The Toxic Avenger (2023) Movie Script
1
(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)
(HERO SIGHS)
I didn't want any of this.
-Not the...
-(WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GROANS)
-(WOMAN 1 SCREAMS)
-(DRILL WHIRRING)
-(KLAXON BLARES)
-(GROWLING)
-HERO: (SHOUTS) Wait!
-Wait, stop!
-(SCREAMS)
Fuck! We'll get to all of that.
Just...(PANTS)Just relax...
Okay? Jesus.
(CLEARS THROAT)
I didn't want any of this.
Not the grief, not the illness.
Certainly not
the heroic voiceover.
That's not who I am.
But sometimes,
you gotta do something...
It all started
on the other side of town.
I wasn't even involved.
(RADIO SWEEPING,
INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
RADIO HOST: Okay,
we've got this hysteric
on line two again.
Now, um, you're saying that
this beloved corporation
would knowingly poison
its own customers
selling unhealthy slop
just to, uh... to what?
Just to boost
their own profit margins?
FEMALE CALLER: Yes, that's
exactly what I'm saying.
HOST: Where's the proof?
CALLER: I'm not
an expert on chemical stuff,
but I'm not an idiot either.
I can see it with my own eyes.
I can smell it in the air,
-I can feel it on my skin.
-HOST:Ah, okay, sweetheart.
-(LINE DISCONNECTS)
-HOST: (CHUCKLES) Oof.
-Must be a full moon.
-(RADIO SWEEPING)
(SYNTHWAVE MUSIC PLAYING)
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
(EXHALES SHAKILY)
MEL: Are you okay?
Got these fuckers now.
-MEL: Were you followed?
-Don't worry.
You taught me
how to spot a tail, right?
(DOOR CLOSES)
Where'd you get this?
J.J.: BT headquarters.
Got to the 12th floor,
dug into their internal system.
That's risky.
J.J.: Well, I'm not going
to the factory if I can help it.
(MEL SIGHING)
These bastards.
Oh, my God. You did it.
This is exactly what we need
to destroy BTH.
(SHUDDERS SOFTLY)
J.J., you've done real good.
(DOORBELL BUZZES)
-(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
-J.J.: (GASPS) Oh, God.
-(POUNDING ON DOOR)
-Let's go.
-(LOUD THUD)
-(EXHALES)
(MUTED GROWLS)
(BREATH TREMBLING) Go.
(LOUDLY) Come on!
I'm right here!
(GROWLS)
J.J., go!
(MAN 1 LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
Here we come.
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
-Little girl!
-(J.J. PANTING)
(MAN 1 HOOTS)
Oh, my God. Okay, okay.
(J.J. SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS, GROANS)
Goddamn it!
(MEL GROANS)
(GROWLS)
(MEL BREATHING HEAVILY)
You assholes are too late!
There's nothing
you can do to me.
(GUN CLICKING)
(MEL GROANS) Motherfucker.
(GROANING IN PAIN)
You dickless idiots!
(WHEEZING)
Nothing.
(GROANS)
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
(GROANING IN PAIN)
Is that all you've got,
you fucking pussies?
(SCREAMS) Halloween assholes!
-MAN 2: This fucking guy.
-MEL: Is that all you can do?
(GROANS) Fuck each of you.
-(MAN 3 HISSES)
-MEL: You've got nothing!
Nothing.
(SCREAMING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(MAN 1 LAUGHING MANIACALLY
IN DISTANCE)
MAN 2: (GRUNTING)
Fucking door!
(MAN 3 SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
MAN 1: Nah. She's nobody.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Nothing at all.
(EERIE ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(CHICKEN SCATTING)
Oh?
(EXCLAIMS, GRUNTS)
(SCREAMING) Oh, fuck,
it hurts! Jesus Christ!
(PAINED SQUAWKING)
(EERIE ROCK MUSIC ENDS)
(OLD ROMANTIC BALLAD MUSIC
PLAYING OVER RADIO)
(SIGHS)
Good morning.
We'd lost Shelly a year ago.
Her sweet kid, Wade, and me.
Yeah, the evil stepdad.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
I still dream about her
most nights.
(SNORES)
These days,
it's just me and the kid.
(SNIFFLES, GROANS)
It's, uh... It's going good.
NARRATOR: Depression,
fatigue, aches and pains,
and the malaise of
everyday life.
(VOICES WHISPERING)
-(ECHOING) Don't worry.
-Hmm.
NARRATOR: At BTH,
we've got stuff
-for all that stuff and more.
-(AD JINGLE PLAYING)
FEMALE NARRATOR: (QUICKLY)
Side effects notwithstanding.
NARRATOR ON TV: Our line
of proprietary cutting-edge
bio-boosters are the way
to health, wellness,
-and plain old feeling good.
-(HUMMING)
I'm CEO Robert Garbinger.
But please, call me Bob.
Thank you, Bob.
ALL: Thank you, Bob.
Bonnie Dimble here, live
from New Chemistry High School
for Varsity Tournament season.
Coach Stanwyck.
What can we expect from
the Crimson Beaks this year?
STANWYCK: New Chem
is gonna nuke 'em.
(CHUCKLES) Wouldn't wanna be
the Kennedy Cougars
this Saturday, huh?
Man, fuck the Cougars!
-Oh. Oh, my God...
-PLAYERS:Fuck the Cougars!
Switching gears,
we have a special exclusive
for y'all at home now.
It's the brand-new video
from those far-out
shocker rockers
appearing this Saturday
at the St. Roma's
Fun Town Festival.
Our hometown anti-heroes,
The Killer Nutz.
Roll it, Terry.
(SHOCK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(THE KILLER NUTZ SINGING
(WE ARE) CRAZY AND DANGEROUS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
Hey, buddy.
HERO: These guys, huh?
Got everything,
got everything. Okay.
(SIGHS)
Okay, breakfast is served.
Get some.
Ah, that's just junk mail.
Uh...
Whoa! Dig the shade.
What is that?
Black Thunder?
It's so nice.
Looks really rad.
Mmm.
WADE: Um...
Looks great.
Well, I'll just scrape off
the black part.
-It's fine. It's okay.
-WADE: It's okay.
That part's pretty good.
-(CHURCH BELL TOLLING)
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(CAT SCREECHING)
-(BELL DINGING)
-Oh, hey, Dais.
How are you?
DAISY: Please, don't hurt...
-I don't wanna hurt him.
-(CAT WHINES)
And you don't want to accept
our more-than-reasonable offer
for your piece of property here.
But I promise you...
you're gonna.
DAISY: Okay, I'll sign.
REALTOR: Ah.
Common sense prevails.
(CAT MEOWING)
I'll be back
with the papers...
-tonight.
-DAISY: Now give him back.
-(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
-(CAT SCREECHES)
Mr. Treats!
-(BELL DINGS)
-CYCLIST: Watch it. Whoa!
(CAR HONKING)
DRIVER: Get out
of the fucking road!
-(TIRES SCREECH)
-(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)
DRIVER: What the fuck
are you doing?
CYCLIST: My bike's
fucking ruined!
PASSERBY: That motherfucker
saved a cat!
(LAUGHING)
BEGGAR: The wages of sin
is $12 an hour.
Are you in the...
Are you in the yellow zone?
Seems like a yellow.
It's not red, is it?
I'm not ten.
Stop with the zones.
Can you do your tapping?
(STUTTERS) I'm doing
-my tapping right now.
-Okay, okay.
What does this
look like to you?
You seem flooded.
Why didn't you do anything?
You just stood there
while those khaki creeps
pushed Daisy around.
Do what?
Anything.
Oh, Wade.
Sometimes it's...
it's better to do nothing.
You know, you'll see that
when you're older.
So you're all set
for your big dance piece?
It's not a dance, okay?
It's a property movement piece.
Right, property movement
piece. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
No, no, no, no.
It's a very specific thing.
(BASS-BOOSTED
HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
Well, you're gonna crush it.
I know that.
Performing's in your blood, man.
Your mom would be so proud.
-(AIR BRAKE HISSING)
-(BELL DINGS)
Yeah.
(BUS DOOR CLOSES)
(SOFTLY) Yeah.
(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALARM BLARES)
WOMAN OVER PA:
The BTH employee cafeteria...
-(SQUAWKING)
-...will be closed
until further notice
due to the ongoing
clogged toilet issue. Janet.
(FORKLIFT BEEPING)
-(EXPLOSION)
-(MAN 4 SCREAMS)
I can't see!
MAN 5: Need some help
over here.
-(ALARM BLARING)
-(MAN 4 SCREAMS) Oh, God!
Somebody, help!
FIREMAN 1: Hut, hut, hut, hut.
(MAN 4 SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY,
SCREAMING)
FIREMAN 2: Hut, hut, hut.
COLLECTOR: Next.
WINSTON: Hey, Chris.
-CHRIS: Hey, Winston.
-(DOOR BUZZES)
COLLECTOR: Next.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
RECEPTIONIST OVER PHONE:
Mr. Gooze?
-Yeah, that's me.
-RECEPTIONIST: Hi, I'm calling
on behalf of
Dr. Walla's medical practice.
I'm sorry?
RECEPTIONIST:
Well, I'm afraid I'm looking
at your test results.
Test results?
-COLLECTOR: Next!
-(DOOR BUZZING)
(FORKLIFT BEEPING)
(LOUD DRILLING)
(DRILLING STOPS)
-How's Wade?
-Good, thanks.
DR. WALLA: Keeping up with
his counseling and whatnot?
Basically, yeah.
Single parents are heroes.
Single step-parents,
double heroes.
WINSTON: Single step-parents,
play the hand you're dealt, yep.
WORKER 1: Uh-huh.
Hang on, hang on.
So, uh, he's going out
for Share Your Gift?
Yeah. Uh,
property movement piece.
DR. WALLA: Good for him.
(SMACKS LIPS)
My twins are freshmen already.
-Can you believe that?
-Wow. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Elizabeth had her first period.
She's only 13.
-Congratulations.
-Goes by in a blink.
-So you wanted to see me?
-Right.
So, you came to us
with those headaches,
and we ran some tests.
Oh, is that me?
Oh, no, that's a healthy scan
so you...
so you have some context.
(SOFTLY) Yeah.
DR. WALLA: This is you.
WINSTON: Huh! Oh, wow.
It's, uh... It's ghastly.
Yeah.
This is a very
advanced case of...
(LOUD DRILLING)
(DR. WALLA
CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
-DR. WALLA: Frontal.
-Yeah.
-DR. WALLA: Pre-frontal.
-(LOUD DRILLING CONTINUES)
(DR. WALLA
CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
...which, of course,
makes surgery impossible.
Ah, fuck me. Hmm.
How long do I have?
Best case, six months, a year.
(HESITATES)
So, a year
would be your best case.
(GASPS FAINTLY)
(FORKLIFT BEEPING)
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
WORKER 2: Oh, you fucked up
real good this time.
There is a drug treatment
available for this.
It's, uh, very new
and wildly expensive,
but your insurance
will probably cover it.
Oh, fuck me. Why didn't you
tell me that first?
I should have.
WINSTON: Speak to an agent.
AUTOMATED VOICE OVER PHONE:
Got it.
If you are a provider,
press one.
WINSTON: No, no.
Speak to an agent.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Okay.
If you are a patient,
press two.
WINSTON: Speak to an agent!
AUTOMATED VOICE: Got it.
If you are a provider,
press one.
-WINSTON: Speak to an age...
-(LINE BEEPS)
AGENT: Hi, Mr. Gooze.
(SNIFFLES) Hi.
AGENT: Okay, I see
you're on the Platinum Plan
with your BTH
employee coverage.
Yes. Hmm.
Uh, that is me.
-Platinum.
-AGENT: Yes.
Which excludes benefits
-covered under the Gold Plan.
-What?
I... I am Platinum.
AGENT: Yeah,
you have Platinum.
But like I said,
only treatments listed on
the primary tier are covered.
Secondary tier treatments
are covered,
but not if you didn't qualify
for the Admiral's Plan
unless you selected a co-tier.
(SOBBING) I don't know
what that means.
What does that mean?
(SHUDDERS)
-Doesn't...
-AGENT: You have Platinum.
(SNIFFLES) Doesn't Platinum
cover the Gold?
AGENT: Oh, hon.
I'm talking about tiers.
(SNIFFLES, SOBBING)
I don't know what tiers are.
(JOYFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
GUARD 1 ON RADIO:
Perimeter check. O contact.
GUARD 2 ON RADIO: Copy.
Bonnet, clear.
GUARD 1: All teams,
armor-piercing mags.
GUARD 3: Hell yeah.
BOB: Take dictation, my dear.
A letter to the editor.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Dear fuckhead, in spite
of your dishonest newspaper's
alarmist predictions,
BTH is not on its way out.
My ideas have not run dry,
and my clothes are
most certainly not invisible,
whatever the hell that meant.
My haters have always
resorted to lies.
I took money from gangsters.
My factory is a super-polluter
because they can't accept...
-(SIGHS)
-...all I'm really guilty of
is wanting to help people.
But you can't create
a world-changing
health-style empire
without dealing with clowns
like you.
Hang on, let me see. Um...
I will innovate again...
Get that out of my sight,
you fucking donkey!
BOB: Yeah, I'm... I'm like
syphilis, uh, Sisyphus,
pushing his big rocks
up the hill,
and those rocks are...
perfection.
-(MACHINE BEEPS)
-(SIGHS) That's brilliant.
Bloody brilliant!
-(MACHINE CLICKING)
-BOB: Oh, goddamn this thing.
Piece of shit.
It's... No, sorry, Robert,
you just press the...
-I did. I read the manual.
-(MACHINE WHIRRING)
Oh, I looked at the picture.
-The red button next to mode.
-Right, I'm pushing...
-I'm pressing that.
-Where it says "Finish."
-(MACHINE CHIMES)
-Okay. There it is.
(SIGHS) Well done, Robert.
-Where is Fritz?
-(DOOR OPENS)
-FRITZ: Here, Robert.
-(KISSY SIGHS)
-(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
-(CROWS CAWING)
-(FRITZ COUGHS)
-KISSY: He's coming, Robert.
He just takes
that little bit longer.
Thank you, Kissy.
Okay. Uh, not that
I'm complaining necessarily.
I mean, maybe I am a little,
but it didn't exactly...
look like an accident, did it?
I mean, a harpoon? (LAUGHS)
They had to improvise.
Like jazz. Fair enough.
(SLURPING)
And the traitor?
FRITZ: No.
(BOB EXHALES)
Well, maybe,
Mr. Head of Security,
hiring the rock group
you manage to handle wet works
was not the best
operational decision.
-They're not rock.
-What?
-Monster core.
-What? What?
Crazy and dangerous.
-He's just mumbling.
-Ugh.
That's all he can do.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
(BOB SIGHS)
And this viper, this betrayer,
what does she do, huh?
She sticks a knife
-into all of Body Talk's back.
-KISSY: Right.
Body Talk's backs. Backs.
-Our collective back.
-BOB: What?
-KISSY: Back.
-BOB: Our collective back.
Just when I'm up to my chin
in fucking IOUs
from that bald mobster
downtown...
I mean, do you realize
what's at stake here?
(SHOUTING) Everything!
I understand.
Ruthless execution.
Do I make myself clear?
As a window.
Then why am I still looking
at your fucked up puss?
(SOFTLY) Uh...
Right.
-BUDD: Yo, like Mister
-(FRITZ COUGHS)
Belvedere
We're standing
Over our walls
Got misses with toes
To fucking deck the halls
We send you over a ditch
Like Niagara Falls
Doing cannibal stuff
In dirty toilet stalls
Girls are my traps
I'm their property
Oh, I set fires
Always out for me
Why, 'cause I'm rich ?
Rush into a tree
Bitch nuts...
BUDD: Hey.
-Hey!
-(BAND STOPS PLAYING)
(EQUIPMENT CLATTERING)
(INHALING)
(EXHALING) Koo-koo-koo.
(SHOCK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
BUDD: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Come on!
(BUDD HOWLING)
-(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
-ZODIAC 3000: Almost.
BUDD: (IN SING-SONG VOICE)
Where is she?
MAN 6: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What the fuck?
BUDD: (SCREAMING)
Where the fuck is she?
-Fuck! Fuck!
-(MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
Fuck!
Fuck!
Yo, let's try the next place.
Hit it, we're gonna
find that bitch.
ZODIAC 3000: Yes! Nailed it!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
MAN 6: There you are.
Hey, do you know
the fucking Killer Nutz?
'Cause they were just here,
and they beat the shit
out of me looking for you.
Now, when I let you
stay here off the lease,
I said, "No weird
vigilante stuff."
And I feel like
I really emphasized that part.
J.J.: They won't be back.
MAN 6: Hey.
Hey!
-J.J.?
-Neither will I.
And what the fuck
did you do to my floor, man?
(MY NECK, MY BACK (LICK IT)
BY KHIA PLAYING)
All you ladies
pop yo' pussy like this
Shake your body,
don't stop, don't miss
All you ladies
pop yo' pussy like this
Shake your body,
don't stop, don't miss
Just do it, do it,
do it, do it, do it now
Lick it good
Suck this pussy
just like you should
My neck, my back
Lick my pussy and my crack
My neck, my back
(SPECTATORS CLAPPING
AND CHEERING)
-Damn.
