Three Businessmen (1998) Movie Script
Taxi! Taxi!
Ding, ding.
Ding, ding!
They've gotten you in room... 301?
I think...
I think you'd like...
147 better.
You think I'd like 147?
It's a better room...
Jacuzzi... suite... eh?
I'd better have that one, then.
Cheers, mate.
one five seven...
OK...
one five five...
one five six.
And this should be...
one five five... again.
Great.
153... 154... OK.
... the bottom line, at the
end of the day, the issue is...
what are they bringing to the table?
Excuse me... I wonder if you would
mind telling me what...
room number you're in? Sir?
One... four... six!
147!
Must have passed it.
No, 150!
Home is where the heart is.
Oh, well.
Yes?
Hello...
Hello?
Yes?
Hello?
Hello, which... room you in, please?
What?
Uh... 147.
The desk clerk gave me a choice...
I know... it was me.
It's all right, then.
Got everything you need?
Yes... Oh... I can't spot the mini bar.
The Jacuzzi suite doesn't
come with a mini bar.
Sorry.
We got a grand restaurant
for your use, though. French.
Fine... I'll... Fine, thank you.
You're welcome.
Sir!
Would you like to site over here, sir?
Thank you.
Menu, sir.
And I would like to see
a wine list, please.
Certainly, sir.
You see this? Avocado salad...
diced avocado, raspberries, tomato
pulp, tossed with a honey vinaigrette?
Would those raspberries
be fresh or frozen?
I'll check with kitchen, sir.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Would you mind... passing me the salt?
Not at all. There you go.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Bennie Reyes.
- Frank King.
- Pleased to meet you, Frank King.
I see you brought all your
gear with you.
Pardon?
Cell phone, pager. Probably an
organizer. You know, your gear.
Actually, I prefer to be free of that
sort of impediment at the dinner hour.
I hear you talking, Frank.
Nothing more I hate than
impedimenta while I'm eating.
- Excuse me, Frank...
- Yes?
How long have you been sitting here?
If you don't mind my asking.
About 35 minutes.
And doesn't it strike
you as a little weird?
- Does what strike me as weird?
- The smell.
- I can't smell anything.
- Exactly! There's no smell of food.
Actually, that's not at all unusual
in an English restaurant.
I can see that.
What's that smell, then?
Disinfectant, I suppose.
Yes, siree, Bob.
I think... I think I would like some...
wine.
You'd think they'd at least
bring us some bread.
Would you... would you mind
awfully not doing that?
- Sorry.
- Not at all.
It's just a nervous habit,
I can see it's annoying.
No, not at all. I'm sorry.
I have ears like a bat.
Is that right? Maybe you can hear
what they're up to in the kitchen.
So... Frank. What do you do for
a living, if you don't mind my asking?
Well... I...
I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name.
It's Bennie. Bennie Reyes.
- Well, Mr. Reyes...
- Please, call me Bennie, Frank.
Bennie.
Well, as you can see from the card,
art's my game. I deal in the stuff.
What an extraordinary coincidence!
It's my business as well.
Get out of here!
Southwestern art, mainly.
Native American stuff, eh...
Blankets, baskets, jewelry,
that kind of thing.
- I specialize in African.
- You mean like masks.
Masks, pottery and fetish objects.
So, what's your market for that?
You'd be surprised. I sell to
the legal profession...
doctors... a number of people
in the music business, too.
Me too! The entertainment industry
goes crazy for our stuff.
They certainly do.
- You have an office in California.
- San Pedro.
We do a lot of business in the South.
Home's New Mexico, though.
Just over the border.
- That's very convenient for you.
- Well, yes, it is.
Yes, it is, Frank.
Well, well. A fellow art flogger.
You must allow me to
buy you a drink, sir.
That's... very kind of you.
It'll be my pleasure.
- There's no one here either.
- It's weird.
Hello! Hello!
Something's happened.
I suppose we'll have to
fend for ourselves.
Frank.
I like your spirit.
Thank you.
No, after you.
Thank you.
There must be some place down there.
Hey, Frank, that's something
you don't see every day.
Full male frontal nudity.
That's "Liverpool Resurgent".
What did you say?
That's what that statue is called.
It says so in this book.
Where did you get that?
"Liverpool Information Services"
I should get my office to
liaise with them.
You definitely should,
they're very helpful.
Does the book say anything about
a decent restaurant in this burg?
Actually, it does. There appear to
be a few down the street here.
What sort of food do you fancy?
I don't need anything fancy. Actually,
I'm in the mood for a nice rare steak...
with all the trimmings.
Hey! Just what the doctor ordered.
Bennie, it's been great meeting you.
Enjoy your dinner.
Frank, wait up!
Listen!
Two guys alone in a new town.
Why don't you join me?
That's very kind of you, Bennie,
but I'm a vegetarian.
- Not vegan, are you?
- No, no. Just no meat.
Thank God! I have an ex-wife
who is a vegan.
You try feeding a woman in the American
Southwest that won't eat, eggs, fish...
or cheese. It's impossible,
you can take my word for it.
I'm not as bad as that.
Then I can't see why we can't
reach an accommodation.
Besides, I do owe you
that drink, guv'nor.
- How about that place there?
- Too yuppie for me.
Just what I was thinking, Frank.
Kind of place where everything comes
with mango sauce an goat cheese.
- How about that place?
- Italian doesn't agree with me either.
- Really? North or South?
- The whole boot, I'm afraid.
Hello! Look where we are!
Matthew Street.
I believe that's where the original
Cavern Club was found.
- Cavern Club?
- Yeah. - Cavern Club...
Oh, yeah... The Beatles.
Four lads who shook the world.
The loveable mopheads.
The little shits.
Oops! Sorry.
You know, I never could stand them.
Stupid haircuts, pointed shoes...
"She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah...
What kind of writing is that?
It's pathetic, sorry.
Please, don't apologize to me.
I'm a country western man.
Yeah, right. What country?
Come on, give us a song. One, two...
uno, dos, tres, cuatro...
You're really amazing.
Come on! Otherwise I'll think you're
one of those fake western enthusiasts...
When you get right down to it, they
don't know the difference between...
Hank Williams and Glen Campbell.
How can you possibly meet somebody
for the very first time...
strike up a conversation and
solicit them for a song?
- Happen to you a lot, does it?
- Three times this year.
- I do a lot of business with Americans.
- It's a national trait.
Well, my national trait is that
I can't do anything without a drink.
Now you're talking my
language, Francis.
Well, we could go here, although the
Beatles have been here before us.
- This is the place, eh?
- Yup, this is where the 4 loveable...
mopheads used to get pissed.
Too historical. It would be like
drinking in the Lincoln Memorial.
I agree. Let's go back down here and
maybe we'll find something that's more..
along the lines of what
you're looking for.
I hope so.
What's that?
That is either Glen Campbell or
Hank Williams, I can't tell.
It's Carl Jung! That's Carl Fucking
Young, excuse my French.
"Liverpool is the pool of life".
They must have made a mistake.
It must be Karl Marx.
Maybe we took a wrong turn
and ended up in Switzerland.
No, this is Liverpool. Matthew
Street, definitely Liverpool.
Definitely.
- You know something about Carl Jung...
- What?
He loved a good plate of seafood.
I myself am on a seafood diet.
Yeah, you see food and you eat it.
- Sorry.
- It's OK.
You know something? I think you
might be wrong about Carl Jung.
- Yeah? He didn't like seafood?
- No, no. I think that was Freud.
You know, they don't teach you
that kind of thing at the U.N.M.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Teach you anything at all? - Well...
There must be a bar around
here someplace.
Pub. We call them pubs.
Sorry, I'm getting testy.
Maybe we should head back to the hotel.
It's kind of depressed,
the north, I hear.
All those "For Sale" signs we passed
and all those deserted buildings.
It kind of gives you the creeps.
