The Wedding Year (2019) Movie Script

Mmm, here we go.
I think I'm gonna
get the pants as well.
Oh, my God, this is amazing!
Look at this stuff.
Ooh, yes, please.
You are so welcome.
Mara, you
finding everything alright?
Oh, hey, Ellie!
Do you happen to have,
like, a red belt?
Ooh, I don't know, let me check.
By the way, you're late again.
I got to gear up!
No way!
You know the rules,
nothing over a $100.
Remember when you got guacamole
all over that beautiful
Saint Laurent?
It washed off!
What are you doing?
Oh, stop.
You got to wear
the expensive shit
to sell the expensive shit.
Did you do your
make-up high again?
Ellie, I'm not a degenerate.
I did my make-up
and then I got high.
Well, you need to
get your shit together
because there's a girl who
wants to try on something
from the bridal section.
Oh, no, don't make
me go over there.
I know, it's torture and
it sucks your soul out.
But that's where the money is.
So, go make some.
And smile.
Absolutely not.
She looks like a hippie.
Like she's getting
married in a barn.
Grandma, that's the point.
She is getting
married in a barn.
Let's go back to Vera Wang.
This thrift shop is
giving me shingles.
It wasn't on your list.
Thrift shop, ugh!
But I came in here
last week and I found this,
and I love it.
Well, ivory is just very modern.
And it's a good deal.
It's a disco-onesie.
I won't pay for it.
I'm sorry, did I
hear barn wedding?
Even the sales
girl thinks it's gauche.
Actually, I think
it can be beautiful.
Sounds to me like you're planning
the perfect wedding, um...
I love your
necklace, by the way.
Thank you.
Actually it was
my grandmother's.
Well, you have lovely taste.
It's timeless.
That's what you should
wear for your wedding,
something you'll still
love in 50 years.
But this outfit is not
quite marriage material.
Kelly, you're a kind
of girl who stands out.
This lace-sleeved jumpsuit,
it's so background dancer.
But this vintage ivory gown.
I mean.
That is stunning.
How much is it?
Most people set up payment plans
for the pieces in
our elite collection.
This one with the
crushed-diamond inlay?
It's my dream gown.
Let's try her on.
My hairdresser's step-brother
dates one of Meghan
Markle's stylists.
This piece is exactly like
the one Meghan wanted to wear
at the royal wedding.
The queen, though?
Total buzzkill about it.
Oh, honey, you look beautiful!
Love it.
I need to take
a picture of this.
It's too good not to.
Just right around this corner.
Are you, uh, are you okay?
You sure, 'cause you
don't seem like it.
I just saw my boyfriend
hooking up with
another girl outside.
I wanna leave.
But he's sitting by the
door, and my phone is dead.
Hey, say no more.
I know a way out the back,
and I will call you a Lyft,
we'll get you out of here.
I can't ask you for that.
Yeah, you can.
Girls got to have each
other's backs, all right?
And you deserve so much more!
Hey, look at it this way.
You found a swan,
you've got your out.
Now you can go be you.
Come on, let's get
you out of here.
Get you in that Lyft.
You never know,
maybe he'll be cute.
Hey, girl!
Alex Feinberg, what is wrong?
This cute guy just
completely blew me off.
It's fine, it's
nothing, it's fine.
It's fine.
I'm gonna die alone.
I think you need this.
- A lot.
- Thank you.
Look, I keep telling you,
you're never going to meet
someone wearing cargo shorts.
And I keep telling you
that they're functional.
You look like a carpenter.
Trust me.
I work in fashion.
Today I sold a sick vintage
gown to a barn bride.
Do you remember when
my sister got married?
You compared her
wedding to genocide.
If words can kill,
then vows can massacre.
Well, she's happier than ever.
Oh, I forgot to tell you, she
doesn't say hi, by the way.
Oh, she'll warm up
to me, give it time.
Now this, this is something
that I can't get over.
Put on some jeans!
Okay, I don't
think you understand
how many things I can fit.
I've got my wallet
and keys, okay?
I can't.
And a beer, which
you'll thank me for later.
I have chap stick and
sunglasses in here, some, some,
you're not even listening to me.
Oh, I know what you're doing.
Wait for me.
Wait, wait, wait.
Pre-game or booty call?
Neither, dinner.
God, you're awful.
Thank you.
No one is gonna buy you
dinner on a first date
at nine at night.
Stop being so cynical, Alex.
I believe that there is
a guy out there somewhere
- dumb enough...
- Horny enough.
To buy a girl an expensive meal
the first time he meets her.
Now, help me find him.
Okay, I will swipe for you,
so you don't feel shallow,
even though you are.
You're the best.
- Okay, this one is...
- Hot!
But do we think he'll
actually buy me dinner?
Hmph, no.
Okay, okay, into it.
He's a chef, it's meant to be.
There is an alternative to
dating for food, you know?
And that is?
Dating for love.
Ew, don't be disgusting.
Let's see.
I will have the balsamic
and mustard-glazed chicken,
and I'll start with
the tuna "tartar".
Very good.
It's "tartare".
And for you, sir?
Whoa, jeez.
Uh, I'll have the side
salad and this bread.
Really great.
You can, uh, keep that coming.
Hm, yeah.
Had a late lunch.
Excuse me, uh, before I
settle on the chicken,
talk to me about that special.
It is a bone-in, 16
ounce Wagyu beef rib eye.
And it is by far the
best thing on the menu.
Well, then it's settled.
I'll have the steak!
Excellent choice.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Hungry, aren't you?
Mm, mm-hmm.
Okay, hold on.
I'm not a celebrity chef, okay?
I make minimum wage at
the diner down the street.
I make minimum wage, too.
Would you like
to get outta here?
Whoo, all right!
Great, I'd like to have
my lights on this month.
All right.
There you go.
Those are some fancy pancakes!
