They Might Be Giants (1971) Movie Script
Oh, no.
Bad news, I guess.
Sign here, please.
What? Here.
Where it says, "received by."
My brother's lost his mind.
The doctor says it's permanent.
I'm putting him away.
The minute he's committed, I'll be rich.
I'm his executor.
I'll handle all his money.
I'll start now.
I'll get commitment papers signed.
That's easy.
But a judgment from a court takes time.
I don't get paid
if you don't sign.
Are you from them,
or are you just a messenger?
Who are you, anyway?
I'll find out for you, if you like.
Oh, it's of no consequence,
old sport. Don't bother.
As you wish.
Doesn't anybody sign this?
I'll be glad to. Oh, thank you.
Don't you have a handkerchief?
Not on my salary.
Oh, thank you.
By the way,
you suffer from lumbago.
You're hagridden by your wife,
you keep a sheepdog for a pet,
and you had chicken soup
for breakfast.
I just love it when you do that.
Yes, he's a messenger,
all right. Ahh!
Blackmail.
Just what I've been waiting for.
"Never!
Not one penny!"
- Really, Justin.
- Don't be frightened. I'll protect you.
Here. Give them this.
Oh, if that's a message,
I've gotta charge you for it, sir.
Give that dog of yours
more, uh, meat.
I think he's got pellagra.
Oh, bless you, sir. Bless you.
Don't touch it. It's my clue.
I, uh, shan't be up for lunch.
We're going to the clinic.
If you need me, I'll be downstairs
in the laboratory. Wait!
The clinic?
Oh, not another specialist.
I'm always so afraid
they'll make him well.
I like him this way.
Get him, will you, Daisy?
Something's wrong. I know it.
I can always tell
when something's wrong.
You're in awful trouble,
aren't you?
Just go get him.
Oh, you were such a nice man
when I married you.
Do what I tell you to.
I've had enough.
We're going straight
to Dr. Strauss.
Land sakes alive.
There isn't any doubt, is there?
My goodness. No, indeedy.
He's incurably psychotic.
That means he's committable?
And then some.
Is there room here for him?
Always room for one more,
Mr. Playfair.
Especially for kin of yours.
You see, there's a spider
up there.
There.
He's got huge teeth,
and he's coming at me!
Doctor. He's coming at me.
He's coming at me!
Doctor. Mildred.
Oh! Now, is that what
your dream was like?
- Mildred. Mildred.
- Dr. Strauss, I am with a patient!
This here is Mr. Playfair,
an important member of our board.
How do you do, Mr. Playfair?
I'm sorry, but I'm busy right now.
It's about my brother.
He's a hopeless paranoid.
Is that your
medical opinion, sir?
It's the consensus
of your staff.
He has a sizable estate
he isn't fit to handle.
It's my duty to commit him,
and, uh,
I need your signature.
Without examining the patient?
That was never in my mind.
He's upstairs waiting.
Well, I have another
patient waiting.
Have them bring him down.
This gentleman is Mr. Small.
We're having some trouble
getting him to verbalize.
Is that correct, Mr. Small?
He can speak, but he just won't.
Now, Mr. Small cannot afford
to go to another doctor.
All my life I have worked with
people who have no place else to go.
I'm sorry to seem unreasonable.
But if you want me,
you'll have to wait for me.
I expect you better finish
with him later, Mildred.
Dr. Strauss, you are a money raiser.
Go and raise money!
I am a doctor.
Leave me to my work!
Nurse, take him to the ward.
He stays with me.
Now, ma'am, you are
flouting my authority.
It's all right.
Y'all take this poor
unfortunate away, you hear?
Not in my office, you don't!
- That's an order!
- No. Oh, Mr. Small!
Mr. Small! Oh!
Oh!
Oh, no. Oh! Oh.
Oh, you fool!
You've ruined weeks of work.
You ape!
Get that thing off of him.
Release that man.
No one belongs in one of those.
If you please. Hah! Esh! Hah!
Hyah!
A classic paranoid. Fantastic.
I don't think
I've ever done it better.
Well, now.
They'll think twice next time.
Are you all right?
Who let this happen?
Who's in charge here?
Mr. Small, I'm so sorry.
Can you forgive me?
Don't let her off so lightly.
Is she decent to you?
You like her?
She didn't do this
to you, then, hmm?
Who did?
- You did.
- I guess you're really Sherlock Holmes.
You don't at all. You think I'm mad.
You analysts are all alike.
Thinks you're mad, too,
I suppose, huh?
Why? Because you won't talk?
Huh. Typical.
Why is it analysts
can't ever analyze?
Don't tell me you've deduced
what's wrong with Mr. Small.
Not yet. I can do if you like.
Will you nod when I'm right?
Now, why should an obviously
proper gentleman refuse to talk?
Because he hasn't been
introduced.
We don't know who you are, but
once we do know, then you'll talk.
Now, where is the logic?
Think. He can talk,
but he won't.
The silence is the clue.
No coaching, please.
I work by pure deduction.
Now, who was silent?
Who had everything but sound?
The mutes of history? No,
they couldn't talk. He can.
A monk with vows of silence!
No, no. No sound, no sound.
Why, the early movies.
Why, the man's
a silent film star.
Which one? The most unlikely one.
It's only logical.
That means he's brave, hmm?
A man of action.
Stern, aloof, yet passionate.
By God. Rudolph Valentino.
Sherlock Holmes.
An honor, sir.
I've read your books. I'm
really quite a fan of yours.
I'll be damned.
Tell him how much you
liked him in The Sheik.
- This is ridiculous.
- You didn't like me?
Oh, no, no. You were very good.
I wish we had you
on the staff here.
You could use me.
Well, I must be off.
My best to Vilma Bnky.
Ah, ah, couldn't we just sit down and talk?
We could discuss your work.
I'm very sorry.
I'm a terribly busy man.
I don't have time
to be examined.
Are you working on a case? Better
save your strength for Mr. Small.
Chances are he isn't really Valentino.
Well, I like that. No offense.
I have daily office hours. If you
feel the need of a consultation,
please feel free to call
for an appointment.
Yes.
Yes, no clues of any kind.
It all points to Moriarty.
If only all the tests
are negative.
Damn.
Justin? Ten-to-one that moron
doctor wants to see me.
Someone's here
who wants to see you.
Holmes, why are you never wrong?
Really, Doctor,
do you have to see him?
Oh, absolutely. One good
session with him. I insist.
May we come in?
Right this way.
Amazing. Classic paranoia.
What an opportunity.
It's really sort of cozy.
Did he do all this himself?
Oh, I helped a little.
He's not here.
He's probably hiding.
Does he have a hiding place?
A secret panel. How'd you know?
Oh, they always do.
He'll come out when he's ready.
You say he used to be a lawyer, huh?
And a judge.
He was a brilliant man.
It's just marvelous.
Oh, we shopped at Abercrombie's.
You'll just have to forgive me,
but I haven't seen
a classic since, oh,
the spring of '59.
They're very rare, you know.
How long has he been
Sherlock Holmes?
Since Lucy... Uh, since his wife died.
For about a year.
And how long does
each attack go on?
Oh, all day, every day.
He's never Justin anymore.
Do you remember when
the symptoms first started?
That's hard to say.
He was a great reformer.
Always out to make
things better, Justin was.
He, uh, lived on books.
Detective fiction mostly.
You don't think you can cure him,
do you?
Cure a classic?
Once in a generation.
It's a marvelous disease,
you know.
The victim's faculties
grow keener,
and-and ultrasensitive.
And he's capable of things
that seem like genius.
Where's the secret panel?
Oh, he won't tell us.
Watch, I'll bring him out.
You see, the classic
changes his identity.
And everything is very mysterious,
and there's evil lurking everywhere.
And dollars to doughnuts behind
it all is Professor Moriarty.
Give her money for a taxi.
Send her home.
You be nice now.
Will you be taking me
to mesmerizers next?
If you'll excuse us, hmm?
We'll be upstairs, Doctor.
I don't suppose there's any point
in asking you to go.
You don't mind if I get on with my work?
Oh, no. Go right ahead.
The usual procedure is to start
off with family questions.
Background data, childhood
recollections, traumas and the like.
Well, come, come.
Ask me anything you like.
I'm at your service.
What are you doing?
Just routine.
It wouldn't interest you.
Why don't we start off
with my father?
Why? Does it bother you
to talk about him?
Not in the least.
What would you like to know?
Ah, well, um, a stern man, wasn't he?
Aloof and cold?
I really couldn't say.
I don't remember him.
Well, uh, your mother
must've been a lovely woman.
What's your earliest memory of her?
I haven't any.
None? You don't remember her at all?
No more, I'd say,
than you remember yours.
Your father raised you,
didn't he?
I'd say he was a doctor too.
Country practice, Midwest.
You're not bad.
It isn't guesswork, either.
It's observation
of detail, deduction.
Couldn't that paper wait?
I often do two things at once.
If necessary,
I can manage three or four.
Now, about your wife. What wife?
You know, I have a feeling
you're resisting me.
Because I can't recall
a wife I never had?
Let's see now:
Kentucky pulp, rag content zero,
12-pound weight, produced
for Woolworth's, 39 a box.
That's interesting.
Do you really believe that paper
came from Woolworth's?
Where do you think it came from?
I have no opinion.
Yes, you do.
You think I'm wrong.
Well, I take it a great many
people think you're wrong.
Don't you have anything to do?
I'm doing it.
Now, what is that?
Is that a clue?
Yes, it is a clue.
Well, tell me about it.
I'm a patient, humble,
understanding man.
Why don't you come back next week, and I'll
play 20 questions with you all you like.
I love games. I always have.
But not today.
No, not when
it's life and death.
Are you in danger?
There's a master plan,
and that is the master clue.
It holds the date and time and place
where he lies waiting for me.
- Who?
- Professor Moriarty.
He taunts me, Doctor.
He could kill me anytime. He
has his agents everywhere.
But no. No. He wants another
kind of victory first.
Those two words, "twenty
grand," are a challenge,
and he wants to see me fail.
I've got to find their meaning
and be waiting, ready for him.
If I don't, I die.
I take it you've met
face to face before?
I really couldn't say.
The man is a master of disguise.
That's going to make him
very difficult to catch.
I wouldn't have him
any other way.
He's the greatest enemy a man could have.
He's everywhere!
Here, look.
Uh... "Girl Scout killed
crossing street."
Uh... "Grandmother raped
and beaten." Huh?
Uh... "Orphanage in flames,
five die."
"Excursion boat explodes." Who-Who
does these things? Who's responsible?
Well, they might be accidents.
I don't believe in accidents.
Take Mr. Small, for instance.
How did I bring that off?
'Cause there are
two laws in life.
All things are logical.
They must make sense.
