Turtles (2023) Movie Script
Siri! Ottawan!
Hands up, Hands up, Hands up
Gimme your heart,
Gimme, gimme your heart, gimme, gimme
Hands up, Hands up, Hands up
Gimme your heart,
Gimme, gimme your heart, gimme, gimme
Gimme
Gimme
I saw you, I followed you
Observed you, analysed you
I found out
The love of my life is you
I'd seen you around for a long time
You didn't know
When you were spying on me
That every night I dream of you
Lying next to me
Hands up, Hands up, Hands up
Gimme your...
THE TURTLES
Seriously,
can't you do that at another time?
He's at home all the time.
I can't take it anymore.
I thought we'd do things together,
not stay cooped up at home.
How much for the records?
Fifteen euros.
Did you mix 'new beat'?
I've done so many things in my life.
Remember the rule
of the second-hand dealer
to never sell personal items?
I don't have kids.
I prefer to have money on my account.
It's a good time to liquidate.
Why did you stop all this?
With his police job,
it was impossible.
I'll never get why
some make so many sacrifices
to be with someone.
He's handsome.
Yes.
HI!
SEX OR LOVE DATE?
BOTH. PHOTOS?
NO PHOTOS. SORRY.
Dinner's ready!
Enjoy.
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
How is Mister Grumpy?
Is he still so annoying?
It's probably a tough time.
A cup of tea?
I know.
Boiling water on the tea bag,
no tea bag in the water.
Disco ball.
Relax, I'll get two cups of tea.
Leave me alone.
I don't need to be entertained!
You burden me! You suffocate me!
You don't get who I am!
I feel more lonely than if I were alone.
Let me live, damn it!
And let me feel at home in my home!
Your home...
Hello.
- Hello.
That will be one euro for the big pool.
Three euros.
Adult, not senior.
Here you are.
- Thank you.
Hello.
- Hello.
Ah fuck!
Have you got a hundred quid?
Don't mind him.
Oh no, not you two!
I am a cuckold.
Cuckold, cuckold, cuckold!
Didn't you have
an open relationship?
No.
I hope you're not trying to get him back
by divorcing him, are you?
It'll bring you bad luck, you know?
Honestly, put that away.
Divorce Procedure
And this.
You are mad!
The good news is that he loves you.
No, I promise.
Who do we say 'thank you' to?
Thank you, Uncle Henri.
Reminds you of our missions
in the old days, right?
No, we won't go to the kennels.
Come on, Sherlock.
Here we go.
Here we are.
Are you happy?
This is your home now.
Sherlock?
No, come on... Sherlock?
What's that?
What's that, Sherlock?
What is it? Show me.
Well done, Sherlock!
You've found weed!
Papa is proud of you.
I'll give you a guided tour
of the house.
So this is the loo,
but you'll pee and poop outside, right?
Be neat, OK?
Come on!
This is the bathroom,
the place where we get all dressed up.
You see?
Can you give Papa a kiss?
Give Papa a kiss, give Papa a kiss.
A big kiss.
You're so nice!
What a nice animal!
What a beautiful dog!
Please, shut up.
Good.
Ssh. Sherlock!
IF THE DOG STAYS HERE,
I'LL ONLY HAVE A FEW DAYS TO LIVE.
YOU ARE FREE TO LEAVE
WHENEVER YOU WANT.
You're overreacting.
I could have been a dog handler
if I hadn't met you.
I'm sick of making sacrifices.
Have you got anything to eat
for Sherlock?
So Sherlock, you're happy?
Are you happy with your new basket?
Is it comfortable enough?
Yes, it's a cosy basket.
Here,
do you want to play with the bone?
And the commission, how much?
3.6 per cent, VAT included.
Is it negotiable?
- Yes, that's always possible.
It will all be cleared out
to start the visits.
Yes, I hope so.
Hello.
At first sight, the restaurant business
is where I'd get most for a sell-off.
Can I see the back?
Unfortunately, I signed the papers,
so I can do whatever I want.
We promised Leo we'd stay together here
and keep the turtles.
You didn't keep your promise.
You're out of here.
I'll leave you two alone.
No, wait, don't!
If you get a good price,
you can put up a sign immediately.
