Twinless (2025) Movie Script
1
Yep.
Hi. I'm Judy.
- Roman.
- I worked with Rocky.
Sorry.
It's like looking at a ghost.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Have to get out of here.
Roman. Eric.
We've never met,
but I feel like I know you.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm-I'm here if you...
Oh, God. Your face.
It doesn't--
Actually, it doesn't seem like
you are trying to do your job.
No, looks like--
It feels like you're doing
the opposite of your job
'cause it should be pretty easy
to cancel
- my dead brother's account.
- Do you want this?
- I don't know.
- Ma, I don't know.
I'm on the phone.
No, do not put me on hold!
- Do you want these?
- I-- Mom, please.
Don't tell me
to fucking calm down!
I've been on the phone
for, like, an hour--
- Hello? Fuck!
- Roman,
do you want me to keep these
or throw them away?
- Do we have to do this now?
- We don't have the room,
but if you wanna keep
everything--
Can we just do this tomorrow,
please? Why?
Because I'm going back tomorrow.
Okay, but I'm gonna be here,
so just leave it.
You're gonna pack up
this entire apartment?
- Yes. Yes.
- Oh, that's rich.
I'll do it myself-- What?
I don't think you should
stay here. I don't think
- it's good for you.
- Oh, come on. You don't know
what's good for me, Mom.
You never knew
- what was good for me. Okay?
- All right.
- You kidding me?
- Well, then never mind.
- I won't help you.
- Good.
- You can do all this yourself.
- That's what I'm saying.
- That's-- Go.
- I'll go back to the hotel.
- Don't call me.
- Good. Good for fucking you!
Time-out!
Roman.
You need help.
You need help.
Well, that's true.
Hello, everyone.
It's seven o'clock,
so I say let's get started.
I see some new faces here today,
so I thought it would be fun
to go in a circle.
Say your name,
a vegetable that starts
with the same first letter
and one thing you don't miss
about your twin.
Charlotte. Carrot.
I don't miss Claire
stealing my boyfriend.
No, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
We won't go in a circle.
But Claire, she really
did steal my boyfriend.
He couldn't tell us apart.
But it still counts, right?
I miss her laugh.
We always laughed together.
We talked about doing this
Abbott and Costello routine.
But I was too shy.
So, I said to myself
I'll try stand-up.
Yep, and I'm about
to test jokes on you,
so bear with me.
Okay, you ready? All right.
Raise your hand
if you have a twin.
Okay.
This is a good crowd.
You know, so many people,
they're always asking,
"Who's older?"
I am now that she's dead.
As a twin, it's like
you internalize the difference
between you and your other half.
Claire's the outgoing one,
Claire's the beautiful one,
Claire's the one with chlamydia.
I was so upset
when she got chlamydia
without me.
We're supposed to do
everything together.
Oh, I wouldn't eat that.
Tastes like balls.
Mm, I like balls.
Oh.
Mm.
Oh, my God,
that's so bad.
Are you, uh...
Am I...?
Oh, just--
You said you like balls, so...
Rocky, my brother, was gay.
Was your twin?
Um... No.
Right.
It's weird, isn't it?
Uh, epigenetics.
- Uh...
- They're the things you inherit
on top of your DNA.
They may account
for discrepancies
between identical twins.
Huh.
Hey, do you get carsick?
- Sometimes. Why?
- Oh.
Rocky always had to sit
in the front seat
when we were kids, and...
I don't know, I just thought
maybe that was connected
to, like, the gay gene.
If there is one.
Not that there is one.
Uh, it was just an idea.
I'm no scientist.
Um, well,
there is a gay gene.
Uh, we see orange as blue
and blue as orange.
That's why
there's so many homosexuals
- in the fashion industry.
- Oh. See?
Well, there you go.
I'm sorry, you know
that I'm joking, right?
That-that's not true.
Yeah. No, I knew that.
Okay.
I'm D-- uh, I'm Dennis.
Roman.
- What was your twin's name?
- Are you hungry?
- Sorry, what?
- Sorry. I was just gonna ask
if you like sandwiches.
Never mind.
You sure you don't want some?
Mm, I'm okay.
- I forgot I already ate.
- Mm.
I don't drink caffeine
'cause it does things to me.
Then Brad converted me to tea.
Herbal tea.
Brad was this guy I was
in love with back in New York.
Then one day, I found
all these goat-fucking videos
- in his browser history.
- Whoa.
I tried to get him to confess,
but I avoid conflict,
so at dinner, I'd order
goat cheese on an entre,
or one time when he was sucking
on my neck, I bleated like...
See how he'd react.
So, I know he knew I knew.
Maybe that's why
he broke up with me.
He broke up with you?
Mm. He was the better catch.
I don't know anything
about Rocky's boyfriends.
We didn't really talk
about that stuff.
What stuff did you talk about?
Socks.
- Socks?
- I get holes in all my socks.
I think it's 'cause
I forget to cut my toenails.
Rocky thinks
it's 'cause I shop at Walmart.
That was our last conversation.
I'm sorry.
Not your fault.
So, did you live
with your brother?
Uh, no. Yeah, in college.
Mm. Rocky went to college.
I stayed in Moscow.
Moscow, Idaho?
You know another one?
Another Moscow?
I need to get out
of my mom's basement.
She started charging me rent.
Hmm. And how's she taking it?
Cash.
How is she feeling?
She's a nut bucket.
Rocky was her favorite, so...
Mm. I'm nobody's favorite.
Feel like being a twin
kind of fucked me.
I never needed anyone else
as a kid, you know, but now...
feel like I can't make friends
with a fork.
Once, twice a week's not enough.
I want to hang out all the time.
I'm-I'm too needy.
I hate doing things alone.
Cooking meals, opening mail,
- folding laundry.
- Yeah.
So much faster with two people.
Right? I mean, honestly,
whoever invented
the fitted sheet
should be flagellated.
And not the fun kind.
You get me.
Rocky!
Long time no see. How are you?
Did you get a haircut?
Oh. Uh, yeah.
This is so random.
I was literally thinking
about you the other day.
I was reading an article about
how there's a Japanese word
for people who die
in their apartments...
- Mm.
- ...and it takes a long time
for anyone to find the body--
Years even.
Old men mostly.
It's like a big problem
over there.
Ah, that's awful.
Isn't it?
Anyway, I figured
you knew this already
because you used to live
in Tokyo, right?
Right. Yeah.
Yeah, what is the word again?
Oh, uh...
"Ahtoatushi."
That doesn't sound right.
Hello?
Hey. It's Roman.
Do you wanna get groceries
with me?
Hey, how do you know
if lemons are ripe?
Uh, it's yellow.
Unripe lemons are green.
So why do they got
so many unripe ones out?
Those are limes.
Uh...
Are you okay?
Can you not laugh at me?
I know I'm not, like,
the brightest tool in the shed,
but... I don't appreciate it.
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
I'm sorry.
You know, if I get
something wrong... tell me.
'Cause...
then I can know better.
Would now be a good time
to point out
I think you meant to say,
"sharpest tool in the shed?"
Yeah.
Maybe you meant to say,
"brightest bulb in the box."
- Yeah, maybe that's
what I meant.
- Yeah, yeah.
Hey.
Uh, sorry.
I haven't been
sleeping well, so...
Oh.
Hey, is that Rocky's shirt?
Oh, yeah, yeah. How'd you know?
- Looks good on you.
- Thanks.
What, uh,
what are we looking for?
Oh, just browsing.
I pick books based on the cover.
I thought you weren't
supposed to do that.
You're also not supposed
to put Q-tips in your ear,
but if you do it right,
it feels really good.
I don't know
why I'm doing this
'cause nobody's ever
gonna hear it.
I answered a call
from an unknown number once,
and he said, "Hey,
I was thinking about you."
"What are you doing tonight?"
And we baked...
Hey.
Think I'm gonna stay.
- What?
- Yeah. Lawyer says,
the probate's gonna take
a little while anyway.
Plus, Rocky's boss
offered me a job.
Uh, he was crying a lot,
but I think he was serious.
Hmm.
Feel like I need to be here
right now.
Totally.
Yeah.
So, I guess that means you and I
get to be grocery buddies.
Hey, what's up
with your voicemail greeting,
by the way?
One more.
Okay, ready?
Hello.
This is Dennis's phone.
Please leave a message...
after the tone.
Fluffy bunny!
What are you thinking about?
Do you believe
in the death penalty?
That's what
you were thinking about?
I guess no.
Because there's a chance
of executing someone innocent,
and death is irrevocable.
Yeah, but there's some things
you can't take back.
True.
What's the worst thing
you've ever done?
What's the worst thing
you've ever done?
There's a few.
Mm.
This one time...
Rocky and I, uh...
we were 16.
And, um...
It was my fault he died.
- What?
- It was my fault.
Dean was supposed to pick me up
from the airport.
But he forgot.
And I could've
just called a cab,
but I wanted him to pick me up,
so I called him again
and again and again,
and I was relentless.
So, he broke the speed limit.
And you can guess
where this is going.
He crashed.
My last words to him were...
"Fuck you."
So... that's my story.
Um...
In fifth grade,
I had a stye in my left eye.
On school picture day.
It was...
swollen and red.
And I looked like
Forest Whitaker.
So, I begged to stay home.
But I was overruled,
so Dean pretended to be me
for the yearbook.
He saved me. Um...
He was always there
on the bad days.
When Ashley
from down the street, uh,
made fun of my pink pencil box,
he called her a butter troll.
Uh, when my stepfather asked me
not to come home anymore,
Dean held my hand.
Feels like, uh...
every day's a bad day now.
Um, sorry, uh...
It hurts. Like, um,
it's literally painful.
But I like it because
if I don't have
the pain, then...
he's really gone.
And I'm actually alone.
Excuse me.
Hi. Um, is anybody sitting here?
No. Um, yeah, feel free.
Uh, I'm almost done,
but, uh, yeah,
I-I don't have anywhere
to be, so...
Oh. Oh, no, sorry. I just
want the chair.
Yeah.
- Take it.
- Okay, thanks.
That was tragic.
- Oh, you saw that?
- I did, yeah. We all did.
Everyone in the diner.
You have to leave.
You can't be here anymore.
- We voted.
- Oh.
I know. Come on.
I'll escort you out.
Come on.
You have to come with me.
No, leave the sandwich.
Yeah. Yeah. Here we go.
Oh, my God, were you just
looking at my butt?
No.
They make
really good sandwiches.
Oh, I don't like
really good sandwiches.
I like good ones.