And no things are ever
exactly what they seem.
Each accident
is part of a design.
And every object has
its secret side.
Was that how you did it?
Is it so insane?
Oh, I didn't use that word.
Yes, but you think it.
That's what brought you here.
No, I came here
because your brother...
You do have a brother,
don't you?
Blevins. Yes, of course.
You've remembered something
from your past.
I know all about my past,
and Blevins isn't in it.
He's not in
"The Speckled Band" or...
Check it out. I've been
completely written up.
Still, if he needs to think
we're brothers, let him use me.
I can answer when he calls me Justin.
After all, it's only a name.
Do many people call you Holmes?
No, scarcely anyone.
That must make you
very much alone.
It does that, but it
doesn't make me wrong.
I've listened to so many doctors
tell me who I am.
I've studied Justin Playfair. I've read
all his books, his papers, his decisions.
Everything he did.
He tried to make the world the
kind of place it might have been.
It drove him mad.
He lost his mind.
But I am not that man.
I'd like to visit you
from time to time.
What for?
I don't need doctoring.
Mr. Holmes...
Don't call me that.
You don't believe I'm Holmes.
- I won't be patronized.
- You don't have to snap at me.
A lunatic is entitled to his temper!
Go away!
I want to help you.
"Twenty grand." A sum of
money, but what else?
I'm on your side.
Nobody's on my side.
Ah, the whole world
is against you. Typical.
Now, when did this sense
of persecution start?
When you walked in.
If you're not careful,
I'm going to walk right out.
Woman, I have got to think! My
life depends on what I think.
Your life depends on me.
Well, God help me, then.
Oh! Put down
that ridiculous violin.
Holmes fiddles when he thinks.
That's awful.
But I absolutely cannot
play the goddamn thing!
Stop laughing at me.
- I'm not laughing.
- I'll show you.
That paper is real. Moriarty's real.
I am not mad.
You want to test me out?
Let's test me out on you.
Very well.
You'll tell me when I'm wrong.
I'll shake when wrong and nod
when right, like Mr. Small.
Are you ready? Go right ahead.
You're left-handed.
Your molars and incisors,
lower right, are false.
You tint your hair and
have a vitamin deficiency.
You were a tomboy and an only child.
Your adolescence was a nightmare.
And you didn't lose your
acne until your middle-20s.
You can neither cook nor sew, and your
apartment needs a thorough cleaning.
You suffer from insomnia and
sometimes drink yourself to sleep.
You think you're homely and
you're glad you're growing old.
You bite your nails. You're
frightened you're a failure,
but you're lost
without your work.
I've got more. Do you want it?
By all means.
You haven't any friends.
You have never been engaged.
No one you've loved
has ever loved you back.
You're stubborn and inflexible.
You've got a temper
that you can't control.
That suit is 10 years old, and you
annoy the living Jesus out of me.
Now it's my turn.
I'm going to stay right here.
Go, stay. What you do
doesn't interest me.
- The hell it doesn't.
- I forgot. You swear.
Listen, my name is Watson,
Mildred Watson.
I'm a doctor. I'm not beautiful
or rich or ambitious,
and about the only thing I
care about in life is to cure.
Now, I have offered you
what skills I have,
and in return you have fought and jeered
and tried to hurt me. But never mind.
I don't care.
All I feel is dedication.
Watson? Shut up. I
am not finished.
I am a dedicated doctor, sir, and
I will cure you if it kills me!
Watson? No, that's impossible.
I mean, good Lord, I am
the underdog, but this...
Are you quite sure
you're Dr. Watson?
You are to show up in my office
tomorrow morning at 10:00!
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
You just won't do.
There must be some mistake.
Here's my address.
Fool. Fool! It's an address!
Twenty Grand is an address.
Are you ready, Watson?
What? We haven't any time to lose.
Come on.
Well, aren't you coming with me?
It's going to be
my greatest case.
You wouldn't want to miss
the chance to write it up.
She'll come. She's coming.
There she is.
My chronicler
and good right arm.
Frankly, I'm a little
disappointed.
But if anyone can make a detective
out of you, I'm the man. Let's go.
Come along, Watson.
Where's your pluck?
Well, I ought to call
the clinic.
They'll never miss you.
Follow me.
We're coming for you, Moriarty.
We may not look like much. We may not have
your weapons. We may lack your dark allies.
Why, we may even lose.
I'm not invincible.
God knows she's no asset.
But together, sir,
we may surprise you.
Do your worst. We're on our way.
Watch out.
Where are we going? Grand
Street, naturally. 20 Grand.
What are we going to do
when we get there?
If I'm right, we'll find the
meaning of the master clue.
You can't just barge in.
I never barge.
I infiltrate. I filter. Here.
You better practice.
Walk like this.
What if it's somebody's home?
We'll visit.
Or a store? We'll browse.
What if somebody... I'll do
the thinking, thank you.
You're not practicing.
I can't afford to be seen creeping
along the street in broad daylight.
Well, you must be good
for something.
Are you any good with firearms?
Guns?
I don't suppose you know very much about
jiujitsu, either. No, you wouldn't.
If I'm such a liability, what do you
want me for? You mustn't feel inferior.
Try saying to yourself,
"I'm adequate."
Mr. Playfair, really.
Come on. Try.
I'm adequate. Good girl.
Here. Oh, great Caesar's ghost.
Strange things go on in
Greenwich Village. Take it.
It's not loaded, is it?
Well, I can't shoot down
Moriarty with imaginary shells.
Now, catlike, on your toes.
We've got to find the clue.
What if there isn't one?
There will be.
Moriarty won't disappoint me.
Well, if you don't know
what you're looking for...
Half the trick in finding clues
is knowing that they're there.
Ah!
Ah, we're getting closer now.
How innocent these houses look.
That's bad.
The worst things always
seem like innocence.
Look!
What do you think?
It's the telephone company.
Just the place he'd leave
a message for me.
You're not going
to cause a scene?
The essence of method
lies in quiet and surprise.
Can't we talk this over
in my office, please?
They're expecting us. Remember,
be prepared for anything.
Now, don't shoot unless
it's absolutely necessary.
Information. May I help you?
Please, you've got to talk to me.
You've got to listen.
Sorry, we may not divulge
that information.
You've just got
to help me find him.
Miss, I told you when you called. We
cannot give that information on the phone.
But that's why I came here.
I'm not on the phone now.
So you'll tell me, won't you?
I'm not allowed to talk to you.
We only give out information
on the telephone.
But you refused to give it
to me on the telephone.
I'm sorry. If you wanna talk to me,
you'll have to call me on the telephone.
All right. Where is the telephone?
Right there.
Listen to the misery.
That means we're getting close.
Let's see if there's a message.
Madam, the crash is out of town.
You need long distance
information.
Have you anything for me?
The input's on the fritz. I think
the rheostats are shorting.
You see? I knew
they were expecting us.
The game begins.
Oh, no. You can't do that.
My clue is inside.
Information. May I help you?
You've got to help me, please.
I don't know where he lives,
but we're in love.
He called me half an hour ago.
He just found out
he failed his bar exam.
He's taken sleeping pills.
He said good-bye. He's dying,
and he isn't in the phone book.
He's probably unlisted.
We've saved him.
What's his number?
Sorry, we may not divulge
unlisted numbers.
His address. Forget the number.
Give me his address.
I'm sorry. No addresses
on the telephone.
But I'm not on the telephone.
I'm here!
We only give out information
on the telephone.
I can't go on.
This is unendurable.
You there. Give me
the unlisted list.
Send a guard
to the information room.
You, then. At once.
- Why, you care.
- I do.
I'm finished here.
It doesn't matter. Here.
Take it.
Here, child.
My name is Grace.
I wish I had something beautiful
to give you.
But I don't.
Okay, girls, what's the trouble?
It's the repairman.
What repairman?
Mr. Playfair, do something.
Draw your pistol, Watson.
Keep him covered. I will not.
They got guns. Call the cops.
Right.
What's their number?
Fool. He's got my clue. Uh...
Excuse me, that magazine
you're holding.
Stop right there. I don't
suppose you'd let me see it.
It's a Double-Crostic.
I haven't finished it yet.
You know the crosswords
in the London Times?
Yeah, I-I heard about 'em.
They're the best.
Last Sunday. Here.
Have a look. Oh.
Oh. Oh!
Hello, police. Help, murder.
Aw. Run for it!
How do I know what precinct?
I can't call information.
I am information.
Watson, your first impression
of detective work.
You like it? No.
Good girl. I know how girls are.
"No" means "yes."
I haven't been a girl in 20 years,
and when I say no, I mean no!
You have any notion
of what you've done?
I found two clues: A Double-crostic
and a girl named Grace.
You could've jeopardized
my whole career.
Wasn't much of a career from what I
could see of it. Now, hold the phone.
Grace. What could Grace mean?
Do you realize that
I have been published?
And that I have three degrees.
And that I've... I've had a
Rockefeller and a Guggenheim.
A-And I've studied in Vienna.
Tuesday. It's tomorrow.
"Tuesday's child is full of grace."
We're meeting him tomorrow!
No, no, Mr. Playfair.
Listen. I'm no good
to you here. Really.
I-I can't work under these conditions.
Look at this place.
Okay, okay. What's going on?
Good morning, Officer.
Why, Mr. Rathbone.
It's an honor, sir.
They want you up the street
at number 20.
Ah, yes. I've just been there.
You're the ones. Quick thinking.
I wonder, if you see them later,
would you give this back?
Oh, I'd...
She's unorthodox,
I'll grant you.
If she didn't bring him here,
where are they?
Moseying along.
I expect they'll get here soon.
I've got to get
those papers signed.
She'll sign 'em. Yes, indeedy.
I didn't write that.
Someone did.
My brother.
Oh, that's just great!
He knows.
This nut knows all about me.
He'll be in a cell.
What can he do?
You get his money
if he dies, right?
Where's he at? He's disappeared.
All right, here's how it is.
You find him first,
it's the loony bin for life.
I find him first and...
Let's go!
Get that guy
in the hotel window.
He's got me pinned down.
Ah. Where are we?
Eh, last reel. The ambush scene.
Is that a screen back there?
We're five flights up.
I know. I counted 'em.
It's that vitamin deficiency. You
ought to eat more leafy things.
- Here, hold on. I know the way.
- Shh!
Oh, my God, Justin. Is he dead? He's
quite all right. He lives here.
What? All the time?
Except for Saturdays.
You see, we have no showers
in the men's room,
so he bathes
in Pennsylvania Station.
Here, uh, have a sweet.
Oh, man. Not again.
Do it again.
God, what are they doing?
Shut your trap
and watch the movie!
It's all right, Maud.
She's with me.
Why, Mr. Holmes.
Oh, you missed a lovely
one yesterday.
