The Stupids (1996) Movie Script

I've got a feeling
something special's...
going to happen today.
Things to do today:
make checkmark on paper...
cross item out...
no time for that, I'm afraid.
And finally, say...
"that seems pretty senseless,
but, whatever."
That seems pretty senseless,
That's odd.
Joan, honey...
did you put
these trashcans on the curb?
Oh, I left the trash out
Oh, dear.
Oh, no. Someone's stolen
our garbage again.
Oh, I just feel
so awful about this.
Darling, please,
it's not your fault.
It's the world we live in today.
There are people out there
for whom nothing is sacred...
people who will steal
a man's garbage...
week after week after week.
We can get through it, honey.
We'll borrow some garbage...
till we're back on our feet.
Don't you see, Joan?
That's exactly
what they're counting on.
Whoever keeps doing this
knows that people like us...
will just sit back and take it.
Darn it.
I'm not gonna take it anymore.
Oh, Stanley, please,
don't get involved.
I already am involved, Joan.
Someone has stolen
from my family...
and I will not rest until
I bring them to justice.
What in the world?
They're getting away.
I've got to follow them,
but how?
2 wheels.
4 wheels.
8 wheels.
All right, crooks...
now you've got Stanley Stupid
on your trail.
Morning, Petunia.
Morning, Buster.
Hey, sis, have you seen dad?
Isn't he sleeping?
No. And he's
not outside, either.
I got up early
to walk my fish...
and he was already gone.
Do you think maybe...
he's been kidnapped?
Oh, my God! We must go
to the police station.
Just as soon as we've
left a note for mom.
Take this down.
We have gone to the police.
Daddy's been kidnapped.
Don't worry. We'll be back soon.
Signed, your children.
Your children...
Let's move.
Sta n ley?
Stanley? Buster? Petunia?
Where is everybody?
It's impossible.
That can't be true.
Hello? Hello.
Yes. Is this Mrs. Stupid?
I'm calling from
the police station, Mrs. Stupid.
We, uh, have
your children here, ma'am.
Oh, my God! It's true!
The police
have kidnapped my children!
You two just sit tight.
We'll have you home in a minute.
It's no use.
Mom's gone, too.
And we seem to be caught
in a deadly game...
of cat and mouse.
He left without even
ringing the bell.
Apparently, he only
wanted us to find this.
What's the Jade Palace?
And what does this have
to do with dad and mom?
I don't know, Petunia,
but I think it's time...
we went there and found out.
Friday, June 4.
Today, my world
turned upside-down.
First, I discovered
my husband missing.
Then, I learned my children...
had been kidnapped
by the police.
Now, the fate of my family
rests in my hands.
Note to self:
I must buy
a hand-held tape recorder.
Then I will no longer
be speaking...
into the garage door opener.
Some people
can be so inconsiderate.
Just the two of you?
Why, yes.
So they have been expecting us.
And what can I get for you?
Oh, I think you've got
a pretty good idea...
of what we're looking for.
May I recommend
the cashew chicken?
You'll get your cash
when we get...
our parents back.
And don't call us chicken.
Oh, no. The truck.
It's gone. I've lost it.
Now it could be anywhere.
Finding it now will be like
finding a needle in a haystack.
It's always the last place
you think of looking.
I'll never get the hang
of these things.
Still no sign of mom or dad.
I don't get it, Buster.
Don't worry, Petunia.
Whoever brought us here...
will contact us
when the time is right.
Buster, it's a message.
"Time flies
when you're having fun."
"Time flies
when you're having fun"?
Wait a minute!
Isn't the "Daily Times"...
published just a few blocks
away from here?
At the corner
of Fun Street and Fly.
No, it's Maple and Fifth.
Close enough. Let's move.
OK, camouflage lesson number 1:
to look like a bush,
you have to think like a bush.
OK, here I am just being a bush.
Just growing and hanging out.
Yes, this is the life for me.
Sure is a lot of soil
around here.
A lot of sunshine, too.
As a bush,
I notice these things.
Wait a minute. What's this?
I have arms.
I am a bush with arms.
And legs.
I am the first bush in history
with legs.
I can walk!
Oh, gaze, ye unbelievers,
upon this miracle!
This walking bush...
Half man, half plant.