What's your favorite sandwich?
- BLT.
- Mm.
- We can skip the small talk.
- Yeah, yeah, we can.
Hmm. Ooh.
What's your relationship like
with your father?
Are you close with your parents?
No, you can't answer a question
with a question.
- I'm close with my father.
- Mm.
We don't talk much.
It's an unspoken closeness.
He lives in Japan.
- Japan?
- Yeah.
- Why Japan?
- Uh, I was born in Japan.
He's a professor in Osaka.
- Wait, really? Are you fluent?
- Mm-hmm.
Well, I mean,
I-I understand fluently,
but my accent's sort of--
Anyway.
Uh, so don't ask me
to say anything.
What did I just say?
- Something about milkshakes.
- Oh, my God.
- You're a skinny fucking liar.
- Why do you speak Japanese?
Because I lived in Tokyo.
Why would you lie to me?
Is this over?
No, you're cute.
I'm kind of obsessed
with you.
- Wait, where did you park?
- No, we passed it.
- Why didn't you say anything?
- I was following you.
Aw. You like following me?
Tell me something
you've never told anyone.
I've never seen Steel Magnolias.
- Oh, that's so hot.
- Yeah? Your turn.
Uh, in eighth-grade science,
I put the father hamster
back in the cage
with the mother hamster,
and he ate two of the babies.
Oh, that's kind of kinky.
If we were in a relationship,
we could share clothes.
I don't think
we're the same size.
- How tall are you?
- Five-ten.
Mmm. I'm five-ten.
Twins.
These even real?
- You know, I am a twin.
- What?
- I'm a twin.
- You have a twin?
Yeah. Pinch my nipple.
- You messing with me right now?
- No.
Are you monozygotic?
- If that means identical, yeah.
- Oh!
I am obsessed with twins.
I owned the entire
New Adventures of Mary-Kate
and Ashley book series.
I watched all their movies
and all of their
abruptly canceled TV series.
I asked my mom for a twin
every Christmas from age five...
...until I learned what sex was.
I can't believe
you have a twin.
- I love twins.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- His name's Roman.
Oh, Rocky and Roman.
I fucking love that.
Does he live in Portland?
Does he live in this building?
Did you just get harder?
So, did you ever switch places?
Sophomore year.
Geometry final.
What's the longest sentence
you've ever said in unison?
"All that she wants
is another bagel."
Oh, my God,
I'm gonna come.
So, why are you
so obsessed with twins?
Mm. I don't want to tell you.
Oh, you're gonna tell me anyway.
Come on.
It's embarrassing.
Well, you've crossed
that threshold tonight...
...multiple times.
Uh, um...
I constructed this fantasy
that my mother took me
and my father took my twin,
and they never wanted us
to meet,
and that's why
I was never allowed
to visit him in Japan.
Did you really believe that?
Mm, maybe.
I don't know. I wanted to.
They say we're born alone,
we live alone and we die alone,
but... for twins,
that isn't true.
You have a built-in best friend.
No, twins can get lonely too.
I'm incredibly lonely.
Mm-mm. You're just saying that
to make me feel better
- about myself.
- I'm not. I mean it.
I mean it.
I'm very adept at...
sharing myself
with other people.
But sometimes I can run empty.
Because...
I'm always giving
and not so much receiving.
With Roman, it's fifty-fifty.
Well, it was. I mean, we...
we don't really talk
that much anymore.
What happened?
Just life.
Growing up, we were attached
by the hip, obviously, but...
We're very different... now.
And I think that's...
I think it's harder for him.
There's a photo of us as kids
where we're wearing
these matching pajamas,
and to this day,
I could not tell you
which one I am in the picture.
It's crazy.
I was "We."
And now, I'm "I."
You miss him.
Very much.
He's my favorite person.
He thinks I'm the good twin,
but it's him.
When we were really little, I...
I broke my big toe
tripping up the stairs one time,
and later that same day,
Roman comes home
and has a broken foot.
He didn't want me to be
in pain by myself.
Oh. Oh, my God, that's adorable.
He probably, like,
dropped a bowling ball
on it or something.
- My God.
- I know.
I've never broken a bone.
Oh, no. Now, it's gonna happen.
It's like a thing.
You can't say that.
Okay.
You should call him.
Yeah, I should.
You should call him
and I'll listen.
Oh, Jesus.
Hold your hippos.
No, I can't.
I must amend
your broken twinship.
My whole life has been waiting
for this moment.
You're really sweet.
I think you'd be a good twin.
I'm falling in love with you.
I heard that.
I like this font for the OM.
Ugh, lobster? You're killing me.
That's offensive
to sweatshop workers,
don't you think?
Hey, can I ask you
a personal question?
I don't really like to talk
about my personal life at work.
Well, it's about
my personal life.
Sure, that's fine.
So I had this amazing date
with a guy,
and we both like
really good sandwiches,
so I texted him on Monday,
"Sandwiches for dinner?"
"How's tomorrow or Wednesday
or Thursday or Friday?"
And he didn't respond.
That's too bad.
- Onto the next.
- Well, I'm not done.
So I followed up with him
on Tuesday,
"Actually, can't do Thursday,"
even though I could.
"How's tomorrow,
aka Wednesday or Friday?"
PS, how was your day?"
And nothing.
How long do you think I should
wait before I text him again?
Never text him again.
He doesn't like you.
Mm.
Hi, Dennis.
- Hey, Marcie.
- How's your day going?
Ugh, well. Can I ask you
- a personal question?
- Mm-hmm.
How many consecutive texts
can you send
to a potential soulmate before
you stop respecting yourself?
- I'm at five.
- And he hasn't responded?
No. And we had
the best date ever.
Eight hours awake
and four hours asleep.
I don't understand.
Is he blowing me off?
No, that's silly.
Why would anyone ignore you?
You're such a great guy.
Maybe he's just really busy.
Sometimes when the phones
are really busy,
I forget to reply to things
until days later.
I think some people forget
how much you mean to them
until they see your face,
you know?
Like out of sight, out of mind.
I kind of just wanna
show up at his door,
like that Carole King song.
That's romantic, right?
Maybe. It could be. Yeah.
I mean, you know him
better than I do,
so I say go with your gut.
You're so right.
I knew you were
the person to ask.
Reception.
Hello?
UPS.
Oh, okay.
- Come on.
- Okay.
I can't keep up with this drama.
- Is it really?
- Yeah.
Are you serious?
Jesus Christ.
I'm traversing here!
- I've always wanted
to say that.
- Wait,
that was so sexy.
Rocky!
Fuck you!
Do you know that guy?
Yeah. Give me two minutes.
Hi.
I was gonna call you.
Hi. You've reached the voicemail
of Dennis Benver.
I'm sorry I can't get
to the phone right now.
I'll try calling you back
at a future time and date.
Hi. You've reached
the voicemail of Dennis.
I'm so sorry I missed your call,
but if you leave your name
and your number,
I'll get back to you
in a reasonable time.
Thanks for calling.
Leave a message.
I'm sorry. The call you entered
cannot be completed as dialed.
- Please hang up and try again.
- Hi.
If you need help, hang up
and then call your operator.
Hey, uh...
Nobody's ever gonna hear this.
Um...
I answered a call
from an unknown number once,
and he said,
"Hey, I was thinking about you.
What are you doing tonight?"
And we baked
a strawberry shortcake.
And in the morning,
I went looking
for another slice.
I forgot it was just a dream.
We don't bite.
Oh, sorry. I think I'm lost.
I understand.
You can just listen if you want.
What's your twin's name?
Rocky was scared of the dark
when we were kids.
We had bunk beds,
but me and him
would always share the top bunk.
So, the monsters
couldn't get him.
Then one night,
he said that he wasn't afraid.
And that I was the one
who was afraid.
Fucking pissed me off.
Uh...
We were probably too old
to be sharing a bed
at that point, anyway.
I don't-- I don't know
why I was telling that story.
- Hi, Dennis!
- Oh, fuck me!
Oh, sorry,
I didn't mean to startle you.
I thought I was
the last one here.
Are you still working?
No, I'm studying.
For the LSAT.
I didn't know
you wanted to be a lawyer.
That's so cool! Wow!
Okay, well, have a good night.
Okay!
Bye, Dennis. Oh, and good luck.
- Hello?
- Hey.
It's Roman.
Hey.
You wanna get groceries
with me?
Yeah! I've been, um,
meaning to go to the store.
I might forget to
turn out all the lights
But you take care of me
When I have to leave
At dawn
I might sleep in
Past all my alarms
But you take care of us
When I make it tough
Because
It takes all that I got
Not to fuck this up
So, won't you let me know
If I'm not alone
Leaning on you
Was I fearless...
Rocky!
Oh. Wow. You...
Sorry,
you must be Rocky's brother?
Yeah.
Yeah, I am.
Um, I'm so sorry
for your loss.
Thanks.
Were you at the service or...
No, I was-- I was in Tahiti,
for work.
Uh, but I was--
I was there when he died.
Oh, you're that guy.
We were just trying
to get some froyo,
and this crazy fucking lunatic,
like, starts screaming at us.
And so,
Rocky stepped into the street,
and this car came out of,
like, nowhere,
and I heard
this crunching sound.
Wow. Um, you don't need
to hear all that.
I'm sorry. I'm in the process
of switching therapists.
Did you get a look
at the crazy screaming guy or...
I couldn't tell you, honestly.
It just-- It happened so fast.
Uh, I didn't get
a good look at him.
Oh. I've just, uh,
thought a lot about
what I would do to that guy
if I ever saw him.
Rip his fucking testicles
right out of his throat,
shove them back down
through his own dick hole,
back out his ass.
Pummel his fucking face till
he was past his expiration date.
Hi. I'm sorry. I didn't--
I didn't mean to interrupt
your conversation,
but, um... Oh!
Do I know you?
No, sorry. I'm-I'm Rupert.
- I'm just visiting from London.
- Oh.
But it happens to me
all the time, actually.
One of those faces.
All the time. I always say that.
Okay. Well, that must be,
that must be very nice.
Anyway,
I just wanted to say "Hi,"
and, um, sorry this was awkward,
but, yeah, my condolences.
- Bye, Rupert.
- Thanks.
Have a good one.
What the hell was that?
I start
talking in different accents
when I find someone attractive.
It's a defense mechanism.
Wait, shit.
- Let me go get him back.
- No!
So was he your type?
Uh...
I don't think I have a type.
You know, there's a gay guy
at work.
Sam.
You should meet him.
I think you'd really get along.
You know, that's sort of like,
"You're both Asian.
