Trifecta (2021) Movie Script

(icon swooshing)
(lo-fi melody begins) (female vocals)
Propane gang
Ho I'm hiding the ceiling (whoop adlib)
I ain't interested in spending
time with no benefit
So cold ho cold
Hard I'm a pimp
Squeeze a penny out the pussy
Put a car on my wrist
and go hard on the bitches
Go hard on the bitches
I go hard on a bitch
I go hard on a bitch
I go hard on the bitch
I go hard on the bitch
I go hard on a bitch (music fades)
- [Man 1] Thirsty?
- [Female 1] Yeah, please.
All right (female laughs softly)
Pow! (Female exhales)
- Thank you!
- I see you baby.
Please.
Sweating up a storm in here.
(man exhales)
Good, well you glisten though,
you know what I'm saying?
There in my armpits and shit.
Right there too?
Yeah.
[Man 1] Oh, okay.
My back.
[Man 1] Wow!
You was really working!
- [Female 1] It's hot.
(heartbeat thumps)
(man coughs)
(water swishes)
- What was that?
What was what?
That (mock coughing)
Fake-ass cough?
Oh, my bad.
You know what I'm saying?
I didn't realize you were a doctor
that studied "cough-ology."
(chuckles lightly)
Mmm, smartass, huh?
No I'm not that type of chick.
To trip.
I seen you looking,
and I ain't even mad
as long as she bad.
That's all I'm saying.
Because I'm not about to have my man
looking at a side piece,
when he got a full course meal right here.
Okay.
That was a whole lot.
So you're telling me
I can look at a girl
and you won't get upset?
Why would I?
I saw her.
- She had the yams.
- Yeah, she did.
- She had the cakes.
- Whooo!
I know that steak thick!
I mean I saw that shit from the front,
okay? (Man hums)
Yo, I can take her-
- I would just...
- Okay you know what?
My bad I didn't mean to cut you off.
Yo am I catching a vibe? (Laughs softly)
Do you like girls?
Of course!
Okay yo,
that was a stupid question.
My bad, let me-
be a little bit more direct.
Do you like females?
Like-
"oh, you got a cute shirt.
You know what I'm saying?
Have a nice night."
Or "damn baby you sexy!
Why don't you come
over and spend the night?"
I said "of course!"
Do you need me to spell it out for you?
V?
[V] Hmm?
You good?
(stutters)
I'm good! (Laughs softly)
I'm Gucci!
Seems like It's a lot for you right now.
Nah, I'm fine.
Okay so, you know what I'm saying-
since you like girls (laughs)
And I like girls, you know,
we should just do girls together!
(both laugh)
Yo, that would actually be a lot of fun.
Are you serious?
Deadass!
Like, look.
All right.
You see that girl right there?
- [V] Uh huh.
She look like,
she's an accountant,
- maybe a real estate agent.
- Hmm.
The point is she's calculated.
Everything's gotta add up,
even when it comes down to the bedroom.
So you start off with like,
one piece of clothing at a time,
- just little by little.
- Right.
Until it's down a zero.
Mmm.
That's how you get that one.
Um yeah, so.
That was a cute little assessment there.
I see what you're doing,
but let me put you on game.
Alright.
So see shorty right over here?
She grew up maybe-
two Cheeseburgers over thick.
Right? (Woman laughs)
Which means she got to tease.
So she went to college,
she got her smart,
got funny, got fine,
you know what I'm saying?
She's super duper humble and down to earth.
She ain't got no bags only
and she don't know she's fine.
(woman hums)
That's what I call a "late bloomer."
[Female 1] Yeah. (Man hums)
That's my type.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Why don't you go over there?
That's what-
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
You wanna watch me?
Yeah!
But I don't just watch...
I wanna join in.
Okay, Mr. Macho man.
Okay, so what's the move?
[V] Oh, okay, that one.
So me and my boys
use to play this back in college.
Oh, back in college, go ahead.
I'm saying-
It's called "I don't know you."
Okay.
- So hold on a second.
- Mm-hmm.
You want us to pretend
like we don't know each other,
so we can sleep with this woman?
Exactly.
Okay!
I'm in, this sounds fun.
It's like a little mystery game!
Can my name be Jennifer?
Okay.
So you can be Jenny from the block, right?
Oh yeah, oh my god!
You know what I'm saying?
Just call me Sean.
Yo I always wanted to be her.
We could call this the J-Lo-
(both in unison) and Diddy Bop!
(man exclaims) Oh my, Jinx!
Okay, I'm on the same plane?
Okay, ok.
So what, so what?
- Like I dance with her?
- Mm-hmm.
And then what?
Okay so this is how it's gonna go.
So once you go over and you dancing,
I'm gonna give her some eye contact right?
- Yeah, yeah.
- You know what I'm saying?
She going to look at me
and while she's looking at me,
I'm gonna give her the nod.
Mmm.
And she gives me a nod back.
I'm gonna give you a nod,
and you give her a nod,
and she nods you back.
You nod me and we nod on out.
Okay that's complicated as fuck.
- What?
- No (stammers) nod?
(stammers) Everyone gets a nod?
It was so clear!
What do you think the movies are depicting?
Real life?
Ok, baby no-
No, this is real life baby.
That don't really happen.
But it's okay.
It's okay look at me.
- You gonna trust me.
- Hmm.
All right?
I'm gonna bring this shit back home.
Okay? (Man hums)
Just trust me babe. (Whispers softly)
Oh, don't-
no, not right there!
Wait, okay.
So listen baby,
- let's just go.
- No, no, no!
- Let's just go.
- Stay here!
Stay here, stay here.
I wanna play, I wanna play.
- Okay.
- All right?
Just keep your eyes up.
I got this.
Just watch me!
Impossible,
because I'm watching that ass.
Wooo!
It's about to be a good night!
(low R&B music plays)
Oh, okay!
(low R&B continues)
(whispers) Damn.
[Man 2] What's good, bro?
[V] What's up?
You ain't trying to
dance with Cassandra?
(stammers)
Not right now, all right?
I got a bigger play in action right now.
- Wait.
- Mm-hmm.
What you talking about Willis?
Okay, first of all,
never do that again.
Ah, come on man.
You sound real jealous right now.
No, I sound concerned.
If someone hears you say that
they're gonna kick you out and
there's only five of
us that really in here,
so it's gonna fuck up the ratio.
No, what your boy's talking about is,
I'm about to go super saiyan three.
[Man 2] Super saiyan three?
- [V] Word.
[Man 2] You mean like,
'02 Kobe?
Three P, back to back to back.
You mean like, (V hums)
Triple double?
[V] A trilogy.
You know what I'm saying?
Call me the Matrix. (Man blows air)
Boy is about to be Neo.
Yeah, right man, come on.
I don't believe that.
Well I'mma tell you right now,
if I was a professor,
I'd be teaching trigonometry tonight.
Oh!
You're talking like Steph Curry range.
Ooh! (Hands clap)
- Matter of fact.
- Okay, Okay, Okay.
We gonna see how that goes.
It's gonna go well.
We gonna see.
Handle your business, my nigga.
- Alright.
- Handle your business.
You already know. (Hands clap)
Handle your business.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I gotta hear about this in the morning.
I will have videos, pictures.
(stammers)
(low r&b music continues)
(distant party noises)
Okay, you got this. (Whispers to self)
(body smacks ground)
(muffled r&b continues)
(upbeat hip hop music)
Waking up a freak
That survivor get to sleep
Body healthy, healthy, healthy
But she ain't vegan with this meat
She's so edible
(male r&b vocals)
Good morning, baby.
(woman softly moans)
Last night was wild! (Light chuckles)
The lioness! (Softly moans)
You little tigress! (Both purr)
You're an animal. (Light chuckles)
I'll be right back.
(woman purrs)
(man exhales)
Last night was wild!
You're a lioness!
You're a tigress!
(man purrs)
You guys ready?
Oh, I'm ready.
Yeah?
You ready?
[Woman 2] Sure you can handle this?
Oh I don't know.
Oh, she's just gonna jump right into it.
(man purrs) (women purr)
Oh, you're using your teeth!
(mellow hip hop instrumental)
Damn!
Can't believe I was dreaming,
Baby!
Is that you?
[Female 1] Yeah, baby.
You up?
Yeah, I'm up.
[Female 1] Huh?
I said, I'm up!
I'm up.
You wanna get like some
breakfast or something?
I was thinking like ordering in,
you know what I'm saying?
Maybe we can catch
up on the family matters.
[Female 1] Breakfast?
- [V] Mm-hmm.
I thought you was ready for dessert.
(man exclaims)
Thank you, God!
I knew, I knew I wasn't dreaming.
(exclaims excitement)
God I pray I'll never forget this moment.
Okay, so you got the whipped cream.
