The Shuroo Process (2021) Movie Script

["Hot wheel breakdown"
by Elliot Holmes playing]
as the guru Shuroo...
The guru Shuroo...
[woman] Nobody knows how,
but he's a miracle worker.
[woman 2] Couldn't even be
around myself...
[woman 3] I have turned myself
into a monster...
- [man] He'll change your life.
- [woman 2] All thanks to him.
["Hot wheel breakdown"
[music ends]
[Parker] Life has a habit
of catching up with you.
When you make your living
selling stories,
make sure your own story
couldn't sell for a dime.
I'm so happy to be home.
Oh! I missed you.
- [kiss]
- So much.
Paris was a zoo.
Daphne was so much worse
than either of us thought.
Duke has the patience
of a saint,
putting up with her.
Although Paris seems to agree
with them, so I don't know.
I've got so much work to do.
I've barely put
anything on paper.
- [toilet flushes]
- [sighs] Oh, God.
I mean, you were so right.
You just actually
predicted everything.
I don't know.
Did my rebate check come?
It did, right?
Did it come?
We need to talk.
Yeah. Sure, let's talk.
I'm not happy.
Of course you're not happy.
You need to quit your job.
We have the same conversation
every three months.
I mean, we're gonna wake up
and be 50.
I'm so bored.
I'm bored of this situation.
What are you saying, Andrew?
I've lost patience
playing this role with you.
Your lifestyle.
You haven't let up on the booze,
the blow, the smoking.
I don't want my kids
around this nonsense.
Your kids?
your kids fucking love me.
And also, I am a lot of things
but boring...
boring is not one of them.
Case in point.
I haven't stopped in ten days.
Hey, can we please just relax?
And talk about this
in the morning?
I'm going to Florida with Mags
and the kids for the week.
When I come back...
You're going to Florida
with your ex-wife?
Come on.
This is not out of the blue.
- If you weren't so shit faced...
- Don't you...
Don't you fucking dare.
Don't you dare tell me that.
Have fun...
- in Florida, you...
- What the fuck?
- What the fuck? Are you serious?
- Go to fucking Florida!
Go to Florida! Go to fucking...
- Florida with that bitch!
- They fucking live there!
Fucking cunt! Go!
Go with that fat cunt.
Go! I am leaving.
You know what, Andrew?
This is what happens
when you settle.
I, I am a successful,
accomplished, beautiful woman.
And that
fucking intimidates you.
And it always has!
You slimy, fucking
pencil dick, motherfucker.
I am fucking leaving.
I'm leaving!
Do not need you!
[somber music]
- [Edie] Hello?
- Hey.
Edie, it's me. Guess what?
I, I have left Andrew.
He's having an affair
with his ex-wife.
- Wait, are you kidding?
- [laughs]
No, I'm not kidding.
Listen, can I come
to your place tonight?
I could totally get a hotel,
I'm just...
I feel traumatized.
Of course, honey.
Yeah, come over.
Thank you. Okay, I'm coming.
[girl] Auntie Parky!
- [Edie] M'lady.
- Hey!
- Hey, got you some coffee.
- Thank you.
You have a Bloody Mary?
- [Parker sighs]
- How you doing?
- I feel okay.
- [Edie laughs]
[both laugh]
Okay. I just need you to just
stay in bed today, okay?
I'll let Adrian know that
we'll just see him at the event.
- Have you got your speech ready?
- Oh, God.
- What are you wearing?
- [Parker cries]
I'll be fine. I'll be fine.
I'll pump a look.
The show must go on.
I'll be okay.
[club music]
We're here live at the fifth
annual Rogue Journal Awards.
I'm speaking with Edie Maxwell.
Edie, can you tell us
what are the areas
having the most progress?
Well, emphasis is on
the developing world...
Where the fuck is Parker?
[Parker screams] Sorry I'm late!
Better late than never!
You look amazing!
Which one is Getty?
Let's go.
Thank you, guys. Come on.
Thank you guys for coming.
We'll see you later.
I'll see you up there.
- [Edie] Sorry, excuse us.
- Hi!
[Edie] P, come on!
Welcome, one and all,
to the fifth annual
Rogue Journal
Woman of the Year Awards.
Taking their rightful place
in society
in developing countries
and escaping poverty and
- taking their place in society.
- Hey!
All the while,
there are still forces in it,
- trying to turn back the clock.
- Jesus Parker.
I'm going to hand you off now
to the founder of these awards.
[Edie] Is that thing supposed
to be on your head?
- A singular woman about town.
- [Parker] It's called fashion!
Ladies and gentlemen,
Parker Schafer.
[Parker] Get the fuck away
from me!
- [crowd cheer]
- Hi! Thank you!
Thank you.
[Parker laughs]
It feels really good to be here.
Shit. Anyway,
I can't find my speech.
That's okay.
I would like to say
it is an honor
to be here representing Rogue,
honoring all of these generous,
and successful women.
- Give it up for women SA.
- [crowd cheering]
You know what I wondered though?
I wonder why is it
that the women
still have to make
all of the sacrifices?
Me, I've sacrificed
my entire adult life
for the love of journalism.
And what has it gotten me?
Some shoes.
And some clothes
I could never afford
if they weren't given to me.
I mean, no nest egg.
No kids.
No relationship. In fact,
I was dumped because he couldn't
handle the lifestyle.
[laughs] Does anybody
know what that means?
Yeah, you know what?
We are under attack.
And ladies and gentlemen
of the one percent,
while you're busy worrying about
who goes to what bathroom,
and what crystals
to put up your ass,
America is becoming
an oligarchy.
I mean, the end of the world
is going to be sponsored
- by KK Cosmetics by...
- [Edie] Let me go, okay?
- [Parker laughs]
- [Edie] Fucking hell.
Thank you, Parker. Thank you.
Look, if we don't wake up
and pay attention here,
we're all going that way.
Hey, stop, Edie.
Stop! Fuck! Fuck!
Stop! Fuck! Fuck!
- Stop! Fuck! Fuck!
- [Parker sighs]
Parker, I think you need
to take some personal time.
You can't fire me, Adrian.
I built this magazine.
Then why don't you act like it?
That's not it!
Right now, this magazine
is hemorrhaging cash,
and at this rate, we won't
have a magazine to sell.
I can't stand by you anymore.
It's too much.
Are you kidding me?
Do I have to remind you
the amount that I've done
for this place?
And for you?
For the sacrifices
that I've made?
Every relationship
I've ever had is doomed
because of the amount
that I work!
This is embarrassing!
What about the double standard?
I remember picking your ass up
from meth binges
at five in the morning...
That's why I got help!
Look, Adrian, I'm sorry, okay?
I'm sorry. I made a mistake.
[sighs] Parker,
you have a problem.
And I am here for you,
but I will not enable you.
You can keep your email address,
and we put together
a six months severance package.