You know how Liverpool made a lot
of its money in the old days?
The slave trade.
Of course they say they
never let them land.
Who?
Who they never let land?
- Frank?
- Oh, what?
Oh, the slaves. They never
let the slaves land
Well, that's good.
Isn't it?
You know, it certainly is.
It's really despicable, the kind of
things human kind gets up to.
All over the world, Franklin.
It's the same every place I go...
despicable, despicable, despicable...
Do cars here have ridiculous
names like in America?
- Like what?
- You know, "Jimmy", "Cherokee"...
"The Cogitator".
"The Existentialist"
"The Aubergine".
"The Deer Slayer", a passionate
car for the passion in you.
Well, we're not far behind you.
Look at that Mercedes dealership.
I never pay them any attention,
all they have is numbers.
- That's strange. - Not really,
who could warm up to a 280 SL?
- Where's the poetry?
- No, but I mean...
You're right about this being
a poor neighborhood.
So who's buying these cars?
You're right!
- Shifting markets!
- Absolutely! Economic revitalization.
- That's the key, isn't kit?
- It hast to be, it must be.
And we're on the edge of it, Frank. The
cutting edge, independent businessmen...
- All the old moorings are gone.
- Rotted completely away.
- And replaced by what?
- Ah, that's the challenge.
It certainly is.
- The millennium!
- Exactly.
There must be a... pub
around here someplace.
People say we're on the
verge of a new era...
but as far as I can tell we're
on the edge of absolute chaos.
And one of the proofs of
this in my opinion is...
the absolutely insane things that
everybody seems to believe nowadays...
There's literally no agreed
upon truth anymore.
I don't know that I agree
with you there, Frank.
But seriously. You've got astrology,
I Ching, Tarot cards...
Aroma therapy. Canine acupuncture.
Exactly. And the revival of
Eastern mysticism...
People running around believing they're
the reincarnation of Marie Curie.
- It's insane.
- Aha! Success!
There is a reaction against science
in our culture...
indeed, a reaction against
rational thought of all kinds.
This drives me, for one, very
nearly out of my mind.
I hear you talking, Franklin.
Listen, if I know one thing, it's this;
in today's competitive world...
it's what you know and how quickly
you know it that are crucial.
If you don't have access
to the latest information...
whether you're in the office or on
the road, you just can't keep up.
- Excuse me...
- The kitchen's closed.
I'll just have a... whisky, please.
And you?
I'll trust you on this one, Frankie boy.
Same for me, only make it a double.
Only by having the most
powerful information tools...
ones that give you access to what
you need, when you need it...
Only then will you be on the path to
personal and professional success.
Hear, hear. Well said.
- Thank you very much.
- You Americans?
- No, no.
- And proud of it.
Here, let me get these.
Take it all out of here, love.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Cheerio, mates!
Oh, really. Awful decent
of you, old chum!
We were just down by the waterfront,
and we have a question;
You know those car salesroom
down there with the luxury cars?
- Who's buying them?
- The drug dealers.
The face of Liverpool is changing.
Computer-based technology has vast
potential in financial services...
home shopping, health
research, pharmaceuticals...
we're building a world-class
infrastructure to cash in on the boom.
It's the drug dealers, I tell you.
Those dealers are more
competent than you know.
Cable North West has completed 90%
of its cabling in Liverpool.
We have more broad-band fiber optic
cable than anywhere in the UK...
Barclay Card's call center takes
40,000 calls a day.
Well, that would explain it.
She's a good woman, really.
A little cynical.
Hard not to be, when you're
a woman alone with a kid to raise.
Well, I'm off.
If you have time, drop in on my karaoke
lounge. Biggest outside of London.
Karaoke, eh?
So, the karaoke business,
is it a big here?
Oh, yeah, well... it's universal,
ain't it, karaoke?
- Well, right then.
- Yeah, OK.
- Nice one! - Bye, bye.
- Cheerio, mate!
What a nice chap.
And what he was saying is so true.
I mean, think about it...
Software, the technological explosion...
This way? Or that way?
Or maybe that?
Frank?
I think what we can do is
take the train from here...
back to Lime Street.
Once in Lime Street, we're
bound to find the hotel.
Right-e-t-o!
I wonder how long it'll be.
I hear that they run fairly frequently.
Good. Because in foreign
countries, you never know.
Well, of course, for me this
isn't a foreign country.
Hey! That's right. That's funny.
Anything good in there?
Not really.
- Don't read them myself.
- Don't read what? - Newspapers.
- You don't read newspapers?
- Or magazines, or watch television.
I can't imagine life
without newspapers.
The way I figure it, we're way
over-stimulated already.
With phones, pagers, fax machines,
your email, you've got your...
answering machines. It's way too much.
At a certain point, I've had it.
You know something I've noticed
about answering machines?
You can be in any country in the
world, anywhere on the planet.
All the answering machines
play one of two tunes.
It's either the theme from
"The Sting"...
- or "Fr Elise".
- My computer plays that!
Or, they play "O Tannebaum."
Which is also the "Internationale"
or "The Red Flag".
You know, the socialist anthem.
They sing it in Red Square, in Moscow.
They used to, anyway.
- The Red Flag.
- Yeah.
Stained with the blood of workers.
You're singing, Frank.
Never mind about that. The point
is the Labour Party used to sing it.
The Labour Party sings
a Bolshevik anthem?
Not anymore. Now they hum the
theme from "Chariots of Fire".
That's the government for you.
I swear you never know what those
bastards are going to get up to next.
In the U.S. they're trying
to kill off fat people.
It's true. The United Nations has
secret underground bases full of troops.
For the sole purpose of detaining
extra large segments of the population.
Purely on the basis of their weight.
Yeah, you can scoff all you want.
But it's not funny, it's sad.
You know what, though? You are
right in a certain way because...
Where do you draw the line? When do you
know whether to trust the government?
I believe those signs in elevators
that say they've been certified safe.
That's about it.
And by the way. There isn't one
in the elevator at our hotel.
Yeah, I noticed that.
That's why I take the stairs.
Partner, put her there.
- What happened?
- Must have missed our stop.
That's just ducky.
- This way.
- And I twisted my ankle!
I think to get out, we have
to go up, and then back.
- Frank, I twisted my ankle!
- Doesn't matter, just keep walking.
It hurts!
I'm not absolutely sure
what area this is.
What was the name of the station
we were supposed to stop at?
- Can't remember.
- Speak up! - I said I can't remember.
Then how do you know
it's the wrong one?
Because there's only four stations on
the map and this isn't one of them.
I can't rotate it as well as
I usually can.
- Can't rotate what?
- My ankle!
Where are you going?
Frankly, Frank, while you figure
this one out, I need an anesthetic.
As Spinoza says:
"Who so loves God truly must not
expect to be loved by him in return."
So, are you trying to sleep with me?
Because in my experience guys who talk
philosophy are trying to sleep with me.
Two, please.
Does not this place seem
a little odd to you?
Why?
I'm screwed if they don't take plastic.
I've got to get to an ATM.
Great! I'll pay you when we
get back to the hotel, OK?
Hope there's a cigarette machine
around here someplace.
Excuse me. You don't mind
if I bum a smoke, do you?
- No, of course not.
- Got a light?
Cheers.
- You don't smoke, of course.
- No, I don't drink either.
- Kampai.
- Skoal.
Lucky for me you've got plenty of cash.
I always try to carry enough
for my immediate needs.
I do too, Frank. I do too.
For example, if I'm at home or
a foreign country, I always...
try to have enough currency
just for the odd event, you know.
A taxi ride, an unexpected drink...
Really, Frank. What countries
would those be?
Just the places I visit now and then;
I'm often in Bermuda...
Brussels... Bangkok.
I always have a little something
for an emergency.
Very sensible. Even if you don't mind
my saying so, a little schoolmarm-ish.
But really. To carry a little extra
stash of cash is... very smart.