You gonna put it on me,
and y'all eat me like a hoagie!
You got cherries?
Don't worry about what I got baby.
[V] Oh!
Oh, okay.
(V moans excitedly)
(mood r&b music)
(woman moans)
[V] Oh, baby don't!
- No!
- What happened?!
I'm raw!
- I'm real raw right now.
- Are you done?
I think I need a break.
I need a break. (Heavy breathing)
Oh God. (Woman scoffs)
What do you mean, man?
What you mean?
I gave you consistent
humping for 35 minutes,
- Okay?
- [Female 1] That's fine.
I need to hydrate.
It just means you gonna
miss out on all of this.
And you don't have to participate.
(stammers) (bottle crinkles)
I'm ready, bring it!
Ooh, girl!
You my favorite color.
[Woman 3] Yeah?
Aqua blue,
- I'm gonna drink you up.
- [Woman 3] Blue.
Oh! (Growls)
(woman hisses) (slurping sounds)
(woman 3 moans)
(both exhale deeply)
Baby,
That was the most passionate, amazing,
weird kama sutra, freaky, nasty,
- smashing I've ever done.
- Right?
I'm gonna be honest with you.
I've changed.
Me too, baby.
Really?
I feel like a whole new person.
Like... Yeah.
- You know what I feel like?
- What do you feel like baby?
Like adding a girl in like,
we should do it all the time.
Oh my God.
Yes, baby.
- Yeah?
- Yes.
Like we can have
different girls all the time.
We can have thick ones,
tall ones, short ones,
ones that know how to cook.
Ones that can like
give us manicures and pedicures.
You know, ones that give massages.
You said cook?
Yeah.
You trying to say I can't cook?
What?
No, no.
You don't like the
way I cook your cereal?
Baby, okay no.
I wasn't talking about
replacing your cooking
as she would just cook for us additionally.
With your cooking... Babe.
I spelled your name with the milk baby.
Yeah, that's the real art.
That takes time.
- It does.
- Mm-hmm.
And you could even tell, it's like-
I can totally always tell,
"Virgil."
Yeah.
I love you.
I put love into that cereal.
I feel it every time I
take a scoop out of it.
I'm just talking about
adding one girl, okay?
Just one girl exclusively to us.
That sounds amazing.
Well, okay-
Wait, I'm sorry, I'm-
One girl?
Yes.
We could be like a trifecta.
A Tri what now?
Trifecta.
That sounds like we're
infected with something.
Like a triad baby. Like a throuple,
Uh huh.
- Like a three-relationship.
- Okay.
There's you, - Me.
There's me, - You.
Then there's her.
And just her?
- Just her.
- All.
We're like committed.
A committed threesome.
Three's company.
Third one's a charm.
Third one's a charm.
Ha, I like what you did that there.
Aren't you just on fire this morning?
I'm saying-
I'm dunno I feel inspired.
It's just like we could cook.
We can clean, we could pay the bills.
Three incomes!
- Huh?
- Three incomes!
Ooh wee we can,
we can get that 85 inch TV
we always talked about,
That's what I'm saying!
Yeah.
And then I could
like look at the TV here.
Yeah, - You can look here.
She could look there.
Everyone's got their own section of the TV.
That's dope!
- That's the dream.
- I'm smart.
You're so smart.
Yeah, so smart.
Okay just, just think on it.
All right, there's no pressure.
I'm definitely thinking.
Think, think three times.
No pressure.
Okay.
I don't feel the pressure,
but I am definitely thinking about it.
Ooh, this is,
there's a lot to think about.
You should "thrink" on it.
A "thrink" on it?
Oh look at you, you're on fire!
- I know!
- You're on fire!
From down field.
[Female 1] I'm gonna take a shower.
Yeah, you go ahead and-(indistinct)
Oh, don't you do it.
Please don't do it.
Why the fuck would I want two girlfriends?
I barely want one!
Now she wants two.
[Woman On TV] Breathe deep.
Inhale in, long exhale out.
- [Woman On TV] And exhale.
- [Man 2] What's popping bro?
Damn bro, no Knock?
Could have hit the doorbell, sent a text.
(laughs) Nah, okay.
What you talking about?
I'm gonna need you
to start knocking brother.
I ain't gonna hold you up.
I got my girl living here now.
She likes to walk around naked.
Oh, that's right.
Um I forgot bro, I keep forgetting.
I'm tripping man.
So y'all official, official then, huh?
Man, official like a referee
with a whistle my guy.
How can I not man?
I think she likes females more than me.
And I thought I was a horn dog, ugh.
Damn like that?
Like that man.
You know what I'm saying?
She even pays for premium porn,
you know what I'm saying like-
And nothing to mention (groans)
She's got like ten fan-only paid.
- Oh no bro.
- [V] Ten!
You gotta be a freak,
you paying for porn?
- [Virgil] Mm-hmm.
- It's free bro.
No, she's a unicorn!
It's amazing!
What's up with the Buddha poses though?
You trying to be a monk or-
Ha nah, man.
Gotta stretch and keep
the limbs loose, man.
You know what I'm saying?
These threesomes, whew!
They take a lot outta you brother.
You know what I'm saying?
The last thing you
want, it's that hamstring
to get tight when you
hitting it from the back.
You know what I'm saying?
You get around that thigh.
Whoo whee!
You are blessed man, you big blessed.
Whoo!
Not to mention, bro,
your boys abs...
Oh hell no, bro!
No-go on the homo bro.
Come on!
- How is that homo?
- That's big homo.
That's ultimately homo!
Okay you know what?
Let me just get this straight.
So it's homo to show my childhood friend,
Someone I know all my life,
the recent gains,
you know what I'm saying?
We hoop without our shirts on
- Right?
- Yeah that's different.
- How?
- That's basketball man!
It's cool, it's cool.
You know what I'm saying?
Maybe it's you who's got the problem.
But anyways,
guess what Cassandra said to me today?
What'd she say?
Bruh she was like-
oh snap, wait a minute.
Hold that thought.
Summer is in town?
Wait wait, wait, Summer?
- Yeah.
- The Summer
you was trying to smash
that introduced you to Cassandra.
Then you started dating Cassandra
while still trying to smash Summer, Summer?
Bruh!
Why you trying to make
me sound like the bad guy?
I'm just checking to make sure
it's the same Summer.
'Cause last time I heard,
you two wasn't talking.
We're not.
It look like you're
talking to her right now.
Okay man look, she just text me okay?
Bruh you don't understand
the type of pressure
I'm under right now okay?
Because Cassandra,
she is moving way too fast
and coming on way too strong, okay?
She just took a player
from being a single player
to a committed player.
Now she wants me to be committed
to two women at the same time, man?
Like I can't just do that, bro.
Bro, bro, bro!
Relax, relax bro! (Indistinct rambling)
Bro! Chill!
So many cheeks in the air!
[Man 2] What's up bro?!
[Virgil] You don't get it man.
It's like a ton of performance anxiety,
you know what I'm saying?
It's hard enough to
stay hard for one woman.
You know what I'm saying?
Now you got two women
and you know what I'm saying?
You gotta make sure
you please them equally because if you
do one more than the other one,
one is gonna have a problem.
And you don't want that while you're naked!
You sound like a bitch right now.
Are you good?
Like come on bro!
Like just handle the shit!
Okay, okay.
You know what I'm saying?
- I'll handle this shit.
- [Man 2] Damn!
You know what I'm saying?
But I'm gonna tell you right now.
Next time you call me a bitch,
I'm gonna slap that perm up out your hair.
(man laughs) One hundred percent!
I mean I'd like to see you try.
But that's beyond the point.
That's totally gay.
You trying to hit this?
(tray hits table)
If you're asking
if I'm gonna partake, for shizzle!
- Two woman problems?
- Bruh.
- Who would've thought, right?
- That's wild.
(indistinct)
You know who you should talk to?
Who?
(tray clatters)
It just hit me.
[Man 3] Baby, after I rub you down
you gonna to do something
with these cuticles?
[Brunette] Mm.
Your hands are dry,
so... [Man 3] It look Like
I've been picking sea moss.
[Woman 4] It Looks like
you've been in the trenches.
[Man 3] Bitch did I tell you-
Did I tell her she could
talk? (Brunette shushes)
(whispers) Sorry.
It's always these new bitches.
Your job is to feed me Vitamin C.
Nope that's vitamin T,
'cause it's tangerines.
Now you gonna give it to me (hand hits lap)
With raw Covid tips. (Woman grunts)
Sorry. (Phone rings)
Here you have a call.
Pimp shit talk to me.
Yo!
I'm trying to pull up on you man.
I need to talk to you.
Shit come through, time is money.
I'll make you a million.
Huh?
Look man, I'm low on funds right now,
but if I give you a cashier's check,
can you like not cash it.
No nigga, I got bitches
just come through.
