Toxic Avenger, The (1984) Movie Script

New York, world capital
of culture and industry.
Here, amid the skyscrapers,
civilization is driven by
progress and technology.
But these industrial progress,
there is a price to pay.
Pollution. The inevitable
setbacks of the current society.
Every year, millions of
tons of toxic waste
and radioactive wastes
are discharged into city
Tromaville as the capital
of toxic waste.
In the sport club
Tromaville, a young man
Melvin named Furda works.
The whole life of Melvin, and even
its very nature was
changed by toxic waste.
Look at this stupid guy!
A janitor fucking moron
cannot even mop right!
Too stupid!
With his shit eating smile.
Why is he so happy?
I hate this mop boy.
I think that creep is coming over here.
Julie, you smell something?
Ugh! What's that stench?
It's weird, I don't smell anything.
Melvin, clean the toliet, they stink.
OK. I'm coming.
Look what you did!
You fucking asshole!
You fucking asshole!
- Are you retarded?
- Attard!
You want me to get a disease!
You want her to be sick?
I didn't mean it.
I didn't mean it!
If you give me shit, I'll shove
that broom down your throat.
It stresses me!
I can not stand it!
He's messing with my karma!
Look what you did, moron!
You've stressed Bozo!
Excuse me, Julie.
I didn't mean to do it.
What right have you speak, moron?
Go on, Bozo.
But remember,
there is only one muscle
you have to worry about.
Say, you should
work your guts a little,
it is becoming a little flaccid!
What are you talking about?
There's no fat!
Fat! Fat!
Slug, are you sure nobody will come?
I slipped $15 to Tony.
He said we had the place
until tomorrow morning.
Relax. Want something to drink?
- OK.
- Alright.
Can I come again next time
you and Bozo go driving.
If you want to, bad enough.
I love it when we go real fast.
And they never know what hit them.
They never believe we're
going to run them down.
We keep getting closer and closer.
Faster and faster.
They're just standing there and yeah.
We hit them!
I love the sound of breaking bones!
The car driving over them
and dragging their bodies.
All that beautiful blood!
I want you, now.
Oh, Slug!
Oh, Slug!
More! More!
Get out of here, you pervert!
Or I'll kill ya!
The rules, what are they?
Let me see if I can
remember the whole list.
Now, jews, whops, niggers and chinks,
they're all worth twenty-five points.
But Porto Ricans they're
worth thirty points.
Now kids under twelve
they're double points.
Don't forget your helmet.
OK, sis.
Be careful out there.
Julie, does it count if
I just graze them?
You got to destroy them!
Bozo, I want them dead
Yeah, we'll going to get them.
Come on. Come on,
where the fuck is everybody?
How much is a kid on a bicycle?
Twenty-eight points if you
get both the kid and the bike?
Let's take a closer look.
Oh, he a cute little boy, isn't he?
Out pretty late, aren't you, honey?
The coast is clear, Bozo.
You got him!
We're going to get him!
You get full points!
No way! The kid's still moving!
We're not finished yet!
He's still moving, no way
you get full points.
No way, huh?
I'll show you no way.
Give me that!
Full points, my man!
Look at him!
These are the best shots
we've ever taken.
This is fun!
These are great!
Show me the pretty pictures!
That was good!
I want to do it again!
Yeah, go for it again!
I've got to go home.
I got to get up early in the morning.
Got to go to church.
Arms up! Now stop.
That's really pitiful.
Look how many times do
I have to tell you people?
Do exactly what I do.
If I kick my left foot, you do it.
Whatever I do, you do.
How about we start again?
Let's go, music, 1, 2. Hey, hey...
Watch how I hit this ball.
Are you watching?
Are you watching, I'm going to kill it!
Bozo, it's okay.
Hey, guys, come here.
Have I got a plan to fix
that mop boys wagon.
Hi, Melvin.
Melvin, it's okay.
I just came to apologize.
I didn't mean to be so nasty.
That's okay, Julie. I didn't really mind.
In fact, I was hoping
you could help me,
with a little problem.
I've been having.
Who, me?
I can't talk about here
with all these people around.
Hery, I got a great idea.
Why don't you meet me
in the girls locker room?
Girls' locker room?
Then we can discuss it alone.
Oh, oh!
Let's say 7 o'clock.