No Sherlock, you're not going
to the dentist with Papa.
You're staying here.
Yeah, I'll miss you too...
I'll bring you back a present.
I promise.
Have you seen Sherlock?
Are you sure you haven't seen my dog?
YOUR DOG IS IN FRONT OF YOU.
Where is Sherlock?
You only think about yourself.
That dog made me happy.
Where's Sherlock?
Where's Sherlock?
Where is he?
Turvy,
come.
The nice dog has come back!
The nice dog has come back!
Are you coming back home?
So we have mainly a dispute
about the marital home.
Mr Lanssens demands Mr Halford
to leave the house at once
so that he can sell his property.
However, Mr Halford refuses
to leave the house.
Is that right?
- Absolutely, Your Honour.
Could you explain to me
how this came about?
Because there's no more love,
Your Honour. It's as simple as that.
There's no love left on your side?
- On both sides, Your Honour.
And you?
Is there no more love
from your point of view?
If I may say so, Your Honour,
love is not the issue here.
My client has facts
to reproach his spouse with.
This request for divorce is,
for him, a real call for help,
reaching out
to the Belgian justice system.
He is aware of the consequences
this divorce could entail.
Your Honour, my client is also suffering
from the actions of Mr Halford
who, as you can see from the file,
is a notorious drug addict.
I smoke weed!
I am not a drug addict!
It's obvious my client has
to deal with a series of problems
linked to a mental health
that is sometimes fragile, I grant you.
But it's due to the incredible violence
that my client suffers on a daily basis.
I ask you to speak in French.
You will have the chance to speak later.
Carry on.
In view of the facts,
we ask the court to order
Mr Henri Lanssens
to leave the marital home.
Because my client has
no income whatsoever,
he cannot live anywhere else
and wouldn't be able to pay rent,
even temporarily.
One can always say anything.
Nothing establishes those facts.
Look at the deplorable state
of my client.
And all this for what?
All this is because Mr Lanssens
became infatuated with a dog
that he brought back to the marital home
with the sole aim
of weakening the health of my client,
who is particularly allergic to dogs.
And what about this animal?
It's not against him, Your Honour.
I'm doing it for me.
It's not violent at all.
Take me for example.
I'm allergic to nuts.
If you make me eat a nut,
you put my life in danger.
Isn't there somewhere you can go
to have some distance?
Any family?
I've got nowhere to go.
I'll be on the streets.
Any friends?
I came to Brussels for love.
I sacrificed everything.
Job, family, friendship...
You had no friends,
what are you talking about?
Your parents wanted you dead for ever!
Have you made no plans
to continue living
on your own,
with some independence?
Henri is my family.
We lived together for 30 years.
He insisted that we get married.
I didn't think about myself.
I always thought about us.
Really...
Marriage was something serious for me...
For me too.
Could you try to find a place to go to,
given the circumstances?
No, I can't take it anymore,
I've had enough!
I've already tried for far too long!
Put yourself in my shoes.
I'll have to decide.
What do you want me to do
with this gentleman here?
Don't you see he is putting on a show?
Does he have a fortune
hidden away somewhere?
No.
You have friends, don't you?
Friends? I don't know.
Like anyone else...
Well.
I allow Mr Thom Halford to stay
in the marital home,
and I ask Mr Henri Lanssens
to leave the home as soon as possible.
For the rest, we will meet again
in three months.
Do you realise that you are evicting me
from my own home?
Whether you like it or not,
it's also your future ex-husband's home.
Come on, Turvy.
Let's leave Topsy alone.
Thank you.
Sherlock, come on.
Airbnb is a disaster right now.
So you make yourself at home
and take the time you need, OK?
Don't tell me that, you'll regret it.
- We're serious.
Make yourself at home, really.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Give me the same.
Good evening!
Good evening!
Good evening!
Attention, attention!
According to tradition,
only gays can laugh.
So, gay, gay...
Gayer than me, and you're dead.
Another gay...
But first,
before the old fashioned fag jokes,
I'd like to welcome a returnee.
A big-hearted police chief
who stole one of my girls.
But don't worry,
I was a bridesmaid at their wedding.
Here's a special dedication
with a police joke...