I'm sure you have lots
of Asian things to talk about."
No, man,
I'm trying to hook you up.
Come on.
What kind of girls are you into?
I like boobs.
But honestly, at this point,
I just wanna meet a nice girl.
Nice girls don't have boobs?
If you find one, let me know.
Together or separate?
- Together.
- Separate.
Why is this fucking light on?
- Happy birthday to you
- How did you guys know?
- Happy birthday to you
- I never talk about
my personal life!
Happy birthday, dear Sage
Happy birthday to...
- Hi, Dennis.
- Mm, hi, Marcie.
- You look really happy.
- Mm, thanks.
- I am happy.
- That's amazing! Good for you.
Yeah. I'm going to Seattle
this weekend for a hockey game.
Ah, how exciting.
I love winter sports.
It's the Michigan in me.
Yeah, it's a bit testosterone-y
for my taste,
but Roman's into it,
and relationships
are about compromise.
Ooh! Who's Roman?
Is he your boyfriend?
No. Um, we're just pals.
- That's really nice.
- Yeah.
- Are you married?
- Me?
No. Um, did you think
I was married?
Yeah, you just seem like someone
who would be married
by your age.
It's funny you say that,
because all the women
in my family married very young,
and I always thought
I would have a kid
before I turned 28.
And sure, these days,
there are advancements,
but the clock is still ticking.
For my eggs.
Right, well,
I'm gonna get more cake.
Okay. I'll just stand here.
She rolls the window down
And she talks
over the sound
Of the cars that pass us by
And I don't know why
But she's changed my mind
Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking
About her constantly
But she don't know
How I feel
And as she carries on
Without a doubt
I wonder
If she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl...
Yeah, I'm crazy
for this girl
So she asked
if I want an ice cream cone,
and I said, "Yes, but I would
like ice cream in it."
- Ah.
- What?
Nothing.
My dog jaw's bothering me.
- Your dog jaw?
- Yeah.
- You never heard of dog jaw?
- No.
It's like I was born
with a jawbone
that's shaped like a paw print.
- What?
- Here. Yeah, you can feel it
right here.
- Here?
- Yeah.
Faggots.
Wait, what'd you say?
- It's fine. Let it go.
- Hey! Fuck did you say?
I said, "Look at those faggots."
Why don't you apologize?
Hey, why don't you suck my dick?
Okay, I will suck whosever dick
if we can just
de-escalate the situation.
You should listen
to your girlfriend.
Say you're sorry.
I'm sorry.
Fuck you!
Oh. There's one here. Oh!
Oh, no.
I don't like this.
Oh, oh, what? Ow!
Come here,
you little fucking piece
of shit!
Roman.
Roman. Roman.
Roman, Roman, Roman!
Stop, stop, stop!
Oh, fuck!
- Let's go. Let's go.
- Oh, fuck.
Fuck!
I thought Gen Z
was supposed to be nice.
I got ice in a bucket.
Need me to put it
anywhere on you?
Yeah, my bourbon.
I poured you one too.
All right.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Okay.
So, where'd you learn
to beat people up?
I took a little karate as a kid,
but I quit
when I didn't make blue belt.
Then I guess I dabbled
in some MMA after high school,
but honestly, you don't learn
to fight in a classroom.
You learn in the streets.
In the streets?
Who are you?
So, you're not mad?
Thought maybe you wouldn't...
condone violence or something.
It was self-defense.
For the first half.
Well, if you're going to hell,
keep going.
Right?
Right.
Hey, can I confess
something to you?
I've been using
Rocky's gym membership.
Pretending I'm him.
It's kind of fucked up, right?
Yeah, that's...
crazy.
You know, I actually got hit
on there the other day.
I thought maybe
the guy knew Rocky, so, uh,
I just went with it.
What did he say?
He was like, "Someone's been
working their arms."
- He did not say that.
- Yeah, he did. Yeah, he...
Then I said, uh, "Yeah,
you know, I've been
working 'em real good."
You're such a tease.
What? I experimented.
- You did?
- Mm.
I, uh...
...kissed a guy at a party once.
It was after Rocky came out.
I think I was just trying
to understand.
I never told him that.
You could talk to me
like I'm Rocky.
Yeah, so you're dead now.
That's what you get
for not looking both ways.
You only wanna look forward.
Sorry, I don't even know
what to...
I can't even remember
the last time
we had a real conversation.
That wasn't, "How's work?"
You know, "How's Mom?"
And it's always
on your time too.
Better things to do, right?
You wished me a "happy birthday"
the day after.
And, I mean,
I know you didn't forget.
Like, I'm-I'm pretty stupid,
but I'm not that fucking stupid.
You know, I actually waited
until midnight, just in case,
and...
and the second it...
Well, I snapped, 'cause...
to be honest,
you're so fucking selfish.
Like, what, you don't-- you...
you don't wanna deal with me?
You know, I'm--
I'm sorry I don't read politics,
or... ...like,
or whatever, but, like...
You know what?
It's your fucking fault
we're like this.
Yeah, you couldn't wait
to get away. I mean, I would've,
I would've followed you
to college.
I would've gone to Japan.
I would've figured it out.
But you never even
fucking asked me!
Sorry.
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry
I can't control my anger.
And I'm sorry I blew up at you
when you told me you like guys.
I'm sorry
I called you a faggot.
I wish I could take it back.
Oh, and your face
when I said it,
I...
I know that's why you left!
I think I was just--
I was scared that...
I don't... I don't know.
If I didn't... if I didn't...
If you weren't like me,
and we weren't the same,
then... then I wouldn't know
who I was, you know?
But that-- but that's okay,
because you...
you can talk about guys,
and I can talk about girls,
and we both still...
you know, like video games,
and-and hockey, and pizza.
Well, everybody likes pizza.
I don't know how
to fucking be here without you.
I don't know how
to fucking be here without you!
I don't know how
to fucking be here without you!
I wish you could've met Rocky.
He would've really liked you.
There might not be
a lot of people there.
Just so you know, uh,
Marcie's kind of a...
I mean, I don't wanna say
she's a loser, but,
I mean, you'll see.
See you
blowing me a kiss...
Roman?
Whoa, Sammy.
What are you doing here?
Oh, I took a woodworking class
with Marcie.
What are you doing here?
This is my buddy Dennis.
He works with Marcie.
Oh, hey, what's up?
I'm-I'm Sammy.
Hi.
He's the gay guy from work
I was telling you about.
What are the odds?
Hi. I hear
we have a lot in common.
Do you?
I'll go get us
a couple of drinks.
Why don't, uh, you two mingle?
Not like we have a date
with destiny
It's just a little crush...
- Oh, I fucking hate that song.
- I love this song.
Hmm. So, uh, you like wood?
- Um...
- Oh, uh... Yeah.
I, uh, I like to use my hands.
I have soft hands.
- Cool.
- I was told I have the hands
of somebody who's never worked
a day in their life.
- Wow!
- I think by my mother.
Hi!
Hi. Sorry, I'm-I'm...
- Can I feel?
- ...Roman.
- Yeah.
- I'm Marcie.
Very soft.
Yeah.
Um...
any other hobbies?
Hiking, skiing, paragliding,
rock climbing, mountainboarding,
white water rafting. Parkour.
Feel like that's too many.
It's a bit of a problem.
I'm sort of an adrena-junkie,
you know?
Isn't parkour dangerous?
- No.
- But people die doing it?
Yes.
Okay.
You just have to know
your limits.
I don't know my limits!
Like, what's the wildest thing
you did this year?
Nothing comes to mind. Um...
jury duty. Or I almost--
I had a conflict,
so they didn't pick me.
You're cute.
...In your eyes
A vision of you and me...
Oh, you never played
the original Sims?
Oh, man, it's the best.
Actually, a lot of people don't
realize it was really hard.
'Cause you don't get weekends,
so you have to spend
all your time going to work,
going to sleep,
showering, cleaning, cooking,
pooping, you know? Sorry.
But, yeah, you really have
to tend to their needs,
'cause, um,
they'll let you know about it.
They get very cranky.
Um, they'll pee their pants.
They'll, uh, get
very depressed, actually.
They can get depressed.
Oh. Wow. I...
I always just thought
it was a silly game
- where they talk gibberish.
- No, no, no.
There's stakes. Yeah.
It's life or death out there.
And it's actually not gibberish.
It's Simlish.
It's like
it's whole own language.
Sorry.
Sorry. That's dumb.
No, it's really sweet.
It was just my favorite game
when I was a kid.
I have a twin brother.
We were obsessed with it,
so we just would play it
for hours together.
Real hours,
not Sims hours. Yeah.
Part of me always thought that's
what my life would be like
when we got older too.
Rocky and I would get a house
and shoot hoops
on the SuperDoop,
talk in the hot tub.
I was always
the stay-at-home twin.
He'd get the job, the promotion,
and I'd kind of clean the house,
and, you know, fix things,
and cook the meals, and...
I'd always burn down
the kitchen too.
Uh, he hated that.
Do you and Rocky still play?
No, he, uh,
he passed away
a couple months ago, actually.
Oh, no.
- I'm so sorry.
- Nah, it's okay.
Um, I mean, you didn't know.
I'm so sorry.
- Oh...
- Marcie! Happy--
- Oh, my God. Are you okay?
- I'm fine.
I'm just an emotional drinker.
Shelly, happy Halloween.
- Happy Halloween!
- You look so great.
Thank you!
- Hey, Marcie.
- Hi, Dennis.
- Great party.
- Yeah. Thanks for coming.
You have so many friends.
Never would've guessed.
Really? Huh.
That's interesting, yeah.
I mean, everyone at work
sees you a certain way,
but I'm actually
an ENFP personality.
Although
my first week working here,
I was getting over mono,
so I tried to avoid
infecting anyone,
and I think I made
a bad impression.
- How'd you get mono?
- I don't know.
But I was an RA in college,
and then Kappa Delta,
so I have no problem sharing
a shower with ten other girls.
That's how you got mono?
No.
I'm just saying
I've always been an extrovert.
I just love people.
Oh.
Reception.
Let me transfer you.
I'm sorry, you got me babbling.
Um, did you need something?
Do you remember my friend Roman?
Oh, my gosh, yes. He is so...
Um, I really liked him.
Well, we were thinking
it might be fun
to hang out sometime.
Together. Like a double date.
And Roman would be
my designated date?
Yes. Was that not clear?
- Oh, my gosh!
- Um... ...yes!
I'm so there.
Oh, hey, Sammy.
How you doing?