That's good for me, too.
I have to clean the toliets
there around that time anyway.
Good. It's a date. See you then.
490... 491... 492...
493... 494... 495...
Hi, guys. Well, Melvin fell
for it. Hook line and sinker.
We've been driving for
two whole hours.
Pull over and take a break.
You know we're not
supposed to stop with
this radioactive chemical
waste on the back.
It's dangerous.
Remember that dope
we're snorting last week?
Well, check this out.
Holy shit! Why didn't you say so.
Let's pull over!
- Hi, Melvin.
- Hi, Julie.
Come in, don't be shy.
What did you want help with?
- It's about Bozo.
- Bozo?
Yeah, you see, I'm so sick
of the way he goes around
pushing people around all the time.
He's so immature.
I don't like to go out
with him abtmore.
But I don't know quite
how to tell him.
In fact, Melvin, I think
you're handsome,
and sensitive and kind.
Oh, Melvin, I find you irresistable.
- Me?
- Yes.
Melvin, I want to do it with you.
Do it!
Do what?
Do it, Melvin, do it!
Do it? Okay.
Wait a minute.
I got a great idea, Melvin.
We'll go down by the pool.
Afferwards we can taker a cool dip.
There's one other little thing, Melvin.
You're not wearing pink.
- Pink?
- It's my favorite color.
I have my pink on.
So, I brought this for you.
- But this is sissy stuff.
- Melvin, pink makes me so hot.
- It does.
- Yes.
If you put on your pink,
I'll take off my pink.
- I love pink!
- Hurry up, I'll be waiting.
And bring your mop.
- Julie?
- Here I am, Melvin.
It's so dark in here,
where are you? I can't see you
Right here, Melvin. Come here.
My lips are waiting for you, Melvin.
Whoa, put your arms around me.
Oh, Julie!
Quick turn on the light!
You're so soft, Julie.
Ooh, he doesn't
look very good to me.
He's faking it, Julie!
I think he's in trouble.
Julie, if he can't take a joke, stinks.
Get back! Get back!
Get out of here!
Melvin on fire!
Melvin, dear, are you alright?
Is anything the matter?
Oh, my feet!
Are you okay?
Melvin, dear, are you alright?
My little Melvin! He must
have finally reached puberty.
One. Two.
Three. Four.
When we lay this wad on, old Clancy.
The boss is going to
have him by the balls.
I don't think old Clancy
will take the money.
Everyone says he's an honest cop.
If he don't take the dough,
I'm gonna give him a blow.
Ha ha!
A pair of knuckles.
If it ain't, Cigar Face. What are
you and your friends up to?
We brought you a little
present from the boss.
No way.
You're wasting your time.
No. That's where you're wrong.
You're wasting your time.
Now we're going to waste you!
Now you're going to find out
why they call me Cigar Face.
Get him!
Come on!
What the matter, Clancy?
Get him!
Thes cops are all alike!
A bunch of faggots!
What do you say, shall
I blow his nose off or what?
Boss says if he doesn't
want to cooperate,
we should make love to him.
Well, whatever the boss says, goes.
No, please!
No, I got a family!
Say your prayers, copper!
Oh, shit!
Could that be the,
O'Shanahee boy back from school.
No! No!
I'll get you for this,
you monster faggot!
Don't worry. I won't hurt you.
I don't know what came over me.
I just couldn't control myself.
I've never done anything
like this before.
Quiet! Quiet!
Quiet. You'll will raise your hand
and you will ask one
question at a time.
Exactly where did it happen?
It happened in Shinbone Alley.
These three guys were
going to kill me, see.
And then of nowhere comes
this thing, this monster,
I never seen anything like it before.
It took the three guys
and threw them away.
I don't know what it was but,
God bless it, it saved my life.
Alright, boys.
Chief, what have you got?
That alleyway was the most
gruesome sight I have ever seen.
Gruesome, huh?
Have you ever met
my mother-in-law?
Now, that's gruesome
What about Cigar Face?
Have we gotten anything
out of him yet?
He must still be in shock.
All he does is sit around
all day babbling about
some seven foot monster.
Yeah, and the only other clue
we've got are those mops,
stuffed in their mouths.
It must be some political statment.
Do we have any suspects?
Nah, the whole town is suspect.
