The Rise & Fall of a White Collar Hooligan (2012) Movie Script

[man whistles tune]
[man] Un visiteur pour le prisonnier
de la cellule 18.
[French accent] Looks like
you made yourself a pretty home in here.
How long are you planning to stay?
You've been here a month now.
No one came for you.
You've had no visitors.
No one even asked for you.
No one wrote you a letter.
Don't you have family? Don't you have
a nice little girl you want to see?
I mean, I can make that happen.
I can put you on a train
back home today.
Just tell me what you know.
Your problem. Have a nice day.
[narrator] They think I'm just a thief.
I prefer the term white collar hooligan.
[man] Allume la lumiare
dans la cellule 18.
[narrator] This is my story.
[rap music]
[man] This is the police. All crowds
should disperse this area immediately.
[narrator] The beautiful game.
Our great nation's number one sport.
Every week,
hundreds of thousands of people
cram their way into these places
to follow their team.
I love it, and if you love it too,
you don't need me to explain.
If you don't know what I mean,
no explanation will ever
make you understand.
Being a part of the crowd, the mob,
gives you a great sense of power,
like animals in a pack.
We're strong because of the group.
We'll always be OK
'cause our mates have got our back.
I fucking love this game,
the skill, the dedication
and the finesse on the pitch,
the awesome power
of the crowd in the stands.
Fucking fruit! Yeah, you!
Yeah, you, you fucking pig cunt!
- Oi, Mike.
- Come on, you fucking mug!
- Dickhead!
- Fucking hell. Oi, Mike!
Ed. Eddie Hill, mate.
What you doing here?
- Same thing as you.
- Hey, fuck you, you cunt, you dickhead!
They're bringing the fucking
tear gas out. You wanna go for a drink?
- The Duke's open.
- Let's go, mate.
Come on, let's fuck off.
Watch out, lads. Go on.
[Mike] A great man once said football
wasn't a matter of life and death.
It was more important than that.
He was right.
- What fucking happened to him?
- Fuck knows.
He's probably an accountant
by the sound of it.
- Oh, shit, mate.
- What?
- Oh. Fuck me. I'm gonna have to go.
- Fuck off.
- I thought we were going for a drink.
- Yeah. It's work, mate.
Not really something I can say no to.
I'll tell you what, let's have
a big one tonight, a proper catch-up.
- D'you know Terry's on Gloucester Road?
- I know it.
Perfect. Freshen up and we'll meet in
a couple of hours. We'll catch up then.
- A couple of hours?
- Two hours.
Two hours. All right, sweet.
Oi! Look at me
when I'm trying to talk to you.
- What you been doing with yourself?
- Bit of this, bit of that.
- Oh, shit. Unemployed.
- No, just not many jobs out there.
- Know what I mean, Ed?
- Bollocks.
There's fucking hundreds of jobs around.
Loads of them.
Just nobody wants to do them.
Well, except retards.
Nobody wants to fucking flip burgers
or wipe arses for minimum wage, do they?
- And who can blame them?
- I've been doing a lot of interviews.
Yeah, no, course, mate.
I'm not slagging you off.
I respect you. I think you've got
the right idea. Know your worth
Wait for the right opportunity
to come up.
You know the England manager
position's open? You should go for that
Yeah, very funny.
Give it up, mate.
Nicey Pricey is bad news.
She would chew you up and spit you out.
Actually, mate, I do have a bit of work
on I could throw your way.
Give me a call on this number if
you want a bit of cash for some driving.
I really appreciate that, Ed.
I'm just not looking
to get into anything dodgy right now.
- You know what I mean, mate?
- Nothing dodgy. It's all above board.
Easy money for a bit of driving
I'm trying to throw my mate's way.
Yeah, I bet. With dodgy little packages
in the back seat of the motor.
Mike, that is really harsh.
Ed, you grew up five minutes
away from me, son. Look at you now.
With a whistle, birds wrapped
round you in a place like this.
You're either a drug dealer
or you're in the music industry.
You wanna be a singer?
Mate, I gotta shoot off for a minute.
Let me take care of something.
I'll be back in a bit.
- Handwriting's good.
- What?
If you bothered to take a look,
which, I'm not gonna lie to you,
I'm pretty sure you haven't,
you'd notice that I've taken great care
to make everything nice and...
nice and legible.
Full of all the jobs
I've been applying for here.
- Mm-hm.
- And... And not been getting.
It's a competitive market.
Have you considered
going back to university?
- I left university a little while ago.
- Got kicked out?
Well, no. I didn't complete my degree.
Look, I just need something
that's a bit better than minimum wage
that takes half a brain to do,
you know what I mean?
Yes, but we've been sending you
on interviews.
But there's not many jobs around at the
moment and a lot of people out of work.
But do try again in a week or so.
I really am trying, babe. I sent my CV
to those agencies you gave me.
But, to be honest,
I ain't gonna hold my breath.
Well, don't lose hope, OK?
You'll find something
that not only pays well,
that's enjoyable
and that challenges you.
You'll find it soon.
Thank you.
Thank you for making my lunch break
more bearable.
Well, thank you for buying me lunch...
...and maybe renewing my season ticket?
Baby, do you think we should be
a little bit more careful with money?
Just until we're both earning.
I know, football is part of you,
I love you,
ergo I must understand
and love your love of football
even if I don't share it.
Now, I'm not gonna start moaning
about buying you a season ticket.
Just don't let me down, OK?
I won't, I promise.
Oh, what, the short slee...?
Don't worry, they'll grow back, mate.
What attracted me most
to working in a ladies clothes shop?
Huh. You all right there? Wanna...
Job like this
must take a lot of restraint.
Yeah, seriously,
you wanna be quiet a little bit?
This is lovely.
This is a bit of me, this, look.