[somber music]
[Parker cries]
Wow, Adrian.
[cries] Where did it all
go wrong, huh?
I gotta tell you,
it's a good thing.
I've been turning down
for a long time
because of Rogue.
And that is not going
to continue.
You're right.
This could be a good thing.
You should get out of New York
for a little while.
Put your shit in storage, and
go actually fucking write, P.
Go and stay with Duke
in Paris for a month.
Every time I go to Paris,
I gain 10 pounds.
Let's just put out the feelers.
You're not gonna have a problem.
Edie, my naked ass
made the National Press.
- [laughs]
- I think I need a minute.
- [laughs] Right.
- Yeah.
[laughs] I mean,
you gotta do something!
Maybe you should meditate.
[laughs] Actually,
there's this girl that I follow.
She's raving about some center.
About something, yeah.
Here we go.
The Shuroo Process. See?
[Parker] "The Shuroo Process.
This process will help
you become
conscious of
and disconnected from
negative patterns of thought
on a conscious level."
Who is this guy
writing this garbage?
[phone vibrates]
[sighs] Oh, God.
Off to the races. Thank you.
Jesus, blow! It's early.
Don't stay out too late.
["Best life"
by Elisia Savoca playing]
[Duke] Parker, unbelievable!
What you gonna do
about it, babe?
I mean, I have...
I have left him.
I have walked out.
For real this time?
I took his mother's camera,
and I smashed it
into a million pieces.
- [Edie] Hey.
- Wait, wait. Hold on.
[Edie] Parker, it's 4 a.m.
What are you doing?
Hey. You want a glass
of champagne?
No, I don't want a fucking
glass of champagne.
You're bringing drugs
into my house
while my daughter's asleep
next door?
Do I have to remind you
that Chris
is asking for full custody?
- I'm sorry, okay? I just...
- You know...
I've been under
a lot of pressure.
You know what? You need to take
a good look at yourself
because you have been
on borrowed time for a while.
Are you, are you actually
kidding me right now?
And don't think I don't know
everything you've been saying
- about me at the office.
- The office?
Where are your fancy
friends now?
[both bickering]
Why are you yelling?
Are you fighting?
I'm sorry, honey.
Your mom was telling me
to go to sleep,
and she's right.
I should've gone to sleep.
I'm sorry.
["Calling out"
by Sophie Lloyd playing]
[Parker] I've traveled the world
on a quest of knowledge.
From New York to Bhutan.
I've chased the ghost
of Plato and Pythagoras,
Confucius and Buddha,
Locke and Thoreau,
in hopes of finding one true
universal belief system.
And yet,
I'm haunted by the words
of my DMV
driving instructor in 1995.
"When you've lost control
of your vehicle,
it is often best
to steer in to the skid."
[Edie] Hey, it's Edie.
Leave a message, and I'll get
back to you when I want to.
Edie, it's me.
just wanted to say
I am so sorry.
I've been such a selfish bitch,
and out of my mind.
And I wanted to
let you know that I...
I'm on my way
to the Shamoo thing.
I guess I'll become...
conscious of...
on an emotional level...
Anyway, I...
I'm sorry, and I love you.
And I'll call you
in a few days, okay?
- Okay.
- ["Calling out" continues]
He sounds messed up
Just keep on tossing me
Calling out your name
I don't know about y'all
But I ain't as young
As I used to be
Calling out your name
[song continues over speakers]
Calling out your name
Oh, shit.
[song stops]
- Hi.
- Hi.
Parker Schafer!
I am a huge fan.
Oh, fuck.
I love tiny tits.
I mean, it's so breathtaking
to see you here.
Isn't this place just magical?
We're gonna leave your car here,
'cause Shuroo doesn't like
any reminders
of the outside world
on the property, so.
Let's go. I'm gonna drive you.
- Okay.
- You ready?
[peaceful music]
Isn't it beautiful, Parker?
- Yeah.
- I'll show you the house now.
Right this way.
Come on, slowpoke!
[insects buzzing]
All right. Now, down here
is where most
of the meetings take place.
[Seraphina hums]
This is the kitchen.
Excuse the mess.
Just trying to get lunch made
for everyone.
And this is May over here.
But she actually goes by Stormy
for some reason.
I don't like stepping
on this one stair.
Fucking bitch.
It's the 13th,
and I've already done
my 12 steps.
This gotta be bad luck.
This is your room here.
Let's get some fresh air in.
Oh! Is that a rooster?
How do you look so great,
Parker? Are you a hugger?
[Parker grunts]
Okay, well, you know what?
Just wait until all that booze
and coke's out of your system.
I'll be back soon.
In thirty.
[D'Arcy] I just
don't give a shit.
Then why did you agree to come?
For you.
I'm doing this
because you asked me.
It's not that
complicated, Nadia.
I just wanna go on holiday,
go for dinner.
Have no stress.
It's hot.
And why is this walkway so long?
Should've taken the train,
like everybody else.
Who takes an Uber
to the Catskills?
- Why won't they open the gate?
- I don't know.
This better not be
some freaky shit, Nadia.
Excuse me.
- May I join you?
- Please.
- Hi. Willie.
- Jane. Nice to meet you.
And you.
Is this a real person?
Speak to an operator.
I read his book. It was a gift
from my crazy neighbor.
It spoke to me.
Yeah, well...
It was all out of
my comfort level, really.
No way I spent that much money.
That's impossible.
There's just some fraudulent
activity on my account.
I'm Nini.
- Nice to meet you.
- Mark.
You, you here
for the Shuroo weekend?
Yeah. So, how's your life?
Not bad.
- How about yours?
- Awful.
All right, we're being honest.
- [Jane] Hungry?
- [Willie laughs]
- Did you make it yourself?
- I did. It's vegan.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
[Willie laughs]
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Oh! Delicious!
- [laughs] Thank you.
["Words from the wizard"
by Cameron Neilson playing]
Well howdy, campers.
We are all
Pathetic strangers
Yeah well we don't...
[Seraphina] Now don't mind
my driving.
I've yet to have any crashes.
[Nini] I wish I had been
born 40 years ago.
You guys are so lucky.
Men these days are either gay,
in relationships,
or just complete dogs.
I'm newly single myself.
Oh, good luck with that
at your age.
I'm 27... 23,
and I'm over the hill.
- Would you like a candy?
- Oh, my gosh. You are so cute.
No, thank you.
["Words from the wizard"
God, I hope there's food.
I'm fucking starving,
by the way.
[Nini] Have you been to L.A.?
Oh, my God. Of course you have.
I mean, I got so tired of it.
I was never sexy enough,
smart enough, talented enough.
I was this close to getting
my tits done. Crazy.
[scoffs] So small.
Words from the wizard
Just let it disappear
Listen, listen...
[Parker] She needed distance.
