Trevor Noah: Son Of Patricia (2018) Movie Script

All nice people,
give an applause for Trevor Noah.
What's up, Los Angeles?
Welcome to the show.
Thank you for coming out.
Thank you for being here.
This is so funny. Welcome out.
What an audience!
This is so cool. I love L.A.
I love everything with L.A.,
even people hate with L.A.
I love the traffic.
It's one of my favorite experiences.
Yes, when you do not live here it's top.
Absolutely wonderful.
You will get to know it, but not forever.
It's like another person's child.
You may say: "This is madness.
You'll get it back. "That feels like that.
I love it. I love the atmosphere.
I love driving out here.
And when I'm here
can i listen to the radio
You have good radio stations,
because you are always in the car.
Radio is not a big thing for me living
In New York. I'm cycling or walking.
If I listen to music, I die.
But in L.A. I only listen to music.
And nowadays all that is called trap music is heard.
It's the big thing, the trap.
It's the new music on the radio.
I do not understand what they say,
but I like it.
Every song is the same.
Every trap song sounds like a small child
who complain about life.
That's all I hear.
As soon as a trap song is played
I think of my little brother.
He goes out, hurts
and comes home crying,
and it sounds like every trap song.
"What has happened, Isaac?"
"Calm down you," I say.
"You played with your friends.
What has happened?"
"Friends, they died.
Now I've had enough. "
"Go talk to mom,
I do not know what you're saying.
Talk to your mom. "
The Angels City, I love every second.
I'm enjoying my time here.
I just got home from vacation,
so I'm fine.
You know when you have the holiday vibes left.
You still feel relaxed
and relaxed.
I went to Bali on vacation.
In Indonesia.
Have you never been there,
Plan a trip there, it's amazing.
I went there with some friends
and learned a lot about myself.
The most important thing I learned is
that someone needs to create a TripAdvisor
especially for blacks.
In general, I find
that the white wants to do on holiday
is what black tries to escape from.
Not in a bad way.
We only want different things in life.
My white friends invite for example
always with me to camp.
With enthusiasm.
"Trevor, do you want to come and camp?"
"Why?" I say.
"What do you mean?
It is fantastic. Are you kidding?
No water and no electricity.
Just us and the wilderness.
You get shot in a hole in the field. "
"Yes, that was my life," I say.
"Then I grew up.
Do you know how hard I worked?
in order not to camp again? "
Every day!
Every day.
Every day I wake up thinking
"Thank you, I do not camp."
If my family saw pictures where I camped
Should they be broken?
If my grandmother saw me out in the woods
would she say, "What happened to Trevor?
I thought he was successful.
It must be all crack. "
I refuse to camp.
So I went with my friends to Bali.
The planned trip.
Before we left, I asked my friend:
"Mitch, what should we do?
He said, "Do not ask, Trevor.
It will be amazing. "
"I want to know what it is
that's going to be amazing, "I said.
"Do not ask," he said.
I should have asked.
Because we had fun.
But there were some things that were strange
which I had not done on my own.
For example, on the third day
we had something like our travel plan was called
"An Authentic Balinese Experience".
That's what they called it.
They woke us up at 05.00
and sat in a small bus,
and we drove for three hours.
We arrived, got off the bus,
in the middle of what looked like
a distant city,
and a little tour guide, very happy,
far too happy for that time, said:
"Welcome, everyone.
Are you ready to have fun? "
"Jippi ..." I said.
So he said, "My name is Dang Basaan
and is your guide.
Today you will get
an authentic Balinese experience.
So exciting! Follow me!
We followed him to a small door.
"It's probably a temple
or a cave, "I thought.
And he said, "Welcome, my ladies
and gentlemen, to the real Bali. "
And he opened the door,
into someone's house.
This was no museum,
but just a house.
Everyone lives there every day.
He opened the door and said,
"Here is a balines.
He eats here. He is sleeping here. "
"Does he know we're here?" I thought.
We did not knock. Nobody opened.
As far as I knew we broke in.
Something strange Balinese gang.
And just when I should ask,
he turned around:
"Here you can see the owner of the house.
He's in the corner. "
We turned around and saw a man,
who has been sitting there all the time.
As stoned.
I thought, "Does he take part in this?
I do not know if we should do this. "
And Dang Basaan began to speak Balinese
with him.
"Okay, you can move anything."
So I said, "I do not think we ..."
Before I finish him sentence
everyone said in our group: "Yes!
Touch everything.
Oh my God. Touch everything.
Lord, is he sleeping here?
Is this here he's eating?
Hello, I had never done this.
Oh my God.
Excuse me. Thanks so much
because you receive us.
Hello, I appreciate my life
so much more now.
Thanks so much.
This is terrible.
Can we take a selfie?
Thanks. Are you at Instagram? I use
hashtaggen 'men'. Thanks. Oh my God."
Now I was really bad at all,
because this was something I should not do,
according to my culture.
Like Africa, I should not be in anyone's house
and sneak into their lives.
So I stood in the corner, ill at ease.
The homeowner was very accommodating,
he was friendly
He said, "Yes, thank you. Have a nice time. Thank you."
And then he turned to me.
And this was a magic moment,
because he smiled at everyone else
and my completely changed mind
when he turned around.
He was hospitable: "Yes, thanks, thank you ...."
And with their eyes,
he had the most thorough
conversation with me that I've ever had.