-(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
-(DANCERS EXCLAIMING)
-DANCER 1: Fuck, yeah!
-DANCER 2: Yo, babe. Yeah.
-(SONG FADES)
-That was awesome.
-(HYPERVENTILATING)
ANNOUNCER OVER MIC: Next up...
(GASPS SOFTLY)
That's you.
(EXHALES)
HECKLER 1: (LOUDLY) You suck!
(INHALES)
-HECKLER 2: Duck!
-(HESITATES)
(PEN CLICKS LOUDLY)
(HERE COME THE TEARS
BY JUDAS PRIEST PLAYING)
(CHIMING)
All alone
(SIGHS)
No one cares
Ohh, I want to be loved
(TRUMPET TOOTS)
I need to be loved
Won't somebody love me
-(DOOR OPENS)
-Hey, hey! Uh, yeah, yeah.
Hey, Daisy, hey.
Hey, bud.
-You okay?
-(DOOR CLOSES)
Saw my man coming home,
thought he looked
kind of low so...
Thanks, Daisy.
Hey, sorry I couldn't
help earlier.
You got Mr. Treats.
(SCOFFS)
(SONG FADES)
(TRAIN HORN BLARING)
So, how did it go?
You know, you probably
don't remember this
'cause she stopped
playing shows
when you were real little,
but your mom
was an absolute killer
on stage.
Oh, man, bloodbath every time.
Thing is, she couldn't
even play that good.
It was like...
(MIMICKING GUITAR STRUMMING)
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
But... (EXHALES)
It was just the attitude.
You know, her presentation.
(TRAIN HORN BLARING)
(CHUCKLES AND GROWLS)
One second,
Wade, you're gonna love this!
Jackpot!
-(UPBEAT POP SONG PLAYING)
-WINSTON: Oh, yeah!
-Come on, Wade. Come here!
-(FURNITURE CLATTERING)
Wade! Oh, my God!
There are so many people
waiting for you!
(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING)
(EXCLAIMS)
WADE: Winston, no.
-(OBJECTS CLANGING)
-WINSTON: Whoa. Whoa, again.
WADE: Put the chair down,
please.
Oh, you don't think
I know about dance?
Property movement pieces.
Here, learn this shit.
(GRUNTING)
(WINSTON GROANS)
Oh, my back.
Okay, but you get the point.
Like, go throw roses,
and it's like
thunderous applause, and...
It's gonna be fantastic.
(GRUNTS)
What's that?
(SONG STOPS)
I can show you
the backspin too.
But, uh, maybe later.
You're such a good kid.
You're gonna be okay.
(HALL OF THE MOUNTAIN KING
BY SAVATAGE PLAYING)
(DOOR CLOSES)
(SIREN WAILING)
WOMAN 2: Hey.
I'll dance with you, baby.
WOMAN 3: Nice tutu.
For eternity
It is guarded by the king
Madness reigns
(SONG ENDS)
Well, there's always some
flux at our level.
Right, we're all about the flux.
BT is this township's
heart's blood.
And you are BT, but...
(CHUCKLING) ...we're concerned.
I think when we announce
our next innovation,
you will see
our intertwined fortunes
very much in ascension.
Could you give us a preview?
Well, of course, uh,
it's too soon
to go into any
of the particulars, really,
-but I think... (STUTTERS)
-Mayor Togar,
I don't know if you're familiar
with the term "game changer"?
No, I'm not.
-But holy shit.
-(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
KISSY: Yes,
this new product is going to
actually change, well, the game.
Okay. Look, I don't appreciate
being buttonholed like this.
(SNICKERS)
Worried about being seen with
disreputable underworld types?
So, what do you want?
For you to be reminded...
who bought your seat
at the big boy table over there.
Who bankrolled you
and your fuckheaded company.
Thad.
You know I'm grateful.
Don't tell me that shit.
Show me.
All right, you know,
there's always some flux...
(SHOUTING) Fuck flux!
Think of something! You owe!
(IN NORMAL VOICE) People ain't
buying your snake oil anymore?
Too many tumors
and bloody stools?
I don't give a shit, bozo.
'Cause you owe.
And it'll be nothing for me
to fuck you
and everyone you love
in the most sandy
-and unnatural ways.
-Whoa. Now...
Nobody calls me bozo anymore.
You're reminded.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
Business builder.
-Man of impeccable style.
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
The Citizen Shepherd Award.
(ALL CHEERING)
AUDIENCE AND GARBINGER:
(CHANTING) Bob! Bob! Bob!
Bob! Bob! Bob!
Bob! Bob! Bob!
Bob! Bob! Bob!
Bob! Bob! Bob!
Bob! Bob! Bob!
The whole idea
of an award, it's...
it's just not why we do
what we do, right?
But as a focal tool,
it is useful.
-Excuse me?
-Fear for my life.
Cool. It's cool, it's cool.
You gotta chill
with that firearm shit.
KISSY: It's not that kind
of evening. (CHUCKLES)
Yes, sir.
Sorry. Sorry, sorry.
I'm really sorry
to interrupt you
on your special night
-with all your pretty friends.
-KISSY: Wait, what?
Um, but my name
is Winston Gooze,
and I have been
working for you for 13 years,
and I think I do
a pretty good job.
My reviews are exceeds, meets,
and meets exceeds.
You know, so... (HESITATES)
The point is, I'm sick, sir.
And BT insurance won't help.
Oh, man,
I'm sorry to hear that.
I mean,
our plans are pretty robust,
but what can I do for you?
I don't know. I thought you'd
maybe just talk to your people
and, on my behalf
and I wouldn't ask but...
(INHALES SHAKILY)
I've got a kid.
And he already lost his mom.
Can I just ask you
a little question?
What is it you...
you do for us?
Hygiene services.
Mop shop, what what.
-(SCOFFS) Mop shop.
-(MOCKINGLY) What what.
-WINSTON: Yeah.
-I think I got
-a responsibility, don't I?
-KISSY: Right. Yeah.
BOB: Don't worry.
We're gonna
sort this out, my man.
(STUTTERS)
I don't know what to say.
My assistant, Miss Sturnevan,
she'll just get
some details from you, okay?
-Associate.
-Whoa.
KISSY: Shall we?
This way, and I'll just...
We'll chat some things?
-Oh, God, I'm so sorry. Yeah.
-(KISSY CHUCKLES)
Thank you. You rule.
Yeah, I guess I kind of do.
-Oh, this way, Mr. Gooze.
-Oh, okay.
I'll be back shortly
with your vouchers.
-And the Bellini.
-Oh, you betcha.
Oh, shit. Shit.
Miss Sturnevan. Hello?
-BOB: Ah, there you are.
-(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
BOB: Is he gone?
The world's saddest janitor.
KISSY: I mean, the brass neck
on that one. (CHUCKLES)
BOB: Listen,
fire him, rehire him,
and fire him again.
Jesus Christ.
(LAUGHING) Mop shop.
(KISSY AND BOB LAUGHING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
-WINSTON: Open.
-(BELL RINGING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(PLAYING PAN FLUTE)
(CELL PHONE BEEPING)
-(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
-Summon the Nutz.
AUTOMATED VOICE OVER PHONE:
Okay. Summoning the Nutz.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES)
(LIQUID BUBBLING)
(TOXIC HISSING)
J.J.: Get the sample.
Get the fuck out.
Get the sample.
Get the fuck out.
Okay, okay, okay.
Come on.
Okay, come on, now.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
WINSTON: Trash run.
(DOOR UNLOCKS)
What's with the rubber mask?
This is a fucking robbery!
Sorry, man.
I don't want
to fucking hear it.
I thought you were
one of the good guys.
Robbing me with a fucking mop!
Shame on you, Winston.
Shame on you.
I'll send someone
to untie you, Chris!
It's not your fault.
(J.J. SIGHS) Okay.
Easy, easy.
-(ENGINE ROARS, TIRES SCREECH)
-(GASPS)
-(SHOCK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
-(BUDD LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(BOTH GRUNT)
(GASPS)
Oh, my fucking God.
(CAR BEEPING, APPROACHING)
(INTENSE MUSIC CONTINUES)
-(ENGINE ACCELERATING)
-(TIRES SCREECH)
-(BUDD LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
-(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Come on.
(BUDD HOWLING)
My man, hold up.
-Just want to talk.
-(BREATH TREMBLING)
(BROOM CLATTERS)
(BUDD CHUCKLES, HOWLS)
WINSTON: Hey, I know you guys.
What are you doing here?
That's crazy. Big fan...
-(GUNSHOT)
-(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
Who is that?
Yeah.
What the fuck, you guys?
This! This is the one
we're after.
Hey, you said... Eh,
you said ruthless execution.
Just... All right, fuck.
Just clean it up,
you fucking ding-a-lings.
(GROWLS)
-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GASPS)
(GASPS)
(ROARS)
(MYSTERIOUS EERIE
MUSIC PLAYING)
(HOWLING IN DISTANCE)
(SCREAMING)
(OVERLAPPING VOICES)
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
Stop!
It hurts!
(SQUELCHING)
(MYSTERIOUS EERIE
MUSIC CONTINUES)
Help me!
(DISTORTED) Help me!
(MUSIC INTENSIFIES)
(MUSIC ENDS)
(WINSTON GROANING)
(SPITS AND GRUNTS)
(BREATH TREMBLING)
(BIRD CHITTERING)
(GASPS)
(SCREECHING)
(SCREAMING)
-(CONTINUES SCREECHING)
-(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
(SCREAM ECHOING)
(SCREAM FADES)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
SPENCE: Hey, how's Mr. Feets?
DAISY: Mr. Treats is fine.
SPENCE: All this traffic,
you gotta be careful.
A lot of cats
getting hit out here.
DAISY: (CHUCKLES SNIDELY)
You're very subtle.
SPENCE: Oh, yeah?
-DAISY: As a hammer.
-SPENCE: Why, thank you.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(FLESH SQUELCHING)
Hey, I've enjoyed
working with you
on this transaction.
DAISY: Asshole.
Excuse me?
(SPOOKY MUSIC PLAYING)
WADE: Hey, Winston.
(UPBEAT SONG
PLAYING OVER SPEAKER)
(STUTTERING) I keep calling
and you won't pick up.
So, um, you know,
if you could... (SIGHS)
please just pick up
and... or call. Um...
Oh, I'm just getting
really, really worried.
(EXHALING) Okay, bye.
(SIGHS)
(UPBEAT SONG CONTINUES)
Hey, buddy.
-Whoa!
-(GROANS)
-(THUDS)
-(CAR ALARM BLARING)
The fuck?
(GROANING, GASPING)
What the fuck
did you do to my sled?
WINSTON: Jeez!
(ALARM STOPS)
Oh, shit, man.
I apologize.
-(GROANS)
-(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
BYSTANDER 1: Hey,
shut up down there!
-(GROANS)
-BYSTANDER 2: Someone call 911.
The fuck?
BYSTANDER 3: Did that guy
just shoot someone?
I just said I was sorry.
(YELLING)
-(GRUNTS)
-(SCREAMING IN PAIN)
SPENCE: Oh, is that my arm?
-BYSTANDER 4: It's a demon.
-BYSTANDER 5: It's a fiend.
BYSTANDER 6: Those are
the same things!
(ALL CLAMORING)
BYSTANDER 4: We gotta
kill that vampire.
Call my dad.
Call my dad.
-(SIREN WAILING)
-WOMAN 3: It ate a baby!
WOMAN 4: It had a tail.
Yep. Sounds like angel dust.
-(CAR HONKS)
-MAN 7: Y'all doing a mob?
MAN 8: (WHOOPS)
We're doing a mob.
PEOPLE: (CHANTING)
Mob, mob, mob!
Okay, fuck it. It's a mob.
PEOPLE: (CHANTING)
Mob, mob. mob!
MOBBER 1: Yee-haw!
-(GUN FIRES AND RICOCHETS)
-(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
MOBBER 2:
That's how perverts run!
Hunched over and bow-legged!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(GRUNTING AND PANTING)
MOBBER 3: Let's fuck him up!
MOBBER 4: You all go that way!
-Cut him off!
-(GASPS)
MOBBER 4: He's in that meadow!
We're coming for you!
MOBBER 3: I think I saw
something in them trees.
(PANTING)
-Oh, God.
-(KLAXON BLARES)
MOBBER 5: You better
run and hide.
-MOBBER 1: Keep searching.
-(EXHALES)
(AIRPLANE ENGINE ROARS)
MOBBER 2:
What's that over there?
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING
CONTINUES)
(PANTING)
(GROANS)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(GROANING)
There he is.
Thought you'd want
a breakfast.
I found you in
Yonder Spooky Woods.
My God.
What's the issue, fella?
I, uh...
I'm...
I'm dying.
Doctor says
I've got maybe a year.
Dying. (LAUGHS)
Dying, he says.
Well, why didn't you
say something before?
Make way for the big parade.
We got ticker tape
and there's confetti.
Oh, and look, here comes
the big brass marching band.
(MIMICKING MARCHING BAND)
And great big, sexy,
long-legged women,
high-kicking ladies.
And then
there's a little train.
There's a miniature train,
and you can ride it in circles
and eat cotton candy
until your fucking heart
bursts with joy
because, hey, folks...
(SHOUTS) ...he is dying!
Yeah?
Yeah, well, big whoop!
"A year."
Great. Big ol'
can-suck-it's-own-dick whoop!
(GROANS AND SMACKS LIPS)
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
Guthrie Stockins.
Uh, Winston.
What I meant to say
is we're all... dying.
You know, this place
used to be a preserve.
And now, the Nervous Red Warbler
is basically extinct.
So you see,
you dying,
it just ain't nothing special.
Well, that doesn't
make me feel any better.
Well, it's never too late.
Yeah, well, look at me.
I used to be a fancy doctor.
Yeah. Big salary, house.
You know, important, right?
Next thing I know,
Mr. Policeman's
holding me down,
saying that I, uh, bit somebody
in a budget meeting.
But look
how things turned out.
See?
You never know which way
the worm is gonna turn.
So the question is,
what you gonna do
in the meantime?
What do you want?
I want my boy.
But he thinks I'm a monster.
(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
You're not a monster.
Show him your good heart.
(CAPTIVATING MUSIC PLAYING)
Is that yours?
Found this washed up
in Yonder Funky Lagoon.
This is a formidable item.
Do you know how to use it?
Like, for mopping?
(MUFFLED WHOOSHING)
-(MUSIC STOPS)
-(GRUNTS)
-Mmm...
-Wait a minute. (GROANING)
That's it. There we go.
(CAPTIVATING MUSIC PLAYING)
GUTHRIE: Just remember.
Those given much will of them
have much demanded.
-Yeah, got it. Got it.
-Generally speaking...
Um, with great power
and whatnot.
WINSTON: Oh, got it, got it.
GUTHRIE: Good luck, Winston.
He's an ugly
son of a bitch though.
-WINSTON: Yeah!
-(MUSIC STOPS)
MAN ON TV: Uh, saw blood.
Handsome fella had his arm
tore off like wet bread,
and the creature
run off into the night.
An atmosphere of creeping terror
hangs over the city,
and there are still no leads
as to the identity
of the rampaging maniac.
CJ DOONS: Uh, alleged maniac.
Anyone who may have
encountered the strange beast
should call this number.
Can we put that up
please, Terry?
RICK: What are we
dealing with here?
MS-13? Bio-warfare?
The oft-predicted uprising
of our woodland
Sasquatch cousins?
-(PHONE BEEPING)
-At this point,
it's impossible to say.
-(LINE RINGING)
-CJ DOONS: Whatever it is...
MAN OVER PHONE: Hello.
Pervert tip line.
-Please hold.
-(HOLD MUSIC PLAYING)
CJ DOONS ON TV: Jumping in
with some breaking news.
We have confirmed reports
that a group of armed
political extremists
calling themselves
The Nasty Lads...
Good Lord, y'all.
They've taken hostages
at a Miss Meat
lunch-a-torium downtown.
-Formerly Mister Meat.
-(SIREN WAILING)
Let's go live.
(SIREN BLARES)
OFFICER 1 ON RADIO:
Suspects inside.
We have injured
unknown number of targets.
OFFICER 2 ON RADIO:
Yeah, we're set up out front.
We're still waiting on SWAT.
OFFICER 1:
These guys are real psychos.
God help us.
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
We are The Nasty Lads.
We are angry.
You will hear our grievances.
Youse guys don't move
a fucking muscle.
Take us seriously.
(GIRL SCREAMS)
HOSTAGE 1:
There's a boy in here.
HOSTAGE 2:
He's wearing a helmet.
HOSTAGE 3:
My mom made me wear it.
-(BYSTANDERS MURMURING)
-(MEGAPHONE FEEDBACK)
Our once great Western society
has been enfeebled
by estrogenic thinking
and moral turpitude.
What the fuck
is that supposed to mean?
NASTY LADS LEADER: No longer!
Today, we give notice.
