The Smiling Lieutenant (1931) Movie Script
All right.
It's for me, sir.
Yes, sir!
A soldier's work is never done
And though we never use a gun.
We're still on active service
though we're through with fighting
For when a lady takes the field
she knows the guards will always yield
And every man
deserves a medal every night
To arms
To arms
We're used to night alarms
We're always facing powder
The girls give in
We weaken, but we win
And march home feeling prouder
We're on a parade
each evening in the park
We are not afraid
to skirmish in the dark
We're famous near and far
For our
rata, ta-ta-ta, ta-ta
Toujours l'amour
in the army
We give the girls
a rata-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta
When we go out campaigning
And they give us
a rata, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta
And so we are not complaining
For years and years
we've battled every night
They'll pension us
when we're too old to fight
We're the boudoir brigadiers
With a rata-ta-ta-ta, ta-ta
Toujours l'amour
in the army
Rata, ta-ta, ta-ta-ta
It's for you, sir.
- Hello, Niki.
- Hello.
Oh, Niki, I'm in great trouble.
You must help me.
- How much?
- No, no. No. It's not that.
It's something different, Niki.
Well, I've...
You see...
Well, I'm a married man.
Well, then, get a divorce.
Now, now. Don't misunderstand me.
I'm very fond of my wife.
She's nice. She's good. She's refined.
In fact, I love my wife.
- And so, you see, if l should...
- Wait a minute.
To cut a long story short,
you're crazy about another girl.
- Yes.
- And you don't know what to do.
- No.
- Then don't do it.
Oh, but she's so beautiful.
And what a figure she has.
And, Niki, you should see her fingers.
She has the daintiest little fingers.
She plays the violin, you know.
- What does she do?
- She plays the violin.
And how. She's the leader
of a girls' band in a beer garden.
I've just come from there.
Oh, Niki, Niki. I've got to meet her.
Oh, but I've got to be so careful
because I'm a married man.
Niki, Niki, look.
You come to the beer garden with me?
I see. I see. You're afraid
to have supper with her alone.
- Right.
- And that's why you want me along.
- Right.
- And after supper, I go home,
and you don't go home.
- Right.
- And you think I will
lend myself to such an intrigue?
- Let's go.
- My friend!
What did you say?
She plays the violin?
Yes.
- I play the piano.
- Oh, that's great!
How do you like her?
What? You don't like her?
Do you know whom she reminds me of?
- Your wife.
- Oh, wait a minute.
- This girl is beautiful.
- See here.
No, no, no, no. You're crazy.
Just picture your wife,
15 years younger...
20 pounds lighter,
her hair dyed...
her nose operated on --
the same girl.
You see?
Exactly like your wife.
Always interrupting.
Bravo.
Beg pardon, madame.
Will you permit me to tell you...
that I think you are the most beautiful,
the most fascinating lady I have ever met?
You are very much mistaken, sir.
You haven't met me.
Oh, pardon me, please. That waltz
you played so divinely, how does it go?
Right!
So, you play the piano.
Someday we may have a duet.
I love chamber music.
When hearts are singing...
spring will remain.
Music is bringing...
Iove once again.
Listen. It calls you.
Now it is May.
Love while it sings to you.
Live for today.
It calls you.
Now it is May.
Take what it brings to you.
Live for today
You have to go?
You want to go?
- Yes.
- Why?
I like you too much.
Shall I see you again?
I hope so.
When?
Well, perhaps tomorrow night
we could have dinner together.
Don't make me wait 24 hours.
I'm so hungry.
Well, perhaps then
we could have tea tomorrow afternoon.
Why not breakfast tomorrow morning?
No. No.
First tea...
and then dinner...
and then maybe...
maybe breakfast.
A dinner
a supper for two
Believe me
I know what to do
But breakfast is colder
Love seems much older
Yet the exception is you
You put kisses in the coffee
Such temptation in the tea
I get a thrill
that sends a chill right through me
When you pass the toast to me
There's paradise
in every slice of bacon
And you awaken
Such yearning when you beg
for scrambled egg
And you put "it" in every omelet
Breakfast time
This must be love
You put glamour
in the grapefruit
You put passion in the prunes
I find romance
each sweet, entrancing moment
Every time you touch the spoons
I must admit
with every bit of liver
I start to quiver
I'm gone
When you invade the marmalade
And you put magic
in the muffins
Breakfast time
This must be love
Telegram for His Majesty.
Telegram for His Majesty.
A telegram for His Majesty.
Papa.
A telegram.
This is unheard of.
Flausenthurm without an "H"?
Don't they know in Vienna
how to spell my country?
It's a deliberate insult, Papa.
They're trying to make us feel,
just because we're a little country...
we shouldn't have so many letters.
It's from the emperor himself.
"My dear cousin, as you cross
the Austrian border...
"I extend to you and to your daughter,
Princess Anna...
my heartiest welcome."
"Unfortunately, I shall be unable
to meet you at the station...
as I have to open a cattle show."
Apparently cows are
more important to him than we.
One goes to Vienna and one's own cousin
doesn't even come to the station.
Trying to show off.
Big businessman.