Eye conversation is nothing new. You can
Have it with anyone you have any relationship with.
It can be any of the same breed.
out among people.
It may be between husband and wife.
Moms are good at eye conversations.
They can really put one in place.
You are out among people together
and you say something stupid ...
"If anyway she did."
And she: "I do not think you said ..."
Just with your eyes.
"I do not think you said so.
Just wait.
Do you want to air our dirty suit publicly?
You'll see how this ends. Enjoy
the moment, because you know it's run. "
And you: "Yes, I should not
have done it. "Just with your eyes.
That's what he did to me,
for one minute he smiled at everyone,
and then he turned to me.
And just with his eyes he said:
"What are you doing here?"
So with my eyes I said:
"Sorry, I did not know
that this was your house.
They called it an authentic experience. "
"Yes, authentic to white," he said.
"You have your own poor.
Go back there. "
"Yes, I should not be here," I said.
So I went.
I went out.
A quarter later everyone was ready
with its poverty line,
so they came to me.
Dang Basaan followed the group.
And he was great. You saw that.
He came out and said,
"Did everyone have a nice time?
I know you liked it. Now its time
for a surprise. Follow me, everyone. "
And he took us to the back of the house,
where they had a place
where they seemed to have some sort of behavior.
There was a stage and seating.
He told us to sit down,
so we sat down.
There were people from all over the world there.
Me, my American friends,
some brits, and a father and son
from France, who sat next to me.
I sat in the front row,
and Dang Basaan came out again.
And suddenly he carried
a huge balinese headdress.
Very beautiful.
He said, "Ladies and gentlemen,
Are you ready for an authentic?
balinese experience?
An apple for Balis Snakes. "
"For what?" I said.
"He said snakes," I said.
"Balis snake ..."
And I looked, and there were snakes.
A group of men gathered snakes together
to take out to us.
So I said, "No, not me."
No, because you understand, as a black person,
Culturally, I try not to die.
I started packing up my stuff.
And the French turned to me:
"My friend, where are you going?" The show begins. "
I said, "Yes, but the guy said
that there are snakes,
so I move.
I sit at the back. "
He said, "Do you move
because of the worm? "
"Yes," I said.
He said, "Why do you move
because of the worm? Are you afraid of a snake? "
"Yes," I said.
That's exactly what I'm afraid of snakes. "
"Such a big man,
but you're afraid of a worm? "he said.
"Yes, with a big brain," I said,
"That's why I'm afraid. It's a worm."
You can not fool me
not to be afraid.
My poisonous manhood is not so high
that I say, "Yes, come on, Ormis."
It's a worm.
Instead of releasing it, he said:
"I do not understand. A big guy like you.
Jean-Pierre ... "
He turned to his son.
And the boy laughed.
And he said, "Oui, oui, worm.
Are you afraid? Snake."
What is this? It's a worm. Snake."
And they continued for 15 seconds nonstop.
Back and forth.
"Snake, snake, snake" all the time.
He said, "Worm. Are you afraid? Worm."
And I: "Yes, yes, you lost
all your war. "Then I went back.
I did not have time with this.
I did not have time with this,
because there were snakes.
So I went back, and brought my things.
I sat up at the top
because I wanted to see the show,
I just did not want to be a part of it.
So I took my things
and sat up at the top.
I sat there. The show began.
Dang Basaan was really spotted
and said, "Ladies and gentlemen,
an appendix for your first artist,
the mighty pytonorm. "
And a guy came out
with a giant python turned around.
He had an awesome number in the pytonorm
hugged him really hard.
So hard you almost heard
his legs are broken.
And then he made a leap.
And the worm dropped.
Then it started hugging him again,
and he let ...
And the worm dropped.
It hugged him again
and he did the same thing ...
And the worm dropped.
I thought, "This is cool.
They have a coherent relationship.
I like that."
Then he went with the worm.
The next guy came out
and he had a green mamba with him.
So Dang Basaan said:
"Ladies and gentlemen,
the green mamban. "
The guy came out and he had a cool trick
where he took the lid off the basket
and the green mamban came out
and began to move.
Someone played music
and then the snake joker danced with the worm.
They did the same movements as one
Justin Timberlake video, just the two.
I thought, "It was awesome."
The worm slid into the basket again.
And then Dang Basaan came out one last time.
He said, "Now, ladies and gentlemen,
are you ready for the final?
An applause for the King of the Kings! "
The last artist came out with a cobra.
He put down the basket,
lifted the lid and the worm came out.
And I do not know what it was
with this worm,
but one could feel
that the energy changed.
Everyone was snakes ...
but this worm looked ugly.
It seemed to hate life.
There was something about it.
This worm looked like
as if it had home loans.
Because it looked at us,
and then fixed his eyes on the candler.
He was cool and calm.
He did not even look at the worm
but on us.
He said, "Ladies and gentlemen,
It is said that kobran can attack
faster than a man can blink.
But can a man move faster
than the worm can think? "
And I thought ...
"I do not know what it means...
but I'm in. "
It sounds like a silly thing
Instagram quote, but I'm in. "
And the guy had the most
amazing numbers. What he did was ...
He really walked close to the snake,
with his hands behind his back,
Then he got it to work
as if he were kissing the snake.
And the worm was no longer
than 30 cm from his face.
And then he did the pussltten.
Then the worm tried to bite him,
and he moved. Completely unmanageable.