Oh, it's a bit tight, though, innit?
Fucking hell, have I put on weight?
Do I look fat to you, bruv?
Have you got any experience
recording live music?
Not much live music per se,
but I do remember recording the radio,
and it takes a lot of skill to press
stop before the DJ starts talking.
Listen, listen, don't, don't...
I'll do anything, all right?
I'm... I'm a bit fucking desperate,
to be honest.
I like gold, really, 'cause
you should always invest in gold
'cause it's... available.
But I've got a bird
and she obviously wears clothes.
You know. Pretty much makes me
a fucking expert really, doesn't it?
You ever used an MX380 before?
No worries. I should be sweet with that.
I prefer the blackberry, though.
Now, seriously now, yeah?
I'll do cash in hand, all right? Just
under the table, no questions. Yeah?
- Can I have a job?
- No.
All right, can I have a doner and chips?
Hold the salad.
Leave us alone, would you?
What the fuck's all this?
Well, maybe it's time
to just lower your sights a little bit
You've been out of work for a while,
which doesn't look good on your CV.
And not to mention they've stopped
paying your Jobseeker's Allowance.
There is one more place I could try.
- Sorry I'm late.
- About fucking time.
- Have you seen this?
- What's that?
There's a recession going on
and we're spending 18 million quid
on a centre back.
He's too fucking short.
Here, listen, good things come
in small packages. Don't worry about it.
- Is that what the missus told you?
- Shut up.
Speaking of small packages,
that, my friend, is yours.
It's a fucking hairdryer.
I'm gonna get fucking laughed at.
No, you're not, mate.
Come on, look at it.
It's the embodiment of inconspicuous.
It's great on fuel economy.
It's fully insured
and it is all 100% yours, for work.
Come on, mate. Look at it.
I can totally see you in this car.
- Mikey, the successful hooligan.
- Fuck off.
All right, well, how about this?
New phone.
Brand-new work phone.
New phone, new car, fully insured.
List all the good things
I'm doing for you.
Work phone, work car. Yeah, great.
Not gonna do me much good
getting the shit kicked out of me.
You're not gonna get the shit kicked
out of you. It's not rocket science.
It's easy money for a bit of driving.
All you've gotta do
is take packages I give you
to an address I tell you to go to.
- Bang, you're done.
- And they give me the money?
Y... No.
Nobody said anything about any money.
Look, you just take the package
to the address I give you.
Give me a call.
I'll phone the guys. They'll come down.
They might give you a package back.
Look, it's got nothing to do with drugs.
- Yeah, but it is drugs, though, innit?
- No, it is not drugs.
The sentence for drugs is ridiculous,
which reminds me, mate,
I don't want you drinking or driving
in this car, insured or not.
Keep the tires fully inflated.
Make sure the lights work.
I don't need you pulled over.
Because you don't want the Old Bill
finding the drugs.
There are no drugs in this fucking car.
I'm telling you. Come on.
I've actually got a date tonight, I've
got somewhere to be, you know that?
Right, this is gonna be
your first assignment.
You take this to that address.
- What, now?
- Yes, now.
Do you have a pressing dinner engagement
I don't know about?
No, but I just thought...
That you wouldn't have to do the job
in order to do the job? Come on, mate.
I don't know.
Look, Mikey, if you don't wanna do this,
you don't have to do it.
If the dole money is keeping you happy
and you're just trundling along fine
with Katie, then don't do this.
It's easy money for a bit of driving.
I'm just trying to help a mate out.
Oh, mate, look,
it's not fucking drugs, is it?
It's not drugs.
First week's wages.
- I need the fucking money.
- Good boy.
- And the keys are in the ignition.
- Yeah, yeah.
Oh, Mikey, that feeling in the pit
of your stomach? That goes away.
Fucking hell.
Great. Fucking delivery service
for PC World.
[voice-mail bleeps]
[Ed] Hello, mate. I bet you looked
inside that box already.
I told you it wasn't drugs.
Listen, the boys are gonna be there
in 15 minutes. Just sit tight.
[Mike] I was shitting it.
In my head, every car behind me
was undercover police
and every speed limit
a chance to get pulled over.
Eddie said it was all legit.
But if it was,
why the hell weren't we using DHL?
It did cross my mind to call him
and tell him I'd changed my mind.
But the prospect of more job interviews
and queuing up at the dole office
resolved me to stick it out.
After all, money's money.
I soon got into the swing of things
[rap music]
Speaking of which,
you've been doing good at the job.
- It's a piece of piss.
- I know, but you never ask questions.
Well, you pay me to drive, deliver shit.
It's what I do. It's nothing.
Mike, any idiot can make deliveries.
I think we both know
you're more capable than that.
Mate, I want you to think
of the last few months as a warm-up.
- A trial for the real job.
- Yeah, go on.
How would you like to earn
1,000 a night?
Ed, man,
what the fuck is it that you do?
Credit cards.
- Credit cards?
- Yeah.
What the fuck do you do
with credit cards?
Use the credit.
You remember about 10 years ago,
banks and businesses,
encouraged by the government,
introduced the chip and PIN system?
Mate, that opened up
the floodgates for us.
You know the chip and PIN pads
the small little things in
petrol stations, shops, bars and clubs,
you enter your number into,
they were sold to the businesses on the
premise that they were 100% tamper proof,
the idea that if somebody tried
to open them up or modify them,
they would just shut down
and more importantly
the customer data would be safe.
What they didn't tell anybody was
that was a lie. It isn't safe.
We found a way
to modify the chip and PIN pad
so that they record the data
without affecting the transaction.
I'm gonna show you how.
We pay somebody
a couple of hundred quid
to swap their machine
for our machine for a few days
whilst it racks up the customer details.
We take those details,
download them onto a server
and then put them
onto clean cards for us to use.