He dwells in 2 worlds
but is the master of both!
Oh, man-bush, you are nature's
greatest wonder!
Poor fools thought I was a bush.
I'll lock up the bikes,
you keep a lookout.
Let's move.
My children!
If they recognize me,
they're sure to kidnap me, too.
What to do?
My gosh.
There must thousands
of people's garbage here.
Tens of thousands, even.
Why, the sheer organization
to pull off a heist like this...
I've uncovered the crime
of the century.
Good day, officers.
Is that everyone?
Affirmative, sir.
It's showtime.
Welcome, gentlemen.
I apologize
for the unpleasantness...
of our surroundings.
The setting was chosen
for its seclusion...
not its beauty.
The weapons
you are about to see...
are American made...
and, I humbly submit,
the world's best.
International law...
has long kept you
from acquiring them.
But as of now...
I hope to help you
overcome that.
First piece of equipment
we'd like to demonstrate...
is the Dragon anti-tank missile.
Whether you want
to foment revolution...
or suppress it...
this hardware
will help you get it done.
Strange, indeed,
are the workings of fate.
How could I have known
that today I would wander...
into the jaws of some kind
of super crime?
Pardon me.
Chances are, my life is
already in danger.
Yet, I feel strangely,
intensely alive.
Every nerve is alert...
every sense working overtime.
Nothing escapes my eye.
Excuse me.
One journey has come to an end.
But I've got a feeling...
the real adventure
has just begun.
Buster! Petunia!
It's some kind of ape woman!
Oh, no. It's me. Your mother.
Your mother's
some kind of ape woman?
No, no.
Children, it's a disguise.
They're wigs.
Next up is an updated version...
of the .45 caliber
personal sidearm.
I think you'll appreciate...
the increase in stopping power.
Here we have the traditional
M-16 assault weapon...
with extra new capabilities.
Not only will it fire
an 84 millimeter...
Excuse me.
Got a pen I can borrow?
Thank you very much.
So, what's going on around here?
Some kind of company picnic?
Why, that's
a very festive name for it.
Notice all that garbage
out there?
It's all stolen.
There's something fishy
going on.
Frankly, our lives
may already be in danger.
I hear you, pal.
At first, I was
pretty tongue-tied myself.
Oh, Jerry, help.
I need a new headline...
for the Entertainment section.
"HBO has given the order
for a pair of original...
"outer-space themed shows
for the new season."
Let's see. What about...
2 alien pilots
picked up by network.
Perfect. I'm sending it.
Hey, you guys...
give me a hand in Metro,
will you?
We were supposed to be
in print 5 minutes ago.
Sis, over here.
I found a computer.
What've you
got in mind, Petunia?
A little ride...
on the information
superhighway, mom.
In this age
of microtechnology...
the computer's our gateway...
to information.
Now, all we've got to do...
is figure out the password.
How about nose?
It's worth a try.
All right, computer...
now tell us everything
we need to know...
about Stanley Stupid.
Relax, soldier.
In a week from now...
we'll both be wealthy men.
I suppose so, sir.
But I can't help wondering...
what our country would think
of what we're doing.
This year our country...
refused my promotion,
They've only themselves
to blame now.
You really think
we can pull this off?
I gave my life to the military.
Nothing's going to stop me...
from getting something back.
Sir, I think we have...
a potential situation
on our hands.
What is it, soldier?
An individual, sir.
He appears to have
infiltrated the proceedings.
As far as we can tell...
he's not affiliated
with any of the buyers.
It's the C.I.A.
We're probably
already surrounded.
Negative, sir.
We scouted the area...
and he appears to be alone.
Hmm. Just what kind
of cowboy agent...
is this guy?
No one is to disturb him...
without my order.
The buyers must not know...
anything is amiss.
Understood, sir.
If I know my business...
the operative will contact us.
To walk into
a situation like this...
without support...
this guy must be fearless.
And very, very smart.
Business, weather, sports.
What is it trying to tell us?
It's computer jargon, mom.
It's like
a whole different language.
Now, hand me a photo of dad...
and let's see
what we can find out.
It's processing the data.
What does it say?
Fatal error, drive
Oh, my God!
What does it mean?
I don't know!
We've got to warn your father!
Watch out!