Come to mama.
Why is this so good?
Well, I've been making
pancakes since I was six.
Grandma told me never
to fear the flavor.
Plus, I just graduated
from culinary school, so.
- Oh, well.
- Yeah, yeah.
Where you from?
Moved out here for a girl.
Didn't really work out.
Then why'd you stay?
I wanna bring the South
to Southern California
and open up a restaurant.
What would you call it?
You liked it a little bit.
A little bit.
Thought so.
But until then, cooking
here is fun, too.
They let me create a salad.
Ugh, I hate salad.
No, no, no, you
wouldn't if I made it.
It's kinda uncool to
hustle dating apps for food.
It's called using people.
Men use women all the time.
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
Well, I don't.
Guess I'll just have
to sleep with you then.
Am I making you nervous?
Do I seem nervous?
No kitchen?
No, but it's cheap.
How much?
1500 a month.
Good deal!
Do you have a condom?
Uh, yeah, hold on.
Where is it?
I have one, I know I have one.
Ah, ah, okay, I got it.
Organized, yeah.
- My bad, I was just...
- Shh.
Just shh.
Yeah, I'm sorry, she just
stepped into a meeting.
Yes, I'll go ahead
and take a message
and I will have
her call you back.
Thank you, bye.
Well, someone is glowing.
Who is this?
Mara, meet Charlie.
Charlie, that's Mara.
You got another rescue?
Yes, Mara.
Another one.
I do not blame you, this
one seems really sweet.
All right, fill me
in, how was last night?
It was fine.
He made pancakes.
Oh, he made pancakes?
Yeah, and did you, did you
have these pancakes last night
or this morning?
A lady never tells.
Oh, Mara Baylor,
you little slut!
Hey, Jim.
Hey, Alex.
It's good to see you.
All right, so,
what was his flaw?
What do you mean,
what's his flaw?
You know what I mean, you're
always looking for a flaw.
Well, maybe he doesn't have one.
And who knows, I may never
hear from him again, so.
Don't look at me.
Okay, here we go.
Well, he's got a good ass.
He's got a great ass!
You know what?
To great asses.
Look at us.
You're in skinny jeans,
I have a boyfriend.
Wow, look at you,
you're growing up.
And my jeans are so tight,
I can't feel my legs.
You know, you should
really show your work.
Mm, I don't know.
I don't think I'm ready to
jump into that just yet.
I think you should jump.
You become an artist
the minute you start showing
your stuff to the world.
I guess.
Hey, sis.
Why are you calling me?
Oh, my God, what's
wrong, who died?
No, what?
Is it that weird
that I'm calling you?
You're late.
So no one is dead?
Shut up, I have big news.
I am happy to announce
I'm getting married!
I'm getting married!
To who?
Why are you marrying Brian?
Um, because he asked
me and I love him.
Ugh, last Christmas, Brian
clogged mom's toilet so bad,
even the plumber said he's
never seen anything like it.
Mara, all boys are gross, okay?
Yes, but not all
boys are scary dumb.
Brian thought euthanasia
was a country.
And after the train wreck
we call "mom and dad,"
why are you even getting
married in the first place?
Damn it, this is exactly
why I never call you.
Just because mom and
dad had a rough time,
doesn't mean that you and
I need to protect ourselves
by being alone forever.
So you're not at all worried
that Brian won't just
up and leave you one day
for his shrink, and then,
you're stuck with a baby,
a clogged toilet and...
Mara, can you just
say you're happy for me?
I'm happy for you.
I'm getting married!
Mara, what the fuck?
My sister's getting married
to clogged-toilet guy.
Oh, that's exciting.
Ugh, whatever.
There you go, Luna.
Robbie, wassup, man?
I miss you.
I'm on speakerphone with Violet.
Big news, bro.
Violet and I are
getting married!
Yeah, I knew it.
Congratulations, man!
I'm so happy for you.
You know we all love Violet.
Look at you.
My big brother just getting
married and whatnot.
Oh, you know, I thought
he would never ask.
I was just waiting for the
perfect moment, you know?
Oh, perfect moment.
I made the perfect moment.
Put on some Jagged Edge,
popped a bottle of bubbly.
And then she said...
Marry me, or get out!
And now I'mma be Mrs. Harrison.
Oh, shit, I got to
go, I got to go, man.
I love you, though.
Give Violet my love,
I'll talk to you later.
Not going to her wedding.
You got to be kidding me.
Oh, my God!
Do you even know
this many people?
This is insane.
So how many does
this make altogether?
Me, fifteen weddings.
Is this karma?
I call it payback.
You know, most
of them are Jake's.
Learn from my mistakes,
Alex, never date an old guy.
Jake is 29.
Exactly, he's in his deep 20s.
If I go to these weddings,
I'm gonna meet everyone.
Jake is going to meet everyone.
That, that's part of
being in a relationship.
If I go, I'm committing
to being his girlfriend
for, like, a whole year.
Who knows what I'll
be doing in a year?
I could, like,
be living in Austin or Tulum.
You're exhibiting
zero logic right now.
Tulum is a one-week trip, tops.
Yeah, you're right.
I have no choice.
I am breaking up
with Jake tonight.
Oh my god.
Yes, yes.
Jake, wake up, we need to talk.
What, I'm up.
There are way too many
weddings and I'm freaking out.
It's giving me anxiety, and
we need to do something.
It's like the
middle of the night.
Can we do this in the morning?
No, we need to cut some now!
I don't have the money for it!
Traveling, wedding
gifts, the outfits,
committing to you
for, like, a year?
- What?
- What?
Uh, okay, yeah.
It's a lot.
It is a lot.
And it gets expensive,
but between your
high-school friends
and my college friends,
your sister and my
brother, who do we cut?
Okay, so I thought a lot
about this while I was peeing.
And I think that we should
make a drinking game of it.
