The Wrong Girls (2026) Movie Script
1
Little
is known to us about
the elusive giant squid
and the meaning behind
the patterns of
her bioluminescent glow.
They might indicate I'm lonely
and looking to fuck,
or I hate
you and want to kill you.
We just don't know.
Our next freak of the deep,
the hairy frogfish.
Jinx.
They also have feet.
You're the only person that
really understands me, Mols.
Which
we can all agree is weird.
Welcome to our
home. Welcome to our home.
Oh yeah.
Hey, I'm with Quick Things.
I've got your cheese sculpture.
No.
- Are you fucking shitting me?
- I know.
I actually
couldn't believe it either.
What can I say?
I just make the deliveries.
No, not yet. Sorry, it's
this person with the cheese.
Yeah, yeah, no,
I'm having some friends over.
It's kind of
a college reunion thing.
Dude, this is gonna be so wild.
Just lots of old boobies
I haven't touched in years,
you know?
Just sagging low, probably.
Are you literally holding
a lit joint right now?
Oh.
Sorry.
I forgot.
- Uh, we just need a
signature real quick.
- You're not gonna believe this.
An unwashed delivery chick just
showed up at my door
smoking weed.
Yeah, exactly. I should ask
her where to get drugs for
the party.
No, I'm not worried about
the Johnsons. I'm going to
evict them.
It's not a big deal.
I'm not worried about that 50
cent lawyer
that they got at
the Dollar General store.
Are you-- he's a fucking
creampuff. I'm gonna suck
him dry.
Yeah, Marta! This door.
Hey, hey. Dio,
you know it's not finished.
Hey, man.
Molly girl.
What's shaking, Jose?
- Just taking care of business.
- Yeah.
A lot of
business to take care of.
For example, this morning I
woke up, brushed my teeth.
- Crazy.
- Went to the bathroom.
- Mm-hmm
- I ate a Wendy's
Baconator last night.
I blew it up.
And then I fed Cookie.
I did some yard work.
And then I went to Costco.
You should go get pizza there.
You don't even got to be
a member.
You know how there's always like
that homie in front who's like,
Hey, where's
your membership card?
Not out there, because
it's not inside Costco.
It's outside Costco,
but it's still part of Costco.
Mm-hmm.
I've been watching the show,
Sliders. Do you remember
Sliders, from the '90s?
But now it's on Syfy
Network. It's not a reboot. It's
all the OG episodes with
that fool, Brenden Fraser.
It was on the Syfy
Network. Man, it's a trip.
Oh. Hey.
- Oh, shit, what's up, Frankie?
- What's up, dude?
Well, now that everybody's here,
Lucia's been riding me
pretty hard.
Not sexually, you know, but
like, she's being all dramatic.
She's saying that if you
don't pay her by next week...
Yeah, totally. No, no, no.
I mean, abso-fruitly,
we are gonna have the money
tomorrow, actually.
We're late.
I am so sorry.
You've been so
cool about it, though.
Hell yeah.
You guys are always
smoking that dank, dank.
All right, chicas, I'm cool.
You're cool as fuck.
- Let's just be cool, right?
- Hell yeah.
Rent tomorrow, though.
Bye, Jose.
How
much rent is enough rent?
When does it stop?
Why'd you tell him
we'd have it tomorrow?
Did you find cash
in the fridge again?
No. I just know
that you finished that inventory
doc for the med spa.
Uh, yeah.
Molly. I'll have
it done tomorrow, I swear.
Okay?
Suck on my dick.
Shit.
I just did the math on this
and we owe $2,422.37.
Not including rent.
Ta-da!
Be careful with
the brownie, though.
I made it crazy strong. By
accident, on purpose.
Mm. Mm.
What is that?
I put blue cheese in it.
- Blue cheese?
- Yeah.
You're an innovator.
You gotta eat
fast though, because--
I'm meeting Mike Z at the
Mannequin Pussy Show.
Did you hang out
with them last night?
No, I was with you.
Remember?
- We solved climate change.
- Oh, yeah.
Hmm. I thought
he posted a pic of you.
Who do we tell
about the climate change thing?
Like, the government?
Um, that's not
an-- Frances Smith!
- Hmm?
- Molly, why does this
girl look like me?
Wait, what?
Wow, the girl is like exactly
you, if you wore glasses.
She's an analyst at
Chapman Chemical Laboratories.
She's got a real job.
Cool, she's a scientist.
You should go
anyway to the show.
What?
Who cares that Mike Z.'s
a douche who replaced
you with an upgraded
version of yourself?
- Upgraded?
- Metaphorically upgraded.
Hey.
Who invented the Bongatron?
When we needed to watch
the Shark Week, where
Michael Phelps raced a shark,
who figured out how to steal
cable from the neighbors?
I did.
And when we got locked in
the parking lot of Party City
for hours,
who invented the parachute of
balloons that got us out
of there?
Me.
So you can't let some lame-o
pea-brain ruin your night just
because he
found a nerd who works in a lab.
That is not the Frankie
Campbell I know.
Well, come with me.
I can't.
I can't, I can't, I can't.
I got to finish the spreadsheets
so we can pay Jose and--
Josh is coming
over later to help.
You know that I love you more
than Josh loves you, right?
Like if we were both in
a burning building covered in
pigeons, you could only
save one of us, who's it going
to be? Who's it going to be?
Wait, no, no, stay on topic.
This is the topic.
I need you to come with me to
the show so I don't feel like
a loser.
Frankie, you're
the opposite of a loser.
Everybody else is just a square
weenie with no imagination.
- Yeah.
- I went and
walked myself
Like a dog without a leash
Now I'm growling at a stranger
I am biting at their knees
If I wanted it
You really think I'd wait
for their permission? For
protection and assurances
That all would be delivered?
And like our fathers did,
our mothers did,
and them and those before
And you say you want
a difference Your honor to be
yours Like our
fathers did, our mothers did
And them and those before
The echo --
Does this say I'm
gonna kill Bartholomew?
- Hmm?
- Who is Bartholomew?
And why wouldn't
you just go by Bart?
- Baby, you gotta focus.
- I am.
- No, on this.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Baby, what's this?
Oh, yeah.
Even though she didn't graduate,
they just like keep asking
Frankie for money.
- I think it's pretty
rude, honestly.
- Wait, wait, wait.
You're telling me
Frankie went to Stanford?
Yeah.
Yeah, she used to be like
really into school and stuff.
What did she study?
Like the train one...
where you invent things...
Engineering?
Yeah, that's the one.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
But you know Frankie.
She just had, like,
too many ideas and a hard time
finishing stuff.
So she had a nervous
breakdown and failed out.
That's so sad.
She's really sensitive about it.
So, if it ever comes up,
you just act like she chose
to leave.
Yeah.
She likes to feel in control.
Oh, shit!
So, you're just gonna
replace me with me, huh?
- Like I'm a fucking
iPhone update.
- Frankie!
Hi, good to see you.
I didn't know you'd come here.
Why does this
girl look just like me?
More like, why does
this girl look like me?
Yeah, I don't see it.
I mean, does anybody
really look like anybody?
No, it's very, very
weird actually. I don't like it.
Frankie, Frances, Frances,
this is a coincidence.
- I barely know this person.
- Hey!
Oh!
Wait, your glasses!
I'm over this, Michael.
I can't see
anything. I'm out of here.
Babe, wait!
- Michael? Lol.
- Thanks a lot.
To save you from the reach
I am spiteful like a god.
Seek out vengeance like the
rest. For what they did to
you I will never lay to rest
How very kind of you, but
I'm allergic to roofies. Thanks
Actually, fuck it,
I'm having a really bad night.
I'm severely in debt.
I hate spreadsheets.
You hate your job?
Yeah.
It sucks.
It's very boring.
And, like,
you want to be a chef?
For sure.
But it's hard.
Yeah. So I was thinking,
what if you lived with me?
Then you wouldn't have
to worry about paying rent,
and you could just dedicate
yourself to your dream.
- Lived with you?
- It sounds fun, right?
Like, you could rearrange
my place however you wanted.
You know? And I actually have
a pretty big kitchen. It's nice.
What about Frankie?
- Maybe she is upgraded.
- Yeah!
Upgrade me!
- You can't upgrade this!
- Yeah.
No one respects me
except for Molly. Molly does.
She doesn't waste this.
She doesn't waste anything.
Oh, fuck no.
I'm so hungry.
What if you have no snacks?
What the fuck? Are
you a poser?
Come on, Frances. Come
on, we don't got time to waste.
Frances?
Fucking kidding me.
I am David Barrett.
Boom.
Got it.
I was hired by Dr. Olson
to give you this briefcase.
Now you need to get this to
Dr. Chapman as quickly as
possible, okay?
Before anybody even
knows you got it. All right?
Inside-- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Ow!
Inside is the most important
scientific breakthrough of
our time.
- Do you understand?
- Mm-hmm.
Del Taco sounds-- Perfect.
Thank you.
- Yes, indeed.
- What?
Frances has the glasses.
Yes, they're these ones.
She's very good at science
because she works at
the laboratory of Chapman,
where she is a Fancy-Fancy.
- Okay, okay, but just...
- Who you love.
I get it.
You fucking love her.
It's awesome.
Okay, do me a favor.
He knows.
The best ones know.
Del Taco.
Okay, stand right there
for me in the light.
I mean it's the same
You know what we're gonna
do, we're gonna take you home.
Ugh. Oh! No, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, my God. Baby, I think
that this is the best breakfast
you ever made.
You said that yesterday about
the mini muffins with
the chimichurri gummy bears.
Well, yeah. I mean,
You know you can
sell those, right?
Frankie!
Hey!
I finished the spreadsheet.
I just gotta look it over today,
send it off,
and get that cash-ola.
So proud of you.
Prouder than Josh is, probably.
Hi, Frankie.
Is there coffee?
How did it go last night?
Did you, uh, join the corporate
workforce of America?
Huh?
What's up with the briefcase?
It's-- . Did you open this?
No, there's a combo lock.
Mm. Too
hard. I quit.
Come on, what if there's
like treasure in there?
Or a kidney.
You can open it, Frankie.
You got this.
Wait. How did you do that?
Science, Josh. Look it up.
- Ugh. Fucking rank,
what is that?
- Oh, my God.
God, that's worse than the time
we dumpster dived for
sushi. Dove?
- Ugh.
- Is it dumpster dove? Dove?
- Guys.
- Doved?
- GG! No, no, no, no, no!
- Oh, no, no! No, no,
Dio! No. No, no, no.
Oh. Ooh!
Oh, gosh.
I think I stepped on this.
Oh, yeah, there's instructions.
This isn't even English.
Like the horse language
from Game of Thrones.
Uh, okay, so this is Danish.
I picked up a little bit when
I had a Nordic metal phase.
Whatever, Josh.
So this word right here,
psychedelisk,
that means psychedelic drugs.
So I think
that's what those are.
And this also says a bunch of
stuff about, like, money,
like a lot of money,
and giant squids.
Where'd you get this?
This metalhead guy, um, Dave?
I think he said
his name was Dave.
- Dave?
- Yeah, but then he
wasn't a metalhead.
- Like, he was in disguise.
- Disguise?
Wow, you are really struggling
to follow the plot here, huh?
I'm just trying to understand.
So you went to a show,
and then some guy disguised as
a metalhead
gave you a briefcase full of
expensive mystery psychedelics,
and you just took it?
Maybe you would understand
better if anyone ever liked
you enough
to give you a present, Josh.
Molly and I give each other
presents all of the time.
She's hungover. Don't
ask her so many hard questions.
Okay.
You know what? I gotta go
to work, so, baby, I love you.
I'm out.
Oh, no.
Don't go.
And, um, maybe keep that stuff
away from the cats,
'cause this guy,
NotMetalHeadDave,
might want his stuff back.
- Without cat pee pee on it.
- Bye, Josh.
All right,
I've got it all sewn up.
Okay, I got it to her last
night, so get it to
Chapman today.
Bingo bango,
invoice will be in the mail.
Oh, and I, uh, sent
an additional cleaning fee
because she yakked
all over my apartment.
It was blue cheese.
What do you mean
she doesn't have it?
I mean, who the hell was
the drunk dingbat I gave
it to, then?
Fuck! Fuck!
Don't you think there's
something a little sinister
about Josh?
Like he could be
Rosemary's Baby all grown up.
Or like related to
Elon Musk in some way.
Okay, we need to focus.
Have you seen his shadow?
Focus!
We have a very
big day ahead of us.
What? What is today?
March?
Frankie, I worked really hard,
so I deserve a treat.
Think about it.
- Ah!
- I have a headache.
Skeleton hurts.
Key word, coupon.
I'm like, yeah, of course I
love cooking, okay, obviously.
But you know what
happens at restaurants?
Yelling, sweat, stress,
cocaine, affairs, having a boss.
- Customers.
- Customers.
See, this is
what Josh doesn't get.
He is a customer.
Oh, Josh is such a customer.
- No.
- What is this?
What? What's happening?
- No, what's happening?
- No, no.
What is this?
- No.
- What is this?
Frankie, what is this?
Excuse me, what the fuck
is the meaning of this?
We've been
coming here for 10 years.
You understand
we deserve an explanation.