But he leaned forward and said,
"Come on, worm."
"Too bad, the worm."
Try again.
No love for you, my friend.
Come on, the worm. "
And everyone was spellbound.
No one gave a noise,
no one moved.
And he did it over and over again.
And then,
to take it to the next level,
he slammed and plucked his lips,
and I suppose by now,
that the snake probably thought:
"I think I've cheated it out.
The guy will make the noise
and then move.
But if I bite before the sound ...
can I change everyone's life. "
Because that was exactly what the worm did.
The guy shut up and pecked his lips.
Before he makes him smile
the snake attacked him,
and met him on his mouth.
Sprang up his lip, the blood was sprinkling.
That should be the end of history,
the craziest part of history. No.
This is the middle.
The worm hit him on his mouth.
The blood sprayed.
The guy jumped away,
and pretended he was not
just had been bitten by a worm.
Which made us think we were crazy,
because we saw it. The whole crowd fled.
And then he jumped back,
and just mess it off.
He did the way people do
when they get their hand squeezed in a car door
or something.
They squeeze and just ...
He did it, but with a worm.
Then the worm attacked him,
the blood was sprinkling
and he jumped off and ...
"Do not worry. We're fine.
No danger. Everybody, we're fine.
Relax, we're fine. "
But we did not feel good for his face
began to melt on one side.
The face began to melt,
The lips turned blue
and he tried to make the trick again,
but he could not even stand.
And he looked at the worm and said,
"Okay, the show is over. Good night, everyone."
Then he ran away.
And now we all thought:
"What the hell happened right?"
He ran away,
I had questions in my head.
"Will he do it?
Do we get our money back?
How does this work? "
And then we turned around and realized ...
He had forgotten his worm.
And do you know what the worst was?
The worm seemed to realize the same thing
at the same time.
For the serpent also saw him go,
and then when we return
we saw the worm: "Devils."
So now it was just us ...
and the worm.
And remember, there was no barrier.
No concrete, no glass, nothing.
It was an authentic one
balinese experience.
So everyone stared at the snake,
the worm stared at us.
And then decided a genius
to be the perfect opportunity now
to take an Instagram image.
And I do not know if it was the camera,
the sound or the flash.
All I heard was "click",
and the snake jumped up and wested.
And we only ...
And it became a chaos. Tumult arose.
I was at the back,
so I just jumped.
"I was afraid I'm black."
I fled the field.
Panic occurred.
Everyone jumped up,
people trampled down each other.
The Frenchman was my favorite.
He jumped up and shouted: "Sacre bleu!
Allez, Jean-Pierre, Allz. "
He pushed out people and shouted:
"Allez, Jean-Pierre!"
And when he turned around
had his son not moved.
Little Jean-Pierre stood firmly,
You saw his face
and he shouted: "Daddy, Daddy!"
"Allez, Jean-Pierre, Allz, Mon Ami."
"Daddy, Daddy!"
So the dad realized he had to go back
and save his child.
But this one of those moments
when you see the difference
between mothers and fathers.
Because a mother would run in
without thinking and saying:
"I would die for my child.
Attack me now, worm. "
So are mothers.
Daddy also saves his child,
but in the back they think:
"I'll save my child.
But I do not want to die. I mean...
I do not want to die
because this dummy did not run ...
when his dad ran.
Is there a worm and I'm starting to run,
why do not you run at the same time?
Now I have to die for you, dumber,
which is illogical,
because I can make one more of you,
You can not make a difference from me.
I should make a brother to you
so we can make you together, dumber.
I do not know what we are dealing with. "
That's probably what the dad thought,
because he did not really give everything.
Instead, he tried to sneak in
behind his guy.
Then he took his hood
and pulled him in security.
So now little Jean-Pierre chipped
after the breath of the ground.
He eventually pulled him aside.
Another snake rushes out,
took the worm, put it in the bag,
and at last the danger was over.
Everyone was in safety.
Everyone was safe but terrified.
Some cried, others were shocked.
I stood by and watched.
Jean-Pierre and his dad were tear-eyed.
"Desol, mon ami."
I do not speak French,
but I know the kid said,
"Shit, you left me!
I'll tell mom. "
So I stared at them,
and they must have known it.
So both ended at the same time.
And they turned around and looked at me,
and I looked at them.
And at that moment I realized
that we are all human beings.
We experienced the same thing,
we went through the same trauma.
No matter what happened to us before
so we are all people.
I saw in their eyes
what they had just experienced,
what I had experienced.
And in that break I bent down,
really close to them, and said:
That is how racism begins.
But do you know what? It was worth it.
Yes, it was worth it.
I love to travel
and learn about new places.
To read things and meet new people.
I ...
When I think of the history of racism ...
I am fascinated by racism as a concept,
as action,
as politics ... I am always fascinated.
I read stories in history.
And one of the most fascinating places
I read about recently
was a place called rochester
In New York.
This really surprised me.
It was a city as practically
was intended to rehabilitate ...
people who had escaped slavery.
Blacks who moved from the south
and got north,
rehabilitated here.
Frederick Douglass wrote many
of their works there,
suffragett movement began there.
It's a mighty little place.
What they did was ...
Slaves fled from the south,
went north and came to rochester
The underground railroad
took them there,
and then they rehabilitated them,
put them on boats
and sent them to Canada
so that they could live free.
It's a fascinating story
for two reasons.
One: it reminds of there were
many good white people out there.
