The Space Rodent (2025) Movie Script
Thank you.
You have to open your mouth wider. I
can't get that small of a target.
Okay, hold still.
Oh, my God. Hold on.
What? Yeah.
Oh, God, your hands are cold. Yeah, it's
okay.
Tia, meet Tamara.
Yeah,
that's it. Is it?
Naked thing is too much.
Stay still.
Hold on, hold on.
Okay, don't move.
Perfect. All right, hold on.
What's happening?
Oh, yeah.
You have light all over you, girl. Oh,
my God, I'm shedding. Yeah.
You're good now.
Okay. All right, Mac.
Wider.
Wider. Mac, you know the drill.
You're being ridiculous.
I like having friends.
Fine. No fire.
What fire?
I have got to hear this.
All right. So you guys know our friends
Doug and Samantha, right?
Okay. Well, Mac thought it'd be a good
idea to show Doug a flame trick.
No, that's not the story.
It was a barbecue lid. It wouldn't
close.
He literally knocked the barbecue over
and set their entire patio furniture on
fire. Wait, what?
Their brand new set? Did you have to pay
for it?
No, thank God. With me just bartending
and Mac out of work, we can't afford
that. Hi. Hey. No.
In between gigs. I'm in between gigs.
Yeah, for six months.
You see, I have a particular set of
skills that I was blessed with, and they
should be compensated for. I think
that's fair.
You know, we have a barbecue, and we
wouldn't charge either, you know, if
anything bad happened.
Hey, now.
What? I don't see this place catching
fire a bad thing. Okay.
You know what?
Fantasia never did anything but love
you.
It's a never -ending story thing.
Don't encourage it.
I hate this place.
This place is a family heirloom. Your
uncle went to prison, and then we moved
two weeks later.
Like I said, heirloom. I like it. I
think it's cozy.
Thank you.
Everything is cozy.
Okay, please behave, both of you. You
sure you just don't want to come with us
tonight? We're sure.
We'll be back around 3 a .m.
Well, why don't you girls just hang out
with us tonight, I mean?
What, and watch Ancient Aliens with you?
That is a great show.
So many discoveries.
Aliens are a fact of life, and we need
to be prepared. In fact... Wait, no.
Babe?
Well, I was... Put the book away.
No. No, thank you.
Okay. Um, please feed the children.
What children?
The trick -or -treaters. You don't feed
the kids candy?
I mean... Last year he put a sign out
that read, Bring this bell and die.
There we go.
I mean, it's not ambiguous.
They're children.
Please give them candy.
Okay, sure.
I'll encourage the behavior of walking
up to a complete stranger's home. The
third Halloween, yeah.
Walk the matches.
Top left door. You're welcome.
She can hear you.
Quick, he's talking about Fantasia. Go.
You want to see something cool?
Do I want to see something cool? Yeah.
Oh, now. You meant now.
Well, when you said cool, your bathroom
didn't come to mind.
Magic time.
You ready?
Mm -hmm.
Yeah.
Nice. Is that new?
Oh, yeah.
And that's not all.
Okay.
You install these yourself?
You really fancied the place up, didn't
you? Oh, yeah.
All sensors?
I don't have to touch a thing. It really
is like magic.
All right. I'm not going to. This is
awesome.
I'm told that. This is fantastic,
actually.
Wait, why did you do all the additions
if Skylar wants to leave?
What? Why would we leave this place?
We've got everything we need right here.
Yeah, I don't know.
Are we really going to watch Ancient
Aliens?
Oh yeah, I got like ten seasons. Go pick
one and can I get you a drink?
Yes and yes.
Why is this in your car?
Oh, my God.
Fucking Dean keeps putting that in my
car every time I'm about to go
What's that?
Give it to me. You know what's fucked
up?
This.
Oh, yeah.
This is awesome.
This is fantastic.
Oh, my gosh. Who even has these anymore?
You know, they say that aliens live deep
underwater and among us.
Like...
Regularly.
Yeah, I don't know about all that.
These are like records, man.
This is crazy.
Do you have something to play this?
Can you take a neat?
Is there any other way?
I think we're going to do season 11.
No, going on with the whole job thing.
You really think that they're
underground? Like in the water
I see what you're doing.
Yes, I do believe, though. Okay.
Six months, though? That's... Well, it's
more like five and a half, but... Yeah.
Look, I'm trying to start my own
company, okay? And the process is taking
little bit longer than I would hope,
than I thought.
But Amanda just... She just... wants me
to get a job now. She wants me to get a
piece of shit job that pays shit, and
it's stupid, and she wants me to give up
on my hopes, and she doesn't believe in
my dreams.
I don't know if all that's true, that
last part, but it's stupid.
Do you think that maybe she feels
frustrated because she feels alone?
she wants the thing between you two to
go further.
But you're not going and getting a job,
not bringing home any money. It feels
like you don't care.
That's some deep shit.
All right.
Serious question.
Serious answer.
Okay. Seriously, though.
All right. Which drugs are off the table
tonight?
And how far is, like, officially
cheating?
Amanda. I know.
Okay, I want to get fucked up, but I'm
not trying to fuck up my whole life.
Well, that's fine. So what drug?
Okay,
so... Weed? Yes.
Alcohol?
Cocaine? Candy.
Yay, all right.
Okay.
Okay. I don't...
What did...
I don't know.
Now this is a true work of art.
Oh, like an indie film.
Because of China.
Oh, God, no. This is a porn. No. No, no,
yes.
It's naked people. This is an
artistically driven narrative about two
physically expressing their love for one
another.
Yeah, I know.
What's the title thing for?
The Night We Fucked.
We'd be fucked.
No. Fucked is a situation I'm currently
in.
What are you talking about?
It's Max.
I mean, you know I love him more than
anything, but he hasn't worked for six
months. Drained our savings.
Talking to him about it? No, I just
don't want to piss him off, you know?
Okay, that sounds very wife -beater -ish
to me.
Nothing like that. I just haven't found
the right time.
It's a sensitive topic.
So let's switch topics.
Uh, how are you, Dean and Fantasia?
Fucking whore. Skye, it's not that bad.
Okay, it's that bad. You know what?
I've needed this for a long time.
Don't say that. Same here.
You know, we used to go on vacations all
the time.
And then we just stopped.
Why? I don't know why.
So, these nights out with just us.
Yeah. They're my new mini vacations.
Thanks.
You know, come to think of it, I don't
think Mac and I have ever been on a
vacation. That's because you can't
afford one. You're a slut.
I'm a vampire.
Okay.
Okay.
Happy Halloween!
Little fuckers.
It was faster.
Fair enough.
I miss that whole entire being super
happy off of the Halloween.
What in God's name is that?
Oh, you know what? That was my uncle's.
Yeah.
Actually, it was here before we got
here. And I think probably all those
roosters you're hearing right now used
to live there and escaped.
Oh,
okay.
Yeah, I was going to go with sex page.
That looks like something Jenna Jameson
trained in before she hit it big and
found her stride. Who? Yeah, I'm pretty
sure a forensic team is going to be
showing up to collect samples at the
least vivid.
Okay, actually, that sounds awesome, and
I invite that possibility.
Well, then here's the crazy shit
happening.
Yes, sir. That's weird.
Cheers.
We don't have a stereo.
The fuck was that?
That. In your face shit.
What's in your face shit?
Do you... Do you feel this?
It's like the rain.
Without the rain. What?
It's like the rain without the... Get
your face out here.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, that is wild.
It was nice.
It's like Petricor's little brother.
Pop core Angelic it's like Ariel singing
a song It
is unusual It's beautiful, huh?