[Virgil] Bitches?
- Yes.
- [V] I just want to talk.
[Man 3] Nigga if you don't get here-
All right, cool.
Yeah I'm on my way. (Hip hop beat)
Well, gonna go see a
doctor. (Hip hop music)
Yeah why you sat up on my body
Know I'm smelling good
Two racks where
everybody nigga throwing mud
(music volume on phone)
[Woman 5] Oh my goodness!
Those kittens are adorable! (Smooch sound)
(door creaks)
Excuse me (mumbles)
- You know what I'm saying?
- Hold up!
Okay.
So you want to touch the merchandise here?
I saw you checking me out.
But you ain't gotta be
all aggressive, baby.
You know what I'm saying?
Just take your hand off me, okay?
Oh oh God!
Where the hell you think you going nigga?
Shit, probably to a hospital.
Why you so strong?
You think my grip's strong now
wait till I rip your dick off
with my bare hands!
Dick off, what?
What hell are you-
Why would you go straight
to ripping dicks off okay?
And second of all,
you need to let go of this Zara okay.
This is top shelf.
This ain't the cheap shit.
With your fine ass!
You better calm down
before I deflate your chest. (Exclaims)
You 'roid up ass ostrich!
With your fine ass...
You see the drip.
But you need to get the fuck off
because I will hit women
okay? (Struggle grunts)
Okay, okay.
Where you going, huh? (Virgil panting)
Where you going?
I'm going to prison
because I'm putting a hit on your head.
I'm calling all the gangsters,
the Bloods, the Crips,
the rainbow niggas, all of them.
(Virgil panting) (phone rings)
Hello?
Oh, for real?
I'm sorry Daddy.
Okay.
Get your little soft ass inside nigga.
That's what I thought,
you know what I'm saying. (Woman nods)
Lucky I let it go,
'cause I'm about to fuck you up.
Fuck around and get smoked.
Go on!
You wanna come with me though?
I might need some
protection. (Woman scoffs)
You know what I mean?
With your fine ass.
It's all good! (Laughs)
I'm gonna get you, you
know what I'm saying?
I ain't hurt, I'm good. (Door opens)
So you better recognize this heat.
Oh my God!
Oh!
(Virgil grunts)
[Woman 4] Can I take your coat?
Oh yes, you can take whatever you want.
You can have this,
you can have whatever. (Stammers)
You want something else?
You want-
Oh God,
my heart, my life, my bank account?
Oh!
Oh it's like that up
in here? (Cup clatters)
Oh!
Oh this must be Heaven.
This gotta be Heaven 'cause oh my God,
that is an angel.
Whew.
I knew angels have fat asses.
It just made more sense.
Hi, so I'm gonna follow you?
So you know where Jamel is?
(glass on table)
[Jamel] Baby is that a hypo-
What is it?
[Woman 4] Hypoallergenic.
[Jamel] Is it that?
[Brunette] Of course.
Okay.
(woman kisses Jamel)
[Woman 4] Your little friend is here.
[Jamel] Is he?
Okay.
[Virgil] What's up, Jamel?
- I see you!
- [Jamel] What's up?
Have a seat, brother.
[Virgil] Thank you, thank you.
Loving the hospitality.
Um, question.
You know what I'm saying?
When did you start living like this?
I've been living like this, brother.
This is just how I live, you know?
[Virgil] Yeah.
[Jamel] Cooler than
the polar bears toenails.
You need to replace
that old gangster ass chick
you got at your front door, bro.
You know what I'm
saying? (Woman's footsteps)
She wouldn't-
[Jamel] You talking about my sister?
She's your sister?
Well, not by blood, but-
You got an aggressive ass sister
that needs to chill.
Second of all,
I need your advice with
this problem I'm having.
Bro I ain't got no money.
I'm gonna tell you that
right now, I'm broke.
You know what I'm saying?
I can't pay my bills.
I can't do nothing, no money!
There's nothing-
What's this?
[Woman 6] What do you mean what is it?
What do you-
I mean I can take it back.
Sit over there!
All these goddamn
Jacksons, (bills shuffling)
We don't even fuck with Jacksons like that.
They faces is too greasy.
[Virgil] No money?
No, I ain't got nothing.
D, so what's up?
I'm here
for some relationship advice.
- [Jamel] Continue.
Anyways, listen.
So I'm seeing this woman,
and bro, she's amazing.
You know what I'm saying?
Funny, witty, cool, sexy
checks all the boxes.
You know what I'm saying?
Not to mention
her sex drive is through
the roof, you know,
and she's into women.
Even gave me my first threesome.
Okay, you still ain't said nothing
that was a problem to me.
That don't sound like a problem.
Girls that a problem?
(women in unison) No.
So what's up, man?
The problem is bro,
she wants to have another girlfriend
and lock us in into a trifecta.
(Jamel hums)
Okay can I be candid with you?
[Virgil] Absolutely.
You ain't ready for this life, brother.
- It ain't for you.
- [Virgil] What?
[Jamel] Just keep your girl, move on.
What exactly does that even mean?
Well it means you see these,
you see these bitches?
Yeah I see them.
I don't care about these hoes,
but I love them.
You know understand me?
I think so?
The thing is
when you gotta break a bitch down,
you gotta get in they mind.
You know what I'm what I'm saying.
If I touch her neck right here,
she'll just drop, bust.
Just all over the place.
They gonna be cleaning up all day
you understand what I'm saying?
- Yeah.
- That's mental shit.
See, you ain't built for that.
You know what I'm saying?
You are a nice nigga.
Be nice and just be with your girl.
Listen, the thing is bro,
I don't know if I'm ready
for the whole trifecta,
triple relationship thing, all right?
But I don't want to stop having threesomes.
So I don't know exactly
how to say that to her.
If you really want my advice-
Well I can't tell you what I would do
because I'll be like, "Bitch,
you doing what the fuck I'm-
What, Huh?"
And you snatch 'em up.
You see all y'all jumped.
Everybody got quiet and they stopped?
You know what I'm saying?
I apologize ladies, just do your thing.
All right?
Listen just be yourself, brother.
Keep on doing what you're doing.
You riding a nice wave right now.
All these simp niggas out here,
you living a life that
they wanna live, huh?
You Rick James.
Without the guitar,
I'm gonna get you a
bass guitar for Christmas.
Just do that and ride your wave, right?
Yeah. (Phone buzzing)
Thanks man, I'll think about that.
(indistinct)
Oh shit!
What's good fam?
The homie Summer is hitting me up
and telling me "where you at?"
So you know what that means.
So you just going to just not listen to
what a pimp just told you?
I mean no,
I said I'll think about it
and I'm thinking about it.
Okay.
So you-
alright.
Okay.
I guess so.
You know what I say, right?
You can lead a hoe to water,
but you can't make her think right?
(exhales)
Wow, okay.
So you know what?
I'm gonna get outta here
so I don't want to leave her waiting.
Yeah my hands are really dirty, D.
Could you give this
nigga a handshake for me?
Oh, that's cool bro.
You know what I'm saying?
[Jamel] Yeah, take the handshake, man.
- Take the love.
- Okay. (Hands clap)
- What's up, Oh!
- Now bring him in.
Bring him in. (Virgil groans)
- [Jamel] Yeah.
- Okay. (Groans)
[Jamel] Punch his back a little, yeah!
(Virgil groans)
- You feel that, that love?
That's good love right there.
Punch his back a little harder next time.
- Punch him in the chest too.
- No, don't,
you don't gotta punch me in the chest.
It's all good.
Thank you for the love,
I appreciate the advice,
the love, the hospitality.
Can I please have my jacket?
Oh, the jacket is ours now.
What?
Because you called my sister a bitch.
Go on nigga.
(exhales) It's fine.
It was a knockoff anyway.
[Jamel] Hmm.
You got one more time. (Woman laughs)
(hip hop music)
- [Female 1] What the fuck?!
- [Virgil] The fuck?!
(hip hop vocals)
(indistinct)
[Man 4] Yeah with
the tongue flopping out?
Yes!
[Cassandra] Get the hell outta here!
Where's he getting his shoes from?
- I do not know.
- No he's just not getting
- Shoes.
- Exactly.
That's the problem.
So I knew he was not
the one. (Cassandra hums)
So Summer?
What about her?
- Come on don't be cute.
- Hmm.
Are you guys talking or what?
I mean yeah, we talk.
I mean, so we've always been friends.
But it did get kind of quiet
when she introduced me to Virgil obviously.
So you have a crush on her though, right?
Get the fuck outta here, no!
- [Man 4] Come on.
- What?
She's beautiful.
Yes she's beautiful.
Now would I do it?
That's a whole other question.
You didn't ask that.
Well, she is coming.
- What?
- [Summer] Wassup bitches!
