The Stoned Age (1994) Movie Script

Stop the fucking car, man.
Yo, man, you better be
glad you stopped, dipshit.
Sorry, man.
I didn't see you, man.
Move your ass.
Let's go.
So where are you
headed anyways, man?
Just cruising, man.
I got to down and see
my asshole parole officer.
I got some chicks
lined up for tonight.
No shit?
No shit.
Crump's brother?
Don't lie.
Guy's still in jail, man.
Naw, man.
They let him out.
He was telling me about
these full-on radical chicks
he's got down by
the Frankie avalon place.
They're from up north.
They're all hot to party.
Hear that?
Crump's brother's got some chicks.
No shit.
It's been a while since I
seen chicks around here.
What's the ratio, man?
I heard there's only two.
Bunk. Crump's brother's
a fucking psycho.
I ain't worming his chicks.
Not even, man.
I don't want to end up
like that Samoan dude.
No, shit. You'd have to be a
crazy, hard-up bastard
to worm
crump's brother's chicks.
Not even, man.
No way, man.
Hey, Tack, where are you going?
Finished with my woman
'cause she couldn't
help me
with my mind
people think
I'm insane
because I am frowning
all the time
All day long
I think of things
but nothing seems
to satisfy
think I'll lose my mind
if I
don't find something
to gratify
Can you help me?
Won't you
find my brain?
Whoa, yeah
I need someone
to show me
the things in life
that I can't find
I can't see
the things
that make
true happiness
I must be blind
Make a joke
and I will sigh
and you will laugh
and I will cry
I cannot feel
and love to me
is so unreal...
So you got a plan tonight
or what?
Fuck, yeah, I got a plan, man.
I got a radically
hellacious plan.
First we get a shitload
of tall cans, right,
then an eight-ball...
No! A quarter o.Z.,
a fifth of Jack just
to take the edge off.
Then we spark up the thick
verlacious ganga bud,
get those chicks
all horn dogged out.
We're just going to do
what we always do...
Drive around like dumb fucks
then end up at stop-n-go,
eating those reynaldo's burritos.
Shut up, Joe fag!
You got an attitude
problem, man.
I'm sick of always
doing the same shit.
What else we going to do?
I don't know,
there's got to be something more
than driving around torrance
trying to get drunk,
stoned, and laid.
Joe, you're been
weirding out on me.
I'm not weirding out
on you, man.
Yeah, you are.
Ever since blue oyster cult.
You got hit by that laser, man,
you've been acting like a pussy.
Why don't you take an inventory
what we got going for us.
Shit, man.
It's all dusted.
Except for this beef
and potato burrito, bud.
That's it?
Always got the crock.
The schnappster.
Shit makes me whork.
What about that skank weed
your brother sold you?
Got about half a joint's worth.
But this shit gives me a headache.
Schnappster, half a joint of some ragweed.
That's decent.
Now all we got to do
is find us some chicks.
S.o.s. You hear
these words
telling you now
about my state
I tell you
to enjoy life
I wish I could,
but it's too late
What the fuck, man?
You want to party with
the buffalo chicks?
And I want to pork
their grandmas, too, man.
They know about some parties.
What's up, mamacitas?
Just hanging.
Anything going on?
Guzzlers have a case of Ox
up at petrol park.
What else is new?
Where's the party?
There's a kegger up at
muldoon's parents' place in p.V.
You don't want to party with
them palos verdes queebies, man.
Hey, it's a party.
Who's it going to be,
just you guys?
We could play submarine.
Actually, ladies, we're running
a little bit behind schedule.
We got to haul ass.
Where you guys going?
Just cruising, man.
You know how it is.
Have fun.
What the fuck is submarine
anyway, man?
I don't want to know, man.
Shit! My tape.
This fucking machine
just scarfed my tape.
Big shit, man.
Put in another.
What the fuck is that?
Don't fear the reaper, man.
You're not playing that pussy shit
in the blue torpedo, man. I told you.
Blue oyster cult. I don't give a fuck.
It's a pussy song. It's b.O.C.
How can it be pussy?
Let me tell you something. Every
band puts out at least one pussy song
so they can find out who the faggots are.
Now take it out.
Fuck you, man.
Fuck me?
It's a pussy song.
Pussy song, huh, faggot?
Say it! Say it!
O.k., man! All right!
It's a pussy song.
Told you it's a pussy song.
Check it out, man.
It's Tack.
The Tackmeister.
That fucking pud.
Hang a loogie on him.
All right.
Tack, you fag!
Hey, man!
I got some chicks, man!
Tack's got some chicks?
Man, why'd you guys spit at me?
Joe fag.
You spit at my buddy Tack, man.
You fucking told me to.
Hubbs, give me a ride
down to the beach, man.
What's going on
down at the beach?
There's some chicks down there.
What kind of chicks we talking?
They're from up north.
They said they want to party.
No shit, man?
Up north?
How many chicks?
There's, like,
a shitload of them, man.
You talked to them?
Well, yeah, I talked to them.
What kind of chicks
are gonna talk to Tack, man?
I don't know, man.
They must want it real bad.
What, they got, like,
big buffalo butts?
No way.
These chicks are fine.
Hey, Tack,
we'll trade you this half
joint for the chicks.
It's fucking skank weed, man.
We'll give you this entire
bottle of schnappster,
you tell us
where the chicks are.
This shit makes me whork.