I'm wondering... if you have this.
- You've got a gold card?
- Yes.
- Platinum? - Of course. - But have
you heard of the... Plutonium Card?
Never heard of it.
Hey, you don't mind if I have this,
do you? I collect foreign change.
- What for? - I'll tell you what
I do with it, Frankie boy.
I take this, wrap it in Saran wrap....
Put that in a sock and... boom! Best
damned weapon you've ever had.
I can go anywhere...
Airport security, Customs
and Immigration....
Anybody gives me hard time... boom!
I... donate mine to charity.
I'm sure you do.
And... frankly, I don't believe there
is any such thing as a Plutonium Card.
You'd better believe it, amigo.
The Plutonium Card can save
your hide one of these days.
It's a whole new concept in marketing.
And the benefits... are extreme.
I get dismemberment insurance.
Product replacement guaranteed.
Including loss through acts of God.
I enjoy access to unique experiences
and thrilling events...
whose tickets, in most cases, cannot
be purchased through normal channels.
And let me tell you about
the best benefit of all.
Total salvation!
I don't have the faintest idea
what you're talking about.
Once a year, I as a Plutonium Card
holder in good standing...
can call the Plutonium hot line.
This is a special number...
assigned to a small handful
of qualified customers.
And once I call this number...
give them my PIN, which by the way
it's best for security reasons...
to... to choose at random.
not pick your birth date or your...
Social Security number...
or any date of sentimental significance.
Once I've established my identity...
Once I've established my identity...
this emergency service will rescue me
twenty four hours a day...
- wherever I am in the world!
- What do you mean "rescue you"?
- If I'm lost, for example.
- Like we are, for example.
I can call Plutonium Card, and they can
track me, using fiber optics...
to any location. And then,
they will send a limousine...
to deliver me to my original
point of origin.
So, call them.
What?
Take some change out of your pocket,
or weapon or whatever you call it...
call them on the phone and
tell them we're lost.
Have you been listening to me?
I get one chance a year, pal.
In that case, I'm going to
get some dinner.
"In that case, I'm going
to get some dinnah".
How lost are we, exactly?
- For one person or two person?
- Well, we're real hungry.
For two person.
Fine.
Really, what do you think?
Well, look, we can't be that lost, OK?
According to this map, if we...
can't find where we are it's because
we wandered out from the city center.
All we have to do is take a bus
and we'll be right back there.
This never would have happened if you'd
remembered the name of the hotel.
What?
I'm the foreigner. I think it
should be your responsibility.
Oh, please. What business were you in?
Because in the import-export business
we take responsibility for our actions.
- What did you just say?
- Real estate development.
- I was in real estate development.
- Really?
- The 80's were great for us!
- Fantastic.
And in the 70's, restaurants.
I had a... you had a...
A lot of money to be made in the
restaurant business, Frankie.
- Back in the Seventies.
- Damn straight.
What was that we were drinking back
there? Let's have another one.
I don't think so. I'd rather
eat first, actually.
- OK.
- Even though it is mostly meat.
Still...
This isn't bad...
- I can't breathe.
- What's wrong?
- Bennie?
- Panic... attack.
I'm... sorry.
Oh, my God!
...at the end of the day, the issue is,
what can he bring to the table?
I wish I hadn't left my cellphone
and pager in that...
room.
What a nice public space, eh?
Very impressive.
Frank, I'm sorry about the food.
I've just always been that way.
- What way?
- Abundance.
It makes me crazy!
Comfort. Satiety. They just
scare the pants off me!
It's just way too much food!
- It's OK, OK. Come on.
-OK.
What I wouldn't give for a nice game
of solitaire in my laptop right now.
Really? What sort do you have?
I've got one I like.
It's got a 12.1" LCD flat panel.
I can't deal with those. Mine
is a 14.1. Anything less, forget it.
14.1 is excessive for my needs.
But I suppose it's true...
the bottom line over time is the 12.1's
will diminish and 13.1's will increase.
13.3 is the minimum I can live with.
Those dimensions do break
the form factor....
- How thick is yours?
- 1.2"
Mine... .78.
- Really?
- Smallest on the market.
- Impressive!
- You bet.
Frank? You know what's really weird?
It's that guys never talk about sex.
Think about it. The minute chicks get
together, it blah, blah, blah, sex this.
- And blah, blah, sex that. But guys...
- Bennie!
I'm trying to read my newspaper.
Sorry.
Anything good in there?
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.
See 'em all a-standing in a row.
Big ones, small ones, some
as big as your head.
- Bennie!
- Yeah, Frank.
Nothing!
There stands my wife the
idol of my life singin'...
rollabolla bolla penny a pitch...
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...
- Bennie!
- Yeah, Frank.
Actually, there is something in the
paper that might appeal to you.
Thank you, Frank.
That's very decent of you.
Quite an odd item, actually.
Do we know where we are?
We seem to have ended up
back near the water.
You know what, Bennie?
I think I've had an inspiration.
- What's that? - I think the reason
we got lost originally...
is that we took the Merseyrail
in the wrong direction.
Than makes sense to me.
So, to get back to our hotel, what
you and I need to do is to...
take the ferry there back
across the River Mersey.
I'll buy that. Lead on, Francisco.
Oh, Frank?
- The thing
- Oh, yes. Right, right...
It's what the magazines call a blurb...
In the pages of the newspaper almost
as if they didn't want us to read it.
It just says is that they've had
a little outbreak of a virus...
on the space station that's
circling the planet.
- They've sent somebody up there.
- Who?
Some expert to deal with it.
Just as they should do, Frank.
See what I mean about the newspapers?
Same old story.
Over and over. Same thing, every time.
Over and over and over.
It never changes.
Since time began, over and over and...
Come on.
Now, what, Mr. Smartypants?
This must be the Japanese Garden.
- What?
- "In 1984 the first international...
garden festival was held in Liverpool.
The main exhibition centers have become
another leisure venue for the city."
and some of the specialist gardens,
including the Japanese Garden"...
Let me see that.
- I see.
- You didn't believe me! - Sorry.
- Well, you thought I just made it up!
- I said I'm sorry!
I have to get something to eat. My
blood sugar is taking a major dive.
You can get us killed.
The thing is, we've just got
to get away from this crowd.
- Where are you going?
- This way.
- Doesn't that look real good?
- Bennie, it's display.
That's all plastic food.
I knew that.
- Hello!
- Hello!
Anybody here?
Table for two, my good man.
- Finish!
- He means they're closed.
He means they're closed.
Bennie! They're closed.
No, no, no.
Sit down, Frank.
Sit down, Frank, please.
I'll handle this.
Two menus, please!
No more Mr. Nice Guy.
The worm has turned.
Two menus, plea...!
Do you know how much business my firm
is bringing into Liverpool this year?
Any idea? Well, a lot, buddy.
It's about time Liverpool
did something for me!
Ok, that's it. Come on.
Amigo, follow me.
Come, come!
We want one of those, one of those...
You eat fish, right Frank?
And two of those. You got that?
You think you can handle that?
Good chap!
Some people respond to
a little self-assertion.
That's the secret to my success,
all over the world.
I know what I want. And I go for it.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
You see?
You stick with me, Frank.
And everything will be OK.
Prease!
Please!
Bottom line, end of day, issue is,
what can they bring to the table?
Mr. World Traveler.
Hey! How about this spot?
It's chicken. I don't eat chicken.
Karaoke! That's probably that guy's
place, the one from the bar... pub.
Do you want to go there?
I thought you wanted to
get something to eat.
Ok, Frank, fine.
Food, right? You're supposed
to be hungry.
Saw something on the Net
the other day, Frank.
The kind of thing that would
interest you, really.
- What?
- Well this guy, this scientist says...
that it's now actually possible
to make conscious machines.
Think about it. A word processor
that can think for itself...
- Imagine the possibilities.
- The scientist say how he would do it?