Yes, bitch you made it. (Giggling)
Summer, you look good.
Thank you!
You look good too.
[Man 4] Um Gay!
Excuse me.
We need get some drinks.
- [Cassandra] Okay.
(indistinct chatter)
[Man 4] Summer, what you drinking?
[Summer] Everything!
- [Man 4] Okay.
(group laughs) (somber music)
So we've been cool ever since.
And then we've been open ever since.
Girl, I respect you and all,
but I am way too possessive for that shit.
No ma'am!
I don't know, I like it.
I think it's fun.
And it kind of got me thinking
about taking it further.
Further like how?
Like the whole throuple thing.
I think I'm poly-
- [Summer] Amorous?
- [Cassandra] Yeah.
Wait, poly who?
I think I know that bitch. (Summer laughs)
Come on now.
Stop it, polyamory okay?
It's when you love more than one person.
Not like polygamy which is where
one person has like multiple lovers.
[Cassandra] Yeah.
Wait y'all got me fucked up today.
This is a real thing?
It's more than just a thing.
It's a whole community. (Cassandra hums)
Damn you know a lot.
I mean the whole thing
kind of intrigues me you know?
So if you're taking applications,
- let me know where to sign up.
- [Man 4] Oh!
This bitch! (Giggles)
Oh, you sure you wanna go that far?
You could lose a lot of F's.
What?
Friends, followers, family?
Come on, don't act brand new.
I don't give a shit about that.
I'm here to live my best life okay?
My best life. (Summer mumbles)
You know what I'm saying?
My best life. (Man stammers)
I'm trying to live my best life too girl!
Don't-
I invited you guys over here.
Shut up!
We in our little moment. (Hip hop music)
Squeeze my Glock wait
Twenty right there on my watch
Bitch I get that shit clock wait
This a impeccable spot
Shorty she finding
I might just turn
that bitch into a genie
Yeah back in the booth
I just got back in my mood
Bitches say I'm acting Hollywood
Prolly because I'm out in Hollywood.
Before she wouldn't even lemme fuck
But nowadays I bet I probably could
She keep asking if I got a wood
(song fades out) (girls shrieking laughs)
[Cassandra] I can't breath, oh my god!
[Man 4] Stop, stop!
- Ya'll too much.
- [Cassandra] No you stop!
- You're too much.
- I gotta pee!
- Wait, I'm gonna join you.
- [Man 4] Oh my god.
Come, come, come.
Can I come too girls? (Both women) No!
Oh my God!
See I'm already feeling left out.
(hand slaps cheeks)
[Cassandra] Wow!
Someone's getting touchy.
I mean, do you not want me to touch you?
I just think you wouldn't wanna touch me.
Oh I will do
a whole lot more than just touch you.
I like the sound of that. (Summer laughs)
You trying to audition to be our unicorn?
Are you trying to get outta here?
- Right now?
- Right now.
Right now right now?
(knocking on door)
[Man 4] Ya'll hoes need
to get out my bathroom!
I need to pee!
I'm about to pee all over this situation!
Oh my God. (Sighs)
(door opens)
Okay I don't like the way you're knocking.
[Man 4] Well this is my house girl!
[Summer] Yeah we're gonna get out here.
- Okay, okay.
- [Cassandra] Yeah, love you.
[Man 4] I see y'all.
Okay, okay, okay! (Relaxing r&b trumpet)
(girls laughing)
(low flirty chatter)
[Summer] Okay, let's go!
You live here?
Oh god no!
They're so pretty.
We gotta keep having fun!
- [Cassandra] Keep having fun?
- [Summer] Yeah.
At a party?
- [Summer] Uh-huh.
- Okay.
(girls laughing)
I'm really glad we got to hang out.
- Yeah, you and me both.
- [Summer] Mm-hmm.
Yeah?
It's like perfect timing, right?
Like the universe is just
so working in our favor.
Speaking of,
about that whole poly thing.
Polly, Polly.
What about Polly thing, oh.
Yeah so like how poly are you?
What do you mean?
I mean like,
are you just looking for a unicorn,
or are you open to
more than just two people?
More than a unicorn, okay!
That's like what is-
where are we?
Can you handle that? (Summer laughs)
Oh my God!
No but seriously?
Where are we?
What kind of party did you take me to, huh?
(laughing and gasps)
I mean no, but seriously?
- Oh, it's a real question?
- Yeah.
Oh, I don't know.
I mean let's just say-
[Man 5] Hey, hey you remember me?
You was at the party last week, right?
I was the DJ.
Had the Polaroid on, I was fly as shit.
Right.
[Man 5] I know you remember me?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Man 5] What can I get y'all to drink?
[Cassandra] Oh perfect, cranberry vodka.
Cranberry vodka, all right, you?
Okay, Moscow Mule.
All right I got it, don't worry.
Excuse me, don't touch my ass now.
Damn girl!
You drinking drinking?
I mean shit he's paying!
You right, never
say no to a drink, right?
Loser! (Women laugh)
Yeah lemme get that.
You see what I got going on right here?
You know him?
No I don't really like
"know him, know him."
I don't know him.
I don't know him.
Should we be getting these drinks?
Yeah don't-
Thank you my brother,
Thank you bro.
All right.
[Cassandra] Thank you so much.
[Man 5] All right Selena
Gomez, Hillary Bass.
What we doing tonight?
Oh no, no, no.
Don't do that!
Okay um-
It was cool when you got the drinks,
but you didn't ask us to interview us,
so - [Summer] Yeah.
(whispers) Bye.
[Man 5] I thought we'd go together.
Bye!
[Summer] Freaky
Nicky on outta here, right?
(Summer laughs)
[Man 5] Cool.
[Cassandra] It's fine, thank you.
(man mumbles)
The hell I'm saying... He said yes to that!
To drinks!
Are we saying yes to anything else?
Oh, I sure hope so!
- [Cassandra] Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
Oh wait sorry, one second.
Mm. (Summer laughs)
Well what else needs to happen?
For some more stuff to happen.
Oh, okay.
- [Cassandra] What the fuck?!
- [Virgil] What the fuck?!
(summer laughs)
[Summer] Look at us!
We're a trifecta!
[Virgil] Yeah I know, right?
[Cassandra] What? (Group shrieks)
[Summer] What happened?
[Cassandra] Where did they go?
[Virgil] Huh, oh over there?
[Summer] Huh?
- [Cassandra] No.
[Virgil] They said... [Cassandra] Hello.
Okay you guys are being so-
Anyway Cass babe,
what can I get you to drink
[Cassandra] Babe?
- [Virgil] Babe?
Yeah.
Cass knows she's my baby.
And you love what can I get you?
- [Virgil] Love.
- [Summer] Mm-hmm.
All right, well you guys are being crazy.
So I'm just going to go get you a drink
and get you one too,
and I will be right back, okay?
Okay.
[Cassandra] Hey, -
[Virgil] Don't be long.
- Like be back soon.
- You could have just,
kissed me right?
And you didn't kiss me at all.
[Cassandra] Fuck was that?
What you mean what the fuck was that?
What the fuck are you-
What the fuckity fuck fuck?
What, you trying to fuck?
Oh, okay so you trying to fuck,
that's where your head is at huh?
Oh so you trying to throw it back at me?
Yo what the hell you doing here?
What are you doing here?
Stop asking me
the same question I just asked you.
Lower your fucking voice.
We're in a club,
we can be as loud as we want!
No, people are looking.
People are looking.
Fuck y'all!
Pay attention to your-
- Hey, Miss.
- Don't.
You see what I'm saying?
I didn't know our
neighbor was here, okay.
What are you doing here?
I should have asked you first,
What am I doing here?
I had to do a thing.
What? Thing?
Yes this thing with my home girl duh,
Summer?
- Who's a girl?
- Homegirl?
[Cassandra] Who's my friend?
Two girls who are friends?
- Just friends.
- Mm-hmm.
What are you doing here Mr-
Oh, I smell at Armani coat!
Wow!
I know when you bring the Armani coat out.
I know what the fuck is up.
What the fuck, No.
None of that.
Listen, first of all,
I didn't have time to take
a shower this morning.
So the Armani's covering up the muff.
So you should be thanking me
for saving your nose.
And second of all,
I was out with Jamele and you know,
at his house
and there was no females there at all.
Like he wanted to get some food.
And I was like (blows air)
let's go eat.
And then we were on a walk
and I saw you through the window
and I'm like that can't be my girl
because she's supposed to be on the
other side of town.
Not looking like a whole full-cooked meal.
You know what I'm saying?
With all them yams,
hanging off this table.
But to my surprise,
she was out here baking in the summer sky.
With the miss Summer. (Cassandra groans)
So um, what's up with that? (Whispers)
What's up with what?
- Did you see that?
- I totally saw that!
Oh my god, that was so huge!