Let's go inside, okay?
Wow, oh my god, what?
Fuck What is it? There's like Rain drops
on my
face and on my tongue.
There's none on your car.
And there's no clouds.
Yeah, that is kind of wild.
In this installment, we hear the
Pentagon confirm yet more startling UFO
sightings.
We learn about a group of scientists who
are putting pressure on the government
to release all of their secrets on
flying objects.
That doesn't make any fucking sense. No,
it really does. Just, okay.
Think about it. Okay.
I don't believe you.
Okay, well.
Right.
Flippers. And debunking.
Are you here? Because it does.
They touch. They sure do.
They touch. I know.
Wait,
this doesn't prove anything.
These are my pants.
Give me your pants.
Your pants. Okay.
This is nuts.
This is nuts.
I never have to try on pants again.
Never. This is crazy.
You're like a wizard.
It's been said.
Okay.
Okay.
I swear
to God, I don't even know
why I put the sign out.
This just speaks to the education
system.
What are you doing?
Trick or treat. Don't even finish that.
I really did, though.
Mm -mm.
Mm -mm.
You're like half an adult.
Why are you out here? Why can't I just
get some candy? Because there's an age
limit. That's ageist.
Not how that works. Not how that works
at all. Can I just get some candy, old
man? Old man? Wow. I'm talking to him,
actually.
Checked out. Okay. Okay. You know what
you should be doing? You should be at
home, listening to Hurt, crying about
somebody who stood you up tonight.
What the fuck is Hurt? What the fuck?
Okay, I'm going to have to show you a
lesson here. Please educate this one.
Maybe this little ditty is going to ring
a bell.
You let me violate you.
This is the first day of my life. I like
that one, too.
Next track.
The world is a vampire.
And you could have it all.
My empire.
Oh, that one by Johnny Cash, right?
Oh, God.
Okay. Leave.
Just go. Why don't you leave?
Because this is my house. That's why. My
house. Our house.
Together. Together.
Not your concern. You need to go away,
vampire.
Be gone. I'm sorry.
Interrupted your eyes wide shut moment.
Be gone, okay?
Make like a crow.
Just go.
Please.
Be gone.
Yeah.
Bad bye.
Find another home, Crusader.
Okay.
This is going to lead to murder, huh?
Okay, come on.
I spent so long on that.
I know. Who would do that?
Well, I mean, probably the teenager that
was out here earlier.
That would be my guess. I'm not a
detective, but, I mean, I would assume
what happened there. Probably. Okay.
Let's see. Right here.
What? You probably see it on your ring.
Doorbell. Oh, I don't pay for the
service.
What? Why do you have it?
Because I need a doorbell.
I mean, it makes sense. That checks out,
actually.
Okay, but seriously?
Yeah. You're not bringing any strays
home tonight.
Oh, but I make the best friends. You are
not Captain Save -A -Ho.
All right, we need to be able to look
back hell years later and be like, that
shit was a fucking epic.
Thank you.
I'll turn you back on. Bye.
Okay, you heard that, right? Yeah. Heard
it. Saw it. Felt it.
All right. Okay.
That's a young child screaming. Yep.
Yep.
You should probably go check that out.
We can check it out. Yeah.
Alright, the sound came from the shed.
Yeah, I think our little bastard is
hiding in there.
Okay, take out your phone.
Okay, open it.
What? Open it.
You open it. You're close, sir.
By all means.
It's just a kid.
I got it.
What the fuck was that?
That, my friend, was an alien.
Are you happy about this?
Yeah. Wait, no.
Yes?
Was that... Was it chewing on the
teenager?
Dude, we were looking at the same thing.
And that was an alien trash panda.
Was that really an alien?
Oh. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Uh, oh.
Oh.
Okay.
New plan.
Huh? Evidence.
Move. What? What? No.
No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no,
no. What are you doing? No, no, no, no,
no, no.
Okay.
Definitely an alien.
Oh, man.
No one's going to believe this.
Oh, God. Was it a teenager in there?
Dude. How are you... Ooh, seems
aggressive.
Oh,
what I think is that it's done with its
appetite.
Ooh, that appetizer has a name.
Oh, what is it?
Okay, you know what? We need weapons.
Hey!
Sorry, I thought you said go.
What? No. Okay, first, we need to
fortify this door.
Yeah.
So maybe if we grab... Okay.
This was a complete betrayal of our
friendship.
Complete betrayal!
We've really got to work on our
communication, okay?
That's fair.
Okay.
And now... We need guns.
Lots of guns.
Do you have guns?
No.
We don't have a gun?
No.
That's a butter knife.
Yeah, well, I wasn't expecting an alien
rodent invasion, okay?
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Are you having a stroke?
Your book.
What about your book?
Didn't you write a book about this?
Amanda.
Come here.
I'm going to wake up.
I'm starting a new company. That's
what's happening.
I'm going to comb this little alien
creature's hair.
Just thought I'd comb a little fucker
down.
Peanut butter.
Uh, rats like peanut butter. It looks
like a rat, so... It's like a... It's
a... Here, come here!
Feed. Oh. And then it's like an attack.
Okay. You just come at it aggressively.
You know, I got something here.
So, it says... Listen for a sound the
creature makes.
You try to imitate it. To communicate.
Alright.
It says... You wrote it.
Look, with eating a small child, I feel
like we're past communicating.
Amanda? Amanda, wake up! What?
Where are we?
What's going on?
Oh, shit.
Amanda. Are we okay?
Define okay.
Amanda, what's happening? Quiet.
What's going on? Shh.
They're out there.
Look.
Shh.
What are we going to do? I don't know.
Amanda, we need to be quiet.
We need to be very still. Do not move.
We need to get out of here.
Like, fast.
We're gonna die.
We can't die out here.
We can't die just like this.
Just calm down. Just calm down, okay?
Calm down. We're on a deserted road
surrounded by monster rats.
We have no cell service.
Oh, my God.
Is that Dean?
Yes. No.
No. Oh, my God.
We crashed our car on Empire Mine Road.
Because it's fast. Sure.
It's faster.
Race? Okay, just stop, all right?
We crashed our car on Empire Line Road,
and now we're surrounded by zombie cats.
She's seen them, too.
I know, I can hear it.
Okay, babe, I need you to stay put. We
are coming to get you.
Just don't move.
Oh, let me talk to Amanda.
Thank you.
That can't be good.
Babe, I'm going to have to call you
back.
Mac?
Mac?
It's fucking useless.
We're going to fucking die.
We're going to die.
We're going to die.
Okay, everything's fine. Everything's
fine. Everything's not fine.
Nope. Nope.
It's gone. It's gone?
We're going to be okay. I don't like
this.
We're going to fucking die.
Okay, we're okay.
We just need to eat.
And calm down.
Hi.
What? What? What are you doing?
Where's mine?
Well, I, uh, you guys... Okay, I only
found four.
You only made one for yourself?
All right.
Uh,
where are you going?
Uh, we're a team.
The aliens are that way. The girls are
that way.
I can come in first.
Well, you should go in first, actually.
And then I'll come in behind you.
And then I'll do like... Are you kidding
me with this?
This entire time I've been in the
kitchen building a Lego set with peanut
and you've had an alien neutralizer on
you the whole time?
This is the odd chance.
Our time is now.
There's no going back.
One for all, and all for one.
We'll show them why we chose Disneyland
over Knott's Berry Farm.
What?
I don't know.
Should we have a name?
I thought it was obvious.
Yeah, it's... Okay.
Broaders of...
Alien.
Convergence.
Division. Division.
MacD,
motherfucker.