That's always the way with relations.
Who are these people anyway?
A thousand years ago
they were even smaller than we.
It's only in the last 700 years
they've got anywhere.
Social climbers.
This sounds much better.
"You will, of course,
be my guests at the palace.
My whole empire is at your convenience."
Turn out the guard!
Eyes right!
"My daughter is no laughing matter,
states visiting king."
Yes. That's my statement.
- And I hope you stick to it, Daddy.
- Always, my daughter.
Now, I hope you feel better.
No. I'm sorry, Father, but I don't.
This humiliation is too much.
I know a princess can't be insulted
by a common lieutenant.
I should be far above that.
But besides being a princess...
I'm a girl.
Your Majesty, we promise
the fullest satisfaction.
This officer will be brought for trial
at once before a military court.
Not if I can help it.
I don't trust your courts.
I don't trust your justice at all.
In your country,
cows travel faster than kings.
You call that justice?
That's graft.
Bring him here.
I'll give him a fair trial.
Let him dare explain that laugh.
If he does, he'll hang.
No, but they can't punish you.
You never laughed
at that small-town princess.
Why don't you tell them
what really happened?
No, darling.
That would make it worse.
An officer on duty
presenting arms before passing royalty...
and smiling at the girl he loves.
No, there is no excuse
from a military point of view.
But from my point of view...
what an excuse.
It's for you, sir.
Don't cry, darling.
Don't cry. Don't worry.
Everything will be all right.
No, darling.
And remember. Remember what
Napoleon said before he went to Elba:
So long.
Court-martial?
No. Worse.
The king himself.
You realize in whose presence
you're standing?
Yes, sire.
In the presence of His Majesty
King Adolf XV of Flausenthurm.
How do you spell Flausenthurm?
F-L-A-U...
S-E-N-T...
H...
- U-R-M.
- Not bad.
What a speller.
He certainly knows his alphabet.
What do you say to this?
Oh, this picture doesn't do you justice,
Your Majesty.
Well, how do you like this?
I like it.
Here. Here you look like
a million dollars.
Oh, this is great!
This is wonderful.
That's what I call photography.
Just a dream.
Your Majesty, this interview
is no laughing matter.
Right, Your Highness.
You laughed at a royal princess.
- Do you know the penalty?
- I know it, sire.
- Well, why did you do it?
- We want the truth.
And nothing but the truth.
Your Majesty...
Your Highness...
Ladies of the ju...
I was standing at attention...
presenting arms...
Looking straight ahead...
and suddenly I found myself
looking at the most beautiful girl.
How dare you call
Her Royal Highness a girl.
Yes, Your Majesty.
That's my crime.
Thank you.
I confess it.
When I saw Her Highness...
so young, so charming...
so beautiful...
I forgot everything,
my rank, my duty.
I smiled.
My princess, now you know my crime.
If you consider me
unworthy of my rank...
I put my fate
in your lovely little hands.
- You son of a gun.
- Yes, sire.
- Wait outside!
- Yes, sire.
Yes, sire!
I like the persons around me
to look nice.
- Does that mean that I...
- Yes. Father just talked with Uncle.
I mean, His Majesty has arranged it
with the emperor...
that you shall be our adjutant
during our stay in Vienna.
I'm overwhelmed, Your Highness.
I hope you'll do your best
to make us like Vienna.
Vienna speaks for itself, Your Highness.
If Your Highness will be good enough
to look out of the window...
there is the famous old tower
of the Stephen's Church.
To the right
we have the St. Paul's dome...
and directly across,
we have with us tonight...
I mean, there is the church
of the Capuchin monks.
I don't care about these old buildings.
We have so many in Flausenthurm.
I like best things that are young
and beautiful and alive.
- Don't you?
- Oh, yes. Of course.
Tell me.
When you saw me first...
what was your impression?
That you are so beautiful, Your Highness.
And then, when you thought
I was so...
- So beautiful, Your Highness.
- Yes.
Then...
why did you smile?
Because I thought
that you are so beautiful, Your Highness.
I want to ask you something.
You see, I don't know
very much about life.
I got all my knowledge out of
the royal encyclopedia.
A special edition arranged
for Flausenthurm...
with all the interesting things left out.
Now, when you smiled at me,
you also did something else.
Something with your eye.
- What's that?
- A wink.
A wink.
What does it mean?
When we like somebody...
we smile.
But when we want to
do something about it...
...we wink.
Thank you.
That's enough for today.
Franzi!
Niki!
An eight-hour day is enough, cherie
To act as the princess's guide
And that leaves
a 12-hour night for me
So we'll all be quite satisfied
Tell me, Niki.
Is the princess a blonde or a brunette?
To tell you the truth,
I don't know.
Darling!
With 12 hours here
and with eight hours there
Who gets the four hours in between
I must have a moment
to comb my hair
And see that my buttons are clean
Oh, you see, Niki,
it's not that I'm jealous...
but someday you may meet a girl.
Nobody can play the violin like you.
Forget everything
in the world but me
Forget if it's wrong
or it's right
The more that we have to forget
you see
Well, the more
we'll remember tonight
He's gracious
not audacious
And romance wakes at his touch
I like him.
