The Super Bob Einstein Movie (2021) Movie Script

If Bob knew a documentary
was being made about him,
he would act like
he didn't like it,
and he would
love every minute of it.
He would love it.
Are you kidding me?
He would love it.
Because he wouldn't want
his material to go away.
He would want
to know everything.
How did he look in it?
Was he funny?
Did you pick the funniest bit?
I think he'd be
in massive support
of a documentary
being made of him (CHUCKLES)
I think he would love it, and
I think he would
want to be in it
mostly by himself. (LAUGHS)
If he was in it, he would
probably make fun of it.
He'd wanna fuck it up somehow.
And he would be upset
if he didn't get
the most airtime of anybody.
There will be one--
at least one person
in this documentary
that Super Dave is criticizing
from the great beyond.
He'd be thrilled.
"Really? Who's making it?
When is it gonna air?"
I think he'd get a kick out
of the fact
that I have to sit here
and do this,
knowing that I
really don't want to.
If this movie sells for more
than ten dollars,
-I'll be fucking amazed.
Our next guest is...
The world's greatest
daredevil entertainer,
superstar of our day
or any other day...
You may know him from his role
as Marty Funkhouser
on Curb Your Enthusiasm...
Please welcome
the extraordinary...
Super Dave Osborne. Dave!
Oh, be still my heart.
Super Dave is
really Bob Einstein...
JIMMY KIMMEL: I was a kid
who loved to watch television.
I had a little TV on my desk.
And I loved the talk shows,
I loved to watch
Carson and Letterman.
And I think that's where I
probably first saw Super Dave.
I call him Super Dave.
(CHUCKLES) even though
I know his name, I never
called him Bob in his life.
And he was such
a great talk show guest.
I'm going to do a thing with
you, how to remember your name.
-Say I'm at a party.
And someone
introduces you to me, they say,
"Super Dave,
this is the great Jimmy Carson."
-John, John. Johnny.
-All right?
The way he mixed
his corny, old jokes
with this weird, angry approach
was, uh, delightful.
So, what I'm gonna do is,
I'm gonna take your first name.
-And I'm gonna
take letter by letter
and, and relate it to something.
-Link it with something.
-J, just incredibly gifted.
-I, individually brilliant.
M, you're married.
M, you were married before.
-Good question.
When I was a kid, watching
The Smothers Brothers
Comedy Hour,
I was obsessed
with him instantly,
because of his unique delivery
and his hilarious demeanor.
May I have
everyone's attention, please?
What is this, officer?
There'll be a routine inspection
of this party.
-Everyone disrobe
and remain calm.
That was just my kind of humor.
Uh, he was just something...
just so off about him,
and so different.
Did you stick a gerbil
up your ass?
-Who told you that?
not gonna tell you who told me.
-Tell me who told you that.
-It's not important.
No, of course, I didn't
stick a gerbil up my ass!
-Don't get so upset.
-I'm upset!
First time I ever saw him
was as the producer
on the show Bizarre.
-BOB EINSTEIN: What happened?
-It sorta-- look, it's a boat.
It's supposed to be
an operating room.
It's supposed to be
in a hospital room.
-Bill Zaharuk, please.
-This is a boat.
And then, as time wore on,
I would see him in-- I saw him
in Modern Romance,
I'd see him here,
I'd see him there.
The only reason you're
going out with her
is because of her ample bosom.
That's despicable to
say that to me. Of course not.
For her brains and
her sense of worth and--
Have you set a day aside
when you're gonna
finally look at her face?
That's very...
I remember first seeing him
and watching and thinking,
"Oh, he's going to do
this great stunt."
What they're gonna try to do
is crush me
-with an 11-ton metal--
Being a guy
who loves physical comedy,
watching Super Dave was like,
oh, man, must-watch TV
for me growing up
and all my friends, man.
-That's about it. Oh, no brakes.
-Brakes are important, kids.
He had this dryness to him.
He would not try to
spin the characters.
He would just be them, and
the situations made it funny.
I'm sorry about the ballgame,
it was emotional.
Just give me a ride.
Let's not go through this,
There's one little problem.
I'm with a prostitute.
My eyes are closed.
He just loved playing characters
who were so full of shit.
You left my party
before dessert.
How can you do that?
We were trying to recreate
what happened 25 years ago,
and I said, "Larry, would
you like to make a toast?"
And someone said, "Larry
went home to take a shit."
He was hilarious.
Really made me laugh.
I'm laughing
just thinking about it.
Will you please finish shoveling
that shit into your face?
The way his bits would unfold.
I don't know,
it was just like perfect comedy.
And I want you to wish for
something as hard as you can,
and I'm sure it'll come true
for Mr. Osborne. (CHUCKLES)
Are you wishing?
The thing about
a Super Dave Osborne appearance
was the absolute cringe,
and he would
never back away from it,
of just sitting there
and not being amused.
And he said, "Look,
Farmer Jones.
I don't like
physical violence.
But if you don't give me
that duck back,
-we're gonna have
to do something."
Farmer Jones said,
"Pick your sport."
So, Farmer Brown said--
Was... Was this when
The Tonight Show was 90 minutes?
He would always look so
disappointed in Dave and Johnny.
That's what I love. He was
always, like, so disappointed
that you're really gonna
make a quip while
I'm trying to talk about
this serious subject. (LAUGHS)
I'm sorry, please, Super Dave,
finish the joke.
rooted in the sincerity of,
"I don't think this is amusing."
And you could not derail that.
But, God, it was,
it was like...
"I want some more of that."
You know, just give me
all of that you absolutely have.
If I imagine trying
to train a bird
in a cell, the first problem,
it would seem to me, would be
how do you keep the bird
from flying...
through the bars of the cell
and going away?
Well, what I would do is,
um, you'd go to the farthest
point of your cell,
and under the wall
facing the bars.
-BOB: And you would set
the cage there
and then open the cage door, and
the bird would come out at you
and try to get through the bars,
and you just... slap it back
and say, "No."
a one-man straight man.
You usually don't have that,
you know?
Like, there has to be the...
the straight man's usually
what the funny man
bounces off of, but he's both.
Put the ball on my mouth.
All right.
-Just hit it!
-Just wait...
If I tell a joke or a story
and I get a big laugh,
I can't help but laugh too,
because I'm so relieved
that it worked.
Bob goes dead serious
when you're laughing,
which causes you to laugh again.
So he gets two laughs.
He built a career on this.
A ten-year-old is walking
down the hallway of his house.
He hears screaming
in his parents' bedroom.
He opens the door,
there's his father
dressed in a cowboy hat
and swim fins and that's it.
His mother is wearing
bunny shoes and a shower cap.
And he said,
"Daddy, what's going on?"
He said, "Don't worry,
sweetheart, we're just
having some fun.
Go to bed and I'll tuck you in
in 20 minutes."
Twenty minutes later, the father
is trudging down the hall.
He hears screaming
in the kid's bedroom.
He opens the door,
there's little Billy
having sex with his grandmother.
He said, "Billy,
what the hell are you doing?"
He said, "It's not so funny
when it's your mother, is it?"
We grew up in Beverly Hills.
My dad and mom
bought that home in 1937.
And when I was three,
they brought home this cute
little blonde baby. (CHUCKLES)
And that was Bob.
So, there was my brother Cliff,
Bob, and myself.
And my mother Thelma,
and my father.
My father was Parkyakarkus.
Very few people knew him
as Harry Einstein.
