The Turkey Bowl (2019) Movie Script

Dozed off. Ready to rock.
-[exhales deeply] were talking
in your sleep.
-Son of a bitch.
That-- that's a 200-dollar tie.
Yeah, well,
Ashley hates when I crease.
-[man] Uh-huh. Well,
our presentation's at 3:00.
Well, get the team assembled.
-Let's do this.
-Got it.
[phone rings]
Hey, sweetie. What's up?
Hi, sweetie.
A-- a couple things.
You didn't tell your friend
that we were coming back
to your hometown
for Thanksgiving, did you?
What? Baby, no. Why?
we got a snail-mail invitation
from your buddy, Mitchell, if--
if you want to call it that.
Are his balls in it?
[Ashley] And his entire asshole.
[Hodges] Hmm. I'm so sorry.
You know,
why don't you just go ahead
and throw that thing away?
Okay? I am not dragging you
back there again.
Thank God. Once was plenty.
it was a little traumatizing.
I don't think those people
have evolved.
[Hodges] Yeah, well,
it's 'cause they haven't.
-[Ashley] I know, right?
-[grunts] God!
I guarantee you
they're still drinking,
hooking up with each other,
picking fights
and talking
about the glory days.
-[Ashley] And eating meat.
That's why
I got the hell out of there.
Well, look at you now.
Great job. Amazing condo.
And best of all...
you're dating a Sinclair.
-[Ashley chuckles]
-Yeah. Well, I'm a lucky man.
Oh, the other piece of biz,
daddy called and said
we're leaving for the cabin
tonight instead of Sunday.
-Fun, huh?
-Um... Yeah.
That-- That's great.
How cool is that?
So come home right after work,
okay? Love you. Bye.
Okay, love you. Bye.
[whispers] Twenty minutes.
[shouts] Fuck!
[phone rings]
[phone beeping]
"Breast or thigh?" [grunts]
[man] Hey, hey, hey! Watch out!
-[man] There you go.
-Oh, hey, sorry. In a hurry.
-[baby crying]
-[car honking]
[indistinct chatter]
Good to see you again,
Mr. Hodges.
Have you come to a decision?
I have.
Off your recommendation,
I would like the Bramfort cut
on the Priscilla setting.
-Excellent choice.
-Thank you.
[inhales, exhales]
Nothing but the finest
for the Senator's daughter.
[phone beeps]
She looks quite different
on television.
Just a weird filter.
[car honking]
Man. [sighs]
[man whistles]
[tires screeching]
[woman clears throat]
[clock ticking]
[woman snoring]
Do I have everyone's attention?
What is more important?
What's inside the box
or the box itself?
It's all about perception.
Oh, my God. Wow.
Excellent work. Let's sit down
after the holidays.
Would love to, ma'am.
Thank you so much.
Wow. I mean, it doesn't get
any better than that.
-Uh, yes, it does.
-[clamoring over TV]
-[journalists] Senator! Senator!
-Okay, okay, okay.
Your future father-in-law
is on CNN.
Yes. The rumors are true.
I am running for president
in the next election.
I will answer
all your questions...
You're about to become
a made-man.
[Senator Sinclair]
Remember, vote Sinclair!
Senator! Senator! Senator!
[Senator Sinclair] Patrick,
I apologize
for the quick departure,
but I thought
we'd get out of town early
to avoid
the initial media frenzy.
It's a great idea, sir.
You know, a lot of personalities
use the same strategy
when they're thrust
into the spotlight like that.
Really? Such as?
Um... I...
Um, sir, there's been something
I've been--
You want to ask my permission
for Ashley's hand.
Yeah. How--
how did you know that?
Why else would you go
to the Michigan Ave BC Clark
five days in a row?
-[whispers inaudibly]
-Correction. Six days in a row.
I'm content with your request
for Ashley's hand.
due to the current shift
in my political stature,
it's apparent I have my eyes
on a bigger prize.
Therefore, a son-in-law
who shoplifts coffee,
hops turnstiles, and steals a
cab from a Supreme Court Justice
is a tremendous risk
to the future President
of the United States.
Wouldn't you agree?
Yes, sir. But I did pay
for the coffee, Glenn.
Don't get me wrong, Patrick.
I'm looking forward
to spending the week with you.
from here on out,
watch your step.
Whatever you do,
wherever you go,
whatever you say
reflects on me,
from the tiniest blemish
on your record to the...
tiniest crease on your tie.
We cool?
We cool.
-Great. Welcome to the family.
-Thank you, sir.
[plane engine roars]
[phone rings]
Hey. Patrick Hodges.
[sighs] It's so sad.
I just can't believe
Mitchell's dead.
-What happened?
A car wreck.
Driving home from the local bar.
It's awful.
Mitchell's the one
that always sends you pictures
of his ball sack, right?
You know, I'd been meaning
to call him back
for a long time, but--
-God, what a dick I am!
-Aw. It's okay, monkey.
You know, he's been really
trying to get me back
to come home for Thanksgiving.
Oh, I guess he's gonna get
his wish.
You know, um...
if you want,
I-- I could come with you.
But it's probably better
if-- if you go alone.
Yeah, no, baby,
you stay with your family.
-[Ashley] Yeah?
-Okay? I'll... [sighs]
...catch a flight
in the morning...
-...hit the funeral.
Say hi to my folks,
and I will get out, okay?
-I'll be in Vail in two days.
-So super sad.
-I love you.
-I love you.
Sorry for your loss, Patrick.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you so much.
-Call me when you get there?
Have a good flight
and just know I'm here for you.
And if I don't pick up,
it's because we're on the slopes
-and I'll call you right back.
-All right.
[engine revving]
[Hodges] "Ron-defeated"?
Like "undefeated"?
[phone beeps]
[soft rock music playing]
[Hodges sighs]
Good to see you, Captain.
[Hodges] Hey, man.
Oh, you know, under the
-You're looking good.
You too, Fat Jack.
Thanks, man.
Hard to pass up on the wings
when you're the one making 'em,
you know?
[inhales deeply]
Well, glad you made it.
Me too.
-Place looks great, bud.
-Oh! Thanks, man.
Pretty proud
of the old Badge Hole.
Got to admit,
there ain't much I wouldn't give
to have your tender hands
pressed up against my taint
just one more time.
You know, snap you the ball?
That feels a little
inappropriate right now,
but I-- I know what you mean.
-Yeah, but I get it.
Mitchell would've been so happy
that you came.
Guys are at the end of the bar.
Hey, Sonny D.
No handshakes today, man.
Man, I'm so sorry,
it's been so long--
Shh. Don't worry about it, man.
All right.
Get your ass in my arms.
[Hodges] Oh, Ledbetter.
Missed the shit out of you, man.
Yeah, I miss you, too, bro.
Hey, Mitchell.
-[all laughing]
-Got you, bitch!
-You thought I was dead?
I'm not dead. I'm alive.
[Sonny D]
You should've seen your face.
you're so fucked up, dude!
Look, he's been crying!
-Aw. You've been crying?
About me?
Oh, my God, I am so touched.
-Yeah, right here.
Take a bow.
And while you're down there...
Get off of me! Get off of me!
[Mitchell] Okay, okay, okay.
Guys, enough, enough, enough.
All right.
You guys are assholes.
Oh, come on. Get over it, man.
You ghosted us for 15 years.
Last time you came back,
you didn't even--
You didn't even tell us.
How else were we supposed
to get you back here?
Okay. Okay.
Well, I appreciate the gesture.
[chuckles] Guys, I really do.
I'm so happy you're alive.
But I have to be in Vail
right now.
Oh, Vail? Of what?
-Oh, come on. You just got here.
You're gonna leave?
Come on. Have a drink.
I'm dead, for Christ's sake.
-No, I can't.
-One beer.
-Dude, just one.
And her dad, I swear to God,
found out yesterday,
-he's running for president.
-[Fat Jack] Oh, wow.
So you're gonna be, like,
part of the royal family?
Uh, yeah, kind of, yeah.
I can still fulfill my plan
of the emancipation copulation.
-The what now?
-I was gonna win the Heisman
as the first defensive lineman
get invited to the White House,
tag a cheerleader
in the Lincoln Bedroom.
'Cause Lincoln was down
for my people.
-[phone buzzes]
-All right.
All I know is that whoever
is cutting the north lawn
at the White House,
doesn't know how to cut grass.
Vertical lines look like shit
on TV.
Guys, also by the way, uh,
he has to go get elected first.
-So this is, like--
-Yes. Yeah, guys.
-Have some respect. Jeez.
-Thank you.
future, uh, first-son-in-law...
-Inauguration. Interactive DJ?
All y'all
are riding my coattails.
Okay, all right.
Guys, I think it's--
-I think it's time.
-Another round.
Let's do this, baby.
-No. No, no, no.
We all pitched in
and got you a little gift.
Right, what are these for?
'Cause you can't be wearing
those sissy shoes you got on.
-For what?
-The game.
We're finally gonna finish it.
-What game?
-"What game?"
The '99 Turkey Bowl.
We're gonna play
the second half.
Same field. Same teams.
Same time. Thanksgiving Day.
Wait, this is why
you brought me back out here?
-Are you serious?
-Yes! I'm fucking serious!
-Oh, my God.
It's our second chance
to finally beat Ronnie Best
and the-- the Noble Knob-Jobs.
It's seven to seven
at the half
before the storm
of the century cursed us.
If we didn't get snowed out,
'99 would've been our year
to finally win it.
And now Ronnie Best
walks around this town
like he owns the place,
buying up everything.
You know what I say?
