The Squatchers (2025) Movie Script

(Music Begins)
(Heavy Footsteps)
(Growling)
(Explosion)
You can't time travel.
We're all children of Father
Time. He won't allow it.
Sorry, Father Time.
Looks like I was adopted.
What the heck, dude? It's my birthday
you can't just, you can't
change the movie like that.
Oh, Tyler. You've made me watch
this stupid Bigfoot movie
- already.
- Because the movie was about
to have its climax.
- Ew, please don't say climax.
- Mm.
- Guys, I told you
that we were watching this movie tonight.
- Everyone agreed.
- Come on, Tyler.
I mean, you've made me
watch this stupid Bigfoot
movie so many times.
I mean, you're the only one who likes it.
Look, I put something way better on.
- Here.
Take this. You're gonna need it.
(Electronic Dance Music Plays)
I'm a Pop-and-Lock-Bot from the future.
This isn't much better.
Okay. First off, Fay,
Time Pit is amazing.
Second off, Lewis. I
told you, specifically
that we were watching my favorite
- Bigfoot movie for my birthday.
- Okay.
All right, Tyler, why don't
we take a present break
and we'll finish your Bigfoot movie later.
Yeah, after I leave.
(Clears Throat)
- What's up guys?
- Bret! Wait,
- how did you get in my apartment?
- Ha
Lew told me where your hide-a-key was
Yeah, and you're late.
I know. Tried to time it just right
so I'd miss the dumb movie.
Well, you timed it perfect for gifts.
And we are finishing the movie.
(Groaning)
Oh, geez.
Come on, man.
Hairy birthday.
All right. It feels like
yesterday we were camping every
summer, watching karate
movies at your dad's place
and trying out the moves on kids at recess.
Remember that? Ms. Webb,
she got so mad at us.
- Oh, man, I got suspended.
- I hope you enjoy your gifts.
You Squatcher. Love Fay, Lewis and Bret.
(Theme Plays)
No way. What's this?
We took the logo you made
and turned it into a patch.
Oh, guys, that is so sweet.
There's a little more to the gift.
We've been talking about Sasquatch
hunting since we were kids.
And we know how
obsessed you are with Bigfoot.
You've been trying to get
us to go Sasquatch hunting
with you literally every weekend
to get a photo of him or something.
Hey, I volunteered to go that one time.
My dog's been sick. Like every
time you ask so.
You have a dog?
And technically, we all
promised we go with you one day.
- I don't remember that.
- So, Tyler,
(Squeals With Excitement)
Our gift to you is that we
are completely out of excuses
and we are finally taking
you on a squatching weekend,
and your gift to us is that
after this weekend, you will never ask us
to go again. Happy Birthday.
- Happy birthday.
- You mean it?
Yes, we mean it.
Oh, thank you!
Can't believe we're going camping.
Now, I have a gift for you.
I don't have a good feeling about this.
I knew that this day would come.
Uh, I don't like the sound of this.
(Box Slams)
Our official Squatcher
uniforms for our epic weekend.
We are now officially "The Squatchers"!
Awesome man!
Wow, uh cool hat, Tyler. Thank you, uh,
I'd put it on, but I just
got my hair done, so.
Yeah, uh, me too.
This is so cool. Oh, woo.
Oh, man. Thank you for this hat. Dude.
I'm gonna get so many chicks in this thing.
- You know it, mate.
- Sure Lew,
the only thing that was missing
this whole time was the hat.
Shut up, Bret.
Um, wait, how did
you get these hats made,
if we, we just told you
we were going squatting
Decent hand.
I'm sorry. I'm really honest
guys I didn't wanna lie.
Lewis. It was supposed
to be a big surprise.
- Way to go man.
-Oh, guys, come on, it's not his fault.
Everyone knows that
Lewis can't keep a secret, but
otherwise I wouldn't have been able
to make these sweet hats!
I also have stickers.
- Whoa. - Beanies and, and mugs.
- W-why?
The print shop by me was having a sale.
What? Look at this,
it has my name on it!
Wait, what's with the weird extra hat?
Well, I mean, somebody's gotta drive.
- No?
- Oh, no, dude. No, not Nate.
No, Tyler.
- Please don't tell me that hat's for Nate.
Guys, he's the only one with a car.
- Oh. - Tyler, we were going to rent a car.
- Oh, well
now you don't have to. Look,
I already asked him,
and he is really excited.
Really excited!
Guys. Come on. Nate's my
friend. He's your friend too.
He's not that annoying.
All right. Now, the first
thing that you are going
to wanna remember to
do is to put on sunscreen.
People don't realize how important that is,
just on a regular day out in the town.
The second thing that you're
gonna wanna remember is
to put on, bug repellent.
I've already sprayed myself once,
but probably do it again
whenever I get to base camp.
Now you're probably
asking yourself, how is Nate
so qualified to take us
on this wilderness journey?
No one asked that.
Well, I was a Cub Scout for four months
and I got a book on camping.
I'm already on chapter three.
Dude, we're just here to borrow your car.
Whoa, Bret.
Bretster, oh, you better
power down that phone
before we get into the mountains,
because when we get to the
mountains, we're switching over
to these bad boys.
Oh, sweet.
Are you serious? There's no reception.
Yes, indeedy.
We're going out to
the real wilderness. A place
where Bigfoot roams
free without any internet
or texting machines.
Wait, how can we look up how
to disinfect a wound without internet?
Don't worry Lew, Nate's
got a book on camping,
so we'll be just fine.
- That's the spirit Bret!
- Oh,
guys, this is going to be so much fun.
Thank you for driving us, Nate.
No problem. This is gonna be a real hoot!
Why did I say yes to this?
It's just two days and we never ever
have to go camping again.
Nate, I thought you said your car is five seats.
- Huh? Oh,
there are five seats.
Don't worry. I've taken
'em off-road before.
Okay.
Nate, is this DMV approved?
I knew we shoulda rented a car.
- We're coming for you big guy.
- What's that?
This is a genuine lock
of Bigfoot hair. I got it off of eBay.
Ew, Tyler. Why do you have that?
Because it's genuine Bigfoot
hair. That, that's why.
Well, can you stop
sniffing it in that creepy way?
Hey, you turd!
Dude, I know you got more snacks,
sharing is the Squatcher way.
You said you'd rather lick
a toilet than be a Squatcher.
Uh, I'm wearing the dumb hat.
Well, maybe the dumb
hat is wearing the dumb you,
Dude - Will you both cut it out.
- Bret, stop harassing Lewis.
- Fine.
Okay, I've got my map.
I've got my good luck charm.
We're all packed up. Let's get squatching!
- All right! Woo!
- All right. - All right.
Okie do key.
(Engine Starts)
(Music Begins)
(Laughing)
Only a couple more hours
till we reach Bigfoot country.
Whitehall, New York.
Guys, I cannot believe
we're actually doing this. We
are going to find
Sasquatch. I just know it!
- Yeah, he totally exists.
- Hey, I believe in you, Tyler.
I believe it too. I've heard a lot
of cool stories about the big fella.
- Guys, I'm hungry.
- What?
You've been eating this whole time.
Yeah, but those were just
snacks. I need real food.
Lewis, we're not stopping for food.
It's gonna throw off our whole schedule.
Come on guys. If we don't stop now,
I'm gonna get low blood sugar,
and then you're gonna have to carry me into
- camp.
- Oh my God.
All right. Look, I've got a, I've got a
power bar in my backpack.
You can have it.
- What flavor?
- Vanilla Crunch.
I hate Vanilla Crunch.
- Seriously?
- Nate, aren't you hungry, man?
Don't you wanna stop?
I could go for a juicy
burger, but I'm also packed
and prepared with all the
necessary nutrient snacks,
so I could go either way.
See, we're not stopping.
- I'm actually pretty hungry.
- Yes!
Are you kidding, Bret?
- Somehow Lewis' snacks make you more hungry.
- Ugh.
See, guys, I knew I was right.
Food was a great idea.
The only great idea you've ever had.
- Butt Muncher.
- Yo, take a choke pill
- will you?
- Bret stop picking on Lewis.