Let's go! Out!
We'd better get out of here.
Let's go!
Our bikes are gone!
And the cops
have surrounded my car!
Run for your lives!
Cool runnings, my brother.
Later, man.
Bye. Thank you.
Hi. Stanley Stupid.
Oh. Honored to make
your acquaintance...
Mr. Stupid.
You must be a highly skilled
to have discovered all of this.
Well, actually,
I knew I was on the trail...
of some pretty crafty thieves,
but I had no idea...
there was going to be
this much garbage out here.
You are clearly an agent
of enormous talents.
Shame the government
will never reward you...
as richly as you deserve.
No. The government
doesn't even know I'm here.
Aha. And that's why you've
approached me, isn't it?
To come and get your share?
One way or another?
Actually, mister...
I've approached you
because I need a car.
Oh. Lieutenant...
give our friend
the keys to my car.
A gift to the gifted.
Well, thank you very much.
That's incredibly generous!
Thanks a lot!
And to think I just wanted
a ride back to town.
Thanks, everybody.
I'll see ya!
Talk about nerves of steel.
Completely surrounded,
and he didn't even blink.
We bought him off for now, sir.
But what's to stop him
from turning us in, anyway?
You are, soldier.
Without disturbing
our clients...
follow, then terminate
the target...
with extreme prejudice.
Yes, sir.
Kill him.
Oh. Boy.
You never realized...
how many policeman there are...
until the day
they turn against you.
This is the biggest emergency
of our lives.
And we can't even call 911.
A crisis like this calls
for even higher authority.
Mom, dial 1011.
I'm afraid that's not
good enough, children.
Your father's life
is on the line.
I'm calling 75,496-11.
Hello. My name is Joan Stupid.
I'm a housewife...
and I desperately
need your help.
Yeah. Let me guess, lady.
You've had a hectic day
running around...
trying to take care
of the kids...
and now you're panicked...
because your husband's due home.
That's right.
And you haven't had time
to cook dinner, right?
That's right, too.
Yeah. I hear it
every day of the week.
What you need
is our family special.
What's your address?
55 Maple street.
And does your family
like cole slaw?
That's all
the information I need.
You can relax, dear.
We'll have you...
taken care of
in less than an hour.
Oh, bless you!
No need to worry, kids.
The most sophisticated
emergency response team...
in the world
is working with us now.
Interestingly enough...
their strategy
involves cole slaw.
Hi, honey. It's me.
Oh, Stanley!
Darling, are you all right?
I'm fine,
but you won't believe...
the things I've uncovered.
Stanley, listen to me closely.
You must beware of the drive
What's the drive bee?
We don't know...
but any error you make
with it could be fatal.
Just as I suspected.
My life may already
be in jeopardy.
What are you saying, Stanley?
There must be some kind
of interference.
Hold on.
I'll turn down the radio.
Ooh'. Hot'. Whoa'.!
Hot hot hot hot hot hot.
Oh-Oh! Unh!
Ohh, he Whoa'.!
Is there something about dad...
that you're not telling us?
Something about his past...
that would help explain
what's going on?
Children, I suppose
you're old enough
to know the truth.
And the truth is...
your father once worked
inside the system.
You mean...
That's right, Petunia.
Stanley Stupid was a courier...
for the U.S. government.
At first it seemed like
the perfect job.
Every day brought new...
and fascinating challenges.
Oh! Great!
There you go.
Then one day, your father
discovered something.
Thank you.
That's odd.
Come in.
What is it now, Stanley?
Something very strange, sir.
It seems like...
an incredible amount
of letters...
are being delivered...
to somebody named Sender.
Who is this Sender?
And what is he doing...
with other people's mail?
I believe that this calls
for a full-scale investigation.
The next day, he was fired.
They never told him why.
But, of course!
He knew too much.
And my instinct tells me...
we haven't seen the last
of Mr. Sender.
Is the target neutralized?
I'm afraid not, sir.
It seems the enemy...
repelled our assault team...
with extreme
defensive aggression...
in a "blowing up
their car" manner, sir.
So, he has some combat skills
to back up his bravado.
Who do we have from special ops?
McClelland trained
with the S.O.F., sir.
Give him the assignment.
Let's see how our friend
handles a veteran assassin.