I often get angry at white and think later
I: "No, there is good white. Calm down."
And the other part that was amazing
was that they persuaded blacks
to board boats again. I think...
that it is one of the most
incredible stories I have read.
Do you know how convincing you have to be ...
to convince anyone
Who just escaped slavery?
Think about it for a second.
Someone has just moved from slavery.
They finally got there,
they wake up
after a night's sleep in freedom,
and they go out saying, "I just want
thank you for everything you did for me. "
"Do you know what, my friend?
No one deserves to live as you lived,
I'm glad we got you out. "
"Thanks so much.
I appreciate you, brother. "
"Thank you, my friend. All we need to do now
is to fix actions,
some new clothes
and put you on a boat to Canada,
then you can live free.
Everything will be better. "
"Sorry. Wait a minute.
Yes, can you change that?
What did you say?"
"I know it's difficult,
but we have to fix ID documents. "
"No, you said about a boat?"
"We are setting you on a boat to Canada."
"Yes. No, I'm not ...
We do not go boat anymore. I do not know
if you know our story,
but me and my people took a cruise
once. It did not work well.
So, yes, we may find another way
to come to Canada. "
"Boat is the best way
to get there from Rochester. "
"Yes, maybe it's the best way for you.
But we go.
We can run,
We can run really well.
We can run,
but we do not go on any boat. "
"My friend, you have to go on the boat."
"I do not have to do a joke.
I just got free. Imagine if I'm going on
the boat and end up in the same place?
What do they say then?
"Why did you go on the boat?"
'Because he was nice.' Hell either!
No boat for me! "
"But you have to go on the boat.
You are free now.
You have to get over this. "
"One day, in a few hundred years,
maybe one of my descendants Kanye West
have come over it, but not me.
So I do not go on any boat. "
"We have to get you on the boat, hell."
"I do not go on any boat."
And that was the day
then the phrase "Nigger, please" was invented.
The white man turned around and said,
"Nigger, please, you have to go on the boat."
And that story was passed on
from generation to generation,
black person to black person,
free man to free man
"And the white man knelt down
and said, 'Nigger, please.' "
"Nigger, please?"
I have never heard that phrase in my life.
- Nigger, please ... Nigger, please.
- Nigger, please? "
I know it's probably a phrase
Barack Obama used
at least once in the White House.
At least once.
"Mr. President, do you think that Trump
are you wrong?
"Do you think you caused this?"
- "Nigger, please"
Only once, once.
I know he used it.
I actually met President Obama
during his time as president.
It's probably one of the craziest experiences
I had in my life. Yes, I was ...
It came completely unexpectedly.
I worked at The Daily Show
and received a call from the administration.
And someone at the other end said:
"Hi, Trevor. Do you want to interview
US President of the White House? "
And I thought, "Are you stupid questions?
Of course I want to meet
United States President. Are you kidding?"
And the day came finally.
I went to DC with my TV team,
They placed us in a room,
which was literally low
opposite the oval room.
We rigged all our cameras.
Then we were just waiting for the president.
We stared at the door.
They do not give one
President's exact arrival time,
for his safety.
They only give a period of time,
as with the cable duct.
So we're waiting everyone in there,
listening to every footstep, every moment,
and then he just pops in behind us
and scare the shit out of all.
There is a secret door,
but they do not tell either.
We are staring at the door and suddenly we hear:
But I had a great interview
with him.
He was very kind to everyone in the room.
Then we closed the cameras and he stayed
Even nicer, we just conversed.
I thought he should go.
He is president and has things to do.
But he left for a while
and we spoke like people,
and it went well
until he turned to me and said,
"Trevor, I have a show
which I will do in a few weeks,
a little thing,
and I thought you might
want to look past and behave. "
"Mr. President, it would be a glory.
Just say when and where.
What is the purpose of the show, sir? "
He said, "I'm doing a little thing
for my aides,
and thought you might come. "
I said, "Please, thank you.
Sorry, a show for what? "
He said, "For my aides, my coworkers.
I said:
"Do you have AIDS?"
And then...
Then he explained ...
what he meant.
And I wanted to earth
would devour myself completely.
Because I had just watched
on the US president ...
and asked if he had AIDS.
And the worst is
that he was kind to me too.
Because he explained and I said,
"Forgive me. I did not mean it.
I do not even know why ...
You said 'aides' and AIDS ...'
For my defense ...
I'm taking now.
He means "aides",
assistants at the White House
the people who help the president.
I'm taking now.
But where I come from is AIDS
Anything else that does not help anyone.
No one in Africa walks around and says,
"Let me introduce you to my AIDS."
I'm crushed and saying:
"I'm terribly sorry, president.
I did not mean it. You do not have AIDS,
and even if you had AIDS,
then nothing is wrong with that.
No stigma.
I do not know what I'm saying. Sorry."
"Trevor, calm down."
Trevor Trevor, calm down. "
"I am terribly sorry,
I should not have said that.
I'm probably the dumbest you met. "
"No, Trevor ..."
"I'm the dumbest one you've ever met."
He said, "No, Trevor, that's not true.
I've met Trump. "
Stop it!
So witty.
But I'm used to it in life.
This happens to me often,
since I lived in the United States.
I understand it as an idea.
If you move to another country,
so one must learn
another language.
I did not realize that would happen
In the United States, because I speak English.
But here people speak American.