We go through each wedding,
and if we don't
agree on something...
Whoever wants to keep the
wedding has to take a shot.
I'll go get the vodka.
Did you slap me?
Sara's the shit.
She was in my top eight all
throughout middle school.
I've never even
heard of Sara before.
She's my cousin!
She talked me through
my first period.
In high school, we
threw him in a dumpster.
There was blood everywhere.
And he almost got crushed
by a trash compactor.
And Becca was cool about it!
I'll kinda have to go
to Gilman's wedding.
I don't care if it's
his second wedding.
That man taught me how to fish.
We spent all day on the river.
Me, Murphy, Murphy's dad,
Murphy's dad's special
friend Svetlana.
Oh, my God.
He was doing Svetlana.
I actually don't
know who Lauren is.
Maybe she worked in a LA store.
We salt-crusted a
sea bass together!
You guys must've
really connected.
Maybe she was in that
one yoga class I took.
Maybe I just went
to camp with her.
Was Lauren the
girl who got lice?
Oh, Lauren!
She was in my band!
You had a band?
Yeah, I did, until Lauren joined
and then she kicked me
down to background vocals.
Seven weddings in a year.
It's gonna be fun.
Yeah, we'll see.
I don't know what it
is about a guy in slacks,
but you look super-hot.
Is that right?
Oh, that is right.
Between you and your suit,
me and my side boob, mm!
You look good.
It may get cold.
Uh, thanks, but no thanks.
Jake, who's that?
Remember the
girl I moved to LA for?
That's Nicole?
That's the girl who dumped you?
She's like a supermodel.
Nicole is not a supermodel.
She did cheerleading for the
Broncos for a little bit,
but that's about it.
I need more makeup.
I need my face to be
better than her face.
Nicole doesn't
really wear makeup.
Just a little lip gloss.
That's just her face
and a little gloss?
Yo, Harrison?
- Oh!
- Oh, shit!
What's up, man?
What's good, boy?
Good to see you, man.
Uh, Gilman, my girlfriend, Mara.
Mara, Gilman.
Trash-compactor dude!
Still got the scar
and everything.
Yo, remember Miller?
With the hair?
Dude's going bald, you
got to come see it, bro.
No way.
It's crazy, it's a joke.
I'mma take him.
- We'll be right back.
- I'll be back, I'm sorry.
I'll be fine.
I'll be okay.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Please do not come over here.
Please turn around.
Mara, right?
Uh, hi!
You must be Nicole!
- Hi.
- Uh-huh.
Oh, my God, you're adorable!
I mean, I heard Jake was
dating someone younger,
but he really robbed
the cradle, didn't he?
Youthful glow.
Not all of us can be so blessed.
But you can't be older
than, uh, what, 32, 33?
I love the jumpsuit.
It's so revealing.
How sweet!
Cool, uh, necklace.
Oh, thanks!
Yeah, Janet got it for me.
Early birthday gifts.
Jake's mom.
Oh, we're really close.
He didn't tell you?
Another Scotch, please.
Maybe you should slow down.
They haven't even passed
out the appetizers yet.
Fucking rehearsal dinners.
Why do people have weddings
before their actual wedding?
And, no, I will not slow down
because I only know
two people here.
My boyfriend, who is currently
at his high-school reunion,
and his ex, who is that.
That is exactly why I need
another Scotch, please.
Alright, I got you.
I'll make it a double.
Thank you.
That slut!
Are you gonna let her
clown you like that?
Oh, hell, no.
Are you sure you
don't want any water?
You seem really drunk.
Mara, where you've been?
I've been looking for you.
Dance-off, bitch!
Oh, Mara, how much
have you had to drink?
Now!- - I'm sorry,
you wanna do what?
She's trying to steal your heart
and I'm gonna stop her from
doing that, by dancing.
Are you ready to be owned?
I'mma own your ass.
I'm gonna.
You think you can twerk?
Oh, you think you can twerk?
This is how you twerk.
Well, I can twerk better.
I can do the split!
Alright, mm-hmm..
I'm gonna throw up.
You have to, okay.
I'm gonna throw up.
There you go.
Alright, okay, get it out.
There we go.
Good job.
You alright?
Well, I'm finished.
Okay, let's just go to sleep.
Come on.
Happy birthday.
Goodnight, y'all.
Wait, where is my camera?
Give me my camera,
did you steal my camera?
Mara, no.
I'll come, I'll come back.
Get her out of here?
We're just gonna go.
Don't you touch my camera.
Don't you touch my man.
Is everyone staring at me?
Tell me this isn't real.
It sure is.
Oh, snap!
Are these Eggs Sardou?
Egg so what?
Uh, poached eggs,
artichoke hearts.
There's alcohol in that.
I love single
people at weddings.
They're only here
for two things.
Free appetizers and
amateur hook-up hour.
That's why they're
always the first ones
to storm the raw bar.
Duh, aphrodisiacs.
Okay, see?
Look at what he's doing.
He's saying whatever it takes
to get his lips on her oyster.
That's gross.
I know.
I love it.
I can't look away.
Well, I'm gonna look away.
Looking away, looking
away, looking.
Oh, there's Alex.
He found a crush.
That guy?
Well, I think I
can make that happen.
Uh, I don't know if
that's a good idea.
Alex will talk to
him if he wants to.
Come on, I'm trying
to win some points
with your best friend.
I don't know, Jake.
Thank you so much.
He's cute.
Who's cute?
The guy you've been staring at.
Don't play dumb.
I'm not playing du.
This is a, this is a beautiful
golf course, by the way.
Do you golf, Jake?
I do.
You know what?
You should man up and
let me be your wingman.
I don't.
Okay, that's fine.
I'll do it.
No, no!
Hah, do not engage with Zak.
I am being dead
serious right now.
Like, uh, if there's
a fire, let him burn.
I mean it.