I was looking under the car. Okay.
It's
locked. Sorry.
How do you not know your own father?
Twice.
Okay.
There we go.
Heat it up. I know.
Nice jousting position. I like it.
Did you hear that?
I didn't hear shit. Let's go.
Help me!
I know you hear that.
Okay, but what if that's like some kind
of alien voice trick or
something? How do we even know that's
the teenager?
Hey, if you can hear me, I'm the
teenager from earlier.
This is how people die.
Saving others?
No.
Deviating. Our goal was the girl. The
first part to getting toward that goal
getting in the car.
We're in the car!
Okay, that's fair.
She needs our help.
Okay, you realize we're probably only
going to be saving half a teenager,
Come on. Let's go.
Let's make this quick, all right?
Me first? Yeah. Okay.
All right.
I think something was eating me.
Right. Well, you know, you should have
gone home.
Not the time.
You're going to be okay.
None of that is true.
Go, go,
go, go, go, go.
Up like a rabbit. Up like a rabbit.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
I'm making it sound.
It's not making that sound. You're
making it horn.
Oh.
God damn.
It's a boy.
Bet you're hungry now, you little
fucker.
Swing, Merrill!
Swing! Go, go, go, go!
Swing!
Get out of here!
Are you fucking kidding me right now?
You just put the saver in.
This is the thing. The fucking tip, man.
The fucking thing. I told you.
You nearly got you in the... Fuck.
What is that thing?
Looked like something I bought my
fucking niece for Christmas last year.
well, not all alien life form is carbon
-based, okay? Okay, I'm just saying,
it's like really rubbery.
Well, this kind of looks like we're
right back where we started.
Yeah, it does look like that, Mac.
It really does.
Huh.
Funny.
What do we do?
I think we just... Make it back to the
house.
Okay. That sounds okay.
Is it another one?
These stupid signs made it horny.
Okay. Hey.
What do you see?
I don't see it. Nothing.
God. Why?
Why?
Why? I don't have my phone. Okay. Do you
have yours?
Yeah.
I left it in the car.
Fuck. Fuck.
Okay, it's fine.
Is it?
Yeah, we're fine.
Yeah, are we? Yeah. Okay.
Yeah. Okay, we just have to... What?
We just... Just have to...
We have to... What the... Oh,
no, no, no.
Oh, shit.
Never want to...
That's not them.
No?
Is that a good thing?
Is that a question?
I don't know. Tonight is fucking weird.
That could be a good Samaritan.
He just ran a car and he's just walking
over to help us.
Yes.
Or he could have created a possum
kingdom of aliens and released them into
world. And now he's here to collect his
offspring and he's going to viciously
murder any of the witnesses.
That's the other option.
No, I didn't mean to cause you a fright.
I just, uh, I noticed some smoke coming
from your car and, uh, wondered if,
uh, you ladies needed any help.
Um, yes. Hello, good sir.
Sir? Oh, the name is, uh, the name is
Sam.
You know, you're all on a dangerous road
here.
Hello, Sam.
Yes, I'm aware of the road.
Are you ladies all right? No, there's
creepy critters running all
around out there.
What's that?
You've heard of murder hornets, right?
Murder hornets?
Yeah. Okay, think murder hornets, but
they look like baboon rats.
Baboon rats?
I don't quite follow.
Can you roll the window down a little
bit? Not a good idea, Sam. You need to
back in your car.
You want me to leave?
Yes. Don't leave.
You want me to get back in my van?
No. Yes.
Are you all on drugs?
What? No, I... Okay.
I could see how it might seem like that,
but no.
Mm -hmm.
Do you really not see anything?
Okay. We'll roll the window down.
What? It's fine.
Hmm.
Sam, if you try any weird shit, we'll
fuck your ass.
Up. We will fuck your ass up. Okay? We
don't have time for creepy raper killers
tonight. Okay? This night's already a
fucking mess.
Raper killers?
Look, I was just trying to give you
ladies a hand.
Hmm. I think I'll leave if you all want
me to.
Sam, we need to get out of here fast.
Can you help us with that?
I knew it.
Goddamn creepy motherfucker.
Hey, buddy.
I'm going to need you to get up here.
Hello?
Get up in that space, little Jimmy.
Hello?
That'll get you up.
That'll get you up, huh?
Oh, shit.
Two of us need a partner here. Come on,
man.
You wake up.
I'm going to play a little game called
Wake the Fuck Up.
Sorry. Sorry.
I got away from you. I apologize. I just
need you to wake up.
Please, just...
For the love of God, will you please
just wake the fuck up?
Oh, fuck. Okay.
Okay, actually, you stay here.
I need you to stay in here. Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Why
am I lying? Why me?
Joe McLean.
party. Let's have a little fun.
Bring a little aliens.
Fuck my life.
Okay, you're going to run to the truck,
start it up, and you're going to drive
back to me. Yes.
Okay, why don't we leave at the same
time?
You can be lookout.
What, so I can see when you're going to
die?
Are you ready?
How do you know where Keith is?
They're probably on him.
I'm ready.
Are you okay? Yeah.
He's staring at me. Is he alive?
No.
Okay, we just need the keys.
The fuck? How is that possible?
Skylar, quit fucking with him.
He's fucking with me.
Let me know when it's clear.
Okay.
Okay, I think it's all clear.
It's all clear.
Shut the fuck up. You're going to get
fucking killed.
Whose fault is that? What the fuck are
you doing?
Human sealed.
Are you serious?
Are you watching?
You're being ridiculous.
I can't smell what they already killed.
How can... It's only a fucking thing.
Fuck you.
Fuck you. You. Fuck you. Fuck you.
You. Fuck you. Fuck you. You. Fuck you.
You.
Fuck you.
Fuck you. Fuck you.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah, just an open window with a
bloodthirsty base rodent running around
the property.
Awesome.
Good morning, sunshine.
What's that behind you?
Locking the door?
Why are you wet?
Because you Jean -Claude Van Damme my
ass into the bathroom.
For your safety, okay?
How about those water sensors, though?
Did they work out?
Yeah,
they were actually pretty good.
Can you believe Skyler didn't want those
in there? They make no goddamn sense
right now.
I don't know how an alien would justify
that.
Well, I did.
Abby. What's going on? Shut up. You're
going to draw attention.
Where are you taking me? Let go of me,
crazy friend. Just be quiet.
Be quiet.
You fucking cut me.
You fucking cut me.
Just be quiet. You're dead.
Just be quiet. You're fucking dead.
Be quiet.
Newman Shields.
I got the keys. Let's go.
Wait a minute, girls!
It's my truck, you fucking bananas!
What?
Hey, kangaroo fucker!
You're gonna die.
They're trapping this thing. We are?
Yeah, yeah. Thanks. Yeah, why are we
holding the door?
I don't know. I was just following your
lead.
It's in there. It's in there pretty
good. So we can move away.
All right.
We got to get your phone.
Do you know where it is?
In front of the shed.
Yes.
MACD.
MACD, motherfucker!
I would be Willard in this situation.
He would be Ben. Your Ben.
We just need you.
God damn it. Stop with the fighting. Bad
rat.
Bad rat.
I know what you like.
Is this what you want?
Are you kidding me? You did that on
purpose.
That was an accident.
No, that was my best performance, and
you
ruined it.
That was an atrocity, okay? And it only
figures that a space demon could destroy
it.
Okay, this truth comes out.
You're jealous of my night moves.
What are you doing?
Why are you moving like that?
Stop it.
Stop that.
Please.
Now.
No.
Okay.
That's... That's a breathing mechanism.
Dude, dude, dude, dude, stop that!