Similar, but not the same.
Small things are different.
I accept that,
small things like pronunciation.
For example, what you drink,
I call it "water".
Water. In American
do you say "wadder".
Right? "Wadder". Yes.
I say "water"
because there is a T in the word.
The glass you look at each morning
I call for a mirror.
In American you say "Ameer".
"Ameer." That's not the same for me.
"A mirror" is the glass.
Ameer is a man in the Middle East.
Very different experiences.
It's not the same.
And that's just the pronunciation.
You must also learn the meaning
in words you already could
when moving to the United States.
For example, where I come from
is there a garment
which men often wear under his shirt.
It's white and sleeveless.
Where I'm from
we call it "west".
In america it is called "wife beater"
wife beater.
Yes, I have so many questions.
My best and worst experience
when it comes to learning American
happened when I first moved to the United States.
I lived in California, in Pasadena,
when I first came to the United States.
The reason I lived in Pasadena is
that it was where I felt
my first american friend,
a guy named David Meyer.
He came to South Africa to film
a documentary, and we became good friends.
One day we stayed in Dave's apartment.
Dave sat in his seat bag
and looked at me and said,
"Trevor, the polar ...
I do not know how it is with you
right now,
but I soon die of starvation. "
I said:
"You mean you're hungry, Dave."
"It does not matter, what do you want to eat?"
He said, "Do you know what I'm craving?
I'm crazy about tacos. "
I said, "That sounds fun.
We are going to Tacos. "
"Is not that the restaurant you're craving?
Tacos? "
"Do you mean seriousness right now?
Have you never eaten tacos? "
"No, I do not know what tacos are."
"Have you never eaten tacos?"
"My response has not changed since now, Dave.
"I have never eaten tacos."
"Have you never tasted tacos?"
By the way, I apologize when people do.
When they ask the same question
over and over again,
because they can not imagine not
have had exactly the same life experience.
"Hello, have you heard Beyonce's new?"
- "No."
- "Have not you heard Beyonc's new?"
- "No I have not..."
- "Have not you heard ...?"
"Well, now I have it."
No, I had never eaten tacos.
In South Africa we are not right
Mexican food.
We do not have any Mexicans.
They never came over, it's not my fault.
Dave was personally insulted.
I never forget that,
he jumped up and said,
"I do not think you've been in the United States
so long and never ate tacos. "
"Why is that such a big thing?"
"Because, Trevor,
nothing is as American as tacos. "
"Really?" I said.
"Is nothing so American
like Mexican food? "
The funny thing is
that at that moment I knew
that Dave was a deeper man.
He did not even realize it, but it was
a deeply small gold cliff.
"Nothing is as Amean as tacos."
I have had the privilege of traveling
everywhere in this beautiful country.
I've been to places
like Erie in Pennsylvania,
El Paso, Texas, Honolulu, Hawaii.
I've been everywhere,
and one thing that I have learned,
generally in the usa ...
is that americans ...
love ...
Wherever you go,
so love american tacos.
Love tacos
Even totally unexpected people.
I watched the news one day,
and they showed a guy at a mass meeting,
and they asked him about immigration
and families that were divorced, etc.
And this guy, whatever his policy,
was a mean, xenophobic racist.
Very presidential.
And the journalist asked him ...
The journalist asked him about children,
and he answered directly:
"I'll tell you,
I do not care about it
here damn the Mexicans.
They came here. They should not be here.
It's our country now, do you hear that? Right.
Go back where you came from.
These Mexicans have not done well.
They have not brought anything good to the United States.
Come on, Bubba.
It's taco Tuesday. "
Stick from here, but leave the recipe.
There should be a rule in the United States
which says you can hate
immigrants how much you want,
but if you do,
you should not eat their food.
I think that is fair.
Do you hate immigrants,
no immigrant.
And when I say no immigrant food,
so I do not mean anyone.
No mexican food, no western Indian food,
no Dominican food, no Asian food.
Just potatoes.
And I do not even mean flavored potatoes.
Just potatoes like it is.
No spices.
For no immigrant, no spice.
Never forget that.
Both figuratively and literally,
no seasoning.
And I know some would take it.
I know people who would say:
"Take your immigrants, take your spices
and stay out of here for the fan. "
You're saying that now ...
because you've never lived a life
without seasoning.
But never forget.
A life without spices was so difficult ...
so hard...
that it got white people
to sail around the world to find them.
And so ...
This was not common sailing,
There was no Disney cruise.
These people sailed for a while
when they thought that if you sailed this way,
one would fall from the ground and die.
And yet...
was there anybody out there
who ate some white women's food and said,
"I do not stand out with this shit!
I'm going to say that. "
"Imagine if you die"
"It's at least exciting."
No immigrants,
no spices.
And definitely no tacos.
Dave would never allow it.
He was so passionate.
He spoke about tacos as if he were
were heirs to a tacodynasty.
In the end he said:
"As your friend and as an American,
I'll make sure you get tacos
if that's the last thing I do! "
"Why not now, Dave?" I said.
"It works," he said.
I love when somebody believes
that you intend to mess with them,
but you agree with them
and they have already chosen anger.
For nobody just changes his tone.
Everyone must hold on for a while,
because they think they seem less crazy then.
It happens even in relationships.
You have a noise that is not a fuss.
"To hell, Karen,
every time I ask for your support,
then you're not there,
and sometimes it hurts me. "
"I'm sorry, Bob."