I needed distance
between me and my life,
to reflect on the trail
of destruction I've left behind.
And the bridges I've left
burning in my wake.
No. [laughs]
The bridges I burnt were fiery
enough to have lit up the sky.
Oh, my God.
Words from the wizard, yeah
The words from the wizard
That have disappeared
[song ends]
[Seraphina humming]
Now this
up here is the 13th step,
which I like to warn people
about stepping on.
But you do you.
Wait, what?
[Jane] Something about
a 13th step?
This is lovely.
[stairs creak]
[Parker sighs]
[tranquil music]
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
[Seraphina] You must wear
the uniforms at all times.
No makeup is to be worn
by anyone.
You are beautiful.
Don't be afraid
to reveal your true self.
There will be silent time
where no talking is allowed.
There will be no contact
with the outside world.
There's no Wi-Fi, and good luck
getting cell service.
You must journal
your experiences daily.
- Meet on the lawn at noon.
- [gongs dinging]
Dress to meet Shuroo.
Now, all y'all beautiful people.
It is now time
to hand in y'all's phones.
Thank you. Thank you. Come on.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Okay, my parents will probably...
Okay, put it in. Thank you.
Thank you.
- [country music]
- [quadbike roaring]
Good afternoon, everybody.
Thank you all for coming.
Don't worry.
I'm just going
to steal all your money
and alienate you
from your families.
I'm kidding, of course.
The reason for life
is self-development,
ladies and gentlemen.
To understand ourselves
We live in an age where people
are terrified of themselves.
Middle class morality
and self-denial
have stopped us
from being what we are.
The conscious realization
of the universe.
Gods, ladies and gentlemen.
Who the fuck am I,
you may well ask.
Let me give you some background.
Twenty years ago, on the 20th
of January, 1997, I died.
[people laugh]
[Shuroo laughs]
That's funny?
You guys are twisted.
- I like it.
- [D'Arcy] Seriously?
But it wasn't my time.
I was in a serious car accident.
And, while I was in a coma
for two weeks,
I was visited
by non-physical entities.
They gave me the name Shuroo.
Shuroo is the Hindi word
for beginnings.
- That's why you are all here.
- [drumming music]
To shuro again.
If you're gonna be
my devoted followers
you're gonna have to learn
to laugh at my jokes.
- [forced laughter]
- [Shuroo laughs]
All right, take a seat.
I woke up changed.
I felt something...
ancient within me stir.
I had this overwhelming need
to give form to every feeling.
Expression to every thought.
To bring back the courage that
is inherent in the human race.
[laughs] You all look petrified.
Look, here's what I know.
You have the answers, not me.
You were sent to me
to find the right questions.
I want you to be rebels.
Spiritual outlaws. Question
everything that you know.
It is only the weak
and superficial person
who takes years
to process an emotion.
A person who is the ruler
of themself can squash sadness
just as quickly
as they can invent pleasure.
But first, we need to hear
how the world sees us.
Everybody get comfortable.
First impressions.
I'm gonna choose
two people at random.
One person will be asked
to give the other
their first impressions.
The other person
will stand in silence
and process the information.
Who wants to go first?
My love.
Why don't you give us
your first impressions of...
Nini? Come on, Nini.
Whenever you're ready.
Friendly with a love
of adventure.
- Loves to be around people.
- [Nini laughs]
And the center of attention.
I'm pretty sure there's
a shifting self-image, though.
- And moods that can fluctuate...
- Fluctuation...
chronic feelings of emptiness.
Emotional instability.
Feelings of worthlessness,
insecurity, impulsivity.
Impaired social relationships.
Well, Nina,
I think it's safe to say
you have borderline
personality disorder.
Oh, my God.
This is so embarrassing.
Is this terminal?
I should get a second opinion.
Actually, I'm glad that
you brought that up.
I'm cutting back
on some patients,
but I do have someone
to refer you to,
who's qualified.
Are you breaking up with me?
- I wouldn't say...
- [Shuroo] Well done, Jane.
Come on, Nini.
Let's lead the group
with a round of applause
for Jane's honesty.
Next up, why don't we have...
Parker and Nadia.
Let's go. Come on.
You want me to do her
or her to do me?
Why don't you give us your first
impressions of Parker?
All right.
Whenever you're ready.
- Hi.
- [both laugh]
- Great style.
- [Parker laughs]
I loved that strip down look
you were rocking
when you arrived.
Maybe works in fashion.
Not a model, though. Obviously.
It looks like...
you've been through a lot
in your life.
not as old as you look.
Probably single,
looking for love.
[Parker laughs]
struggles with your weight
a little bit.
Standoff-ish, insecure.
- Awesome. Great.
- [clapping]
[Parker laughs]
Thank you. Well done.
Well done, Nadia.
Great. Why don't you stay
where you are, and...
Why don't we have Willie?
Come on, Willie.
Why don't you give us
your first impressions
of the lovely Nadia?
Come on. Don't be shy.
Come on, Willie.
A beautiful young lady.
Could have the world
at her feet.
I sense a sadness.
It makes me feel protective
towards you.
Untapped creativity.
But I'm sorry, also rage.
- [clapping]
- [Shuroo] Thanks, Willie.
[everyone claps]
Nadia, take my hands.
I want you to repeat after me.
I deserve love
and abundance in my life.
I deserve love
and abundance in my life.
Really believe it this time.
I want you to say it
from the depths of your soul.
I deserve love
and abundance in my life.
Wonderful stuff.
- [guru music]
- [exhaling sharply]
[exhaling sharply]
[all exhaling sharply]
[Shuroo] Okay,
that's enough, guys. Thank you.
[tranquil music]
[Shuroo] Everything that
you've been through,
everything that has brought
you here today
is part of who you are,
and what will make you stronger.
[Willie] I wish I had just...
hugged her.
Told her I love her.
Just adjustment, and acceptance.
[Jane] She came by with him,
and acted like
we were gonna be best friends.
Happy I'm here
with you guys, and...
[Nini] You know,
it's your typical story.
Girl moves to L.A.
Girls' parents kidnap her.
Genesis through adjustment,
and acceptance.
My ma stopped recognizing me
around two months ago.
My sisters want me
to put her in a nursing home.
It was just like...
five years had never
happened and...
somehow I was crazy.
[Shuroo] I need you all
to reject your sense of injury.
Your sense of victimhood.
- It's all about the win.
- I just feel...
so thankful for all
the blessings in my life.
Course I wanna keep her
at the house.
I don't wanna see her die
in some shithole care facility.
Shuroo allowed me to be me.
And I feel so grateful for that.
I wish that
I had listened to her more.
You know, I wish that I'd
taken on-board what she wanted.
I need you to reject
that harsh prudery
you've been forced by
your entire lives.
I'm sorry.
Am I telling you too much?
The light within me
honors the light within you,
ladies and gentlemen.
Beautiful stuff.
