Three Blind Mice (2008) Movie Script

I don't like it.
What's not to like?
The ceiling's too low,
the fridge is too small,
and there's no bath.
You haven't even checked
the bath.
You can sense a bath.
- Ten bucks?
- Yeah.
Grab us a beer,
will you, Dean?
I'll get you a beer
'cause I'm getting one.
Knock yourself out.
Six months? long time.
- Cheers.
- Hey, Sammy?
I guess.
It's not natural, is it?
Gonna wash up.
Yeah, you're right,
Harry. There's no bath.
It's a gift.
Think he's okay?
No worries.
He seems fine.
Think he's fine?
I don't know.
Well, should we talk
to him about it or something?
Who fucking knows, Dean.
Well, Sam's out of
his hands now.
He got--
Glenn got transferred.
H.M.S. Dignity.
- Someone snitched on him.
- Thank Christ.
Firstly, Glenn Carter is
executive officer.
Secondly, Glenn Carter
was just doing--
Glenn Carter is a walking
fucking power trip,
and you know it, Dean.
- Glenn can be a prick--
- Glenn is a prick.
He was well within his rights
to do what he did.
You defend that motherfucker
once, Dean--
- We all went through it.
- We didn't go through that.
All right.
What am I talking to you for?
It was probably your idea.
Watch it.
- Or what?
- I mean it, Harry.
Oh, what, you got a taste
for it now, have you?
- Shut the fuck up!
- Hey!
I was following orders.
Thank you, Dr. Goebbels.
Glenn was just doing
exactly what--
Glenn. Please, no, stop
calling him "Glenn" around me.
You would have done
exactly the same thing
if you'd been made X.O.
Maybe you would, Dean.
- Sam needed shaping up--
- Not like that!
Well, Glenn probably thinks
that's how you're supposed to
treat a screw-up.
Then he's a fucking sadist.
Watch the hat.
What are you doing?
letting my fingers do...
Tell me you're not.
I'm ordering it for later.
Christ, Harry!
Oh, what, you got some kind
of moral stance now, have you?
- It'll do him good.
- Do him good?
He's a bloody handsome guy.
He doesn't need--
Who am I speaking to, please?
Debbie. Hey, Debbie.
Guessing that's not
your real name,
but let's roll with it anyway.
Hey, um, just wanted to inquire
about your service.
That sounds exactly
like what I'm after.
Um, how much?
Okay... Yep.
Novotel Darling Harbor.
Room 5-2-2.
Sam Fisher.
Do you need the--
No? Okay. Yep.
Yep, no worries.
Okay, Okay.
She's gonna call me back.
You shouldn't have
used his name.
You're so paranoid.
Oh, so why didn't you use
your own name?
What's in a name?
Oh, okay.
250 for the hour.
Well, that's--
that's very reasonable.
Well, how much is the taxi?
What, so that could be
up to 300.
Oh, no, let's not haggle.
We're having such a nice time.
Um... okay
Don't fucking do it.
No, they all sound lovely.
Yep. Now, this is for a--
This is for a very special
guy, Debs.
Um... she needs to be--
Yeah, she needs to be, you know,
lovely, nice, simple.
Not like retarded simple.
He's not into mentals
or anything.
Just, well, uncomplicated.
Sweet and gentle, that sounds--
that sounds perfect.
Lock her in.
That's great.
Um... Oh, bugger it,
let's get one for me as well.
You talked me into it, Debs.
So, two girls?
Yeah, just two girls.
That'd be great.
So, that's like 600?
Oh, look...
Oh, throw me something
skanky, you know?
Just, uh, something off
the rack.
Knowledge on the clock.
You know... a little older.
Nothing I have to impress,
you know what I mean?
Uh, no, what time is it now?
Well, let's go-- Okay, midnight.
Let's go-- Let's go midnight.
Yep. Okay.
Deb-- Yep.
I have to interrupt you
there, okay?
Yep, Deb, I gotta--
Cool. Midnight.
Thank you very much.
Okay. Adios.
That is a load off.
Well, Sally definitely can't
come here now.
Well, that's a side benefit.
- You're an asshole!
- Who called?
Uh, Glenn Carter.
He just wanted to make sure
you cleaned the dunny before
you got ahead of yourself.
See, he's fine.
You're fine, aren't ya?
You're great. You're through
the worst of it now, mate.
Hey, can we just
have some fun now, or what?
Hey, Deano, you're welcome to
bring Sally here if you want.
Me and Harry, we could just
go to the bar, whatever.
Thanks, Sammy.
You done in there, Sam?
I'm about to bust
that fucking porcelain.
Oh... It's Royal Doulton.
Turn on the television and
open the window, lads.
This is gonna be big.
Good thing.
Spin on the town?
Go on, Sammy.
- Oh...
- Go on! Go on!
I go next. I go next.
- Fuck!
- What'd you do?
Look at you, look at you!
- Beautiful. Beautiful.
- Thanks.
You are. I mean it.
Can't go wrong.
Ah, you almost picked up there.
What a dog.
I'll give you a head start.
Oh, and he takes it!
- How you doing?
- I'm good! How are you?
What are you up to?
Oh, you know,
getting someone a drink.
I was drinking over there.
I'm now heading back
to my hotel.
Your hotel?
Where you staying?
Oh, really?
What room number?
- Can't remember.
- Oh, you can.
You can. What room number?
No way, it's not--
No way, it's not glamorous.
Yeah, but what room number?
- Um, 3-1-4?
- That is so--
I'm gonna be knocking on
the wrong door.
- No.
- I'm gonna be-- What's your name?
- Sue.
- Harry. Lovely to meet you.
Hi, Harry.
You're gorgeous.
You're beautiful.
See ya. 3-1-4, yeah?
- Yes.
- Okay.
Room 3-1-4.
Mum, it's me.
Turn down the Cilla Black.
Yeah, and I love you too.
Oh, Mum, come on.
Mum, don't cry. Come on.
I got promoted.
Yeah. Yeah,
and I'm an officer now.
No, not a gentleman.
Very funny.
Nothing. I-- I miss you too.
How's Pop?
I'm sure it'll be fine.
Mum, I-- Can you stop crying
for a sec, Mum?
Mum, they're sending us
over there.
In the morning, first thing.
I don't-- I don't--
I really don't know, Mum.
They don't-- they don't tell us
that stuff until we're actual--
No, Mum, you can't tell--
Mum, you can't tell anyone.
I'm not even supposed--
For-- For Chri--
Goodness sake,
don't tell Pop, okay?
Mum, just-- Mum, I need you to
listen just for one sec.
I'm not going.
I'm not going back.
No, you don't understand, Mum.
They almost killed me out there.
No. No, I've decided.
I guess not.
All right, well, you know what?
I'm-- I'm sorry I'm such
a fucking embarrassment!
You should absolutely
talk to her.
- He talked to her already.
- We already talked to her.
She's out of his league, man.
Just-- You should
talk to her...
Sorry, Sammy,
but look at her.
- Exactly. Look her in the eye--
- Don't do it.
- And tell the truth.
- Sammy. Sam.
She's gonna embarrass you.
Shouldn't you be in
the honeymoon suite, then?
Isn't that why we evacuated
the fucking room?
They just texted, by the way.
They're stuck in traffic.
- They're probably avoiding you.
- "They"?
I told you,
her parents are coming.
You're bringing your
girlfriend's parents
to our hotel room?
Fiance's. No, we're all
going out to dinner.
- With her fucking parents.
- Fiance's.
I can't guarantee what state
I'm gonna be in.
Come on, guys, I want her
to meet you.
Jeez, how we gonna eat
more food?
We have to go to dinner with his
girlfriend's fucking parents.
You're an old man.
Some people like
their parents, Harry.
- Don't do it, Sam.
- Let it rip, Sammy.
Let it rip.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Could, um--
Could we have
some water, please?
Wise move, mate
Go for a fucking canner
or something, Dean.
Look, I don't know if
I want to do this.
No, you do want to do this.
You want to do this.
Believe me,
you want to do this.
You're never gonna see
this girl again.
Never gonna see her again.
Here she comes.
Thank you.
Beautiful girl.
Anything else?
Um... I just-- I just wanted to
tell you something.
You are the most beautiful girl
I've ever seen.
Truly, truly, the way you move,
the poise, the whole, um...
I was gonna say aura,
but I don't even--
Okay, you know, okay, hey, look,
this-- this isn't a pickup.
Look, I'm actually gonna
pay the bill, and I'm gonna go.
I just couldn't--
what are you doing?
- Uh... waiting tables.
- Look after everybody else.
Come on, leave the boys alone.
Stop flirting.
We've got customers.
I couldn't leave
without telling you that
you absolutely devastated me
the second I saw you.