Oh, it's good to have you back, sir.
Thank you, Maud. Have some
popcorn while it's hot.
No, thank you.
What's wrong? Nothing.
Well, we missed lunch. You
really ought to have something.
I'm an adult.
I can feed myself, all right?
Oh, sorry. No offense.
Just watch the movie, all right?
Watson?
Why so moody?
You're not watching. You can't see
a thing without your glasses.
Watson? Yes.
Regardless of your feelings
on the matter, I...
have enjoyed
collaborating with you,
and I'm very pleased
that you're here.
I wouldn't be here
except for the police.
Yes, I am sorry about that.
What am I going to do with you?
You might try smiling. Nothing
much, just once a day or so.
I will have some candy.
Help yourself.
Oh, it's Jujyfruits.
I broke three sets
of braces on those.
She'll be there!
She'll save you!
God bless you, Barbara Stanwyck.
You want to know something?
You were right about
my adolescence.
It was awful.
And my apartment is a mess,
and I can't cook.
You like the movies, hmm?
Only westerns.
All the other doctors
found it most amusing.
I don't find it amusing,
just curious.
It isn't even that.
If you look closely down there,
Watson, you can see principles.
You see the possibility
of justice and proportion.
You can see men move
their own lives.
There are no masses
in Virginia City.
Only individuals whose will
for good for bad...
can bring them to the ends
they ought to have.
I like that very much.
Why did I have to meet you now?
What's wrong with now? We're
together, and we're after Moriarty.
There isn't any Moriarty.
There is!
You dreamt him up!
If I am Holmes, there has
got to be a Moriarty.
Well, what if you're not Holmes?
Let me see now. One word left blank.
"Electric News," 11 letters.
Justin, I want to help you.
Would you please
just let me try?
Think, man!
Oh, man.
Man, I gotta groove or blow my mind.
Let's go someplace and groove.
Oh, let's groove here.
Groovy. Groovy.
What's groove?
My god!
Madam, you are creating
a disturbance. Shh!
- But they're grooving!
- Madam, I warned you. Usher!
Usher!
- Hey, this woman's the fuzz. I'm gonna bust her one.
- No, I'm not. No.
This woman woke me up.
You makin' trouble, huh?
No, I'm not.
- Shh!
- Out! Out!
No! Justin! Okay, mom.
I've got it! Watson, quick.
Where is my shoe?
Why, it's Mr. Holmes.
We're coming, Moriarty!
Ew, all this gum.
It's like a swamp.
Stop dawdling!
I think they're growing mushrooms.
Damn it, Watson.
Justin, give me my shoe!
My shoe!
Against the wall. Get back.
I will not! This is idiotic.
Quiet!
I've got a run in my stocking.
Creep forward.
My feet hurt. Shut up.
I want my shoe!
You want to get us killed?
No, just one of us. I've
got a blister on my foot.
Holmes, you are fantastic.
"Electric news," 11 letters.
Times Square.
Yes. Just the sort
of place he'd...
Now, if I were Moriarty,
where would I...
Let's try him. Why him?
You never know.
I'd like a bag
of chestnuts, please.
I'm out of chestnuts. Odd. I
took you for a chestnut man.
I am a chestnut man. A chestnut
man who's out of chestnuts?
That's the picture.
There's no chestnuts.
We're in luck. When is the
professor going to strike?
Tomorrow sometime.
Check the papers.
Midnight.
We meet tomorrow midnight.
It's not Moriarty who's striking.
It's Columbia.
He had to get the
message to me somehow.
Now, the clue that
leads us to the place.
He'd put it somewhere obvious but...
unexpected.
My clue, my clue.
Oh, my God!
Taxi! Taxi!
Taxi!
Help!
- I'm off duty. Can't you read?
- Your sign says on.
Tough. I'm going back
to the garage.
Listen, I'm a doctor, this is an
emergency, and you can stuff it!
Oh, he hurt you.
Nonsense. Never better.
Like a rock.
No, you look awful. Here.
Wait a minute. Here.
You look a little shot yourself.
No, it's all right.
I'll be all right in a minute.
Here. Have a nip.
I don't know what came over me.
Drink up.
I have never been like that
before in my life. Honestly.
I don't know what
you must think of me.
I think I'll make a detective
out of you yet.
Hey, no boozin' in my hack!
Speak when you're spoken to.
You came through
very nicely back there.
I'd like to thank you
for defending me.
I didn't defend you. I attacked them.
There's a difference.
It's all the same.
I wish you'd stop thanking
me for everything I do.
You are the touchy one, aren't you? You
don't want anyone to owe you anything.
Perhaps you ought
to be the analyst.
Here. What do you make of it?
God, you're just like
Don Quixote.
You think everything
is always something else.
Well, he had a point. Of course,
he carried it a bit too far.
That's all. He thought that
every windmill was a giant.
That's insane.
But thinking
that they might be...
Well, all the best minds
used to think the world was flat.
But what if it isn't?
It might be round.
And bread mold might
be medicine.
If we never looked at things and thought of what
they might be, why we'd all still be out...
in the tall grass with the apes.
Look, are we cruising,
taking in the sights, or what?
Sixth Avenue and 10th. And if you
want a nickel tip, keep talking.
Hey, wait a minute! My shoe!
Oh, to hell with it.
Where are we?
What is this place?
Wilbur. Wilbur.
Your latest text on sanitation,
if you please.
I'll get it, Mr. Holmes.
We're closing in. This time,
with any luck, he's mine.
You're meeting Moriarty?
It's happening at last.
Oh, this creature has
attached herself to me.
You talk to her.
Yes. I'm Dr. Watson.
How do you do?
Oh, how nice.
No, I am Dr. Watson.
Would you like to see
my driver's license?
He's waited for you
such a long time.
I'm so glad he's found you.
Listen, I'm his doctor.
I'm a licensed analyst.
Of course you are, my dear.
There. "Dr. Watson."
Dr. Watson. Dr. Mildred Watson.
"Dr. Watson." It's me.
And now I've got you all upset.
I'm sorry, Doctor.
Who does he think you are,
Lestrade of Scotland Yard?
He calls me Wilbur. It's my name.
Wilbur Peabody.
You don't know what I've been through.
And look at him!
Oblivious. He's like that
when he concentrates.
Have you known him very long?
For over 30 years,
since he was very small.
Oh, he was such
a serious young man.
The dustier the book,
the more he studied it.
Now he studies guns,
fisticuffs, acrobatics.
Have you been hired
to cure him, Doctor?
Just the opposite, I think.
I'm not quite sure I understand.
I'm not quite sure I do, either.
I've got my work! I'm busy!
And I'm satisfied.
And I've got a perfectly
fascinating schizoid case at 8:00.
If I hurry, I'll make it.
Nothing. Damn!
Garbage.
Yes, it's garbage. That's all it is.
Garbage!
And I've had enough.
What's wrong with you?
I've lost my shoe. I've got
a gun in my pocketbook.
One minute you're all smiles,
and the next...
I'm going back
to where I belong.
The clinic?
Yes, the clinic.
And they're gonna put you in there, and
there's nothing I can do about it.
I cannot help you, because
I cannot make you well!
You don't think I'm insane.
Not you.
I'm Holmes.
I am Sherlock Holmes!
I've got a patient waiting.
I'm a doctor. I heal the sick!
Watson! Watson!
Silly woman. Go ahead!
I've always been alone.
- Wilbur?
- Yes, Mr. Holmes?
What does garbage in a
shopping bag suggest to you?
But I'm much too old.
I never think of you as old.
Neither do I.
But every morning when I see that old
face peering at me from the glass,
I count my years, I tote 'em up,
and sure enough, I come out old.
You don't want me.
Well, I don't...
I don't want anyone.
I have my errand.
I have Moriarty.
Come on, Professor.
Strike me now!
You see?
I frighten him.
He knows what I can do.
Wilbur?
Yes?
She went away
in stockinged feet.
- Watson!
- Lord have mercy, Doctor.
Seemed like you
done disappeared.
I got the police out
lookin' for you.
Listen, it's late,
and I'm tired, okay?
Well, I'm mighty weary waitin'
for that paranoid of yours.
Quick like a bunny now, you bring
him in and sign these papers.
He's not here.
You're joshin' me.
I left him in the reading room.
And as for signing papers, you
can stick 'em in your ear!
Lookee here now, Mildred. If you
wanna lose your job, you're gonna...
Heinrich, you've got
yourself a deal!
What's the matter?
Nothing much.
What are you doing here?
I had an urge to read.
Fascinating book.
What's wrong, Holmes?
Are you ill?
That is the question.
You're my final friend.
Do you know that?
You're the last.
Where's Dr. Watson?
- Tell me something offhand.
- She won't leave you.
I've spent quite a lot
of time researching.
This is the perfect
place for me.
Who's Who?
No, not for me, for him.
I have to be very clear
on that point.
What you need is some breakfast.
Would you like a jelly doughnut?
Listen.
Here he is, Playfair, Justin.
Born New York City, 1923.
Harvard College, Harvard Law.
Thesis published, '48.
Married, 1950.
Lucy Clark.
Pretty name, Lucy.
Lucy.
Lucy.
Just a name.
Doesn't mean anything.
There are his accomplishments.
Why, he's a happy man.
And proud.
For Christ's sake,
which is my life?
I've got some chicken broth.
You haven't answered me.
I'll heat it up.
I can't remember childhood.
I have no past.
That's not so bad.
There's got to be more
in here than Moriarty.
I dreamed it all.
That must be it.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
What's wrong with being Sherlock
Holmes, I'd like to know?
Sometimes I wish to God...
You do?
A fop by day,
but after dark,
I ride.
Abuse the meek, will you?
Have that!
Who am I? Ha!
Is he in heaven? Is he in hell?
That damned elusive Pimpernel.
What's that?
You want to see
the face behind the mask?
This is the face.
- I think that's beautiful.
- Thank you.
And now I think I'll call up
Dr. Watson.
Please don't do that.
I-I couldn't face her.
I've been stuck in the
goddamn subway for an hour!
Justin, thank heaven.
I'm busy. Go away.
I couldn't sleep. I've been so worried.
Look at that.
They've been searching
for you every place.
Blevins wants your money, and
he's gonna lock you up to get it.
Now, here's my plan.
Do you think I'm Holmes,
or don't you?
I'm sorry, but it's the only
point I've got!
All right, I'll tell you what.
I'll challenge you.
First we'll search for garbage, and
then we'll put the heat on Blevins.
Is that fair enough?
You're patronizing me again.
I'm Watson!
I'm here, ready for the chase.
Now, come on.
A shopping bag full of garbage.
Think. The city dump.
No, that's much too obvious.
Now, this one said,
"Back to school."
That must be the way
to solve it... schools.