Guys, can you please eat faster
so we can get back on the road?
Get your own fries.
Maybe I will. Excuse
me?
What do you want?
Wow that coffee pot
really brings out the color of your eyes.
- You look great today.
- Oh, stop.
You know my friend here,
he's running low on fries.
I don't think he got enough.
He's got a little bit of a problem.
I was wondering if you
could break the rules for me
and give him a free refill.
What do you say?
Well, usually we don't
do that, but for you.
Sure, honey.
- Oh, and more ketchup.
- No.
And that's how it's done.
Now, the waitress hates me.
She doesn't hate you Lewis.
I'm gonna hate both of you,
if we do not get back on the
road. Whitehall is waiting.
Oh, Oh.
(Glass Smashing)
Okay. Now the waitress hates you.
- Aw, man.
- So as the newest member of the Squatchers,
what's the deal with Whitehall, New York?
Why not choose something closer?
Well, Whitehall, New York is known
for its Bigfoot sightings.
It's like a thing over there.
Yeah, it is the number one spot
for Bigfoot sightings on the East Coast.
And the number one Sasquatch expert,
Ranger John Malcolm has a cabin up there
where he conducts his research.
He's kind of a big deal.
Tyler, again, with the
Ranger John Malcolm thing?
What? The guy's a legend.
And he's my personal hero.
You gotta chill with the whole
Ranger John Malcolm thing.
- He's not that important.
- Not that,
what? How could you even say that?
He's like, he's a science rock star - Dude.
No one on Earth knows
who that guy is except
for you and all of us.
Because you haven't shut up
about him since we were 10.
Yeah. Tyler, as your best friend,
you gotta dial back the Ranger
John Malcolm fandom. It can't be healthy.
Ew. Lewis, you can't put them back in.
Well, I don't wanna waste
them. Think of the turtles.
- Nobody wants dirty floor straws, Lewis.
- Okay,
fine.
I'll, I'll tone it back.
But I'm just excited to be like my hero,
and finally see Bigfoot for myself.
Did you guys know Ranger
John Malcolm has over six
recorded encounters with Bigfoot.
Recorded encounters.
Where are the photos?
- Video footage?
Audio recording, anything.
Okay, yeah, no, I get it.
Look, in his defense,
the first time his camera
battery died, the second time,
he forgot to turn on auto focus,
so it's just kind of a blurry photo.
The third and fourth
times the digital camera
took too long to boot up.
By the time he took the photo,
Bigfoot had already left.
And then the sixth time
the auto focus was on.
But it focused on a tree in the background.
So you can't really see
Bigfoot, but he took very good
detailed notes about every encounter.
Oh, okay. Notes? He took notes. You
never told me that.
Let's call up science and
tell him, "Hey, science,
we got notes. Bigfoot saw."
Shut up, Bret. Okay?
- He's real.
- He is not real.
No one's ever got a photo of the guy.
- Look,
I know, but I have a plan.
I brought my camera. I
brought extra batteries.
I even brought my Polaroid
as a backup in case we
need an instant hard copy.
We are gonna find him.
We are gonna get the first real
photo and we are going to be
heroes!
- Okay.
- Yeah, alright. Or
we could eat s'mores. Right?
Look, we could sit around the campfire.
Eat S'mores.
I brought my guitar. We can
play some tunes about Bigfoot.
It seems like that's the closest
we're gonna get to the big
guy this weekend.
- I love s'mores.
- He loves s'mores.
All right, look. Come on guys.
We're all here to
celebrate Tyler's birthday
and fulfill a promise that we all made.
And Nate's here too, for some reason.
- Present.
So let's go all in and
make this weekend worth it.
- Sounds good to me.
- Okay.
Hey, I've been on board ever since
we swore in as Squatchers.
- Thank you guys.
- Didn't we have some sort
of saying like a little oath
when we made our promise?
Squatcher oath!
- Yes, the oath!
- We are friends
and we believe that
Sasquatch is as real as me.
He is a loner just like us,
but we've got each
other, and that we trust.
In rain or shine
and night or day or
day, we'll stick together
all the way. I will
believe, I'll be a watcher, I'm proud to
Call myself a Squatcher.
Oh, bravo. That was great.
I can't believe I
remember that after so long.
Yeah it's been years
since I said that oath.
- I say it all the time.
- Of course you do Lew.
(Cap Clatters)
Hey guys, do you wanna head out?
Because I don't want the waitress
to see I broke the little straw thing.
- Yeah.
Okay, let's go.
(Glass Shatters)
Okay.
Wait, can one of you gimme a straw?
- Oh, hey, you can us one our straws.
- Oh, sweet.
Thank you, buddy. Appreciate it, man.
- Yeah.
(Glass Shatters)
Oh, sorry about the straw.
- What a clutz.
- Wait, Tyler, wait for me, don't leave!
I actually needed to
use one of those straws.
Four milkshakes.
- Oh, man.
- Great.
How gross that would
you guys be, if I used one
of the dirty floor straws?
A little.
Welcome to Bigfoot country.
(Music Swells)
- Wow.
- Whoa.
Neat-o
Oh, trees. Why did
you wake me for trees?
(Laughing)
Oh man.
I found a pinecone.
I think I'm gonna sleep in the car.
Wait, did you bring a tent?
- Is that an invitation?
- Nice try Bret.
- What?
I mean, I don't mind if you snore in your
sleep. Kinda hot.
Thanks, Bret. I'll totally
let you sleep in my tent.
Maybe we can share a sleeping bag.
- Naked.
- Really?
No, you might be able
to sweet talk those girls
at your little concerts,
but not me.
Besides, I don't date Squatchers.
Stupid hat. Not a Squatcher. Okay.
Dropped your hat there my
fellow brother. Alright.
Oh, and hey, there's always
room for two at Casa del Nate.
Okay. Take the car.
This is so great.
It's just like old times. Huh, guys?
- Yeah!
It feels like our old summers,
except now I have to pitch my own tent.
This is gonna be awesome, guys.
I mean, we're gonna hunt, Bigfoot.
- Gone squat chin'
I'm gonna make s'mores.
Oh yeah.
And I brought tent snacks.
- Midnight tent snacks, yo.
- Yeah, can't wait.
Home, sweet home.
- That's still good.
- That's good. Yeah that's still good.
Check this out, man.
I've got binoculars.
Oh wow.
Can you see me? - No.
- Oh.
But I've got night
vision, so we'll be able
to see the big guy, even
if it's super dark outside.
Dead of night. And
then if he's still hiding,
look at this, thermal imaging.
These things, they're so powerful,
they eat up double As like,
like PacMan dots. All right?
There is no way we miss
Bigfoot with all this stuff.
No, there's no way
that we're gonna miss...
- Did it work? - Yeah, yeah.
- Check it out, the holy grail.
- What are you looking at?
- Nothing. - No, give it to me.
Gimme that! - Wait your turn.
- Give them to me.
- No man, come on. Stop.
- No, what are you doing?
Oh, I think thermal imaging works.
It works just fine.
We should probably stop testing it.
Stop. Work.
(Screaming)
Evee. What? What are you doing
here?
Are you kidding me? I
couldn't miss the Squatcher trip
that my brother has been talking
about for my entire life.
Hey Evee.
Hi Lewis!
Soooo, do you have room for one more?
- How did you get here?
- Mom and dad.
Hey, big guy! Hi, honey!
Mom. Dad. What are you doing here?
Well, your trip sounded so fun.
We thought we'd drop off little sis here
so she can join you.
Meanwhile, your mother
and I, we have booked a bed
and breakfast for the whole weekend.
The love hut.
Ew, gross!
Okay, that's fine. Whatever.
But you, you couldn't have called me?
What are you talking about?
We called you multiple times
and every time it went
straight through to voicemail.
Anyway, we're telling you now.
We brought you some wieners
for your little campfire,
for your little squatchy friends.
- Thanks, mom.
- And I brought you
this bag of rope!
What am I supposed to do with this?
You're in the woods. You need rope.
I also have a shotgun
in the car. You want it?
No. Dad, I packed light
so I wouldn't have to
lug stuff like this around.
Don't worry about it.
It's just rope.
Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Harrison.
Hi Fay. You look beautiful as ever.
- Aw, thank you.
- And how do I look?
Lewis? You look, the same?
- What's that?
- Wieners. And a bag of rope.
Okay, uh, we're starting a
fire if you wanna come help.
Well, honey, I think
it's time for us to be off.
Take care, big guy. Look after little sis.
- We'll see you later.
- Stay safe.
(Engine Starting)
- Where's my hat?
- I...
How was I supposed to
even know you were coming?
Besides, you're not a
Squatcher. You don't get a hat.
- Why not? - Because you're just not.
- Well look,
I brought my flash night
so I can help you find Sasquatch.
Look, I'll tell you what
you find Sasquatch.
I'll give you my hat.
How does that sound?
Come on, just lemme borrow it.
Why is your flashlight pink?
It's the most impractical
flashlight I've ever seen.
It's cute.
We're all actually here.
It does feel surreal.
We used to come here every year
as kids, and then you grow up
and you stop doing stuff like this.
Well, I grew up. You, not so much.
- What do you mean?
- You're literally exactly the same.
Well, I guess I-I'll take
that as a compliment,
I'm gonna check.
- No, you can't eat...
- I'll never forget the time
you were 10 and you took
me and Lewis to that cave.
You swore Bigfoot lived in.
Right?
Freaking Lewis fell
and got stuck in the cave
'cause of his stupid Heely's.
Yeah. No, my dad had to
help him out with the rope.
Maybe that's why your
dad brought you the rope.
Hey, I was traumatized.
I couldn't Heely again after that.
Well, I know we never
found Bigfoot as kids
and we probably won't
find him on this trip either,
but it's still a great way to
get us back together again.
We'll find him.
You really do believe
in Bigfoot, don't you?
Okay. Don't laugh.
But to me, Bigfoot is this
big hairy beacon of hope.
When you grow up. You're not allowed
to believe in Santa Claus
anymore or whatever.
But Bigfoot is this mystical creature
that keeps the sense of possibility and
and the magic of what we don't know alive.
I mean, he really could be out here.
If we stop believing in
Bigfoot, then we stop believing
that there's magic left in the world.
That's kinda sweet Tyler.
He's out there, Fay, and
he's gonna prove to all of us
that there's magic left in the world.
And I am gonna get the photo to prove it.
Wait, Bret, you have to
play the Squatcher song.
No, I'm not gonna
play the Squatcher song.
- Everybody wants to hear it.
- You have to. - Come on!
Oh I would love to hear
the official Squatcher song.
Play the song! Play the
song! Play the song!
Play the song! Play the song!
Okay. Okay. Okay. To get
you to stop chanting.
I'll play the song. Here we go.
(Song Begins)
We are friends and we
believe the Sasquatch is
as real as me.
He's a loner, just like us.
We got each other and
that we trust. Through rain
or shine, in night or day.
We'll stick together all the way.
I'll believe, I'll be a watcher.
Proud to call myself a Squatcher,
proud to call myself a Squatcher,
Proud to call myself a
Squatcher - Proud to...
All right, you got your song.
- Wait, you have to do the howl part.
- Yes!
- No!
- And he howls, like. - Ugh okay.
And he howls like (Howling)
And he howls like (Howling)
And he howls like (Howling)
And he howls like (Howling)
(Clapping)
- Alright that song is pretty cool tonight.
- Yeah.
All right guys, we, we
should go get some sleep
so we can wake up nice and early.
According to Ranger John Malcolm, four
of his six Sasquatch encounters have
occurred right before Sunrise.
- Uh, what time is sunrise?
- 6:00 AM
- Ugh, Tyler.
- What?
What? Look. Right. It's
what sun trip's about.
You guys can squatch without
me. I'll be asleep.
Nice try, Bret. I'm waking everyone up
at five o'clock sharp.
Just everybody go get some
sleep. Okay? Nighty night!
Squatchers!
Lewis, don't bring the
marshmallows in here.
I need them.
- You don't need them.
- I need it - Night Fay.
Night Bret.
Dude.
- What? What do you want?
- It's him. It's him. It's, dude.
Wake up. - What man?
- It's Bigfoot dude.
Wake up it's him.
Good morning.
Tyler, wake up. It's him. It's Bigfoot!
He's right there
My camera.
- Where?
- Get my camera!
No, no, no, no, no. Where did he go?
Tyler, is everything okay?
- He was just here.
I just saw a, a shadow.
Are you sure it wasn't a
bear? That's a common mistake.
- It was him. I'm sure of it.
- I saw it too. It was huge.
Let Nate investigate.
Well, that was that, I guess.
Lets just go back in.
All right.
Welp, whatever it was, it's gone now.
(Screaming)
Sasquatch, Sasquatch took him.
- What do we do?
Alright, uh, you guys stay here.
- I'm gonna look for him.
- No
No, we're all sticking together.
All right, well then
all of us. Let's go now.
What about Lewis?
- He'll be fine. Okay.
- Now Evee, stay here, watch Lewis.
Stay with me on your walkie. Okay?
- Okay. - Let's go.
Hey, Nate. Nate, Nate,
Lewis?
Hey buddy. Wake up. Lewis?
Wake up. Tyler, can you come back soon?
I don't think I should have
this much responsibility.
Nate! Nate!
Nate! Nate!
Hey Tyler?
- Eves, you copy?
- Hey, Tyler.
- Are you okay sis?
- I'm okay.
Uh, Lewis is still out though.
He'll be all right. Just,
just stay safe over there.
Okay.
I can't see anything.
Oh, I have my, my,
my night vision goggles.
Nate? Nate!
If he was anywhere I-I'd be able
to see something on here.
I don't think we're gonna find him.
Maybe let's, let's just get back
to base camp so we can all stick together.
We'll head to the sheriff's
station first thing tomorrow morning.
They'll, they can help us look.
Good idea. Getting freaked
out the more we stay out here.
Let Evee know we're on our way back.
Hey, Evee, we're making our
way back to you. Hang tight.
Okay.
It's okay.
- Thank you.
- You're so brave.
I try.
Careful, careful.
(Screaming)
Oh, sorry.
Oh, sorry. I thought
you were another monster.
- Sorry. - You almost gave me a heart attack.
- No, Nate?
- We couldn't find him.
- Oh, no.
What's up guys.
(Screaming)
Ah, Bret!
Oh no. Stop scaring me!
I can't keep doing this.
- You scared us to death.
What's everyone's deal?
I thought we were supposed to meet at five.
- Nate was kidnapped.
- What? - By Bigfoot. - What?
Wait, what?
Well, whoever it was or
whatever it was, took him
and there's no trace of where they went.
We're gonna get help from
the sheriff in the morning.
The best thing we can all
do now is get some sleep
and we'll set out first thing tomorrow.
- I am not sleeping alone.
- Me neither.
So Tyler, how many does this tent sleep?
- Three.
(Snoring)
Okay. So I came outta my
tent and I stood right here.
Right here. And then I thought
I saw Bigfoot go this way.
So I came here and then Nate,
our friend Nate, came out of his tent.
- That tent.
- and he came over here
and he was dragged into the woods, right?
We searched everywhere
for an hour, two hours.
And we, we couldn't find
any sign of him or Bigfoot.
So you really think
that it was the big fella?
- I'm positive.
- What?
You don't believe in Bigfoot too? Do you?
All of us here in Whitehall believe
it's part of living here.
But I'm gonna be straight with y'all.
Lots of people go missing in these woods.
And not everybody who's
gone missing gets found.
I'm gonna file a missing persons report
and get a squad out
here to search the area.
- Thank you Sheriff Hawkins.
- Yeah, thanks.
- My pleasure, son.
- If there's anything we can do
to help, please let us know.
If you really think it was the big fella.
I'd talked to an expert
Ranger John Malcolm.
Ugh, Tyler. Not ranger guy again.
Oh, come on guys.
Ranger John Malcolm, he lives around here.
What if we find him and
he helps us find Nate.
Look, Tyler.
I'm cold and I'm hungry
and he got kidnapped.
I mean, we could just end this
trip before it gets any worse.