CLIFF: My dad created
a character he called
Nick Parkyakarkus.
Parkyakarkus was funny as hell.
With Eddie Cantor, I think.
-Who are you?
Why should I? I'm not tired.
No, no, Parkyakarkus,
that's my name.
CLIFF: Those were the days
of dialect comedy.
Dialects are not a-- not a cool
thing today,
but it was really good
in the '40s.
CLIFF: So, my dad
was a comedian,
and my mom
was a soprano, a singer.
They met at RKO in the '30s.
You know, we were
a show business family.
Dad made some movies,
and in time, he had
his own radio show.
-ANNOUNCER: Meet me at Parky's.
Oh, me, what a day this was.
I'm got to do everything
around this restaurant.
The dishwashers don't show up,
the chef is sick,
-I told him not to eat here.
CLIFF: Growing up, there's a lot
of funny guys around.
Everybody is funny.
Everybody does voices,
everybody tells jokes.
My dad liked being more of a kid
and joking and--
'Cause it would
make my mother upset.
So he would do dialects
and make fun of stuff,
and my mother was always,
you know,
"It's dinner, stop it."
And that encouraged him.
REPORTER: For the second time
in two years,
polio has struck the nation
with unusual violence.
CLIFF: When Bob was about six,
he came home with polio.
So Bob had to stay home
for a year.
He couldn't go to school.
It formed Bob, because he had
all this time with my dad
and he watched him
writing his shows and stuff.
I always thought that
my brother Bob
was closer to my dad
because they both lived
with another character.
CLIFF: My dad had
crafted an alter ego,
a character much
different from himself,
and Bob spent his life
with several characters,
but predominantly
the great Super Dave,
who was not Bob, but was Bob.
And I think he learned that
by being with my dad.
He came by it naturally,
but he, uh, he resisted it
for a long time,
you know,
to go into show business,
but then eventually, obviously,
he did what he did.
Tell me how
you got into show business.
My father died
when I was very young.
-How old?
-Fourteen and a half.
-And he was a comedian?
-Brilliant. Brilliant comedian.
He gets up at the
Lucille Ball-Desi Arnaz
roast at Beverly Hilton,
-kills the audience.
Sat down
and died of a heart attack.
I hear about it on the radio
in the morning.
-So, I--
Are we good? There's a lot of...
Okay. I'm just concerned
about the sound--
I just got through telling this
story that almost makes me cry,
and you turn to ass-wipe
and say, "Are we good?"
We getting this okay?
You got any (BLEEP) to say?
Let's make sure it's
on tape because-- All right,
go on with your story.
First thing I ever shot
with Super Dave
was for The Man Show.
It was something called
"A Hundred Shots."
You know, this is
the first time I've had
any drinks since my new liver.
(CHUCKLES) Congratulations.
And it was me, Adam Carolla,
and Super Dave Osborne.
And we start talking
about his dad,
and Adam said something
to the effect of,
"Well, your dad, at least
he died doing what he loves."
And Super Dave takes him and
he goes, "That is so stupid.
That is the stupidest thing
I've ever heard." (LAUGHING)
And Adam's like, "Oh."
He goes, "What does
your father love to do?"
And Adam's like, "Uh..."
He tries to joke his way out,
and he's like, "No, what does
your father love to do?"
And Adam goes, "Uh, he likes
to play the trumpet."
He goes, "I hope your father
chokes to death on a trumpet."
(LAUGHING) "I hope your father
swallows a trumpet
while he's playing and dies.
And then you can say, 'Oh,
he died doing what he loves.'"
At my father's funeral,
Bob was so turned off
by the behavior of comedians.
At the funeral,
Milton Berle and George Jessel--
'Cause your father was
a comedian, so all his
friends are comedians.
They did their act.
Berle did his jokes,
George Jessel did his jokes
at my dad's funeral,
and I hated it so much.
-You hated show business.
-I hated it.
He said, "I never want to be
any part of this.
I don't want anything to do
with this business."
Once my father died,
the dynamics changed
and Cliff, because
he was the oldest,
I would say,
became more of the father.
And I didn't look
to Bob as that.
I mean, I was the youngest,
and the youngest,
even in a perfect family,
has a different dynamic.
And normally that dynamic is,
you punch him in the head
and you don't listen
to what they say. (CHUCKLES)
That's just what happens
when you're the youngest
in many families.
I met Bob
when I was 15 years old
and, uh, he was just
taller than all of us.
We did look up to him, but not
because we respected him.
We looked up to him
because he was taller.
And Albert Brooks,
at the time was my--
It was Albert Einstein,
he was my best friend.
ALBERT: I was very close with
Rob and close with his father.
Carl was my surrogate father.
I used to go there every day
and I would talk about it,
just like you
talk about your friends.
"Hey, Rob and I
went down to the..."
And my brother
didn't like that.
He would say,
"Don't fucking name-drop."
And I said, "I'm not
he's my best friend."
Bob would
always make fun of Albert.
He said, "You don't want to go
into show business.
You don't want to do that.
That's a stupid idea.
Don't go into-- you can't make
a living, you're not gonna--"
And, of course,
Bob became what he did.
And Albert has never let him
live that down, and he didn't.
They went-- So, there you go.
I don't think we ever
remotely imagined
that Bob would be any kind
of an entertainer. Bob was 6'5".
Now, for a Jew,
that's like being 7'2".
Bob was a basketball player,
he played starting center
at our high school.
a really good basketball player,
and I think he went to,
uh, Chapman College,
that was a big deal, and he
played basketball for them, too.
So, he was a good athlete,
and, uh, he talked
like a cartoon character.
So, nobody thought
Bob was gonna be a comedian,
but Bob probably
had a different idea.
BOB: When I graduated
from college,
I worked for three years
for an advertising agency.
And one of the people that we
used to hire to do voiceovers
was a man named Bob Arbogast,
who had a once-a-week
television show.
So, I said to him, "I want to go
on your show tonight
as the guy who puts
the stars' names on
the sidewalks of Hollywood."
For a long time,
I've wondered about something
that happens in Hollywood,
and I may very well
clear it up tonight.
I was watching
this late-night talk show
and this guy was introduced.
You know the little stars
in the sidewalk
in Hollywood with the names
of people in them?
And this conversation went on,
I just thought
this guy really did it.
The other day
I saw a star in the sidewalk
with the name
"Arnold Fillmore" in it...
-...and a camera underneath it,
and I didn't know
who Arnold Fillmore was.
He looks like a guy who's really
at the end of a horrible day
and just kind of
shuffling through life.
That's his persona.
-What is your name, please, sir?
-I'm Arnold Fillmore.
It's not funny,
but that's my name.
Okay, why did your name get--
-Are you a celebrity?
-No. No, I'm not.
your name in one of
the stars on the sidewalk?
My first job, I had two wet,
uh, patches of cement stars,
and I was only given one name
by my superior
and I couldn't let
the other go to waste,
-and I thought
it was a great chance.
Well, that's, uh,
free enterprise...
What he's doing here
that is so special,
being a comedian
and not trying to be funny,
is a very special gift.
...and at the corner
of Hollywood and Gower
the name "Whitney Carstairs."
Now, who is Whitney Carstairs?
Whitney Carstairs is a very good
friend of mine and, uh...
He sold me right there.
...we went to school together
in Parker Dam, California.
-Parker Dam, California?
