Tooth (2004) Movie Script

Let me tell you a story.
A fairy tale. Kinda.
About a bunch of Tooth Fairies
who lost their magic...
...and the adventure we all had
to get it back.
It all started last Christmas...
...when I was about to break
the world land-speed record.
Captain Tom Wallit
is cleared and ready for takeoff.
I dedicated that historic
moment to my mother and father...
...and to the memory of my sister
Tolly, who had /just recently been...
...eaten by bears.
What are you doing?
Keepin' an eye on your sister?
Yeah, Mom.
So I lied about the bears.
But a boy can dream.
Harsh. Card's declined.
No problem, I'll just...
I'll write out a cheque.
Sorry. Can't do it.
You're the Wall of Shame, lady.
- The wall of what?
- The Wall of Shame.
Happy holidays.
Ohh, honey!
We'll take it home,
put it under your pillow...
...and tonight...
the Tooth Fairy will fly in.
- Tooth Fairy?
- Leave you a whole dollar.
- Shh.
- Oh, puh-lease!
"I Ate Dirt With Bigfoot":
A Sceptical Examiner exclusive.
Yikes. What's next, Tooth Fairies?
Tooth in.
Money out.
Good morning, Metro Area!
Put those snow shovels away,
it's gonna be another warm one today.
Probably our warmest holiday
on record...
...but don't let that affect
your holiday cheer.
I like pennies.
And half a jam sandwich.
Don't look at me.
Dad must have done it.
It was the Tooth Fairy, stupe.
- Pygmy.
- Yo-yo.
- It wasn't your father.
- How come, Mom?
- Ugh.
- I said how come?
Because he didn't come home
last night, that's how come.
Can I help you?
You just do what you have to do.
And make it fast.
It's Christmas.
Next time I'll wish for some
real money from the Tooth Fairy.
Money makes the world go round.
And thanks to this little beauty...
...we'll make plenty of it.
Right here in Fairytopia.
Money for a billion teeth a year.
Money to buy
the world's Christmas presents.
Money's all we need.
But what about magic?
Who said that?!
Magic is for suckers.
We haven't used magic since Mrs C.
She's living up there now.
She's got magic.
Care to find her? Be my guest.
But know this:
...others have tried...
...none have returned. Chhh!
Fairy Hunters.
Anyway, who needs magic now?
We've moved on to things that are
much more modern and exciting.
Operative 72,
please report to Quality Control.
400,000 new teeth
now arriving at Bin 42.
To commemorate
Human Appreciation Week...
...tonight's lecture is entitled...
..."Children Who Floss
and the Fairies Who Love Them."
The Fairytopia Film Series
presents The Toothinator...
...starring Arnold Overbite...
...followed by
the classic Citizen Canine.
It's morning, people. That's a wrap.
Get some sleep.
Now, hear this.
The Christmas countdown has begun.
All fairies to be refitted
and ready for Christmas duty... sundown Christmas Eve.
Seven days from now.
This is not a drill.
Repeat: This is not a drill.
Look at 'em. Fairytopia's finest.
Full of pep and zing.
And then there's...
Too... Too...
- Tooth.
It's a... it's a good look for you.
What's in the bag, jerk?
Oh, look. It's empty.
Like your wallet, Wallit.
"My Dad," by Tom Wallit.
"My dad is a master criminal."
Where is he now? Jail?
He's in a coma.
Stage dive! Oof!
Hey-hey! How's my little brood?
Little fear-of-heights thing
I'm trying to get over.
Toughening up
for the big Greatest Hitz tour.
Throwing oneself from the stage
into the arms of one's adoring fans.
January the 5th, 5.30 start.
Put the word out on the street.
Guess you must be feeling better,
Mr Walnut.
The Sceptical Examiner
calls me "a big fat liar"?!
My giant squid "a hoax"?!
Has the universe gone insane?
I'll get these people,
I'll show them.
Plug is the number-one... in surveillance...
and security...
Plug is the number-one name
in surveillance and security.
With thousands of cameras and
listening devices around the city...
...I intend to make it number one... the hunt for creatures
beyond our world.
I want 24-hour patrols
across the city.
I want a live specimen captured.
Let's move out!
Listen up, people. It's now /just two
days to Christmas. Let's look sharp!
Mom, she popped another one!
This was meant to be
for Christmas morning...