How many different kinds
of schools are there?
Library school?
I like you, Doctor.
There's public,
private, parochial...
- Prep.
- Rabbinical.
- Charm.
- And schools of fish. Why have you come?
To save your neck.
- You care for me?
- I care for all my patients.
Ha. Florence Nightingale.
You're damn right.
Drama school. And music school.
- Grammar.
- High.
- Dance.
- Military.
- Cooking.
- Charm.
You said that. I did not!
Well, we can't be out of schools.
Let's name some more.
That's it. It's a name.
The bag's a name.
Someone named Bag
has got to have a school.
Come on, now.
What kind of a name is Bag?
What difference does it make? Wilbur,
quick, a telephone directory.
Right away. I like you, Watson.
You have qualities.
I suppose I do.
May I be frank? I'm very glad you're here.
I like you very much.
Regular classified.
Ah, good man.
This won't take a minute.
I could use that jelly doughnut.
Wilbur, if anybody should ask
you, you haven't seen us.
Ah, I've got it!
I was right again!
Quick, Watson.
We're gaining on you, Moriarty!
After you.
She came back.
You ready?
Well, what if we get separated?
Yes, we need a rendezvous.
Well, why don't we meet at my apartment?
Good idea.
I'll even cook you supper.
Now, try looking academic.
We're two students
come to register.
It must be some kind of academy.
Where is it?
Up these stairs. Stay close.
Don't lose me.
This door hasn't been used
in 20 years.
Make that 30.
Strange.
Maybe our clue is out here.
A pigeon with
a message, possibly.
Don't!
We are going to matriculate.
This may be a trap.
Uh, nice sort of school.
Just our kind of place.
Keep your pistol ready.
Ah, good afternoon.
Is this the bursar's office?
Who are you?
Holmes and, uh, Watson.
Oh.
But I thought you were dead.
I came back in the sequel.
Oh.
My, is that quincunx
your design?
Yes, it is.
Oh, it's magnificent.
Sir, you're a genius.
Yes, I am.
You're just in time for tea.
We'll meet you by
the basket, my dear.
We haven't put a foot
outside since 1939.
We didn't like the look
of things out there.
So, we bought every kind
of vegetable seed.
- Shut down the school.
- Well, we didn't have any pupils, anyway.
And ever since,
we've been very happy.
Except for one thing.
Nobody's ever seen our work.
We don't know if it's any good.
But you did recognize
a quincunx when you saw one.
Would...
Would you criticize our garden?
- We'd be honored.
- Oh.
And this we call our
bird of paradise.
Mr. Playfair.
- Who are you?
- We're friends... of Blevins.
- No, you're not.
- We've come to take you for a ride.
You've got a pistol in your pocket.
Keep it there.
Run for the hall and keep going!
Aaah!
Cover me.
- Brutes.
- Savages! Savages!
Murderer!
Whatever you are, don't burn!
Melt, damn you.
It's foggy and damp
here in New York.
The temperature at Central Park
is 45 degrees.
Humidity, 84%.
Winds out of the east at a
brisk 10 miles per hour...
gusting up to 15.
Oh, God.
Tonight's forecast calls for
rapidly dropping temperatures,
heavy fog and a chance
for some more light showers.
Oh, thank God.
Some women do this every day.
Oh, I'm not dressed.
They never think to
watch the fire escape.
What's the matter?
Nothing is the matter, and
don't look at me, please.
You don't look
any worse than usual.
Would you just go away?
They're lovely.
I wish they were.
It's been some time since
anyone bought me flowers.
Uh, new dress?
Olive oil, hmm. Very chic.
Oh, yes, uh... Uh, dinner's cold.
Sorry I'm so late. Oh, no,
it hasn't warmed up yet.
I'd have been here sooner, but
the clue was most complex.
I have worked out where we're
meeting him, though it wasn't easy.
Where is the bar?
Oh, it's in the oven. Oh...
Oh, I'm sorry.
I have to use the oven for storage
'cause it's such a small apartment.
Very sensible.
Uh, we're just going
to have a simple supper.
Plain home cooking.
- Yes, I see.
- That's right. Go ahead and make fun of it.
That insecurity of yours.
I know.
I like your house.
It's nice. It's just like you.
You know, somehow that just
misses being flattery.
I haven't got a vase.
I think the beans are burning.
Oh, no. That... That's soup.
Well, are the drinks ready?
After you.
Oh, here.
Oh, thank you.
Well, here we are.
We're having wine with dinner.
Ah, very civilized.
Ice on crystal.
Good sound, isn't it?
Well, it's not crystal. Oh.
Your-Your good health.
You know, I... I really should
have taken you out to dinner.
Oh, no. It's good
for me to cook.
Well, when this case is over,
we'll have plenty of time for
going out to the theater...
and fashionable places and
all that sort of thing.
I was thinking earlier,
a little recreation.
Why don't we set
a date right now?
Would you be free
tomorrow night?
Actually those fashionable
places can be very tedious,
and I might embarrass you.
I-I don't think I would,
uh, fit in.
There's no denying that.
Of course I have an awful lot of costumes.
I could change.
It's a foolish notion, even so.
No-No offense.
Tomorrow?
Do you mean tomorrow night?
Do you dance? Uh, well, I
haven't in years. Uh, do you?
I don't know. I can't remember.
Let's find out. No, let's not.
I'd really rather not. Come on.
I-I'd only stumble.
Nobody's watching.
Come on. Don't be scared. Uh...
You're doing fine.
Well, I'm a natural athlete.
Oh, I beg your pardon. Oh.
Well, maybe we both need
a little more practice.
Just think of all the dancing
we can do once this is over.
Do you play checkers?
I'm a whiz.
Ah. There's so many things
you need two people for.
I'll teach you billiards too.
We'll, uh,
sip our port and read aloud.
I'm here. I'm right beside you.
Oh, please. Can you hear me?
Oh, dear God.
You can't do this to me.
Holmes!
Oh, my Holmes, you can't die!
You're some doctor.
Get off my chest.
I'm having trouble breathing.
Oh, I'm sor... You're alive!
You called me Holmes.
- I did?
- You don't look so good.
I'll get my bag.
I tell you, Watson,
I expected better of him.
It's beneath the Moriarty
I've always known.
You ought to be in bed.
Don't worry, Watson.
Tip-top shape.
No, no, no, no.
Let me look at you.
No time for that.
We've got to mobilize.
We're staying right here.
It isn't safe here.
But at our rendezvous at
midnight, I'll be ready.
Someone's going to die tonight.
It might be me.
Oh, Watson, no one's as black
as he or half as quick.
He is perfection.
You can tell a lot about
a man by his enemies.
I'm proud he wants me dead.
Hold still.
We've got so much to do.
Hershey Kisses.
Out the back.
Wilbur. Wilbur!
Holmes, you startled me.
I've solved it all.
Here is where he will be.
What's that you got?
It was a white plume once.
We're meeting Moriarty at midnight.
Will you wear it?
What's up?
I'm helping
one poor nut escape...
if it's the last
damn thing I do.
I want you.
Is there romance,
excitement, danger?
All in glorious Technicolor.
Your house is right around the corner.
They'll be watching.
Back.
Daisy! Oh, it's you.
Guess what. I'm leaving Blevins.
I'm glad to hear it. I married him for
love, but I don't love him anymore.
Hot dog!
You miserable...
Maud!
Why, Mr. Holmes.
What's the matter?
There are no more westerns.
Dear friends,
will those of you who know what this
is all about please raise your hands.
I think...
if God is dead,
he laughed himself to death.
Because, you see,
we live in Eden.
Genesis has got it all wrong.
We've never left the garden.
Look about you.
It's hard to find,
I grant you, but it is here.
Under our feet.
Beneath the surface. All around
us is everything we want.
The earth is shining
under the soot.
We're all fools.
But together,
you and I, tonight,
we'll bring him... down.
Nobody came.
I don't much blame them.
Turn it backwards,
and you'll see the sense.
Suppose we took
the shopping bag.
What kind of garden
would we take it to?
Wow.
We're here.
What happens now?
We'll wait.
Well, I'm not afraid
if you're not.
It's starting.
He's out there, somewhere.
Crouching, steady, cold.
He never sweats, you know.
Is pride a sin, Holmes?
Because I'm proud of you.
Control yourself.
Cross your fingers.
That makes nine.
I love you.
This week only,
loin of pork,
79 cents per pound.
Delicious, tender sirloin
steaks, 89 cents a pound.
Lean boiled ham,
99 cents a pound.
Fresh frying chickens,
29 cents a pound.
Fresh ground beef,
49 cents a pound.
Delicious, tender...
sirloin steaks...
at 89 cents per pound.
God.
Moriarty? I'm here.
I mean, in budapest,
I think I saw mostly.
The inside of the concert hall
and the marriott.
But, you know,
I shouldn't complain.
I'm patient. I can wait.
I've misread the clue.
But if twenty grand
was a number,
then the clue might be...
The number on the door at Dr.
Bagg's. What was it?
Sixty-seven. Right, but 67 what?
What else was twenty grand?
A horse. A racehorse!
Watson, you're a genius.
Well, add it up.
A horse, a school and 67.
It's a riding school
at 67th street!
God, there is one.
Just off Central Park.
It's all done now. You are a detective.
Here we go.
You put her in a big bowl,
at least a gallon.
Get a good bubbler,
maybe a plecostomus.
And don't feed her too much.
I'm ready.
Do you really mean to walk with me?
I do.
He believes jimmy transposed
the address numbers.
Transposed the numbers?
How would he even do that?
We may have to walk near
dangers, close to awful things.
I know that.
If there's one thing
I cannot abide,
It's a man who won't
own up to his mistakes.
Now, whatever mud mcgill
is slinging he's not gonna.
Screw me out of the best
outside counsel I've ever had.
They blot the sun out
for miles around.
I may not always win.
Does justice ever lose?
It does, from time to time.
We'll meet him here.
Get down.
Somewhere...
I'm not afraid,
because you're with me.
I can't remember how
I lived before you came.
Oh, Holmes, I love you.
Listen.
What?
It's him. It's Moriarty.
There's nothing.
Now. He's coming.
On horseback,
riding like a king.
I can't hear.
Not on my knees.
There's nothing.
There's nothing!
On your feet by me.
A sound, please.
Just a little sound.
Stand up.
Holmes, he's not there.
There isn't any Moriarty,
it's just...
You hear it?
They're nearer.
Nearer.
Ah, now, there. Do you see him now?
Not yet.
Yes.
And he wanted to help.
That's sanctimonious.
He's everything you said he was.
He makes you proud.
He does.
Stand closer to me.
Hold my hand.
And now we're together. Yes.
Jimmy.
You do realize
you just confessed to a felony?
I guess.