Frankie, there's
nothing she can do.
She's probably taking
it harder than anybody.
Why? The Ranch.
The ranch doesn't taste
like this anywhere else.
Hey, hey, hey.
You know what?
If this really is our last time,
we've got to make it count, huh?
Yeah.
Let's get sad later.
Let's slap this bitch
on the ass on our way out.
Yeah.
Hey.
All right, can't believe this is
the last time I'm going to
say this.
Um, can I have 2 adult endless
lunches with drinks, please.
And you know I got the coupon.
You are a crazy living
hard in a crazy land
Moving yourself out west,
guided by the crazy hand
The tannest freak around,
you need some drier ground
And when you can't go up,
you know what your options are
Let's build
a bridge to Hawaii, yeah.
Let's build
a bridge to Hawaii, yeah.
It's dark and
it rains all the time.
I'm guessing not the destination
that you had in mind.
Your brain's unraveling,
the endless trave --
Uncertainty in
the buffet sector?
Like, is it just me,
or is everything getting worse?
Did we move?
I can't believe
they took Celine.
Celine and our laptops.
My laptop. She isn't even worth
anything. She's only cardboard.
The spreadsheet.
The spreadsheet, Frankie.
Now I can't turn it in,
and I can't get paid,
and we can't pay Jose, and we're
gonna be out on the street.
Vagrants.
Sea urchins.
- Maybe even orphans.
- Orphans?
Should we call the police?
No. Fuck the police.
- I'm gonna--
- Um, don't call him right now.
Josh's vision can
be a little limited.
Remember how judgmental he was
when we tried to adopt
that skunk?
Oh, yeah.
Well, what are we gonna do?
I mean, we're fucked, man.
We're 2 weeks late on rent.
We owe, like,
a bajillion dollars.
We have less than an ounce of
weed and nothing valuable left
to sell.
I mean, this is, like--
this is like an emergency.
Frankie?
Are you okay?
You look weird.
We do have something
valuable left to sell.
Are you sure
this is a good idea?
Yes.
But we don't even
know what these do.
Exactly. That's why we
have to take them first.
What if they're poisonous?
Why would NotMetalHeadDave give
us a briefcase full of poison?
That makes no sense.
Yeah, I guess that's true.
Unless you've got a better plan.
Something you want to tell me?
No.
This is you and me, Molls.
We're in this together.
Have I ever led you astray?
Cheers.
I don't feel anything.
I know, me neither.
Should we take more?
No way, dude.
Classic mistake.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Could you please not?
I'm resting.
Is there a man in our house?
I don't know.
That was weird.
- Are you talking to me?
- Yeah.
Wow, that's new.
So pretty and mysterious.
No one told me
we were going swimming.
I'm a mermaid.
I have mermaid vision.
How are you doing that?
- Doing what?
- Doing what?
Talking without
moving your mouth.
I have no mouth.
- Am I not moving my mouth?
- Wait, you are.
It's before.
Before when?
I don't know. I don't know when.
God, these
people are such fuckwads.
What the fuck?
I think Dio just
called us fuckwads. Why?
Fuckwads? Did he say that?
Honestly, they have a lot
of explaining to do.
Like why they let their weird
friends take my palace away
without asking.
There's literally nowhere
to hide in here anymore.
They probably ran out of money
again, which means we're back to
eating discount
mystery meat,
which fucking blows.
I can't believe they're
responsible for, like,
my safety.
- My diet.
- My well-being.
- My future.
- My fate.
is in their dumb dumb hands
- These weed heads never
listen to Josh.
- I don't like it.
Even though he's the only one
who smells good around here.
I'm pretty sure they're
the ones who give us fleas.
Basically like
snails in used clothing.
Wait, where are you going?
I miss you!
Wait, I love you!
I'm obsessed with you!
I want to cuddle forever!
- Me too!
- Run! Oh, my gosh.
Come on, come on.
Whoa!
Sea World.
I may have fucked up.
- Are you thinking or talking?
- I don't know.
Am I thinking or talking?
I don't know.
Hello?
Frankie, hey,
you got to be careful.
There are dangerous, dangerous
men looking for you, okay?
What?
- You guys look like shit!
- Yeah.
Jesus, this shit
lasts a long time.
Yeah.
Well, at least
we found Bacon Tuxedo.
The ocean is
just fucking nuts, man.
Frankie. I don't think we
can sell these to people.
They're terrible.
They weren't so bad.
We just didn't
know what to expect.
I bet they'd be
really fun for-- someone.
We'll just specify that they
shouldn't have any pets.
We don't know how
to sell drugs like this.
We don't even know how
to sell drugs, period.
I mean, who the fuck
is our target audience?
Dang.
I've got it.
Oh shit, one second.
We look fucking crazy.
We look high fashion.
I feel like
you can see my vagina.
Good. You know these one percent
ragers. We're trying to
fit in here.
It's kind of quiet for a rager.
They're so gonna know we
don't belong right away.
These people do not have pizza
tattoos,
and we're gonna get kicked out.
And arrested.
Kind of hungry.
I hope they have snacks.
Look, nobody's ever been
arrested for crashing a party.
- They're gonna have tons
of food in here.
- Get out of my head!
I would, but I can't.
Ow.
Uh, is this
like a Stanford party?
Hard bail, insta-bail.
Let's go.
Can I help you?
Uh, Frankie, there's a guy.
Um, fuck.
Who invited you to my party?
- Jeff?
- Richie Rich?
No one is named
Richie Rich in real life.
Come on, SOMEONE
is named Richie Rich.
Hello?
Richie Rich.
Oh my God, Richie, did
you invite these weird bimbos to
my party?
Classic Richie Rich.
Someone is named Richie Rich.
There's like 5
people at this party.
We don't have to do this.
See you on the flip side.
Stanford, hey?
I have never heard of it.
Oh, hey, check it out.
Thank you so much.
Who is looking for drugs?
What do we have here?
Bunch of white-collar criminals?
Anyone here been
on the Epstein plane?
You like drugs?
Sorry.
Man, this party sucks, right?
Like, maybe you could use, like,
a little pick-me-up?
Like drugs?
There's no guarantee.
Shipping your kid off
to Stanford doesn't mean dick.
He could still totally
end up a drug dealer.
Speaking of
which, you guys party?
- You sick fucks.
- Oh, Sandy, it's not
too late for you.
Yes, divorce is a huge bummer,
but your husband sounds like
a sack of shit.
You just need a fresh start.
New year, new you.
New drugs.
You ever find yourself just
sitting around thinking
about death?
I do. Can't imagine
how you feel.
It's never really too
late to open yourself to new
and meaningful experiences.
You know, people that don't
finish college,
they typically go on to live,
like, way more fulfilling lives.
My cousin,
she went to all 4 years.
She's fucking dead.
No.
No, it's not for kids.
I didn't go to college.
I have zero regret.
But I don't know.
How cool is your kid?
- Stanford.
- Stanford.
- Stanford.
- Stanford.
- Stanford.
- Stanford.
Have you ever, um, gotten high?
Look alive, short stack.
Daddy's here.
So no English?
I got you.
I can act it out.
Here we go.
Have you ever tried acid?
Oh, my god!
Just I come to shock.
Shit. No.
- I come to provide
shock and awe.
- This is not happening. Fuck!
- Oh, my God, dude. What?
- Muscle man. Ooh!
- Doesn't feel good,
motherfucker.
- Ah, does it feel good
to be destroyed?
By a girl.
That is six for six, man.
Would you like to go again?
Damn, you were like so cool.
Why are you at my
shitty dad's party?
I'm just trying to sell these
weird drugs I found,
but it's like,
it's slim pickings out there.
Yeah, probably because like
most people are keeping
their distance.
You know, 'cause it's this
thing he used to do in college.
It like has not aged well.
Go on.
Oh yeah, me and my
best friend took those.
We had a really bad time,
but you probably won't.
I don't think so.
- You want to buy it?
- Mhm.
Fuck yes! Okay, um, I
am going to have to consult
with my business associate,
just like for tax purposes.
Um, I'll be right back.
Okay, I come back.
So stay.
Don't you go anywhere.
It wasn't just like one time.
It was like over and over again.
Mm-hmm.
If there was a dip somewhere, he
would just stick his dick in it.
- What?
- Yeah.
I mean, like, the man literally
just like could not stop
sticking his dick in dips.
And I mean, it's like, look,
it's super well documented.
I mean, like, here, check it.
Look, onion dip.
No guacamole.
There he is.
- Even hummus.
- Not cool, man.
Not cool.
Like, look at him.
Look at his face.
You know, like, I keep these on
lock for, like,
insurance purposes.
Yeah, like, every time he tries
to, like, ground me,
I just say, like,
I know where
the dicks are buried, bro.
- Tight, right?
- Wow.
I know we haven't known each
other that long,
but I just have like
a tremendous
amount of respect for you.
Holy shit, dude.
This is crazy.
You're a genius.
Genius.
Uh, I know.
How old are you?
Frankie?
Frankie?
Where are you?
Dude?
Hey.
- What?
- Hey.
I've been looking everywhere
for you. What the fuck?
Hi.
- Hi.
- Yeah.
I found a buyer.
So let's go.
We gotta go.
- I gotta hit the road, daddy-O.
- Really?
But you know, we would also
really love to extort your dad.
Okay. Could you text
me those pictures?
For sure.
Okay, it's 818-555-3331.
- Don't forget.
- Okay.
Okay.
Oh!
Yikes.
That's weird.
I told him I'd be right back.
Fuck!
Oh, the briefcase!
It's gone!
Oh, Frankie, I'm so sorry.
I don't know
what I was thinking.
I never should have
left him alone with it.
I just got too excited.
Everything was going so bad,
and then I finally find someone,
- and he seemed really into it.
- Don't worry, baby.
We're gravy.
Check it.
Uh, what am I looking at?
Here.
Oh my God, is that hummus?
Say goodbye to drug pushing
and hello to blackmail.
This is our ticket, Moll.
Plus those
drugs, we sketch us all.
I don't know, blackmail sounds
dumb and like morally not good.
I think I like
drug dealing more.
We didn't force this guy to
stick his dick in all
those dips.
He made his dip dick everybody's
problem, which is a totally
cancelable offense.
Plus, you lost the drugs,
so we kind of have no choice.
We have to pay Jose or
we'll become orphans.
This party sucks.
Let's raid their crudit and
get out of here.
Let's go home.
Didn't we put our car here?
No way. Probably just
a little bit further down.
Hey, Frankie.
You want to talk
about the Stanford thing?
Just because it's been like a
lot of years now, you know,
and--
I know it's traumatizing and
all, but maybe it's time to
just like
reexamine what you want to do.
Mm. I have a caviar ball
stuck in my tooth.
- Oh, yep, it's out.
- Yeah.
You should be MENSA, dude.
I can't believe that worked.
I know, right?
Shit, dude, I got to pee.
I had too much of the Vueve.
Me too.
Come here, let's pop squat.
- Ladies!
- Did you hear that? Huh?
Oh, don't distract me, dude.
I just pissed on my ankle.
Ladies!
Is he talking to us?
Are we ladies?
Do you like marijuana?
Because we have
a lot in the car.
- Oh look, there's a cat too!
- A cat?
Wait, this is
too good to be true.
Actually, two cats.
That never happens.
Two?
- One for each of us?
- Yeah.
Wow, very fluffy tail.
I think this one
must be a Maine Coon.
Coming!
One second, we're just--
Was that a gun?!
Is this about the crackers?!
'Cause I'll give them back!!
Oh my God!
You two are the dumbest turkeys
out here, I gotta tell you.
- Who the fuck is that?
- Uh, that is NotMetalHeadDave.
- What's he doing here?
- Um, shooting a gun.
Why? Does he want to steal us?
Hello?
Do you want to get kidnapped by
the clog-wearers and hung from
a windmill,
or do you want to get
the hell out of here?
Should we, like,
ask him to put on the radio?
Hey, where are we going?
Yeah, someplace safe.
Well, we're away from the guns,
so aren't we safe?
All will be clear once
we get to the location.
What is the location?
Yeah, Chatsworth.
- Chatsworth?
- Yes.
We are so gonna
get serial killed.
I don't want to die off the 118.
This is so stressful.
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, don't smoke that in here.
Put that out.
Dude, this is California.
I don't give
a damn if it's Canada.
- Put-- give me--
- hey, hey, hey!
Huh?
- Whathe fuck happened?
- Dude!
- Oh, hell, no, I think
I just did that.
- Oh, no.
I thought with my brain
and then I did it with my eyes.
You totally did, dude.
It was tight.
Oh my God, I'm a witch.
I mean, I don't think you're
a witch,
but if you were,
that would be metal as fuck.
Oh, but it's kind of scary
because what if I curse this by
accident?
You should think, I wish
Oasis would get back together.
Oasis would get
back together, dude.
Oh, my God, your powers work.
You're so fucking powerful.
I'm powerful.
How did these
girls happen to me?
Oh, doctor!
Ow!
I'm so sorry, David, I started
-- I scared you. I stubbed my
toe. It hurt a lot.
It hurt a lot.
- Hello.
- Hi.
I'm Dr. Olsen. Um,
where's the, uh, the briefcase?
Um, we don't have that.