...but you look like
you could use it now.
# Use it now...
- # Use it now #
- It's an IOU.
That's right,
cos I owe you a great year.
I get a gold record,
just one: Whoosh. We're there.
- Spare us the rock-star fantasies.
- What... what...
What... what's this... what...
Come on, darling, what is it?
Don't you believe in me any more?
It used to be cute. Things change.
- I didn't.
- They took the couch.
It's Christmas,
we can't even afford furniture.
I'm gonna ask for some real money
from the Tooth Fairy this time.
Yeah. Ask for a gazillion.
...Tooth Fairy."
"Help... us...
Maybe my mom and dad would have
been better off in some other time...
...and some other place.
As explorers, maybe.
Once the world's greatest team...
...they got trapped inside
the Pharaoh's tomb...
...with no source of food
but each other.
When that was gone, so were they.
Bicuspid at 222 Sunset.
Incisor at 18 Elm Street.
Molar at 32 Broadway.
OK, let's move 'em out.
Move, move, move!
We're movin', we're movin'.
Next stop, Mendelbaum residence.
Incisor, next stop.
It used to be...
...when Mrs C was in charge...
...fairies could fly...
...and holidays were for giving.
Oh, pffft!
How about giving me a break?
Or me a Christmas bonus.
You can never be too rich
or too thin.
That is one dead fairy.
Takes one to know one.
- Tooth!
- Look at you!
Gum disease has more personality!
All you do is talk about
money, money, money!
Be crazy for a change.
Live a little.
Sometimes I wear my
Wednesday underpants on a Tuesday.
My hero.
What have you ever done, eh, Tooth?
Your jam-sandwich trick?
Or the s... sponge cake
in the air conditioner.
Or the night before that.
You're just a loudmouth and a loser.
If I wasn't such a loser,
I'd find Mrs C and get magic back.
Find magic?! Piffle!
Dangerous nonsense.
Humans hunt our kind for sport.
There's a jungle of human wickedness
between us and magic.
And you're no action hero!
- Geronimo!
- Watch the hip!
She's right. Better to play it safe.
Oh, yeah. Why rock the boat?
Next stop, Wallit residence.
"My name is Tom Wallit...
...and my dad invented shampoo,
diet soda and the Internet... help the modern world."
Get a job, Dad.
The History
Of Wall-to-Wall Carpeting.
Wall-to-wall carpeting stands as...
...foot after foot of plush,
foot-friendly wall-to-wall carpeting.
Of all the different
kinds of carpeting...
"Dear Tooth Fairy... us, please."
What have you ever done, eh, Tooth?
You're just a loudmouth and a loser.
She's right. Better to play it safe.
Oh, yeah. Why rock the boat?
Rock the boat?
I'll show them "rock the boat".
Tom, wake up!
Come here, you hungry bears.
She's over here.
Tom, you gotta look!
Are you guys up?
Dad's making breakfast.
Yeah, Dad.
It's real, Tom. It's not a dream.
If you're in it, it's a nightmare.
Go on, touch it.
- What did you do, squid?
- Nothing bad. I wished for it.
A gazillion dollars.
And she gave it to me.
The Tooth Fairy did.
Tolly, there is... no such thing.
Uh, yeah, Tom, there is!
Are you comin' out or am I comin' in?
Be right there, Dad!
All right.
- Are you telling?
- Are you kidding? They'll freak.
Dad hates money, remember?
We gotta fake him out.
Just do the usual stuff, OK?
OK, Tol?
Sorry. Toaster's busted.
Uh, great breakfast, Dad.
Gotta go to the library to do a...
book report on Abraham Lincoln's dog.
Promise you'll clean your room before
Christmas, or I'll do it myself.
- What do we do now?
- We change the future.
We're just kids.
And we can keep on makin' mud pies
and pickin' our nose...
...and playing with our food...
...or we can change the world
as we know it. What'll it be?
Say the middle one again.
Forget it. Come on!
I wanna buy the Wall of Shame.
Hey, kid...
...go buy yourself a personality.
I hope the Tooth Fairy
doesn't get in trouble for this.
Repeat: Code red.
This is a code red.
Repeat: Code red.
Is this the Christmas party?
Operative 565!
The boss wants to see you!
He used to work the cash machine.
Now he's cleaning toilets
for the next millennium.
One can only dream what's
in store for you.