But you already
know his name is Zak?
You would make a really
cute couple, though.
Just saying.
So good to see you.
I'll talk, I'll talk to you...
Go on.
I can do this.
Yes, you can.
Go get him, tiger.
- Oh.
- It's a thing.
I can do this, I can do this.
But, yes, I mean,
it's cool to see it.
I can't do this.
Nope, can't, I can't do this.
It's okay.
You'll get him next time.
Hey, Zak, right?
Yeah. How's it going?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm here with my
girlfriend and our friend.
I'm gonna kill him.
He's got a good ass.
He's got a great ass.
We now invite all guests
to take their seats
as the ceremony
is about to begin.
Okay, come on.
It's okay, calm down.
I got you, man.
You can thank me
at your wedding.
I haven't had a titty-twister
since middle school.
Guys, stop!
I'm sorry, Mara, but your
boyfriend's being a dick,
and now I'm gonna beat his ass.
Like, that's how you
beat someone's ass?
Do men even have
twistable nipples?
Well, it's more in the
pinch than it is in the twist.
- Oh.
- Hey guys.
You havin' a good time?
Uh, sorry.
Sorry, that was stupid.
I was teaching him
some dance moves.
Oh, cool.
Hey, who are you sitting with?
Who I am sitting with?
don't, I don't, nobody.
Uh, well, do you
wanna sit with me?
Told you I could do it.
Now we're reading
from First Corinthians.
"Love is patient and kind."
Love is not jealous or boastful.
It is not arrogant or rude.
Love does not insist
on its own way.
"It is not irritable
or resentful."
God, is it almost over?
It feels like it's been years.
You've only been here
for, like, an hour.
At least we're not standing.
Yeah, you'd think they'd wear
something more comfortable,
being stuck up there and all.
Like, put on some sneakers.
How can you even
focus on her shoes?
I can't get past her hair.
It's, it's like a
canary got in there.
Well, I don't know
what's in there,
but it is much
bigger than a canary.
How do you think we'll
fuck up this wedding?
Well, I think we're
already doing it.
But there's no
person in the world
I'd rather fuck
up with than you.
Chosen to recite their own vows.
I promise to love you
with a love that's everlasting.
Ripped straight from Google.
You think so?
Oh, yes.
Not just for today.
"Not just today, but
for every day forthcoming.
I will love and cherish."
Wow, he didn't even try.
I know.
I can't wait to start
a family with you.
Think they'll make it?
With plagiarized vows?
No way!
And they're way too
touchy-feely with each other.
It's like they're trying
to prove something.
I give them six months, tops.
That's it?
Well, I mean, you got
one month of married bliss.
And then he starts to leave
his underwear on the floor,
she stops shaving her legs,
and then all of that resentment
starts to bubble
up and then, boom!
Divorce central.
You've really thought
about this, huh?
By the power invested in me,
I now pronounce
you man and wife.
They're really going for it.
Get a room!
What did she say?
She said, "Get a room," Gary.
What the hell did we eat?
God, and I'm gonna die!
At my wedding, I'm gonna die.
Mara, make it stop.
I can't, honey.
Oh, God.
At first I thought
that it was cholera,
but it turned to be
those goddamned baby eels
at last night's
rehearsal dinner.
Yeah, that, that
makes more sense.
I'm gonna kill Marcus.
Are you, uh, gonna be okay?
It's nothing a
cocktail can't fix.
Hey, sweetie.
Uh, have you thought
about what I said?
Like, maybe just cancel
the whole reception.
We are canceling nothing!
And fuck you for choosing
that weird restaurant,
you bougie prick!
Love you.
Okay, like, um,
all of my bridesmaids,
they got sick too.
So, congratulations, Mara.
You're my new maid of honor.
Oh, me?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you'll be great, okay?
Just, just make your
speech funny and then sad,
and-and then make it cute.
And then make it sad
again and then hopeful.
Oh god, it's coming
the other way.
I usually like
my tenderloin rare.
Not like tartare rare,
but if I can get a nice price
on a good piece of meat,
you can't really beat that.
You just like cube up the
steak, little parsley,
ah, drop of raw
quail yolk on it,
just let it ooze all over it.
You think he would mind if
I had some of that fish?
Stop it!
Stop it right now or
I will murder you,
right here in front of everyone.
Would you like a
bite of the fish?
Oh, it's time.
You're gonna do great.
Hearing your voice
stresses me out.
Well, thank you.
You're gonna do great!
Good evening.
My name is Mara Baylor.
It is an honor to
be here with you,
celebrating the union of
a very special couple.
Thank you for joining this
remarkable evening of love,
friendship and commitment.
Regrettably, Ellie's
sister has taken ill,
so the privilege of maid of
honor has been passed on to me,
I would now like to welcome you
to the wedding of Ellie
Williams and Howard Lee.
It's Marcus.
It's Marcus Lee.
Oh, my God!
Howard's your ex.
Uh, Marcus.
Uh Marcus.
I meant Marcus.
Sorry honey.
So when Ellie and I met,
she needed a salesgirl who
didn't steal the merchandise,
and I had just gotten fired
from the MAC counter for,
well, stealing the merchandise.
God, that was such a
strange time in my life.
I had this roommate
from Craigslist.
Gosh, she was such a bitch.
And this girl,
no joke, kept a
snake in her room.
Like, a live, legitimate snake.
And she would deny it.
But, like, I would see
her take mice in there,
and they would never come
out, so you do the math.
Mara, please, focus.
Right, yes.
Yes, uh.
Ellie and I have such
a funny relationship,
it's really, it's
really, really great.
She tells me I spend
too much time on myself.
I tell her she doesn't spend
enough time on herself.
But every day I get
her to close the store
a few minutes early.
We go out to the back alley,
smoke a little bit of
weed, talk things...
Seriously, Mara, stop.
No, I don't smoke weed.