Let it be said he found us
very close together...
in the light.
Bad news, I guess.
Sign here, please.
What? Here.
Where it says, "received by."
My brother's lost his mind.
The doctor says it's permanent.
I'm putting him away.
The minute he's committed, I'll be rich.
I'm his executor.
I'll handle all his money.
I'll start now.
I'll get commitment papers signed.
That's easy.
But a judgment from a court takes time.
I don't get paid
if you don't sign.
Are you from them,
or are you just a messenger?
Who are you, anyway?
I'll find out for you, if you like.
Oh, it's of no consequence,
old sport. Don't bother.
As you wish.
Doesn't anybody sign this?
I'll be glad to. Oh, thank you.
Don't you have a handkerchief?
Not on my salary.
Oh, thank you.
By the way,
you suffer from lumbago.
You're hagridden by your wife,
you keep a sheepdog for a pet,
and you had chicken soup
for breakfast.
I just love it when you do that.
Yes, he's a messenger,
all right. Ahh!
Blackmail.
Just what I've been waiting for.
"Never!
Not one penny!"
- Really, Justin.
- Don't be frightened. I'll protect you.
Here. Give them this.
Oh, if that's a message,
I've gotta charge you for it, sir.
Give that dog of yours
more, uh, meat.
I think he's got pellagra.
Oh, bless you, sir. Bless you.
Don't touch it. It's my clue.
I, uh, shan't be up for lunch.
We're going to the clinic.
If you need me, I'll be downstairs
in the laboratory. Wait!
The clinic?
Oh, not another specialist.
I'm always so afraid
they'll make him well.
I like him this way.
Get him, will you, Daisy?
Something's wrong. I know it.
I can always tell
when something's wrong.
You're in awful trouble,
aren't you?
Just go get him.
Oh, you were such a nice man
when I married you.
Do what I tell you to.
I've had enough.
We're going straight
to Dr. Strauss.
Land sakes alive.
There isn't any doubt, is there?
My goodness. No, indeedy.
He's incurably psychotic.
That means he's committable?
And then some.
Is there room here for him?
Always room for one more,
Mr. Playfair.
Especially for kin of yours.
You see, there's a spider
up there.
There.
He's got huge teeth,
and he's coming at me!
Doctor. He's coming at me.
He's coming at me!
Doctor. Mildred.
Oh! Now, is that what
your dream was like?
- Mildred. Mildred.
- Dr. Strauss, I am with a patient!
This here is Mr. Playfair,
an important member of our board.
How do you do, Mr. Playfair?
I'm sorry, but I'm busy right now.
It's about my brother.
He's a hopeless paranoid.
Is that your
medical opinion, sir?
It's the consensus
of your staff.
He has a sizable estate
he isn't fit to handle.
It's my duty to commit him,
and, uh,
I need your signature.
Without examining the patient?
That was never in my mind.
He's upstairs waiting.
Well, I have another
patient waiting.
Have them bring him down.
This gentleman is Mr. Small.
We're having some trouble
getting him to verbalize.
Is that correct, Mr. Small?
He can speak, but he just won't.
Now, Mr. Small cannot afford
to go to another doctor.
All my life I have worked with
people who have no place else to go.
I'm sorry to seem unreasonable.
But if you want me,
you'll have to wait for me.
I expect you better finish
with him later, Mildred.
Dr. Strauss, you are a money raiser.
Go and raise money!
I am a doctor.
Leave me to my work!
Nurse, take him to the ward.
He stays with me.
Now, ma'am, you are
flouting my authority.
It's all right.
Y'all take this poor
unfortunate away, you hear?
Not in my office, you don't!
- That's an order!
- No. Oh, Mr. Small!
Mr. Small! Oh!
Oh!
Oh, no. Oh! Oh.
Oh, you fool!
You've ruined weeks of work.
You ape!
Get that thing off of him.
Release that man.
No one belongs in one of those.
If you please. Hah! Esh! Hah!
Hyah!
A classic paranoid. Fantastic.
I don't think
I've ever done it better.
Well, now.
They'll think twice next time.
Are you all right?
Who let this happen?
Who's in charge here?
Mr. Small, I'm so sorry.
Can you forgive me?
Don't let her off so lightly.
Is she decent to you?
You like her?
She didn't do this
to you, then, hmm?
Who did?
- You did.
- I guess you're really Sherlock Holmes.
You don't at all. You think I'm mad.
You analysts are all alike.
Thinks you're mad, too,
I suppose, huh?
Why? Because you won't talk?
Huh. Typical.
Why is it analysts
can't ever analyze?
Don't tell me you've deduced
what's wrong with Mr. Small.
Not yet. I can do if you like.
Will you nod when I'm right?
Now, why should an obviously
proper gentleman refuse to talk?
Because he hasn't been
introduced.
We don't know who you are, but
once we do know, then you'll talk.
Now, where is the logic?
Think. He can talk,
but he won't.
The silence is the clue.
No coaching, please.
I work by pure deduction.
Now, who was silent?
Who had everything but sound?
The mutes of history? No,
they couldn't talk. He can.
A monk with vows of silence!
No, no. No sound, no sound.
Why, the early movies.
Why, the man's
a silent film star.
Which one? The most unlikely one.
It's only logical.
That means he's brave, hmm?
A man of action.
Stern, aloof, yet passionate.
By God. Rudolph Valentino.
Sherlock Holmes.
An honor, sir.
I've read your books. I'm
really quite a fan of yours.
I'll be damned.
Tell him how much you
liked him in The Sheik.
- This is ridiculous.
- You didn't like me?
Oh, no, no. You were very good.
I wish we had you
on the staff here.
You could use me.
Well, I must be off.
My best to Vilma Bnky.
Ah, ah, couldn't we just sit down and talk?
We could discuss your work.
I'm very sorry.
I'm a terribly busy man.
I don't have time
to be examined.
Are you working on a case? Better
save your strength for Mr. Small.
Chances are he isn't really Valentino.
Well, I like that. No offense.
I have daily office hours. If you
feel the need of a consultation,
please feel free to call
for an appointment.
Yes.
Yes, no clues of any kind.
It all points to Moriarty.
If only all the tests
are negative.
Damn.
Justin? Ten-to-one that moron
doctor wants to see me.
Someone's here
who wants to see you.
Holmes, why are you never wrong?
Really, Doctor,
do you have to see him?
Oh, absolutely. One good
session with him. I insist.
May we come in?
Right this way.
Amazing. Classic paranoia.
What an opportunity.
It's really sort of cozy.
Did he do all this himself?
Oh, I helped a little.
He's not here.
He's probably hiding.
Does he have a hiding place?
A secret panel. How'd you know?
Oh, they always do.
He'll come out when he's ready.
You say he used to be a lawyer, huh?
And a judge.
He was a brilliant man.
It's just marvelous.
Oh, we shopped at Abercrombie's.
You'll just have to forgive me,
but I haven't seen
a classic since, oh,
the spring of '59.
They're very rare, you know.
How long has he been
Sherlock Holmes?
Since Lucy... Uh, since his wife died.
For about a year.
And how long does
each attack go on?
Oh, all day, every day.
He's never Justin anymore.
Do you remember when
the symptoms first started?
That's hard to say.
He was a great reformer.
Always out to make
things better, Justin was.
He, uh, lived on books.
Detective fiction mostly.
You don't think you can cure him,
do you?
Cure a classic?
Once in a generation.
It's a marvelous disease,
you know.
The victim's faculties
grow keener,
and-and ultrasensitive.
And he's capable of things
that seem like genius.
Where's the secret panel?
Oh, he won't tell us.
Watch, I'll bring him out.
You see, the classic
changes his identity.
And everything is very mysterious,
and there's evil lurking everywhere.
And dollars to doughnuts behind
it all is Professor Moriarty.
Give her money for a taxi.
Send her home.
You be nice now.
Will you be taking me
to mesmerizers next?
If you'll excuse us, hmm?
We'll be upstairs, Doctor.
I don't suppose there's any point
in asking you to go.
You don't mind if I get on with my work?
Oh, no. Go right ahead.
The usual procedure is to start
off with family questions.
Background data, childhood
recollections, traumas and the like.
Well, come, come.
Ask me anything you like.
I'm at your service.
What are you doing?
Just routine.
It wouldn't interest you.
Why don't we start off
with my father?
Why? Does it bother you
to talk about him?
Not in the least.
What would you like to know?
Ah, well, um, a stern man, wasn't he?
Aloof and cold?
I really couldn't say.
I don't remember him.
Well, uh, your mother
must've been a lovely woman.
What's your earliest memory of her?
I haven't any.
None? You don't remember her at all?
No more, I'd say,
than you remember yours.
Your father raised you,
didn't he?
I'd say he was a doctor too.
Country practice, Midwest.
You're not bad.
It isn't guesswork, either.
It's observation
of detail, deduction.
Couldn't that paper wait?
I often do two things at once.
If necessary,
I can manage three or four.
Now, about your wife. What wife?
You know, I have a feeling
you're resisting me.
Because I can't recall
a wife I never had?
Let's see now:
Kentucky pulp, rag content zero,
12-pound weight, produced
for Woolworth's, 39 a box.
That's interesting.
Do you really believe that paper
came from Woolworth's?
Where do you think it came from?
I have no opinion.
Yes, you do.
You think I'm wrong.
Well, I take it a great many
people think you're wrong.
Don't you have anything to do?
I'm doing it.
Now, what is that?
Is that a clue?
Yes, it is a clue.
Well, tell me about it.
I'm a patient, humble,
understanding man.
Why don't you come back next week, and I'll
play 20 questions with you all you like.
I love games. I always have.
But not today.
No, not when
it's life and death.
Are you in danger?
There's a master plan,
and that is the master clue.
It holds the date and time and place
where he lies waiting for me.
- Who?
- Professor Moriarty.
He taunts me, Doctor.
He could kill me anytime. He
has his agents everywhere.
But no. No. He wants another
kind of victory first.
Those two words, "twenty
grand," are a challenge,
and he wants to see me fail.
I've got to find their meaning
and be waiting, ready for him.
If I don't, I die.
I take it you've met
face to face before?
I really couldn't say.
The man is a master of disguise.
That's going to make him
very difficult to catch.
I wouldn't have him
any other way.
He's the greatest enemy a man could have.
He's everywhere!
Here, look.
Uh... "Girl Scout killed
crossing street."
Uh... "Grandmother raped
and beaten." Huh?
Uh... "Orphanage in flames,
five die."
"Excursion boat explodes." Who-Who
does these things? Who's responsible?
Well, they might be accidents.
I don't believe in accidents.
Take Mr. Small, for instance.
How did I bring that off?
'Cause there are
two laws in life.
All things are logical.
They must make sense.
And no things are ever
exactly what they seem.
