Trash Juice (2022) Movie Script
(gentle melodic music)
What a lonely day.
Blue sky green tree,
yellow and brown grass
Ha, ha, ha. I love it here.
Bless the leaves.
Bless the forest floor.
Bless all the animals,
large and small.
Oh, my God.
Transients shooting up in my neighborhood.
Oh, my God. I have to save them.
I have to save...
My brothers and sisters in Christ.
What are you doing there
in this godforsaken hole?
It's a preacher.
You're throwing your mind away, my God.
You've got to stop.
Do you have any drugs?
What do you have? What's this?
I'll suck your dick for a cigarette.
Oh, my God.
- One fucking hit.
One fucking hit.
What do you have?
You gotta have omething
like even just a quarter?
Oh, I need it.
I need it.
Fuck the church. They
don't have no fucking drugs.
Follow you?
All your prayers will be answered.
Brother the Lord will save
you. You're just disconnected.
Come back here.
Oh, that pussy juice is so...
Ohh, oh, oh...
What are you getting?
You motherfucker.
That's my pussy juice.
Fuck you.
Funny you tell us why,
man. I'm never heard.
I'm never held tight.
Oh, my God.
What the fuck? That wasn't her.
That was a fucking sheep.
My children, please don't
throw your lives away.
There's plenty of things you can do here.
The hurt, the church will help you.
He used to be the Mayor...
- The Mayor
of San Pedro.
The Mayor? Oh, my God.
Sir, you've sunk so low.
This pussy juice, uh huh.
Huh, uh.
Come to church on Sunday.
We have programs that can
help you, we have Bible study.
We can make macaroni
figurines and necklaces.
We are here to save you!
(dramatic music)
Save me?
How are you going to save me?
Huh? How are you going to save me?
You ain't going to save nobody.
I've got a story to tell you about
somebody that thought they could be saved.
He he wanted internet fame
so bad that he cut himself for it.
And this is his story.
(ominousl music)
I really don't know what to do anymore.
I have a right to pay.
Don't got the money for it.
I have an associates degree in animation.
Can't find a job for that.
And my friend, my fucking friend,
sweet pickled, my fucking wife.
Make a video. Think about it.
They get tons of views and likes.
I'm not that type of person, man.
Well, what?
- Think about it. Suicide videos
biggest thing right now.
Oh, no, no, no.
Come on, they'll know your name.
Be a legend.
Be the best one around.
Everyone will know your name in an instant.
Get twice as many views and followers
within an hour.
I mean,
there's no rent in hell, right?
Nope. Another positive to doing this.
Never got to worry about it again.
All right, well, let's.
Let's try it out.
Let's try it out. Let's try it out.
Maybe.
I don't know.
I'm not that type of person.
Not
True.
But you could be just
like, those are greats.
Come on. You could be one of them.
Everyone know will your
name, and no one else's.
All right.
Come on bud, all you need is one of these.
But what am I supposed to do with this?
Oh, you know what to do with it.
Come on. Watch the videos all the time.
You know what
people use those for.
It's going to start
your career to fame.
Think about it.
Times of use make you known,
make you famous.
Just like all those other ones.
They're going to know your name forever.
- All right, fine.
Let's give it a shot.
- Atta boy.
Come on, let's go do this.
I'll help you out
All right.
((heavy drum music)
(footsteps on gravel)
There you go, buddy.
Camera is all set up for you.
Think about this.
You do this.
You'll be famous, one of the big shots.
Everyone will know your name.
You got the camera, we got the lights.
Now we just need you to do the action.
Come on, bud.
This is for Tik Tok, Twitter,
please.
Oh, no.
Okay, this way.
Yeah.
There we go.
No, no, no, no.
Long way side.
Come on.
Oh, fuck. No.
Fuck this.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
(slice)
(splat)
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh.
(choking sound)
(gasping)
(choking and gasping)
Arhhh (choking)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
(sawing and slahing noise)
(blood squirting)
(scary music)
(choking)
(blood squirting)
Ha, he, he.
Oh, oh, yaah
(choking)
(spacey music)
(choking)
(camera stand clicks)
(crying)
(crying)
(gasping)
(choking)
(spacey music)
Oh, my God.
That happened at San Pedro,
and that's amazing.
I, I can't believe that we have programs
to help people like yourselves
and your friend, and we do is extra taxes
for that sort of thing here.
And we firmly believe in helping
the helpless, as well as the church.
I mean, they're they're in every pocket
in the city, but especially here.
He was like a son
to me, man, fucking son, man.
Fuck you bums.
Wow. That's one gone.
What about you, young lady?
What is your story?
I'm sick of nobody man.
Young lady... you're too young to be here.
(hissing)
Ok, well... whatever that is.
Hiss. Hiss.
Hiss.
Young lady
you're way too young to
be wasting your life here.
Why are you doing this?
Let me tell you, the story that happened
a couple weeks ago with Squeaky George.
What is that thing?
About a couple of weeks ago,
my buddy had him, and it didn't work out.
So now he's mine.
(omninous music)
Fine yeah, I got it.
Yes. Everything that they said,
six figures
finally able to put the down payment
on the house we always wanted.
I'm super excited too.
Yeah,
I know.
Oh, okay.
Well, they're waiting for me right now
to clock in, but you know how it goes.
Okay, bye.
Looks like the coast is clear.
Let's get to work.
(heavy suspenseful music)
(chain link bangs)
(suspenseful music builds)
(static and bees)
(whistling)
(bees buzzing)
(chanting)
(police radio)
(bees buzzing)
(static)
(squeaking and creaking)
(bees buzzing)
(heavy static)
(electronic noise)
(sawing)
Whoa.
That was a good trip.
I'm glad it's over though.
Whoa.
What's that?
Looks like somebody left a
little squirrel finger puppet here.
Huh.
(Hacking)
I wonder if someone's looking for this?
This little squirrel.
I wonder who left this behind?
I might as well.
(birds chirping)
Huh.
(squirrel noises)
(rattling)
What? No.
(slap)
(panting)
Fuck.
(rattling)
(squeak)
No.
(squeak)
(heavy dramatic music)
(buzzing)
(squeaking)
Bad squirrel.
Nuts? What do you want?
What do you want from me?
(squeaking)
Uh.
What do you want? Bad.
Ah, ah.
(squeaking)
(suspenseful music builds)
(pop, pop, pop)
(pop, pop)
(squeaking)
(pop)
(squeaking)
He's dead.
(squeaking)
(honk)
Huh!
Oh, oh, ahhh, ahhh.
(panting)
No one grabs my nuts but me.
(pop)
Uh, ahh.
(tapping noixe)
Ahhhhh
(heavy breathing)
(panting)
(panting)
(pop)
(pop)
(pop)
(pop)
(quiet music)
(progressive rock music)
(heavy breathing)
(panting)
Oh, my God.
That's unbelievable.
That happened in San Pedro?
There's no way that can happen here.
Come on.
You're pulling my leg.
And that is my story of Squeaky George.
And that is exactly
why it's my responsibility.
To take care of him. Oh, you're so cute.
Stop, stop. Ahhhh.
Die, die, die. I got the rainy die.
Oh my God, these people are crazy.
What did I get myself into?
What are you doing to me?
Really Preacher?
Really?
- I'm trying to help you.
Oh, you are helping the wrong people here
come a little closer.
You know, even the Tupperware parties
here are full of some sick shit.
I can imagine.
- They'll make you eat shit.
Oh, you might think our addiction to trash
juice is bad.
You haven't heard nothing
until you hear about the Shit
Eaters.
God help you
(melodic synth music)
(dramatic synth music)
(footsteps)
What a wonderful day to feed the kids.
I bet these shitheads are hungry.
I don't know.
(chairs clank)
I hope these boys know
how much we love them
coming here, feeding
them everyday.
Oh, yeah.
You know, I got to find the stuff
from the dumpster today for them.
I hope they're really hungry.
Well, this banana peel...
- Banana and we got...
Let me look.
- All kinds of stuff in there
for them. Edith this is going to be good.
Good.
I smell fresh food.
(bag crinkles)
The nutrients is coming soon, mother
and father are here.
Yay, he, he hah.
Wake up fool.
Wow.
You hear them?
- It sounds like real rats.
They're hungry, You guys,
shut up I got you plenty of food.
- I'm starving. - It's coming.
Oh, please bring me this shit. Oh,
Look, it I got us
this good stuff.
Wow. Where did you get that?
Out my ass. What'd you think?
Huh? Yeah.
Oh, dear.
Edith.
We're so sweet.
We deserve this.
Thank you, my dear.
Yes.
- Can my mother and father give us my shit?
My, my, my those boys still don't
know how to speak proper English.
No worries.
Watch this.
Hey, dodos, where's the food?
Up your coolio
ho and around the corner pin.
Ha ha ha ha.
I'm telling they are parents.
What's for dessert dildo?
Dildos, dildos, he, he, he.
Yeah.
Let me do that.
- All right.
We're in a hurry.
Hurry your asses up and bring me the shit.
We must feast our
stomachs are grumbling.
Come on!
I'll get dressed up here.
They're feeding us, oh.
Watch this.
Here's a pear.
They like that.
- Yeah.
Ooh, it's a worm.
Feast, brother.
Feast.
- They eat anything.
Gee, golly, gosh.
Oh, yeah. Oh.
There we go.
Oh, oh.
Oh, yes.
Dr. Ruth on PBS Delicious Meals.
(vomiting)
He, he, ho, ho.
Yeah.
Edith,
I got to tell you something.
I've been waiting for a moment
to tell you this,
but these boys they're old enough,
surely old enough now.
We're not going to be coming here anymore.
I bought a house in Arizona. Yes.
And we are moving there away from this
California high tax.
Yeee, yahoo!
I don't want you to startle with the boys.
I don't want them to know
that we're never coming back here.
Yes. Yeah.
And that TV I got them
should have taught them
all of life's
lessons that they need to know.
You know, Edith, if
these boys ever escaped
out of this bunker,
only God knows what they would do.
You know, I think about it
is scaring the living shit out of me.
Wait a minute.
(farting noise)
You are so.
Oh, there it is.
The shit we dreamed of.
We must feast.
- Oh, God.
Oh, look, here's desert dildos.
Eww.
Bring it to me. Feasting.
Oh, yeah. Desert dildos.
Desert time dildos.
Yeah, let's go to Arizona.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Wait a minute, Bull.
Did you hear that?
They said they're leaving us forever.
What will we do?
We'll starve.
(birds chirping)
(footsteps)
Yeah.
It's a good time for lunch.
Thanks to my lovely wife
Karen for my sandwiches.
(funky music)
Yeah.
(funky music continues)
I wonder
what my daughter's doing.
I hope she stopped by
to see her parole officer.
She's got that Tupperware party.
(synth music)
(footsteps)
Oh, my gee God.
Golly, gosh.
What is this place?
The sun is so bright.
Bull, are we dead?
The sun is so bright and ugly.
I want to go back inside
and watch more PBS and church.
Oh, that sounds good, brother.
But we must eat I have no more shit
in my intestines, my nutrients are low.
All I have is this dirt.
I don't have any more
shit in my intestines.
(spits)
This is not good, brother.
We must find nutrients to eat, or
we will surely die.
Down here. But tread carefully.
There could be outsiders.
(synth music)
Well, brother, we need the food.
You know what
I can really go for right now?
Remember that time you've had to pierce
my ears with that needle in the bunker?
Oh, good times.
- And that pus came out.
Oh, it was an exquisite meal.
I remember.
- That was the best dessert ever.
I could use some of that right now.
You don't have any pus in your ears
right now?
No, no, none left.
No smegma from behind the ear?
I checked already.
How about these?
(echoing voice)
(vomiting)
(weird synth noises)
(spits)
(gasping)
(grunting)
What about this?
(crackling)
(vomiting)
(gasping, vomiting, spitting)
Briother we need nutrients.
Perhaps if we vomit
that would count as nutrients. Yes.
I have no bile left in me.
We must have shit.
Wait, brother.
Do you smell that?
I smell the forsaken
God that has given me.
Wait a minute. Wow.
Smells like
fresh shit.
An outsider.
I see him.
I smell a stomach full of shit.
Smell nutrients.
Shall we consume?
What about law enforcement?
Don't worry about them.
We'll handle them.
Oh, we can take them.
Down a little bit of strength.
Let's go, brother.
(footsteps -running)
(dramatic synth)
Tabloids don't show up.
Don't you know the shit eaters
(footsteps)
Nah.
These tabloids are making my job
a lot harder.
I should be getting paid overtime for this.
Yeah.
(dramtatic synth)
(footsteps)
Hey, how's your day going?