Oh,
fuck. Oh.
Sorry.
Oh, my God.
Are you okay? Yes, yes, yes. Here. Are
you okay? Yeah.
Where did you get this?
From a dead kid in your car down the
street. We were driving by and we
to call to see if it was safe.
Well, it is now. I mean, how did you do
that?
Um, like this. Oh, my God. Babe, what
happened?
I got bit.
Wait, what about you?
I'm not as good of a wrestler as I
thought I was.
But let's get you cleaned up, okay?
Yeah. Okay.
I'm okay, too. I mean, I got attacked by
aliens.
You have no idea how good it feels to be
back.
Yeah, it was a fucking nightmare out
there.
I'm just glad you're both back safe.
You got your car swum by a teenager?
I mean, it's more complicated than that,
but yes.
Okay, no, it is not complicated.
He deviated. Okay, she was screaming for
her life?
How many are there?
Teenagers? Creatures, idiot.
I think we're splitting hairs here.
What the fuck are these things?
I don't know.
I don't know. I know that they, like,
water like candy and fucking flashlights
apparently kill them.
Okay, wait, but the flashlights on her
phone didn't do anything.
All right, so it's the type of light. I
don't know shit about light, but there's
something with that. Yeah? Wait, um,
those are black lights.
That's it.
Ultraviolet radiation.
What the sun produces that bounces
around the atmosphere, daylight.
I wish we had more of those.
We do, actually.
You remember the blacklight Christmas
party.
No.
What the fuck was that?
I don't see it. Oh, shit.
There.
It's right here. Look.
There it is.
That's so fucking funny.
All of it.
All of it's funny.
Just when we think we got a handle on
it.
Boom.
No handle.
We lose grip.
I mean, I don't know if you guys are
seeing this, but we're fucked, okay?
You're fucked.
You're fucked.
You might be fucked. Okay. Still on the
fence with, I need you to calm down.
Because there's only one thing we can
do.
What is that?
Mac D, this bitch.
Hell yeah.
Mac D?
Yeah.
It's our group name. Yeah. We have a
group. We created a group while you guys
were gone. Pretty cool.
So you should join. Yeah. Actually, I
don't know why you... No initiation.
You're already here.
How'd you land on that?
Pretty simple.
Yeah. Yeah. Hit it with the name. Okay.
Yep. Here it comes. Ready?
Waiting.
Marauders of Alien Convergence.
Dicks. Division.
Division. Not dicks. Division.
Okay.
McBee.
Selling it. Why don't we call ourselves
Security Killers for
you.
Alliance. Like that. Gaia. Gaia, bitch.
You don't have time for this.
This is the stupidest name.
I think it's ever heard.
So dumb. So dumb. Say it again for me.
It's really bad. It's great. You know
what it's like? It's like they're trying
to take their names and like just force
them into an acronym.
I'm going to make the biggest sandwich
that makes no sense.
Same thing that you guys did.
It's bad.
I think that's its way of knocking.
Okay. Let's do what we all do bad.
Fuck shit up. We fuck shit up. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
Come on. Bring it in.
No. Pilot on top. No, thanks. Pilot on
top.
No, thank you. Okay.
Go with your energy.
What are we looking at here? Excuse me.
Jesus. Where is me?
What's wrong? What's with all the
pillows?
Block arteries, you know, for biting,
scratches.
Go ahead.
Take a tear.
Nothing. Nothing. That's actually pretty
smart. Right?
Yeah, babe, I'm impressed.
You are?
Yeah. Thank you.
Okay, I'm so glad you said that.
I've got a brilliant idea, okay? What is
it?
I'm glad you asked.
All right, so how do we do this pillow
thing?
I kind of used up all the pillows.
Seriously? And the duct tape.
What about us?
You are a selfish man.
Can
you
see that?
He sees something.
Holy shit.
Is that the dead teenager that we saw
when we were driving up?
Hey, look what I found.
That is her.
That son of a bitch.
Hey. No, no, no, no, no. You don't get
to say hi to me.
You stole my car, you little monster.
Actually, I think I crashed your car.
How do you not know if you crashed the
car?
You either did or you didn't crash the
car.
This kid doesn't die.
Hey.
Get up, buddy. It's going.
Dean, where's Mac?
What?
No, no, no, no. Where is Mac?
I don't know. He was right behind me.
What? We need to calm down, like all of
us. What do you mean, calm down? Mac's
fucking missing. I understand.
Doesn't seem like it.
Dean, give me your flashlight.
I don't have it.
What do you mean? It got knocked out of
my hands.
Wait, what time is it?
It's almost 5 .30. Why?
Sunrise, daylight, UV.
Yeah, the cage outside the murder cage.
Yes. I'm missing some verbal
communication, you guys.
Cage, sun, monster.
Trap the motherfucker in the cage.
Just in time for sunlight. Okay? Okay.
Oh, shit. These hits are getting way
worse.
Okay. We have to move now.
Wait.
Max is still out there. You left him
with a creature?
Is he dead?
Oh, God. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Marauders never say die, okay?
What?
We can't give up pursuing our dreams.
Never say die. In here, our time is now.
In here.
Okay? And that all goes away the moment
we ride Troy's bucket. What the fuck are
you talking about? It's the Goonies.
He's doing the Goonies. Yeah.
We don't know anything, so we cannot
assume the worst.
Come here.
Look at me.
We need you right now. All right?
There's a freakishly huge hairy space
cock outside that wants us as a meal.
We need to trap that motherfucker and
watch it burn.
Then we can look for Mac.
Okay? Mac, he's a really smart guy,
okay?
He can handle himself and... I'll let
you in on a little secret.
When we have our sleepovers at night, I
read to him from my book that I wrote,
so he's very well versed... Babe, what
the fuck?
Okay. I want to do this.
Do what?
Lure the space rat into the cage.
I want to do it.
Are you sure?
No, it's okay.
I'll do it. No, it's fine.
I want to do this.
Okay. Go.
Hi. Hi. You're alive. Yeah. Yeah.
I've got to do this.
I'm going to do this. No, let me go.
We own it. Oh.
Oh, we like this.
Bring it with me.
Bring it with me. Bring it with me.
Bring it with me.
Bring it with me.
You're so smart with the music.
Here's the pillow, man. I'm putting that
in my pillow. For sure.
Bring it in.
I'm fine. Let's just, let's go inside.
Okay.
Let's go.
Everyone,
everyone, let's go. I saw a monster
block.
We did it. We did. Guys.
Nobody, where's our, okay.
Well,
I'm just saying like.
Yeah.
Hmm. I've been thinking.
If you really want to get out of here,
we can.
If you want.
I want.
Well, good.
Because I'm coming in some money soon.
Oh, yeah?
Mm -hmm.
Me and Mac are starting a business.
Cool.
Well.
How you feeling?
Good.
Yeah, like, really good.
A little hungry, strangely.
How are you feeling?
I feel... great.
Hey, earlier today... About that, um...
Yeah.
It was weird, right?
I felt it too.
The sun?
Yeah.
How's your wound?
Healed. Whoa.
Completely.
Yours?
Hey, what is it?
Um, it's healed.
Okay, what is it?
Dean.
Have you seen the movie Junior?
Hey, you two are still here.
What the fuck?
Think I'm pregnant?
Oh God.
I don't think we're alone out there.
I don't think we're alone in here
either.
He wrote a book that nobody wanted him
to smash. Out of work for
six months running. The two thought a
group of camaraders of alien
conversion. Not alone out there.
Not alone in here. Zombie cat. They're a
retro and a kind of situation.
Slumming cats, they're a rash, trash,
and a kind of situation.