[Tibetan bowls ringing]
Are you pleased
with your accommodations?
Yeah. They're, they're nice.
I'm really glad
you could make it.
Yeah. I'm happy that you had
space for me last minute.
For the infamous Parker Schafer
we made space.
God, you've seen it,
haven't you?
I saw it on the news.
I like what you said.
[snorts] Great.
I don't think you know
how powerful you are, Parker.
The effect
that you have on people.
I think you're lonely.
I see you surrounded
by lots of people all the time,
but you never showed them
who you really are,
because you're ashamed.
I think you came here
because you need something.
What is it you think I need?
I have a few ideas.
[both laugh]
But what's the first rule
of show business?
- What?
- Always keep them wanting more.
[Parker laughs]
["You just want"
by King Creosote playing]
Time is envious of all of us.
Ladies and gentlemen,
this moment is all that we have.
Embrace the darkness
that exists within your mind.
Let it invade your soul
like an exotic root.
Embrace the darkness.
Move, ladies and gentlemen!
When you just want someone
To lie
And be used as a slave
Can I be him?
[Parker gasps]
When you just want someone
More for their being
And not so much
For their brains
Can I be him?
Okay, guys. I just want to say
incredible, incredible
first day.
I can really see the,
the cowardice slipping away,
and the soul starting to come up
from its secret hiding place.
As much as I'm enjoying this
witty banter though,
I'm gonna ask you to spend the
rest of the evening in silence.
I want you to peacefully witness
your thoughts
from today's exercises.
And then after dinner,
we'll go to our rooms
and journal.
Oh, and for the hike tomorrow,
I want you to find
your personal items
that we asked you to bring.
Make sure that they have some
sort of significance.
All right?
We will make haste at dawn.
["Nobody knows when you're down
and out" by Bessie Smith]
Once I lived a life
Of a millionaire...
[Parker] It struck me as strange
that I felt safe
for the first time in...
God knows how long.
I realized that
cynicism is easy.
Clarity is the hardest
of them all.
[song continues]
I didn't have a friend
And no place to go
So if I ever get my hand
On a dollar again
I'm gonna hold on to it
'Til them eagles grin
Nobody knows you
Shuroo, Shuroo, let me be.
Keep that pelvis far from me!
[Nadia laughs]
Hey, stop.
D'Arcy, give it back.
- Stop!
- Oh!
- Stop.
- No need to hide, my darling.
This is private, stop.
I'm serious.
- God.
- [scoffs]
I think you should take
a chill pill.
Maybe you should.
- Maybe you should.
- Stop it.
All right, Princess.
You know who
I think is really hot?
Ew. No, Mark.
- You think Shuroo's hot?
- No!
- No.
- I can totally see it.
He wants to fuck you.
During the mask thing,
oh, my gosh.
Can you stop or the blond thing
is going to be up here again?
- Okay, silence?
- But seriously, Parker.
He's like really into you.
And you're into him too.
- Oh, stop.
- Oh, my God.
You two would be
the weirdest fucking couple.
- [Nini laughs]
- That would be so good for me.
Come on, girls.
The tree of silence
bears the fruit of peace.
Hey. Hey, look!
[Shuroo] Sweetheart,
I asked you to calm down.
Yeah but what part of
they've frozen my account
do you not fucking understand?
[woman] We need
power of attorney.
[Shuroo] I gave you
the power of attorney.
[tense music]
As long as our insurance...
Look. There's nothing else
I can do for you.
Good morning.
- Morning.
- Morning. Morning.
- Morning.
- Morning.
- Raring to go, I see.
- Uh-huh.
I'm going to kick the butt
out of this hike.
- [Willie laughs]
- Good man.
I'm really going to enjoy this.
[both laugh]
Make sure you put some sunscreen
on that lovely skin.
[heartfelt music]
I will. Thank you.
[Shuroo] Good morning,
Good morning.
So, three words.
Faith, forward, future.
I want to remind you all
why you are here.
To begin again.
To move past
our negative patterns of thought
and live our best lives. Right?
- Right!
- Right?
Let me hear those
vocal cords vibrate. Right?
- Right!
- Okay.
I want you to set an intention.
Think of a person or a situation
you'd like to
free yourself from.
We're gonna hike
to a powerful vortex point
- I found two years ago.
- What's a vortex, mate?
Fuck if I know.
["Sauce" by Dave + Sam playing]
Say what you mean, baby
Mean what you say
Walk it how you talk it
Plant the seeds you need
To see changed
Say what you mean, baby
Mean what you say
Walk it how you talk it
Plant the seeds you need
To see changed
[D'Arcy] Fuck!
[D'Arcy] Let's see if it breaks.
- It's good.
- [Shuroo] D'Arcy, wait up.
Why do you think you're here
this weekend, D'Arcy?
- [D'Arcy scoffs] To get laid.
- [Shuroo laughs]
Yeah, but what's it about?
What's it all about?
All right, mate.
Save me the philosophy lecture.
I know enough about philosophy.
I used to think
if we came together, we could
find a system that works.
But what I've learned is
that people only care about
their own selfish needs.
It's about the win.
- [D'Arcy sighs]
- Can I ask you a question?
Go ahead.
Who's love did you crave most
when you were a child?
Your mother or your father's?
My father.
I only got to see him
twice a year.
And who did you have to be
for your father?
Captain of the rugby team.
- A version of him.
- Complicit?
I had to sit back
and watch him...
destroy my sister
and make my mother suicidal.
But you loved
your father, right?
I mean,
you craved his attention.
Doesn't every child crave
their father's attention?
Yeah, but you can't stand
how much you craved
your father's attention, D'Arcy.
Rejection breeds obsession.
You're terrified
of being vulnerable,
and you're modeling
your father's bad behavior.
- With your lack of...
- I'm nothing like
my fucking father!
[Shuroo] What personal item did
you bring with you this weekend?
That's very sweet.
- Is that your mother?
- Yeah.
You think your mother
made herself ill
by pushing down all the anger
she had for your dad.
But... And I need you to hear me
when I say this to you, D'Arcy.
It's not your fault.
[D'Arcy laughs] Fuck.
You got me.
Don't wanna talk
about it, though.
[heartfelt music]
[Shuroo] And out.
And in.
And release.
Great day for it!
- Focus, guys.
- Do not mind me.
Keep the energy going.
[Shuroo] And in for three.
And out.
Take it easy on them, Declan.
Keep your eyes closed, guys.
On release,
let's look to the sky.
- Open your eyes. Release.
- [all exhale]
[Jane] I guess
I'd wanna be free.
Free to really be myself
and do what I want.
I worried for so long
what people thought about me...
It's been such a waste of time.
[Shuroo] You know what, Jane?
It sucks.
- [both laugh]
- [Jane] It does.
[Shuroo] I mean,
I'm not gonna stand here
and spout a load
of Namaste bullshit at you, hon.