This shit'll get six fat
chicks all William Holden-style
fucked up.
Fuck that.
Look, I'll tell you
where the chicks are, okay.
Just give me a ride down there.
Where are they?
Let me in the car first.
Why are you trying to worm me
out of the deal for?
Fuck. Let him in.
Feelin' good
can't be real...
Tack, where are these
chicks at anyway, man?
Down by torrance beach.
In the stone house across from
the old Frankie avalon place.
Torrance beach?
If I'm going down there,
I'm going to need gas money.
Shit, man, I only got 6 bucks.
Give it over.
No way.
That's beer money
for the whole weekend.
Hubbs, man,
we do got half a tank.
No, man, me and you got half a tank.
Tack ain't got shit.
I'm the one who knows
where the chicks are.
Why should I have to pay?
Information without
transportation equals dick.
If it wasn't for us, man,
you'd still be sitting
in the road jerking off.
Get the bucks, Joe.
Come on, Tack, pay up.
Ah, shit!
Hey, Tack.
Don't you fuck with my buddy
Joe, man.
Now fork, dick.
You bogards, man.
Stay there, Tack.
What's up, crump?
Just working, man.
Just cruising.
Give us 6 bucks
worth of dinosaur juice.
5 bucks and a pack of reds.
You guys hear about them
chicks my brother's got?
Chicks? No, man.
We heard nothing about no chicks.
My brother's got us
some rad chicks.
I thought your brother got popped
for thrashing that Samoan guy.
He got out last week.
The guy lived.
So, crump, where are
these chicks at anyway?
Down by that
Frankie avalon place.
By torrance beach. Oh, yeah?
It's a closed party.
There's only two of them.
Fuck, man. I bet he's talking
about them same chicks.
No shit, dumb fuck.
Tack lied to us.
There's only two of them.
Not even Tack's chicks, man.
They're crump's brother's.
Shut up.
It's too bad, man.
Nothing, it's just that
Desiree Gibson chick's
doing amateur night
down at dirty Doug's.
You remember her. She was homecoming
queen a couple years back.
Oh, yeah.
My brother digs that chick.
Yeah, man.
She's going to be getting crazy.
There's going to be, like,
this rad party with babes.
No shit?
But you guys got plans.
We got to book.
Hey, no, don't be
cold-blooded, man.
Can you get
me and my brother in?
Yeah, sure.
You got to get there
by 11:00, man.
Remember where it is?
Down the coast.
Yeah, sure. Hey, man, thanks.
I owe you one.
No problem.
Now all we got to do
is ditch Tack
and haul ass down there.
We can't worm crump's
brother's chicks.
You saw what he did
to that Samoan guy.
Don't worry about it, man. By the
time they get back from dirty Doug's,
we'll be long gone.
We're gonna run
into him sometime, man.
Fuck, Joe,
it doesn't matter anyway.
We heard about the chicks from
Tack, right?
As far as we're concerned,
they're Tack's chicks.
We ain't worming
crump's brother.
We're worming Tack, man.
I can kick Tack's ass.
If it wasn't for Tack,
we wouldn't even know
about the chicks.
What did I tell you, man?
You're thinking too much.
You just got to go for it.
What's up with crump? Nothing, man.
Hey, Tack,
get out and wash the windows, man.
I bought the gas.
Tack, don't be a dick.
I'm going to haul your
ass down there, man.
I'm going to need clean windows.
All right, all right.
Let's go, bro.
Hold up, assholes!
Damn it! Hold up!
Joe, let me in!
Sorry, dude.
Don't be no worm, man.
Damn it, Joe!
You mother queer!
Fuck you!
Fucking worms!
Whoa, man!
It's bobo night all night tonight.
What the fuck, man?
What the fuck was that
back there?
You almost blew it.
I don't want to be no worm, man.
Fuck, man, don't worry about it.
You know Tack,
he's got no class.
He's going to talk shit
and gross the chicks out.
Still ain't cool to worm his
chicks, though.
What the fuck, Joe?
Was that eyeball looking at you again, man?
He'd do the same shit to you.
Still ain't cool.
Fuck, man!
We got chicks!
We're going to fuck them
doggie style
and shit on their parents' bed.
There's that
Frankie avalon place.
What are you doing with
that schnappster shit?
Can't show up empty-handed.
Which one is it?
I don't know, man.
I don't hear any party noises.
Looks like there's something
going on over there.
Let's go.
Remember what I told you, man.
Just don't blow it.
Who the fuck are you?
I'm hubbs and this
is my buddy Joe.
We heard you guys
wanted to party.
Oh, yeah?
Where'd you hear that?
From Tack.
Who's Tack?
Just some dude.
He heard it from crump's
brother, down at the beach.
You guys got any blow?
Uh... no.
You guys got any crank?
Got any 'ludes?
Well, what kind of party
is this going to be?
We got alcohol, man.
What? Like, some
Annie green Springs?
We got the schnappster.
Check it out.
You don't dig schnappster?
Yeah, when I was in
seventh grade.
So what do you drink these days?
Can't you guys
score something like that?
Sure, babe.
Whatever you want.
Oh, yeah?
That stuff makes me crazy...
If you know what I mean.
Know what you mean.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Don't let me down now, boys.
Don't worry about it.
You're rock candy, baby
hot, sweet, and sticky...
Where can we score that 151?
I don't know, man,
but we got to score but quick.