But, but, this is good.
But the one thing Ellie will
always make time for is Marcus.
I'm so sorry for screwing
up your name earlier.
Seriously, that's on me.
My bad.
I really think...
I think we need to,
like, you know, wrap it up.
To Ellie and Howard!
Shit, fuck!
I did it again.
I'm so sorry.
To Ellie and Marcus.
May your love grow each day
and never forget
to omita la angula.
It means, skip the eel.
You crushed that.
Like, I put people in pain?
No, you were you.
You were perfect.
You always are.
We really bring out the
best in each other, don't we?
We really do.
So I was thinking, maybe
we should move in together.
What do you think?
Um, well, we are kinda
hemorrhaging money at the moment.
I think we should do it.
- I was thinkin' tomorrow...
- Just shut up.
I think those
sheets made me itchy.
Should've stayed
at the nicer hotel.
Seven weddings means we can
never stay at the nice hotel.
Where the hell is our ride?
Should've gone with Lyft.
I mean, it keeps saying that
he'll be here in 10 minutes
and then it's 15 and then five,
and then he's here.
And now he is in the
ocean, 20 minutes away.
Come on.
Let's Bonnie and
Clyde this bitch.
Mara, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no.
Goddamn it!
Come on, you know
how to ride, right?
Alright, okay.
Give it to me.
Go, go, go, go.
Okay, alright.
Here we go.
We'll bring it back, I promise!
Good evening.
Leave it out front.
Come on.
You wouldn't believe
what I just got.
What's that?
So, the bride got an
extra room to change in.
Guess who's sleepin'
there tonight?
- Oh.
- Ooh-ooh!
Oh, my God, this is beautiful!
Rich-people hotel
rooms are the best!
I would like to note
that this is the first wedding
that we handled like
responsible adults.
How many more weddings
do we have left?
Two, three.
Oh, my God!
My sister's wedding is next.
She's gonna be a
complete nightmare.
I'm gonna have to
take care of her.
And then it's your
brother's wedding,
we'll meet the entire family.
Hey, Mara,
tonight just focus on us.
Always askin' me to smile.
I love it when you smile.
Now put your hands
above your head.
My hands above my head?
Yeah, like a, like
an underwear model.
Let's stay like this forever.
I don't think we can afford
to stay like this forever.
You know what I mean.
I have to tell you something.
What is it?
It's scary.
I think.
I really love you.
Let's get married.
Marry me.
Holy shit.
See, this is what
growing up feels like.
Adding a little
stability to your life.
So what did mom and
dad think of him?
But, seriously, marriage
is a real commitment.
Barbara, you started screwin'
around during our honeymoon.
What do you know
about commitment?
Oh, my God!
Do I smell rosemary?
I think I smell rosemary.
Yeah, that smells
fantastic, Jake.
Thank you.
Would you like to try it?
See if it's missin' anything?
Oh, it's very good.
Very nice.
That's the sophisticated
palate for ya.
Nobody is, is worldly
as you, Barbara.
How's Guillermo, Barbara?
Who's Guillermo?
Guillermo's the man your father
thought I fucked
on our honeymoon.
So embarrassing!
I'm not embarrassing.
Your father's embarrassing.
Just trying to give
these kids some advice.
Oh, advice from you.
That would be a miracle.
This is our little
miracle, right here,
that she came out
of this monster.
You know, isn't Little Miracle
what we used to call your-
- Hey, you know what,
I had trouble one time gettin'
a hard-on, imagine that.
Amber alert over here
probably likes the smell of
cigarettes and boxed wine.
Do you like that, kid?
God, I feel like I'm
watching fetish porn.
So, Jake, you hittin'
Coachella this year?
No, just, come here.
They like Jake.
Mom's slam piece loves him.
What did your
parents talk about?
Uh, themselves.
They just fought per usual.
They haven't spent that much
time together in 20 years,
and they still hate each other.
Well, that's mom and dad.
Makes you wonder why anyone
would get married
in the first place.
Mara, if you don't
wanna marry Jake
, like, if you're
at all unsure...
It's not that,
I didn't say that.
It's just,
we've only been dating,
like, nine months.
That's a good amount of time.
The-the only thing matters
is, do you love Jake?
Of course, I do.
If I didn't, I
would've just said no.
That would've been way easier.
Look, it takes more than
love to make a marriage work.
It's about choosing
what's important
and what you can do without.
Take me for example.
I freaked out this morning
before the ceremony.
But should I marry Brian?
If I marry Brian, what
am I missing out on?
Who am I missing out on?
Firemen, perhaps?
Maybe a soldier who just
got back from Afghanistan?
The kind of guy that scares
you, but in a good way.
Like, you never know
if you're gonna make
it out of sex alive.
That doesn't sound safe.
This is super hot.
I am still freaking out.
I have so much to do.
I have to change his savings
into a joint account,
I have to figure out his will.
Like, do I keep everything
or do I have to share
some with the family?
What were we talking about?
Cold feet.
Good mornin'.
I need coffee.
Well, I'll do you one better.
Homemade eggs Benedict
for my fiance.
Mm, later.
Well, I just poached the egg.
There isn't really any later.
Okay, coffee comin'.
So, I was thinkin'.
A new restaurant just
opened up down the block.
And if you don't have
any plans for later.
You're welcome.
Hey, how's it goin'?
Good mornin'.
Thanks for comin'.
Where's your camera?
Back in LA.
I'm dead.
You should've stopped me
before we started
those tequila shots.
What are you talking about?
All you have to do
is sit there and eat.
I'm the one who
has to be charming
for your family and
shit all weekend.
Mara, you're fucking savage!
I call it resourceful.
Hey, man, where's Violet?
I haven't seen her all mornin'.
Still in our room, passed
out in her wedding dress.
She'll, she'll be down soon.
Violet's never been
good with Champagne.