- "No, do not try ... Thank you very much.
I was not expecting an apology
so I chose this tone,
and now I feel like an idiot.
I leave the room and change. "
I did not want to bother, I wanted tacos.
We go and eat tacos, Dave.
So we jumped into the car.
We drove for around 20 minutes.
To what I thought
would become a restaurant.
does dave stay
in a deserted parking lot.
He turns off the engine, looks at me
saying, "Okay, buddy. Here it is."
I say, "Where were you at my murder place?"
"No, we're going to buy tacos, over there."
He points,
and in the corner of the parking lot is a car.
A food car,
which I have learned is common in the United States.
Food cars have some of the best food,
but just then, you have to excuse me
I was a little suspicious.
Okay. I was not comfortable with the thought of
to buy food from an establishment
which would not be there the next day.
I feel that resistance results
a certain amount of accountability.
But Dave said,
"You have to eat them from a car.
Then they know they are genuine. "
"Okay, let's get over it," I said.
So I went to the food car,
and it was definitely a tacobil,
because there was a flashed sign hanging over it
where it was called "tacos".
By the way, a little peculiarity I have:
I hate signs that flash
without changing text.
Yes, I always feel
that a sign should not blink
if it does not change information.
Otherwise, it's a waste of excitement.
It should be illegal.
It always catches my gaze and then
I'm waiting for something more. "Tacos"
and ... tacos. "And what more?" Tacos. "
Anything else? "Tacos."
Just stop at tacos!
Anyway, now I'm annoyed.
I'm going to get my car to the car.
A little guy looks.
He was in a different mood than me.
You saw that. He stabbed his head:
"Hi, the situation? Do you want tacos?"
I said, "It would be cowardly
if we did not want it. "
He said, "What? Yes. Of course, man,
but you never know.
You may want something else. "
I said, "What are you more, my friend?"
He said, "No, man.
It's a tacobil. "
"Thank you," I said.
"It's a while in my life
I never get back. Thanks."
He said, "No, no, no.
Calma-te, men.
I do not want to waste your time.
If you want tacos you will have tacos.
How many do you want?"
I said, "I do not know.
I have never eaten tacos. "
"Have you never eaten tacos?"
- "I said no.
"Have you never eaten tacos?"
"You should meet my friend Dave," I said.
I do not intend to order food
when I do not know what it is.
I do not know anything about the quantities.
I do not know what tacos are.
What do you say? How many are you taking?
I might say, "Give me five."
But think if tacos are little pigs or something,
and I say, "Give me five!"
Then I suddenly go home with ...
"And that's how I started my farm."
I have no idea what they are.
So I say: "Just give me a taste."
"Okay," he says.
"Then two tacos are enough."
"Okay, give me two tacos."
"Two tacos will be!"
The guy goes in ...
and start cooking the food.
I have no idea
what comes out
He will return after a while:
"My friend. Your tacos are ready."
"Thank you very much," I say.
"Yes, do you want a napkin?"
"Sorry, how did you say?"
- "Do you want a napkin?"
And now, L.A.,
It is now getting strange to me.
Because you understand where I'm from ...
is a "napkin" that baby wears ...
to keep their shit.
The thing man wipes his mouth with
we call napkins.
But I did not know that,
so this man had turned to me,
offered me food and then said:
"Do you want a napkin?"
I said, "Sorry, I'm confused.
Why would I like it? "
"You know, for the suit afterwards."
He said the draft.
"How soon will I need one soon afterwards?"
"You never know with tacos.
One minute you think you'll fix it,
and next it's going out. "
"It sounds like the disgusting one
I heard something. "
He said, "No, that's part
of the experience. Everyone is doing it.
You are worn, you wipe off,
and then you try again. "
I said, "It's an experience
I do not want to.
- I'll skip it. "
"Do not you taste my food?"
"Sure, I taste the food.
But I do not take your napkin.
"What are you going to do?"
"If it's as crazy as you say
so I only eat my taco
in the car on my way home. "
"Well, you think you're sure",
he says.
You will drive.
Then slipping someone so you have to brake,
and it goes out.
Do not be a hero.
Just take the napkin. "
"I'm not trying to be a hero," I said.
"I'm just an adult damn man. Okay?
If it's really bad, I'll just scratch
super hard until I arrive. "
He said, "That's the problem.
Some do not know, they're cracking too hard,
and then the juice flows out even more.
It can splash on the pants and the sweater ... "
"On my shirt?
"How the hell is shit
right up to my shirt? "
Does it bump it up from the ground?
What the hell are you here? "
- "Do you want your napkin or not?"
"I do not even know the tacos right now."
So much stress.
Now I love tacos.
I love tacos.
I love Mexican food.
I love Mexican people.
I do not even know what it is.
We have a relationship.
South Africans and Mexicans.
People from skithl countries. We have a thing.
I still can not believe the things
Donald Trump says.
To me is Donald Trump
an emotional paradox.
Logically, I can melt him,
emotionally receives it.
On the one hand, I wake up many days
terrified at the thought of
that he is president
in the world's most powerful nation.
But I also wake up many days
and know that he will get me
to laugh.
It's terror and joy,
and I do not know how to feel.
Do you know how it sometimes feels?
Like a giant asteroid
is heading towards the earth.
But it is shaped like a penis.
I think I'll die.
But I know I'll laugh.
Just look at everything he does.