- Yes, he did.
- It's extremely...
He did! He said what you
gotta do is, now, get this...
this... is clever.
I mean wow! You know what I mean?
What you gotta do is
program the computer...
to feel fear and despair.
- What?
- This guy says that that's...
what makes us the thinking
animals that we are.
And if we can get a machine...
to do exactly the same thing...
What do you mean program a
computer to feel fear and despair?
OK, here's the deal, Frank. Check it out.
Your laptop, right? Needs
to feel your touch.
And if you ignore it, it dies!
The computer is terrified that
that's going to happen!
So it just works harder.
Isn't that cool?
The world is a horrible place.
Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute!
Come on, Frank!
England, how I hate it.
Now just hold on a doggone
minute, mister...
The world happens to be
a darn nice place!
- Yeah?
- It is, it is!
- Give me an example.
- OK, I will.
Well...
Why are you so negative?
OK! I've got one.
- I used to have this dog, right?
- Another American dog story.
He was a really good dog!
Not like those bad dogs that
you hear so much about.
He was about a hundred and
twenty five pounds...
- Really more like a hundred and ten.
- Oh!
Let's call it eighty five.
- Oh, yeah, let's...
- Anyway, he has this maw...
It was so gi-normous. It was like
the Grand Canyon with teeth.
He could have gone for me at any moment
and I would have been hamburger.
I used to get down on the floor
with that dog and wrestle...
with him, and I'd be humming
"Ghost Riders in the Sky"...
- Humming what?
- "Ghost Riders in the Sky".
- Why? - I don't know.
It was his favorite song!
Anyway, the point is, I'd be down
on the floor wrestling with him...
he had his paws waving up in the air...
He had paws the size of... Cleveland!
And his jaw just snapping away....
and falling down on top
of him and laughing...
Is this story actually leading anywhere?
OK, here's my point!
I'd be right down there,
on the floor, with that dog!
My face, up against his!
An inch away from his jaw!
And he never, ever, ripped my face off!
Now, isn't that incredible!?
He could have taken off
my nose at any time...!
and he never tried, not once!
Now, isn't that a good story!?
That was him. Rex!
He was a really good dog!
- And, what happened to him?
- What?
What happened to him?
Run over by an
overnight delivery truck!
Frank!
Frank, I'll get it.
Frank.
Frank!
Watch your head.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
- It's open!
- Yeah, great!
You all right?
Good evening.
- He ordered for us.
- You think so?
I think so.
- Thank you, mate!
- Yes, thanks very much.
- A drink first.
- Yes, yes. Traditional...
Liverpool style.
Thank you.
Cheers!
Thank you.
Cheerio, mate!
- Smells good in here.
- Certainly does.
- What's that?
- Sage. - Really?
Nice, eh?
What's it for?
- It won't be long now.
- I think he's going to get a menu.
- This is the kind of place that
doesn't have menus - Really?
Let's go, Frank.
You know...?
All that stuff we drank...
hungry....
What's that?
OK!
OK! Now it's time to pull out
the big guns. Dad will fix it!
- What?
- I said that will fix it...
we only get one emergency a year!
You said "dad will fix it"...
No, I said "that", that will fix it.
- You said "dad". - Why would I say
"dad"? For Christ's sake...
OK. Where's this baby's
800 number?
That's an American toll free number,
you'll need to dial an access code.
That's where you're wrong, my friend...
It's another special feature
of the Plutonium Card.
A toll-free access number... with
access from anywhere in the world!
It's ringing.
Welcome to Plutonium Emperor Card.
All of our operators are currently
helping other customers.
Please stay on the line...
- It's Christmas music!
- I know, it sounds kind of friendly.
- But it isn't Christmas!
- It's near Christmas.
Bennie, all over the world, the Christmas
decorations have been taken down.
What's your point, Frank?
I don't know. I just... don't have
a very good feeling about this.
Come on, come on.
- Where's their home base?
- L.A.
Your call is very important to us.
You will not be disconnected.
This is the last recorded
message you'll hear.
Come on, then.
Come on!
Come on!
It's great!
- What?
- You know what, Bennie?
- What? - You were right.
You know about there
being some nice things.
I was thinking...
Back there in that taxi, you know.
About upward lightning.
You know what that is?
- No.
- Not many people do.
It was only discovered very recently.
I think in 1989.
It's the lightning that
exists above storms.
They call it like red sprites,
blue jets...
Streamers and sprites. They're
silly names, but you know...
You know what's amazing? It was
only discovered in the last 30 years.
It's something our parents
never knew about!
In that way it's like the...
dinosaurs being related to the birds.
Or the fact that an enormous
comet hit The Earth...
like 65 million years ago.
Or that there are thirteen planets.
You really like public transportation,
don't you Frank?
I noticed it's the only place
where you really open up.
Well, you know what this means, Frank.
What?
We're going to have to break
down and ask for directions.
No.
Excuse me!
Do you... speak English?
Of course we do. This is an
English-speaking country, isn't it?
I don't know what happened...
Last night i went out to
get a toy for my kid.
It's his birthday, his birthday
is just after Christmas.
Anyway... he wanted a model of the...
Mir Space Station. See?
And I tell you I had a real
time finding this thing.
Went from store to
store to store...
Then somehow...
I got lost.
Bennie Reyes.
- And this is Frank...
- Frank King.
Leroy Jasper.
- Ben, Frank, pleased to meet you.
- Same here.
- It's funny...
- What?
We're three kings.
"King"... and Reyes is
king in Spanish, right?
And Leroy is king in French.
Hey, that's funny!
Did you see that bust of
Carl Jung in Matthew Street?
There's a bust of Carl Jung in Chicago?
No, Liverpool.
Tell you what, man, I'm hungry.
You and us both, amigo.
I smell pork fat.
- Frank's a vegetarian.
- No, it's OK Bennie.
- Frank, there's nothing you can eat.
- Don't worry, Bennie...
Excuse me, Miss. Do you serve
any vegetarian dishes?
Bennie, I think she speaks Spanish...
That's what they speak
in this neighborhood.
I speak good English. I have to.
- I'm a businessman.
- Businesswoman.
- Bennie!
- I'm sorry.
Do you guys want to eat, or what?
Oh, yes. We want to eat.
- Sit down.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I don't like refried beans, Frank.
Bennie, just eat and be grateful.
You're right, Frank.
You know, he's right.
I eat anything myself.
Excuse me, may I have... can
I have some salt, please?
Salt.
Kind of fierce, ain't she guv'nor?
- Salt.
- Thank you.
I was scared there for a minute,
but everything turned out all right.
- What were you scared of?
- I don't know it's...
It always makes me anxious.
I've always been that way.
- What way?
- Getting what I want...
just that little minute before.
Well, well, will you look at that!
That's just something you
don't see every day.
A flock of sheep in the
middle of the city.
It must be some kind of
harvest festival event.
I think this means we're
not in Liverpool anymore.
It's a publicity stunt
for the wool industry.
What did you say, Frank?
I've got to get going. I've got
a day full of business meetings.
Me too.
- We've got to pay.
- Where'd she go?
We'll wait here for a minute.
Miss!
Miss!
Could we please have our bill?
Frank?
Frankie!
Hey, guys!
Guys!
Frank?
Something I just hit my head on.
- Beams!
- I've got a flashlight somewhere...
- You have a torch?
- Never know when it'll come in handy.
No, that's not it.
- Hi.
- Hi.
This is my nephew.
No! I mean... my niece.
She's twelve days old.
Where's her father?
In the south.
Looking for work.
There's no work in the south.
- Did you...
- Did it seem to you...
- Got to get back, got to get to work.
- Another day, another five francs.
Hold it, guys. I think I've got
to call the office.
Frank!
Matthew Street!
What?
What about you, Leroy?
No, I'll wait for Lakeshore Drive.
- Lakeshore Drive up ahead.