Yeah. Besides if the
guy can't find Bigfoot,
how the heck is he
supposed to help us find Nate,
I'm not gonna go through
this again with you, Bret.
He has six recorded
encounters, - No evidence.
- Six encounters.
- No evidence.
- Six encounters.
- No evidence.
Six encounters. Six encounters.
Come on. Our friend Nate is missing
and we need to do our part to find him.
Tyler, do you know where
Ranger John Malcolm lives?
Is he walking distance?
- Walking distance?
- I mean,
unless you have spare keys to Nate's car,
we're stuck to walking distance.
- Oh yeah.
- No way I'm walking all the way there.
I mean, it is pretty
far. Be a long hike.
- How far are we talking?
- Like a day?
- Alright, count me out.
- Huh, me too.
Evee makes three.
Looks like we're staying here.
Okay, fine. But we're gonna
go keep looking for Nate.
Okay. Right behind you.
- Bret, where's your hat?
- It's in the car.
Why can't you just put on your hat?
I did the guy like 10
favors. I wore the hat.
I played the song. I'm out here in
the cold. I'm all favored out.
Look, you don't have
to do any more favors.
- Thank you.
- Can you do me a favor,
Okay for you I'll do a favor.
Put on the hat.
Okay.
(Music Swells)
Nate! Nate!
Nate! Nate?
Look at me. I'm a Squatcher.
- You're not a Squatcher.
- Why not? I already have the hat.
The hat belongs to Nate.
You're gonna give it back
as soon as we find him.
Guys.
- I'm hungry.
- Shut up.
Shut up Lewis.
- My feet hurt.
- So this is what a hike is.
I finally go on a hike
and it's just walking.
I walk all the time everywhere.
So is walking just hiking
or is hiking just walking?
Nate! Nate!
So like if I'm telling
someone to go for a hike,
I'm just really telling
them to go for a walk
Nate! Nate!
- You know
what would make me feel better
if I had a walking stick.
You know, it's really hard
to pick out the right one.
You have to get one that's not too pointy,
but it has to stick into the
- ground so that you don't.
- Guys,
we should stop for lunch.
So anyways, is it called
walking when it's down the street?
But it's called hiking
when you're in the woods?
So it's like sort of a location thing.
Kind of like how the floor is called.
The floor inside, but it's called the
ground when you're outside.
It's sort of like that.
This is definitely not how
I always imagined this trip would go.
- Same here.
- But what about going for a stroll?
That opens up a whole new can of worms?
How do you have this much energy?
She had her coffee soup this morning.
- Coffee soup?
- Don't ask.
Yeah, it's when I eat
my coffee with a spoon.
Like it's a soup. It's so good.
How is that any different
than just drinking your coffee?
It tastes exactly the same.
Trust me. It tastes different.
- I could really go for some soup.
- Shut up Lewis.
Guys.
It's a Bigfoot print.
Lewis, you know what to do.
How do you know it's not a bear track?
Oh, I've seen enough
Bigfoot prints online to know
what one looks like Bret. Now
they say it's authentic.
Hold that please.
If it measures from
your wrist to your elbow
Checks out. Okay.
- Wait, hold on.
- This doesn't sound right.
It's him all right.
Wow
Dude, it's a bear track.
It has to be somewhere in these woods.
Tyler, you don't think
there's a bear around us?
Do you?
- How many times did I have to say it? No, there,
there's no bear.
- It's Bigfoot.
- Well, whatever it is,
it's big.
Dude, that's a bear track and that hair
you're carrying around is fake.
It's from eBay for crying out loud. Okay?
I Wonder if he jumped that ravine?
The Bigfoot's supposed
to be a crazy good jumper.
Oh, no thank you. I do
not do well with heights.
Oh, man. Getting nervous
just thinking about it.
(Thunder Crashes)
All right, let's get back
to base camp before
the rain starts.
- Oh, I didn't bring a raincoat.
- Is there food at camp?
I'm coming.
(Thunder Crashes)
Hot cocoa Now this is camping.
- Marshmallow me!
- Yep.
Oh my God. Yes!
Marshmallow me!
- Ouch.
- Okay.
This is fun and all, but it is
way too crammed in here.
If you guys need me, I'll be in my tent.
- You mean in the car?
- Yeah.
Marshmallow me! Yes.
Why don't you guys
just sit next to each other
and share the bag of marshmallows?
Because that's less fun. Marshmallow me!
Okay. Here
Now you can have all the
marshmallows you want.
Marshmallow me.
Tyler, you're really
quiet. Is everything okay?
It just feels wrong not being
out there searching for Nate.
Instead, we're just eating
marshmallows, having fun.
The sheriff is out there
looking for him right now.
And we were out there looking all day.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
- Yeah,
- Marshmallow me.
Okay, um I'll be in the car
with Bret if anybody
needs anything. Okay?
Hey Tyler. Everything's
gonna be fine, man.
Don't be sad, bro.
Have a marshmallow.
- I'm okay.
- I'll take it.
Oh Ty, I'm with you a hundred percent.
Whatever you need.
Let's go back out there.
Let's keep searching for Nate, for Bigfoot.
Oh, Tyler, come on. Anything but that.
Lewis, come on y-you
said whatever I need.
This is what I need.
But it's cold and it's raining.
I need to be out
there searching for Nate.
It's my fault he's out
there in the first place.
I'm the one who called him a Squatcher
just so he could use his car.
I, I feel awful.
Okay, Tyler, fine.
I'll go with you. Do you
at least have an umbrella?
- No. No, but here's a poncho.
- Dude!
Evee, you have your walkie.
Yeah, walkie. Marshmallows.
You stay in the car with Bret and Fay.
Lewis and I are gonna keep searching.
One more for the road.
Yeah!
Solid!
Hey guys.
- Hey Evee.
- Okay, scooch over I call middle seat.
Oh. Oh, careful.
So Tyler and Lewis went
back out to search for Nate.
What?
Oh, that guy doesn't know when to quit.
- You're telling me.
He's gonna get sick
out there in the rain.
Hey, Evee, do you copy?
Tyler?
You're gonna get sick out there.
Just go back inside and
we'll search more tomorrow.
Just give me an hour
or so I'll, I'll be back.
Nate! Nate!
Nate? Hey Nate! Nate!
Nate!
I hope they don't get
attacked by Sasquatch.
They'll be fine.
Sasquatch doesn't exist.
Hope he stays safe out there.
Just a little rain.
Nothing to worry about.
(Thunder Crashes)
Hey, Evee? Got more
of those marshmallows?
You can take the rest. I don't
feel good for some reason.
Oh, Lewis, these
marshmallows are real good.
What are you doing?
You want them to come back, don't you?
- Oh yeah.
- What? These are so good. - You turd!
I hate for them to all be
gone by the time you get back.
- Oh my God.
- Real, real shame.
You better leave the
rest of my snacks alone.
Bret, cut it out.
Oh, Lewis, I'm feeling pretty hungry.
I'm gonna find your whole
stash of marshmallows
and I am going to eat them all
in front of your whole family.
Bret?
Bret?
What?
Is that? Do you think
that do you think that's..
Shh!
- No one move.
- My God - He's real.
Tyler's gonna crap his pants.
And that's what I think
about your mom, Bret
What happened?
Can't take an insult?
Bret would never let you talk that long.
Well, maybe my
comeback was just that good.
No, that can't be it.
Something must have happened.
What?
I mean, it could be a bear still, right?
I mean, maybe.
How do you use your camera?
- Just take a photo.
- Okay.
It's not working.
Just click the button - Which one?
Evee, please tell me you got that.
Aw man, there's a lens cap on this thing.
Why is there a lens cap on this thing?
- Are you serious?
You didn't tell me about the lens cap.
Oh, ugh.
(Branch Snaps)
(Growling)
He's still here.
(Thud)
(Thud)
(Thud)
(Thud)
(Thud)
Okay. I think he's gone.
Alright, I think we're okay.
Okay.
(Growling)
Oh my God
Turn it off. Turn it off.
- Turn it off.
- I don't...
No, no!
I need to check. Please!
(Screaming)
(Growling)
(Feet Stomping)
Are you okay? Fay? Fay,
come on. We gotta go.
