
dialed in right now.
Bro, me, too, I am dialed.
I am Buffalo Dialed
Wings right now.
Yo, I'm Croco-dial
Dundee right now.
- Dude, I'm Dialed-ly Cyrus, dude...
- All right, enough with the puns, dude.
- They're not even funny.
- Damn, dude.
- Where's Bryce, dude?!
- Bro.
Uh, he said, "Can't make it,
something came up, hit me up later."
What, are you yanking
my nut sack, bro?
- That's what he said.
- (Xander grunts)
Well, what, what should we
do? Should we call it off?
Dude, can't you just mod the
truck out yourself in your shop?
Like, we could use some of my,
like, morning routine stuff
and Dani's manifestation
- It could be sick.
- Hey, Wade?
Just because you have a podcast,
it doesn't make your ideas good.
Okay, bro?
Is manifestation going to get me the
100K that I need to mod out my truck?
No, the only thing that
would yield that kind of cash
is selling my house, and
there's no way in hell
Molly would let me do that.
So Wade should
probably shut his trap.
Also, Bryce isn't here, dude?
This plan is going to shit.
No! No! No! No! No!
Someone just blocked it in.
(grunts) The plan is ruined!
So it's getting pretty obvious
that Xander's on steroids.
And I realize now that all
the times he said he was going
to a juice bar...
it was a steroid juice bar.
And I don't know if he
realizes you have to, like,
work out more when
you're on steroids.
So it's not like he's
that much bigger.
He's just, like, way more mad.
Bro, dude, I'll... it's fine.
It'll be okay, man. I'll
just go inside and convince
whosever car it is that I think it's
super sick and I want to go for a ride.
You seriously think you're gonna
be able to convince someone
that their PT Cruiser is sick.
Dude, yes, man.
Bro, I can act.
You guys forget I'm an artist.
All right, well, in the
words of Mark Zuckerberg,
let's go in there,
jack this guy's shit,
paint it a different color,
and pass it off as our own.
- Hell yeah.
-"Steal Jatthew's truck" on three. One, two, three.
ALL: Steal Jatthew's truck.
I'll disable the
camera with my lasers.
- Let's get tactical, boys.
- Let's get tactical, boys.

You see any randos tonight,
you know what to do, right?
Yeah, murder them.
What? No, just, like, ask them
- to leave nicely.
- No.
- Spend a million dollars.
- Nine-nine is hot.
No one cares about, like, seven.
- Smart is in.
- Hors d'oeuvres?
Uh, I'm-I'm good.
Yo, by the way, do you guys know
whose PT Cruiser that is outside?
No, why?
It's just super sick. I
honestly might cop one.
BOTH: Okay.
(laughs) Totally.
Yo, do you guys know whose PT Cruiser
that is in the driveway, by the way?
- Nah, man.
- No?
- LEXY: Wade?
- You don't know? - No.
Lexy, what's up?
Didn't know you'd be
here. What's up, JP?
- What's up, dude?
- What are you doing here?
You're a waiter now?
Yeah, just making
bank, you know?
Uh, trying to figure out whose sick-ass
PT Cruiser's in the driveway, but...
Dude, that's mine. You dig it?
Oh. Uh...
yeah, dude.
It's awesome.
Wait, that's yours?
Yes, dude, that's mine.
All stock, no tints?
- You guessed it, brother.
- (chuckles) Man, what a whip.
- Yeah.
- Dude!
Crazy idea.
What if we went for
a spin right now?
Like, right now?
(exhales) I'm game
if you're game.
Okay, uh...
see you, Lexy. Let's go.
Okay, my shift just
ended, so let's do it.
LEXY: First Wade acts like
a kid because I brought
Aldis to the kickback. Now
he shows up unannounced
to this party,
dressed as a waiter,
all to stop me
from talking to JP?
This is the type of immature,
jealous boyfriend energy
that I am missing in my life.
Like, maybe I should
invite Wade to the reunion.
So, Dani, what do you think?
Are you interested in
buying this house or what?
Oh, um...
- not right now, no.
- Oh.
- Lexy, what about you?
- How much is it?
2.3, but for you,
I could do 2.299.
Mm, I'm really gonna have to
marinate on that for a beat.