Today, we rise.
Yeah, fellas,
I understand you're angry,
but what's your issue
with this establishment?
The change of mascot
symbolizes the intellectual
dishonesty we abhor.
It's always been Mister Meat.
(MEGAPHONE FEEDBACK)
Yeah, sure, but it's still
the same great grub, right?
-(GUN FIRING)
-(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
I need SWAT right now!
HOSTAGE 3'S MOTHER:
My boy's in there.
OFFICER: Ma'am, please,
stay back.
HOSTAGE 3'S MOTHER:
My son's in there.
Somebody...
Somebody do something!
NASTY LADS LEADER:
Grievance one.
Progressive fascism.
Grievance two.
Anti-Anglo media tyranny.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
Three. The Global
Emasculatory Agenda!
Four. Groupthink privacy.
Five.
Western Alpha Scapegoating.
(MEGAPHONE FEEDBACK ON TV)
Six. Science.
Seven...
NASTY LAD: Are you triggered?
I can't see what you're doing.
Are you triggered?
-NASTY LADS LEADER: Eight...
-LADY: Shitheads, I'm blind.
"Shitheads"?
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
OFFICER ON RADIO:
What's happening?
Talk to me, what's happening?
"Shitheads"?
Maybe I'll just show you
who's a shitheads.
What do you think, boys?
I never cornholed...
(GROANS)
HOSTAGE 1: Don't antagonize him!
-(GUN COCKING)
-You fucked up this time.
-(DOOR THUDDING)
-(HOSTAGES EXCLAIM)
(GROWLING)
Who the fuck are you?
-(TOXIE LAUGHS)
-(ELECTRIFYING MUSIC PLAYING)
TOXIE: Nobody special.
Just some dude...
(LOUDLY) ...with a mop!
-(MOP CLANGS)
-(HOSTAGES SCREAM)
-(SCREAMS)
-Yeah.
TOXIE: Come here, you!
And your stupid
-fucking antlers!
-HOSTAGE 4: Oh, my God.
-TOXIE: You too, dummy.
-(NASTY LAD 1 SCREAMS)
-HOSTAGE 5: Oh, God.
-(GUN FIRING)
-TOXIE: Give me your lunch.
-(ALL SCREAMING)
(NASTY LAD 2 GROANS)
(BYSTANDERS EXCLAIMING)
(GUN FIRING)
-(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
-Show me your hands!
Dingus! Damn it!
What the hell are you doing?
HOSTAGE 6:
Oh, my God, is that man dead?
HOSTAGE 7:
Yeah, that's his head.
HOSTAGE 6: Oh, God!
HOSTAGE 8: What happened
to that guy? (LAUGHS SOFTLY)
He looks like
a fucked-up hot dog.
Oh, God,
he's putting it back in.
-Oh, fuck, he's putting it in.
-(WOMEN SCREAMING)
CJ DOONS ON TV:
Standby. Um, okay.
We're seeing movement here.
People are coming outside.
It's not clear
what's happening just yet.
Hey, get over there
and give him a hand.
Officer, get over there
and help these people.
-(HSOTAGE 3'S MOTHER GASPS)
-BYSTANDERS: Aw!
BYSTANDER 5:
What the hell is that?
-Whoa!
-(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
No! No!
This little dude saved us.
He's a hero.
He's a hero.
(HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING)
-(EXCLAIMS)
-What's your name, sir?
I'd rather not say.
REPORTER: Are you affiliated
with BTH?
No, no comment.
REPORTER: How does it feel
to be considered a hero?
Sometimes...
you know, some...
Sometimes you gotta
do something.
(APPLAUSE ON TV)
Winston?
(ALL EXCLAIMING AND CHEERING)
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALL EXCLAIMING) Yeah!
Yes!
(ON TV) You gotta do something.
CJ DOONS:
If you're just joining us...
I'm sorry.
I'm just choked up here.
Um, it appears that the hostages
-are all safe.
-(STRAINING) That's him.
-CJ DOONS: Or mostly safe...
-Him?
-...but they're okay.
-THAD: That's him?
(LINE RINGING)
Oh, we got the crazy bastard.
He's headed south on Torgl.
(OVER PHONE) Fan out.
I want him dead or alive.
(GUN COCKING)
Actually, wait. You still there?
HENCHMAN:
Yeah, dude, yeah. Still here.
-Just dead.
-HENCHMAN: Just dead?
Yeah.
(ELECTRIFYING MUSIC PLAYING)
(HISSING)
(MUSIC FADES)
BOB: When I ask you
to handle things,
my beloved baby brother,
basis of my assumption is that
you will not then decide...
(SHOUTS)
...to fuck the entire goat!
See what you did?
I did what you asked.
How dare you sass him,
little runt?
-And you!
-Me?
You had one of the anarchists
right in your hand,
-and you lost him.
-No, no.
I did not let him go.
I took him
for a little Bellini.
We had a stroll...
The betrayer and the janitor
are obviously in cahoots,
making mayhem against us,
and if that weren't enough,
now some mighty freak
puts us right in the spotlight.
(SOFTLY) So mighty.
KISSY: Uh, you always say,
"Any attention
is good attention"?
You missed the point.
The janitor and the freak
are one and the same.
-(SOFTLY) Fuck!
-BOB: And somehow,
because of what you did,
we made it so.
(WHISPERS) An evolution.
(FRITZ EXCLAIMS)
BOB: I want all of my geeks
working on this.
But first, how...
-(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
-(BEEPING)
(POWERING DOWN)
(SIGHS) ...did this happen?
-(BEEPING)
-BOB: Whoop.
SAWSER: Our factory
waste materials
are normally quite toxic,
but in combination with an
extremely rare genetic marker,
it could trigger
a powerful mutation.
(DIGITAL BEEPING)
Which result
in muscle accretion,
hyper-cellular augmentation
and, uh...
-Um...
-(STUTTERS) Spit it out.
Girthening.
KUPP: Yes.
Notable girthening.
BOB: You're gonna save my ass,
aren't you, janitor?
Time is short.
Can you recreate the mutation?
We need the freak,
but there's a risk
-of dangerous infection...
-Get it started.
Find him, bring him here.
Uh...
He has a child.
CJ DOONS ON TV:
But where does he come from?
And what does he want?
And what is
the BTH connection?
Excuse me, the Toxic Avenger?
That's what the kids
are calling him.
I think it's swell.
RICK: Is "him"
the preferred pronoun?
-CJ DOONS: Real classy, Rick.
-(TV SWITCHES OFF)
-(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
-(GASPS)
(POUNDING AT DOOR)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
Uh, help you?
I'll tell you what went down.
So that's what went down.
So are you like a...
a detective or a spy?
No, I'm just angry.
I'm trying to expose
these jackals.
Your dad's the key.
WADE: Stepdad.
I grew up by the river.
You could see BT factory
from my yard.
I never bought into the whole
bio booster bullshit.
But my mom was a disciple.
Bob Garbinger was
the Second Coming,
far as she cared.
She bought everything
they put out.
Then came the stomach aches.
And by the time
she could get the surgery,
shit they took out of her
was the size of a baseball.
She was gone in a year.
Whole time thinking
her cranial stims
and positive frequency lamps
would save her.
And that's the shit,
now we know,
that killed her
in the first place.
My sister died too.
-Cancer?
-Zamboni.
Hell of a skater. No awareness.
It was a rough year.
Yeah. I lost my mom
like that too.
-Zamboni?
-Cancer.
Sorry about that, man.
A lot of that going around.
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
You got him mixed up
in some bad stuff.
He was already there,
running off with some money.
(LOW GROWLING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
-(GRUNTS)
-(BUDD LAUGHS)
Where are you?
-Where are you?
-(GRUNTS)
-(GLASS BREAKING)
-(ZODIAC 3000 GROANING)
BUDD: Stop flipping.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(WHOOSHING)
(CACKLES)
They're running.
-(CHUCKLES)
-Parkour?
No.
No parkour.
-(BEEPING)
-We'll track him.
(BOTH PANTING)
-WINSTON: Wait!
-Whoa.
What are you doing with her?
Never mind about her.
What's wrong with you?
What's wrong with you?
Um...
-Does it hurt?
-Uh...
No, it's not bad.
It's sort of like a sunburn.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
I didn't ask for all the doctors
and... and therapy and shit.
I didn't ask for you to go out
stealing to pay for it.
The money was for me.
(TRAFFIC PASSING)
WINSTON: I'm sick.
It's my head.
There's medicine for it.
And I was trying to pay for it
and then, um...
-And then, well...
-Are you...
Are you... are you gonna die?
(WINSTON SIGHING DEEPLY)
And you didn't tell me?
Just like Mom.
And I'm not gonna have anyone.
-No, no, wait. I'm your dad.
-No, you're not.
We need to get inside.
You never even got married!
I promise you,
I am not going...
-(GUNSHOT)
-(GASPS)
Go!
WADE: Winston!
(GUN COCKING)
-(SHELL CASES CLINKING)
-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GRUNTS)
-(FLESH SQUELCHING)
-(ALL GASPING)
-What the fuck?
-(WINSTON PANTS)
-MAN: He's getting away!
KEG-STAND: Go around.
Cut him off!
-Go! Go! Go!
-That way! That way!
WADE: We have to go back.
We have to help him.
J.J.: No. Too dangerous.
(FAINT BEEPING)
My... My ears are ringing.
(BEEPING INTENSIFIES)
-(BEEPS RAPIDLY)
-Oh.
I'm sorry.
(GUNSHOT)
-(GASPS)
-Jump scare.
(GROWLS)
There you are. (CHUCKLES)
-(GUN COCKING)
-There he is.
There he is.
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(GROANING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(BIRDS CAWING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(GROANS)
(BIRDS CAWING)
TOXIE: (MIMICKING HENCHMAN)
Hey, come here.
Come here a sec.
(SHUSHES)
(MOUTHING) What the fuck?
(SOFTLY) What happened
to youse?
Just... just come here.
KEG-STAND: What?
(MUMBLING) I got something
to tell you.
What is it?
It's... it's important.
(SIGHS)
Goddamn it!
Gotcha, sucker.
-(SCREAMS)
-No, no, no!
Blake was gutted.
No, not bummed.
I mean, he was disemboweled.
I sent in Boofer
and Keg-Stand,
but I lost contact, and...
-(TOXIE GROWLING)
-(GROANING)
-(SQUELCHING)
-TOXIE: Stay gold, asshole.
(TIRES SCREECH)
Oh, God.
Hey. Hey. Where's Wade?
-(BREATHING HEAVILY)
-Hey!
Oh, God! Okay, okay, okay.
Hold on. I know a doctor.
Don't worry.
(WHIRRING)
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
-(MUSIC STOPS)
-(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Are you sure you're a doctor?
Whoever told you
I was a doctor?
You did.
Well, then,
in my medical opinion,
she's already dead.
God. Okay, okay.
Young... young lady?
(GROANS)
-Hmm.
-(CLATTERS)
-(EXHALES)
-(WHIRRING)
(GROANS)
Jesus.
(STRAINING)
(GROANING SOFTLY)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(FLESH SQUELCHING)
(BUDD GRUNTS)
You've got someplace to be?
Sound check, baby.
You'll make the festival.
Gotta sound tight
for the community.
Hashtag blessed. A koo-koo-koo!
FRITZ: Just play
the fucking hits.
(BUDD GRUNTS) Whatever.
FRITZ: Hey, kid.
Don't be scared.
We just want him.
You're the one
who should be scared.
(GROWLS)
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
what he's up against?
Winston...
My dad loves me
more than anything.
What would your family do
if someone tried
to take you away?
(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(SCOFFS)
Sorry. Yes, sir.
Right away.
Hello, Thad.
Don't you "Thad" me,
you cunty jerk.
That BTH Frankenstein
just tomahawked half my gang!
So convince me not to come
over there right now
and put a rattlesnake
up your ass.
Oh, please don't do that.
You know there are
undercover feds in town
looking to make hay
out of exactly
this sort of shit show?
-Thad...
-THAD: AKA,
you are suicidally
fucking with my money!
-Of course, but you...
-THAD: You're talking now
which means your whole
operation gets pried open!
And anyone connected is a...
-It's handled.
-THAD: You're sure?
You have my word.
I hope so, bozo.
Why don't we just take it off
and start again?
(DOCTOR GROANS)
Put him in the shed.
(FRITZ CLEARS THROAT)
(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)
(CHUCKLES)
(GROANING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
WADE: Let go of me!
Let me go!
You can't do this!
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
This is a mistake.
The boy.
You're familiar
with Pandora's box?
The exotic revue?
-No
-BOB: Oh.
-A can of worms, I mean.
-BOB: Hmm.
The only can
I'm interested in right now...
is can I know
that you're on my side?
Where else would I be, Robert?
BOB: Hmm.
(CHICKEN SCREECHING)
Hey, little fella.
(CHICKEN SQUAWKS)
J.J.: There's a gentleman
down there huffing jenkem.
Says you saved my life.
Thank you.
They took Wade to get to me.
Yeah.
WINSTON: And they
did all this, huh?
J.J.: The night we met, I was
trying to get hard proof.
Me and my mentor.
His name is Melvin Ferd.
He was a good reporter.
Very brave.
And they killed him
with harpoons and shit.
And if you ruin them,
it'll make things okay.
No, we've already
killed the planet.
Ruining BTH
isn't gonna change that.
You don't... (GROANS)
You don't know that.
Things could change.
It's never too late.
Why fight if you can't win?
They're dangerous.
We'd have to go in hard.
I am very hard.
(AIR HISSES)
(BUDD LAUGHING)
Conception
Sound of drowning perfection
We stir the batter
With a nutty confection
And in nine months
In the family direction
Smokey stokey, make a speech
With a joyous inflection
The nursery is painted
The kiddy works and stacks
To claim one dependent
You best support
The fucking tax
And when I look in the crib
She doesn't smile
She just shies back
My baby is an axe
(LAUGHING)
My baby is an axe
She's a good girl
That's my girl
I see you making jokes
That's my girl
I see spllin' red...
You suck!
Boo!
(BUDD SNICKERS)
My baby is an axe
She attacks
A fucking nun supreme
With fucking pervy laughs
Make no mistake
Mothers and girls
My baby is an axe
-BUDD: Yeah, baby!
-(CROWD CHEERING)
Are you cunt-lickin',
cock-suckin' motherfuckers?
-FAN 1: Yes, we are!
-GIRL: No.
-FAN 2: That's right!
-BUDD: All right.
I know you know the words
to this next one.
So I want you loud up
in this bitch!
(OVERKILLBY MOTRHEAD
PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)
(CROWD CHEERING)
This shit don't work.
This shit don't work.
Who the fuck
is ruining our show?
Only way to feel the noise
is when it's good and loud
No!
So good I can't believe it,
screaming with the crowd
Don't sweat it,
we'll get it back to you
-Toxie! It's him!
-FAN 3: Yo, I know this dude!
Hey, Toxie!
He saved my life! Hey!
Don't sweat it,
we'll get it back to you
-Don't cheer!
-(CROWD CHEERING)
It's my fuckin' stage!
-(FAN 2 WHOOPING)
-No!
Overkill, overkill, overkill
-BUDD: Yeah? Okay.
-(TOXIE VOCALIZING)
Look out!
-(GUNSHOT)
-(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
BUDD: What do you got? A mop?
(BUDD GROANING)
(MUFFLED SPEAKING)
(GAGS)
(ALL CLAMORING)
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
here it comes, baby.
Yes. I am gonna flip it...
Oh, shit. Wait.
No, no, no! (SCREAMS)
(EXPLOSION)
(SCREAMS)
(EXCLAIMING)
-(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
-(GROANING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(GROANS)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(GROANING)
Eat your fuckin' beard!
(GROANING)
(GAGGING)
(TOXIE GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
Fuck you!
(BUDD MUMBLING) Oh, my wife...
my best partner.
GIRL: Why'd Toxie do that?
FAN 1: What the fuck, Toxie?
FAN 2: I told you
he was a monster!
FAN 3: Who's gonna
clean up all this shit?
Listen up!
These dudes suck!
They kill people for BTH!
It's Robert Garbinger.
He's in bed with gangsters.
They all got rich
and you all got sick.
(GROANING)
Weird bitch.
They are ruiners!
J.J.: Over here!
-(PANTING)
-(MIC DROPS)
-(HIM UNDER THE HOOD GRUNTS)
-Where's my son?
-(GASPING)
-Where is my son?
Ow!
(J.J. COUGHS AND GAGS)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Chdhaven.
(GAGS)
(COUGHING)
Chdhaven?
-Do you know where that is?
-(GAGS) Mmm.
-Mmm-hmm.
-HIM UNDER THE HOOD: Yeah.
Chdhaven.
-Too much. Too much.
-TOXIE: Uh...
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
J.J.: This way.
Are you ready?
(WARBLING)
GUARD 1 ON RADIO:
Post one, any contact?
GUARD 2: Negative.
GUARD 1: Copy. Stay frosty.
(EYEBALL CLICKS)
WINSTON: Two guards.
-(WHISPERS) Can we sneak in?
-I don't think so.
It's wide open.