Come on.
Come on.
We gotta go. Fay!
Fay, come on!
Fay! Take my hand!
(Thunder Rumbles)
- No.
- What?
Fay, Fay are you
okay? What? What happened?
- I-It's gonna be okay.
- What? What happened?
- It's gonna be... Wait, what?
- He's real.
You saw him?
Oh my God!
Wait, he, he, he did this?
Yeah, it was insane.
Where? Where's
Bret and Amy?
I don't know.
I-I got knocked out. And
when I woke up, they were gone.
Maybe they ran away.
Oh my God! What if Bigfoot got them?
- Just like Nate!
- My childhood friend
and my little sister are out there.
We, we, we have to do something.
We should just stay
here in case they come
back in case they ran away.
And if they don't come back tonight,
we'll go in a manhunt for them tomorrow.
Okay. Good plan.
Okay.
Bret? Fay?
Ugh, what happened?
Bret? Fay?
- Oh God. What the hell.
- Bret!
- Oh God.
- Oh am I glad to see you!
Yeah. Good to see you too, Evee.
Glad you're okay. Where the heck are we?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Holy shit! We saw Bigfoot!
Oh my God. I know! I know! I knew it!
I knew it! I knew it!
- He's real! He's real?
Wait, I just say he's
real. What's happening?
Tyler was right. I hope
the others are okay.
- I'm sorry you lost your hat in the scuffle.
- It's okay.
But I brought you this.
Thanks, Tyler.
So how long are we walking for?
It's at least half a day.
- Maybe more.
- My feet hurt already.
I told you you could
have stayed at base camp.
Yeah right, after last night?
I'm not doing anything alone.
- I'm with you, Lew.
- We should get
to Ranger John Malcolm's cabin by sundown.
God, I hope he has air conditioning.
- I hope he has ice cream.
- I hope he has a shower.
I hope he doesn't mind
us stopping by unannounced.
I've never met the guy. What
if he hates meeting fans?
I'll bet he has fans stopping
by his place all the time.
It is probably so annoying.
I don't think he has that problem.
Even though everything
has gone horribly wrong,
still feels good to get away from it all.
That's surprising. You hate
camping and the outdoors.
Yeah well.
Even when we were
kids, you hardly liked it.
Beats being in the city
reminds me of stupid Brad.
Brad? I forgot about that guy.
Oh, I remember him. Super
handsome. What a hunk.
Talk about muscles, that Brad?
He wasn't that hot.
- Oh, a seat!
- Oh, careful. You alright?
- Yeah.
- Well, yeah.
It's that Brad and we dated for a long time
and then when my lease was up,
I moved into his apartment.
Long story short, I moved out.
- Oh, you guys broke up?
- Yeah big time.
- I'm sorry to hear that Fay.
- It's fine.
Turns out he's a jerk.
Yeah. Total loser. Dumb Brad
with his money. Dumb muscles.
His job. Idiot. Brad. He's
a tool. He sucks.
- Yeah Brad. Brad sucks butt.
- Thanks guys.
Hey, if you ever need anyone
to take a crap on Brad's
porch, I know a guy.
Or if you ever need a place
to crash, I've got a couch for you.
Any day. Except for Wednesdays.
Dino Guru marathon.
Lewis and I build an epic couch
fort. We watch Dino Guru.
It gets intense!
Thanks Tyler. And if I ever
have to crash on a Wednesday,
I'll go to Lew's.
Yeah. My mom won't mind.
Thanks Lew. Well,
that's the last time I
ever date a guy in finance.
Oh yeah, date a guy
who plays video games.
- They're much better.
- Mm.
Solid advice, Tyler.
Do you have any clue
where we're even going?
- Nope. - Why not?
- Because
I have no idea where we are.
Well do it better.
Do you have any
better ideas for me, Evee?
I don't know, ask someone for
directions or something.
Oh, great idea!
Okay. Why don't I ask this tree
where our friends are? How about that?
Well, that's not very helpful.
Well, okay.
Do you have any better ideas for me, Evee?
Because all I see are trees.
Like literally only trees.
Well, you could ask whoever
made that fire over there.
Okay well that's a decent idea.
- I'm amazing.
- Don't gloat.
Well I am.
(Thunder Crashes)
- Is this it?
- I think so.
There's definitely not
air conditioning in there.
(Knocking)
Hello?
(Harder Knocking)
Go away!
Hi, Mr. Ranger
John Malcolm? I'm a huge fan.
I'm here with my friends.
The Squatchers.
Get off my land.
No soliciting!
Oh hell no. I did not
walk all day for this.
Ranger John Malcolm. We
were attacked by Sasquatch.
Apparently you know something about that.
Are you gonna help us or are you a phony?
- You cops?
- No.
- PETA?
- No. No.
So, you had a run in with him, did ya?
All right. Tell me this.
What did he smell like?
Like a wet dog and beef jerky.
And... uh, with a... hint of sandalwood.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah that's
him. That's him. Come in.
Come on! Get dry.
Okay.
So, you stared him in the eyes.
Yeah. It was so scary.
Yeah. Yeah. His eyes are different.
I've seen many a creature in my day.
None like Bigfoot's eyes.
It's, it's like you're looking right
through to another person.
Whoa.
I mean, it was hard to
tell. It was pretty dark.
Ranger John Malcolm.
Is it true you actually
saw Bigfoot like six times?
Oh, Lewis! Of course he did.
Don't, don't insult him
with a stupid question
like that. Idiot.
I'm sorry.
I've seen him six times
in these very woods.
I've seen his prints more
times than I can count.
I've heard is howl... it's haunting.
I smelled his musk.
I've written a book on Bigfoot,
yet the science community still mocks me.
They still call me crazy. Insane!
Now, the head of the
Wildlife Science Department
says, in order for me to prove
that Bigfoot is a valid
creature, they need a dead
Bigfoot carcass.
So.
I'm no longer hunting with a camera.
You.
You are one lucky lady.
You're lucky to be alive. He's
known to tear people apart!
I always thought Bigfoot
was a friendly creature.
Like he wouldn't harm anyone.
Are you kidding? Did you see my tent?
Well, maybe that was just self-defense.
I mean, maybe we were
intruders on his home.
You two. Idiots! He is a
blood thirsty monster.
And your friends are as good as dead.
If we don't get out there
and do something about it.
Half of us are gone.
How did everything go so wrong?
He, he picked off three of you?
- Yes, sir.
- Oh, that dirty son of a hairy bitch.
He's working my last nerve.
Everything I do, he outsmarts
me. It's like he knows.
It's like he knows it's me.
I'm telling you, this ain't no animal.
Alright. Alright. You stay here tonight.
We'll leave at sun. We'll
find your friends.
Thank you, Ranger John Malcolm
Yeah, thank you so much!
Hey, anything for a fellow Squatcher.
(Laughing)
He called me a Squatcher.
Hey, uh, Ranger John,
uh, how are we all gonna fit?
Well, I get my bed.
You guys get the floor.
And I'm warning you,
it ain't comfy.
- Oh my back.
- It's not that bad, right?
My back.
- Oh, it smells weird in here.
- It kind of does down here.
- Maybe it's the beans you ate?
- I think it's the beans.
The beans are coming back for us.
- The beans are fine.
Well, beats sleeping in a bush.
Hello?
Hello?
(Glass Smashing)
Ah! Oh My God, Bret!
- Oh, what the hell?
- Mornin' sug'.
What happened?
I'm sorry. I smacked you
on the head with that bottle.
You okay hun?
- You were out for like an hour, man.
Yeah, no, it's cool, um, who are you?
Name's Dorothy. Dorothy Ribeye.
Evee's been filling me in on
your journey, you poor thing!
You can stay here with
me as long as you want.
Thank you.
Where are my pants?
Well, I had to check
your trousers for weapons.
Out here you can't be too
careful, but you turned out
all right.
(Laughing)
Uh, Evee, close your eyes.
I've never seen
underwear like yours before.
Can I have my pants back please?
Thank you so much
for letting us stay here.
Uh yeah, thank you so much.