I say fuck Ronnie Best
and fuck those Noble douchebags.
-Yeah, all right.
-[men screaming]
-[men] Yeah!
-[men clamoring]
-[man] Hey, nice to meet you.
[man] Turkey!
[overlapping chatter]
-Was that Nolan?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He, like, lives in that thing.
-It's the whole team.
-We're here.
We're gonna do this.
are you in or are you out?
I-- I think that, um...
Uh, I think that, um...
I-- I think, um...
It's Turkey Bowl time!
[men cheering]
[all chanting] Badger red!
Knock 'em dead!
Badger Red! Knock 'em dead!
Badger Red! Knock 'em dead!
check all available flights
from Oklahoma City
to Chicago.
Patrick Hodges?
-Jennifer Harrison?
-[Jennifer] Dude, what?
[chuckles] Hey.
-Jennifer Harrison.
-Oh, my God. [chuckles]
This is, uh--
Well, this is the ladies' room.
-Um, it is.
-[both chuckle]
-[Hodges] Ah, you look amazing.
-Thank you. You, uh...
You don't look
half-bad yourself.
-This tie here-- Oh, sorry. I--
-I thought we were gonna...
So... [stutters]
...back for the big game?
Town's pretty excited.
Oh, yeah.
-Turkey Bowl!
"He's so great, number eight."
-Okay. All right.
-Yeah, okay, I'm sorry.
Forget it.
So how are you?
Soon to be engaged.
[stammers] Doing a girl--
A great girl.
Ashley from Chicago.
And she's pretty, too.
How are you?
What-- Everything good?
[stammers] Yeah, I'm great.
I, uh... I'm not engaged, um...
but, uh, you know...
No, I know.
-Chicago girl, huh?
-Yeah, Chi Town.
[chuckles] I always thought--
I always thought that you'd
end up getting married
and sticking around here
in town.
Yeah! To Brandy Best.
Oh, here we go.
Listen, nothing happened.
Jen, I've told you this
a million times.
Well, I'm sure the twins
will be excited
to know that you're here.
If they haven't heard already.
Well, I hope to avoid them
as best as I can.
[toilet flushes]
-[Jen] Oh, uh...
Well, I should, uh--
I should probably go.
-And, um...
maybe I'll see you
around this week.
-It's nice to see you.
-You too. See ya.
-[Jen] Yeah. Okay.
[indistinct clamoring]
[sighs] Jeez.
[crowd chanting] Badger Red!
Knock 'em dead!
Badger red! Knock 'em...
Oh, God.
[grunts, groans] Oh, God.
[woman] VaJeena Monroe
sent me a text, saying
my Pitter Pat was back in town,
but I didn't believe it,
not 'til I saw it
with my own eyes.
Are you up-skirting me?
What? No. No, no, no.
I didn't see anything.
Brandy Best. Long time no see.
-What? Whoa!
I heard you turned gay,
but I didn't believe it.
Bisexual at the most, right?
Brandy-- Jeez.
My vision board is manifesting
right before my eyes.
I just knew you'd come back
to town for you know who
and you know what.
Okay, I have a girlfriend.
Soon-to-be fiance,
and this is harassment, okay?
Is it bad
if all that makes me moist?
Most girls hate that word,
but I hate most girls.
Just-- This is...
-Please stop...
-I just...
-[Hodges] Just--
-[Brandy speaking indistinctly]
Get your hands
off my baby sister.
[groans] Shut up, Ronnie!
Goddamn it.
You're only three minutes older
than me. We talked about this.
Oh, Patty Hot Jizz.
Not back in town
more than five minutes,
already messing
with my twin sister, huh?
Okay, she attacked me, okay?
Get-- Stop.
Tell it to the judge.
-[Brandy chuckles]
-Go get in the truck.
-I'm not getting in the truck.
I can stay out here
with you guys.
Get the fuck in the truck.
Get your...
[groans] Skank.
So, Patty Cakes...
I didn't think you were
man enough to come back
and finish what we started
all them years ago.
the last thing I want to do--
-Look, you can say--
-There he is. Ronnie, we agreed.
Hodges comes back,
we finish the Turkey Bowl.
Or are you too scared now
that we have our first string
quarterback back?
-Fuck no, I ain't scared.
-Guys, do we--
Noble Knights have never lost
to Butt Badgers.
And we don't plan to start now.
if you have nothing to lose,
how 'bout we raise the stakes?
I do want to up the stakes.
-[Ronnie] Oh.
-I hope you do.
-Maybe we will.
Okay, let's raise 'em.
-Okay, let's do it then.
-Okay. Fine.
-You start.
-Great. I will.
-Okay. You start, or I start?
-I'll go first.
-Okay, you start.
-Oh, my God.
-We win,
you stop buying up this town.
You stay
on your side of the tracks
and you never come back.
[men] Oh!
[Ronnie chuckles]
What do you say?
So what's in it for us?
[sighs] Name it.
[clicks tongue]
The Badger Hole.
[indistinct murmuring]
-Wait, no--
Time to rewrite history.
Badger Red! Knock 'em dead!
-Badger red! Knock 'em dead!
-Noble Knights win their fights!
[Hodges] Guys, guys, you can...
-Badger red! Knock 'em dead!
-Noble Knights win their fights!
Guys, guys! Stop, stop, stop.
Stop. [chuckles]
Okay. Look at yourselves.
It's embarrassing, okay?
You're almost 40 years old
and you're wearing
Letterman's jackets, right?
Do you really care
about a football game
from 15 years ago?
You seriously want to finish it?
You're acting
like you're in high school--
[men screaming]
[Ronnie screams]
No, no, no!
-[glass shatters]
-[police siren wailing]
[man] Cops!
[crowd screaming]
[siren continues]
[Hodges whispering] Okay.
Cut through the secret sidewalk,
hide out in Malone's bushes.
Sneak to my rental car.
Head to the airport.
Great. Whoa.
Hands where I can see 'em!
-Okay. All right.
-[Fish] Turn around.
[Fish] Now, slowly bend over.
-Excuse me?
-[Fish] Bend over now!
Spread your cheeks.
Okay, what the hell, man?
Wait, you're a cop now?
I thought I recognized
that tight little ass.
[chuckles] Hey, man.
Graduated top of my class
in the academy.
Then again,
I was the only one in my class
but I love what I do.
And I take my job seriously.
-You want a cold one?
-Yeah, man. That'd be great.
So where you running off to?
Out of this freakin' town.
Not sticking around
for the Turkey Bowl?
Uh, no.
No, I got to get out of here.
You and me both, brother.
You and me both.
Kenny will pick that up.
So I heard on the wire
that Ronnie Best got thrown
through the back window
of the Badger Hole.
-Is that right?
-Uh, yeah.
It got a little messy.
But you know, he came at me
and-- Hey, you know what?
I just did what Coach McKinney
always taught us.
-"Duck and drive." [chuckles]
I bet that felt pretty good.
Yeah, it felt pretty good.
-Yeah, I believe it.
two-tenths of the law,
so I'm gonna have to ask you
to put the open container
on top of the vehicle there
and interlock your fingers
-behind your head.
-You're joking, right?
-Do not resist me!
-Oh, God!
Come on, Fish.
I was just having a conversation
with a friend.
Hodges, I told you.
I take my job seriously.
Man, I got to get out of here.
I need to be
in Vail immediately.
[woman over radio] Hey, Fish,
we're impounding
this rental
from the Badger Hole.
Son of a bitch!
My luggage is in that car.
Well, maybe
you should've thought about that
before you started throwing
people through windows.
Dude, he came at me! Ow!
Relax. Get some sleep.
You'll get where you need to go,
as soon as Judge Tibbins
sees you.
Sees me for what?
Good morning, Patrick.
So how've you been?
-Good to see you, sir.
-You as well.
-Well, you're looking good.
Looking good. [chuckles]
So how did this mix up happen?
Uh... [groans] You know,
boys will be boys, right?
Yes, we will.
it's not that big of a deal.
I'm sure
we can work something out.
Thank you, Judge Tibbins.
Thank you.
How's that throwing arm?
Uh, it's good.
You staying in shape up there
in the Windy City?
Yeah, I guess.
I run every day, so...
[stammers] That's good to hear.
That's real good to hear.
No disrespect, Judge. But, um,
I'm happy to pay Fat Jack
for his window,
but I got to get on the next
flight out of here.
See, I'm proposing to Senator
Dalton Sinclair's daughter
on Thanksgiving Day
in Vail, Colorado.
-Fancy-fancy. [chuckles]
Well, why don't we
just get this over with.
-Thank you.
-Guilty as charged.
-Thirty days behind bars.
-Wait, what? Why?
Assault. Vandalism.
Public intoxication.
Open container.
Resisting arrest.
No, no, no.
No, that is not what happened.
Well, it says in the report
that, uh, we have 20 witnesses
who saw you throw Ronnie Best
through the window.
-Thanks a lot.
Your Honor, no offense,
but this gets me 30 days?
I mean, you were
my T-ball coach for Christ sake.
-Language, inmate.
-I don't have 30 days.
And I cannot have a blemish
on my record.
I see.
I see.
Well, how 'bout a plea bargain
Anything. Yes.
-Community service?
I'll throw on an orange jumpsuit
and pick up some trash.
Oh, I have something else
in mind.
You too, Judge?
Your call, quarterback.
[Hodges] Well...
looks like we got
a game to play.
-[Mitchell] All right! Yes!
-[Sonny D] Whoo!
Don't try to run on me,
'Cause if you cross
the county line
with this bad boy on...
[clicks]'ll never be allowed
to come back.
Sounds tempting.