Oh, man!
subs: scalisto
Ding, ding.
Ding, ding!
They've gotten you in room... 301?
I think...
I think you'd like...
147 better.
You think I'd like 147?
It's a better room...
Jacuzzi... suite... eh?
I'd better have that one, then.
Cheers, mate.
one five seven...
OK...
one five five...
one five six.
And this should be...
one five five... again.
Great.
153... 154... OK.
... the bottom line, at the
end of the day, the issue is...
what are they bringing to the table?
Excuse me... I wonder if you would
mind telling me what...
room number you're in? Sir?
One... four... six!
147!
Must have passed it.
No, 150!
Home is where the heart is.
Oh, well.
Yes?
Hello...
Hello?
Yes?
Hello?
Hello, which... room you in, please?
What?
Uh... 147.
The desk clerk gave me a choice...
I know... it was me.
It's all right, then.
Got everything you need?
Yes... Oh... I can't spot the mini bar.
The Jacuzzi suite doesn't
come with a mini bar.
Sorry.
We got a grand restaurant
for your use, though. French.
Fine... I'll... Fine, thank you.
You're welcome.
Sir!
Would you like to site over here, sir?
Thank you.
Menu, sir.
And I would like to see
a wine list, please.
Certainly, sir.
You see this? Avocado salad...
diced avocado, raspberries, tomato
pulp, tossed with a honey vinaigrette?
Would those raspberries
be fresh or frozen?
I'll check with kitchen, sir.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Would you mind... passing me the salt?
Not at all. There you go.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Bennie Reyes.
- Frank King.
- Pleased to meet you, Frank King.
I see you brought all your
gear with you.
Pardon?
Cell phone, pager. Probably an
organizer. You know, your gear.
Actually, I prefer to be free of that
sort of impediment at the dinner hour.
I hear you talking, Frank.
Nothing more I hate than
impedimenta while I'm eating.
- Excuse me, Frank...
- Yes?
How long have you been sitting here?
If you don't mind my asking.
About 35 minutes.
And doesn't it strike
you as a little weird?
- Does what strike me as weird?
- The smell.
- I can't smell anything.
- Exactly! There's no smell of food.
Actually, that's not at all unusual
in an English restaurant.
I can see that.
What's that smell, then?
Disinfectant, I suppose.
Yes, siree, Bob.
I think... I think I would like some...
wine.
You'd think they'd at least
bring us some bread.
Would you... would you mind
awfully not doing that?
- Sorry.
- Not at all.
It's just a nervous habit,
I can see it's annoying.
No, not at all. I'm sorry.
I have ears like a bat.
Is that right? Maybe you can hear
what they're up to in the kitchen.
So... Frank. What do you do for
a living, if you don't mind my asking?
Well... I...
I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name.
It's Bennie. Bennie Reyes.
- Well, Mr. Reyes...
- Please, call me Bennie, Frank.
Bennie.
Well, as you can see from the card,
art's my game. I deal in the stuff.
What an extraordinary coincidence!
It's my business as well.
Get out of here!
Southwestern art, mainly.
Native American stuff, eh...
Blankets, baskets, jewelry,
that kind of thing.
- I specialize in African.
- You mean like masks.
Masks, pottery and fetish objects.
So, what's your market for that?
You'd be surprised. I sell to
the legal profession...
doctors... a number of people
in the music business, too.
Me too! The entertainment industry
goes crazy for our stuff.
They certainly do.
- You have an office in California.
- San Pedro.
We do a lot of business in the South.
Home's New Mexico, though.
Just over the border.
- That's very convenient for you.
- Well, yes, it is.
Yes, it is, Frank.
Well, well. A fellow art flogger.
You must allow me to
buy you a drink, sir.
That's... very kind of you.
It'll be my pleasure.
- There's no one here either.
- It's weird.
Hello! Hello!
Something's happened.
I suppose we'll have to
fend for ourselves.
Frank.
I like your spirit.
Thank you.
No, after you.
Thank you.
There must be some place down there.
Hey, Frank, that's something
you don't see every day.
Full male frontal nudity.
That's "Liverpool Resurgent".
What did you say?
That's what that statue is called.
It says so in this book.
Where did you get that?
"Liverpool Information Services"
I should get my office to
liaise with them.
You definitely should,
they're very helpful.
Does the book say anything about
a decent restaurant in this burg?
Actually, it does. There appear to
be a few down the street here.
What sort of food do you fancy?
I don't need anything fancy. Actually,
I'm in the mood for a nice rare steak...
with all the trimmings.
Hey! Just what the doctor ordered.
Bennie, it's been great meeting you.
Enjoy your dinner.
Frank, wait up!
Listen!
Two guys alone in a new town.
Why don't you join me?
That's very kind of you, Bennie,
but I'm a vegetarian.
- Not vegan, are you?
- No, no. Just no meat.
Thank God! I have an ex-wife
who is a vegan.
You try feeding a woman in the American
Southwest that won't eat, eggs, fish...
or cheese. It's impossible,
you can take my word for it.
I'm not as bad as that.
Then I can't see why we can't
reach an accommodation.
Besides, I do owe you
that drink, guv'nor.
- How about that place there?
- Too yuppie for me.
Just what I was thinking, Frank.
Kind of place where everything comes
with mango sauce an goat cheese.
- How about that place?
- Italian doesn't agree with me either.
- Really? North or South?
- The whole boot, I'm afraid.
Hello! Look where we are!
Matthew Street.
I believe that's where the original
Cavern Club was found.
- Cavern Club?
- Yeah. - Cavern Club...
Oh, yeah... The Beatles.
Four lads who shook the world.
The loveable mopheads.
The little shits.
Oops! Sorry.
You know, I never could stand them.
Stupid haircuts, pointed shoes...
"She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah...
What kind of writing is that?
It's pathetic, sorry.
Please, don't apologize to me.
I'm a country western man.
Yeah, right. What country?
Come on, give us a song. One, two...
uno, dos, tres, cuatro...
You're really amazing.
Come on! Otherwise I'll think you're
one of those fake western enthusiasts...
When you get right down to it, they
don't know the difference between...
Hank Williams and Glen Campbell.
How can you possibly meet somebody
for the very first time...
strike up a conversation and
solicit them for a song?
- Happen to you a lot, does it?
- Three times this year.
- I do a lot of business with Americans.
- It's a national trait.
Well, my national trait is that
I can't do anything without a drink.
Now you're talking my
language, Francis.
Well, we could go here, although the
Beatles have been here before us.
- This is the place, eh?
- Yup, this is where the 4 loveable...
mopheads used to get pissed.
Too historical. It would be like
drinking in the Lincoln Memorial.
I agree. Let's go back down here and
maybe we'll find something that's more..
along the lines of what
you're looking for.
I hope so.
What's that?
That is either Glen Campbell or
Hank Williams, I can't tell.
It's Carl Jung! That's Carl Fucking
Young, excuse my French.
"Liverpool is the pool of life".
They must have made a mistake.
It must be Karl Marx.
Maybe we took a wrong turn
and ended up in Switzerland.
No, this is Liverpool. Matthew
Street, definitely Liverpool.
Definitely.
- You know something about Carl Jung...
- What?
He loved a good plate of seafood.
I myself am on a seafood diet.
Yeah, you see food and you eat it.
- Sorry.
- It's OK.
You know something? I think you
might be wrong about Carl Jung.
- Yeah? He didn't like seafood?
- No, no. I think that was Freud.
You know, they don't teach you
that kind of thing at the U.N.M.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Teach you anything at all? - Well...
There must be a bar around
here someplace.
Pub. We call them pubs.
Sorry, I'm getting testy.
Maybe we should head back to the hotel.
It's kind of depressed,
the north, I hear.
All those "For Sale" signs we passed
and all those deserted buildings.
It kind of gives you the creeps.
You know how Liverpool made a lot
of its money in the old days?