Of course. I don't get many
folks around here, especially
not man-folks. Not know they're still
around here for miles.
All you can hear is the
birds chirping and the matin'
of the moose at night.
- Okay? Um.
- The moose are in heat. It's matin'
season you know.
- So do you live here by yourself
or are you..
- Oh, it's a terribly long and tragic story.
It all started 10 years ago.
I was in love with a
lumberjack named Jack Lumber.
But on the first night of the passin'
moon, I found..
- Okay, this lady is giving me the creeps.
- You're telling me!
- Bret don't sleep with her.
What are you talking about?
Where'd you get that?
She's giving you the
business with her eyes.
Yeah, I know.
- Don't do it.
- Yeah no one is sleeping with
anyone Evee, gosh.
- Okay, good.
- What was I supposed to do?
I dunno. I had only been,
I mean I guess, like, if
our lives depended on it.
- What?
- Okay. Okay.
I'm just thinking out loud. Gosh.
And I killed him.
And that was the most
delicious goat I've ever eaten.
Okay. We have to figure out
how to get back to base camp.
You're in love. I knew it. I knew it.
I knew it, I knew it,
What are you talking about?
With Fay!
You have been this whole time!
Evee, now is not the time.
You're not denying it.
And that's the reason you won't
- sleep with the hot, crazy lady.
- Okay.
God. There's a lot
of reasons. I'm not gonna
sleep with the hot,
crazy lady. She's crazy!
You have to tell Fay how you feel.
You have to ask her on a date.
I dunno, she'd probably say no.
Wait but, why are we
talking about this right now?
- What's her favorite food?
- Chow mein.
You're madly in love.
- What? No.
- And Fay has feelings for you too,
but she just doesn't show it.
Really? Wait, did she say something?
- I dunno.
No, no, details, details.
I buttered those biscuits and
the next summer came around
and they named me Dorothy Ribeye.
Wow, that was a great story.
So, good. Good.
Is there any chance you
could help us get back
to our friends at base camp?
Yeah, we were camping at the South Point.
Here.
Take this compass. Follow it south,
till you reach your ravine.
Follow that ravine until
you hit the south point.
- Thank you.
- And if you follow this,
you'll find my south point.
- Ew.
- That is homemade moonshine.
But be careful. One drop is
like a whole bottle of Jack.
I'll be right back. I've gotta drop
some rocks in the well.
Okay, I'm freaking out.
Right, remember Squatchers don't panic.
We'll figure this out. Figure it out.
Okay. I'm not a
Squatcher, I am panicking.
She wants me to give her the business.
It's gross, gross.
What are we supposed to do?
- We can't just sleep outside.
- Okay.
Okay think like Tyler.
Hmm. Okay, I'm Tyler.
What would Ranger John Malcolm
do? I'm Ranger John Malcolm.
What would Bigfoot do? I'm Bigfoot.
Would you stop?
Gosh, nobody wants to hear
about Ranger John Malcolm.
Did y'all say Ranger John Malcolm?
- Yes.
Oh, y'all must be careful with him.
He is a dangerous man. No,
he's a psycho, you know.
- Hmm.
- Oh really? He's a, he's a psycho?
Yeah. I've heard stories
about him in these woods,
I not dare repeat.
Y'all best not rub elbows
with him if you wanna live
to talk about it.
Thank you for the tip. Appreciate it.
Well, it's getting kind of late, so
let's just get down to it.
Shall we roll in the hay
before we hit the hay?
Well, um.
Um.
Uhh.
Intercourse.
- Ah.
- Doin' it.
No, no. Say no. Say no.
- Great job, Bret.
- What was I supposed to do?
You said you would do it
if our lives depended on it.
- Oh my God.
- But true love always prevails.
You love Fay so much. You
had to follow your heart.
Aw that's so cute!
Oh God. Guys, I'm starving.
This is where it happened?
Yeah, it was horrifying.
And where did he get your first friend?
He took Nate right over here.
The fact that you had back to back
encounters and all this damage.
He's either protecting
something, or he was just hungry.
And you brought him the buffet.
Hey, that's not funny.
Hey!
Listen, the fact
that he struck twice means
he'll probably strike again.
This is good for us.
Ha ha ha.
I don't know what you
want, or what you're after,
but this time I'm gonna get
you big guy what you want,
I don't know what you're after this time,
but I'm gonna find out.
I just, I just need some...
bait.
What's going on?
Okay, let's comb the
area for your friends.
We'll meet back here for
supper. He already struck twice.
Maybe he'll strike again. If we're
lucky.
Please, no.
I really hope not.
I hope I get to see him.
It seems like everybody here has seen him
except for me.
You don't want to. It's horrifying.
I'll have my camera ready.
Hey, no one's getting
pictures of him except for me.
I have dedicated my life to
this. You just stumbled upon it.
I'm so sorry. I-I.
I am bringing that dead
Bigfoot carcass down
to the Department of Wildlife Science.
I'm gonna prove those bastards wrong.
So the only pictures are gonna
be from my news article.
- Yes, sir.
- And the same goes for you and you.
Yes, sir.
- Yeah whatever you say, sir.
- Of course.
You know what the papers called me?
They called me a lunatic.
Chasing shadows with a shotgun.
They're gonna eat those words.
Please don't kill us!
You do, as I say...
And I won't have to.
Okay! So let's go find your
friends. Huh? Shall we?
Come on!
Yep.
Right. I think I might have botched
this one guy. He's kind
of, he's kind of crazy.
Yeah, there's something not
right. He's not all there.
It's all right. I'll, I'll
figure it out. Alright.
- Say something now.
- Okay. Okay.
Hey!
Hey, hey, uh, Ranger, Ranger John Malcolm.
We realize something that we, we think
we are not gonna need your help,
after all. We'll be okay.
Just search, searching for
our friends by ourselves.
Really?
Yes sir.
The thing is, we don't want to,
we don't wanna waste your time.
When you could be out there being a ranger
and ranging and,
Okay.
What we mean is you
freak us out and we
don't want to get killed.
Can it Lew!
Sorry. I'm nervous.
I see what's going on here.
I see what's going on here.
The three of you want to get rid of me
so you could get your
own photos of Sasquatch
and take away my life's work.
No. No. That's not,
that's not it at all.
Well, I'll tell you
something. All I need is bait.
And since there's three
of you, who's it gonna be?
Oh my God.
Well, now where do we go?
Base camp's on the
other side of the lake.
I'm not swimming that, no way.
- Let's take the other way around.
- Okay.
It's one long walk.
- You think we lost him?
- I think so.
I think we also lost Lewis.
Guys. It's okay I made it.
- Lewis, shh!
- Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
- Get over here.
- Okay I'm coming.
I know you're here. I know you're here.
I only need one of you
Come on.
Come make a great team!
We would just cooperate.
We, we could all be a part of
a great scientific discovery.
If you didn't want the
credit all to yourself.
Where are you Squatchers?
Well, there you are.
Please don't kill us!
I'm only gonna need one of you alive.
You pick.
There he is! Did you see him?
What, I, I, I didn't see it.
- He was right there.
- Oh.
Nice try.
(Thud)
It's him. It's him!
Okay, let's just, let's just
get outta here before he comes back.
Let's go.
(Music Plays)
Oh my God. That was insane.
Your ranger friend is a psychopath.
You're telling me! Never
meet your heroes Fay.
They turn out to be psycho murderers.
It's very disappointing.
Do you think he's right behind us?
- I don't know.
- I don't feel very safe. - Me neither.
Tell you what, let's grab some supplies
and we'll run back
to the sheriff's station.
Okay.
Whoa.
Supplies.
I don't, give it to
him, I don't have room.
Okay we gotta go.
We gotta go. Come on.
Oh!
- Oh, you're alive.
- We're alive.
Ah!
I'm never gonna
leave your side ever again, Tyler.
- Yeah, okay.
- It was so scary out there.
- I know. It's okay.
That's great.
Oh, okay.
Alright Lew. Look. Thanks.
How did you guys make it back?
- You do not want know.
I'm so glad you're okay!
Did you see Bigfoot? Was he
as amazing as I think he is?
- Well, listen.
- How are his manners?
