The Santa Class (2024) Movie Script
- It's a school for Santas.
Mall Santas, party
Santas, parade Santas,
I mean, these are rigorous jobs.
And so my dad saw the need
to train these Santas,
and he bought this campground
and started, well,
North Star Training
Academy for Santas.
I've been working
here my whole life,
and it's a dream come true.
I have to take this,
but if you make your way
down to that building,
there is some hot cocoa and
cookies waiting for you.
Okay.
Hi!
No, no. Now's a great time.
Thank you.
I would love that.
- Bailey, call me back.
I got that manager job.
Finally no more Christmas
every day, every hour
of my life.
And the money's great.
Anyway, call me back.
I'm gonna tell Dad about it.
Wish me luck.
Okay.
- 8,000 Santas and
growing in America,
and they all wanna see us.
We could hire more staff,
see more students, make more
money if we just raise prices.
- But then some people might
not be able to afford it.
I know you don't
want to hear this,
but what you're saying, Blaise,
it's not in the
spirit of Christmas.
- Well, I hope Santa puts
a new business manager
under your tree this year.
You've done so much
for me, Richard,
and you started
something great here,
but there is so much
money out there.
I can't watch you refuse
to take it anymore.
I'm sorry.
Ciao.
Ciao. Ciao.
Merry Christmas, Kate.
- Merry Christmas, Blaise.
Hi, Dad.
- Kate, how does
a promotion sound?
- Great.
Bailey?
We gotta go.
Dad's leaving right now.
- Oh, yep. Yep. Yep.
We're saving.
- Like now.
- Saving, saving, saving.
Oh, please.
- It's too early
for Christmas music.
- What do you mean?
It's November.
- No, no, no, no.
- It's already November.
- No, no, no, no.
We just finished Halloween.
We're gonna be listening to
this all day at the Academy.
Please. Please.
- Okay. Can we stop
for a quick coffee?
Quick one. A quick one.
I'll buy.
- Unbelievable.
- Thank you.
- Ah, no!
Ah!
Dan.
- Pleasure to see you as always.
- Pleasure's all yours.
- Just gonna go grab
a candy cane latte.
Can I get you a drink
or piece of pie?
- Maybe some peace and quiet.
- Well, once upon a
time, you liked me.
- Well, that was
before you took a job
as an errand boy
working for the enemy.
- Errand boy?
No, no, no. I'm a Santa trainer.
Best Santa trainer in America,
according to "The
Santa Sentinel."
You can keep it
'cause I got plenty.
- Is that so?
- You know, all this hostility
isn't very Christmassy.
What's your problem with me?
- I don't have a problem.
I've got problems, plural.
Your school is draining
the life out of mine,
you drive an
overcompensation-mobile,
and you are dressed
like a literal red flag.
- So you're saying
we're not going on
that second date anytime soon?
- It wasn't a date
- We met on a dating app.
- It was a scheduled
interaction designed
for social networking
with the potential
of, you know, recreation.
Translation: it was a date.
- Translate this.
- Ow.
For what it's worth,
I had a good time.
- Thought you weren't
going to make it.
And miss saying goodbye?
- No way.
- I don't think so.
- Absolutely not.
How are you gonna fit
all that in there?
- One box at a time.
- Candy cane latte for the road?
- Thanks, sweetheart.
Mind running inside,
doing a final sweep?
- Sure thing, Daddy.
- Thank you.
Not too late to unretire.
- If I could, I would.
Doc said I was working too hard.
- I know.
- Time to head to Florida.
Condo's throwing a
welcome party for me.
There's a pitcher of
margaritas with my name on it.
- Oh, can I help you move in?
- I need you here
running the school.
- I know you do.
- The future is bright, Katie.
Maybe with you in charge,
North Star can finally
win the Christmas Cup.
No better way to
showcase top-tier Santas
than a talent competition.
The two best Santa
schools against each
other, head to head.
You can win and get our students
those elite Santa jobs.
I know it.
- I know, Daddy.
But you're the reason
people love North Star.
You are North Star.
- I believe in you.
And a little belief goes
a long way, Katie Kat.
I think you might really
enjoy being in charge,
making it your own.
Give it a chance.
All clear inside.
- I love you girls.
- I love you, Daddy.
- I'll be back for Christmas.
- You'd better.
Ah, coffee!
Enjoy the margaritas.
- Oh!
- North Star is winning the
Christmas Cup this year.
I can feel it.
- We have literally never
won the Christmas Cup, Daddy,
but I hear what you're saying.
I just don't think
it's possible.
- Possible is so boring.
Try living impossibly
for a change.
- Well?
- Okay.
Hey, Bails?
Yeah?
- You mind, I don't
know, cleaning up?
- I will have you know
that I have been busy.
- Yeah. Busy looking for
those tenure track jobs I see.
- "To lose patience is to lose
the battle," Mahatma Gandhi.
- Oh.
Well, didn't Gandhi also say
if your sister lets you move
in with her for six months
after graduation, help out?
- That's an oddly specific thing
for Gandhi to say.
- Isn't it?
- No, actually
I'll have you know,
I have been busy with this.
You've been studying?
- I have my doctorate.
If nothing else, I'm
very good at studying,
and I have some ideas.
Now, don't be shocked.
I'd like to help out.
- Wow.
- Okay. How'd those
interviews go today?
- Ah, well Dad did the
job of, like, five people
and we can't afford five people.
We can barely afford
one, so there's that.
- You know, if we could
actually win the Christmas Cup,
we could turn this all
around in one season.
- Well, that's highly
unlikely, so...
- Or it's exactly what Dad said.
Maybe a little belief
could go a long way?
- There's just one problem.
- Okay, thank you.
- Yeah, uh-huh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's talk expansion.
Easter Bunny education,
leprechaun lessons,
Cupid camp.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right, yeah. Just
run it by the board.
Okay. Ciao, amigo.
Ciao. Ciao. Ciao.
Ciao. Ciao. Ciao.
Dan the man.
You, my friend, are a legend.
The work you've done training
those new trainers? Essential.
We wouldn't be where we
are today without you.
- Stop. You're making
me blush over here.
- Man, we're gonna
miss you around here.
- Miss me?
- Yeah, I don't like
to use the word firing.
It has all these
negative connotations-
- Wait, what?
- I prefer employee-employer
conscious uncoupling.
- Wait, why are
you uncoupling me?
I don't understand.
I'm the best Santa
trainer you have.
- You are.
But the new trainers
earn a much lower salary
and the board has to make cuts
to give themselves
those year-end bonuses.
So, you know?
- Couldn't they just take a
cut on their year-end bonuses?
- Ah, well it's
been a great run.
Could you leave the keys
to the company car
with my secretary?
Oh, and don't worry.
An Uber home is in
the severance package.
- Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
I mean, Saint Nick's
here is my home.
I mean, I got no family
here, no town to return to.
I mean, my parents
are living in London.
You know that.
Blaise, come on, buddy.
You said you were
gonna look out for me.
- And if you need a reference,
I'll give you a
recommendation so glowing.
Boop.
Yeah?
- Recommendation so glowing.
I'll give you a recommendation!
Maybe don't fire your
best Santa trainer!
What am I gonna do?
- Six people have already
dropped out since Dad left.
We're still short staffed,
and they're telling
me that there's going
to be a blizzard this weekend.
Honestly, I don't know how
things could get any worse.
- Kate.
Ugh. I'm gonna
have to call you back.
- Okay.
Kate, you are in luck.
- You're moving to
another continent?
- Better. I'm defecting.
- Ugh. Well, that's hardly news.
You've been defective for years.
- Not defective,
Kate. Defecting.
You're right. I don't know
why I'm working over there.
I should be working
here at North Star.
- When did they fire you?
- They didn't fire me.
It was an employee-employer
conscious uncoupling.
- So they fired you?
- So they fired me.
You know what? Do you
know what that makes me?
Highly motivated, Kate.
Mm-hm.
- Where's your dad?
He'll see the value that I
can bring to this company.
- He's not here.
- Oh, okay. Well, where is he?
- Condo near Pensacola.
- Wait, he's retired?
- Yep.
- And you're taking over?
- Yep.
- So you're gonna need
someone to help replace him.
- Nope.
- Kate, what are
you talking about?
Your dad's the one that did
all the heavy lifting here.
I mean, let me help
you lighten the load.
You know, I can
breathe some fresh air
into this place,
don't you think?
- Not interested.
- I can help North Star
win the Christmas Cup.
I can.
- Okay.
- Best Santa Trainer
in all of America.
- Yeah.
Even if it were
that simple, Dan,
I don't think I could
bear the mental gymnastics
that would be going
on inside my brain
just dealing with you.
No, thank you.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- Look, all cards
on the table here.
I got a mortgage to pay, okay?
And yes, I could go get
a non-Christmas job,
but this is what
I'm good at, Kate.
This is what I live for.
This is what I love.
Seeing a kid's eyes light
up when he sees a Santa
that he can believe in means
everything to me, Kate.
- You really just did that?
- One session.
You need to win, I need a job,
and we both wanna
beat Saint Nicholas.
What do you say?
- One session.
- Candy canes.
Yes. That's all
I needed to hear!
That's all I need!
- That doesn't mean
I'm bringing you on.
- Okay.
One more thing though.
So Blaise took the company car.
- Oh my God.
- I'm not asking you
for a company car.
I just thought maybe
we could carpool.
- I don't wanna carpool.
I'll pay for gas.
- You're gonna pay for gas?
- Yes.
Please.
- Fine.
- Thank you.
- I'll pick you up.
- Thank you.
- Well, gimme your number
so we can arrange it.
- What? You don't still have it?
- No, I don't still have it.
Why? Do you still have mine?
- No.
- Oh, you do.
- Mm-mm.
- You still have my number.
Did you think we were
going on a second date?
- I thought there was a
chance that you'd come around
and realize I'm the
most eligible bachelor
here.
- Oh, what?
You know what, Dan?
- No, no, no, no, no,
no. I'm going now.
Trust me, you will
not regret this.
- I already regret this.
Hey, Ned.
- Kate. Hey, I just heard.
Congratulations.
How does it feel to be
the owner of North Star?
- Well, probably not as good
as it feels to be an owner
of a couple of malls.
- I'm just confirming
that you're still
bringing your students
to the town center for
training this week.
- Absolutely, yes.
Thank you very much.
- Oh, you kidding?
When I was just starting out,
I had no idea how to do
a mall Christmas right.
Your dad was a huge help.
He's one of the all-time greats.
- Well, judging by
the amount of people
that dropped out this session,
I think the rest of the
world agrees with you.
- Well, give it some time.
You'll turn things around.
Hey, it'll be great to see you.
Wait till you see
the Christmas Village
we're putting up this year.
It's magnificent
- Christmas Village?
Isn't it a little early
for a Christmas Village?
- Ah, you're hilarious.
I'll see you soon.
How's the weather looking?
- Not great.
- I'm coming. I'll
be right there.
She's right on time.
Good morning.
- What are you doing?
- What?
- You can't bring that in here.
- What? You got a
problem with hot cocoa?
- Yeah, I got a
problem with hot cocoa.
I got something against
hot cocoa getting spilled
all over my interior.
- Oh, gimme a break.
I have never spilled a drop of
hot cocoa in my entire life.
I mean, look at this.
- Hey. Hey.
What?
- I swear.
- Oh!
Gotcha.
- You're unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
- It's so good.
Mind if we listen to some music?
- Yes, please.
Just not anything...
- Don't act like
you're not impressed.
- Hey, are you okay?
- Hey, you okay, buddy?
I believe so.
- Where did you come from?
- How did you get here?
- I don't recall.
I haven't seen a familiar
vehicle along this path.
- That's a really
good Santa costume.
- Kind of you to say.
I don't remember putting it on,
but it's keeping out
the cold well enough.
- What's your name?
- I'm not sure.
- Uh-huh.
Well, what do you remember?
- Snow, and trees.
An ocean of trees.
- Okay, he said he came
from this direction.
Maybe he's a hitchhiker and
he just kinda lost his way.
- Or he's a carjacker and he's
hijacking my car right now.
- That is not very
Christmassy, Kate.
You know, he's probably
one of our students
and he just got lost out here.
- That's probably likely.
I mean, what else could it be?
It's not what it looks like.
- Maybe it's exactly
what it looks like.
- We just saw what I
think we just saw, right?
- I didn't see anything.
- No.
What are you talking about?
- No, Dan.
- What are you talking about?
- No, Dan.
- We both just saw that.
- No, no.
- We saw a sleigh get pulled-
- No! No!
- By reindeer up into
the forest canopy.
We saw that.
- No!
- It means that
man out there is...
- Don't! Don't! Don't!
- Santa.
- What are we gotta do?
We gotta call an ambulance.
No, we gotta call
the police, Dan.
- No, no, no, police?
- We gotta call the police.
- We can't call the police!
- What do you mean? Yes we can.
I got full bars here.
- Kate, we're not
calling the cops.
That's Santa.
That is the Santa.
- We don't know that for sure.
- What are you talking about?
- We don't know that for sure.
- We know that for sure.
- No!
- We saw that out there.
And while he might
remember some things,
he obviously does not
remember that he's Santa.
What's gonna happen
if they take him away?
What's gonna happen
to Christmas?
- They're just gonna
ask him some questions.
- Ask him some questions?
- Yeah.
- Ask him some questions.
Kate, what if the authorities
find out who he is?
They're gonna run
some tests, Kate.
- What?
- Remember what
happened to ET, Kate! ET.
- Okay.
What are we supposed
to do about it?
- I don't know.
We take him with
us to North Star.
- What? No, that's crazy.
- Yes. Yes.
- What are we gonna tell people?
That we found Santa?
- We take him to North Star.
Yes. No, no, no.
- They're never gonna believe
us that we found Santa.
- We take him to North Star.
We surround him
with other Santas
dressed like Santas
doing Santa activities.
Maybe he remembers who he is.
- Fine.
I'm not gonna be the one
that ruins Christmas.
- No, you're gonna be the one
that saves Christmas, Kate!
And North Star.
And it would be a nice,
dry, safe, warm space
for you to come,
surrounded by other people
dressed like Santas.
You know, like you.
And, anyway, if
you wanted to come.
And, you know, just be with
us until your memory returns.
How's that sound?
- Or we could call the police.
- This school of Santas
of which you speak,
this intrigues me.