- Hey, what's up?
- Nothing. Nothing.
It was cool running into you
this weekend.
Uh, hey, what'd you think
of my friend Dennis?
- No.
- Okay.
- What is he doing here?
- I ran into him again.
You told me
you thought he was attractive.
What happened to Sammy?
Sammy was great.
Sammy said
that he thought you were cute,
but that he doesn't do cute.
- I can't do this!
- Yes, you can.
I explained everything.
He knows
you're not really from London.
I'm allergic to shellfish,
I once fell off a ski lift...
...um, and I've never been
- to another country.
- Nobody falls off a ski lift.
Everybody's been
to another country.
- I've been to Canada one time.
- Okay.
Oh, gosh.
Okay, you got me.
Wait. Um, so how did you
fall off a ski lift?
Uh, we were kids,
we took a Christmas trip
to Sun Valley once,
and Rocky dropped his glove,
and I reached for it
and tried to grab it.
Yeah.
Head first, ten, 15 feet.
Uh, I remember just hearing
this snap in my wrist.
- Jesus.
- Yeah.
- I love skiing.
- Oh, no way. You like skiing?
Yeah, yeah. I-I ski.
- Um, I'm from Michigan.
- That's cool.
- You don't even have an accent.
- Okay, my turn.
I can't whistle,
I once traded my cat Noodles
for my neighbor's
Princess Diana Beanie Baby.
The deal was revoked
hours later.
And what else, what else?
Um, oh.
I auditioned
for The Real World...
...San Diego
when I was in college.
Mm, your second one
is too specific to be a lie.
And you didn't audition
for Real World.
Yeah, you hesitated
before that last one.
- I think that's...
that's probably the lie.
- Yeah.
I think you can whistle, right?
- I've never had a cat.
- Oh, my God!
- What?
- You are so good at this.
Yeah. Well, the trick is
to say something
that is emotionally true
but factually false.
- Yeah.
- Okay, um, my turn.
Uh, when I was ten,
I almost lost a testicle
in a diving board accident...
You know, I used to feel...
I don't wanna say "superior"
to singletons, but...
Yeah, like, I felt bad for them.
And now,
I'm just like everybody else.
Except worse.
Because I know.
I see twins everywhere I go.
My bar, my park.
I had to switch juiceries,
because my go-to hired
twin cashiers.
- Hi, boys.
- Hey.
- And good morning.
- Morning.
I snuck it past security.
- My God, you're so naughty.
- No, I didn't.
- I just asked really politely.
- Oh.
I would've brought you one,
but Roman says
you don't drink coffee.
Yeah, coffee's bad
for your teeth. I drink tea.
You know, tea actually contains
a higher tannin content
than coffee,
so it's more likely
to stain your teeth.
- Interesting fact!
- I didn't know that.
- Yeah.
- Starbucks sells tea, FYI.
Oh, I brew my own coffee.
I just really like
their travel mugs.
- You look really cute today.
- Thanks, baby.
Oh, Dennis.
I saw a pair of twins
at the gym yesterday,
and then I saw another pair
of twins on my walk home.
It's like they're everywhere.
- That's the frequency illusion.
- What?
Also known as
the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon.
It's like when I got
my navy blue Prius.
Suddenly, I was seeing
navy blue Prii everywhere,
but they'd always been there,
I just wasn't paying attention.
You are so smart today.
I mean, you're smart every day,
- but especially today.
- No!
I was a psychology major.
That's why
you're a receptionist.
'Cause you're so good
with people.
Thanks, Dennis.
Anyway,
it, uh, reminded me of
the discussion we had in group.
What group?
The support group
I'm always talking about.
Wait, does Dennis have a twin?
Yeah, that's how we met.
I thought I told you this.
No, I...
Dennis, you told me
you were an only child.
- Mm, I didn't tell you that.
- Yeah, yeah!
It was bagel Friday.
I remember,
because I'm an only child too,
and-and we're both Leos.
Well, I am an only child now,
because my twin, Dean, died,
and it's very personal,
so I guess I didn't feel
comfortable telling you that.
- I'm so sorry.
- It's fine.
It's okay.
You know,
I feel like such a doofus,
because there was
that one time at work
a couple of months ago,
and I didn't want to pry,
but you were so sad,
and-and you were
kind of hard to understand,
but you were saying
something about
how the love of your life
had been hit by a--
No! Stop!
- Dennis?
- You okay, man?
Uh, I-I need to get out of here!
I'm-I'm claustrophobic,
and I don't wanna talk
about Dean!
I think he's having
an anxiety attack.
Yes! I-I'm having
an anxiety attack!
Anxiety attack! Anxiety attack!
- Hey.
- So, I spoke with Sharon,
the manager--
Oh, she's a sweetheart.
Do we want credit or a refund?
- Refund.
- Credit.
Jonny died.
My dog.
I shouldn't have named him
after my brother.
It's like he's gone
all over again.
After... Jonny died,
the real Jonny,
I became glued to my wife.
She said I was
trying to replace my brother...
- Dennis.
- Maybe you should get it.
It's the third time.
It could be an emergency!
Oh, my God. Shit.
Hey, buddy, it's late.
Everything okay?
Yeah, sorry.
Did I wake you?
No, no.
Just, uh, hanging with Marcie.
Oh, right, Marcie. So needy.
- Uh, you're on speaker.
- Hi, Dennis.
So, what's up?
Just wanted to see
what you were doing.
Uh, we're doing nothing,
talking about Christmas
and stockings and all the stuff
we want to stuff in them.
Nice. Mm.
Are you headed home
for Christmas?
Um, I'll be here, alone, again.
I mean, don't worry about me.
I'm used to it.
I'm sure
I'll find something to do.
You know, I've got that whole
unread collection of books
I like to look at.
Dennis, hang on. I'm just gonna
put you on hold for a second.
Uh, sure.
Yeah,
I have nothing better to do.
Hey, buddy,
sorry that took so long. Um,
how'd you like to spend
Christmas in Moscow?
Moscow, Idaho?
That's the one.
She rolls the window down
And she talks
over the sound
Do you have
enough leg room, Dennis?
No.
Of the cars
that pass us by...
- Where are the decorations?
- I'm sorry, what?
Decorations?
Where are the lights?
Anything? Christmas?
Where are the decorations?
What are you talking about?
- Did you not even get a tree?
- No, I didn't get a tree.
Why don't we call
the fucking butler?
It's the holiday!
Why wouldn't you get a tree?
Don't start with me.
Please, don't start with me.
It's fine.
Why didn't you bring a tree?
- I'm supposed to lug a tree?
- Whose job is it?
- No!
- It's selfish! Yes, it is!
Don't say that to me!
How can you say that to me?
Because it's the fucking truth!
It's not what he wanted!
It's not fucking what he wanted!
You don't know that.
You don't know everything.
Yes, I do! Everybody
who fucking knew him knew that!
You don't know everything.
Do you guys want wine
with dinner?
- Wine's good.
- Yes, thank you.
Idaho... Hasn't even fucking
lived here for ten years!
Do you think
I was being too mean?
I think you're both grieving.
Hmm, hey, it's all right.
- We can still save Christmas.
- What's the point?
If you're going to hell,
keep going.
- "Through hell."
- Hmm?
"If you're going
through hell, keep going."
Because it gets better.
It's a Winston Churchill quote.
Oh.
Yeah, that makes way more sense.
I knew that too.
Nice, buddy.
Would you please get up?
It's afternoon.
Mom.
Socks. Thanks, buddy.
You're welcome.
Uh, who's next?
- Oh, the card's for you, Marcie.
- - Oh!
Oh, it's a koala.
I love koalas.
"Merry Christmas. Dennis."
Oh, God.
A gift card to the Olive Garden.
I freaking love
the Olive Garden.
How did you know?
I just had a feeling.
I am obsessed
with their Toscana soup.
Thank you.
- All right, babe, all right.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- All right.
And, Dennis, this one's for you.
It's a book.
I thought you could, uh,
redesign the cover for me.
It's The Giving Tree.
It's my favorite book.
It's the only one
I've ever read twice.
It's an iconic cover.
Yeah, well, I believe in you.
I don't get it.
Um, why are you giving Dennis homework?
Oh. It's his, uh, dream
to be a book designer.
- Really? That's neat.
- Yeah.
I didn't know.
I thought you wanted
to be a lawyer.
No, I hate lawyers.
Then why were you studying
for the LSAT?
For fun.
Oh, why would that be fun
if you hate lawyers?
I don't know, Marcie.
Why do people walk on hot coals?
So they can say they did.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
Do you know
when Dennis's twin died?
Dean?
Um, I think a year ago,
year and a half maybe.
Did he live in Portland?
Dennis said
he worked for the IRS.
Is the IRS in Portland?
- Oh, the IRS
is everywhere, baby.
- Oh.
- Why do you ask?
- No reason.
- Where is he?
- Oh, my God.
They went hiking. They said
they'd be back after sunset.
You like Pokmon?
Yeah. I like Pokmon.
Rocky and Roman
loved those cards.
All they could talk about.
I spent so much
fucking money on them.
And then Rocky just left.
He couldn't be bothered
to take his shit with him.
I'm like a storage unit.
Do you want 'em?
Yeah, I-- If you don't
want them, I can take them.
Roman said you lost a twin.
I, uh...
did, yes.
So you know what it feels like.
To be split.
Hmm.
He doesn't talk to me.
They say there's nothing worse
than losing a child.
But maybe there is.
I'm glad he has someone
who understands.
I'm heading out.
Before you leave,
Marcie wants to see you
in the conference room.
- Why?
- I didn't ask.
Okay. Have fun at the concert.
Thanks.
Did I tell you
I was going to a concert?
Yes.
Thank you for agreeing
to meet with me.
I need to talk to you, Dennis.
Okay, well, I have somewhere
I have to be.
You don't really have a twin,
do you?
Roman mentioned
that Dean passed away,
like, a year and a half ago,
and that didn't make sense
because I knew you, like,
a year and a half ago,
and I should've known that.
And you don't have
photos of him on Instagram,
and I thought,
"Well, that's strange,
but maybe he deleted them."
So, yesterday, I texted
my friend Sheri at the IRS,
and she said there was
no Dean Benver in their records.
And then last night,
I called Kevin Ross,
who I saw you went
to high school with.
I met him
in an oil painting class,
and he said
you didn't have a brother
and he's 100 percent sure
because you sat alone
at lunch every day
and his mom made him go
to your birthday party
and no one else showed up
and you have a twin bed,
but just one, and he also
made it sound like
you fooled around in it,
but I couldn't be sure
'cause I heard his wife
in the background--
Why are you spying on me?