They were hated by everyone.
Not by me. They were
our two best producers.
Speaking of which, I almost forgot.
The boys made their rounds last
night and here is the collection.
And it would've been
double if it wasn't for this
devastating tragic turn of events.
Stop that Elephant Man bullshit.
I am not an animal.
I'm Melvin, the mop boy.
- Who is it?
- It's me, Ma. Melvin.
Ma? Ah, Ma!
Tom. Tom, is he dead?
Hey, Tom.
Yes, over here. The zoning
board has besigned
the old Rawlins Chemical Plant
as the new toxic waste site.
Now that's contaminated, but
valuable waterfront property.
We think it's a crime to let that
property go to waste as a dump.
You are aware that would
place our new toxic waste
dump only 20 feet from the
reservoir for the entire area.
I think we have a deal.
Here to better living through chemisty.
Fred, Fred, look at this thing!
Alright, eveyone!
Drop your tacos or
I'll blow your brains out!
Get the cash register!
Okay, you got it!
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
We are the entertainment
for this afternoon.
Now on shotgun,
we've got my man Leroy.
On cash register
we've got magic fingers, Rico!
That's me.
Last but not least yours truely Frank.
On the stick.
Shut up!
Now if you all do just
what we tell you,
you just might get
your asses home intact.
Look who we've got here!
A little mother, and a little baby.
Do you like Mexican food, baby?
How would you like to
have this hot tomale
shoved down your throat?
What are you looking at?
Hey, Frank, teeny boppers!
You like video games,
teeny boppers?
Your mom give you
quarters for video games?
Well, cough them up!
Hey, this one's cute, Frank.
Look how cute she is, Frank.
Say, Leroy, I think she likes you.
Hey, why don't you leave her alone?
We'll give you our money,
if you want money.
Hey, look, pal, why don't
you just let everyone go
and keep me as a hostage, huh?
That's an idea, aint it, Frank?
- Yeah.
- No, thanks.
Shut up! It was self defence.
Yo, Leroy, check out
this pretty little thing,
and it's got a dog.
Hey, wait a minute.
I think this bitch is blind.
Are you sure she is blind, Frank?
Yeah, the bitch is blind.
Hey, what are you doing?
Don't do that!
Let go of me!
Yo, Leroy, you want to
walk this damn dog!
Yeah, sure, Frank.
What have you done to my dog?
He's gone to the dogs!
Harry! Harry!
I'll make everything alright,
let me introduce you to bend.
Bend over!
Hey, Leroy, always did want
to have me a blind bitch.
I'm going to enjoy this!
Yeah, it's going to be nice.
What the shit!
Okay, you motherfucker!
Aah! Aahh!
No, no, no! We're only kidding!
What's the matter?
Can't take a joke?
We're only kidding. Please, no!
Can't do this to me!
No! Please, stop!
Stop, no!
We're only kidding!
Grrr! Grr!
Please, please don't touch me!
Hey, hey, it's alright.
I'm not going to hurt you.
Are you okay?
Yes, I think so. My dog!
These men killed my dog!
They shot my dog!
Could you take me out of here, please?
Please. I'll never make it
by myself without my dog.
Okay, alright, but let's
go out the back way.
Hey, don't worry, I won't hurt you.
- Don't trip over the step, Melvin.
- Ah, what?
Ha ha! I better get my cane.
Why don't you have a seat?
There's a place for you on your left.
Right over there.
Would like you like something to eat?
Ow! Ow!
Peanut butter and jelly, okay?
Now, boys, what have we got here?
We got a nice cripsy taco
supreme over here, chief.
Looks like I got a a
strawberry thickshake here.
What have you got?
I've got a pizza with
the works to go, Jimmy.
Chief, it was unbelievable.
It had an eyeball here,
his nose was twisted to the side.
It was the strangest thing
I ever saw in my life
It was a pink elephant, too.
I'm telling ya, these guys
were going to kill us.
It saved our lives. It was a hero.
A hero?
This guy is drunk.
Would you mind if
I touched your face?
No? Why not?
I won't hurt you, Melvin.
It's not that. It's just that
I have a rash on my face.
A rash? You mean acne?
Yeah, that's it.
It's nothing to worry about
but I wouldn't want you to touch it.
You shouldn't be ashamed of acne.