- Ah, I bet it does.
- Really?
- It probably naturally does.
- I'd be glad to join you.
- You would?
- Truly!
I can't think of a better
way to pass the time
than reveling in holiday spirits
with friendly companions.
Now, may we proceed?
I have an odd craving
for milk and cookies.
- Kate, it's him.
- If you just follow this
yellow sign here past the park,
and you will find the barracks.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Excuse me. Hi.
- Hi.
- I'm looking for the barracks.
- Of course.
It's just, follow
that yellow sign.
- Oh, thanks.
- Yeah.
I'm Bailey.
- Oh, Timothy.
- Need help with
your bags, Timothy?
- Oh, no, no, no.
- Jesus, what do you have
in here?
- I've got...
- Your anvil collection?
- Books, actually.
I'm writing my thesis
on Santa mythology.
- I just graduated
with my doctorate
in European folklore
last spring.
- No way!
- Yeah!
So what are you doing here?
- Immersion into Santa's
presence in our culture
for research purposes.
Why are you here?
- Shockingly not
a huge job market
for the doctors of folklore.
Hey, where've you been?
- Hey!
Traffic.
- Yeah.
This must be a new student.
- Yes.
- Yes.
This is...
This is...
- This is Nick.
Nick. That's right.
- And that's a
great name for him.
And we should probably
get him inside
because he had a long
flight to get here.
That's right.
- So there we go.
This is everybody?
So it's these seven?
- Yeah.
- Versus everybody
at Saint Nicholas?
- Mm-hm.
- Okay. Well, they
have character.
- Okay, why don't we
introduce ourselves.
- Introduce ourselves.
- And say why we're here.
- Okay. I'll go first.
Hey, name's Isaac Arnstein.
What can I say, man?
I am a wanderer.
I need a part-time job to
keep my van's tank full,
and what's a better holiday
gig than being Santa, right?
Making all those families
happy and candy and stuff.
- Patrick, I
thought my grandkids
would like seeing me as Santa.
- That's nice.
- Yeah.
- Then they told me I couldn't
do it, that I'm too old,
move too slow.
So now I'm here to prove
my grandkids wrong.
- Nice.
- Okay.
- Megan Janssen.
I wanna be a Santa. That's it.
- I hate to interrupt,
but I know being Jewish,
I might be a little outta the
loop on Christmas customs.
But wouldn't you
traditionally be better suited
to be Mrs. Claus?
- Don't wanna be Mrs. Claus.
My mother always said I
couldn't do anything I want
if I put my mind to it.
I was black belt in
jujitsu when I was 16.
Won bronze for shot put in Rio.
If I wanna be Santa,
I will be Santa.
- Okay.
Yeah. Okay.
- Who's next?
- I'm Nick.
I am over the moon to
be counted amongst you.
I'm here because the owner
of the school found me
by the side of the road,
and thought I'd be a great fit-
- While he was-
- Ah!
- Not-
- Waiting for us
to pick him up.
- For a ride.
- Because he signed up.
Yeah. Things can't get
any weirder than that.
- Hi, I'm Jimmy,
and this is Bruce.
I'm super excited to be here,
and really excited
to become a Santa.
Bruce is really shy
and I help him express himself.
Nobody wants to know
about that right now.
So I thought it would be
a great idea for Bruce
to meet some new people,
hang out, have some fun.
Hey, guess what?
I went to college
with Elf on a Shelf.
- You guys seeing this?
He's funny. I like this guy.
- So a puppet can be
Santa and I can't?
- I did not say that.
- You just said that.
- No, those words did not come
outta my mouth.
- No, Jimmy's not a puppet.
He's a figure.
- I figured you lost your mind.
- Hey, steady, old man.
- What you gonna do,
little tiny hands?
- What am I gonna do
with these tiny hands?
- I will yank your ass
outta here!
- You have no idea
what these tiny hands.
- You belong in a trunk!
Yeah, you want a piece of me?
- You want a piece of me?
- Well, because,
I don't know.
- Looks like we're
not gonna be able
to introduce ourselves
at this rate.
I'm Timothy.
- Paul Campbell.
I'm an actor.
- Oh.
- Doing research for a movie.
- Santa movie?
- How did you know that?
- It's an educated guess.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Cookie time!
I don't know, I never...
- It takes many things
to be a great Santa.
Knowledge, theatricality,
emotional intelligence.
But it also takes strength.
In parades, Santas
wave for hours.
Ah, my shoulder.
They're carrying
large sacks of gifts.
Oh, my back.
And in the mall,
they're lifting children
of all shapes and sizes.
A weak Santa is no Santa at all,
which is why we have
the obstacle course.
You will walk
across the rooftop.
You will tiptoe through
the living room.
You will duck under the
Christmas tree lights.
You will fill your Santa
sack full of presents.
You will then maneuver
around these giant ornaments.
And finally the chimney climb.
The first person to ring
that bell atop the
chimney is the winner.
Are you ready?
- Woo!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- I can't hear
you. Are you ready?
Yeah.
- Hey, all right.
Ready, set, go.
Coming through!
Oh! Whoa!
Oh, whoa, whoa!
- Santa down.
Take my hand!
- Strength. Inner strength?
- The filaments.
It's around my neck.
Suckers!
Watch your step!
- Hah!
Hah!
Who's Mrs. Claus now, Isaac?
- Is this what it's always
like on the first pass?
- Kind of.
- Yeah. So they get better?
- Kind of.
- I am so happy I came here.
This has been invigorating.
- Any memories coming back?
- Oh, sadly, no.
But physical health
begets mental health.
Progress is but
around the corner.
- He's so jolly.
- Yeah.
- Can I offer you
some marshmallows?
- Nobody eats marshmallows
for breakfast. No.
- What are you talking about?
The fine makers of
Lucky Charms cereal
would disagree with you.
- Okay, so the syllabus
is pretty straightforward,
right?
- Okay.
- In the morning,
we're gonna teach
presentation and skill.
Bailey will teach history,
and in the afternoon,
we'll go through, you
know, performance,
the obstacle course.
- Right.
What we do at Saint Nicholas
is, first thing in the morning,
we head to the video room,
check out the footage of the
greatest Santas of all time,
and then we go to the costumers,
do a quick fitting,
IV drip, massages.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- It's probably pretty
good for your health.
- It's so good.
- You know what we
don't have here?
- What?
- Any of that.
We don't have costumers or
fittings or electric saunas.
- We don't have electric saunas.
- No?
- No. They're wood burning.
- Okay, so the only resources
we have are you and me.
As depressing as that is, so...
- Well, a business
is only as good
as the two people
running this show.
And we've got the
two best in the game.
- I'm not so sure.
- I am.
There you go.
- It has a mind of its own.
- Mm.
I mean, it's...
- Right.
Megan, where's your beard?
You gotta put it on.
- Oh, fine.
Put it on.
- Should probably put
a pillow under there.
- I did.
- Oh, bigger one, maybe
- Biggest one I could find.
- I've been telling
him all morning,
I need my own costume.
- We're gonna look
into that for you.
- Yeah.
- All right, look, I take
my acting very seriously.
You want me to grow a beard?
Put on 150 pounds for the role?
I'll do it. I'll do it.
- You don't have to do-
- But first I'd like
to pitch you something,
handsome Santa.
He's svelte, he's suave,
he's approachable.
Right, sure, you can
imagine him as Santa,
but also, say, as a pet
psychiatrist with anxiety issues,
or the assistant to the
president of the 12 colonies.
He's not gonna wear some
bulky, unflattering jacket,
no offense.
- Yeah, totally.
- He's gonna wear
an outfit like this.
Something that showcases his
sleek-but-well-toned physique
that he worked so hard on.
He's not eating salads
for breakfast seven
days a week for nothing,
you know what I mean?
- No, I don't actually. Yeah.
- Where does Santa live?
- North Pole.
- And what's the
weather like there?
- Very cold.
- So how do you
think he stays warm?
- Bulky unflattering ja...
Shoot. Okay.
Yep. Good note. Good note.
Okay.
Who can tell me
where Santa originated from?
Ooh.
- Yes.
- Turkey.
- Very good.
Now what else did Santa
borrow from St. Nicholas?
- Oh yeah.
- I love the enthusiasm,
but maybe we should
get somebody else to...
- Teacher's pet!
- It's not enough to
just look like Santa.
You have to sound like
Santa, be like Santa.
So what we're gonna do is
work on some vocalization.
Three simple words.
Ho, ho, ho.
Thought you'd all say
it at the same time.
Okay, we're gonna
go individually.
- Ho, ho.
- Ho.
- Little too booming.
- Hey.
Ha.
- So it's ho, ho, ho.
- All right.
- He, ha, he, ha.
What's my motivation here?
- Ho, ho, ho.
- Ho, ho, ho.
- Ho, ho, ho.
- Is he always thinking
of something funny,
or is he drawing from,
like, a deep inner sadness?
- Ho, ho, ho.
- Ho, ho, ho.
Ho.
No, it's only three.
- Sorry. This never
happens to me.
What's the dealio with this guy?
- He's just jolly.
- Ho, ho, ho.
- I got nothing.
There's no reason to panic.
- Oh, there's reason to panic.
I've got seven reasons to panic
and I'm looking at them, okay?
And Nick is nowhere near
remembering that he's Santa.
That should be of a concern
to you, Mr. Christmas.
- Okay, just relax, all right?
We've had one full
day of training.
I mean, they're
gonna come around,
he's gonna come around.
- Do you know the Christmas
Cup was my dad's idea?
- Hmm?
- Yeah. He's thought a
little friendly rivalry
would do everyone good.
He used to say a rising
tide lifts all the boats.
- Wrong way! Wrong way!
- I'm not so sure.
I have no idea why
he left this to me.
- But North Star is
more than just your dad.
I mean, people didn't come to
Saint Nicholas to see Blaise.
They come there for me, kind of,
but they really come
there for the school
and for a really
great experience.
We're going to the
mall this week, right?
Why don't we just do
a little secret Santa
and just let them
shop for one another.
- I hate to give you
credit for something
that's not a terrible idea.
We could...
Okay.
- Hm? Hm?
Okay.
- Hey, thanks amigo.
Ah!
So, Nick?
You're tripping me out, man.
You okay, buddy?
- Do we know each other?
From before, I mean?
- I'm pretty sure we
just met yesterday.
I mean, if I knew someone
who could guzzle milk like
you do, I think I'd remember.
- No! No! No!
- Yeah, yeah, he needs
all the help he can get.
- Okay. So we'll
start with this-
- Is this gonna be big enough-
- And I think we're good.
- For me?
- Throw pillow in there.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Why you so skinny, Santa?
- Fine!
- Don't laugh in front of him.
- On the count of three,
we will be conducting
a relay race.
Which team, Team One on my
left, Team Two on my right,
will list the most
Christmas movies?
Three, two, one, go!
- Come on.
- I starred in like 35 of these.
Come on!
- Three, two,
generous two.
- Done! Team One wins!
- Just one name.
Keep it a secret.
Okay, so who'd you
get for secret Santa?
- I'm not gonna tell you that.
- Oh, so you got me?
- No, I didn't.
And even if I did, I
wouldn't tell you that.
- Okay, well, just so you
know, I don't like toffee.
- Oh.
- I look great
in the color red.
- Mm-hm.
- And I already own every
Christmas CD ever made.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
And your lights are out.
- What?
Oh, well, a light out.
- Yeah.
You should fix that.
- No.
Well, who cares? It's late.
I don't have time. We'll just...
- No, come on. I'll
give you a boost.
- I got it. I got it.
- Okay.
Whoa, careful. Look-
- Hold on.
- Just get on my shoulders.
Get up on my shoulders.
- Easy, easy!
- No, I got you.
- I got it!
Ready?
Hello?
- Hey.
- Nick.
- Just getting a
snack before bed.
Oh, great.
Goodnight.
Okay.
- Okay?
- Oh, okay. Just...
Ow!
Careful. There you go.
Oh, yeah.
That was fun.
- We should...
- Yeah, we should go.
Tomorrow is...
Mall Day!
- Rise and shine!
- Get up! Get up!
- You candy canes!
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
- Here, help me.
Jimmy, you too!
- Oh, Nick, you all right?
- Hey, Nick.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
- Nick? Nick?
- You all right?
- He stood up too fast.
- Nick, you okay?
- You okay, buddy?
- Here, have a seat.
- It's okay.
Get him some water?
- I'm seeing things
I cannot explain.
- Are they like memories?
- Well, other people's memories.
- If this is hurting
you in any way.
- No, no, no. It's the opposite.
It's making me feel more whole.
Some part of me needs
these delusions.
You don't understand.
How can you?
I don't even understand.
- A lot happens in this world
that nobody understands,
and I think anyone who pretends
that they have the answers,
they're the delusional ones.
- See, I don't think
they're delusions at all.
I think it's a gift.
You should use it.
- Welcome everyone.
I've invited you here
to give you a trial run
of what it's truly like
to be a mall Santa.
And just how difficult
this job can be.
- Woo!
- While we gather the families,
why don't y'all settle in,
do a little shopping, do
a little more shopping,
and we will start soon, okay?
All right.
Okay.
- All right.
- Secret Santa.
- Secret Santa.
Let's do it.
- Don't look where I go.
- Yeah, nobody follow me.
- No peeking!
- That's interesting.
- Bailey and Timothy.
So that's the thing about
Christmas, it inspires romance.
Gifts, dessert.
- Old men breaking and
entering into homes
- For someone that
owns a Santa school,
you're not very...
- Christmassy?
- Christmassy. Yeah.
- To be fair, you know,
I never wanted to
run a Santa school.
It was more of my dad's thing.
- What was your thing?
- I don't know.
Guess I'm still trying
to figure that out.
I've always wanted
to go to Paris.
If that's a thing.
- You know, that you
can take the school
and do whatever
you want with it,
you know, make it your thing.
- I don't know.
I think my dad was
more of the highlight.
- Mm, I'm not so
sure about that.
- Okay.
Remember, you've gotta
sell the Santa story.
Okay?
Chin up,
bellies out, a little more.
You got this!
- Hey.
Oh, Timmy, relax.
They're just kids.
- Just kids?
I don't think I'm
cut out for this.
I think I'm just gonna
sit this one out.
- Hey, hey, hey. I'll go first.
I'm not scared.
They're just small adults.
Okay, let's do this.