And you've made my night.
- What in blue Jesus was that?
- No, no, that was good.
"Devastated" was
an odd call, but--
- He just made a fool out of her.
- No, he didn't make a fool--
- She thought he was pulling her chain.
- No, she didn't.
- I wasn't pulling--
- Yeah, but she doesn't know that.
- Hey, Shakespeare.
- Yeah?
My cousin has a friendly
poker game out the back
if you guys want to play.
Some of my friends are coming
down too, so...
Oh, bonus, that sounds
like a winner.
- I'm Sam. Harry.
- Emma.
This is Harry,
and this is Dean.
Hi. We can't actually stay,
ma'am, we're running late.
Ignore him. Call your friends.
We're staying.
Sure. Well, the game's
straight through the kitchen, boys.
- Awesome.
- All right.
Sit the fuck down.
Sit the fuck down.
- McCabe.
- Come on, Leiberman, move.
- We're not staying long.
- Oh, we're staying long.
- Hi.
- Hi, I'm Harry.
Thanks, brother.
This is my friend, Dean.
Straight through the back.
How you doing?
Great rooftop.
Yeah, you get over it
after a while.
Have you worked here long?
If I gave you three questions,
is that what you'd ask me?
Uh... Yeah.
Okay, since I was 12.
And I live with
the Italian boys downstairs
that your friends are
playing poker with.
And they're very protective,
so you better
play your cards right.
Yeah, and I'm, um-- I'm kind
of hoping that my friends are
playing their cards right.
That's pretty good.
That was my boob.
- Was it?
- Yeah.
- Okay, second question.
- Where are your parents?
Oh, they live in England.
My dad's a pilot.
- Why didn't you go with them?
- Fuck living in England.
- I've never been.
- Mm.
Okay, I'll give you
another question,
'cause the first one was kind of
like backyard cricket.
- You got out for a golden duck.
- All right.
So how long have you been
on the ship for?
- Six months.
- No sex for six months?
That's a bit of
a personal question, isn't it?
I'm an open kind of person
to questions like that.
Six months, no, um...
No sex.
What's your favorite position?
Ha! On top 'cause there's
more cont--
- I like to be in control.
- Yeah, right.
- You?
- Um...
It's behind for sailors, maybe.
Oh, come on.
No, I like to definitely be on
the bottom.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
What's the most unusual place
you've ever had sex?
- Um--
- Hopefully not on the ship,
'cause that means that
you swing both sides.
Probably in my mum's bed,
I would say.
Not with my mum, though.
- Yeah, I hope not.
- Yeah.
Okay, my first question.
That wasn't counted.
That was a warm-up.
Well, how long, um--
When do you ship out?
Tomorrow morning.
But I'm-- I'm not...
So you're stationed here?
No, I'm just, um...
I'm not going.
You meant to say,
"At first light,"
and then I say,
"Well, let's not waste time."
I'm not a--
I'm not a coward.
Who said you were a coward?
No, no, I'm just saying
that I'm--
I'm just saying I'm not.
Okay, well, my third question:
If you're not such a coward,
why haven't you made a move?
All right, I'm gonna take
my third question.
You don't have another question.
I do. I have
the cricket duck thing.
Do you want me to make a move?
Um... what are four things
you don't like in life?
Heights. Oh, no, no, no,
fuck off. Don't do--
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
Sorry. Sorry.
Um... sharks.
But you're on a boat.
Yeah, I know I'm on the boat,
I'm not, like, in the water.
Well, don't you go fishing?
Have you ever caught a shark?
No, I-- I've never
caught a sh--
Uh... spiders and...
this-- this question,
to be honest.
I really don't know what to say.
- Okay.
- What about you?
Uh, chocolate cake. Overrated.
- You don't like chocolate--
- No, not at all.
- Everyone likes chocolate cake.
- Yeah, I know, not me.
Um, flowers.
They're already dead when
someone gives them to you.
It's just a boring present.
Like, I'd rather get something
than flowers.
Um... olives.
- All right.
- Acquired taste.
All right, well,
I won't get you--
I won't get you, what,
chocolate cake, flowers,
and, um... olives.
Right, and I'll never propose
to you, there you go.
Don't fucking do that.
- Don't, seriously.
- Sorry.
It's all right--
- So you definitely won't
propose now.
No, I'm not.
- So what's this?
- What?
- This.
- Like, like what?
Like that. What, do you
take all guys up here?
What do you think I do,
bring guys here and...
Sit on top of them?
Not on top of them.
Is it-- Have you taken me
up here to...
- Fat chance.
- Right.
Well, it's a shame.
Well, game over.
The food was great,
by the way.
It was awesome.
That final truffle.
Just, like, when you think--
It's built like layers.
Should see the food we eat
on the fucking ship.
- It was delicious food.
- We call it
"Shit cooked by
the Royal Australian Navy."
- Won 80 back.
- Yeah.
Oh, that's all right.
I'll lick it up.
Four for me,
thanks, John.
Here you go.
- You want new cards?
- I'm fine.
- You want to keep going?
- You put 50 in this hand.
Yeah? Oh, is that...
You put 50 in? Okay.
- Hang on.
- I've got two fives.
- Just check--
- What do you got?
No, you can't--
Yeah, you've got to go in.
- I've got to go in?
- Show him--
- Let's see what you've got.
- Oh, okay.
- Is that for me?
- Yeah, yeah.
First time I saw Harry do this,
I was like...
It's full on.
But all we do out there
is play cards...
- Is that right?
- Yeah.
'Cause your mate looks like he
doesn't know what he's doing.
I just watch.
I'm like the mascot.
Pour myself one first.
What a dickhead.
Hey, you pour everyone else
first, then you pour yourself.
Shut up, dickhead.
When you deal cards,
it's the same thing:
you deal everyone else
and then you deal yourself last.
Go on, deal your mum one, mate...
Go on,
deal your mum one, all right?
I'm not touching
this one.
I'm growing a beard.
Um... You have to ask for
permission to grow a beard,
- and, um--
- Yeah?
Yeah, you go to the C.O.
And-- The commanding officer--
And, um, you say,
"Can I grow a beard?"
And they give you two weeks,
you stop shaving,
and then two weeks later
you go to the C.O. and, uh--
They say, "Can you shave that
scraggly shit off your face,"
Absolutely, yeah, so...
Yeah, well, I actually just
asked permission two days ago
just so I could have the shadow
for the chicks.
I'm gonna shave tomorrow.
- I want a break.
- Top call.
- I'm happy to push on through.
- I'm not. Drink up.
Oh, yer jes trying to
get me drunk.
I didn't mean it.
- Who's dealing?
- Can you handle another one?
We're having a break, dickhead.
You shut up, dickhead.
You can talk to me, all right?
- Pathetic.
- Mm, burns the lips.
Oh, beautiful.
It's good stuff,
the best.
Going down pretty easy.
Can I pinch one of them...
when you're done?
Here you go, mate.
What about your other mate?
He doesn't like poker?
Sam? No, hates it.
No, he can't stand it.
His mum's a gambling addict, actually...
Not cards. Yeah, like, uh,
betting on football, whatever.
- Yeah?
- It's tragic.
Do not talk about gambling
around Sam.
Fair enough.
Did someone said
there were some girls coming
or something?
Not that I'm--
I'm engaged, actually...
Not that that stops anyone.
But, yeah, I'm not being--
Why you so jumpy, mate?
He's late, he's late
for a very important date.
Ship's comedian, this one.
Grab some coffee, Dean.
Hello, boys!
- Hey...
- Hey...
Hello, ladies.
How are you?
Esther and Kristy,
this is, uh, Dean and Harry.
- Kristy? Esther?
- Kristy.
- Kristy.
- Esther.
- Esther! Hello, Esther.
- Oh, no need to stand up.
Sorry, you're right...
Pleased to
meet you, boys.
Do you want to sit down?
It's all right,
I'll sit on your lap.
- All right...
- Wear your hat.
You're not attached to
any of these...
No, they're just the boys.
Oh, just the boys,
just the boys, the boys.
Stop being
such a hussy.
Where's Emma?
She's with the other one.
Where the fuck is she?
What do you mean,
where is she?
You're supposed to be
looking after her.
- Oi, oi--
- Don't fucking "oi" me.
I've been playing cards
here with you.
- Oh, stop being such a hussy.
- Where the fuck is she?
- She's in the restaurant, John.
- Look at you.
When he's looking at you,
that's when he's interested
in what you're gonna say.
- Okay?
- Shut the fuck up, dickhead.
- Was he looking at you?
- Was I talking to you?
- No, no, no, no, no.
- No, no. Fucking dickhead.
Exactly. Fuck you.