It's high time I got myself
another tattoo.
Just make sure you do it clean.
We can't afford to leave
a trail of clues.
He'll never know what hit him.
Did you know you have
a hole in your gas tank?
Actually, that's how
you get the gas in it.
Listen, why don't you
top her off.
I'm going to go freshen up.
Thank you for
the excellent service...
old timer. Yep.
I'm afraid it's bad news.
Don't tell me
he took out McClelland, too.
It's uncanny, sir.
I've watched him...
dispatch assailants
with techniques
that defy description.
Who's our explosives expert?
That would be Martinez, sir.
Give him the assignment...
and everything he needs
to pull it off.
I want it done surgical...
and I want it done now!
For God's sake,
we're military men.
Killing people
is supposed to be our job.
Go on!
Please, leave me alone!
What're you trying to do,
you darn bee?
Can't you see
I'm trying to drive?
Oh, my God! The drive bee!
Fight, Stanley!
Fight for your life!
The tables have turned.
The hunter becomes the hunted.
Mission accomplished.
No one could've survived
that blast.
Now, that's a well-made shoe.
Here's your fare...
and a little extra for yourself.
Thank you, sir.
What's the occasion?
It's just good to be home.
You never know
how much it means to you...
until you go away.
What are you doing to my grass?
Is that you?
Have I been away so long?
You live next door, Stanley.
Please, call me dad.
This day keeps getting
stranger and stranger.
We find ourselves today...
at the center of a puzzle.
At first, all is confusing.
But as the pieces come together,
patterns emerge.
And before long, we can see...
the sinister face of conspiracy.
And it all begins
with a man named...
Mr. Sender.
easier to open than pistachios.
What's inside is more delicious.
"If you still love me, Sally...
"tie a ribbon 'round
the old oak tree."
I'm afraid the only thing...
that's going to be hanging
from that tree is you...
Poor Jenny Miller.
Nobody coming to her wedding.
This postal ploy of yours...
is the most evil caper
of our age...
Mr. Sender.
How will you ever top yourself?
With a crime so unthinkable...
that no one has ever dared
to attempt it.
To rob an entire nation
of its garbage.
The one resource no one
ever thinks to protect.
Yet, without it...
every Hefty bag,
every trash compactor...
every rubbish bin in America...
will be useless.
Desperate men
will roam the streets...
with empty wastebaskets.
Panic and chaos
will rule the land.
The precious balance
of civilization...
will be destroyed...
and then, the world
will come begging for mercy...
to me.
Your job is to kidnap anyone...
who discovers
my diabolical plan.
Including children.
This fiendishness
must be stopped!
It's not our battle
to fight, Johnson.
We've got enough trouble...
getting soy sauce
into these tiny packets.
Maybe we can't stop Sender...
but I know someone who can.
A bright fellow I worked with...
in the postal service.
Are the guards posted out front?
Only the best.
No one suspects a thing,
Mr. Sender.
Unless that bush has ears.
The joke's on you, my friends.
Bad news, sir.
Stanley Stupid
has discovered our secret.
At last...
a foe worthy
of matching wits with.
Release the drive bee.
So you see,
it all begins with Mister...
The police are against us...
and obviously, we can't
go to the press.
What are we
going to do, Stanley?
We've got to take on Sender
Oh, it won't be easy
finding him.
Scouring the countryside...
for microscopic clues...
following trails that
are long since cold...
sensing him always nearby...
yet somehow,
maddeningly beyond our grasp.
Hey! There's a Charles Sender...
listed right here
in this phone book.
The manhunt begins!
The car won't start!
Maybe the battery is dead.
It was perfectly healthy
this afternoon.
Well, then maybe it's got
some life left in it.
I better give it mouth-to-mouth.
Not now, Kitty.
I've got a battery to revive.
Wait a minute. What am I doing?
I've cooked up
some insane conspiracy theory...
and put myself in the middle
of an illegal weapons deal...
with some of the world's
most dangerous men.
I've risked my life
and the lives of my family...
in a scheme that makes
absolutely no sense at all.
Insight fading...
I must remember
not to go forward with this.
What is it, Stanley?
What are you supposed
to remember?
I don't know.
Let's go, everybody.
We got a job to do.
Hey! What about the delivery?