Everybody's has ance at
one time or another.
Hey, I know. Would you
like me to tell your fortune?
I read palms. Give me your hand.
What big hands you have.
I bet you're very strong.
Hmm. Let me see.
You're going to have
a lot of good things coming
too you in the future.
You're going to become
a very important man.
Let me see your other hand.
Oops! Sorry.
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
With us this afternoon is,
Dr. Snodberger, from
Garden State State Cerebral
Relfex Research Centre.
Ah, can you tell me, sir,
is it true the monster
only attacks bad people?
Yo. Yo. Since only bad, evil
people have been destroyed
by the monster, I would have
to answer your question. Ya.
From traces that have
been found at the scenes
of the crime, and analysed,
we have determined
that whatever it is,
this monster has been exposed
to toxic chemical waste.
It is also highly probable
that this monster may
have developed a very
basic instinct which draws him,
or should I say, commands
him to destroy evil.
That new camera really
captures the moment!
I know. The reds are so red!
Really get me hot!
Mr. Mayor?
I got todays receipts from
the drug division. Ha ha!
Good boy, Dennis.
Put over there on the table.
I'll get to it later.
Listen, asshole, how many
times are you going to
pull that Elephant Man joke?
- Grrr!
- Aahhh!
Let this be a lesson to you, hot ass!
This monster may have
developed a very basic instinct,
to destroy evil.
Hey, you! In the alley!
Hey, knucklehead! How about
some nice young poo time?
No, no! Take me home!
Come on.
Take me home!
You said you were going to take
me to the David Bowie concert!
He's not David Bowie!
Only twelve years old,
and only twelve dollars!
Boys! Help!
Help, boys!
You can tell all your
scum friends that things
are going to change in this town!
I'm not just another spretty face!
Two prime candidates.
Rack 'em up!
- Wow!
- Wow!
I hear the monster is so big.
I bet he's got his eye on me.
For your information, everyone
knows Monster Prefer Blondes!
There's a feeling going
around town that this monster
is here to protect the people.
The jail's are becoming overcrowded.
This monster has cleaned
the streets of every criminal.
Almost all the criminals.
He hasn't gotten us yet.
What the hell are we going
to do about this monster?
I'll tell you what we're going
to do. We're going to kill him.
Because if we don't kill him,
he's going to kill us.
I owe you for the other
night, monster faggott!
So now we're going to give
you six new assholes,
compliments of me, Cigar Face!
Get him!
Ooh, you aught to have seen it!
His teeth was everywhere!
He look like shit!
Hey, what are you doing, blondie?
I'm waiting for my boyfriend.
She's waiting for her boyfriend.
Well, maybe I'm going to
be your boyfriend, baby!
Hey, stop that!
My boyfriend won't like that!
Oh, we'll have to take care
of that wimp of a boyfriend!
Melvin! Melvin!
Oh, Melvin!
Yeah, Melvin. What's up, guys?
Why, Melvin, you're beautiful.
You're a beauitful person.
You're so muscular. It's been
two years since I touched a man.
What are you doing to me?
I've never felt like this before.
I'll teach you a lesson
you'll never forget!
Sorry, madam.
Open up please, open up!
Help me, open up please!
Coming up.
Let me out, someone help me!
Aah! She's stresses me, Slug!
Julie is stressing me, Slug!
I can't take it!
I cannot take it, Slug!
She's not here with car
and I've got to drive, Slug!
I got to drive!
Alright, already, chilld out.
Hey, how would you like
to be behind the wheel
of a beautiful Japanese imported?
Oh, that would be good!
Hi, can we help?
Oh, you sure can.
Thank you very much.
Oh, it's so nice to have you
boys like you here
in the neighborhood.
Oh, what a feeling, today!
Did you see her face
when I punched her?
I beat that old lady like a bog!
Slug, there's that thing again!
Let's get it!
Shit! he's on the roof!
He's on the roof!
Get him off!
He's going to kill both of us!
Swerve the car, swerve the car!
I can't control the car!
He's still there, swerve again!
I can't get him off the car, Slug!
I'm going to die!
Take the wheel! I'm stressed!
Ah, what?
Get out of here!
How do you like this face, Bozo?
Melvin, that's who it is!
Hey, what about the
kid on the bike, Bozo?