I don't know where Emma is.
You girls want to go find Emma,
bring her back in here
for just a minute, would you?
Yeah. Exactly.
- Yeah, exactly.
- Go find Emma, bring her back here.
- Dickhead.
- Thanks.
- See you, boys.
- Thanks.
They'll be back, mate.
Sam's a totally
respectable guy, John,
if that's, you know, what's--
He's completely honorable.
He might be a virgin,
for all I know.
So, what, you guys go,
to the Gulf or what?
- Mm, possibly.
- Passed by it.
- You see some action?
- Yeah, a bit.
Yeah, what sort?
Skirmishes, mainly,
pirates, you know--
We saw-- We saw a fucking
fishing boat, Dean.
You-- He was so excited.
This is his most exciting
day on the ship.
Nobody's allowed
to talk about it.
We saw a boat that he thought
was a pirate boat,
he ordered the sidearms out.
Basically things that the,
uh, militia can't handle...
falls to us.
Like fishing boats.
No pirates, huh?
They're out there,
and it's part of our job
to keep our eyes peeled for 'em.
Yeah, yeah, Captain--
Captain Bluebeard,
Yeah, I could have gone
over there too, yeah, ASIO,
they wanted me.
ASIO doesn't go to war.
How do you know ASIO
wanted you exactly?
'Cause they came to
our school.
- Came to your school?
- High school, yeah.
ASIO came to your high school?
- When was that?
- '92.
'92 was it?
Well, it was right after
Gulf, the prequel, yeah.
Episode one.
So, you know, I'm talking about
spies in Australia
and what to look out for
and whatnot
and this ASIO dude told me that
I had the right kind of profile
to be a political assassin, mate.
Dickhead. Dickhead.
ASIO don't have assassins.
Who you calling dickhead,
- You.
- ASIO don't have assassins?
That's what they want you
to believe.
I was fucking in every
fucking class you were in, Tony.
I never saw any ASIO dude.
It's bullshit.
Bullshit bullshit.
He told me if I channeled myself
into some kind of focus,
I could have been one of
the best ever, in the world.
- That's pretty good.
- Thank you.
There was no fucking
ASIO dude, dickhead!
- Told me--
- Fucking drop it!
- That if I channeled me--
- Fucking drop it!
Settle the fuck down, will you,
please, for fuck's sake!
Maybe Tony wanted to play
with the ASIO dude's glock.
I didn't-- Not at all.
- It's fucking true.
- Yeah.
- Not that part.
- No, no, no. I was more...
So, did you guys
ever kill anybody?
That's not something
we talk about.
What's the matter?
You get like...
- Mad flashbacks or--
- Shut up.
Shut the fuck up, Tony.
Hey, hey, hey, it's
a legit question, yeah?
Sorry. Bad question.
Bad question anyway.
No, it's cool, man.
No, no, 'cause my grandfather
was in the Italian army...
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
Well, like 50 million years ago, but...
I don't want to go into
the boring details.
No, no, no...
- Bullshit.
- Shut the fuck up, Tony.
- Oh...
- No, but, you know...
50 medals later,
he did all right.
- Did really well.
- Bullshit.
But he never wanted to talk
about it, so I understand...
Can we just play cards?
Do you mind, mate?
'Cause it didn't fucking happen.
- It fucking happened, mate!
- Just shut the fuck up!
Will you shut the fuck up!
- What do you got?
- My 50's in.
Can I borrow another fibby?
Okay, it's in the ledger.
So, you sober enough
for this, Tony, or...
Don't need to be,
playing you, V.
Hey, at least I've got
some left, yeah?
- Dickhead.
- Four for me, John.
- How many do you want?
- Uh, none, none.
Don't worry,
I'll get it off your mum later.
- You're fine?
- I'm all right.
- I'll get you.
- You'll what?
- How many do you want?
- Fuck it! Three.
That's a wicked poker face
he's got.
Man, I'm jinxed,
I'm telling you.
- Do I...
- Not yet.
You have to wait for
Tony to bet, check or fold.
What are you gonna do?
Come on, dickhead,
good game, quick game.
Tony folds, I fold.
- I'm going to raise--
- Bet.
Bet? I'm gonna bet for three.
- 300?
- Mm-hmm.
You have a streak on, do you?
Is it all right?
Are you kidding me?
What about you, sunshine?
Fucking out.
I owe you 50, I owe you 250.
Do you have to borrow it?
I'm all right, mate.
I'll win it back in a sec.
Let's see ya.
That's it, mate.
- Fuck me.
- I'm getting sick of this shit.
I'm getting really
pissed off with this.
- How the fuck did you do that?
- Is that good?
That would be a flush.
That is fucking bullshit.
Hey, Johnny.
I can't find her.
- I'll just be back in a second.
- I'll come with you.
No, it's all right, you--
you stay here with the guys.
I wasn't asking
permission, mate.
I hope you and I
can stay friends, Harry.
With that in mind, I think
I'll pick up my winnings too.
- You can't just call it quits.
- No, no, bullshit, but--
- Mate, you're fucking ahead!
- That is bad sportsmanship.
- You know it.
- Wait, you're leaving the table.
What, are you going to
the toilet?
Because if you're
going to the toilet,
you can leave the table,
but if you're not, then
the game's null and void.
Is that right? Oh, and you're
making the fucking rules,
are you, sunshine?
- Yeah, if you walk away--
- Harry, for Christ sakes, leave the money.
- Let's go find Sam.
- No, no, no, no.
I don't want any trouble, but--
You understand.
Yeah, you know, fair enough.
Okay, he's got a point.
No, it's all right,
it's all right, you can take
the fucking money.
It's all right, you won it fair
and square--
I just want to know
how you did it.
You weren't cheating,
I can tell that.
What were you doing?
You were counting them.
Magician never tells.
Well, you can tell me.
Some people just win
at cards.
I don't think you understand.
Show me. Seriously.
Asking you to tell me.
It's fine, you won the money,
you can walk out of here,
both of you, no problem,
no trouble,
just tell me how you did it,
that's all.
What is it?
I found her.
Fucking the other sailor
up on the roof.
You fucking asshole!
Where's my other hundred?
Yo, oi, oi...
Piece of shit.
Sam, run!
Wait, stop, stop, stop.
Wait, wait, wait.
- Ow.
- Asshole.
Ah! Ah!
Get him!
- Hey!
- Ow!
Come here, you...
Taxi! Taxi!
Hey, Emma!
Get in, get in, get in...
Come here, come here!
Dean the ma-fucking-chine!
Well, I did not think
we were gonna make it there.
- Cheers, brother.
- No sweat.
You should have seen him,
Sammy. Oh...
Fists of steel.
So, was the, uh,
little waitress worth all that,
Oh, well,
you'd hope so, wouldn't you?
What the fuck's she doing here?
Hi. Sorry, lamb.
What the fuck's she doing here?
Poor Johnny's
such a wannabe.
Come on,
John'd disagree with you.
- What is she doing here?
- Just gonna have a small adventure
until we ship out
in the morning.
- A small adventure?
- Fisher!
I knew I shouldn't have
told you guys.
Jake only told me 'cause
he was pissed that you guys
took it seriously.
Stole over a grand off 'em.
Stole over a grand
off your cousin.
Just keep it on
the hush-hush. I'll make it
worth your while.
I knew I shouldn't have
told you guys.
You should ignore him,
by the way.
- Well, am I in the way?
- No.
Hardly, mon cherie.
Oh, and don't t--
Don't trust this one at all.
No, I don't think I should.
And we're
supposed to meet them at
a Japanese restaurant.
With the gang, are they?
Sally, Fred and Kathy.
Can you drop us in
the city somewhere?
No, no, can you
fuck them off for a while?
- My fiance?
- For Sammy?
- For an hour!
- Go have fun, Dean.
No, okay, for me then.
Please don't leave me with
prince and the fucking showgirl
back here.
Come on.
I got a better idea, Harry.
Why don't you go with Dean
and Sam and I can go back
to his hotel room?
Well, I think that's
a terrible idea.
No, that is a great idea.
Sounds like the plan, Stan.
Your vote
doesn't count, sweetheart.
- Says who?
- come on, Sammy, I want you to meet her.
Oh, for fuck's sake, Dean!
Why would it be necessary
for me to meet your fiance
and her fucking parents?
Why would I need to do that?
How about this?
How about we all
get out in the city,
dingus has the Partridge Family
wet dream,
and you, me and
the delectable Emma
all go have really fancy
motherfucking cocktails.
- How's that sound?
- Cocktails it is.
Cocktails it fucking Is.
Oh... oh...
Friend of mine got beaten up
in Hyde Park
by 15 guys,
a friend of mine did.