I mean, it fucking sucks, but...
you have to ask yourself,
"What's your next chapter?"
What do you want?
[suspenseful music]
[Stormy laughs]
Watch your footing. Try to
keep up, ladies and gentlemen.
Step inside...
[inspiring music]
[laughs] ...the vortex!
[inspiring music intensifies]
Feel the vortex in your body.
In your soul.
- [Seraphina howls]
- Let it enter you.
[both howl]
[Shuroo chanting]
[Shuroo continues chanting]
The final part
of today's exercise, guys.
We're gonna release
these personal items
- into the ether.
- What?
ladies and gentlemen,
represents the future.
And those items that
you brought today,
they represent the past.
Now, I know this is terrifying,
but they are mere objects.
I don't want to do this.
Sweet Jane.
I want to meet the new Jane.
And so do you.
What did you say to me?
You said you want
to set yourself, free.
It's just an object.
A piece of metal that's bringing
you pain on a daily basis.
A reminder of a painful history.
You need to let it go.
All of you need to let it go.
Trust me.
Okay. Just to be clear,
you want us to throw our
personal items off the ledge?
Off the fucking cliff, Nini.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen.
We ready?
On the count of three.
In one...
Look at that!
[whispering] Fuck!
[Shuroo laughs]
[Shuroo] Beautiful stuff!
- Well done, Jane!
- [clapping]
[Shuroo laughs]
[Stormy] So, that bitch, Parker,
her journal is full
of shit we can use.
[sleazy music]
Come here and fuck.
- Wanna jerk off on it?
- My feet are filthy.
Who are you getting all
dolled up for?
Come on. Come on.
Give me the foot.
Give me the foot.
[Stormy sighs] All right.
- Fuck yeah.
- He's gonna be here soon.
[girl humming "Dance
of the Sugar Plum Fairy"]
- [boy laughs]
- [Parker gasps]
[man] Michael!
Michael, what did I tell you?
Get over here!
[boy laughs]
[suspenseful music]
[Jane] Hey! You okay, honey?
- We're going home.
- Yeah.
[Parker] A constant limbo
between passive and active...
Remembrance of my brother.
A purgatory of madness.
So gloomy.
[Parker] People just say that
to me when I'm lost in thought.
I think I just have
resting bitch face.
[Shuroo laughs]
It's hard when
no one has your back, right?
What do you know about it?
- You'd be surprised.
- Hm.
You're not crazy, Parker.
Everybody else is.
What was the significance
of the...
Plath poems?
[Parker] My brother
gave it to me.
We both love her.
- Macabre.
- Yeah.
[Shuroo] You ever try your hand
at confessional poetry?
[Parker] Nope.
Tell me about the young Parker.
My parents had
this hippie school,
and we lived in the back.
And my father was the principal,
so I was bullied senseless.
Until I met these two girls,
and they were really cool,
but kinda troubled.
And we dyed our hair black
and called ourselves witches.
until we burned down a church.
Oh, shit.
Anyway, I...
I keep thinking
about my brother.
I was carried away
to this reform school.
And I escaped one night,
and I came back.
And I remember...
just begging to my parents
to let me stay.
And when
I was carried off again,
I remember my little brother
just pleading with them.
To not make me go back.
He was beautiful.
He was a dancer.
I think he was gay.
A few years later,
he came to visit me in New York.
And I, I basically made him
try cocaine.
I don't even know why I did it.
And he took to it
like a fish to water.
Except they don't have cocaine
in Goldenfield, Iowa.
They do meth there.
And he was dead in a year.
[Shuroo sighs]
Is this the first time
you've talked about this?
I don't want to open
that box, you know?
[somber music]
There's so much more to you
than these events, Parker.
Look at what
you've accomplished.
You're a fucking artist.
All right?
You know what grace is.
You know what sorrow is.
And that is what makes you
fascinating to the world.
And you're beautiful.
[drum rings]
[Seraphina] Okay, campers.
Let's get started on dinner.
- [Shuroo laughs]
- [heartfelt music]
Let's go get some food.
- All right?
- Yeah.
- You must be starving.
- Yeah.
[upbeat music]
[man] Fucking late.
[Shuroo] I'm a bit late.
Don't worry.
I'm good for it. Got two K here.
Fucking late.
Fucking late.
[Shuroo] There's nothing I can
do about it, man. All right?
[man] I don't get fucked.
I don't get fucked.
[Shuroo] Hey, I got a fucking
[unclear] now, all right?
What the fuck are you doing?
- Barry, what the fuck?
- You wanna shit on me?
- I'm gonna shit on you.
- Fucking Christ, man.
[Stormy] Hey.
Are you gonna peel these?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
Helping others is part
of the process.
- So...
- Sure.
[Parker] Okay.
I gotta go. I'll give you
the rest of the money next week.
You and Stormy better
fucking calm down.
[Barry] I don't get fucked.
[upbeat music continues]
[Shuroo] Yeah!
[all] I am enough!
I am enough!
[Shuroo] Great.
- [all laugh]
- Well done. Three times.
[Nini] So,
what does it feel like?
[Shuroo] What? How does what...
What does what fee like?
Helping people the way you do.
- Being famous.
- I'm not famous, Nini.
And that's not something
I aspire to, just to be clear.
[Willie] Yeah, but hang on.
You know you'd be [unclear]
in the studio.
You know
your life is about to change.
All our lives are
about to change, right?
And it's not something
that you can feel.
[Jane] You're helping people
become more authentic.
That's gotta feel
like something.
It does.
It feels like something, yeah.
It feels good to... feel things.
- Yeah.
- You're making a difference
and you get recognition
for it, so...
You're a good looking guy, Mark.
Aren't you?
- Nah.
- Right?
- [all] Yes.
- Nah, my man. Nah.
[all cheer]
- [Parker laughs]
- No!
you don't walk around all day
thinking about how good looking
you are, do you?
Or thinking about how well
you take after your sick mother,
which, by the way,
is more admirable
than anything I've
ever fucking done.
Just like that.
That's grace.
That's beauty.
And that's truth.
[Mark] What's for dessert?
[Shuroo] Okay!
Come along, Seraphina. Yeah.
Good stuff.
Walk with the glasses.
All right.
This is called...
- shamanic journeying.
- [drumming]
The Native Americans have been
using mescaline
for more than 5000 years.
It provides an enhanced
experience of the natural world.
And gives us insight and balance
of the patterns of life, Nini.
Seraphina has administered
the dosage
within an inch of its life.
So don't be afraid.
And always remember,
don't fight it.
Okay, Jane, love.
Feel it.
Feel it.
Okay, everybody.
Bottoms up! [laughs]
[Seraphine] Yeehaw!
[faint growling]
[Shuroo] So don't be afraid.
Don't fight it.
- Feel it.