Follow my lead.
I have a plan.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey, boys.
-(BOTH GASP AND GRUNT)
-(GUNSHOTS)
(GASPS)
(WINSTON LAUGHING)
Oh. That plan was insane.
No.
(SERENE INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC SLOWS DOWN)
-WADE: Winston!
-(WINSTON GASPS)
-Wade?
-Look out!
(AIR HISSING)
(WINSTON AND J.J. COUGHING)
(SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING)
(CHAINS RATTLING)
(GRUNTING)
(DOOR UNLOCKING)
Hey, gang.
Room service.
Just getting everybody comfy.
Triple titanium
chains there, buddy.
You ain't going anywhere.
You know,
I think you've learned
a pretty severe lesson
about not stealing
from your employer.
But the fun thing is, is that
even though
you tried to rob me...
(LAUGHING) ...all of this
is gonna make me
a fucking barn load of money.
-Look at those guns.
-(WINSTON GRUNTING)
Get away from him, you pig.
"Pig"? Okay, you know what?
I'm not even
talking to you right now.
I'm so irritated with your...
(MOCKINGLY) "Oh, dear.
Businessman. Bad."
So just...
Annoying.
(SIGHS)
Wow.
Tell me, Mr. Gooze,
um, did it hurt?
You're becoming...
(SCREAMS)
Okay. Well, never mind.
I'll find out for myself.
(CLEARS THROAT)
I'm gonna have
the side effects boys
iron it out before we launch.
-Garbinger.
-Yes?
You're gonna find out
what hurts.
(SCOFFS) No.
-I'm gonna make sure it hurts.
-BOB: No.
-(SIGHS)
-BOB: I get it.
-WINSTON: I'm gonna make...
-I just said
that I was gonna find out.
So it's a hat on a hat, right?
-It's a hat on a hat.
-It is.
-I'm gonna make sure it hurts.
-No, no, no.
-The moment has passed.
-(GROANS)
-See you guys.
-WINSTON: Fuck!
I'm sorry.
It wasn't a good line.
-(WHIRRING)
-(HISSING)
(BLOWS)
-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GROANS)
J.J.: Don't you
fucking touch him!
Winston!
-(SCREAMS)
-Winston!
(WINSTON SCREAMING)
(MUSIC FADES)
Some of the subsequences
are flawed.
-Some.
-Run it again.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
-(BLOWS)
-Winston!
-(SCREAMING)
-Winston!
(WINSTON SCREAMING)
KUPP: These elements contain
-traces of...
-(HISSING)
...which can cause
notable brain changes.
Run it again.
The subject will not likely
survive another extraction.
Let's hope he does.
Uh...
-(BLOWS)
-(WINSTON AND J.J. SCREAMING)
The mutagenics are in range.
But, uh...
CJ DOONS ON TV:
Here at Gonzales Park,
where a fun family festival
turned into
a bananas bloodbath
that some attribute
to the freaky folk hero
known as Toxie.
Beautiful.
THAD: I'm assuming
you heard this.
Thad.
MAN ON TV: What I heard
was criminal allegations
about BTH being in
with criminal gangsters
and using our town as their
own personal shit box.
WINSTON:
It's Robert Garbinger.
He's in bed with gangsters.
They all got rich
and you all got sick.
They are ruiners!
CJ DOONS: There you have it.
Shocking allegations
against BTH
of organized crime connections
and heinous
environmental abuses.
As of today,
all municipal cooperation
with Body Talk Healthstyle
is suspended,
pending a thorough inve...
(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
You said it was handled.
Fuck them.
(SCOFFS) We can wait them out.
You got a turd in your pocket?
Who's this "we"?
I would never tell them
anything about us. About you.
THAD: You say that
like you have any control
-over what happens.
-But I do.
Just now, we had
the breakthrough
of a millennium.
It's the ultimate bio booster.
We could... we could call it
Champion Sauce or God Soda.
Everybody is gonna be eating
out of my hands, just like...
-Eating out of our hands.
-THAD: Hush.
-BOB: Just like the old days.
-Hush.
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
Okay if I had a quick drink?
I'm just...
-One for the road?
-THAD: Oh, yeah.
You're gonna need it.
BOB: We had a good run, huh?
You and me.
-Stop stalling.
-(BOB SLURPING)
THAD: It's cheap.
(GURGLING)
(BOB GRUNTING)
Bozo?
Nobody calls me that anymore.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(YELLING)
-(GRUNTING)
-(SCREAMING)
(CHOKING)
(GRUNTS)
(THAD GROANING)
-(GROANING)
-(BONES CRACKING)
Rob...
(GASPING)
(GASPS)
(KISSY BREATHING HEAVILY)
Robert.
(GROANS)
My love, I feel unwell.
(GROANING)
KISSY: Mmm.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(BOB GROANING)
Take dictation, my dear.
Superiority...
KISSY: I don't
want explanations.
I want results.
His body's
rejecting the serum.
KISSY: I literally said
I didn't want that.
We warned him
it wasn't perfected.
KISSY: So fucking perfect it!
(SHOUTING) My God,
you people are tedious!
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
The mess upstairs? No traces.
-The hostage?
-KISSY: No witnesses.
FRITZ: Wait. What?
KISSY: You didn't think
we were just gonna let him go?
But he's a child.
And whose sterling
fucking idea was it
to bring him here
in the first place?
Do it.
(GUN COCKING)
No, Colonel.
Jeff, we're not gonna do that.
KISSY: You disloyal little gimp.
That is your brother
I'm trying to protect.
(BOB GROANING)
No, it's not.
KISSY: Oh, Fritz.
(GROANING)
-You fucking little shit!
-(GROANING)
(KISSY SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY
AND SCREAMING)
No witnesses!
(ECHOES) Witnesses.
Hey.
Hey.
-Yo! Wake up!
-(GRUNTS)
They're going to kill Wade!
Wade?
Yo, yo, yo, yo!
Come on, let's go.
(GRUNTING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BUILDING)
(STRAINING)
(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)
(SIGHS) Mel would be
so pissed at me.
(MUSIC FADES)
Pissed.
I gotta get my dick out.
(UNZIPS)
Your dick?
Please, like
you have to trust me.
I swear to God, if you're
being perverted right now...
Okay. Hey. No. No.
I promise you,
I am not a pervert.
Okay?
Okay. Watch out.
I gotta piss on my face.
Okey-doke.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(METAL HISSING)
-(CHAIN CLATTERING)
-WINSTON: Got it.
(GROANING)
Holy shit.
Don't worry.
I'll have better aim now.
No.
-(CHAIN CLATTERING)
-J.J.: Ugh.
Hard proof. Maybe a cure.
Great. Get that to the car.
I'll get Wade.
(THUDDING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
Go.
Hey.
(BULLETS WHIZZING)
(GAS HISSING)
(WINSTON GROANING)
(GROANING)
(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)
(SCREAMING)
(BOB LAUGHS WICKEDLY)
(EPIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(BOB GROWLING)
(MUSIC FADES)
Was it worth it, janitor?
Did you get what you wanted?
I lost...
(SHOUTS) ...everything!
(BOB LAUGHS)
We're not so different,
you and I.
I also like to scream.
-(SHOUTS) Everything!
-(SCREAMS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GROANING)
-(GRUNTING)
(BOB GROANING)
(GROANING)
WINSTON: Come here,
you mother... (GROANS)
(PANTING)
(GASPS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(BOB GROWLS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
There's nothing
you can do to us.
(COUGHING)
J.J.: Get your weird ass up.
You're the fucking weird ass.
Fuck you!
You bitch.
J.J.: Bitch!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(WINSTON AND BOB GRUNTING)
Robert!
(GRUNTING)
(WINSTON AND BOB GRUNTING)
(GROANS)
That's for my mom.
Where's Wade?
(GRUNTING)
(GROANING)
(GRUNTING)
(WINSTON SCREAMING)
You should have just helped me!
But I'm a monster.
(BOB GROANING)
WADE: Dad!
WINSTON: Huh?
(VICTORIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
This way. Hurry.
(GASPS)
-WADE: Please.
-Wade?
Don't kill him.
It's not who you are.
Well, I mean, uh...
-What?
-WINSTON: Never mind. No.
Nothing.
Nothing. Nothing.
Uh, you mean the... (STUTTERS)
With the guy... with the...
Yeah, that guy.
WADE: Well, that was just
self-defense.
Yes, it was.
(COCK CROWING)
You... You haven't killed
anyone else, have you?
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
See, when you say, uh,
"self-defense"...
BOB: (SCREAMING)
Three, two, one!
(GROANING)
Ignition.
What a good fucking line.
(BOB GROANING)
(SPANISH SONG PLAYING)
-(SONG ENDS)
-(APPLAUSE)
(HOPEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
You called me Dad.
I know.
(SIGHS)
I love you... (GROANING)
(GROANS)
WADE: No! Dad!
(BREATHING HEAVILY) Stop!
Enough!
It's never enough!
-(WADE EXCLAIMS)
-Hey! Over here.
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(GROANING)
-(SCREAMS)
-(GROANS)
(MUSIC FADES ABRUPTLY)
(MACHINE BEEPING)
(THE GOOD THINGS
BY THE WHOOPSIE DEWS PLAYING)
Holding hands after dark
A single melody
The way that you sing of me
(BREATHING SHAKILY)
Only the good things
In life that's all
that matters to me...
MAYOR TOGAR: Oh, good.
You're up.
Your son's gone
to the snack machine.
Neat kid.
-(REPORTER SPEAKING ON TV)
-(SNAPS FINGERS) Turn that up.
-(TV VOLUME INCREASES)
-...large scale corruption
in the wake
of the BTH data dump.
A federal task force
has revealed
a massive conspiracy of fraud,
bribery, toxic dumping,
and even murder for hire
involving city officials,
including the Mayor
and Chief of Police.
Criminally implicated CEO
Robert Garbinger
remains at large,
as does the so-called
Toxic Avenger.
RICK: Splendid. One
of our greatest business minds
is pilloried just because...
CJ DOONS: Oh,
shut the fuck up, Rick.
(TV SWITCHES OFF)
I've been after BTH for years.
Are you gonna arrest me?
We're gonna sweep you
under the rug as best we can.
You also saved a lot of lives.
You'll always have that.
For a year, maybe.
Best case.
-DR. WALLA: Actually...
-Oh, fuck!
What? You scared
the shit out of me.
-I thought you saw me here.
-No, I didn't see you.
DR. WALLA: Well,
I'm sorry about that.
I was having lunch here, uh,
in case you woke up
because I wanted
to tell you this
-as soon as I could.
-What is it?
Lebanese bologna
and cream cheese,
-which sounds off...
-What...
What did you want to tell me?
DR. WALLA: Oh. Yes.
More context?
-Nope, that's you.
-(FORKLIFT BEEPING)
Looks like your mutations
with generative properties
-causing...
-(LOUD DRILLING)
...in your brain to vanish.
-Wild, huh?
-(CRASHING)
WORKER 2: You done
fucked up twice now!
You're in recovery.
Apart from your hideous
physical condition, obviously.
(JOYFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(GASPS)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
Mr. Treats says thanks.
(MEOWS)
Thank you, man.
Great job.
You did a great job!
(LAUGHS)
Bunch of crap.
-What?
-You heard me. You heard me.
You got a problem?
Yeah. This is a hospital.
-This ain't no rodeo, buddy.
-Yeah.
I'm aware. I'm excited.
Some kind of party.
Can I have more apple juice?
Shut the fuck up.
(HEARTENING
SPANISH SONG PLAYING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(CHICKEN COOING)
(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY)
-GUTHRIE: Hmm.
-(SLURPING)
(EERIE ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(THE LOOK OF LOVE
BY ABC PLAYING)
(SINGER VOCALIZING)
Whoa, whoa, whoa
When your world is
full of strange arrangements
And gravity
won't pull you through
You know you're missing out
n something
Well that something
depends on you
All I'm saying
It takes a lot to love you
All I'm doing
You know it's true
All I mean now
There's one thing
yes one thing
That turns this
gray sky to blue
That's the look,
that's the look
The look of love
(ALL LAUGHING)
That's the look,
that's the look
The look of love
And all my friends
just might ask me
(ALL CHEERING)
They say,
"Martin, maybe one day
you'll find true love"
And I say, maybe
(MOUTHING) Yes!
There must be a solution
to the one thing
The one thing we can't find
(ALL CHEERING)
That's the look,
that's the look
Sisters and brothers
That's the look,
that's the look
Should help each other
That's the look,
that's the look
(SINGER VOCALIZING)
Heavens above
That's the look,
that's the look
Hip hip hooray aye
That's the look,
that's the look
Yippie aiy yippee yaye
Yeah! Yeah.
Be lucky in love
Look of love
(ROCK SONG PLAYING)
You make it good
You make it bad
Either way you
-Make it
-Shoo-bop, shoo-bop
You make me feel
Like I'm the one
And I don't wanna
-Say it
-Shoo-bop, shoo-bop
And the way
That you look at me, baby
It's always the same
in the end
No one can say
There's something wrong
It's all meaningless
Nothing at all
You say it here
You say I'm there
We're just getting
-Nowhere
-Shoo-bop, shoo-bop
I tried so hard
To make it work
And one day
Would you do care
Ooh, shoo-boop, shoo-bop
And the way
That you look at it, baby
Always the same in end
No one can say
There's something wrong
It's all meaningless
Nothing at all
Saying nothing at all
Words are coming out?
And I'm beginning to doubt
That there's
Anything at all
Throw it all away
Nothing left to say
Saying nothing at all
Words are coming out?
And I'm beginning to doubt
That there's
Anything at all
Throw it all away
Nothing left to say
Let's take it back
I know you tried
But you couldn't
-Say, say
-Shoo-bop, shoo-bop
You stayed home
And watched as father
And son were speeding
-Racing
-Shoo-bop, shoo-bop
And the way
That you look at it, baby
Always the same in the end
No one can say
There's something wrong
It's all meaningless
Nothing at all
Nothing at all
Nothing at all!
(ENERGETIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC CONCLUDES)
(THE GOOD THINGS
BY THE WHOOPSIE DEWS PLAYING)
Ice cream in the park
Holding hands after dark
A single melody
The way that you sing of me
Only the good things
In life that's all
that matters to me
My darling and me
Sweet cotton candy dreams
Oh, what'd you do to me?
Whispers by the sea
I know you'll be true to me
Only the sweetest things
In life that's all
That matters to me
My darling and me
Could it be
The sweetest thing of all
Is your heart of gold
What would you say
If I took your hand?
And together we go home
And if I lose your love
To the heavens up above
I'll cherish our memories
Nothing at all
but you and me
Only the precious things
In life that's all
that matters to me
My darling and me
It's only
the sweetest things
In life that matters
It's only the good things
In life that matters
It's only
the precious things
In life that's all
that matters to me
My darling and me
(SINGER VOCALIZING)
(SONG ENDS)
(INSTRUMENTAL HIP-HOP
MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC FADES)
(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC ENDS)
(MACHINE BEEPING)
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
There's nothing
they can do to us, Robert.
-(TOILET FLUSHES)
-(ROCK SONG PLAYING FAINTLY)
(DOOR CLOSES)
Ah.
I was just, uh,
just making
some grilled cheese.
It's not... you know, uh...
Whatever, I guess. Uh...
You know, the main thing is,
you want to put the butter
on the bread first
so it crisps evenly.
Put butter in the pan first,
it's uneven and, uh,
you know, it can burn,
and that's... that's not good.
So, uh,
you got to use white bread.
Only white.
Or, uh, or sourdough.
Yeah. I, uh,
put a bit of mayonnaise
on mine sometimes.
You know, to be honest,
I don't think it makes
a difference. But, you know.
I don't know why I do that.
I just do.
And I use American cheese.
But I... You could use cheddar
if you like that better or,
uh, you know,
cheddar jack or, you know,
three-mix cheddar. Uh...
Oh, hey, bud.
Uh, another cool thing
you could do
is you can just, uh, you know,
after it's been cooking
for a while, you just
sprinkle some shredded
cheese on the outside.
You flip it and do the same
on the other side.
Now what you get is,
you get this nice,
crispy shell.
So it's nice
and crispy on the outside
and then you get that bite.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Just the pop.
You know,
that crunch on the outside.
You know, it's, uh,
not essential.
Just a little thing extra
you can do to, uh, boss it up.
-You know, I...
-(CLATTERING)
I serve, uh,
I serve mine with milk.
But, uh,
you could do whatever.
You know, whatever you like.
You know.
RADIO HOST: And that clocks
another block
of "I Love Rock" on AM 10-1.
It's another
unusually lovely day,
-here in St. Roma's...
-(BLOWS)
Blue skies. Sun's out.
Kids are playing
with their dogs.
That's how many beautiful days
in a row now?
What's the opposite
of a curse, kids?
It's, uh, just good luck,
I guess.
Okay, this is Rowdy Mike
on AM 10-1
where we're all 10-1 together.
(EERIE ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(CAT GROWLING)
(HORN TOOTING)
-(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
-(KISSES)
-(HORN TOOTING)
-(GROANING)
(DIGITAL BEEPING)
(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)
(HERO SIGHS)
I didn't want any of this.