We haven't had it for a minute.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
- This is a disaster.
- I know.
- This is a complete disaster.
- I know, I know.
And there's more.
What more could
there possibly be?
Hey, do you think he's
a bad guy or a good guy?
Well, I like his jacket,
but all this stuff is scary,
so maybe a bad guy.
Yeah, a lot of bad
guys have cool jackets.
You ones--
you took the Blaekspruttesaed.
Is she spitting
or talking together?
I think she's
asking us if we're gay.
Undiluted?
Oh, the drugs.
Were we supposed to dilute that?
Ah!
Yes.
Yes.
Fuck my hole.
- Fuck my hole.
- I know, I know.
I want you to take my hole and
fuck it because it's already
been fucked.
Hell fuck.
Hell fuck.
Everything's fucked.
Listen to me.
I have no idea why you thought
it would be a good idea to take
the drugs.
You are dumb as rocks,
and you should be dead.
But, but you may
have saved the project
by effectively
becoming the project.
Wait, what's the project?
Do we want to be a project?
Let me explain.
I am a scientist and I have
been working in Denmark.
Is everybody Dutch?
Not Dutch.
Not Dutch.
- Danish.
- Well, then who's Dutch?
People in Holland.
Then who's Hollish?
No one is Hollish.
I mean, someone's got
to be Hollish, right?
I'm moving on.
I work for a private company
called the Kock Group.
Oh.
And I have been
researching giant squids.
Squids?
Giant squids. They
dwell so deep in the ocean
that no light can
penetrate their habitat,
so they must have a unique way
communicating down there in
the dark.
Telepathy.
Telepathy.
6 months ago, a miracle,
we were able to capture the left
testicle of a young adult male.
From this tissue, I was able
to synthesize the compounds --
Nerd alert!
Yeah, like we care about
some squid nut sack.
From this tissue, the
left -- the testis and I
able to create
the drug Blaekspruttesaed.
Good job.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, good.
I thought if we could
hear inside one another's minds,
we could experience a greater
empathy and become more invested
in the common good.
You know, that would be good.
But then I realized
my employer, Mr. Kock,
he was only
interested in developing
the telepathy toward mind
control and selling it to
the highest bidder.
Mind control sounds really
negative. Can we go home now?
Also, I'm pretty sure I saw them
two move a damn joint with
their mind.
What do you mean move a damn
joint with with their mind.
Move a joint
with their damn mind.
Their fucking mind.
I have no idea, but I know that
they were smoking in my car.
Which rat is your favorite?
I like that one.
I named him Oreo.
Hey!
Oh, you think because
this is California--
Excuse me, you have
mixed Blaekspruttesaed with THC?
Define mixed.
That must be what's
producing the telekinesis.
A chemical reaction with
the marijuana that you're
constantly smoking?
- Define constantly.
- Can you control it?
We could quit any time
we wanted, let me tell you that.
- Yep.
- No, not the marijuana,
the telekinesis.
Can you control the telekinesis?
Can you, here, move this
flask with your mind?
Go.
I want to.
Fuck.
Break it.
Break it.
Break it.
Break it.
Break it.
Too hard.
I quit.
It's okay.
Next time, you'll learn to
develop focus and self-control.
I probably won't, though.
We must begin testing.
Uh, testing?
- I have to take a blood sample.
- Uh, no thank you.
Wait.
Hold.
You did not tell anyone
that you took
the Blaekspruttesaed, did you?
Um, did we tell-- I mean,
a couple people at this party.
Ah.
But not that many. But it was
more of like an alumni event.
Ah, yeah. That's
probably-- But there was one
guy.
Ah.
Who I'm pretty sure was Hollish.
And when I told him, that is
when the briefcase went missing.
But maybe y'all are friends.
You are bozos.
You are bozos.
- Very much bozos.
- Professional bozos.
- Jeff Bozos.
- You are Jeff Bozos,
and you have no idea how
much trouble you are in.
The girls are now as valuable
for study as the drugs
themselves.
We have to access Chapman's
contacts at the UN.
Come on.
Uber, Uber, Uber!
All right, 1 minute away.
Okay.
Oh no, he stopped. Why
the hell is he turning around?
- Oh no, call him, call him.
- Okay.
Hello?
Gork?
Gork?
Ah, no, sorry,
we've been chased.
Goddamn it.
Gork, where are you?
What do you mean
I have a 2-star rating?
There's actually a very
legit reason for that.
- If you--
- Hello?
Hey, is it just me, or is
NotMetalHeadDave kind of a babe?
Dude.
Seriously,
he's so good at karate.
He's got all these disguises.
- I bet he's pretty unexpect --
- Dude!
I'm tired of danger.
Hey, I guarantee you
we just need to hole up
in the Chill Zone for a little
bit and this whole Kock problem
is just gonna blow over.
What makes you think that?
I mean, the lady in
the garage was saying--
Hey, when has
anything good ever come
from listening to
some weirdo in a garage?
We don't have the drugs anymore.
We're not really good for
anything.
Now we can just kick back,
blackmail Martin Flynn,
and live in our house
together forever and ever.
Plus, we have to feed the cats.
Motherfuck me.
Oh!
Why is everything so hard?
Goddamn it, Jose.
Jose.
Give me one of your shoes.
Welcome to our home.
Welcome to our home.
Hey, man, what's happening?
Nothing.
I wait for the girls.
We are friends from cat club.
Damn, fancy accent.
Where are you from?
Europe?
No.
My brother's been to Amsterdam.
I heard they have crazy cafes
out there and shit where you
could smoke in the cafe.
That's like if I went to
Starbucks and I said, hey,
let me get a caramel
frappuccino and a joint.
Have you ever smoked California
bud? The girls aren't here
right now.
Come on, let's go.
I'll roll you a fat-ass J and
you can tell me which is better,
Cali or Amsterdam.
Come on.
Uh, come on.
You ever seen the show Sliders?
It's on Syfy Network.
It's really good.
I watch all American shows.
Oh my fucking God, you dumb
bitches, I am starving to death.
Breakfast is 20 minutes late.
That is legally a crime.
I can see my ribs.
- What do we do?
- We gotta get out of town.
We just gotta wait for the
blackmail money to come through.
Find someplace chill.
Like Guatemala.
Dude, we had so
much fun in Guatemala.
You loved the maracas, remember?
- You were like...
- Guatemala?
Frankie! I've been getting
nonstop work emails for the past
24 hours.
Molly, those were our old lives.
It's all canceled now.
We're very important fugitives.
We're runaways.
We're rebels.
Bad boys!
Okay, well, Josh is at work,
so maybe we could go to --
We're not gonna
go see Josh, okay?
We're changing our names, we're
not gonna tell him the new ones,
- and he's never gonna
find us again.
- Frankie, this is serious.
- I'm scared.
- Should I be scared?
Hey, this is
pretty serious, okay?
Which is why I think we
should get out of town.
Oh, don't do that.
Don't, don't cry.
You know I cry
when you cry, okay?
Come here, come here, come here.
I go inside now with the girls.
Ah, you don't want to kick it?
Let's go around front.
I -- I'm building a
badass gazebo
in the back yard. Do you
like meditating?
That's where I meditate,
in the gazebo. It's really cool
out there.
Okay, let's go see Josh so
you can say goodbye,
and then we need to get
the fuck out of here.
Right now,
snacks, cats, weed, go.
Oh, I hate to waste those.
I have some notes
on these sandwiches.
Hey, what are
you-- what are you doing?
Shut up, Dio.
Unhand me!
Wait, is this like a vet thing?
Are we going to the vet?
I promise
you they cannot afford the vet.
Hey!
Why is this closed?!
Uh, Frankie, we should go.
- Trying to get us some tunes.
- Anything but ABBA.
- I'm so sick of ABBA.
- Don't listen to him.
I love ABBA.
Yeah, it's just
this feels like time sensitive.
I think you have to update
your phone, dude.
Let's just listen to the radio.
Celine!
This makes me emotional.
- Oh shit
- Oh shit!
Driving. Frankie driving,
I hate when she drives!
couldn't reach.
You gave me faith 'cause you
believed. I'm
everything...
Uh, hello?
Josh, hi!
How's it going?
I'm so happy to see you.
- Whose car is that?
- Go inside.
That's a really --
that's a really nice --
- In, in, in, in, in.
- Okay, okay, okay.
- What is going on?
- Is this the vet?
This vet looks sketchy as hell,
like really unsanitary.
- Josh.
- Joshie, I'm sorry. We have--
You weren't my
first choice, okay?
There's been a lot
going on, all right?
People are trying
to kill us for science.
They are Vikings.
- We have telepathy now.
- with guns. Cocks.
- and we have to go to Mexico.
- They wanna do
experiments on us
because we're special now.
The cats are dicks.
We took those
drugs with giant squids.
- Is it okay if we
hide out here so
- We're going to Mexico.
- Unfortunately, you're
not invited.
- we can blackmail
this guy and make money
and run away?
- She always likes me.
- I love you so much.
- Maybe she likes you.
- I just don't want
you to get hurt.
- What the fuck?
- Guys, get up.
Come on, it's
just sound Sound design.
There's a show later, and this
band, they got this intro where
they're just
like killing a bunch of
police officers.
Oh dang.
Okay, how about
we go talk in the office?
Okay.
Uh, what's in the office?
Why do we have to go there? Only
bad things happen in offices.
- Hook up the
motherfuckin treats.
- Language.
- Treat time, bitch.
- I'm stress eating.
I am eating my feelings.
Hey, can I have your phone?
- Oh yeah,
- I'm gonna start the
blackmail business.
Huh!
- Hey baby.
- Hi.
So, um,
just want to ask--
don't be offended-- did
you and Frankie
really take those drugs?
All this is so fucked.
Um, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cuz I think you just like might
be having a mental health event
right now.
I'm just worried, yeah.
We know that you got freaky
with those dips in the '80s.
Dips cannot consent,
nor can the people eating them.
No, no.
Okay, I know, but no.
I saw them.
There are dudes.
They have guns and they're
coming after us for no reason.
It's like-- I mean, there's
a reason, but anyways,
it's like a whole big thing.
- Molly?
- Yeah?
How much should we ask for?
A million?
No. That seems like too much.
$20,000 ought to do it.
Baby, you sound crazy.
Come on, look at me.
Look at the cats.
Ah, you're in a bag.
Look at you, dork.
You are also stuck
in a bag right now, dork.
The cats are in backpacks.
Think about that.
Yeah.
Let me take you home.
Yeah.
Give us $2 million or else.
And by the way, it's not even
that cool that you went to
Stanford,
so you don't have to keep
lording it over everyone by
hosting lame alumni
events with too much cheese.
Delete the last part.
Okay.
Frankie, I am not
going to Guatemala. What?
I think those drugs really
fucked us up,
made us paranoid and stuff.
I just need to get some sleep.
You should too.
Josh is gonna take me home now.
You-- what did you say to her?
Guys, what the fuck is going on?
I can't even believe you're
considering ditching me
right now.
Ditching me - when
really this is all your fault.
My fault?
I mean, you were the one that
forced me to go to
the Mannequin Pussy show
all by myself.
And you didn't have
the rent money, dude.
Well, I would have had money for
the rent if my laptop hadn't
gone stolen.
And you lost the briefcase.
Ha!
Oh,.
So I guess if you
think about it,
I'd be like completely fine
if it wasn't for you.
And it's probably for the best
that you were just gonna move in
with Josh
and not even tell me about it.
I hadn't decided yet.
Well, I think you should.
I was gonna suggest it myself.
In fact, I think it's become
clear that you've been holding
me back.
I've been holding you back?
Oh, fuck,
she did the scary laugh.
Guys, I didn't want to imply
that anybody's holding
anybody back.
- You both love each other.
- You know what, Frankie?
I have gone along with every
one of your fuckwad ideas.
Let's set off fireworks
in Andy Sigal's living room.
Hm?
Let's have a contest to see
who can drink the most 5-Hour
Energies.
You won that contest!
Nobody won that contest.
But the truth is that ever since
you failed out of Stanford
you have no focus and no goals,
and you quit everything
that's hard
because you're scared that if
you ever actually tried at
anything,
you'd fail again.
You are lazy and delusional.
If it wasn't for me, they would
find you buried under the debt
of a million kitchen appliances
pretending to be a chef,
and we all know
you're just a just a
stoned girl in a house.
You sabotaged me because
you don't want to be
a fuck-up alone.
I am tired of being
dragged down with you.
So if we don't get murdered
first, I am going to move out.
Great.
What a relief.
Then I could
just get back on track.
- Yeah.
- Back on the track to success!
What the hell!
Come on, babe, let's go.
It's just
the intro for the band.
You were the one that told
us that in the first place.
Yeah, but soundcheck's over.
- Josh.
- Josh.
- Josh.
- I knew we could trust Josh.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whatever's going on,
Fritz.
we can figure it out.
Stand by the wall, hands up.
Get moving.
You're such a fucking loser,
Frankie. Here we go again.
Molly.
You can shoot them but not me.
Whatever they did,
I had nothing to do with it.
- You are such a
fucking pussy, man.
- Yeah, well, you're a dumbass.
- You're a bitch.
- Oh!
Oh, you're a bitch.
Oh, you're a double bitch.