Did you know
Roman's brother Rocky?
- No.
- I don't believe you.
Let it go.
Roman thinks you met
because you lost a twin.
A twin that doesn't even exist.
You can't keep this
from him, Dennis.
He has to know the truth.
I will tell him when I'm ready.
You need to tell him now
or I will.
You're not telling him, Marcie.
I mean, God,
you have everything.
Everybody likes you,
you have a million friends,
you have both your parents.
I bet none of your houseplants
ever fucking die.
Let me have one good thing.
I'm happy. He's happy.
I help him.
When he needed
somebody to talk to at 3:00
in the morning, I'm the one
who picked up the phone.
Where the fuck
were you then, huh?
You wouldn't even know Roman
if it wasn't for me.
What do you expect me to do?
I know I need to tell him.
I just...
I want a little bit more time.
Please.
She said she couldn't
see me this weekend.
Then she kept apologizing
and said
that I should talk to you.
I mean, are you sure
she didn't say anything?
Oh, you know what?
I totally forgot
we're doing this company-wide
fundraiser for MS research,
and Marcie took
a vow of silence.
- Really?
- Hmm.
Why wouldn't she
just tell me that?
We had to sign
nondisclosure agreements.
Oh.
Okay.
Oops. I guess I missed you.
I promise
to call you back ASAP.
I hope you're having
a wonderful day.
Hey, it's me.
Just, uh...
I know you can't talk
'cause you're saving lives.
Roman?
Roman.
Hey.
Someone cracked the bourbon.
Mm, ooh.
Well, I started without you
'cause I was bored.
I'm gonna hop in the shower.
No, don't.
You already left me alone
for so long.
Oh, wow, you are drunk.
Wow.
Uh, here.
I poured you one.
I didn't put anything in it.
I could've though.
You never know.
You don't know me.
Thanks.
God, these fucking shoes
are killing me.
I think my feet got bigger.
Mmm. Well,
you know what that means.
- What?
- Nothing.
Do you want a foot massage?
- Uh, nah, I'm okay.
- Are you sure?
I'm super good.
I went to massage
training school
in college in the summer.
Okay. Yeah, mm.
Maybe it'll help.
Yeah, I bet it will.
Come on over.
The bed is fine.
- Just like this?
- Yeah.
Sorry, man. I bet my foot
smells like death.
Mmm. I don't mind.
Oh, wow.
Oh, shit, you are good at that.
Just drink your drink.
All right, hold your hippos.
What did you say?
"Hold your hippos."
It's like, uh...
it's like
"hold your horses," but...
It's just something
Rocky and I say.
Oh.
Did you and Dean
ever have anything like that?
Um...
"Jinx, you owe me a soda."
Right, but everyone says that.
Well, we started it. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's the fucking spot.
Ooh. Wow. That's really good.
Mmm.
Oh.
This is actually really helping.
Oh, wow.
Wow, wow,
wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
What are you doing?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What the fuck was that?
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to do that.
I don't know if they teach that,
like, in-in massage school,
but I'm just, uh,
I'm not into that. So...
I'm sorry. It's just...
You look so much like him.
Like who?
Oh, I don't want you to hate me.
I don't hate you.
It's not a big deal, you know?
Just don't do it again.
Yeah, if I tell you,
you're gonna hate me,
and then it's gonna be over.
What are you talking about?
Why... why would I hate you?
Because, um...
I don't have a twin,
and Dean isn't real.
Wha--
What do you mean?
What do you mean he isn't real?
I made him up. He doesn't exist.
What the fuck
are you talking about?
Why are you
in the support group?
I just started following you.
I thought it was a sign,
and I kept trying to tell you,
but I--
I mean, how do you say...
Oh, I was in love
with your brother.
Except it wasn't really love
because I only knew him
for a day, but at the time,
that felt like enough, and...
And I was the crazy guy
in-in the intersection,
and, you know,
it wasn't technically my fault,
but if he never met me,
he'd probably still be alive,
and it was the worst day
of my life and...
I don't know why I kept lying.
I just... I wanted
to be close to you,
and I thought
I could make it better,
but I just kept
making things worse.
And-and Marcie
isn't on a silent retreat,
and I... I didn't go
to massage school, but...
You are my best friend.
And I don't want that to change.
I don't know what to do.
Do you hate me?
Roman? Please say something.
Roman. Do you hate me?
Don't fucking touch me.
Roman, please. I... I'm sorry.
Don't fucking touch me!
I just kept hitting him.
Couldn't stop.
Hi, Dennis. It's Marcie.
So you're not at work.
Sage asked me to call you.
Are you coming in today?
Look, Roman's pretty upset.
He wants you
to stop calling him,
and he doesn't want me
talking to you either,
but I'll be thinking of you.
Do you see what... I see?
I don't know what you see,
but what I see is me.
I see me too.
Does that mean
there's two of you
or... or two of me?
Oh.
Wow.
There really is two of us.
Don't you find this odd?
No, this is weird.
This is really, really weird.
Wait a sec.
You live at the Callaway house.
And you're that girl from camp.
They thought I was you!
So who'd like to start today?
Okay, if no one's gonna say it,
then I'll say it.
Roman sent us all an email
that said you made Dean up,
and I think
that you're a fucking creep.
Is this true, Dennis?
True? Uh, I mean...
Technically... it's true,
but I-I've always felt
so connected to all of you,
and I've always wanted a twin.
Sometimes Dean felt real.
His favorite snack
is a hot pretzel
with sea salt and...
You know, maybe twin identity
is really just a construct,
like gender.
Oh, okay.
Or it's maybe not. Um...
I was reading about
vanishing twin syndrome.
Because I've always thought
there was something
or someone missing.
And it's possible that I had
a twin in my mother's womb,
but I ate him.
And I'd ask her,
but I can't because she's dead.
Really dead. She's real.
We believe you got a mom.
I don't.
She rolls the window down
And she talks
over the sound
Of the cars that pass us by
And I don't know why
But she's changed
my mind...
Excuse me.
Can you take a picture of us?
No. No, I can't. You have
no idea how lucky you are.
Well, sorry we asked.
...And as she carries on
without a doubt
I wonder
if she's figured out...
Fuck.
What are you looking for?
I can't find Rocky's sweater.
Uh...
The one with the--
with the stripes, the...
Did you move it?
Did you put it somewhere?
No, I didn't touch it.
I bet Dennis stole it,
that fake twin fucker.
I'm sure it'll turn up.
Yeah, how the fuck
do you know that?
I'm sorry.
You can't talk to me like that.
I know. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I forgive you.
I don't deserve it.
Deservedness is not
a requisite for forgiveness.
I'll help you look.
- Not right now.
- When?
- Thirty more minutes.
- You said that 30 minutes ago.
Well, think of it like
edging.
Oh, no.
What do you want to do
for dinner tonight?
Oh, I'm going to Shelly's,
remember?
Oh. Forgot.
Can I come?
It's girls' night.
- We talked about this.
- Okay. Fine.
- Don't mope.
- I'm not moping.
Sorry, there was a line.
I can't stay long.
- Thank you.
- Sure thing.
Sorry, I shouldn't
have ordered anything.
- Do you want my sandwich?
- No, I'm good.
- I got a promotion. Oh.
- How are you?
Congrats.
Thanks.
Sort of. It's a ladder move.
Lateral move?
- What?
- Lateral.
Means you're moving sideways.
I guess you could have
a sideways ladder,
but I can't think
of a use for it.
Fuck.
I said "ladder move"
to, like, so many people.
Well, monkey bars.
That's a sideways ladder.
Great.
So where you working these days?
Marcie said you quit.
Fired, but that's sweet of her.
I'm in the process of getting
my real estate license.
What, no book designing?
I decided I'd rather be
middle class and unhappy
than poor
and slightly less unhappy.
Yeah. Makes sense.
And that said, I did...
Wasn't sure if it was
in poor taste or not, but...
Think it's definitely
poor taste.
Yeah, I can see that now.
- I can take it...
- No, no, I'll...
I'll keep it.
Did I break your arm?
Uh, unrelated. Sort of.
Sorry.
For hitting you like I did.
It's all right.
No, it's not.
I shouldn't have done that.
I think I outclassed you
in that department.
Yeah, I just don't, um...
I don't understand
how someone could...
I mean, who are you?
You know how people say
"just be yourself"?
Like, what version of me?
I hate most of them.
But the version of me that was
just hanging out with you, I...
I wanted to be him all the time.
So, you--
you said you were
in love with Rock.
With the caveat
that I am insane.
He ever talk about me?
Do you want details?
Do you want my sandwich?
No, I'm going to dinner
with Marcie.
So I can't stay long.
Right. You said.
How is Marcie, by the way?
Every day is a good day
in Marcie-land.
I remember.
I'll just have a bite.
Hmm.
I started taking karate again.
There's a skinny guy
in my class, reminds me of you.
Aren't those classes useless?
I hear you can only really learn
how to fight in the streets.
Well, we learn
in the streets too.
My sensei, he, uh, follows me
after work and attacks me.
Do you think
we would've been friends
if we met under
different circumstances?
I don't know.
I'd like to think so, but...
Right.
God, this cast is so itchy.
- How long you have it on for?
- A month.
Keep it dry.
Rocky said you broke
your own foot once.
He told you that?
You dropped
a bowling ball on it?
He said you were...
the good twin.
It was with a brick.
How are y'all doing?
Can I get you anything?
Can we get a box to go?
Sure thing.
So I'm the lucky one
Better men
wouldn't carry on
What was the first line?
We had a good time
Know you twice
So I'm the lucky one
Much better people
proved me wrong
They set a high price
To know you twice
So I'm the lucky one
Nothing's new under the sun
Thought you could be
all you know
Strikes once
We had a good time
So I'm the lucky one
We had a good time
Yep.
Hi. I'm Judy.
- Roman.
- I worked with Rocky.
Sorry.
It's like looking at a ghost.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Have to get out of here.
Roman. Eric.
We've never met,
but I feel like I know you.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm-I'm here if you...
Oh, God. Your face.
It doesn't--
Actually, it doesn't seem like
you are trying to do your job.
No, looks like--
It feels like you're doing
the opposite of your job
'cause it should be pretty easy
to cancel
- my dead brother's account.
- Do you want this?
- I don't know.
- Ma, I don't know.
I'm on the phone.
No, do not put me on hold!
- Do you want these?
- I-- Mom, please.