Okay, Molly, can I pull
you for a quick chat?
- Yeah.
- Okay, great.
I don't understand, what's
going on? Is she poor?
No, no, like, she's not poor.
Her dad's actually,
like, super rich.
I don't know what her
deal is right now.
Okay, well, it's been two weeks.
You haven't sold a single
home or gotten anyone
under you to take
commission from.
The funnel is dying.
- (sighs)
- Look, do you even...
- want to do this? I don't get it.
- I do, I just...
- Just what?
- I just need more time.
Well, Molly, if you don't sell
a house before the reunion...
I'm gonna have to ask
you to kick rocks.
MOLLY: How am I supposed
to sell a house this fast?
The only person I know
who owns a house is me.
Am I gonna have to
sell my own house?
Um, just give me a second,
I'm gonna call Xander.
- (line ringing)
- (ringtone playing)
Oh, my God, Xander, I was
literally just calling you.
So, I need a really big favor.
Uh, yeah, what's-what's
up? What's good?
Okay, so, I know I
just started this job
and that we really love our house,
but... we're gonna need to sell it.
What? Like now?
Yeah, as soon as
possible. (sighs)
XANDER: Well, this is perfect.
Just when I was about to
steal Jatthew's truck...
Oh, my God.
Uh... I was just kidding.
Point is,
Molly just came
through with a solution
to get enough funds to
trick out the truck myself.
Now I just need to pretend
that I didn't also want this.
That way, I have leverage.
All right, fine, but only
'cause I love you so much.
- Seriously?
- (laughing): Yeah.
- Oh, my God.
- But I just might need one thing, though.
- Anything.
- If we do sell the house,
would I maybe be able to
take some of those funds
and allot them to
building out my truck?
I mean... it's only fair.
All right, then, but
you owe me big-time.
Thank you.
- Yeah.
What are you doing here?
Yeah, what are you doing here?
And why do you look so sketch?
Are those the keys to my truck?
Oh. Uh...
Don't say another (bleep) word.
I'm not stupid.
I know what you're doing, dude.
And I'm not even mad.
- You're not?
- No, man.
Xander Sanders
showing up to my pad
dressed as a robber
on some kinky role
play shit?! My guy!
You're about to raw-dog
her in my truck, huh?
Oh, my God. Were you, really?
Yeah, I was... I was about to...
like, rail you so hard.
- Pound Town, right?
- Oh, dude.
You know it, dude. I'm
the mayor of Pound Town.
Oh, dude, I love that.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
(bleep) yeah. I (bleep)
love it, dude. God, yes.
You have my blessing, bro.
You two have fun in there, okay?
There's a remote for the
TV in the center console
- if you want to throw on a flick.
- MOLLY: Oh, my God.
- Okay.
- Whoa.
All right.
Go get in Jatthew's
truck, wait 45 minutes,
come back in looking
disheveled, and tell him
you just had the best sex
of your life. All right?
- Go.
- Wait, wait, what? What are you talking about?
So we're not actually
smashing right now?
Then what are you doing here?
There's no time to explain.
Okay, well, what am I supposed
to do, just sit in the truck
for, like, 45 minutes?
That is not even realistic.
It's more like five.
Okay, fine. 20.
Molly, I just let
you sell the house.
Okay? You owe me
big-time. Big-time.
DUNCAN: Wait, what's he doing?
- Dude, what happened?
- Change of plans.
- Pretty cool.
- Yeah.
So stoked you dig
the whip, though.
Yeah, Jatthew and them
always give me shit for it.
At least I actually bought this.
You know, I'd rather own my own
car than take out a bunch of
frauded out loans and get
a sick one like Jatthew's.
Only a matter of time till the
Feds catch on to his bullshit.
Oh, yeah, totally, man, totally.
Wait. What the hell?
Uh, nothing, dude.
We should dip.
Um, fire car, though.
Wait, you don't
want to smoke this?
Uh, I wish we had time, dude,
but I-I really got to get back.
We just drove up to
Chet's Peak, though.
I'd love to, man, but I
just... there's no time.
Ah. So it is true.
Wait a minute. What's true?
- (engine starts)
- No, what's, what's true?