Yeah, right?
Fifteen 15-year-olds.
They asked for his wallet,
he gave them his wallet,
then they beat
the shit out of him.
It doesn't matter if they're 15.
If there's 15 of them.
You're rooted.
You know, you get that
in Perth.
That was Sam in the taxi!
Never seen him
like that before.
Yeah, that's good.
Something's up, I reckon.
Yeah, his dick.
Speaking of which, do I have you
as my wingman later this evening
or are you being all dedicated?
I'm always dedicated.
- What was Tokyo?
- Shut the fuck up about Tokyo.
It was fun.
Be nice to have one last hurrah.
Yeah, it would, with my
fucking girlfriend.
- Fiance.
- Shut up.
Come on,
catch up to me!
Hey, hey. Are you okay
running in those shoes?
Yeah, they're fuckin' hard.
If I had flat shoes on
like you, though...
Well, I'm not carrying you.
How much fitness do you have
to do in the--
Well, obviously,
it hasn't paid off.
What the fuck am I doing?
- What the fuck am I doing?
- Okay, let's go faster.
All right.
Did you see a navy guy
come down here, an officer,
brown hair?
Yeah, run-- running--
What, with a blonde girl?
Where, this way?
Excuse me. Excuse me.
You seen, like, another
officer anywhere?
- About this big?
- About this tall? With a blonde girl?
- No.
- No? Okay, thanks anyway.
No way to wear
a uniform, mate.
Yeah, good point.
Fucking asshole.
- Emma!
- Who's Emma?
Who's-- The fucking
waitress. Emma!
What part of Scotland
are you from?
- Glasgow.
- Okay.
Cool, I'm not walking
with you at all, you--
- That's okay.
- Have-- Have a good night.
See ya.
Not at all?
Okay, thank you very much.
Excuse me...
If you see him,
he's named Sam.
Have you seen another
navy officer around?
Okay, thanks. Tell him
he's in big trouble.
- Thank you very much.
- Sort of Italian-looking.
- I'd do her, but--
- What, the Scottish one?
No, I mean the kind of
'50s blonde bobbed one.
You're nuts.
He's off fucking someone.
What we should be doing.
Sammy! Are you off
fucking someone?
He's scuppered.
He's bolted.
You keep saying that like
it's a new idea.
Hey. Bad bad or just bad?
I, um...
Er, uh...
I cried.
Oof. I cried in front of
the whole crew.
Like, everyone.
- Oh? Bad.
- Yeah, fucking right.
- I cried like a little girl.
- Baby.
Like a baby girl.
- Oh...
- In front of the whole crew.
Well, that's not funny,
that's sad.
Where do you, um--
Where do you sleep on the ship?
Bottom or top bunk?
Or can you go--
- What's it to you?
- Sorry. You go bottom bunk?
- Am I top or bottom?
- Yeah, you'd be bottom bunk.
What about you?
What are you doing here? Huh?
What, lying in the middle of
the park with a sailor?
I don't know,
you're pretty cute.
All right.
But I've never lied in a park
with a sailor before.
Well, that's good.
That's good to know.
- Yeah.
- Neither have I.
I can live with that.
The uniform's actually
quite nice, you know.
So you'll just go away then?
- Yeah.
- Anywhere?
No. Not Ukraine.
- Yeah?
- Uruguay.
- Um, Yugoslavia.
- Okay.
Just all the "U" countries.
What could you
possibly have against--
Nothing, I just don't--
That's none of my business.
I also rode a 'roo in
New Zealand.
I went there on a soccer tour
and it's like--
Egg gases,
it smells like fart.
What about you?
Do you speak
any other languages?
Tu comprends le francais?
- No?
- Would you do that again?
Qu'est-ce que tu voudrais
que je dis?
- What are you saying?
- What would you like me to say?
Oh, I was hoping...
Some dirty French?
Je te veux et...
Non, c'est une blague.
Tant pis pour toi.
Ahh, that is really sexy.
- Really?
- Yeah, it's really sexy.
Well, I actually said--
No, I won't tell you.
- Well--
- Ask me something
and I'll tell you
how to say it,
and then
you've got to say it.
With a French accent.
Um, will you--
Will you kiss me?
Did you think-- You knew
I was gonna say that.
Yeah. Est-ce que...
No, well... uh...
Je t'embrasse is to kiss,
like "I kiss you,"
so you could say...
C'est possible,
"it's possible"
or Je voudrais...
Did I make you up?
I mean... Am I-- Am I insane?
Two separate questions.
Or probably, yeah, no, yes...
Tu penses que parce que...
Sorry, that was really stupid.
It's because I'm speaking
French that you can kiss me?
Oh, yeah, I've wanted to
before that, but...
Really? When?
I think...
like, a good...
Like, kind of
the second I, um...
Shut up, shut up.
- Mmm...
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
- Awkward.
What if it's more like a--
No, Okay, that's it.
- Two strikes.
- I don't like that one.
I wanted to save the last one
for the--
Yeah, so we'll just that--
Batter just didn't go up to bat.
- Okay.
- Just went home.
- So I got--
- So two strikes.
- One more go.
- Yeah.
Okay, Okay.
You could bunt, though.
- I could bunt.
- Yeah.
I would really like...
You could do a sack slide,
running squeeze or push bunt.
I would love to bunt you.
Would ya?
Anyway, I don't have
any money.
I've only got, like, $40
so maybe we might have to
go down to Woollongong
or something.
But I do have a car.
There's something
I have to do first.
About this tall,
brown hair, with a blonde girl.
Looks a bit Italian-ish.
This kind of uniform.
- No?
- Could I wear your hat?
- No, I'm sorry, that's against regulations.
- Please!
- Do you want to photo?
- With you.
With me?
You want a photo, okay.
Sure, we got time for a photo?
I'll definitely sign you.
- Me too?
- Give me the pen.
A rose between two thorns?
- Yep.
- On the front stuff?
- It's been six months.
- Okay.
You need help
spelling your name, Harry?
You got to press it.
Oh, I was talking,
let's do it again.
What about kissing each cheek?
What about kissing each cheek?
Dean! Hello, Dean!
- Hey, g'day.
- You look like, um...
Sailor man.
He's been on the ship
for six months, so...
Good work, guys!
Keep on sailing.
Can you--
Would you give him a kiss?
- That's all right, I'm happy.
- You happy?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
You haven't seen our friend,
a navy guy?
- No...
- No, okay.
- You're very pretty, by the way.
- Thank you.
You really are,
you're very pretty.
You're very handsome too.
Fucking hell,
did you see that?
- Did you see?
- I took a photo of it.
That was fun.
- They were pretty cute.
- They're 12.
Old enough to bleed,
old enough to butcher.
Grass in the wicket,
right to play cricket.
You've got it
in you, see?
- You have got it in you.
- Sorry-- Sorry to interrupt.
Excuse me?
Have you seen a navy officer?
Brown hair?
With a blonde girl?
Not R.A.N.?
Can you tell him
he's in big trouble?
Oh, so what,
you just sit down.
When you get dumped on
every single day, Dean,
You get real good at
making yourself invisible.
Where we meeting your fiance?
- Um, Juju's.
- Great.
- No idea where it is.
- Awesome.
Hold back
Is there anybody out there
Feeling something?
Hold back
Is there anybody out there
Feeling something?
What are you doing?
It's the best part!
Put it back up.
'Cause I want to watch you
Taking off your--
Well, go on, then.
Go on what?
Tell me a story if there's
going to be no music.
Um... all right, uh...
All right, um, can you slow down
just a tiny bit, do you mind?
I worked-- I worked with my
granddad until I signed up.
He's 84,
and he still-- he still runs
the local league spot.
I managed-- just a bit slower,
sorry, sorry--
I managed the bar
there for a bit until, um--
until I was fired by
my own granddad,
and that's--
Dad, no, Dad, um--
Dad fucked off
when I was two,
so it's just me, Mum and Pop.
That's kind of it, I'm sorry,
it's not very exciting.
Yeah, I think you should
get out.
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
Okay, very funny, come on.
- Can we go, please?
- Huh?
Come on. Oh!
Oh, come on,
it wasn't that hard.
No, it's just one of, um--
One of Glenn's favorite spots.
Well, that's fucked.
I didn't know that.
Oh, what was that--
Oh, okay, stop, stop!
All right, all right, all right,
you win, you win, you win!
Stop, please!
- Oh...
- Can I show you something?
Oh, come on, we gotta go.
Yeah, I'm not doing that,
don't worry.
- Please?
- Watch. I'm auditioning for Hanging Out Saturday.
Do you want me to play you
a tune up my nose?
All right,
that is disgusting.
Can we please go?
Emma, please?