What is the difference
between laundry detergent
and a police station?
In the laundry detergent,
there's at least one active agent.
My darling,
it's been for ever.
Tommie's all right, I hope?
What's going on?
Oh no.
Oh no, not you two!
Don't do this to me!
Didn't he tell you?
What do you mean?
For 15 years he's been crossing
the sidewalks when he sees me.
What?
I assure you!
He doesn't want to know anything.
Nothing at all!
Are you all right?
He told me he came to see you
some nights when I was on a mission.
Never in a million years!
He hasn't been back here since...
Oh my!?
Since I lost my memory!
Surprise!
Happy birthday!
- Thank you!
Tell me you're alone at home
When the sun goes down
That you see me smile
That you hear me think of you
That the memory
Of our two naked bodies touching
Makes you still feel close to me
That the separation
Though necessary
Is only a break to give reason
For both of us
To understand the mysteries
That unite two passionate beings
And I keep telling myself
Like a little prayer
That our love will be
The most beautiful home.
It's my only day off, damn it!
Is Henri here?
Look, he's not ready. It's too early.
I'll see what I can do.
He's downstairs.
Won't you talk to him?
Just for a minute.
- No, no, no...
He said you took the wrong turtle.
Bullshit.
Take it back to him
and say you switched it.
OK.
Henri apologises.
He got confused in his haste.
I know that I should just shut up
Let a few more seasons go by
But what's the point of waiting
For the sad anniversary
Of this strange and bitter sweet parting
I finally told my heart to shut up
And since then I've been trying
To love other boys
But none of them can please me
Despite the great beauty of their songs
And I keep telling myself
Like a little prayer
That our love will be
The most beautiful home
And I keep telling myself
Like a little prayer
That our love will be
The most beautiful home.
Are you OK?
Look, I'll give you ten minutes
next weekend.
But please add some happy songs.
Yes.
It depends. Per week?
A few coffees, one or two blowjobs,
and then real love one day.
WANNA HAVE A BLIND DATE?
HOW DO YOU IMAGINE THAT?
BRING A SCARF.
WHAT'S THE ADDRESS?
Thirty euros for two hours.
Hello, Officer.
You're fucking mad!
Sit down. Sit down!
Breathe. I'm here.
Breathe.
Are you family?
He is my husband.
The respiratory distress was severe.
The lungs have suffered.
I'll leave you two.
I'm sorry.
I never meant you any harm,
on the contrary.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't know
when I last told you 'I love you'.
Did I ever say it?
I don't remember.
You think that's normal?
'I love you'. When was that?
I love you.
You are magnificent, you know?
You look 10 years younger
than your age.
And you're funny,
full of energy,
you're charming and sassy.
You have to stop.
You deserve so much better.
You deserve it so much
that I'm sure you'll get it.
Your Honour.
Your Honour.
Your Honour.
If he is not present,
shall we postpone?
No, Your Honour, I'm sure he'll arrive!
You who didn't want to see him again.
He's coming.
You Honour, I don't want to live
in this house anymore.
Your Honour, if I may...
- Your Honour,
of course my husband can stay.
As for the dog,
Sherlock will soon have a new master.
I'm ready to give up the sale.
I'm not going to argue the point.
I was in this house for love.
There's no more love,
so there's no reason for me to be there.
If I were you,
I would reconsider the offer.
No. I don't want to.
Your Honour,
this house belongs to my husband too.
The marriage gives him rights.
Don't let him make this mistake.
This is topsy-turvy.
Grant the divorce,
and that's fine.
Stop messing about.
I can't let you do this.
I really can't...
I really can't. Really.
Nothing makes sense anymore...
I would have never lasted without you.
It was...
it was to protect myself...
to protect you...
I couldn't do otherwise...
I couldn't do this job without...
It's like a suit of armour...
It comes on day by day.
Now I have nothing...
I have nothing but you.
All right, gentlemen.
Do you still want a divorce?
Yes.
- No.
Excuse me,
but I must repeat my question.
Do you want a divorce, yes or no?
Yes.
- No.
Well, yes.
Are you sure?
No.
- Yes.
All right, yes.
Good.
I hereby grant the divorce
between Mr Thom Halford
and Mr Henri Lanssens.