Mm, something sweet
I can actually eat.
You're gonna eat one of those
or just play touchy feely?
Save it for you wife.
I'm just gonna...
I may have to have a
long talk with that boy.
Have you tried the eggs
Benedict, Mrs. Harrison?
They're amazing.
Oh, now you want eggs Benedict.
Mara, why be so formal?
Call me mom.
So when are y'all
movin' back to Virginia?
uh, we were never going
to move to Virginia.
What in the world is so
special about Los Angeles?
I mean, it's nothin' but
avocados and traffic.
Well, Janet, Mom,
our lives are there.
Our friends, my career.
She's, like I said,
it's a conversation.
I thought you worked at a store.
You know, we-we just
got a new Target.
No, actually, I work
in a small boutique,
uh, but I'm also
into photography.
I can see why you
wanna marry her, son.
You're gorgeous.
Thank you.
How many babies
you're gonna put in her?
Dad, no.
How about five children?
How about we just have none?
I mean, all women want babies.
Comes with the territory.
Do you accept Jesus Christ
as your Lord and Savior?
Just tell grandma
you believe in Jesus.
I believe in Jesus.
We're gonna have the ceremony
at Pastor Watkins' church.
Oh, P-Pastor Watkins.
Yes, sister.
I'm seein' peach.
Are you on the Instagram?
I don't really...
Did you see that Throwback
Thursday I posted of Jake.
Senior prom,
you and Nicole.
Oh, you were so happy back then.
Yes, but I am pretty happy now.
You know, Jakey likes his girls
with some meat on their bones.
Have you seen Nicole?
Mm, mm, mm.
Not as much back as Nicole,
but you can work with it.
Dad, uh.
Mara, tell us all
about your family, baby.
Your parents, how long
have they been together?
Oh, they were married
for maybe about ten years.
Oh, they died?
Oh, no.
They're not dead,
they're just divorced.
We do not divorce.
Well, in certain circumstances,
some people, they...
There are no split branches
up in this family tree.
We just wait for them
to dry up and fall off.
That means, to death.
You made your bed.
A deal is a deal.
I will!
That's it.
Will you excuse me for a second?
Oh, hey, baby.
You alright?
Well, I see why
you left this place.
She ain't no Nicole.
Oh, shit.
So this honeymoon,
where are you guys going?
Going to Maui.
Ah, Maui.
When do you leave?
Uh, tomorrow.
How's mom with her?
- I mean, she's, well, she's not...
- What?
Jake, we have a runner.
Violet took off.
I think she's leaving Robbie.
Well, then, you
got to go get her.
I'm tired, I'm hungover,
I'm still drunk.
I don't want to.
Wait, what?
Just go, go.
We got to go.
Do not make me run in heels!
Oh, my God.
Violet, wait up!
Violet, I'm right
behind you, wait.
I can't run in these heels.
Who am I kidding?
How do you get these off?
And she's gone.
Hey, Robbie knows
where Violet went.
Get in.
Are you limping?
What happened?
Get in, come on.
- Why is your shoe off?
- I can't run in heels.
Come on, we got to go, we
got to go, I know exactly.
Before she leaves.
Goodness gracious.
I lost her.
She's fast for a
girl in a corset.
Why is she running?
She's getting a cheeseburger.
The first thing that
Violet wanted to do
after the wedding
was break her diet.
I know my baby so well.
She says this place has the
best cheeseburger in the world.
So what's the move here?
I'll, um,
I'll, I'll go and, um,
I'll go and talk.
I, I, I can't.
I'll do it.
No, no, I'll do it.
Are you sure, are you sure?
Yeah, I got this.
- Yup, mm-hmm, I got it.
- Okay.
Doin' it.
I don't.
Yeah, she is?
I don't feel like, I feel
like she's not gonna get it.
She's got it.
Hey, Violet.
Can I have a fry?
Everything okay?
Come on, we're almost sisters.
You can talk to me.
Why are you running?
Look, I love Robbie, okay?
But his family, they
are crazy as hell.
Ever since we got engaged,
all they do is pester me.
"When are you gonna have a baby?"
How many babies?
Ooh, when you
gonna quit your job
"so you can take care
of all them babies?"
I mean, I didn't even know
that people were
still like this, Mara.
It's like they think I'm some
kind of freakin' breeder.
It's, uh, it's a
lot to deal with.
You know, at first I thought
it was just his mom and then,
you know, his dad and
then his sweet old granny.
But it turns out that
Robbie is just like them.
I mean, look, Jake
might be different, okay?
But I don't know.
Who knows?
Girl, get out!
Get out while you
still can, okay?
Look, look, Violet,
it's easy to run away,
especially, when you've spent
the past six months in the gym.
Look, if you really
wanna go, then go.
I, I will cover for you.
But I think you'll
regret leaving
if you don't talk
to Robbie first.
He needs to hear that
from you, face-to-face.
I don't even know
where Robbie is.
Oh, he's in the parking lot,
crying in a small
Korean compact.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, he's crying?
Yeah, oh, yes, a lot.
You wanna finish any of this?
No, I've already
had three of these.
I mean, I'll take a couple
of these for the road and...
I'll get your bag.
Just gonna up and leave
'cause you don't
wanna have babies?
What else was I supposed to do?
Your family was trying to
inseminate me in the reception.
Well, may,
that's what marriages are for!
They're supposed to put babies.
Oh, that's what they're for?
I'm a machine?
I'm just gonna pump
out babies for you?
I thought I was your wife.
Oh, oh, this is, this,
I'm pouring my heart out.
Y-you're breaking my heart.
Come on and put
your hands on me.
What's going on?
I love you.
So they're back together now?
Oh, my God.
Uh, well, I just
saw Violet's vagina,
so I'm gonna say probably.
Where is it?
We're gonna find it.
Don't worry.
Two layovers and 13 hours later.