- All morning has been pretty shitty.
How's the flower smelling?
- The pussy willows smell pretty darn good.
Really? They smell like hot dogs to me.
Do they smell like hot dogs to you?
Maybe hot dog water.
Why don't you help me
find some of these sticks?
So I can bash my head with it.
Well, those little ones aren't
going to do shit for you man.
We need to get some big ones
for you to really whack yourself.
All right, let's go, man. Let's do it.
Let's do
(footsteps)
(talking to self - unintelligible)
Ooh, man.
My last game before retirement,
man. I'm happy.
I'm happier than a fart in a space suit.
I'll tell ya.
(footsteps crunch)
Man. Whoa.
What the fuck?
You guys need your plumbing fixed or what?
What the fuck?
Brother.
What the hell?
- I smell shit.
You guys are starting to freak me out.
What the fuck?
He has the sack with the nutrients
But, how do we get it out of him?
- What the hell are you talking about, man?
Well, they say on PBS with Dr.
Ruth in order to expel the shits,
the brain cranium must be exposed.
Hey. You guys are really freaking
me out now. What the fuck?
Whoa!
- Tools of the trade, brother.
I'll give you first
dibs. Give him a whack.
(splat)
It's time to
What the fuck!
Expel the cranium juices from his brain.
(bang, bang)
Expel the shit from his head.
(bang, bang)
(smashing sound)
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, brains.
(bang, bang)
Argh, ugh.
(bang, bang)
Oh. Oh, brother.
You smell that?
(farting noise)
He is excreting shit
from every orifice in his body.
Jesus. Oh, thank you, Lord.
(bang)
Oh, God. It's gourmet
day, it's gourmet day.
It's gourmet day.
- It's gourmet day brother.
We now sacrifice the Lord Jesus Christ
blood.
Show me your forehead.
I will baptize you in the name of brain
juices.
Oh, yes.
(religious piano music)
The shit is so delicious.
No, no, thank you, Jesus.
Thank you, Lord Jesus. Now.
Oh, brother, I believe we owe
a bit of worship to our Lord and savior.
Jesus Christ. Yes, we do, sir.
Our favorite hymns from Psalms 24:3.
It's the gourmet day.
It's the gourmet day.
Thank you, Lord Jesus.
It's the gourmet day.
It's the gourmet day. So
thank you, Lord Jesus.
It's the gourmet day. It's the gourmet day.
Thank you Lord Jesus, it's the gourmet day.
Thank you, Lord Jesus, it's the
gourmet day. Gourmet day, ya, ya, ya.
I'm still hungry Brother.
I crave new shit. Big shit.
Fat shit.
- Let's go.
There. Ha, ha, ha.
(piano music)
(cymbal crash)
Ha, such a great day.
Oh, welcome, welcome.
Oh, hi.
I'm so happy to be here.
I'm happy that you're happy.
I'm so excited.
- Are you ready to learn about the trees?
I got brochures.
I got National Park.
- The shit eaters. Do you have a brochure on the shit eaters?
I've been dying to see the shit eaters.
- No, no...
I saw them over there.
They wouldn't even.
Oh, my God. I'm
so excited to see the shit eaters.
This guided tour... I saw one of them over there.
- No, it's just a legend.
You don't have a brochure?
No, no, no, no, no.
I've been here about this for 30 years.
It's all urban legend.
I'm going to bring somebody who's excited
for me.
Thank you anyway.
It smells
like me and my wife, Karen.
(ominous rock music)
Oh, my God.
Shit eaters!
Shit eaters! Where are you?
Oh, shit eaters, where's you go?
Oh...
(suspenseful synth)
(dramatic cymbal crash0
Shit eaters?
Shit eaters? Shit eaters?
(dramatic music0
Shit eaters?
You who? Oh!
- What are you looking for?
Shit eaters!
Oh my God! I just realized it's you!
Oh, my God.
I can't believe it's you.
You are my favorite tabloid author ever.
I look at you
at every grocery stand check out.
This is amazing.
And your here.
(sniff)
Smells nice and good.
Pussy blood.
Tell me all about it.
I saw the shit eaters.
Tell me more.
What do you want to know?
I mean, over there
and I thought I was a goner.
I thought, wow, this is the last day
of my life because, you know, they they
they do all this terrible stuff to people,
but they don't do anything.
I'm covered
in all this fucking pussy blood.
And they didn't try to rape me.
They didn't try to kill me. They didn't
try to get my shit and eat it out.
I mean, they just fucking just I.
I got away.
This must be like their
their kryptonite or something.
I see. Now explain the shit eaters. I want.
I want your...
I want your brain to
be a pussy overflowing with
cum.
Dude, they're larger than life.
They're bigger than men.
They're they're muscular.
They're huge.
I mean, they're fucking schlongs
they're down to here.
They're swaying like a racehorse,
and they're just.
They're they can be all human.
They got to be part
human and part something else.
And they're just massive people.
Part John Holmes?
I would say so.
You didn't tell no one
else about this, did you?
No one by the name of Pickle Dick?
(dramatic synth fart)
No, just some schmuck park ranger.
Who wanted to give out brochures and
show me the damn nature preserve.
It's like I'm not here for that.
I'm here for the urban legend of the shit
eaters.
Well, I got something to show you,
but we have to head to my house.
Okay, let's go. So you weren't raped right?
No.
Why don't you come to my house and, uh,
we could do a little questioning, and,
I don't know,
maybe he might slip and fall on a cock.
Oh, my God that would be great Angus.
Let me let me give you my phone number.
Please do
(footsteps)
Where is that cock less
little micro dick impotent mother
fucker of a husband of mine?
Oh, my God.
What's that smell?
It smells like shit. Ha.
My fucking husband doesn't know
that his park smells like shit.
I can't fucking believe it.
Oh, how such a good piece.
Oh, brother, my stomach is filled.
The Lord Jesus Christ has filled
us with the amount of shit
in our stomachs.
I think I ate so much
I could shit myself now.
Well, if we must survive, brother,
the dismantling of your shit
out of your orifice
would go into my stomach and my stomach
would be able
to shit out into your orifice.
And we can have a circle going for
maybe a week.
That's a good idea. Yes,
Oh, my God.
You guys look disgusting.
Oh, my God.
You smell like shit. Are
you sure you illegal aliens?
What the fuck are you doing here?
Oh, wait.
You know,
I am having a Tupperware party soon,
and I could use some help
because this piece of shit
obviously doesn't help me I'll pay you
ten cents an hour.
That's very good pay.
Especially for illegal aliens
of your status
and the filth.
You drive a hard bargain.
Beehive lady.
What's in it for us though?
Ten cents an hour!
- Ten cents an hour
I think that's a good bargain.
Yes, brother.
Yes, sir.
Will you be expelling
shit for us on our lunch breaks?
I have a big cat box full of shit.
The main course that'll work.
You drive a hard bargain, lady.
But I feel as if we could take it.
Now, show us to your acquaintances,
and don't pull any fast ones on us.
We watch PBS, we know.
I'm worried about you guys
pulling a fast one on me.
I'm the one with all the stuff.
Not you. Illegal alien.
$0.10 an hour, motherfucker.
Brother, let's play along with this here.
Maybe we might be able expel more shit
from the entire area of San Pedro.
Yes, San Pedro will be ours after.
The shit eaters take San Pedro.
Ya, ha, ha, ha.
Oh, those tabloids up my ass.
This pensions not even worth it anymore.
Oh, where the fuck have you been?
It's after 5:00.
I missed my parties.
You didn't make me dinner.
I'm having a Tupperware party tomorrow.
Did you forget Hello? Hello.
What are you doing here?
I'm coming to take your fucking ass home
because you aren't gonna shit for me.
You're here, like, just wasting time.
What are you, like, trying to avoid me?
I'm trying to deal with these tabloids
that are up my ass from an urban legend.
You know what?
The shit eaters...
- My foot is going to be up your ass in a minute.
I don't give a shit about 20 years ago.
It's all bullshit.
You're just finding excuses. Come on.
- Yes, dear.
Angus File's number two.
I'm here at San Pedro.
Nature Preserve.
Seems to me that
I've heard a rumor of the shit
eaters are back.
That was a rumor from 20 years ago,
and now I'm hearing words about it again.
So I'm here
trying to find out where they're at.
I'll find them
because I'm the best, of course, but.
Oh, Pickle Dick, I just
got to scoop it before.
Pickle dick.
Fucking Pickle Dick.
I found a fucking dead body
about 10 minutes ago walking this way.
He had shit excreting from his asshole
and had a lot of paw prints.
It looks like the shit eaters are back
eaten at it.
His dome was busted wide open with lots
of cranial pieces and brain matter.
Boys, boys, where are you?
I don't smell anything.
You must have scared them away. Didn't you?
Scare who away?
- The boys, the illegals.
I was going to give them some work.
Did they smell like shit?
Yeah, they... No.
No, I don't know. Why.
Why would you ask me
that kind of a question?
I'm a tabloid reporter from Moon Stone
Press.
I'm here on the story
about the shit eaters.
Yeah.
- That old story.
Twenty years ago
Yeah.
I just.
I'm here to help the illegals.
I don't know anything.
How could you not know anything?
There was a dead body right
fucking over there.
Oh, I don't know about dead bodies,
and I don't.
I didn't see anyone. Bye.
Fucking cunt knows something.
I know it.
Okay, plate.
That's fine,
but hurry up and clean up already.
I already cleaned my ass.
You don't go in there smelling good.
You're not getting into
the Tupperware party
and the beehive lady will
let go of all her victims for us.
Just think of all those juices flowing
Hurry up.
I'm already fucking clean
Nah.
Have you been to
Jesus for the cleansing?
Goddamn lazy ass.
Why don't you go right in front of the car
and get your head squashed for all I care.
Hurry up.
(car engine starts)
(squish)
Are you washed in
the blood of the Lamb?
Do you rest each
moment in the Crucified?
Are you washed in
the blood of the Lamb?
Are you washed
Oh, my God!
Did I just hit somebody?
My parole officer is going to kill me.
Oh, my God.
(flies buzzing)
Oh!
Oh, my God.
What is my parole officer going to say?
Oh, my God.
What is my mom going to say?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
(rock music)
(sniffing, heavy breathing)
Oh, my God I'm so wet.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
(heavy breathing)
Hah.
(slurping noise)
(heavy breathing)
(squish)
(rock music)
Ahh.
Oh, goddammit.
Where are you?
You gotta get fucking cleaned up.
Well, (clapping)
You don't want to go
to the Tupperware party?
That's fine.
More shit for me.
Asshole.
Where the fuck are you?
You know I'm going without you. Going
to that beehive lady. Uh.
(heavy breathing)
(news theme)
Oh. Breaking news,
San Pedro, this is Mia T. Curtains.
Reporting live in beautiful
downtown San Pedro.
We have just been notified of a hit
and run victim of the parking
lot area of Bay Street.
The victim's head was crushed
and left for dead
Police have also discovered vaginal juices
smeared on the victim's skunk hat.
The hit and run is still at large.
In other news,
the urban legend of the shit eaters
may maybe a reality. Angus
the famed tabloid reporter of San
Pedro recently posted
about spotting two men in their thirties
who smelled like fecal matter
running around the San Pedro bunkers,
and ripping
people's shit out of their holes.
So be on the lookout, San Pedro.
If you see something, say something.
In other news, Karen
Feingold, the matriarch of our community,
is hosting her annual Tupperware party.
The mayor of San Pedro is joining her
event as well.
Remember, good mental
health is secured by good Tupperware.
Back to you, Bob.
Miguel, are we done?
Good. They need
you back on the phone with my cheese me.
Graho.
(light synth)
Once I get my sights on the shit eaters,
I'll be the best tabloid in San Pedro.
Bring down that motherfucker
Angus and his bullshit tabloids.
Just you wait folks be
the hero of San Pedro,
once again.
You're my lady.
You're going to be my queen.
Fucking dirty whore.
You've been with other guys, haven't you?
That's fine.
You know, I like dirty whores.
Goddamn it, baby, you so fine.
You should be dancin at Jumbo's.
We have time to kill
before the shit eaters arrive.
Let me read you some of my own
written adult erotic articles.
You're the first person ever hear this.
Well, that and the kindergartners,
but I'm not allowed within
like, 500 feet from that place
But anyways, anyways,
first story, baby.
Winnie the Pooh and the five horse cocks.
Winnie the Pooh was
frolicking through the forest, wondering
if he could ever make any new friends
until finally he came across
five big stallions, all running around
with their horse cocks fluttering around.
Winnie the Pooh was intrigued.