Fucking took you long enough.
And it is completely 100% untraceable.
We end up with thousands
of credit and debit card details
which nobody knows have gone missing
until after we've swiped
one of these magic cards
[Mike] Fucking hell.
[Ed] And the geeks put
all that information onto blank cards.
Yeah, they're all in order, thank you.
The hardware is very interesting, I'm
sure, but this isn't the Dixons. Thanks.
They get a bit possessive.
- Jack, how's it going this week?
- Yep, good, thank you.
All the hardware's in,
software's loaded,
and we're set for the week, I think,
and thank you for the new games console.
That's OK, mate. I didn't pay for it.
Come on.
It always amazes me
that they spend all day on a computer
and then in the evening wanna relax
by playing another computer game.
But that's geeks for you.
- So, mate, what are you thinking?
- What do you do with them?
Oh. Dinner and a movie.
Sometimes a new pair of shoes.
What do you fucking think
we do with them?
- We withdraw cash from them.
- From people's accounts?
Or their credit cards.
Mate, we withdraw whatever the machine
will allow us to withdraw.
Anywhere between
250 and 300 a night per card.
But then we ditch the card after one use
and then we move onto the next one
and the next one and so on and so on.
- Yeah, it's still theft, mate.
- Mike, we're not mugging people.
We're not stealing from grannies.
We're not walking into a jewelry shop
with a shotgun
giving somebody a fucking heart attack.
The money's all insured. The only people
that lose are the fucking banks.
They're the biggest cunts of all
and you fucking know that.
So how are you supposed
to get rid of this many cards?
It's just you and fucking Dr. Spock
as far as I can see.
Mate, it's a big game and we are
a tiny drop in a very large ocean.
Look, mate, when you start with us,
you'll be a runner.
Every team has four runners
and a supervisor.
I'm the supervisor of this team.
Every night you'll take 25 to 30 grand
depending on what the machine
will let you withdraw.
That means I take back 100 to 120 grand
every night for my team of four.
That team of four is multiplied
by another team of four,
so every night
I drop 200 grand to my boss.
- And who's that?
- Don't worry about that for now.
Mate, all you've gotta do
is take 100 cards
and empty a couple of cash machines
every night,
and for that I'm gonna give you
1,000 a night in cash.
What do you say?
It's money for nothing.
Guys, guys, guys. Shut that off.
- This is Mike. Mike's the new guy.
- What happened to McClurg?
He's with another team now, OK?
Mike stepped up because of the vacancy.
Yeah, but I don't know this guy.
They don't this guy either.
So excuse my paranoia here, mate.
Do us a favour, lift your shirt up.
- You're all right. I don't lift shirts.
- I'm not fucking kidding.
- You need to lift your shirt up.
- Get the fuck off me! You prick.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey.
Back off, Topbeef.
- Lift up your shirt, for fuck's sake.
- What?
He just wants to see
you're not wearing a wire.
- I'm not wearing a fucking wire!
- Right, so fucking prove it.
Mike, please.
- You happy now?
- Ecs-fucking-tatic. Thank you.
Topbeef, get the cards.
Get the cards.
Come on, ladies, we've got work to do.
These cards aren't gonna fucking do
themselves. Jamie, you're gonna drive.
Dan, stop fucking doing drugs as well.
I can smell it
in this fucking apartment.
What are you doing?
What the fuck are you doing?
- What?
- What are you doing? I said let's go.
- I'm rolling.
- Oh, you're rolling. OK.
Well, fucking...
Come on, for fuck's sake
- All right, all right.
- What are you looking at?
Shouldn't we have a lookout?
We're on a main fucking road here.
You're using a cash machine.
Get on with it. For fuck's sake.
Fucking hell, it worked!
Don't wave the money around
and don't leave the card in the machine.
Two rules so basic
I failed to mention them
on account of them
being so fucking obvious.
You also don't dance
down the street singing,
"I've just withdrawn a load of money
from a cloned credit card. "
- Do you understand?
- I'm just excited, that's all.
You're starting to fucking wind me up,
that's what you're doing.
Listen, you've got 99 cards left to do
and I can't...
- Put the fucking money away.
- All right, all right, all right.
I've got my own machines to do.
Fucking dickhead.
I'll tell you what, though.
I could get fucking used to this.
[Mike] Like any job, what at first
was exciting soon became routine.
The times and places changed,
but the job was always the same
No small talk.
No "Hi. How's it going?"
Just withdraw as much cash as you can.
I was still worried
about getting pinched for it,
but, like Eddie said, it wasn't like we
were mugging old ladies or nothing.
He'd always had a reputation
for finding a scam somewhere.
At school he found where the dinner
ladies threw away the old meal tickets
and then sold them back
to the other kids at half price.
Now he'd found
a different kind of meal ticket.
This was serious money,
and as time went on,
we became better mates than
we'd ever been back in the old days.
He made sure
he looked after his team as well.
Of course, I was always tempted
to skim a I bit off the top,
but I knew I had a good thing going
and I didn't wanna risk it.
Each of us were rinsing
100 cards a night,
each one paying out
between 250 and 300.
That's 25 to 30 grand.
Even on a slack night, a team of four
was bringing back 100 grand,
not to mention the other team
that Eddie had running about elsewhere.
That's 200 grand
he was giving to his boss,
who was also taking the same amount
from another supervisor.
That's 400 grand.
Oh, and there's two bosses,
meaning whoever was at the top
was raking in 800 grand a night,
less wages and running costs.
I could see why Eddie wanted to check
he could trust me
before letting me in on this.
I was handling more cash
then I'd ever seen in my life
and it felt like a victimless crime.
To be honest,
I felt like Robin fucking Hood
After years of the banks
fucking everyone over,
it was our turn to take from them.