But no lost luggage.
Shouldn't have cheaped
out on plane tickets.
Come on, and miss spendin'
the night at Cinnabon?
Yeah, we're never gonna find it.
Oh, my God!
Did we even park here?
I just wanna go
home and take a nap.
This is so annoying.
Ah, Mara, I know that
your car is a piece of shit,
but most cars come
with an alarm system.
My car is not a piece of shit.
Don't patronize me.
I found it!
Well, it finally happened.
My sweet baby girl is dead.
I'll call a tow truck.
How do you picture
our lives after we get married?
I don't know.
I haven't really
thought about it.
Well, picture it now.
We get married, five years
go by, what do you see?
I see a house, a
dog in the yard.
What kind of dog?
A rescue.
And inside, we're having a
really fancy dinner party
because we're rich now.
I'm grilling rib eye and
you're making the salad.
Am I taking photos?
Oh, you still do that now?
There's a big bathroom
and an office.
And a guest bedroom
that one day,
turns into a kid's room.
Oh, it's in Virginia,
so he or she can get
to know my family.
No to what?
The dog?
No, just no.
Mara, you've been
acting weird all day.
What are you talking about?
All of it.
Weddings, babies, moving and,
I can't, I can't do it.
I can't.
Distractions from my career?
What career?
Uh, photography.
You take pictures that nobody
ever sees, how's that a job?
What do you know?
I know that you
can do that anywhere,
Los Angeles or Virginia.
I can't do it in Virginia.
What's wrong with Virginia?
Yeah, it's not about Virginia!
I just can't do it, okay?
You should know that,
you should get that!
What are you doing?
Oh, uh, you wanna get high now?
It's been a long few days.
No, you don't get to do that.
You don't get to
just pick a fight
and then decide to go get high!
You're oppressing me!
You're acting crazy!
No, you are!
You live in a
goddamn snow globe,
and I tried it out, Jake, I did!
I tried your home and
I tried your family,
and I fucking hated it!
You hate my family?
No, you, that,
you know what I mean, I...
I don't.
My parents were so
excited to see you,
and you couldn't,
you couldn't just put your
thing aside for one weekend.
My, my thing?
What's my thing?
Yes, your thing.
You're selfish, Mara.
Okay, you could be doing
so much more, but, no.
You just have to bitch
and make excuses.
It's like you're too
afraid to get off your ass!
Fuck you.
Yeah, and I would
chill on the whole
You're a cook at a diner!
Yeah, well, at least
I'm doing something.
Not your dream.
You can't bring the South
to Southern California
if you're living in Virginia.
Oh, God, fucking
finger's swollen.
Hey, hey, okay,
look, look, look.
It has been, it's
been a rough few days.
Mara, I love you.
It's not enough for you,
that is never going
to be enough for you!
I'm not the marrying type.
I thought I could be.
But you want someone who'd go
to church with your grandma
and do game nights
with your parents,
someone who'll be home
in time for dinner.
And that's just,
that's just not me.
Okay, alright, okay.
Let's just think about this.
I have been thinking about this.
I've been thinking about this
from the moment I said yes.
It takes more than love
to make a marriage work.
Please, just take it.
So you found the flaw.
I wasn't looking
for one, I swear.
I'm so sorry, Mara.
I asked him about our future
and he could only
talk about his,
like he, like he saw me as
this cookie-cutter version
in his future.
And I, I-I know
where it comes from.
It comes from his family.
And they were shoving their
traditions down my throat.
And I couldn't take it and...
You don't think your parents
didn't scare the
hell out of him?
My parents,
they never should've gotten
married in the first place.
Well, then you
wouldn't be here, would you?
Uh, what are you doin' here?
Well, I heard you got a new job.
Well, I saw it on
your mom's Instagram.
But it's so good to see you.
Well, you, too.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear
about you and Mara.
how'd you find out?
Also on your mom's Instagram.
What about you?
Turns out Adam's
a bit of a jerk, so.
in your face.
Yeah, I guess I deserve that.
Jake, I am so sorry for
the way things ended with us.
It's cool.
Well, I think we should catch up
over another round,
if you're down.
I don't really think
that's such a good idea.
Oh, come on.
Jake, it's one drink.
One drink.
Let's move, I don't wanna
keep that food critic waiting.
The reduction looks beautiful.
Nice work.
Now let's get back to it.
We are so excited to
have you join the team.
We're all about what's fun,
what's fearless and
what's female in SoCal.
Your eye is exactly what
we've been looking for.
But we're curious.
What other wedding
stuff can you give us?
We're trying to break into
the whole bridal fever.
I'm, I'm kinda
done with all that.
But you're our wedding girl.
I've never been a wedding girl
and I never wanna
come off as one.
Again, I just,
look, if you just wanna
buy my old pictures,
I'm happy to give...
They're online.
Day old bread as far
as I'm concerned.
Look, Mara, what
we need from you
is to keep going
to those weddings
and get your camera lens
on the stuff that the
professionals aren't staging.
You wanna get paid to
play with the Yankees,
you got to play ball.
I appreciate you
meeting with me, uh,
but those weddings,
they wrecked me.
At least the good parts of me.
And I just want to move on
and find those parts again.
Thanks for the latte, though.
Oh, and FYI, this is
Dodgers' territory.
I told you not to
use a sports reference.
I, uh.
Holy shit!
Well, if you're gettin'
laid, I'mma get laid.
You'll do Peter27.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Peter, right?
Hey, Moira.
Oh, it's, uh, Mara, actually.
Uh, you look different
in your photos.
Cuter in person.
Just different.
Hey, you want a shot?
Yes, yeah.
Thank you.
- Cheers!
- Cheers.
More, please!
We need more.
- Yeah!
- Cheers!
What a pussy!
Keep going, keep going.
I have to breathe.
Cheers to that!
I just spilled it
all over my face.