You have to open your mouth wider. I
can't get that small of a target.
Okay, hold still.
Oh, my God. Hold on.
What? Yeah.
Oh, God, your hands are cold. Yeah, it's
okay.
Tia, meet Tamara.
Yeah,
that's it. Is it?
Naked thing is too much.
Stay still.
Hold on, hold on.
Okay, don't move.
Perfect. All right, hold on.
What's happening?
Oh, yeah.
You have light all over you, girl. Oh,
my God, I'm shedding. Yeah.
You're good now.
Okay. All right, Mac.
Wider.
Wider. Mac, you know the drill.
You're being ridiculous.
I like having friends.
Fine. No fire.
What fire?
I have got to hear this.
All right. So you guys know our friends
Doug and Samantha, right?
Okay. Well, Mac thought it'd be a good
idea to show Doug a flame trick.
No, that's not the story.
It was a barbecue lid. It wouldn't
close.
He literally knocked the barbecue over
and set their entire patio furniture on
fire. Wait, what?
Their brand new set? Did you have to pay
for it?
No, thank God. With me just bartending
and Mac out of work, we can't afford
that. Hi. Hey. No.
In between gigs. I'm in between gigs.
Yeah, for six months.
You see, I have a particular set of
skills that I was blessed with, and they
should be compensated for. I think
that's fair.
You know, we have a barbecue, and we
wouldn't charge either, you know, if
anything bad happened.
Hey, now.
What? I don't see this place catching
fire a bad thing. Okay.
You know what?
Fantasia never did anything but love
you.
It's a never -ending story thing.
Don't encourage it.
I hate this place.
This place is a family heirloom. Your
uncle went to prison, and then we moved
two weeks later.
Like I said, heirloom. I like it. I
think it's cozy.
Thank you.
Everything is cozy.
Okay, please behave, both of you. You
sure you just don't want to come with us
tonight? We're sure.
We'll be back around 3 a .m.
Well, why don't you girls just hang out
with us tonight, I mean?
What, and watch Ancient Aliens with you?
That is a great show.
So many discoveries.
Aliens are a fact of life, and we need
to be prepared. In fact... Wait, no.
Babe?
Well, I was... Put the book away.
No. No, thank you.
Okay. Um, please feed the children.
What children?
The trick -or -treaters. You don't feed
the kids candy?
I mean... Last year he put a sign out
that read, Bring this bell and die.
There we go.
I mean, it's not ambiguous.
They're children.
Please give them candy.
Okay, sure.
I'll encourage the behavior of walking
up to a complete stranger's home. The
third Halloween, yeah.
Walk the matches.
Top left door. You're welcome.
She can hear you.
Quick, he's talking about Fantasia. Go.
You want to see something cool?
Do I want to see something cool? Yeah.
Oh, now. You meant now.
Well, when you said cool, your bathroom
didn't come to mind.
Magic time.
You ready?
Mm -hmm.
Yeah.
Nice. Is that new?
Oh, yeah.
And that's not all.
Okay.
You install these yourself?
You really fancied the place up, didn't
you? Oh, yeah.
All sensors?
I don't have to touch a thing. It really
is like magic.
All right. I'm not going to. This is
awesome.
I'm told that. This is fantastic,
actually.
Wait, why did you do all the additions
if Skylar wants to leave?
What? Why would we leave this place?
We've got everything we need right here.
Yeah, I don't know.
Are we really going to watch Ancient
Aliens?
Oh yeah, I got like ten seasons. Go pick
one and can I get you a drink?
Yes and yes.
Why is this in your car?
Oh, my God.
Fucking Dean keeps putting that in my
car every time I'm about to go
What's that?
Give it to me. You know what's fucked
up?
This.
Oh, yeah.
This is awesome.
This is fantastic.
Oh, my gosh. Who even has these anymore?
You know, they say that aliens live deep
underwater and among us.
Like...
Regularly.
Yeah, I don't know about all that.
These are like records, man.
This is crazy.
Do you have something to play this?
Can you take a neat?
Is there any other way?
I think we're going to do season 11.
No, going on with the whole job thing.
You really think that they're
underground? Like in the water
I see what you're doing.
Yes, I do believe, though. Okay.
Six months, though? That's... Well, it's
more like five and a half, but... Yeah.
Look, I'm trying to start my own
company, okay? And the process is taking
little bit longer than I would hope,
than I thought.
But Amanda just... She just... wants me
to get a job now. She wants me to get a
piece of shit job that pays shit, and
it's stupid, and she wants me to give up
on my hopes, and she doesn't believe in
my dreams.
I don't know if all that's true, that
last part, but it's stupid.
Do you think that maybe she feels
frustrated because she feels alone?
she wants the thing between you two to
go further.
But you're not going and getting a job,
not bringing home any money. It feels
like you don't care.
That's some deep shit.
All right.
Serious question.
Serious answer.
Okay. Seriously, though.
All right. Which drugs are off the table
tonight?
And how far is, like, officially
cheating?
Amanda. I know.
Okay, I want to get fucked up, but I'm
not trying to fuck up my whole life.
Well, that's fine. So what drug?
Okay,
so... Weed? Yes.
Alcohol?
Cocaine? Candy.
Yay, all right.
Okay.
Okay. I don't...
What did...
I don't know.
Now this is a true work of art.
Oh, like an indie film.
Because of China.
Oh, God, no. This is a porn. No. No, no,
yes.
It's naked people. This is an
artistically driven narrative about two
physically expressing their love for one
another.
Yeah, I know.
What's the title thing for?
The Night We Fucked.
We'd be fucked.
No. Fucked is a situation I'm currently
in.
What are you talking about?
It's Max.
I mean, you know I love him more than
anything, but he hasn't worked for six
months. Drained our savings.
Talking to him about it? No, I just
don't want to piss him off, you know?
Okay, that sounds very wife -beater -ish
to me.
Nothing like that. I just haven't found
the right time.
It's a sensitive topic.
So let's switch topics.
Uh, how are you, Dean and Fantasia?
Fucking whore. Skye, it's not that bad.
Okay, it's that bad. You know what?
I've needed this for a long time.
Don't say that. Same here.
You know, we used to go on vacations all
the time.
And then we just stopped.
Why? I don't know why.
So, these nights out with just us.
Yeah. They're my new mini vacations.
Thanks.
You know, come to think of it, I don't
think Mac and I have ever been on a
vacation. That's because you can't
afford one. You're a slut.
I'm a vampire.
Okay.
Okay.
Happy Halloween!
Little fuckers.
It was faster.
Fair enough.
I miss that whole entire being super
happy off of the Halloween.
What in God's name is that?
Oh, you know what? That was my uncle's.
Yeah.
Actually, it was here before we got
here. And I think probably all those
roosters you're hearing right now used
to live there and escaped.
Oh,
okay.
Yeah, I was going to go with sex page.
That looks like something Jenna Jameson
trained in before she hit it big and
found her stride. Who? Yeah, I'm pretty
sure a forensic team is going to be
showing up to collect samples at the
least vivid.
Okay, actually, that sounds awesome, and
I invite that possibility.
Well, then here's the crazy shit
happening.
Yes, sir. That's weird.
Cheers.
We don't have a stereo.
The fuck was that?
That. In your face shit.
What's in your face shit?
Do you... Do you feel this?
It's like the rain.
Without the rain. What?
It's like the rain without the... Get
your face out here.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, that is wild.
It was nice.
It's like Petricor's little brother.
Pop core Angelic it's like Ariel singing
a song It
is unusual It's beautiful, huh?
Let's go inside, okay?