You can't just order food
and run off like that!
You have insulted the dignity
of Floyd's Delicatessen.
You're sure this is the place?
Oh, yes.
When I called sender's home...
his wife said
that he works here.
A likely story.
OK, Joan.
You and Buster
search that end of the building.
Petunia and I
will take this end.
And remember, everybody.
Use your heads.
I found his headquarters!
And I've stumbled upon
his fiendish laboratory!
Careful, Petunia.
One false move
and we could end up dead.
Everything has gone dark.
I can't see a thing.
Oh, my God, it's happened!
We're dead.
I knew it!
So this is heaven.
It's quite lovely, really.
Funny, isn't it?
One minute
you're tracking down...
the head
of a global conspiracy...
and the next minute, poof!
It's all over.
Sure puts things in perspective.
You know who I miss the most?
Mom and Buster.
Don't worry, honey.
They'll be joining us
soon enough...
the way your mom drives.
Somebody in here?
Dad, someone's coming.
You think?
Yes, Petunia.
It's time to meet Our Creator.
Hail to Thee, o Lord.
Actually, it's pronounced Lloyd.
All these years,
we've been saying it wrong.
this is the face of evil.
And this is the diary
of his twisted schemes.
Dates... numbers...
What in the world?
Buster, come on!
I found out
where sender's going next.
Just a minute, mom.
I've discovered
a mysterious room here.
There's a strange-looking clock
over the top of it.
And a control panel
with a bunch of numbers.
One would almost think
it's some kind of...
Time machine!
Mom, he?!
Buster, no!
What buttons did you press?
I don't know.
Just a bunch
of random numbers...
and the letters "B C".
Oh, my God.
We've traveled back
to the age of the dinosaurs.
It's just so amazing
to meet you at last.
Well, thank you.
It's nice to meet
someone who appreciates...
the work I do.
Appreciates it?
Why, you're the one that takes
care of the entire universe.
But you'd be surprised
how little thanks...
I get for it.
Most people
don't even know I exist.
This is the single
most fantastic journey...
in the history of the world.
Keep your voice down, son.
If one of these things
wakes up...
we're in real trouble.
They look absolutely starved.
Hey, look, mom!
The cave
of some prehistoric peoples.
Their tools seem to be...
fashioned of
a primitive Styrofoam.
We've got to be careful, Buster.
The slightest disturbance
to this ancient world...
could affect
the entire course of history.
the entire course of history.
What are you doing?
Just think.
My name is now
the first word ever written.
This rock will be the most
sacred mystery on Earth.
Buster, snap out of it.
When mankind learns to read...
I will be worshipped.
Nations will rise
and fall in my name.
Life on Earth...
will be nothing
but a footnote to Buster.
We've gotta get out of here.
Not to be disrespectful...
but I feel that perhaps
we've come here too early.
The truth is, the two of you...
shouldn't be here at all.
You mean, you're sending us
back into the world?
I'm afraid so.
But don't get me wrong.
It's been a pleasure
talking to you...
but there's work to be done.
So, our crusade against the
world's injustice is important!
Just head through
that door marked "exit."
Take you back to where
your car is parked.
Did you hear that, Petunia?
We're getting a second chance!
Do you have any final words
for us before we go?
Well, if you want to
make my job easier...
remember, throw your gum
in the trash...
when you're done chewing it.
I spend a huge amount
of my time...
cleaning up gum.
So long as we live,
we shall fight that wrong.
Sorry, mom.
I sort of went mad
with power back there.
Well, the most important thing
is we made it.
Mom! Buster!
Joan! Buster!
Dad! Petunia!
Stanley! Petunia!
You made it!
Are you all right?
How did it go in there?
Well, Joan, we had
a remarkable 20 minutes.
We died,
went to heaven, met God...
and got brought back to life.
But still no sign of Sender.
What happened to you guys?
We traveled through time
to the age of dinosaurs...
and Buster
established himself...
as the most important
and mysterious figure...
in history.
Sorry, dad.
And even more importantly...
we found this.
Names, places, dates, times.
Wait a minute.
There's an entry
in here for today.
Channel 3 News at 1:00.
We passed the Channel 3
News station...
on the way over here!
And it's almost one now!
The trail is still fresh!
Let's go.