Guys, Guys. Are we forgetting
there's a crazy
Sasquatch ranger out
there trying to kill us?
Let's go. - What?
- Come on.
I'll explain later. Just
don't, don't meet your heroes.
Okay. Fay is right though. We gotta,
we have to get moving.
(Gun Cocks)
Well, well.
Looks like I have a few
more Squatchers to help me.
Ranger John Malcolm.
We, we don't want to take
credit for discovering Bigfoot.
I would never want to
take that away from you.
If you could just, just put the gun down.
We can talk. What do you say?
I think I'll take all y'all's help.
Thanks for the rope, dad.
It was supposed to help me not kill me.
Guys.
I'm hungry.
Shut up Lewis.
I don't wanna be a Squatcher anymore.
Evee, you never were a Squatcher.
What? Why not?
Guys, can we stop bickering and try
to figure out how to get outta this mess?
Yeah. I've already seen Sasquatch once.
I don't wanna stay long
enough to see him again.
I cannot believe that everyone here
has seen him except for me.
I'm the only one who
believed in him this whole time.
Hey, I believed you, Tyler.
Hey! Ranger John Malcolm.
Do you really expect us to sit here
and capture Bigfoot all tied up?
Well, for whatever reason,
the big guy does not like
where you set up camp.
So the way I see it,
he's trying to remove you.
One Squatcher at a time.
So you all just go ahead and do me a favor.
You keep being as loud
and as annoying as you want.
So Sasquatch will come back
and rid all of you of his home.
He's eating my beans.
What a monster, I'm starving!
Ugh. I'm with you Lew. All I want is Mr.
Lee's Chinese food.
Yeah, let me guess. Chow mein
and Sprite. Am I right?
- Ugh.
- Good guess.
Yeah well, it's been
your favorite since forever.
So, don't be too impressed.
That's the first thing I'm
gonna eat when I get home.
If I get home.
Hey, remember when we skipped school
to go see Time Pit 2 special screening?
Yeah all I remember is
Tyler convincing us to ditch.
And then when we went
to the theater, it was closed
because he got the days wrong.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then, and then we
went to ice cream shop
and they had a new flavor.
Pumpkin. Oh my God. It
was, I was in heaven.
It was a good day.
You guys remember when we went
to every 7/11 in town on free Slurpee Day?
Oh yeah.
Oh my God. Greatest day of
my life.
You did? Why wasn't I invited?
Ugh, I had brain freeze all day.
It was so worth the pain.
It's been a while since
we've been on an adventure.
Hey, if we don't make
it outta here tonight,
I want you guys to know I
loved being a Squatcher.
If we don't make it back
home, I'm sorry I haven't been
around as much as I used to be.
I love you guys.
Tyler, I'm sorry for crashing your trip.
I guess I just wanted
to be part of the gang.
I love you guys and
proud to call you friends.
You guys mean the world to me.
I'm really sorry to have
gotten us into this mess.
I don't know.
I've wanted to do the
Squatcher thing for forever,
but now that I'm here, it's
nothing like I dreamed of.
I just thought that maybe I
could actually see Bigfoot
for myself and do something spectacular.
Take the first photo ever
and be a hero with my
photo in the newspaper.
But I'm really sorry to
have gotten us into all this.
It's not worth risking my
friends' lives over some
dumb photo.
Guys?
What the?
Oh, oh geez.
Oh, oh.
It was Bigfoot.
Oh my God, it was Bigfoot!
I-I was just saved by Bigfoot.
Wow, I...
Wait a minute.
The Squatchers!
Tyler for Squatchers.
Tyler for Squatchers. Do you
copy? Anyone? Bret? Lewis?
Fay? Do you copy?
What am I supposed to do?
- For Tyler? Do you copy? Come in Tyler.
- Lewis? Lewis. Oh,
thank God. You're okay.
Where are you?
- I don't know. We're somewhere in the woods.
You, you're with everyone else?
- Just me and Fay.
- Where is everyone?
I have no idea. We woke
up somewhere in the woods.
Alright, uh, don't worry.
We will find each other.
Hey, Tyler, is that flashlight you?
I don't know. But don't go towards it,
that could be Ranger John Malcolm.
Or that could be Ranger John Malcolm.
Hey, what about a pink light?
- Yes. Yes.
Evee, her, her stupid pink flashlight.
Okay, Lewis, follow the pink
light and I'll meet you there.
Okay? - Oh yeah.
- Yes. We'll see you soon.
We'll be there.
I owe you one sis.
Evee, you Squatcher.
No.
Oh, come on. Really?
Damn.
Evee! Evee! Evee!
Turn on your stupid flashlight!
Turn on your stupid flashlight!
Turn on your stupid flashlight!
Sorry!
- How'd you get on that side?
- I don't, I don't know.
It's Bigfoot. But I told
you he could jump really far.
I knew it. I knew it.
We made it.
Evee what are you doing over there?
- I dunno, I'm stuck.
Hey guys.
C-Climb that log. We will
make a run for it.
Tyler you know I hate heights.
Ugh, now's not the time.
Come on.
Evee.
Come on. You can do it.
I don't know if I can
do this, I'm panicking.
I'm panicking.
Evee, remember Squatchers, don't panic.
Come on, it's okay.
You've got this.
Yeah, you're doing great, Evee.
Okay.
I have to get it.
Evee. No, leave the hat.
Okay. You can leave it.
Don't worry about it. Come on. Let's go.
- Leave the hat.
- No, I have to get it.
Let's go. Come on.
Just keep going. Come on.
- Pick up the hat.
Ah!
Evee!
Oh.
You'll be okay.
Just crawl really slowly towards me.
Tyler, I'm really scared.
It's okay. You, you're gonna be okay.
Just whatever you do. Don't look down.
Why would you say that?
I said don't look down.
Are you shut? Don't shut your eyes!
I have to shut my eyes
because if I open my
eyes, I'm gonna wanna look down.
Okay, uh, it's all right.
It's okay. It's okay.
Take my hand, okay?
- Okay. - Alright.
- I can't I'm scared.
- Okay. - Too far.
Okay, um.
Hold onto the strap,
and, and I'll guide you.
Okay
Come on, Evee! You got this!
(Rain Falling)
Ah!
Alright, I've got you.
I've got you.
It's okay. Alright? It's
okay. Climb back up.
Alright, almost there.
Oh, oh, thank God!
Thank God you're okay!
That was so freaky!
- I'm glad you're okay sis.
Now, you promised me you never
do anything dangerous like that again.
You told me to walk across that log.
Okay. Then promise me
that you don't listen
to anything I say again.
Okay now that I can do,
and by the way, don't worry,
I'm not afraid of heights anymore.
I am terrified of them. I'm
not gonna walk upstairs.
I don't know how I'm gonna get
to my bedroom. It's gonna be
a whole big thing.
It's okay, it's okay. Okay.
- Wait, wait, wait.
Guys, guys, guys, do you realize what just happened?
- What?
- Bigfoot saved us!
- What are you talking about?
Earth to Bret. You're not
tied to the tree anymore.
Earth to Lewis, just shut up!
Well, but I only saw his feet. I
can't believe it.
Wait, wait. Do you guys
think Sasquatch was trying
to save us from Ranger John Malcolm?
I'll bet he was. I'll bet you he knows
that Ranger John Malcolm
is a psycho and, and,
and he was trying to rescue us.
I think he was trying to eat us.
Will you shut up, Bret. H-He
won't hurt anybody.
Oh yeah, well then where is Nate, dude?
If he was trying to save us,
then why did he kill Nate?
We all just got lucky.
There's a psycho ranger
after us right now.
So we gotta get outta here.
Yeah, Bret's right.
We gotta get outta here. Let's just
head back to the sheriff station.
I got a bad feeling about these woods.
You're not going anywhere.
No one's going to the sheriff,
and no one is stealing my
credit for finding Bigfoot.
Look, Mr. Ranger John Malcolm.
Sir, look, you are my hero.
I've read all your books.
You're a great explorer
and I have always, always believed you.
I know that you're not a crazy person
and if the science
community gave you the credit
that you deserve, I know that
things would be different.
Please.