Oh, what are these my dear?
Oh, they're dripping white honey.
And I haven't eaten all day.
Oh, Baba.
Maybe I can make friends with them.
They pulled Winnie the Pooh
by the back of his hair, and he said,
Oh, Baba, this feels quite nice actually.
Started to feel it in all of his stuffings
the horses then growled at Winnie
the Pooh, crawled towards her cocks.
If you want this white honey,
you yellow bitch. Winnie
the Pooh started crawling on all fours.
Yummy
in my tummy. They were all
ready for to give Winnie the Pooh.
That white honey.
Just like I know how
you're ready for the man.
And then from a distance, Winnie
the Pooh heard
a bouncing sound.
Is it my friend Tigger?
Tigger arrived.
Tigger was a lot bigger than Winnie the
Pooh anticipated.
Tigger said, "Can I
join in buddy old pal?"
Are you liking this story, Clarice?
Ow, ow, ow, nom, nom, nom.
Nom, nom ow, ow,
ow, ow, nom, nom
They filled Winnie the Pooh up
all five horse cocks.
And Tigger all pulsating
inside of Winnie the Poohs stuffings.
Come on, Clarice.
Let me get inside of you.
Yeah.
Argh, ahhh...
(vacuum starts)
Sucking the cum, sucking the white fucking
gold smoking cigarets for literally
three months for this Clarice
just to give you extra sticky.
Ohhh.
(farting)
Ohhhhh, yeah.
(puking)
There's horse cocks nearby.
Uhh.
CLARICE.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, girl.
Oh, God. Damn it.
You're just as good as I imagined.
(pop)
Oh!
(heavy breathing)
(click)
Get back in there.
Come on Clarice.
We got to see who in the area is fucking.
While wait for those damn shit eaters.
(kiss smack)
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I'm too old for this shit.
Let's go.
Clarice.
Uh, uh, uh.
For our love, Clarice.
(grunting)
Made it to the top.
Clarice, Just so I'm going to make it
to the top of the tabloids.
Fuck up, Angus and his whole damn news
team.
I'll be the number one in town
as soon as I get those sights.
As soon as I get those fucking shit
eaters.
You stay still, Clarice.
I'm going to use what I have against Angus.
Angus don't have these.
He doesn't have peeping
fucking tom glasses.
State of the art able to see what's
really all the sexual and gross shit
going on in the area.
Oh. Oh, God.
What is that?
Oh. Oh, look at that.
Oh, hello.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Damn girl.
Ride that dick.
Right here. Oh, shit.
Now shit on his fucking balls.
Yeah, whipping it.
Well, why aren't you shitting bitch.
Come on,
what the fuck.
(footsteps)
Shit Eater. Yee Haw.
Yeeeee.
(grunting)
Clarice I'm sorry.
I'm sorry baby.
Yahhh.
Bull should have been here earlier.
I can't find that fucker.
Brother, where art thou
that shit was only sustaining me
for a bit.
(birds chirping)
(chomping)
That's not shit.
(fart noise)
A delightful, delectable
diarrhea daiquiri,
sounds good right about now.
Oh, Bull's going to be so jealous.
Now maybe I can sneak
a quick shit feast in.
Before
my brother finds this weird looking
trench coat
motherfucker.
(pop music)
Shit eater!
A little delectable diarrhea dacquiri
sounds like a tasty treat.
He, he, ha, ha.
Oh, shit eater.
I got to record this.
I got a record this there's a shit eater
There's a shit eater!
It's a shit eater!
No, no, no
No shit now.
(grunting)
Hurry, Clarice run!
Just as worse as I imagined.
Oh, oh,
Oh, delightful piece of shit.
No, no, no, no, no. Shit eater, please.
Please, please, please.
Okay, listen, I know you're
trying to punish me and shit.
Listen, she said she was 18.
You said she was 18.
I mean, in dog years, but please, please,
please, please, please.
How about you?
How about you smile
for the camera? Smile for the camera?
So I could be on top
I smell shit.
Fuck you. I mean, what do you mean?
I let you off on a little secret here.
What are you.?
Have you seen my brother Bull?
Oh, who the fuck is bull?
He's wearing a skunk head,
and he smells of delicious American shit.
Tell me where he's at
or you'll be suffering.
A painful death, worse
than any shit can give you.
Yeah.
No, no, no, no.
I need tha.t.
Not anymore you don't.
Now, where's the love child?
The love child, Clarice.
Smells like uncircumcised smegma.
Well,
well, but...
Let's make ourselves
a little diarrhea dacquiri.
Shall we?
(vacuum starts)
No, no, no
no, no, no.
(gurgling and farting)
Arghhhh.
Oh, you're a real live one.
I'll give you a shit abortion.
How about that? Oh, there it goes.
Oh, oh, oh, (pop)
(sniffing)
Ahhh.
(spits)
Anal juices.
Always the worst of my fears. Stuck.
(farting noise)
Oh, no, ahhh.
Ugh. Uh.
Now I have every STD
known to man
hepatitis a, b, c, d, e f g h I
j k. Ugh, butt.
A quick dacquiri can fix all that.
Oh, whoa, ho ho.
Bull doesn't know what he's missing.
This is the shit we've dreamed of.
Oh, blah.
What the fuck did this guy eat?
Uh, oh, oh.
That. Oh.
Oh, shit.
The nutrient sack
on this one's blah.
I consider this vegan food.
Sweet smell of a shitty pervert.
Who new it tasted so good.
Yeah, ha, ha.
Man you just need a
Tupperware party in San Pedro.
Yeah, we got to get this started.
- I don't know.
We've just gotten started.
Yeah, but Depressed. Dave, how exciting.
Your wife is throwing a Tupperware party
how do you how do you get through this
with this and a lot of little cuts.
Oh, my God.
Does she know you have that thing?
- What the fuck are you talking about?
Who do you think gave it to me?
- Ugh.
Here comes Karen.
Karen Feingold!
Here she comes. Yay!
Oh, my... Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Neighbors,
country men, Tupperware shoppers.
- Wow!!
Lend me you ears.
Welcome to the very first annual
San Pedro.
Tupperware extravaganza.
(cheers)
Thank you, thank you.
Oh, my gosh.
This has been one of the biggest
undertakings of my life,
and I am proud to announce
I was able to secure
a special, special guest.
We have, ladies and gentlemen,
the mayor of San Pedro.
(cheers)
He has come to indulge all of his
Tupperware fantasies here with us today.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Since this is now a government
sanctioned activity,
I say we all rise
put our left hands over our heart.
All rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.
You know I can't get up. I can't, fuck.
I'm just staying here.
I pledge allegiance to the the flag
of the United States of where are we again?
San Pedro.
San Pedro.
Boo!!
Boo
Oh, come on man.
And for the public for which we stand...
one space - And he's running for reelection
I'm not voting for him.
- Under age.
Divisible with Tupperware,
and stuff for all.
- Boo! You suck!
Amen.
- Boo you suck.
You're our elected oficial?
Are you kidding me?
I can't believe we voted for you!
I'm not voting for your re-election.
You suck!
Boo!!
Where are all my illegal shit eaters at?
They were supposed to be here 10 minutes ago.
I knew that fucking cunt was keeping
something from me.
Mayor,
once again, thank you so much
for coming to my Tupperware party.
As you can see, I have invited
San Pedro's finest,
only the upper echelon today,
but none of them as in high regard
as you.
May I please take your jacket
and put it away so that we don't risk
getting even a speck of dust on that.
Appreciate that.
Thank you.
- Oh, it's my pleasure. Absolutely.
Who the hell are you?
Don't worry about it pal.
Just keep it moving.
Uh. It's a monumental day.
Is this the address of Karen Feingold?
Hey, where the fuck have you been?
I've been waiting for you.
I've been waiting and waiting.
My yard is still a mess.
My fucking guests are here.
And they need hors d'oeuvres.
I'm not paying you $0.10
an hour for nothing.
Get out there and serve my fucking guests.
Have you seen my brother, Beehive Lady?
I haven't seen your brother.
He could have fucking fallen
in a hole to hell for all I care.
Get this shit done now.
(cheering)
Who would like a shit sandwich?
I could serve you.
(vomitting)
How about you good sir?
Do you have anything with shit steak?
What the hell?
- Um, what is this?
Oh, shit.
My tears.
This may come in handy, but
thank you for a good tip, my dear friend.
Now, what about you, old putrid man?
Nothing.
Yeah, these people.
Oh, would you guys like a side of shit
with some greased up shit burger?
No, no, thank you.
No, no.
Please, move along.
How about you immobile human?
I don't want any of your shit.
You don't want any of my shit. No.
Oh, God, it smells.
Shit on wheels.
They could call it Meals on Wheels.
Okay, well,
now that we've all had our time
to make our introductions,
let's get this party started.
Right.
(cheering)
Now, what I'm going to need you to do
is please take out your phones,
and I need you to go either
into your game store or whatever.
We need to download the Tupperware app,
and then that way,
you can look at each individual thing.
And have a virtual experience.
- No, I want to hold it!
Let's check the Tupperware out.
What about my food!
App? I'm sick of apps.
And now we have the latest and greatest
in virtual Tupperware
for your enjoyment and inspection.
What kind of shit is this?
I don't want to download an app.
I want to see the actual bowl.
I want to see how big it is.
I want to touch you like with the fucking
app for a Tupperware party.
Are you crazy?
What is with your wife?
Oh, well, come on. It's crazy.
There's an app for
everything. I hate this shit.
Oh, I don't believe in
anything that I don't see.
I hate this shit.
I want to see a real bowl.
So I know that fits in
my fucking refrigerator.
Well, you can really
download the fucking app.
Like I told you to.
(grumbling)
You go girl.
Crazy.
Enough of this crap
Just because you don't see it right now.
Right in your hands.
Doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.
We must have faith. Yes.
Faith is what it takes.
Faith in the Tupperware.
Can I get an Amen?
- Amen!
Can I.
Can I get an Amen tupperware?
Amen Tupperware!
Oh, I feel the Tupperware
spirit working through me.
(cheering)
Oh, this is a bunch of sick
fucking people.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah.
Have I got something for you?
And for Tupperware.
(church organ music)
Shall we gather at the river?
Where bright angel feet have trod
With its crystal tide forever
Flowing by the throne of God
Yes, we'll gather at the river
The beautiful, the beautiful river
Gather with the saints at the river
That flows by the throne of God
Oh, daughter Feingold!
What is wrong with you?
- I just ran over
a guy.
Kind of a skinhead. And I flicked my b.o. all over.
- You smell like ass and onions.
Oh, my God.
You look like a
homeless, Britney Spears.
Oh, oh, my gosh.
How how could you do this to me here
in front of all of my Tupperware guests?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, you must step away.
You must have got a.
Oh. Oh, no.
Flicked her bean?
What?
My daughter did what?
Flicked her bean.
You heard what she said.
She flicked her bean.
- Flicked her bean?
What the fuck?
Guests...
Oh, I'm so, so sorry.
Daughter Feingold.
She did not mean to run over that shit
smelling man with the skunk hat.
She didn't mean to masturbate
all over his crushed head.
Oh, you must take a forgiveness
from the Tupperware.
You must ask for the
Tupperware forgiveness.
It's what you need.
You ran over a man in a
skunk hat and smelled of shit?
Bitch!
Oh!
- Is this true?
How dare you talk to my
Daughter Feingold that way.
You ten cent an hour
piece of shit illegal worker.
You ran over my brother you fucking cunt!
And I'm going to make you pay.
I'm going to have you bleeding
from every hole.
And you could stick your $0.10
an hour up your little fanny ass.
You fucking
pieces of shit, beehive lady.
You're all going to die a peasants death.
And I'll make sure you're shitting
and your generation
before you will be shitting.
And after will be shitting,
you're all going to die, you fucking cunts.
Oh, no!
(screams)
I'm out of here.
What? Take me with you.
Oh, my God.
Wheelchair man I see
Meals on Wheels, huh.
I didn't do it.
What do you say Granpa? I
may be depressed but I ain't stupid.
I can drink from the
juices of the nutrients.
No, I don't.
Oh, my gosh!
Oh. Oh.
- A dacquiri.
How do you open this wheelchair human?
You can't it just...
Open this for me,
and I might not have you bleeding from
from every hole.
- Just push this up and pull this back.
Okay.
Thank you.
What the fuck are you doing?
Oh, man you said you wouldn't.
Come on, man.
- I've always wanted to see some pussy things.
Somebody help him.
- Immobile human in a wheel...
Somebody stop him.
Now, I hope you like extra crispy.
Watch it wiggle, hear it sizzle.
(whoosh)
Argghhh!