Tack and every other dick's
will be all over that place.
Hot, sweet, and sticky
come on, snotrag.
Don't call me that.
O.k., I meant hankey.
Give me a ride.
No, man. I'm watching Dukes of Hazzard.
Leave me alone.
Fuck, man! You want to watch
TV instead of getting laid?
Yeah, man,
it's my favorite show.
I don't care, man.
I'm coming over, then.
I'm tired.
Leave me alone.
No, now you pissed me off.
I'm coming over.
No, Tack...
Oh, man, check it out.
The Samoan dude who tangled
with crump's brother.
Oh, shit!
What's up, superfreak?
Go for it, man.
That disco dude's
going to card me, man.
He makes 2.75 an hour.
You think he gives a shit?
Come on.
Burn, baby, burn
burn, baby, burn...
Are you going to boogie
with the foxes tonight?
You know how it is, bro.
Do a little Annie green Springs.
The sexies love it.
No, thanks, man.
Your loss.
'Cause I'm having a special.
If you want to get
these chicks in the mood,
make them move,
put them on the floor,
do the hustle.
Put a little insanity on your potato.
Shake it, man.
It'll make them melt
like a popsicle.
What the fuck you doing, man. Hey, hubbs.
I need some I.D.
It's cool, man.
I'm 25.
Sure. You must have left
your wallet
in your sports coat.
Oh, shit.
Thanks anyway, man.
Michael hubbs.
Yo, red.
Back here.
Hey, officer Dean,
how's it going, man?
You two minors wouldn't be trying
to purchase alcohol, would you?
Come on, man,
you know us better than that.
Yeah, I do.
We're still looking
for the punks
who knocked over the liquor
warehouse on crenshaw.
Know anything?
We don't know nothing
about no stolen Ox-45.
Just because we got long hair
you think we're criminals.
You guys probably think
I'm a real butthead.
You think I didn't want
to taste a beer
when I was your age?
Hell, they used to call
me "Dixie cup Dean."
That's... cool.
Anyhow, you guys
stay out of trouble.
All right?
O.k., officer.
O.k. You get
the twinkies.
I'll get the chocolate milk.
We were totally whipped.
What are we going to do?
Well, you can go home
and spank the monkey
with your greasy grand pappy,
but I'm getting laid, dude.
No way, hubbs, man.
You rule, dude!
Tack, what are you
doing here, man?
Fuck you, snotrag.
Let's book.
Don't call me that.
My last name's hankey.
All right, hankey.
Don't have a spaz.
Come on, bro,
let's get us some poontang.
Look, I already told you,
I don't want to go there.
Besides, my mom
wouldn't even let me.
What's your mom going to do?
Oh, hello, Mrs. Snot...
Mrs. Hankey.
I was just wondering
if Norman here
might want to go out
and be with some friends.
Oh, that sounds like fun.
I was watching TV.
You really should
get out more, norm.
Come on, mom.
Don't be such a poopy doodle.
Have fun, boys.
Don't eat too many hot dogs.
Um, Tack, just be careful
with it, all right?
I've been working on it
all summer.
Don't worry, man.
Tack, watch it!
Who the fuck are you?
You must be looking
for the homo sponge bath party.
It's two doors down.
No, it's cool, man.
We were looking for that girl
with the long blond hair.
She invited us over. Lanie.
We won't thrash.
What took you guys so long?
We just ran into a
few complications.
I don't like waiting
around for high boys.
Too bad you're leaving so soon.
Well, I guess that means
I'm going to have to power
this whole bad Oscar myself.
You're dirty and sweet,
oh, yeah...
Here you go, babe.
Get it on,
bang a gong
get it on
get it on,
bang a gong...
This is cool.
You guys got your own pad.
It's not like we own the place.
It's Jill's dad's.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We heard you guys are from up north.
Yeah, we are. We're just hanging
out at Jill's dad's for a week.
And you better not be
here when he gets back.
Mellow out, Jill.
He'll be back in
a couple of hours.
That's cool.
Gives us enough time.
Oh, yeah? Enough time for what?
God, lanie.
You look like that chick
on that virgin killers album.
Yeah, I know.
It's a rad shirt, man.
I was at that concert.
I got all fucked up.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I was backstage
at the Oakland show.
No shit?
We saw b.O.C.
At long beach.
They shined one of those
lasers right on me.
Big whoop.
It was rad.
It picked me out of the crowd.
It was when they were doing
don't fear the reaper.
It was a rush.
Yeah, it was verlacious.
Lit his head up like a
fucking Christmas tree.
Enough about you, Joe.
No, no, no, man.
Then everything
just got kind of weird.
Kind of like, 2001, like.
Then there was this huge,
gnarly eyeball out there, man.
Just... just floating.
It was kind of like that
big pig at the Floyd show,
but, I mean...
I mean, this was real.
Guy reminds me of mondo man.
Yeah, kind of.
Who's mondo man?
He's just some dude.
Jill, come here.
Conference time.
Mention my name.
You'll get a good seat.
Oh, my god.
Hubbs, who the fuck
is mondo man?
Who the fuck cares, man?
What I tell you, Joe?
You're blowing it.
Man, that chick lanie,
she's so cherry, man.
It hurts.
She's hot for me, man.
Then you woke up.
It's so obvious.
When did this happen?
Don't worry about it.
That chick,
she's the queen of my dreams.