I have vodka in my eyes.
Good time.
This is fun.
You know, your picture
didn't look very fun,
but you're really fun.
Oh, gosh.
Where are you goin'?
I was gonna make pancakes.
What, did I do
something wrong or, or...
Of course not!
pancakes are just really
triggering for me right now.
Well, you know, I can
make waffles, if you want.
Listen, I just had sex
with you 'cause I was sad.
That's, you know, pretty mean.
Uh, yeah, well,
girls can be mean, too.
And that's okay.
Great sex playlist, though.
Thought you should know that.
You were really good!
I know!
Mara, I have big news.
Zak just asked me to marry him.
We were hanging out and,
I, well, I don't know.
He dropped to one knee
and I thought he lost
his contact lens,
'cause he got these new ones.
They're colored.
I can't stand them.
Alex, get to the point.
And he popped the question.
Did I lose you?
Okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna
put you on speaker with us.
Hey, Zak, uh, congratulations.
Thank you so much, Mara.
I know it's kind
of sudden, but, um,
we have decided
to just go for it,
and we're getting
married next month.
Holy shit.
Uh, well, we got, we
got to celebrate, right?
I mean, pop some champagne.
I'm gonna squeeze you so
hard when I see you, Alex.
I can't wait.
There is more.
We were thinking
about inviting Jake.
He's the reason we're together.
Yeah, I mean, if
he hadn't come up to me
at that wedding, then...
Then, we wouldn't be
having a wedding, you know?
I know.
But we wanna get
your blessing first
because your friendship
is more important
than our thank you.
Wait, uh, okay, like...
Okay, like, uh, invite him.
Really, um, I'm so
happy for you guys.
Well, thank you, Mara.
Thank you so much, Mara.
We love you.
Love you, too.
Do we give Jake a plus one?
We're not trashy, Alex.
Or are we?
Not with this ring.
Okay, now hold hands.
Oh, that's great.
No teeth, okay.
No teeth.
Now, hold your hands again.
Okay, now one without shirts.
Yes, well, uh, yeah.
They're, they're all for sale.
It's so exciting..
Can I take it for you?
What's wrong?
I left him.
I left Brian.
Please don't say you told me so.
Last week I went to happy
hour with my girlfriends,
and they were all gushing
over their husbands
and their fiancs.
And the whole time, I
never thought about Brian.
Not once.
It's like we were just living
completely separate lives.
Look, I love Brian.
I don't dread waking up
to him every morning.
I'm just not thrilled about it.
Do you know what I mean?
Not really.
Well, of course, you don't.
You had a real partner in Jake.
I wish I had that.
I thought you said
it takes more than love
to make a marriage work.
It can,
but it shouldn't.
Okay, well, what about this one?
I'm not going to
a funeral, Ellie.
Come on.
Got it.
Touch of glamor.
This could actually
be really fierce.
Oh, my God, yes!
I have the perfect
ballet slippers for it.
Now, this could be
a real power move.
Oh, my gosh!
Do you think I
could pull that off?
It's good to see you guys.
You look great.
- Enjoy the party, okay?
- Okay.
Hello, everybody.
My name is Mara, if you
don't already know by now.
Um, thank you so
much for being here
on this beautiful occasion.
Alex and I became best friends
the moment I saw this video.
Oh my god!
What's up, MTV?
My name is Alex Feinberg.
I'm a freshman at
UC Santa Barbara
and I wanna be a contestant
on the next season of the "Real
World/Road Rules Challenge."
MTV, meet my rats.
I don't, I don't
still have the rats.
FYI, the rats' names
were Tek and Ruthie.
And, yes, that is a
reference to "Real World."
And, yes, Alex still
thinks those pants
are as flattering as
they are functional.
Now, this video goes
on for another 15 minutes
and it's mostly just
Alex showing MTV
how to make a sarong
out of bedsheets.
So I tracked down
this lovable weirdo
because I knew I
needed him in my life.
And while I now have to share
my lovable weirdo with Zak,
I appreciate them every
day just a little bit more.
Not just for sharing their love,
but for teaching me that this,
the two of you,
that is what a real,
functional relationship is.
So cheers.
To Alex and Zak,
the cargo pants of couples.
Get over here before
I embarrass myself.
Where did you find that?
Hey, Mara.
That was a really great speech.
Uh, where's Nicole?
We get, like, a drink
sometimes, but that's really.
Can we talk outside?
- You look really good.
- You look really good.
I, I was gonna say
the same thing.
I-I did say the same thing
at the exact same time.
Stop talking.
So, I, um,
that, uh, that food
critic's review, I read it.
Um, it's really something.
I'm so happy for you.
Thank you.
Uh, and I saw your website.
Really proud of you.
I jumped in because of you.
It's weird 'cause it's like
everything I've ever wanted,
but I just, just...
It doesn't quite feel right.
We went to a total of
seven weddings together.
Robbie and Violet's,
Ellie and Howard's...
I think his name was Marcus.
Oh, dammit!
Really struggled with that.
I think I really loved Howard.
Anyways, um, all those couples,
those seven couples, they,
they all had one
thing in common.
What they had that I didn't?
The will to try.
And they all, they all
had their problems.
Look, Mara, I know
that I scared you.
They all pushed through.
I rambled on about
some bullshit life and...
The second that I
had the chance to run,
I didn't take my advice,
and I'm miserable.
This is not you, it's not us.
I wasn't miserable.
I'm still in love with you,
exactly how you are,
for who you are.
Mara, when you took
off that ring...
I know.
I have to tell you something.
It's scary.
Just say it.
I'm still in love with you.
Am I making you nervous?
Do I seem nervous?
Cold feet?
It's a big commitment.
Just wanna make
sure you're sure.
I'm sure.
Look at this one right here.
- Hey, guys.
- Hello!
Hey, guys.
You're so sweet.