-Not the...
-(WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GROANS)
-(WOMAN 1 SCREAMS)
-(DRILL WHIRRING)
-(KLAXON BLARES)
-(GROWLING)
-HERO: (SHOUTS) Wait!
-Wait, stop!
-(SCREAMS)
Fuck! We'll get to all of that.
Just...(PANTS)Just relax...
Okay? Jesus.
(CLEARS THROAT)
I didn't want any of this.
Not the grief, not the illness.
Certainly not
the heroic voiceover.
That's not who I am.
But sometimes,
you gotta do something...
It all started
on the other side of town.
I wasn't even involved.
(RADIO SWEEPING,
INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
RADIO HOST: Okay,
we've got this hysteric
on line two again.
Now, um, you're saying that
this beloved corporation
would knowingly poison
its own customers
selling unhealthy slop
just to, uh... to what?
Just to boost
their own profit margins?
FEMALE CALLER: Yes, that's
exactly what I'm saying.
HOST: Where's the proof?
CALLER: I'm not
an expert on chemical stuff,
but I'm not an idiot either.
I can see it with my own eyes.
I can smell it in the air,
-I can feel it on my skin.
-HOST:Ah, okay, sweetheart.
-(LINE DISCONNECTS)
-HOST: (CHUCKLES) Oof.
-Must be a full moon.
-(RADIO SWEEPING)
(SYNTHWAVE MUSIC PLAYING)
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
(EXHALES SHAKILY)
MEL: Are you okay?
Got these fuckers now.
-MEL: Were you followed?
-Don't worry.
You taught me
how to spot a tail, right?
(DOOR CLOSES)
Where'd you get this?
J.J.: BT headquarters.
Got to the 12th floor,
dug into their internal system.
That's risky.
J.J.: Well, I'm not going
to the factory if I can help it.
(MEL SIGHING)
These bastards.
Oh, my God. You did it.
This is exactly what we need
to destroy BTH.
(SHUDDERS SOFTLY)
J.J., you've done real good.
(DOORBELL BUZZES)
-(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
-J.J.: (GASPS) Oh, God.
-(POUNDING ON DOOR)
-Let's go.
-(LOUD THUD)
-(EXHALES)
(MUTED GROWLS)
(BREATH TREMBLING) Go.
(LOUDLY) Come on!
I'm right here!
(GROWLS)
J.J., go!
(MAN 1 LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
Here we come.
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
-Little girl!
-(J.J. PANTING)
(MAN 1 HOOTS)
Oh, my God. Okay, okay.
(J.J. SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS, GROANS)
Goddamn it!
(MEL GROANS)
(GROWLS)
(MEL BREATHING HEAVILY)
You assholes are too late!
There's nothing
you can do to me.
(GUN CLICKING)
(MEL GROANS) Motherfucker.
(GROANING IN PAIN)
You dickless idiots!
(WHEEZING)
Nothing.
(GROANS)
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
(GROANING IN PAIN)
Is that all you've got,
you fucking pussies?
(SCREAMS) Halloween assholes!
-MAN 2: This fucking guy.
-MEL: Is that all you can do?
(GROANS) Fuck each of you.
-(MAN 3 HISSES)
-MEL: You've got nothing!
Nothing.
(SCREAMING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(MAN 1 LAUGHING MANIACALLY
IN DISTANCE)
MAN 2: (GRUNTING)
Fucking door!
(MAN 3 SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
MAN 1: Nah. She's nobody.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Nothing at all.
(EERIE ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(CHICKEN SCATTING)
Oh?
(EXCLAIMS, GRUNTS)
(SCREAMING) Oh, fuck,
it hurts! Jesus Christ!
(PAINED SQUAWKING)
(EERIE ROCK MUSIC ENDS)
(OLD ROMANTIC BALLAD MUSIC
PLAYING OVER RADIO)
(SIGHS)
Good morning.
We'd lost Shelly a year ago.
Her sweet kid, Wade, and me.
Yeah, the evil stepdad.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
I still dream about her
most nights.
(SNORES)
These days,
it's just me and the kid.
(SNIFFLES, GROANS)
It's, uh... It's going good.
NARRATOR: Depression,
fatigue, aches and pains,
and the malaise of
everyday life.
(VOICES WHISPERING)
-(ECHOING) Don't worry.
-Hmm.
NARRATOR: At BTH,
we've got stuff
-for all that stuff and more.
-(AD JINGLE PLAYING)
FEMALE NARRATOR: (QUICKLY)
Side effects notwithstanding.
NARRATOR ON TV: Our line
of proprietary cutting-edge
bio-boosters are the way
to health, wellness,
-and plain old feeling good.
-(HUMMING)
I'm CEO Robert Garbinger.
But please, call me Bob.
Thank you, Bob.
ALL: Thank you, Bob.
Bonnie Dimble here, live
from New Chemistry High School
for Varsity Tournament season.
Coach Stanwyck.
What can we expect from
the Crimson Beaks this year?
STANWYCK: New Chem
is gonna nuke 'em.
(CHUCKLES) Wouldn't wanna be
the Kennedy Cougars
this Saturday, huh?
Man, fuck the Cougars!
-Oh. Oh, my God...
-PLAYERS:Fuck the Cougars!
Switching gears,
we have a special exclusive
for y'all at home now.
It's the brand-new video
from those far-out
shocker rockers
appearing this Saturday
at the St. Roma's
Fun Town Festival.
Our hometown anti-heroes,
The Killer Nutz.
Roll it, Terry.
(SHOCK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(THE KILLER NUTZ SINGING
(WE ARE) CRAZY AND DANGEROUS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
Hey, buddy.
HERO: These guys, huh?
Got everything,
got everything. Okay.
(SIGHS)
Okay, breakfast is served.
Get some.
Ah, that's just junk mail.
Uh...
Whoa! Dig the shade.
What is that?
Black Thunder?
It's so nice.
Looks really rad.
Mmm.
WADE: Um...
Looks great.
Well, I'll just scrape off
the black part.
-It's fine. It's okay.
-WADE: It's okay.
That part's pretty good.
-(CHURCH BELL TOLLING)
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(CAT SCREECHING)
-(BELL DINGING)
-Oh, hey, Dais.
How are you?
DAISY: Please, don't hurt...
-I don't wanna hurt him.
-(CAT WHINES)
And you don't want to accept
our more-than-reasonable offer
for your piece of property here.
But I promise you...
you're gonna.
DAISY: Okay, I'll sign.
REALTOR: Ah.
Common sense prevails.
(CAT MEOWING)
I'll be back
with the papers...
-tonight.
-DAISY: Now give him back.
-(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
-(CAT SCREECHES)
Mr. Treats!
-(BELL DINGS)
-CYCLIST: Watch it. Whoa!
(CAR HONKING)
DRIVER: Get out
of the fucking road!
-(TIRES SCREECH)
-(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)
DRIVER: What the fuck
are you doing?
CYCLIST: My bike's
fucking ruined!
PASSERBY: That motherfucker
saved a cat!
(LAUGHING)
BEGGAR: The wages of sin
is $12 an hour.
Are you in the...
Are you in the yellow zone?
Seems like a yellow.
It's not red, is it?
I'm not ten.
Stop with the zones.
Can you do your tapping?
(STUTTERS) I'm doing
-my tapping right now.
-Okay, okay.
What does this
look like to you?
You seem flooded.
Why didn't you do anything?
You just stood there
while those khaki creeps
pushed Daisy around.
Do what?
Anything.
Oh, Wade.
Sometimes it's...
it's better to do nothing.
You know, you'll see that
when you're older.
So you're all set
for your big dance piece?
It's not a dance, okay?
It's a property movement piece.
Right, property movement
piece. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
No, no, no, no.
It's a very specific thing.
(BASS-BOOSTED
HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
Well, you're gonna crush it.
I know that.
Performing's in your blood, man.
Your mom would be so proud.
-(AIR BRAKE HISSING)
-(BELL DINGS)
Yeah.
(BUS DOOR CLOSES)
(SOFTLY) Yeah.
(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALARM BLARES)
WOMAN OVER PA:
The BTH employee cafeteria...
-(SQUAWKING)
-...will be closed
until further notice
due to the ongoing
clogged toilet issue. Janet.
(FORKLIFT BEEPING)
-(EXPLOSION)
-(MAN 4 SCREAMS)
I can't see!
MAN 5: Need some help
over here.
-(ALARM BLARING)
-(MAN 4 SCREAMS) Oh, God!
Somebody, help!
FIREMAN 1: Hut, hut, hut, hut.
(MAN 4 SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY,
SCREAMING)
FIREMAN 2: Hut, hut, hut.
COLLECTOR: Next.
WINSTON: Hey, Chris.
-CHRIS: Hey, Winston.
-(DOOR BUZZES)
COLLECTOR: Next.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
RECEPTIONIST OVER PHONE:
Mr. Gooze?
-Yeah, that's me.
-RECEPTIONIST: Hi, I'm calling
on behalf of
Dr. Walla's medical practice.
I'm sorry?
RECEPTIONIST:
Well, I'm afraid I'm looking
at your test results.
Test results?
-COLLECTOR: Next!
-(DOOR BUZZING)
(FORKLIFT BEEPING)
(LOUD DRILLING)
(DRILLING STOPS)
-How's Wade?
-Good, thanks.
DR. WALLA: Keeping up with
his counseling and whatnot?
Basically, yeah.
Single parents are heroes.
Single step-parents,
double heroes.
WINSTON: Single step-parents,
play the hand you're dealt, yep.
WORKER 1: Uh-huh.
Hang on, hang on.
So, uh, he's going out
for Share Your Gift?
Yeah. Uh,
property movement piece.
DR. WALLA: Good for him.
(SMACKS LIPS)
My twins are freshmen already.
-Can you believe that?
-Wow. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Elizabeth had her first period.
She's only 13.
-Congratulations.
-Goes by in a blink.
-So you wanted to see me?
-Right.
So, you came to us
with those headaches,
and we ran some tests.
Oh, is that me?
Oh, no, that's a healthy scan
so you...
so you have some context.
(SOFTLY) Yeah.
DR. WALLA: This is you.
WINSTON: Huh! Oh, wow.
It's, uh... It's ghastly.
Yeah.
This is a very
advanced case of...
(LOUD DRILLING)
(DR. WALLA
CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
-DR. WALLA: Frontal.
-Yeah.
-DR. WALLA: Pre-frontal.
-(LOUD DRILLING CONTINUES)
(DR. WALLA
CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
...which, of course,
makes surgery impossible.
Ah, fuck me. Hmm.
How long do I have?
Best case, six months, a year.
(HESITATES)
So, a year
would be your best case.
(GASPS FAINTLY)
(FORKLIFT BEEPING)
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
WORKER 2: Oh, you fucked up
real good this time.
There is a drug treatment
available for this.
It's, uh, very new
and wildly expensive,
but your insurance
will probably cover it.
Oh, fuck me. Why didn't you
tell me that first?
I should have.
WINSTON: Speak to an agent.
AUTOMATED VOICE OVER PHONE:
Got it.
If you are a provider,
press one.
WINSTON: No, no.
Speak to an agent.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Okay.
If you are a patient,
press two.
WINSTON: Speak to an agent!
AUTOMATED VOICE: Got it.
If you are a provider,
press one.
-WINSTON: Speak to an age...
-(LINE BEEPS)
AGENT: Hi, Mr. Gooze.
(SNIFFLES) Hi.
AGENT: Okay, I see
you're on the Platinum Plan
with your BTH
employee coverage.
Yes. Hmm.
Uh, that is me.
-Platinum.
-AGENT: Yes.
Which excludes benefits
-covered under the Gold Plan.
-What?
I... I am Platinum.
AGENT: Yeah,
you have Platinum.
But like I said,
only treatments listed on
the primary tier are covered.
Secondary tier treatments
are covered,
but not if you didn't qualify
for the Admiral's Plan
unless you selected a co-tier.
(SOBBING) I don't know
what that means.
What does that mean?
(SHUDDERS)
-Doesn't...
-AGENT: You have Platinum.
(SNIFFLES) Doesn't Platinum
cover the Gold?
AGENT: Oh, hon.
I'm talking about tiers.
(SNIFFLES, SOBBING)
I don't know what tiers are.
(JOYFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
GUARD 1 ON RADIO:
Perimeter check. O contact.
GUARD 2 ON RADIO: Copy.
Bonnet, clear.
GUARD 1: All teams,
armor-piercing mags.
GUARD 3: Hell yeah.
BOB: Take dictation, my dear.
A letter to the editor.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Dear fuckhead, in spite
of your dishonest newspaper's
alarmist predictions,
BTH is not on its way out.
My ideas have not run dry,
and my clothes are
most certainly not invisible,
whatever the hell that meant.
My haters have always
resorted to lies.
I took money from gangsters.
My factory is a super-polluter
because they can't accept...
-(SIGHS)
-...all I'm really guilty of
is wanting to help people.
But you can't create
a world-changing
health-style empire
without dealing with clowns
like you.
Hang on, let me see. Um...
I will innovate again...
Get that out of my sight,
you fucking donkey!
BOB: Yeah, I'm... I'm like
syphilis, uh, Sisyphus,
pushing his big rocks
up the hill,
and those rocks are...
perfection.
-(MACHINE BEEPS)
-(SIGHS) That's brilliant.
Bloody brilliant!
-(MACHINE CLICKING)
-BOB: Oh, goddamn this thing.
Piece of shit.
It's... No, sorry, Robert,
you just press the...
-I did. I read the manual.
-(MACHINE WHIRRING)
Oh, I looked at the picture.
-The red button next to mode.
-Right, I'm pushing...
-I'm pressing that.
-Where it says "Finish."
-(MACHINE CHIMES)
-Okay. There it is.
(SIGHS) Well done, Robert.
-Where is Fritz?
-(DOOR OPENS)
-FRITZ: Here, Robert.
-(KISSY SIGHS)
-(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
-(CROWS CAWING)
-(FRITZ COUGHS)
-KISSY: He's coming, Robert.
He just takes
that little bit longer.
Thank you, Kissy.
Okay. Uh, not that
I'm complaining necessarily.
I mean, maybe I am a little,
but it didn't exactly...
look like an accident, did it?
I mean, a harpoon? (LAUGHS)
They had to improvise.
Like jazz. Fair enough.
(SLURPING)
And the traitor?
FRITZ: No.
(BOB EXHALES)
Well, maybe,
Mr. Head of Security,
hiring the rock group
you manage to handle wet works
was not the best
operational decision.
-They're not rock.
-What?
-Monster core.
-What? What?
Crazy and dangerous.
-He's just mumbling.
-Ugh.
That's all he can do.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
(BOB SIGHS)
And this viper, this betrayer,
what does she do, huh?
She sticks a knife
-into all of Body Talk's back.
-KISSY: Right.
Body Talk's backs. Backs.
-Our collective back.
-BOB: What?
-KISSY: Back.
-BOB: Our collective back.
Just when I'm up to my chin
in fucking IOUs
from that bald mobster
downtown...
I mean, do you realize
what's at stake here?
(SHOUTING) Everything!
I understand.
Ruthless execution.
Do I make myself clear?
As a window.
Then why am I still looking
at your fucked up puss?
(SOFTLY) Uh...
Right.
-BUDD: Yo, like Mister
-(FRITZ COUGHS)
Belvedere
We're standing
Over our walls
Got misses with toes
To fucking deck the halls
We send you over a ditch
Like Niagara Falls
Doing cannibal stuff
In dirty toilet stalls
Girls are my traps
I'm their property
Oh, I set fires
Always out for me
Why, 'cause I'm rich ?
Rush into a tree
Bitch nuts...
BUDD: Hey.
-Hey!
-(BAND STOPS PLAYING)
(EQUIPMENT CLATTERING)
(INHALING)
(EXHALING) Koo-koo-koo.
(SHOCK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
BUDD: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Come on!
(BUDD HOWLING)
-(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
-ZODIAC 3000: Almost.
BUDD: (IN SING-SONG VOICE)
Where is she?
MAN 6: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What the fuck?
BUDD: (SCREAMING)
Where the fuck is she?
-Fuck! Fuck!
-(MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
Fuck!
Fuck!
Yo, let's try the next place.
Hit it, we're gonna
find that bitch.
ZODIAC 3000: Yes! Nailed it!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
MAN 6: There you are.
Hey, do you know
the fucking Killer Nutz?
'Cause they were just here,
and they beat the shit
out of me looking for you.
Now, when I let you
stay here off the lease,
I said, "No weird
vigilante stuff."
And I feel like
I really emphasized that part.
J.J.: They won't be back.
MAN 6: Hey.
Hey!
-J.J.?
-Neither will I.
And what the fuck
did you do to my floor, man?
(MY NECK, MY BACK (LICK IT)
BY KHIA PLAYING)
All you ladies
pop yo' pussy like this
Shake your body,
don't stop, don't miss
All you ladies
pop yo' pussy like this
Shake your body,
don't stop, don't miss
Just do it, do it,
do it, do it, do it now
Lick it good
Suck this pussy
just like you should
My neck, my back
Lick my pussy and my crack
My neck, my back
(SPECTATORS CLAPPING
AND CHEERING)
-Damn.