Ah, Tooth, good to see ya.
You look busy.
Why don't I come back never?
Relax! Take a load off.
Can I get you anything? Coffee, tea,
carrot cake? Or how about...
...a new career?!
- Give me a break.
- Excuse me?
I said it's a terrible mistake.
Ha-ha! You're funny, kid.
Three packs a day, I gotta cut down.
Look, kid, we got Christmas
in 36 hours but we can't afford it...
...cos you just gave away a gazillion
dollars like a deranged slot machine!
It was just a prank. So make more.
Make more? With what?
Ohhh... I got stress.
You fried the money machine.
Three, two, one... kablooey!
Go ahead, run.
They're still gonna hate ya.
Oh, yeah. Cos when
the children of the world find out... ruined
their beloved holidays...'ll be
the biggest monster on earth.
I got 36 hours to save Christmas...
...or we're all done for.
Every child will hate me.
You guys, can't we talk about this,
huh? Fairy to fairy?
Fairy? You don't know
the meaning of the word.
You just couldn't help yourself,
could you?
Ooh, look at the time.
It's hopeless.
We'll never fix it in time.
Oi! Where d'you think you're going?
Wallit house. Fast.
- But... but...
- They need you. For a makeover.
- Ohh... Aauuuuughh!
- In Accounts.
I'm getting the money back.
But... but the Fairy Hunters,
they'll see you.
Not the way I'm goin'.
It's suicide.
Or... could be cool.
Now, hear this. Tooth has escaped.
Forget about the money.
Find Mrs C and get magic back.
It's the only way
to save Christmas now.
They say she lives at the end
of the rainbow... in a magic castle.
You need to get out more.
Follow this map
to a f... friend of mine.
There's others like us, up there,
looking for her.
You g... go, girl.
A week ago,
Plug cameras snapped this.
Notice the distinctive belt
worn by the intruder.
Closer, and we see "Dental
Re-imbursement Operative 565".
The official police report called it
"a garden-variety burglary"...
...but I think it's something more.
A Tooth Fairy.
This is the evidence we've been
waiting for. Let's move out!
That's right, girl. Daddy's going to
catch himself a Tooth Fairy.
Tough day, ma'am?
Oh... you know...
Do you ever feel you've had your
big chance in life and you're just...
...throwing it away?
Where is it?
It's got to be here...
Running out of time...
Where's the money?
There you are!
I've been waiting.
- Thomas, do you know this person?
- Uhh...
Uh... buh... um...
She's a refugee... and...
- Got amnesia.
- Right. Because her...
- Herrrr...
- Herrrr...
...hairdo... too tight?
Y... yeah.
What are you guys wearing?
Nobody move.
- C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!
- Hello?
That was great. But... cough it up.
- Cough what up?
- The money!
Lmpossible. He was at the library.
I want it all back, and now.
You're her!
He did?
She's the... Mmm Fairy.
Would you knock it off, Tol-ly?
Thomas J Wallit!
In here, double time!
That was the Buy 'N' Binge. They said
you came by today, giving away money.
- A lot of money.
- Tell me you didn't...
- Ahh!
- Honey, have you seen my...
Whoa. Nice threads.
Dad, someone dropped this off today,
said he'd... heard about your band.
Need a signature here.
Honey, what's goin' on?
What... have you... done?
Look at her. She's no Tooth Fairy.
She's a tooth ache!
Rule number one:
Never go up in the daytime.
But desperate times
mean desperate measures.
Oh, my ulcer...
All right, people! Operation
Money Back needs some volun...
29 hours to Christmas!
I'll do it myself!
Mrs C, what are you looking at?
Get outta the way!
I can't believe you got our kids
involved in some sort of crime ring.
Crime ring?
Who do I know in a crime ring?
Guys, it's stuff to make you happy!
Tommy, Tommy, did all this stuff come
from, like... someone else's house?
You mean, did we steal it?
No. We bought it with real money.
- I don't want one of your stories.
- I'm not making it up, Mom.
We've got bags of it.
Ohhh, not the money!
Not the money!
I don't believe it!
The money is gone!
Oh, this is the end!
I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.
Will you cover me?
We're over!
We're over, we're finished!
Who's that?! Who's com...
Who's coming in here now?!
- Wa-huhh! What...
- You... you...
- Huh... What...
- What are you doing here?