Hey, you snooze you lose, pud.
Deal with the situation.
Don't you think that hubbs guy
looks like Richie blackmore?
Yeah, I guess.
So, Jill, that other dude
seems pretty cool, huh?
Yeah, right, lanie.
He's a total whacker.
Can't we just tell
those guys to split?
Come on. It's our last day in
L.A., let's have some fun.
What's fun about watching those
burnouts get totally wasted
and thrash my dad's place?
They won't do that.
I'll have them
take us somewhere.
Tell me about it.
They're probably out there
pissing in the ice tray.
Don't be so paranoid.
They're not that lame.
Shit, man, stash it.
What are you guys doing?
Grabbing some munchies, babe.
Who said you could
eat my dad's food?
Don't worry about it.
I'll have to deal with him.
Don't worry.
We won't be around.
God, what a brain trust.
Why is she such a rag, man?
She just needs to get laid.
That's all right, Joe likes 'em feisty.
Ain't that right, Joe?
Shut up, man.
Hey, babe. I heard there
was a party going on here.
Well, just come right in.
Can I get you guys anything?
This is cool.
Hey, are there
any other chicks here,
or are you the only one?
Hey, Tack!
Man, this is a closed party.
Fuck you, worm!
So you know these guys?
Sort of.
I'll deal with this.
Joe, how's it going?
You and what army, connoly?
Come on, Tack.
Hey, bring on the bitches!
Oh, shit, man.
I'm going to scorch my shorts.
Fucking Tack, man.
Fuck you, worm.
Would you ladies
excuse me a sec?
Come on, Tack.
Let's go.
What the fuck is
snotrag doing here?
Hey, man,
don't call me that. I needed a ride.
We been here a while, pud.
Things were going
pretty good for us.
You're messing up
the ratio, man.
It's casual.
There's enough to go around.
You never fuckin' listen, Tack.
What the fuck am I supposed
to do with you, man?
Yeah, Tack, just be cool.
I'm not going to forget
this, connoly.
Joe, grab snotrag.
Come on, man.
Come on.
Look at this shit.
Hey, babe, get naked or shut up.
Would you cool it?
You hear that?
These ladies
don't want you around, man.
Big shit.
Is this what you guys do down here?
Aren't there any
parties or anything?
There's one in p.V.
Shut up, Tack.
No shit? Come on, babe.
You don't want to go to some
bullshit rich boy party.
gonna beat my car
I'm gonna race it
to the ground
nobody gonna
beat my car
I'm gonna break
the speed of sound...
I hate palos verdes.
Hey, what's your name?
Aw, man.
Hey, guys, wait up.
Tack, you going to leave the
monster parked like that?
It's cool.
It's a party.
Maybe they'll valet it, hankey.
What a dork.
It's not going to get towed?
Out of the way.
Joe, don't mess around. Don't make me
hurt you, Tack.
They're better be a keg here.
All right, get you some.
I hate this disco shit.
I heard that.
Hey, sorry, space case.
Hey, muldoon, it's cool, man.
No, it ain't cool, connoly.
I didn't buy beer
for you burnouts to drink.
Go party with your own kind.
You just let our chicks in.
Hey, that's ladies' night.
We won't drink nothing.
We just want to party.
Yeah, assholes.
Let us in.
Later on, losers.
Fuck you, muldoon!
Fucking, Tack, man.
Me? It's muldoon.
Let's kick his rich-boy ass.
Fuck, man, I would if he didn't have
such massive upper body strength.
Why did you have to spew to the chicks?
We were styling at the pad.
You dicked me back there.
If it wasn't for you
and this fag,
we'd be having a titty fest now.
They're my chicks anyway.
Don't talk.
Fuck you.
Fuck me?
Can't we just get along?
Fuck this.
Fucking puds.
Tack, come on, man.
I already missed my favorite show.
Can we just go home already?
I got to take a leak.
Wait up, bro.
Hey, man,
what's biting your ass?
That chick ain't getting away.
She's too rad.
Hey, man, check it out.
What's up, butt benders?
Just guzzling, man.
Just guzzling.
How's it hanging, hubbs?
Here's a beer.
Jesus Christ!
What is this, horse piss?
St. Helen's malted ale.
Pussy rich-boy beer.
Stuff makes you want to puke.
Did you hear
about crump's brother?
He's got these fine chicks.
I didn't hear nothing like that.
What's the ratio here, man?
It's like 35 to 3 out here.
Inside might be
some better numbers.
Man, there's a buttload
of fine Bettys in there.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Hey, you guys.
Let's party.
Fuck, man,
back where we started.
What's the problem, guys?
You're here with all
your buddies.
There's plenty of lawn
ornaments to break.
There's another keg, man,
ain't even been tapped yet.
Lanie, what's going on?
What a waste.
What's a person got to do
to get any drugs in this city?
I got some loco
back in the torpedo.
Oh, yeah?
Why didn't you say anything?
It's not enough to go around.
Let's bail, man.
Let me get hubbs.
I hope we get a ride.
Oh, shit.
Oh, damn it.
Just be cool.
Just be cool.
Just lookin' around.
What's the problem, officer?
Mmm, party's over.
We have reports of minors
drinking alcohol
and illegal urination
in your neighbor's pool.
Where the fuck are those guys, man?
I got to book.
Lanie ditched me a while ago.
Maybe she left with your friend.
Joe? Nah.