Wait, wait, wait. No,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
Hold your horses. What's true?
I just heard that
you don't burn.
Okay, you think I, Wade
Colonel Sanders, doesn't burn?
Okay, yeah, right.
Well, then, you either
chief this thing down,
or it's official
that you don't burn.
Was that good for you?
There is no way that's
happening right now.
(JP scoffs)
- I'm sick of these games, man.
- (Wade scoffs)
- Dude where is he?
- Dude, he hasn't texted me back.
He's taking way too
long. We got to just dip.
Yeah, (bleep) it,
let's just dip.
- Let's just dip, dude.
- Go, go, go, go, go, go.
- Let's just dip.
- Go, go, go.
WADE: Oh, come on. Hey!
Dude! No.
All right, well, uh, maybe
I'll see you later, Wade, or...
- (line ringing) - Wade.
- What?
- Maybe I'll see...
- Yeah, for sure.
Wow, dude. Wow.
XANDER: Yo, it was too
hot, bro. We had to dip.
What? I can see you right
there. Just back up.
- XANDER: All right, should we pull it back for him?
- DUNCAN: I don't know.
WADE: I can hear you
debating it. Just come back.
- XANDER: All right, fine.
- (truck beeps)
WADE: Yo, what happened?
I moved the PT.
DUNCAN: Dude, could
you not find the keys?
No, I had 'em, but then I ran
into Molly and Jatthew, dude.
- Oh, God. Was he onto you?
- No.
It's, like, a long weird
story, but basically,
Molly's selling the house,
and now I have enough money
to mod out the truck myself.
- Wait, what?
- Wait, what?
Wait, why did we
just do all this?
Yeah, dude, you're selling the
house? Where am I gonna live, dude?
- Really, dude, really?
- Where am I gonna do my podcast?
That's your first concern? Where
are you gonna do your podcast?
Yeah, dude, definitely.
Look, it's way better
this way, all right?
We're not committing a felony,
we're not stealing Jatthew's truck.
We just got to get to the body
shop and build out my truck.
We, dude?!
We just wasted all this time.
Dude, I can't do
this right now, dude.
I have to get back to Dunc Surf
before my dad shuts me down.
You're seriously gonna ruin
our reunion pull-up situation
'cause you're a terrible
small business owner, dude?
Dude, just give it up, okay?
You're not gonna have a sicker
truck than Jatthew in time, okay?
Dude, we should have just
stolen Jatthew's truck.
Would have been way
easier than this.
You know what, boys?
I'm headed to the
body shop, all right?
If you guys aren't gonna help,
get out of the car right now.
Whatever, dude, I live two
blocks away, I'll walk.
All right.
You're still gonna
take me home, right?
- I'll take you.
- All right, fine.
- Great. Glad that's settled and everyone has rides.
- Cool. Good.
Now get the (bleep)
out of my car, dude.
Goddamn it! Ugh!
This is pretty much
my all-is-lost moment.
Stupid pencils.
I've given all I could
to this truck search.
(pained groan)
But without the boys helping me,
- I just don't think it's possible.
- (door opens)
What are you doing here?
Well, I come here to see
you, make sure you're okay...
Hell, I haven't seen you
the whole damn movie.
Yeah, well, whatever,
I've just been busy, okay?
What the hell are you doing?
I don't think I'm gonna have the
sickest truck in time for the reunion.
Okay? I-I-I tried, but I just...
I just don't think I'm gonna do
it. I don't think I have time,
I don't think I
have the resources.
And I'm, and I'm
sorry, all right?
I let you down, I
let Grandpa down.
And I'm just a big
failure, but it's fine.
I'll just be the most jacked.
Oh, son, son, is that what
this is all about? Huh?
You think that I'm gonna be
upset if you don't win that
Truck of the Year trophy from
your high school reunion?
Ah, Xander. (sighs)
You're goddamn right.
I wouldn't be upset.
I'd be goddamn
furious. (chuckles)
I'd be embarrassed of you.
Disappointed in you.
I would no longer be
able to call you my son.
But, Dad...
You better (bleep) win
that (bleep) trophy.
(door slams)
It's go time.
What does that even mean, dawg?
It means it's time
to execute Plan C.
How long do we have?