Don't tell me
to fucking calm down!
I've been on the phone
for, like, an hour--
- Hello? Fuck!
- Roman,
do you want me to keep these
or throw them away?
- Do we have to do this now?
- We don't have the room,
but if you wanna keep
everything--
Can we just do this tomorrow,
please? Why?
Because I'm going back tomorrow.
Okay, but I'm gonna be here,
so just leave it.
You're gonna pack up
this entire apartment?
- Yes. Yes.
- Oh, that's rich.
I'll do it myself-- What?
I don't think you should
stay here. I don't think
- it's good for you.
- Oh, come on. You don't know
what's good for me, Mom.
You never knew
- what was good for me. Okay?
- All right.
- You kidding me?
- Well, then never mind.
- I won't help you.
- Good.
- You can do all this yourself.
- That's what I'm saying.
- That's-- Go.
- I'll go back to the hotel.
- Don't call me.
- Good. Good for fucking you!
Time-out!
Roman.
You need help.
You need help.
Well, that's true.
Hello, everyone.
It's seven o'clock,
so I say let's get started.
I see some new faces here today,
so I thought it would be fun
to go in a circle.
Say your name,
a vegetable that starts
with the same first letter
and one thing you don't miss
about your twin.
Charlotte. Carrot.
I don't miss Claire
stealing my boyfriend.
No, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
We won't go in a circle.
But Claire, she really
did steal my boyfriend.
He couldn't tell us apart.
But it still counts, right?
I miss her laugh.
We always laughed together.
We talked about doing this
Abbott and Costello routine.
But I was too shy.
So, I said to myself
I'll try stand-up.
Yep, and I'm about
to test jokes on you,
so bear with me.
Okay, you ready? All right.
Raise your hand
if you have a twin.
Okay.
This is a good crowd.
You know, so many people,
they're always asking,
"Who's older?"
I am now that she's dead.
As a twin, it's like
you internalize the difference
between you and your other half.
Claire's the outgoing one,
Claire's the beautiful one,
Claire's the one with chlamydia.
I was so upset
when she got chlamydia
without me.
We're supposed to do
everything together.
Oh, I wouldn't eat that.
Tastes like balls.
Mm, I like balls.
Oh.
Mm.
Oh, my God,
that's so bad.
Are you, uh...
Am I...?
Oh, just--
You said you like balls, so...
Rocky, my brother, was gay.
Was your twin?
Um... No.
Right.
It's weird, isn't it?
Uh, epigenetics.
- Uh...
- They're the things you inherit
on top of your DNA.
They may account
for discrepancies
between identical twins.
Huh.
Hey, do you get carsick?
- Sometimes. Why?
- Oh.
Rocky always had to sit
in the front seat
when we were kids, and...
I don't know, I just thought
maybe that was connected
to, like, the gay gene.
If there is one.
Not that there is one.
Uh, it was just an idea.
I'm no scientist.
Um, well,
there is a gay gene.
Uh, we see orange as blue
and blue as orange.
That's why
there's so many homosexuals
- in the fashion industry.
- Oh. See?
Well, there you go.
I'm sorry, you know
that I'm joking, right?
That-that's not true.
Yeah. No, I knew that.
Okay.
I'm D-- uh, I'm Dennis.
Roman.
- What was your twin's name?
- Are you hungry?
- Sorry, what?
- Sorry. I was just gonna ask
if you like sandwiches.
Never mind.
You sure you don't want some?
Mm, I'm okay.
- I forgot I already ate.
- Mm.
I don't drink caffeine
'cause it does things to me.
Then Brad converted me to tea.
Herbal tea.
Brad was this guy I was
in love with back in New York.
Then one day, I found
all these goat-fucking videos
- in his browser history.
- Whoa.
I tried to get him to confess,
but I avoid conflict,
so at dinner, I'd order
goat cheese on an entre,
or one time when he was sucking
on my neck, I bleated like...
See how he'd react.
So, I know he knew I knew.
Maybe that's why
he broke up with me.
He broke up with you?
Mm. He was the better catch.
I don't know anything
about Rocky's boyfriends.
We didn't really talk
about that stuff.
What stuff did you talk about?
Socks.
- Socks?
- I get holes in all my socks.
I think it's 'cause
I forget to cut my toenails.
Rocky thinks
it's 'cause I shop at Walmart.
That was our last conversation.
I'm sorry.
Not your fault.
So, did you live
with your brother?
Uh, no. Yeah, in college.
Mm. Rocky went to college.
I stayed in Moscow.
Moscow, Idaho?
You know another one?
Another Moscow?
I need to get out
of my mom's basement.
She started charging me rent.
Hmm. And how's she taking it?
Cash.
How is she feeling?
She's a nut bucket.
Rocky was her favorite, so...
Mm. I'm nobody's favorite.
Feel like being a twin
kind of fucked me.
I never needed anyone else
as a kid, you know, but now...
feel like I can't make friends
with a fork.
Once, twice a week's not enough.
I want to hang out all the time.
I'm-I'm too needy.
I hate doing things alone.
Cooking meals, opening mail,
- folding laundry.
- Yeah.
So much faster with two people.
Right? I mean, honestly,
whoever invented
the fitted sheet
should be flagellated.
And not the fun kind.
You get me.
Rocky!
Long time no see. How are you?
Did you get a haircut?
Oh. Uh, yeah.
This is so random.
I was literally thinking
about you the other day.
I was reading an article about
how there's a Japanese word
for people who die
in their apartments...
- Mm.
- ...and it takes a long time
for anyone to find the body--
Years even.
Old men mostly.
It's like a big problem
over there.
Ah, that's awful.
Isn't it?
Anyway, I figured
you knew this already
because you used to live
in Tokyo, right?
Right. Yeah.
Yeah, what is the word again?
Oh, uh...
"Ahtoatushi."
That doesn't sound right.
Hello?
Hey. It's Roman.
Do you wanna get groceries
with me?
Hey, how do you know
if lemons are ripe?
Uh, it's yellow.
Unripe lemons are green.
So why do they got
so many unripe ones out?
Those are limes.
Uh...
Are you okay?
Can you not laugh at me?
I know I'm not, like,
the brightest tool in the shed,
but... I don't appreciate it.
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
I'm sorry.
You know, if I get
something wrong... tell me.
'Cause...
then I can know better.
Would now be a good time
to point out
I think you meant to say,
"sharpest tool in the shed?"
Yeah.
Maybe you meant to say,
"brightest bulb in the box."
- Yeah, maybe that's
what I meant.
- Yeah, yeah.
Hey.
Uh, sorry.
I haven't been
sleeping well, so...
Oh.
Hey, is that Rocky's shirt?
Oh, yeah, yeah. How'd you know?
- Looks good on you.
- Thanks.
What, uh,
what are we looking for?
Oh, just browsing.
I pick books based on the cover.
I thought you weren't
supposed to do that.
You're also not supposed
to put Q-tips in your ear,
but if you do it right,
it feels really good.
I don't know
why I'm doing this
'cause nobody's ever
gonna hear it.
I answered a call
from an unknown number once,
and he said, "Hey,
I was thinking about you."
"What are you doing tonight?"
And we baked...
Hey.
Think I'm gonna stay.
- What?
- Yeah. Lawyer says,
the probate's gonna take
a little while anyway.
Plus, Rocky's boss
offered me a job.
Uh, he was crying a lot,
but I think he was serious.
Hmm.
Feel like I need to be here
right now.
Totally.
Yeah.
So, I guess that means you and I
get to be grocery buddies.
Hey, what's up
with your voicemail greeting,
by the way?
One more.
Okay, ready?
Hello.
This is Dennis's phone.
Please leave a message...
after the tone.
Fluffy bunny!
What are you thinking about?
Do you believe
in the death penalty?
That's what
you were thinking about?
I guess no.
Because there's a chance
of executing someone innocent,
and death is irrevocable.
Yeah, but there's some things
you can't take back.
True.
What's the worst thing
you've ever done?
What's the worst thing
you've ever done?
There's a few.
Mm.
This one time...
Rocky and I, uh...
we were 16.
And, um...
It was my fault he died.
- What?
- It was my fault.
Dean was supposed to pick me up
from the airport.
But he forgot.
And I could've
just called a cab,
but I wanted him to pick me up,
so I called him again
and again and again,
and I was relentless.
So, he broke the speed limit.
And you can guess
where this is going.
He crashed.
My last words to him were...
"Fuck you."
So... that's my story.
Um...
In fifth grade,
I had a stye in my left eye.
On school picture day.
It was...
swollen and red.
And I looked like
Forest Whitaker.
So, I begged to stay home.
But I was overruled,
so Dean pretended to be me
for the yearbook.
He saved me. Um...
He was always there
on the bad days.
When Ashley
from down the street, uh,
made fun of my pink pencil box,
he called her a butter troll.
Uh, when my stepfather asked me
not to come home anymore,
Dean held my hand.
Feels like, uh...
every day's a bad day now.
Um, sorry, uh...
It hurts. Like, um,
it's literally painful.
But I like it because
if I don't have
the pain, then...
he's really gone.
And I'm actually alone.
Excuse me.
Hi. Um, is anybody sitting here?
No. Um, yeah, feel free.
Uh, I'm almost done,
but, uh, yeah,
I-I don't have anywhere
to be, so...
Oh. Oh, no, sorry. I just
want the chair.
Yeah.
- Take it.
- Okay, thanks.
That was tragic.
- Oh, you saw that?
- I did, yeah. We all did.
Everyone in the diner.
You have to leave.
You can't be here anymore.
- We voted.
- Oh.
I know. Come on.
I'll escort you out.
Come on.
You have to come with me.
No, leave the sandwich.
Yeah. Yeah. Here we go.
Oh, my God, were you just
looking at my butt?
No.
They make
really good sandwiches.
Oh, I don't like
really good sandwiches.
I like good ones.
What's your favorite sandwich?
- BLT.
- Mm.
- We can skip the small talk.
- Yeah, yeah, we can.
Hmm. Ooh.
What's your relationship like
with your father?
Are you close with your parents?
No, you can't answer a question
with a question.
- I'm close with my father.
- Mm.
We don't talk much.
It's an unspoken closeness.
He lives in Japan.
- Japan?
- Yeah.
- Why Japan?
- Uh, I was born in Japan.
He's a professor in Osaka.
- Wait, really? Are you fluent?
- Mm-hmm.
Well, I mean,
I-I understand fluently,
but my accent's sort of--
Anyway.
Uh, so don't ask me
to say anything.
What did I just say?