The slave trade.
Of course they say they
never let them land.
Who?
Who they never let land?
- Frank?
- Oh, what?
Oh, the slaves. They never
let the slaves land
Well, that's good.
Isn't it?
You know, it certainly is.
It's really despicable, the kind of
things human kind gets up to.
All over the world, Franklin.
It's the same every place I go...
despicable, despicable, despicable...
Do cars here have ridiculous
names like in America?
- Like what?
- You know, "Jimmy", "Cherokee"...
"The Cogitator".
"The Existentialist"
"The Aubergine".
"The Deer Slayer", a passionate
car for the passion in you.
Well, we're not far behind you.
Look at that Mercedes dealership.
I never pay them any attention,
all they have is numbers.
- That's strange. - Not really,
who could warm up to a 280 SL?
- Where's the poetry?
- No, but I mean...
You're right about this being
a poor neighborhood.
So who's buying these cars?
You're right!
- Shifting markets!
- Absolutely! Economic revitalization.
- That's the key, isn't kit?
- It hast to be, it must be.
And we're on the edge of it, Frank. The
cutting edge, independent businessmen...
- All the old moorings are gone.
- Rotted completely away.
- And replaced by what?
- Ah, that's the challenge.
It certainly is.
- The millennium!
- Exactly.
There must be a... pub
around here someplace.
People say we're on the
verge of a new era...
but as far as I can tell we're
on the edge of absolute chaos.
And one of the proofs of
this in my opinion is...
the absolutely insane things that
everybody seems to believe nowadays...
There's literally no agreed
upon truth anymore.
I don't know that I agree
with you there, Frank.
But seriously. You've got astrology,
I Ching, Tarot cards...
Aroma therapy. Canine acupuncture.
Exactly. And the revival of
Eastern mysticism...
People running around believing they're
the reincarnation of Marie Curie.
- It's insane.
- Aha! Success!
There is a reaction against science
in our culture...
indeed, a reaction against
rational thought of all kinds.
This drives me, for one, very
nearly out of my mind.
I hear you talking, Franklin.
Listen, if I know one thing, it's this;
in today's competitive world...
it's what you know and how quickly
you know it that are crucial.
If you don't have access
to the latest information...
whether you're in the office or on
the road, you just can't keep up.
- Excuse me...
- The kitchen's closed.
I'll just have a... whisky, please.
And you?
I'll trust you on this one, Frankie boy.
Same for me, only make it a double.
Only by having the most
powerful information tools...
ones that give you access to what
you need, when you need it...
Only then will you be on the path to
personal and professional success.
Hear, hear. Well said.
- Thank you very much.
- You Americans?
- No, no.
- And proud of it.
Here, let me get these.
Take it all out of here, love.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Cheerio, mates!
Oh, really. Awful decent
of you, old chum!
We were just down by the waterfront,
and we have a question;
You know those car salesroom
down there with the luxury cars?
- Who's buying them?
- The drug dealers.
The face of Liverpool is changing.
Computer-based technology has vast
potential in financial services...
home shopping, health
research, pharmaceuticals...
we're building a world-class
infrastructure to cash in on the boom.
It's the drug dealers, I tell you.
Those dealers are more
competent than you know.
Cable North West has completed 90%
of its cabling in Liverpool.
We have more broad-band fiber optic
cable than anywhere in the UK...
Barclay Card's call center takes
40,000 calls a day.
Well, that would explain it.
She's a good woman, really.
A little cynical.
Hard not to be, when you're
a woman alone with a kid to raise.
Well, I'm off.
If you have time, drop in on my karaoke
lounge. Biggest outside of London.
Karaoke, eh?
So, the karaoke business,
is it a big here?
Oh, yeah, well... it's universal,
ain't it, karaoke?
- Well, right then.
- Yeah, OK.
- Nice one! - Bye, bye.
- Cheerio, mate!
What a nice chap.
And what he was saying is so true.
I mean, think about it...
Software, the technological explosion...
This way? Or that way?
Or maybe that?
Frank?
I think what we can do is
take the train from here...
back to Lime Street.
Once in Lime Street, we're
bound to find the hotel.
Right-e-t-o!
I wonder how long it'll be.
I hear that they run fairly frequently.
Good. Because in foreign
countries, you never know.
Well, of course, for me this
isn't a foreign country.
Hey! That's right. That's funny.
Anything good in there?
Not really.
- Don't read them myself.
- Don't read what? - Newspapers.
- You don't read newspapers?
- Or magazines, or watch television.
I can't imagine life
without newspapers.
The way I figure it, we're way
over-stimulated already.
With phones, pagers, fax machines,
your email, you've got your...
answering machines. It's way too much.
At a certain point, I've had it.
You know something I've noticed
about answering machines?
You can be in any country in the
world, anywhere on the planet.
All the answering machines
play one of two tunes.
It's either the theme from
"The Sting"...
- or "Fr Elise".
- My computer plays that!
Or, they play "O Tannebaum."
Which is also the "Internationale"
or "The Red Flag".
You know, the socialist anthem.
They sing it in Red Square, in Moscow.
They used to, anyway.
- The Red Flag.
- Yeah.
Stained with the blood of workers.
You're singing, Frank.
Never mind about that. The point
is the Labour Party used to sing it.
The Labour Party sings
a Bolshevik anthem?
Not anymore. Now they hum the
theme from "Chariots of Fire".
That's the government for you.
I swear you never know what those
bastards are going to get up to next.
In the U.S. they're trying
to kill off fat people.
It's true. The United Nations has
secret underground bases full of troops.
For the sole purpose of detaining
extra large segments of the population.
Purely on the basis of their weight.
Yeah, you can scoff all you want.
But it's not funny, it's sad.
You know what, though? You are
right in a certain way because...
Where do you draw the line? When do you
know whether to trust the government?
I believe those signs in elevators
that say they've been certified safe.
That's about it.
And by the way. There isn't one
in the elevator at our hotel.
Yeah, I noticed that.
That's why I take the stairs.
Partner, put her there.
- What happened?
- Must have missed our stop.
That's just ducky.
- This way.
- And I twisted my ankle!
I think to get out, we have
to go up, and then back.
- Frank, I twisted my ankle!
- Doesn't matter, just keep walking.
It hurts!
I'm not absolutely sure
what area this is.
What was the name of the station
we were supposed to stop at?
- Can't remember.
- Speak up! - I said I can't remember.
Then how do you know
it's the wrong one?
Because there's only four stations on
the map and this isn't one of them.
I can't rotate it as well as
I usually can.
- Can't rotate what?
- My ankle!
Where are you going?
Frankly, Frank, while you figure
this one out, I need an anesthetic.
As Spinoza says:
"Who so loves God truly must not
expect to be loved by him in return."
So, are you trying to sleep with me?
Because in my experience guys who talk
philosophy are trying to sleep with me.
Two, please.
Does not this place seem
a little odd to you?
Why?
I'm screwed if they don't take plastic.
I've got to get to an ATM.
Great! I'll pay you when we
get back to the hotel, OK?
Hope there's a cigarette machine
around here someplace.
Excuse me. You don't mind
if I bum a smoke, do you?
- No, of course not.
- Got a light?
Cheers.
- You don't smoke, of course.
- No, I don't drink either.
- Kampai.
- Skoal.
Lucky for me you've got plenty of cash.
I always try to carry enough
for my immediate needs.
I do too, Frank. I do too.
For example, if I'm at home or
a foreign country, I always...
try to have enough currency
just for the odd event, you know.
A taxi ride, an unexpected drink...
Really, Frank. What countries
would those be?
Just the places I visit now and then;
I'm often in Bermuda...
Brussels... Bangkok.
I always have a little something
for an emergency.
Very sensible. Even if you don't mind
my saying so, a little schoolmarm-ish.
But really. To carry a little extra
stash of cash is... very smart.
I'm wondering... if you have this.