The boys were a bit wary
of the new guy at first.
But after I saved them
from getting their collars felt,
I was one of the team and it felt like
we'd been working together for years.
Jamie was all right but a bit slow.
And Dan was far too much of a stoner
for Eddie's liking.
Topbeef seemed to have
a natural dislike for most people,
so was the hardest to win over.
But together we had each other's backs.
After every night's withdrawals, we'd
go out and blow the wages straight away.
Booze and drugs
got us through to the mornings.
At the weekends, if we weren't
kicking the shit out of the opposition,
we'd hire Ferraris on credit
against next week's wages.
I never thought a grand a night
could be spent so quickly.
It was one long fucking party.
I guess the theory was if we kept
drinking, we'd never see the hangover.
- Where have you been?
- Just don't, babe.
- I'm fucking shattered.
- Yeah, me too.
Who are ya? Who are ya?
- Where'd you get this from?
- Babe, what are you fucking doing, eh?
- Where did you get it from?
- It's my wages.
- He pays you in cash?
- Yes, he fucking pays me in cash.
I love you so much.
You've changed since you got that job.
- I'll work for us both.
- I need to be successful.
I have to go.
- You're trying to fucking leave me.
- You've changed since you got that job.
Doing what I'm doing,
I can give you a better life.
Don't worry, mate.
There'll always be another one.
You'll always get another crack
at the whip.
I just knew what she wanted, you know?
I just understood her.
What the fuck are you talking about?
I'm talking about the score.
1-0. We'll always get another crack
at Millwall.
- You're such a cock.
- Come on, mate. It could be worse.
- Oi, I know you.
- Mate, fuck off, will you?
One of you cunts threw a fucking
glass bottle at my mate last week.
We're having
a fucking conversation here, bruv.
Why don't you do yourself a favour
and fuck off?
Here they come. Oh, great.
We've got Tweedledee, Tweedledum.
Oi. We ain't finished.
[Mike] Eddie was a good mate
as well as a good supervisor.
If you were loyal, he'd look after you.
But you wouldn't wanna get
on his bad side.
- Stealing from banks was no problem.
- Dan.
But once the money was out,
Eddie expected it all to go in the bag.
Come on.
- Are you stealing from me?
- [Mike] Ed, what the fuck you doing?
What the fuck?
Can you believe this shit?
You stealing from us?
Piece of fucking junk.
Fucking stealing?
Fucking stupid fucking cunt.
All right, mate, all right! He's done!
Ed, he's done! He's done, mate!
Fucking hell.
[Mike] It was plain to see
that people shouldn't get too greedy.
Every now and then,
Eddie fancied a change of venue.
We'd do jobs all over the country,
but we also went international.
Boys, good to see you busy.
Fucking hell, boys.
A bottle of wine, double bed.
- A bit suspect, innit?
- Not the only thing that's suspect.
I can smell fucking weed
halfway down the corridor.
What are you trying to do,
draw attention to us?
Topbeef, bag the rest of that up
and we'll go and see the money mover.
In fact, you won't. You're gonna go and
get us tickets for the match tonight.
- Good seats.
- You got it.
Guys, what if somebody from housekeeping
sees all these cards and cash?
No one comes in here, mate, I promise.
Nobody from housekeeping came in.
Look at the fucking state of the place.
We're trying to keep a low profile,
which is...
[phone rings]
Who has this room number? Topbeef,
have you given the number to anyone?
- Fuck off.
- [ringing continues]
Have one of you cunts
ordered room service?
- No.
- No.
Have one of you cunts
ordered room service?
- Yes.
- Yes.
And where's room service gonna get
delivered to? Oh, yeah, to your room.
They're not hungry.
Fucking get it together, guys.
Get this place cleaned up. Get your
cards done in two hours when we're back.
- Jamie, don't let him smoke anything.
- I won't.
You're not my fucking parents
I smoke what I fucking want.
I am your fucking dad
I fucked your mum 18 years ago
and now look at the problem I've got
And don't get pinched.
[Mike] You can't just walk
a bag of cash through customs.
On jobs abroad,
Eddie always used a local money mover.
Drop the cash with him,
and his mate back in the UK gives you
the same amount minus his 10% fee.
It may be a little costly, but it was
worth the price to keep things flowing.
- What, you not staying?
- I'm not staying. I'm the supervisor.
I can't stay around watching you
learn to suck cock all my life.
I'm only here for the fucking football,
to be honest. Oh, which reminds me.
If we've got shit tickets, dude,
when I gave you a bunch load of money,
with money-no-object rules
attached to it...
I don't wanna be sitting in a wheelchair
pit or fucking behind a pillar
or right up at the fucking back...
Ed, I've got something
to tell you, mate.
- What?
- I could only get one.
- One what?
- One ticket.
I sent you to a ticket tout.
The geezer you hooked me up with,
he said he can only get one.
He said they were like gold dust.
- You got one ticket to the match?
- Yes. The geezer you set me up with...
- You probably went too late.
- Listen, don't get pissy about it.
- Of course it's gold dust!
- It's not gonna make a ticket appear!
- Are you done?
- Yes, I'm done.
- Can I have my ticket, please?
- Right, and how does that work?
Because I gave you a bunch of money
to get two tickets, you get...
It works because I'm your boss.
Give me the ticket.
Listen, this is fucking football.
It's not work, right?
- Don't pull rank on me.
- I'm not... Right, OK.
- We will flip for it
- What?
We're gonna flip for it.
Flip, flip. Get a coin. We'll flip.
Let me teach you one of life's lessons.
Fate isn't gonna be on your side today.
- Fine. Heads or tails?
- Heads.
- Fuck you!
- Pow!
Now, get me my fucking credit cards.
Bet you wish you were
at that fucking football match.