How does it feel to hit
a kid on a bike.
Completely, ugh!
Give me the wheel!
Just give me the wheel!
You'll going to kill both of us!
You want the wheel?
Here, take the wheel!
Grrr! Ha ha!
Yoohoo! Mr. Wilson!
Mrs Haskel, how are you?
Fine, thank you.
How are the boys?
Those boys are such terrors.
Especially Scott.
He took his best girl out
last night and he came home
with these stains, all over his pants.
I don't know what they are.
I don't either.
Do you think you can get them out?
My car! They're putting
a ticket on my car!
Mrs. Haskel, don't move.
Stay right where you are.
I'll be right back.
You can't give me a ticket!
I've got a funeral to go to-
Hey, who do you think you're pusing?
What do you want?
Stay away from me!
Stay away from me!
Help! Help! Help!
Stay away from me!
Aaah! Help!
What the...?
I didn't do anything!
I love doing the washing!
Please, don't give me a ticket!
Please, don't give me a ticket!
Okay, Mrs. Haskel, let's see what
we can do with these stains.
Mrs. Haskel. Mrs. Haskel,
what are you doing?
You know customers are
not allowed on that machine.
Mrs. Haskel.
Melvin, is that you?
Who's there?
Who is that?
It's me, only me.
You scared me.
Is something wrong?
Everything is wrong.
What the matter?
What have I done?
No, it's not what you've done.
It's what I've done.
I think I'm out of control.
You see, you're blind, Sara.
You don't know who I am.
I'm really the monster
hero you heard about.
And everyday I go out
and I mash people.
I tear them apart and I can't stop.
You better move back
to your apartment.
I don't think its safe
for you to be around me.
Oh, Melvin. I couldn't leave
you now. I love you, Melvin.
I wish we could go somewhere.
Yeah, some far away place.
Where there are no people.
Where I can't kill anybody.
What about that spot near Millers
farm that you told me about?
Where you used to go to be alone.
You said that was a very special place.
Well, we could try it.
Do you think I look
inconspicous enough?
I'll feel better when
we get to the campsite.
Mayor, Mayor!
Chief, look. Our monster
made a little bit of a mistake.
You can't go around dry
cleaning little old ladies
the public won't stand for it.
We can kill him now with
no flack from anybody.
No, no. Bad news, Mayor,
that old lady was hardly
a pillar of the community.
In fact, she can a head of an
internation white slavery ring.
Oh, shit!
She had a police record a mile long.
We've got to cover this up.
If it ever gets out to
the press we're sunk.
I want you to do me a favour.
Kill that bastard for me!
Kill him!
Yes, Mayor!
Ladies and gentlemen,
may I have yor attention please.
The mayor will now
take questions from
the ladies and gentlemen
of the press.
Yes, Miss Fink.
What your adminstration stance
in regards to this alleged monster?
Is he a menace or a miracle?
He's definately a menace, Miss Fink.
Right now there'a massive
search underway to find
the thing and destroy it.
Yes, Mr. Leonard?
Instead of trying to kill him,
shouldn't we be trying
to capture him,
bring him in, study him?
It is not a human being.
It is an it you kill an it.
Mr. Mayor. Mr. Mayor.
Yes, Mr. Williams?
The victim killed in the dry
cleaners, Mrs, ah, Haskel.
What's her background?
What do we know about her?
Mrs. Haskel was a member of
our community for over 30 years.
Also a member of the PTA.
She had two fine sons.
Everyone that know her, loved her.
A question!
Are you certain, Mr Mayor,
that the chief and the police
department can handle
the situation in Tromaville?
I have the utmost regard for
the chief, and his department.
As I've said, he's conducting
a massive search
for the monster right now.
I want this thing found
and I want this thing killed!
The mayor has notified the
governor and he's prepared
to give us all the assistance we need.
Should we break out
the heavy weapons?
Come on, boys.
I'd be dead right now if
it wasn't for the monster!
Don't you think you're
being a bit hasty?
Clancy, you will do as you're
told or you'll find yourself
walking a beat at the city dump!
Now I want this thing shot
and I want you to shoot to kill!
That monster saved my life.
He's done a lot of good for this town.
Why are they going to kill him?
We should speak out!
Do something!
Why don't you do something!
Speak out!