Pbbt. Dude, like 72 hours.
72 two hours? No, dawg,
that's impossible.
I know, right? Let's
do this, brother.

Unh, unh
Ha, ha, ha
Ha, ha, ha, ha
Uh, ha, ha, ha
Do you want to be a winner?
Do you want results? Huh?
Do you want the things
that you want in life?
You want your
dreams to come true?
Well, then, ditch whatever
it is you're currently doing,
and get a morning routine.
HECTOR: Xander!

(high-pitched yelps)
- You have carne asada?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, carne asada.

Uh, ha, ha, ha
Ah, yeah!
Ah, yeah
(both grunting)

(welder buzzing)
- Oh, my God, bro!
- My God!
- It's so big.
- Huge, dawg.
- Look at the nuts, dawg! (laughs)
- Oh, my God.
I did it.

We did it. Ha, ha, we're about
to flex so hard on everyone
at this reunion. Aren't
we all so stoked?
(others scoffing quietly)
Hearing a lot of scoffs, yo.
Does someone have
something to say?
Uh, I got a problem. It's a
cool truck and everything,
but the ratio's
way off yet again.
What? What is he saying, Witt?
He's saying cool truck and
everything, but the ratio's off.
- You serious, Bryce?
- You serious, Bryce?
- It's four to four, bro.
- Four to four, bro.
BRYCE: It would appear that
our egotistical pursuit
of reunion sickness has
completely dismantled our squad.
And I'm high-key tripping that Wade's
about to snitch on me and Tessa,
so right now I'm just
trying to stir the pot up
with as much stuff
as I can think of.
Tell him is should be one
to three, guys to chicks.
It's supposed to be one
to three, dudes to chicks.
XANDER: Bryce, you want
me to pull this truck over
and we can square up right now?
I mean, yeah, let's do
it. Pull over right now.
I'll beat your ass, even
though you're juicing.
I'm not juicing, dude.
Yes, you are, fool.
Martinelli up there?
Dude, I'm not juicing.
I swear on Hawk's life.
MOLLY: Okay, Xander,
shut up, okay?
And everyone, stop fighting.
Let's just get there
and get this over with.
(scoffs, sighs,
snickers from all)

TAD (over P.A.): What's
going on, everybody?
Welcome to the Simi
High ten-year reunion.
There's trucks, there's
former flames, there's exes.
I mean, it could
get heated tonight.
JT: Plenty of opportunity for
beef, Tad, that's for sure.
Whoa, dude, Tad, we
got breaking news.
I think I'm seeing a
six-door come through.
TAD: What? Oh, my God!
- Okay, I'm going inside.
- Yeah, I need a Monster.
- I'm cold.
- Okay.
Guys, wait up. Guys!
- We're supposed to have a moment.
- Xander Sanders.
Oh, snap.
What's up, Chauncy Donahue?
Look at you, man.
Holy freakin' cow, nice truck.
Thanks, dawg.
Yeah, what have you been up to?
What, like, for
the last ten years?
Yeah, dude. I want
all the details.
I haven't seen you once. Please.
XANDER: First person I run
into is Chauncy Donohue?
(scoffs) Boner.
Dude has no idea how hard
he's about to get flexed on.
Run a body shop
with my boy Hector.
Married Molly, had a kid. He
grew up, went off to school.
He's all an adult now and shit.
And, uh, yeah, I have the
sickest truck in all of Simi.
That's about it.
(imitates explosion)
What a storybook
life you've led, man.
You must be so happy.
XANDER: Off to a strong start,
but there's no time to waste.
There's over 100 people here that
I haven't seen since graduation
and we need to
impress all of them.
- (dance music playing)
- (lively chatter)
What have you been up to, man?
- So what have you been up to?
- What have you been up to?
What have you been up to?
Honestly, just, like, managing
the eff out of my skate shop.
What are you doing
for work these days?
What have you been up to?
Recently been selling houses. Just
sold one the other day, actually.
So, what's up? You
guys still brothers?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
I teach lit, so that's
pretty lit, you know?
Been really getting into
manifestation lately.
Oh, my God, you should
come on my podcast.
Started a podcast.
XANDER: Everything was
going according to plan.