Come on, okay, okay.
That's very--
I'm very impressed
but please can we just
go and stay within the, um--
- within the speed limit?
- Yeah.
It would be good.
Do you have any other tricks
for this?
- No, not for now.
- Really?
Hey, Mrs. Fisher, hi,
it's Harry McCabe here.
I met you last Christmas.
I'm a friend of Sam's.
Yeah, have you, um-- have you
heard from Sam tonight?
Right, did he say
where he was going?
No, yeah, no, no,
that's-- that's kind of--
Yeah, no, that--
That's kind of why I'm calling,
we just worked that out.
He's not-- I'm gonna find him
before they get to him.
I will find him.
I love him too.
Mrs. Fisher, crying's not
going to get us anywhere.
Mrs. Fisher...
Did he say to you
where he was going?
Any friends or family?
- Hey, mate.
- Mrs. Fisher...
- Mate, come on.
- Mrs. Fisher-- fuck off.
Mrs. Fisher-- fuck off.
Okay, Mrs. Fisher, seriously...
Okay, I'm sorry,
I'm going to have to--
Harry McCabe,
we met last Christmas.
I had the-- I threw up--
That-- That's the one.
Yeah, with the funny moustache,
that's the one.
I'm gonna have to go.
I'm gonna find him, okay?
Mrs. Fisher?
Please stop--
Mrs. Fisher!
So everyone's looking at me
and I'm like,
it's not Jake's fault,
he's never been in
Bangkok before.
Well, money's like that,
you know,
you couldn't trust
your own brother
when it comes to money.
I mean... think about
Cain and Abel?
Oh, Cain and Abel
wasn't about money, Fred.
- Well, I mean--
- That was love.
It's the same thing,
in the world today.
- Ooh, hello.
- Ahh, there we are.
We've been chatting up some
chickee babes, have we?
- Squashed in here...
- I bet you were, Harry.
- I bet he was.
- You took your time.
Ah, you got to take your
time with the ladies, Dean.
He wasn't
talking to a girl, Fred.
- You're so negative.
- Oh, have some more food.
No, you have some more food.
Harry, so Dad's company just
bought some cargo ships
and he needs two guys
to be in charge,
and he said you and Dean can
take over when you get back.
- Wow!
- Yeah.
That-- Catch me up on
all that, Fred.
No, no, absolutely,
there's jobs for the boys, um,
you don't have to
worry about that.
- Yeah...
- Yes, because on the shore,
the first thing they want to do
is get straight back on a ship.
Oh, Mum.
Well, they may have
a taste for it now that they've
found their sea legs.
No, you do whatever you want,
Dean. No pressure, love.
I'm actually thinking about
studying something like, uh--
- Sally, don't be like that.
- Sorry!
No, I was just
thinking about it.
Like, what would you study?
I was thinking law or something.
- I'm sorry...
- It's not fair.
But he-- Come on,
you hated university.
I mean, what did you turn out
for, like, two weeks
and they never saw you again?
- So who's talked you into this?
- No one.
Don't you listen to
the peanut gallery, Dean.
She won't mind spending
a lawyer's paycheck
rest assured.
Oh, I'm sorry, love.
We can be homeless as long as
he kisses me like that.
Show off.
So what do you do for
a crust, Sally?
- Oh, I'm a social worker.
- Of course you are.
Yeah, it keeps...
Sorry, pardon?
Oh, no, I just,
the whole package.
Smart, sexy, funny and
you help the underprivileged.
It's exactly what I've pictured
Dean having.
Right, and um, clearly you're
the smart-ass friend who always
gets him into trouble
and then takes the credit for
getting him out of it again.
- Oh, I like you.
- Oh, and he doesn't "have" me.
Oh, you're good--
She's good.
And what do you do
on the ship, Harry?
- Um, communications.
- Ahh...
Ahh, and what about for
a crust?
See, you're feisty.
She's feisty.
Oh, really.
I, um-- I was a schoolteacher.
I signed up after 9/11.
- Really? What did you teach?
- Mathematics.
Look at you.
Hey, Mum.
- Oh, Sam.
- Hey...
What are you trying to do,
kill me?
I had your friend calling
at all hours.
I haven't slept a wink.
- You're not coming in.
- Oh, well, I am coming in.
No, you're not.
He's not very well, Sam.
No, no, Mum, I want to
see him, I want to see him.
- He's not very well.
- I want to see him.
He's not well enough.
Well, we came to see
you guys.
Oh... I brought him up
to have no manners.
- I'm Sam's mum.
- Hey, Ms. Fisher.
Bernie, Bernie.
Not "Bernie Bernie,"
just Bernie.
Sense of humor
from his late father.
- Dad's not dead.
- Is that right?
- Mum, this is Emma.
- Hey, Bernie.
Come in. Can't have
a lovely young girl like you
standing out there
like you're flogging insurance.
Close the door, Sam.
See what he does to me?
I haven't even got any face on.
Oh, I hope I look
as good as you
after I've had a brat like Sam.
Let's keep
our voices down.
How old do you think I am, Emma?
- Oh...
- Don't answer that.
I'll just imagine the answer.
Do you prefer "Em" or "Emma"?
my friends call me Em,
so you can call me Em.
You hungry?
No, I've actually worked
in a kitchen all night
so I'm kind of over food.
Well, tea or coffee?
Something stronger?
What's all this bloody hoo-ha?
Oh, God.
No bloody sleep as it is and
when I finally bloody drift off
it's disturbed by
bloody strangers.
- Ha!
- Hey, Pop. Hey, Pop.
How are ya?
Good to see ya.
You too, you look great.
Cover yourself up, Dad.
Bob Fisher,
Sam's feeble old grandfather.
Pleased to meet you.
- Pop, this is Emma.
- Sorry it's so late.
This isn't late.
You've come to a party! Oh!
Yeah, ride your
minute. Come on.
Come on, Emma,
help me with the drinks.
It's a new millennium, Bern,
why don't you ladies go
and put your feet up
while the men go
hunt and gather?
He's just trying to
impress you, Emma.
Don't you burn down my kitchen
again, Dad.
No, no, no, look,
what I'm saying is
my name is down there
and I'm ready to do it.
I don't want to have an argument
with you, okay?
- No, no, no, no.
- no, no, no...
Do you think I need to
come and step in?
- Oh, my God.
- I'm happy too.
- Do you want--
- Dean--
- If he goes him, let's both...
- Yeah, I mean...
He is so embarrassing.
I know.
He's just
so uncultured.
Yeah, no, no,
speak English, okay?
Look, you...
Watch it, now, watch it.
I'd-- I'm sorry,
but I think this is getting
a little bit out of control.
I'm next on here
and I'm pissed off.
Hey, hey!
Come over here.
Come, come, come.
Come on here,
look, look at this.
- Oh, wait a minute.
- I spoke to--
Come here, come here,
come sit down, come sit down.
Can they, can they--
Can they squeeze in here?
Sorry, sorry, no.
I'm sorry, girls.
- What is your name?
- You need to not--
No, it's okay,
what's your name?
- I'm sorry, girls.
- Anna...
He's taking no notice,
his name's down there
and my name is next, okay?
Excuse me, I'm quite
uncomfortable about these...
With the contact.
She's got her hand on
your leg.
Anna! You've-- Are you trying
to break up some...
This is a beautiful relationship.
Oh, I'm having
a hot flush.
I love her.
Yeah, you tell him to go and
sit down for a minute.
Sorry? What language
are you speaking now?
Can you show Dean--
show Dean your butterfly?
Can you show your butterfly?
You know what butterfly--
You know exactly what butterfly
I'm talking about.
Oh, my, do you know what,
it's quite beautiful.
Do you have any butterflies,
Yeah, yeah, right, yeah.
Well, I don't think we'll be
coming here again.
Sally, come on,
don't play that role.
That's not a fun--
That's not fun,
that's not fun
at the dinner table, you know?
- That's very attractive.
- I'll tell you what.
What if we got
a little like--
- Dean?
- Check this out.
- See, I'm excited?
- Okay.
See how it feels?
- Yeah. It's all terrible.
- It's all a little party.
So you're not studying?
What do you do?
You just go over there,
sit down and wait and I'll be
a few minutes, right?
Okay, yep, see ya, okay,
piss off, piss off.
I've been wanting a good burger
for six months, Pop.
How's the club?
Mum said you might be expanding.
Are you still cleaning up
after Simon?
- Simon's a good man.
- Yeah, I know.
- Hard worker.
- Yeah, but...
You know,
you always say that he's--
I know what I always say.
I always say it was not
for you to say that.
I'm probably gonna be made
petty officer, Pop.
What's that?
I'm gonna be made
petty officer...
- Probably.