Wow, oh my god, what?
Fuck What is it? There's like Rain drops
on my
face and on my tongue.
There's none on your car.
And there's no clouds.
Yeah, that is kind of wild.
In this installment, we hear the
Pentagon confirm yet more startling UFO
sightings.
We learn about a group of scientists who
are putting pressure on the government
to release all of their secrets on
flying objects.
That doesn't make any fucking sense. No,
it really does. Just, okay.
Think about it. Okay.
I don't believe you.
Okay, well.
Right.
Flippers. And debunking.
Are you here? Because it does.
They touch. They sure do.
They touch. I know.
Wait,
this doesn't prove anything.
These are my pants.
Give me your pants.
Your pants. Okay.
This is nuts.
This is nuts.
I never have to try on pants again.
Never. This is crazy.
You're like a wizard.
It's been said.
Okay.
Okay.
I swear
to God, I don't even know
why I put the sign out.
This just speaks to the education
system.
What are you doing?
Trick or treat. Don't even finish that.
I really did, though.
Mm -mm.
Mm -mm.
You're like half an adult.
Why are you out here? Why can't I just
get some candy? Because there's an age
limit. That's ageist.
Not how that works. Not how that works
at all. Can I just get some candy, old
man? Old man? Wow. I'm talking to him,
actually.
Checked out. Okay. Okay. You know what
you should be doing? You should be at
home, listening to Hurt, crying about
somebody who stood you up tonight.
What the fuck is Hurt? What the fuck?
Okay, I'm going to have to show you a
lesson here. Please educate this one.
Maybe this little ditty is going to ring
a bell.
You let me violate you.
This is the first day of my life. I like
that one, too.
Next track.
The world is a vampire.
And you could have it all.
My empire.
Oh, that one by Johnny Cash, right?
Oh, God.
Okay. Leave.
Just go. Why don't you leave?
Because this is my house. That's why. My
house. Our house.
Together. Together.
Not your concern. You need to go away,
vampire.
Be gone. I'm sorry.
Interrupted your eyes wide shut moment.
Be gone, okay?
Make like a crow.
Just go.
Please.
Be gone.
Yeah.
Bad bye.
Find another home, Crusader.
Okay.
This is going to lead to murder, huh?
Okay, come on.
I spent so long on that.
I know. Who would do that?
Well, I mean, probably the teenager that
was out here earlier.
That would be my guess. I'm not a
detective, but, I mean, I would assume
what happened there. Probably. Okay.
Let's see. Right here.
What? You probably see it on your ring.
Doorbell. Oh, I don't pay for the
service.
What? Why do you have it?
Because I need a doorbell.
I mean, it makes sense. That checks out,
actually.
Okay, but seriously?
Yeah. You're not bringing any strays
home tonight.
Oh, but I make the best friends. You are
not Captain Save -A -Ho.
All right, we need to be able to look
back hell years later and be like, that
shit was a fucking epic.
Thank you.
I'll turn you back on. Bye.
Okay, you heard that, right? Yeah. Heard
it. Saw it. Felt it.
All right. Okay.
That's a young child screaming. Yep.
Yep.
You should probably go check that out.
We can check it out. Yeah.
Alright, the sound came from the shed.
Yeah, I think our little bastard is
hiding in there.
Okay, take out your phone.
Okay, open it.
What? Open it.
You open it. You're close, sir.
By all means.
It's just a kid.
I got it.
What the fuck was that?
That, my friend, was an alien.
Are you happy about this?
Yeah. Wait, no.
Yes?
Was that... Was it chewing on the
teenager?
Dude, we were looking at the same thing.
And that was an alien trash panda.
Was that really an alien?
Oh. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Uh, oh.
Oh.
Okay.
New plan.
Huh? Evidence.
Move. What? What? No.
No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no,
no. What are you doing? No, no, no, no,
no, no.
Okay.
Definitely an alien.
Oh, man.
No one's going to believe this.
Oh, God. Was it a teenager in there?
Dude. How are you... Ooh, seems
aggressive.
Oh,
what I think is that it's done with its
appetite.
Ooh, that appetizer has a name.
Oh, what is it?
Okay, you know what? We need weapons.
Hey!
Sorry, I thought you said go.
What? No. Okay, first, we need to
fortify this door.
Yeah.
So maybe if we grab... Okay.
This was a complete betrayal of our
friendship.
Complete betrayal!
We've really got to work on our
communication, okay?
That's fair.
Okay.
And now... We need guns.
Lots of guns.
Do you have guns?
No.
We don't have a gun?
No.
That's a butter knife.
Yeah, well, I wasn't expecting an alien
rodent invasion, okay?
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Are you having a stroke?
Your book.
What about your book?
Didn't you write a book about this?
Amanda.
Come here.
I'm going to wake up.
I'm starting a new company. That's
what's happening.
I'm going to comb this little alien
creature's hair.
Just thought I'd comb a little fucker
down.
Peanut butter.
Uh, rats like peanut butter. It looks
like a rat, so... It's like a... It's
a... Here, come here!
Feed. Oh. And then it's like an attack.
Okay. You just come at it aggressively.
You know, I got something here.
So, it says... Listen for a sound the
creature makes.
You try to imitate it. To communicate.
Alright.
It says... You wrote it.
Look, with eating a small child, I feel
like we're past communicating.
Amanda? Amanda, wake up! What?
Where are we?
What's going on?
Oh, shit.
Amanda. Are we okay?
Define okay.
Amanda, what's happening? Quiet.
What's going on? Shh.
They're out there.
Look.
Shh.
What are we going to do? I don't know.
Amanda, we need to be quiet.
We need to be very still. Do not move.
We need to get out of here.
Like, fast.
We're gonna die.
We can't die out here.
We can't die just like this.
Just calm down. Just calm down, okay?
Calm down. We're on a deserted road
surrounded by monster rats.
We have no cell service.
Oh, my God.
Is that Dean?
Yes. No.
No. Oh, my God.
We crashed our car on Empire Mine Road.
Because it's fast. Sure.
It's faster.
Race? Okay, just stop, all right?
We crashed our car on Empire Line Road,
and now we're surrounded by zombie cats.
She's seen them, too.
I know, I can hear it.
Okay, babe, I need you to stay put. We
are coming to get you.
Just don't move.
Oh, let me talk to Amanda.
Thank you.
That can't be good.
Babe, I'm going to have to call you
back.
Mac?
Mac?
It's fucking useless.
We're going to fucking die.
We're going to die.
We're going to die.
Okay, everything's fine. Everything's
fine. Everything's not fine.
Nope. Nope.
It's gone. It's gone?
We're going to be okay. I don't like
this.
We're going to fucking die.
Okay, we're okay.
We just need to eat.
And calm down.
Hi.
What? What? What are you doing?
Where's mine?
Well, I, uh, you guys... Okay, I only
found four.
You only made one for yourself?
All right.
Uh,
where are you going?
Uh, we're a team.
The aliens are that way. The girls are
that way.
I can come in first.
Well, you should go in first, actually.
And then I'll come in behind you.
And then I'll do like... Are you kidding
me with this?
This entire time I've been in the
kitchen building a Lego set with peanut
and you've had an alien neutralizer on
you the whole time?
This is the odd chance.
Our time is now.
There's no going back.
One for all, and all for one.
We'll show them why we chose Disneyland
over Knott's Berry Farm.
What?
I don't know.
Should we have a name?
I thought it was obvious.
Yeah, it's... Okay.
Broaders of...
Alien.
Convergence.
Division. Division.
MacD,
motherfucker.
I was looking under the car. Okay.