Babel Central
Hands up, Hands up, Hands up
Gimme your heart,
Gimme, gimme your heart, gimme, gimme
Hands up, Hands up, Hands up
Gimme your heart,
Gimme, gimme your heart, gimme, gimme
Gimme
Gimme
I saw you, I followed you
Observed you, analysed you
I found out
The love of my life is you
I'd seen you around for a long time
You didn't know
When you were spying on me
That every night I dream of you
Lying next to me
Hands up, Hands up, Hands up
Gimme your...
THE TURTLES
Seriously,
can't you do that at another time?
He's at home all the time.
I can't take it anymore.
I thought we'd do things together,
not stay cooped up at home.
How much for the records?
Fifteen euros.
Did you mix 'new beat'?
I've done so many things in my life.
Remember the rule
of the second-hand dealer
to never sell personal items?
I don't have kids.
I prefer to have money on my account.
It's a good time to liquidate.
Why did you stop all this?
With his police job,
it was impossible.
I'll never get why
some make so many sacrifices
to be with someone.
He's handsome.
Yes.
HI!
SEX OR LOVE DATE?
BOTH. PHOTOS?
NO PHOTOS. SORRY.
Dinner's ready!
Enjoy.
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
How is Mister Grumpy?
Is he still so annoying?
It's probably a tough time.
A cup of tea?
I know.
Boiling water on the tea bag,
no tea bag in the water.
Disco ball.
Relax, I'll get two cups of tea.
Leave me alone.
I don't need to be entertained!
You burden me! You suffocate me!
You don't get who I am!
I feel more lonely than if I were alone.
Let me live, damn it!
And let me feel at home in my home!
Your home...
Hello.
- Hello.
That will be one euro for the big pool.
Three euros.
Adult, not senior.
Here you are.
- Thank you.
Hello.
- Hello.
Ah fuck!
Have you got a hundred quid?
Don't mind him.
Oh no, not you two!
I am a cuckold.
Cuckold, cuckold, cuckold!
Didn't you have
an open relationship?
No.
I hope you're not trying to get him back
by divorcing him, are you?
It'll bring you bad luck, you know?
Honestly, put that away.
Divorce Procedure
And this.
You are mad!
The good news is that he loves you.
No, I promise.
Who do we say 'thank you' to?
Thank you, Uncle Henri.
Reminds you of our missions
in the old days, right?
No, we won't go to the kennels.
Come on, Sherlock.
Here we go.
Here we are.
Are you happy?
This is your home now.
Sherlock?
No, come on... Sherlock?
What's that?
What's that, Sherlock?
What is it? Show me.
Well done, Sherlock!
You've found weed!
Papa is proud of you.
I'll give you a guided tour
of the house.
So this is the loo,
but you'll pee and poop outside, right?
Be neat, OK?
Come on!
This is the bathroom,
the place where we get all dressed up.
You see?
Can you give Papa a kiss?
Give Papa a kiss, give Papa a kiss.
A big kiss.
You're so nice!
What a nice animal!
What a beautiful dog!
Please, shut up.
Good.
Ssh. Sherlock!
IF THE DOG STAYS HERE,
I'LL ONLY HAVE A FEW DAYS TO LIVE.
YOU ARE FREE TO LEAVE
WHENEVER YOU WANT.
You're overreacting.
I could have been a dog handler
if I hadn't met you.
I'm sick of making sacrifices.
Have you got anything to eat
for Sherlock?
So Sherlock, you're happy?
Are you happy with your new basket?
Is it comfortable enough?
Yes, it's a cosy basket.
Here,
do you want to play with the bone?
And the commission, how much?
3.6 per cent, VAT included.
Is it negotiable?
- Yes, that's always possible.
It will all be cleared out
to start the visits.
Yes, I hope so.
Hello.
At first sight, the restaurant business
is where I'd get most for a sell-off.
Can I see the back?
Unfortunately, I signed the papers,
so I can do whatever I want.
We promised Leo we'd stay together here
and keep the turtles.
You didn't keep your promise.
You're out of here.
I'll leave you two alone.
No, wait, don't!
If you get a good price,
you can put up a sign immediately.