- You're joking.
I was petty officer.
I know, why do you think
I requested the position?
Hey, that's terrific.
"My boy, the petty officer."
Oh, they'll love that,
Simon and the lads.
Really stick it to 'em.
Don't tell Mum until it's
all definite, though.
You're a good kid.
You've a great smile.
What are you talking about?
Get your hand off it and pass me
the bloody onions.
So what's this problem
with your friend?
Just argumentative,
you know?
I mean, he could speak perfectly
good English but with that thing
he just wanted to make me think
that I couldn't understand him.
I knew perfectly well that, uh,
he was trying to
jump the queue, eh?
Dad, you're horrible!
- Was I? I don't know if I was.
- Deano...
Eye on the time, Harry?
I think we should--
I don't know what's
going on with you two, but...
Couple of hot dates
or something?
No, no, no, we're
going to meet Monica and Anna.
It's just, um...
- Our friend.
- What?
- He's with a girl.
- Oh, who's with a girl?
That's the one I was talking to
on the phone before.
- Oh...
- He's gone somewhere.
We've got to go get him now, actually.
He's been through
a bit of a rough time
and they're pretty strict
on roll call, so...
He's a really great bloke,
actually, I wish you guys
could've met him.
- But he's...
- Out.
Excuse the salty language,
but he's a bit of a fucking
He's had a rough time.
Look, the X.O. took
a dislike to him and...
You could leave it at that.
Yeah, well, a little man
with a big dollop of power.
That's it, Fred.
- Yeah, I had one in the academy.
- The academy?
Fred wasn't a real
bang-bang copper.
I was in records,
actually, at--
I didn't say that.
Because of his hip.
Filing mostly.
It was his hip.
Well, yeah, I have a wonky hip,
thank you, Kath.
No, there was this guy,
he was named Trevor Sinclair.
Oh, God!
Not Trevor Sinclair!
Yeah, well, he was
the drill instructor.
I can't remember anything about
the ugly-looking prick's face
apart from the fact that he had
this great big vein
that ran right down the middle
of his forehead, right?
And it would pulsate every time
he screamed at me.
You're being quite
random, Fred.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
Okay, so, yeah, anyway,
so what's happened?
Has your friend gone AWOL
or something?
No, don't say that-- if you
say that, he gets arrested.
Oh, I don't think anyone
could hear me.
Is he in trouble
or something?
What goes on at sea
stays at sea.
Oh, another shite, Dean.
I think you should
tell us, Dean.
Oh, we want to hear it,
come on.
- They wanna hear it, come on.
- Shut up, Harry.
- Come on, they wanna hear it.
- We wanna hear it.
Yeah, you should
tell them, actually.
Who we gonna tell?
- It's a closed ship.
- You tell us, then, Harry.
I will tell ya.
I don't think you'll be
telling anything.
Oh, actually...
Um, I just don't think
it's dinner conversation--
Oh, don't be ridiculous!
That doesn't matter--
he's protecting me!
- It's so predictable!
- Then we'll clear the table.
You're family, you know,
you're related almost.
All right, I'll tell you
one of the tamer ones.
Uh... one of the ones
I know, anyway.
it was Easter Sunday.
Sam was on laundry duty
that week
and he hadn't put the uniforms
in the dryer overnight.
So when he did 'em--
- More sake, sir?
- Yeah, bring it on.
- Oh, great.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- I might grab--
- Anyone?
- Thank you.
So when he did
the uniforms in the morning,
they all had that rotting
damp smell...
Mmm, oh, God,
I hate that smell.
Right, and it's like
the officers' uniforms,
so they were
off-the-charts angry, and like,
you have to ration, you know,
washing, showers out there,
so they're walking around in
these uniforms all week,
stinking like dead birds.
So, two of us were ordered
to take Sam into the bathroom.
Deano, maybe--
and we ordered him to strip,
which he did, quickly.
And we cuffed him to the sink.
We were given steel wool
and deck brushes
which we used to
scrub him down with
until he was bloody and raw--
they were the exact orders--
he didn't make a sound
the whole time.
And when it was done, Glenn--
the executive officer--
and I urinated on the wounds,
then we hosed him off,
put his uniform back on him,
took him back to his post.
Are you happy now?
That's torture.
Mrs. Randall, you're given
an order and you take it.
- Oh!
- Otherwise, you're next.
Dean did what any of us--
I mean,
that's disgusting.
- That's torture.
- Mum!
- That's disgusting.
- Lay off him!
He just told us something--
Yes, he told us something
disgusting, that's disgusting!
Yeah, okay, he gets an order
and he takes it.
That's an excuse!
I'm sorry, Dean, but that's
absolutely inexcusable!
- Mum! Shut up! Mum!
- It's the navy.
The navy? Exactly!
It's the Royal--
The-- The Royal Navy!
Yeah, well,
she's a monarchist.
Now just settle down, Kath,
it happens everywhere.
It's a bit like Jeanine,
you know--
When she was harrassing
you at the pharmacy--
Oh, Fred, it was nothing
like that!
Only, you know,
a different style--
But it's nothing like that!
How can we help, Deano?
You know what you do,
You report him to
the authorities
and you get him booted out--
- No, no, no, you don't!
- That is what you do.
- That is what you do!
- And why not?
No, you don't, because
the navy's like the force.
The force?
Oh, God, give it a rest!
Well, you don't go
dobbing somebody--
Shut up about the force!
Well, no wonder he's gone AWOL!
Don't fucking say AWOL!
He's with a girl, he's just--
that's... the size of it.
- He's with a girl.
- Let's shoot from the hip.
I don't want
your wonky hip.
Your mate's a deserter.
Oh, go look up the word
"torture," Fred.
Look, I'm just saying that's
the way he will be treated
if he's convicted.
Shit on a brick, woman!
The-- Look...
Oh, if he's gonna do
the disappearing act,
he has to do it right, right?
That's all I'm saying to them.
Right, not just the state,
he has to get out of
the whole bloody country.
I might not know much,
but I know that much.
Listen to Carl Bernstein
over here.
Yeah, well, I would have
preferred to, um,
refer to myself as Bob Woodward,
thank you very much.
Well, you can't be Woodward,
'cause he's dishy.
You get yourself
a top shelf lawyer.
Just do that,
you deny everything
and just hope for the best,
that's what you do.
I'm sorry,
I'm just a little bit...
I'm sorry, Deano,
it's not your fault,
it's just that this--
I'll say a prayer
for your friend.
Look, I might be able to
help him get out of the country.
Oh, you and your wonky hip
gonna help, are ya, Fred?
Can we have
the check, please!
Check, check,
let's get the check.
- Get the check.
- Check!
The house is just getting
too big for us.
Losing the garden's
gonna kill me, naturally.
You-- Are you gonna tell
your mother?
Tell me what?
Oh, no. I don't-- I don't really
want to show off, Pop.
He's been made petty officer.
Is that right?
It's not official yet.
Isn't that amazing?
Amazing's the word.
Hey, guess what!
Did Sam tell you when he caught
a tiger shark?
- Emma.
- What's this?
Sam-- Anyway,
I'll tell the story, 'cause,
you know, he's too modest.
So, the boys had the day off and
they're on the boat fishing.
And then after like an hour,
he notices something on the end
of the fishing rod,
like, pulling really hard.
And so as he goes to wind it in,
everyone starts to look around
and it's a tiger shark.
And then naturally, all the guys
gather round and try to like,
help him and take the credit.
And Sam like shrugs 'em off
and says-- my favorite part--
"No, boys, this is between me
and the sea."
Oh, ho ho ho ho,
that's my boy.
But I think they were kidding
when they said that
the captain had it mounted
in his cabin.
- Emma!
- You bloody dark horse.
Tell me about you two.
- Mum--
- Where did you meet?
- Mum--
- A mother's entitled to know about her son's love life.
And a father's entitled
to know about his daughter's.
I like your hair.
Wouldn't have been regulation
in my day.
- Better than the dreadlocks.
- Dreadlocks?
- She's very pretty.
- Her name is Emma.
And she's sitting
next to you, Mum.
- Sam's pretty.
- Ha!
Hey, guys can be pretty too.
Sam's got pretty eyes.
Like Bob's.
You can
bring her again.
Oh, please.
What about some scotch
to celebrate?
- Girls? A little dabble?
- Sure.
- Mmm-hmm.
- Don't go to any trouble.
What's this game
you're playing, Sam?
Do you wanna give him another
heart attack, do you?
Are you trying to make
life difficult for me?
Get back at me for something?
Come on, tell me!
I just wanted
to see him happy.
For how long?
And I wanted you to be happy
'Cause he was.
Happy for how long, Sam?
What happens when he--
You're a fool!