Oh, looks like my ride's here.
Later today, practice.
-Three o' clock.
-Sounds great.
-All right. See you guys.
-See you later, buddy.
[phone rings]
Hey, honey.
Where have you been?
I-- I have left,
like, a hundred messages.
I know. I'm sorry.
It's just this...
crazy, crazy funeral, you know?
That bad, huh?
Yeah. It was just awful.
You know, grim.
Open casket. He drowned,
so he was all bloated and--
I-- I thought you said
it was a car accident.
Into a ditch after a heavy rain.
It just-- It just really sucks
Are you on your way back?
I-- No. No, I'm not.
It's, uh, gonna be a while.
What? Why?
I-- Well, they named me
executor of his will,
and Mitchell had a lotta
skeletons in his closet, so...
I'm dealing with that.
How rude to make you do,
like, everything.
are you getting a settlement?
No, but I'm
at the courthouse now
and I'm going through
some stuff, so...
I'll call you when I get
more specifics, okay?
-I love you.
-Leave your phone on.
-Love you. Bye.
-Yeah. Bye.
-Hello, stranger.
Hey, Dad.
Hey! Look who I found.
-Patrick. Patrick.
-Hey, Mom.
I am so sorry
about poor Mitchell.
-Cat's out of the bag, Marlene.
-[Hodges sighs]
Oh, I know. I know.
I just like being a part
of things. It's so much fun.
-Look at you.
are so handsome.
Thanks, Mom. [chuckles]
I made you hotdog casserole.
Tried a new recipe out
with the kids at school.
They really seem to enjoy it.
Didn't agree with everyone.
I had to clean up some yak
in the girls' gym.
Oh, hush, Eddie!
Come on. Sit down, both of you.
-All right.
So you're gonna play
in the game, huh?
Yeah, I guess so.
What's wrong, sweetie?
-Oh, I'm a vegetarian.
-A what?
A vegetarian. I don't eat meat.
Ashley's family
has a deep philosophy
about animal cruelty,
and I respect that.
I don't think
you can kill a hotdog.
Yeah, well, your president
is killing our country, so--
-All right. All right.
-Oh, are we gonna go?
All right. All right.
All right. All right.
No politics. No religion.
And now, let's add...
food to the no-discussion list.
But we respect your choices,
Patrick. Right, Ed?
And speaking of choices,
how is Ashley, that...
beautiful girl?
Yeah, she's great.
Yeah, she's great.
You know, FOX News
been digging up dirt
on her father lately.
[Hodges sighs]
We'd like to see her
in this neck of the woods again.
-Right, Eddie?
Well, last time she was here,
she got a foot fungus
from the shower,
so it kind of spooked her
just a little bit.
-Iodine works wonders for me.
You seen Jen Harrison yet?
You know, I actually did.
Yeah, she seems great.
She asks about you all the time.
-Wait, she does?
Yeah, she bought
her folks' old place
over on Raintree.
Living in that big place...
all alone.
I believe you're right, Ed,
but our boy has a girlfriend.
Uh, fiance.
That's wonderful.
-Well, I haven't proposed yet,
but I have plans
to pop the question
Thanksgiving Day in Vail.
-Oh, you're not engaged yet?
-Oh. Mm-hmm.
-That's fantastic! [chuckles]
I mean, that you're...
-getting hitched.
-Thank you.
I got some good news myself.
My newly restored Chevy's
been chosen to lead
the Grand Gobble Marshals
in the parade this year.
-Go Eddie!
-[Ed] Yeah.
Glad I'm here to see that.
Why don't you go upstairs
and clean up, settle in,
and I'll bring you
a PB and J in a few minutes?
-Thanks, Mom.
-Good to see you, Son,
even if it's only for a few days
against your will.
-Oh, Lord, Eddie.
It's been only, what?
-Two times in 15 years?
-All right.
I just don't want to lose count.
Sure you don't want a cold one?
No, man, I'm good. Thanks.
It's a beautiful day
for a practice.
[country music
playing over the radio]
Sometimes I ask
Why I'm waiting
Don't worry.
Kenny'll pick that up.
Putnam has not won
the Turkey Bowl since 1962.
My dad played in that game.
He was a great right tackle.
Terrible father, horrible drunk.
Amazing football player.
Then we came along.
And we were this close.
And everyone remembers
the snowstorm that fell
upon this field 15 years ago,
a historic tradition frozen...
-in time.
-And our nut sacks froze, too,
and they've been shriveled up
ever since.
And that is why
we have to shed the curse.
Man the fuck up.
Get the frozen girly tinkle out.
And put a damn "W"
where it belongs!
-[all] Yeah!
On top of that,
we get to legally kick the shit
out of Ronnie Best.
And his army of assholes
on Thanksgiving Day!
[all] Yeah!
Anybody got any questions?
-Quick question.
Um, it's our first day back.
We're going half-speed, right?
-[Mitchell] Hike!
-[men screaming]
[all grunting]
[Mitchell grunts]
[Mitchell] Hike!
[Mitchell] Hike!
[Mitchell] Hike!
Okay. Okay, that was not great,
but it wasn't bad.
Okay, building blocks.
How long we been playing?
Twenty-three minutes.
Hey, maybe we just call it, huh?
We're the Badgers!
Nothing takes us down.
I'll get the defibrillator.
[groans] If we don't get
our shit together,
-they're gonna kill us.
-Well, I highly doubt
Noble's taking this as seriously
as you guys.
-Oh, boy.
-[Fat Jack yelps]
My wife is gonna shit.
My wife's gonna leave me.
I can't lose my bar.
I got no skills
besides pouring beer
and making wings.
Shit, man, they're always
one step ahead of us.
This is so immature.
I'm filing a report.
We've got a 594
in the Putnam High parking lot.
Hey, Sonny, is your, uh,
crazy cousin's paint store
-open on Sundays?
-Son of a bitch.
-Sweet Lord Jesus.
-This ain't good.
-We are fucked.
Man, they ain't doing nothing
we ain't doing.
Ah, yes, they are.
They're practicing.
I gotta roll. I'm spinning vinyl
at a private party tonight.
Guys, just go. Come on.
-[air horn blares]
-[audience screaming]
Sonny D wants you to jump!
Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump.
[music playing]
When I say "hey," you say "ho!"
-[audience] Ho!
-[audience] Ho!
Keep it jumping.
Keep it jumping.
When I say "hey," you say "ho."
-[children] Ho!
-[children] Ho!
-Say "Don't be a bully."
-[children] "Don't be a bully!"
-"Don't be a jerk."
-[children] "Don't be a jerk!"
Put your hands on your knees
and twerk, twerk, twerk.
You respect your parents
and you ain't a pain.
Step to Sonny D,
and I'm gonna make it rain.
Jump, jump, jump, Jump
Keep up, keep up, keep up
Does anybody else think
this is very inappropriate?
Ah, kids grow up so fast
these days.
-Oh, my God.
Can you believe
I get to be married to that?
But we talk about it
all the time.
-Every day.
-Okay. I'm sorry,
jealous bitches.
Um, Jen.
-Dana and I...
...we've been talking.
We're thinking of getting
the squad back together.
-What? For what?
-For the football game.
Football players
equals cheerleaders.
Then I get to get
in a cheerleading uniform
and put it on my dating profile.
That's very hot to people.
You're married.
It's common-law.
I bought my own ring.
I'm done with this conversation.
-Yeah, I think I'm gonna pass.
-Oh, you're gonna pass?
You're gonna pass
on watching Hodges
throw a football
in those tight-ass pants?
Mm. Huggin' it. Smell it.
No, I'm way too busy right now.
-Oh, you're busy. She's busy.
Last week, you literally,
you threw a birthday party
for your cat.
It was her 20th.
-We know.
-She turned 20.
It was a milestone.
Saddest thing I've ever been to.
This party's kind of lame,
Don't worry.
The alcohol's about to kick in.
Led, there's no alcohol
at this party.
I spiked the punch bowl
at the adult table.
There's only one punch bowl.
["Hey Ladies" by HPL
If you the party
I'ma get at you
So, where you at?
So, where you at?
Hey you throw a party
I'ma get at you
Hey you throw a party
I'ma get at you
Hey you throw a party
I'ma get at you
So, where you at?
So, where you at?
I'm outtie.
[Hodges sighs]
I'm gonna make a phone call.
Excuse me.
I remember my first beer.
[children screaming]
Yeah, okay.
Um, I'll see you soon.
Okay, bye.
-[chuckles] Hey.
-What're you doing out here?
Oh, just hiding out. [chuckles]
Same as you.
When you don't have kids,
you're just kind of
a creepy Aunt Jen
who's always just sort of
hanging around. [chuckles]
Yeah, or, uh, the strange
Uncle Hodges, you know?
"Hey, don't sit on his knee.
He likes it."
-So... [chuckles]
I just feel like we got off
on the wrong foot earlier.
-Actually the wrong bathroom.
[Jen chuckles]
But, um,
just to make things clear,
nothing ever happened
with me and Brandy.
Hodges, it's okay. I don't care.
No, but seriously,
nothing ever happened.
No, I know.
Yeah, I just walked in
on my naked boyfriend
-and the county exhibitionist.
-Okay. [sighs]
But you know what?
I believe you.
Okay. Great. Thank you.
And it honestly doesn't matter
anyway. It was, like...
so long ago.
We're two totally different
people now.
Exactly. Yes! Yes.
Anything else
you need to resolve?
No. No, I'm good.
Okay. Well, I have to run.
My boss needs me.
But it was
nice seeing you again.
Yeah. You, too.