Hey, hey,
watch -- watch the cat.
Wait, Dio, I'm sorry
I talked shit.
Where are you going?
Please don't leave me.
Hello, I must speak
with DeeDee at once. Ah!
This is so freaky.
What the fuck?
You look like the other one.
You are the other one.
What the fuck?
Astrid?
Yes, we have problems.
Molly.
- I want to go home.
- Yeah, I'll give you this one.
This actually is scary.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay, you want the vom,
you'll get the vom.
Uh, fuck you.
Ow, ow.
No, no, no.
Hey, hey,
that could have been Josh.
I still don't
understand Hollish,
but I just want to put it out
there that I know we haven't
been on the same page,
and I'm really sorry.
But I see you and I hear you,
and I'm gonna try really hard
to make better
choices in the future.
Frankie?
Hello?
I'm sideways!
So we're gonna go by boat?
Yes.
How long does that take?
We're gonna take a small boat,
and then we'll take a big boat.
- Little boat, big boat.
- Yes, and it'll
take about 2 weeks.
Shh!
Mmm.
My bag smells like a dispensary.
Can I have a snack first?
Hungry.
Snack.
I have brownies in my backpack.
Brownies are in my backpack.
Can I-- Oh, please.
I can't reach them.
I can't reach.
Please, go to for me.
Please do anything for brownies.
Um, no. No way. Frankie,
do not let this weird foreigner
jostle me.
Don't jostle the cat.
He's touching my hair!
He's giving me his germs!
Thank you.
Mmm!
So excited!
These are so good!
Dude.
Mmm!
Molly's a genius.
Blue cheese.
Mmm! Yes! Oh!
You, uh
- Do you want some of this?
I'll share.
Oh, come on, little buddy.
Oh, you can do it.
Come on, you're so close.
No, seriously, I think it like
moved an inch that time. Very,
very close.
You know what, Dio, if you don't
have anything helpful to say,
just don't say anything, okay?
Thank you.
Ohh!
Oh, that's right, give up on
this just like you give up on
your dreams.
This is a metaphor.
I can't understand you.
One time Axel got drunk and
then he peed on our coworker.
Then he blamed it on, on a-- You
don't have a version in the US?
It's like a very dense
bread, with pickled fish.
We say we like it,
but I don't know,
does anyone really like it?
I think I need to rest.
- I need--
- Fucking lightweight.
Huh!
Okay.
Weed, weed, weed, weed,
weed, weed, weed. Weed,
weed, weed, weed, weed,
weed, weed. Telekinesis!
Focus!
Frankie, focus!
Molly!
Molly, can you hear me?
Why did Molly have to make
those brownies so fucked up?
Does anyone
need to be this high?
You are driving this backpack
under the influence,
and I'm actively
at risk with no agency at all.
GG,
you need to go find Molly
and tell me how to get there?
Absolutely fucking not.
- Now you listen to me, fuckwad.
- Oi!
I've done everything for you,
literally your entire life.
I've fed you, I've cleaned up
your shit, I provided catnip and
a palatial estate
- without asking for
anything back.
- Objection!
And now's
your time to return the favor.
Molly and Dio need us.
- Still no.
- Huh!
- GG, come on.
- You come on.
This is your chance.
This is your chance to prove to
Dio that you're not a quitter.
Yes, I am.
Oh my God, I'm so scared.
This is a nightmare,
an actual nightmare.
I'm going to report
you to PETA for this.
I think that fear might
be holding us back.
Fear is my most useful quality.
It has saved me from stranger
danger, catnapping, owls,
the vacuum.
I believe in you, GG.
I know we're not just
a selfish fraidy cat.
- Yes, I am.
- No, we're not.
- Yes, I am.
- We are not.
- Yes, I am.
- No, I'm not.
No, I'm not.
No, I'm not.
- Oh, GG, God.
- I have balls.
I have chutzpah. Look at me!
I'm flying!
I'm brave!
I'm basically Vin Diesel!
You can tell Dio he's
the pussy and I'm the hero!
That's my kitty!
Fuck this. You're on your
own. Thanks for the memories.
I never should've said
that stuff to Frankie.
That was so mean and clearly
a projection of my own fears of
failure.
We're partners, soulmates.
She's the Bert to my
Ernie. The Hall to my Oates.
I think we can likely trace
your fear of restaurants to too
many episodes
of Kitchen Nightmares,
but for every Gordon Ramsay
there's a Bobby Flay.
- Josh just wants
what's best for us.
- Shut up, Dio.
Shut up, Dio.
I've come to rescue you, dude!
Oh my God!
- Oh, we're fucked.
We're so fucked.
- And give you this
fucked up brownie
that gives you superpowers
because you are my girl.
Oh my God.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
This is the happiest
I've ever been.
Get off her!
Where's Josh? I want
Josh to rescue me instead.
Dude, some jabroni has been
calling me over and over and
over again
like some psycho torture shit.
Come on Dio,
let's go find GG, buddy.
You're gonna love Guatemala.
We're never gonna get there.
Um, dude, did you
send that blackmail letter
for Martin Flynn
from my email address?
Because his lawyer sounds mad.
Like super, super, super mad.
I didn't actually think
that plan out super thoroughly
at the time.
Fuck!
Motherfuck!
Oh, God! Molly, I'm so sorry.
I really thought I could
get us out of here.
I knew it.
I knew you no Guatemala.
Dio?
You're a California guy.
You don't want to learn Dutch.
And you'll be safer here, okay?
That is true.
I love you.
This is tough love, dude.
It hurts me more
than it hurts you.
No, don't eat that.
I'm rooting for you though.
Good luck in the lab.
Oh my God.
You coming?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Run.
- Oh, okay.
- Oh! Our stuff!
- Those thieving motherfucks!
Come on!
Hello?
- Here, take this gun.
- Oh, no.
- What do you mean, no?
- I'm not even allowed
to use the oven.
- I can't have a gun.
- Oh my God.
All right, here, you take it.
Also no.
What the fuck
is wrong with y'all?
Dude, guns are such a bad vibe.
I've signed like 100 petitions.
Murder? We're not gonna
do murder, dude. I'm sorry.
No, fuck the NRA.
Gun control now.
Okay, okay.
Do you two want to be turned
into some weird herring-type
dip sauce
with mayonnaise in it and shit?
Is that what you want?
- No!
- Take the gun.
No!
Don't go over there.
Don't-- do not go.
- Oh my God!
- No, no.
- Oh.
- Oh
We're weed witches.
Fuck this violent bullshit.
Why are you guys like this?
So aggro and intense and dark.
Did the tooth fairy not come?
Did your mom give
you a lame haircut?
Maybe you'd be
happier if you wore socks.
You are what we call a buzzkill.
But now you will have fun,
whether you like it or not.
Nobody likes a guy with a gun
chugging Haterade and
shooting stuff
and bumming everyone out.
Nobody likes that guy.
You could be partying.
You could be eating tacos.
You could be napping.
You could love someone.
You can have a best friend.
Ah!
Frankie. No, no, no,
no, no. Get up. Get up.
You're okay. You're okay.
Okay. You're alive. Cool.
Hello?
Whoa, okay, back up,
back up, back up, back up.
You good?
Is it that weird that I would
think that you'd want to
kiss me?
I can move things with my mind.
No, Frankie,
you don't understand.
You a hot-ass mess, girl.
It would not happen.
Truly.
Honestly.
Not a chance.
No!
It's not working anymore.
I'm all out of brownie.
Frankie, I'm so scared.
I don't want to die.
Hey, take me instead.
What?
No, Frankie, no.
Yes, Molly, this is
literally all my fault.
No, this is fucking happening.
I love you more than anything.
I'm not holding you back.
Let's go! Take me! Come on!
No, you can't leave me.
You clean up after me all
the time. It's my turn, dude.
- All right.
- No!
I won't let you go! Frankie!
- Come.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
I love you. I love you. I love
you. I love you. I love you.
I love you.
Oh!
Dude, what the fuck?
That was metal as fuck!
Are we superheroes now?
Like, squid heroes?
You're my squid hero for sure.
Molls!
It's over.
For all those
times you stood by
me. For all the truth
that you made me see.
For all the joy
you brought to my life,
for all the wrong
that you made right,
for every dream
you made come true,
for all the love I found in you,
I'll be forever thankful, baby.
You're the one who helped me up!
Never let me fall.
You're the one
who saw me through
Through it all. You were --
Hey!
I wonder where that guy went.
That was like private.
Oh. This is some real
oppressive signage, dude.
This is government shit.
We get it.
- Federal building!
- Oh!
I wanted to pee before.
Girls, this is my dear friend
and colleague, Dr. Chapman.
She's been very anxious
to meet both of you.
Hi.
Oh my God, they really
do look weirdly alike.
Yes, it's just remarkable.
Would you say I'm the upgraded
version of her, or she's
the upgraded version of me?
Um, we like the, um,
you are the better girl.
You're the, you're the better
one. We like you more.
Yes.
Sit and --
Please.
Welcome.
I was able to convince members
of the UN, United Nations,
that the two of you are deeply
involved, intrinsically so,
in the most important scientific
discovery,
breakthrough of our time.
You think she's gonna
get to the point soon?
- Geez!
- That could lead directly
to world peace.
They have decided to fully
fund our project.
We must determine the effect of
the Blaekspruttesaed, of course,
on you so
that we can recreate it.
- You know, I've been thinking
- in the future and, um.
you should move
in with Josh, dude.
- Assure you that the
- He objectively rocks.
- testing will not-- harm you
- I was being crazy.
I'm gonna move out of
the chill zone. I'm gonna get my
own place.
I'll just sleep on your couch
like one night a week or like 2
to 5 nights a week.
- You are incredibly
valuable assets
- As many nights as you want.
Frankie, I'm gonna miss you.
- And we we just wanna
take care of you.
I know, me too.
- But this is a good thing.
- $400,000.
I'm just gonna
figure my shit out.
- $300,000.
- You will.
2, 1, 1.
$100,000.
We could have joint
custody of the bongatron.
in this project.
Jinx.
More than I make.
A lot more than I make.
Besides the 3 to 4 days
that you will be spending in
our facilities at Stanford,
you can go about
your lives as usual.
Did you just say Stanford?
That's where the laboratory
is located. Is that a problem?
Lab?
Wait, wait, wait.
Could you start over?
I'm sorry.
- I'm really-- I'm sorry.
- No.
Well-- We are
offering you $100,000 each
per year, 24-hour protection,
and diplomatic immunity,
you know, if you have any
legal difficulties that
you need, uh, addressing.
- Yes.
- I'm not surprised.
All of that is if
you participate in
our scientific testing.
Scientific testing at Stanford.
Yes. Stanford.
Dude.
Here. Here you go.
Just sign this. Sign.
Just sign the papers.
Where all the little tabs are.
I'll take this part.
- Oh, OK.
- Oh, OK.
Hold on.
Sign here.
I've never really done this.
Oh. OK. That's fine.
What'll you do
with the money, girls?
All right, here you go,
ma'am. Bong Appetit.
You will not regret
the toothpaste, dude.
Seriously, it elevates the whole
experience into this, like,
minty heaven.
Sold.
I was almost scared of that guy,
but then I wasn't.
Very brave, GG.
- Very, very brave.
- No fear.
Frankie.
Look, I gotta say that I am just
as surprised as anyone else,
but I guess as
you change and
grow, so does your taste.
Oh, this guy.
Look, I gotta be honest,
I just, um, can't stop thinking.
Yo, let me save
you some time here, bro.
- Yeah!
- If you cannot handle
me at my college
dropout, covered in cat hair,
thousands of dollars in debt,
deadbeat,
you do not deserve me
at my international property,
subject of scientific top-secret
testing at Stanford,
business owner.
Boom, bitch!
I can't stop
thinking about the sandwich.
Balls.
The one that was in Molly's bag.
I ate it on the way
back from the warehouse.
It was fucking amazing.
The potato salad?
It's been haunting
me ever since, really.
Delicious.
$6.69, cash only.
Fuck me.
- There you go.
- I know it's dirty,
but I love money.
Yo, one escape for frickin'
NotMetalHeadDave,
who came all the way down
here just to dunk on me at work.
Whip this fuckwad up
something special, will ya?
You got it, chick.
Yoink!
- Ah!
- Butthole!
That's the worst chopping I've
ever seen. Completely uneven.
Molly, we're gonna
have to fire this guy.
Frankie, that guy's a bonehead.
Excuse my language.
Anybody who was actually cool
would be frantic to date you.
Thank you, Josh.
I agree.
Justice for Frankie Campbell.
- Okay! What else?
- He's gonna dig that.
Fucking freak.
Fucking freak.
- Should I put some toothpaste?
- No, are you fucking
kidding me?
He doesn't get toothpaste.
Okay. He doesn't get toothpaste.
He doesn't get toothpaste.
What else?
It's my birthday.
Oh, no.
I think all
the scientists trying to make
weed stronger really have
their focus in the wrong place,
'cause weed is strong enough on
I mean, I'm literally high as
fuck all the time.
What we need to do is-- we need
to breed out the compound
that's giving us cottonmouth.
Yeah.
There's, like, no way
they can't do that, right?
Dude, that's
a trillion-dollar idea.
I know.