No Sherlock, you're not going
to the dentist with Papa.
You're staying here.
Yeah, I'll miss you too...
I'll bring you back a present.
I promise.
Have you seen Sherlock?
Are you sure you haven't seen my dog?
YOUR DOG IS IN FRONT OF YOU.
Where is Sherlock?
You only think about yourself.
That dog made me happy.
Where's Sherlock?
Where's Sherlock?
Where is he?
Turvy,
come.
The nice dog has come back!
The nice dog has come back!
Are you coming back home?
So we have mainly a dispute
about the marital home.
Mr Lanssens demands Mr Halford
to leave the house at once
so that he can sell his property.
However, Mr Halford refuses
to leave the house.
Is that right?
- Absolutely, Your Honour.
Could you explain to me
how this came about?
Because there's no more love,
Your Honour. It's as simple as that.
There's no love left on your side?
- On both sides, Your Honour.
And you?
Is there no more love
from your point of view?
If I may say so, Your Honour,
love is not the issue here.
My client has facts
to reproach his spouse with.
This request for divorce is,
for him, a real call for help,
reaching out
to the Belgian justice system.
He is aware of the consequences
this divorce could entail.
Your Honour, my client is also suffering
from the actions of Mr Halford
who, as you can see from the file,
is a notorious drug addict.
I smoke weed!
I am not a drug addict!
It's obvious my client has
to deal with a series of problems
linked to a mental health
that is sometimes fragile, I grant you.
But it's due to the incredible violence
that my client suffers on a daily basis.
I ask you to speak in French.
You will have the chance to speak later.
Carry on.
In view of the facts,
we ask the court to order
Mr Henri Lanssens
to leave the marital home.
Because my client has
no income whatsoever,
he cannot live anywhere else
and wouldn't be able to pay rent,
even temporarily.
One can always say anything.
Nothing establishes those facts.
Look at the deplorable state
of my client.
And all this for what?
All this is because Mr Lanssens
became infatuated with a dog
that he brought back to the marital home
with the sole aim
of weakening the health of my client,
who is particularly allergic to dogs.
And what about this animal?
It's not against him, Your Honour.
I'm doing it for me.
It's not violent at all.
Take me for example.
I'm allergic to nuts.
If you make me eat a nut,
you put my life in danger.
Isn't there somewhere you can go
to have some distance?
Any family?
I've got nowhere to go.
I'll be on the streets.
Any friends?
I came to Brussels for love.
I sacrificed everything.
Job, family, friendship...
You had no friends,
what are you talking about?
Your parents wanted you dead for ever!
Have you made no plans
to continue living
on your own,
with some independence?
Henri is my family.
We lived together for 30 years.
He insisted that we get married.
I didn't think about myself.
I always thought about us.
Really...
Marriage was something serious for me...
For me too.
Could you try to find a place to go to,
given the circumstances?
No, I can't take it anymore,
I've had enough!
I've already tried for far too long!
Put yourself in my shoes.
I'll have to decide.
What do you want me to do
with this gentleman here?
Don't you see he is putting on a show?
Does he have a fortune
hidden away somewhere?
No.
You have friends, don't you?
Friends? I don't know.
Like anyone else...
Well.
I allow Mr Thom Halford to stay
in the marital home,
and I ask Mr Henri Lanssens
to leave the home as soon as possible.
For the rest, we will meet again
in three months.
Do you realise that you are evicting me
from my own home?
Whether you like it or not,
it's also your future ex-husband's home.
Come on, Turvy.
Let's leave Topsy alone.
Thank you.
Sherlock, come on.
Airbnb is a disaster right now.
So you make yourself at home
and take the time you need, OK?
Don't tell me that, you'll regret it.
- We're serious.
Make yourself at home, really.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Give me the same.
Good evening!
Good evening!
Good evening!
Attention, attention!
According to tradition,
only gays can laugh.
So, gay, gay...
Gayer than me, and you're dead.
Another gay...
But first,
before the old fashioned fag jokes,
I'd like to welcome a returnee.
A big-hearted police chief
who stole one of my girls.
But don't worry,
I was a bridesmaid at their wedding.
Here's a special dedication
with a police joke...
What is the difference
between laundry detergent
and a police station?