- [Parker gasps]
- [faint growling]
- I'm...
I'm gonna go on a spirit walk.
[Shuroo] Don't get lost.
All right?
Don't wander too far. Alone.
- Okay, Parker. Be good.
- Catch you later.
[man] Nadia.
It's you and me.
They'll never
understand our love.
Get off me.
- Get off of me!
- [D'Arcy grunts]
What the fuck?
I shut my eyes
And all the world drops dead
[young man] I lift up my lids
And all is born again
And sung me moon-struck
Kissed me quite insane!
I fancied you'd return
The way you said
- [Parker gasps]
- You know what they say, Parker.
If you expect nothing
from anyone,
you're never disappointed.
Who's there?
[young man humming "Dance
of the Sugar Plum Fairy"]
[young man] Your naughty
little brother.
Do it.
I'll always be with you.
[heartfelt music]
- [Parker cries]
- I love you.
[Parker sobs]
Please forgive me.
Are you feeling this, mate?
Fuck yeah.
Come on.
[Nini humming]
[Nadia laughing]
- [Parker roars]
- [all scream]
[Parker] How now,
children of the forest?
To the barn.
Let's go to the barn.
Come on.
[D'Arcy] Yes, man.
There's a bar. Let's go.
Let's do this. We can get there.
[laughs] Come on. Come on.
Fuck. I've lost my shoe.
- Hey, cock.
- Hey, cock.
[D'Arcy] Hey, cock.
[club music]
[Stormy] Rita,
give me that necklace.
- It's from my first husband.
- I don't give a shit.
- Give me the necklace.
- He'd fucking kill me.
Give me the necklace, Rita.
Welcome, gentlemen.
Glad to see you made it
off the reservation.
How's Charlie Manson
treating ya?
- [girls growling]
- [Parker] Go, go!
[Seraphina moaning]
[Shuroo] Fuck.
You could at least
buy me a drink first.
Cervezas, mi amigos.
[D'Arcy] I'm gonna go
take a piss.
Who's paying for this?
I got it.
No, it's the card.
- The fuck?
- [Barry screams]
[Barry barking]
[Barry continues barking]
[D'Arcy laughs] What are
you doing?
- The fuck are you doing?
- Taking a leak, mate.
Waiting for more
Hey. Can I have a gin
and tonic please?
What the fuck, Stormy?
I thought you were our maid.
[Nadia and Nini laugh]
I'm not your fucking maid.
I manage...
I help Declan take care
of his property.
What can I get...?
I'll have a dark and stormy.
- [Nini] That's a good one!
- Look what the cat dragged in!
[Jane laughs]
You know, you have such
a wonderfully infectious laugh.
Well, it's nice
not to feel invisible.
What do you mean?
You know I cannot believe how
beaten down you think you are.
Jane, you are beautiful.
I see you.
[heartfelt music]
Do you see me?
Crystal clear.
Okay, then.
I'm gonna go to bed.
See you in the morning.
- [club music]
- [Nini screaming]
Waiting, waiting for more
Waiting, waiting for more
[Nini screams]
[Parker] And I did it again.
Elaborate self-sabotage.
Breath in to the sky.
Prayer the hands.
Hands to heart.
Windmill back to warrior two.
Breathe in for triangle pose.
Oh, fuck.
In to the sky.
Out, prayer the hands.
Out, spread the legs.
Strengthen back.
Bend the legs.
And up to the sky.
Breathe in.
Namaste, motherfuckers.
[all] Namaste.
[Barry] Oh, fuck me!
[Shuroo] Gone beyond the mask.
We're gonna go around the group,
and each person
is gonna share with us
their darkest,
most shameful secret.
We call this exercise
"What I don't want you
to know about me is..."
Who'd like to go first?
I think I might have
a drinking problem.
Okay. Why do you drink, Mark?
I don't know.
To numb myself, I guess.
[Shuroo] What are you numbing
yourself from?
My entire life,
all I ever wanted was...
to be regular.
You know, like, find a girl,
settle down, be happy.
there's just always been
something missing.
There's been this part of me
that I fucking hate.
I've been blocking it out
with booze
and drugs for as long
as I can remember.
Praying that
it would change and...
that shit ain't working
for me anymore.
I can't pretend to be
something I'm not.
I think it's just, like, finally
time to accept the fact that...
I'm fucking gay.
[Mark gasps]
[Shuroo] Wow.
Amazing, Mark. Wow, truly.
Beautiful, Mark.
I think I can go next.
[Shuroo] Parker, of course.
What I don't want you
to know about me...
is that...
I came here because I had
nowhere else to go.
And that I judged all of you
for being weak, and vulnerable.
And what I don't want you
to know about me is that...
I feel responsible
for my brother's death.
And what I do want you
to know about me is that...
I want to change.
And that I'm really grateful
for this weekend, so thank you.
[Shuroo laughs] Aww.
Thanks, Parker.
- [Parker laughs]
- We're grateful for you, Parker.
[Shuroo laughs]
The truth will set you free.
I think I'd like to talk next
if that's okay.
Yes. Of course, Nadia.
had this uncle growing up.
Uncle Pete.
More money than God.
He, like, bought my mom a house,
he paid for my school.
When my parents got divorced,
my mom just couldn't take care
of all four of us siblings.
So, Uncle Pete offered
to take care of me.
And he was everything
to me growing up.
But then, when I was eight...
he started grooming me.
But it didn't feel
like abuse at the time.
It just felt like...
[somber music]
I don't know.
Like love, I guess.
At least, that's
what he told me that it was.
And that, just...
we had to keep it a secret
because no one would understand.
And it really wasn't until
the past couple of years
that I realized that...
it was abuse.
But, just the hardest pill for
me to swallow has been that...
my mom knew the whole time
but she just turned a blind eye.
She just didn't want
that gravy train to stop.
But I just hate that the one man
that I think about...
[cries] ...every day
is the man that...
raped me for five years. [sobs]
You see, guys?
Letting go of pain
is never easy,
but the sunlight
heals all wounds.
why don't you sage the room?
I think we should take
a little bit of a break.
Why don't we take five?
All right?
Let's process what happened here
this afternoon, okay?
[D'Arcy] I can't look at you
right now.
[Nadia] Wait! D'Arcy, please?
[Shuroo whistling]
[Nadia cries] I'm an idiot.
I ruined everything.
That was literally the most...
bravest thing
I've ever seen, Nadia.
I don't know why he's so upset.
He should be the one
chasing after you, not me.
No, it's over.
[Nadia sobs]
He's never gonna want me now.
- [Nadia cries]
- Good.
Fuck him.
[Nadia cries]
[Jane] Woah, D'Arcy.
Stay out of it, Jane.
Are you out of your mind?
How could you be so cruel?
You know nothing
about our relationship.
She shared her darkest secret
with you, and you dumped her.