You're a genius.
I know.
Little
is known to us about
the elusive giant squid
and the meaning behind
the patterns of
her bioluminescent glow.
They might indicate I'm lonely
and looking to fuck,
or I hate
you and want to kill you.
We just don't know.
Our next freak of the deep,
the hairy frogfish.
Jinx.
They also have feet.
You're the only person that
really understands me, Mols.
Which
we can all agree is weird.
Welcome to our
home. Welcome to our home.
Oh yeah.
Hey, I'm with Quick Things.
I've got your cheese sculpture.
No.
- Are you fucking shitting me?
- I know.
I actually
couldn't believe it either.
What can I say?
I just make the deliveries.
No, not yet. Sorry, it's
this person with the cheese.
Yeah, yeah, no,
I'm having some friends over.
It's kind of
a college reunion thing.
Dude, this is gonna be so wild.
Just lots of old boobies
I haven't touched in years,
you know?
Just sagging low, probably.
Are you literally holding
a lit joint right now?
Oh.
Sorry.
I forgot.
- Uh, we just need a
signature real quick.
- You're not gonna believe this.
An unwashed delivery chick just
showed up at my door
smoking weed.
Yeah, exactly. I should ask
her where to get drugs for
the party.
No, I'm not worried about
the Johnsons. I'm going to
evict them.
It's not a big deal.
I'm not worried about that 50
cent lawyer
that they got at
the Dollar General store.
Are you-- he's a fucking
creampuff. I'm gonna suck
him dry.
Yeah, Marta! This door.
Hey, hey. Dio,
you know it's not finished.
Hey, man.
Molly girl.
What's shaking, Jose?
- Just taking care of business.
- Yeah.
A lot of
business to take care of.
For example, this morning I
woke up, brushed my teeth.
- Crazy.
- Went to the bathroom.
- Mm-hmm
- I ate a Wendy's
Baconator last night.
I blew it up.
And then I fed Cookie.
I did some yard work.
And then I went to Costco.
You should go get pizza there.
You don't even got to be
a member.
You know how there's always like
that homie in front who's like,
Hey, where's
your membership card?
Not out there, because
it's not inside Costco.
It's outside Costco,
but it's still part of Costco.
Mm-hmm.
I've been watching the show,
Sliders. Do you remember
Sliders, from the '90s?
But now it's on Syfy
Network. It's not a reboot. It's
all the OG episodes with
that fool, Brenden Fraser.
It was on the Syfy
Network. Man, it's a trip.
Oh. Hey.
- Oh, shit, what's up, Frankie?
- What's up, dude?
Well, now that everybody's here,
Lucia's been riding me
pretty hard.
Not sexually, you know, but
like, she's being all dramatic.
She's saying that if you
don't pay her by next week...
Yeah, totally. No, no, no.
I mean, abso-fruitly,
we are gonna have the money
tomorrow, actually.
We're late.
I am so sorry.
You've been so
cool about it, though.
Hell yeah.
You guys are always
smoking that dank, dank.
All right, chicas, I'm cool.
You're cool as fuck.
- Let's just be cool, right?
- Hell yeah.
Rent tomorrow, though.
Bye, Jose.
How
much rent is enough rent?
When does it stop?
Why'd you tell him
we'd have it tomorrow?
Did you find cash
in the fridge again?
No. I just know
that you finished that inventory
doc for the med spa.
Uh, yeah.
Molly. I'll have
it done tomorrow, I swear.
Okay?
Suck on my dick.
Shit.
I just did the math on this
and we owe $2,422.37.
Not including rent.
Ta-da!
Be careful with
the brownie, though.
I made it crazy strong. By
accident, on purpose.
Mm. Mm.
What is that?
I put blue cheese in it.
- Blue cheese?
- Yeah.
You're an innovator.
You gotta eat
fast though, because--
I'm meeting Mike Z at the
Mannequin Pussy Show.
Did you hang out
with them last night?
No, I was with you.
Remember?
- We solved climate change.
- Oh, yeah.
Hmm. I thought
he posted a pic of you.
Who do we tell
about the climate change thing?
Like, the government?
Um, that's not
an-- Frances Smith!
- Hmm?
- Molly, why does this
girl look like me?
Wait, what?
Wow, the girl is like exactly
you, if you wore glasses.
She's an analyst at
Chapman Chemical Laboratories.
She's got a real job.
Cool, she's a scientist.
You should go
anyway to the show.
What?
Who cares that Mike Z.'s
a douche who replaced
you with an upgraded
version of yourself?
- Upgraded?
- Metaphorically upgraded.
Hey.
Who invented the Bongatron?
When we needed to watch
the Shark Week, where
Michael Phelps raced a shark,
who figured out how to steal
cable from the neighbors?
I did.
And when we got locked in
the parking lot of Party City
for hours,
who invented the parachute of
balloons that got us out
of there?
Me.
So you can't let some lame-o
pea-brain ruin your night just
because he
found a nerd who works in a lab.
That is not the Frankie
Campbell I know.
Well, come with me.
I can't.
I can't, I can't, I can't.
I got to finish the spreadsheets
so we can pay Jose and--
Josh is coming
over later to help.
You know that I love you more
than Josh loves you, right?
Like if we were both in
a burning building covered in
pigeons, you could only
save one of us, who's it going
to be? Who's it going to be?
Wait, no, no, stay on topic.
This is the topic.
I need you to come with me to
the show so I don't feel like
a loser.
Frankie, you're
the opposite of a loser.
Everybody else is just a square
weenie with no imagination.
- Yeah.
- I went and
walked myself
Like a dog without a leash
Now I'm growling at a stranger
I am biting at their knees
If I wanted it
You really think I'd wait
for their permission? For
protection and assurances
That all would be delivered?
And like our fathers did,
our mothers did,
and them and those before
And you say you want
a difference Your honor to be
yours Like our
fathers did, our mothers did
And them and those before
The echo --
Does this say I'm
gonna kill Bartholomew?
- Hmm?
- Who is Bartholomew?
And why wouldn't
you just go by Bart?
- Baby, you gotta focus.
- I am.
- No, on this.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Baby, what's this?
Oh, yeah.
Even though she didn't graduate,
they just like keep asking
Frankie for money.
- I think it's pretty
rude, honestly.
- Wait, wait, wait.
You're telling me
Frankie went to Stanford?
Yeah.
Yeah, she used to be like
really into school and stuff.
What did she study?
Like the train one...
where you invent things...
Engineering?
Yeah, that's the one.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
But you know Frankie.
She just had, like,
too many ideas and a hard time
finishing stuff.
So she had a nervous
breakdown and failed out.
That's so sad.
She's really sensitive about it.
So, if it ever comes up,
you just act like she chose
to leave.
Yeah.
She likes to feel in control.
Oh, shit!
So, you're just gonna
replace me with me, huh?
- Like I'm a fucking
iPhone update.
- Frankie!
Hi, good to see you.
I didn't know you'd come here.
Why does this
girl look just like me?
More like, why does
this girl look like me?
Yeah, I don't see it.
I mean, does anybody
really look like anybody?
No, it's very, very
weird actually. I don't like it.
Frankie, Frances, Frances,
this is a coincidence.
- I barely know this person.
- Hey!
Oh!
Wait, your glasses!
I'm over this, Michael.
I can't see
anything. I'm out of here.
Babe, wait!
- Michael? Lol.
- Thanks a lot.
To save you from the reach
I am spiteful like a god.
Seek out vengeance like the
rest. For what they did to
you I will never lay to rest
How very kind of you, but
I'm allergic to roofies. Thanks
Actually, fuck it,
I'm having a really bad night.
I'm severely in debt.
I hate spreadsheets.
You hate your job?
Yeah.
It sucks.
It's very boring.
And, like,
you want to be a chef?
For sure.
But it's hard.
Yeah. So I was thinking,
what if you lived with me?
Then you wouldn't have
to worry about paying rent,
and you could just dedicate
yourself to your dream.
- Lived with you?
- It sounds fun, right?
Like, you could rearrange
my place however you wanted.
You know? And I actually have
a pretty big kitchen. It's nice.
What about Frankie?
- Maybe she is upgraded.
- Yeah!
Upgrade me!
- You can't upgrade this!
- Yeah.
No one respects me
except for Molly. Molly does.
She doesn't waste this.
She doesn't waste anything.
Oh, fuck no.
I'm so hungry.
What if you have no snacks?
What the fuck? Are
you a poser?
Come on, Frances. Come
on, we don't got time to waste.
Frances?
Fucking kidding me.
I am David Barrett.
Boom.
Got it.
I was hired by Dr. Olson
to give you this briefcase.
Now you need to get this to
Dr. Chapman as quickly as
possible, okay?
Before anybody even
knows you got it. All right?
Inside-- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Ow!
Inside is the most important
scientific breakthrough of
our time.
- Do you understand?
- Mm-hmm.
Del Taco sounds-- Perfect.
Thank you.
- Yes, indeed.
- What?
Frances has the glasses.
Yes, they're these ones.
She's very good at science
because she works at
the laboratory of Chapman,
where she is a Fancy-Fancy.
- Okay, okay, but just...
- Who you love.
I get it.
You fucking love her.
It's awesome.
Okay, do me a favor.
He knows.
The best ones know.
Del Taco.
Okay, stand right there
for me in the light.
I mean it's the same
You know what we're gonna
do, we're gonna take you home.
Ugh. Oh! No, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, my God. Baby, I think
that this is the best breakfast
you ever made.
You said that yesterday about
the mini muffins with
the chimichurri gummy bears.
Well, yeah. I mean,
You know you can
sell those, right?
Frankie!
Hey!
I finished the spreadsheet.
I just gotta look it over today,
send it off,
and get that cash-ola.
So proud of you.
Prouder than Josh is, probably.
Hi, Frankie.
Is there coffee?
How did it go last night?
Did you, uh, join the corporate
workforce of America?
Huh?
What's up with the briefcase?
It's-- . Did you open this?
No, there's a combo lock.
Mm. Too
hard. I quit.
Come on, what if there's
like treasure in there?
Or a kidney.
You can open it, Frankie.
You got this.
Wait. How did you do that?
Science, Josh. Look it up.
- Ugh. Fucking rank,
what is that?
- Oh, my God.
God, that's worse than the time
we dumpster dived for
sushi. Dove?
- Ugh.
- Is it dumpster dove? Dove?
- Guys.
- Doved?
- GG! No, no, no, no, no!
- Oh, no, no! No, no,
Dio! No. No, no, no.
Oh. Ooh!
Oh, gosh.
I think I stepped on this.
Oh, yeah, there's instructions.
This isn't even English.
Like the horse language
from Game of Thrones.
Uh, okay, so this is Danish.
I picked up a little bit when
I had a Nordic metal phase.
Whatever, Josh.
So this word right here,
psychedelisk,
that means psychedelic drugs.
So I think
that's what those are.
And this also says a bunch of
stuff about, like, money,
like a lot of money,
and giant squids.
Where'd you get this?
This metalhead guy, um, Dave?
I think he said
his name was Dave.
- Dave?
- Yeah, but then he
wasn't a metalhead.
- Like, he was in disguise.
- Disguise?
Wow, you are really struggling
to follow the plot here, huh?
I'm just trying to understand.
So you went to a show,
and then some guy disguised as
a metalhead
gave you a briefcase full of
expensive mystery psychedelics,
and you just took it?
Maybe you would understand
better if anyone ever liked
you enough
to give you a present, Josh.
Molly and I give each other
presents all of the time.
She's hungover. Don't
ask her so many hard questions.
Okay.
You know what? I gotta go
to work, so, baby, I love you.
I'm out.
Oh, no.
Don't go.
And, um, maybe keep that stuff
away from the cats,
'cause this guy,
NotMetalHeadDave,
might want his stuff back.
- Without cat pee pee on it.
- Bye, Josh.
All right,
I've got it all sewn up.
Okay, I got it to her last
night, so get it to
Chapman today.
Bingo bango,
invoice will be in the mail.
Oh, and I, uh, sent
an additional cleaning fee
because she yakked
all over my apartment.
It was blue cheese.
What do you mean
she doesn't have it?
I mean, who the hell was
the drunk dingbat I gave
it to, then?
Fuck! Fuck!
Don't you think there's
something a little sinister
about Josh?
Like he could be
Rosemary's Baby all grown up.
Or like related to
Elon Musk in some way.
Okay, we need to focus.
Have you seen his shadow?
Focus!
We have a very
big day ahead of us.
What? What is today?
March?
Frankie, I worked really hard,
so I deserve a treat.
Think about it.
- Ah!
- I have a headache.
Skeleton hurts.
Key word, coupon.
I'm like, yeah, of course I
love cooking, okay, obviously.
But you know what
happens at restaurants?
Yelling, sweat, stress,
cocaine, affairs, having a boss.
- Customers.
- Customers.
See, this is
what Josh doesn't get.
He is a customer.
Oh, Josh is such a customer.
- No.
- What is this?
What? What's happening?
- No, what's happening?
- No, no.
What is this?
- No.
- What is this?
Frankie, what is this?
Excuse me, what the fuck
is the meaning of this?
We've been
coming here for 10 years.
You understand
we deserve an explanation.
Frankie, there's
nothing she can do.