- Fairy Hunter!
- Tooth Fairy, dead ahead.
Bogey at two o'clock.
I'm going in. Going in...
Plug your ears!
There are so many
different kinds of carpets...'s hard to know where to begin.
There's the shag carpet...
...the area rug...
...and its little cousin, the doormat.
There's the Persian carpet,
the Oriental rug...
...the floor rug...
...the toupee.
Out! Get out, you rotten humans!
Make him let 'em go!
Are you kidding? He'll make me spend
my wonder years cleaning toilets.
Tooth, come home!
They'll eat you alive out there.
It's too dangerous for our kind.
I'll be the most hated creature
on earth.
Can't you just wave your magic wand
or s... something?
No, I can't just wave my magic wand.
Just an idea.
Forget about the money.
Find Mrs C and get magic back.
It's the only way
to save Christmas now.
They say she lives at the end
of the rainbow... in a magic castle.
I can't wave my magic wand...
...but I might know someone who can.
I am outta here.
Listen. You need us.
Make you a deal. We help you...
...and you get our mom and dad back.
Hey, kid!
"Oh, what did you do today, Tom?"
"The usual. Woke up a zillionaire,
giant rabbit took my folks... zapped with a sleep ray..."
What's the map for, anyway?
Lt'll get us to Mrs C.
She's Santa Claus's wife.
We're gonna see Santa?!
I'm gonna ask for peace on earth
and for broccoli to taste like candy.
I'm on the road to Crazy Town.
Would someone please tell me
what's going on?
So now the money's gone
I got 27 hours to find magic...
...or Christmas gets the axe
and I get blamed. Stop!
That is the dumbest story
I ever heard.
Oh, you're the expert(!)
I'm scared about Mom and Dad.
We'll get 'em back, squid. OK?
- I promise.
- OK.
I lost my rabbit.
Forget it. We're not going back.
Help. Help me.
Rabbits and fairies.
I want them both.
It's two-for Tuesday. Nab one freak
of nature, get one free.
Two teams. Team Two grabs the fairy,
Team One nabs the rabbit.
Hysterical. You're fired.
There's a good girl.
Where is she, eh?
Follow the smell. Which direction?
All right, Hunters.
# Home, sweet home
Home, sweet home
# Home, sweet home
Home, sweet home
# Home, home, home #
Ohh... I can't believe it.
This is too awful. What have I done?
Now arriving,
Transport Unit number 36...
...and Mom and Dad.
No-one's here!
I'm Dental Re-imbursement
Operative 565.
A friend sent me... from downstairs.
We're looking for someone.
Um... Mrs C.
It's not raining, is it?
Name's Puddle. I'm a Little Helper.
An elf.
Cheese log?
What are you doing up here?
Following rainbows.
313 so far.
There's a lot of us looking for her.
So what's so special
about this Mrs C person, anyway?
- She's got magic.
- Like card tricks and stuff?
Merry... Christmas!
Every toy here
was made by magic...
...once upon a time.
Now we just buy 'em
like everyone else.
"Made by magic in the North Pole."
Someday we'll get magic back and make
toys the old-fashioned way again.
Yes. Yes, I am aware the Sceptical
Examiner says I'm a fat liar.
My reaction? No comment.
I said "No comment", Mother.
I am giving it my all.
Look... ha... hang on!
You've found them?
Good. Move in.
Use extreme force.
Precipitation plus sunshine equals
chromatical optical phenomenon.
A rainbow!
Got it. She's there.
This is the big one, I know it.
Let's move out.
Anyone got a better idea?
Who is it?
Pizza guy.
I didn't order any.
This way!
Come on, girlfriend, suck it in!
He really wants
to deliver that pizza.
Look, you go on,
but you're gonna need some help.
There's a guy I know. He's one of us.
He'll protect you.
Danger's his middle name.
Find Mrs C! You can do it!
Get magic back!
Come on, kid, move it!
- What about Mom and Dad?
- Workin' on it, Tol.
Hey, mister! How much for the bike?
What'd you bring them for?
I panicked.
Sorry. When I'm tense, I eat.
You wouldn't happen to know
where the money went, would ya?
No. I didn't think so.
Peace, peace, peace, peace, peace.
Love, love, love, love, love,
love, love. I know what this is.
This is a '60s flashback.
All your bigger rock stars have 'em.
Stage dive!