Each accident
is part of a design.
And every object has
its secret side.
Was that how you did it?
Is it so insane?
Oh, I didn't use that word.
Yes, but you think it.
That's what brought you here.
No, I came here
because your brother...
You do have a brother,
don't you?
Blevins. Yes, of course.
You've remembered something
from your past.
I know all about my past,
and Blevins isn't in it.
He's not in
"The Speckled Band" or...
Check it out. I've been
completely written up.
Still, if he needs to think
we're brothers, let him use me.
I can answer when he calls me Justin.
After all, it's only a name.
Do many people call you Holmes?
No, scarcely anyone.
That must make you
very much alone.
It does that, but it
doesn't make me wrong.
I've listened to so many doctors
tell me who I am.
I've studied Justin Playfair. I've read
all his books, his papers, his decisions.
Everything he did.
He tried to make the world the
kind of place it might have been.
It drove him mad.
He lost his mind.
But I am not that man.
I'd like to visit you
from time to time.
What for?
I don't need doctoring.
Mr. Holmes...
Don't call me that.
You don't believe I'm Holmes.
- I won't be patronized.
- You don't have to snap at me.
A lunatic is entitled to his temper!
Go away!
I want to help you.
"Twenty grand." A sum of
money, but what else?
I'm on your side.
Nobody's on my side.
Ah, the whole world
is against you. Typical.
Now, when did this sense
of persecution start?
When you walked in.
If you're not careful,
I'm going to walk right out.
Woman, I have got to think! My
life depends on what I think.
Your life depends on me.
Well, God help me, then.
Oh! Put down
that ridiculous violin.
Holmes fiddles when he thinks.
That's awful.
But I absolutely cannot
play the goddamn thing!
Stop laughing at me.
- I'm not laughing.
- I'll show you.
That paper is real. Moriarty's real.
I am not mad.
You want to test me out?
Let's test me out on you.
Very well.
You'll tell me when I'm wrong.
I'll shake when wrong and nod
when right, like Mr. Small.
Are you ready? Go right ahead.
You're left-handed.
Your molars and incisors,
lower right, are false.
You tint your hair and
have a vitamin deficiency.
You were a tomboy and an only child.
Your adolescence was a nightmare.
And you didn't lose your
acne until your middle-20s.
You can neither cook nor sew, and your
apartment needs a thorough cleaning.
You suffer from insomnia and
sometimes drink yourself to sleep.
You think you're homely and
you're glad you're growing old.
You bite your nails. You're
frightened you're a failure,
but you're lost
without your work.
I've got more. Do you want it?
By all means.
You haven't any friends.
You have never been engaged.
No one you've loved
has ever loved you back.
You're stubborn and inflexible.
You've got a temper
that you can't control.
That suit is 10 years old, and you
annoy the living Jesus out of me.
Now it's my turn.
I'm going to stay right here.
Go, stay. What you do
doesn't interest me.
- The hell it doesn't.
- I forgot. You swear.
Listen, my name is Watson,
Mildred Watson.
I'm a doctor. I'm not beautiful
or rich or ambitious,
and about the only thing I
care about in life is to cure.
Now, I have offered you
what skills I have,
and in return you have fought and jeered
and tried to hurt me. But never mind.
I don't care.
All I feel is dedication.
Watson? Shut up. I
am not finished.
I am a dedicated doctor, sir, and
I will cure you if it kills me!
Watson? No, that's impossible.
I mean, good Lord, I am
the underdog, but this...
Are you quite sure
you're Dr. Watson?
You are to show up in my office
tomorrow morning at 10:00!
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
You just won't do.
There must be some mistake.
Here's my address.
Fool. Fool! It's an address!
Twenty Grand is an address.
Are you ready, Watson?
What? We haven't any time to lose.
Come on.
Well, aren't you coming with me?
It's going to be
my greatest case.
You wouldn't want to miss
the chance to write it up.
She'll come. She's coming.
There she is.
My chronicler
and good right arm.
Frankly, I'm a little
disappointed.
But if anyone can make a detective
out of you, I'm the man. Let's go.
Come along, Watson.
Where's your pluck?
Well, I ought to call
the clinic.
They'll never miss you.
Follow me.
We're coming for you, Moriarty.
We may not look like much. We may not have
your weapons. We may lack your dark allies.
Why, we may even lose.
I'm not invincible.
God knows she's no asset.
But together, sir,
we may surprise you.
Do your worst. We're on our way.
Watch out.
Where are we going? Grand
Street, naturally. 20 Grand.
What are we going to do
when we get there?
If I'm right, we'll find the
meaning of the master clue.
You can't just barge in.
I never barge.
I infiltrate. I filter. Here.
You better practice.
Walk like this.
What if it's somebody's home?
We'll visit.
Or a store? We'll browse.
What if somebody... I'll do
the thinking, thank you.
You're not practicing.
I can't afford to be seen creeping
along the street in broad daylight.
Well, you must be good
for something.
Are you any good with firearms?
Guns?
I don't suppose you know very much about
jiujitsu, either. No, you wouldn't.
If I'm such a liability, what do you
want me for? You mustn't feel inferior.
Try saying to yourself,
"I'm adequate."
Mr. Playfair, really.
Come on. Try.
I'm adequate. Good girl.
Here. Oh, great Caesar's ghost.
Strange things go on in
Greenwich Village. Take it.
It's not loaded, is it?
Well, I can't shoot down
Moriarty with imaginary shells.
Now, catlike, on your toes.
We've got to find the clue.
What if there isn't one?
There will be.
Moriarty won't disappoint me.
Well, if you don't know
what you're looking for...
Half the trick in finding clues
is knowing that they're there.
Ah!
Ah, we're getting closer now.
How innocent these houses look.
That's bad.
The worst things always
seem like innocence.
Look!
What do you think?
It's the telephone company.
Just the place he'd leave
a message for me.
You're not going
to cause a scene?
The essence of method
lies in quiet and surprise.
Can't we talk this over
in my office, please?
They're expecting us. Remember,
be prepared for anything.
Now, don't shoot unless
it's absolutely necessary.
Information. May I help you?
Please, you've got to talk to me.
You've got to listen.
Sorry, we may not divulge
that information.
You've just got
to help me find him.
Miss, I told you when you called. We
cannot give that information on the phone.
But that's why I came here.
I'm not on the phone now.
So you'll tell me, won't you?
I'm not allowed to talk to you.
We only give out information
on the telephone.
But you refused to give it
to me on the telephone.
I'm sorry. If you wanna talk to me,
you'll have to call me on the telephone.
All right. Where is the telephone?
Right there.
Listen to the misery.
That means we're getting close.
Let's see if there's a message.
Madam, the crash is out of town.
You need long distance
information.
Have you anything for me?
The input's on the fritz. I think
the rheostats are shorting.
You see? I knew
they were expecting us.
The game begins.
Oh, no. You can't do that.
My clue is inside.
Information. May I help you?
You've got to help me, please.
I don't know where he lives,
but we're in love.
He called me half an hour ago.
He just found out
he failed his bar exam.
He's taken sleeping pills.
He said good-bye. He's dying,
and he isn't in the phone book.
He's probably unlisted.
We've saved him.
What's his number?
Sorry, we may not divulge
unlisted numbers.
His address. Forget the number.
Give me his address.
I'm sorry. No addresses
on the telephone.
But I'm not on the telephone.
I'm here!
We only give out information
on the telephone.
I can't go on.
This is unendurable.
You there. Give me
the unlisted list.
Send a guard
to the information room.
You, then. At once.
- Why, you care.
- I do.
I'm finished here.
It doesn't matter. Here.
Take it.
Here, child.
My name is Grace.
I wish I had something beautiful
to give you.
But I don't.
Okay, girls, what's the trouble?
It's the repairman.
What repairman?
Mr. Playfair, do something.
Draw your pistol, Watson.
Keep him covered. I will not.
They got guns. Call the cops.
Right.
What's their number?
Fool. He's got my clue. Uh...
Excuse me, that magazine
you're holding.
Stop right there. I don't
suppose you'd let me see it.
It's a Double-Crostic.
I haven't finished it yet.
You know the crosswords
in the London Times?
Yeah, I-I heard about 'em.
They're the best.
Last Sunday. Here.
Have a look. Oh.
Oh. Oh!
Hello, police. Help, murder.
Aw. Run for it!
How do I know what precinct?
I can't call information.
I am information.
Watson, your first impression
of detective work.
You like it? No.
Good girl. I know how girls are.
"No" means "yes."
I haven't been a girl in 20 years,
and when I say no, I mean no!
You have any notion
of what you've done?
I found two clues: A Double-crostic
and a girl named Grace.
You could've jeopardized
my whole career.
Wasn't much of a career from what I
could see of it. Now, hold the phone.
Grace. What could Grace mean?
Do you realize that
I have been published?
And that I have three degrees.
And that I've... I've had a
Rockefeller and a Guggenheim.
A-And I've studied in Vienna.
Tuesday. It's tomorrow.
"Tuesday's child is full of grace."
We're meeting him tomorrow!
No, no, Mr. Playfair.
Listen. I'm no good
to you here. Really.
I-I can't work under these conditions.
Look at this place.
Okay, okay. What's going on?
Good morning, Officer.
Why, Mr. Rathbone.
It's an honor, sir.
They want you up the street
at number 20.
Ah, yes. I've just been there.
You're the ones. Quick thinking.
I wonder, if you see them later,
would you give this back?
Oh, I'd...
She's unorthodox,
I'll grant you.
If she didn't bring him here,
where are they?
Moseying along.
I expect they'll get here soon.
I've got to get
those papers signed.
She'll sign 'em. Yes, indeedy.
I didn't write that.
Someone did.
My brother.
Oh, that's just great!
He knows.
This nut knows all about me.
He'll be in a cell.
What can he do?
You get his money
if he dies, right?
Where's he at? He's disappeared.
All right, here's how it is.
You find him first,
it's the loony bin for life.
I find him first and...
Let's go!
Get that guy
in the hotel window.
He's got me pinned down.
Ah. Where are we?
Eh, last reel. The ambush scene.
Is that a screen back there?
We're five flights up.
I know. I counted 'em.
It's that vitamin deficiency. You
ought to eat more leafy things.
- Here, hold on. I know the way.
- Shh!
Oh, my God, Justin. Is he dead? He's
quite all right. He lives here.
What? All the time?
Except for Saturdays.
You see, we have no showers
in the men's room,
so he bathes
in Pennsylvania Station.
Here, uh, have a sweet.
Oh, man. Not again.
Do it again.
God, what are they doing?
Shut your trap
and watch the movie!
It's all right, Maud.
She's with me.
Why, Mr. Holmes.
Oh, you missed a lovely
one yesterday.
Oh, it's good to have you back, sir.