And now you're a fugitive. Lovely.
- Bernie, you don't understand.
- I don't like you,
let's get that clear from
the outset, miss tiger shark.
- But Bernie--
- My name's Mrs. Fisher.
Mrs. Fisher,
they tortured him.
Needs a bit of discipline. Structure.
This wasn't structure, Mum.
When are you ever gonna
finish anything you start, Sam?
I'm not heartless.
Some people even think
I'm quite nice.
Well, that's not true,
but I can act nice.
It's just that whatever Sam's
involved in is an ordeal.
- I got the single malt!
- Wow.
So we can have a taste test.
No sex.
Going to parties by myself.
One e-mail a month.
You've got no idea
what it's like.
Yeah, it must be hard.
I feel terrible for ya.
Hey, you signed up, not me.
Just promise me
you'll be careful, yeah?
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey!
Promise me
you'll remember me
and you'll remember you have
this great life waiting for you.
Life that's gonna be
wonderful and lucky...
and full of love.
Just promise me.
Baby, I promise you.
- Promise.
- Yeah.
It's a different world
out there.
It's like when you're
at school, you know?
Like the whole universe crumbles
if you haven't done your
French homework,
you know,
'cause that's all you know.
It's the same out there
'cause that's all you know.
And when it's good,
baby, when they smile on ya,
life is roses.
All right, okay, kids,
all right, kids,
are you all right?
Okay-- Oh! Oh!
Okay, come on.
How about you, Harry.
You got a girlfriend?
Oh, no thanks!
- Hmmm?
- No, thank you.
Well, what is it?
Are you heartbroken?
Is that what it is?
Oh, maybe not.
Are you gay?
No, thank you.
Oh, come on, tell us.
- Me and Kath...
- Tell us.
- Very good.
- Very good?
Yeah, well, we're
the leading lights
at our group therapy sessions.
- Oh, Fred doesn't know.
- What?
It's called
couples rehabilitation.
It's for people who've had
emotional and sexual trauma
in their relationships.
Well, okay, we started
about six months ago,
and you wouldn't believe
what a world of difference,
Harry, it's made!
- Believe you me.
- Good.
So what is it, darling?
Once bitten, twice shy?
Is that it?
A handsome man like you
should be, um--
- Kath--
- Getting as much as you can.
Okay, okay, okay,
let's keep goin', keep goin'.
It's all right, it's all right,
no, no, it's okay, it's okay.
- How far are we walking?
- Just look at the fountain!
Hey, that's a great fountain.
Those things that I did--
I don't care about
what you did.
Just-- It doesn't matter to me,
all right?
- Yeah, babe--
- Look.
go find your friend, okay?
- Really?
- Yeah. I'll, um...
I'll just-- I'll meet you at
the docks in like, five hours.
All right?
That'll give us
45 minutes for you and me,
plus, you know,
15 minutes travel time
to get you back for roll call.
I've kind of got it
all worked out.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah,
there's this, like, long
dark street two blocks over
- from Harry's Cafe de Wheels.
- Hello.
And I am bringing
the station wagon.
I love you.
Well, I just can't wait
to see you out of this uniform.
- Yeah.
- Oh, oh!
Okay, okay, okay.
I just think
I'm gonna throw up.
- Oh!
- No, don't!
No, no, no, no, no!
Let's keep walking,
let's keep walking,
you won't-- you'll be fine,
you'll be fine.
- Oh, I feel great!
- Absolutely fine.
Oh, I could have
a shower there.
Okay, okay
All right.
Do you want to
shower with me?
Uh, no...
Do you like
to lather me?
Deano, I think it's cab time
for these two!
Yeah, but I heard
what you were saying.
- Now, uh--
- What, I wasn't flirting!
That's my arm, Fred,
that hurts.
I just said there was chemistry,
I didn't say we should
do anything about it!
- Oh!
- Oh, sh-- God!
- Jesus!
- I'm sorry!
You all right?
- Yeah. Fuckin' hell.
- Oh, you thought it was funny.
You all right?
What have you done,
You've broken
my fucking nose!
Have you hurt yourself?
- Call a cab...
- You okay?
He's broken
my fucking nose, man!
Ohh-- just get me
on my feet.
- Harry, Harry, Harry.
- Up, there you go.
Did you look up my dress?
Here we are.
- McCabe, can you get a cab?
- Yeah, sure.
- Mum!
- Oh, just leave me alone.
- Leave me alone, leave me alone.
- Mum!
You want to get in
a cab or something?
No, it's all right,
all right, whoa!
Whoa, I think-- Jesus.
Can we just--
Dad? Dad? Can you just
control Mum, please?
- Dad!
- What are you doing?
- That's my mother-in-law.
- Yeah. Kisssing your mother-in-law...
Mum, go home with Dad.
You're embarrassing, you are.
You're embarrassing the fuck
out of me right now.
Where is he,
where is he?
You okay?
Can you just
take Mum home?
You're not on medication
or anything like that, are you?
I have never been better.
Never, ever...
You see, this is what
it's done for us.
- Watch this now, you ready?
- You're watching?
You ready?
- Just leave 'em.
- Are you watching?
Hey! Hey, hey!
Are you watching?
- Yeah.
- Mum!
This is how you do it.
All right?
Awesome to meet you.
Thanks, Sally, for tonight.
It's been great.
Is my nose crooked?
Please tell me my fucking nose
isn't crooked.
Let's go to the hotel.
Dean, what is this,
the fuckin' end of
the monologue?
Let's go to the hotel.
Okay, this might sound a bit,
you know--
What if we go
to shore patrol?
Yeah, it's sounds ludicrous.
- Jake's a mate.
- He's really not your mate.
He might do us a favor
and keep it quiet.
What? How's the weather
in fool's paradise, Dean?
- We could explain it to him.
- Oh! We explain it to them.
What would we say?
What's the first thing
you'd say?
- It's a thought.
- Next thought, please.
No, here we go.
- Okay, we can't dilly-dally.
- Dilly-dally?
What's wrong
with dilly-dally?
Mmm, that looks good on you.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Have a good one.
Got the time, mate?
Yeah, it's, uh... 2:27.
So it's not midnight.
My watch must be--
And what you're saying is--
you're sayin it's exactly
two hours and 27 minutes
after midnight.
- Have a good night.
- Yeah, I'll try.
Sam Fisher, yes?
We can do this out in
the hallway if you want, Sam.
I run a legitimate business.
I'm not ashamed.
I don't-- I don't know
what you're talking about.
Let me explain.
Come on.
See, one of the girls is
taking it personally,
like it's, uh,
rejection or something?
Girls? What-- What girls, mate?
I mean, it's--
it's just rude.
Okay, look, you know what?
I reckon there's been some
sort of misunderstanding here.
We're-- We're not the people
you're after.
There's been some sort
of a misunderstanding.
There's a cab as well,
I mean,
- you were supposed to pay for that.
- Okay.
I get here, it's, you know,
the meter's up to 70 bucks,
he's kept it runnin'
the 'ole time,
can't blame 'im for that.
- Totally understand.
- But where's it coming from?
I reckon you've got
the wrong room.
Well, we do a call-back soon as
the order's made, chummy, so...
Okay, well...
You're out a lot of money,
I understand,
this has to be
some sort of mistake--
Look, just go back--
Emma, shut the fuck up, please.
Please. You're not helping.
Yeah, there's been
a mistake, Sammy.
About 600 bucks worth.
Oh, just help yourself
to a drink then.
Hey, it's all good.
You're not-- you're not--
600 bucks.
I'll let you off for 50, see as
I'll give the girls a lift home,
they won't need a cab,
how's that?
- Okay, you know what--
- You won't get fairer than that.
Yeah, it's Harry.
It's my friend.
My stupid fuckin' friend that--
that's it, it's not me.
Your stupid fuckin' friend
isn't here, now, is he, Sammy?
Look, just,
why don't you just go back--
Emma, just shut
the fuck up, please.
Yeah, shut the fuck up, Emma,
do yourself a favor.
Oh, go back to fuckin'
England, you wanker.
I tell you what, you know,
for your information,
future reference and all,
that pussy I was gonna get you
is far better than this.
Ohh, you've got balls,
have you, Popeye?
Well, I tell you what.
You give me my 650
and we'll get 'em out
and we can all see, eh?
Look, just go home--
How 'bout watchin'
your big guts-- Oof!
Be a pal.
Let me back in.
- Back off, Sam--
- No, it's still there.
Hey mate! Mate!
No, Sam,
go get a pillow.
- Hey, mate. Are you okay?
- Tell me what to do!
- Where do I put it?
- Underneath. Here. Hold on.
Mate, you okay?
Can you move your neck?