Oh, please. Put 'em to sleep.
Carpeting stands as one of
humankind's great innovations.
There's nothing like
the feeling of plush...
All right, people, show's over.
We got 23 hours to Christmas.
Let's work this problem.
When are we gonna see
Mrs Santa Claus?
We gotta find someone first.
Some guy named... JJ.
Sounds like a dog's name.
Looks like he lives in...
A golf course?!
So, you're looking for magic,
are you?
The only magic I know
is a hole in one.
Ooh... Ahh!
- Oh, yawn.
- We hear danger is your middle name.
Must've mistaken me for someone else.
Name's Jarvis.
Jarvis Jarvis.
And this is my better half, Bon Bon.
- No kidding... kidding.
- Moisturiser, Jarvy?
Are you guys Little Helpers?
How droll. Who told you that?
Your friend Puddle.
Before the Fairy Hunters got her.
Fairy Hunters? You're sure?
Sounds like an A6 scenario, Jarvy.
- I knew it. You're elves.
- Bite your tongue!
We're personal protection operatives.
- Fairy godparents.
- Retired.
We're looking for Mrs C.
Puddle gave us these co-ordinates.
Mrs C!
You'll never find her.
Rainbows and castles,
castles and rainbows.
I spent 25 years on Mrs C's trail.
Thrill of the chase, Fairy Hunters
nipping at your haunches...
Nothing. Dead end.
So you gonna help, or what?
Listen, kid, I've got a reasonable,
quiet life here.
Low fat, high fibre, sensible shoes.
- Niceness to animals and old people.
- And totally danger-free.
Of course we'll help.
Let's light this candle!
I'm feeling really good about this...
Ye-eah, To-o-ol?
Are we the-ere ye-e-et?
Maybe we got the co-ordinates wrong.
So, aren't you
supposed to have wings or somethin'?
No magic, remember?
Just a dead body part.
Like your brain.
You don't have
a lot of friends, do you?
Kids my age think
I'm a... flesh-eating virus.
Like that kid who beats you up
all the time?
Did you know he likes
to pick flowers?
And when no-one's around
he wears his mom's shoes.
- You've got dandruff.
- It's not dandruff, it's snow.
Only Santa can make snow.
I want my rabbit!
Send in the machine.
Target acquired. E4972.
Target acquired. Code red.
You've got dandruff.
You've got dandruff...
Don't look now. Fairy Hunters.
E4972. Target acquired.
Easy, there, cowboy.
We are going in.
I've got 'em in my sights.
Go on, kids, save yourselves!
What is it with these guys?
- Everyone wants to be a hero.
- Come on!
Give up the children
and we won't hurt you.
- We're here to take the children.
- Not on my watch.
Uh... Wuuhhhhh!
Oh, Jarvy!
It's just like old times.
Yoo-hoo! In here!
In here! Yoo-hoo! In here!
Come on, Tol!
Yoo-hoo, hoo-hoo!
Ten hours to Christmas.
Time's running out, people!
This is cosy.
Who are you?
Just a humble Joe trying to make
a name for himself. And you are?
Late for Christmas.
Ho, ho, ho... hold your horses,
Dental Re-imbursement Operative 565.
You have no idea
who you're messing with, mister.
You don't scare me. Huh!
Small spaces, surviving on
rainwater and hair: That scares me.
Also bagpipes.
But you? No!
So... tell me about
your rabbit friend, and the car wash.
What's in it for me?
The question of the age:
"What's in it for me?"
How about the honour
of making Plug a household name?
This is Herbert.
People who know his work
call him the Extractor.
Get what you can out of them.
Call me when it's over.
Tom! Do something!
Listen, mister...
you want some appliances?
We got a house full of 'em.
When I was four, my dad put
a tracking device inside my nose.
I signal him: Hmm!
And... and he shows up with an army.
Oh, it's so good
to see one of my own!
How is it downstairs,
is the routine still the same?
Hey, do you know...
...I actually miss it.
Kids, I'm a Tooth Fairy.
I've been wanderin' round for years,
trying to find Mrs C.
But all I know is teeth. That's how
I wound up being a dentist.
But do you know what?
I'm OK with that.
- You were looking for Mrs C?
- I found her, too.
- Rewind.
- You found Mrs C?
Oh, yeah. Trying to get,
you know, magic and that.