-Yes, and Whitney, uh,
was very ill for a while,
and this is a way
I could cheer him up,
was putting his name in the
cement, taking a picture of it,
and sending it back to him.
He's just playing
the reality of this guy.
He's not smiling or laughing,
and you got to have a lot of
confidence in how funny you are
to even attempt that.
Now, I've been in this
business for a long time.
I've been in radio,
I've made records,
I've written songs,
I've been in movies,
I've done television,
and my name is not in a star
in any sidewalk in Hollywood,
and I want to know, why not?
Well, I think you're trying
to, uh, embarrass me here
and say there's
bribery involved,
which, uh,
obviously there isn't.
And I take my orders
from someone.
I don't put the names
in the sidewalk by myself.
Someone tells me what to do.
How would I go about
getting my name in a sidewalk?
Do you have ten dollars?
That is kind of how it works.
what amazes me about this,
first, I've never
seen it before,
this is Bob's mature style.
That's all you need to know
about Bob, right there.
The framework
for that got bigger,
but the consistency of his
attitude is what's delightful.
If you're lucky enough
to have a thing that works,
um, that's your thing. You don't
need more than one thing.
When I found out it was a joke,
I said,
"I got to find out who this is."
I got on the phone the next day
and I called around.
BOB: The next day, I'm at work
and my secretary said,
"Tom Smothers
is on the phone for you."
So I'm going, "Oh. Sure."
I pick up the phone,
I said, "Hi, Tommy.
I'd love to talk to you,
but my uncle's a hunchback
and he's straightening up today.
I'll see you later."
And I hang up the phone.
And ten minutes later,
the phone rings,
she said,
"It's Tom Smothers again."
I go, "Hello." He said, "Bob?
Yeah. Tom Smothers."
And I go, "Oh, my God."
I said, "I'm so sorry."
He said, "That's okay."
He said, "I saw what you did
last night, and I loved it.
We're doing a summer show
with Glen Campbell.
Would you like to write on it
and perform?"
I said, "Well, I...
Possibly, yes. I would have
to say yes. Yes, I would."
And he said, "Okay, we'll
offer you this much a week,"
which was what I was making a
year at the advertising agency.
STEVE MARTIN: Bob and I were
just assigned to be together.
And he was
very confident, I was not.
But after three, four months,
we really started clicking
as a comedy writing team.
And from about 1967
to about 1969,
we're as close
as two people could be.
REINER: It was
a crazy writers' room.
There was Mason Williams,
there was Bob Einstein.
Oh, there they--
there's everybody.
MARTIN: There's Bob
in the center, Marsha Jacobs,
Paul Wayne, Rob Reiner, myself.
Carl Gottlieb's in there.
-Jerry Music.
-REINER: Allan Blye,
there's Cy Howard I see.
It was a pretty diverse--
It was diverse in terms of age,
but mostly all Jews.
So there was
not a lot of diversity there,
but there was old-school Jews
and new-hippie-type Jews.
Bob was an advertising writer,
and he presented himself
like an advertising writer,
he dressed
like an advertising writer.
And I didn't know what
advertising had to do
with comedy writing,
except that it was terse.
So, Bob could write a joke,
could write a scene
that was short,
and funny, and sharp.
Standing here with me
is Barry Bronkhalter.
-Hi Barry.
-Hello, Mr. Campbell.
Barry is a gas station mechanic
who holds a rather
remarkable world's record.
Barry, you want to
tell the folks at home
exactly what your record is?
Well, Mr. Campbell, on Monday,
May 13th this year,
I was able to turn an ordinary
six-dollar lube job
into an 800-dollar
major overhaul.
MARTIN: The '60s were the days
of the variety show.
Anybody who became hot
got a variety show.
Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour...
MARTIN: And so you'd have
a host, like Smothers Brothers,
or Glen Campbell,
or Sonny and Cher,
and it had guests.
All right, move them out.
-Ooh, I'm sorry there, Bob.
Then you'd have
a sketch with a premise...
What have you done
with our Newson family?
-Where are they?
-Right out there.
MARTIN: So you'd have a variety.
You'd come in Monday,
and you sit down in a meeting,
and Tommy tells you
what you did bad.
Uh, tells us all the warnings
we're getting from the censors
and how we're not going to work
anymore and all that stuff.
So, we wound up like children,
but it worked,
writing things into the show
that we knew we didn't need,
and the censors say,
"You can't say that!
How can you say 'fuck' on
Sunday night at eight o'clock?"
"All right. Take it out, okay.
But can we say 'tits'?"
"Yes, that you can do,
but don't say 'fuck tits.'"
"Okay, we won't."
But, um, you'd see
who the guest star is.
And then you go away
and you come up with ideas.
We were laughing a lot.
We weren't pained writers,
we'd just sit in a room
and talk and talk and talk
until one of us went,
"Hey, maybe that's something."
Well, okay.
This is my recollection.
So, I went to Carnegie Tech.
ALBERT: And I had
an acting scholarship,
and it was going very well,
and I had done a one-act play
of Catcher in the Rye.
And I played Holden Caulfield,
and it was a massive success.
And I came back at Christmas,
and I came into our house
and there was
a note by the phone,
and it said,
"Call Tommy Smothers."
And I thought, "Wow, he heard
about Catcher in the Rye."
And in walks my brother,
who said, you know,
"I don't want to hear
about show business,
not once,
don't ever mention it."
He had on love beads.
And I said, "Who are you?
What are you doing?" (CHUCKLING)
"I'm working at
The Smothers Brothers."
"What? Wait, you beat me up
for saying I wanted to do this."
Was there a message for me?"
Ladies and gentlemen,
we've got a lot of great
guests on our show tonight.
Jonathan Winters, Leigh French,
and Miss Judy Collins.
MARTIN: Judy Collins
was going to be on.
And so we're
messing around with an intro.
-Right now, we thought we'd,
uh, it'd be a nice idea for a--
-Dick, do you mind?
I care about this next guest,
I'd like to introduce this.
-Okay, go ahead.
-Ladies and gentlemen,
here's Judy.
JUDY COLLINS: Broken windows
and empty hallways
A pale dead moon in the sky
Streaked with grey
- Human kindness...
Yeah, now this
is something, I believe,
that we created together,
and then Bob took off with
this Officer Judy character.
COLLINS: Scarecrows
Dressed in the latest styles
-With frozen smiles...
Think it's going to rain...
God, that was so good.
He lip synced perfect.
-COLLINS: Lonely...
REINER: He created
a character for himself.
You know, Officer Judy,
and that was-- That's
the best way to get on,
you know, you create
a character for yourself.
This was totally Bob's bit,
I had nothing to do with it.
He just came in
with it one morning.
Just the pull-up on the bike
and that long walk to the car,
which is an intimidation tactic,
which when you're doing it
against Liberace...
You know how fast
you were playing?
Probably at that time, everyone
wanted to play the funny,
countercultural, hippie type,
and for him to want to be
the most humorless policeman
and be hilarious with it.
What's this, Liber-ace?
Oh, uh... (CHUCKLES)
I was at a party,
and I guess some joker
just threw it in the piano.
Want to get off your bench?
Officer Judy would
arrest people in the show,
and it was a great foil, because
if we didn't have an ending
for a sketch, I would come in.
A lady that I know
Just came from Colombia
She smiled because
I did not understand
Then she held out
Some marijuana, uh-huh
She said it was the best...
Which one of you freaks
sang the dope song?