But what we forgot to take into account
was the part of the conversation
that we didn't care about.
What about you? What
have you been up to?
What have you been
up to, though?
- How about you guys?
- We started a-a mushroom company.
I'm, like, sanctioning,
like, gerbil fights
in, like, Thailand
and stuff, so...
I go to jujutsu, I roll
with this guy Ronaldo.
He's super Brazilian, I can't
understand a word he says.
I've been swing dancing for a
long time, which has been great.
You know, and, um...
- Mushroom, uh, pancakes.
- Pancakes. Yeah, mushroom...
XANDER: After listening to all of
these people talk about their lives,
I just sort of had this
epiphany where I realized, like,
wait a second...
I don't give a (bleep)
about any of these people.
- We got to hang soon, man.
- We should get coffee.
- We got to hang soon.
- Dude, we got to, like, hang out soon.
Yeah, no, we'll
definitely hang soon
- and-and I'm not just saying that.
- We're not, either.
- You remember that one time?
- Yeah. Yeah.
A-And remember that other time?
- Yo, uh, Molly, can I pull you for a chat?
- Yeah.
Sorry for pulling you out of
that convo with Wesley Watershed.
I just wanted to
have a quick chat.
Oh, no, that
conversation sucked.
- Nah.
- This whole thing sucks, actually.
Are Jatthew and
Agoura even here?
Seems like they're trying
to make some grand entrance.
I feel so dumb for caring
so much about this.
I know, same.
All right, look, Molly,
I have a confession
to make, okay?
I've been juicing.
I'm on 'roids.
I know, Xan.
Who the (bleep) told you?!
Of course I'm gonna invest
in your company, bro.
It sounds like a
million-dollar idea.
Just when I was about to
Irish goodbye this reunion,
I look across the
bar and I see Johnny
wearing the sickest
suit I have ever seen.
And he looked like he was doing
pretty well... without me.
And that didn't feel too good.
- What's up, man?
- What's up, Dunc?
How's it going?
- You slut, how are you?
- Hey, look, dude, um...
I just want to get this
out in-in the open.
My bad for everything.
You're one of my
best friends and...
Third, to be exact.
- Third best friend? You really mean it?
- Yes, dude, third.
It goes Xan, Bryce...
Okay, Wade...
Okay, so you're...
Actually, you're fourth.
I could be fine with that
if we locked that in.
If we, like, make sure
it doesn't leave fourth.
Dude, I was just caught up with
all my own stuff, you know?
And I disrespected you,
and that wasn't cool.
And... honestly, dude, I
need you back at Dunc Surf.
I miss you.
Things have been a vibe lately.
I did ayahuasca with Aldis when I
was gone and I talked to God, bro.
God was like, "If your squad
doesn't put you in the group text"
"that they're constantly
talking about,
"and if they have, like, a reality
show for the last three seasons
"and they haven't even put, like,
a sliver of you in the intro,
"and all this stuff
with Dani and Tess,
maybe you should
start your own squad."
So I've kind of come to
terms with that, you know?
And I'm happy now.
Yeah, I-I get it, man.
I'm-I'm stoked for you. Yeah.
But then all that
stuff you just said?
It's like...
God can take an effin' walk,
'cause I'm with the boys.
Yo. Okay. (laughs)
- All right. Hell yeah.
- Yeah.
I don't want to be like a
Steven Stickler on this, but...
I know you said, like, "my bad"
a bunch, but for some reason,
just the word "sorry" would
personally just, like, really hit.
DUNCAN: Yeah, yeah.
Well, look, man. If it...
If it means anything...
It would, yeah.
I want you to know from
the bottom of my heart
it-it's my bad, super my bad.
Yeah, and my bad for
letting you down, you know?
I-I just need to focus
on Dunc right now.
And I actually do have to go
apologize to Dani and Tessa.
And not just say "my bad," but,
like, actually tell them I'm sorry.
MRS. D'ARTOLA: Wade Sanders.
Yes? (groans)
- Wh...
- Aren't you class of 2013?
Uh, 2013, that might...
- Whoa.
- (groans)
Guess what.
- Is that a taser?
- 'Tis.
Jesus Christ.
Unless you have a
significant other,
I'm gonna have to put you
on the "no chill" list.