I like him.
I like him so much
I love you
and I hate you
My darling
what have I done
I'll thrill you
till I kill you
You son of a gun
He's so mild
like a sweet child
His conduct shows him as such
I like him
I like him
I like him so much
You devil
Say you love me
Believe me
you are the one
You brute, you
I could shoot you
You son of a gun
You put madness
in the moonlight
T.N.T. in each caress
In every sigh
you put such high explosive
I send out an S.O.S.
I see him now
So modest and so gentle
So sentimental
Forever
He has changed
The world for me
There's dynamite in all your kisses
You and I know this is love
Napoleon was a lieutenant too...
and an Austrian princess
married him.
- Well, he's no Napoleon.
- Right. He's 10 times better looking.
- Oh, Papa. Have a heart.
- No.
- Say yes.
- No.
Don't you get tired
of saying "no" all day long?
No, no. Now, now, no.
Papa, you may not realize it,
but I'm desperate.
I'm no longer responsible.
I'm capable of anything.
If you don't let me
have my lieutenant...
you know what I'm going to do?
What?
I'm going to marry an American.
Give me the emperor.
Oh, good evening, Emp.
Yes. This is Adolf speaking.
Yes, thank you.
Same to you.
Now listen, Emp. I want to
tell you something very confidential.
Now keep this under your crown.
My little Anna is in love.
What? You know all about it?
The whole palace knows?
Yes. She wants to marry him.
Now, what do you think of Anna
marrying an ordinary lieutenant?
What?
What? Oh, you think it's a great thing
for Flausenthurm, eh?
Well, let me tell you,
it's a great thing for Austria too. So long.
I'm not at home
Colonel Rockoff,
His Majesty's adjutant...
who is here in this room
standing right beside me...
wishes to see you.
Lieutenant, I'm here
on a very confidential mission.
Her Highness, the Princess Anna,
wanted to talk to you.
But before talking to you, naturally,
she took up the matter with her father,
His Majesty, the king.
His Majesty, the king, decided that Her Highness,
the princess, should not talk to you first.
On the contrary, you should first
talk to Her Highness, the princess.
But before talking to the princess,
His Majesty, the king, wants you to talk to him...
so that he can give you permission
to talk to the princess.
But then we all got together and had
a little talk, and we came to the conclusion...
that under
the royal Flausenthurm etiquette...
you, being an ordinary lieutenant,
cannot do the talking at all.
You understand?
Perfectly. May I ask
what you are talking about?
In one word, Lieutenant,
please don't you propose to the princess.
But I never intended to,
and I never will.
Thank you. Congratulations.
Morning.
Hello? Who is it?
This is Lily. Yes, Lily.
Congratulations? What for?
My engagement to the princess?
You don't know?
I have inside information.
I had supper with the king last night.
Yes! Kings have to eat too.
Darling, you believe me.
I don't know a thing about this.
Of course.
Of course I believe you.
Niki, they can't
take you away from me.
They won't.
Everything will be all right.
I know it.
I'll be back, and I won't be long.
You son-in-law!
Your Majesty,
this has gone far enough.
Turn out the guard!
The emperor's coming.
Now this is going too far.
Right, Your Majesty.
Flausenthurm is too far for me.
I cannot do it.
Don't you understand?
I'm a Viennese, and I love this city.
I can't live without Vienna.
You can't tear a tree out of the ground
and plant it somewhere else.
Tree, tree, tree!
This has nothing to do with biology!
When you winked at my daughter,
were your intentions honorable?
- They were.
- Well, then naturally you'll marry her.
My intentions were dishonorable!
Then you will have to marry her.
Supreme and imperial majesty,
the emperor.
We congratulate you.
It's a great thing for Austria... too.
We here with confirm, officially...
the fact of your betrothal.
Do you, Colonel Rockoff, in the interest
of the bridegroom, find everything fitting?
I do.
Do you, Baroness von Schwedel, in the interest
of the bride, find everything proper?
Then you both agree that everything
is fitting and proper?
- We do.
- We do.
I here with pronounce
this royal bedchamber...
a royal bedchamber.
Here with
pronounce this royal wedding day...
a royal wedding night.
Good night, dear.
What?
- Aren't we married?
- Yes!
- Aren't you my wife?
- Yes.
- Am I not your husband?
- Yes.
Now, can't I call you "dear"
when I say good night?
Well, you may call me "dear,'
but you shouldn't say good night.
But it's 9:30.
And at this hour, "good night"
is the only proper thing to say.
- You don't understand.
- What?
- Niki.
- Yes, Anna?
- Niki!
- Yes, Anna?
Married people don't do that.
- They don't?
- Oh, no!
Married people don't wink?
Yes, they wink...
but not at each other.
Well, what's the use
of getting married?
All the philosophers,
for 3,000 years...
have tried to find that out...
and they failed.
And I don't think we'll
solve that problem tonight.
Good night.
Let me tell you something.
You can lead a horse to water...
but you can't make him drink.
That's as far as I go.
That's my limit.
Black or white?
I don't want to play checkers!
Why don't you try it?