It's so brilliant. It was like
Officer Judy was like
a human button to sketches.
From Television City
in Hollywood...
MARTIN: Now, we were moving from
Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour
to Sonny & Cher Show.
State your name and position.
Arthur B. Jackson,
White House ice cream man.
We used to do a sketch
called Sonny's Pizza.
Hey, gorgeous. How about
a little service at this table?
Who's that guy?
I don't know, but if he calls me
gorgeous one more time,
-I'm gonna throw him outta here.
BOB: Sonny wound up
being a great friend,
but Sonny would screw up
the lines, all the time.
And I got so pissed that I wrote
an episode of Sonny's Pizza
where Sonny had been tied up
and gagged. The whole sketch.
The first time I met Bob
was probably 35 years ago.
I was the head writer,
and he impressed me.
He was very funny.
Absolutely, very funny person.
I said, "I would do
very good work with you,
you'd do very good work with me.
I'd like to work as a team."
And he agreed with me, and
we started working immediately.
My partner and I, Allan Blye,
produced The Redd Foxx Show.
If you're gonna drink,
take a cab. That's what I did.
In fact, I got eight cabs
parked in my driveway now.
Redd Foxx, of course, great
old comic, Sanford And Son,
he was doing this variety show.
BOB: The first show. "Ladies
and gentlemen, Redd Foxx!"
His audience claps
at a big R-E-D-D that
turned, went into a tenement.
Redd's supposed to come out the
door and come down the steps.
No Redd.
I go and knock on
his dressing room door.
"What?" I open the door,
the girl who was doing
his makeup is sitting on him.
So I see her like this,
her dress, and he's under it.
I said, "Redd, we're on camera."
He said, "Can't a man relax?"
Bob loved, love, love, love,
his wife Berta and comedy,
to me, were his great loves.
By the way, of all my friends,
no one really was as crazy
about their wife as Bob was.
He and Berta, their relationship
was just so beautiful.
He had a big personality,
but a big love.
A very good friend of ours, um,
John Jones, introduced us.
Bob made me laugh so hard.
I'd never met anybody like him.
That's how it started.
Bob had a daughter named Erin,
and I really loved her.
We became very close.
It was clear Bob adored us both,
but he showed us in his own
unconventional but best way.
He made fun of me,
he made fun of other people,
he made fun of himself.
He made me laugh every day.
And I don't mean that in a way
that's like, "Oh, my whole life
was laughter,"
but he did
make me laugh every day.
We really had
a great love affair.
Guy walks into a bar with a dog,
and he puts the dog on the bar,
and the bartender says,
"Get that dog."
He says, "No. My dog can talk."
He said, "Listen, buddy.
I've had a lot of drunks
come in here--"
"I'm not drunk.
My dog can talk."
He said, "Here's what we do.
Your dog talks,
I give you 500 bucks.
Your dog doesn't talk,
I throw the two of you
through a window."
Guy said, "You're on.
Fido, what's this
on my mouth up here?"
Dog goes, "Roof!"
He says, "What's on top of
the building?" He says, "Roof!"
He said, "Who's the greatest
baseball player of all time?"
He says, "Ruth!"
Bartender picks the two
of them up and throws them
through the glass window.
Dog shakes it off,
looks at his owner,
and said, "You think
I should have said DiMaggio?"
BOB: Allan and I wound up
doing the first series
in the history of cable, which
was Bizarre with John Byner.
I was finishing up
on the series Soap
and Bob and Allan invited me
to come to their office
to talk to me about a show that
they had in
mind called Bizarre.
So I go up there,
and they told me
it was going to be like
The Benny Hill Show, but more.
Sometimes, I'd say to Bob,
"Hey, this thing we're doing,
it doesn't have an ending."
He'd just say, "It's Bizarre.
What can I tell you?"
I need to tell you,
we're talking human dignity
here, all right?
I'm a professional, okay?
-I try my best.
-I'm not a big-time
Hollywood magnate.
-All right. All right.
I come to the studio
and do the best I can,
-and you make fun of me.
-You're a nice guy, Bob.
I just took advantage, I guess.
Human dignity.
I guess that's the key.
You don't know what it's like
to be embarrassed like John.
Treat a human being
with dignity, okay?
Ladies and gentlemen,
we've been waiting
for the right weather in order
to bring you live coverage,
Daredevil Super Dave Osborne
for his first stunt of this year
and his most dangerous
stunt to date.
Now, this wild jump of yours,
or this amazing ride,
frankly, what does it entail?
Well, Tom,
it's the ultimate test
to the human body, I believe.
I'll be traveling up and down
a track especially designed
in a small-ish metal container.
Ticket, please.
One of us had an idea to make
Bob an Evel Knievel character.
Evel Knievel was a stuntman.
He was famous for doing stunts
that would risk his life.
JERRY SEINFELD: 'Cause everybody
was obsessed with Evel Knievel.
The suits with the stars,
and the crazy stunts.
And we wanted
to do something about that.
As you can see,
his head is being placed
on a Parisian oak woodblock.
And believe you me,
it's going to be a miracle
if Super Dave is able
to pull his head back
in that fraction of a second.
SUPER DAVE: The way this is
going to work is I will signal
the French guillotine team
with the word "go,"
and I will do it in French.
-MIKE WALDEN: All right.
-SUPER DAVE: And then
I will escape from the blade.
Super Dave
is deep in concentration now
as he prepares for this,
-his most dangerous--
-SUPER DAVE: Does anyone know
what "go" is
in French, the word?
Well, I believe it's aller.
-SUPER DAVE: Holy shit!
BOB: And then we did
six years of Super Dave,
which was a lot of writing
and a lot of work,
but it was just so much fun.
You know what? The Super One
is surprising us
with the stunt of his life.
What an incredible human being!
Wow! He's just something!
SONYA FRIEDMAN: How did you get
into the whole stunts field?
Well, about 8 years ago,
my partner Al and myself
were watching every interview
on television.
After-the-game interviews, after
a political candidate had lost,
and they all spoke
about the same way,
they were all very happy,
-everything was great,
and things were terrific.
In reality, they weren't saying
what they felt at all.
So we wanted to create
a character like that,
but also a character that could
get his comeuppance, physically.
We love physical comedy.
Are we off?
Uh, yeah. Guys, are we off?
Yeah. We're off, yeah.
Oh, I think
I heard my collarbone snap.
On my first show, Super Dave,
I wanted a guest to just
trump the world.
-What an incredible stunt.
-Fat-face, that
wasn't the stunt.
He drove me to the studio.
JEFF GARLIN: "Can you believe
that we got Ray Charles?
Unbelievable. So funny."
That was his thing.
He didn't analyze why.
Just it was so funny.
His early sense of humor,
and if you look,
I think, runs through his work,
was from Looney Tunes cartoons.
All right, throw my weight off,
give me my mantra.
Blue skies, clean air, the
weight is tied to your waist!
SUPER DAVE: You're shitting me.
Mr. Super, that was sensational.
Oh, help me, putz, I'm in pain.
See, he loved those lines.
Just the simple thing,
"I'm in pain."
He-- he didn't need
an elaborate line.
The Super One
needs an ambulance.
We'll bungee one down.
-SUPER DAVE: What did he say?
-He said he'll
bungee one right down.
SUPER DAVE: Tell him
to forget it,
I'm starting to feel better.
Slipping and falling on
your ass, you're gonna laugh.
And, uh, someone getting hit
in the head with something,
they don't get hurt,
you're laughing.