Well... (sighs)
What if, um... Uh...
He's with me.
Lexy Luther? You're
dating Wade? (scoffs)
("Let's Fall Together"
by Robbie Rider playing)
Let's fall together

All together...
(Wade gasps)
You know, a simple
"yes" would've sufficed.
Whoa. (laughs)
I'm surprised no one front
our past walked in just now.
So, listen, I mean, I get
it if you want to go...
hang with the class
of 2010 or whatever.
Um, no, I haven't seen any
of those people in ten years.
I don't give a shit about them.
I know, right? I feel like
everyone here is a rando.
I feel like even our squad has
been acting like randos lately.
Molly's a real estate agent now?
Dani's dating Duncan
and I didn't even know?
Who the hell knows
where Tessa ever is.
She's probably smashing Bryce.
Wait, what?
Did that really happen?
You bet your friggin'
bottom dollar it happened.
Do you solemnly swear
you're telling the truth?
The whole truth
and nothing but it?
So help me, on God.
Saw it with my own two eyes.
They let you watch?
What? No. I saw it by accident.
Does anybody else
know about this?
- Just you.
- Jiminy Crickets.
- I got to tell the squad, right?
- No.
Don't tell the squad.
Don't tell the squad what?
- We're all here.
- Yeah. - What's up?
Just, uh... It's nothing. Uh...
- No, we, uh...
- (laughs) Come on.
We were just, uh, talking
about Tessa smashing Bryce.
- XANDER: What?
- Are you serious?
So everyone's snitching on me?
I'm truly the Young Thug of
this friend group, I swear.
(groans) Okay, that
is high-key sketch.
Okay, hold on. Duncan was dating
Dani at the same time as me.
This is nowhere
near as bad as that.
- That's an acute observation.
- She's got a point. - True.
WADE: Listen, guys.
These secrets...
they're tearing the squad
apart. (thumps table)
What are we doing?
Bryce. You got to
tell Duncan, man.
You got to tell Duncan.
Hey, Dani, could I, uh, pull
you for a chat real quick?
Duncan, I don't want
to do this here.
Look, I know, okay? Look...
I just want to say
sorry, all right?
I'm really bad at saying no
and I was all fired up
on love at the wedding,
and you and Tessa kept coming up to me
and you guys were acting super chill
and you guys were
looking super hot.
- (chuckles)
- And...
I just handled it terribly. I
couldn't say no to both of you
and I just want things to go
back t-to the way they were
because you're one
of my best friends.
I appreciate you saying
that. I really do.
And I'm high-key heated about
the whole thing still, but...
I guess I'm down to be friends.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Just friends.
- Just friends.
Just friends. (laughs)
It felt so good to squash things with
Dani that I couldn't help but think...
damn, we handled that
adversity pretty well.
What are you doing?
You know, I was always
gonna choose you, girl.
(scoffs) Duncan, stop. We're
not getting back together.
Yeah, yet.
Ah-ha. (laughs)
So, like, you're saying you
were gonna pick me, then?
Pfft. Shit. Probably.
I always loved you more.
Tessa was just a "ting."
A what?
A "ting."
(Jamaican accent):
- Real bad man. (snorts)
- Ugh, I'm pretty sure
you're not allowed to
talk like that. God.
Look, Tessa, she literally
means nothing to me...
Dunc. I'm just gonna come
out and say this, bro.
What's up?
I'm smashing Tessa.
- BRYCE: Consensually.
- Wait, what?
Hey, yo, Johnny's
here. What's up, dude?
(cheering and squealing)
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, whoa, whoa.
- J-Bone. What's up?
- What's up?
XANDER: What's popping, Papi?
JOHNNY: Group vibes.
- Could you repeat what you just said?
- I'm smashing Tessa, dude.
I've been smashing Tessa,
your ex-girlfriend.
And look, dude, I like her, bro.
And, uh, we were gonna
take it a step further
and embark on a super romantic trip,
driving to San Diego or something.
Is that cool with you?
(breathing heavily)
- Yeah.
- BRYCE: Yeah?
No, yeah. Totally cool.
- Okay, sick.
- DUNCAN: Yeah, that's... - Okay.