Thank you, Maud. Have some
popcorn while it's hot.
No, thank you.
What's wrong? Nothing.
Well, we missed lunch. You
really ought to have something.
I'm an adult.
I can feed myself, all right?
Oh, sorry. No offense.
Just watch the movie, all right?
Watson?
Why so moody?
You're not watching. You can't see
a thing without your glasses.
Watson? Yes.
Regardless of your feelings
on the matter, I...
have enjoyed
collaborating with you,
and I'm very pleased
that you're here.
I wouldn't be here
except for the police.
Yes, I am sorry about that.
What am I going to do with you?
You might try smiling. Nothing
much, just once a day or so.
I will have some candy.
Help yourself.
Oh, it's Jujyfruits.
I broke three sets
of braces on those.
She'll be there!
She'll save you!
God bless you, Barbara Stanwyck.
You want to know something?
You were right about
my adolescence.
It was awful.
And my apartment is a mess,
and I can't cook.
You like the movies, hmm?
Only westerns.
All the other doctors
found it most amusing.
I don't find it amusing,
just curious.
It isn't even that.
If you look closely down there,
Watson, you can see principles.
You see the possibility
of justice and proportion.
You can see men move
their own lives.
There are no masses
in Virginia City.
Only individuals whose will
for good for bad...
can bring them to the ends
they ought to have.
I like that very much.
Why did I have to meet you now?
What's wrong with now? We're
together, and we're after Moriarty.
There isn't any Moriarty.
There is!
You dreamt him up!
If I am Holmes, there has
got to be a Moriarty.
Well, what if you're not Holmes?
Let me see now. One word left blank.
"Electric News," 11 letters.
Justin, I want to help you.
Would you please
just let me try?
Think, man!
Oh, man.
Man, I gotta groove or blow my mind.
Let's go someplace and groove.
Oh, let's groove here.
Groovy. Groovy.
What's groove?
My god!
Madam, you are creating
a disturbance. Shh!
- But they're grooving!
- Madam, I warned you. Usher!
Usher!
- Hey, this woman's the fuzz. I'm gonna bust her one.
- No, I'm not. No.
This woman woke me up.
You makin' trouble, huh?
No, I'm not.
- Shh!
- Out! Out!
No! Justin! Okay, mom.
I've got it! Watson, quick.
Where is my shoe?
Why, it's Mr. Holmes.
We're coming, Moriarty!
Ew, all this gum.
It's like a swamp.
Stop dawdling!
I think they're growing mushrooms.
Damn it, Watson.
Justin, give me my shoe!
My shoe!
Against the wall. Get back.
I will not! This is idiotic.
Quiet!
I've got a run in my stocking.
Creep forward.
My feet hurt. Shut up.
I want my shoe!
You want to get us killed?
No, just one of us. I've
got a blister on my foot.
Holmes, you are fantastic.
"Electric news," 11 letters.
Times Square.
Yes. Just the sort
of place he'd...
Now, if I were Moriarty,
where would I...
Let's try him. Why him?
You never know.
I'd like a bag
of chestnuts, please.
I'm out of chestnuts. Odd. I
took you for a chestnut man.
I am a chestnut man. A chestnut
man who's out of chestnuts?
That's the picture.
There's no chestnuts.
We're in luck. When is the
professor going to strike?
Tomorrow sometime.
Check the papers.
Midnight.
We meet tomorrow midnight.
It's not Moriarty who's striking.
It's Columbia.
He had to get the
message to me somehow.
Now, the clue that
leads us to the place.
He'd put it somewhere obvious but...
unexpected.
My clue, my clue.
Oh, my God!
Taxi! Taxi!
Taxi!
Help!
- I'm off duty. Can't you read?
- Your sign says on.
Tough. I'm going back
to the garage.
Listen, I'm a doctor, this is an
emergency, and you can stuff it!
Oh, he hurt you.
Nonsense. Never better.
Like a rock.
No, you look awful. Here.
Wait a minute. Here.
You look a little shot yourself.
No, it's all right.
I'll be all right in a minute.
Here. Have a nip.
I don't know what came over me.
Drink up.
I have never been like that
before in my life. Honestly.
I don't know what
you must think of me.
I think I'll make a detective
out of you yet.
Hey, no boozin' in my hack!
Speak when you're spoken to.
You came through
very nicely back there.
I'd like to thank you
for defending me.
I didn't defend you. I attacked them.
There's a difference.
It's all the same.
I wish you'd stop thanking
me for everything I do.
You are the touchy one, aren't you? You
don't want anyone to owe you anything.
Perhaps you ought
to be the analyst.
Here. What do you make of it?
God, you're just like
Don Quixote.
You think everything
is always something else.
Well, he had a point. Of course,
he carried it a bit too far.
That's all. He thought that
every windmill was a giant.
That's insane.
But thinking
that they might be...
Well, all the best minds
used to think the world was flat.
But what if it isn't?
It might be round.
And bread mold might
be medicine.
If we never looked at things and thought of what
they might be, why we'd all still be out...
in the tall grass with the apes.
Look, are we cruising,
taking in the sights, or what?
Sixth Avenue and 10th. And if you
want a nickel tip, keep talking.
Hey, wait a minute! My shoe!
Oh, to hell with it.
Where are we?
What is this place?
Wilbur. Wilbur.
Your latest text on sanitation,
if you please.
I'll get it, Mr. Holmes.
We're closing in. This time,
with any luck, he's mine.
You're meeting Moriarty?
It's happening at last.
Oh, this creature has
attached herself to me.
You talk to her.
Yes. I'm Dr. Watson.
How do you do?
Oh, how nice.
No, I am Dr. Watson.
Would you like to see
my driver's license?
He's waited for you
such a long time.
I'm so glad he's found you.
Listen, I'm his doctor.
I'm a licensed analyst.
Of course you are, my dear.
There. "Dr. Watson."
Dr. Watson. Dr. Mildred Watson.
"Dr. Watson." It's me.
And now I've got you all upset.
I'm sorry, Doctor.
Who does he think you are,
Lestrade of Scotland Yard?
He calls me Wilbur. It's my name.
Wilbur Peabody.
You don't know what I've been through.
And look at him!
Oblivious. He's like that
when he concentrates.
Have you known him very long?
For over 30 years,
since he was very small.
Oh, he was such
a serious young man.
The dustier the book,
the more he studied it.
Now he studies guns,
fisticuffs, acrobatics.
Have you been hired
to cure him, Doctor?
Just the opposite, I think.
I'm not quite sure I understand.
I'm not quite sure I do, either.
I've got my work! I'm busy!
And I'm satisfied.
And I've got a perfectly
fascinating schizoid case at 8:00.
If I hurry, I'll make it.
Nothing. Damn!
Garbage.
Yes, it's garbage. That's all it is.
Garbage!
And I've had enough.
What's wrong with you?
I've lost my shoe. I've got
a gun in my pocketbook.
One minute you're all smiles,
and the next...
I'm going back
to where I belong.
The clinic?
Yes, the clinic.
And they're gonna put you in there, and
there's nothing I can do about it.
I cannot help you, because
I cannot make you well!
You don't think I'm insane.
Not you.
I'm Holmes.
I am Sherlock Holmes!
I've got a patient waiting.
I'm a doctor. I heal the sick!
Watson! Watson!
Silly woman. Go ahead!
I've always been alone.
- Wilbur?
- Yes, Mr. Holmes?
What does garbage in a
shopping bag suggest to you?
But I'm much too old.
I never think of you as old.
Neither do I.
But every morning when I see that old
face peering at me from the glass,
I count my years, I tote 'em up,
and sure enough, I come out old.
You don't want me.
Well, I don't...
I don't want anyone.
I have my errand.
I have Moriarty.
Come on, Professor.
Strike me now!
You see?
I frighten him.
He knows what I can do.
Wilbur?
Yes?
She went away
in stockinged feet.
- Watson!
- Lord have mercy, Doctor.
Seemed like you
done disappeared.
I got the police out
lookin' for you.
Listen, it's late,
and I'm tired, okay?
Well, I'm mighty weary waitin'
for that paranoid of yours.
Quick like a bunny now, you bring
him in and sign these papers.
He's not here.
You're joshin' me.
I left him in the reading room.
And as for signing papers, you
can stick 'em in your ear!
Lookee here now, Mildred. If you
wanna lose your job, you're gonna...
Heinrich, you've got
yourself a deal!
What's the matter?
Nothing much.
What are you doing here?
I had an urge to read.
Fascinating book.
What's wrong, Holmes?
Are you ill?
That is the question.
You're my final friend.
Do you know that?
You're the last.
Where's Dr. Watson?
- Tell me something offhand.
- She won't leave you.
I've spent quite a lot
of time researching.
This is the perfect
place for me.
Who's Who?
No, not for me, for him.
I have to be very clear
on that point.
What you need is some breakfast.
Would you like a jelly doughnut?
Listen.
Here he is, Playfair, Justin.
Born New York City, 1923.
Harvard College, Harvard Law.
Thesis published, '48.
Married, 1950.
Lucy Clark.
Pretty name, Lucy.
Lucy.
Lucy.
Just a name.
Doesn't mean anything.
There are his accomplishments.
Why, he's a happy man.
And proud.
For Christ's sake,
which is my life?
I've got some chicken broth.
You haven't answered me.
I'll heat it up.
I can't remember childhood.
I have no past.
That's not so bad.
There's got to be more
in here than Moriarty.
I dreamed it all.
That must be it.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
What's wrong with being Sherlock
Holmes, I'd like to know?
Sometimes I wish to God...
You do?
A fop by day,
but after dark,
I ride.
Abuse the meek, will you?
Have that!
Who am I? Ha!
Is he in heaven? Is he in hell?
That damned elusive Pimpernel.
What's that?
You want to see
the face behind the mask?
This is the face.
- I think that's beautiful.
- Thank you.
And now I think I'll call up
Dr. Watson.
Please don't do that.
I-I couldn't face her.
I've been stuck in the
goddamn subway for an hour!
Justin, thank heaven.
I'm busy. Go away.
I couldn't sleep. I've been so worried.
Look at that.
They've been searching
for you every place.
Blevins wants your money, and
he's gonna lock you up to get it.
Now, here's my plan.
Do you think I'm Holmes,
or don't you?
I'm sorry, but it's the only
point I've got!
All right, I'll tell you what.
I'll challenge you.
First we'll search for garbage, and
then we'll put the heat on Blevins.
Is that fair enough?
You're patronizing me again.
I'm Watson!
I'm here, ready for the chase.
Now, come on.
A shopping bag full of garbage.
Think. The city dump.
No, that's much too obvious.
Now, this one said,
"Back to school."
That must be the way
to solve it... schools.
How many different kinds
of schools are there?