-All cleared up.
-[Jen laughs]
I'll call you back, Mom.
Uh, Boss,
it's hardly noticeable.
-No one's even gonna see it.
-[woman laughing]
-Get the fuck out of here!
-[tires screeching]
[woman] Fuck you!
It was a good throw, though.
[phone ringing]
-Did-- did you call earlier
-and hang up?
-[Brandy] Pitter Pat.
No, no, no.
-Why would you think that?
-[Brandy] Pitter Pat!
Why are you whispering?
I, uh, I'm at a meditation...
-for Mitchell.
-A meditation?
Uh, Mitchell was a Buddhist.
Judging from his behavior,
I don't think
he was very religious, babe.
[Brandy] Pitter Pat.
What's that?
-[Brandy] Oh, Pitter Pat?
Uh, they're doing a chant.
I should join in.
Call me when you can talk.
-Love you. Bye.
-O-- Okay.
Oh, shit, dang it. Man!
Son of a gun! Come on.
-Hi, Mr. Man.
-Hey, Brandy.
-It's a long walk home.
You want a lift?
No, I'm good. Thank you.
I promise that I'll behave.
It's a long walk
to Meadowbrook Drive.
-I think I got it.
-I just...
I've been meaning
to give you something.
Oh, come on.
You hiding from your girlfriend?
-She's not my girlfriend.
-Then why were you hiding?
You know what? I'm gonna walk,
okay? Thank you so much.
I will always love you,
Pat Hodges.
You're the only one for me!
Hey, sexy.
I'll be there in five. Bye.
-You cut grass in the winter?
-All year round.
I don't have to, I just like
to be out here on the field,
you know, be one with the earth.
You've had a one-man business
for quite some time, man.
You ever think about,
I don't know, expanding?
It was supposed to be
a two-man business
You know what I mean, right?
Get a crew of guys together,
then you got nothing but time,
right? Rake in that cash,
lawn boy.
Is that what you do?
You got a team of men
working for you in the city?
Yeah. I mean, it's on a
different level, but yeah.
-Oh, yeah? Is that right?
-Yeah. Oh.
No, but I'm serious, man.
You get somebody else
to do the work, then--
Then I can what?
Hang out at the Badger?
Yes. Hit Lake Dirtybird
whenever you want, right?
Live in paradise.
Be your own boss.
Sit and stare
at the big open sky?
-[Mitchell chuckles]
So you mean exactly
what I already do every day?
Suit up. We got practice.
[engine revving]
-Hey! Yeah!
I have news.
Jen Harrison.
-I spotted her with Hodges.
-Birthday party.
-Tabitha Dean's party?
-She's a little bitch.
So what went down?
There was an interactive DJ.
There was ice cream cake.
There was a piata,
but the kids couldn't--
Jen and Hodges. Details.
Secret meeting
out behind the fence.
Was there any...
public display of affection?
There was a really sweet
daddy-daughter dance.
-Everybody started tearing up--
-Between-- Um...
Jen and Hodges.
Did they hold hands or kissed?
Did he go up her shirt
or anything?
It was really dark,
so I couldn't tell.
[smacks lips]
[Mitchell] Down!
[man pants]
[Sonny D groans]
[Sonny D] Damn it!
I hate myself.
[Hodges] My bad.
Black 80.
I'm your primary receiver.
Not brick hands.
No, Coach McKinney
and I designed it.
Primary is brick hands.
[Sonny D] Hey,
my fucking hands are fine.
[Ledbetter] You catch more balls
with your taint.
-See if you can catch this.
-[Ledbetter groans]
Take a bow, bitch. Come at me.
Test my gangster, motherfucker!
Test my gangster.
Dude, you're supposed to throw
to me. No one expects it.
Yeah, no one expects it
because it's a bad play.
Black 80. You're supposed
to stay here and block for me.
I have run 10,000 routes
for you.
Throw me the fucking football!
This is fucking ridiculous!
Get back here
or I will shoot you!
Do me the favor.
What the fuck, Fish?
That wasn't me.
Take cover!
[slow motion groan]
[men screaming]
Mayday! We're taking heavy fire!
[slow motion groan]
[man] Fuck you, Hodges!
Come on, guys.
Let's get these assholes.
I'm going home.
[mom] There's sloppy joes
in the fridge, Patrick.
I don't eat meat!
[door closes]
-[Ashley] Hi.
What's going on?
I haven't heard from you.
I know. I'm sorry. It's just...
This place. This town,
it's like a black hole.
All this bullshit went down
at practice today, and...
Hon, ar-- are you there?
Did-- did you say practice?
Yeah, sure did. At the--
at the law practice.
At the lawyer's.
What a bummer of a practice.
When are you getting here?
[sighs] I...
[sighs] ...I'm not sure.
What do you mean
you're not sure?
How much more work
can they make you do there?
Didn't you bury him already?
Hon, yes, but I'm the only one
with any sanity around here,
so I have to keep things
Well, I want you here
for Thanksgiving.
-So does Daddy.
-I'm gonna try.
Try harder.
Okay. You know what,
Mitchell is dead.
-Have some compassion, God.
-[Ashley] I don't get it.
You weren't even really friends
with this guy,
and suddenly you're the
only one that can help?
Just because you don't see
somebody every day
doesn't mean they're still not
your best friend.
So, now he's your best friend
and not me?
-No. That is not what I meant.
Fuck. [grunts]
[grunts] Fuck! Son of a...
Fuck it.
-[indistinct chatter]
-[all] Woo-hoo!
[girls cheering]
-Forty-five, forty-six.
Jen? [chuckles] Wha--
What's up?
I'm just getting my laps in.
Also doing a little
environmental resistance.
All the rage. A lot of people
are doing that nowadays.
-But you still live here?
I bought it from my parents.
Well, how cool is that?
That's great. I'm just doing
my seven-mile daily routine.
Uh, burning some cals
before the big game, you know?
But, uh, how are you?
You look great. I'm great.
That's good. Listen,
I'm actually on my way--
I'm not stalking you by the way.
It's not like I ran over here
I mean, yeah,
of course I ran over here.
I'm in old P.E. clothes,
sweaty and stuff, but, uh,
there's a hundred streets
I could've picked in this town,
you know, and randomly
I picked this one.
Fate? I don't know.
-Hodges, I really should get--
-Got to stay in shape
to beat Ronnie Best
and his band of goons.
-That asshole
with his billboards
and his "Ron-defeated" crap
all over our town.
Not to mention,
his skanky-ass twin sister
popping up everywhere I look.
-I would not touch her with a--
-With a ten-foot pole?
Yes. Thank you.
Hey, Ronnie, what's up, man?
You're a cheap-shotter, Hodges.
The funny thing about twins,
we feel each other's pain.
So when you hurt
my little sister,
you hurt me also.
Let's roll, Jenny.
Wait. Jenny, are you guys--
-[Ronnie] We're--
[Jen] Kind of a gray area.
Technically, he's my boss.
This gal's the best
senior vice president
-a CEO could ask for.
-[Jen chuckles]
Ain't that right, Jen-Jen?
Thank you.
-[door closes]
-Oh, no, thank...
You just got me
to the sympathy goal line.
Now I'm gonna score.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about SVP,
sneak up the middle,
drive through the hole and...
[groans] Oh, yeah.
Oh, don't stop, Daddy.
[exhales deeply]
When I'm fucking her tonight,
I'm gonna be fucking you.
When I'm fucking her tonight,
I'm gonna be thinking of you.
That's worse.
Later, losing team.
-[door closes]
-[engine starts]
Getting that heart rate up?
Yes, sir.
There's only three things
I do when I'm in Noble County.
I roll my window down.
I spit.
And I roll my window back up.
I tell you what, QB...
the rivalry runs deep,
and this town...
really could use a victory.
You understand?
Yes, sir.
Don't you run too far.
-No, sir.
-[vehicle approaching]
[door opens]
-[door closes]
-[Hodges pants]
-Hey, Dad.
-Hey, Mom made sloppy joes.
-No, I'm good. Remember?
-Oh, right.
You don't like meat anymore.
it's not that I don't like meat.
It's that--
Damn, that smells so good.
Help yourself. I'm stuffed.
-Has Mom talked to you?
Your Aunt Carol's got the gout.
Feet swell up like clown shoes,
so she and I are gonna be gone
for a couple days.
[chuckles] Well,
give her a hug for me.
-I'll try.
It's a shame we're not gonna
be here for the parade.
But we'll be back
for the big game.
All right.
Hey, Dad?
What do you think
of this whole Turkey Bowl thing?
Well, you haven't been around.
had it pretty rough.
You know, after your game
was snowed out,
some people say
that storm was a curse.
Yeah, I've been hearing that.
And then after the Turkey Bowl,
you remember
that Noble had a better record,
and they went on to win
the state championship.
For a small town,
that's quite an accomplishment.
Put 'em on the map.
People knew Noble.
Noble thrived and...
left Putnam in the shadows.
[Mom] Eddie? I don't want to be
on the road too late.
I'm coming! Hey.
No funny business around here
-while we're gone, okay?
Look, I know people take this
real serious around here...
but at the end of the day...
[chuckles]'s just a football game.
[sighs, chuckles]
Mm. Oh, my God.
What the...
Oh... [grunts] ...God.
Jeez. Nolan, how long you been
hanging up there, man?
-You all right?
[Nolan pants]
I don't know. I must have...
-blacked out or something.
-Oh, man.
-Ronnie's goons.
Town rivalry, though. It's--
It's okay.
It's part of the job. I'm okay.
Hey, can I get you a ride home?