- First up are our twins.
- Twins?
- And they've been
eating candy all day.
Good luck with that.
- No, the character.
No.
My beard, it was in my mouth.
I don't know how it got
there, but it stayed there
and it tasted like
shopping mall floors
and broken dreams
and peppermint.
I didn't mind the peppermint.
I liked the peppermint,
but the rest of it was horror.
The horror.
- Okay, who's next?
- Where is Timothy?
Hey, how'd it go?
- There's a bag up
there, Santa's bag.
Kid crawled in, saw it
was empty, and screamed,
- "Santa's got no toys."
- Santa's got no toys!
- It was nearly a
full-blown riot.
Should have seen the
look in this kid's eyes.
It was like "Braveheart."
I'm miles outside
my comfort zone.
- You and me both.
I'm not supposed to
be teaching right now.
I'm supposed to be
working in a university.
- Well, you're a pretty
good teacher in my book.
Where is
he? Where is he?
- This is Leo.
Heads up, he does not think
you're the real Santa.
- Hello, Leo.
There you go.
Well, let's see.
Hmm. Let me guess, Leo.
You want a new bike?
A bright blue Spider-Man bike.
Now, you be good for your
mom and you'll get that bike.
Sound like a deal?
- Thank you, Santa.
- Merry Christmas, Leo.
- And this is Emily.
Poor Emily lost
her favorite stuffy
somewhere here this morning.
- Oh, come here, sweetie.
Oh, let's see.
Dasher, is that right?
Hmm?
I had a friend named Dasher too.
Would you like me to
help you find yours?
Yeah?
Well, I'll tell you what, Emily,
why don't you check
in Santa's bag here
and see what you find.
Is that him?
- Thank you, Santa!
- Oh, merry Christmas, Emily.
- Here he comes.
- Here he comes!
- Dude, how did you do
that? That bag was empty.
- How did you know what all
those kids wanted for Christmas?
- Nick, you are a wizard.
Well done, well done.
- I don't know.
Call it a gift.
- Hey?
I feel like you
should be more happy.
What?
- I just saw what Ned
wants for Christmas.
He wants to buy North Star.
- Hey, Ned, you really
wanna buy North Star?
- Wow. Who blabbed?
- Well...
- Look, I love your dad
and I know he always wanted
you to take the reins,
but I never felt like
that's what you wanted.
We wanna build another mall.
Your land stretches
right to the highway,
perfect mall real estate.
Sell to us.
The Saint Nicholas School
is bleeding you dry.
Something has to change.
- Okay? Give me this session.
Okay?
And I'll get back to you.
- Take as much time as you need.
Just know that I'm interested.
All right?
- Thank you.
- Think about it.
- I will.
What is there to think about?
If the price is right,
I have to take the deal.
I can't let nostalgia
determine the rest
of my life.
- It's the North Star.
It's not the Supreme Court.
You can always find a new job.
- Well, that's easy for
you to say, you know?
I'm older than you.
- Okay, you are a few
years older than me.
We're not that different.
- Says the person
who spent the last few
months playing video games
on my couch.
- Okay, what would he have
to say about your offer, hm?
- Well, he doesn't need
to know about it yet,
because he's in Florida.
- He's gonna be very sad
to miss Christmas
trivia tomorrow.
- Well, it's 75 degrees there.
I think he's gonna be just fine.
Okay, I see.
- All right, this
round is on me.
There you go.
Yay.
- Actually, I just
realized I still have
the company card
for Saint Nicholas,
so this round is on the enemy.
You like her?
- Oh, gimme a break.
- Oh, romance at a Santa school.
How cinematic.
- You know, you don't need
to wear the fake beard.
- What fake beard?
- Yeah. I remember my first
sleep away camp romance.
Leisha Goodfarb.
- Don't be a wuss. Ask her out.
- For your information,
we've actually gone
on a date before.
Mm.
- But that was years ago.
A lot's changed since then.
- If you don't ask,
you'll always wonder
what you could have had.
- Truer words.
- Shut up.
- Wise puppet.
- Look, I didn't buy
you guys drinks to get
relationship advice, all right?
Especially from a
talking piece of felt.
- Oh, now!
- Oh, hey now!
- Hey! Hey!
- Easy, easy.
Hey.
- Hi.
- Christmas cocktail.
Should we get a couple of those?
They look good.
- Wow, somebody's
chipper tonight.
- What do you mean?
That's me. Johnny Chipper.
- Uh-huh.
- Right, love Christmas
and sugary cocktails,
trivia nights.
- You love trivia?
- Yeah, I love trivia.
I'm like 90% trivia,
20% knowledge.
- That's 110%.
- Wow. Are you a mathematician?
How do you just put
those numbers together
so quickly?
- It's fast.
- Dan, Kate, small world.
- Blaise.
- Our local pub's closed,
and I heard this place
had trivia tonight.
I don't know, I thought
that sounded pretty fun.
- Hm.
- Well, it's great
to see you, Dan.
I'm glad you landed
on your feet.
- Oh, I landed on my feet.
- Oh, good.
- And we're about to
knock you off yours.
- Oh yeah.
- Okay.
Well, may the best
team win, huh?
See ya.
- We will.
- Okay, bye.
- Wait.
- We really need to win.
- Yeah, we need to win it.
- If anybody wants
to rumble, I'm in.
I haven't been in a
bar fight in weeks.
- Okay, I do wanna win. I do.
But how are we gonna do this?
- Timothy's got this.
This guy is a Santa expert.
He knows all the
myths, all the legends.
- Oh no.
- What?
That's
Brendan "The Brain" Crane.
Who's that?
- Who's Brendan Brain Crane?
- A legend in Christmas
history circles.
He's a living,
breathing encyclopedia
of everything Christmas.
Legend has it, he's
committed the entirety
of "The Christmas
Carol" to memory.
- All of it?
- What's he doing
at Saint Nicholas?
- Maybe he wants
to more fully understand
the Santa experience?
- Or maybe they recruited him,
brought him in as a ringer.
- Maybe he's doing
research for a movie.
We need to talk.
- If you are playing
Christmas trivia,
come get your team sheet now!
- Blaise.
- Dan.
Okay.
- Look alive. Look alive.
- Who's George
Bailey's guardian angel
in "It's A Wonderful Life"?
- Clarence Odbody.
- Boom!
- Clarence Odbody.
- Yes!
- Who was it?
- Clarence Odbody.
- Who wrote the
ballet The Nutcracker?
- Pyotr Ilyich...
- Tchaikovsky.
- Tchaikovsky.
- Whoa!
- What?
- Good work!
P-Y-O-T-R I-L-Y-I.
- I should be doing the writing.
- What were the names
of the Three Wise Men?
- I know this!
Balthasar, Caspar...
- And...
- Me. I'm the third wise man!
- Wow!
Are you taking this seriously?
- Paul Campbell.
- Melchior.
- Paul Campbell.
- Balthasar.
- The Wise Men!
- Go, go, go, go, go!
Look
alive! Look alive!
- Been waiting.
- Hope you trip next time.
- Both Saint Nicholas and
North Star have perfect scores!
The first team with the
correct answer wins.
- Go!
- Okay.
- In "The Twelve
Days of Christmas,"
how many total gifts does
the singer's true love give
to the singer?
- 11! No, no, no!
- No, no, no, it's not seven.
It's not seven.
- It's twice, no.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Sh!
- Let me speak!
It stacks every time.
- Sh!
- The first day, it's one gift.
The second day, it's two
turtle doves and the partridge.
Three gifts and so on.
- Okay, so can you
do it? Can you do it?
- Okay.
- Well, math's not
my strong suit.
- Kate can do it.
Kate's a mathematician.
Oh, get out of here.
- 364.
- I need more time if
I'm supposed to do this!
I got 10 seconds, and I don't
have enough time to do it.
- Throw me a number, Timothy!
- We have a correct answer.
Saint Nicholas wins.
- Ah, this guy! This guy!
It's fine, Timothy, it's fine.
You tried your best.
- Okay.
- It's not good.
- Aw, come on, Kate.
This is supposed to
be a friendly rivalry
- And you're here to gloat now?
- Come on.
Remember what your
dad always said?
A rising tide lifts all boats.
- Well, a rising tide can
also sink all boats, so...
- You know, you're lucky.
My folks weren't
big on Christmas.
I never got the gift I wanted,
but your dad showed me the
joy a picture-perfect Santa
could bring a child.
Then, I'm sorry to say,
but North Star just
doesn't have what it takes
to make picture-perfect
Santas like mine.
- Okay.
- Wow.
- Excuse me?
- I think
just head back over to
your table, would you?
- All right, well, I'll
see you at the cup, okay?
That's cold.
- What is that? Why
are you smiling?
- Yeah. What did I miss?
- Why does this Santa have
to be picture perfect anyway?
- Is this still the quiz?
- I mean, Christmas isn't
about the uniformity
of celebration,
you know, everyone celebrating
the exact same way.
No. It's about each
family being unique.
Every person is unique.
I mean, that's what it's about.
They can keep their
picture-perfect Santas,
because we,
we, we've got hippie Santa.
Yeah!
- We do. Huh?
And we got a skinny Santa,
and we've got a woman Santa.
We've got puppet
Santa, figure Santa.
- Handsome Santa!
- Cool Papa Santa.
- Cool Papa Santa!
Santa Santas.
And we've got 'em all.
We're all we need.
All you need to do is bring you.
Let's not try to
play their game.
Why can't we do it our way,
bring ourselves to this?
It'll mean more to more people,
and we'll make so many
more people happy.
- Now that sounds like
Christmas spirit right there.
Yeah!
- Who's in?
Me!
Yeah!
- Bring it in!
- That's Christmas spirit
right there.
- On three...
- Three, two, one!
Santa!
- What if the judges aren't
into less traditional Santas?
- This is the best chance we
have to make an impression.
And with Nick,
using his powers gives
him the best chance
to remember who he is.
So win-win.
- Right.
And what if he
remembers who he is
and heads back to the
North Pole before the cup?
- Well, if saving Christmas
means losing the cup,
I guess I can live with that.
- Hm.
- Hm.
- Mm-hm.
- I guess you've never
seen anything like this
at Saint Nicholas
before, have you?
- No.
No, I have not.
- Hm.
- Think people are
gonna vibe with this?
- Well, your whole life
you've been rejecting the
establishment, haven't you?
Why stop now?
- Yeah. Groovy.
- This is gonna be stupid.
- Oh, well, your grandkids
think this is stupid
or they think, hey,
my granddad is cool?
- The world is a hard place
for a lotta people, Bruce.
If Jimmy makes it
easier, that's okay.
- Plus I think a lot
of the kids coming
to see Santa will love him.
- Can you make me a costume?
- Can do.
- She likes you.
- You think?
- Sweet, tiny little Tim,
I was called the King
of Christmas Romance
by "Us Weekly" in 2022.
Let me tell you something.
She likes you.
Cool.
Paul?
- Hm? I'm wearing it.
- Take off the beard.
- What happened to
traditional Santa?
- Paul?
- Paul Campbell?
- We think it's time for
a svelte, suave Santa.
- But approachable.
- Right.
- I'll be in my trailer.
- He's only eaten milk
and cookies for a week.
- I would love to
have his metabolism.
- He knew exactly what all
those kids wanted for Christmas
like he could look
into their souls.
- Yeah.
- And he pulled a stuffed
animal out of an empty bag.
I'd swear it on my life.
Who do we know that
can read thoughts,
pull things out of a magic bag,
and sustain on nothing
but milk and cookies?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, are
you saying that you believe
that Nick is the
actual Santa Claus?
- I don't know what I believe,
but if you wanted
to embody everything
that we know about Santa,
you couldn't do a better
job than the one he's doing.
- Nah. Maybe he's a magician
or maybe we're on one of
those awful prank shows,
but that man is not Santa Claus.
- Okay, I think it's time now.
- Sorry, you ordered custom
Christmas wrapping paper
after paying for everyone's
costume alterations?
- Well, I mean, this place
could collapse at any moment.
I wanted to do something
that matters with it.
- Now we're not used to it,
but I'm just saying, ours is
gonna be a little more open.
- Oh, you got it bad, don't you?
- What?
- For Dan?
- Oh, please.
- You like him.
- Come on. Relax.
- I mean, he's pretty cute.
- Well, there were plenty
of cute guys in the world
that didn't work for the
enemy just last week.
- Romeo was the enemy of
Juliet and she still liked him.
- Well, let's hope this story
doesn't end like that one.
- Bad example.
Still very romantic.
- Ah, that was me.
I figured if you lose
your memory again,
you can have mementos
of us to remember us by
like that movie about the
guy who lost his memory.
- You mean "Memento"?
- Nah, I think it was
called something else.
I just can't remember.
- Bailey.
"Scandinavian
History 800 through 1319."
- I was worried
you had it already.
- No, I've actually always
been very interested
in the High Middle
Ages, so it's perfect.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- And Dan, I think you're up.
- Okay.
Who did this?
I knew it.
I knew it was you.
Wait? You think I'm the
world's best Santa trainer?
- No, but who am I to argue
with "The Santa Sentinel?"
- Come on, look at this.
Listen, thank you.
You know, my parents moved
overseas a long time ago
and it's just, I haven't
had a Christmas like this
in a long time, so thank you.
Thank you.
- Yeah.
- And nobody better call
this an ugly sweater
because this is objectively
the most attractive
sweater I have ever seen.
- Megan, I think that's you.
- Oh, it's a Molly McGuire doll.
I always wanted a
Molly McGuire doll.
- You wanted a doll?
- I contain multitudes.
- Yeah, I agree.
- Sorry.
My parents got me the wrong one
and I didn't have the
heart to tell them.
- Merry Christmas, Megan.
- It's you.
Your secret's safe with me.
- Kate, you out here?
- I can't see you.
Oh.
There you are.
There I am.
- There he is.
Wow. You are right.
The color red does
look good on you.
- Thank you.
Yeah, it's a nice sweater.
It's fun, it's festive,
and you can see it
from the space station,
which is kinda cool.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
- You were right.
- About?
- The secret Santa.
I think it brought everybody
together, and thank you.
- That is what I'm
here for, right?
So...
- Mm-hm.
- Oh, so there's this,
it's interesting.
There's, like, this
Christmas market in town
and I've never been there
and I've always wanted to go.