- Something about milkshakes.
- Oh, my God.
- You're a skinny fucking liar.
- Why do you speak Japanese?
Because I lived in Tokyo.
Why would you lie to me?
Is this over?
No, you're cute.
I'm kind of obsessed
with you.
- Wait, where did you park?
- No, we passed it.
- Why didn't you say anything?
- I was following you.
Aw. You like following me?
Tell me something
you've never told anyone.
I've never seen Steel Magnolias.
- Oh, that's so hot.
- Yeah? Your turn.
Uh, in eighth-grade science,
I put the father hamster
back in the cage
with the mother hamster,
and he ate two of the babies.
Oh, that's kind of kinky.
If we were in a relationship,
we could share clothes.
I don't think
we're the same size.
- How tall are you?
- Five-ten.
Mmm. I'm five-ten.
Twins.
These even real?
- You know, I am a twin.
- What?
- I'm a twin.
- You have a twin?
Yeah. Pinch my nipple.
- You messing with me right now?
- No.
Are you monozygotic?
- If that means identical, yeah.
- Oh!
I am obsessed with twins.
I owned the entire
New Adventures of Mary-Kate
and Ashley book series.
I watched all their movies
and all of their
abruptly canceled TV series.
I asked my mom for a twin
every Christmas from age five...
...until I learned what sex was.
I can't believe
you have a twin.
- I love twins.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- His name's Roman.
Oh, Rocky and Roman.
I fucking love that.
Does he live in Portland?
Does he live in this building?
Did you just get harder?
So, did you ever switch places?
Sophomore year.
Geometry final.
What's the longest sentence
you've ever said in unison?
"All that she wants
is another bagel."
Oh, my God,
I'm gonna come.
So, why are you
so obsessed with twins?
Mm. I don't want to tell you.
Oh, you're gonna tell me anyway.
Come on.
It's embarrassing.
Well, you've crossed
that threshold tonight...
...multiple times.
Uh, um...
I constructed this fantasy
that my mother took me
and my father took my twin,
and they never wanted us
to meet,
and that's why
I was never allowed
to visit him in Japan.
Did you really believe that?
Mm, maybe.
I don't know. I wanted to.
They say we're born alone,
we live alone and we die alone,
but... for twins,
that isn't true.
You have a built-in best friend.
No, twins can get lonely too.
I'm incredibly lonely.
Mm-mm. You're just saying that
to make me feel better
- about myself.
- I'm not. I mean it.
I mean it.
I'm very adept at...
sharing myself
with other people.
But sometimes I can run empty.
Because...
I'm always giving
and not so much receiving.
With Roman, it's fifty-fifty.
Well, it was. I mean, we...
we don't really talk
that much anymore.
What happened?
Just life.
Growing up, we were attached
by the hip, obviously, but...
We're very different... now.
And I think that's...
I think it's harder for him.
There's a photo of us as kids
where we're wearing
these matching pajamas,
and to this day,
I could not tell you
which one I am in the picture.
It's crazy.
I was "We."
And now, I'm "I."
You miss him.
Very much.
He's my favorite person.
He thinks I'm the good twin,
but it's him.
When we were really little, I...
I broke my big toe
tripping up the stairs one time,
and later that same day,
Roman comes home
and has a broken foot.
He didn't want me to be
in pain by myself.
Oh. Oh, my God, that's adorable.
He probably, like,
dropped a bowling ball
on it or something.
- My God.
- I know.
I've never broken a bone.
Oh, no. Now, it's gonna happen.
It's like a thing.
You can't say that.
Okay.
You should call him.
Yeah, I should.
You should call him
and I'll listen.
Oh, Jesus.
Hold your hippos.
No, I can't.
I must amend
your broken twinship.
My whole life has been waiting
for this moment.
You're really sweet.
I think you'd be a good twin.
I'm falling in love with you.
I heard that.
I like this font for the OM.
Ugh, lobster? You're killing me.
That's offensive
to sweatshop workers,
don't you think?
Hey, can I ask you
a personal question?
I don't really like to talk
about my personal life at work.
Well, it's about
my personal life.
Sure, that's fine.
So I had this amazing date
with a guy,
and we both like
really good sandwiches,
so I texted him on Monday,
"Sandwiches for dinner?"
"How's tomorrow or Wednesday
or Thursday or Friday?"
And he didn't respond.
That's too bad.
- Onto the next.
- Well, I'm not done.
So I followed up with him
on Tuesday,
"Actually, can't do Thursday,"
even though I could.
"How's tomorrow,
aka Wednesday or Friday?"
PS, how was your day?"
And nothing.
How long do you think I should
wait before I text him again?
Never text him again.
He doesn't like you.
Mm.
Hi, Dennis.
- Hey, Marcie.
- How's your day going?
Ugh, well. Can I ask you
- a personal question?
- Mm-hmm.
How many consecutive texts
can you send
to a potential soulmate before
you stop respecting yourself?
- I'm at five.
- And he hasn't responded?
No. And we had
the best date ever.
Eight hours awake
and four hours asleep.
I don't understand.
Is he blowing me off?
No, that's silly.
Why would anyone ignore you?
You're such a great guy.
Maybe he's just really busy.
Sometimes when the phones
are really busy,
I forget to reply to things
until days later.
I think some people forget
how much you mean to them
until they see your face,
you know?
Like out of sight, out of mind.
I kind of just wanna
show up at his door,
like that Carole King song.
That's romantic, right?
Maybe. It could be. Yeah.
I mean, you know him
better than I do,
so I say go with your gut.
You're so right.
I knew you were
the person to ask.
Reception.
Hello?
UPS.
Oh, okay.
- Come on.
- Okay.
I can't keep up with this drama.
- Is it really?
- Yeah.
Are you serious?
Jesus Christ.
I'm traversing here!
- I've always wanted
to say that.
- Wait,
that was so sexy.
Rocky!
Fuck you!
Do you know that guy?
Yeah. Give me two minutes.
Hi.
I was gonna call you.
Hi. You've reached the voicemail
of Dennis Benver.
I'm sorry I can't get
to the phone right now.
I'll try calling you back
at a future time and date.
Hi. You've reached
the voicemail of Dennis.
I'm so sorry I missed your call,
but if you leave your name
and your number,
I'll get back to you
in a reasonable time.
Thanks for calling.
Leave a message.
I'm sorry. The call you entered
cannot be completed as dialed.
- Please hang up and try again.
- Hi.
If you need help, hang up
and then call your operator.
Hey, uh...
Nobody's ever gonna hear this.
Um...
I answered a call
from an unknown number once,
and he said,
"Hey, I was thinking about you.
What are you doing tonight?"
And we baked
a strawberry shortcake.
And in the morning,
I went looking
for another slice.
I forgot it was just a dream.
We don't bite.
Oh, sorry. I think I'm lost.
I understand.
You can just listen if you want.
What's your twin's name?
Rocky was scared of the dark
when we were kids.
We had bunk beds,
but me and him
would always share the top bunk.
So, the monsters
couldn't get him.
Then one night,
he said that he wasn't afraid.
And that I was the one
who was afraid.
Fucking pissed me off.
Uh...
We were probably too old
to be sharing a bed
at that point, anyway.
I don't-- I don't know
why I was telling that story.
- Hi, Dennis!
- Oh, fuck me!
Oh, sorry,
I didn't mean to startle you.
I thought I was
the last one here.
Are you still working?
No, I'm studying.
For the LSAT.
I didn't know
you wanted to be a lawyer.
That's so cool! Wow!
Okay, well, have a good night.
Okay!
Bye, Dennis. Oh, and good luck.
- Hello?
- Hey.
It's Roman.
Hey.
You wanna get groceries
with me?
Yeah! I've been, um,
meaning to go to the store.
I might forget to
turn out all the lights
But you take care of me
When I have to leave
At dawn
I might sleep in
Past all my alarms
But you take care of us
When I make it tough
Because
It takes all that I got
Not to fuck this up
So, won't you let me know
If I'm not alone
Leaning on you
Was I fearless...
Rocky!
Oh. Wow. You...
Sorry,
you must be Rocky's brother?
Yeah.
Yeah, I am.
Um, I'm so sorry
for your loss.
Thanks.
Were you at the service or...
No, I was-- I was in Tahiti,
for work.
Uh, but I was--
I was there when he died.
Oh, you're that guy.
We were just trying
to get some froyo,
and this crazy fucking lunatic,
like, starts screaming at us.
And so,
Rocky stepped into the street,
and this car came out of,
like, nowhere,
and I heard
this crunching sound.
Wow. Um, you don't need
to hear all that.
I'm sorry. I'm in the process
of switching therapists.
Did you get a look
at the crazy screaming guy or...
I couldn't tell you, honestly.
It just-- It happened so fast.
Uh, I didn't get
a good look at him.
Oh. I've just, uh,
thought a lot about
what I would do to that guy
if I ever saw him.
Rip his fucking testicles
right out of his throat,
shove them back down
through his own dick hole,
back out his ass.
Pummel his fucking face till
he was past his expiration date.
Hi. I'm sorry. I didn't--
I didn't mean to interrupt
your conversation,
but, um... Oh!
Do I know you?
No, sorry. I'm-I'm Rupert.
- I'm just visiting from London.
- Oh.
But it happens to me
all the time, actually.
One of those faces.
All the time. I always say that.
Okay. Well, that must be,
that must be very nice.
Anyway,
I just wanted to say "Hi,"
and, um, sorry this was awkward,
but, yeah, my condolences.
- Bye, Rupert.
- Thanks.
Have a good one.
What the hell was that?
I start
talking in different accents
when I find someone attractive.
It's a defense mechanism.
Wait, shit.
- Let me go get him back.
- No!
So was he your type?
Uh...
I don't think I have a type.
You know, there's a gay guy
at work.
Sam.
You should meet him.
I think you'd really get along.
You know, that's sort of like,
"You're both Asian.
I'm sure you have lots
of Asian things to talk about."
No, man,
I'm trying to hook you up.
Come on.
What kind of girls are you into?
I like boobs.
But honestly, at this point,
I just wanna meet a nice girl.
Nice girls don't have boobs?
If you find one, let me know.
Together or separate?
- Together.
- Separate.
Why is this fucking light on?
- Happy birthday to you
- How did you guys know?
- Happy birthday to you
- I never talk about
my personal life!
Happy birthday, dear Sage
Happy birthday to...
- Hi, Dennis.
- Mm, hi, Marcie.
- You look really happy.
- Mm, thanks.
- I am happy.
- That's amazing! Good for you.