Help! Fuck!
Ohhh!
Jesus Christ.
Yah! You like crispy
fried wheelchair people?
Well, guess what.
Oh, my God! What has he done to you?
You sort of smell familiar,
I feel a little nostalgic
being next to you two.
You're my son.
Oh, I thought you smelled familiar.
Now I'm going to be real nice here.
And I'm going to let you do the bidding
here as you are my biological parents.
Now, go ahead and slice
each other's throats
before I cut your fucking necks off
and shit down and squeeze the juices
out of every orifice of your body.
So I'm giving you a chance.
We don't want to die.
We're you parents.
And then you slit his throat.
Oh, God. Go ahead.
Okay.
Go, go, go, go.
- Go ahead.
Oh, I'm so sorry, honey.
I'm so sorry.
(splat)
(screams)
(splat)
Oh, God.
Oh, man.
Oh, my God.
What have I done?
Oh, no, kill my wife.
The only way out of alimony.
Oh, good mother of...
Holy Jesus, It's everywhere.
Oh, dear.
Oh, Jeez.
Fuck, fuck.
Ah. Well, now that makes
the job easier for me.
Ah, don't think I forgot about you,
old man.
Now I'm giving you a choice.
Burnt to a crisp or sliced
and diced your choice,
old man.
(vibrating sound)
Ah!
Oooo.
The dacquiri delicious.
Mmmmm.
Who knew prune juice could be so good,
old man shit.
Where have you been my whole life?
Well, that's right.
I should keep you as a cow.
Oh, I don't have the
insurance to cover this.
Oh, God.
Oh, Grandpa come on, you're choking on it.
Oh.
(crash)
Ah. Clumsy
Fucking shit eater.
I swear to God, I'm
going to bash your fucking brains in.
And in the end, I'm going to fucking shit
down your fucking throat.
Fuck you in the ass and
eat the shit off my cock.
You piece of shit.
Oh, my God.
Well, I sure hope there wasn't any pictures taken
because that ain't going to help my campaign.
(footsteps)
Cool.
(crunching)
(splat)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
(squishing noise)
(choking)
Stupid bitch got to close.
(synth sting)
Well, I'll say he did a hell of a job.
That's the count that killed my brother.
What's this now?
A big black dildo
is that what you ordered from PBS.
Is that what they give you
for those fucking donations?
You may have a positive future
in my household.
Mr. What's your name? Again?
- Angus. - Angus.
Well, you can keep doing stuff like that.
(light piano music)
Let's feast on her shit
and see what it finally feels like
after killing my fucking brother.
Feast on this bitch.
(choking)
Got something for you.
Shit, motherfucker.
Eat that shit.
(gurgling)
Dirtball.
(choking)
(splat)
(light piano music)
Shit eaters?
Is that some sort of satanic cult?
I mean, we have.
We have ways to help people like that.
They don't have to eat shit.
Come to one of our Tupperware parties.
They're killer.
Uh, that's disgusting.
Look, I'm here to help you,
and we can help all of you.
I mean, you will never have to eat
shit again.
Who are you?
To tell them that they're wrong?
That's some fucking cultural insensitivity
right there.
You know, that might be there, like,
you know, religious food.
Who are you? To tell them, you know, who.
Who gave your God the power?
Like, there's, like, at least,
like, 500,000 other gods out there.
I'm absolutely dumbfounded.
I didn't mean to...
- Stop.
Maybe I'm just dumb,
but I didn't mean to offend you.
Really?
Really, Preacher.
Well, you know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to go around this dumpster,
and I'm going to take a hot, steaming shit
into a Tupperware.
I'm going to go bring it.
I'm going to place it very gently
and artistically in front of your church.
Have a shitty day
As long as you don't shit in my bed, honey.
Hello, Preacher.
- What is this The Price Is Right?
Let's find out what's behind
trashcan number four.
I live for the trash juice.
I can't believe what I'm hearing here.
These poor, pathetic,
all these lost folks.
I can't believe what they're telling me.
Excuse me, sir.
No. Don't run away.
I can help you.
Sir. Sir? Oh, no, sir. I
(metal scraping)
Ha, I found it.
I found the trash juice.
What are you going to do with that?
I'm going to do it.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's all mine.
You need a direct connection to God,
and that stuff
is going to interfere with it.
You really don't want to do...
God has nothing to do with it.
It's in your heart.
That's where you find God.
You could go on the Internet
and write blogs, right?
You could reach a lot of people.
You could be an apostle to Christ.
It's all digital. Everything.
A neon Christ. Oh, my God.
There's so much potential in you.
I can see it.
- Was God there when the imbecile shut up all the schools?
Well, that's beside the point.
You got to think of the positive things.
That's not the point.
Here's the point.
You don't need to do this.
You can put that aside.
That's your past life,
not your present,
your future is right in front of you.
God wasn't there
for the victims of the shooter.
Here's how it really went down.
Oh, God, not a other story
Hah.
(synth drone)
Fuck. Why don't women want me?
I'm a gentleman. I'm a nice guy.
They're all sluts.
That's why they're all whores.
They don't know what's good for them. I do.
(game noises)
Look at that Gollum over there.
Oh, man, that's a good Gollum.
Yeah, I would fuck that Gollum.
- Got a nice ass
Probably wouldn't fuck
me though 'cause it's a slut.
Die.
They just listen to me.
Take them out on a date.
They're all bitches.
All of them.
Hate them all.
But I want them to love me.
Fuck!
This game will make
you cum in 30 seconds.
Long play family bathwater
porn simulator now.
Oh, God Bobby.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,
Oh, her head tied
Let's touch those tits. Oh, yeah.
Give me that bath water.
Oh, I'll drink some
(video game noises)
Ooooo
Yo, yo, yo, yo Oh,
you insult. Fuck.
Playing a Warcraft game again and
jacking off, playing porn.
Mmmmm.
Ahhhhh.
Mmmm.
You see neck beard
these girls pussies are purring
like engines and ready to fuck.
Maybe if you're like me, you can
actually get some nice young pootang.
(synth pop rock)
God damn it. You're such a chad.
No, no, no, no, no. I'm no chad.
I am Ricardo Quintance Romero.
Valero Rodriguez the third.
Aka Mangoes.
You see these mangoes right here?
I feel them.
I feel it.
I squeeze them. You wish
you can have this man.
You don't deserve those women. I do.
I'm a supreme gentleman.
I open their doors. I'm a nice guy.
They don't even bat an eye at me.
Look neck beard all you do
is sit down in that stupid chair.
And play your stupid little games
on your computer, man.
Why don't you man up and take a shower
then you can find a chick to bone like me.
Well,
if they're into jackasses like
you, they don't deserve to live.
Bro... What can I say?
Girls just like my manliness.
Unlike your cartoon porn watching ass.
I don't want to give up
video games and anime.
I'm a supreme gentleman.
You're trash
But of course that's what women want.
Muscle, fancy name,
Ricardo douche bags like yourself?
They should be with me.
I know what's good for them.
Bro, look at this finger man.
See this right here?
The magic finger. I'm like Houdini.
Ahhhh, ahhhhh.
Ahhhh, ahhhh.
(squishing noise)
Ohh, oh Ricardo...
You get us all wet,
steamy and squishy?
Look, I'm ovulating.
Mmmm.
I'm done respecting woman.
And if they don't want to respect me,
I'll make them wish
they never crawled out of their dirty
whore mother salmon, stinking twat.
All of them will pay.
You'll all pay.
Ha, ha, ha... You
fucking imbecile.
And so you're such a virgin loser.
Yeah. Go wax your carrot, bro.
Yeah, you wish you had this hot
Well, now,
but the day of my retribution is ahead.
I'll make women want me
hell, they'll worship me
at the end of my retribution.
Bro, they want me
because I'm the real man right here.
So long imbecile neck beards.
Why don't you do yourself a favor
and you kill yourself.
And if you do, I'll put all your brain
juices all over her tits,
and then I'm going
to pee on your corpses.
Shhhh.
(sad music)
Andale.
(chewing)
Fuck you.
Fuck them.
We're the separate gentlemen
well, they'll pay.
We'll make them all pay.
Fucking hate those women.
Fuck em.
You know much about voodoo, Pud?
Oh, isn't that like
witchcraft black people do?
That's exactly what it is.
See, this is what we're going to do. See.
(whispering)
But we're whtie.
(whispering)
Isn't it that kind of race to do that?
Well, I mean, we can give it a try.
Sure, ok.
I mean, fuck em, right? Yes.
Fuck up.
Fuck them all.
(scary music)
They have all the ingredients
head of a shaman
monkey skull
Trump totem
baby foot
basil
alligator hand.
And the tuft of shaman hair.
Yes, yes, yes.
Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.
Uh, and the most important
ingredient, a dash of incel cum.
And now my incel brother Pud
we shall masturbate!
It's time Pud
Who's going to go first here?
We go at the same time.
All right.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, oh yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
Ahh, ahhh.
Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh.
(tribal drums)
(click)
(click)
(beep, beep, beep, beep)
(psychedelic siren)
Laugh it up
now, females for in a few moments,
I will have my revenge.
Your days of rejecting me are over.
I am neck beard the
almighty and all powerful.
(boiling sound)
(ha, ha, ha)
(beep)
Yes, yes.
Be born my child.
(click)
Oh, it's beautiful.
Our baby.
Yes. Now awake.
- Wake baby, wake baby.
I said awake.
Baby?
Ah, damn it.
I spent so much money on this voodoo shit.
Well, I guess we're gonna have to go to
plan B and shoot up a school
I have a few air fifteens in the closet.
(heart beat)
Yah, ha, ha, he.
It's alive.
Yes, yes.
This is what we want. Yes.
Come alive, baby incel.
Come alive!
(crazy baby noises)
Ahhh, arghh.
You're supposed to be our baby.
You kill women, not men.
It's not supposed to do this.
Fool you.
Yah, ha, ha, he.
Well, go get him Pud.
We're going to need him if
we're going to murder women.
Oh okay, boss.
(synth music)
That's fucking punky.
Oh, incel?
Oh, incel, baby, come out.
You got to behave yourself.
And kill a lot of women for us.
Shit.
Oh, shit.
What the fuck is wrong
with this thing. Jesus.
(banging)
He, ha, he, ha, he, he, he
(screaming)
Ahhh, ahhhh, ahhh.
(gurgling)
(frenetic music)
(choking and gurgling)
(choking)
Yahhh!
(breaking glass)
(gasping)
(grunting)
(choking)
(gasping)
Neck beard, where are you?
(gasping)
(vomiting)
(sad music)
(grunting and gasping)
He, he ha, ha, he.
Oh, baby.
You're supposed to kill women.
No insult, baby.
They're supposed to kill women.
You're supposed to be killing sluts.
(crunch)
- Ahhh, ahhh.
Ha, ha, ha.
(synth sting)
Pud? Pud?
Are you fucking around here?
Did you get that incel baby?
(synth sting)
He, ha, he...
God damn it,
you incel baby,
you murdered my best friend.
I'm going to abort you with my fists.
(crazy baby noises)
(whack)
He, he, he, ha, ha, ha.
Yah, ha, ha, he, he...
Get back here you baby incel fuck.
Fuck you too.
Yeah,
Alright you Pud killing incel baby
no one's going to get in
the way of my retribution.
Here I come women.
Ahhhh.
He, he... Whaaa!
Ah, fuck.
Ah, ah, ah...
Ah, you piece of incel shit.
You're just like a woman.
I'll get revenge on them and you.
He, ha, ha...
Give that back.
No, no, don't even think about it.
(whack, whack)
(squishing and breaking)
He, he, ha, ha.
Ahhhh.
He, he, ha, ha...
Another issue will do me.
Oh, God.
Do you know why they call it smack?
Because it smacks you in the soul.
It'll smack your brain to smithereens.
There's more to life than that.
It's ruining you.
And also, you can't make a monster out
of putting sperm in a microwave.
That's impossible.
I can't believe some of these stories
you guys come up with.
Just because your brain is cooked on this shit.
- Shut up old man.
I'm doing my hit.
Ahh.
Everybody is on the juice.
Damn.
Maybe I need some juice, too.
They're all crazy.
Well, maybe I'm the one crazy.
Get me some of that.
Give me that needle!
Oh, here you go, old man.
Join the club.
I need it.
- Join the club.
Oh, God.
Yah, ha.
Oh, oh, oh...
Uhhh.
Oh, God. I just... I
needed what you had.
I tried to deny myself that I needed it.
But it's the only way I could live.
Oh, God. Oh.
That's what I really needed
more than anything else.
The hell with everything else.
This is what I need.