We're here!
Somewhere in this building...
is the man we're looking for.
Let's find him
before he finds us.
Good news today
for culture buffs.
The new exhibit arrives today at
the Museum of Natural History...
and here to tell us
about the highlights...
is museum director
Charles Sender.
Thank you, thank you.
You know, if you love
pre-Columbian sculpture...
as much as I do...
you are in for
a real surprise...
because in less than an hour...
I will be picking up
a stunning collection...
of Olmec heads
on loan from museums...
all over the world.
Now, I understand
it's exhibits like this...
that have given our museum
its most profitable year ever.
You must be
a very sought-after curator.
Yes. Sometimes I feel
like a hunted man.
Try your best
to blend in, Petunia.
Remember, we can't
afford to get caught.
Oh, excuse me.
I'm looking for the set
of "The Late At Night Show."
Excuse me.
I'm looking for the set...
of "The Late At Night Show."
I'm supposed to be making
a delivery there.
I'm supposed to be
making a delivery there!
Could you give this
to Doug the stage hand?
I'd be so grateful.
He's a big fat guy.
You can't miss him.
This will get you backstage.
I really appreciate this.
I'm sorry.
They're taping a TV show.
No one gets in
without proper authorization.
Oh, ma'am, this way, please.
Keep your eyes peeled
for anything unusual, son.
Mr. Sender can't be far away.
Just watch
for the slightest sign...
of strange behavior.
They're putting make-up
on men in there.
Are they ready?
Ready when you are.
Then let's go, everyone.
We're on.
OK, let's go.
Yeah, but Sly
is a lot taller now.
You know, people think...
it's really easy
being a celebrity...
but when they canceled my series
"Malibu Beach Detective"...
I was just
absolutely devastated.
Well, I'm sure everyone
is very sympathetic for you.
You put so much work
into such a fine series...
to have it taken off the air.
As an artist,
I was truly crushed.
It was the most awful,
heartbreaking, shocking thing...
that's ever happened to me.
Mom, I can't get
this light switch to work.
Just a moment, dear.
OK. Now. Let's take a look.
Well, maybe you'd
all be happier...
if there was
no prime time television.
What's going on?
You could spend every night
reading books together.
My next guest is
a world-class French chef...
Give it to the fat guy!
Fat? Fat! Moi, fat?
OK, let's settle, everybody.
We're on in 5, 4, 3...
Have you ever thought you
came from an unusual family?
Well, after you meet
my guests today...
you may want to adjust
your standards.
I divorced my wife...
in order to date her daughter.
I married a Siamese twin...
and had an affair
with her sister.
I have been engaged
to 3 of my cousins.
Well, to tell you the truth...
I'm my own grandpa.
You're your own grandpa?
That's right.
Well, for those of us who've
never heard of such a thing...
maybe you could explain.
Of course. It's quite
simple, really.
Many, many years ago
when I was 23
I was married to a widow
who was pretty as could be
This widow had
a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red
My father fell in love with her
And soon they, too, were wed
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life
For my daughter was my mother
'Cause she was my father's wife
To complicate the matter
Even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father
of a bouncing baby boy
My little baby then became
a brother-in-law to dad
And so became my uncle
though it made me very sad
For if he was my uncle
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course,
was my stepmother
That was our banker in Bern.
Payments will be transferred
to our account...
when we deliver the hardware
in approximately 2 hours.
Nothing left to do
but relax, Lieutenant.
No power on Earth
can stop us now.
I'm my own grandpa
I'm my own grandpa
It's impossible.
We killed that man.
Well, for God's sake,
kill him again.
Our future is in his hands.
My father's wife then had a son
Who kept them on the run
And he became my grandchild
'Cause he was my daughter's son
My wife is now
my mother's mother
And it makes me blue
Because although she is my wife
She's my grandmother, too
if my wife is my grandmother,
then I am her grandchild
And every time I think of it
It nearly drives me wild
This has got to be
The strangest thing I ever saw
As husband of my grandmother,
lam my own grandpa
I'm my own grandpa
I'm my own grandpa
It sounds funny, I know,
but it really is so
Hey, I'm my own grandpa
Stay tuned, everybody.
We'll be right back
after this break.
Thanks again for coming
to the station, Mr. Sender.