Super cool. (whoops)
- Check out this guy, he's in love.
- BRYCE: Okay, yeah.
(laughs) Stabbin',
I'm stabbin' him.
I'm super excited about this.
This could work, this is gonna
work. This is gonna work. Yeah.
- BRYCE: All right.
- Guys,
I just want to piggyback
off all this positivity
and say I'm sorry for getting
it twisted these last few weeks.
You know? I just got so fixated on showing
up to this reunion with the sickest truck
and flexing on all these randos
we haven't seen in ten-plus years
that I lost sight
of what matters.
And that's this squad.
And as long as we're together...
I could care less about some
stupid truck contest, right?
TAD (over P.A.): Guys, after serious deliberation,
the moment you've all been waiting for:
- The votes have been tallied.
- Oh, snap, they're announcing the winner.
Xan, didn't you just say
you didn't care about this?
I know, but, like, you might as well
just see who wins, right? (chuckles)
- Dude, I'm so fired up.
- Guys!
The winner of the Simi High
Ten-Year Reunion Truck Contest
is Jatthew S!
No, no, no, no, no.
- He's not even here.
- He's not even here.
(truck engine revving)
TAD: Coming in hot with a
straight-up monster truck.
Bro, when a dude rolls in
with a huge truck like that,
you know his dick is massive.
What up, class?
TAD: Oh, dude, and Xander
Saunders is not looking pleased.
JT: Oh, the dude is
taking it super heavy.
Jesus Christ.
TAD: I understand, you see a truck like
that with so many babes coming out?
JT: Dude, that's got to make you massively
insecure and just depressed for days.
JATTHEW: (sighs)
Well, well, well.
If it isn't the failed
truck thieves themselves.
- What are you even talking about, bro?
- BROCKO: Hey,
Spy Kids, laser pointers
don't take out cameras, homie.
What does that mean?
gameplan refresh.
I'm gonna go in,
find Jatthew's keys
so we can steal his truck and
win the best truck contest.
- WADE: Okay.
- What's your plan?
WADE: I'm gonna go in, find whoever
owns that wack-ass PT Cruiser,
lie to his face, tell
him that I like it,
so he moves it and you can steal
Jatthew's truck without any obstruction.
- Awesome.
- Okay.
- Let's do this, Wade Sanders.
- Let's do it, Xander Sanders.
- I don't know if that was...
- That's deep faked.
- I don't recognize those guys. Deep fake, yeah.
- Yeah, it was probably a deep fake.
You straight-up lied to me.
I'm feeling pretty hurt by all
your actions right now, dude.
Jat, baby.
- You're good, boss, you're good, you're good.
- Thanks, guys.
I liked you guys.
I used to look up to you
in high school, you know?
But now you're just dicks.
XANDER: Hearing Jatthew
call us out for lying to him
and telling us that we
really hurt his feelings
kind of made me realize they
didn't really do anything wrong.
You know, we just kind of turned
them into villains in our heads
'cause we were so jealous
of their lifestyle.
Now that we're here in front
of our whole graduating class,
it just kind of feels
like the only thing
we can really do right now is...
beat their (bleep) ass.
Yeah, you know what?
I think I've heard just about
enough out of you B-listers.
Let's scrap.
So be it. Hope this Muay
Thai ain't too spicy for you.
I think we should
all throw down.
Is this about to come to blows?
Are we about to roughhouse?
- I'm ready to clash.
- I will straight up skirmish right now.
- I'm trying to squab.
- Want to throw some (bleep) hands, dawg.
It's gonna be a bloodbath.
(sirens chirps)
Oh, sh...
- It's the feds!
- Dude, the feds are here!
- Run!
- (all clamoring)
- Oh!
- Surprise, scumbag.
Squad car diversion, y'all.
Nailed it. (grunts)
You got the right
to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be
used against you in a court of law.
What are you doing? Jatthew,
get this guy off me.
Coming in with
massive jurisdiction!
What are they even
doing here, dude?
(indistinct chatter, grunting)
AGOURA: Ow, they hurt!
So what is happening?
That is completely classified because
this is an ongoing investigation.
- Oh, okay.
- But if you insist on knowing,
these two are a couple
of big-time fraudsters.