Yeah.
(synth music)
What a lonely day.
Blue sky green tree,
yellow and brown grass
Ha, ha, ha. I love it here.
Bless the leaves.
Bless the forest floor.
Bless all the animals,
large and small.
Oh, my God.
Transients shooting up in my neighborhood.
Oh, my God. I have to save them.
I have to save...
My brothers and sisters in Christ.
What are you doing there
in this godforsaken hole?
It's a preacher.
You're throwing your mind away, my God.
You've got to stop.
Do you have any drugs?
What do you have? What's this?
I'll suck your dick for a cigarette.
Oh, my God.
- One fucking hit.
One fucking hit.
What do you have?
You gotta have omething
like even just a quarter?
Oh, I need it.
I need it.
Fuck the church. They
don't have no fucking drugs.
Follow you?
All your prayers will be answered.
Brother the Lord will save
you. You're just disconnected.
Come back here.
Oh, that pussy juice is so...
Ohh, oh, oh...
What are you getting?
You motherfucker.
That's my pussy juice.
Fuck you.
Funny you tell us why,
man. I'm never heard.
I'm never held tight.
Oh, my God.
What the fuck? That wasn't her.
That was a fucking sheep.
My children, please don't
throw your lives away.
There's plenty of things you can do here.
The hurt, the church will help you.
He used to be the Mayor...
- The Mayor
of San Pedro.
The Mayor? Oh, my God.
Sir, you've sunk so low.
This pussy juice, uh huh.
Huh, uh.
Come to church on Sunday.
We have programs that can
help you, we have Bible study.
We can make macaroni
figurines and necklaces.
We are here to save you!
(dramatic music)
Save me?
How are you going to save me?
Huh? How are you going to save me?
You ain't going to save nobody.
I've got a story to tell you about
somebody that thought they could be saved.
He he wanted internet fame
so bad that he cut himself for it.
And this is his story.
(ominousl music)
I really don't know what to do anymore.
I have a right to pay.
Don't got the money for it.
I have an associates degree in animation.
Can't find a job for that.
And my friend, my fucking friend,
sweet pickled, my fucking wife.
Make a video. Think about it.
They get tons of views and likes.
I'm not that type of person, man.
Well, what?
- Think about it. Suicide videos
biggest thing right now.
Oh, no, no, no.
Come on, they'll know your name.
Be a legend.
Be the best one around.
Everyone will know your name in an instant.
Get twice as many views and followers
within an hour.
I mean,
there's no rent in hell, right?
Nope. Another positive to doing this.
Never got to worry about it again.
All right, well, let's.
Let's try it out.
Let's try it out. Let's try it out.
Maybe.
I don't know.
I'm not that type of person.
Not
True.
But you could be just
like, those are greats.
Come on. You could be one of them.
Everyone know will your
name, and no one else's.
All right.
Come on bud, all you need is one of these.
But what am I supposed to do with this?
Oh, you know what to do with it.
Come on. Watch the videos all the time.
You know what
people use those for.
It's going to start
your career to fame.
Think about it.
Times of use make you known,
make you famous.
Just like all those other ones.
They're going to know your name forever.
- All right, fine.
Let's give it a shot.
- Atta boy.
Come on, let's go do this.
I'll help you out
All right.
((heavy drum music)
(footsteps on gravel)
There you go, buddy.
Camera is all set up for you.
Think about this.
You do this.
You'll be famous, one of the big shots.
Everyone will know your name.
You got the camera, we got the lights.
Now we just need you to do the action.
Come on, bud.
This is for Tik Tok, Twitter,
please.
Oh, no.
Okay, this way.
Yeah.
There we go.
No, no, no, no.
Long way side.
Come on.
Oh, fuck. No.
Fuck this.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
(slice)
(splat)
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh.
(choking sound)
(gasping)
(choking and gasping)
Arhhh (choking)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
(sawing and slahing noise)
(blood squirting)
(scary music)
(choking)
(blood squirting)
Ha, he, he.
Oh, oh, yaah
(choking)
(spacey music)
(choking)
(camera stand clicks)
(crying)
(crying)
(gasping)
(choking)
(spacey music)
Oh, my God.
That happened at San Pedro,
and that's amazing.
I, I can't believe that we have programs
to help people like yourselves
and your friend, and we do is extra taxes
for that sort of thing here.
And we firmly believe in helping
the helpless, as well as the church.
I mean, they're they're in every pocket
in the city, but especially here.
He was like a son
to me, man, fucking son, man.
Fuck you bums.
Wow. That's one gone.
What about you, young lady?
What is your story?
I'm sick of nobody man.
Young lady... you're too young to be here.
(hissing)
Ok, well... whatever that is.
Hiss. Hiss.
Hiss.
Young lady
you're way too young to
be wasting your life here.
Why are you doing this?
Let me tell you, the story that happened
a couple weeks ago with Squeaky George.
What is that thing?
About a couple of weeks ago,
my buddy had him, and it didn't work out.
So now he's mine.
(omninous music)
Fine yeah, I got it.
Yes. Everything that they said,
six figures
finally able to put the down payment
on the house we always wanted.
I'm super excited too.
Yeah,
I know.
Oh, okay.
Well, they're waiting for me right now
to clock in, but you know how it goes.
Okay, bye.
Looks like the coast is clear.
Let's get to work.
(heavy suspenseful music)
(chain link bangs)
(suspenseful music builds)
(static and bees)
(whistling)
(bees buzzing)
(chanting)
(police radio)
(bees buzzing)
(static)
(squeaking and creaking)
(bees buzzing)
(heavy static)
(electronic noise)
(sawing)
Whoa.
That was a good trip.
I'm glad it's over though.
Whoa.
What's that?
Looks like somebody left a
little squirrel finger puppet here.
Huh.
(Hacking)
I wonder if someone's looking for this?
This little squirrel.
I wonder who left this behind?
I might as well.
(birds chirping)
Huh.
(squirrel noises)
(rattling)
What? No.
(slap)
(panting)
Fuck.
(rattling)
(squeak)
No.
(squeak)
(heavy dramatic music)
(buzzing)
(squeaking)
Bad squirrel.
Nuts? What do you want?
What do you want from me?
(squeaking)
Uh.
What do you want? Bad.
Ah, ah.
(squeaking)
(suspenseful music builds)
(pop, pop, pop)
(pop, pop)
(squeaking)
(pop)
(squeaking)
He's dead.
(squeaking)
(honk)
Huh!
Oh, oh, ahhh, ahhh.
(panting)
No one grabs my nuts but me.
(pop)
Uh, ahh.
(tapping noixe)
Ahhhhh
(heavy breathing)
(panting)
(panting)
(pop)
(pop)
(pop)
(pop)
(quiet music)
(progressive rock music)
(heavy breathing)
(panting)
Oh, my God.
That's unbelievable.
That happened in San Pedro?
There's no way that can happen here.
Come on.
You're pulling my leg.
And that is my story of Squeaky George.
And that is exactly
why it's my responsibility.
To take care of him. Oh, you're so cute.
Stop, stop. Ahhhh.
Die, die, die. I got the rainy die.
Oh my God, these people are crazy.
What did I get myself into?
What are you doing to me?
Really Preacher?
Really?
- I'm trying to help you.
Oh, you are helping the wrong people here
come a little closer.
You know, even the Tupperware parties
here are full of some sick shit.
I can imagine.
- They'll make you eat shit.
Oh, you might think our addiction to trash
juice is bad.
You haven't heard nothing
until you hear about the Shit
Eaters.
God help you
(melodic synth music)
(dramatic synth music)
(footsteps)
What a wonderful day to feed the kids.
I bet these shitheads are hungry.
I don't know.
(chairs clank)
I hope these boys know
how much we love them
coming here, feeding
them everyday.
Oh, yeah.
You know, I got to find the stuff
from the dumpster today for them.
I hope they're really hungry.
Well, this banana peel...
- Banana and we got...
Let me look.
- All kinds of stuff in there
for them. Edith this is going to be good.
Good.
I smell fresh food.
(bag crinkles)
The nutrients is coming soon, mother
and father are here.
Yay, he, he hah.
Wake up fool.
Wow.
You hear them?
- It sounds like real rats.
They're hungry, You guys,
shut up I got you plenty of food.
- I'm starving. - It's coming.
Oh, please bring me this shit. Oh,
Look, it I got us
this good stuff.
Wow. Where did you get that?
Out my ass. What'd you think?
Huh? Yeah.
Oh, dear.
Edith.
We're so sweet.
We deserve this.
Thank you, my dear.
Yes.
- Can my mother and father give us my shit?
My, my, my those boys still don't
know how to speak proper English.
No worries.
Watch this.
Hey, dodos, where's the food?
Up your coolio
ho and around the corner pin.
Ha ha ha ha.
I'm telling they are parents.
What's for dessert dildo?
Dildos, dildos, he, he, he.
Yeah.
Let me do that.
- All right.
We're in a hurry.
Hurry your asses up and bring me the shit.
We must feast our
stomachs are grumbling.
Come on!
I'll get dressed up here.
They're feeding us, oh.
Watch this.
Here's a pear.
They like that.
- Yeah.
Ooh, it's a worm.
Feast, brother.
Feast.
- They eat anything.
Gee, golly, gosh.
Oh, yeah. Oh.
There we go.
Oh, oh.
Oh, yes.
Dr. Ruth on PBS Delicious Meals.
(vomiting)
He, he, ho, ho.
Yeah.
Edith,
I got to tell you something.
I've been waiting for a moment
to tell you this,
but these boys they're old enough,
surely old enough now.
We're not going to be coming here anymore.
I bought a house in Arizona. Yes.
And we are moving there away from this
California high tax.
Yeee, yahoo!
I don't want you to startle with the boys.
I don't want them to know
that we're never coming back here.
Yes. Yeah.
And that TV I got them
should have taught them
all of life's
lessons that they need to know.
You know, Edith, if
these boys ever escaped
out of this bunker,
only God knows what they would do.
You know, I think about it
is scaring the living shit out of me.
Wait a minute.
(farting noise)
You are so.
Oh, there it is.
The shit we dreamed of.
We must feast.
- Oh, God.
Oh, look, here's desert dildos.
Eww.
Bring it to me. Feasting.
Oh, yeah. Desert dildos.
Desert time dildos.
Yeah, let's go to Arizona.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Wait a minute, Bull.
Did you hear that?
They said they're leaving us forever.
What will we do?
We'll starve.
(birds chirping)
(footsteps)
Yeah.
It's a good time for lunch.
Thanks to my lovely wife
Karen for my sandwiches.
(funky music)
Yeah.
(funky music continues)
I wonder
what my daughter's doing.
I hope she stopped by
to see her parole officer.
She's got that Tupperware party.
(synth music)
(footsteps)
Oh, my gee God.
Golly, gosh.
What is this place?
The sun is so bright.
Bull, are we dead?
The sun is so bright and ugly.
I want to go back inside
and watch more PBS and church.
Oh, that sounds good, brother.
But we must eat I have no more shit
in my intestines, my nutrients are low.
All I have is this dirt.
I don't have any more
shit in my intestines.
(spits)
This is not good, brother.
We must find nutrients to eat, or
we will surely die.
Down here. But tread carefully.
There could be outsiders.
(synth music)
Well, brother, we need the food.
You know what
I can really go for right now?
Remember that time you've had to pierce
my ears with that needle in the bunker?
Oh, good times.
- And that pus came out.
Oh, it was an exquisite meal.
I remember.
- That was the best dessert ever.
I could use some of that right now.
You don't have any pus in your ears
right now?
No, no, none left.
No smegma from behind the ear?
I checked already.
How about these?
(echoing voice)
(vomiting)
(weird synth noises)
(spits)
(gasping)
(grunting)
What about this?
(crackling)
(vomiting)
(gasping, vomiting, spitting)
Briother we need nutrients.
Perhaps if we vomit
that would count as nutrients. Yes.
I have no bile left in me.
We must have shit.
Wait, brother.
Do you smell that?
I smell the forsaken
God that has given me.
Wait a minute. Wow.
Smells like
fresh shit.
An outsider.
I see him.
I smell a stomach full of shit.
Smell nutrients.
Shall we consume?
What about law enforcement?
Don't worry about them.
We'll handle them.
Oh, we can take them.
Down a little bit of strength.
Let's go, brother.
(footsteps -running)
(dramatic synth)
Tabloids don't show up.
Don't you know the shit eaters
(footsteps)
Nah.
These tabloids are making my job
a lot harder.
I should be getting paid overtime for this.
Yeah.
(dramtatic synth)
(footsteps)
Hey, how's your day going?