And I was thinking,
I don't know,
maybe you and I can go
together, like check it out
and, like, hit the town after.
- Mm-hm?
- Mm-hm.
What do you think?
- I mean, just to be clear, you
are asking me out on a date?
- No, no, no, no.
It's a scheduled social
interaction designed
for networking and
potential recreation.
What do you say?
Wanna go?
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- All right.
- You really seem like
Little Miss Popular.
- Hi.
Not popular, just familiar.
Everyone comes here every year.
That's Kyle, he's a
lawyer from one town over.
He knits sweaters all year
round, sells them here.
- Cool.
- Back there, she
makes stockings.
Except I think she's been
mad at me since high school.
She thinks I stole
her boyfriend.
- Did you?
Did you?
- No!
- Oh!
Ow. No.
Yeah.
Kate, you literally
know everybody here.
- I know.
- No, that's a good thing.
Let's go get hot chocolate.
- It's just, you know, it's
always the same people,
same gossip, same
Christmas parties.
- Yeah. So?
- Same Christmas sweaters.
- Yeah, all those things,
those are called traditions.
Two hot chocolates,
please. Thank you.
- Yeah, sometimes
you can feel lost,
even though the places
and the people stay
the same, you know?
It feels like I'm
on a merry-go-round
and I can't get off.
- You know, who would love to
be stuck on a merry-go-round?
- Don't say you.
- Me. Me.
No. I would love to be stuck
on a merry-go-round. Yep.
- Okay.
You never feel stuck?
- Not really.
I mean, I was never really
in one place long
enough to feel stuck.
Traveled around, came
here to visit a friend.
Then Blaise offers me this
incredible job, benefits.
- Yeah.
- Pays well, company car.
I mean, what more
could a guy ask for?
- Soul?
- Ha ha.
You know, you're right.
I should have talked to
you and your dad more.
Been kinder.
- No.
- Sorry.
- I could have
been friendlier.
- You could have.
- Okay.
- What's that?
- Hmm?
- Over there. What is that?
- Christmas party?
- Let's crash it.
- What?
- Yeah, let's go crash it.
- No.
- Yeah.
Leave your drink here.
- No, Dan. Dan. Dan.
Follow me. Follow me.
Follow me. Come,
come, come, come.
- No! No!
- Let's go.
- Thank you very much.
Oh, look at this.
Perfect timing.
Thank you so much.
So good to see you.
Do you recognize anyone here?
- No shot.
- Ooh. Outta towners.
All right, there he is.
Midvale Communications
is the party we're at.
We're just blending in with
our fellow employees here.
- Fellow employees!
- Just saddle up and,
you know, act natural.
Ooh, meatball?
Oh!
Come on.
We gotta mingle. Let's go.
- Don't! What are you doing?
- What do you mean?
I'm just fitting in.
- No, you're not.
- Yeah, I am.
- No, you're not.
- We're out-of-towners.
- We're not out-of-towners.
Gotta stop that.
- Stop what?
- That!
- What are you talking about?
Come on.
You're the one who wanted
to get off the
merry-go-round, all right?
So let's just consider
this a little pit stop.
Photo wall. Let's go
do the photo wall.
- No! Dan! Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan!
- Come on. Photo wall.
- Photo wall.
- Dan, please.
- That was really good.
You guys are hilarious.
So let's just get some photos.
Gimme this here.
Hey, how you doing tonight?
Great.
- Put this on.
- What?
- And just act like you belong.
- I don't belong.
- Well, if you believe
you belong then you belong.
- I believe I'm a millionaire,
and that hasn't exactly
happened yet, has it?
Oh!
- Uh-oh.
What?
- Nothing.
Honey, let's dance
- No!
- Oh, nice.
Just get in there.
Whew. That was close.
- What do you...
Well, don't you think
we should come up
with some kind of a backstory
or alter ego or
something like that,
in case they wanna
come and talk to us?
- That's a good idea.
We're married.
- What?
- Yeah.
- Don't you think that's a
little fast for our alter egos?
- Well, my alter ego
knows what he wants
and he didn't want your
alter ego to get away.
- That's nice of your alter ego.
- Yeah.
- Whoa.
- I also think we should
dance a little closer
since our alter egos
are married and...
- Oh.
- I mean, that is,
if you're okay with
us being this close.
- I mean, we should sell it.
I actually didn't think you were
the dancer that you are.
- Oh.
Well I didn't
really know that you
were a dancing queen.
- Okay.
- What? What?
Gentlemen.
Merry Christmas.
It's us, Nathaniel and...
- Kath.
- Kath.
- We're communicators.
- Communicators.
- We've been here for 25 years.
- For Midvale.
- Jeffrey, I was at-
- Wow!
- Your son's 10th
birthday party.
- This is how you treat
us after 20 years?
- Come on, he's got us.
- I can't even believe.
- Whoa!
- Okay.
- We're about to sue.
Did you see that?
You got stuff all
over the ground.
- Presents.
- Here's the deal.
We're quitting right now.
- That's right!
- You just lost your
two best communicators.
- We quit!
- Bye!
Merry Christmas.
- How about bah-humbug!
Thank you for the ride.
- You're welcome. Yeah.
- I really enjoyed that
scheduled social interaction.
- As did I.
- We should go on that
real date sometime.
- I would like that.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
Beautiful day.
- Beautiful.
- Beautiful.
- Two professionals.
- Yes.
- Being professional.
- Just at work,
doing work things.
- This is what we do.
Yeah, okay.
Three days until the cup.
- Yep.
- All right, we gotta
help Nick remember
that he's the real Santa.
- Wait, what?
- Whoa!
- What are you doing here?
- Ordering donuts
using the company card.
What do you mean the real Santa?
- Let's just tell her.
- No!
- Nick is Santa.
We saw the sleigh take off,
reindeer and everything.
- That's not possible.
- Well...
- What do you mean we?
- I did too. Yes, it's true.
- How could you not tell me?
- Well, what was
I supposed to say?
Hey, good morning.
You know? And Nick's
the real Santa.
- Wait.
- Ho.
- What now?
- No.
- Where did you
just come from?
- Bailey said she
was ordering donuts.
- Nick's the real Santa?
- Oh no.
- They saw the sleigh
fly away and everything.
- I knew it!
The milk, the cookies,
the toy in the bag,
the way he seems to
read everyone's mind.
- Of course he can
read everyone's mind.
He knows when you're sleeping,
he knows when you're awake.
- Chill out!
- This is the biggest discovery
in the history of civilization.
How have you not
spent every second
of every day freaking
out about this?
We are freaking out about it!
- So what do we do?
- Nothing. We're gonna keep
this between ourselves.
All right, we're gonna
gently help him remember
that he's Santa.
- Okay, well,
we better start gently
helping him remember
a little bit quicker,
because Christmas is
just around the corner.
We don't have a lot of time.
- I realize that.
- This is so exciting.
- Zip it.
Keep it to yourself.
Got it?
- Nick's the real Santa!
I'm sorry.
- Everything all right?
I don't know.
- What's up?
- Nick still doesn't
remember who he is.
Tomorrow's the last day.
We've gotta do something
to jog his memory.
- Well, if he remembers
before the cup,
he might still leave.
- Yeah, well, if he doesn't,
then a lotta kids are
gonna be disappointed.
- You think Santa doesn't
have a contingency plan?
- You wanna take that chance?
- I don't know what
you're expecting to do.
He's the one with
the magic, not you.
- Magic.
Bailey.
- Yeah?
- You're a genius.
Hey.
You okay?
- Have you ever felt
like you're meant
to do something
more with your life?
- Only for the past
20 years or so, yeah.
- I've so enjoyed my time here.
- Hmm.
- But I can't help
but feel I'm meant
to be somewhere else.
- I have an idea.
I want you to think of
something, something
that you want,
and reach into the bag.
What?
How did you get that in there?
- A cookie!
- Oh my goodness.
- I feel like celebrating, Nick.
Pull me out a
bottle of champagne.
- How are you doing this?
- I'll take that.
Oh, I'm not, Nick. You are.
You know what they want
and you have the power
to give it to them.
But now I want you to
think about what you want.
Okay?
- Okay.
Kate?
Purchase offer.
Hmm.
- Great news.
Nick is on the verge of-
- When did you know?
- I mean, Ned talked
to me about it,
I dunno, last week maybe.
- Oh.
Why didn't you tell me?
- Well, I mean,
rich people talk about
buying things all the time.
I mean, it's not real until
there's an offer, right?
- Yeah. Right. No, I just...
You're not actually thinking
of selling to them, are you?
- With that amount of
money on the table,
I have to consider it, right?
- Yeah.
Okay.
That's that then.
- Wait, what?
That's that? What?
Dan, this session has been fun,
but, I mean,
I can't make business
decisions based off of fun.
- No, I know.
I guess I thought this
was more than just fun.
You know, like our session,
I thought it was different.
- I-
- Look. No, no, it's fine.
Like, I don't know.
I mean, okay, so
what's gonna happen
if we win the cup?
- What happens if we don't?
I mean, our track
record is zero, right?
That's still the same.
Everything really
is still the same.
My debt is still the same,
our opponents are
still the same.
I mean, nothing has changed.
I'm sorry. I am.
I, just...
Listen, if I have
to sell the place,
I'll do whatever it takes
to get your job
back with Blaise.
- I don't want to work
with Blaise, Kate.
I want...
Sorry. I think I just
misread everything.
- No!
- I'm just gonna call an Uber.
It's fine,
- Dan.
- It's fine.
I can't believe
you'd actually consider selling.
- After this session,
we lose Santa,
we could lose the school.
We could have nothing.
This is a good opportunity.
- You talk with such permanence.
We could lose tomorrow,
still turn this thing around.
We could win tomorrow
and still go under.
Over the past couple weeks,
I have seen you happier than
I've seen you in a while.
I wouldn't wanna see
you sacrifice something
just because you're scared.
- I'll think about it.
- Let's go do this.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Listen-
- Listen, I-
- No, sorry. You go first.
- No, no, no. You go ahead.
I was just gonna say,
about last night.
- Should we do this later?
Could we, should we?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Blaise.
- Kate.
- Ned.
Welcome to another
Christmas Cup.
As a reminder, you'll be
scored in five categories:
presentation, performance,
history, skills, and stamina.
Every Santa's scores
will be tallied
and the team with
the most points wins.
Give it your all and
may the best Santas win!
- Is this Santa a woman?
- Last I checked.
- And you also know,
presumably, that Santa is a man.
- So you don't know
what Santa looks like.
This is my Santa.
This is what my
Santa looks like.
So unless you want to
get on my naughty list,
I suggest you smile
and move along.
- Does this Santa have a puppet?
- He's not a puppet.
He's a figure.
- Figure.
- What's your friend's name?
- Jimmy.
- This is Penelope.
- What if he beats me again?
What if I'm not good enough?
I think I'm just
gonna sit this...
- You are better than them
every way that matters.
You got this.
- Good afternoon.
I'm television's Paul Campbell.
6'2 1/2", based out of
Vancouver, British Columbia.
Today I will be
performing a scene out
of William Shakespeare's
"Romeo and Juliet,"
Act V, Scene III.
- We want you to
perform as Santa.
- Oh my love, my wife.
Death hath sucked the
honey from thy lips.
- It was so easy.
Who did Scrooge apprentice
for as a young man?
Mr. Fezziwig.
Who sang "You're a
Mean One, Mr. Grinch"?
Boris Karloff.
- It wasn't Boris Karloff.
It was Thurl Ravenscroft, buddy.
Come on babe. Eggnog's on me.
- That can't be right.
It can't be.
No!
No!
- Oh, true apothecary.
And thus,
with a kiss,
I die.
- Wow. I can't believe this.
For the first time in
Christmas Cup history,
Saint Nicholas and
North Star are tied.
- Okay!
- We consulted the rule book
and the winner will be
decided in sudden death.
Now, each team
will select someone
to run the obstacle course.
First Santa to finish,
their team wins.
- This guy!
- Nick.
- Yeah. There we go.
Okay, let's go.
- I'll certainly do my best.
Kris!
- Is it just me or does
that look a lot like...
- Kris! Oh, my good...
You're okay.
- Wait, wait. You know me?
How did you find me?
- The whistle. It's a beacon.
Oh, it's so good
to see you're okay.
- Who are you?
- I'm your wife, Kris.
- Oh, hi sweetheart.
- Oh, hello, cookie.
Now, we have to hurry back.
- Not just yet.
We have a competition to win.
- Yes we do!
- Ready?
On your marks...
Come on, Nick!
- Yeah! Let's go!
Yeah! There you go!
Yeah!
- No! No!
- Come on! Come on!
- North Star wins!
- How did he do that?
- Call the networks.
Tell 'em I'm ready to do
"Love at the North Pole."
What do you mean they
gave it to Andrew Walker?
- What I just...
Oh, it's just,
it's not possible.
- Possible is so boring, Blaise.
Try living impossibly
for a change.
- No, I demand an explanation.
Were there hidden wires or...
Blaise?
- Yeah?
- I have something for you.
- What do you mean?
How did you know?
It's Teddy Talks A Lot.
- 'Twas the night
before Christmas,
when all through the house.
- Merry, Blaise.
I love it.
- Hey, Kate.
So I assume you're not selling?
- Not yet. There's
too much to do yet.
I can't think of a
better Christmas present.
- It might not be better
than a Christmas Cup,
but you did save Christmas.
Consider this a token
of my appreciation.
- What?
- Go in the spring.
Paris is beautiful
in the spring.
- Wow.
I don't know. I mean,
sorry. Don't get me wrong.
I'm excited I actually
have two tickets to Paris.
It's just, I mean, there's
so much to do, you know?
And I don't know if I
can do it without you.
- You already have.
We won because you
believed in me, in us.
Now don't you think
some of that belief
should be headed your way?
- Thank you.
- We have to go.
Okay.
We have a sleigh to catch.
- Hi.
We did it.
- We did it.
- Yes, we did it all right.
- It's a pleasure
working with you.
- It was a real pleasure.
I'm sorry about the other night.
- I'm sorry.
I just didn't think
I could do it,
so thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Are you kidding?
- Already signed up again for
next year. Doing it again.
Really?
You guys hear about Paul?
Okay.
- Good to see you, Richard.
Oh, it's been too long.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas, Kate.
Oh, I got you something.
- What's that?
- I don't know.
You ever need
any help with the Academy,
don't be afraid to call.