Well, they're not around.
Fucking Joe.
Move your ass, queebie!
Wait up, god damn it.
I got to get back there, man.
I got to kick some ass.
I've got the key.
They can't get inside.
Move your ass, then.
Thanks, but no thanks, fucko.
Bet you got to deal
with that a lot, huh?
Tell me about it.
Every day.
Let's smoke that joint
in that guy's jacuzzi.
I don't know.
I don't wanna get busted.
Don't you want to see me
in my new bikini?
Here. Go for it.
Check this out.
A-Are those, um...
Real puka shells?
Yeah. Jill's dad got it for me.
Pretty cool, huh?
He's kinda got a crush on me.
Her old man? Really?
Come on.
Aren't you gonna get in?
This is the life, huh?
Heard that.
I love getting stoned and
partying all night. Yeah.
I could get into
some b.O.C. Now.
You should.
Agents of fortune
is a total fuck album.
I... know what you mean.
So, that's lumbo you got?
I mean, it's not,
you know, gold, but...
It's pretty good lumbo.
It's not as good as the
stuff I usually get, though.
You know, I had a feeling
about you tonight...
When I first saw you.
I just knew we were
gonna hang out.
What the fuck is this?
What, man?
It's fucking skankweed.
So? You'll still
catch a buzz.
Give me a break.
Oh, Jesus!
Well, well, well.
There you are, you fucking worm.
Been looking all over for you.
Hubs, man, it's cool.
No, it ain't cool!
Come here.
Let me tell you somethin'.
Joe does not ditch hubbs
or hubbs might have
to kick Joe's ass.
What could I do, man?
She was all over me.
Yeah, I can see that.
You're blowing it!
She ain't even naked.
Hubbs, man,
you don't just jump right in there.
You gotta get to know
a chick a little bit.
What did I tell you, man?
You're thinkin' too much.
Let me show you how it's done.
Come here.
Ha ha. What?
I want to tell you somethin'.
Ha ha ha ha!
Damn it, you asshole.
Hey, what you doin'?
Ooh ooh hah hah.
What's his problem?
Don't fuck around, Joe.
Ooh ooh hah hah.
Ooh ooh hah hah.
Ooh ooh ooh hah.
Ooh ooh ooh ooh!
Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo! Whoo! Hey!
Shit, man, we're busted.
Let's book.
What about our stuff?
I'll get it.
Come on, punk!
Banzai, motherfucker!
Ha ha ha ha!
Get in here, Joe!
Ha ha!
Man, you're gonna add, Joe.
Lanie, what did you guys do?
That was wild.
What can I say?
Hey, babe.
What are you doing?
What's goin' on?
I'm going to change, all right?
Hey, that's cool.
Uh, do you want something?
Well, yeah.
Let's go for it.
I don't think so.
I thought we had somethin'
goin' back there.
When was that?
You know, back there.
Oh, yeah, and then what?
You know. Come on.
Lay off!
What did I do?
Keep your hands off me.
All right! Shit!
Aw, shit, man! Ow!
Don't touch me again, all right?
All right, all right.
What's going on?
You kicked his ass.
Wouldn't keep his hands off me.
All right, Joe.
You all probably think
I'm a real butthead.
Listen, you think I didn't
want to drink a bunch of beer
and piss in somebody's pool
when I was your age?
They used to call me
"quick-dick Dean."
Anyhow, I'm gonna let
you guys slide this time...
But you guys
stay out of trouble...
We're all clear
here. Let's go.
Pigs are rippin'
the keg we scammed.
They never have to buy
their own beer.
They just Rob us blind.
Fuck you.
Hey, dudes,
hubbs and connoly are at
that house with them chicks.
We gotta head down there.
Crump's brother's chicks?
Trippin', Tack?
He ain't even around.
All we need is some Ox-45
and that chick is ours.
Hey, is she fine?
Oh, yeah.
Looks like that chick
from the virgin killers album.
I swear.
I heard Desiree Gibson
was doin' amateur night.
Who the fuck told you
that shit again?
Get off those, dude.
Ha ha ha ha.
Give me that thing.
Don't flightless
seabirds turn you on?
Not really.
I'm so sick of this bullshit.
Why don't you go get your
butt buddy and split?
No. I'm gonna wait it out,
God damn it, I'm serious.
I'm gonna tell my dad's
neighbor to kick you out.
You wouldn't do that.
Try me.
Oh, yeah... ooh.
Fuck, Joe.
What's he doing here?
He was just splittin', man.
The guy's a perv.
So, what's goin' on, Joe?
That other chick,
she wants us to split.
So, she's really pissed.
Look, man, you had your chance.
You blew it.
Now you gotta pay the price.
You gotta jump on the grenade.
She's all over my case.
Deal with it, man.
Come on.
I thought you were my bro.
I'd do the same for you, man.
This'll take the edge off.
Come on, Joe,
I won't say nothin'.
You're just a victim
of circumstance, man.
Yeah, whatever.
Hey, Jill!
Wait up!
Come on, Tack, man.
I'm scared.
It's a long way down.
Shut up and go for it, snotrag.
Yeah, snotrag! Yeah, snotrag!
Hey, don't call me that.
Go! Go!
No contact, please, Tack!
Move your ass, snotrag!
All right!
Hey, man.
These ain't talls.
No shit!
What the fuck!
Get us some talls!
All right!
He doesn't get out much,
does he?