Would you please fuck off? Don't you
have something better to be doing?
- Been doing it.
- You done already?
Yep. There you go.
- Oh, marvellous.
- And there... are the used ones.
- You'll be wanting some more, then.
- Could do with a beer, I tell you.
- Well, take this lot.
- Fucking hell.
- Look at this. Amateur hour.
- Don't get the fucking hump with me.
I mean it. You can do that with Mike
Don't do that with me.
I'm your fucking supervisor.
Pick up the fucking cards.
When you get back to the hotel, you're
gonna sort out which ones are done.
For fuck's sake. Just run
some interference, for fuck's sake
- All right, boys? What's happening?
- [speak French]
Don't you fucking look lovely
in your little blue suits, eh?
[speak French]
In fact, ask them what the fucking score
is on the football match I should be at.
Do you know
the football score for tonight?
- Eddie, mate, fucking hurry up.
- Five more seconds.
I can't understand a fucking word
you boys are saying, mate.
Don't fucking touch,
you fucking French little ponce.
- I've got it. Go, go.
- Bollocks.
[siren wails]
- That was fucking close.
- That was too fucking close.
- Did you see his face?
- Those fucking gendarmes, mate.
They can fucking move, can't they?
- Fuck. I dropped the fucking bag.
- Forget it, mate. Forget the bag.
I can't forget the bag. It's got a
fucking shit load of cards and cash.
- I'll go and call the boss.
- No, fuck the boss.
We'll go back to the hotel,
pick up some more cards...
Let me make a call.
Fuck. Don't call the boss.
- The key card.
- What?
- The hotel key card.
- I gave it to you.
- I know you did. I put it in the bag.
- Don't tell me you put it in the bag.
I put the card in the fucking bag.
It's in the fucking bag.
- What the fuck is the matter with you?
- Fuck.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Call Dan and Jamie
and tell them to get out the hotel.
Tell them to go back to London.
I don't fucking care how.
- Hello, Jamie.
- Get back to London.
Yeah, listen, mate.
It's... It's Topbeef here, son.
We've got a bit of a situation, mate.
Cool, cool. OK.
Police could be on their way, mate.
- Get the fuck out of here.
- Shit.
[loud cheering]
Mike. Call me when you leave the game.
Don't go back to the hotel.
Fuck. Fuck.
- Have you got your passport?
- Yeah.
It's time to fucking get out of here.
Come on, come on. Go.
And that's how I ended up sentenced
to 18 months in a French prison.
Fuck off! It's the middle of the night!
[man] You have a visitor.
All right.
Cinq minutes.
- I wasn't expecting to see you
- I bet.
I assume the platinum blondes
haven't visited?
No. No one has.
Eddie came to visit me.
He said they were taking care of you
as much as they could.
Said I shouldn't worry about you.
- Did it help?
- Not really.
At that point I had no idea you were
doing 18 months in a French prison.
I thought you were on holiday
or something, spending your new wealth.
So, yeah, I did get worried.
Yeah, well, don't.
They're sending me stuff.
I'm sure they're keeping you happy with
everything you need to get through this.
But are they gonna look after you
when you get out?
- They have been so far.
- They are the reason you are in here.
You could be out tomorrow
if you just tell the police...
That's not how it works, Katie.
Mike, spare me
the "honour among thieves" bullshit.
At some point
you've gotta put yourself above them.
I just hope when you do,
it's not too late.
For you and for us
[Mike] This had been
the longest six months of my life.
Not helped by regular visits
from the same French copper
asking the same questions
over and over every day.
How did you get the cards?
I've told you a million times.
I bought them off a guy in London.
He was white,
medium height, medium build.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You told me.
And you're lying.
And you're not even
doing it inventively.
I'm not lying. His name's John Smith.
Why don't you go and look him up
in a fucking phone book?
Turns out they didn't wanna keep me in
for the full stretch.
After six months they fucked me off
back to the London. Result.
You wanna take these things off?
I'm on a fucking train.
I'm not gonna go anywhere, am I?
Until you leave this train in the UK,
you're still my prisoner and you will
wear those handcuffs, okeydokey?
If you wanna eat, do your best.
If you wanna shit, shit in your pants.
Otherwise just shut up.
You French.
Such a friendly fucking nation.
Credit card fraud.
Do a lot of time for that
- Already done my birthday in Paris.
- Who said anything about Paris?
It's the only place
I've committed these crimes.
So unless you've got evidence
to the contrary, you can charge me.
Otherwise I ain't saying another word
until I see a fucking brief.
[voice-mail bleeps]
[Mike] Eddie, my son,
guess who's back in town.
Yeah, I know, takes more
than a French prison to keep me.
They dropped me off at the local nick,
so do me a favour, come by, pick me up.
Fucking prick! What did we tell you?
Shit! You should fucking know!
I told you not to fucking steal.
You fucking did it anyway, huh?
What did you fucking do that for? Huh?
What did you do it for?
Look at him.
Look at him. The man himself.
Well, well, well, well, well.
- Hello, mate.
- How you doing, mate?
- Good holiday?
- Non.
- Ah. Parlez-vous francais now?
- Un peu.
- Man, it's good to see you, mate.
- Good to see you too, Eddie.
- So, much sex inside?
- Your mum popped in for a conjugal.
- You know how it goes.
- Oh!
I was wondering what you were doing
whilst you missed the FA Cup Final.
Fuck you, man. I'm gutted about that.
It kick off?
- Big time. You would have loved it.
- I bet.
Jump in. Somebody wants to say hello.
Oh, by the way, does French cock
taste the same as English?
You'd fucking know, son.
- How's everyone anyway?
- Yeah, good.
Topbeef's running his own teams.
Dan's dead. Jamie's still running.
- Dan's dead?
- Yeah, overdose.
Kind of had it coming.