It's Nick!
Mall Santas, party
Santas, parade Santas,
I mean, these are rigorous jobs.
And so my dad saw the need
to train these Santas,
and he bought this campground
and started, well,
North Star Training
Academy for Santas.
I've been working
here my whole life,
and it's a dream come true.
I have to take this,
but if you make your way
down to that building,
there is some hot cocoa and
cookies waiting for you.
Okay.
Hi!
No, no. Now's a great time.
Thank you.
I would love that.
- Bailey, call me back.
I got that manager job.
Finally no more Christmas
every day, every hour
of my life.
And the money's great.
Anyway, call me back.
I'm gonna tell Dad about it.
Wish me luck.
Okay.
- 8,000 Santas and
growing in America,
and they all wanna see us.
We could hire more staff,
see more students, make more
money if we just raise prices.
- But then some people might
not be able to afford it.
I know you don't
want to hear this,
but what you're saying, Blaise,
it's not in the
spirit of Christmas.
- Well, I hope Santa puts
a new business manager
under your tree this year.
You've done so much
for me, Richard,
and you started
something great here,
but there is so much
money out there.
I can't watch you refuse
to take it anymore.
I'm sorry.
Ciao.
Ciao. Ciao.
Merry Christmas, Kate.
- Merry Christmas, Blaise.
Hi, Dad.
- Kate, how does
a promotion sound?
- Great.
Bailey?
We gotta go.
Dad's leaving right now.
- Oh, yep. Yep. Yep.
We're saving.
- Like now.
- Saving, saving, saving.
Oh, please.
- It's too early
for Christmas music.
- What do you mean?
It's November.
- No, no, no, no.
- It's already November.
- No, no, no, no.
We just finished Halloween.
We're gonna be listening to
this all day at the Academy.
Please. Please.
- Okay. Can we stop
for a quick coffee?
Quick one. A quick one.
I'll buy.
- Unbelievable.
- Thank you.
- Ah, no!
Ah!
Dan.
- Pleasure to see you as always.
- Pleasure's all yours.
- Just gonna go grab
a candy cane latte.
Can I get you a drink
or piece of pie?
- Maybe some peace and quiet.
- Well, once upon a
time, you liked me.
- Well, that was
before you took a job
as an errand boy
working for the enemy.
- Errand boy?
No, no, no. I'm a Santa trainer.
Best Santa trainer in America,
according to "The
Santa Sentinel."
You can keep it
'cause I got plenty.
- Is that so?
- You know, all this hostility
isn't very Christmassy.
What's your problem with me?
- I don't have a problem.
I've got problems, plural.
Your school is draining
the life out of mine,
you drive an
overcompensation-mobile,
and you are dressed
like a literal red flag.
- So you're saying
we're not going on
that second date anytime soon?
- It wasn't a date
- We met on a dating app.
- It was a scheduled
interaction designed
for social networking
with the potential
of, you know, recreation.
Translation: it was a date.
- Translate this.
- Ow.
For what it's worth,
I had a good time.
- Thought you weren't
going to make it.
And miss saying goodbye?
- No way.
- I don't think so.
- Absolutely not.
How are you gonna fit
all that in there?
- One box at a time.
- Candy cane latte for the road?
- Thanks, sweetheart.
Mind running inside,
doing a final sweep?
- Sure thing, Daddy.
- Thank you.
Not too late to unretire.
- If I could, I would.
Doc said I was working too hard.
- I know.
- Time to head to Florida.
Condo's throwing a
welcome party for me.
There's a pitcher of
margaritas with my name on it.
- Oh, can I help you move in?
- I need you here
running the school.
- I know you do.
- The future is bright, Katie.
Maybe with you in charge,
North Star can finally
win the Christmas Cup.
No better way to
showcase top-tier Santas
than a talent competition.
The two best Santa
schools against each
other, head to head.
You can win and get our students
those elite Santa jobs.
I know it.
- I know, Daddy.
But you're the reason
people love North Star.
You are North Star.
- I believe in you.
And a little belief goes
a long way, Katie Kat.
I think you might really
enjoy being in charge,
making it your own.
Give it a chance.
All clear inside.
- I love you girls.
- I love you, Daddy.
- I'll be back for Christmas.
- You'd better.
Ah, coffee!
Enjoy the margaritas.
- Oh!
- North Star is winning the
Christmas Cup this year.
I can feel it.
- We have literally never
won the Christmas Cup, Daddy,
but I hear what you're saying.
I just don't think
it's possible.
- Possible is so boring.
Try living impossibly
for a change.
- Well?
- Okay.
Hey, Bails?
Yeah?
- You mind, I don't
know, cleaning up?
- I will have you know
that I have been busy.
- Yeah. Busy looking for
those tenure track jobs I see.
- "To lose patience is to lose
the battle," Mahatma Gandhi.
- Oh.
Well, didn't Gandhi also say
if your sister lets you move
in with her for six months
after graduation, help out?
- That's an oddly specific thing
for Gandhi to say.
- Isn't it?
- No, actually
I'll have you know,
I have been busy with this.
You've been studying?
- I have my doctorate.
If nothing else, I'm
very good at studying,
and I have some ideas.
Now, don't be shocked.
I'd like to help out.
- Wow.
- Okay. How'd those
interviews go today?
- Ah, well Dad did the
job of, like, five people
and we can't afford five people.
We can barely afford
one, so there's that.
- You know, if we could
actually win the Christmas Cup,
we could turn this all
around in one season.
- Well, that's highly
unlikely, so...
- Or it's exactly what Dad said.
Maybe a little belief
could go a long way?
- There's just one problem.
- Okay, thank you.
- Yeah, uh-huh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's talk expansion.
Easter Bunny education,
leprechaun lessons,
Cupid camp.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right, yeah. Just
run it by the board.
Okay. Ciao, amigo.
Ciao. Ciao. Ciao.
Ciao. Ciao. Ciao.
Dan the man.
You, my friend, are a legend.
The work you've done training
those new trainers? Essential.
We wouldn't be where we
are today without you.
- Stop. You're making
me blush over here.
- Man, we're gonna
miss you around here.
- Miss me?
- Yeah, I don't like
to use the word firing.
It has all these
negative connotations-
- Wait, what?
- I prefer employee-employer
conscious uncoupling.
- Wait, why are
you uncoupling me?
I don't understand.
I'm the best Santa
trainer you have.
- You are.
But the new trainers
earn a much lower salary
and the board has to make cuts
to give themselves
those year-end bonuses.
So, you know?
- Couldn't they just take a
cut on their year-end bonuses?
- Ah, well it's
been a great run.
Could you leave the keys
to the company car
with my secretary?
Oh, and don't worry.
An Uber home is in
the severance package.
- Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
I mean, Saint Nick's
here is my home.
I mean, I got no family
here, no town to return to.
I mean, my parents
are living in London.
You know that.
Blaise, come on, buddy.
You said you were
gonna look out for me.
- And if you need a reference,
I'll give you a
recommendation so glowing.
Boop.
Yeah?
- Recommendation so glowing.
I'll give you a recommendation!
Maybe don't fire your
best Santa trainer!
What am I gonna do?
- Six people have already
dropped out since Dad left.
We're still short staffed,
and they're telling
me that there's going
to be a blizzard this weekend.
Honestly, I don't know how
things could get any worse.
- Kate.
Ugh. I'm gonna
have to call you back.
- Okay.
Kate, you are in luck.
- You're moving to
another continent?
- Better. I'm defecting.
- Ugh. Well, that's hardly news.
You've been defective for years.
- Not defective,
Kate. Defecting.
You're right. I don't know
why I'm working over there.
I should be working
here at North Star.
- When did they fire you?
- They didn't fire me.
It was an employee-employer
conscious uncoupling.
- So they fired you?
- So they fired me.
You know what? Do you
know what that makes me?
Highly motivated, Kate.
Mm-hm.
- Where's your dad?
He'll see the value that I
can bring to this company.
- He's not here.
- Oh, okay. Well, where is he?
- Condo near Pensacola.
- Wait, he's retired?
- Yep.
- And you're taking over?
- Yep.
- So you're gonna need
someone to help replace him.
- Nope.
- Kate, what are
you talking about?
Your dad's the one that did
all the heavy lifting here.
I mean, let me help
you lighten the load.
You know, I can
breathe some fresh air
into this place,
don't you think?
- Not interested.
- I can help North Star
win the Christmas Cup.
I can.
- Okay.
- Best Santa Trainer
in all of America.
- Yeah.
Even if it were
that simple, Dan,
I don't think I could
bear the mental gymnastics
that would be going
on inside my brain
just dealing with you.
No, thank you.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- Look, all cards
on the table here.
I got a mortgage to pay, okay?
And yes, I could go get
a non-Christmas job,
but this is what
I'm good at, Kate.
This is what I live for.
This is what I love.
Seeing a kid's eyes light
up when he sees a Santa
that he can believe in means
everything to me, Kate.
- You really just did that?
- One session.
You need to win, I need a job,
and we both wanna
beat Saint Nicholas.
What do you say?
- One session.
- Candy canes.
Yes. That's all
I needed to hear!
That's all I need!
- That doesn't mean
I'm bringing you on.
- Okay.
One more thing though.
So Blaise took the company car.
- Oh my God.
- I'm not asking you
for a company car.
I just thought maybe
we could carpool.
- I don't wanna carpool.
I'll pay for gas.
- You're gonna pay for gas?
- Yes.
Please.
- Fine.
- Thank you.
- I'll pick you up.
- Thank you.
- Well, gimme your number
so we can arrange it.
- What? You don't still have it?
- No, I don't still have it.
Why? Do you still have mine?
- No.
- Oh, you do.
- Mm-mm.
- You still have my number.
Did you think we were
going on a second date?
- I thought there was a
chance that you'd come around
and realize I'm the
most eligible bachelor
here.
- Oh, what?
You know what, Dan?
- No, no, no, no, no,
no. I'm going now.
Trust me, you will
not regret this.
- I already regret this.
Hey, Ned.
- Kate. Hey, I just heard.
Congratulations.
How does it feel to be
the owner of North Star?
- Well, probably not as good
as it feels to be an owner
of a couple of malls.
- I'm just confirming
that you're still
bringing your students
to the town center for
training this week.
- Absolutely, yes.
Thank you very much.
- Oh, you kidding?
When I was just starting out,
I had no idea how to do
a mall Christmas right.
Your dad was a huge help.
He's one of the all-time greats.
- Well, judging by
the amount of people
that dropped out this session,
I think the rest of the
world agrees with you.
- Well, give it some time.
You'll turn things around.
Hey, it'll be great to see you.
Wait till you see
the Christmas Village
we're putting up this year.
It's magnificent
- Christmas Village?
Isn't it a little early
for a Christmas Village?
- Ah, you're hilarious.
I'll see you soon.
How's the weather looking?
- Not great.
- I'm coming. I'll
be right there.
She's right on time.
Good morning.
- What are you doing?
- What?
- You can't bring that in here.
- What? You got a
problem with hot cocoa?
- Yeah, I got a
problem with hot cocoa.
I got something against
hot cocoa getting spilled
all over my interior.
- Oh, gimme a break.
I have never spilled a drop of
hot cocoa in my entire life.
I mean, look at this.
- Hey. Hey.
What?
- I swear.
- Oh!
Gotcha.
- You're unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
- It's so good.
Mind if we listen to some music?
- Yes, please.
Just not anything...
- Don't act like
you're not impressed.
- Hey, are you okay?
- Hey, you okay, buddy?
I believe so.
- Where did you come from?
- How did you get here?
- I don't recall.
I haven't seen a familiar
vehicle along this path.
- That's a really
good Santa costume.
- Kind of you to say.
I don't remember putting it on,
but it's keeping out
the cold well enough.
- What's your name?
- I'm not sure.
- Uh-huh.
Well, what do you remember?
- Snow, and trees.
An ocean of trees.
- Okay, he said he came
from this direction.
Maybe he's a hitchhiker and
he just kinda lost his way.
- Or he's a carjacker and he's
hijacking my car right now.
- That is not very
Christmassy, Kate.
You know, he's probably
one of our students
and he just got lost out here.
- That's probably likely.
I mean, what else could it be?
It's not what it looks like.
- Maybe it's exactly
what it looks like.
- We just saw what I
think we just saw, right?
- I didn't see anything.
- No.
What are you talking about?
- No, Dan.
- What are you talking about?
- No, Dan.
- We both just saw that.
- No, no.
- We saw a sleigh get pulled-
- No! No!
- By reindeer up into
the forest canopy.
We saw that.
- No!
- It means that
man out there is...
- Don't! Don't! Don't!
- Santa.
- What are we gotta do?
We gotta call an ambulance.
No, we gotta call
the police, Dan.
- No, no, no, police?
- We gotta call the police.
- We can't call the police!
- What do you mean? Yes we can.
I got full bars here.
- Kate, we're not
calling the cops.
That's Santa.
That is the Santa.
- We don't know that for sure.
- What are you talking about?
- We don't know that for sure.
- We know that for sure.
- No!
- We saw that out there.
And while he might
remember some things,
he obviously does not
remember that he's Santa.
What's gonna happen
if they take him away?
What's gonna happen
to Christmas?
- They're just gonna
ask him some questions.
- Ask him some questions?
- Yeah.
- Ask him some questions.
Kate, what if the authorities
find out who he is?
They're gonna run
some tests, Kate.
- What?
- Remember what
happened to ET, Kate! ET.
- Okay.
What are we supposed
to do about it?
- I don't know.
We take him with
us to North Star.
- What? No, that's crazy.
- Yes. Yes.
- What are we gonna tell people?
That we found Santa?
- We take him to North Star.
Yes. No, no, no.
- They're never gonna believe
us that we found Santa.
- We take him to North Star.
We surround him
with other Santas
dressed like Santas
doing Santa activities.
Maybe he remembers who he is.
- Fine.
I'm not gonna be the one
that ruins Christmas.
- No, you're gonna be the one
that saves Christmas, Kate!
And North Star.
And it would be a nice,
dry, safe, warm space
for you to come,
surrounded by other people
dressed like Santas.
You know, like you.
And, anyway, if
you wanted to come.
And, you know, just be with
us until your memory returns.
How's that sound?
- Or we could call the police.
- This school of Santas
of which you speak,
this intrigues me.
- Ah, I bet it does.