It's
locked. Sorry.
How do you not know your own father?
Twice.
Okay.
There we go.
Heat it up. I know.
Nice jousting position. I like it.
Did you hear that?
I didn't hear shit. Let's go.
Help me!
I know you hear that.
Okay, but what if that's like some kind
of alien voice trick or
something? How do we even know that's
the teenager?
Hey, if you can hear me, I'm the
teenager from earlier.
This is how people die.
Saving others?
No.
Deviating. Our goal was the girl. The
first part to getting toward that goal
getting in the car.
We're in the car!
Okay, that's fair.
She needs our help.
Okay, you realize we're probably only
going to be saving half a teenager,
Come on. Let's go.
Let's make this quick, all right?
Me first? Yeah. Okay.
All right.
I think something was eating me.
Right. Well, you know, you should have
gone home.
Not the time.
You're going to be okay.
None of that is true.
Go, go,
go, go, go, go.
Up like a rabbit. Up like a rabbit.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
I'm making it sound.
It's not making that sound. You're
making it horn.
Oh.
God damn.
It's a boy.
Bet you're hungry now, you little
fucker.
Swing, Merrill!
Swing! Go, go, go, go!
Swing!
Get out of here!
Are you fucking kidding me right now?
You just put the saver in.
This is the thing. The fucking tip, man.
The fucking thing. I told you.
You nearly got you in the... Fuck.
What is that thing?
Looked like something I bought my
fucking niece for Christmas last year.
well, not all alien life form is carbon
-based, okay? Okay, I'm just saying,
it's like really rubbery.
Well, this kind of looks like we're
right back where we started.
Yeah, it does look like that, Mac.
It really does.
Huh.
Funny.
What do we do?
I think we just... Make it back to the
house.
Okay. That sounds okay.
Is it another one?
These stupid signs made it horny.
Okay. Hey.
What do you see?
I don't see it. Nothing.
God. Why?
Why?
Why? I don't have my phone. Okay. Do you
have yours?
Yeah.
I left it in the car.
Fuck. Fuck.
Okay, it's fine.
Is it?
Yeah, we're fine.
Yeah, are we? Yeah. Okay.
Yeah. Okay, we just have to... What?
We just... Just have to...
We have to... What the... Oh,
no, no, no.
Oh, shit.
Never want to...
That's not them.
No?
Is that a good thing?
Is that a question?
I don't know. Tonight is fucking weird.
That could be a good Samaritan.
He just ran a car and he's just walking
over to help us.
Yes.
Or he could have created a possum
kingdom of aliens and released them into
world. And now he's here to collect his
offspring and he's going to viciously
murder any of the witnesses.
That's the other option.
No, I didn't mean to cause you a fright.
I just, uh, I noticed some smoke coming
from your car and, uh, wondered if,
uh, you ladies needed any help.
Um, yes. Hello, good sir.
Sir? Oh, the name is, uh, the name is
Sam.
You know, you're all on a dangerous road
here.
Hello, Sam.
Yes, I'm aware of the road.
Are you ladies all right? No, there's
creepy critters running all
around out there.
What's that?
You've heard of murder hornets, right?
Murder hornets?
Yeah. Okay, think murder hornets, but
they look like baboon rats.
Baboon rats?
I don't quite follow.
Can you roll the window down a little
bit? Not a good idea, Sam. You need to
back in your car.
You want me to leave?
Yes. Don't leave.
You want me to get back in my van?
No. Yes.
Are you all on drugs?
What? No, I... Okay.
I could see how it might seem like that,
but no.
Mm -hmm.
Do you really not see anything?
Okay. We'll roll the window down.
What? It's fine.
Hmm.
Sam, if you try any weird shit, we'll
fuck your ass.
Up. We will fuck your ass up. Okay? We
don't have time for creepy raper killers
tonight. Okay? This night's already a
fucking mess.
Raper killers?
Look, I was just trying to give you
ladies a hand.
Hmm. I think I'll leave if you all want
me to.
Sam, we need to get out of here fast.
Can you help us with that?
I knew it.
Goddamn creepy motherfucker.
Hey, buddy.
I'm going to need you to get up here.
Hello?
Get up in that space, little Jimmy.
Hello?
That'll get you up.
That'll get you up, huh?
Oh, shit.
Two of us need a partner here. Come on,
man.
You wake up.
I'm going to play a little game called
Wake the Fuck Up.
Sorry. Sorry.
I got away from you. I apologize. I just
need you to wake up.
Please, just...
For the love of God, will you please
just wake the fuck up?
Oh, fuck. Okay.
Okay, actually, you stay here.
I need you to stay in here. Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Why
am I lying? Why me?
Joe McLean.
party. Let's have a little fun.
Bring a little aliens.
Fuck my life.
Okay, you're going to run to the truck,
start it up, and you're going to drive
back to me. Yes.
Okay, why don't we leave at the same
time?
You can be lookout.
What, so I can see when you're going to
die?
Are you ready?
How do you know where Keith is?
They're probably on him.
I'm ready.
Are you okay? Yeah.
He's staring at me. Is he alive?
No.
Okay, we just need the keys.
The fuck? How is that possible?
Skylar, quit fucking with him.
He's fucking with me.
Let me know when it's clear.
Okay.
Okay, I think it's all clear.
It's all clear.
Shut the fuck up. You're going to get
fucking killed.
Whose fault is that? What the fuck are
you doing?
Human sealed.
Are you serious?
Are you watching?
You're being ridiculous.
I can't smell what they already killed.
How can... It's only a fucking thing.
Fuck you.
Fuck you. You. Fuck you. Fuck you.
You. Fuck you. Fuck you. You. Fuck you.
You.
Fuck you.
Fuck you. Fuck you.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah, just an open window with a
bloodthirsty base rodent running around
the property.
Awesome.
Good morning, sunshine.
What's that behind you?
Locking the door?
Why are you wet?
Because you Jean -Claude Van Damme my
ass into the bathroom.
For your safety, okay?
How about those water sensors, though?
Did they work out?
Yeah,
they were actually pretty good.
Can you believe Skyler didn't want those
in there? They make no goddamn sense
right now.
I don't know how an alien would justify
that.
Well, I did.
Abby. What's going on? Shut up. You're
going to draw attention.
Where are you taking me? Let go of me,
crazy friend. Just be quiet.
Be quiet.
You fucking cut me.
You fucking cut me.
Just be quiet. You're dead.
Just be quiet. You're fucking dead.
Be quiet.
Newman Shields.
I got the keys. Let's go.
Wait a minute, girls!
It's my truck, you fucking bananas!
What?
Hey, kangaroo fucker!
You're gonna die.
They're trapping this thing. We are?
Yeah, yeah. Thanks. Yeah, why are we
holding the door?
I don't know. I was just following your
lead.
It's in there. It's in there pretty
good. So we can move away.
All right.
We got to get your phone.
Do you know where it is?
In front of the shed.
Yes.
MACD.
MACD, motherfucker!
I would be Willard in this situation.
He would be Ben. Your Ben.
We just need you.
God damn it. Stop with the fighting. Bad
rat.
Bad rat.
I know what you like.
Is this what you want?
Are you kidding me? You did that on
purpose.
That was an accident.
No, that was my best performance, and
you
ruined it.
That was an atrocity, okay? And it only
figures that a space demon could destroy
it.
Okay, this truth comes out.
You're jealous of my night moves.
What are you doing?
Why are you moving like that?
Stop it.
Stop that.
Please.
Now.
No.
Okay.
That's... That's a breathing mechanism.
Dude, dude, dude, dude, stop that!
Oh,
fuck. Oh.