Super Dave is at the top
of the tower right now,
preparing to jump.
So let's go to
the top of the tower
to our man on the scene,
Mike Walden.
MIKE: Well, thank you,
Johnny, but I'm afraid
we have some bad news up here.
Super Dave, what's the story?
Well, Mike, as you can see
and I'm sure
you can feel up here,
the wind is about
a hundred miles an hour.
-SUPER DAVE: So there is no way
that I can do this stunt today.
Well, listen. I'm gonna
go down. I'm gonna take
the elevator down.
I'll see you down there, okay?
-I won't need it.
-J.B. SMOOVE: Oh, man.
You know it, know it comes.
Here it comes. There he goes.
Holy shit!
Ooh, that hurt!
-Super Dave, are you all right?
-Oh yeah, John, I'm just fine.
OSWALT: Under all that bluster,
Super Dave Osborne is the most
fragile, thin-skinned person,
who just wants
to make the world better,
he just doesn't have
the tools to do it.
And that character is sitting
on a lot of rage.
All right, Mike,
what I'm gonna do for you now
is a very special jump. Normally
you'll see stunt people
go right directly
into the middle of the bag.
What I'm gonna do for you
today is, I'm gonna kind of
hit the left side of the bag
on your camera there,
and, uh, then I'll hop right
down and we'll talk about it.
Maybe we could
replay it or something.
All right, here I go. Ready?
Get set. Watch the bag.
I missed it.
(CHUCKLING) Super Dave Osborne
just knocked me out.
I'm gonna be all right.
Well, there you have it,
ladies and gentlemen.
The great Super Dave.
Not only showing
-his great athletic...
you're standing on my hand!
It's not just the personality
and the way he can perform
his character and so forth,
it is in him,
a deep understanding
of the human condition.
The foolishness
of the human condition.
-Jack, before the ambulance
arrives, how about one favor?
Mike, I'm talking to you. Putz!
-I'd like to get a picture of me
and Simba the elephant
and Super Dave.
-SUPER DAVE: Get off my hand.
-Just one. Won't take long.
Bring in Simba
right away, will you?
I've got bullets in my side.
My foot is smashed. Thanks.
-What is that smell? No!
I started working
for The Super Dave Osborne Show
in the summer of 1988.
I was a young broadcasting
student here in Toronto.
And I knew Super Dave
from Bizarre.
Which is a show we loved
as teenagers
because there was swearing
and there were boobs.
The two things
teenagers love the most.
ANNOUNCER: Super Dave Osborne.
So, I got hired
as a production assistant.
I'm a little bit nervous.
He's not the most warm
and fuzzy guy.
On the set
of The Super Dave Osborne Show,
Bob was the king.
He wrote the show,
he produced the show,
he starred in the show.
Really, you know, his baby.
He was demanding,
so everybody was
kind of dancing around him,
you know?
But he was very sweet
with his daughter, Erin.
I worked with my dad
from the time I was five.
He only shot his shows
in the summer,
so that I wasn't in school.
So we would spend summers
in Toronto
for six years of Bizarre,
five years of Super Dave,
like June to September.
He took me everywhere.
He used to say
I was like luggage.
I went everywhere.
I was often whatever kid
needed to be in the shot.
-CHILD: Super Dave Osborne?
-Can I have your autograph?
-Sure. Holy shit!
SMOOVE: Here's a true mark
of funny to me.
The premise gives
just as many laughs
as the execution
of the punchline.
How can we create something
where we can show the people
what it's like to be emotionally
and physically up and down.
And he and Robby came up
with this yo-yo idea,
and I think it's brilliant.
SMOOVE: If the premise gets
a smile out of you,
I can do that premise
as long as I want to.
'Cause guess what? I know
I got bullets in this holster
that gonna kill you.
All right. This is gonna be fun.
-SUPER DAVE: What's the problem?
-I don't know.
-MIKE: Let's check it, Fuji.
-FUJI HAKAYITO: All right.
SUPER DAVE: Wait a minute.
I'm in the yo-yo here. Uh-oh.
-Uh-oh. Guys?
I could use some assistance.
Thank goodness for the fence.
Super Dave was very popular
in the hip-hop community
of-- of people from
my generation of music.
Which is, like, the...
what we call
the golden era of the '90s.
Like, your Tribe Called Quest,
your Tupac.
We probably all had a Super Dave
rhyme in our arsenal.
When you make references
about things, it's usually...
about things
that are important to you
and you feel like everybody
knows about.
Well also, when I look back
at it, Super Dave was appealing,
especially from us coming from
the communities
that we come from.
It seems like,
no matter what he tried
or what he tried to do...
he would always end up
on the wrong side of it, right?
And that's kind of like,
how we all kind of grew up.
Like, feeling like we can
never really get ahead
or get from under the conditions
that we lived in.
But he was funny.
You know, as a kid,
you're just laughing at it.
FUJI: Five, four,
three, two, one. Touchdown!
Well, Super. You didn't go quite
as far as we thought you would.
That's a brilliant observation.
You put two right gloves.
Look at this.
Don't worry. It will work.
-It's not gonna work.
-It will work.
MIKE: Super Dave,
aided by his two assistants,
being placed into the hole.
This is a doubly reinforced
steel target.
Super Dave, are you all right?
Sure, putz. I've never
felt better in my life.
-Ladies and gentlemen,
another successful stunt
from Super Dave Osborne.
BOB: Okay, I'll tell you
my favorite thing.
It was a Super Dave piece I did
called "King of the Road."
Where I'm top on a bus...
-As you can see up here,
I've got a terrific
little dining area...
I think "King of the Road"
is the quintessential
Super Dave.
'Cause he's just
so foolish in it,
it's jaunty, it's fun to watch,
and it's a long, long set-up
with a great punch line.
And I just wanna say
I'm very sorry
that I couldn't do
a stunt this evening, uh,
but duty calls, so I have to go.
Have a great week.
Sing along and let's end
highway profanity.
-Goodnight, everybody.
Okay, Fuji, start the bus
and put on my favorite song.
You know what, he even has
the lyrics here for me.
-He doesn't forget anything.
Have a great week.
See you next week.
- Trailer for sale or rent
Rooms to let, 50 cent...
Do you know what occurs to me?
There's no piano in that song.
So, the fact
that he's playing piano...
I ain't got no cigarettes
Third boxcar
Midnight train...
if you're going on a vacation,
-put a couch on your car.
Man of means, by no means
King of the road
Always the best blow.
I-- I love the types of--
"He even has the lyrics for me."
I mean, so what?
But-- But Dave wants to know,
uh, what has been done
by way of preparation.
And then also,
"Let's end highway profanity."
That's his big crusade. And then
he builds this massive disaster
around the dumbest PSA
you could possibly think of.
He has no problem
with the outfit, either.
That's what I love.
That's his Super Dave suit.
And it's got the initials S.D.
on the hat.
That's right,
and he's fine with that.
And somehow, even though
it takes forever to get there,
and you know
what's gonna happen...
it's funny.
It's just... It's made funnier
because it's him.
I love when comics have a plan.
And he always had a plan.
Tonight is the 369th
straight talk show
where I have never been bleeped.
-I broke George Gobel's record.
You and I
had a thousand-dollar bet
that I would never
break the record.
-Yeah, we did. Yeah.
-George Gobel's record.
So, I came on tonight
and your producer, Jason Schrift
-handed me this joke...