[man] What the fuck do you mean,
he can't get blood out of a stone?
Who the fuck said you're made of stone?
OK, I'll catch you later.
This him?
Mr. Jacobs. Nice to see you.
Heard a lot about you.
Oh, yeah? Cheers.
So who are you, then?
- Face looks a bit familiar.
- Mike, this is Mr. Robinson.
I'm your employer.
What, Scotty Robinson?
You run the firm, mate.
You're a fucking legend.
- It's Mr. Robinson.
- Yeah, course.
But, yeah, you're right.
Back in the good old days
I was Scotty Robinson.
The guv'nor, the boss.
But the last time I was away,
I realized that the people
I was doing my bird with
were earning bundles of dough,
not getting their hands dirty
and doing a lot less time than I was.
So when I got out, I decided
to play it smarter, not so hard.
Mind you, anyone fucks with my family,
my business or me,
I revert back to Scotty Robinson
just like that.
But these days I leave the terraces
to the likes of you.
So, what, the bosses report back
to the firm heads now?
- Including me now.
- What, you're a boss?
A vacancy occurred,
and naturally Eddie stepped up.
Mike, we want you to come and work
for us again, this time be a supervisor,
take a step up, run your own team.
It's our way of rewarding you
for your loyalty if you like.
Keeping your gob shut.
Not putting us in it.
- It's more money.
- More responsibility.
- Be just like old times, mate.
- You'll answer directly to Eddie here
What do you say?
Yeah, fuck it, I'm in.
But before you accept,
I've got a little question for you.
Yeah, what's that?
What's your take
on the 1988 FA Cup Final?
It's important.
It's important to me.
To be honest, Mr. Robinson,
I was only eight.
Our team went out.
Who else you gonna support?
London club. Wimbledon.
Just wish I was a bit older
to put a bet on. Fuck the Scousers, eh?
Fuck the Scousers, eh?
Fuck the Scousers.
That's a good answer.
Take it.
You're gonna need it.
You've become a real target now.
Listen to me. In here, we're all a team.
Outside, different kettle of fish.
Dangerous. Take care.
I wanna ask you something. Why
didn't you come and visit me in jail?
- Mikey, were you feeling unloved?
- I'm fucking serious.
I was there six months.
I didn't hear a fucking thing from you.
I'm not the letter-writing type, babe.
Anyway, I'm here now, aren't I, hmm?
I always knew you'd come back
so we could carry on the party.
[voice-mail bleeps]
[Ed] Mike, I've gotta say, mate,
it's like you never left.
I'm glad you're settling back in.
Listen, the Newcastle lot called me.
They've got a bag full of lovely money,
so get your arse up there.
Give us a buzz when you get back.
Throw us the fucking bag now!
Fucking kill him!
Let him have it!
- Come on! We've got the money! Let's go!
- Come on.
We've got money coming in from
Berlin tomorrow, Paris the day after.
The money mover's
charging us 10% at the moment.
- We can drop that to 8% if we...
- [phone buzzes]
I'm sorry. Just one sec.
Mike, how you doing?
Can I call you back?
Slight problem with Mike.
Get him back here now.
Then I pulled out my gun
and tried to shoot him.
Oh. You tried to shoot him?
[Mike] I don't know how to use it.
I'm not a gangster.
I'm a white-collar fraudster
who's been given a gun.
Look, I don't know who they were,
but they were nothing to do with me, OK?
All right. I believe you.
I'm glad.
Whoever robbed you
knew exactly where you were gonna be
and that you were carrying that money.
Not a lot of people knew that.
Yeah. Right.
Don't trust anyone.
This will not happen again.
To get robbed once is unlucky.
To get robbed twice is fucking careless.
So from now on, you will be totally
responsible for every penny you lose.
Got it?
Yeah, I got it.
One more thing.
The big match on Saturday.
Who you got your money on?
United. It's a no-brainer.
Oh, no, not this time.
If I were you, I'd try putting my money
on the underdog.
You might get a pleasant surprise.
- Take it easy, Mike. Take it easy.
- How am I supposed to take it easy?
Look, mate, you just need something
to relax. Here, look.
- Take a little toot on that, OK?
- Fuck, look at me. I'm shaking.
Just make sure it doesn't happen again.
I'm gonna have to now. Otherwise I'm
gonna end up in the fucking Thames!
Mate, just be a bit more alert, OK?
Keep your head down and you'll be fine.
I've gotta get out of here, and I need
to stop doing this fucking shit!
Mike, you can't leave. You leave now,
it looks like you staged the robbery.
- I don't care! I don't fucking care!
- Well, you should care, Mike.
I was fucking shot at today.
Do you understand what that means?
I was fucking shot at! And now
that cunt, he wants to fucking kill me!
I'm gonna fucking go and get what I've
earned, I'm gonna get back with Katie
and go and get the fuck
out of this fucking shit.
I'm over my head, Ed!
You can't leave, Mike.
What did you think was gonna happen?
You think you can just
hand in your notice
and these guys
will give you a reference?
It doesn't work like that, Mike!
Play the long game.
Be a bit smart here, mate
If you're gonna disappear,
you've gotta do it quickly.
And if you're gonna fuck off, you may
as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.
- I don't know what the fuck that means.
- It means we should wait, Mike.
We should wait until it's worth leaving.
You're not the only person
in over your head, Mike.
Dan didn't die of an overdose.
He got greedy.
- You fucking killed him!
- I didn't kill him but I saw it happen!
And I couldn't do anything!
Listen to me.
The boss trusts me. He trusts me.
Every week he's getting me to move
larger and larger sums of money.
Every week.
I'm talking two million quid.
Every week I've got two million quid.
Every week, in my hands.
So if you're serious about going,
what I'm saying to you is
let's pick the moment.