Yeah. Thank you.
Sam, just calm down.
You're okay, mate?
Hey, do you know
where you are?
I don't know...
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
What's your name?
It starts with a "W."
- Warren.
- Okay, fantastic, Warren.
First go.
I'm one of the Wombles.
Mm, one of the Wombles.
You're not
one of the Wombles, mate.
Who's your favorite Womble?
What year is it?
Tomsk, was it?
He's a big one.
- What year is it, mate?
- What year?
Hey, Warren! Concentrate!
Mmmm... Orinoco?
No, what ye--
What year is it?
grab her with his hands
and they used a clever...
- All right, get him up.
- Come on, Warren.
Let's see if you can sit up.
- Hey, Warren.
- Yep.
We're gonna get you up,
all right, mate?
Come on, Warren.
Come on, Warren.
Hey, it's okay, Warren.
It's all good.
Someone hit me.
Yeah, I did.
Yeah, he's sorry,
he didn't mean to.
Come, let's get you up
into the bed.
- Sam, his neck!
- I know, he's fucking heavy!
Come, Warren.
- It's all good, it's all good.
- I'll put him on--
Right over here.
- You all right, mate?
- Yep.
- Hey, Warren.
- Yeah?
Look here.
Look over here.
Warren. Warren. Warren.
Hey. You're gonna be okay.
- I'm okay.
- Yeah.
- Where's my dog?
- You didn't bring a dog.
Where's my dog?
Do you remember
why you came here, mate?
Yep. Came with the--
- The Wombles.
- No, no Wombles, mate.
- Two girls.
- The girls.
- You made the Wombles cry.
- I didn't make--
I didn't make the Wombles cry.
I made the girls cry.
I'm really-- I'm really sorry.
- Hey!
- Mm?
I think we should get him--
Hey, Warren, I think we're gonna
get you to a hospital, okay?
Do you want to go to
the hospital, mate?
No, sleep. No, sleep.
You sure?
Someone hit me.
I'm just gonna
take your shoes off
and just do a check on
your toes, if that's all right.
Got my football socks on, Paul.
You got your football socks on?
- Got my football socks on.
- You're a football fan, huh?
It's rude to speak
in another language.
I like to be a bit
international, Candy.
Not with that accent.
I doubt that.
How you doing there, Candy?
Oh, best I've ever been.
How long have, um...
Fucking people for money?
About ten years professionally.
I used to get taken out
for dinner,
and then I'd be taken home in
the Maserati,
and, um... yeah...
Yeah, I used to get
all good stuff then.
I prefer it now.
Now I know what I am.
Who's here for Mr. Barnes?
Warren Barnes, that's me!
He's had
a terrible concussion
and his hearing's
slightly impaired,
so that's why he's shouting.
Here. Take your
jacket back.
- Put your jacket on.
- I don't need it.
- You'll get cold.
- Put your jacket on.
Put your jacket on.
Warren, I'll get you the money,
mate, I swear.
Stop being stubborn!
Put it on.
Mate, I'll get you the money,
I swear.
Terrible thing to owe
someone money, Popeye.
Just forget about it, eh?
You're supposed to offer
again, aren't you?
Taking advantage,
don't you think?
No. Dr. Paul, he says that
I'm gonna come out of this
looking... well, scary, so...
That's sweet, ain't it?
Yep. Leave me alone now, girls.
You can't.
You can't. You can't.
Fucking leave it!
Got me good, Popeye.
Won't happen again.
No free hit next time.
It was a big mistake, that.
Here we go.
Come on.
Bye, you guys.
- See ya.
- Bye, honey.
Let's go
and have a beer.
We're gonna have a beer.
- Listen.
- Hey!
I've guessed, but it's okay.
It's cool.
- Okay?
- Yeah.
Look at you in your
nice scruffed shoes
and your slick hair...
Tight belt.
Do you want me to take
your bag?
- Yeah.
- All right.
You walk like a girl anyway.
Final humiliation.
[man, on TV]
And he moves
around the outside.
Rockmore Henderson...
Hey, champ.
Scotch double, no ice.
- Harry McCabe!
- Hey, mate.
- Look at us!
- How are ya?
- Sit down.
- Thanks.
- How you feeling?
- Getting there.
Oh, do you--
Do you still partake?
Yeah, the wife doesn't like it.
I don't see her.
She's upstairs.
She smells it.
Can't get away with anything.
They're good like that.
So, how's my boy doing?
He's good.
- You looking out for him?
- Yeah. Course I am.
He'll be fine.
You met Deano's little lady yet?
I-- Yeah, yeah,
- She's, um...
- She all that?
Oh, she's not my--
She's giggly, you know?
Oh, I like it when they giggle.
Oh, oh! H.M.S. Dignity.
That's a good boat.
How the fuck did you
know that?
Deano's got a big mouth,
is that right?
Deano-- Have you heard about
the guy who's replacing me?
Makes me look like
the fucking Wiggles.
Oh, man.
It was me, Glenn.
I told them what you did to Sam.
- Sorry?
- I snitched on you.
I... think you heard me.
Oh, Harry!
Oh, Harry!
You've got no idea what
the next six months of your life
are gonna be like.
Do you realize how much pain
once I tell the boys?
Strap yourself in, Harry.
No, you can't touch me.
I'm a sub-lieutenant.
Let's see.
Let's just see.
You're weak, Harry.
You're what's wrong with us.
You are.
Not Sam.
You see, I like Sam.
He's done his time in
the shitbox now.
He can face anything.
But you...
You know, the brain
is man's worst enemy?
You are never gonna understand
toughness, are you, mate?
'Cause you just worm your way
out of everything.
But that's the world.
Sam will thank me one day
for what I did for him.
And so will you.
I would very much like it
if you would fuck off now
and get a fucking haircut,
because you're not fooling
anybody with that.
Fuck off, please. Go on.
I almost shat my inner child.
Sam... I thought...
I thought you'd
done yourself in.
Surely, I'd still be in
if I had.
What the fuck happened then?
Harry hired some hookers, apparently.
I tried to stop him.
Just like you tried
to stop Glenn?
Where is...
Emma. She's gone home.
Where the fuck's McCabe?
He's mad at me.
What else is new?
No, like, he's really mad.
You're right, Sam.
About what, Dean?
I'm not going back either.
Waitress was a virgin,
was she?
I'll serve eight months, max.
I'll get out,
I can marry Sally.
What do you think?
Hand ourselves in together?
So sorry, Sam.
God, I just tried to believe
that that wasn't me doing that.
I'll tell them.
I'll report Glenn.
I'll tell them what I know.
And what I did.
Uh... I don't want
you to do that.
I have to.
I'm going back, Dean.
No one forced me into this.
No one's gonna force me out.
How can you go back?
That's a terrible thing
to ask somebody.
It'll happen again.
I'm gonna serve my time.
What if they make you do it?
Fuck 'em.
Drink quickly.
We gotta make a move.
- Where you off to?
- Roll call.
- I knew it, I knew it.
- You knew shit.
Crawling back.
We got to go.
Can I ask you something?
Can you hand me in?
You'll be having breakfast
with Sally
before we're even out
of the harbor, mate.
I'll meet you in the foyer.
Christ, I hope he makes
a run for it.
I'm fucked.
I'm gonna apply to be
petty officer.
Should we do a runner on
the carpet trauma
and just leave a massive tip?
Is my nose crooked?
I don't think so.
Hey, thanks for those hookers,
by the way.
Oh, I forgot.
Was that helpful?
- Not in the slightest.
- Hmm.
Throw a rope to my aid
I'm down here digging
My own grave
You don't have to be a hero
And rescue to save
And please
Throw a rope to my aid
I'm about to turn to dust
And fade
Never gonna give up
Till I turn the grave
And I can hear them
Calling in
The deep valley
Echo of the desperate
Pleading heroes
But I have no strength
To return those calls
Hope had passed
Stumbled down my way
Stumbled down my way
And please
Throw a rope to my aid
Pull me from
This hungry shade
Always gonna be
A star for praise
And please
Throw a rope to my aid
Pull me from
This hungry shade
Always gonna be
A star for praise
And please
Throw a rope to my aid
Pull me from
This hungry shade
Always gonna be
A star for praise
And please
Throw a rope to my aid
Life is no longer today
It don't take too long
For a man too afraid
But I have no strength
To return those calls
Hope their path
Stumbles down my way
Stumble down my way
Well, the sunlight
Is my enemy
Whoa, yeah
I know that you
Won't fight me again
And the sunlight
Is my enemy
Whoa, yeah
I know that you
Won't fight me
So please
Throw a rope to my aid
This dust is where
I once laid
You don't have to be
A hero
And rescue to save
A hero and rescue to save