But, well... she's got a few issues.
So now I'm just doin' my part.
You know, working for Plug.
But I do make sure nobody gets hurt.
The History
Of Wall-to-Wall Carpeting.
There's nothing like the feeling
of plush, foot-friendly carpeting.
Where would we be without it?
The belt must have
sent them to sleep.
Batteries are low
but I think it still works.
You gotta tell us how to find Mrs C.
Yeah, we've been following rainbows
left and right.
Quick, get in.
Take the belt.
If you wanna catch the rainbow,
it comes every day at 9am.
Get him!
All right, there, big guy.
That was quite a fall.
What are you doing here?
- Shall we tell him?
- Yeah.
We're secret operatives.
- Operatives?
- Yes, that is right.
- Agents working for Mrs C.
- Both of you?
- Together?
- That's right.
Our home life, the... the whole
unhappy-marriage thing...
Your dad's flaky-musician routine!
- It's just an act.
- It's a cover.
Everything's gonna be OK now.
I promise.
What about Tolly?
My sister(!)
You don't have a sister, Tom.
She was eaten by bears. Remember?
Tom, wake up.
- Where are we?
- In some kind of underground lake.
We fell in.
Your sister's little friend
saved our bacon.
A fish?
She's, uh, not a fish, Tom,
she's a mermaid.
Apparently the kid speaks Mermaid.
What kind of rainbow
turns up every day at nine o'clock?
You got something, Tol?
- She knows where it is?
- Well...?
What was that you said?
If you want to catch a rainbow,
they come every morning at 9am.
What does that mean exactly?
I'm strong.
I'm OK, I'm on a beach.
Where are they going? Tell me!
Ice cream, cocoa,
silk pyjamas, lotion...
Bye-bye, mermaid.
Rainbow Clean and Fresh!
"Commercial laundry for 100 years."
That's the rainbow?
Come on. Shh.
Hey, what's going on?
What about vampire teeth?
Do you do them, too?
Please. There's totally
no such thing as vampires.
- Shark teeth?
- Nuh-uh.
- Dog teeth?
- Nope.
- False teeth?
- Shush.
You're nervous about seeing Mrs C,
aren't you?
Who, me?
A castle
at the end of the rainbow!
Yeah, uh...
we're looking for Mrs C.
All those for Mrs C...
...must first survive
these trials three.
Those who wish an open door...
...find the password on the floor.
...there's nothing on the floor.
S... T...
...E... V... E.
Uh... the...
the password is "Steve".
The password is "Steve".
OK, big guy. Let us in.
First, ring the bell
but not the buzzer.
Three tries in all, and not another.
That's a lousy rhyme.
Best I could do
on short notice.
- You're gonna blow it.
- You're making me nervous.
What happens if he blows it?
He falls into a vat
of angry snails.
Could be worse.
- Shut up. You're making me sweat.
- Well, don't.
Then shut up!
Works for me.
Could you hurry it up?
The final test!
I don't have time for this.
- Oh, dear!
- Well!
What a mess!
It's all right, everybody!
Everything's under control.
Well, you made it.
I thought the breaking-down-the-door
bit was excessive, but not to worry.
OK, where are we
and who are you?
Around the world they say that I'm...
...the one and only king of rhyme.
It's me!
The voice of choice,
the host with the most, the man...
- We get it.
- So, erm, you want to see... Mrs C.
Yes, I'm, er, sorry about all that
"spooky castle" stuff back there...
...but it keeps away the riffraff.
Heavenly Acres Home
for Retired Magicians?
Come on, come on, come on.
Now, you have to be careful.
Erm... Mrs C is in a terrible mood.
One of the residents...
levitated her poodle.
- We can't get it off the ceiling.
- What's all that racket?!
Er... er... nothing, er, ma'am.
Er, it's just your...
your next appointment... is here.
Here we go.
- Break a leg!
- Hey... hey!
Where's he going?
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
Um... are you Mrs C?
- Who wants to know?
- I need magic. Big time.
May I ask why?
Er... we just wanna
help our mom and dad.
If it's magic you want,
got it coming out of my ears.
No-one can make 50 bucks disappear
quicker than I can.
Just say the magic words
"new handbag" and poof!
Turn it down, dear, I'm in a meeting.
- Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
- Santa!
Oh-ho... oh-ho...
Children, this magic
sounds pretty powerful.