- All morning has been pretty shitty.
How's the flower smelling?
- The pussy willows smell pretty darn good.
Really? They smell like hot dogs to me.
Do they smell like hot dogs to you?
Maybe hot dog water.
Why don't you help me
find some of these sticks?
So I can bash my head with it.
Well, those little ones aren't
going to do shit for you man.
We need to get some big ones
for you to really whack yourself.
All right, let's go, man. Let's do it.
Let's do
(footsteps)
(talking to self - unintelligible)
Ooh, man.
My last game before retirement,
man. I'm happy.
I'm happier than a fart in a space suit.
I'll tell ya.
(footsteps crunch)
Man. Whoa.
What the fuck?
You guys need your plumbing fixed or what?
What the fuck?
Brother.
What the hell?
- I smell shit.
You guys are starting to freak me out.
What the fuck?
He has the sack with the nutrients
But, how do we get it out of him?
- What the hell are you talking about, man?
Well, they say on PBS with Dr.
Ruth in order to expel the shits,
the brain cranium must be exposed.
Hey. You guys are really freaking
me out now. What the fuck?
Whoa!
- Tools of the trade, brother.
I'll give you first
dibs. Give him a whack.
(splat)
It's time to
What the fuck!
Expel the cranium juices from his brain.
(bang, bang)
Expel the shit from his head.
(bang, bang)
(smashing sound)
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, brains.
(bang, bang)
Argh, ugh.
(bang, bang)
Oh. Oh, brother.
You smell that?
(farting noise)
He is excreting shit
from every orifice in his body.
Jesus. Oh, thank you, Lord.
(bang)
Oh, God. It's gourmet
day, it's gourmet day.
It's gourmet day.
- It's gourmet day brother.
We now sacrifice the Lord Jesus Christ
blood.
Show me your forehead.
I will baptize you in the name of brain
juices.
Oh, yes.
(religious piano music)
The shit is so delicious.
No, no, thank you, Jesus.
Thank you, Lord Jesus. Now.
Oh, brother, I believe we owe
a bit of worship to our Lord and savior.
Jesus Christ. Yes, we do, sir.
Our favorite hymns from Psalms 24:3.
It's the gourmet day.
It's the gourmet day.
Thank you, Lord Jesus.
It's the gourmet day.
It's the gourmet day. So
thank you, Lord Jesus.
It's the gourmet day. It's the gourmet day.
Thank you Lord Jesus, it's the gourmet day.
Thank you, Lord Jesus, it's the
gourmet day. Gourmet day, ya, ya, ya.
I'm still hungry Brother.
I crave new shit. Big shit.
Fat shit.
- Let's go.
There. Ha, ha, ha.
(piano music)
(cymbal crash)
Ha, such a great day.
Oh, welcome, welcome.
Oh, hi.
I'm so happy to be here.
I'm happy that you're happy.
I'm so excited.
- Are you ready to learn about the trees?
I got brochures.
I got National Park.
- The shit eaters. Do you have a brochure on the shit eaters?
I've been dying to see the shit eaters.
- No, no...
I saw them over there.
They wouldn't even.
Oh, my God. I'm
so excited to see the shit eaters.
This guided tour... I saw one of them over there.
- No, it's just a legend.
You don't have a brochure?
No, no, no, no, no.
I've been here about this for 30 years.
It's all urban legend.
I'm going to bring somebody who's excited
for me.
Thank you anyway.
It smells
like me and my wife, Karen.
(ominous rock music)
Oh, my God.
Shit eaters!
Shit eaters! Where are you?
Oh, shit eaters, where's you go?
Oh...
(suspenseful synth)
(dramatic cymbal crash0
Shit eaters?
Shit eaters? Shit eaters?
(dramatic music0
Shit eaters?
You who? Oh!
- What are you looking for?
Shit eaters!
Oh my God! I just realized it's you!
Oh, my God.
I can't believe it's you.
You are my favorite tabloid author ever.
I look at you
at every grocery stand check out.
This is amazing.
And your here.
(sniff)
Smells nice and good.
Pussy blood.
Tell me all about it.
I saw the shit eaters.
Tell me more.
What do you want to know?
I mean, over there
and I thought I was a goner.
I thought, wow, this is the last day
of my life because, you know, they they
they do all this terrible stuff to people,
but they don't do anything.
I'm covered
in all this fucking pussy blood.
And they didn't try to rape me.
They didn't try to kill me. They didn't
try to get my shit and eat it out.
I mean, they just fucking just I.
I got away.
This must be like their
their kryptonite or something.
I see. Now explain the shit eaters. I want.
I want your...
I want your brain to
be a pussy overflowing with
cum.
Dude, they're larger than life.
They're bigger than men.
They're they're muscular.
They're huge.
I mean, they're fucking schlongs
they're down to here.
They're swaying like a racehorse,
and they're just.
They're they can be all human.
They got to be part
human and part something else.
And they're just massive people.
Part John Holmes?
I would say so.
You didn't tell no one
else about this, did you?
No one by the name of Pickle Dick?
(dramatic synth fart)
No, just some schmuck park ranger.
Who wanted to give out brochures and
show me the damn nature preserve.
It's like I'm not here for that.
I'm here for the urban legend of the shit
eaters.
Well, I got something to show you,
but we have to head to my house.
Okay, let's go. So you weren't raped right?
No.
Why don't you come to my house and, uh,
we could do a little questioning, and,
I don't know,
maybe he might slip and fall on a cock.
Oh, my God that would be great Angus.
Let me let me give you my phone number.
Please do
(footsteps)
Where is that cock less
little micro dick impotent mother
fucker of a husband of mine?
Oh, my God.
What's that smell?
It smells like shit. Ha.
My fucking husband doesn't know
that his park smells like shit.
I can't fucking believe it.
Oh, how such a good piece.
Oh, brother, my stomach is filled.
The Lord Jesus Christ has filled
us with the amount of shit
in our stomachs.
I think I ate so much
I could shit myself now.
Well, if we must survive, brother,
the dismantling of your shit
out of your orifice
would go into my stomach and my stomach
would be able
to shit out into your orifice.
And we can have a circle going for
maybe a week.
That's a good idea. Yes,
Oh, my God.
You guys look disgusting.
Oh, my God.
You smell like shit. Are
you sure you illegal aliens?
What the fuck are you doing here?
Oh, wait.
You know,
I am having a Tupperware party soon,
and I could use some help
because this piece of shit
obviously doesn't help me I'll pay you
ten cents an hour.
That's very good pay.
Especially for illegal aliens
of your status
and the filth.
You drive a hard bargain.
Beehive lady.
What's in it for us though?
Ten cents an hour!
- Ten cents an hour
I think that's a good bargain.
Yes, brother.
Yes, sir.
Will you be expelling
shit for us on our lunch breaks?
I have a big cat box full of shit.
The main course that'll work.
You drive a hard bargain, lady.
But I feel as if we could take it.
Now, show us to your acquaintances,
and don't pull any fast ones on us.
We watch PBS, we know.
I'm worried about you guys
pulling a fast one on me.
I'm the one with all the stuff.
Not you. Illegal alien.
$0.10 an hour, motherfucker.
Brother, let's play along with this here.
Maybe we might be able expel more shit
from the entire area of San Pedro.
Yes, San Pedro will be ours after.
The shit eaters take San Pedro.
Ya, ha, ha, ha.
Oh, those tabloids up my ass.
This pensions not even worth it anymore.
Oh, where the fuck have you been?
It's after 5:00.
I missed my parties.
You didn't make me dinner.
I'm having a Tupperware party tomorrow.
Did you forget Hello? Hello.
What are you doing here?
I'm coming to take your fucking ass home
because you aren't gonna shit for me.
You're here, like, just wasting time.
What are you, like, trying to avoid me?
I'm trying to deal with these tabloids
that are up my ass from an urban legend.
You know what?
The shit eaters...
- My foot is going to be up your ass in a minute.
I don't give a shit about 20 years ago.
It's all bullshit.
You're just finding excuses. Come on.
- Yes, dear.
Angus File's number two.
I'm here at San Pedro.
Nature Preserve.
Seems to me that
I've heard a rumor of the shit
eaters are back.
That was a rumor from 20 years ago,
and now I'm hearing words about it again.
So I'm here
trying to find out where they're at.
I'll find them
because I'm the best, of course, but.
Oh, Pickle Dick, I just
got to scoop it before.
Pickle dick.
Fucking Pickle Dick.
I found a fucking dead body
about 10 minutes ago walking this way.
He had shit excreting from his asshole
and had a lot of paw prints.
It looks like the shit eaters are back
eaten at it.
His dome was busted wide open with lots
of cranial pieces and brain matter.
Boys, boys, where are you?
I don't smell anything.
You must have scared them away. Didn't you?
Scare who away?
- The boys, the illegals.
I was going to give them some work.
Did they smell like shit?
Yeah, they... No.
No, I don't know. Why.
Why would you ask me
that kind of a question?
I'm a tabloid reporter from Moon Stone
Press.
I'm here on the story
about the shit eaters.
Yeah.
- That old story.
Twenty years ago
Yeah.
I just.
I'm here to help the illegals.
I don't know anything.
How could you not know anything?
There was a dead body right
fucking over there.
Oh, I don't know about dead bodies,
and I don't.
I didn't see anyone. Bye.
Fucking cunt knows something.
I know it.
Okay, plate.
That's fine,
but hurry up and clean up already.
I already cleaned my ass.
You don't go in there smelling good.
You're not getting into
the Tupperware party
and the beehive lady will
let go of all her victims for us.
Just think of all those juices flowing
Hurry up.
I'm already fucking clean
Nah.
Have you been to
Jesus for the cleansing?
Goddamn lazy ass.
Why don't you go right in front of the car
and get your head squashed for all I care.
Hurry up.
(car engine starts)
(squish)
Are you washed in
the blood of the Lamb?
Do you rest each
moment in the Crucified?
Are you washed in
the blood of the Lamb?
Are you washed
Oh, my God!
Did I just hit somebody?
My parole officer is going to kill me.
Oh, my God.
(flies buzzing)
Oh!
Oh, my God.
What is my parole officer going to say?
Oh, my God.
What is my mom going to say?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
(rock music)
(sniffing, heavy breathing)
Oh, my God I'm so wet.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
(heavy breathing)
Hah.
(slurping noise)
(heavy breathing)
(squish)
(rock music)
Ahh.
Oh, goddammit.
Where are you?
You gotta get fucking cleaned up.
Well, (clapping)
You don't want to go
to the Tupperware party?
That's fine.
More shit for me.
Asshole.
Where the fuck are you?
You know I'm going without you. Going
to that beehive lady. Uh.
(heavy breathing)
(news theme)
Oh. Breaking news,
San Pedro, this is Mia T. Curtains.
Reporting live in beautiful
downtown San Pedro.
We have just been notified of a hit
and run victim of the parking
lot area of Bay Street.
The victim's head was crushed
and left for dead
Police have also discovered vaginal juices
smeared on the victim's skunk hat.
The hit and run is still at large.
In other news,
the urban legend of the shit eaters
may maybe a reality. Angus
the famed tabloid reporter of San
Pedro recently posted
about spotting two men in their thirties
who smelled like fecal matter
running around the San Pedro bunkers,
and ripping
people's shit out of their holes.
So be on the lookout, San Pedro.
If you see something, say something.
In other news, Karen
Feingold, the matriarch of our community,
is hosting her annual Tupperware party.
The mayor of San Pedro is joining her
event as well.
Remember, good mental
health is secured by good Tupperware.
Back to you, Bob.
Miguel, are we done?
Good. They need
you back on the phone with my cheese me.
Graho.
(light synth)
Once I get my sights on the shit eaters,
I'll be the best tabloid in San Pedro.
Bring down that motherfucker
Angus and his bullshit tabloids.
Just you wait folks be
the hero of San Pedro,
once again.
You're my lady.
You're going to be my queen.
Fucking dirty whore.
You've been with other guys, haven't you?
That's fine.
You know, I like dirty whores.
Goddamn it, baby, you so fine.
You should be dancin at Jumbo's.
We have time to kill
before the shit eaters arrive.
Let me read you some of my own
written adult erotic articles.
You're the first person ever hear this.
Well, that and the kindergartners,
but I'm not allowed within
like, 500 feet from that place
But anyways, anyways,
first story, baby.
Winnie the Pooh and the five horse cocks.
Winnie the Pooh was
frolicking through the forest, wondering
if he could ever make any new friends
until finally he came across
five big stallions, all running around
with their horse cocks fluttering around.
Winnie the Pooh was intrigued.
Oh, what are these my dear?