I personally ordered it for you.
- Thank you.
- It's real Vienna schnitzel.
Vienna schnitzel.
Schnitzel to you.
That's enough.
You know what you are?
You are anti-Flausenthurm.
You wouldn't like this schnitzel
even if it was good.
Schnitzel to me?
Ha! Let me tell you.
That schnitzel came from
an imported Viennese cow.
Imported especially for you.
Poor cow.
To start life in Vienna...
and end it in Flausenthurm.
As a gentleman, I say thank you.
As a Viennese, I say moo!
Stop. Down with that curtain.
What have I done?
No questions! Come on.
You can't take her.
If you please.
Now, that's what I call schnitzel.
You know, Niki,
we shouldn't do this.
Oh, no. We shouldn't.
I shouldn't be here at all.
Oh, no. You shouldn't.
Oh, but I couldn't help it.
I had to see your wedding.
I didn't want you to know.
Just one glimpse
of you as a prince...
and then disappear.
But then I saw you yesterday.
In that marriage carriage?
Then I saw your face...
so sad, so dreary...
so lonesome...
and I thought...
I might just as well...
hang around a little while.
But you cannot
hang around in Flausenthurm...
without being arrested.
When I saw you, I simply couldn't wait
until the concert was over.
So I called the copper.
What's the use
of being married to a princess...
if you cannot use
the police department?
Good night, my child.
I guess so.
Hello, folks. How's everything?
Daddy!
Great little kingdom you have here.
Ach, du lieber Flausenthurm
Flausenthurm, Flausenthurm
Ach, du lieber Flausenthurm
Flausenthurm, Flausenthurm
Ach, du lieber Flausenthurm
Flausenthurm, Flausenthurm
Ach, du lieber Flausenthurm
Flausenthurm, Flausenthurm
He danced with me.
And he called me Daddy.
Father, what does it mean
when a man steps out?
Well, why, I-I don't know.
Why?
- You know who's stepping out?
- Who?
Niki.
Oh, well, now. Let me tell you
what it means to step out.
So that's what she does, eh?
- Plays the violin.
- Yes, Papa.
And in public.
Tell me, Papa. Now, be frank.
Do all girls like that
play the violin?
Well, not necessarily.
But I'll tell you one thing.
They play.
Well, I can play too.
- You want to arrest me?
- Right.
You wonderful man!
Go ahead, girls. Go on. Come on.
Make yourself comfortable,
as usual.
- From Vienna?
- Yes.
Nice, isn't it?
It's from Mandelbaum & Gruenstein.
- Mandelbaum & Gruenstein?
- Yes. Oh, it's the only place to buy.
Oh, of course, they rob you,
but it's worth it.
Who bought that for you?
Who bought that for you?
Not Niki.
I'm sure he didn't.
Niki has taste.
Did I hurt you?
No. Did I hurt you?
Yes.
Why did you get me here?
I wanted to kill you.
You poor little thing, you.
I love him so dearly.
I'm just wild about him.
I don't blame you.
- Isn't he good-looking?
- Oh, and how!
That's it exactly. "And how!!"
- Did you see him in his new uniform?
- At the wedding?
- Yes.
- Stunning.
But to tell you the truth,
I like him even better in his dinner coat.
- With the straw hat?
- Yes! With the straw hat!
Oh, that's nothing.
Did you ever see him in...
Oh, never mind.
You listen to me,
you foolish little thing.
If you don't watch out, someday a girl will
come along and take him away from you.
- Oh, do you play?
- Yes.
"Etude for Five Fingers!"
"Cloister Bells"?
"Maiden's Prayer!"
Let me see your underwear.
"Cloister Bells!"
That's the kind of music
you should play.
Jazz up your lingerie
Just like a melody
There's music when every ribbon
has a flowing rhythm
Wear lace in harmony
A silken symphony
It's music
and just the right note for you
Color should be seen
Let your step-ins
have no dull or gray tones
Wear your crepe de chine
with some pep
In up-to-date
hey, hey tones
Jazz up your lingerie
Just like a melody
Be happy
Choose snappy music to wear
Jazz up your teddy bear
I wonder if I dare
- Jazz up
- I'll try to
- Jazz
- I'd like to
-Come on
- I mean to
Wake up
Try something new
That's what I've got to do
-Wake up
- I'll show them
- Great
- I'll teach them
- Get hot
- I'll try
- Tra-la-la, la-la
- Oh, not so hot
It sounds like 1850
You've got it now!
Let's simply jazz up your lingerie
Just like a melody
Be happy
Choose snappy music to wear
Good-bye, Anna.
Oh, now you mustn't worry about me.
I knew it all the time.
Girls who start with breakfast...
don't usually stay for supper.
Take good care of our Niki.
I will.
And be a good girl.
I won't.
Good-bye, Anna.
Good-bye, Franzi.
Anna, is this you?
This is Mandelbaum & Gruenstein.
That's me!
And that's me again.
I've found at home
my rata-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta
There'll be no more campaigning
And she'll find me
Oh, rata-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta
And so I'm not complaining
I found a new commander to obey
I must report for duty right away
She'll never pension me
Toujours l'amour
in the army
It's for me, sir.