Library school?
I like you, Doctor.
There's public,
private, parochial...
- Prep.
- Rabbinical.
- Charm.
- And schools of fish. Why have you come?
To save your neck.
- You care for me?
- I care for all my patients.
Ha. Florence Nightingale.
You're damn right.
Drama school. And music school.
- Grammar.
- High.
- Dance.
- Military.
- Cooking.
- Charm.
You said that. I did not!
Well, we can't be out of schools.
Let's name some more.
That's it. It's a name.
The bag's a name.
Someone named Bag
has got to have a school.
Come on, now.
What kind of a name is Bag?
What difference does it make? Wilbur,
quick, a telephone directory.
Right away. I like you, Watson.
You have qualities.
I suppose I do.
May I be frank? I'm very glad you're here.
I like you very much.
Regular classified.
Ah, good man.
This won't take a minute.
I could use that jelly doughnut.
Wilbur, if anybody should ask
you, you haven't seen us.
Ah, I've got it!
I was right again!
Quick, Watson.
We're gaining on you, Moriarty!
After you.
She came back.
You ready?
Well, what if we get separated?
Yes, we need a rendezvous.
Well, why don't we meet at my apartment?
Good idea.
I'll even cook you supper.
Now, try looking academic.
We're two students
come to register.
It must be some kind of academy.
Where is it?
Up these stairs. Stay close.
Don't lose me.
This door hasn't been used
in 20 years.
Make that 30.
Strange.
Maybe our clue is out here.
A pigeon with
a message, possibly.
Don't!
We are going to matriculate.
This may be a trap.
Uh, nice sort of school.
Just our kind of place.
Keep your pistol ready.
Ah, good afternoon.
Is this the bursar's office?
Who are you?
Holmes and, uh, Watson.
Oh.
But I thought you were dead.
I came back in the sequel.
Oh.
My, is that quincunx
your design?
Yes, it is.
Oh, it's magnificent.
Sir, you're a genius.
Yes, I am.
You're just in time for tea.
We'll meet you by
the basket, my dear.
We haven't put a foot
outside since 1939.
We didn't like the look
of things out there.
So, we bought every kind
of vegetable seed.
- Shut down the school.
- Well, we didn't have any pupils, anyway.
And ever since,
we've been very happy.
Except for one thing.
Nobody's ever seen our work.
We don't know if it's any good.
But you did recognize
a quincunx when you saw one.
Would...
Would you criticize our garden?
- We'd be honored.
- Oh.
And this we call our
bird of paradise.
Mr. Playfair.
- Who are you?
- We're friends... of Blevins.
- No, you're not.
- We've come to take you for a ride.
You've got a pistol in your pocket.
Keep it there.
Run for the hall and keep going!
Aaah!
Cover me.
- Brutes.
- Savages! Savages!
Murderer!
Whatever you are, don't burn!
Melt, damn you.
It's foggy and damp
here in New York.
The temperature at Central Park
is 45 degrees.
Humidity, 84%.
Winds out of the east at a
brisk 10 miles per hour...
gusting up to 15.
Oh, God.
Tonight's forecast calls for
rapidly dropping temperatures,
heavy fog and a chance
for some more light showers.
Oh, thank God.
Some women do this every day.
Oh, I'm not dressed.
They never think to
watch the fire escape.
What's the matter?
Nothing is the matter, and
don't look at me, please.
You don't look
any worse than usual.
Would you just go away?
They're lovely.
I wish they were.
It's been some time since
anyone bought me flowers.
Uh, new dress?
Olive oil, hmm. Very chic.
Oh, yes, uh... Uh, dinner's cold.
Sorry I'm so late. Oh, no,
it hasn't warmed up yet.
I'd have been here sooner, but
the clue was most complex.
I have worked out where we're
meeting him, though it wasn't easy.
Where is the bar?
Oh, it's in the oven. Oh...
Oh, I'm sorry.
I have to use the oven for storage
'cause it's such a small apartment.
Very sensible.
Uh, we're just going
to have a simple supper.
Plain home cooking.
- Yes, I see.
- That's right. Go ahead and make fun of it.
That insecurity of yours.
I know.
I like your house.
It's nice. It's just like you.
You know, somehow that just
misses being flattery.
I haven't got a vase.
I think the beans are burning.
Oh, no. That... That's soup.
Well, are the drinks ready?
After you.
Oh, here.
Oh, thank you.
Well, here we are.
We're having wine with dinner.
Ah, very civilized.
Ice on crystal.
Good sound, isn't it?
Well, it's not crystal. Oh.
Your-Your good health.
You know, I... I really should
have taken you out to dinner.
Oh, no. It's good
for me to cook.
Well, when this case is over,
we'll have plenty of time for
going out to the theater...
and fashionable places and
all that sort of thing.
I was thinking earlier,
a little recreation.
Why don't we set
a date right now?
Would you be free
tomorrow night?
Actually those fashionable
places can be very tedious,
and I might embarrass you.
I-I don't think I would,
uh, fit in.
There's no denying that.
Of course I have an awful lot of costumes.
I could change.
It's a foolish notion, even so.
No-No offense.
Tomorrow?
Do you mean tomorrow night?
Do you dance? Uh, well, I
haven't in years. Uh, do you?
I don't know. I can't remember.
Let's find out. No, let's not.
I'd really rather not. Come on.
I-I'd only stumble.
Nobody's watching.
Come on. Don't be scared. Uh...
You're doing fine.
Well, I'm a natural athlete.
Oh, I beg your pardon. Oh.
Well, maybe we both need
a little more practice.
Just think of all the dancing
we can do once this is over.
Do you play checkers?
I'm a whiz.
Ah. There's so many things
you need two people for.
I'll teach you billiards too.
We'll, uh,
sip our port and read aloud.
I'm here. I'm right beside you.
Oh, please. Can you hear me?
Oh, dear God.
You can't do this to me.
Holmes!
Oh, my Holmes, you can't die!
You're some doctor.
Get off my chest.
I'm having trouble breathing.
Oh, I'm sor... You're alive!
You called me Holmes.
- I did?
- You don't look so good.
I'll get my bag.
I tell you, Watson,
I expected better of him.
It's beneath the Moriarty
I've always known.
You ought to be in bed.
Don't worry, Watson.
Tip-top shape.
No, no, no, no.
Let me look at you.
No time for that.
We've got to mobilize.
We're staying right here.
It isn't safe here.
But at our rendezvous at
midnight, I'll be ready.
Someone's going to die tonight.
It might be me.
Oh, Watson, no one's as black
as he or half as quick.
He is perfection.
You can tell a lot about
a man by his enemies.
I'm proud he wants me dead.
Hold still.
We've got so much to do.
Hershey Kisses.
Out the back.
Wilbur. Wilbur!
Holmes, you startled me.
I've solved it all.
Here is where he will be.
What's that you got?
It was a white plume once.
We're meeting Moriarty at midnight.
Will you wear it?
What's up?
I'm helping
one poor nut escape...
if it's the last
damn thing I do.
I want you.
Is there romance,
excitement, danger?
All in glorious Technicolor.
Your house is right around the corner.
They'll be watching.
Back.
Daisy! Oh, it's you.
Guess what. I'm leaving Blevins.
I'm glad to hear it. I married him for
love, but I don't love him anymore.
Hot dog!
You miserable...
Maud!
Why, Mr. Holmes.
What's the matter?
There are no more westerns.
Dear friends,
will those of you who know what this
is all about please raise your hands.
I think...
if God is dead,
he laughed himself to death.
Because, you see,
we live in Eden.
Genesis has got it all wrong.
We've never left the garden.
Look about you.
It's hard to find,
I grant you, but it is here.
Under our feet.
Beneath the surface. All around
us is everything we want.
The earth is shining
under the soot.
We're all fools.
But together,
you and I, tonight,
we'll bring him... down.
Nobody came.
I don't much blame them.
Turn it backwards,
and you'll see the sense.
Suppose we took
the shopping bag.
What kind of garden
would we take it to?
Wow.
We're here.
What happens now?
We'll wait.
Well, I'm not afraid
if you're not.
It's starting.
He's out there, somewhere.
Crouching, steady, cold.
He never sweats, you know.
Is pride a sin, Holmes?
Because I'm proud of you.
Control yourself.
Cross your fingers.
That makes nine.
I love you.
This week only,
loin of pork,
79 cents per pound.
Delicious, tender sirloin
steaks, 89 cents a pound.
Lean boiled ham,
99 cents a pound.
Fresh frying chickens,
29 cents a pound.
Fresh ground beef,
49 cents a pound.
Delicious, tender...
sirloin steaks...
at 89 cents per pound.
God.
Moriarty? I'm here.
I mean, in budapest,
I think I saw mostly.
The inside of the concert hall
and the marriott.
But, you know,
I shouldn't complain.
I'm patient. I can wait.
I've misread the clue.
But if twenty grand
was a number,
then the clue might be...
The number on the door at Dr.
Bagg's. What was it?
Sixty-seven. Right, but 67 what?
What else was twenty grand?
A horse. A racehorse!
Watson, you're a genius.
Well, add it up.
A horse, a school and 67.
It's a riding school
at 67th street!
God, there is one.
Just off Central Park.
It's all done now. You are a detective.
Here we go.
You put her in a big bowl,
at least a gallon.
Get a good bubbler,
maybe a plecostomus.
And don't feed her too much.
I'm ready.
Do you really mean to walk with me?
I do.
He believes jimmy transposed
the address numbers.
Transposed the numbers?
How would he even do that?
We may have to walk near
dangers, close to awful things.
I know that.
If there's one thing
I cannot abide,
It's a man who won't
own up to his mistakes.
Now, whatever mud mcgill
is slinging he's not gonna.
Screw me out of the best
outside counsel I've ever had.
They blot the sun out
for miles around.
I may not always win.
Does justice ever lose?
It does, from time to time.
We'll meet him here.
Get down.
Somewhere...
I'm not afraid,
because you're with me.
I can't remember how
I lived before you came.
Oh, Holmes, I love you.
Listen.
What?
It's him. It's Moriarty.
There's nothing.
Now. He's coming.
On horseback,
riding like a king.
I can't hear.
Not on my knees.
There's nothing.
There's nothing!
On your feet by me.
A sound, please.
Just a little sound.
Stand up.
Holmes, he's not there.
There isn't any Moriarty,
it's just...
You hear it?
They're nearer.
Nearer.
Ah, now, there. Do you see him now?
Not yet.
Yes.
And he wanted to help.
That's sanctimonious.
He's everything you said he was.
He makes you proud.
He does.
Stand closer to me.
Hold my hand.
And now we're together. Yes.
Jimmy.
You do realize
you just confessed to a felony?
I guess.
Let it be said he found us
very close together...
in the light.