-No, I got my bike.
-I'll grab your bike.
Let me get that for you, bud.
There you go.
-There you go.
Thanks for getting me down.
You always save the day, Hodges.
Oh. Thanks, Nolan.
-Okay. All right.
That's good. All right, buddy.
Ride safe, huh?
Suit up.
Yeah, get your helmet on.
See you, dude.
Be careful of the tree there.
Yeah, careful of the-- Yeah.
Go around that.
There. Just fix your--
Yeah, see you, buddy.
-Oh, God.
-[Nolan groans]
[glass clattering]
You rang?
We got to talk.
-What's going on?
-We got to talk.
-Come on. Grab your keys.
Hold on.
[Cammie] Wait.
Sonny, what are you doing?
I don't know.
My team needs me.
[Cammie] Okay,
just use the front door, though.
-I mean--
-Can I use the window?
It's a lot more exciting
this way.
Yeah, all right. That's fine.
I need you to get baby formula,
though, because I have to pump
and dump.
-Wait, wait, wait.
Could you ask her
if you can bring your balls too?
-What was that, Mitchell?
-Bye, guys.
-Okay, love you, sweetie.
I love you. Be good.
-All right.
[bird calls]
-[Hodges sighs]
-What are we doing here?
I can only take so much.
Tonight, I had to cut Nolan
out of a tree in my front yard.
-Welcome to our world.
-Why are we at Rambling Oaks?
This is the plan.
-Recruit old people?
-We're getting Coach.
Yeah, that's the first
good call you've made.
Hey, guys, our QB is back.
-Let's do this.
-[Sonny D] Wait, wait.
This place is a fortress.
Cammie's meemaw lives here.
You can't sign her out
unless you're family.
That's why
we're sneaking him out.
[chuckling continues]
Hey, Coach.
[Mitchell] Hey.
-Is it game time yet, boys?
Okay, okay.
Every down is played
from the ground up,
from the very soles of our feet
to the tops
of our hard-hitting heads.
Every fiber of you
goes into the game.
You'll leave it all
on the field.
And the last thing you do...
before you take
your dying breath...
is go out there and beat
the living shit out of Noble.
-[all laughing]
Let's go.
[Coach] Every down we must play
from the ground up,
from the very soles of our feet
to the tops
of our hard-hitting heads.
Every down we must play
from the ground up,
-from the very soles of...
-All right. Well, note to self.
Next time I plan a kidnapping,
make sure the victim
hasn't lost his mind.
It could be worse.
-[Coach] From the very soles
of our feet...
[groans] What is that smell?
Coach made a poopy.
Butt wipes are in the glove box.
[Ledbetter groans]
Who's gonna watch him?
[Coach] Every down we must play
from the ground up...
One, two, three, shoot.
[Ledbetter] Fuck!
Every fiber of you must go
into the game.
Speaking of fiber,
you should change him soon, Led.
Fuck all y'all.
[Coach] Every fiber of you
must go into the game.
Hey, isn't that Ronnie's house?
[Coach] Every fiber of you
must go into the game.
Lawn job!
Let's get out there and beat
the living shit out of Noble!
[all screaming]
Is it game time yet?
No, Coach! Go back to bed.
Goddamn it.
Pu-- Puh-- Put-a-nam roles--
"Put-a-nam roles"?
It says, "Putnam rules!"
Take a lap.
Around the fucking block!
[man] Yeah, you heard him!
Come on! Let's go! Let's go!
[Hodges] All right.
It's time to go back
to the beginning. The basics.
Time to rediscover
what it was about this game
that made us love it so much.
Now, we all learned how to play
football on this lawn.
We would play until it got
so dark we couldn't see anymore.
Or until our moms called us
for dinner.
Or until Mr. Vogel
chased us off.
God rest his soul.
And parked across the street
every Saturday morning
like a professional scout,
watching us develop
our individual skills, was a man
with true spirit, true grit,
and the smartest mind
in all of football.
[Coach] Whoo-hoo!
[sighs] Led, would you...
-Coach, get down from there.
-Make me.
It was the spirit of Coach
and the love of football
that brought us together.
So today,
we're gonna start fresh.
Take a page out of our own past.
Dog pile!
[men screaming]
[Mitchell] Get him!
[slow motion groan]
[all screaming]
[slow motion shout]
[Cammie] Okay, guys.
You know that I'm really happy
that Sonny's playing
-in the Turkey Bowl...
-[Dana] Maybe.
...but he's been
so damn tired lately,
there's been
a whole lot of foreplay
and not a lot of touchdowns.
Ooh! You know what you need?
Here you go.
-Fresher breath?
-And a fresher tulip
in your downstairs garden. Okay?
-Three speeds.
-Oh. Uh-huh.
Look at it.
You can put it in anything.
-You can take it anywhere.
I once did it
in a public restroom.
Oh, all right.
So Mitchell's fully living
in the garage then, still?
Even when he was living
in the house,
I was using this.
Wait, but what do you use
for your toothbrush?
My giant dildo.
-[both] Jen.
-What are you so consumed with?
-I'm just reading an article.
Oh, okay. Cool.
Let me see that. Cute.
-Read it.
Senator Sinclair's sexy,
sultry daughter, Ashley.
"I'm super airbrushed and rich."
You have a lady-boner
for Hodges.
Um, I've Googled her 1000 times.
And you are
way more scrumptious.
-Everyone needs to calm down.
-He's engaged.
Yeah. He's not married yet,
-[Dana] Oh, shit.
-[Cammie] Oh, what?
-[Dana] I almost forgot.
-[Cammie] Oh, that's right.
[squeals] You're gonna
poop yourself.
-Oh, my God, no. Stop it.
-[Dana] I already got--
-Where did you get these?
-Dana had 'em made for us!
-They're so cool!
-I know.
I know. I'm gonna
shove my whole body in one.
And when you say "us,"
you're not including me
in that "us," right?
-Oh, yeah.
No. I already told you guys no.
Oh, okay. That's fine.
[chuckles] Okay.
I didn't want to
have to do this.
-But I'm gonna.
I bet you Ashley Sinclair
wasn't the captain
of her cheer squad
three years running.
-Hit it.
Okay, the score
is Putnam, seven. Noble, seven.
Twenty seconds to go
in the first half.
-Watch this play.
Black 80.
Mitchell blocks.
Sonny D does a post.
I hit him in the hands, and...
-he drops it.
-[men laughing]
[crowd cheering over TV]
And here's where the storm
comes in.
[sighs] Damn.
From out of nowhere.
[young Hodges] Set, hut.
[indistinct chatter]
Holy shit, Hodges! Is that you?
Yeah, man. That's all of us.
[boys chatting indistinctly]
[laughs] You haven't changed.
-[young Ledbetter groans]
-[all laughing]
[boy] Go, a touchdown!
We were so young.
Time flies, boys.
["All Star"
by Smash Mouth playing]
Well the years
Start coming...
[police siren wails]
Fed to the rules
And I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense
Not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart
But your head gets dumb
So much to do
So much to see...
[Hodges] Down!
You'll never shine
If you don't glow
Hey now, you're an all-star
Get your game on, go play
Hey now, you're a rock star
Get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters
Is gold
Only shooting stars...
Is it game time yet?
No, Coach. Come on!
[chanting indistinctly]
It's a cool place
And they say it gets colder
You're bundled up now
Wait till you get older
But the meteor men
Beg to differ
Judging by the hole
In the satellite picture
The ice we skate
Is getting pretty thin
The water's getting warm
So you might as well swim
My world's on fire
How about yours?
That's the way I like it
And I never get bored
Hey now, you're an all-star
Get your game on, go play
[Cammie] Selfie!
Hey now, you're a rock star
Get the show on, get paid
All that glitters is gold
[bike bell rings]
Only shooting stars
Break the mold...
-[men grunting]
Go! Go!
Go for the moon...
[Hodges] Left, right.
Left, right. Left, right.
Left, right. Left, right.
Left, right...
Hey now, you're an all-star
Get your game on, go play
Hey now, you're a rock star
Get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters
Is gold
Only shooting stars
Break the mold
And all that glitters
Is gold
Only shooting stars
- Break the mold
[Judge Tibbins] Welcome.
Well, Thursday is the big day.
Tell you what.
We got a lot to be thankful
for this holiday season,
especially the Turkey Bowl.
[crowd cheering]
Now, as tradition...
it's time to kick our event off
by crowning
the Grand Gobble Marshals.
May I have the first name,
-[drum playing]
-[cymbal rings]
Jennifer Harrison.
[crowd cheering]
[crowd continues cheering]
Yeah, baby!
[Judge Tibbins] May I have
the second name, please?
-[drum playing]
-[cymbal rings]
Patrick Hodges!
Oh, no!
How did this happen?
How did this happen?
It's a miracle!
-[Hodges] Oh, God.
-[Mitchell] You two.
Those two, those two...
[crowd cheers and applauds]
[cheering and applause
[man whistling]
-Hey, who wants candy?
-[truck horn blares]
[drum beats]
[trumpets playing]
[truck horn blares]
[cheering continues]
I read an article
about your fianc.
-Oh. Was it a good one?
Yeah, I mean, it talked about
the fact that she works
-with Down Syndrome kids.
-She does?
Oh, right.
Yeah, uh, she does. Yep.
After reading about her,
I don't blame you.
I mean, she's gorgeous.
Her family's powerful.
Of course, she's the one, right?
Well, yeah. She's gorgeous.
And she's funny and smart
and charming.
It's everything you want,
you know,
when you're looking
for someone. Yeah.
How come she didn't come back
with you?