...and he said, "Jimmy really
wants you to read this."
SILVERMAN: He would find ways
to tell street jokes
and really have his cake
and eat it, too.
You know, he'd go,
"I heard a joke, it's awful.
It's so offensive,
I-- I'm not gonna tell it."
"Oh, please, tell it." You know,
"No! It's-- It's offensive,
it really made me upset,"
you know. So he gets--
he really, you know,
then they draw it out of him
and it's hilarious,
but it's hilarious in this frame
where he is released from any--
anything problematic
about the joke.
"A guy goes into a bank
and says--
sits down and says..."
-KIMMEL: What?
"...and says to a woman,
'I wanna open a damn account.'
She said,
'Sir, we don't use language
like that in this bank.'
He said,
'I wanna open a damn account.'
She said,
'If you say that again,
I'm gonna get the manager.'
He says,
'I wanna open a damn account.'
She runs away
and brings back the manager.
The manager looks down and says,
'You have a problem, sir?'
He says, 'Yeah!
I've got five million dollars
and I wanna open
a damn savings account.'
And the manager says,
'And this f(BLEEP) c(BLEEP)
wouldn't let you?'"
The whole basis
of Super Dave is,
when he's coming on
to these talk shows,
he's coming on
after something has gone wrong
and I'm gonna try
to bluff my way through it
by talking about
this wonderful gift store
or this new food or something,
and maybe we don't
have to watch the videotape,
and it never goes his way.
(LAUGHS) Do you have, uh,
some videotape we can look at?
No, no. Let me say something...
It's a big inside joke. Look,
we know what's gonna happen,
we know he's gonna come out,
we know he's gonna say,
"They don't wanna
see that clip."
And then I'll go, uh,
"No, I think everybody
does wanna see it.
Don't you wanna see it?"
And the audience will go,
"Yeah! We wanna see it!"
And then, um,
then he'll go, "No, no,
they don't wanna see it."
And then sometimes
I'd screw with him and go,
"Okay." And throw to commercial.
And that would make him crazy.
But I think it made him
like me more.
Um-- Ultimately, though,
it was all about
the inside jokes.
Go get it, Green team.
I'll time the whole thing.
Right, we are at 50 seconds.
That's the burger.
Those are the son-ion rings.
That is the, uh, shake,
and there you go.
With 30 seconds to spare.
All right, you can drive-thru
and pick up your order
-with 30 seconds to spare.
-FUJI: Okay. Thank you.
KIMMEL: So we spent
a lot of money
on that particular bit.
He didn't care, you know,
he didn't care
how much it cost,
he wanted to do this.
And when he wanted to
do something, you're doing it.
So, I go, we spend the whole day
and the weekend
shooting this thing.
In the bit, I give him
a tour of that restaurant
that goes on... (CHUCKLES)
...for like six minutes.
All for that scene
we've shown on the show,
and everybody likes it
pretty much.
And, uh-- And I just happen
to be poking around
on the internet,
and I see that he's done that
exact bit before on his show.
And now you can drive-thru
and get your order
with ten seconds to spare.
He would do bits on our show
that he had done, word for word,
on Johnny Carson
30 years earlier. (LAUGHS)
We're doing a Super Dave
health-food restaurant...
KIMMEL: And he was always like,
"Nobody remembers.
Nobody cares."
And he was right.
I mean, he was right.
Mr. McCawley had the tape
and he gave me the tape
this afternoon.
-I think we ought to show--
-I don't wanna show the tape.
And he's a really good actor,
you know.
And I'm here to try out
for American Idol.
We cut him into something once,
and then we realize
that it worked.
My first joke comes
from my very good friend
and golfing buddy,
Donald Rumsfeld.
KIMMEL: When someone
was addressing Congress,
he would be
in the president's spot.
We just started cutting him
into everything.
Are you saying
the essential truth
of this book,
you stand by a hundred percent?
-I would say 95 percent or 80,
87 and a half percent.
If you read it, I gotta be--
I gotta be 72 percent sure
of almost 60 percent
of what I wrote.
-I would say it's 50-50.
Are you surprised at the furor?
-Hitler? I wouldn't say
I'm surprised.
I'm disappointed.
I don't like him.
But what does that gotta do
with my book?
Bob had no "on" and "off" stage.
He was the same.
His conversation was the same.
You would be having
a conversation,
and his voice
would get up there.
Same guy. I mean, that was him.
He was always very dry.
Uh-- There was always,
as every great comic has,
little twinge of anger in there.
Well, the biggest contrast
would be the absolute,
uh, gutter filth
that would come out of his mouth
when you talk to him in person.
It's called
Entertainer's Secret.
-INTERVIEWER: What's it called?
-Entertainer's Secret.
It's filled with cum. (GROANS)
He could sell a bit by insisting
that it was funny.
Pitch isn't the word I'd use.
He'd tell me what we were going
to do. (CHUCKLES)
What he is
and what Larry's character is,
and what I do in real life,
which throws people
off sometimes,
truth teller. I was
at a dinner party once with Bob
and somebody interrupted him.
They interrupted him,
and their story went nowhere
after they interrupted him.
You're gonna interrupt me
with that crap? That was crap!
What are you doing?
What is that?
Why--" And I thought
the same thing.
He loves to bust balls.
Like, when I'd have
a guest that was bad,
I'd get a call from him
the next day,
just like re-living every
terrible moment. (CHUCKLES)
He loved it so much. He--
He loved to watch bad things.
He was never funnier than
the day after a bad award show.
Comedians hone in
on pretentiousness.
And, uh, people trying
to elevate themselves
in any way, which,
of course,
that's all award shows are,
are people trying
to elevate themselves.
And comedians love
to puncture that.
And nobody was better
at it than him.
This man, Lenny Pepperidge,
a.k.a. Lenny the Pep,
a.k.a. Sheldon Wills,
a.k.a. Little Timmy Hartwell,
is a confidence man.
He was just so skilled.
He was an excellent actor
in the Soderbergh movies.
-Oh, no! (GROANS)
OSWALT: The other great thing
that I remember him from
is Albert Brooks'
Modern Romance.
-How are you doing?
-Fine. How are you?
-How do I look?
-You look fine.
Hit this.
-I'm in great shape.
How about yourself?
-I'm-- I'm all right.
-Okay. You're a new runner, huh?
The idea that Bob
completely takes advantage
of Albert's character is...
They put everything in one box,
and then they
knock the price down.
All right, well, I am serious.
Here's the thing.
I just broke up with somebody
and I'm trying
to start a new life,
and I feel that running
should be a major part of it.
You want happiness?
Get away from the box.
-SALESMAN: Come over here.
He's in this vulnerable
situation and he's meeting
the worst possible salesperson.
The worst!
It-- It's all very real and flat
and natural.
And that's what's great.
If you didn't know
it was his brother,
you'd say that was
a guy in the store.
Fifty dollars?
This whole box says 70.
I mean,
isn't this a lot for just shoes?
Those shoes
are made out of old tires.
Is that the way you want
to start your new life?
No. All right, I'll take these.
OSWALT: Albert is also so good
at playing characters
who take themselves
way too seriously,
so they don't think
anything's funny either.
These two knocking
into each other
in this scene, as a comedian,
it's so fascinating to watch.
I'll take one, I don't want two.
What are you gonna do
if one's in the wash?
Maybe I won't run that day.
I misjudged you.
I'm not perfect.
Buy the box, you'll like it.