-(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
-(DANCERS EXCLAIMING)
-DANCER 1: Fuck, yeah!
-DANCER 2: Yo, babe. Yeah.
-(SONG FADES)
-That was awesome.
-(HYPERVENTILATING)
ANNOUNCER OVER MIC: Next up...
(GASPS SOFTLY)
That's you.
(EXHALES)
HECKLER 1: (LOUDLY) You suck!
(INHALES)
-HECKLER 2: Duck!
-(HESITATES)
(PEN CLICKS LOUDLY)
(HERE COME THE TEARS
BY JUDAS PRIEST PLAYING)
(CHIMING)
All alone
(SIGHS)
No one cares
Ohh, I want to be loved
(TRUMPET TOOTS)
I need to be loved
Won't somebody love me
-(DOOR OPENS)
-Hey, hey! Uh, yeah, yeah.
Hey, Daisy, hey.
Hey, bud.
-You okay?
-(DOOR CLOSES)
Saw my man coming home,
thought he looked
kind of low so...
Thanks, Daisy.
Hey, sorry I couldn't
help earlier.
You got Mr. Treats.
(SCOFFS)
(SONG FADES)
(TRAIN HORN BLARING)
So, how did it go?
You know, you probably
don't remember this
'cause she stopped
playing shows
when you were real little,
but your mom
was an absolute killer
on stage.
Oh, man, bloodbath every time.
Thing is, she couldn't
even play that good.
It was like...
(MIMICKING GUITAR STRUMMING)
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
But... (EXHALES)
It was just the attitude.
You know, her presentation.
(TRAIN HORN BLARING)
(CHUCKLES AND GROWLS)
One second,
Wade, you're gonna love this!
Jackpot!
-(UPBEAT POP SONG PLAYING)
-WINSTON: Oh, yeah!
-Come on, Wade. Come here!
-(FURNITURE CLATTERING)
Wade! Oh, my God!
There are so many people
waiting for you!
(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING)
(EXCLAIMS)
WADE: Winston, no.
-(OBJECTS CLANGING)
-WINSTON: Whoa. Whoa, again.
WADE: Put the chair down,
please.
Oh, you don't think
I know about dance?
Property movement pieces.
Here, learn this shit.
(GRUNTING)
(WINSTON GROANS)
Oh, my back.
Okay, but you get the point.
Like, go throw roses,
and it's like
thunderous applause, and...
It's gonna be fantastic.
(GRUNTS)
What's that?
(SONG STOPS)
I can show you
the backspin too.
But, uh, maybe later.
You're such a good kid.
You're gonna be okay.
(HALL OF THE MOUNTAIN KING
BY SAVATAGE PLAYING)
(DOOR CLOSES)
(SIREN WAILING)
WOMAN 2: Hey.
I'll dance with you, baby.
WOMAN 3: Nice tutu.
For eternity
It is guarded by the king
Madness reigns
(SONG ENDS)
Well, there's always some
flux at our level.
Right, we're all about the flux.
BT is this township's
heart's blood.
And you are BT, but...
(CHUCKLING) ...we're concerned.
I think when we announce
our next innovation,
you will see
our intertwined fortunes
very much in ascension.
Could you give us a preview?
Well, of course, uh,
it's too soon
to go into any
of the particulars, really,
-but I think... (STUTTERS)
-Mayor Togar,
I don't know if you're familiar
with the term "game changer"?
No, I'm not.
-But holy shit.
-(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
KISSY: Yes,
this new product is going to
actually change, well, the game.
Okay. Look, I don't appreciate
being buttonholed like this.
(SNICKERS)
Worried about being seen with
disreputable underworld types?
So, what do you want?
For you to be reminded...
who bought your seat
at the big boy table over there.
Who bankrolled you
and your fuckheaded company.
Thad.
You know I'm grateful.
Don't tell me that shit.
Show me.
All right, you know,
there's always some flux...
(SHOUTING) Fuck flux!
Think of something! You owe!
(IN NORMAL VOICE) People ain't
buying your snake oil anymore?
Too many tumors
and bloody stools?
I don't give a shit, bozo.
'Cause you owe.
And it'll be nothing for me
to fuck you
and everyone you love
in the most sandy
-and unnatural ways.
-Whoa. Now...
Nobody calls me bozo anymore.
You're reminded.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
Business builder.
-Man of impeccable style.
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
The Citizen Shepherd Award.
(ALL CHEERING)
AUDIENCE AND GARBINGER:
(CHANTING) Bob! Bob! Bob!
Bob! Bob! Bob!
Bob! Bob! Bob!
Bob! Bob! Bob!
Bob! Bob! Bob!
Bob! Bob! Bob!
The whole idea
of an award, it's...
it's just not why we do
what we do, right?
But as a focal tool,
it is useful.
-Excuse me?
-Fear for my life.
Cool. It's cool, it's cool.
You gotta chill
with that firearm shit.
KISSY: It's not that kind
of evening. (CHUCKLES)
Yes, sir.
Sorry. Sorry, sorry.
I'm really sorry
to interrupt you
on your special night
-with all your pretty friends.
-KISSY: Wait, what?
Um, but my name
is Winston Gooze,
and I have been
working for you for 13 years,
and I think I do
a pretty good job.
My reviews are exceeds, meets,
and meets exceeds.
You know, so... (HESITATES)
The point is, I'm sick, sir.
And BT insurance won't help.
Oh, man,
I'm sorry to hear that.
I mean,
our plans are pretty robust,
but what can I do for you?
I don't know. I thought you'd
maybe just talk to your people
and, on my behalf
and I wouldn't ask but...
(INHALES SHAKILY)
I've got a kid.
And he already lost his mom.
Can I just ask you
a little question?
What is it you...
you do for us?
Hygiene services.
Mop shop, what what.
-(SCOFFS) Mop shop.
-(MOCKINGLY) What what.
-WINSTON: Yeah.
-I think I got
-a responsibility, don't I?
-KISSY: Right. Yeah.
BOB: Don't worry.
We're gonna
sort this out, my man.
(STUTTERS)
I don't know what to say.
My assistant, Miss Sturnevan,
she'll just get
some details from you, okay?
-Associate.
-Whoa.
KISSY: Shall we?
This way, and I'll just...
We'll chat some things?
-Oh, God, I'm so sorry. Yeah.
-(KISSY CHUCKLES)
Thank you. You rule.
Yeah, I guess I kind of do.
-Oh, this way, Mr. Gooze.
-Oh, okay.
I'll be back shortly
with your vouchers.
-And the Bellini.
-Oh, you betcha.
Oh, shit. Shit.
Miss Sturnevan. Hello?
-BOB: Ah, there you are.
-(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
BOB: Is he gone?
The world's saddest janitor.
KISSY: I mean, the brass neck
on that one. (CHUCKLES)
BOB: Listen,
fire him, rehire him,
and fire him again.
Jesus Christ.
(LAUGHING) Mop shop.
(KISSY AND BOB LAUGHING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
-WINSTON: Open.
-(BELL RINGING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(PLAYING PAN FLUTE)
(CELL PHONE BEEPING)
-(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
-Summon the Nutz.
AUTOMATED VOICE OVER PHONE:
Okay. Summoning the Nutz.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES)
(LIQUID BUBBLING)
(TOXIC HISSING)
J.J.: Get the sample.
Get the fuck out.
Get the sample.
Get the fuck out.
Okay, okay, okay.
Come on.
Okay, come on, now.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
WINSTON: Trash run.
(DOOR UNLOCKS)
What's with the rubber mask?
This is a fucking robbery!
Sorry, man.
I don't want
to fucking hear it.
I thought you were
one of the good guys.
Robbing me with a fucking mop!
Shame on you, Winston.
Shame on you.
I'll send someone
to untie you, Chris!
It's not your fault.
(J.J. SIGHS) Okay.
Easy, easy.
-(ENGINE ROARS, TIRES SCREECH)
-(GASPS)
-(SHOCK ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
-(BUDD LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(BOTH GRUNT)
(GASPS)
Oh, my fucking God.
(CAR BEEPING, APPROACHING)
(INTENSE MUSIC CONTINUES)
-(ENGINE ACCELERATING)
-(TIRES SCREECH)
-(BUDD LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
-(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Come on.
(BUDD HOWLING)
My man, hold up.
-Just want to talk.
-(BREATH TREMBLING)
(BROOM CLATTERS)
(BUDD CHUCKLES, HOWLS)
WINSTON: Hey, I know you guys.
What are you doing here?
That's crazy. Big fan...
-(GUNSHOT)
-(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
Who is that?
Yeah.
What the fuck, you guys?
This! This is the one
we're after.
Hey, you said... Eh,
you said ruthless execution.
Just... All right, fuck.
Just clean it up,
you fucking ding-a-lings.
(GROWLS)
-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GASPS)
(GASPS)
(ROARS)
(MYSTERIOUS EERIE
MUSIC PLAYING)
(HOWLING IN DISTANCE)
(SCREAMING)
(OVERLAPPING VOICES)
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
Stop!
It hurts!
(SQUELCHING)
(MYSTERIOUS EERIE
MUSIC CONTINUES)
Help me!
(DISTORTED) Help me!
(MUSIC INTENSIFIES)
(MUSIC ENDS)
(WINSTON GROANING)
(SPITS AND GRUNTS)
(BREATH TREMBLING)
(BIRD CHITTERING)
(GASPS)
(SCREECHING)
(SCREAMING)
-(CONTINUES SCREECHING)
-(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
(SCREAM ECHOING)
(SCREAM FADES)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
SPENCE: Hey, how's Mr. Feets?
DAISY: Mr. Treats is fine.
SPENCE: All this traffic,
you gotta be careful.
A lot of cats
getting hit out here.
DAISY: (CHUCKLES SNIDELY)
You're very subtle.
SPENCE: Oh, yeah?
-DAISY: As a hammer.
-SPENCE: Why, thank you.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(FLESH SQUELCHING)
Hey, I've enjoyed
working with you
on this transaction.
DAISY: Asshole.
Excuse me?
(SPOOKY MUSIC PLAYING)
WADE: Hey, Winston.
(UPBEAT SONG
PLAYING OVER SPEAKER)
(STUTTERING) I keep calling
and you won't pick up.
So, um, you know,
if you could... (SIGHS)
please just pick up
and... or call. Um...
Oh, I'm just getting
really, really worried.
(EXHALING) Okay, bye.
(SIGHS)
(UPBEAT SONG CONTINUES)
Hey, buddy.
-Whoa!
-(GROANS)
-(THUDS)
-(CAR ALARM BLARING)
The fuck?
(GROANING, GASPING)
What the fuck
did you do to my sled?
WINSTON: Jeez!
(ALARM STOPS)
Oh, shit, man.
I apologize.
-(GROANS)
-(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
BYSTANDER 1: Hey,
shut up down there!
-(GROANS)
-BYSTANDER 2: Someone call 911.
The fuck?
BYSTANDER 3: Did that guy
just shoot someone?
I just said I was sorry.
(YELLING)
-(GRUNTS)
-(SCREAMING IN PAIN)
SPENCE: Oh, is that my arm?
-BYSTANDER 4: It's a demon.
-BYSTANDER 5: It's a fiend.
BYSTANDER 6: Those are
the same things!
(ALL CLAMORING)
BYSTANDER 4: We gotta
kill that vampire.
Call my dad.
Call my dad.
-(SIREN WAILING)
-WOMAN 3: It ate a baby!
WOMAN 4: It had a tail.
Yep. Sounds like angel dust.
-(CAR HONKS)
-MAN 7: Y'all doing a mob?
MAN 8: (WHOOPS)
We're doing a mob.
PEOPLE: (CHANTING)
Mob, mob, mob!
Okay, fuck it. It's a mob.
PEOPLE: (CHANTING)
Mob, mob. mob!
MOBBER 1: Yee-haw!
-(GUN FIRES AND RICOCHETS)
-(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
MOBBER 2:
That's how perverts run!
Hunched over and bow-legged!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(GRUNTING AND PANTING)
MOBBER 3: Let's fuck him up!
MOBBER 4: You all go that way!
-Cut him off!
-(GASPS)
MOBBER 4: He's in that meadow!
We're coming for you!
MOBBER 3: I think I saw
something in them trees.
(PANTING)
-Oh, God.
-(KLAXON BLARES)
MOBBER 5: You better
run and hide.
-MOBBER 1: Keep searching.
-(EXHALES)
(AIRPLANE ENGINE ROARS)
MOBBER 2:
What's that over there?
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING
CONTINUES)
(PANTING)
(GROANS)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(GROANING)
There he is.
Thought you'd want
a breakfast.
I found you in
Yonder Spooky Woods.
My God.
What's the issue, fella?
I, uh...
I'm...
I'm dying.
Doctor says
I've got maybe a year.
Dying. (LAUGHS)
Dying, he says.
Well, why didn't you
say something before?
Make way for the big parade.
We got ticker tape
and there's confetti.
Oh, and look, here comes
the big brass marching band.
(MIMICKING MARCHING BAND)
And great big, sexy,
long-legged women,
high-kicking ladies.
And then
there's a little train.
There's a miniature train,
and you can ride it in circles
and eat cotton candy
until your fucking heart
bursts with joy
because, hey, folks...
(SHOUTS) ...he is dying!
Yeah?
Yeah, well, big whoop!
"A year."
Great. Big ol'
can-suck-it's-own-dick whoop!
(GROANS AND SMACKS LIPS)
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
Guthrie Stockins.
Uh, Winston.
What I meant to say
is we're all... dying.
You know, this place
used to be a preserve.
And now, the Nervous Red Warbler
is basically extinct.
So you see,
you dying,
it just ain't nothing special.
Well, that doesn't
make me feel any better.
Well, it's never too late.
Yeah, well, look at me.
I used to be a fancy doctor.
Yeah. Big salary, house.
You know, important, right?
Next thing I know,
Mr. Policeman's
holding me down,
saying that I, uh, bit somebody
in a budget meeting.
But look
how things turned out.
See?
You never know which way
the worm is gonna turn.
So the question is,
what you gonna do
in the meantime?
What do you want?
I want my boy.
But he thinks I'm a monster.
(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
You're not a monster.
Show him your good heart.
(CAPTIVATING MUSIC PLAYING)
Is that yours?
Found this washed up
in Yonder Funky Lagoon.
This is a formidable item.
Do you know how to use it?
Like, for mopping?
(MUFFLED WHOOSHING)
-(MUSIC STOPS)
-(GRUNTS)
-Mmm...
-Wait a minute. (GROANING)
That's it. There we go.
(CAPTIVATING MUSIC PLAYING)
GUTHRIE: Just remember.
Those given much will of them
have much demanded.
-Yeah, got it. Got it.
-Generally speaking...
Um, with great power
and whatnot.
WINSTON: Oh, got it, got it.
GUTHRIE: Good luck, Winston.
He's an ugly
son of a bitch though.
-WINSTON: Yeah!
-(MUSIC STOPS)
MAN ON TV: Uh, saw blood.
Handsome fella had his arm
tore off like wet bread,
and the creature
run off into the night.
An atmosphere of creeping terror
hangs over the city,
and there are still no leads
as to the identity
of the rampaging maniac.
CJ DOONS: Uh, alleged maniac.
Anyone who may have
encountered the strange beast
should call this number.
Can we put that up
please, Terry?
RICK: What are we
dealing with here?
MS-13? Bio-warfare?
The oft-predicted uprising
of our woodland
Sasquatch cousins?
-(PHONE BEEPING)
-At this point,
it's impossible to say.
-(LINE RINGING)
-CJ DOONS: Whatever it is...
MAN OVER PHONE: Hello.
Pervert tip line.
-Please hold.
-(HOLD MUSIC PLAYING)
CJ DOONS ON TV: Jumping in
with some breaking news.
We have confirmed reports
that a group of armed
political extremists
calling themselves
The Nasty Lads...
Good Lord, y'all.
They've taken hostages
at a Miss Meat
lunch-a-torium downtown.
-Formerly Mister Meat.
-(SIREN WAILING)
Let's go live.
(SIREN BLARES)
OFFICER 1 ON RADIO:
Suspects inside.
We have injured
unknown number of targets.
OFFICER 2 ON RADIO:
Yeah, we're set up out front.
We're still waiting on SWAT.
OFFICER 1:
These guys are real psychos.
God help us.
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
We are The Nasty Lads.
We are angry.
You will hear our grievances.
Youse guys don't move
a fucking muscle.
Take us seriously.
(GIRL SCREAMS)
HOSTAGE 1:
There's a boy in here.
HOSTAGE 2:
He's wearing a helmet.
HOSTAGE 3:
My mom made me wear it.
-(BYSTANDERS MURMURING)
-(MEGAPHONE FEEDBACK)
Our once great Western society
has been enfeebled
by estrogenic thinking
and moral turpitude.
What the fuck
is that supposed to mean?
NASTY LADS LEADER: No longer!
Today, we give notice.
Today, we rise.