For the funeral?
It's a long story.
I miss her.
That's nice.
Must feel good...
to miss someone.
Can I ask you a question?
-Yeah, of course.
Tell me about this gray area.
Oh, yeah. I don't know.
We've been on and off.
Currently off.
But I have to be honest,
I've thought about it.
He treats me well.
Pays me well.
Of course,
I basically built his company.
Those obnoxious billboards
are actually my idea.
That was you?
-Yeah, shouldn't have said that.
[both chuckle]
I don't know.
Something's been
holding me back.
Yeah, maybe the fact
that he's an asshole.
I do get to see another side
of him.
The same way, I'm sure
you see other sides of Ashley.
That's fair. Yeah.
So what's the date?
For what?
Your wedding?
Oh! Um. Yes. So...
we're not technically engaged...
yet, so there's no--
There's no date or anything yet.
So, Ronnie.
You guys are off,
but you were on?
Why were you on?
[both chuckle]
[Jen] Uh...
[Jen sighs]
There's not a lot to choose from
in a small town...
even with dating apps.
But process of elimination
is never a good reason
-to settle down with someone.
I guess I'm old fashioned...
but I still believe
in chemistry...
being with that person
that makes your heart race...
someone you'll always
have a crush on.
But I better hurry up.
-Especially if I want kids.
-[Hodges chuckles]
I'm not getting any younger.
Tell me about it.
Come on.
What are you getting me into?
Man, this place
brings back memories.
[Jen chuckles]
Sure does.
You know...
I lost my virginity right here
where we're standing.
Yeah, no, I know. I was there.
-Was that you?
-Oh, come on.
Oh, I'm just messing with you.
A girl never forgets her first.
Or any of them really.
Some I'd love to forget.
Yeah, sure.
I got a couple of those.
So does Ashley want kids?
That's too bad.
I always thought
you'd make a wonderful dad.
Oh. Well, I guess
that's our cue.
[both chuckle]
I just have
one more question for you.
What's up?
Was Ashley the, uh...
captain of her
high school cheer-leading squad?
No. She went to an
all-girls private school...
and she hates sports.
Just curious.
[sprinklers sprays]
-Oh, great. All right.
-[Jen squeals]
-[Jen] No!
-[Hodges laughing] God!
-[Jen] Oh, my God! [laughs]
-[Hodges laughing] Oh, no!
Jesus, Ronnie, you scared
the hell out of me, man.
you have been staying in shape.
What the hell do you want?
Hey. Give that back.
Give it back.
-Give it to me.
Hey, uh-uh!
I wonder
how your fianc would feel
seeing you as Grand Gobble
Marshal tonight...
moving in on my girl.
She's not your girl right now,
She's not yours, either.
And what are you doing
with my sister's underwear?
Why don't you just ask her?
You know what?
And the fact that you know
that they're hers
is beyond dysfunctional.
You come into my town
and think you can just sweep
all the girls in my life
off their feet?
You make me sick.
-why are you here?
-What are you?
You don't even care
about this game.
Big city hot...
shit with a famous
political fianc.
You'll be gone tomorrow night...
-Oh, my God.
-...while the rest of the town
gets to pick up the pieces.
You're a good QB, Hodges.
Maybe even better than me.
Did I say that out loud?
You can't win this game.
We have a better team.
Always have.
Put-nam can't survive
another loss to Noble.
-It's "Putnam."
-Do you really want to see me
bulldoze the Badger Hole?
It'll be the final nail
in the coffin for Put-nam.
A year from now,
your boys will be begging
to work for my crew.
fear not. [chuckles]
I'm a businessman.
The only reason
we're playing this game...
is 'cause you came back.
So here's what I propose.
fly away.
we don't play the game.
Fat Jack keeps his bar.
I'll stay on my side
of the tracks.
Put-nam is spared
from more humiliation
and can continue to live
in Noble's shadow.
looks like you've got
some decisions to make.
Your call, QB.
[Hodges] Oh...
And in tracking
this upcoming storm,
it looks like there could be
a lot of snow
dumping on the Midwest
in the next few days.
In other news...
Senator Sinclair's
first skeleton
has come out of the closet
in his long race
to the White House.
-[remote clicks]
-Could this...
[volumes decreases]
bar-brawling boyfriend
of the Senator's daughter
destroy his campaign?
Is it game time yet?
No, Coach. Go back to bed.
[Mitchell] Straight legs
and hold!
-There he is.
-Hey, hey!
Nothing like
an early morning jog
in the crisp Oklahoma air.
Am I right?
[Mitchell laughs]
of my expense account.
[all cheering] Yeah!
-[Hodges] Yeah, baby!
-[Sonny D] Yes!
-[Fish] Whoo!
-[Hodges] Yeah!
All right, guys.
Last practice...
-[all] Yeah. let's do this!
[cheering continues]
-Fuck this.
Take him out.
-Who? Hodges?
Take him where?
Take him out of the game.
Run him over. Break his arm.
-I don't care.
Can't afford to lose this game.
It'll ruin my rep, my career...
my slogan.
Well, yeah.
Just trying to say, you know,
we've all been practicing really
hard, and--
Okay, fine.
Fine! Fine. Fine. God!
I'll do it myself.
I mean, isn't there another way?
Your plan seems pretty mean.
You're fired.
Ronnie, you can't fire me.
I have a kid with special needs.
You'd better add hunger
to that list of special needs.
-[Sonny D] Hodges!
-What's up?
Oh, man,
this place looks the same.
-What's going on?
-What's up, guys?
The rental car company
tried to ship it
to its rightful owner,
but I intercepted it.
Oh, shit! Thank you, dude.
Boys, it's time for our
night-before tradition.
-it's good to have you back.
-Thanks, buddy. You know what?
-It's good to be back.
-Oh, it's good to be back?
-[all] Yeah, yeah!
-[indistinct chatter]
Hodges, your parents still out
of town?
Yeah, why?
[Ronnie groans] Shit.
[Ronnie] Okay.
You want to see mean?
[panting] I'll show you mean.
[grunts, groans]
Taste the heat.
[flame whooshes]
No. Oh! Oh, shit!
Oh, shit.
[groans] It wasn't me.
It wasn't me.
Oh! [pants]
[engine starts]
-Damn it.
-[truck beeping]
[engine revving]
Noble Knights win their fights.
[electricity crackles]
[all] Let's go Badgers!
-[screams] Yeah!
-I got it right this time!
[Dana] You did.
-[Dana] Oh. Wow.
-What time do you guys
want to be there tomorrow?
Uh, that depends.
-On what?
-On how hungover we are.
-Because there's a pep rally...
-[all] At Hodges' house!
[all screaming]
I've never had
To knock on wood
But I know someone...
Guys, just be cool in the house,
okay? Careful. Jesus.
Hey, Coach, how you doing?
Everything good? Hi.
Good to see you.
All right. Well, holler
if you need anything, okay?
-[man] Shotgun!
-Hey, wait, wait, wait, guys.
Can you please...
do that outside?
[people screaming]
Hey, where you going?
-Where you going?
-I'm gonna sing.
God damn it, Ronnie.
Same blood, different body.
Oh, shit, Brandy. Come on.
I am so jealous.
Looks like you got
some decisions to make.
Brandy, take that off.
No-- no-- I meant the ring.
You can't just get naked
without my consent.
It's like a--
That's like a thing.
Can you just give me the ring,
Well, you gonna have
to come get it.
Oh, God.
Stop undressing me
with your eyes.
I mean,
I couldn't wear just one.
That would be trashy.
Damn it. Brandy,
just give me the-- Shit.
I have waited for this moment...
-...for years.
-It's stuck. I can't...
-[Brandy moans]
-...pull it.
-[Brandy] Harder.
-[Hodges] Ow!
-[Hodges] Just-- [groans]
-Take me you dirty bird, you!
-[groans] Shit.
-[Brandy moans]
Just stay still and relax.
I'll do it myself!
-[Brandy moans]
-[Jen] Hodges?
-Oh, my God.
-Hey, Jen.
You ever heard
of knocking, bitch?
This is not
what you think it is.
-Yes, it is.
-It's okay. I don't care.
-It's okay. She doesn't care.
I just came by to say
have a good game tomorrow.
-Thank you, Jen.
-No, no, no, get off.
-No, no...
-[Hodges] Jen.
...Pitter Pat.
Jen. Wait. Jen, wait!
Whatever. It's okay.
I don't care.
No. I can explain.
Nothing happened.
I swear to God.
Right. Yeah.
Just like Lake Dirtybird.
Whatever. It--
I don't even know why I'm upset.
We're not even--
It doesn't matter.
Look, it does matter...
goddamn it, this town...
...just fucking brings out
the worst in me.
What am I even doing?
I should be in a cabin in Vail
sipping hot toddies
with my fianc
and the future president,
but no, uh. Here I am,
running around
like I'm fucking bonkers.
Ashley is not here with me
because, well, one,
she hates it here,
and I don't blame her.
And two, because I lied to her
about Mitchell's death.
I did.
She has no idea
that I threw Ronnie
through a window,
got arrested.
And for my sentence,
I am stuck here
finishing the '99 Turkey Bowl
with a bunch of fat drunks.
And the worst part,
I'm upstairs rolling around
with escort Barbie,
chasing my ex-high school
across my parents' lawn,
trying to explain to her
that I'm not cheating on her
because I may still kind of
be in love with her.
[all] Aww.
-I called that, babe.
-You did, babe.
-I called it.
-You did good.
Oh, my God!
See, this is exactly
why I've been avoiding
this place
for the last 15 years.
It's fucking high school
all over again.