Yes, sir!
A soldier's work is never done
And though we never use a gun.
We're still on active service
though we're through with fighting
For when a lady takes the field
she knows the guards will always yield
And every man
deserves a medal every night
To arms
To arms
We're used to night alarms
We're always facing powder
The girls give in
We weaken, but we win
And march home feeling prouder
We're on a parade
each evening in the park
We are not afraid
to skirmish in the dark
We're famous near and far
For our
rata, ta-ta-ta, ta-ta
Toujours l'amour
in the army
We give the girls
a rata-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta
When we go out campaigning
And they give us
a rata, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta
And so we are not complaining
For years and years
we've battled every night
They'll pension us
when we're too old to fight
We're the boudoir brigadiers
With a rata-ta-ta-ta, ta-ta
Toujours l'amour
in the army
Rata, ta-ta, ta-ta-ta
It's for you, sir.
- Hello, Niki.
- Hello.
Oh, Niki, I'm in great trouble.
You must help me.
- How much?
- No, no. No. It's not that.
It's something different, Niki.
Well, I've...
You see...
Well, I'm a married man.
Well, then, get a divorce.
Now, now. Don't misunderstand me.
I'm very fond of my wife.
She's nice. She's good. She's refined.
In fact, I love my wife.
- And so, you see, if l should...
- Wait a minute.
To cut a long story short,
you're crazy about another girl.
- Yes.
- And you don't know what to do.
- No.
- Then don't do it.
Oh, but she's so beautiful.
And what a figure she has.
And, Niki, you should see her fingers.
She has the daintiest little fingers.
She plays the violin, you know.
- What does she do?
- She plays the violin.
And how. She's the leader
of a girls' band in a beer garden.
I've just come from there.
Oh, Niki, Niki. I've got to meet her.
Oh, but I've got to be so careful
because I'm a married man.
Niki, Niki, look.
You come to the beer garden with me?
I see. I see. You're afraid
to have supper with her alone.
- Right.
- And that's why you want me along.
- Right.
- And after supper, I go home,
and you don't go home.
- Right.
- And you think I will
lend myself to such an intrigue?
- Let's go.
- My friend!
What did you say?
She plays the violin?
Yes.
- I play the piano.
- Oh, that's great!
How do you like her?
What? You don't like her?
Do you know whom she reminds me of?
- Your wife.
- Oh, wait a minute.
- This girl is beautiful.
- See here.
No, no, no, no. You're crazy.
Just picture your wife,
15 years younger...
20 pounds lighter,
her hair dyed...
her nose operated on --
the same girl.
You see?
Exactly like your wife.
Always interrupting.
Bravo.
Beg pardon, madame.
Will you permit me to tell you...
that I think you are the most beautiful,
the most fascinating lady I have ever met?
You are very much mistaken, sir.
You haven't met me.
Oh, pardon me, please. That waltz
you played so divinely, how does it go?
Right!
So, you play the piano.
Someday we may have a duet.
I love chamber music.
When hearts are singing...
spring will remain.
Music is bringing...
Iove once again.
Listen. It calls you.
Now it is May.
Love while it sings to you.
Live for today.
It calls you.
Now it is May.
Take what it brings to you.
Live for today
You have to go?
You want to go?
- Yes.
- Why?
I like you too much.
Shall I see you again?
I hope so.
When?
Well, perhaps tomorrow night
we could have dinner together.
Don't make me wait 24 hours.
I'm so hungry.
Well, perhaps then
we could have tea tomorrow afternoon.
Why not breakfast tomorrow morning?
No. No.
First tea...
and then dinner...
and then maybe...
maybe breakfast.
A dinner
a supper for two
Believe me
I know what to do
But breakfast is colder
Love seems much older
Yet the exception is you
You put kisses in the coffee
Such temptation in the tea
I get a thrill
that sends a chill right through me
When you pass the toast to me
There's paradise
in every slice of bacon
And you awaken
Such yearning when you beg
for scrambled egg
And you put "it" in every omelet
Breakfast time
This must be love
You put glamour
in the grapefruit
You put passion in the prunes
I find romance
each sweet, entrancing moment
Every time you touch the spoons
I must admit
with every bit of liver
I start to quiver
I'm gone
When you invade the marmalade
And you put magic
in the muffins
Breakfast time
This must be love
Telegram for His Majesty.
Telegram for His Majesty.
A telegram for His Majesty.
Papa.
A telegram.
This is unheard of.
Flausenthurm without an "H"?
Don't they know in Vienna
how to spell my country?
It's a deliberate insult, Papa.
They're trying to make us feel,
just because we're a little country...
we shouldn't have so many letters.
It's from the emperor himself.
"My dear cousin, as you cross
the Austrian border...
"I extend to you and to your daughter,
Princess Anna...
my heartiest welcome."
"Unfortunately, I shall be unable
to meet you at the station...
as I have to open a cattle show."
Apparently cows are
more important to him than we.
One goes to Vienna and one's own cousin
doesn't even come to the station.
Trying to show off.
Big businessman.
That's always the way with relations.