Oh, they're dripping white honey.
And I haven't eaten all day.
Oh, Baba.
Maybe I can make friends with them.
They pulled Winnie the Pooh
by the back of his hair, and he said,
Oh, Baba, this feels quite nice actually.
Started to feel it in all of his stuffings
the horses then growled at Winnie
the Pooh, crawled towards her cocks.
If you want this white honey,
you yellow bitch. Winnie
the Pooh started crawling on all fours.
Yummy
in my tummy. They were all
ready for to give Winnie the Pooh.
That white honey.
Just like I know how
you're ready for the man.
And then from a distance, Winnie
the Pooh heard
a bouncing sound.
Is it my friend Tigger?
Tigger arrived.
Tigger was a lot bigger than Winnie the
Pooh anticipated.
Tigger said, "Can I
join in buddy old pal?"
Are you liking this story, Clarice?
Ow, ow, ow, nom, nom, nom.
Nom, nom ow, ow,
ow, ow, nom, nom
They filled Winnie the Pooh up
all five horse cocks.
And Tigger all pulsating
inside of Winnie the Poohs stuffings.
Come on, Clarice.
Let me get inside of you.
Yeah.
Argh, ahhh...
(vacuum starts)
Sucking the cum, sucking the white fucking
gold smoking cigarets for literally
three months for this Clarice
just to give you extra sticky.
Ohhh.
(farting)
Ohhhhh, yeah.
(puking)
There's horse cocks nearby.
Uhh.
CLARICE.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, girl.
Oh, God. Damn it.
You're just as good as I imagined.
(pop)
Oh!
(heavy breathing)
(click)
Get back in there.
Come on Clarice.
We got to see who in the area is fucking.
While wait for those damn shit eaters.
(kiss smack)
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I'm too old for this shit.
Let's go.
Clarice.
Uh, uh, uh.
For our love, Clarice.
(grunting)
Made it to the top.
Clarice, Just so I'm going to make it
to the top of the tabloids.
Fuck up, Angus and his whole damn news
team.
I'll be the number one in town
as soon as I get those sights.
As soon as I get those fucking shit
eaters.
You stay still, Clarice.
I'm going to use what I have against Angus.
Angus don't have these.
He doesn't have peeping
fucking tom glasses.
State of the art able to see what's
really all the sexual and gross shit
going on in the area.
Oh. Oh, God.
What is that?
Oh. Oh, look at that.
Oh, hello.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Damn girl.
Ride that dick.
Right here. Oh, shit.
Now shit on his fucking balls.
Yeah, whipping it.
Well, why aren't you shitting bitch.
Come on,
what the fuck.
(footsteps)
Shit Eater. Yee Haw.
Yeeeee.
(grunting)
Clarice I'm sorry.
I'm sorry baby.
Yahhh.
Bull should have been here earlier.
I can't find that fucker.
Brother, where art thou
that shit was only sustaining me
for a bit.
(birds chirping)
(chomping)
That's not shit.
(fart noise)
A delightful, delectable
diarrhea daiquiri,
sounds good right about now.
Oh, Bull's going to be so jealous.
Now maybe I can sneak
a quick shit feast in.
Before
my brother finds this weird looking
trench coat
motherfucker.
(pop music)
Shit eater!
A little delectable diarrhea dacquiri
sounds like a tasty treat.
He, he, ha, ha.
Oh, shit eater.
I got to record this.
I got a record this there's a shit eater
There's a shit eater!
It's a shit eater!
No, no, no
No shit now.
(grunting)
Hurry, Clarice run!
Just as worse as I imagined.
Oh, oh,
Oh, delightful piece of shit.
No, no, no, no, no. Shit eater, please.
Please, please, please.
Okay, listen, I know you're
trying to punish me and shit.
Listen, she said she was 18.
You said she was 18.
I mean, in dog years, but please, please,
please, please, please.
How about you?
How about you smile
for the camera? Smile for the camera?
So I could be on top
I smell shit.
Fuck you. I mean, what do you mean?
I let you off on a little secret here.
What are you.?
Have you seen my brother Bull?
Oh, who the fuck is bull?
He's wearing a skunk head,
and he smells of delicious American shit.
Tell me where he's at
or you'll be suffering.
A painful death, worse
than any shit can give you.
Yeah.
No, no, no, no.
I need tha.t.
Not anymore you don't.
Now, where's the love child?
The love child, Clarice.
Smells like uncircumcised smegma.
Well,
well, but...
Let's make ourselves
a little diarrhea dacquiri.
Shall we?
(vacuum starts)
No, no, no
no, no, no.
(gurgling and farting)
Arghhhh.
Oh, you're a real live one.
I'll give you a shit abortion.
How about that? Oh, there it goes.
Oh, oh, oh, (pop)
(sniffing)
Ahhh.
(spits)
Anal juices.
Always the worst of my fears. Stuck.
(farting noise)
Oh, no, ahhh.
Ugh. Uh.
Now I have every STD
known to man
hepatitis a, b, c, d, e f g h I
j k. Ugh, butt.
A quick dacquiri can fix all that.
Oh, whoa, ho ho.
Bull doesn't know what he's missing.
This is the shit we've dreamed of.
Oh, blah.
What the fuck did this guy eat?
Uh, oh, oh.
That. Oh.
Oh, shit.
The nutrient sack
on this one's blah.
I consider this vegan food.
Sweet smell of a shitty pervert.
Who new it tasted so good.
Yeah, ha, ha.
Man you just need a
Tupperware party in San Pedro.
Yeah, we got to get this started.
- I don't know.
We've just gotten started.
Yeah, but Depressed. Dave, how exciting.
Your wife is throwing a Tupperware party
how do you how do you get through this
with this and a lot of little cuts.
Oh, my God.
Does she know you have that thing?
- What the fuck are you talking about?
Who do you think gave it to me?
- Ugh.
Here comes Karen.
Karen Feingold!
Here she comes. Yay!
Oh, my... Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Neighbors,
country men, Tupperware shoppers.
- Wow!!
Lend me you ears.
Welcome to the very first annual
San Pedro.
Tupperware extravaganza.
(cheers)
Thank you, thank you.
Oh, my gosh.
This has been one of the biggest
undertakings of my life,
and I am proud to announce
I was able to secure
a special, special guest.
We have, ladies and gentlemen,
the mayor of San Pedro.
(cheers)
He has come to indulge all of his
Tupperware fantasies here with us today.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Since this is now a government
sanctioned activity,
I say we all rise
put our left hands over our heart.
All rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.
You know I can't get up. I can't, fuck.
I'm just staying here.
I pledge allegiance to the the flag
of the United States of where are we again?
San Pedro.
San Pedro.
Boo!!
Boo
Oh, come on man.
And for the public for which we stand...
one space - And he's running for reelection
I'm not voting for him.
- Under age.
Divisible with Tupperware,
and stuff for all.
- Boo! You suck!
Amen.
- Boo you suck.
You're our elected oficial?
Are you kidding me?
I can't believe we voted for you!
I'm not voting for your re-election.
You suck!
Boo!!
Where are all my illegal shit eaters at?
They were supposed to be here 10 minutes ago.
I knew that fucking cunt was keeping
something from me.
Mayor,
once again, thank you so much
for coming to my Tupperware party.
As you can see, I have invited
San Pedro's finest,
only the upper echelon today,
but none of them as in high regard
as you.
May I please take your jacket
and put it away so that we don't risk
getting even a speck of dust on that.
Appreciate that.
Thank you.
- Oh, it's my pleasure. Absolutely.
Who the hell are you?
Don't worry about it pal.
Just keep it moving.
Uh. It's a monumental day.
Is this the address of Karen Feingold?
Hey, where the fuck have you been?
I've been waiting for you.
I've been waiting and waiting.
My yard is still a mess.
My fucking guests are here.
And they need hors d'oeuvres.
I'm not paying you $0.10
an hour for nothing.
Get out there and serve my fucking guests.
Have you seen my brother, Beehive Lady?
I haven't seen your brother.
He could have fucking fallen
in a hole to hell for all I care.
Get this shit done now.
(cheering)
Who would like a shit sandwich?
I could serve you.
(vomitting)
How about you good sir?
Do you have anything with shit steak?
What the hell?
- Um, what is this?
Oh, shit.
My tears.
This may come in handy, but
thank you for a good tip, my dear friend.
Now, what about you, old putrid man?
Nothing.
Yeah, these people.
Oh, would you guys like a side of shit
with some greased up shit burger?
No, no, thank you.
No, no.
Please, move along.
How about you immobile human?
I don't want any of your shit.
You don't want any of my shit. No.
Oh, God, it smells.
Shit on wheels.
They could call it Meals on Wheels.
Okay, well,
now that we've all had our time
to make our introductions,
let's get this party started.
Right.
(cheering)
Now, what I'm going to need you to do
is please take out your phones,
and I need you to go either
into your game store or whatever.
We need to download the Tupperware app,
and then that way,
you can look at each individual thing.
And have a virtual experience.
- No, I want to hold it!
Let's check the Tupperware out.
What about my food!
App? I'm sick of apps.
And now we have the latest and greatest
in virtual Tupperware
for your enjoyment and inspection.
What kind of shit is this?
I don't want to download an app.
I want to see the actual bowl.
I want to see how big it is.
I want to touch you like with the fucking
app for a Tupperware party.
Are you crazy?
What is with your wife?
Oh, well, come on. It's crazy.
There's an app for
everything. I hate this shit.
Oh, I don't believe in
anything that I don't see.
I hate this shit.
I want to see a real bowl.
So I know that fits in
my fucking refrigerator.
Well, you can really
download the fucking app.
Like I told you to.
(grumbling)
You go girl.
Crazy.
Enough of this crap
Just because you don't see it right now.
Right in your hands.
Doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.
We must have faith. Yes.
Faith is what it takes.
Faith in the Tupperware.
Can I get an Amen?
- Amen!
Can I.
Can I get an Amen tupperware?
Amen Tupperware!
Oh, I feel the Tupperware
spirit working through me.
(cheering)
Oh, this is a bunch of sick
fucking people.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah.
Have I got something for you?
And for Tupperware.
(church organ music)
Shall we gather at the river?
Where bright angel feet have trod
With its crystal tide forever
Flowing by the throne of God
Yes, we'll gather at the river
The beautiful, the beautiful river
Gather with the saints at the river
That flows by the throne of God
Oh, daughter Feingold!
What is wrong with you?
- I just ran over
a guy.
Kind of a skinhead. And I flicked my b.o. all over.
- You smell like ass and onions.
Oh, my God.
You look like a
homeless, Britney Spears.
Oh, oh, my gosh.
How how could you do this to me here
in front of all of my Tupperware guests?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, you must step away.
You must have got a.
Oh. Oh, no.
Flicked her bean?
What?
My daughter did what?
Flicked her bean.
You heard what she said.
She flicked her bean.
- Flicked her bean?
What the fuck?
Guests...
Oh, I'm so, so sorry.
Daughter Feingold.
She did not mean to run over that shit
smelling man with the skunk hat.
She didn't mean to masturbate
all over his crushed head.
Oh, you must take a forgiveness
from the Tupperware.
You must ask for the
Tupperware forgiveness.
It's what you need.
You ran over a man in a
skunk hat and smelled of shit?
Bitch!
Oh!
- Is this true?
How dare you talk to my
Daughter Feingold that way.
You ten cent an hour
piece of shit illegal worker.
You ran over my brother you fucking cunt!
And I'm going to make you pay.
I'm going to have you bleeding
from every hole.
And you could stick your $0.10
an hour up your little fanny ass.
You fucking
pieces of shit, beehive lady.
You're all going to die a peasants death.
And I'll make sure you're shitting
and your generation
before you will be shitting.
And after will be shitting,
you're all going to die, you fucking cunts.
Oh, no!
(screams)
I'm out of here.
What? Take me with you.
Oh, my God.
Wheelchair man I see
Meals on Wheels, huh.
I didn't do it.
What do you say Granpa? I
may be depressed but I ain't stupid.
I can drink from the
juices of the nutrients.
No, I don't.
Oh, my gosh!
Oh. Oh.
- A dacquiri.
How do you open this wheelchair human?
You can't it just...
Open this for me,
and I might not have you bleeding from
from every hole.
- Just push this up and pull this back.
Okay.
Thank you.
What the fuck are you doing?
Oh, man you said you wouldn't.
Come on, man.
- I've always wanted to see some pussy things.
Somebody help him.
- Immobile human in a wheel...
Somebody stop him.
Now, I hope you like extra crispy.
Watch it wiggle, hear it sizzle.
(whoosh)
Argghhh!
Help! Fuck!