No shit.
That's more like it.
Hey, Jill, wait up.
What do you want?
Just thought
you might want this.
No, thanks.
Hey, come on.
Leave me alone.
You gonna be all right?
I really didn't need
my nards anyway.
Why don't you lighten up?
What, so you can try
to get me drunk
and jump my bones?
Give me a break, stud boy.
You're really not my type.
I'm not tryin'
to pick up on you.
I'm just doin' what I gotta do.
Yeah, I get it.
Just jumpin' on
the grenade, right?
Man, I always get stuck
with lanie's sorry-ass rejects.
What did hubbs do
that was so brilliant
that he should get laid?
I don't know.
Lanie kind of goes
for the dangerous type.
I'm not dangerous?
I don't know about dangerous.
I think you're more
the hazardous type.
So you think hubbs is dangerous?
I mean, you'd go for him?
Hell, no.
The guy's so obnoxious.
Why do you like lanie anyway?
I think...
She's got, like,
a great personality.
Oh, that's a new one.
You're just jealous.
Oh, yeah, I'm jealous.
Like I want a bunch of
burnouts wantin' to pork me.
It's just so lame.
I mean, you went for it.
You snooze, you lose.
If I didn't go for it,
hubbs would be all over her...
Like he isn't already.
Or Tack or some other dude.
That's a good excuse.
Do it 'cause
everybody else does.
How typical.
What's goin' on?
Who arethose guys?
Just some dudes.
Hey, you chicks, let us in!
They'll split soon.
Watch it.
Hey, bitch!
What do you want?
We came back to party.
Here are my buds,
Mike dick and Mike New York.
You from New York?
What is this, a meeting
of the mentally gifted minors?
We got alcohol, man.
Must be my birthday.
She doesn't look like that chick
on the virgin killers album.
Yeah, Tack.
Yeah, this one's hogly.
Hey, man, the other one's
the foxy one.
Hey, so where's your friend?
What, you guys want
to take a number?
Watch it, man!
Watch it!
Fuckin' Tack, man.
Shut up, dude!
Hey, worm,
I was hopin' I'd run into you.
Why you gotta be
such a dick, man?
You can have the oinker.
Where's the other one?
Don't say that.
I mean, she's pretty fine.
Not even, man.
She's a fuckin' fat-ass.
Come on, man.
I wouldn't kick her out of bed.
I don't know, man.
Fuckin' Joe, man.
You wormed me out of my chicks.
I'm sorry about that, dude,
but you guys are fucking dicks.
You think the chick's
gonna go for it
because you got some Ox-45?
These are talls, man.
Big shit.
Why don't you asswipes
go back to orange county?
Hey, fuck you!
We come all the way here...
Looks like connoly doesn't have
his butt buddy house friend
anymore to save his ass.
Tack, man, don't fuck around.
I hate worms.
Fuck, man!
I hate worms!
No shit, man!
Kick his ass, Tack!
Let's see you
talk big now, connoly.
Fuck you, man!
Fuckin', Tack!
What's your problem?
Like you're the one
to talk, Joe.
You're the worm.
They ain't your chicks anyway.
You don't have
to talk shit to 'em.
Fuck you, man.
I gotta get laid like any other dude.
You don't have to be
such a dick, man.
What happened to you, Tack?
You used to be
an all-right dude.
Fine chicks
don't even talk to me.
They all think I'm gross.
You think fine chicks
wanna talk to a crater face?
Hey, man,
your face'll clear up after a
What, am I supposed to wait
till I'm 30 to get laid?
Maybe you can meet a chick
with an acne problem, too.
You guys will have something in
Fuck you, man!
I don't want no chick with zits.
I want fine chicks.
Jill, let me in!
Get him!
You gotta come out
sometime, worm.
Looks like those shitheads
messed you up pretty good.
Want some ice for that?
No. No.
No, I'm fine.
I told you, deck him, snotrag.
Hey, don't call me that.
Looks like those dicks
are plannin' to stay a while.
So you wouldn't throw me
out of bed, huh?
Am I supposed to be flattered?
I was sayin' that to get
those dicks to shut up.
I guess you can hang
out till they split.
I wouldn't mix that with
that peppermint schnapps.
I can handle it.
Shit. I wish we had
some dope or something.
I got some lumbo.
Actually, it's, uh, skankweed,
but if you want to fire it up...
So, where you guys from
up north?
San Jose.
Go for it.
Tastes like shit.
Damn brother sold me this shit.
He told me it was lumbo.
So what do you do up there?
Just party... school.
It's pretty boring, actually.
What about you?
You go to school?
I'll be a senior next year.
Yeah, me, too.
I'll be out of that zoo.
What are you gonna do?
I want to go to england
on an exchange student thing.
They have a cool lit
program I want to check out.
I would have gone this summer,
but my dad wouldn't let me.
He thinks I'm a failure
ever since I didn't make
cheerleader team in seventh grade.
I don't even think we have
cheerleaders at my school.
Everybody's too busy
gettin' stoned.
That's true at my school, too.
So, you, uh,
catchin' a buzz off of that thing?
Yeah... I think so.
My head hurts.
I gotta take a dump.
It's worm!
Hold on!
I dig this song.
Same here.
Hubbs says it's a pussy song.
It is, kinda.
I mean, it's a love song,
and it doesn't even have
the word poontang in it.
But I mean...