Who are these people anyway?
A thousand years ago
they were even smaller than we.
It's only in the last 700 years
they've got anywhere.
Social climbers.
This sounds much better.
"You will, of course,
be my guests at the palace.
My whole empire is at your convenience."
Turn out the guard!
Eyes right!
"My daughter is no laughing matter,
states visiting king."
Yes. That's my statement.
- And I hope you stick to it, Daddy.
- Always, my daughter.
Now, I hope you feel better.
No. I'm sorry, Father, but I don't.
This humiliation is too much.
I know a princess can't be insulted
by a common lieutenant.
I should be far above that.
But besides being a princess...
I'm a girl.
Your Majesty, we promise
the fullest satisfaction.
This officer will be brought for trial
at once before a military court.
Not if I can help it.
I don't trust your courts.
I don't trust your justice at all.
In your country,
cows travel faster than kings.
You call that justice?
That's graft.
Bring him here.
I'll give him a fair trial.
Let him dare explain that laugh.
If he does, he'll hang.
No, but they can't punish you.
You never laughed
at that small-town princess.
Why don't you tell them
what really happened?
No, darling.
That would make it worse.
An officer on duty
presenting arms before passing royalty...
and smiling at the girl he loves.
No, there is no excuse
from a military point of view.
But from my point of view...
what an excuse.
It's for you, sir.
Don't cry, darling.
Don't cry. Don't worry.
Everything will be all right.
No, darling.
And remember. Remember what
Napoleon said before he went to Elba:
So long.
Court-martial?
No. Worse.
The king himself.
You realize in whose presence
you're standing?
Yes, sire.
In the presence of His Majesty
King Adolf XV of Flausenthurm.
How do you spell Flausenthurm?
F-L-A-U...
S-E-N-T...
H...
- U-R-M.
- Not bad.
What a speller.
He certainly knows his alphabet.
What do you say to this?
Oh, this picture doesn't do you justice,
Your Majesty.
Well, how do you like this?
I like it.
Here. Here you look like
a million dollars.
Oh, this is great!
This is wonderful.
That's what I call photography.
Just a dream.
Your Majesty, this interview
is no laughing matter.
Right, Your Highness.
You laughed at a royal princess.
- Do you know the penalty?
- I know it, sire.
- Well, why did you do it?
- We want the truth.
And nothing but the truth.
Your Majesty...
Your Highness...
Ladies of the ju...
I was standing at attention...
presenting arms...
Looking straight ahead...
and suddenly I found myself
looking at the most beautiful girl.
How dare you call
Her Royal Highness a girl.
Yes, Your Majesty.
That's my crime.
Thank you.
I confess it.
When I saw Her Highness...
so young, so charming...
so beautiful...
I forgot everything,
my rank, my duty.
I smiled.
My princess, now you know my crime.
If you consider me
unworthy of my rank...
I put my fate
in your lovely little hands.
- You son of a gun.
- Yes, sire.
- Wait outside!
- Yes, sire.
Yes, sire!
I like the persons around me
to look nice.
- Does that mean that I...
- Yes. Father just talked with Uncle.
I mean, His Majesty has arranged it
with the emperor...
that you shall be our adjutant
during our stay in Vienna.
I'm overwhelmed, Your Highness.
I hope you'll do your best
to make us like Vienna.
Vienna speaks for itself, Your Highness.
If Your Highness will be good enough
to look out of the window...
there is the famous old tower
of the Stephen's Church.
To the right
we have the St. Paul's dome...
and directly across,
we have with us tonight...
I mean, there is the church
of the Capuchin monks.
I don't care about these old buildings.
We have so many in Flausenthurm.
I like best things that are young
and beautiful and alive.
- Don't you?
- Oh, yes. Of course.
Tell me.
When you saw me first...
what was your impression?
That you are so beautiful, Your Highness.
And then, when you thought
I was so...
- So beautiful, Your Highness.
- Yes.
Then...
why did you smile?
Because I thought
that you are so beautiful, Your Highness.
I want to ask you something.
You see, I don't know
very much about life.
I got all my knowledge out of
the royal encyclopedia.
A special edition arranged
for Flausenthurm...
with all the interesting things left out.
Now, when you smiled at me,
you also did something else.
Something with your eye.
- What's that?
- A wink.
A wink.
What does it mean?
When we like somebody...
we smile.
But when we want to
do something about it...
...we wink.
Thank you.
That's enough for today.
Franzi!
Niki!
An eight-hour day is enough, cherie
To act as the princess's guide
And that leaves
a 12-hour night for me
So we'll all be quite satisfied
Tell me, Niki.
Is the princess a blonde or a brunette?
To tell you the truth,
I don't know.
Darling!
With 12 hours here
and with eight hours there
Who gets the four hours in between
I must have a moment
to comb my hair
And see that my buttons are clean
Oh, you see, Niki,
it's not that I'm jealous...
but someday you may meet a girl.
Nobody can play the violin like you.
Forget everything
in the world but me
Forget if it's wrong
or it's right
The more that we have to forget
you see
Well, the more
we'll remember tonight
He's gracious
not audacious
And romance wakes at his touch
I like him.