The world would have to be a pretty
wonderful place to deserve it.
All I know is I got till sunset
to make things right...
...or the whole world's gonna hate me.
I don't wanna be hated.
Oh, I see. This is all about you,
is it? Bit selfish, don't you think?
But... that's not what I said.
- Sorry, dear, can't help you.
- But...
Turn it down or I'll kick it in!
Come on, Tol.
Look, lady, do you know
what we've been through?
So you're having a bad day
or you think the world's a drag!
Just do something about it...
...cos, if you sit there when you're
needed most, you're the selfish one!
Do you know who I am?
Erm, everything all right?
How many of them do you have to hurt
before you change your mind?
Yeah, we were... just leaving.
It's to make you happy.
Merry Christmas.
Tom, where are you going?
FBI, Navy Seals, the Mafia,
whatever it takes...
...l'm getting my mom and dad back.
- What? Tom!
Wait, Tom... I wanna help.
Forget it. You don't care about them.
You're just scared
people will hate you.
The only one you've cared about
this whole time is you.
It's not true.
The money.
Where is she?!
Where's the fairy?
- Where is she?
- Put me down!
I would love to put you down.
Now, tell me where
your friend the fairy is.
Come on! Oh, stop kicking.
Little brat.
- Where is she? Where's the fairy?
- Let me go!
Get off of me!
Yo! You want a piece of me?
- Aah!
- The car wash: Show me how it works.
Show me.
OK. OK, just don't hurt 'em.
Oh, what's the use?
No money means no Christmas,
no teeth, no us.
We might as well just fade away.
Come on!
Where's your spirit? Ahhh!
Remember when you did Easter duty
after eating 400 pounds of fudge?
Or the time your belt broke... you bored that boy back to sleep
with the story of your life.
Sir, you'd better have a look.
We're done for!
Hunters! They're coming!
This wouldn't be happening
if we still had... magic.
Where are we going?
My house.
First time I ever have friends over
and it has to be like this.
Now arriving...
...Fairy Hunters.
The kids.
The kids!
Mom! Dad!
Secure the exits.
Gut the joint.
Is it getting hot in here
or is it just me?
A talking giant rabbit.
Tommy, what's going on?
I know you. You used to put your
mother's bridgework under the pillow.
Don't you know how greedy that is?
I call it initiative.
Who are you, the Cheesecake Fairy?
Mr Plug, on behalf of
the children of the world...
...and all that is decent
and good in the universe...
...I demand that you leave at once.
Zip it, fuzzball.
You bet. I'll... be over here...
...if anyone needs me.
Who's the wacko?
I'm the Easter Bunny's evil twin.
The Tooth Fairy's ugly stepsister.
I'm roadkill to reindeer,
sun lamps to snowmen.
I am... the anti-Claus.
Knock it off, Plug!
- Mrs C?
- She's back!
And she's bad.
Run, Plug.
While you still can.
Ooh. Scary.
Or, as my colleague here
would say...
- What are you doing here?
- I've come to help, old friend.
But why'd you leave us
in the first place?
Because the world had got greedy.
Magic didn't matter any more;
money did.
But what I didn't realise is...
...that there are a few
loving and generous spirits...
...still alive in this world.
All right, lady.
You wanna help? Prove it.
Very well. I've got your money.
The garbage men, they work for me.
They took your money to keep it safe.
What about m... magic?
Back off, or Fluffy gets it.
Tolly, will you get back here?!
But he's the Easter Bunny!
Nobody's called me that in years.
Laugher. Tears. Nausea.
Grab the kid.
- No!
- It's OK, we'll take care of this.
When we get to the top, bury them.
They've sealed the ducts!
And cut the circuits.
OK... OK... OK...
Whoa. That is a long way up.
OK, is there another way out?
Hold on.
He's burying us alive!
- I know there's a way out.
- You don't know anything.
- Help me out here, lady!
- Well... there is a way out.
You fly.
This is for you to do,
for the ones you love.
Magic is love, and wishes,
and wanting to help other people.
And it's here.
Deep inside.
Like a kidney?
Hello. Sceptical Examiner?
You guys want
the exclusive of a lifetime?
Send your best man,
and tell him to bring his camera.
No, this is not another giant squid!
- What's this?
- No...
It's his jacket. Dad!
- OK, honey...
- Dad!
- Dad?