Yeah, fellas,
I understand you're angry,
but what's your issue
with this establishment?
The change of mascot
symbolizes the intellectual
dishonesty we abhor.
It's always been Mister Meat.
(MEGAPHONE FEEDBACK)
Yeah, sure, but it's still
the same great grub, right?
-(GUN FIRING)
-(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
I need SWAT right now!
HOSTAGE 3'S MOTHER:
My boy's in there.
OFFICER: Ma'am, please,
stay back.
HOSTAGE 3'S MOTHER:
My son's in there.
Somebody...
Somebody do something!
NASTY LADS LEADER:
Grievance one.
Progressive fascism.
Grievance two.
Anti-Anglo media tyranny.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
Three. The Global
Emasculatory Agenda!
Four. Groupthink privacy.
Five.
Western Alpha Scapegoating.
(MEGAPHONE FEEDBACK ON TV)
Six. Science.
Seven...
NASTY LAD: Are you triggered?
I can't see what you're doing.
Are you triggered?
-NASTY LADS LEADER: Eight...
-LADY: Shitheads, I'm blind.
"Shitheads"?
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
OFFICER ON RADIO:
What's happening?
Talk to me, what's happening?
"Shitheads"?
Maybe I'll just show you
who's a shitheads.
What do you think, boys?
I never cornholed...
(GROANS)
HOSTAGE 1: Don't antagonize him!
-(GUN COCKING)
-You fucked up this time.
-(DOOR THUDDING)
-(HOSTAGES EXCLAIM)
(GROWLING)
Who the fuck are you?
-(TOXIE LAUGHS)
-(ELECTRIFYING MUSIC PLAYING)
TOXIE: Nobody special.
Just some dude...
(LOUDLY) ...with a mop!
-(MOP CLANGS)
-(HOSTAGES SCREAM)
-(SCREAMS)
-Yeah.
TOXIE: Come here, you!
And your stupid
-fucking antlers!
-HOSTAGE 4: Oh, my God.
-TOXIE: You too, dummy.
-(NASTY LAD 1 SCREAMS)
-HOSTAGE 5: Oh, God.
-(GUN FIRING)
-TOXIE: Give me your lunch.
-(ALL SCREAMING)
(NASTY LAD 2 GROANS)
(BYSTANDERS EXCLAIMING)
(GUN FIRING)
-(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
-Show me your hands!
Dingus! Damn it!
What the hell are you doing?
HOSTAGE 6:
Oh, my God, is that man dead?
HOSTAGE 7:
Yeah, that's his head.
HOSTAGE 6: Oh, God!
HOSTAGE 8: What happened
to that guy? (LAUGHS SOFTLY)
He looks like
a fucked-up hot dog.
Oh, God,
he's putting it back in.
-Oh, fuck, he's putting it in.
-(WOMEN SCREAMING)
CJ DOONS ON TV:
Standby. Um, okay.
We're seeing movement here.
People are coming outside.
It's not clear
what's happening just yet.
Hey, get over there
and give him a hand.
Officer, get over there
and help these people.
-(HSOTAGE 3'S MOTHER GASPS)
-BYSTANDERS: Aw!
BYSTANDER 5:
What the hell is that?
-Whoa!
-(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
No! No!
This little dude saved us.
He's a hero.
He's a hero.
(HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING)
-(EXCLAIMS)
-What's your name, sir?
I'd rather not say.
REPORTER: Are you affiliated
with BTH?
No, no comment.
REPORTER: How does it feel
to be considered a hero?
Sometimes...
you know, some...
Sometimes you gotta
do something.
(APPLAUSE ON TV)
Winston?
(ALL EXCLAIMING AND CHEERING)
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALL EXCLAIMING) Yeah!
Yes!
(ON TV) You gotta do something.
CJ DOONS:
If you're just joining us...
I'm sorry.
I'm just choked up here.
Um, it appears that the hostages
-are all safe.
-(STRAINING) That's him.
-CJ DOONS: Or mostly safe...
-Him?
-...but they're okay.
-THAD: That's him?
(LINE RINGING)
Oh, we got the crazy bastard.
He's headed south on Torgl.
(OVER PHONE) Fan out.
I want him dead or alive.
(GUN COCKING)
Actually, wait. You still there?
HENCHMAN:
Yeah, dude, yeah. Still here.
-Just dead.
-HENCHMAN: Just dead?
Yeah.
(ELECTRIFYING MUSIC PLAYING)
(HISSING)
(MUSIC FADES)
BOB: When I ask you
to handle things,
my beloved baby brother,
basis of my assumption is that
you will not then decide...
(SHOUTS)
...to fuck the entire goat!
See what you did?
I did what you asked.
How dare you sass him,
little runt?
-And you!
-Me?
You had one of the anarchists
right in your hand,
-and you lost him.
-No, no.
I did not let him go.
I took him
for a little Bellini.
We had a stroll...
The betrayer and the janitor
are obviously in cahoots,
making mayhem against us,
and if that weren't enough,
now some mighty freak
puts us right in the spotlight.
(SOFTLY) So mighty.
KISSY: Uh, you always say,
"Any attention
is good attention"?
You missed the point.
The janitor and the freak
are one and the same.
-(SOFTLY) Fuck!
-BOB: And somehow,
because of what you did,
we made it so.
(WHISPERS) An evolution.
(FRITZ EXCLAIMS)
BOB: I want all of my geeks
working on this.
But first, how...
-(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
-(BEEPING)
(POWERING DOWN)
(SIGHS) ...did this happen?
-(BEEPING)
-BOB: Whoop.
SAWSER: Our factory
waste materials
are normally quite toxic,
but in combination with an
extremely rare genetic marker,
it could trigger
a powerful mutation.
(DIGITAL BEEPING)
Which result
in muscle accretion,
hyper-cellular augmentation
and, uh...
-Um...
-(STUTTERS) Spit it out.
Girthening.
KUPP: Yes.
Notable girthening.
BOB: You're gonna save my ass,
aren't you, janitor?
Time is short.
Can you recreate the mutation?
We need the freak,
but there's a risk
-of dangerous infection...
-Get it started.
Find him, bring him here.
Uh...
He has a child.
CJ DOONS ON TV:
But where does he come from?
And what does he want?
And what is
the BTH connection?
Excuse me, the Toxic Avenger?
That's what the kids
are calling him.
I think it's swell.
RICK: Is "him"
the preferred pronoun?
-CJ DOONS: Real classy, Rick.
-(TV SWITCHES OFF)
-(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
-(GASPS)
(POUNDING AT DOOR)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
Uh, help you?
I'll tell you what went down.
So that's what went down.
So are you like a...
a detective or a spy?
No, I'm just angry.
I'm trying to expose
these jackals.
Your dad's the key.
WADE: Stepdad.
I grew up by the river.
You could see BT factory
from my yard.
I never bought into the whole
bio booster bullshit.
But my mom was a disciple.
Bob Garbinger was
the Second Coming,
far as she cared.
She bought everything
they put out.
Then came the stomach aches.
And by the time
she could get the surgery,
shit they took out of her
was the size of a baseball.
She was gone in a year.
Whole time thinking
her cranial stims
and positive frequency lamps
would save her.
And that's the shit,
now we know,
that killed her
in the first place.
My sister died too.
-Cancer?
-Zamboni.
Hell of a skater. No awareness.
It was a rough year.
Yeah. I lost my mom
like that too.
-Zamboni?
-Cancer.
Sorry about that, man.
A lot of that going around.
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
You got him mixed up
in some bad stuff.
He was already there,
running off with some money.
(LOW GROWLING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
-(GRUNTS)
-(BUDD LAUGHS)
Where are you?
-Where are you?
-(GRUNTS)
-(GLASS BREAKING)
-(ZODIAC 3000 GROANING)
BUDD: Stop flipping.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(WHOOSHING)
(CACKLES)
They're running.
-(CHUCKLES)
-Parkour?
No.
No parkour.
-(BEEPING)
-We'll track him.
(BOTH PANTING)
-WINSTON: Wait!
-Whoa.
What are you doing with her?
Never mind about her.
What's wrong with you?
What's wrong with you?
Um...
-Does it hurt?
-Uh...
No, it's not bad.
It's sort of like a sunburn.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
I didn't ask for all the doctors
and... and therapy and shit.
I didn't ask for you to go out
stealing to pay for it.
The money was for me.
(TRAFFIC PASSING)
WINSTON: I'm sick.
It's my head.
There's medicine for it.
And I was trying to pay for it
and then, um...
-And then, well...
-Are you...
Are you... are you gonna die?
(WINSTON SIGHING DEEPLY)
And you didn't tell me?
Just like Mom.
And I'm not gonna have anyone.
-No, no, wait. I'm your dad.
-No, you're not.
We need to get inside.
You never even got married!
I promise you,
I am not going...
-(GUNSHOT)
-(GASPS)
Go!
WADE: Winston!
(GUN COCKING)
-(SHELL CASES CLINKING)
-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GRUNTS)
-(FLESH SQUELCHING)
-(ALL GASPING)
-What the fuck?
-(WINSTON PANTS)
-MAN: He's getting away!
KEG-STAND: Go around.
Cut him off!
-Go! Go! Go!
-That way! That way!
WADE: We have to go back.
We have to help him.
J.J.: No. Too dangerous.
(FAINT BEEPING)
My... My ears are ringing.
(BEEPING INTENSIFIES)
-(BEEPS RAPIDLY)
-Oh.
I'm sorry.
(GUNSHOT)
-(GASPS)
-Jump scare.
(GROWLS)
There you are. (CHUCKLES)
-(GUN COCKING)
-There he is.
There he is.
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(GROANING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(BIRDS CAWING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(GROANS)
(BIRDS CAWING)
TOXIE: (MIMICKING HENCHMAN)
Hey, come here.
Come here a sec.
(SHUSHES)
(MOUTHING) What the fuck?
(SOFTLY) What happened
to youse?
Just... just come here.
KEG-STAND: What?
(MUMBLING) I got something
to tell you.
What is it?
It's... it's important.
(SIGHS)
Goddamn it!
Gotcha, sucker.
-(SCREAMS)
-No, no, no!
Blake was gutted.
No, not bummed.
I mean, he was disemboweled.
I sent in Boofer
and Keg-Stand,
but I lost contact, and...
-(TOXIE GROWLING)
-(GROANING)
-(SQUELCHING)
-TOXIE: Stay gold, asshole.
(TIRES SCREECH)
Oh, God.
Hey. Hey. Where's Wade?
-(BREATHING HEAVILY)
-Hey!
Oh, God! Okay, okay, okay.
Hold on. I know a doctor.
Don't worry.
(WHIRRING)
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
-(MUSIC STOPS)
-(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Are you sure you're a doctor?
Whoever told you
I was a doctor?
You did.
Well, then,
in my medical opinion,
she's already dead.
God. Okay, okay.
Young... young lady?
(GROANS)
-Hmm.
-(CLATTERS)
-(EXHALES)
-(WHIRRING)
(GROANS)
Jesus.
(STRAINING)
(GROANING SOFTLY)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(FLESH SQUELCHING)
(BUDD GRUNTS)
You've got someplace to be?
Sound check, baby.
You'll make the festival.
Gotta sound tight
for the community.
Hashtag blessed. A koo-koo-koo!
FRITZ: Just play
the fucking hits.
(BUDD GRUNTS) Whatever.
FRITZ: Hey, kid.
Don't be scared.
We just want him.
You're the one
who should be scared.
(GROWLS)
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
what he's up against?
Winston...
My dad loves me
more than anything.
What would your family do
if someone tried
to take you away?
(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(SCOFFS)
Sorry. Yes, sir.
Right away.
Hello, Thad.
Don't you "Thad" me,
you cunty jerk.
That BTH Frankenstein
just tomahawked half my gang!
So convince me not to come
over there right now
and put a rattlesnake
up your ass.
Oh, please don't do that.
You know there are
undercover feds in town
looking to make hay
out of exactly
this sort of shit show?
-Thad...
-THAD: AKA,
you are suicidally
fucking with my money!
-Of course, but you...
-THAD: You're talking now
which means your whole
operation gets pried open!
And anyone connected is a...
-It's handled.
-THAD: You're sure?
You have my word.
I hope so, bozo.
Why don't we just take it off
and start again?
(DOCTOR GROANS)
Put him in the shed.
(FRITZ CLEARS THROAT)
(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)
(CHUCKLES)
(GROANING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
WADE: Let go of me!
Let me go!
You can't do this!
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
This is a mistake.
The boy.
You're familiar
with Pandora's box?
The exotic revue?
-No
-BOB: Oh.
-A can of worms, I mean.
-BOB: Hmm.
The only can
I'm interested in right now...
is can I know
that you're on my side?
Where else would I be, Robert?
BOB: Hmm.
(CHICKEN SCREECHING)
Hey, little fella.
(CHICKEN SQUAWKS)
J.J.: There's a gentleman
down there huffing jenkem.
Says you saved my life.
Thank you.
They took Wade to get to me.
Yeah.
WINSTON: And they
did all this, huh?
J.J.: The night we met, I was
trying to get hard proof.
Me and my mentor.
His name is Melvin Ferd.
He was a good reporter.
Very brave.
And they killed him
with harpoons and shit.
And if you ruin them,
it'll make things okay.
No, we've already
killed the planet.
Ruining BTH
isn't gonna change that.
You don't... (GROANS)
You don't know that.
Things could change.
It's never too late.
Why fight if you can't win?
They're dangerous.
We'd have to go in hard.
I am very hard.
(AIR HISSES)
(BUDD LAUGHING)
Conception
Sound of drowning perfection
We stir the batter
With a nutty confection
And in nine months
In the family direction
Smokey stokey, make a speech
With a joyous inflection
The nursery is painted
The kiddy works and stacks
To claim one dependent
You best support
The fucking tax
And when I look in the crib
She doesn't smile
She just shies back
My baby is an axe
(LAUGHING)
My baby is an axe
She's a good girl
That's my girl
I see you making jokes
That's my girl
I see spllin' red...
You suck!
Boo!
(BUDD SNICKERS)
My baby is an axe
She attacks
A fucking nun supreme
With fucking pervy laughs
Make no mistake
Mothers and girls
My baby is an axe
-BUDD: Yeah, baby!
-(CROWD CHEERING)
Are you cunt-lickin',
cock-suckin' motherfuckers?
-FAN 1: Yes, we are!
-GIRL: No.
-FAN 2: That's right!
-BUDD: All right.
I know you know the words
to this next one.
So I want you loud up
in this bitch!
(OVERKILLBY MOTRHEAD
PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)
(CROWD CHEERING)
This shit don't work.
This shit don't work.
Who the fuck
is ruining our show?
Only way to feel the noise
is when it's good and loud
No!
So good I can't believe it,
screaming with the crowd
Don't sweat it,
we'll get it back to you
-Toxie! It's him!
-FAN 3: Yo, I know this dude!
Hey, Toxie!
He saved my life! Hey!
Don't sweat it,
we'll get it back to you
-Don't cheer!
-(CROWD CHEERING)
It's my fuckin' stage!
-(FAN 2 WHOOPING)
-No!
Overkill, overkill, overkill
-BUDD: Yeah? Okay.
-(TOXIE VOCALIZING)
Look out!
-(GUNSHOT)
-(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
BUDD: What do you got? A mop?
(BUDD GROANING)
(MUFFLED SPEAKING)
(GAGS)
(ALL CLAMORING)
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
here it comes, baby.
Yes. I am gonna flip it...
Oh, shit. Wait.
No, no, no! (SCREAMS)
(EXPLOSION)
(SCREAMS)
(EXCLAIMING)
-(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
-(GROANING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(GROANS)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(GROANING)
Eat your fuckin' beard!
(GROANING)
(GAGGING)
(TOXIE GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
Fuck you!
(BUDD MUMBLING) Oh, my wife...
my best partner.
GIRL: Why'd Toxie do that?
FAN 1: What the fuck, Toxie?
FAN 2: I told you
he was a monster!
FAN 3: Who's gonna
clean up all this shit?
Listen up!
These dudes suck!
They kill people for BTH!
It's Robert Garbinger.
He's in bed with gangsters.
They all got rich
and you all got sick.
(GROANING)
Weird bitch.
They are ruiners!
J.J.: Over here!
-(PANTING)
-(MIC DROPS)
-(HIM UNDER THE HOOD GRUNTS)
-Where's my son?
-(GASPING)
-Where is my son?
Ow!
(J.J. COUGHS AND GAGS)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Chdhaven.
(GAGS)
(COUGHING)
Chdhaven?
-Do you know where that is?
-(GAGS) Mmm.
-Mmm-hmm.
-HIM UNDER THE HOOD: Yeah.
Chdhaven.
-Too much. Too much.
-TOXIE: Uh...
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
J.J.: This way.
Are you ready?
(WARBLING)
GUARD 1 ON RADIO:
Post one, any contact?
GUARD 2: Negative.
GUARD 1: Copy. Stay frosty.
(EYEBALL CLICKS)
WINSTON: Two guards.
-(WHISPERS) Can we sneak in?
-I don't think so.
It's wide open.
Follow my lead.