I like him.
I like him so much
I love you
and I hate you
My darling
what have I done
I'll thrill you
till I kill you
You son of a gun
He's so mild
like a sweet child
His conduct shows him as such
I like him
I like him
I like him so much
You devil
Say you love me
Believe me
you are the one
You brute, you
I could shoot you
You son of a gun
You put madness
in the moonlight
T.N.T. in each caress
In every sigh
you put such high explosive
I send out an S.O.S.
I see him now
So modest and so gentle
So sentimental
Forever
He has changed
The world for me
There's dynamite in all your kisses
You and I know this is love
Napoleon was a lieutenant too...
and an Austrian princess
married him.
- Well, he's no Napoleon.
- Right. He's 10 times better looking.
- Oh, Papa. Have a heart.
- No.
- Say yes.
- No.
Don't you get tired
of saying "no" all day long?
No, no. Now, now, no.
Papa, you may not realize it,
but I'm desperate.
I'm no longer responsible.
I'm capable of anything.
If you don't let me
have my lieutenant...
you know what I'm going to do?
What?
I'm going to marry an American.
Give me the emperor.
Oh, good evening, Emp.
Yes. This is Adolf speaking.
Yes, thank you.
Same to you.
Now listen, Emp. I want to
tell you something very confidential.
Now keep this under your crown.
My little Anna is in love.
What? You know all about it?
The whole palace knows?
Yes. She wants to marry him.
Now, what do you think of Anna
marrying an ordinary lieutenant?
What?
What? Oh, you think it's a great thing
for Flausenthurm, eh?
Well, let me tell you,
it's a great thing for Austria too. So long.
I'm not at home
Colonel Rockoff,
His Majesty's adjutant...
who is here in this room
standing right beside me...
wishes to see you.
Lieutenant, I'm here
on a very confidential mission.
Her Highness, the Princess Anna,
wanted to talk to you.
But before talking to you, naturally,
she took up the matter with her father,
His Majesty, the king.
His Majesty, the king, decided that Her Highness,
the princess, should not talk to you first.
On the contrary, you should first
talk to Her Highness, the princess.
But before talking to the princess,
His Majesty, the king, wants you to talk to him...
so that he can give you permission
to talk to the princess.
But then we all got together and had
a little talk, and we came to the conclusion...
that under
the royal Flausenthurm etiquette...
you, being an ordinary lieutenant,
cannot do the talking at all.
You understand?
Perfectly. May I ask
what you are talking about?
In one word, Lieutenant,
please don't you propose to the princess.
But I never intended to,
and I never will.
Thank you. Congratulations.
Morning.
Hello? Who is it?
This is Lily. Yes, Lily.
Congratulations? What for?
My engagement to the princess?
You don't know?
I have inside information.
I had supper with the king last night.
Yes! Kings have to eat too.
Darling, you believe me.
I don't know a thing about this.
Of course.
Of course I believe you.
Niki, they can't
take you away from me.
They won't.
Everything will be all right.
I know it.
I'll be back, and I won't be long.
You son-in-law!
Your Majesty,
this has gone far enough.
Turn out the guard!
The emperor's coming.
Now this is going too far.
Right, Your Majesty.
Flausenthurm is too far for me.
I cannot do it.
Don't you understand?
I'm a Viennese, and I love this city.
I can't live without Vienna.
You can't tear a tree out of the ground
and plant it somewhere else.
Tree, tree, tree!
This has nothing to do with biology!
When you winked at my daughter,
were your intentions honorable?
- They were.
- Well, then naturally you'll marry her.
My intentions were dishonorable!
Then you will have to marry her.
Supreme and imperial majesty,
the emperor.
We congratulate you.
It's a great thing for Austria... too.
We here with confirm, officially...
the fact of your betrothal.
Do you, Colonel Rockoff, in the interest
of the bridegroom, find everything fitting?
I do.
Do you, Baroness von Schwedel, in the interest
of the bride, find everything proper?
Then you both agree that everything
is fitting and proper?
- We do.
- We do.
I here with pronounce
this royal bedchamber...
a royal bedchamber.
Here with
pronounce this royal wedding day...
a royal wedding night.
Good night, dear.
What?
- Aren't we married?
- Yes!
- Aren't you my wife?
- Yes.
- Am I not your husband?
- Yes.
Now, can't I call you "dear"
when I say good night?
Well, you may call me "dear,'
but you shouldn't say good night.
But it's 9:30.
And at this hour, "good night"
is the only proper thing to say.
- You don't understand.
- What?
- Niki.
- Yes, Anna?
- Niki!
- Yes, Anna?
Married people don't do that.
- They don't?
- Oh, no!
Married people don't wink?
Yes, they wink...
but not at each other.
Well, what's the use
of getting married?
All the philosophers,
for 3,000 years...
have tried to find that out...
and they failed.
And I don't think we'll
solve that problem tonight.
Good night.
Let me tell you something.
You can lead a horse to water...
but you can't make him drink.
That's as far as I go.
That's my limit.
Black or white?
I don't want to play checkers!
Why don't you try it?
I personally ordered it for you.