It's, like, there's something
more to it, you know?
Hey, Joe.
What's all that bullshit
you talk
about gettin' hit by a laser
at that blue oyster cult show
and then...
Seeing that big eyeball?
What can I say?
It really... it really happened.
Oh, yeah?
Maybe you should
lay off the dope.
I don't know, man.
It's just when I saw that thing,
it made me start to think
that maybe there's
something more out there.
And, you know,
that maybe there's
somethin' watchin' me.
You are such a weirdo...
But at least you got
something going on upstairs.
Sorry I can't say the same
for those dicks you
hang around with.
You're a pretty smart chick.
What's that smell?
Don't ask me, man.
Who's mondo man?
He's just this
weird dude up north.
He's kind of cool, actually.
Hey, Joe?
Do you think I have a fat ass?
No, man.
Don't worry about it.
Joe, come here, dude.
Come here, dude.
Get your ass up here, man!
Get up here, man.
I feel bad about what happened,
so I talked to lanie.
I told her it was
your birthday, man,
and she's gonna
give you a blow job.
She went for that bullshit?
Not really,
but I told her you're fucked up
'cause your dad used to
kick your ass all the time,
and she went for it. Fuck, right on.
What's goin' on out here?
Nothin'. We're just
hangin' out.
You don't even have
her shirt off.
We're just talkin', man.
You put on that pussy shit?
What the fuck is this?
Don't worry.
You're blowin' it out here.
Get in there.
She's killer.
Fuck, man. Hubbs.
Hey, man.
Uh, really, you won't say
nothin', will you?
Lay off of her, man.
She's not like that.
What are you talkin' about, man?
She was all over me.
Get back!
Look out. He's here.
What are you lookin' at?
Oh, hey, bro.
Joe and hubbs,
they're up there with them chicks.
Hubbs! Shit, man,
it's crump's brother!
No way, dude.
What the fuck you been?
Fuckin' party?
Get that...
Shit. Who's crump's brother?
He's just some dude.
I knew we shouldn't
have wormed his chicks.
What do you mean, "his chicks"?
Well, he saw you first,
so technically,
you're his chicks.
...crack ass,
I've never seen
that guy before in my life.
Doesn't matter.
Hesaw you.
What are you worried about?
We were here first.
Hey! These are our chicks.
This is bullshit.
Hey, you fuckin' worms,
let me have my chicks!
Get back!
He's totally thrashing the door.
Tell him to leave.
Won't be that easy.
Let's book.
What? You're can't
just leave us here?
Sorry, babe, you know how it is.
Man, we gotta hang.
You want to get your ass kicked?
We can't leave these
chicks to crump's brother.
Fuckin' door!
Ow! Aah! Damn it!
Fuckin' assholes!
Fuckin' worms!
Let me have my chicks!
Shit, man!
Come on, you fuckin' assholes!
God damn it!
Come here!
Let go! No chicks
in here, bro!
I ain't your fuckin'
bro, asswipe!
Aah! J-Joe!
Now you've fuckin'
pissed me off!
Hey, you worms,
I'm gonna kick your fuckin' ass!
Oh, fuck, man. You hear me?
Crump's brother's
gonna kick our ass.
This is bullshit.
Guess we kinda
got it comin', man.
I guess that's where it is.
It was worth it,
though, huh, dude?
That chick was killer.
Uh, yeah.
Oh, don't tell me, man.
You blew it?
You didn't go for it?
Wasn't like that, man.
I should kick your ass myself.
Don't worry about it.
What's going on, man?
Whoa! Some old dude's
out there kickin' ass!
He's floored crump's brother.
He's going for Tack!
He's gonna pound his nards!
Oh, shit.
What the hell is
going on around here?
What are you doing
with my daughter?
Hey, man, these are our chicks.
Your chicks?
Nothing happened.
We were about to split, man.
What's going on?
Nothing happened, huh?
what did these guys do to you?
Nothing happened.
She didn't even give me head.
Let's book, Joe. Shit!
Daddy, let him go! Daddy!
Ow! Ow! Man, ow!
Lay off!
Ohhh... uh! Ooh!
Get up, you little punk. Shit.
Let go, man! Let me go!
I didn't do anything!
Come on, man!
Fuckin' Joe.
Shit, man!
What'd I do, man?
How about you tell
me, huh, buddy?
Shit, man.
Nothin' happened, man!
Nothin' happened,
you lying fink?
You ought to learn not to
mess with another guy's girls!
Come on, let me go, man!
You're not goin' nowhere, kid.
Get up!
Oh, man. Unh...
Operator, give me the police.
Daddy, you don't have
to call the cops.
Shut up.
Just shut your mouth!
You're in enough trouble as is.
Should've known better
than to trust you.
Officer, I'm in the corner
house on ocean and Rose.
I got a young punk
I caught trespassing.
We might get him
on a sex offense.
I didn't do nothin'.
Daddy, it wasn't his fault.
He kept those guys out of the house.
Yes, I'll keep him here
until you arrive.
There's a bunch of other
hoodlums hangin' around.
What's your buddy's name?
I'm not gonna narc.
He's not talking.
I'm sure he'll crack once
you get him downtown.
Yeah, it's across the way from
that Frankie avalon place?
Just stay put.
Jill, I'm very
disappointed in you.
What is it with you kids?
What do you see in punks like
that, anyway?
So you're not the
prettiest girl around town.