Sorry.
Oh, my God.
Are you okay? Yes, yes, yes. Here. Are
you okay? Yeah.
Where did you get this?
From a dead kid in your car down the
street. We were driving by and we
to call to see if it was safe.
Well, it is now. I mean, how did you do
that?
Um, like this. Oh, my God. Babe, what
happened?
I got bit.
Wait, what about you?
I'm not as good of a wrestler as I
thought I was.
But let's get you cleaned up, okay?
Yeah. Okay.
I'm okay, too. I mean, I got attacked by
aliens.
You have no idea how good it feels to be
back.
Yeah, it was a fucking nightmare out
there.
I'm just glad you're both back safe.
You got your car swum by a teenager?
I mean, it's more complicated than that,
but yes.
Okay, no, it is not complicated.
He deviated. Okay, she was screaming for
her life?
How many are there?
Teenagers? Creatures, idiot.
I think we're splitting hairs here.
What the fuck are these things?
I don't know.
I don't know. I know that they, like,
water like candy and fucking flashlights
apparently kill them.
Okay, wait, but the flashlights on her
phone didn't do anything.
All right, so it's the type of light. I
don't know shit about light, but there's
something with that. Yeah? Wait, um,
those are black lights.
That's it.
Ultraviolet radiation.
What the sun produces that bounces
around the atmosphere, daylight.
I wish we had more of those.
We do, actually.
You remember the blacklight Christmas
party.
No.
What the fuck was that?
I don't see it. Oh, shit.
There.
It's right here. Look.
There it is.
That's so fucking funny.
All of it.
All of it's funny.
Just when we think we got a handle on
it.
Boom.
No handle.
We lose grip.
I mean, I don't know if you guys are
seeing this, but we're fucked, okay?
You're fucked.
You're fucked.
You might be fucked. Okay. Still on the
fence with, I need you to calm down.
Because there's only one thing we can
do.
What is that?
Mac D, this bitch.
Hell yeah.
Mac D?
Yeah.
It's our group name. Yeah. We have a
group. We created a group while you guys
were gone. Pretty cool.
So you should join. Yeah. Actually, I
don't know why you... No initiation.
You're already here.
How'd you land on that?
Pretty simple.
Yeah. Yeah. Hit it with the name. Okay.
Yep. Here it comes. Ready?
Waiting.
Marauders of Alien Convergence.
Dicks. Division.
Division. Not dicks. Division.
Okay.
McBee.
Selling it. Why don't we call ourselves
Security Killers for
you.
Alliance. Like that. Gaia. Gaia, bitch.
You don't have time for this.
This is the stupidest name.
I think it's ever heard.
So dumb. So dumb. Say it again for me.
It's really bad. It's great. You know
what it's like? It's like they're trying
to take their names and like just force
them into an acronym.
I'm going to make the biggest sandwich
that makes no sense.
Same thing that you guys did.
It's bad.
I think that's its way of knocking.
Okay. Let's do what we all do bad.
Fuck shit up. We fuck shit up. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
Come on. Bring it in.
No. Pilot on top. No, thanks. Pilot on
top.
No, thank you. Okay.
Go with your energy.
What are we looking at here? Excuse me.
Jesus. Where is me?
What's wrong? What's with all the
pillows?
Block arteries, you know, for biting,
scratches.
Go ahead.
Take a tear.
Nothing. Nothing. That's actually pretty
smart. Right?
Yeah, babe, I'm impressed.
You are?
Yeah. Thank you.
Okay, I'm so glad you said that.
I've got a brilliant idea, okay? What is
it?
I'm glad you asked.
All right, so how do we do this pillow
thing?
I kind of used up all the pillows.
Seriously? And the duct tape.
What about us?
You are a selfish man.
Can
you
see that?
He sees something.
Holy shit.
Is that the dead teenager that we saw
when we were driving up?
Hey, look what I found.
That is her.
That son of a bitch.
Hey. No, no, no, no, no. You don't get
to say hi to me.
You stole my car, you little monster.
Actually, I think I crashed your car.
How do you not know if you crashed the
car?
You either did or you didn't crash the
car.
This kid doesn't die.
Hey.
Get up, buddy. It's going.
Dean, where's Mac?
What?
No, no, no, no. Where is Mac?
I don't know. He was right behind me.
What? We need to calm down, like all of
us. What do you mean, calm down? Mac's
fucking missing. I understand.
Doesn't seem like it.
Dean, give me your flashlight.
I don't have it.
What do you mean? It got knocked out of
my hands.
Wait, what time is it?
It's almost 5 .30. Why?
Sunrise, daylight, UV.
Yeah, the cage outside the murder cage.
Yes. I'm missing some verbal
communication, you guys.
Cage, sun, monster.
Trap the motherfucker in the cage.
Just in time for sunlight. Okay? Okay.
Oh, shit. These hits are getting way
worse.
Okay. We have to move now.
Wait.
Max is still out there. You left him
with a creature?
Is he dead?
Oh, God. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Marauders never say die, okay?
What?
We can't give up pursuing our dreams.
Never say die. In here, our time is now.
In here.
Okay? And that all goes away the moment
we ride Troy's bucket. What the fuck are
you talking about? It's the Goonies.
He's doing the Goonies. Yeah.
We don't know anything, so we cannot
assume the worst.
Come here.
Look at me.
We need you right now. All right?
There's a freakishly huge hairy space
cock outside that wants us as a meal.
We need to trap that motherfucker and
watch it burn.
Then we can look for Mac.
Okay? Mac, he's a really smart guy,
okay?
He can handle himself and... I'll let
you in on a little secret.
When we have our sleepovers at night, I
read to him from my book that I wrote,
so he's very well versed... Babe, what
the fuck?
Okay. I want to do this.
Do what?
Lure the space rat into the cage.
I want to do it.
Are you sure?
No, it's okay.
I'll do it. No, it's fine.
I want to do this.
Okay. Go.
Hi. Hi. You're alive. Yeah. Yeah.
I've got to do this.
I'm going to do this. No, let me go.
We own it. Oh.
Oh, we like this.
Bring it with me.
Bring it with me. Bring it with me.
Bring it with me.
Bring it with me.
You're so smart with the music.
Here's the pillow, man. I'm putting that
in my pillow. For sure.
Bring it in.
I'm fine. Let's just, let's go inside.
Okay.
Let's go.
Everyone,
everyone, let's go. I saw a monster
block.
We did it. We did. Guys.
Nobody, where's our, okay.
Well,
I'm just saying like.
Yeah.
Hmm. I've been thinking.
If you really want to get out of here,
we can.
If you want.
I want.
Well, good.
Because I'm coming in some money soon.
Oh, yeah?
Mm -hmm.
Me and Mac are starting a business.
Cool.
Well.
How you feeling?
Good.
Yeah, like, really good.
A little hungry, strangely.
How are you feeling?
I feel... great.
Hey, earlier today... About that, um...
Yeah.
It was weird, right?
I felt it too.
The sun?
Yeah.
How's your wound?
Healed. Whoa.
Completely.
Yours?
Hey, what is it?
Um, it's healed.
Okay, what is it?
Dean.
Have you seen the movie Junior?
Hey, you two are still here.
What the fuck?
Think I'm pregnant?
Oh God.
I don't think we're alone out there.
I don't think we're alone in here
either.
He wrote a book that nobody wanted him
to smash. Out of work for
six months running. The two thought a
group of camaraders of alien
conversion. Not alone out there.
Not alone in here. Zombie cat. They're a
retro and a kind of situation.
Slumming cats, they're a rash, trash,
and a kind of situation.