I have a plan.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey, boys.
-(BOTH GASP AND GRUNT)
-(GUNSHOTS)
(GASPS)
(WINSTON LAUGHING)
Oh. That plan was insane.
No.
(SERENE INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC SLOWS DOWN)
-WADE: Winston!
-(WINSTON GASPS)
-Wade?
-Look out!
(AIR HISSING)
(WINSTON AND J.J. COUGHING)
(SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING)
(CHAINS RATTLING)
(GRUNTING)
(DOOR UNLOCKING)
Hey, gang.
Room service.
Just getting everybody comfy.
Triple titanium
chains there, buddy.
You ain't going anywhere.
You know,
I think you've learned
a pretty severe lesson
about not stealing
from your employer.
But the fun thing is, is that
even though
you tried to rob me...
(LAUGHING) ...all of this
is gonna make me
a fucking barn load of money.
-Look at those guns.
-(WINSTON GRUNTING)
Get away from him, you pig.
"Pig"? Okay, you know what?
I'm not even
talking to you right now.
I'm so irritated with your...
(MOCKINGLY) "Oh, dear.
Businessman. Bad."
So just...
Annoying.
(SIGHS)
Wow.
Tell me, Mr. Gooze,
um, did it hurt?
You're becoming...
(SCREAMS)
Okay. Well, never mind.
I'll find out for myself.
(CLEARS THROAT)
I'm gonna have
the side effects boys
iron it out before we launch.
-Garbinger.
-Yes?
You're gonna find out
what hurts.
(SCOFFS) No.
-I'm gonna make sure it hurts.
-BOB: No.
-(SIGHS)
-BOB: I get it.
-WINSTON: I'm gonna make...
-I just said
that I was gonna find out.
So it's a hat on a hat, right?
-It's a hat on a hat.
-It is.
-I'm gonna make sure it hurts.
-No, no, no.
-The moment has passed.
-(GROANS)
-See you guys.
-WINSTON: Fuck!
I'm sorry.
It wasn't a good line.
-(WHIRRING)
-(HISSING)
(BLOWS)
-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GROANS)
J.J.: Don't you
fucking touch him!
Winston!
-(SCREAMS)
-Winston!
(WINSTON SCREAMING)
(MUSIC FADES)
Some of the subsequences
are flawed.
-Some.
-Run it again.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
-(BLOWS)
-Winston!
-(SCREAMING)
-Winston!
(WINSTON SCREAMING)
KUPP: These elements contain
-traces of...
-(HISSING)
...which can cause
notable brain changes.
Run it again.
The subject will not likely
survive another extraction.
Let's hope he does.
Uh...
-(BLOWS)
-(WINSTON AND J.J. SCREAMING)
The mutagenics are in range.
But, uh...
CJ DOONS ON TV:
Here at Gonzales Park,
where a fun family festival
turned into
a bananas bloodbath
that some attribute
to the freaky folk hero
known as Toxie.
Beautiful.
THAD: I'm assuming
you heard this.
Thad.
MAN ON TV: What I heard
was criminal allegations
about BTH being in
with criminal gangsters
and using our town as their
own personal shit box.
WINSTON:
It's Robert Garbinger.
He's in bed with gangsters.
They all got rich
and you all got sick.
They are ruiners!
CJ DOONS: There you have it.
Shocking allegations
against BTH
of organized crime connections
and heinous
environmental abuses.
As of today,
all municipal cooperation
with Body Talk Healthstyle
is suspended,
pending a thorough inve...
(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
You said it was handled.
Fuck them.
(SCOFFS) We can wait them out.
You got a turd in your pocket?
Who's this "we"?
I would never tell them
anything about us. About you.
THAD: You say that
like you have any control
-over what happens.
-But I do.
Just now, we had
the breakthrough
of a millennium.
It's the ultimate bio booster.
We could... we could call it
Champion Sauce or God Soda.
Everybody is gonna be eating
out of my hands, just like...
-Eating out of our hands.
-THAD: Hush.
-BOB: Just like the old days.
-Hush.
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
Okay if I had a quick drink?
I'm just...
-One for the road?
-THAD: Oh, yeah.
You're gonna need it.
BOB: We had a good run, huh?
You and me.
-Stop stalling.
-(BOB SLURPING)
THAD: It's cheap.
(GURGLING)
(BOB GRUNTING)
Bozo?
Nobody calls me that anymore.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(YELLING)
-(GRUNTING)
-(SCREAMING)
(CHOKING)
(GRUNTS)
(THAD GROANING)
-(GROANING)
-(BONES CRACKING)
Rob...
(GASPING)
(GASPS)
(KISSY BREATHING HEAVILY)
Robert.
(GROANS)
My love, I feel unwell.
(GROANING)
KISSY: Mmm.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(BOB GROANING)
Take dictation, my dear.
Superiority...
KISSY: I don't
want explanations.
I want results.
His body's
rejecting the serum.
KISSY: I literally said
I didn't want that.
We warned him
it wasn't perfected.
KISSY: So fucking perfect it!
(SHOUTING) My God,
you people are tedious!
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
The mess upstairs? No traces.
-The hostage?
-KISSY: No witnesses.
FRITZ: Wait. What?
KISSY: You didn't think
we were just gonna let him go?
But he's a child.
And whose sterling
fucking idea was it
to bring him here
in the first place?
Do it.
(GUN COCKING)
No, Colonel.
Jeff, we're not gonna do that.
KISSY: You disloyal little gimp.
That is your brother
I'm trying to protect.
(BOB GROANING)
No, it's not.
KISSY: Oh, Fritz.
(GROANING)
-You fucking little shit!
-(GROANING)
(KISSY SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY
AND SCREAMING)
No witnesses!
(ECHOES) Witnesses.
Hey.
Hey.
-Yo! Wake up!
-(GRUNTS)
They're going to kill Wade!
Wade?
Yo, yo, yo, yo!
Come on, let's go.
(GRUNTING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BUILDING)
(STRAINING)
(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)
(SIGHS) Mel would be
so pissed at me.
(MUSIC FADES)
Pissed.
I gotta get my dick out.
(UNZIPS)
Your dick?
Please, like
you have to trust me.
I swear to God, if you're
being perverted right now...
Okay. Hey. No. No.
I promise you,
I am not a pervert.
Okay?
Okay. Watch out.
I gotta piss on my face.
Okey-doke.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(METAL HISSING)
-(CHAIN CLATTERING)
-WINSTON: Got it.
(GROANING)
Holy shit.
Don't worry.
I'll have better aim now.
No.
-(CHAIN CLATTERING)
-J.J.: Ugh.
Hard proof. Maybe a cure.
Great. Get that to the car.
I'll get Wade.
(THUDDING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
Go.
Hey.
(BULLETS WHIZZING)
(GAS HISSING)
(WINSTON GROANING)
(GROANING)
(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)
(SCREAMING)
(BOB LAUGHS WICKEDLY)
(EPIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(BOB GROWLING)
(MUSIC FADES)
Was it worth it, janitor?
Did you get what you wanted?
I lost...
(SHOUTS) ...everything!
(BOB LAUGHS)
We're not so different,
you and I.
I also like to scream.
-(SHOUTS) Everything!
-(SCREAMS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GROANING)
-(GRUNTING)
(BOB GROANING)
(GROANING)
WINSTON: Come here,
you mother... (GROANS)
(PANTING)
(GASPS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(BOB GROWLS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
There's nothing
you can do to us.
(COUGHING)
J.J.: Get your weird ass up.
You're the fucking weird ass.
Fuck you!
You bitch.
J.J.: Bitch!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(WINSTON AND BOB GRUNTING)
Robert!
(GRUNTING)
(WINSTON AND BOB GRUNTING)
(GROANS)
That's for my mom.
Where's Wade?
(GRUNTING)
(GROANING)
(GRUNTING)
(WINSTON SCREAMING)
You should have just helped me!
But I'm a monster.
(BOB GROANING)
WADE: Dad!
WINSTON: Huh?
(VICTORIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
This way. Hurry.
(GASPS)
-WADE: Please.
-Wade?
Don't kill him.
It's not who you are.
Well, I mean, uh...
-What?
-WINSTON: Never mind. No.
Nothing.
Nothing. Nothing.
Uh, you mean the... (STUTTERS)
With the guy... with the...
Yeah, that guy.
WADE: Well, that was just
self-defense.
Yes, it was.
(COCK CROWING)
You... You haven't killed
anyone else, have you?
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
See, when you say, uh,
"self-defense"...
BOB: (SCREAMING)
Three, two, one!
(GROANING)
Ignition.
What a good fucking line.
(BOB GROANING)
(SPANISH SONG PLAYING)
-(SONG ENDS)
-(APPLAUSE)
(HOPEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
You called me Dad.
I know.
(SIGHS)
I love you... (GROANING)
(GROANS)
WADE: No! Dad!
(BREATHING HEAVILY) Stop!
Enough!
It's never enough!
-(WADE EXCLAIMS)
-Hey! Over here.
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(GROANING)
-(SCREAMS)
-(GROANS)
(MUSIC FADES ABRUPTLY)
(MACHINE BEEPING)
(THE GOOD THINGS
BY THE WHOOPSIE DEWS PLAYING)
Holding hands after dark
A single melody
The way that you sing of me
(BREATHING SHAKILY)
Only the good things
In life that's all
that matters to me...
MAYOR TOGAR: Oh, good.
You're up.
Your son's gone
to the snack machine.
Neat kid.
-(REPORTER SPEAKING ON TV)
-(SNAPS FINGERS) Turn that up.
-(TV VOLUME INCREASES)
-...large scale corruption
in the wake
of the BTH data dump.
A federal task force
has revealed
a massive conspiracy of fraud,
bribery, toxic dumping,
and even murder for hire
involving city officials,
including the Mayor
and Chief of Police.
Criminally implicated CEO
Robert Garbinger
remains at large,
as does the so-called
Toxic Avenger.
RICK: Splendid. One
of our greatest business minds
is pilloried just because...
CJ DOONS: Oh,
shut the fuck up, Rick.
(TV SWITCHES OFF)
I've been after BTH for years.
Are you gonna arrest me?
We're gonna sweep you
under the rug as best we can.
You also saved a lot of lives.
You'll always have that.
For a year, maybe.
Best case.
-DR. WALLA: Actually...
-Oh, fuck!
What? You scared
the shit out of me.
-I thought you saw me here.
-No, I didn't see you.
DR. WALLA: Well,
I'm sorry about that.
I was having lunch here, uh,
in case you woke up
because I wanted
to tell you this
-as soon as I could.
-What is it?
Lebanese bologna
and cream cheese,
-which sounds off...
-What...
What did you want to tell me?
DR. WALLA: Oh. Yes.
More context?
-Nope, that's you.
-(FORKLIFT BEEPING)
Looks like your mutations
with generative properties
-causing...
-(LOUD DRILLING)
...in your brain to vanish.
-Wild, huh?
-(CRASHING)
WORKER 2: You done
fucked up twice now!
You're in recovery.
Apart from your hideous
physical condition, obviously.
(JOYFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(GASPS)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
Mr. Treats says thanks.
(MEOWS)
Thank you, man.
Great job.
You did a great job!
(LAUGHS)
Bunch of crap.
-What?
-You heard me. You heard me.
You got a problem?
Yeah. This is a hospital.
-This ain't no rodeo, buddy.
-Yeah.
I'm aware. I'm excited.
Some kind of party.
Can I have more apple juice?
Shut the fuck up.
(HEARTENING
SPANISH SONG PLAYING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(CHICKEN COOING)
(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY)
-GUTHRIE: Hmm.
-(SLURPING)
(EERIE ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(THE LOOK OF LOVE
BY ABC PLAYING)
(SINGER VOCALIZING)
Whoa, whoa, whoa
When your world is
full of strange arrangements
And gravity
won't pull you through
You know you're missing out
n something
Well that something
depends on you
All I'm saying
It takes a lot to love you
All I'm doing
You know it's true
All I mean now
There's one thing
yes one thing
That turns this
gray sky to blue
That's the look,
that's the look
The look of love
(ALL LAUGHING)
That's the look,
that's the look
The look of love
And all my friends
just might ask me
(ALL CHEERING)
They say,
"Martin, maybe one day
you'll find true love"
And I say, maybe
(MOUTHING) Yes!
There must be a solution
to the one thing
The one thing we can't find
(ALL CHEERING)
That's the look,
that's the look
Sisters and brothers
That's the look,
that's the look
Should help each other
That's the look,
that's the look
(SINGER VOCALIZING)
Heavens above
That's the look,
that's the look
Hip hip hooray aye
That's the look,
that's the look
Yippie aiy yippee yaye
Yeah! Yeah.
Be lucky in love
Look of love
(ROCK SONG PLAYING)
You make it good
You make it bad
Either way you
-Make it
-Shoo-bop, shoo-bop
You make me feel
Like I'm the one
And I don't wanna
-Say it
-Shoo-bop, shoo-bop
And the way
That you look at me, baby
It's always the same
in the end
No one can say
There's something wrong
It's all meaningless
Nothing at all
You say it here
You say I'm there
We're just getting
-Nowhere
-Shoo-bop, shoo-bop
I tried so hard
To make it work
And one day
Would you do care
Ooh, shoo-boop, shoo-bop
And the way
That you look at it, baby
Always the same in end
No one can say
There's something wrong
It's all meaningless
Nothing at all
Saying nothing at all
Words are coming out?
And I'm beginning to doubt
That there's
Anything at all
Throw it all away
Nothing left to say
Saying nothing at all
Words are coming out?
And I'm beginning to doubt
That there's
Anything at all
Throw it all away
Nothing left to say
Let's take it back
I know you tried
But you couldn't
-Say, say
-Shoo-bop, shoo-bop
You stayed home
And watched as father
And son were speeding
-Racing
-Shoo-bop, shoo-bop
And the way
That you look at it, baby
Always the same in the end
No one can say
There's something wrong
It's all meaningless
Nothing at all
Nothing at all
Nothing at all!
(ENERGETIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC CONCLUDES)
(THE GOOD THINGS
BY THE WHOOPSIE DEWS PLAYING)
Ice cream in the park
Holding hands after dark
A single melody
The way that you sing of me
Only the good things
In life that's all
that matters to me
My darling and me
Sweet cotton candy dreams
Oh, what'd you do to me?
Whispers by the sea
I know you'll be true to me
Only the sweetest things
In life that's all
That matters to me
My darling and me
Could it be
The sweetest thing of all
Is your heart of gold
What would you say
If I took your hand?
And together we go home
And if I lose your love
To the heavens up above
I'll cherish our memories
Nothing at all
but you and me
Only the precious things
In life that's all
that matters to me
My darling and me
It's only
the sweetest things
In life that matters
It's only the good things
In life that matters
It's only
the precious things
In life that's all
that matters to me
My darling and me
(SINGER VOCALIZING)
(SONG ENDS)
(INSTRUMENTAL HIP-HOP
MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC FADES)
(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC ENDS)
(MACHINE BEEPING)
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
There's nothing
they can do to us, Robert.
-(TOILET FLUSHES)
-(ROCK SONG PLAYING FAINTLY)
(DOOR CLOSES)
Ah.
I was just, uh,
just making
some grilled cheese.
It's not... you know, uh...
Whatever, I guess. Uh...
You know, the main thing is,
you want to put the butter
on the bread first
so it crisps evenly.
Put butter in the pan first,
it's uneven and, uh,
you know, it can burn,
and that's... that's not good.
So, uh,
you got to use white bread.
Only white.
Or, uh, or sourdough.
Yeah. I, uh,
put a bit of mayonnaise
on mine sometimes.
You know, to be honest,
I don't think it makes
a difference. But, you know.
I don't know why I do that.
I just do.
And I use American cheese.
But I... You could use cheddar
if you like that better or,
uh, you know,
cheddar jack or, you know,
three-mix cheddar. Uh...
Oh, hey, bud.
Uh, another cool thing
you could do
is you can just, uh, you know,
after it's been cooking
for a while, you just
sprinkle some shredded
cheese on the outside.
You flip it and do the same
on the other side.
Now what you get is,
you get this nice,
crispy shell.
So it's nice
and crispy on the outside
and then you get that bite.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Just the pop.
You know,
that crunch on the outside.
You know, it's, uh,
not essential.
Just a little thing extra
you can do to, uh, boss it up.
-You know, I...
-(CLATTERING)
I serve, uh,
I serve mine with milk.
But, uh,
you could do whatever.
You know, whatever you like.
You know.
RADIO HOST: And that clocks
another block
of "I Love Rock" on AM 10-1.
It's another
unusually lovely day,
-here in St. Roma's...
-(BLOWS)
Blue skies. Sun's out.
Kids are playing
with their dogs.
That's how many beautiful days
in a row now?
What's the opposite
of a curse, kids?
It's, uh, just good luck,
I guess.
Okay, this is Rowdy Mike
on AM 10-1
where we're all 10-1 together.
(EERIE ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(CAT GROWLING)
(HORN TOOTING)
-(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
-(KISSES)
-(HORN TOOTING)
-(GROANING)
(DIGITAL BEEPING)