You should be able to
attract something better
than trash like this.
And you, lanie...
Oh, you can have it all.
It just breaks my heart
to see you give it away
like some... tramp.
Shut up, Warren.
What about that bikini?
What was that?
I said what about that
bikini you bought her
so you could watch her by
the pool and sport wood, man.
Yeah, Warren.
Hey, those were real
puka shells!
That was the only reason I...
Better stay out of this,
you longhaired punk.
Somebody ought to teach you
respect for your elders.
This is all bullshit, man!
You think Jill should be some
airheaded cheerleader, man!
Fuck, the chick's smart.
You treat her like shit.
You're worse than
fuckin' Tack, man.
Who the hell is Tack?
Just some dude.
Hey, don't turn this
around on me!
Where do you kids get it
in your head to this way?
Where do you get your values?
From that stinking heavy metal
music you're always playing.
That's it, man.
It's the music.
Everything's just fine until we
listen to some heavy metal albums.
Then we get all fucked up.
I've had enough of you.
You'll have a lot of
time to think about that
when you're locked away
in juvenile hall.
Whatever, man. Send me to juvie.
I don't give a fuck.
Just leave these chicks alone.
They're just tryin'
to have a good time.
Right on! Ow!
Let go, man!
Let... me...
All right, hubbs! Go for it, dude!
Later, bro.
Good night.
Tack, you kack.
Fuck you, you fuckin' worm.
Hey. Hey, Joe.
What the hell you doin' here?
I don't know.
I didn't want you to split.
Couldn't stick around
and get popped.
I told you my dad's
such an asshole
Wretched hooligans...
Assume the prone position.
Do not attempt to run.
I should probably go.
Hey, you know, I...
I might come back
down here sometime.
I thought maybe we could
party or something?
Yeah. Um...
Could... I'll call you.
What's your last name.
It's in the book.
Cool, man.
Joe? Why didn't you
fuckin' go for me?
I was workin' up to it.
You snooze, you lose, huh?
Hey, Joe...
What the fuck, man,
you want to get busted? Let's go!
Later, Joe.
Joe! Move your ass!
You kids probably think
I'm a real butthead.
You think I didn't want to
sneak into some girl's house
when I was your age?
Hell, they used to call me
"doggie-door Dean."
I was a good
second-floor man, too.
Let's book, man,
before those pigs nab us.
Hey, you guys.
Where's the party?
Just over there, man.
You walk straight ahead,
you can't miss it.
Where's the other one?
You know how it is.
She was messing up the ratio.
Check it out, man. Excuse me, guys...
Could you tell me
where the, uh...
Frankie avalon house is?
Uh, yeah. It's about two
blocks down there on the left.
I hear there's a shitload
of fine chicks down there.
Go for it, dude.
Oh, man.
That was a perfect night, man.
I got drunk and laid
by a rad chick.
What was that back there, man?
How come you ain't jumpin'
on the grenade no more?
Don't worry about it, man.
Fuck. I got to get that
chick's phone number, man.
How'd you spell
wazukwakwicz, anyway?
What, are you gonna
fucking call her, man?
That's the whole point.
She's from up north.
You don't have to
deal with her again.
You didn't even
pork her, thank god.
Hubbs, man,
you just don't get it,
do you, man?
Man, I was diggin'
on that chick.
What, does she have,
like, a good personality, man?
Give me a break.
Ahh, you're thinkin'
too much, pussy.
Hey, fuck you, man.
Fuck me? Yeah! Fuck you!
You want to get your ass kicked
over some fat-ass chick, man?
She's cool, man. Say it!
Say it! She's cool!
She's cool, man!
Say it!
Whatever, dude!
Come on, say it,
man, she's cool!
Fine! She's cool!
Damn, Joe.
You're weirdin' out on me, man.
All the times
have gone
Here, but now
they're gone
seasons don't fear
the reaper
nor do the wind and
the sun and the rain
we can be
like they are
come on, baby,
don't fear the reaper
baby, take my hand
don't fear the reaper
we'll be able to fly
don't fear the reaper
baby, I'm your man
la la-la la la
la la-la la la
Father time
is done
here, but now
they're done
Romeo and Juliet
are together
in eternity
Romeo and Juliet
40,000 men and women
every day
like Romeo and Juliet
40,000 men and women
every day
another 40,000
do it every day
we can be
like they are
come on, baby,
don't fear the reaper
baby, take my hand
don't fear the reaper
we'll be able to fly
don't fear the reaper
baby, I'm your man
la la-la la la
la la-la la la
Love of two is one
here, but
now they're done
came that last night
of sadness
and it was clear
that she couldn't go on
and the door was open
and the wind appeared
the candles blew
and then disappeared
the curtains flew
and then he appeared
so don't be afraid
come on, baby
and she had no fear
and she ran to him
then they
started to fly
led him backward
and said goodbye
she had become
like they are
she had taken
his hand
she had become
like they are
come on, baby,
don't fear the reaper
Yo, cult jacket. Come here, man.
Check it out.
Hey, man.
Blue oyster cult t-shirts.
Yeah, check it out, man.
Oh, wow.
Here, look.
How much, man?
5 bucks. Real tour t-shirts.
Guaranteed authentic.
Hey, man, these
are bootlegs, man.
No, man, it's the real thing.
You guys are
ripping off the band.
4 bucks. 4 bucks.
4 bucks.