- Really?
- It probably naturally does.
- I'd be glad to join you.
- You would?
- Truly!
I can't think of a better
way to pass the time
than reveling in holiday spirits
with friendly companions.
Now, may we proceed?
I have an odd craving
for milk and cookies.
- Kate, it's him.
- If you just follow this
yellow sign here past the park,
and you will find the barracks.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Excuse me. Hi.
- Hi.
- I'm looking for the barracks.
- Of course.
It's just, follow
that yellow sign.
- Oh, thanks.
- Yeah.
I'm Bailey.
- Oh, Timothy.
- Need help with
your bags, Timothy?
- Oh, no, no, no.
- Jesus, what do you have
in here?
- I've got...
- Your anvil collection?
- Books, actually.
I'm writing my thesis
on Santa mythology.
- I just graduated
with my doctorate
in European folklore
last spring.
- No way!
- Yeah!
So what are you doing here?
- Immersion into Santa's
presence in our culture
for research purposes.
Why are you here?
- Shockingly not
a huge job market
for the doctors of folklore.
Hey, where've you been?
- Hey!
Traffic.
- Yeah.
This must be a new student.
- Yes.
- Yes.
This is...
This is...
- This is Nick.
Nick. That's right.
- And that's a
great name for him.
And we should probably
get him inside
because he had a long
flight to get here.
That's right.
- So there we go.
This is everybody?
So it's these seven?
- Yeah.
- Versus everybody
at Saint Nicholas?
- Mm-hm.
- Okay. Well, they
have character.
- Okay, why don't we
introduce ourselves.
- Introduce ourselves.
- And say why we're here.
- Okay. I'll go first.
Hey, name's Isaac Arnstein.
What can I say, man?
I am a wanderer.
I need a part-time job to
keep my van's tank full,
and what's a better holiday
gig than being Santa, right?
Making all those families
happy and candy and stuff.
- Patrick, I
thought my grandkids
would like seeing me as Santa.
- That's nice.
- Yeah.
- Then they told me I couldn't
do it, that I'm too old,
move too slow.
So now I'm here to prove
my grandkids wrong.
- Nice.
- Okay.
- Megan Janssen.
I wanna be a Santa. That's it.
- I hate to interrupt,
but I know being Jewish,
I might be a little outta the
loop on Christmas customs.
But wouldn't you
traditionally be better suited
to be Mrs. Claus?
- Don't wanna be Mrs. Claus.
My mother always said I
couldn't do anything I want
if I put my mind to it.
I was black belt in
jujitsu when I was 16.
Won bronze for shot put in Rio.
If I wanna be Santa,
I will be Santa.
- Okay.
Yeah. Okay.
- Who's next?
- I'm Nick.
I am over the moon to
be counted amongst you.
I'm here because the owner
of the school found me
by the side of the road,
and thought I'd be a great fit-
- While he was-
- Ah!
- Not-
- Waiting for us
to pick him up.
- For a ride.
- Because he signed up.
Yeah. Things can't get
any weirder than that.
- Hi, I'm Jimmy,
and this is Bruce.
I'm super excited to be here,
and really excited
to become a Santa.
Bruce is really shy
and I help him express himself.
Nobody wants to know
about that right now.
So I thought it would be
a great idea for Bruce
to meet some new people,
hang out, have some fun.
Hey, guess what?
I went to college
with Elf on a Shelf.
- You guys seeing this?
He's funny. I like this guy.
- So a puppet can be
Santa and I can't?
- I did not say that.
- You just said that.
- No, those words did not come
outta my mouth.
- No, Jimmy's not a puppet.
He's a figure.
- I figured you lost your mind.
- Hey, steady, old man.
- What you gonna do,
little tiny hands?
- What am I gonna do
with these tiny hands?
- I will yank your ass
outta here!
- You have no idea
what these tiny hands.
- You belong in a trunk!
Yeah, you want a piece of me?
- You want a piece of me?
- Well, because,
I don't know.
- Looks like we're
not gonna be able
to introduce ourselves
at this rate.
I'm Timothy.
- Paul Campbell.
I'm an actor.
- Oh.
- Doing research for a movie.
- Santa movie?
- How did you know that?
- It's an educated guess.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Cookie time!
I don't know, I never...
- It takes many things
to be a great Santa.
Knowledge, theatricality,
emotional intelligence.
But it also takes strength.
In parades, Santas
wave for hours.
Ah, my shoulder.
They're carrying
large sacks of gifts.
Oh, my back.
And in the mall,
they're lifting children
of all shapes and sizes.
A weak Santa is no Santa at all,
which is why we have
the obstacle course.
You will walk
across the rooftop.
You will tiptoe through
the living room.
You will duck under the
Christmas tree lights.
You will fill your Santa
sack full of presents.
You will then maneuver
around these giant ornaments.
And finally the chimney climb.
The first person to ring
that bell atop the
chimney is the winner.
Are you ready?
- Woo!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- I can't hear
you. Are you ready?
Yeah.
- Hey, all right.
Ready, set, go.
Coming through!
Oh! Whoa!
Oh, whoa, whoa!
- Santa down.
Take my hand!
- Strength. Inner strength?
- The filaments.
It's around my neck.
Suckers!
Watch your step!
- Hah!
Hah!
Who's Mrs. Claus now, Isaac?
- Is this what it's always
like on the first pass?
- Kind of.
- Yeah. So they get better?
- Kind of.
- I am so happy I came here.
This has been invigorating.
- Any memories coming back?
- Oh, sadly, no.
But physical health
begets mental health.
Progress is but
around the corner.
- He's so jolly.
- Yeah.
- Can I offer you
some marshmallows?
- Nobody eats marshmallows
for breakfast. No.
- What are you talking about?
The fine makers of
Lucky Charms cereal
would disagree with you.
- Okay, so the syllabus
is pretty straightforward,
right?
- Okay.
- In the morning,
we're gonna teach
presentation and skill.
Bailey will teach history,
and in the afternoon,
we'll go through, you
know, performance,
the obstacle course.
- Right.
What we do at Saint Nicholas
is, first thing in the morning,
we head to the video room,
check out the footage of the
greatest Santas of all time,
and then we go to the costumers,
do a quick fitting,
IV drip, massages.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- It's probably pretty
good for your health.
- It's so good.
- You know what we
don't have here?
- What?
- Any of that.
We don't have costumers or
fittings or electric saunas.
- We don't have electric saunas.
- No?
- No. They're wood burning.
- Okay, so the only resources
we have are you and me.
As depressing as that is, so...
- Well, a business
is only as good
as the two people
running this show.
And we've got the
two best in the game.
- I'm not so sure.
- I am.
There you go.
- It has a mind of its own.
- Mm.
I mean, it's...
- Right.
Megan, where's your beard?
You gotta put it on.
- Oh, fine.
Put it on.
- Should probably put
a pillow under there.
- I did.
- Oh, bigger one, maybe
- Biggest one I could find.
- I've been telling
him all morning,
I need my own costume.
- We're gonna look
into that for you.
- Yeah.
- All right, look, I take
my acting very seriously.
You want me to grow a beard?
Put on 150 pounds for the role?
I'll do it. I'll do it.
- You don't have to do-
- But first I'd like
to pitch you something,
handsome Santa.
He's svelte, he's suave,
he's approachable.
Right, sure, you can
imagine him as Santa,
but also, say, as a pet
psychiatrist with anxiety issues,
or the assistant to the
president of the 12 colonies.
He's not gonna wear some
bulky, unflattering jacket,
no offense.
- Yeah, totally.
- He's gonna wear
an outfit like this.
Something that showcases his
sleek-but-well-toned physique
that he worked so hard on.
He's not eating salads
for breakfast seven
days a week for nothing,
you know what I mean?
- No, I don't actually. Yeah.
- Where does Santa live?
- North Pole.
- And what's the
weather like there?
- Very cold.
- So how do you
think he stays warm?
- Bulky unflattering ja...
Shoot. Okay.
Yep. Good note. Good note.
Okay.
Who can tell me
where Santa originated from?
Ooh.
- Yes.
- Turkey.
- Very good.
Now what else did Santa
borrow from St. Nicholas?
- Oh yeah.
- I love the enthusiasm,
but maybe we should
get somebody else to...
- Teacher's pet!
- It's not enough to
just look like Santa.
You have to sound like
Santa, be like Santa.
So what we're gonna do is
work on some vocalization.
Three simple words.
Ho, ho, ho.
Thought you'd all say
it at the same time.
Okay, we're gonna
go individually.
- Ho, ho.
- Ho.
- Little too booming.
- Hey.
Ha.
- So it's ho, ho, ho.
- All right.
- He, ha, he, ha.
What's my motivation here?
- Ho, ho, ho.
- Ho, ho, ho.
- Ho, ho, ho.
- Is he always thinking
of something funny,
or is he drawing from,
like, a deep inner sadness?
- Ho, ho, ho.
- Ho, ho, ho.
Ho.
No, it's only three.
- Sorry. This never
happens to me.
What's the dealio with this guy?
- He's just jolly.
- Ho, ho, ho.
- I got nothing.
There's no reason to panic.
- Oh, there's reason to panic.
I've got seven reasons to panic
and I'm looking at them, okay?
And Nick is nowhere near
remembering that he's Santa.
That should be of a concern
to you, Mr. Christmas.
- Okay, just relax, all right?
We've had one full
day of training.
I mean, they're
gonna come around,
he's gonna come around.
- Do you know the Christmas
Cup was my dad's idea?
- Hmm?
- Yeah. He's thought a
little friendly rivalry
would do everyone good.
He used to say a rising
tide lifts all the boats.
- Wrong way! Wrong way!
- I'm not so sure.
I have no idea why
he left this to me.
- But North Star is
more than just your dad.
I mean, people didn't come to
Saint Nicholas to see Blaise.
They come there for me, kind of,
but they really come
there for the school
and for a really
great experience.
We're going to the
mall this week, right?
Why don't we just do
a little secret Santa
and just let them
shop for one another.
- I hate to give you
credit for something
that's not a terrible idea.
We could...
Okay.
- Hm? Hm?
Okay.
- Hey, thanks amigo.
Ah!
So, Nick?
You're tripping me out, man.
You okay, buddy?
- Do we know each other?
From before, I mean?
- I'm pretty sure we
just met yesterday.
I mean, if I knew someone
who could guzzle milk like
you do, I think I'd remember.
- No! No! No!
- Yeah, yeah, he needs
all the help he can get.
- Okay. So we'll
start with this-
- Is this gonna be big enough-
- And I think we're good.
- For me?
- Throw pillow in there.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Why you so skinny, Santa?
- Fine!
- Don't laugh in front of him.
- On the count of three,
we will be conducting
a relay race.
Which team, Team One on my
left, Team Two on my right,
will list the most
Christmas movies?
Three, two, one, go!
- Come on.
- I starred in like 35 of these.
Come on!
- Three, two,
generous two.
- Done! Team One wins!
- Just one name.
Keep it a secret.
Okay, so who'd you
get for secret Santa?
- I'm not gonna tell you that.
- Oh, so you got me?
- No, I didn't.
And even if I did, I
wouldn't tell you that.
- Okay, well, just so you
know, I don't like toffee.
- Oh.
- I look great
in the color red.
- Mm-hm.
- And I already own every
Christmas CD ever made.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
And your lights are out.
- What?
Oh, well, a light out.
- Yeah.
You should fix that.
- No.
Well, who cares? It's late.
I don't have time. We'll just...
- No, come on. I'll
give you a boost.
- I got it. I got it.
- Okay.
Whoa, careful. Look-
- Hold on.
- Just get on my shoulders.
Get up on my shoulders.
- Easy, easy!
- No, I got you.
- I got it!
Ready?
Hello?
- Hey.
- Nick.
- Just getting a
snack before bed.
Oh, great.
Goodnight.
Okay.
- Okay?
- Oh, okay. Just...
Ow!
Careful. There you go.
Oh, yeah.
That was fun.
- We should...
- Yeah, we should go.
Tomorrow is...
Mall Day!
- Rise and shine!
- Get up! Get up!
- You candy canes!
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
- Here, help me.
Jimmy, you too!
- Oh, Nick, you all right?
- Hey, Nick.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
- Nick? Nick?
- You all right?
- He stood up too fast.
- Nick, you okay?
- You okay, buddy?
- Here, have a seat.
- It's okay.
Get him some water?
- I'm seeing things
I cannot explain.
- Are they like memories?
- Well, other people's memories.
- If this is hurting
you in any way.
- No, no, no. It's the opposite.
It's making me feel more whole.
Some part of me needs
these delusions.
You don't understand.
How can you?
I don't even understand.
- A lot happens in this world
that nobody understands,
and I think anyone who pretends
that they have the answers,
they're the delusional ones.
- See, I don't think
they're delusions at all.
I think it's a gift.
You should use it.
- Welcome everyone.
I've invited you here
to give you a trial run
of what it's truly like
to be a mall Santa.
And just how difficult
this job can be.
- Woo!
- While we gather the families,
why don't y'all settle in,
do a little shopping, do
a little more shopping,
and we will start soon, okay?
All right.
Okay.
- All right.
- Secret Santa.
- Secret Santa.
Let's do it.
- Don't look where I go.
- Yeah, nobody follow me.
- No peeking!
- That's interesting.
- Bailey and Timothy.
So that's the thing about
Christmas, it inspires romance.
Gifts, dessert.
- Old men breaking and
entering into homes
- For someone that
owns a Santa school,
you're not very...
- Christmassy?
- Christmassy. Yeah.
- To be fair, you know,
I never wanted to
run a Santa school.
It was more of my dad's thing.
- What was your thing?
- I don't know.
Guess I'm still trying
to figure that out.
I've always wanted
to go to Paris.
If that's a thing.
- You know, that you
can take the school
and do whatever
you want with it,
you know, make it your thing.
- I don't know.
I think my dad was
more of the highlight.
- Mm, I'm not so
sure about that.
- Okay.
Remember, you've gotta
sell the Santa story.
Okay?
Chin up,
bellies out, a little more.
You got this!
- Hey.
Oh, Timmy, relax.
They're just kids.
- Just kids?
I don't think I'm
cut out for this.
I think I'm just gonna
sit this one out.
- Hey, hey, hey. I'll go first.
I'm not scared.
They're just small adults.
Okay, let's do this.
- First up are our twins.
- Twins?