You just left...
without even saying goodbye.
I called you,
like, a hundred times.
Well, we were fighting.
You didn't-- You didn't answer.
Well, just 'cause
I wasn't talking to you
didn't mean
that it was over between us.
How was I supposed to know that?
No, you don't just leave
the ones you love.
Well, hey, now--
now you're doing it.
-Have a good game, Hodges.
-Well, wha--
Jen, hey.
Come on, we could...
[engine starts]
No, no, no. Hey, this is totally
out of context, okay?
you don't understand, man.
Are you coming back to bed,
Fuck! Wait, wait, wait!
Hey! Fuck! Just--
-Hey, dude?
There's some people
here to see you.
Who the fuck is it now?
Your fucking parents.
Mom. Dad. Hey.
Back early, huh?
How was the...
-Judge Tibbins called.
He thought you and the boys
might be resting
for the big game,
and I specifically asked
for no funny business.
Yeah. No, just a couple
of close friends hanging.
-[man] Heads up!
I'm disappointed in you, Son.
This is no way for a...
Grand Gobble Marshal to behave.
Please ask your friends
to leave.
Call me later, alligator.
I want you to go to your room,
Patrick Hodges.
Think about what you've done.
You are grounded.
-You heard your mother.
Oh, come on!
God, this is so stupid.
Son of a bitch!
What the fuck am I doing here?
Ah, damn it, Fish?
Hey, man.
I had a feeling
you might bail...
Look, bro, you're the one
that brought me back here, okay?
I didn't want to come.
-Couldn't you get the hint?
-Yeah, I got the hint.
I chose to ignore it.
When'd you start thinking
you were better than us?
Jen was right.
You-- you just left.
No goodbye. No nothing.
Well, I don't know, okay? I--
Maybe it's
just too much pressure...
or something. I don't know.
I just didn't want
to be that guy.
-What guy?
-That loser QB
who-- who stays
in his hometown,
you know, always talks
about the game that almost was,
you know, gets a beer belly,
never amounts to anything.
I just didn't want to be like...
Like me?
Look, I might not be a made-man.
I might not be rich and have
a fancy job, but I like my life.
Do you know why
I put this whole thing together?
The game doesn't matter.
I just wanted
to hang out with you.
I wanted you to throw me
the ball again.
I fucking missed you.
-Come on, man. I missed you too.
-No, you didn't.
What happened to us?
We used to be inseparable.
Then you just left.
You didn't call.
You didn't write.
You didn't make
any effort at all.
I know
you're not my girlfriend, but...
you fucking broke my heart.
You were gonna get married,
and you weren't even
gonna tell me.
What's wrong with you?
What's wrong with me?
You're not even my friend.
I had to fake my death
for you to come back.
You know what? Just--
It was a joke,
but act like it was real.
Consider me dead.
Have a nice life.
-Mitchell, come on.
-[Mitchell] Fuck off.
[Hodges sighs]
[car door opens]
-[Hodges sighs]
-[car door closes]
[engine starts]
Is it game time yet?
Yes, Coach.
It's game time.
[answerphone] Hey, it's Ashley.
Just do your thing at the beep.
Hey, babe. Uh, left you
a couple voicemails,
and you know, no one's
picking up on the cabin phone,
but, um...
I'm heading out to see you.
I don't know
if you talked to Glenn,
but, uh-- Hey, call me
if you get this, okay?
All right.
[men chanting]
I'd rather be dead than red!
I'd rather be dead than red!
I'd rather be dead than red!
I'd rather be dead than red!
I'd rather be dead than red!
[Sonny D] Oh, God.
What are we gonna do?
-[Cherokee] Honestly, I don't...
-[dialog overlapping]
[all chanting] ...than red!
I'd rather be dead than red!
[Sonny D] Shit,
what are we gonna...
[all chanting] ...than red!
I'd rather be dead than red!
-[Ronnie] Let's do this, boys!
-You shut your damn--
-Shut the--
-Guys! Everybody calm down!
We can't win this
without Hodges.
-Fuckin' A, we can!
-W-- what are we gonna do?
I'll play QB.
We'll stick to the run.
No passing. We can do it.
I can't believe this,
after everything we did
to get him back here
and make him feel welcome.
Guys, we have a game to play.
Any minute Coach will show up,
he'll give us his famous speech,
and everything will be fine.
-[police siren wails]
-[tires screech]
Coach is missing.
Goddamn it! [groans]
Did you check the field?
Stadium, stat. Let's go.
[Mitchell] Get in the van!
[man screams]
[Fat Jack] Come on.
Hope Coach wasn't around here.
No human remains.
So, uh, we're good.
Sorry. We, uh,
did all we could, boys.
Do you know what caused it?
It's more like "who caused it".
We're looking for leads.
I think your leads
just got here.
Well, well, well.
Oh, my God.
That's so much damage.
-[Mitchell] You motherfucker!
-[Ronnie] Hey!
-[overlapping chatter]
-[all screaming]
[car honking]
[whistle blows]
-[whistling continues]
-[man groans]
What the hell is going on here?
Ronnie Best
burned down the field!
Bullshit. Did not.
Yes, you did, and you know it!
-Prove it.
-[men clamoring]
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna prove it!
Just settle down.
Yes, this is a tragedy.
However, we've got
some decisions to make.
I want a word
with the team captains.
Hodges, Best, step up.
Hodges left.
I'm captain now.
-Hodges left?
That's disappointing.
Hodges skipped town, huh?
[scoffs] What a surprise.
So no equipment, no stadium,
-no quarterback?
-No coach.
Looks like the writing's
on the wall.
Put-nam High
is gonna have to forfeit.
It's Putnam.
Noble High wins!
-Does Putnam High forfeit?
-Hell no, we don't!
-Hell no!
There's no equipment
for Putnam High.
We'll play without pads.
Will Noble High
play without equipment?
-Hell yeah, we will!
-[player] Fuck yeah!
-Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. It looks like,
uh, Connie Best here,
looks like she's backing down.
-[Mitchell] Huh? Ooh. Ooh.
-[all] Aww.
Fuck, no, I'm not backing down.
Let's go.
All right. All right. All right.
Now all we need is a home field.
-Hello, Mrs. Vogel.
-Hello, Mitchell.
Did I forget to pay you
this month?
No, ma'am, I was just wondering
if we could play a football game
on your lawn.
-Of course. I don't mind.
Well, there's just
a few more people than usual.
Oh? How many more people
are we talking about here?
I see.
Well, just watch the plants.
[all cheering]
Thank you. [sighs]
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
[woman speaking indistinctly
over PA]
[exhales deeply]
["No Rain"
by Blind Melon playing]
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
All I can say is that my life
Is pretty plain
I like watching the puddles
Gather rain
And all I can do
Is just pour some tea for two
And speak my point of view
But it's not sane
It's not sane...
[woman speaking indistinctly
over PA]
[air horn blows]
[crowd] Noble Knights
win their fights!
All right, I want a good, clean,
hard-hitting game of football.
Judge Walters from Noble
is our guest official.
Let's make him welcome.
Yeah. Yeah!
[Judge Tibbins] Now, we'll start
the game from where it ended,
at the top of the third quarter.
Seven to seven...
-...Putnam has possession
-on Noble's 30-yard line.
-[blows raspberries]
[Judge Tibbins] The word is
there's a storm
headed this way,
so let's get this thing started.
First down.
[whistle blows]
[Ronnie] Let's go. We got this.
Cover two, you flank wide.
You-- Wait, didn't I fire you?
All right, boys, here we go.
-We only got ten guys.
-Damn it, Jack, not now.
We need to show these bitches
who we are
right out of the gate.
Twenty-seven quick pitch
to Sonny D.
Line, block.
Sonny, run like a motherfucker.
-You got it.
-On two. On two.
-[all] Break!
[crowd cheering]
Woof, woof-woof, woof, woof.
-[chuckles] Yeah. Yeah.
-[Mitchell] Down!
-[crowd cheering]
Blue 22.
-[Ronnie] Number two.
-Blue 22.
Blue 22.
[slow motion] Hike!
[heart beating]
Oh-oh! [laughs]
[grunts, groans]
[crowd booing]
Ron-defeated! Whoo!
Hell no, Ronnie!
I'm gonna beat your ass!
-No, no, no.
-I swear to God!
That hurt.
Come on. Come on.
[man] Now,
that's what I'm talking about.
[Ronnie] Line it up, boys.
Let's do this all day.
Okay, guys.
We learned something there.
That we're gonna
get our asses kicked?
No. That we need
to pass the ball.
How? We don't have Hodges.
I'll get you the ball.
Just get open.
Anyone. Anyone get open.
Come on, guys.
It's been one fucking play.
The universe is giving us
a chance
to finish the game
we never did.
We're playing the Turkey Bowl
again. Be thankful for that.
Stop acting like we're cursed.
Come on. Let's do this.
Let's do this.
Cherokee, Sonny, just go long.
On one? Yeah?
Okay. Ready?
-[Sonny D] Whatever.
-[man] Break.
[crowd cheering]
-[Mitchell] Down!
-[Sonny D] Let's go!
[Mitchell] Set!
Blitzkrieg turkey bacon
on three. Turkey bacon!
[Mitchell] Hut!
-[men groan]
-[Mitchell grunts]
[Ronnie] Go. Go. Come on,
cover me. Go. Go.
-[whistle blows]
[cheering and applause]
Thanks a lot, Hodges.
[Ronnie] Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about, boys.
-[man] Boo!
-[woman] No way!
[whistle blows]
-[Mitchell] Set!