In the laundry detergent,
there's at least one active agent.
My darling,
it's been for ever.
Tommie's all right, I hope?
What's going on?
Oh no.
Oh no, not you two!
Don't do this to me!
Didn't he tell you?
What do you mean?
For 15 years he's been crossing
the sidewalks when he sees me.
What?
I assure you!
He doesn't want to know anything.
Nothing at all!
Are you all right?
He told me he came to see you
some nights when I was on a mission.
Never in a million years!
He hasn't been back here since...
Oh my!?
Since I lost my memory!
Surprise!
Happy birthday!
- Thank you!
Tell me you're alone at home
When the sun goes down
That you see me smile
That you hear me think of you
That the memory
Of our two naked bodies touching
Makes you still feel close to me
That the separation
Though necessary
Is only a break to give reason
For both of us
To understand the mysteries
That unite two passionate beings
And I keep telling myself
Like a little prayer
That our love will be
The most beautiful home.
It's my only day off, damn it!
Is Henri here?
Look, he's not ready. It's too early.
I'll see what I can do.
He's downstairs.
Won't you talk to him?
Just for a minute.
- No, no, no...
He said you took the wrong turtle.
Bullshit.
Take it back to him
and say you switched it.
OK.
Henri apologises.
He got confused in his haste.
I know that I should just shut up
Let a few more seasons go by
But what's the point of waiting
For the sad anniversary
Of this strange and bitter sweet parting
I finally told my heart to shut up
And since then I've been trying
To love other boys
But none of them can please me
Despite the great beauty of their songs
And I keep telling myself
Like a little prayer
That our love will be
The most beautiful home
And I keep telling myself
Like a little prayer
That our love will be
The most beautiful home.
Are you OK?
Look, I'll give you ten minutes
next weekend.
But please add some happy songs.
Yes.
It depends. Per week?
A few coffees, one or two blowjobs,
and then real love one day.
WANNA HAVE A BLIND DATE?
HOW DO YOU IMAGINE THAT?
BRING A SCARF.
WHAT'S THE ADDRESS?
Thirty euros for two hours.
Hello, Officer.
You're fucking mad!
Sit down. Sit down!
Breathe. I'm here.
Breathe.
Are you family?
He is my husband.
The respiratory distress was severe.
The lungs have suffered.
I'll leave you two.
I'm sorry.
I never meant you any harm,
on the contrary.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't know
when I last told you 'I love you'.
Did I ever say it?
I don't remember.
You think that's normal?
'I love you'. When was that?
I love you.
You are magnificent, you know?
You look 10 years younger
than your age.
And you're funny,
full of energy,
you're charming and sassy.
You have to stop.
You deserve so much better.
You deserve it so much
that I'm sure you'll get it.
Your Honour.
Your Honour.
Your Honour.
If he is not present,
shall we postpone?
No, Your Honour, I'm sure he'll arrive!
You who didn't want to see him again.
He's coming.
You Honour, I don't want to live
in this house anymore.
Your Honour, if I may...
- Your Honour,
of course my husband can stay.
As for the dog,
Sherlock will soon have a new master.
I'm ready to give up the sale.
I'm not going to argue the point.
I was in this house for love.
There's no more love,
so there's no reason for me to be there.
If I were you,
I would reconsider the offer.
No. I don't want to.
Your Honour,
this house belongs to my husband too.
The marriage gives him rights.
Don't let him make this mistake.
This is topsy-turvy.
Grant the divorce,
and that's fine.
Stop messing about.
I can't let you do this.
I really can't...
I really can't. Really.
Nothing makes sense anymore...
I would have never lasted without you.
It was...
it was to protect myself...
to protect you...
I couldn't do otherwise...
I couldn't do this job without...
It's like a suit of armour...
It comes on day by day.
Now I have nothing...
I have nothing but you.
All right, gentlemen.
Do you still want a divorce?
Yes.
- No.
Excuse me,
but I must repeat my question.
Do you want a divorce, yes or no?
Yes.
- No.
Well, yes.
Are you sure?
No.
- Yes.
All right, yes.
Good.
I hereby grant the divorce
between Mr Thom Halford
and Mr Henri Lanssens.
Babel Central