- You've got a gold card?
- Yes.
- Platinum? - Of course. - But have
you heard of the... Plutonium Card?
Never heard of it.
Hey, you don't mind if I have this,
do you? I collect foreign change.
- What for? - I'll tell you what
I do with it, Frankie boy.
I take this, wrap it in Saran wrap....
Put that in a sock and... boom! Best
damned weapon you've ever had.
I can go anywhere...
Airport security, Customs
and Immigration....
Anybody gives me hard time... boom!
I... donate mine to charity.
I'm sure you do.
And... frankly, I don't believe there
is any such thing as a Plutonium Card.
You'd better believe it, amigo.
The Plutonium Card can save
your hide one of these days.
It's a whole new concept in marketing.
And the benefits... are extreme.
I get dismemberment insurance.
Product replacement guaranteed.
Including loss through acts of God.
I enjoy access to unique experiences
and thrilling events...
whose tickets, in most cases, cannot
be purchased through normal channels.
And let me tell you about
the best benefit of all.
Total salvation!
I don't have the faintest idea
what you're talking about.
Once a year, I as a Plutonium Card
holder in good standing...
can call the Plutonium hot line.
This is a special number...
assigned to a small handful
of qualified customers.
And once I call this number...
give them my PIN, which by the way
it's best for security reasons...
to... to choose at random.
not pick your birth date or your...
Social Security number...
or any date of sentimental significance.
Once I've established my identity...
Once I've established my identity...
this emergency service will rescue me
twenty four hours a day...
- wherever I am in the world!
- What do you mean "rescue you"?
- If I'm lost, for example.
- Like we are, for example.
I can call Plutonium Card, and they can
track me, using fiber optics...
to any location. And then,
they will send a limousine...
to deliver me to my original
point of origin.
So, call them.
What?
Take some change out of your pocket,
or weapon or whatever you call it...
call them on the phone and
tell them we're lost.
Have you been listening to me?
I get one chance a year, pal.
In that case, I'm going to
get some dinner.
"In that case, I'm going
to get some dinnah".
How lost are we, exactly?
- For one person or two person?
- Well, we're real hungry.
For two person.
Fine.
Really, what do you think?
Well, look, we can't be that lost, OK?
According to this map, if we...
can't find where we are it's because
we wandered out from the city center.
All we have to do is take a bus
and we'll be right back there.
This never would have happened if you'd
remembered the name of the hotel.
What?
I'm the foreigner. I think it
should be your responsibility.
Oh, please. What business were you in?
Because in the import-export business
we take responsibility for our actions.
- What did you just say?
- Real estate development.
- I was in real estate development.
- Really?
- The 80's were great for us!
- Fantastic.
And in the 70's, restaurants.
I had a... you had a...
A lot of money to be made in the
restaurant business, Frankie.
- Back in the Seventies.
- Damn straight.
What was that we were drinking back
there? Let's have another one.
I don't think so. I'd rather
eat first, actually.
- OK.
- Even though it is mostly meat.
Still...
This isn't bad...
- I can't breathe.
- What's wrong?
- Bennie?
- Panic... attack.
I'm... sorry.
Oh, my God!
...at the end of the day, the issue is,
what can he bring to the table?
I wish I hadn't left my cellphone
and pager in that...
room.
What a nice public space, eh?
Very impressive.
Frank, I'm sorry about the food.
I've just always been that way.
- What way?
- Abundance.
It makes me crazy!
Comfort. Satiety. They just
scare the pants off me!
It's just way too much food!
- It's OK, OK. Come on.
-OK.
What I wouldn't give for a nice game
of solitaire in my laptop right now.
Really? What sort do you have?
I've got one I like.
It's got a 12.1" LCD flat panel.
I can't deal with those. Mine
is a 14.1. Anything less, forget it.
14.1 is excessive for my needs.
But I suppose it's true...
the bottom line over time is the 12.1's
will diminish and 13.1's will increase.
13.3 is the minimum I can live with.
Those dimensions do break
the form factor....
- How thick is yours?
- 1.2"
Mine... .78.
- Really?
- Smallest on the market.
- Impressive!
- You bet.
Frank? You know what's really weird?
It's that guys never talk about sex.
Think about it. The minute chicks get
together, it blah, blah, blah, sex this.
- And blah, blah, sex that. But guys...
- Bennie!
I'm trying to read my newspaper.
Sorry.
Anything good in there?
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.
See 'em all a-standing in a row.
Big ones, small ones, some
as big as your head.
- Bennie!
- Yeah, Frank.
Nothing!
There stands my wife the
idol of my life singin'...
rollabolla bolla penny a pitch...
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...
- Bennie!
- Yeah, Frank.
Actually, there is something in the
paper that might appeal to you.
Thank you, Frank.
That's very decent of you.
Quite an odd item, actually.
Do we know where we are?
We seem to have ended up
back near the water.
You know what, Bennie?
I think I've had an inspiration.
- What's that? - I think the reason
we got lost originally...
is that we took the Merseyrail
in the wrong direction.
Than makes sense to me.
So, to get back to our hotel, what
you and I need to do is to...
take the ferry there back
across the River Mersey.
I'll buy that. Lead on, Francisco.
Oh, Frank?
- The thing
- Oh, yes. Right, right...
It's what the magazines call a blurb...
In the pages of the newspaper almost
as if they didn't want us to read it.
It just says is that they've had
a little outbreak of a virus...
on the space station that's
circling the planet.
- They've sent somebody up there.
- Who?
Some expert to deal with it.
Just as they should do, Frank.
See what I mean about the newspapers?
Same old story.
Over and over. Same thing, every time.
Over and over and over.
It never changes.
Since time began, over and over and...
Come on.
Now, what, Mr. Smartypants?
This must be the Japanese Garden.
- What?
- "In 1984 the first international...
garden festival was held in Liverpool.
The main exhibition centers have become
another leisure venue for the city."
and some of the specialist gardens,
including the Japanese Garden"...
Let me see that.
- I see.
- You didn't believe me! - Sorry.
- Well, you thought I just made it up!
- I said I'm sorry!
I have to get something to eat. My
blood sugar is taking a major dive.
You can get us killed.
The thing is, we've just got
to get away from this crowd.
- Where are you going?
- This way.
- Doesn't that look real good?
- Bennie, it's display.
That's all plastic food.
I knew that.
- Hello!
- Hello!
Anybody here?
Table for two, my good man.
- Finish!
- He means they're closed.
He means they're closed.
Bennie! They're closed.
No, no, no.
Sit down, Frank.
Sit down, Frank, please.
I'll handle this.
Two menus, please!
No more Mr. Nice Guy.
The worm has turned.
Two menus, plea...!
Do you know how much business my firm
is bringing into Liverpool this year?
Any idea? Well, a lot, buddy.
It's about time Liverpool
did something for me!
Ok, that's it. Come on.
Amigo, follow me.
Come, come!
We want one of those, one of those...
You eat fish, right Frank?
And two of those. You got that?
You think you can handle that?
Good chap!
Some people respond to
a little self-assertion.
That's the secret to my success,
all over the world.
I know what I want. And I go for it.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
You see?
You stick with me, Frank.
And everything will be OK.
Prease!
Please!
Bottom line, end of day, issue is,
what can they bring to the table?
Mr. World Traveler.
Hey! How about this spot?
It's chicken. I don't eat chicken.
Karaoke! That's probably that guy's
place, the one from the bar... pub.
Do you want to go there?
I thought you wanted to
get something to eat.
Ok, Frank, fine.
Food, right? You're supposed
to be hungry.
Saw something on the Net
the other day, Frank.
The kind of thing that would
interest you, really.
- What?
- Well this guy, this scientist says...
that it's now actually possible
to make conscious machines.
Think about it. A word processor
that can think for itself...
- Imagine the possibilities.
- The scientist say how he would do it?
- Yes, he did.