-[Fat Jack] Yo, watch
-the spread! Watch the spread!
-[Mitchell] Hike!
[grunting and groaning]
[whistle blows]
[Mitchell] Cover. Cover outside.
[whistle blows]
[slow motion groaning]
Set. Hut!
-[man laughing]
-[Mitchell groans]
[Ronnie] Whoo!
-[woman] Yeah!
-[Mitchell] Hike!
[grunts] Hike!
[loud thud]
[air horn blares]
Okay, guys, 21-7.
Fourth quarter.
How's everybody doing?
Pupils are dilated. Super dizzy.
They're like 20 dudes deep
on the bench, man.
My knee hurts.
My back hurts.
My feelings hurt.
Will you guys stop complaining?
I'm sick of motivating you.
I'm out of speeches.
I'm tired, too.
Who wants a hotdog?
Fourth quarter!
Putnam has possession.
[crowd cheering]
How are we gonna
pull this one off?
-Fuck that guy.
No. Look.
[Mitchell] What are you
doing here?
-Did your flight get cancelled?
I brought you guys something
I thought you could use.
It's game time, boys!
[all cheering]
Ledbetter, Fat Jack, Sonny D.
Wing T formation.
Waggle offense. Get out there!
Found him wandering down 77.
Hey, uh. Well, I know
I'm not your girlfriend,
but I'm sorry
for breaking your heart,
and I hope to be
your friend again.
Help us win this game,
I'll think about it.
[Judge Tibbins]
Let's go, Putnam.
Oh, no. [chuckles]
Uh-uh! Uh-uh.
He's late. He can't play.
There's nothing in the rulebook
about tardiness.
Let's play football.
-All right, let's fucking do it.
-Hey, hold up.
Let me put this
where it belongs.
Hey, hey, hey.
Not too smart for a city boy.
Now let's play some football!
Go, Hodges!
[crowd booing]
All right, gentlemen.
Fourth quarter, down by 14,
backs against the wall.
Deja vu, right?
All right, we got one option
and one option only. To win.
Let's do this
for the Badger Hole.
Let's do this for our town.
All right,
they're gonna be blitzing.
Six-two fire on one. Ready.
[all] Break.
[cheerleaders] Let's go Badgers!
Let's go!
Let's go Badgers! Let's go!
Let's go Badgers! [cheering]
[Hodges] Down!
[crowd cheering]
Down! Set! Hike!
[Hodges] Down! Set! Hike!
[whistle blows]
-[Fish] Yeah!
-[woman screaming]
[all] Yeah!
-[man] Yeah!
[whistle blows]
Down. Set. Hut!
[slow motion grunt]
[Hodges] Whoo!
Set. Hut!
Oh, my God!
-[whistle blows]
-Fuck you, man! Fuck you!
Ref, you're fucking blind!
Set. Hut.
[whistle blows]
[Badger fans cheering]
All right. Going for two.
You sure you don't want
to kick it and tie the game?
No. We didn't come all this way
to play it safe.
Nothing but victory.
Peeky bowl on two.
-[all] Break.
[Hodges] Down.
Set. Hike!
-[Sonny D yells, groans]
[Ronnie] Yeah! I'm Ron-defeated!
[Hodges] Oh, shit.
[Ronnie] That's what
I'm talking about, baby.
[whistle blows]
Nickelback on two.
Ready. Break.
[Hodges] All right, guys.
Let's go.
Ain't over 'till it's over, huh?
Let's do this.
Boss, shouldn't we
just take a knee?
And run the clock out?
Fuck no.
We put the nail in the coffin.
I want more points on the board.
Get the fuck out of my face.
Set. Hut, hut!
[crowd cheering]
-[player 1] Yeah!
-[player 2] Go! Go! Go!
-[player 1] Yeah! Yeah!
-[player 2] Go!
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
[Mitchell screams, groans]
All right.
Ninety-one yards to go.
Three seconds on the clock.
-You guys with me?
-Let's do this.
Your call, QB.
-Let's go Badgers! Let's go!
-Let's go Badgers! Let's go!
Black 80.
[Sonny D] Hell, yeah.
I can catch it this time, guys.
I can feel it.
-All right. On one. Ready!
-[all] Break!
Don't block for me. Get open.
-Badger red, knock 'em dead!
-Noble Knights win their fights!
Badger red, knock 'em dead!
-Noble Knights...
-...knock 'em dead!
[Hodges] Down!
[players grunting]
[grunts] Oh, shit!
Oh, shit. No.
[air whooshing]
-[whistle blows]
[Badger fans cheering]
-Whoo! Yeah!
-[Ronnie] No! No! No!
[players cheering]
[whistle blows]
Hey. Oh. Uh...
I just, uh, played...
a football game.
Did you get my messages?
I know everything.
I met the town slut,
and she's wearing my ring.
You have a crush on
the plain-looking cheerleader,
and your dead best friend
over there
just made the winning catch.
Oh, right. [sighs]
you and I are gonna get
on my daddy's plane.
We're gonna go back to Chicago
and fix all of this nonsense.
Let's go.
What are you doing? Come on.
I can't.
What do you mean, you can't?
Let's go home.
I am home.
Do you have a concussion?
I'm sorry.
After-- after all this, I'm--
I'm giving you a second chance,
and you're giving up
the most amazing lifestyle
in the world for-- for...
It smells like a fucking zoo.
Goodbye, Ashley.
Oh, my God.
This is really happening.
-I'm sorry.
-Oh, my God. Daddy? [snivels]
All-- All right. All right, now.
Enough of this nonsense.
-Come on.
-Okay. Have a nice life in...
-I will.
And just for the record...
I broke up with you.
Good work, number eight.
Oh! I was so excited,
I think I almost peed myself.
-[chuckles] Thanks, Mom.
-Well, I think that was
probably one of the most
exciting things I ever seen.
Well, remember, Dad,
at the end of the day,
it's just a football game.
-[Hodges] Hmm.
[Ed] Hmm.
[both laugh]
Oh, well, uh..
we're gonna let you two
patch things up.
Come on, Marlene.
Great game, Pitter Pat.
See, here's the thing.
I just don't think
this is gonna work between us.
It's just that
now that you're single,
there's just no spark.
Thank you so much.
My vision board did manifest,
and it was right all along.
You know what
and you know who...
is waiting for you
right over there.
After a while, crocodile.
[Sonny D] Hey, Hodges,
turkey dinner at Fat Jack's.
Let's go, Grand Gobble Marshal.
Y'all should be ashamed
of yourselves.
I'm embarrassed.
I'm embarrassed.
We're sick of your shit.
We quit!
Oh, give me a...
Don't walk away from me.
-Get back here...
-Hey, Ronnie.
...when I'm talking to you!
Kenny, this him?
I think you know why we're here.
Halt, inmate!
Dang it, Ronnie.
Get back here...
[overlapping chatter]
[rock music playing]
Good game. Good game.
[ring clinks]
Did you just throw
a diamond ring into the street?
It's okay.
Kenny'll pick it up.
You know,
there's a hundred streets
in this town I could've picked,
and I...
randomly chose this one.
Who knows?
I finally realized...
the one reason
I've been avoiding this place...
is the one reason
I'm gonna stay.
What's that?
We better keep this
between the two of us.
Why is that?
'Cause I don't want Brandy Best
to find out you're not single.
["Semi-Charmed Life"
by Third Eye Blind playing]
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
I'm packed and I'm holding
I'm smiling, she's living
She's golden
She lives for me
Says she lives for me
Ovation her own motivation
She comes round
And she goes down on me
And I make her smile
Like a drug for you
Do ever what you want
To do coming over you
Keep on smiling
What we go through
One stop to the rhythm
That divides you
And I speak to you
Like the chorus to the verse
Chop another line
Like a coda with a curse
Come on like a freak show
Takes the stage
We give them
The game we play she say
I want something else
To get me through this
Kind of life baby baby
I want something else
I'm not listening
When you say
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
Is it hot, sweaty and moist
in there?
You tell me, muffin top.
Get in.
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
The sky was gold
It was rose
I was taking sips
Up into my nose
And I wish I could
Get back there some place
Back there smiling in
The pictures you would take
Doing crystal meth will
Lift you up until you break
It won't stop
I won't come down
I keep stock
With a tick-tock rhythm
A bump for the drop
And then I bumped up
I took the hit
That I was given
Then I bumped again
Then I bumped again I said
How do I get back there
To the place where
I fell asleep inside you
How do I get myself back to
The place where you said
I want something else
To get me through this
Semi-charmed kind of life
Baby, baby
I want something else
I'm not listening
When you say
I believe in the sand
Beneath my toes
The beach gives a feeling
An earthy feeling
I believe in the faith
That grows
And the four right chords
Can make me cry
When I'm with you
I feel like I could die
And that would be all right
All right
And when the plane came in
She said she was crashing
The velvet it rips
In the city
We tripped on the urge
To feel alive
But now
I'm struggling to survive
Those days you were wearing
That velvet dress
You're the priestess
I must confess
Those little red panties
They pass the test
So slide up 'round the belly
Face down on the mattress one
And you hold me
And we are broken
Still it's all that I
Want to do just a little now
I feel myself
Hovering off the ground
I'm scared
I'm not coming down
No, no
And I won't run for my life
She's got her jaws now
Locked down in a smile
But nothing is all right
All right
And I want something else
To get me through this
Life, baby
I want something else
Not listening when you say
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
The sky was gold
it was rose
I was taking sips
Up into my nose
And I wish I could get
Back there
Some place back there
In the place
We used to start our lives
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
I want something else
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo
I want something else
[music ends]