She like kissed all up on my neck and
I was like (moans) (Virgil mumbles)
Girl you're about to make me pull it out!
Like there was a moment
where I thought I peed myself,
but it was just me like dripping.
I'm wet.
Oh damn!
It was like that?
You did a little squirt squirt?
No not a squirt.
It would've been a whole puddle!
(Cassandra laughs)
I know right?
"Clean up in aisle three!"
We're outta here, god this one.
Oh my God (laughs)
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
[Cassandra] Yes!
- Okay.
- [Cassandra] Yes!
Okay.
I think she's thinking what we thinking,
which means we're all
thinking the same thing.
Mm-hmm
So we are on the same page.
- [Cassandra] Yes.
Okay cool.
So I'm going to make a little move,
see if she's catching my vibe,
- Which she is.
- She totally is.
You know what I'm saying?
And then I let her know
you ready to go back home?
- Yes.
- Mm-hmm.
Look at you taking charge.
I love the way you do that shit!
All ready baby!
I know my baby nice, I like her happy.
You like to make me happy?
I love that.
We can just go home right now because
I wanna be happy right now!
Mr Bob about to see a shark!
(flirty laughing)
Okay, okay chill!
(both) Hey!
So guys,
I want you to meet my boo, Pastor Green.
He's gonna be joining
us for dinner tonight.
God is so good, yes he is.
Nice to meet you, sister.
(exhales)
Yo I can't believe her, yo!
- The nerve, huh?!
- Exactly.
This chick had the
audacity to get us, offer us.
She didn't get to getting it,
offer us,
- (whispers) Oh my God.
- A goddamn drink.
And she comes back with a boo?
- With a boo.
- [Virgil] What the fuck!
Like "oh babe,
I'm gonna get you a drink, my love."
Mm-hmm.
What is all this bullshit?
I don't wanna meet your boo.
Nobody wants to meet that old man.
- Twist that.
- [Virgil] There you go baby.
You know what?
I feel like telling her?
[Virgil] What do you
feel like telling her?
I feel like being like this.
What? (Lighter ignites)
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Absolutely.
Like I know I'm nasty baby,
but I'm not going to hell for no pussy.
[Woman 7] So that club music was lit.
So what you two trying to do?
Oh, I like her! (Laughs)
Yeah, she's a keeper.
You just get straight
to the point, don't you?
(erotic moaning)
Oh my gosh.
Hold on I need a better view.
- Oh my God.
- [Virgil] Amazing.
So I was thinking
we can start off with
the Cambodian push
pop? (Cassandra blows air)
Exactly.
That sounds fun, I like it.
It's very fun, it's delectable.
It's more than fun.
And there's more honey, okay?
After that
we're gonna do the Russian wallflower,
- you feel me?
- [V] That's right.
Not so fast!
[Cassandra] Okay.
- I couldn't help it.
- I know.
Just got your hands
all over-(flirty mumbling)
I'm down.
I'm just trying to figure out
which one of y'all want to go first.
(both) Me, me.
[Virgil] No, no Baby
You always get to go first.
Fine go, go! (Flirty laughs)
Ooh yes!
Yes.
(chill r&b music)
(bowl clatters)
(door knocks)
Hey man,
why you being like you the goddamn FBI?
[Bobby] What took you
so long to answer the door?
What You got something to hide?
Nah man,
I had a wild night last night.
And why do you have
your chains on at nine in the morning?
What type of night did you have?
Honestly bro, my bad.
But I do got a little something crazy
going on in the back right now.
Oh, okay.
You gotta-(stammers)
Oh I'm intruding?
One, two, three.
Pancakes? (V humming)
Okay. (V laughing)
So I already know what's up.
I already know what went down.
Okay I see you. (Laughs)
Down last night, bro!
Oh my god, she was so bad bro!
I'm talking bro ass like "Bow!"
You know what I'm saying?
The one that go up a little bit.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't wanna hear
about your girlfriend, bro.
(both talking over)
No I'm not talking about Cass.
I'm talking about
the one we brought back with Cass.
Oh, oh continue. (Laughs)
- Do tell.
- Yes, yes!
Yeah bro, she was oh-
She was all over your boy bro.
It felt like I was in a swimming pole
and I dived in!
Oh Did you?
Okay, okay.
So you gave her the whole back shot.
Danger situation?
(Virgil makes silly noises)
So your leg was up and hers?
Both legs up.
Spider monkey?
Spider Monkey?
Yup.
Because that's from Bang Bros.
Whoo!
Exactly volume 4, 2014.
And that's too much information, anyways.
Yeah bro I did that move
and then on top of that she had your boy in
corner right at one point?
And I was like, oh (mimics sex noises)
Both legs up bro.
- That's crazy.
- Both legs.
I'm gonna call down on the reindeer.
'Cause I was on the sleigh my nigga.
And it was Christmas!
Climbing her. (Laughs)
Hey I be doing that same thing
with me and my lady,
you know what I mean?
I wish she would give
me a threesome though.
(laughs)
Not her though.
Not her.
I'm not mad, you know what I'm saying?
The thing is about like,
I don't know, should I bring,
like I want to do it with her
and 'cause she said okay,
just all you gotta do is bring in somebody.
But I'm like,
yeah, but I don't want to like,
do I bring in somebody less attractive
or do I bring in somebody?
Like how do I do it?
How do I gauge this?
It's gotta be on her scale.
It's on her scale.
You know what I'm saying?
If she's fucking with shorty,
you know what I'm saying?
That's okay.
You know what I'm saying?
You just gotta kind of gauge
if she's okay for you.
You know what I'm saying?
You don't want no master splinters
coming back to the bedroom,
because then you got an infection.
- You know what I'm saying?
- That's deep.
You don't want that problem.
So what you want,
you got set a standard,
make sure she knows that standard
and then you just finesse it.
You know, let her get
comfortable with the girl.
Let her get comfortable
with you seeing her with the girl.
Got it, got it.
Know what I'm saying?
And then next thing you know,
y'all got all types of legs (mumbles)
(hands smack)
- Okay I respect it.
- Exactly.
See what I'm saying.
I respect it.
[Cassandra] You feel me?
(laughs)
- Top of the morning to you!
- [Virgil] Yeah.
Oh Bobby you didn't tell me
we have more company.
Are we, are we?
You gonna join it on the front?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
(Cassandra claps hands)
- More vitamin D!
- More vitamin D?
No, it is not gonna-
- triple hell no!
- Come on.
- Okay?
- You wanna gimme something.
[Bobby] So quick question.
Quick question.
- This one here?
- Uh-huh.
So y'all did all that
kind of freaky stuff, huh?
Y'all went in?
This unicorn here?
This is the one
I did the spider monkey.
Spider monkey?
This the one you spider and monkey.
(both men humming)
Cassandra will come back in,
'cause we had to take breaks.
She's got stamina!
- Stamina!
- [Bobby] Which one?
- Which one?
- [Cassandra] Her.
The unicorn,
- The unicorn.
- She can't stop!
That's what's up.
No I wasn't, I was tired.
I wasn't really... No you weren't.
- Nah girl.
- I was not.
It was like a red bull yo!
You had wings. (Group chatter)
[Bobby] That's crazy to me
because that's my whole girlfriend.
Who?
Huh?
Huh? Who, her?
Don't, don't turn, you!
- What?
- [Bobby] Ashley!
Ashley,
Ashley?
- Hey baby.
- Who?
- I was confused.
- It's not me baby.
I was scared.
The girl we talking about.
- I communicate.
- My bad.
[Bobby] Yeah, go ahead.
[Ashley] Yeah baby, baby.
Listen, it was just a tester to make sure.
'Cause remember when we talked about that?
[Bobby] So basically-
And I figured like
we could talk about it-
How could you?!
Baby, I would never cheat on you!
Like I would never cheat on you!
I just wanted to make sure.
[Bobby] You think this
is about the cheating?
(couple begins arguing)
[Bobby] You're a whore Virgil!
You're a whore and a
half! (Ashley yells in back)
How would you feel?
How would you feel?
Huh?
Whore, whore!
[Virgil] Okay.
You know what I'm saying?
Fix that!
(door closes)
- Holy Shiznit!
- Whoo!
You know what,
we still gonna have a good day,
we'll have a good day.
We're still gonna have a good day.
Yes.
- There's pancakes!
- Can we have some?
Yes, there's plenty now!
(relaxing hip hop music)
You ready?
I'm talking about
playing with this ball.
Oh you wanna play with some balls?
You wanna play with these balls?
(Cassandra kiss noises)
Just open them all up for me.
You better watch it out baby.
- What's up?
- Watch out!
That hurt papi huh?
(couple rambles)
Don't be backing it up,
don't be doing that.
I'm about to do that
move that you like baby.
I'm about to do that move.