- Honey? Honey!
Excuse me, Mrs Wallit.
I think you should see this.
- Dad!
- Come here, Big T.
But he hates heights.
Talk to him, Mrs Wallit.
Er... hello?
H... hello?
What are you doing?
Got no choice! I'm her dad!
What's gotten into you?
Well... just...
had a chance to sleep on things.
You see?
That's magic.
On your left!
Will you come down now, please,
before you get hurt?
I'm, er, writing a new song
for the band.
Wanna know what it's about?
It's about you.
Anyone who's put up with a flake
like me deserves something beautiful.
There's just one problem.
I stink.
I've got no sense of rhythm.
And I... I think I'm tone-deaf.
No! No! Can you bring him back?
Bring him back!
- Tooth?
- I gotta help!
Then fly.
- Show me!
- I can't.
It's inside you. You have to want it.
Enough kung-fu mumbo jumbo, lady,
I gotta save 'em!
That's it?
I get more lift from a bag of prunes.
She can do this.
But she needs all of you.
You have to want it, too.
If it means getting Rabbit,
and the little girl and her dad...
...then I want magic.
If it helps.
Oh, why not?
Take me with you.
I'll try.
Still think she's a loser?
Nah. She's not a loser.
All right, people,
let's kick some Fairy Hunter butt!
In the old-fashioned way!
Hi, Dad. Gotta flyyyyyyyyyyy!
Come on, Sugar Plum Fairy,
let's... ride.
The Sugar Plum Fairy...
...was a wimp.
Please make sure
your seat back is upright...
...and your tray table's in its stowed
and locked position. Thank you!
- Going underground!
- Watch out for the car!
Welcome to the Festival of Cheese.
- Cheeeeeese!
- Ahhh!
Agh, cheese! I hate cheese!
Time for a cleanup!
Sceptical Examiner,
where are you guys?
Ugh! Knock it off! Blurrrrgh!
Let 'em go, Plug.
Or I'll make you.
You and what army?
You and what army?
Where have you been?
You should really get that looked at.
Huh? Elves!
And fairies! And Tooth Fairies!
It's an army! Yeah! Get 'em!
Wings up and wands out.
In you get! In that!
- Cowards!
- Ow!
Shut it, you.
As my mummy always says, never,
ever, ever work without a hostage.
Let her go, chucklehead.
The Sceptical Examiner was right.
You're just a big fat liar.
You worthless...
...trailer trash!
Yes, Mummy.
I am. I am worthy of his memory.
Stage dive!
- Tolly!
- That tickles!
Daddy, can we keep her?
She's so cute.
- Tolly, are you OK?
- Everything all right?
Mr Plug.
I've examined your claim thoroughly.
You're from the Sceptical Examiner!
Oh! Afternoon.
Did you see? Did you see inside?
As is typical
of your claims with us...
...there is nothing extraordinary
or unusual in any way to report.
But the rabbit... and the zing...
and the wheeee... and the zhooom...
We're not in the fruitcake business,
Mr Plug.
Evidently you are.
Please, shh... don't call again.
I've got video.
No! No!
Dad's here, we're all right.
We're all right.
Tolly, you're all right, you're safe.
Ohh, got you back.
Got you back, got you all safe,
goodness me.
- How did you get here?
- I ran, sweetheart.
I ran, darling, I ran all the way.
Goodness me.
Little T, are you all right?
Ah, got you safe. Tom, Tom!
Come here. Come here, oh...
We saw fairies
and they were flying!
There were Fairy Hunters, and
they had a huge tunnel, and we won!
That's wonderful...
So, that's my story.
How me and my family and the craziest
Tooth Fairy ever found magic again...
...and got the holidays back on track.
Herbert the Extractor escaped and
became a professional soccer player.
Those wacky golfers
had a pretty good year.
And Plug spent
the rest of his holidays in /jail.
As for my family... dad started a car-wash record
store for the musically challenged...
...and Mom went to work for Mrs C.
Tolly got to keep
the thing in the cage...
...and she even got a new baby-sitter.
Everything's fine, Mrs Wallit.
You and Mr Wallit
just try and enjoy yourselves. Ciao.
And me... Tom Wallit?
I made a friend who liked me...
...even though
I'm a flesh-eating virus.
A friend who taught me
that magic is inside all of us.
Deep inside.
...a kidney.