It was a pleasure, I assure you.
We meet at last.
No time to chat, I'm afraid.
I'm taking over the heads...
of a dozen foreign countries.
My God!
His plans for world domination
are already coming together.
You know what's strange, dad?
I would have thought a man
as powerful as Sender...
would be surrounded
by bodyguards.
You can't see them, Buster,
but they're here...
ready to pounce on anyone who
so much as utters the words...
"I'll get you yet, Sender."
Hey! Let go of my dad!
What happened?
It's sender's men.
They've captured dad.
So, where are we going, fellas?
Fasten your seatbelts.
You're a clever man,
Mr. Stupid...
if that really is your name.
Too clever for your own good.
And you play the innocent
most convincingly.
You thought you'd fool me
into thinking you were dead...
and then you'd catch me
when I went to make the sale.
A masterful bit of strategy...
and you came dangerously close
to pulling it off.
We better get going, sir.
We're due at Warehouse 21
in less than an hour.
Warehouse 21?
No use gathering intelligence
now, my friend.
Our little chess game is over.
I hope you
won't find the endgame...
too unpleasant.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
There's nothing I can do.
It's no use.
They won't let anyone
onto that army base...
unless they're in the army.
This is serious.
Dad's in danger.
We gotta think of something.
What if we form our own army?
To do that, we'd have
to form our own country.
We could call it Stupidia...
a sovereign nation,
with its own laws...
its own customs,
its own government!
mother of this household...
your leadership
has stood the test of time.
I'd like to nominate you
as president.
To the polls, everyone.
Get this over with already,
would you?
This guy has already
taken out 3 of our best.
His hands are tied.
He's unarmed.
We've got 2 guards
posted outside.
And I've got a gun on him.
There's no way
he's leaving here alive.
Isn't that right, Mr. Stupid?
Remember, throw your gum
in the trash...
when you're done chewing it.
I spend a huge amount
of my time...
cleaning up gum.
In the name of the Lloyd!
Oh, jeez!
All right, get your hands up.
Thank you, dear Lloyd!
The polls are dead even,
give or take a vote.
If only we knew
who dad was voting for.
Joan! Joan!
Congratulations, mom!
Thank you, everyone.
And as your president...
I appoint Stanley Stupid...
head of the army!
Your first duty
is to go onto that army base...
and rescue my husband!
And get our dad
while you're at it.
I'm afraid those two
will just have to wait.
We've got to get to a place
called Warehouse 21.
Joan, give me the keys.
The car won't start!
Dad, you and mom...
switch places.
Mom, hand the keys to dad.
Good work, everybody!
This must be the place.
Well, what have we here?
EXCUSE me, everyone.
May I have your attention,
He's amazing.
Before you unleash strife...
and warfare upon this planet...
please, look into your hearts.
No guns.
Inside you're still
human beings.
You can change your ways.
You all could come back
from the dark side.
You! Send a squad of men...
towards the eastern flank
of the warehouse.
You! Organize
a counter to the left.
Your men will back
the first 2 squads...
while my men rove on point.
But... he's only one man.
Trust me.
You don't want
to underestimate him.
So turn yourselves in, everyone.
My family and I
do not wish to fight you...
but if you do not give up...
you will leave us no choice.
Are they giving up?
No. As a matter of fact...
they seem to be organizing
some sort of massive attack.
I guess they want
to do things the hard way.
They seem
pretty well armed, dad.
Yes, Buster, but so are we.
Oh, they may have
knives and guns...
and missiles and bombs...
but we're armed with the fact...
that what we're doing is right.
Sometimes you have
to trust in that.
Let the final showdown begin.
Get him!
Move to the right! Right!
Left! Move!
Left! Right!
Left! Go right!
Right! Left! Left!
Left! Right! The other left!
I sot him!
Left! No, no!
All right!
Move it!
Take your time, men.
He's unarmed.
Or am I?
I'm stuck. I'm caught.
I'm trapped.
Somebody help me out here!
I'm cornered!
Yes! That's the word
I'm looking for!
I'm cornered!
I'll save you, dad!
Focus power of mind...
over matter.
Channel every ounce
of willpower!
It's working!
I've done it!
Behold the super-human strength
of Buster!
Sorry, dad.