(Virgil hits ball)
Give me that!
Oh wow baby, wow.
(Cassandra taunts)
You know what I'm saying?
Don't be mad 'cause
your man's a competitor.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't give a damn if you're fine or not,
you Man's gonna get that W
- you know what I mean?
- Right, yeah.
Well all you do was fucking dunk
and take it to the hole anyway.
You ain't never had a problem with me
dunking and taking it to the hole before.
Well you still can't shoot.
You got a broke ass jumper.
What did you say about my jumper punk?
I said you have a broke ass jumper punk.
Your shot is awkward as hell.
It's like Sean Marion
and Kendrick Perkins shooting.
Just all like what the hell.
Well since you so
confident, let's make a bet.
What you wanna lose?
All right, so if I make this three,
I get peg you.
So bend over daddy.
(Virgil disagrees)
No.
Fine, okay, fine.
If I shoot this three, I get a hall pass.
You know whatever you going lose anyway.
So yeah.
Get your stanky hall pass.
But what do I get once I win?
'Hmm?
You name it.
If you pass.
Oh, okay.
Wow.
I mean whatever,
just hurry up and miss.
Hurry up and miss.
I mean are we doing,
- you know best outta three?
- No.
No, not best outta three, Okay.
(Cassandra exclaims)
- What the fuck man!
- Make some calls baby.
I'm gonna make some calls.
Bullshit! (Slaps remote)
That ball was flat and you know it!
Why'd you change your shirt?
It was hot.
Are you ready?
Whoa whoa, what the hell is that?!
Why would you pull that out?
Chill out baby.
You do not be breaking out
no plastic penises around me!
It's not a plastic penis.
It's silicone.
Don't you put that
goddamn thing in my face.
Get it away from me!
(Virgil protests)
Don't touch me!
Get it away from me!
You made a bet!
No I said "hall pass."
No, no, no, no, no!
It's silicone - I said a hall-
Which means it's easier to take.
I said hall pass.
You get a hall pass!
And I'm gonna lube it up real good.
- I swear to god!
- No?
I'll hit you like a grown man.
Fine a hall pass.
One rule.
It can't be anybody we know.
No friends, no family members,
no coworkers, no people we see at the park.
No people that we may even sit next to
in the movie theater.
Get that thing away from me okay!
Matter of fact,
they can't even be from goddamn California.
[Doug] I'm gonna get some booty,
from a girl and her name ain't Judy.
Oh yeah!
Do I need condoms?
Nah I don't need them.
I'm gonna free ball! (Laughs)
She finna have my kids!
Yeah, okay.
All right, just like we practiced.
(door opens)
Hey!
Oh.
Can I help you?
What's up?
Cassandra right?
Yeah.
It's me Doug?
Yeah.
I got you something.
Whose birthday is it?
Say what?
No, nobody's birthday.
It ain't your birthday?
You sure we matched?
I actually thought it said thank you.
I got it at the ninety-nine cent store.
It's the last one they had left.
I'm already messing up, damn it.
(sniffs loudly)
Damn girl it smell
good as hell up in there!
What you cooking?
You coming?
(sips loudly)
Ooh, girl.
How long you had this wine?
So Doug, is it?
Yeah.
Great.
Just can't wait to get to know you.
What you mean?
You already know me. (Both laugh)
Yeah but you don't look shit
like your profile picture.
All right,
you ruining a beautiful night for me.
[Doug] All right I get it.
You know my pics
may have been a little bit deceiving,
but you know... You think?
I'm still Doug.
I'm still the same dude
that was saying "hello beautiful."
"Good morning beautiful."
The one who was giving you the emojis,
the heart eyes,
with a splashy splash eggplant?
(both laugh)
Yeah.
Except I was imagining
all those emojis coming from a dude
with hair on his head.
God.
Wasting the hall pass.
This is stupid.
Hey, look.
I'm sorry.
Whatever.
Ever since the accident-
The accident?
I-
Oh God.
I lost my hair.
Oh, oh, okay.
You need a hug, okay.
I was born in this world bald,
and I'm leaving bald.
Oh my God.
We're crying.
Michael Jordan.
Oh my god watch my arm.
(sniffling noises)
Okay it's okay.
Breathe, relax.
I'm okay.
Bald is sexy, okay.
It's sexy.
You know, at least you
have all this right here.
You know that's something, huh?
You capping?
No, no.
This is something.
It's there you can feel it.
Look, you have some hair, right?
Yeah, you could, you
could pull it off here.
You look like Floyd Mayweather.
Jab jab.
Run outta there, shoulder lean, come back.
Run away.
Come back, okay.
Right.
You really mastered his technique.
Yeah I've been like,
you know, practicing.
But listen,
I'm sorry for cat fishing you Cassandra.
Like I just ain't been intimate
with nobody in a long time.
Describe long time?
Not that it's important.
- Hey it's fine you know?
- Never.
Huh?
Zero, donut. (Exhales)
Never been?
- Gutter ball.
- Gutter, okay.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom
just really fast.
It won't take long at all.
I'm gonna get it together.
I'm gonna be all right.
I'm good.
I'm just gonna blink real fast.
Just a quick little tinkle.
Hurry up, beautiful.
Damn.
Oh my God.
Pick up, pick up. (Phone buzzing)
What's up girl?
Bitch I need you!
What you need?
I'm on my way.
You want me to grab the gun?
What? No, I mean, I appreciate it though.
That's why you my best friend.
Well I mean, you tell me, girl.
Okay but seriously,
Virgil gave me a hall pass tonight,
but this nigga's cat fishing me.
All right?
He used some old picture
and now I'm stuck here with him.
Get out girl!
Kick rocks.
I tried to but then he started
like getting all sweet and crying.
He gave me a balloon.
I think he's been in an accident.
I don't know.
I don't have it in me.
And if I don't use this hall pass,
I don't know I'll get another chance.
Well then what's wrong with him?
He bald as fuck!
No!
Well girl, that's said.
Bald niggas eat pussy better than anybody.
They gotta make up for no hairline.
You better let him give
you that oral fixation.
How you know?
Science.
Listen to me.
All right well,
his hairline goes all the way
to the back of his neck.
So he better have like five orgasms ready.
All right girl.
You let that bald man eat that pussy.
I'm gonna give it a try.
(exhales)
Oh shit!
Bitch, not right now. (Toilet lid opens)
We got one night bitch.
One night.
You know what, I ain't stupid.
I've been here on this merry go round-
Stop, where, where you going?
Come on Cass man.
I know you don't like me, okay?
I get it.
You're not attracted to me.
I'm bald, balding,
Spaulding ball, basketball.
Dribble it up and down.
I get it.
You know what?
I'm gonna do us both a favor
and I'm just gonna get up outta here
and wipe this egg off my face in private.
Okay? (Cassandra shushes)
Okay.
I got somewhere I can dribble that ball.
All right?
Double dribble?
Double dribble.
I travel a lot.
I might even triple dribble (laughs)
[Virgil] Ooh see!
AK don't make you better buddy.
You done wasted all them thousands
to just lose in high definition.
'Cause your ass still suck!
So I'm gonna need you
to Cashapp me that $12,
And you gotta say it
loud for everyone to hear.
What's that?
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah you suck dick
and your mama like it too.
All right yo.
Yo what you say?
Bro I told you that in confidence, man.
See that's a bust a move right there.
Man delete me from your gamer tag.
Sucker.
It's quiet now.
That's good,
'cause all that crying
that baldheaded dude was doing
was making me nervous.
Like I felt like
he might like cut himself or something.
And I just cannot handle
another suicide attempt.
Like I just cannot man.
It's only fucking November.
Yeah oh shit girl.
- You strong as hell!
- [Cassandra] Yeah.
With your bony ass arms okay.
You ready to dribble this up and down?
Yeah I'm gonna dribble all around.
(both moaning and laughing)
I'm gonna do more than just dribble this.
[Doug] Oh yeah?
I'm gonna smack it up.
Flip it up and throw it back in the basket!
(door closes)
The hell was that girl?
Was that your booty clapping?
Because it was loud!
Ah the clap on okay.
You feel me?
(hip hop music)
(car honks)
[Virgil] Lucky!
[Man 2] What are we doing here?
I told you bro,
picking up some weed from my weed man.
This is where my guy, Lucky stays.
He sells weed out of the house?
Yeah.
Nah, bro (laughs) Seriously,
What are we doing at a house?
Buying marijuana.
Like what's so funny?
Nigga when did people go back
to selling weed in the house?
When did people stop
selling weed in the house?
Bro I go to the shop okay?
I have a personal concierge service
where I sit down with my weed man
and he actually gives
me the drugs, legally.
Your point?
We shouldn't be sitting outside the house
for some Bud bro.
Bro, that sounds extremely bougie.
All right, it is.