The world we now live in because of him.
We pass on history.
This never happens
in our lifetime again.
We live for a while
when we all learn about the presidency ...
at the same time as the president.
It never happened.
How crazy is that concept?
You wake up everyday and read the news
and thinking: "Oh, I did not know."
And at least, at exactly the same time,
he reads the same news
and thinking: "Oh, not me either."
And no one knows where it will lead,
what he will do.
All we know is that he wants his wall.
He wants his wall.
Donald Trump wants his wall.
He needs $ 25 billion
last time he asked.
He needs it from American
taxpayer, for Mexico is smart.
It went very quickly.
Do you remember how confident he was
at the mass meetings? People cheered.
He said, "Good people,
we are going to build ...
a wall.
We're going to build a wall, everybody.
Who will pay?
Mexico. "
Mexico said:
"We do not pay for a shit."
We may build it,
but we do not pay for it. "
Mur history is enough
the best TV comedy.
For now, they have begun to build prototypes
of the wall at the border,
for Donald Trump wants
that they test the wall first.
I do not know how to do it.
Should they say "try again"?
And because of the prototypes have
Now trump up specifications for the wall.
He now wants the wall to be built
of concrete,
but it must also be transparent.
And the reason for it is that he is afraid
to drug addicts from Mexico
will push bags with knots over the wall,
and that they meet
passers-by Americans in the head.
So the wall must be transparent
so that Americans can see the drugs come ...
and catch them.
I do not know what a translucent wall is.
But now I'm just worried
that any builder should fool the president.
That he takes him to the border and says:
"There it is, Mr. Trump.
Your invisible wall. "
And because he will buy it
Does he hire Mexican pantomimes?
"Lord, you will not come through.
It works."
Donald Trumps brain.
The other idea he had for the wall
where the United States should build the wall
of solar panels.
That's what he said.
He said that the United States should build the wall
of solar panels
for then the wall would generate electricity
and pay for themselves.
I will not lie.
That's a good idea.
That's a good idea,
unless you know anything about solar panels,
the sun or the walls.
The problem with that idea is
that the sun is above us.
Yes? Are we all united there?
The sun is above us, right?
A solar panel wall does not work,
for a wall is upright.
It points downwards.
So if you do not have a really sunny sun
which says, "I'll shine really low",
it does not work.
It just works
if you take your border sun panel
and leans it to catch the sun rays,
but then you have created a giant ramp
for Mexicans to enter the United States.
"Ora le ..."
Donald J. Tumps intellect.
The one stands for Jesus.
Many do not know that.
There is a lot of self-esteem there.
And he's always looking for someone.
If it's not Mexicans, it's Muslims.
Are not Muslims,
so it's Africans from skithl countries.
It was my personal favorite,
because i am african
and I've dumped in a hole.
I liked it too
because people came up and asked questions.
A man arrived after a show
very concerned. He said, "You, Trevor,
can I ask something?"
"Yes, please, my friend."
He said, "Trevor, I just wanted to know,
when Donald Trump says
all these terribly racist things,
do you sometimes want to just pack, leave the USA,
go back to South Africa
and escape from all this racism? "
"My friend," I said,
"You do not go to South Africa
to escape from racism.
That's what your husband is going to fill. "
Are you kidding? That's the only thing
which reminds me of home.
Rasismen out here.
We have a lot of racism in South Africa.
Do not misunderstand
It has become much better.
When I grew up, we had Apartheid.
And apartheid was basically
the world's best racism.
Sorry, I did not mean to say that.
Now you think: "Our racism was the best."
No, it was not.
It was good, but not the best.
I experienced a lot of racism,
it did all.
I never felt it was bad,
mostly because of my family.
My mother is a black woman,
a Xhosa woman, my father is a Swiss,
and it was illegal for them
to be a couple,
and that was a problem
that we lived together.
So we experienced a lot of racism.
And if you wonder ... yes.
Xhosa is one of the languages with the click.
But not like in American movies,
Just to let you know.
I have watched the movies
where they have Africans like ...
There is no language.
Even we are watching the movies and thinking:
"I wonder what they are saying.
Where do they come from?"
"I think they are from Cleveland?"
The clicks are consonants.
We still have vowels.
I grew up in a family
who could not live together.
Dad could not live with us.
It was illegal.
People were even racist against us,
but I was lucky when I grew up,
for my mother is probably one of the most
hard-barked people you've ever met.
Nothing affected her.
Nothing bothered her.
I especially remember one day,
then we walked along the street together.
And one guy on the other side of the street
shouted something ugly itll us.
I was four or five years old,
and I looked at my mother and said,
what do we do about people
do racism go against us? "
And mom said, "Do you know what we are doing
if anyone is racist?
We take their racism,
and shakes about it
with jesus love
And then we'll send it back. "
And I said, "What?
"The woman is crazy," I thought.
She was crazy,
but she was also right.
I did not realize how right she had
until decades later.
Which I always know happens
with one's parents.
They are crazy, and then they reach their age
and thinking:
"That's what it means."
I taught my homework my homework
tried to teach me first as an adult man.
I walked on the streets of Chicago.
I handled myself.
Any guy drove past in a pickup
and called me the N word.
And I will not lie.
I was disappointed.
Mostly because he drove a pickup.
I just feel
that it was an unnecessary stereotype
which he did not need to maintain.
If you are to be racist, do something different.
Think beyond the frames.