- And they've been
eating candy all day.
Good luck with that.
- No, the character.
No.
My beard, it was in my mouth.
I don't know how it got
there, but it stayed there
and it tasted like
shopping mall floors
and broken dreams
and peppermint.
I didn't mind the peppermint.
I liked the peppermint,
but the rest of it was horror.
The horror.
- Okay, who's next?
- Where is Timothy?
Hey, how'd it go?
- There's a bag up
there, Santa's bag.
Kid crawled in, saw it
was empty, and screamed,
- "Santa's got no toys."
- Santa's got no toys!
- It was nearly a
full-blown riot.
Should have seen the
look in this kid's eyes.
It was like "Braveheart."
I'm miles outside
my comfort zone.
- You and me both.
I'm not supposed to
be teaching right now.
I'm supposed to be
working in a university.
- Well, you're a pretty
good teacher in my book.
Where is
he? Where is he?
- This is Leo.
Heads up, he does not think
you're the real Santa.
- Hello, Leo.
There you go.
Well, let's see.
Hmm. Let me guess, Leo.
You want a new bike?
A bright blue Spider-Man bike.
Now, you be good for your
mom and you'll get that bike.
Sound like a deal?
- Thank you, Santa.
- Merry Christmas, Leo.
- And this is Emily.
Poor Emily lost
her favorite stuffy
somewhere here this morning.
- Oh, come here, sweetie.
Oh, let's see.
Dasher, is that right?
Hmm?
I had a friend named Dasher too.
Would you like me to
help you find yours?
Yeah?
Well, I'll tell you what, Emily,
why don't you check
in Santa's bag here
and see what you find.
Is that him?
- Thank you, Santa!
- Oh, merry Christmas, Emily.
- Here he comes.
- Here he comes!
- Dude, how did you do
that? That bag was empty.
- How did you know what all
those kids wanted for Christmas?
- Nick, you are a wizard.
Well done, well done.
- I don't know.
Call it a gift.
- Hey?
I feel like you
should be more happy.
What?
- I just saw what Ned
wants for Christmas.
He wants to buy North Star.
- Hey, Ned, you really
wanna buy North Star?
- Wow. Who blabbed?
- Well...
- Look, I love your dad
and I know he always wanted
you to take the reins,
but I never felt like
that's what you wanted.
We wanna build another mall.
Your land stretches
right to the highway,
perfect mall real estate.
Sell to us.
The Saint Nicholas School
is bleeding you dry.
Something has to change.
- Okay? Give me this session.
Okay?
And I'll get back to you.
- Take as much time as you need.
Just know that I'm interested.
All right?
- Thank you.
- Think about it.
- I will.
What is there to think about?
If the price is right,
I have to take the deal.
I can't let nostalgia
determine the rest
of my life.
- It's the North Star.
It's not the Supreme Court.
You can always find a new job.
- Well, that's easy for
you to say, you know?
I'm older than you.
- Okay, you are a few
years older than me.
We're not that different.
- Says the person
who spent the last few
months playing video games
on my couch.
- Okay, what would he have
to say about your offer, hm?
- Well, he doesn't need
to know about it yet,
because he's in Florida.
- He's gonna be very sad
to miss Christmas
trivia tomorrow.
- Well, it's 75 degrees there.
I think he's gonna be just fine.
Okay, I see.
- All right, this
round is on me.
There you go.
Yay.
- Actually, I just
realized I still have
the company card
for Saint Nicholas,
so this round is on the enemy.
You like her?
- Oh, gimme a break.
- Oh, romance at a Santa school.
How cinematic.
- You know, you don't need
to wear the fake beard.
- What fake beard?
- Yeah. I remember my first
sleep away camp romance.
Leisha Goodfarb.
- Don't be a wuss. Ask her out.
- For your information,
we've actually gone
on a date before.
Mm.
- But that was years ago.
A lot's changed since then.
- If you don't ask,
you'll always wonder
what you could have had.
- Truer words.
- Shut up.
- Wise puppet.
- Look, I didn't buy
you guys drinks to get
relationship advice, all right?
Especially from a
talking piece of felt.
- Oh, now!
- Oh, hey now!
- Hey! Hey!
- Easy, easy.
Hey.
- Hi.
- Christmas cocktail.
Should we get a couple of those?
They look good.
- Wow, somebody's
chipper tonight.
- What do you mean?
That's me. Johnny Chipper.
- Uh-huh.
- Right, love Christmas
and sugary cocktails,
trivia nights.
- You love trivia?
- Yeah, I love trivia.
I'm like 90% trivia,
20% knowledge.
- That's 110%.
- Wow. Are you a mathematician?
How do you just put
those numbers together
so quickly?
- It's fast.
- Dan, Kate, small world.
- Blaise.
- Our local pub's closed,
and I heard this place
had trivia tonight.
I don't know, I thought
that sounded pretty fun.
- Hm.
- Well, it's great
to see you, Dan.
I'm glad you landed
on your feet.
- Oh, I landed on my feet.
- Oh, good.
- And we're about to
knock you off yours.
- Oh yeah.
- Okay.
Well, may the best
team win, huh?
See ya.
- We will.
- Okay, bye.
- Wait.
- We really need to win.
- Yeah, we need to win it.
- If anybody wants
to rumble, I'm in.
I haven't been in a
bar fight in weeks.
- Okay, I do wanna win. I do.
But how are we gonna do this?
- Timothy's got this.
This guy is a Santa expert.
He knows all the
myths, all the legends.
- Oh no.
- What?
That's
Brendan "The Brain" Crane.
Who's that?
- Who's Brendan Brain Crane?
- A legend in Christmas
history circles.
He's a living,
breathing encyclopedia
of everything Christmas.
Legend has it, he's
committed the entirety
of "The Christmas
Carol" to memory.
- All of it?
- What's he doing
at Saint Nicholas?
- Maybe he wants
to more fully understand
the Santa experience?
- Or maybe they recruited him,
brought him in as a ringer.
- Maybe he's doing
research for a movie.
We need to talk.
- If you are playing
Christmas trivia,
come get your team sheet now!
- Blaise.
- Dan.
Okay.
- Look alive. Look alive.
- Who's George
Bailey's guardian angel
in "It's A Wonderful Life"?
- Clarence Odbody.
- Boom!
- Clarence Odbody.
- Yes!
- Who was it?
- Clarence Odbody.
- Who wrote the
ballet The Nutcracker?
- Pyotr Ilyich...
- Tchaikovsky.
- Tchaikovsky.
- Whoa!
- What?
- Good work!
P-Y-O-T-R I-L-Y-I.
- I should be doing the writing.
- What were the names
of the Three Wise Men?
- I know this!
Balthasar, Caspar...
- And...
- Me. I'm the third wise man!
- Wow!
Are you taking this seriously?
- Paul Campbell.
- Melchior.
- Paul Campbell.
- Balthasar.
- The Wise Men!
- Go, go, go, go, go!
Look
alive! Look alive!
- Been waiting.
- Hope you trip next time.
- Both Saint Nicholas and
North Star have perfect scores!
The first team with the
correct answer wins.
- Go!
- Okay.
- In "The Twelve
Days of Christmas,"
how many total gifts does
the singer's true love give
to the singer?
- 11! No, no, no!
- No, no, no, it's not seven.
It's not seven.
- It's twice, no.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Sh!
- Let me speak!
It stacks every time.
- Sh!
- The first day, it's one gift.
The second day, it's two
turtle doves and the partridge.
Three gifts and so on.
- Okay, so can you
do it? Can you do it?
- Okay.
- Well, math's not
my strong suit.
- Kate can do it.
Kate's a mathematician.
Oh, get out of here.
- 364.
- I need more time if
I'm supposed to do this!
I got 10 seconds, and I don't
have enough time to do it.
- Throw me a number, Timothy!
- We have a correct answer.
Saint Nicholas wins.
- Ah, this guy! This guy!
It's fine, Timothy, it's fine.
You tried your best.
- Okay.
- It's not good.
- Aw, come on, Kate.
This is supposed to
be a friendly rivalry
- And you're here to gloat now?
- Come on.
Remember what your
dad always said?
A rising tide lifts all boats.
- Well, a rising tide can
also sink all boats, so...
- You know, you're lucky.
My folks weren't
big on Christmas.
I never got the gift I wanted,
but your dad showed me the
joy a picture-perfect Santa
could bring a child.
Then, I'm sorry to say,
but North Star just
doesn't have what it takes
to make picture-perfect
Santas like mine.
- Okay.
- Wow.
- Excuse me?
- I think
just head back over to
your table, would you?
- All right, well, I'll
see you at the cup, okay?
That's cold.
- What is that? Why
are you smiling?
- Yeah. What did I miss?
- Why does this Santa have
to be picture perfect anyway?
- Is this still the quiz?
- I mean, Christmas isn't
about the uniformity
of celebration,
you know, everyone celebrating
the exact same way.
No. It's about each
family being unique.
Every person is unique.
I mean, that's what it's about.
They can keep their
picture-perfect Santas,
because we,
we, we've got hippie Santa.
Yeah!
- We do. Huh?
And we got a skinny Santa,
and we've got a woman Santa.
We've got puppet
Santa, figure Santa.
- Handsome Santa!
- Cool Papa Santa.
- Cool Papa Santa!
Santa Santas.
And we've got 'em all.
We're all we need.
All you need to do is bring you.
Let's not try to
play their game.
Why can't we do it our way,
bring ourselves to this?
It'll mean more to more people,
and we'll make so many
more people happy.
- Now that sounds like
Christmas spirit right there.
Yeah!
- Who's in?
Me!
Yeah!
- Bring it in!
- That's Christmas spirit
right there.
- On three...
- Three, two, one!
Santa!
- What if the judges aren't
into less traditional Santas?
- This is the best chance we
have to make an impression.
And with Nick,
using his powers gives
him the best chance
to remember who he is.
So win-win.
- Right.
And what if he
remembers who he is
and heads back to the
North Pole before the cup?
- Well, if saving Christmas
means losing the cup,
I guess I can live with that.
- Hm.
- Hm.
- Mm-hm.
- I guess you've never
seen anything like this
at Saint Nicholas
before, have you?
- No.
No, I have not.
- Hm.
- Think people are
gonna vibe with this?
- Well, your whole life
you've been rejecting the
establishment, haven't you?
Why stop now?
- Yeah. Groovy.
- This is gonna be stupid.
- Oh, well, your grandkids
think this is stupid
or they think, hey,
my granddad is cool?
- The world is a hard place
for a lotta people, Bruce.
If Jimmy makes it
easier, that's okay.
- Plus I think a lot
of the kids coming
to see Santa will love him.
- Can you make me a costume?
- Can do.
- She likes you.
- You think?
- Sweet, tiny little Tim,
I was called the King
of Christmas Romance
by "Us Weekly" in 2022.
Let me tell you something.
She likes you.
Cool.
Paul?
- Hm? I'm wearing it.
- Take off the beard.
- What happened to
traditional Santa?
- Paul?
- Paul Campbell?
- We think it's time for
a svelte, suave Santa.
- But approachable.
- Right.
- I'll be in my trailer.
- He's only eaten milk
and cookies for a week.
- I would love to
have his metabolism.
- He knew exactly what all
those kids wanted for Christmas
like he could look
into their souls.
- Yeah.
- And he pulled a stuffed
animal out of an empty bag.
I'd swear it on my life.
Who do we know that
can read thoughts,
pull things out of a magic bag,
and sustain on nothing
but milk and cookies?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, are
you saying that you believe
that Nick is the
actual Santa Claus?
- I don't know what I believe,
but if you wanted
to embody everything
that we know about Santa,
you couldn't do a better
job than the one he's doing.
- Nah. Maybe he's a magician
or maybe we're on one of
those awful prank shows,
but that man is not Santa Claus.
- Okay, I think it's time now.
- Sorry, you ordered custom
Christmas wrapping paper
after paying for everyone's
costume alterations?
- Well, I mean, this place
could collapse at any moment.
I wanted to do something
that matters with it.
- Now we're not used to it,
but I'm just saying, ours is
gonna be a little more open.
- Oh, you got it bad, don't you?
- What?
- For Dan?
- Oh, please.
- You like him.
- Come on. Relax.
- I mean, he's pretty cute.
- Well, there were plenty
of cute guys in the world
that didn't work for the
enemy just last week.
- Romeo was the enemy of
Juliet and she still liked him.
- Well, let's hope this story
doesn't end like that one.
- Bad example.
Still very romantic.
- Ah, that was me.
I figured if you lose
your memory again,
you can have mementos
of us to remember us by
like that movie about the
guy who lost his memory.
- You mean "Memento"?
- Nah, I think it was
called something else.
I just can't remember.
- Bailey.
"Scandinavian
History 800 through 1319."
- I was worried
you had it already.
- No, I've actually always
been very interested
in the High Middle
Ages, so it's perfect.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- And Dan, I think you're up.
- Okay.
Who did this?
I knew it.
I knew it was you.
Wait? You think I'm the
world's best Santa trainer?
- No, but who am I to argue
with "The Santa Sentinel?"
- Come on, look at this.
Listen, thank you.
You know, my parents moved
overseas a long time ago
and it's just, I haven't
had a Christmas like this
in a long time, so thank you.
Thank you.
- Yeah.
- And nobody better call
this an ugly sweater
because this is objectively
the most attractive
sweater I have ever seen.
- Megan, I think that's you.
- Oh, it's a Molly McGuire doll.
I always wanted a
Molly McGuire doll.
- You wanted a doll?
- I contain multitudes.
- Yeah, I agree.
- Sorry.
My parents got me the wrong one
and I didn't have the
heart to tell them.
- Merry Christmas, Megan.
- It's you.
Your secret's safe with me.
- Kate, you out here?
- I can't see you.
Oh.
There you are.
There I am.
- There he is.
Wow. You are right.
The color red does
look good on you.
- Thank you.
Yeah, it's a nice sweater.
It's fun, it's festive,
and you can see it
from the space station,
which is kinda cool.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
- You were right.
- About?
- The secret Santa.
I think it brought everybody
together, and thank you.
- That is what I'm
here for, right?
So...
- Mm-hm.
- Oh, so there's this,
it's interesting.
There's, like, this
Christmas market in town
and I've never been there
and I've always wanted to go.
And I was thinking,
I don't know,
maybe you and I can go
together, like check it out
and, like, hit the town after.