She's probably taking
it harder than anybody.
Why? The Ranch.
The ranch doesn't taste
like this anywhere else.
Hey, hey, hey.
You know what?
If this really is our last time,
we've got to make it count, huh?
Yeah.
Let's get sad later.
Let's slap this bitch
on the ass on our way out.
Yeah.
Hey.
All right, can't believe this is
the last time I'm going to
say this.
Um, can I have 2 adult endless
lunches with drinks, please.
And you know I got the coupon.
You are a crazy living
hard in a crazy land
Moving yourself out west,
guided by the crazy hand
The tannest freak around,
you need some drier ground
And when you can't go up,
you know what your options are
Let's build
a bridge to Hawaii, yeah.
Let's build
a bridge to Hawaii, yeah.
It's dark and
it rains all the time.
I'm guessing not the destination
that you had in mind.
Your brain's unraveling,
the endless trave --
Uncertainty in
the buffet sector?
Like, is it just me,
or is everything getting worse?
Did we move?
I can't believe
they took Celine.
Celine and our laptops.
My laptop. She isn't even worth
anything. She's only cardboard.
The spreadsheet.
The spreadsheet, Frankie.
Now I can't turn it in,
and I can't get paid,
and we can't pay Jose, and we're
gonna be out on the street.
Vagrants.
Sea urchins.
- Maybe even orphans.
- Orphans?
Should we call the police?
No. Fuck the police.
- I'm gonna--
- Um, don't call him right now.
Josh's vision can
be a little limited.
Remember how judgmental he was
when we tried to adopt
that skunk?
Oh, yeah.
Well, what are we gonna do?
I mean, we're fucked, man.
We're 2 weeks late on rent.
We owe, like,
a bajillion dollars.
We have less than an ounce of
weed and nothing valuable left
to sell.
I mean, this is, like--
this is like an emergency.
Frankie?
Are you okay?
You look weird.
We do have something
valuable left to sell.
Are you sure
this is a good idea?
Yes.
But we don't even
know what these do.
Exactly. That's why we
have to take them first.
What if they're poisonous?
Why would NotMetalHeadDave give
us a briefcase full of poison?
That makes no sense.
Yeah, I guess that's true.
Unless you've got a better plan.
Something you want to tell me?
No.
This is you and me, Molls.
We're in this together.
Have I ever led you astray?
Cheers.
I don't feel anything.
I know, me neither.
Should we take more?
No way, dude.
Classic mistake.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Could you please not?
I'm resting.
Is there a man in our house?
I don't know.
That was weird.
- Are you talking to me?
- Yeah.
Wow, that's new.
So pretty and mysterious.
No one told me
we were going swimming.
I'm a mermaid.
I have mermaid vision.
How are you doing that?
- Doing what?
- Doing what?
Talking without
moving your mouth.
I have no mouth.
- Am I not moving my mouth?
- Wait, you are.
It's before.
Before when?
I don't know. I don't know when.
God, these
people are such fuckwads.
What the fuck?
I think Dio just
called us fuckwads. Why?
Fuckwads? Did he say that?
Honestly, they have a lot
of explaining to do.
Like why they let their weird
friends take my palace away
without asking.
There's literally nowhere
to hide in here anymore.
They probably ran out of money
again, which means we're back to
eating discount
mystery meat,
which fucking blows.
I can't believe they're
responsible for, like,
my safety.
- My diet.
- My well-being.
- My future.
- My fate.
is in their dumb dumb hands
- These weed heads never
listen to Josh.
- I don't like it.
Even though he's the only one
who smells good around here.
I'm pretty sure they're
the ones who give us fleas.
Basically like
snails in used clothing.
Wait, where are you going?
I miss you!
Wait, I love you!
I'm obsessed with you!
I want to cuddle forever!
- Me too!
- Run! Oh, my gosh.
Come on, come on.
Whoa!
Sea World.
I may have fucked up.
- Are you thinking or talking?
- I don't know.
Am I thinking or talking?
I don't know.
Hello?
Frankie, hey,
you got to be careful.
There are dangerous, dangerous
men looking for you, okay?
What?
- You guys look like shit!
- Yeah.
Jesus, this shit
lasts a long time.
Yeah.
Well, at least
we found Bacon Tuxedo.
The ocean is
just fucking nuts, man.
Frankie. I don't think we
can sell these to people.
They're terrible.
They weren't so bad.
We just didn't
know what to expect.
I bet they'd be
really fun for-- someone.
We'll just specify that they
shouldn't have any pets.
We don't know how
to sell drugs like this.
We don't even know how
to sell drugs, period.
I mean, who the fuck
is our target audience?
Dang.
I've got it.
Oh shit, one second.
We look fucking crazy.
We look high fashion.
I feel like
you can see my vagina.
Good. You know these one percent
ragers. We're trying to
fit in here.
It's kind of quiet for a rager.
They're so gonna know we
don't belong right away.
These people do not have pizza
tattoos,
and we're gonna get kicked out.
And arrested.
Kind of hungry.
I hope they have snacks.
Look, nobody's ever been
arrested for crashing a party.
- They're gonna have tons
of food in here.
- Get out of my head!
I would, but I can't.
Ow.
Uh, is this
like a Stanford party?
Hard bail, insta-bail.
Let's go.
Can I help you?
Uh, Frankie, there's a guy.
Um, fuck.
Who invited you to my party?
- Jeff?
- Richie Rich?
No one is named
Richie Rich in real life.
Come on, SOMEONE
is named Richie Rich.
Hello?
Richie Rich.
Oh my God, Richie, did
you invite these weird bimbos to
my party?
Classic Richie Rich.
Someone is named Richie Rich.
There's like 5
people at this party.
We don't have to do this.
See you on the flip side.
Stanford, hey?
I have never heard of it.
Oh, hey, check it out.
Thank you so much.
Who is looking for drugs?
What do we have here?
Bunch of white-collar criminals?
Anyone here been
on the Epstein plane?
You like drugs?
Sorry.
Man, this party sucks, right?
Like, maybe you could use, like,
a little pick-me-up?
Like drugs?
There's no guarantee.
Shipping your kid off
to Stanford doesn't mean dick.
He could still totally
end up a drug dealer.
Speaking of
which, you guys party?
- You sick fucks.
- Oh, Sandy, it's not
too late for you.
Yes, divorce is a huge bummer,
but your husband sounds like
a sack of shit.
You just need a fresh start.
New year, new you.
New drugs.
You ever find yourself just
sitting around thinking
about death?
I do. Can't imagine
how you feel.
It's never really too
late to open yourself to new
and meaningful experiences.
You know, people that don't
finish college,
they typically go on to live,
like, way more fulfilling lives.
My cousin,
she went to all 4 years.
She's fucking dead.
No.
No, it's not for kids.
I didn't go to college.
I have zero regret.
But I don't know.
How cool is your kid?
- Stanford.
- Stanford.
- Stanford.
- Stanford.
- Stanford.
- Stanford.
Have you ever, um, gotten high?
Look alive, short stack.
Daddy's here.
So no English?
I got you.
I can act it out.
Here we go.
Have you ever tried acid?
Oh, my god!
Just I come to shock.
Shit. No.
- I come to provide
shock and awe.
- This is not happening. Fuck!
- Oh, my God, dude. What?
- Muscle man. Ooh!
- Doesn't feel good,
motherfucker.
- Ah, does it feel good
to be destroyed?
By a girl.
That is six for six, man.
Would you like to go again?
Damn, you were like so cool.
Why are you at my
shitty dad's party?
I'm just trying to sell these
weird drugs I found,
but it's like,
it's slim pickings out there.
Yeah, probably because like
most people are keeping
their distance.
You know, 'cause it's this
thing he used to do in college.
It like has not aged well.
Go on.
Oh yeah, me and my
best friend took those.
We had a really bad time,
but you probably won't.
I don't think so.
- You want to buy it?
- Mhm.
Fuck yes! Okay, um, I
am going to have to consult
with my business associate,
just like for tax purposes.
Um, I'll be right back.
Okay, I come back.
So stay.
Don't you go anywhere.
It wasn't just like one time.
It was like over and over again.
Mm-hmm.
If there was a dip somewhere, he
would just stick his dick in it.
- What?
- Yeah.
I mean, like, the man literally
just like could not stop
sticking his dick in dips.
And I mean, it's like, look,
it's super well documented.
I mean, like, here, check it.
Look, onion dip.
No guacamole.
There he is.
- Even hummus.
- Not cool, man.
Not cool.
Like, look at him.
Look at his face.
You know, like, I keep these on
lock for, like,
insurance purposes.
Yeah, like, every time he tries
to, like, ground me,
I just say, like,
I know where
the dicks are buried, bro.
- Tight, right?
- Wow.
I know we haven't known each
other that long,
but I just have like
a tremendous
amount of respect for you.
Holy shit, dude.
This is crazy.
You're a genius.
Genius.
Uh, I know.
How old are you?
Frankie?
Frankie?
Where are you?
Dude?
Hey.
- What?
- Hey.
I've been looking everywhere
for you. What the fuck?
Hi.
- Hi.
- Yeah.
I found a buyer.
So let's go.
We gotta go.
- I gotta hit the road, daddy-O.
- Really?
But you know, we would also
really love to extort your dad.
Okay. Could you text
me those pictures?
For sure.
Okay, it's 818-555-3331.
- Don't forget.
- Okay.
Okay.
Oh!
Yikes.
That's weird.
I told him I'd be right back.
Fuck!
Oh, the briefcase!
It's gone!
Oh, Frankie, I'm so sorry.
I don't know
what I was thinking.
I never should have
left him alone with it.
I just got too excited.
Everything was going so bad,
and then I finally find someone,
- and he seemed really into it.
- Don't worry, baby.
We're gravy.
Check it.
Uh, what am I looking at?
Here.
Oh my God, is that hummus?
Say goodbye to drug pushing
and hello to blackmail.
This is our ticket, Moll.
Plus those
drugs, we sketch us all.
I don't know, blackmail sounds
dumb and like morally not good.
I think I like
drug dealing more.
We didn't force this guy to
stick his dick in all
those dips.
He made his dip dick everybody's
problem, which is a totally
cancelable offense.
Plus, you lost the drugs,
so we kind of have no choice.
We have to pay Jose or
we'll become orphans.
This party sucks.
Let's raid their crudit and
get out of here.
Let's go home.
Didn't we put our car here?
No way. Probably just
a little bit further down.
Hey, Frankie.
You want to talk
about the Stanford thing?
Just because it's been like a
lot of years now, you know,
and--
I know it's traumatizing and
all, but maybe it's time to
just like
reexamine what you want to do.
Mm. I have a caviar ball
stuck in my tooth.
- Oh, yep, it's out.
- Yeah.
You should be MENSA, dude.
I can't believe that worked.
I know, right?
Shit, dude, I got to pee.
I had too much of the Vueve.
Me too.
Come here, let's pop squat.
- Ladies!
- Did you hear that? Huh?
Oh, don't distract me, dude.
I just pissed on my ankle.
Ladies!
Is he talking to us?
Are we ladies?
Do you like marijuana?
Because we have
a lot in the car.
- Oh look, there's a cat too!
- A cat?
Wait, this is
too good to be true.
Actually, two cats.
That never happens.
Two?
- One for each of us?
- Yeah.
Wow, very fluffy tail.
I think this one
must be a Maine Coon.
Coming!
One second, we're just--
Was that a gun?!
Is this about the crackers?!
'Cause I'll give them back!!
Oh my God!
You two are the dumbest turkeys
out here, I gotta tell you.
- Who the fuck is that?
- Uh, that is NotMetalHeadDave.
- What's he doing here?
- Um, shooting a gun.
Why? Does he want to steal us?
Hello?
Do you want to get kidnapped by
the clog-wearers and hung from
a windmill,
or do you want to get
the hell out of here?
Should we, like,
ask him to put on the radio?
Hey, where are we going?
Yeah, someplace safe.
Well, we're away from the guns,
so aren't we safe?
All will be clear once
we get to the location.
What is the location?
Yeah, Chatsworth.
- Chatsworth?
- Yes.
We are so gonna
get serial killed.
I don't want to die off the 118.
This is so stressful.
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, don't smoke that in here.
Put that out.
Dude, this is California.
I don't give
a damn if it's Canada.
- Put-- give me--
- hey, hey, hey!
Huh?
- Whathe fuck happened?
- Dude!
- Oh, hell, no, I think
I just did that.
- Oh, no.
I thought with my brain
and then I did it with my eyes.
You totally did, dude.
It was tight.
Oh my God, I'm a witch.
I mean, I don't think you're
a witch,
but if you were,
that would be metal as fuck.
Oh, but it's kind of scary
because what if I curse this by
accident?
You should think, I wish
Oasis would get back together.
Oasis would get
back together, dude.
Oh, my God, your powers work.
You're so fucking powerful.
I'm powerful.
How did these
girls happen to me?
Oh, doctor!
Ow!
I'm so sorry, David, I started
-- I scared you. I stubbed my
toe. It hurt a lot.
It hurt a lot.
- Hello.
- Hi.
I'm Dr. Olsen. Um,
where's the, uh, the briefcase?
Um, we don't have that.
We haven't had it for a minute.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
- This is a disaster.