- But my chick from Calabasas?
- Mm-hmm.
The Cougar?
The one with the big titties,
big titty cougar.
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
She put me onto it
and I've been doing it ever since.
They do Manis, Pedis
and they give you the bud.
- Manis, pedis and bud?
- Yeah.
Yep.
That is definitely some white people shit.
Yeah it's nice.
Yeah, F that, man.
You know what I'm saying?
All because the man comes in
and tells us now is legal.
I'm supposed to just
jump on board with that?
Hell nah!
I'm staying loyal with my guy
who's been keeping me
high since high school.
I ain't no sheep.
Nigga this ain't got nothing
to do with being a sheep.
You brought me here to the hood, bro.
Like we can get shot out here.
Over some bud.
Bro, first of all, this ain't the hood.
All right?
This is the suburbs.
You don't see all these Mercedes
and Bentleys and there's
literally a BMW right there, bro.
Like there's a white picket fence
and some fresh planted
flowers right there.
Like this ain't the hood, man.
People don't get shot out here. All right?
Yeah, whatever.
Bro It's 2021 and we are out here
waiting for a weed man.
You're damn Skippy.
Because it's two people,
a man never cheats on:
His weed man and his barber.
All right?
That's loyalty.
All right I can respect that.
Exactly.
I can respect that.
That's a loyalty thing.
Something Cassandra knows nothing about.
Hold on, what?
What happened with Cassandra?
Man it's a long story,
but she used a hall pass that I gave her.
That you gave her?
Okay, obviously I'm gonna have to
jump into the long story.
Long story short,
I lost a bet.
She won a hall pass.
I didn't actually think
she was going to use the hall pass,
but she did.
And this hall pass you just gave her?
Bro I saw it.
You look hurt right now.
I'm just stressed out.
I just need to get high, all right.
Once I get high I'm gonna be all right.
Hey, lucky!
I'll be right back.
I need that indica special!
(indistinct)
I'm emotional.
(hip hop music)
Another day another dollar
A couple bucks will
make a bad bitch holler
(woman on TV speaking)
See that's what I'm talking about.
Amen sister!
Amen!
Sometimes we gotta do our thing.
Stupid.
I wish Virgil would try
some stupid shit like that with me?
Oh, hell no!
Oh Summer time okay!
Oh my God.
Okay, Richard,
we gonna have to pause you.
Okay? Hold on.
Oh hell, what the fuck?
Hold on a second.
Just gonna take this.
All right bitch, we got five minutes.
Five minutes.
Five minutes.
Oh Summer,
you ain't shy no more, huh?
Oh we doing this?
We doing this, Okay.
Lemme smell like a woman.
At least you know.
Here we go.
Yeah, that's it.
No that's stupid.
(relaxing lo-fi music)
Look who decided to come through, finally.
Wait, hold on.
Is the pastor here?
I don't know.
My hands are to myself, pastor.
That motherfucker's just my sugar daddy.
He's not like my man, man.
I just needed a new Birkin bag, that's all.
Wow, okay.
So you telling me a
all that freaky deaky that you were saying
is just 'cause-
Because I want you and Virgil
to have your way with me.
Is that so?
Been tired of fighting it, you know?
Speaking of where is Virgil?
I want both of you inside me
at the same time.
That sounds amazing.
Sounds like you've
been preparing for this
for a while.
I guess you could say that, yeah.
If you would've came
over last night, okay?
When I had a hall pass,
The hall pass that I could've used.
Virgil gave you a hall pass?
I know, I know.
And you took it?
I took it and I feel bad.
I think he walked in.
I don't know what to do.
Well, you know what
would make you feel better?
You relate to me.
Some weed.
Not what I thought where this was going.
I mean you done rolled over and now I'm-
Oh, okay.
Weed okay, right now?
That's weird.
Aren't we in the middle of something?
You know, I'll be real quick.
Yeah okay.
[Summer] Just stay right there.
[Cassandra] All right.
Yeah right there.
I'll fucking wait.
The fuck?
Weed, right now?
(exhales)
[Lucky] Welcome back.
[Virgil] Oh, happy to be back man.
(indistinct) vending machine
to give me these Oreos.
Drop a dollar for you
anytime, you know that.
Care about my clients.
Appreciate that.
Sorry that took so long by the way.
You know how it is with people.
They like to chat it up for a while,
make sure I'm solid,
make sure the area's safe.
What?
Why are people so afraid of this area, bro?
It's the freaking suburbs.
You don't understand.
This is the streets of Glendale.
This is G dale!
It's dangerous out there.
Broke people don't rob
from broke people you see.
They target the rich like me.
One percenter.
Oh, one percenter?
Really?
Okay.
- Facts.
- Nice.
And you're selling weed?
Price of being a dedicated client
and getting the best of the best,
what are you looking for today?
Something extremely strong.
All right, well
check out this little bitch right here.
Borderline illegal.
Okay.
This is a good start,
but I'm looking for something
like three miles past the legality line.
Three miles past legality.
Let me just use this word to explain:
Something experimental.
Oh, I didn't know you got down like that!
Oh yeah Today I want
my emotions to disappear.
I got just the thing for you.
Try some of this out.
Okay.
(sniffs jar)
Damn! (Exclamations)
Am I high, or did you hear that too?
You are high.
And that's just one of my fine ass clients.
Yeah, fine.
(both exchange greetings)
[Summer] How you doing?
Yeah okay.
Oh, I'm just at the gym right now.
Yo Summer you looking for some weed?
Check this one out.
What is that?
[Virgil] Oh something experimental.
Oh let's put that down.
It's a bad idea, by the way.
What do you mean bad idea?
What the hell?
What happened to her?
I told you. (Summer gasps)
Oh!
Thank God she woke up this time.
This time?
Keep it.
Yeah that is not what I'm looking for.
I am looking for
like that horny, sexy, weed.
Horny sexy weed.
Your go-to. (Door breaks open)
(gunshots fire)
[Virgil] So you trying to get quirky?
[Robber 1] Yeah what's up now weed man?
You know what it is.
Wait.
Give it up.
[Robber 2] Give it up weed man.
[Robber 1] Yeah.
Hold on, hold on.
Ben, Jerry?
[Robber 1] No, no, no.
Not us.
Yeah it's Ben and Jerry.
It's Ben and Jerry!
You guys just robbed me last week.
I haven't restocked yet.
[Robber 1] Lay him out. (Punch lands)
[Robber 2] That's what I thought.
Lucky is this the one
that you gave me last week that helped
my cataract?
[Summer] Oh yeah, -
[Robber 1] They seen us.
I almost felt like I could see.
[Robber 1] Let's shoot em!
[Summer] Still blind though.
I know this thing made me feel alive,
but too bad.
I'm so blind, it's
illegal for me to testify.
[Robber 2] Shoot his ass, Jerry.
And because I'm blind,
I can't hear a damn thing either.
So Deaf.
Lucky you're here?
[Virgil] Whooo!
Lucky, you lucky there's
no crime in this area.
Oh my God! Who the fuck!?
Why didn't you tell me
you been getting robbed by gangsters?
Are you good, bro?
[Lucky] I'm gonna get my gun.
He got mad guns, go! (Summer shrieks)
Getting the hell outta here.
Hurry up girl!
You we're gonna leave me?
(both panting and breathing heavy)
Oh my God.
- Oh, that was crazy.
- Are they coming?
I don't think so.
Just lay low.
Oh my God. (Both panting)
I thought I was gonna die.
Wait I thought that was (indistinct).
For real.
(both breathing heavily)
(phone ringing)
Of course.
You gonna take that?
Bro, Where the hell are you?
Why aren't you in the car?
Niggas started shooting bro,
I had to get the fuck up outta there.
You ran?
Nah, you made your choice bro.
I told you this is what happens
when you buy weed
from the weed man at his house.
Bro that was straight up a buster.
Ooh!
Yeah buster move.
Whatever nigga.
My Uber here.
Yo!
Yeah whatever.
Fuck you too nigga.
You all right?
I'm perfectly fine.
(hip hop music starts)
I'm from that city where do your thing
See me in a whip with
a couple gold chains
Yeah me, yeah that's me
Might be chilling with a couple OG's
Out here trying to get the bread
You heard me what I said
Out here trying to get the bread
Wake up in the morning
Then we do this shit again
Another day another
dollar (music fades)
Yeah!
Guess what Papi did for you?
Got your morning nutrients right here.
(inhales deeply)
Oh!
This is definitely
a breakfast of champions right here.
I'm about to get-
(both scream)
Goddamn!
What the fuck babe?!
[Virgil] What the fuck was that?
What happened here?
You fucking karate chop and kicked me yo!
Thought I was gonna do something
nice for you, ah!
Feed me what?
Fucking fruit loops and leaves, babe?
This is what you need
to kind of give yourself energy.