- Mm-hm?
- Mm-hm.
What do you think?
- I mean, just to be clear, you
are asking me out on a date?
- No, no, no, no.
It's a scheduled social
interaction designed
for networking and
potential recreation.
What do you say?
Wanna go?
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- All right.
- You really seem like
Little Miss Popular.
- Hi.
Not popular, just familiar.
Everyone comes here every year.
That's Kyle, he's a
lawyer from one town over.
He knits sweaters all year
round, sells them here.
- Cool.
- Back there, she
makes stockings.
Except I think she's been
mad at me since high school.
She thinks I stole
her boyfriend.
- Did you?
Did you?
- No!
- Oh!
Ow. No.
Yeah.
Kate, you literally
know everybody here.
- I know.
- No, that's a good thing.
Let's go get hot chocolate.
- It's just, you know, it's
always the same people,
same gossip, same
Christmas parties.
- Yeah. So?
- Same Christmas sweaters.
- Yeah, all those things,
those are called traditions.
Two hot chocolates,
please. Thank you.
- Yeah, sometimes
you can feel lost,
even though the places
and the people stay
the same, you know?
It feels like I'm
on a merry-go-round
and I can't get off.
- You know, who would love to
be stuck on a merry-go-round?
- Don't say you.
- Me. Me.
No. I would love to be stuck
on a merry-go-round. Yep.
- Okay.
You never feel stuck?
- Not really.
I mean, I was never really
in one place long
enough to feel stuck.
Traveled around, came
here to visit a friend.
Then Blaise offers me this
incredible job, benefits.
- Yeah.
- Pays well, company car.
I mean, what more
could a guy ask for?
- Soul?
- Ha ha.
You know, you're right.
I should have talked to
you and your dad more.
Been kinder.
- No.
- Sorry.
- I could have
been friendlier.
- You could have.
- Okay.
- What's that?
- Hmm?
- Over there. What is that?
- Christmas party?
- Let's crash it.
- What?
- Yeah, let's go crash it.
- No.
- Yeah.
Leave your drink here.
- No, Dan. Dan. Dan.
Follow me. Follow me.
Follow me. Come,
come, come, come.
- No! No!
- Let's go.
- Thank you very much.
Oh, look at this.
Perfect timing.
Thank you so much.
So good to see you.
Do you recognize anyone here?
- No shot.
- Ooh. Outta towners.
All right, there he is.
Midvale Communications
is the party we're at.
We're just blending in with
our fellow employees here.
- Fellow employees!
- Just saddle up and,
you know, act natural.
Ooh, meatball?
Oh!
Come on.
We gotta mingle. Let's go.
- Don't! What are you doing?
- What do you mean?
I'm just fitting in.
- No, you're not.
- Yeah, I am.
- No, you're not.
- We're out-of-towners.
- We're not out-of-towners.
Gotta stop that.
- Stop what?
- That!
- What are you talking about?
Come on.
You're the one who wanted
to get off the
merry-go-round, all right?
So let's just consider
this a little pit stop.
Photo wall. Let's go
do the photo wall.
- No! Dan! Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan!
- Come on. Photo wall.
- Photo wall.
- Dan, please.
- That was really good.
You guys are hilarious.
So let's just get some photos.
Gimme this here.
Hey, how you doing tonight?
Great.
- Put this on.
- What?
- And just act like you belong.
- I don't belong.
- Well, if you believe
you belong then you belong.
- I believe I'm a millionaire,
and that hasn't exactly
happened yet, has it?
Oh!
- Uh-oh.
What?
- Nothing.
Honey, let's dance
- No!
- Oh, nice.
Just get in there.
Whew. That was close.
- What do you...
Well, don't you think
we should come up
with some kind of a backstory
or alter ego or
something like that,
in case they wanna
come and talk to us?
- That's a good idea.
We're married.
- What?
- Yeah.
- Don't you think that's a
little fast for our alter egos?
- Well, my alter ego
knows what he wants
and he didn't want your
alter ego to get away.
- That's nice of your alter ego.
- Yeah.
- Whoa.
- I also think we should
dance a little closer
since our alter egos
are married and...
- Oh.
- I mean, that is,
if you're okay with
us being this close.
- I mean, we should sell it.
I actually didn't think you were
the dancer that you are.
- Oh.
Well I didn't
really know that you
were a dancing queen.
- Okay.
- What? What?
Gentlemen.
Merry Christmas.
It's us, Nathaniel and...
- Kath.
- Kath.
- We're communicators.
- Communicators.
- We've been here for 25 years.
- For Midvale.
- Jeffrey, I was at-
- Wow!
- Your son's 10th
birthday party.
- This is how you treat
us after 20 years?
- Come on, he's got us.
- I can't even believe.
- Whoa!
- Okay.
- We're about to sue.
Did you see that?
You got stuff all
over the ground.
- Presents.
- Here's the deal.
We're quitting right now.
- That's right!
- You just lost your
two best communicators.
- We quit!
- Bye!
Merry Christmas.
- How about bah-humbug!
Thank you for the ride.
- You're welcome. Yeah.
- I really enjoyed that
scheduled social interaction.
- As did I.
- We should go on that
real date sometime.
- I would like that.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
Beautiful day.
- Beautiful.
- Beautiful.
- Two professionals.
- Yes.
- Being professional.
- Just at work,
doing work things.
- This is what we do.
Yeah, okay.
Three days until the cup.
- Yep.
- All right, we gotta
help Nick remember
that he's the real Santa.
- Wait, what?
- Whoa!
- What are you doing here?
- Ordering donuts
using the company card.
What do you mean the real Santa?
- Let's just tell her.
- No!
- Nick is Santa.
We saw the sleigh take off,
reindeer and everything.
- That's not possible.
- Well...
- What do you mean we?
- I did too. Yes, it's true.
- How could you not tell me?
- Well, what was
I supposed to say?
Hey, good morning.
You know? And Nick's
the real Santa.
- Wait.
- Ho.
- What now?
- No.
- Where did you
just come from?
- Bailey said she
was ordering donuts.
- Nick's the real Santa?
- Oh no.
- They saw the sleigh
fly away and everything.
- I knew it!
The milk, the cookies,
the toy in the bag,
the way he seems to
read everyone's mind.
- Of course he can
read everyone's mind.
He knows when you're sleeping,
he knows when you're awake.
- Chill out!
- This is the biggest discovery
in the history of civilization.
How have you not
spent every second
of every day freaking
out about this?
We are freaking out about it!
- So what do we do?
- Nothing. We're gonna keep
this between ourselves.
All right, we're gonna
gently help him remember
that he's Santa.
- Okay, well,
we better start gently
helping him remember
a little bit quicker,
because Christmas is
just around the corner.
We don't have a lot of time.
- I realize that.
- This is so exciting.
- Zip it.
Keep it to yourself.
Got it?
- Nick's the real Santa!
I'm sorry.
- Everything all right?
I don't know.
- What's up?
- Nick still doesn't
remember who he is.
Tomorrow's the last day.
We've gotta do something
to jog his memory.
- Well, if he remembers
before the cup,
he might still leave.
- Yeah, well, if he doesn't,
then a lotta kids are
gonna be disappointed.
- You think Santa doesn't
have a contingency plan?
- You wanna take that chance?
- I don't know what
you're expecting to do.
He's the one with
the magic, not you.
- Magic.
Bailey.
- Yeah?
- You're a genius.
Hey.
You okay?
- Have you ever felt
like you're meant
to do something
more with your life?
- Only for the past
20 years or so, yeah.
- I've so enjoyed my time here.
- Hmm.
- But I can't help
but feel I'm meant
to be somewhere else.
- I have an idea.
I want you to think of
something, something
that you want,
and reach into the bag.
What?
How did you get that in there?
- A cookie!
- Oh my goodness.
- I feel like celebrating, Nick.
Pull me out a
bottle of champagne.
- How are you doing this?
- I'll take that.
Oh, I'm not, Nick. You are.
You know what they want
and you have the power
to give it to them.
But now I want you to
think about what you want.
Okay?
- Okay.
Kate?
Purchase offer.
Hmm.
- Great news.
Nick is on the verge of-
- When did you know?
- I mean, Ned talked
to me about it,
I dunno, last week maybe.
- Oh.
Why didn't you tell me?
- Well, I mean,
rich people talk about
buying things all the time.
I mean, it's not real until
there's an offer, right?
- Yeah. Right. No, I just...
You're not actually thinking
of selling to them, are you?
- With that amount of
money on the table,
I have to consider it, right?
- Yeah.
Okay.
That's that then.
- Wait, what?
That's that? What?
Dan, this session has been fun,
but, I mean,
I can't make business
decisions based off of fun.
- No, I know.
I guess I thought this
was more than just fun.
You know, like our session,
I thought it was different.
- I-
- Look. No, no, it's fine.
Like, I don't know.
I mean, okay, so
what's gonna happen
if we win the cup?
- What happens if we don't?
I mean, our track
record is zero, right?
That's still the same.
Everything really
is still the same.
My debt is still the same,
our opponents are
still the same.
I mean, nothing has changed.
I'm sorry. I am.
I, just...
Listen, if I have
to sell the place,
I'll do whatever it takes
to get your job
back with Blaise.
- I don't want to work
with Blaise, Kate.
I want...
Sorry. I think I just
misread everything.
- No!
- I'm just gonna call an Uber.
It's fine,
- Dan.
- It's fine.
I can't believe
you'd actually consider selling.
- After this session,
we lose Santa,
we could lose the school.
We could have nothing.
This is a good opportunity.
- You talk with such permanence.
We could lose tomorrow,
still turn this thing around.
We could win tomorrow
and still go under.
Over the past couple weeks,
I have seen you happier than
I've seen you in a while.
I wouldn't wanna see
you sacrifice something
just because you're scared.
- I'll think about it.
- Let's go do this.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Listen-
- Listen, I-
- No, sorry. You go first.
- No, no, no. You go ahead.
I was just gonna say,
about last night.
- Should we do this later?
Could we, should we?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Blaise.
- Kate.
- Ned.
Welcome to another
Christmas Cup.
As a reminder, you'll be
scored in five categories:
presentation, performance,
history, skills, and stamina.
Every Santa's scores
will be tallied
and the team with
the most points wins.
Give it your all and
may the best Santas win!
- Is this Santa a woman?
- Last I checked.
- And you also know,
presumably, that Santa is a man.
- So you don't know
what Santa looks like.
This is my Santa.
This is what my
Santa looks like.
So unless you want to
get on my naughty list,
I suggest you smile
and move along.
- Does this Santa have a puppet?
- He's not a puppet.
He's a figure.
- Figure.
- What's your friend's name?
- Jimmy.
- This is Penelope.
- What if he beats me again?
What if I'm not good enough?
I think I'm just
gonna sit this...
- You are better than them
every way that matters.
You got this.
- Good afternoon.
I'm television's Paul Campbell.
6'2 1/2", based out of
Vancouver, British Columbia.
Today I will be
performing a scene out
of William Shakespeare's
"Romeo and Juliet,"
Act V, Scene III.
- We want you to
perform as Santa.
- Oh my love, my wife.
Death hath sucked the
honey from thy lips.
- It was so easy.
Who did Scrooge apprentice
for as a young man?
Mr. Fezziwig.
Who sang "You're a
Mean One, Mr. Grinch"?
Boris Karloff.
- It wasn't Boris Karloff.
It was Thurl Ravenscroft, buddy.
Come on babe. Eggnog's on me.
- That can't be right.
It can't be.
No!
No!
- Oh, true apothecary.
And thus,
with a kiss,
I die.
- Wow. I can't believe this.
For the first time in
Christmas Cup history,
Saint Nicholas and
North Star are tied.
- Okay!
- We consulted the rule book
and the winner will be
decided in sudden death.
Now, each team
will select someone
to run the obstacle course.
First Santa to finish,
their team wins.
- This guy!
- Nick.
- Yeah. There we go.
Okay, let's go.
- I'll certainly do my best.
Kris!
- Is it just me or does
that look a lot like...
- Kris! Oh, my good...
You're okay.
- Wait, wait. You know me?
How did you find me?
- The whistle. It's a beacon.
Oh, it's so good
to see you're okay.
- Who are you?
- I'm your wife, Kris.
- Oh, hi sweetheart.
- Oh, hello, cookie.
Now, we have to hurry back.
- Not just yet.
We have a competition to win.
- Yes we do!
- Ready?
On your marks...
Come on, Nick!
- Yeah! Let's go!
Yeah! There you go!
Yeah!
- No! No!
- Come on! Come on!
- North Star wins!
- How did he do that?
- Call the networks.
Tell 'em I'm ready to do
"Love at the North Pole."
What do you mean they
gave it to Andrew Walker?
- What I just...
Oh, it's just,
it's not possible.
- Possible is so boring, Blaise.
Try living impossibly
for a change.
- No, I demand an explanation.
Were there hidden wires or...
Blaise?
- Yeah?
- I have something for you.
- What do you mean?
How did you know?
It's Teddy Talks A Lot.
- 'Twas the night
before Christmas,
when all through the house.
- Merry, Blaise.
I love it.
- Hey, Kate.
So I assume you're not selling?
- Not yet. There's
too much to do yet.
I can't think of a
better Christmas present.
- It might not be better
than a Christmas Cup,
but you did save Christmas.
Consider this a token
of my appreciation.
- What?
- Go in the spring.
Paris is beautiful
in the spring.
- Wow.
I don't know. I mean,
sorry. Don't get me wrong.
I'm excited I actually
have two tickets to Paris.
It's just, I mean, there's
so much to do, you know?
And I don't know if I
can do it without you.
- You already have.
We won because you
believed in me, in us.
Now don't you think
some of that belief
should be headed your way?
- Thank you.
- We have to go.
Okay.
We have a sleigh to catch.
- Hi.
We did it.
- We did it.
- Yes, we did it all right.
- It's a pleasure
working with you.
- It was a real pleasure.
I'm sorry about the other night.
- I'm sorry.
I just didn't think
I could do it,
so thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Are you kidding?
- Already signed up again for
next year. Doing it again.
Really?
You guys hear about Paul?
Okay.
- Good to see you, Richard.
Oh, it's been too long.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas, Kate.
Oh, I got you something.
- What's that?
- I don't know.
You ever need
any help with the Academy,
don't be afraid to call.
It's Nick!