Please don't kill us.
Don't kill Bigfoot.
I really don't think he
wants to hurt anybody.
If you'll just let us all
go our separate ways,
we won't turn you into the Sheriff.
What do you say?
Ah!
(Screaming)
Oh my God!
(Wailing)
- Ow, Oh.
- You son of a bitch!
I-I thought he was Bigfoot.
Does he look like Bigfoot?
Where did, where did he hit you?
He got me in the shoulder.
At least it's just a shoulder.
- Yeah, just a shoulder.
- Here, take this.
I think you need this more than I do.
- Oh, no, I don't drink Bret.
- You do now.
Come on. He's fine.
He's fine. Get get him up.
We'll take him to base camp.
Are you kidding? We're
not going with you.
We're just taking Nate to the hospital
and you are going to jail.
Hey, I already shot one of you tonight.
I've got no problem shooting
another. Now you get him up.
You're gonna get him up
and we're gonna take him to base camp.
And I don't want to have to ask twice.
We're gonna catch Bigfoot.
And I'm gonna shoot him in his big
hairy chest.
I'm ending this tonight. Once and for all.
- Hey there, big guy.
- What?
Wow. You are magnificent.
Wow.
You really are real, I knew it.
Tyler. Tyler, take a
picture. Take a picture.
Camera.
My camera. My, no, um.
Ah, my backup camera. Lewis,
Lewis. Get my backup camera.
- Where is it?
- It's in your bag.
I have all my stuff at Base Camp.
- Me too. - Same.
- What?
No, nobody has a
camera. Oh no no no,
this can't be happening.
Wait, no, no, no, no. Bigfoot.
Bigfoot, please. Bigfoot, come back.
Bigfoot, no!
Why?
Bigfoot
There.
Thanks for the rope, dad.
Hey Nate. How you feeling?
I feel great.
I could walk a mile or
marathon of ice cream.
Okay. Well, at least he's not in pain.
I like Nate better like this.
Hey Nate. How did you
find your way back to us?
Evee's pink flashlight.
I was gone for days and
I followed the light home.
Well, Nate.
I think this belongs to you.
I've been keeping my eye on it,
but you're the real Squatcher.
Oh, thank you, Evee.
I can't wait to see Sasquatch.
Hey Bret! Look!
There he is officer. Lock him up.
He ate my beans and my beef
jerky and he tried to kill us.
Really, Lewis? You had
to lead it with beans and beef jerky.
This guy tried to kill us a
bunch of times. He is a monster.
Okay, Ranger John Malcolm,
it's time you come down to the station
and we're gonna have a
little chat about all of this.
Yeah, lock him up!
- Hey.
- Hey.
You know I never told you
this before, but I hate camping.
You only told me about a hundred times
and 90 of them was in the past 48 hours.
Yeah. Yeah. True.
You know, you got a
nice face, for a Squatcher.
Thanks, Fay. You got a nice face too.
Kind of makes me wanna buy some chow mein.
Well what are you doing tonight?
Well, I am leaving this
Godforsaken forest never to
return, but I should be
back in the city by dinner.
So.
You know, I kind of like you.
When you're not annoying me.
- I'll take that as a yes.
- I'd love to.
Okay, chow mein tonight it is.
Chow mein? Tonight?
- Oh my God, I'm starving.
- Lewis, no!
I'm gonna tell them. Hey, Evee!
Chow main on Bret. - Come on.
- Potstickers, the whole nine.
- Oh my God.
- Hey Tyler. Chow mein on Bret. - Alright.
- This is so dumb.
- Come on, it'll be fine.
So dumb Lewis, I'm
throwing away your snacks.
- You wouldn't dare.
- Oh, I would dare.
Hey, Sheriff Hawkins, is
it gonna end up in the news
that Ranger John Malcolm
tried to kill us and stuff?
Yes, son.
Most likely. That's big news around here.
Well, could you maybe tell the reporters
that Ranger John Malcolm
was right about everything,
that Sasquatch is real
and we really did see him.
I know that Ranger John Malcolm, he,
he made some horrible mistakes.
But he's a brilliant wildlife expert.
He deserves credit for his work.
That's mighty nice of
you, son. You know what?
Why don't you give this number a call.
It's a friend of mine at the local paper.
I'm sure they'll write
up something real good.
And if anyone asks about it, I'll make sure
to relay the message as well.
He was a criminal, alright,
but he's done a lot of
good for the wildlife too.
- Thank you, sir.
- My pleasure. You all be safe, alright?
Hey little sis.
- Hey Tyler.
- I have something for you.
Ooh, a gift? What is it? I want it.
- Welcome to the Squatchers.
- Really?
Your pink flashlight brought us all back
together. Because of you,
I got to see Bigfoot last
night, so you've earned it.
Thanks, big brother!
Look at me. I'm a real Squatcher.
I've always wanted to do this.
We are friends and we believe
the Sasquatch is as real as me.
He's a loner. Just like us.
We have each other and that we trust.
Rain or shine, night and day.
We'll stick together all the way.
I will believe, I'll be a watcher.
I'm proud to call myself a Squatcher.
We're almost packed.
Just a few more things.
Okay.
Hey, what happened to your hat com padre?
Yeah, the thing's been stuck
to your head since you got it.
Well, I gave it to the newest Squatcher.
No. Nope, nope, nope, nope.
Our fearless leader can't go without a hat.
Here, take Bret's hat.
No. Oh no. My hat.
Bret, I know how
much you love this thing.
I can't take it away from you.
No, no. It's uh, it's
okay. You can have it.
That's more like it.
We're almost there. Alright.
(Laughing)
Uh Nate, maybe I should drive.
Nate, how are you still drunk?
I'm not, I'm not as
drunk as Bret think do.
- Oh, uh.
- He's in rough shape.
I can't believe you wore
the hat the entire time.
Yeah, I told you I would.
Because Lewis ruined it the first time.
- Do you still play video games?
- Yeah.
Good.
I guess you were fake.
(Thump)
Oh my God, Bigfoot!
You came back!
Oh, this time, this time,
I'm getting a picture.
Getting a picture this
time. Easy, easy. Alright.
It's okay. It's okay. Alright. It's okay.
Alright, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
Please, please, please. Can I,
can I, please, please
give me my camera back.
Please give that back. Please, please, Mr.
Bigfoot, please give me my camera back.
I would really like my camera back, please.
No. Oh, what,
what, what, what, what?
No, I-I, wait.
No. What?
You? Come back.
Wait.
No, I, why? Ah.
Hey, Tyler. What's that in your hand?
I just got the only
documented photo from Bigfoot.
- What? No way!
- That's awesome, Tyler.
No, no, no. Bigfoot,
Bigfoot took a photo of me.
- So?
- With my camera.
- You have a photo of you?
- Taken by Bigfoot.
Wow.
What an honor man.
Well, at least you got his finger.
So far that's the most
proof anyone has that Bigfoot
exists.
Got his finger. Bigfoot.
Bigfoot, in the photo.
Alright, Tyler, let's go home.
- Guys, I'm hungry.
- Shut up Lewis.
Guys, look at me!
- I'm a Squatcher!
- Oh, how
much longer am I gonna have to hear this?
When are we gonna stop
for a burrito or something?
Shut up Lewis.
At least we're all gonna
get chow mein tonight.
- No, we're not. - Come on!
- Marshmallow me!
No, we're not doing that again.
Oh my God. At least when we get
back, we can finish the movie.
Ah, we're not watching the movie.
Guys, it was about have its climax!
Ah!
Oh my, it's here.
It's here, it's here, it's here, it's here.
Oh boy.
Wow, I can't believe it!
"Bigfoot takes a big photo!"
- Oh, look at that.
- What?
Wow.
I want a signed copy.
- Oh man.
- Look at me.
- Local hero?
- Hey buddy,
this is not a library, so put it down and leave.
- Oh, um.
Sorry.
How much does it cost?
- It's $3 cash. Cash only.
Only.
I don't have any cash.
- I don't have any cash
- Do you have cash?
No, I don't have, I don't have cash.
Will it be here when we get back?
I doubt it, let's just go.
It's gonna sell like hotcakes.