- Thank you.
- It's real Vienna schnitzel.
Vienna schnitzel.
Schnitzel to you.
That's enough.
You know what you are?
You are anti-Flausenthurm.
You wouldn't like this schnitzel
even if it was good.
Schnitzel to me?
Ha! Let me tell you.
That schnitzel came from
an imported Viennese cow.
Imported especially for you.
Poor cow.
To start life in Vienna...
and end it in Flausenthurm.
As a gentleman, I say thank you.
As a Viennese, I say moo!
Stop. Down with that curtain.
What have I done?
No questions! Come on.
You can't take her.
If you please.
Now, that's what I call schnitzel.
You know, Niki,
we shouldn't do this.
Oh, no. We shouldn't.
I shouldn't be here at all.
Oh, no. You shouldn't.
Oh, but I couldn't help it.
I had to see your wedding.
I didn't want you to know.
Just one glimpse
of you as a prince...
and then disappear.
But then I saw you yesterday.
In that marriage carriage?
Then I saw your face...
so sad, so dreary...
so lonesome...
and I thought...
I might just as well...
hang around a little while.
But you cannot
hang around in Flausenthurm...
without being arrested.
When I saw you, I simply couldn't wait
until the concert was over.
So I called the copper.
What's the use
of being married to a princess...
if you cannot use
the police department?
Good night, my child.
I guess so.
Hello, folks. How's everything?
Daddy!
Great little kingdom you have here.
Ach, du lieber Flausenthurm
Flausenthurm, Flausenthurm
Ach, du lieber Flausenthurm
Flausenthurm, Flausenthurm
Ach, du lieber Flausenthurm
Flausenthurm, Flausenthurm
Ach, du lieber Flausenthurm
Flausenthurm, Flausenthurm
He danced with me.
And he called me Daddy.
Father, what does it mean
when a man steps out?
Well, why, I-I don't know.
Why?
- You know who's stepping out?
- Who?
Niki.
Oh, well, now. Let me tell you
what it means to step out.
So that's what she does, eh?
- Plays the violin.
- Yes, Papa.
And in public.
Tell me, Papa. Now, be frank.
Do all girls like that
play the violin?
Well, not necessarily.
But I'll tell you one thing.
They play.
Well, I can play too.
- You want to arrest me?
- Right.
You wonderful man!
Go ahead, girls. Go on. Come on.
Make yourself comfortable,
as usual.
- From Vienna?
- Yes.
Nice, isn't it?
It's from Mandelbaum & Gruenstein.
- Mandelbaum & Gruenstein?
- Yes. Oh, it's the only place to buy.
Oh, of course, they rob you,
but it's worth it.
Who bought that for you?
Who bought that for you?
Not Niki.
I'm sure he didn't.
Niki has taste.
Did I hurt you?
No. Did I hurt you?
Yes.
Why did you get me here?
I wanted to kill you.
You poor little thing, you.
I love him so dearly.
I'm just wild about him.
I don't blame you.
- Isn't he good-looking?
- Oh, and how!
That's it exactly. "And how!!"
- Did you see him in his new uniform?
- At the wedding?
- Yes.
- Stunning.
But to tell you the truth,
I like him even better in his dinner coat.
- With the straw hat?
- Yes! With the straw hat!
Oh, that's nothing.
Did you ever see him in...
Oh, never mind.
You listen to me,
you foolish little thing.
If you don't watch out, someday a girl will
come along and take him away from you.
- Oh, do you play?
- Yes.
"Etude for Five Fingers!"
"Cloister Bells"?
"Maiden's Prayer!"
Let me see your underwear.
"Cloister Bells!"
That's the kind of music
you should play.
Jazz up your lingerie
Just like a melody
There's music when every ribbon
has a flowing rhythm
Wear lace in harmony
A silken symphony
It's music
and just the right note for you
Color should be seen
Let your step-ins
have no dull or gray tones
Wear your crepe de chine
with some pep
In up-to-date
hey, hey tones
Jazz up your lingerie
Just like a melody
Be happy
Choose snappy music to wear
Jazz up your teddy bear
I wonder if I dare
- Jazz up
- I'll try to
- Jazz
- I'd like to
-Come on
- I mean to
Wake up
Try something new
That's what I've got to do
-Wake up
- I'll show them
- Great
- I'll teach them
- Get hot
- I'll try
- Tra-la-la, la-la
- Oh, not so hot
It sounds like 1850
You've got it now!
Let's simply jazz up your lingerie
Just like a melody
Be happy
Choose snappy music to wear
Good-bye, Anna.
Oh, now you mustn't worry about me.
I knew it all the time.
Girls who start with breakfast...
don't usually stay for supper.
Take good care of our Niki.
I will.
And be a good girl.
I won't.
Good-bye, Anna.
Good-bye, Franzi.
Anna, is this you?
This is Mandelbaum & Gruenstein.
That's me!
And that's me again.
I've found at home
my rata-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta
There'll be no more campaigning
And she'll find me
Oh, rata-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta
And so I'm not complaining
I found a new commander to obey
I must report for duty right away
She'll never pension me
Toujours l'amour
in the army