And it's funny
because it really is
what he does, deadpan.
But it's also what Albert does
and it's in his world of...
nuance and subtlety.
Having seen this scene
so many times,
I can't imagine Albert
casting anyone else.
And it does kill me that they
never worked together again.
It's a great scene on its own,
and then
it's fascinating with...
everything, you know,
between them.
I mean, they're brothers.
Well, you know. This was the
part of a sporting good salesman
who had distaste for me,
the customer,
and was put off
by any questions I asked.
Sort of what our
relationship was. (CHUCKLES)
And, uh, and I knew that he had
that automatically.
The funny thing is,
at lunchtime,
I'm in the trailer, eating,
and there's a knock on the door
and it's Bobby, and he says,
"I don't know what's funny
about this scene."
And I said, "W-- What?"
He said, "I don't get it.
I just don't-- I don't get it."
And I said, "Well, you don't
have to get it, this is my gig,
and I think you're doing great
as an actor in this,
and I'm really happy."
"But what is it?
Why is it funny?"
I said, "Bobby,
you gotta trust me."
So, at the premiere,
I remember...
it was one of many scenes
that got gigantic laughs,
and I tried to find him
in the theater
just to make eye contact.
"Where is he?" I--
"See? I told you."
But I couldn't find him.
That scene, it's like a proto,
um, Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Hey! Funkhouser!
I gotta say, to be honest,
the stuff he did
on Curb Your Enthusiasm,
to me, was as good
as anything I've seen him do.
I'm gonna give you
the 50 dollars
I owe you for the golf bet.
-Oh, my God.
-Hold this.
Fifty-- I forgot all about it--
The 50 dollars?
What are you doing?
MARTY: Taking off my shoe.
I got money in the shoe.
LARRY: What?
LARRY DAVID: There was a part,
this Marty Funkhouser character,
and Bob jumped out at me
for that part, and that was it.
It's perfectly fine.
See? Fifty dollars.
I didn't write for Bob.
I would write shows, and then...
"Oh. Let's put Funkhouser
in this part."
You're serving nothing
but lies here! I'm not hungry!
-Come on!
-SUSIE GREENE: What did you
do to her, Jeffrey?
-How could you do that?
-She's fucking nuts!
She's a nutbag!
All right, all right, all right!
First time I met Bob was on set
of Curb, and I had
no idea who he was.
Okay. Everybody! Everybody!
I want to apologize
for the Funkhouser family.
Oh, stop. It's not necessary...
SUSIE ESSMAN: Larry threw
everything at this character.
He had the crazy sister,
Bam Bam.
He killed off his uncle,
he killed off
so many Funkhousers,
I can't even remember how many.
I'll give you
the quintessential Larry David.
He called me up two years ago.
He said,
"You wanna know what happens
in the first episode this year?"
I said, "Yeah." He said,
"Your mother dies."
I said, "Well."
I said, "Unfortunately,
it's the truth,
she just did die."
He said,
"I'm not changing the script."
And hung up.
-I swear to God.
-Oh, man.
Yeah. That's probably true.
I think the reason
this show is great
is because we really, honestly,
like each other, all of us.
You can't do improvisation
if you're doing it
with an asshole.
Curb Your Enthusiasm
is Friends.
They got history,
they got hang-ups,
they got fucking beef,
they got goddamned laughter,
they got stories...
-Guess who's getting a divorce?
Martin Norton Funkhouser.
And it's because of you.
-And it's because of you.
I'm the last piece that came in.
So when I finally got a chance
to do a scene with Bob,
let me tell you something,
I just sat there and watched
him for a little while.
You know what you should do?
You get a fucking divorce?
You should ride around
and bump the horn and shit,
like motherfucker's
getting married.
You know what I mean?
-What a great idea!
-Goddamn right.
-Put cans on your car.
Beep your horn.
-"Just Divorced."
-LARRY: "Just Divorced."
-I'm excited. I'm single.
Get out there
and get some new ass.
You know what I'm saying?
You done run the other ass
in the ground, right?
I don't wanna talk
about my wife like that.
You ran that ass in the ground.
You're moving on, right?
Well, I didn't run--
We had a nice marriage for--
-No, you ran that ass
in the ground--
-I don't run people...
That dude don't break, man.
He is committed.
Commitment to the scene.
I'm gonna flip this coin
and this will be
the kidney decider,
-all right?
Why don't we do...
uh, eeny meeny?
-I thought we were gonna
do a coin flip.
-Let's do eeny meeny.
ESSMAN: That is a perfect
Bob Einstein scene.
How serious he is in that moment
for a completely
ridiculous premise
of who's gonna give
the kidney to Louis.
What you're doing is an
unbelievable act of friendship.
I just wish I had a kidney match
so I could be involved.
-Well, you haven't
taken the test.
-Are you ready to do eeny meeny?
-Do you want to take the test?
No, I don't think
I'm a match anyway.
Let's just do eeny meeny.
SMOOVE: That's the
unique thing about
Curb Your Enthusiasm is,
and Bob's performance
on the show is,
you can go as hard
as you wanna go,
because you are playing
a version of yourself.
And the key to the show is,
turn that shit up.
Did you take the flowers
at my mother's site?
They wouldn't take the 50
at the flower store!
-How could you do that?
-Oh, man.
Why? There's so many of them.
I didn't know
it was such a bad--
-So many of them?
-Is that such a bad thing?
They're not there to pick!
ESSMAN: And the other
was "Palestinian Chicken,"
where he rededicates himself
to Judaism.
I think that was
his best episode ever.
He's gonna love it.
He's gonna love it.
Shalom. You know,
I thought all last night,
if Rabin can break bread
with Arafat,
I can have chicken at this
anti-Semitic shithole.
-Okay, that's just
not gonna work.
-Yeah, that's no good.
What's not gonna work?
-The yarmulke.
I can't go in
with wearing this yarmulke?
-JEFF: No.
-LARRY: You're shoving it
in their faces.
-MARTY: Let's go in.
-JEFF: No, no, no, no, no.
-It's far too cocky a move.
-Yeah. Yeah.
What is this,
the Raid on Entebbe?
Let's just kind of
walk in casually--
-MARTY: What? Proud Jews
wear yarmulkes.
-I love this!
-JEFF: Just go in and sit down.
-LARRY: Take it off.
Take it off.
I'm not doing anything--
-Don't you dare go after my--
-LARRY: Come on. Take it--
Don't you reach for that.
Don't you ever touch that. No...
What was beautiful about this,
was Bob played it to the hilt.
Every take. He was aggressive,
and he was pissed off,
which was what we needed.
And then they applaud him
going in.
He was a master joke-teller.
He was always trying
to get his jokes in
and he would follow Larry
around on set,
telling him jokes,
trying to get 'em into a scene.
Sometimes, he would tell a joke
in the middle of the scene...
that had nothing to do
with the scene whatsoever.
And I would listen and laugh
and in my head, I'm going,
"This is hilarious, but
it's not gonna be in the show."
He'd have his own agenda
for telling a story.
"Wasn't that funny?"
And Larry would have to go,
"No-- I mean, yes, Bob,
but we need you to do this."
"All right,
but you're missing out!"
Like, that was one
of his big things.
He would let you know
that you lost
by not going his way.
-Jerry, Marty Funkhouser.
-Hey, Marty. How you doing?
-How you doing?
-Want to hear a joke?
-Oh, no...