This is what Oprah said
that you guys wanted in the morning.
Breakfast in bed, okay?
So Oprah owes me nine, ninety-nine.
'Cause this some bullshit!
Shut up.
I guess it's the thought that counts.
You done interrupted
a real important moment in my-
it's not the point.
It's all over me.
Oh!
Has someone been hitting the gym?
Your boy stays in the gym baby.
But I'm actually about to head to the gym.
I'm gonna meet Will at the gym
to shoot some hoops.
What you mean?
What I mean is
I'm about to show him that
Kobe on net, the Swisher.
You know what I'm saying Baby?
That sounds amazing!
I was thinking a little bit more
along the lines of having like
a pre-workout right here.
So it's like that?
'Cause I need a
trainer to stretch me out a
- little bit.
- Okay.
Before the game.
Oh really, some stretching?
[Cassandra] I need some stretching.
You know like take one leg,
then the next,
Yeah, right there, oh my.
Oh my God, yeah.
Somewhere else.
You feel me?
Hold on.
Because I'm thinking
maybe I could just do that one move
that you like you know?
And then we could just (claps cheek)
Babe?
Baby?
Oh see your loss babe!
Her gain, okay.
(hip hop music)
Unless you my tax accountant,
we ain't keeping no receipts, okay?
Now do you do taxes?
Yeah, no?
That's pimp though.
Come on man.
You don't wanna know those problems.
Shorty get in your phone one night?
Pow!
All these text messages.
You gotta explain that shit?
No, you don't want those problems.
You know what I'm saying?
But I know exactly who sent this one.
You know what I'm saying?
I already know what nipples,
you see how these nipples are?
[Unknown] Heads up. (Men exclaim)
- Oh shit!
- Oh shit!
Oh! (Virgil falls over)
Oh my God.
That was amazing babe!
You liked it?
Yeah, I've never done that before.
Good!
- [Summer] Holy shit!
- That was a gift.
Yeah. Sent from heaven.
You are the gift baby.
You're welcome.
I told you.
I don't know why you've been so shy.
I've been trying to do that for so long.
No, I don't know.
But I should have come here sooner.
I told you.
Well you have me sweating
like a politician at a court hearing.
(laughs)
- Sexy.
- Yeah, is it?
I'm gonna cool you off a little bit.
Yeah?
Get you some water.
Oh, that'd be good.
Yeah that'd be good.
Okay, don't move.
Hey does this Virgil know I'm here?
[Cassandra] What?
Yeah.
No.
I mean do you want him to know?
No.
Okay.
Well then it'll be our little secret.
- Okay?
- Yeah.
Alright, let me eat that water.
No, no, no.
You stay right here.
I'll get it.
It's the least I can do after you've been.
So patient with me.
Oh, okay.
I guess I do deserve a break.
Yeah, you do.
Hey, it's kind of cold,
do you have something I can-
Here you go, just use my robe.
Thank you.
Yo, you sure you good bro?
Why you keep asking me that man?
I'm fine.
I'm fine, like grape wine,
you know what I'm saying?
And plus you think some
little old basketball is gonna hurt me?
Right (laughs)
All right man.
You have a good one.
You too bro.
Yup, appreciate the help.
Don't tell no one about that fall.
Or this one.
[Man 2] I got you.
(Summer sighs)
Oh, okay.
(Summer shrieks)
Vagina, looking fly!
Safety.
(door closes)
Babe!
Oh my God.
He's home early, the fuck.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
(water trickling)
(door closes)
Okay.
Okay.
Side effects.
Hitting of head by basketball.
You may see people who may not be there.
I know
I just saw some-
Who did you see babe?
Who?
Who's here?
Babe, please help me.
What the fuck happened to your eye?
Don't tell me the
JV water polo team jumped you again.
What?
No. No, but I'm strapped for them.
You know what I'm saying?
They know they can get it
if I see 'em in the streets.
But nah baby, this bruise
happened on the court.
You know what I'm saying?
It was these three dudes,
they was mad 'cause
we was demolishing them,
you know what I'm saying?
I was out here like Kobe,
like (mimics swoosh)
You know what I'm saying?
You know.
And then I did a couple
of Vince Carter through the legs,
windmill dunks, you know what I'm saying?
Like the way you taught me.
Yup.
Always teaching you how to do it, baby.
You sure do.
You know you got a
lot of the special moves.
But anyways, so yeah, after we beat him,
they got in my face, you
know what I'm saying?
And then he called me a bitch.
So I was like, you know what,
I'll show you your bitch!
So I clocked him, you know what I'm saying?
And then his boys jumped in
and you know the rest is history.
Damn, that's crazy, baby.
- I'm saying.
- Yeah.
And I'm not wobbly because
of the fights or the ball.
It's okay baby.
You know, you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get you some medicine.
Some medicine.
'Cause I can't stand
to look at your face no more.
What?
Well, is it that bad?
It's horrible.
But medicine.
Like on the gauge of one to ten,
where is it at?
It's where you need medicine.
Why are you announcing
that to the cabinets?
Calling it into existence babe.
That's why I love you.
That's why I fucking love you.
Calling it into existence.
I call in healing and consciousness!
Consciousness.
It's consistent consciousness.
Ugh.
Don't touch the face.
Don't touch the face.
Ah.
Oh damn it's cold now.
Oh, okay.
See which cartoons are on.
- Babe!
- Ah, oh god.
Are you feeling any better?
I'm officially concussed.
Don't be so dramatic.
It'll, Ooh, it'll heal.
Probably, maybe.
Is it really that bad?
[Summer] So ugly.
It's not much aesthetic at all.
Wait a minute.
When did I call you over here?
Remember you sent me that video.
You were like (mimics sounds)
Scanning on location settings.
No you don't remember?
- Check your phone.
- I don't remember.
Ah shit someone's calling me!
Ow! (Summer exclaims)
So anyways, I was-
This happened.
This is how I lose my mind.
This been way too many bitches.
Now I think I'm seeing
bitches left and right.
I'm sorry, God.
What's going on baby?
I'm losing my vibe, baby!
Yeah you oh my god.
I'm losing something too.
I think I'm seeing
people then they not there.
You saw somebody baby?
I think, I don't know.
Here just try some of this
and then maybe like
- Tylenol?
- Go to sleep.
You might just need-
you just need a nap baby.
I probably need a nap.
Yeah, you need a nap.
I just need to sleep.
Yeah.
I don't think laying down
during the concussion is a good idea.
Okay, just-
Just stay up?
Like that is fine.
Yeah.
Who do you think you saw?
I, I don't, I don't know.
(Summer screams)
Okay it sounds like
someone's fighting for their life on our
balcony baby.
Baby someone's probably
fighting for their life.
You right.
And I know you wanna
be a superhero right now,
but look at your face.
You know maybe you should
just mind your own business.
There's probably someone getting mugged
like five blocks from here.
Is that a bee?
Oh my god.
No, we can't do anything about it.
I know what mugging sounds like.
Right?
And that sounds like a murder.
And it's right on the side of our door.
No it's not-
No, someone's on our balcony.
No someone's trying to break in our house!
Babe, you're not a hero!
You're not a hero.
What do you mean a hero?
Like it's fine babe.
There's nothing,
there's nothing happening.
Obviously someone's trying to get in-
It's like a hurricane.
I saw it on the news.
(sniffs)
Ya'll got Y chromosomes
all over yourselves.
What?
Smelling like Chanel
number five up in here.
So y'all just finished fucking?
- No.
- Yes.
No.
You have the,
"I just finished fucking" sweatpants on.
No, I don't have finished
fucking sweatpants.
And you just finished fucking.
And you gonna fuck
her after you just finished
fucking me the other night?
Well hold the phone.
(all three) What?!
[Cassandra] The fuck?!
(theme music begins)
Upside down upside down
Upside down
Upside down
Upside down.
Upside down, yeah
No I ain't worried about a nigga
They be hating on good
Yeah I know it
With the words I'm a poet, Yeah
Popping bottles of the Moet
To these women I am golden
And my bitch way badder
I put the pussy on the platter.
You ugly hoes got a lot of nerves
So I tell them bad bitches matter.
I finna rock like I'm Rob Bass
My marijuana got a raw taste
My main bitch got a dog face.
I'm in a whole different ball game
Like Lil Wayne bitch get off me
Keeping up a good get exhausting
My play legume niggas bossing.
Yeah if I get to tripping
then you better listen
I ain't too forgiving
I'm not with the kid
And I hit on my head
And He fuck up your living
I'm not with the line,
you niggas be fibbing.
You ain't rappers
too good I'll be spitting
You sinking or swimming
No swinging and missing
I'm after the chicken
and if I don't get it
Then I turn it
Upside down, upside down,
Upside down, upside down, upside down.
(icon swooshes)