Run a Prius.
It's better for the environment, and it's quiet.
You can sneak on me. We both win.
But no, the guy drove a pickup,
called me the N word and ...
To give you the whole story,
Then I went to the red old man.
It does not justify what he did,
I just want you to know
that I'm not an angel. Okay?
I crossed the street
and then it became red light,
but I decided to go anyway
because I do not see color.
And this man ...
This man became so insulted
of what I had done
that he drove his pickup around me,
rolled down the box, met my eyesight
and said, "Out of the way, nigger."
And he saw that he would hurt me.
We kept each other's eyes shut
and you saw
that he was waiting for me to ...
But he did not know ...
where i came from
Even more important,
he did not know...
who my mom was.
Because he thought it would just be
a regular racist day.
He thought he would throw himself away
N-word and move on.
He did not realize that it was Patricia's son
who stepped out on the street.
And it happened in a moment,
but lasted a lifetime.
Because I did not even think.
He just shouted the word and my body ...
I thought, "damn it's happening!"
And let me tell you, L.A.,
it was so amazing
because I did not plan.
I did not think of that.
I stepped out on the street,
he drove his pickup around me,
rolled down the box and looked at me:
"Out of the way, nigger."
And I turned around and said,
"Yo, my nigga."
And he almost crashed and died.
I've never seen anyone
question yourself
so many times in a fraction of a second.
Before I logged in, I saw that he thought:
"Do I know you?"
"Do I look like you know?"
And I do not know why he did
this, but he looked at his hands.
He looked at his hands as if they were
in a magic manner, had become black.
As if I had cast a curse.
I do not know what he was thinking.
I actually felt sorry for him.
Because I've been called that word before
but that was his first time.
You never forget your first time.
Sorry, but is that what he wants?
Will he call me that?
and ruin my day?
He calls me "nigger"
and I'm gonna talk about it?
I do not have time for it.
My mom always said
that you can not control
what people do,
but you can check
how to react.
So I promised myself.
"A racist should never have the pleasure
in seeing my pain. "
It must be painful,
but I do not give them the pleasure
to see my pain
Does anyone say anything racist,
Then I take racism, shaking it
with Jesus love and throw it back.
It's not always easy.
Not everyone can do it.
Not everyone should.
I understand too
that it is a bit different for me.
I'm from a country
where the word "nigger" never used
to repress someone.
We had another word,
because we had the best racism.
Come on. But not that word.
The word we had was the word "kaffir".
So another word, but the same thing.
It seems crazy for me sometimes.
Same racism, another word.
And here it does not matter, right?
"Kaffir"? Nothing.
Some wonder: "Is there any probiotics?
Is that what it is? "
Yes, the probiotic of my pain.
We do not have it in our supermarkets,
for obvious reasons.
Nobody warned me in the United States.
I go there among the milk products
and thinking: "Yogurt, ice cream ...
This lactose is intolerant. "
So there are different around the world.
I get that.
It's a privilege I have
when it comes to dealing with the N word.
In South Africa, nobody was called "nigger".
All over Africa no one was oppressed
with that word.
So that word has no power.
Wherever you go.
"Nigger, nigger, nigger ..." Nothing.
While I can now feel the excitement
here in the room.
Some think: "For hell,
was it seven times? I'm taking, Trevor.
That's my annual quota. Come on."
I get it.
It made me think
that we may be able to use it.
We can use it
to help each other
and create a program that you send
all your racists to Africa
only once a year.
For Africans, they will be tight.
The best part is that you do not even
need to wait. There are black everywhere.
Just jump straight and scream: "Nigger!"
Since Africa is run and owned by black,
then they are not afraid of white.
They will only say:
"Jimbo, he's back. Nigger man.
How are you nigger? "
"To hell, you're the kidney."
"But you are always saying that,
Yes, your nigger.
Apply some sunscreen cream
before you die, nigger. Now we're partying. "
It would be different.
That's all I say.
It's always strange to me,
because no one used the word
in a derogatory manner
so the word "nigger" exists in South Africa.
But in the mother tongue, Xhosa,
means the word "nigga" "to give".
That's what "nigga" means on Xhosa.
That's how to use it.
So not enough that the word does not hurt me,
when racists use it against me,
it just evokes
nice childhood memories.
I get memories of when I was a child.
I was playing with my cousin
and his toy cars.
I always stole his. I had none.
He began to scream ...
Mom came running and said:
"Whats happening here?"
And my cousin said,
"Do you hear!
Talk properly. I do not hear you.
What happened?"
"Trevor stole my toys."
And mom said, "Trevor, you stole
your cousin's toys? "
I said, "No, mom, I do not stole.
I promise.
"Trevor ... Do not lie to me?
Do you stole the toys? "
"No, I'm not stolen," I said.
"What happened was his cars
was illegally parked.
So I got to wire them because you can not
live in a society without laws.
I'm just a humble official
after all.
Without laws, it will be chaos, mom.
That's all that keeps us up.
As a civilization, it is the only one
that keeps us ... "
"Listen!" She said.
"Do not come here and be cheeky.
Give back the toys. "
"Mom, please. I just want to play ..."
"Give back the toys."
- "Mom ..."
- "Listen! Nigga!"
And my cousin sat there:
"Nigga, please."
L.A., you were really fun tonight.
Thank you very much for coming here.
I appreciate you all so much.
Have a good evening, everyone.