What the hell was that?
Sounds to me like it came...
from the warehouse district.
Buster! Stanley?
Please be careful out there.
There are lots
of little fires...
burning all over the place now.
This is the worst fire
extinguisher I've ever seen.
How lovely.
Car 15 requests backup.
Send squad cars immediately
to Warehouse 21.
Car 15, we are on our way.
Oh, great.
Fine. Just great.
We got to get out of here.
Not to worry, Lieutenant.
The police are on my side...
as far as they know.
How do I look?
Quite convincing, sir...
but what about me?
You, my friend...
are on the wrong side
of the law.
Get some cuffs over here.
I got the ringleader.
Shoot to kill, boys.
Those are evil men in there.
You've got to let me through,
The cargo I'm transporting...
is extremely cultural.
I'm sorry, sir, but no one's...
getting through here
at the moment.
Oh, my.
I guess I'll have to find...
another route home.
In the meantime,
could you please just pull...
your vehicle over there...
with the rest of the cars?
Yes, sir.
Oh, Stanley,
you were so brave in there.
Hey, look! The police
are on our side again.
Come on! Keep moving.
Let's go.
Stay in line!
You go, mister.
Come on, come on.
Move it! Move it!
Yes, our work here is done...
but before we go...
there's a certain
arch villain...
I'd like to speak to.
I have a feeling he learned...
a pretty important lesson today.
Well, my friend...
it seems you lost.
I certainly am.
The problem is
you took the wrong road...
right from the start.
Can you help get me
back on the right path?
Yes, I can...
but it won't be easy.
You've got
to turn yourself around.
You've got to straighten out...
but as long
as you can remember...
to head towards the light...
you'll never go wrong.
You've really saved me.
Until we meet again.
It's been quite a day.
And I have to say...
that I'm glad it's finally over.
I'm afraid it's not over yet.
You must think you have some
kind of guardian angel, Stanley.
You thought
you could take me on...
and pay no price...
destroy my future...
and then slip through
my fingers again and again.
We, not this time, bucks'.!
This time I'm going
to take care of you myself.
Where's your guardian angel now?
Bet you're surprised to see me.
We certainly are.
And very impressed, I might add.
Well, let this
be a lesson to you.
Nobody gets away from me.
I've been on the job too long.
Here's your bill.
I would've thought
guardian angels...
worked for free.
Oh, Joan.
You're so wonderfully naive.
I assume you work for the Lloyd.
No, my boss' name is Floyd.
It's pronounced Lloyd.
Hey, neighbor!
Hey, Stanley!
I didn't see you around much
this weekend.
What you been doing?
Aw, this and that.
Had breakfast...
read the paper, saved the world.
Oh, is that right?
Say, today
I thought we'd have...
a little barbecue.
Why don't you stop by?
There's plenty for everyone.
Well, thanks, Stanley...
but I left the water
running in my bathtub.
This is gonna be great, dad.
Say, how can I help?
You can flip the burgers, son...
but I better handle
the lighter fluid.
See? "Keep out
of reach of children."
Right there.
You got to be careful.
What is it, boy?
What is it, Kitty?
Are you hungry?
Do you want a biscuit?
That poor dog doesn't know
what he wants sometimes.
Many, many years ago
when I was 23
I was married to a widow
who was pretty as could be
This widow
had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red
My father fell in love with her
And soon they, too, were wed
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life
For my daughter was my mother
'Cause she was my father's wife
To complicate the matter
Even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father
of a bouncing baby boy
My little baby then became
a brother-in-law to dad
And so became my uncle
though it made me very sad
For if he was my uncle
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course,
was my stepmother
I'm my own grandpa
I'm my own grandpa
It sounds funny, I know,
but it really is so
Oh, I'm my own grandpa
My father's wife then had a son
Who kept them on the run
And he became my grandchild
'Cause he was my daughter's son
My wife
is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue
Because although she is my wife
She's my grandmother, too
if my wife is my grandmother,
then I am her grandchild
And every time I think of it
It nearly drives me wild
This has got to be
The strangest thing I ever saw
As husband of my grandmother,
lam my own grandpa
I'm my own grandpa
I'm my own grandpa
It sounds funny, I know,
but it really is so
Hey, I'm my own grandpa