She loves you,
and you've broken her heart.
I guess the apple doesn't fall
far from the tree.
[tense music]
[Shuroo whistling]
[Shuroo continues whistling]
[Parker] Hey!
Hey, hey, hey.
I don't know
if she's doing okay.
I think there needs to be
some kind of professional...
We are seeing amazing
results, Parker.
This is a tried
and tested process, okay?
Change is never easy.
You know that more than anyone.
Can you set up the stools?
- Oh, my gosh, I've got it.
- Look how much taller I am!
[muffled] You are such a pain
in my ass, you fucking whore!
You don't want it now,
you fucking piece of shit?
Because he's watching you?
You never do anything.
You're fucking useless.
Stupid, try and give it to me...
For fuck's sake, girls.
Can somebody get the cushions?
- They're upstairs.
- Bitch.
What's on
the menu today, Stormy?
- Hello?
- Edie. Edie, it's Parker.
It's a long story but I need you
to look someone up for me.
Are you okay? What's going on?
Where are you?
P, you've gotta give me...
- [loud bang]
- Shit!
- What is it?
- Hey, I'm so sorry.
Give me something.
A name or something?
An address. What do you need?
Come on!
[whispering] Declan Costigan.
- Spell it.
- C, O, S,
- T, I, G, A, N.
- T, I, G...
- Costigan.
- Okay. I'm looking.
[tense music]
Tell me you didn't fuck
the Shampoo guy?
You did, didn't you? Oh, God.
"Feds raid felonious guru's
Declan Costigan,
a former offender,
has been indicted on fraud
and identity theft charges?"
The indict's on 14 counts
shared people's personal
information and signatures,
false income tax returns
on their behalf.
- Shit, shit! Gotta go, gotta go.
- Members' accounts... Fuck!
This is a shitshow!
[Nadia sighs] Oh, my God.
[Nadia cries]
Stop, stop.
[Nadia sighs]
so sorry.
[Nadia sighs]
You're all I have
in this world, Nadia.
This wasn't about you.
You make everything about you.
I was just...
angry you hadn't told me that...
There's no excuse.
I'm a fucking prick but I...
I can change. I wanna...
I wanna make you happy.
- Baby, please?
- [Nadia cries]
Don't leave me.
- [Nadia cries]
- Please?
[heartfelt music]
- [watch beeps]
- Oh.
What's that?
Time for my run.
I've got to get
this body in shape.
[Jane laughs]
I think you look great
just the way you are.
And I think you should stay.
[both laugh]
So you're really not into...
That sucks.
I always fall for gay guys.
This is actually going
to be amazing.
I've always wanted to have a gay
best friend. And guess what?
I promise you I will be
the best fag hag ever.
And you are going to get
so much dick!
[Mark] You're fucking crazy.
[Nini] I know. It's a disorder.
[Tibetan bowls ringing]
[Shuroo] Hey, beautiful.
I'm sensing some acrimony.
Still upset about Nadia?
[Parker scoffs]
She's learning to master
her emotions, Parker.
Dominate them.
Is that a problem for you?
I'm just wondering...
have you ever turned
the supernatural powers
of perception on yourself?
Come on.
I've more than
probed my soul, okay?
Do you think this happened
by accident?
No, I'm talking about...
I'm talking about
identity theft.
- And tax fraud?
- [Shuroo sighs]
- Well done, Parker.
- Fourteen counts.
I'm wondering
where my wallet is.
You're a real sleuth, huh?
[scoffs] Do you want the truth
or have you already
made up your mind?
[Shuroo sighs]
My given name
was Declan Costigan.
I'm from working class Dublin.
My parents were maniacs.
In my late teens,
my life took a...
pretty dark turn.
Ended up a junkie.
Found myself in jail,
where I shared a cell
with a monk.
Who, I can honestly say,
saved my life.
And when I got out of jail,
he sent me to Peru
to meet a shaman.
I stayed with Skywolf
for five years.
We traveled the world together.
He was on a psychic excursion...
You might remember him. He
became quite famous in America.
- [Nini cheering]
- Anyways,
we moved to Sedona
where he set up a process...
- [heartfelt music]
- [Shuroo continues indistinctly]
He was arrested on some pretty
fucking crazy charges,
and he dragged me down with him.
I can't be mad at him,
'cause it brought me here.
Today, with you.
I'm assuming
that's all on the record?
What I don't want you
to know about me...
- [Parker laughs]
[Parker laughs]
My God.
Have you got a light?
[Parker] Can't believe
your story is crazier than mine.
You gonna write about this?
If you're lucky.
[Parker laughs]
If I'm lucky.
If you're lucky!
God damn right, I will.
[Willie] I wish...
I hadn't pushed you away.
I wish I hadn't been
so hard on you.
I have so many regrets.
I blame myself for pushing you
into his arms.
You were the only family I had.
Now you are gone.
Please forgive me for not being
there for you, babygirl.
Well done, Willie!
Honestly, congratulations.
- That was absolutely beautiful.
- Thank you.
Full of truth, and honesty.
A real breakthrough.
I'm very proud of you, Willie.
Well done.
Well done, Seraphina.
- Thank you very much!
- Congratulations.
With re-enactments
we learn to see ourselves
through our own eyes.
So we can begin again.
I have borderline
personality disorder,
and I don't even know
how much longer I have to live.
I'm an actress. An influencer...
You're a disgrace
to this family.
Mark, I told you.
We talked about this.
You can use the voice.
Yeah, I don't wanna do that
anymore 'cause of how it feels.
I give you permission
to use the accent, okay?
Fine, fine.
I'm an actress, a comedian,
an influencer, a humanitarian.
I am a lover of animals...
[Indian accent] You're a
disgrace to this family.
- [Nadia laughs]
- I know I am, Dad,
but you just have
to fucking deal with it!
[Shuroo laughs]
[Shuroo] Great energy.
You may exit that way.
Just be careful, Mark. Yeah.
Do you ever think about me?
All those years.
I feel like such a fool.
You think I ask too little
of myself, I know.
But there was never
any room for my dreams.
It was always about you.
Now I can see you're a coward.
A mean, old man!
You... are the best investment.
Next up, we have
a truly brave, young woman.
Who's made a massive
breakthrough this week.
Nadia, why don't you
come up on stage?
Remember, guys. As I said,
this is just the beginning.
So you should all be
full time members
of the Brooklyn Studio, okay?
All right, Nadia.
Okay, in your own time.
Try not to think about it
too much. Just...
Why did you choose me?
Because we love each other.
But I was eight years old.
And you bought me.
If you loved me,
you never would've done
the things that you did to me.
Don't listen
to their lies, Nadia.
They will never understand
our love.
I'm only now
just starting to process
the damage that
you've done to me.
You completely robbed me
of my childhood.
- I just wanna be fucking normal.
- You enjoyed it. Okay?