Do you want me to speak up?
If I speak up,
I lose my business licence.
If I lose my business licence,
I'm dead.
Do you want another shake?
No! I want them
not to kill the monster.
I want us to do something!
Listen, Johnny, you're just a kid.
People can't go around doing
things just because they're right.
We have to leave these
decisions up to the mayor
- and the police chief.
- He's right.
But why would the mayor
want to destroy something
that does more good than
the entire police force.
No offence.
I know how you feel, Johnny,
he saved my life too.
But us, little guys, are just not
qualified to make these decisions.
That's why he's the mayor.
We've got to find him!
Come on, girl!
First day on the force
and I'm chasing monsters!
The dogs got a scent!
I'm missing the ball
game for this bullshit!
We're not going to find
no monster out here,
all we're going to find is a bunch
of mosquitos biting my ass!
Shut your mouth!
Hold on a second,
I think I see something.
You don't see nothing but a couple
of campers humping each other.
Come on, let's go home!
Holy shit! It's the monster!
Oh, sure!
He's got a Bimbo with him!
Oh, he's got your Mama with him!
She's wearing a bikini! Wow!
Wait, let me see!
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
Come on, let's go tell the chief!
I'm going to get a medal for this!
Mayor! Mayor!
The monster has been sighted
in a field near Miller farm.
That's wonderful!
I'll have the National Guard
meet us out there in full force.
You leave now!
Hello, Mr. Governor,
how are you, sir?
Fine, just fine.
Mr. Governor, I need your help, sir.
It's about this monster that's
been terrorising this town.
The local authorities can no
longer handle the situation.
That's why I need your help.
The National Guard?
I was hoping you'd say that,
so we can kill it.
Capture it? Well, I was
thinking the very same thing.
Yes, capture would be fine.
Ahha. Thank you, Governor.
Talk to you soon. Goodbye, sir.
Capture, my ass!
I don't like the way
this is going sargent.
I know.
The little people think he's
done a lot for this town.
Oh, my God! They're calling
in the National Guard!
Oh, look at all these men!
I hope they don't hurt the monster.
Monster, we want to give
him a medal, not kill him.
They're going to nuke him!
They're going to nuke the monster!
- They found the monster!
- He's at the Miller Farm!
They're going to kill him!
Holy cow! We can't let him die!
Let's go!
Out of the way!
Stand aside.
Just in the clearing, Mayor.
My troops have him surrounded.
I think he's still asleep.
Fine, we'll move in and wipe him out.
You can't do that, Mayor.
I've checked with headquarters
and they want us to
take him alive, not kill him.
Your in charge, go on
and give the orders!
Mayor, please, think of
what you are going!
There's an innocent girl
in there with him!
It's once life for the whole town!
But, Mr Mayor,
you don't understand!
He saved my life!
He doesn't deserve to die!
Shut up!
You don't understand the
seriousness of the situation here, boy!
How dare you discuss my
son's life or death like this.
I'm Melvin's mother.
He's a good boy.
He's never hurt anybody!
Silence! Silence!
The orders have been given!
It is our destiny to follow orders.
You in the tent, come out
with your hands up!
You are surrounded!
The minute he comes out, kill him.
- I'm coming with you.
- No, you not.
You've got to stay here.
No, I can't let you do it!
He's a hero.
Don't shoot him!
If you want to shoot my son,
you'll have to shoot me first!
Get these kids out of here!
It's okay, Mom. Children.
Shoot it!
Run! Run! Grrr!
No, I won't do it.
These kids are right.
Captain, have your men fire!
I can't.
Shoot them!
Fine, I'll do it myself!
You touch me again and I'll kill ya!
Keep away from me!
Get away from me!
Ah, get away from me!
Leave me alone!
I'll make you a deal!
I'll give you 10%, anything,
just leave alone!
Don't hurt me!
I'm too young to die!
Please don't hurt me!
Let's see if you have any guts!
Officer Clancy,
take care of this toxic waste.
- Melvin!
- Sara!
- Melvin!
- Sara!
So, Melvin, the monster hero,
rid Tromaville of all of it's evils,
so the good citizens could live
their lives in peace and happiness.
And the next time you're in
danger or in need to help,
look to the horizon and
maybe, just maybe...
The Toxic Avenger will be there.