We should get back.
Yeah, go on. I'll be all right.
Jesus fucking Christ.
[Ed] Listen, mate, just make sure
you hold fire over what we talked about.
{promised Katie I'd look after you
and that's exactly what I'm gonna do
We just have to pick the right time.
Oh, you fucking dick.
[phone buzzes]
- Hello?
- [man] Hello, mate. You all right?
- Who's that?
- It's your favourite busy copper.
You haven't backed a rotten,
have you?
- Where the fuck are you?
- Never you mind.
What d'you want?
I'm just making sure you ain't spent
all your money on the gee-gees.
I wouldn't want you to run out
I'm not doing anything illegal any more,
so get the fuck off my phone,
stop harassing me.
It's all right, fella.
I'm not harassing you.
I'm just letting you know
that time's running out.
Yeah? How d'you figure that?
Look, if you just want someone
to look after you,
I just wanna let you know,
well, you know, I'm here.
Witness protection?
You out of your fucking mind, mate?
Well, if you change your mind,
you know where I am.
Thanks for the offer.
I'm all right where I am.
Yeah, I'm sure you are.
What's up?
What's up is I just sprayed liquid soap
onto my crotch in the bathroom,
so now it looks like
I've spanked myself.
No, I meant with the text.
Uh... It's happening. Robinson wants
to move a whole lot of cash next week.
Wants me to take it to a port up
in Scotland. And I am not gonna do it.
- What?
- This is our chance, mate.
This is our way to get out
Let's fuck off to Rio.
Stash what we can
for the next week and go.
You're fucking mad, mate.
What if we got caught?
If we get caught,
I've got a horrible feeling we find out
what our testicles taste like,
but we're not
because it's just me and it's just you,
nobody to fuck it up for us.
Just get your shit together.
We've got a week.
After the Cup Final tomorrow,
I'll sort everything out.
The Cup Final. That reminds me.
I only managed to get one ticket.
- Fuck off. No, fuck off.
- I know, mate. Genuinely.
- Ticket tout ran out of tickets.
- Yeah, I bet he did, yeah.
I genuinely could only get one.
Mind you, the one ticket
is in the executive box.
I know what you're doing.
This is fucking Paris all over again.
- I could genuinely only get one ticket.
- We'll flip for it.
- We're not flipping for anything.
- We'll flip for it.
Last time you ended six months
inside a Paris jail.
- You wanna do that again?
- No.
- I've got a job for you anyway.
- What's that?
A collection. You've gotta go up north.
Get some credit-card cloning equipment
that Robinson lent a firm up north.
They've held onto it
a week longer than they should.
He's just getting a bit pissy about it.
Just need somebody to get it.
OK, that's fantastic. So while I'm doing
this, you're going to the Cup Final.
That's fucking fair?
Do you wanna be a hooligan all your life
or do you wanna be a winner?
- Yeah, a winner.
- Really?
I'm gonna be a football hooligan,
you loser.
Ooh, important call.
Hold on one second.
Fucking dickhead.
Well, what d'you think?
I don't know
if I can just leave like that.
Baby, please.
I'm trying to get out of this.
And if you're with me,
I think I can do it.
Sorry, Mike.
I think you've gotta do this one alone.
[Nicey Pricey] Hang on!
Fuck me. What, heavy night, was it?
Yeah, something like that.
What time is it?
It's just a bit before midday.
What, did I get you out of bed?
- Yeah.
- Can I come in for a sec?
Yeah, come in.
So what do I owe
the early morning wake-up call to?
Do you wanna move
to another country with me?
I said do you wanna move
to another country with me?
OK. You're not even
gonna think about it?
I've given it enough consideration.
I don't wanna move
to another country with you
as much as I don't wanna marry you.
"We" are not an "us", Mike.
Yeah, well, I just thought, like.
Look, I don't know what trouble
you're in or soon to be in,
but I don't want a part of it.
I don't want nothing to do with it.
- Yeah. Just in it for good times, then?
- Come on.
Don't act all hurt and surprised.
You knew what I was about
the first time you met me.
You came into this with eyes wide open.
My money and your tits.
Suppose that was the deal.
You know, I don't even know
what I was fucking thinking. I just...
It's just nice to have someone,
you know?
Yeah, I get that,
but that someone ain't me, babe.
Let me ask you something.
What's my name?
- Nicey Pricey.
- What's my real name?
You just asked someone
you don't know their proper name
to go and live abroad with 'em.
It's not me you should be asking.
- Well, she said no.
- Course she's gonna say no.
Any girl that actually is in love with
you is gonna make you fight for it.
What do you mean?
Classy girls cost more
than a Bacardi Breezer, Mike.
So you think I can persuade her?
Yeah. Well, we had some fun, didn't we?
We did have some fun times.
We had some very fun times,
and I am gonna miss you.
But... you need to go and talk
to the girl you should be talking to,
not me.
Hey, babe, it's me. Could you give me
a call back when you get this, please?
I was just hoping we could talk.
I've come to realize I don't need
all this in my life. I just need you.
Please call me back.
I love you.
- What?
- What? I'm here for the goods.
- What d'you fucking mean, what?
- Come in.
Make yourself a cup of tea!
I'm not fucking having this.
You lot are taking the fucking piss.
- Now, where's the fucking gear?
- Shut up, eh?
Why don't you fucking shut up,
all that yapping?
What, you think you're getting it back?
It's my gear now. I need it.
And you can go fuck yourselves
if you think you're getting it back.
- Do you know who you're fucking with?
- I know exactly who I'm fucking with.
You're just a Londoner
who thinks he's a big man
But let me tell you something.
That equipment is mine
and the money in all the cash machines
around the country is ours.
And if they want you back, they're gonna
have to pay for you, big time.
So I do hope
you're sweet with your boss.