- It's extremely...
He did! He said what you
gotta do is, now, get this...
this... is clever.
I mean wow! You know what I mean?
What you gotta do is
program the computer...
to feel fear and despair.
- What?
- This guy says that that's...
what makes us the thinking
animals that we are.
And if we can get a machine...
to do exactly the same thing...
What do you mean program a
computer to feel fear and despair?
OK, here's the deal, Frank. Check it out.
Your laptop, right? Needs
to feel your touch.
And if you ignore it, it dies!
The computer is terrified that
that's going to happen!
So it just works harder.
Isn't that cool?
The world is a horrible place.
Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute!
Come on, Frank!
England, how I hate it.
Now just hold on a doggone
minute, mister...
The world happens to be
a darn nice place!
- Yeah?
- It is, it is!
- Give me an example.
- OK, I will.
Well...
Why are you so negative?
OK! I've got one.
- I used to have this dog, right?
- Another American dog story.
He was a really good dog!
Not like those bad dogs that
you hear so much about.
He was about a hundred and
twenty five pounds...
- Really more like a hundred and ten.
- Oh!
Let's call it eighty five.
- Oh, yeah, let's...
- Anyway, he has this maw...
It was so gi-normous. It was like
the Grand Canyon with teeth.
He could have gone for me at any moment
and I would have been hamburger.
I used to get down on the floor
with that dog and wrestle...
with him, and I'd be humming
"Ghost Riders in the Sky"...
- Humming what?
- "Ghost Riders in the Sky".
- Why? - I don't know.
It was his favorite song!
Anyway, the point is, I'd be down
on the floor wrestling with him...
he had his paws waving up in the air...
He had paws the size of... Cleveland!
And his jaw just snapping away....
and falling down on top
of him and laughing...
Is this story actually leading anywhere?
OK, here's my point!
I'd be right down there,
on the floor, with that dog!
My face, up against his!
An inch away from his jaw!
And he never, ever, ripped my face off!
Now, isn't that incredible!?
He could have taken off
my nose at any time...!
and he never tried, not once!
Now, isn't that a good story!?
That was him. Rex!
He was a really good dog!
- And, what happened to him?
- What?
What happened to him?
Run over by an
overnight delivery truck!
Frank!
Frank, I'll get it.
Frank.
Frank!
Watch your head.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
- It's open!
- Yeah, great!
You all right?
Good evening.
- He ordered for us.
- You think so?
I think so.
- Thank you, mate!
- Yes, thanks very much.
- A drink first.
- Yes, yes. Traditional...
Liverpool style.
Thank you.
Cheers!
Thank you.
Cheerio, mate!
- Smells good in here.
- Certainly does.
- What's that?
- Sage. - Really?
Nice, eh?
What's it for?
- It won't be long now.
- I think he's going to get a menu.
- This is the kind of place that
doesn't have menus - Really?
Let's go, Frank.
You know...?
All that stuff we drank...
hungry....
What's that?
OK!
OK! Now it's time to pull out
the big guns. Dad will fix it!
- What?
- I said that will fix it...
we only get one emergency a year!
You said "dad will fix it"...
No, I said "that", that will fix it.
- You said "dad". - Why would I say
"dad"? For Christ's sake...
OK. Where's this baby's
800 number?
That's an American toll free number,
you'll need to dial an access code.
That's where you're wrong, my friend...
It's another special feature
of the Plutonium Card.
A toll-free access number... with
access from anywhere in the world!
It's ringing.
Welcome to Plutonium Emperor Card.
All of our operators are currently
helping other customers.
Please stay on the line...
- It's Christmas music!
- I know, it sounds kind of friendly.
- But it isn't Christmas!
- It's near Christmas.
Bennie, all over the world, the Christmas
decorations have been taken down.
What's your point, Frank?
I don't know. I just... don't have
a very good feeling about this.
Come on, come on.
- Where's their home base?
- L.A.
Your call is very important to us.
You will not be disconnected.
This is the last recorded
message you'll hear.
Come on, then.
Come on!
Come on!
It's great!
- What?
- You know what, Bennie?
- What? - You were right.
You know about there
being some nice things.
I was thinking...
Back there in that taxi, you know.
About upward lightning.
You know what that is?
- No.
- Not many people do.
It was only discovered very recently.
I think in 1989.
It's the lightning that
exists above storms.
They call it like red sprites,
blue jets...
Streamers and sprites. They're
silly names, but you know...
You know what's amazing? It was
only discovered in the last 30 years.
It's something our parents
never knew about!
In that way it's like the...
dinosaurs being related to the birds.
Or the fact that an enormous
comet hit The Earth...
like 65 million years ago.
Or that there are thirteen planets.
You really like public transportation,
don't you Frank?
I noticed it's the only place
where you really open up.
Well, you know what this means, Frank.
What?
We're going to have to break
down and ask for directions.
No.
Excuse me!
Do you... speak English?
Of course we do. This is an
English-speaking country, isn't it?
I don't know what happened...
Last night i went out to
get a toy for my kid.
It's his birthday, his birthday
is just after Christmas.
Anyway... he wanted a model of the...
Mir Space Station. See?
And I tell you I had a real
time finding this thing.
Went from store to
store to store...
Then somehow...
I got lost.
Bennie Reyes.
- And this is Frank...
- Frank King.
Leroy Jasper.
- Ben, Frank, pleased to meet you.
- Same here.
- It's funny...
- What?
We're three kings.
"King"... and Reyes is
king in Spanish, right?
And Leroy is king in French.
Hey, that's funny!
Did you see that bust of
Carl Jung in Matthew Street?
There's a bust of Carl Jung in Chicago?
No, Liverpool.
Tell you what, man, I'm hungry.
You and us both, amigo.
I smell pork fat.
- Frank's a vegetarian.
- No, it's OK Bennie.
- Frank, there's nothing you can eat.
- Don't worry, Bennie...
Excuse me, Miss. Do you serve
any vegetarian dishes?
Bennie, I think she speaks Spanish...
That's what they speak
in this neighborhood.
I speak good English. I have to.
- I'm a businessman.
- Businesswoman.
- Bennie!
- I'm sorry.
Do you guys want to eat, or what?
Oh, yes. We want to eat.
- Sit down.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I don't like refried beans, Frank.
Bennie, just eat and be grateful.
You're right, Frank.
You know, he's right.
I eat anything myself.
Excuse me, may I have... can
I have some salt, please?
Salt.
Kind of fierce, ain't she guv'nor?
- Salt.
- Thank you.
I was scared there for a minute,
but everything turned out all right.
- What were you scared of?
- I don't know it's...
It always makes me anxious.
I've always been that way.
- What way?
- Getting what I want...
just that little minute before.
Well, well, will you look at that!
That's just something you
don't see every day.
A flock of sheep in the
middle of the city.
It must be some kind of
harvest festival event.
I think this means we're
not in Liverpool anymore.
It's a publicity stunt
for the wool industry.
What did you say, Frank?
I've got to get going. I've got
a day full of business meetings.
Me too.
- We've got to pay.
- Where'd she go?
We'll wait here for a minute.
Miss!
Miss!
Could we please have our bill?
Frank?
Frankie!
Hey, guys!
Guys!
Frank?
Something I just hit my head on.
- Beams!
- I've got a flashlight somewhere...
- You have a torch?
- Never know when it'll come in handy.
No, that's not it.
- Hi.
- Hi.
This is my nephew.
No! I mean... my niece.
She's twelve days old.
Where's her father?
In the south.
Looking for work.
There's no work in the south.
- Did you...
- Did it seem to you...
- Got to get back, got to get to work.
- Another day, another five francs.
Hold it, guys. I think I've got
to call the office.
Frank!
Matthew Street!
What?
What about you, Leroy?
No, I'll wait for Lakeshore Drive.
- Lakeshore Drive up ahead.
Oh, man!
subs: scalisto