That was definitely
one of the more
memorable moments
in the history of the show,
when Bob told that joke.
-Let me just get
right through it.
A woman is very afraid
of the size of her opening.
-What is she afraid of?
-The size of her opening.
So she goes to her mother,
she says, "What am I gonna do?
I'm so big down there.
When I marry Harry,
he's gonna divorce me."
Her mother says,
"Don't worry, sweetheart,
it runs in the family.
Do what I did when
I married your father.
Go to the market,
get some raw liver,
put it in there, he'll never
know the difference."
-Oh, my God.
-So she does.
They have eight hours of sex
after their marriage.
She wakes up at ten o'clock.
He's gone, but there's a note
on her pillow.
It says, "My darling Harriet,
to think that I waited a year
to consummate
our love relationship
makes my heart beat so loudly,
I'm surprised it didn't
wake you up.
The only reason
I'm not here now, darling,
is I'm at work
to make enough money
to buy you a house,
a picket fence.
-We'll have dogs and children."
-Oh, this is not so bad.
Yeah, this is great.
Will you finish
the fucking joke already?
"When the five o'clock
dinner bell rings,
I will be home like
the wingd gossamer
of love in your arms.
-Your loving husband, Harry."
-Aw, that's nice.
"P.S. Your cunt
is in the sink."
We must have done a lot of takes
because I was laughing.
I remember laughing really hard
during that joke.
And the way
the scene was constructed,
I'm not supposed to be laughing,
I'm supposed to be annoyed.
-BOB: How good is that?
-It surprised me.
It surprised me. I had no idea
it would be that revolting.
I think that he liked
people's responses to it. Right?
A little shock value,
but honestly,
I do think he thought
that was hilarious.
To me, it was just Bob,
it was just more Bob.
And that scene
that we did together
was no different
from any other conversation
we've ever had with him.
I don't think
that was any kind of character.
So, this is what would happen
every single day
we would work together.
Like clockwork, we'd leave,
I'd be in my car,
my phone would ring.
It would be Bobby.
He wanted to relive
every moment of every scene.
"Was that the funniest thing
when I said this
and when I said that?"
And like, afterward, I'd be
like, "Yeah, Bobby.
Yeah. Funny. Funny."
And then I'd say, "You know
I was in the scene, too."
"Yeah, yeah, you were funny,
but when I said this
and I said that..."
And I'll just tell you,
this almost never happens. Like,
it almost never happens
that I will speak
to a guest
about their appearance
after they've appeared
on the show.
But Super Dave would call me
the next morning, without fail,
every day after, and he'd go,
"Can you believe?
Have you ever heard
the audience laugh that hard?
How funny was that?
How funny was I?"
"How funny was that?
How funny was I?"
And I'd sit there going,
"Yeah, that was funny.
I've never heard
the audience laugh that hard."
It was at once
and insulting.
(CHUCKLING) Which was,
I think, his specialty.
He's rigid and stoic onscreen,
and he was very emotional
He was very sweet and caring.
You know?
And he could really connect
with somebody,
and find out how you're doing,
what's going on in your life,
and really cared.
Every time I would walk on set
and I knew he was
gonna be on set,
I would walk on the set
and he would
just immediately smile.
'Cause he was just
that kind of guy.
ESSMAN: One day,
he was driving me home,
I was staying at a hotel
and he said he would
drive me home,
but instead, he kidnapped me.
(CHUCKLES) He kidnapped me,
and he would not take me home.
It was like-- This was Bobby.
It was Bob's world,
we're only living in it.
ESSMAN: So, first, we go
to Gladstone's for lunch.
And we walk in and everybody,
"Super Dave! Super Dave!"
He buys me lunch.
Then he takes me
to his daughter's house.
'Cause he wanted
to see his grandson.
Ethan, I think,
was less than a year old
and him and Susie showed up
at my house. (LAUGHS)
In my horrible Santa Monica
apartment that he hated.
Um, but just brought her over
to see Ethan
'cause he was so,
like, mesmerized with him.
And he's just sitting there,
watching him
with this look on his face
of such love for this child.
I mean, just sitting there,
just staring
at this kid for hours.
And I was ready to go home.
This wasn't my grandkid.
And then when I had Zoe,
he was like,
so excited to get a girl.
Because I was his daughter
and he wanted me to have a girl.
Bob Einstein to me
was just my grandfather.
We called him Papa Super,
because he was
Super Dave Osborne,
and we thought he was always,
like, a superhero.
I remember distinctly
there was a time
he comes into my room,
and he's like,
"Let's go to In-N-Out."
And I'm like, okay,
I'm not complaining.
And we're driving to In-N-Out
and he's on the phone
with a friend,
um, and I'm sitting in
the backseat. And he's like,
"Ethan, plug your ears
for this joke.
Your mother will kill me
if she knows
that you heard this."
I, still,
am not allowed to watch
Curb Your Enthusiasm
or anything. (CHUCKLES)
There was always a funny aspect
to life when you're with him.
I'm the most
emotional person ever.
(VOICE BREAKING) I don't know,
there was just always a way
to, like, make the day better,
there was always
a joke that could, like,
brighten our days.
Just a loving dad,
grandpa, husband.
Well, you know.
He was sort of intimidating.
I heard from people
who worked with him
that he, sometimes,
got upset and had a temper,
but... that's
not how I remember him.
I mean, we had our fights,
but mostly,
they were over the phone.
Because I didn't wanna be there.
You know? Because he was bigger.
But, deep down, when you
didn't involve show business,
the brotherly love,
I believe, was there.
CLIFF: If you lose somebody,
in an ordinary context,
you have phone messages,
answering-machine messages,
maybe some videos.
That's what you get.
But Bob is present everywhere.
just sitting around at my desk,
I go to YouTube,
and I look up
"Marty Funkhouser's
Ten Favorite Moments."
And I got Bob for 40 minutes.
So, he didn't leave, you know?
A big hunk of him is here.
I'm on set, always taking
pictures of the other actors.
People will show me their souls.
I swear, they'll be
so comfortable and relaxed,
'cause they're not,
they're not feeling it
with me,
it's a close friendship.
Of all my close friends
that I photographed,
only one never let down
their guard,
but he did it to fuck me.
He didn't do it because
he wouldn't show me who he was,
'cause I knew him intimately,
but he was like,
"I'm not gonna give you
a straight face,
or just a casual resting face.
No chance."
So, this is
the most normal picture
I ever got of Bob.
You know my face
Not my name
Funny all the same
They won't know
What hit these fools
I'm gonna rewrite the rules
Hell no
I'm not asking for attention
Seems though you may
Have misread my intentions
Let go, maybe we
Won't need to mention
How I landed on my head
Set the trap, lay in wait
The payoff will be great
It's subtle and dry and slow
I won't telegraph the blow
Hell no
I'm not asking for attention
Seems though you may
Have misread my intentions
Let go, maybe we
Won't need to mention
How I landed on my head
Don the suit, hit the ramp
Take it like a champ
Then a tremendous fall
or maybe a wrecking ball
I brought the Funk
just in time
Enthusiasm's fine
Consider yourself told
After they made me
they broke the mold
How I landed on my head
Wake me up when we land
I'll never understand
Man, it can get so dull
Let's make it uncomfortable
Hell no
I'm not asking for attention
Seems though I may have
Increased all the tension
Let go, maybe we
Won't need to mention
How I landed on my head
SUPER DAVE: I'm in pain, Mike.