[Mike yells]
[Mike] Eddie, it's me.
These lot want half a million
or they're gonna kill me.
Just get Robinson to pay, all right?
[man] That's enough!
I want these out of here now.
I've got a big function here tonight,
don't want them around.
When you get to the docks, you'll be
phoned by a man called Gerrard.
He'll tell you where to meet him.
When you've made the drop, call me.
Something else?
Scotty... Mr. Robinson.
It's been nearly a week.
I just wondered if we were gonna
try and get Mike back.
I don't pay ransoms,
'cause if I did, you'd all be far more
vulnerable then you already are.
Now, you wouldn't want that, would you?
No, course not.
But I'll get our kit back,
promise you that,
and I'll make them soppy fuckers that
took it regret ever messing with us.
I just, you know,
I thought we were part of a team
Now, don't be a silly boy.
You'll be telling me next
that there's no "I" in T-E-A-M.
He's gone. Got it?
Now, please get this stuff out of here.
Fuck me? No, fuck you. Fuck you.
I'll tell... I'll fucking kill him.
Now, you tell me, what is with
your fucking cheap-arse crew, eh?
I fucking told 'em I've got ya
and if they want you back
they're gonna have to pay.
Do you know what they said?
Keep him. Fucking keep him.
I mean,
what kind of fucked-up shit is that?
Your muggy little pals
had better pay up.
Otherwise I'm gonna
chop you to bits, my son.
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you?
You fucking bastard!
Who the fuck are you talking to?
Shut your fucking face.
Shut your fucking face up.
You fucking...
Sorry, Mike.
Fucking cunts. Fucking cunts!
You work for fucking cunts
who are not willing to pay
a decent ransom like normal people.
I mean, why send us you?
Why not send us someone
they fucking liked?
As it is, you're useless...
...worthless, and there's no need
for you to be here any more.
It's time to get rid of you.
Now, you're lucky
you're still breathing.
[heart beats]
[man, indistinct]
Get this ambulance prepped
and ready for operation.
[man 2]... do say
will be given in evidence.
Do you understand?
Listen, you can hardly go back
to Robinson now, can you, eh?
He knows you were fucking in bed with
Eddie. He ain't fucking stupid, fella.
What happened with all that money, eh?
What did Eddie do with it?
'Cause he didn't fucking help you out,
did he? Didn't get you out of there.
No. That must have felt
a right kick in the bollocks, eh?
I mean, it's not exactly loyal, is it?
- No comment.
- What do you want me to do, eh?
You want me to fucking
drive you back there, drop you off?
Is that what you want? I'll fucking
do it. I ain't got a problem with that.
- No comment.
- Listen, don't be a cunt, all right?
There is no fucking point
in you keeping your mouth shut.
I know it all, all right?
You got two options.
You either go back there
and I'll give you 24 hours
and you'll be fucking dead,
do you hear me?
Or you nark him up, I'll put you on
a witness protection, give you a new ID
I'll ship you out somewhere fucking
miles away and you can live your life.
Do you understand
what I'm saying to you?
Listen, I know what I'd fucking do.
No comment.
You think I'm winding you up, don't you?
[shouting on tape]
[Ed] Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey.
Back off, Topbeef.
- Lift up your shirt, for fuck's sake.
- [Mike] What?
[Ed] He just wants to see
you're not wearing a wire.
- I'm not wearing a fucking wire!
- [Ed] Right, so lift your shirt up now.
Mike, please.
That's Eddie.
Detective Church, d'you wanna come in,
come and say hello?
I bet you didn't see this one coming,
did ya?
Oh, Mike.
Look at the fucking state of you, mate.
Don't tell me.
You fell down some stairs.
Now, seriously, though, Mike,
I think you're all right.
Which is why what I'm about to say
to you comes not as a police officer
but someone that wants to help you.
So why don't you do yourself a solid,
take witness protection and testify?
It's the only way
you're gonna see 30, mate.
Now, I've got a strong case,
ready to go,
but your testimony
will make it watertight
Everyone'll go down. There'll be
no one left to come after you.
And by the time they do finally get out,
you would have been a different person,
living in a different place, for years.
And this is the best and only option
you're gonna get, mate.
[Church] We've got some good news
and some bad news.
The good news is
we've got dozens of runners,
a load of supervisors
and several bosses.
The important thing
with your testimony
they'll all go down
for a very, very long time.
Unfortunately, though, we couldn't get
the people right at the top.
Some of the top boys have disappeared.
So I've gotta spend the rest of my life
looking over my fucking shoulder now?
No, don't you worry about that.
We'll sort that out now.
Yeah, well, you fucking better had.
Well, you're gonna go with my colleague
and he's gonna take you
to a safe house.
You're gonna wait there
until we sort a few things out.
Then you're gonna get relocated.
All right.
I need to go somewhere first, OK?
God, I fucking love this place.
You win some... you lose some.
No, mate.
It's not about the winning and losing.
It's all about the fight.
So where did it all go wrong?
When I stopped being a hooligan.
Fucking Eddie.
I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him
I'll be sure to tell him that
if I ever see him again.
Your new identity's a national secret.
Even regular police and passport control
don't know the difference.
You can go anywhere you want now, Mike.
Just so long as it's not round here.
So where do you wanna go, then?
[voice-mail bleeps]
Mike, it's Eddie.
Listen, mate, I'm sorry I had to bail.
I'm sorry I couldn't get you
out of there, but, look,
if you're hearing this message, I think
you know where I want you to go.
The code hasn't changed,
nor has my intention to look after you.
Just do me a favour, will you?
If you get out of this,
stay in during Cup Finals, will you?
- Got what you needed?
- Yep. Just the essentials.
- Vous avez fini?
- Our', merci.
Cash or card?
[rap music]