- I know.
- This is a complete disaster.
- I know, I know.
And there's more.
What more could
there possibly be?
Hey, do you think he's
a bad guy or a good guy?
Well, I like his jacket,
but all this stuff is scary,
so maybe a bad guy.
Yeah, a lot of bad
guys have cool jackets.
You ones--
you took the Blaekspruttesaed.
Is she spitting
or talking together?
I think she's
asking us if we're gay.
Undiluted?
Oh, the drugs.
Were we supposed to dilute that?
Ah!
Yes.
Yes.
Fuck my hole.
- Fuck my hole.
- I know, I know.
I want you to take my hole and
fuck it because it's already
been fucked.
Hell fuck.
Hell fuck.
Everything's fucked.
Listen to me.
I have no idea why you thought
it would be a good idea to take
the drugs.
You are dumb as rocks,
and you should be dead.
But, but you may
have saved the project
by effectively
becoming the project.
Wait, what's the project?
Do we want to be a project?
Let me explain.
I am a scientist and I have
been working in Denmark.
Is everybody Dutch?
Not Dutch.
Not Dutch.
- Danish.
- Well, then who's Dutch?
People in Holland.
Then who's Hollish?
No one is Hollish.
I mean, someone's got
to be Hollish, right?
I'm moving on.
I work for a private company
called the Kock Group.
Oh.
And I have been
researching giant squids.
Squids?
Giant squids. They
dwell so deep in the ocean
that no light can
penetrate their habitat,
so they must have a unique way
communicating down there in
the dark.
Telepathy.
Telepathy.
6 months ago, a miracle,
we were able to capture the left
testicle of a young adult male.
From this tissue, I was able
to synthesize the compounds --
Nerd alert!
Yeah, like we care about
some squid nut sack.
From this tissue, the
left -- the testis and I
able to create
the drug Blaekspruttesaed.
Good job.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, good.
I thought if we could
hear inside one another's minds,
we could experience a greater
empathy and become more invested
in the common good.
You know, that would be good.
But then I realized
my employer, Mr. Kock,
he was only
interested in developing
the telepathy toward mind
control and selling it to
the highest bidder.
Mind control sounds really
negative. Can we go home now?
Also, I'm pretty sure I saw them
two move a damn joint with
their mind.
What do you mean move a damn
joint with with their mind.
Move a joint
with their damn mind.
Their fucking mind.
I have no idea, but I know that
they were smoking in my car.
Which rat is your favorite?
I like that one.
I named him Oreo.
Hey!
Oh, you think because
this is California--
Excuse me, you have
mixed Blaekspruttesaed with THC?
Define mixed.
That must be what's
producing the telekinesis.
A chemical reaction with
the marijuana that you're
constantly smoking?
- Define constantly.
- Can you control it?
We could quit any time
we wanted, let me tell you that.
- Yep.
- No, not the marijuana,
the telekinesis.
Can you control the telekinesis?
Can you, here, move this
flask with your mind?
Go.
I want to.
Fuck.
Break it.
Break it.
Break it.
Break it.
Break it.
Too hard.
I quit.
It's okay.
Next time, you'll learn to
develop focus and self-control.
I probably won't, though.
We must begin testing.
Uh, testing?
- I have to take a blood sample.
- Uh, no thank you.
Wait.
Hold.
You did not tell anyone
that you took
the Blaekspruttesaed, did you?
Um, did we tell-- I mean,
a couple people at this party.
Ah.
But not that many. But it was
more of like an alumni event.
Ah, yeah. That's
probably-- But there was one
guy.
Ah.
Who I'm pretty sure was Hollish.
And when I told him, that is
when the briefcase went missing.
But maybe y'all are friends.
You are bozos.
You are bozos.
- Very much bozos.
- Professional bozos.
- Jeff Bozos.
- You are Jeff Bozos,
and you have no idea how
much trouble you are in.
The girls are now as valuable
for study as the drugs
themselves.
We have to access Chapman's
contacts at the UN.
Come on.
Uber, Uber, Uber!
All right, 1 minute away.
Okay.
Oh no, he stopped. Why
the hell is he turning around?
- Oh no, call him, call him.
- Okay.
Hello?
Gork?
Gork?
Ah, no, sorry,
we've been chased.
Goddamn it.
Gork, where are you?
What do you mean
I have a 2-star rating?
There's actually a very
legit reason for that.
- If you--
- Hello?
Hey, is it just me, or is
NotMetalHeadDave kind of a babe?
Dude.
Seriously,
he's so good at karate.
He's got all these disguises.
- I bet he's pretty unexpect --
- Dude!
I'm tired of danger.
Hey, I guarantee you
we just need to hole up
in the Chill Zone for a little
bit and this whole Kock problem
is just gonna blow over.
What makes you think that?
I mean, the lady in
the garage was saying--
Hey, when has
anything good ever come
from listening to
some weirdo in a garage?
We don't have the drugs anymore.
We're not really good for
anything.
Now we can just kick back,
blackmail Martin Flynn,
and live in our house
together forever and ever.
Plus, we have to feed the cats.
Motherfuck me.
Oh!
Why is everything so hard?
Goddamn it, Jose.
Jose.
Give me one of your shoes.
Welcome to our home.
Welcome to our home.
Hey, man, what's happening?
Nothing.
I wait for the girls.
We are friends from cat club.
Damn, fancy accent.
Where are you from?
Europe?
No.
My brother's been to Amsterdam.
I heard they have crazy cafes
out there and shit where you
could smoke in the cafe.
That's like if I went to
Starbucks and I said, hey,
let me get a caramel
frappuccino and a joint.
Have you ever smoked California
bud? The girls aren't here
right now.
Come on, let's go.
I'll roll you a fat-ass J and
you can tell me which is better,
Cali or Amsterdam.
Come on.
Uh, come on.
You ever seen the show Sliders?
It's on Syfy Network.
It's really good.
I watch all American shows.
Oh my fucking God, you dumb
bitches, I am starving to death.
Breakfast is 20 minutes late.
That is legally a crime.
I can see my ribs.
- What do we do?
- We gotta get out of town.
We just gotta wait for the
blackmail money to come through.
Find someplace chill.
Like Guatemala.
Dude, we had so
much fun in Guatemala.
You loved the maracas, remember?
- You were like...
- Guatemala?
Frankie! I've been getting
nonstop work emails for the past
24 hours.
Molly, those were our old lives.
It's all canceled now.
We're very important fugitives.
We're runaways.
We're rebels.
Bad boys!
Okay, well, Josh is at work,
so maybe we could go to --
We're not gonna
go see Josh, okay?
We're changing our names, we're
not gonna tell him the new ones,
- and he's never gonna
find us again.
- Frankie, this is serious.
- I'm scared.
- Should I be scared?
Hey, this is
pretty serious, okay?
Which is why I think we
should get out of town.
Oh, don't do that.
Don't, don't cry.
You know I cry
when you cry, okay?
Come here, come here, come here.
I go inside now with the girls.
Ah, you don't want to kick it?
Let's go around front.
I -- I'm building a
badass gazebo
in the back yard. Do you
like meditating?
That's where I meditate,
in the gazebo. It's really cool
out there.
Okay, let's go see Josh so
you can say goodbye,
and then we need to get
the fuck out of here.
Right now,
snacks, cats, weed, go.
Oh, I hate to waste those.
I have some notes
on these sandwiches.
Hey, what are
you-- what are you doing?
Shut up, Dio.
Unhand me!
Wait, is this like a vet thing?
Are we going to the vet?
I promise
you they cannot afford the vet.
Hey!
Why is this closed?!
Uh, Frankie, we should go.
- Trying to get us some tunes.
- Anything but ABBA.
- I'm so sick of ABBA.
- Don't listen to him.
I love ABBA.
Yeah, it's just
this feels like time sensitive.
I think you have to update
your phone, dude.
Let's just listen to the radio.
Celine!
This makes me emotional.
- Oh shit
- Oh shit!
Driving. Frankie driving,
I hate when she drives!
couldn't reach.
You gave me faith 'cause you
believed. I'm
everything...
Uh, hello?
Josh, hi!
How's it going?
I'm so happy to see you.
- Whose car is that?
- Go inside.
That's a really --
that's a really nice --
- In, in, in, in, in.
- Okay, okay, okay.
- What is going on?
- Is this the vet?
This vet looks sketchy as hell,
like really unsanitary.
- Josh.
- Joshie, I'm sorry. We have--
You weren't my
first choice, okay?
There's been a lot
going on, all right?
People are trying
to kill us for science.
They are Vikings.
- We have telepathy now.
- with guns. Cocks.
- and we have to go to Mexico.
- They wanna do
experiments on us
because we're special now.
The cats are dicks.
We took those
drugs with giant squids.
- Is it okay if we
hide out here so
- We're going to Mexico.
- Unfortunately, you're
not invited.
- we can blackmail
this guy and make money
and run away?
- She always likes me.
- I love you so much.
- Maybe she likes you.
- I just don't want
you to get hurt.
- What the fuck?
- Guys, get up.
Come on, it's
just sound Sound design.
There's a show later, and this
band, they got this intro where
they're just
like killing a bunch of
police officers.
Oh dang.
Okay, how about
we go talk in the office?
Okay.
Uh, what's in the office?
Why do we have to go there? Only
bad things happen in offices.
- Hook up the
motherfuckin treats.
- Language.
- Treat time, bitch.
- I'm stress eating.
I am eating my feelings.
Hey, can I have your phone?
- Oh yeah,
- I'm gonna start the
blackmail business.
Huh!
- Hey baby.
- Hi.
So, um,
just want to ask--
don't be offended-- did
you and Frankie
really take those drugs?
All this is so fucked.
Um, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cuz I think you just like might
be having a mental health event
right now.
I'm just worried, yeah.
We know that you got freaky
with those dips in the '80s.
Dips cannot consent,
nor can the people eating them.
No, no.
Okay, I know, but no.
I saw them.
There are dudes.
They have guns and they're
coming after us for no reason.
It's like-- I mean, there's
a reason, but anyways,
it's like a whole big thing.
- Molly?
- Yeah?
How much should we ask for?
A million?
No. That seems like too much.
$20,000 ought to do it.
Baby, you sound crazy.
Come on, look at me.
Look at the cats.
Ah, you're in a bag.
Look at you, dork.
You are also stuck
in a bag right now, dork.
The cats are in backpacks.
Think about that.
Yeah.
Let me take you home.
Yeah.
Give us $2 million or else.
And by the way, it's not even
that cool that you went to
Stanford,
so you don't have to keep
lording it over everyone by
hosting lame alumni
events with too much cheese.
Delete the last part.
Okay.
Frankie, I am not
going to Guatemala. What?
I think those drugs really
fucked us up,
made us paranoid and stuff.
I just need to get some sleep.
You should too.
Josh is gonna take me home now.
You-- what did you say to her?
Guys, what the fuck is going on?
I can't even believe you're
considering ditching me
right now.
Ditching me - when
really this is all your fault.
My fault?
I mean, you were the one that
forced me to go to
the Mannequin Pussy show
all by myself.
And you didn't have
the rent money, dude.
Well, I would have had money for
the rent if my laptop hadn't
gone stolen.
And you lost the briefcase.
Ha!
Oh,.
So I guess if you
think about it,
I'd be like completely fine
if it wasn't for you.
And it's probably for the best
that you were just gonna move in
with Josh
and not even tell me about it.
I hadn't decided yet.
Well, I think you should.
I was gonna suggest it myself.
In fact, I think it's become
clear that you've been holding
me back.
I've been holding you back?
Oh, fuck,
she did the scary laugh.
Guys, I didn't want to imply
that anybody's holding
anybody back.
- You both love each other.
- You know what, Frankie?
I have gone along with every
one of your fuckwad ideas.
Let's set off fireworks
in Andy Sigal's living room.
Hm?
Let's have a contest to see
who can drink the most 5-Hour
Energies.
You won that contest!
Nobody won that contest.
But the truth is that ever since
you failed out of Stanford
you have no focus and no goals,
and you quit everything
that's hard
because you're scared that if
you ever actually tried at
anything,
you'd fail again.
You are lazy and delusional.
If it wasn't for me, they would
find you buried under the debt
of a million kitchen appliances
pretending to be a chef,
and we all know
you're just a just a
stoned girl in a house.
You sabotaged me because
you don't want to be
a fuck-up alone.
I am tired of being
dragged down with you.
So if we don't get murdered
first, I am going to move out.
Great.
What a relief.
Then I could
just get back on track.
- Yeah.
- Back on the track to success!
What the hell!
Come on, babe, let's go.
It's just
the intro for the band.
You were the one that told
us that in the first place.
Yeah, but soundcheck's over.
- Josh.
- Josh.
- Josh.
- I knew we could trust Josh.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whatever's going on,
Fritz.
we can figure it out.
Stand by the wall, hands up.
Get moving.
You're such a fucking loser,
Frankie. Here we go again.
Molly.
You can shoot them but not me.
Whatever they did,
I had nothing to do with it.
- You are such a
fucking pussy, man.
- Yeah, well, you're a dumbass.
- You're a bitch.
- Oh!
Oh, you're a bitch.
Oh, you're a double bitch.
Hey, hey,
watch -- watch the cat.