And you know you did.
Your family never complained.
Huh? The houses?
- The trips abroad?
- [tense music]
- We love each other, Nadia.
- No, I fucking don't.
You fucking animal.
I fucking hate you!
- We love each other.
- Get the fuck away from me.
Why don't you come and sit
over here next to me, Nadia?
It's been a very long day.
- You like it, don't you?
- Get the fuck...
[D'Arcy] Jesus Christ. Stop it!
- [Nadia screams]
- [everyone gasps]
- [D'Arcy gasps]
- [Nadia] Oh, my God!
["Words from the wizard"
by Cameron Neilson playing]
[Jane] Just take deep breaths.
[D'Arcy screams]
[all talking]
Hey! Where are you going?
I'm gonna go get
a first aid kit.
- Don't panic.
- Are you kidding me?
- [Willie] Call 911!
- [D'Arcy grunts]
Can you stop doing that
right now, please?
We are all
Pathetic strangers
Yeah, well, we don't... Yeah
We are all
Pathetic strangers
Just so we don't...
Leave us a message.
Hey, David. It's Declan.
Hope you're well, buddy.
Yeah, listen.
I had a few friends
up on the farm this weekend
and there was...
a little bit of an accident.
Ha! Never a dull moment.
But I just wanted
to let you know
that I'm doing things
this weekend,
and you know, if you...
if you get a call, just go ahead
and let them know that I had...
permission to be here.
All right?
Let's grab drinks
in the city soon.
On me, obviously.
Lots of great stuff happening.
Okay, talk soon. Bye.
It's okay.
I'll take care of this.
You should go. You should go.
I got this.
And it disappeared
["Namaste motherfuckers"
by Elisia Savoca playing]
I love myself
Don't care about
Anybody else
Namaste, motherfucker
[Parker] If you want
a happy ending,
it depends on where
you stop the story.
I love myself
Don't care about
Anybody else
Namaste, motherfucker
Is this your tell-all?
I wanted to be honest
about my whole journey,
and that involves
this place and us.
[scoffs] Didn't leave
anything out, did you?
I'm not, I'm not doing this
for dramatic effect,
but I need to pee.
Be right back.
[heartfelt music]
So the angle is beware
of false prophets, right?
But even though the retreat
was a total disaster,
I still...
ended up having to
confront my past
so I could actually
move forward with my life.
You know I would put a bow
on this, right?
The story ends...
when the girl
gets her shit together.
She gets her old job back,
and she tells us all about it
from the cover of Rogue Journal.
- Are you serious?
- I'm serious.
This is the most honest
and vulnerable thing
that I've read in a long time.
[laughs] The Shuroo Process.
"If hipster gurus didn't exist,
would we have to create them?"
"Musings from
a millennial meltdown"?
- This is perfect!
- [Parker laughs]
Thank you.
[upbeat music]
[Edie] You gotta see this!
Our next guest
has been called the...
- Oh, my God.
- professor,
the high priest
to the hipster community
of self-help.
The Sham Shaman.
And my favorite,
- The Voodoo Guru.
- [both laugh]
But really, what can I call ya?
You can call me Shuroo, Tom.
Not Declan?
Declan no longer exists, Tom.
[Tom] Okay, well,
may he rest in peace.
But, just to be clear,
you had no direct permission
to use the property
of the Catskills?
There was a misunderstanding.
It was a misunderstanding?
What about the two ex-cons
that were found along...
Wait a minute. We have,
right here, a photograph
of the two that you
were keeping company with.
They're... It's not somebody you
would invite to a party, is it?
Look, the stabbing incident
that you're referring to
was a mere flesh wound.
The man in question
- has never been doing better.
- Well, that's good.
In fact, I think
it was the making of him.
- [all laugh]
- I mean...
[Parker laughs]
[Shuroo] ...and
these two ex-cons,
that I was paying
to rent the property from,
- by the way.
- You did illegally
administer drugs
to people on the property.
That's a fact, right?
Semantics. And frankly,
I don't know whether I like
these "gotcha" questions, Tom.
It's a little bit below you.
I don't know.
I have...
taken care of all
of my legal liabilities,
and now I'm just
ready to move on.
Everybody that was on
that weekend is flourishing.
[Tom] So, have you seen
Miss Schafer lately?
Look, I had genuine feelings
for Parker. I did.
But I feel like she seduced me,
all the while promising
a piece in her sad, little
magazine, and I fell for it.
You feel like you've been used?
You know, I do. I do, in fact.
I feel like Parker
used me for sex,
and other things.
You know,
I'm in a really good place now.
- Oh, my God.
- I'm sure you're glad...
- He's so sexy.
- ...that's a turtleneck...
- I'd love to sit on his face.
- ...and not a priest collar.
I am no messiah.
I never said I was.
All right? I'm just a guy
out there trying to help people.
What's coming up for you?
What you got next?
Well, Tom,
I'm excited to share with you
a first look
at my new docuseries,
The Shuroo Process.
A World Awakens.
On the premier episode
of A World Awakens,
we visit the home of Hollywood
superstar, Eric Roberts, to see
how the Shuroo Process has saved
his life from addiction.
[Adrian] Are you shitting me?
- You fucked him?
- Shit.
Why wouldn't you...
How do you even leave that out?
I was embarrassed.
I didn't want it
to overshadow the story.
I thought you were here
to bare your soul?
I did. I just...
I don't know. I...
[scoffs] Were you
in love with him?
Fuck it.
Let him have his 15 minutes.
Maybe some of these housewives
who watch the show
- will buy the magazine.
- [Parker laughs]
You know, I tell you,
I'm going to own it.
Let's call Oprah. I'll do
every interview imaginable.
- Why not, right?
- Exactly.
- Thank you.
- It's only getting weirder.
["Namaste motherfuckers"
by Elisia Savoca playing]
[Parker] Everything in life
is writable
if you have the outgoing
guts to do it.
The worst enemy of creativity?
I'll take all of them.
["Namaste motherfuckers"
I don't care about
money and fame
I love the reach
Forget about what I need
Release them enemies, yeah
Let go of the fear
That I've been holding close
Yeah there's no need
To choke
I've learned
My master stroke
Yeah I love myself
Don't care about
Anybody else
Namaste, motherfucker
I love myself
Don't care about
Anybody else
Namaste, motherfucker
I love myself
Don't care about
Anybody else
Namaste, motherfucker
I love myself
Don't care about
Anybody else
Namaste, motherfucker
Get down on your knees
And pray
["Pray" by Cameron Neilson
and Ben Rose playing]
Get down on your knees
And pray
Get down on your knees
And pray
Won't you lift me up?
Won't you lift me up?
Won't you lift me up?
Get down on your knees
And pray
Won't you lift me up?
Won't you lift me up?
Won't you lift me up?
Get down on
Your knees and...
You got me feeling
Like I should