Ohhh!
Jesus Christ.
Yah! You like crispy
fried wheelchair people?
Well, guess what.
Oh, my God! What has he done to you?
You sort of smell familiar,
I feel a little nostalgic
being next to you two.
You're my son.
Oh, I thought you smelled familiar.
Now I'm going to be real nice here.
And I'm going to let you do the bidding
here as you are my biological parents.
Now, go ahead and slice
each other's throats
before I cut your fucking necks off
and shit down and squeeze the juices
out of every orifice of your body.
So I'm giving you a chance.
We don't want to die.
We're you parents.
And then you slit his throat.
Oh, God. Go ahead.
Okay.
Go, go, go, go.
- Go ahead.
Oh, I'm so sorry, honey.
I'm so sorry.
(splat)
(screams)
(splat)
Oh, God.
Oh, man.
Oh, my God.
What have I done?
Oh, no, kill my wife.
The only way out of alimony.
Oh, good mother of...
Holy Jesus, It's everywhere.
Oh, dear.
Oh, Jeez.
Fuck, fuck.
Ah. Well, now that makes
the job easier for me.
Ah, don't think I forgot about you,
old man.
Now I'm giving you a choice.
Burnt to a crisp or sliced
and diced your choice,
old man.
(vibrating sound)
Ah!
Oooo.
The dacquiri delicious.
Mmmmm.
Who knew prune juice could be so good,
old man shit.
Where have you been my whole life?
Well, that's right.
I should keep you as a cow.
Oh, I don't have the
insurance to cover this.
Oh, God.
Oh, Grandpa come on, you're choking on it.
Oh.
(crash)
Ah. Clumsy
Fucking shit eater.
I swear to God, I'm
going to bash your fucking brains in.
And in the end, I'm going to fucking shit
down your fucking throat.
Fuck you in the ass and
eat the shit off my cock.
You piece of shit.
Oh, my God.
Well, I sure hope there wasn't any pictures taken
because that ain't going to help my campaign.
(footsteps)
Cool.
(crunching)
(splat)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
(squishing noise)
(choking)
Stupid bitch got to close.
(synth sting)
Well, I'll say he did a hell of a job.
That's the count that killed my brother.
What's this now?
A big black dildo
is that what you ordered from PBS.
Is that what they give you
for those fucking donations?
You may have a positive future
in my household.
Mr. What's your name? Again?
- Angus. - Angus.
Well, you can keep doing stuff like that.
(light piano music)
Let's feast on her shit
and see what it finally feels like
after killing my fucking brother.
Feast on this bitch.
(choking)
Got something for you.
Shit, motherfucker.
Eat that shit.
(gurgling)
Dirtball.
(choking)
(splat)
(light piano music)
Shit eaters?
Is that some sort of satanic cult?
I mean, we have.
We have ways to help people like that.
They don't have to eat shit.
Come to one of our Tupperware parties.
They're killer.
Uh, that's disgusting.
Look, I'm here to help you,
and we can help all of you.
I mean, you will never have to eat
shit again.
Who are you?
To tell them that they're wrong?
That's some fucking cultural insensitivity
right there.
You know, that might be there, like,
you know, religious food.
Who are you? To tell them, you know, who.
Who gave your God the power?
Like, there's, like, at least,
like, 500,000 other gods out there.
I'm absolutely dumbfounded.
I didn't mean to...
- Stop.
Maybe I'm just dumb,
but I didn't mean to offend you.
Really?
Really, Preacher.
Well, you know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to go around this dumpster,
and I'm going to take a hot, steaming shit
into a Tupperware.
I'm going to go bring it.
I'm going to place it very gently
and artistically in front of your church.
Have a shitty day
As long as you don't shit in my bed, honey.
Hello, Preacher.
- What is this The Price Is Right?
Let's find out what's behind
trashcan number four.
I live for the trash juice.
I can't believe what I'm hearing here.
These poor, pathetic,
all these lost folks.
I can't believe what they're telling me.
Excuse me, sir.
No. Don't run away.
I can help you.
Sir. Sir? Oh, no, sir. I
(metal scraping)
Ha, I found it.
I found the trash juice.
What are you going to do with that?
I'm going to do it.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's all mine.
You need a direct connection to God,
and that stuff
is going to interfere with it.
You really don't want to do...
God has nothing to do with it.
It's in your heart.
That's where you find God.
You could go on the Internet
and write blogs, right?
You could reach a lot of people.
You could be an apostle to Christ.
It's all digital. Everything.
A neon Christ. Oh, my God.
There's so much potential in you.
I can see it.
- Was God there when the imbecile shut up all the schools?
Well, that's beside the point.
You got to think of the positive things.
That's not the point.
Here's the point.
You don't need to do this.
You can put that aside.
That's your past life,
not your present,
your future is right in front of you.
God wasn't there
for the victims of the shooter.
Here's how it really went down.
Oh, God, not a other story
Hah.
(synth drone)
Fuck. Why don't women want me?
I'm a gentleman. I'm a nice guy.
They're all sluts.
That's why they're all whores.
They don't know what's good for them. I do.
(game noises)
Look at that Gollum over there.
Oh, man, that's a good Gollum.
Yeah, I would fuck that Gollum.
- Got a nice ass
Probably wouldn't fuck
me though 'cause it's a slut.
Die.
They just listen to me.
Take them out on a date.
They're all bitches.
All of them.
Hate them all.
But I want them to love me.
Fuck!
This game will make
you cum in 30 seconds.
Long play family bathwater
porn simulator now.
Oh, God Bobby.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,
Oh, her head tied
Let's touch those tits. Oh, yeah.
Give me that bath water.
Oh, I'll drink some
(video game noises)
Ooooo
Yo, yo, yo, yo Oh,
you insult. Fuck.
Playing a Warcraft game again and
jacking off, playing porn.
Mmmmm.
Ahhhhh.
Mmmm.
You see neck beard
these girls pussies are purring
like engines and ready to fuck.
Maybe if you're like me, you can
actually get some nice young pootang.
(synth pop rock)
God damn it. You're such a chad.
No, no, no, no, no. I'm no chad.
I am Ricardo Quintance Romero.
Valero Rodriguez the third.
Aka Mangoes.
You see these mangoes right here?
I feel them.
I feel it.
I squeeze them. You wish
you can have this man.
You don't deserve those women. I do.
I'm a supreme gentleman.
I open their doors. I'm a nice guy.
They don't even bat an eye at me.
Look neck beard all you do
is sit down in that stupid chair.
And play your stupid little games
on your computer, man.
Why don't you man up and take a shower
then you can find a chick to bone like me.
Well,
if they're into jackasses like
you, they don't deserve to live.
Bro... What can I say?
Girls just like my manliness.
Unlike your cartoon porn watching ass.
I don't want to give up
video games and anime.
I'm a supreme gentleman.
You're trash
But of course that's what women want.
Muscle, fancy name,
Ricardo douche bags like yourself?
They should be with me.
I know what's good for them.
Bro, look at this finger man.
See this right here?
The magic finger. I'm like Houdini.
Ahhhh, ahhhhh.
Ahhhh, ahhhh.
(squishing noise)
Ohh, oh Ricardo...
You get us all wet,
steamy and squishy?
Look, I'm ovulating.
Mmmm.
I'm done respecting woman.
And if they don't want to respect me,
I'll make them wish
they never crawled out of their dirty
whore mother salmon, stinking twat.
All of them will pay.
You'll all pay.
Ha, ha, ha... You
fucking imbecile.
And so you're such a virgin loser.
Yeah. Go wax your carrot, bro.
Yeah, you wish you had this hot
Well, now,
but the day of my retribution is ahead.
I'll make women want me
hell, they'll worship me
at the end of my retribution.
Bro, they want me
because I'm the real man right here.
So long imbecile neck beards.
Why don't you do yourself a favor
and you kill yourself.
And if you do, I'll put all your brain
juices all over her tits,
and then I'm going
to pee on your corpses.
Shhhh.
(sad music)
Andale.
(chewing)
Fuck you.
Fuck them.
We're the separate gentlemen
well, they'll pay.
We'll make them all pay.
Fucking hate those women.
Fuck em.
You know much about voodoo, Pud?
Oh, isn't that like
witchcraft black people do?
That's exactly what it is.
See, this is what we're going to do. See.
(whispering)
But we're whtie.
(whispering)
Isn't it that kind of race to do that?
Well, I mean, we can give it a try.
Sure, ok.
I mean, fuck em, right? Yes.
Fuck up.
Fuck them all.
(scary music)
They have all the ingredients
head of a shaman
monkey skull
Trump totem
baby foot
basil
alligator hand.
And the tuft of shaman hair.
Yes, yes, yes.
Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.
Uh, and the most important
ingredient, a dash of incel cum.
And now my incel brother Pud
we shall masturbate!
It's time Pud
Who's going to go first here?
We go at the same time.
All right.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, oh yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
Ahh, ahhh.
Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh.
(tribal drums)
(click)
(click)
(beep, beep, beep, beep)
(psychedelic siren)
Laugh it up
now, females for in a few moments,
I will have my revenge.
Your days of rejecting me are over.
I am neck beard the
almighty and all powerful.
(boiling sound)
(ha, ha, ha)
(beep)
Yes, yes.
Be born my child.
(click)
Oh, it's beautiful.
Our baby.
Yes. Now awake.
- Wake baby, wake baby.
I said awake.
Baby?
Ah, damn it.
I spent so much money on this voodoo shit.
Well, I guess we're gonna have to go to
plan B and shoot up a school
I have a few air fifteens in the closet.
(heart beat)
Yah, ha, ha, he.
It's alive.
Yes, yes.
This is what we want. Yes.
Come alive, baby incel.
Come alive!
(crazy baby noises)
Ahhh, arghh.
You're supposed to be our baby.
You kill women, not men.
It's not supposed to do this.
Fool you.
Yah, ha, ha, he.
Well, go get him Pud.
We're going to need him if
we're going to murder women.
Oh okay, boss.
(synth music)
That's fucking punky.
Oh, incel?
Oh, incel, baby, come out.
You got to behave yourself.
And kill a lot of women for us.
Shit.
Oh, shit.
What the fuck is wrong
with this thing. Jesus.
(banging)
He, ha, he, ha, he, he, he
(screaming)
Ahhh, ahhhh, ahhh.
(gurgling)
(frenetic music)
(choking and gurgling)
(choking)
Yahhh!
(breaking glass)
(gasping)
(grunting)
(choking)
(gasping)
Neck beard, where are you?
(gasping)
(vomiting)
(sad music)
(grunting and gasping)
He, he ha, ha, he.
Oh, baby.
You're supposed to kill women.
No insult, baby.
They're supposed to kill women.
You're supposed to be killing sluts.
(crunch)
- Ahhh, ahhh.
Ha, ha, ha.
(synth sting)
Pud? Pud?
Are you fucking around here?
Did you get that incel baby?
(synth sting)
He, ha, he...
God damn it,
you incel baby,
you murdered my best friend.
I'm going to abort you with my fists.
(crazy baby noises)
(whack)
He, he, he, ha, ha, ha.
Yah, ha, ha, he, he...
Get back here you baby incel fuck.
Fuck you too.
Yeah,
Alright you Pud killing incel baby
no one's going to get in
the way of my retribution.
Here I come women.
Ahhhh.
He, he... Whaaa!
Ah, fuck.
Ah, ah, ah...
Ah, you piece of incel shit.
You're just like a woman.
I'll get revenge on them and you.
He, ha, ha...
Give that back.
No, no, don't even think about it.
(whack, whack)
(squishing and breaking)
He, he, ha, ha.
Ahhhh.
He, he, ha, ha...
Another issue will do me.
Oh, God.
Do you know why they call it smack?
Because it smacks you in the soul.
It'll smack your brain to smithereens.
There's more to life than that.
It's ruining you.
And also, you can't make a monster out
of putting sperm in a microwave.
That's impossible.
I can't believe some of these stories
you guys come up with.
Just because your brain is cooked on this shit.
- Shut up old man.
I'm doing my hit.
Ahh.
Everybody is on the juice.
Damn.
Maybe I need some juice, too.
They're all crazy.
Well, maybe I'm the one crazy.
Get me some of that.
Give me that needle!
Oh, here you go, old man.
Join the club.
I need it.
- Join the club.
Oh, God.
Yah, ha.
Oh, oh, oh...
Uhhh.
Oh, God. I just... I
needed what you had.
I tried to deny myself that I needed it.
But it's the only way I could live.
Oh, God. Oh.
That's what I really needed
more than anything else.
The hell with everything else.
This is what I need.
Yeah.
(synth music)