Wait, Dio, I'm sorry
I talked shit.
Where are you going?
Please don't leave me.
Hello, I must speak
with DeeDee at once. Ah!
This is so freaky.
What the fuck?
You look like the other one.
You are the other one.
What the fuck?
Astrid?
Yes, we have problems.
Molly.
- I want to go home.
- Yeah, I'll give you this one.
This actually is scary.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay, you want the vom,
you'll get the vom.
Uh, fuck you.
Ow, ow.
No, no, no.
Hey, hey,
that could have been Josh.
I still don't
understand Hollish,
but I just want to put it out
there that I know we haven't
been on the same page,
and I'm really sorry.
But I see you and I hear you,
and I'm gonna try really hard
to make better
choices in the future.
Frankie?
Hello?
I'm sideways!
So we're gonna go by boat?
Yes.
How long does that take?
We're gonna take a small boat,
and then we'll take a big boat.
- Little boat, big boat.
- Yes, and it'll
take about 2 weeks.
Shh!
Mmm.
My bag smells like a dispensary.
Can I have a snack first?
Hungry.
Snack.
I have brownies in my backpack.
Brownies are in my backpack.
Can I-- Oh, please.
I can't reach them.
I can't reach.
Please, go to for me.
Please do anything for brownies.
Um, no. No way. Frankie,
do not let this weird foreigner
jostle me.
Don't jostle the cat.
He's touching my hair!
He's giving me his germs!
Thank you.
Mmm!
So excited!
These are so good!
Dude.
Mmm!
Molly's a genius.
Blue cheese.
Mmm! Yes! Oh!
You, uh
- Do you want some of this?
I'll share.
Oh, come on, little buddy.
Oh, you can do it.
Come on, you're so close.
No, seriously, I think it like
moved an inch that time. Very,
very close.
You know what, Dio, if you don't
have anything helpful to say,
just don't say anything, okay?
Thank you.
Ohh!
Oh, that's right, give up on
this just like you give up on
your dreams.
This is a metaphor.
I can't understand you.
One time Axel got drunk and
then he peed on our coworker.
Then he blamed it on, on a-- You
don't have a version in the US?
It's like a very dense
bread, with pickled fish.
We say we like it,
but I don't know,
does anyone really like it?
I think I need to rest.
- I need--
- Fucking lightweight.
Huh!
Okay.
Weed, weed, weed, weed,
weed, weed, weed. Weed,
weed, weed, weed, weed,
weed, weed. Telekinesis!
Focus!
Frankie, focus!
Molly!
Molly, can you hear me?
Why did Molly have to make
those brownies so fucked up?
Does anyone
need to be this high?
You are driving this backpack
under the influence,
and I'm actively
at risk with no agency at all.
GG,
you need to go find Molly
and tell me how to get there?
Absolutely fucking not.
- Now you listen to me, fuckwad.
- Oi!
I've done everything for you,
literally your entire life.
I've fed you, I've cleaned up
your shit, I provided catnip and
a palatial estate
- without asking for
anything back.
- Objection!
And now's
your time to return the favor.
Molly and Dio need us.
- Still no.
- Huh!
- GG, come on.
- You come on.
This is your chance.
This is your chance to prove to
Dio that you're not a quitter.
Yes, I am.
Oh my God, I'm so scared.
This is a nightmare,
an actual nightmare.
I'm going to report
you to PETA for this.
I think that fear might
be holding us back.
Fear is my most useful quality.
It has saved me from stranger
danger, catnapping, owls,
the vacuum.
I believe in you, GG.
I know we're not just
a selfish fraidy cat.
- Yes, I am.
- No, we're not.
- Yes, I am.
- We are not.
- Yes, I am.
- No, I'm not.
No, I'm not.
No, I'm not.
- Oh, GG, God.
- I have balls.
I have chutzpah. Look at me!
I'm flying!
I'm brave!
I'm basically Vin Diesel!
You can tell Dio he's
the pussy and I'm the hero!
That's my kitty!
Fuck this. You're on your
own. Thanks for the memories.
I never should've said
that stuff to Frankie.
That was so mean and clearly
a projection of my own fears of
failure.
We're partners, soulmates.
She's the Bert to my
Ernie. The Hall to my Oates.
I think we can likely trace
your fear of restaurants to too
many episodes
of Kitchen Nightmares,
but for every Gordon Ramsay
there's a Bobby Flay.
- Josh just wants
what's best for us.
- Shut up, Dio.
Shut up, Dio.
I've come to rescue you, dude!
Oh my God!
- Oh, we're fucked.
We're so fucked.
- And give you this
fucked up brownie
that gives you superpowers
because you are my girl.
Oh my God.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
This is the happiest
I've ever been.
Get off her!
Where's Josh? I want
Josh to rescue me instead.
Dude, some jabroni has been
calling me over and over and
over again
like some psycho torture shit.
Come on Dio,
let's go find GG, buddy.
You're gonna love Guatemala.
We're never gonna get there.
Um, dude, did you
send that blackmail letter
for Martin Flynn
from my email address?
Because his lawyer sounds mad.
Like super, super, super mad.
I didn't actually think
that plan out super thoroughly
at the time.
Fuck!
Motherfuck!
Oh, God! Molly, I'm so sorry.
I really thought I could
get us out of here.
I knew it.
I knew you no Guatemala.
Dio?
You're a California guy.
You don't want to learn Dutch.
And you'll be safer here, okay?
That is true.
I love you.
This is tough love, dude.
It hurts me more
than it hurts you.
No, don't eat that.
I'm rooting for you though.
Good luck in the lab.
Oh my God.
You coming?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Run.
- Oh, okay.
- Oh! Our stuff!
- Those thieving motherfucks!
Come on!
Hello?
- Here, take this gun.
- Oh, no.
- What do you mean, no?
- I'm not even allowed
to use the oven.
- I can't have a gun.
- Oh my God.
All right, here, you take it.
Also no.
What the fuck
is wrong with y'all?
Dude, guns are such a bad vibe.
I've signed like 100 petitions.
Murder? We're not gonna
do murder, dude. I'm sorry.
No, fuck the NRA.
Gun control now.
Okay, okay.
Do you two want to be turned
into some weird herring-type
dip sauce
with mayonnaise in it and shit?
Is that what you want?
- No!
- Take the gun.
No!
Don't go over there.
Don't-- do not go.
- Oh my God!
- No, no.
- Oh.
- Oh
We're weed witches.
Fuck this violent bullshit.
Why are you guys like this?
So aggro and intense and dark.
Did the tooth fairy not come?
Did your mom give
you a lame haircut?
Maybe you'd be
happier if you wore socks.
You are what we call a buzzkill.
But now you will have fun,
whether you like it or not.
Nobody likes a guy with a gun
chugging Haterade and
shooting stuff
and bumming everyone out.
Nobody likes that guy.
You could be partying.
You could be eating tacos.
You could be napping.
You could love someone.
You can have a best friend.
Ah!
Frankie. No, no, no,
no, no. Get up. Get up.
You're okay. You're okay.
Okay. You're alive. Cool.
Hello?
Whoa, okay, back up,
back up, back up, back up.
You good?
Is it that weird that I would
think that you'd want to
kiss me?
I can move things with my mind.
No, Frankie,
you don't understand.
You a hot-ass mess, girl.
It would not happen.
Truly.
Honestly.
Not a chance.
No!
It's not working anymore.
I'm all out of brownie.
Frankie, I'm so scared.
I don't want to die.
Hey, take me instead.
What?
No, Frankie, no.
Yes, Molly, this is
literally all my fault.
No, this is fucking happening.
I love you more than anything.
I'm not holding you back.
Let's go! Take me! Come on!
No, you can't leave me.
You clean up after me all
the time. It's my turn, dude.
- All right.
- No!
I won't let you go! Frankie!
- Come.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
I love you. I love you. I love
you. I love you. I love you.
I love you.
Oh!
Dude, what the fuck?
That was metal as fuck!
Are we superheroes now?
Like, squid heroes?
You're my squid hero for sure.
Molls!
It's over.
For all those
times you stood by
me. For all the truth
that you made me see.
For all the joy
you brought to my life,
for all the wrong
that you made right,
for every dream
you made come true,
for all the love I found in you,
I'll be forever thankful, baby.
You're the one who helped me up!
Never let me fall.
You're the one
who saw me through
Through it all. You were --
Hey!
I wonder where that guy went.
That was like private.
Oh. This is some real
oppressive signage, dude.
This is government shit.
We get it.
- Federal building!
- Oh!
I wanted to pee before.
Girls, this is my dear friend
and colleague, Dr. Chapman.
She's been very anxious
to meet both of you.
Hi.
Oh my God, they really
do look weirdly alike.
Yes, it's just remarkable.
Would you say I'm the upgraded
version of her, or she's
the upgraded version of me?
Um, we like the, um,
you are the better girl.
You're the, you're the better
one. We like you more.
Yes.
Sit and --
Please.
Welcome.
I was able to convince members
of the UN, United Nations,
that the two of you are deeply
involved, intrinsically so,
in the most important scientific
discovery,
breakthrough of our time.
You think she's gonna
get to the point soon?
- Geez!
- That could lead directly
to world peace.
They have decided to fully
fund our project.
We must determine the effect of
the Blaekspruttesaed, of course,
on you so
that we can recreate it.
- You know, I've been thinking
- in the future and, um.
you should move
in with Josh, dude.
- Assure you that the
- He objectively rocks.
- testing will not-- harm you
- I was being crazy.
I'm gonna move out of
the chill zone. I'm gonna get my
own place.
I'll just sleep on your couch
like one night a week or like 2
to 5 nights a week.
- You are incredibly
valuable assets
- As many nights as you want.
Frankie, I'm gonna miss you.
- And we we just wanna
take care of you.
I know, me too.
- But this is a good thing.
- $400,000.
I'm just gonna
figure my shit out.
- $300,000.
- You will.
2, 1, 1.
$100,000.
We could have joint
custody of the bongatron.
in this project.
Jinx.
More than I make.
A lot more than I make.
Besides the 3 to 4 days
that you will be spending in
our facilities at Stanford,
you can go about
your lives as usual.
Did you just say Stanford?
That's where the laboratory
is located. Is that a problem?
Lab?
Wait, wait, wait.
Could you start over?
I'm sorry.
- I'm really-- I'm sorry.
- No.
Well-- We are
offering you $100,000 each
per year, 24-hour protection,
and diplomatic immunity,
you know, if you have any
legal difficulties that
you need, uh, addressing.
- Yes.
- I'm not surprised.
All of that is if
you participate in
our scientific testing.
Scientific testing at Stanford.
Yes. Stanford.
Dude.
Here. Here you go.
Just sign this. Sign.
Just sign the papers.
Where all the little tabs are.
I'll take this part.
- Oh, OK.
- Oh, OK.
Hold on.
Sign here.
I've never really done this.
Oh. OK. That's fine.
What'll you do
with the money, girls?
All right, here you go,
ma'am. Bong Appetit.
You will not regret
the toothpaste, dude.
Seriously, it elevates the whole
experience into this, like,
minty heaven.
Sold.
I was almost scared of that guy,
but then I wasn't.
Very brave, GG.
- Very, very brave.
- No fear.
Frankie.
Look, I gotta say that I am just
as surprised as anyone else,
but I guess as
you change and
grow, so does your taste.
Oh, this guy.
Look, I gotta be honest,
I just, um, can't stop thinking.
Yo, let me save
you some time here, bro.
- Yeah!
- If you cannot handle
me at my college
dropout, covered in cat hair,
thousands of dollars in debt,
deadbeat,
you do not deserve me
at my international property,
subject of scientific top-secret
testing at Stanford,
business owner.
Boom, bitch!
I can't stop
thinking about the sandwich.
Balls.
The one that was in Molly's bag.
I ate it on the way
back from the warehouse.
It was fucking amazing.
The potato salad?
It's been haunting
me ever since, really.
Delicious.
$6.69, cash only.
Fuck me.
- There you go.
- I know it's dirty,
but I love money.
Yo, one escape for frickin'
NotMetalHeadDave,
who came all the way down
here just to dunk on me at work.
Whip this fuckwad up
something special, will ya?
You got it, chick.
Yoink!
- Ah!
- Butthole!
That's the worst chopping I've
ever seen. Completely uneven.
Molly, we're gonna
have to fire this guy.
Frankie, that guy's a bonehead.
Excuse my language.
Anybody who was actually cool
would be frantic to date you.
Thank you, Josh.
I agree.
Justice for Frankie Campbell.
- Okay! What else?
- He's gonna dig that.
Fucking freak.
Fucking freak.
- Should I put some toothpaste?
- No, are you fucking
kidding me?
He doesn't get toothpaste.
Okay. He doesn't get toothpaste.
He doesn't get toothpaste.
What else?
It's my birthday.
Oh, no.
I think all
the scientists trying to make
weed stronger really have
their focus in the wrong place,
'cause weed is strong enough on
I mean, I'm literally high as
fuck all the time.
What we need to do is-- we need
to breed out the compound
that's giving us cottonmouth.
Yeah.
There's, like, no way
they can't do that, right?
Dude, that's
a trillion-dollar idea.
I know.
You're a genius.
I know.