Yeah, they've been
having open houses
at Airbnbs for their
reality TV show.
They've been selling
houses that they don't own
and they've been buying
cars with investor money.
Turns out
Triangle Group Realty...
is a pyramid scheme.
We found the entire plan
over at Franco's Tacos.
But, no, the commissions
go up. It's like a funnel.
Yeah, like a funnel.
To the untrained eye.
But upon further investigation.
Oh, my God.
Ah, clearing up the story for those
of us in the back. Thank you, feds.
I'm sure glad you guys
cleared that up quick.
- Let's go, off to prison.
- Wait, what?
You know what, and let this
be a lesson to all of you.
Stay authentic to
yourselves, will you?
You're out there trying too hard
to be cool on your social media.
You're prioritizing your,
your facades and
your-your phone screens
over family and your squad.
I think it's time
y'all kept it a hundo.
Unless, of course, you want
to get busted by the feds
and exposed in front
of all your friends.
Like those dicks.
- Uh, yeah, okay, boomer.
- (all laughing)
(laughing, clamoring)
Goddamn it, I hate this
(bleep) generation.
- (laughter, clamoring)
- Enjoy jail, Jatthew.
Unlock it.
TAD: All right, well,
I guess now that
Jatthew's stolen truck has been
disqualified, the winner...
is Xander Sanders.
It was all worth it.
- It was all worth it!
- Yeah!
(laughs) Ah!
- (Xander whooping)
- (crowd cheering, clamoring)

XANDER: It's only
been two weeks
since the reunion, but it's
crazy how much has happened.
Molly's real estate
sale got voided
and I had to sell
back all the parts
to my truck on Craigslist.
My truck now looks
exactly like it used to,
and that's something
I'm totally okay with.
Molly shifted to a career in selling
health and wellness supplements.
It's a similar business
model to Agoura's,
but she gets paid in
timeshares, so it's chill.
The Dunc Surf sweatsuit drop
was super successful.
And we promised Johnny that
if we ever do another season,
we'll put him in the intro.
(all toasting)
Duncan and Dani have
been dating again.
And so have Tessa and Bryce.
Duncan says he's cool with
it, but I highly doubt that.
Hey, Bryce, you want my
sloppy seconds, dude?
For real?
Bryce finally wrote
his high school homies
their letters of
college recommendation.
Unfortunately, it was
way past the deadline,
so they didn't get into any
of the schools they wanted.
Dani bought the house that
Jatthew was pretending to live in.
And now her, Duncan, Lexy, Wade,
Bryce and Tessa are
all moving in together.
And I don't see that
being at all problematic.
Molly and I finally
came to terms
with the fact that we haven't been
happy in this relationship in years,
and agreed to have
unprotected sex one last time
and get a divorce.
I was starting to get excited
about starting a new
chapter in my life.
But then we found out that she's
pregnant with our second child,
Hawk 2: The Rise of Hawk,
and decided to put
all that on hold.
Hawk 2 did turn
out to be a girl.
- But I'm not budging on the name.
- (bleep)
It's just too good.
Life is starting to feel
a lot like a circle.
You know, it's like...
you get to this point
where you realize
your old way of life just
doesn't work for you anymore,
so you say it's time
to make changes.
Then those changes
start to feel...
super uncomfortable
and inconvenient.
So you say, you know what?
Why don't we just
put all that on hold,
ride this high...
and go back to what's familiar?
Sometimes when you
get to this point,
you just got to look around,
and think to yourself...
it's good to be back.

Oh, I almost forgot.
Hawk straight-up
died of old age.
"Oh, that I had the
wings of a hawk,
I would fly away and
I would be at rest."
XANDER: It was tough
to see him go, but...
he just couldn't have
lived a more full life.
I knew the whole squad
was gonna be sad.
But the one who
took it the hardest
was Bryce.
Why's he looking
at me like that?
He's got a staring
problem still?
Dude, he's just, he's dead.
- Nah, dude. Nah, dude!
- Come on, dude.
DUNCAN: All right, we're
not doing this here.
Get your boy, Xan.
- Get your boy. He's faking it!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
BRYCE: Get him up! Come back!
Hawk, come back, and
come at me, fool!