Yeah. I'm going to Seattle
this weekend for a hockey game.
Ah, how exciting.
I love winter sports.
It's the Michigan in me.
Yeah, it's a bit testosterone-y
for my taste,
but Roman's into it,
and relationships
are about compromise.
Ooh! Who's Roman?
Is he your boyfriend?
No. Um, we're just pals.
- That's really nice.
- Yeah.
- Are you married?
- Me?
No. Um, did you think
I was married?
Yeah, you just seem like someone
who would be married
by your age.
It's funny you say that,
because all the women
in my family married very young,
and I always thought
I would have a kid
before I turned 28.
And sure, these days,
there are advancements,
but the clock is still ticking.
For my eggs.
Right, well,
I'm gonna get more cake.
Okay. I'll just stand here.
She rolls the window down
And she talks
over the sound
Of the cars that pass us by
And I don't know why
But she's changed my mind
Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking
About her constantly
But she don't know
How I feel
And as she carries on
Without a doubt
I wonder
If she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl...
Yeah, I'm crazy
for this girl
So she asked
if I want an ice cream cone,
and I said, "Yes, but I would
like ice cream in it."
- Ah.
- What?
Nothing.
My dog jaw's bothering me.
- Your dog jaw?
- Yeah.
- You never heard of dog jaw?
- No.
It's like I was born
with a jawbone
that's shaped like a paw print.
- What?
- Here. Yeah, you can feel it
right here.
- Here?
- Yeah.
Faggots.
Wait, what'd you say?
- It's fine. Let it go.
- Hey! Fuck did you say?
I said, "Look at those faggots."
Why don't you apologize?
Hey, why don't you suck my dick?
Okay, I will suck whosever dick
if we can just
de-escalate the situation.
You should listen
to your girlfriend.
Say you're sorry.
I'm sorry.
Fuck you!
Oh. There's one here. Oh!
Oh, no.
I don't like this.
Oh, oh, what? Ow!
Come here,
you little fucking piece
of shit!
Roman.
Roman. Roman.
Roman, Roman, Roman!
Stop, stop, stop!
Oh, fuck!
- Let's go. Let's go.
- Oh, fuck.
Fuck!
I thought Gen Z
was supposed to be nice.
I got ice in a bucket.
Need me to put it
anywhere on you?
Yeah, my bourbon.
I poured you one too.
All right.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Okay.
So, where'd you learn
to beat people up?
I took a little karate as a kid,
but I quit
when I didn't make blue belt.
Then I guess I dabbled
in some MMA after high school,
but honestly, you don't learn
to fight in a classroom.
You learn in the streets.
In the streets?
Who are you?
So, you're not mad?
Thought maybe you wouldn't...
condone violence or something.
It was self-defense.
For the first half.
Well, if you're going to hell,
keep going.
Right?
Right.
Hey, can I confess
something to you?
I've been using
Rocky's gym membership.
Pretending I'm him.
It's kind of fucked up, right?
Yeah, that's...
crazy.
You know, I actually got hit
on there the other day.
I thought maybe
the guy knew Rocky, so, uh,
I just went with it.
What did he say?
He was like, "Someone's been
working their arms."
- He did not say that.
- Yeah, he did. Yeah, he...
Then I said, uh, "Yeah,
you know, I've been
working 'em real good."
You're such a tease.
What? I experimented.
- You did?
- Mm.
I, uh...
...kissed a guy at a party once.
It was after Rocky came out.
I think I was just trying
to understand.
I never told him that.
You could talk to me
like I'm Rocky.
Yeah, so you're dead now.
That's what you get
for not looking both ways.
You only wanna look forward.
Sorry, I don't even know
what to...
I can't even remember
the last time
we had a real conversation.
That wasn't, "How's work?"
You know, "How's Mom?"
And it's always
on your time too.
Better things to do, right?
You wished me a "happy birthday"
the day after.
And, I mean,
I know you didn't forget.
Like, I'm-I'm pretty stupid,
but I'm not that fucking stupid.
You know, I actually waited
until midnight, just in case,
and...
and the second it...
Well, I snapped, 'cause...
to be honest,
you're so fucking selfish.
Like, what, you don't-- you...
you don't wanna deal with me?
You know, I'm--
I'm sorry I don't read politics,
or... ...like,
or whatever, but, like...
You know what?
It's your fucking fault
we're like this.
Yeah, you couldn't wait
to get away. I mean, I would've,
I would've followed you
to college.
I would've gone to Japan.
I would've figured it out.
But you never even
fucking asked me!
Sorry.
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry
I can't control my anger.
And I'm sorry I blew up at you
when you told me you like guys.
I'm sorry
I called you a faggot.
I wish I could take it back.
Oh, and your face
when I said it,
I...
I know that's why you left!
I think I was just--
I was scared that...
I don't... I don't know.
If I didn't... if I didn't...
If you weren't like me,
and we weren't the same,
then... then I wouldn't know
who I was, you know?
But that-- but that's okay,
because you...
you can talk about guys,
and I can talk about girls,
and we both still...
you know, like video games,
and-and hockey, and pizza.
Well, everybody likes pizza.
I don't know how
to fucking be here without you.
I don't know how
to fucking be here without you!
I don't know how
to fucking be here without you!
I wish you could've met Rocky.
He would've really liked you.
There might not be
a lot of people there.
Just so you know, uh,
Marcie's kind of a...
I mean, I don't wanna say
she's a loser, but,
I mean, you'll see.
See you
blowing me a kiss...
Roman?
Whoa, Sammy.
What are you doing here?
Oh, I took a woodworking class
with Marcie.
What are you doing here?
This is my buddy Dennis.
He works with Marcie.
Oh, hey, what's up?
I'm-I'm Sammy.
Hi.
He's the gay guy from work
I was telling you about.
What are the odds?
Hi. I hear
we have a lot in common.
Do you?
I'll go get us
a couple of drinks.
Why don't, uh, you two mingle?
Not like we have a date
with destiny
It's just a little crush...
- Oh, I fucking hate that song.
- I love this song.
Hmm. So, uh, you like wood?
- Um...
- Oh, uh... Yeah.
I, uh, I like to use my hands.
I have soft hands.
- Cool.
- I was told I have the hands
of somebody who's never worked
a day in their life.
- Wow!
- I think by my mother.
Hi!
Hi. Sorry, I'm-I'm...
- Can I feel?
- ...Roman.
- Yeah.
- I'm Marcie.
Very soft.
Yeah.
Um...
any other hobbies?
Hiking, skiing, paragliding,
rock climbing, mountainboarding,
white water rafting. Parkour.
Feel like that's too many.
It's a bit of a problem.
I'm sort of an adrena-junkie,
you know?
Isn't parkour dangerous?
- No.
- But people die doing it?
Yes.
Okay.
You just have to know
your limits.
I don't know my limits!
Like, what's the wildest thing
you did this year?
Nothing comes to mind. Um...
jury duty. Or I almost--
I had a conflict,
so they didn't pick me.
You're cute.
...In your eyes
A vision of you and me...
Oh, you never played
the original Sims?
Oh, man, it's the best.
Actually, a lot of people don't
realize it was really hard.
'Cause you don't get weekends,
so you have to spend
all your time going to work,
going to sleep,
showering, cleaning, cooking,
pooping, you know? Sorry.
But, yeah, you really have
to tend to their needs,
'cause, um,
they'll let you know about it.
They get very cranky.
Um, they'll pee their pants.
They'll, uh, get
very depressed, actually.
They can get depressed.
Oh. Wow. I...
I always just thought
it was a silly game
- where they talk gibberish.
- No, no, no.
There's stakes. Yeah.
It's life or death out there.
And it's actually not gibberish.
It's Simlish.
It's like
it's whole own language.
Sorry.
Sorry. That's dumb.
No, it's really sweet.
It was just my favorite game
when I was a kid.
I have a twin brother.
We were obsessed with it,
so we just would play it
for hours together.
Real hours,
not Sims hours. Yeah.
Part of me always thought that's
what my life would be like
when we got older too.
Rocky and I would get a house
and shoot hoops
on the SuperDoop,
talk in the hot tub.
I was always
the stay-at-home twin.
He'd get the job, the promotion,
and I'd kind of clean the house,
and, you know, fix things,
and cook the meals, and...
I'd always burn down
the kitchen too.
Uh, he hated that.
Do you and Rocky still play?
No, he, uh,
he passed away
a couple months ago, actually.
Oh, no.
- I'm so sorry.
- Nah, it's okay.
Um, I mean, you didn't know.
I'm so sorry.
- Oh...
- Marcie! Happy--
- Oh, my God. Are you okay?
- I'm fine.
I'm just an emotional drinker.
Shelly, happy Halloween.
- Happy Halloween!
- You look so great.
Thank you!
- Hey, Marcie.
- Hi, Dennis.
- Great party.
- Yeah. Thanks for coming.
You have so many friends.
Never would've guessed.
Really? Huh.
That's interesting, yeah.
I mean, everyone at work
sees you a certain way,
but I'm actually
an ENFP personality.
Although
my first week working here,
I was getting over mono,
so I tried to avoid
infecting anyone,
and I think I made
a bad impression.
- How'd you get mono?
- I don't know.
But I was an RA in college,
and then Kappa Delta,
so I have no problem sharing
a shower with ten other girls.
That's how you got mono?
No.
I'm just saying
I've always been an extrovert.
I just love people.
Oh.
Reception.
Let me transfer you.
I'm sorry, you got me babbling.
Um, did you need something?
Do you remember my friend Roman?
Oh, my gosh, yes. He is so...
Um, I really liked him.
Well, we were thinking
it might be fun
to hang out sometime.
Together. Like a double date.
And Roman would be
my designated date?
Yes. Was that not clear?
- Oh, my gosh!
- Um... ...yes!
I'm so there.
Oh, hey, Sammy.
How you doing?
- Hey, what's up?
- Nothing. Nothing.
It was cool running into you
this weekend.
Uh, hey, what'd you think
of my friend Dennis?
- No.
- Okay.
- What is he doing here?
- I ran into him again.
You told me
you thought he was attractive.
What happened to Sammy?
Sammy was great.
Sammy said
that he thought you were cute,
but that he doesn't do cute.
- I can't do this!
- Yes, you can.
I explained everything.
He knows
you're not really from London.
I'm allergic to shellfish,
I once fell off a ski lift...
...um, and I've never been
- to another country.
- Nobody falls off a ski lift.
Everybody's been
to another country.
- I've been to Canada one time.
- Okay.
Oh, gosh.
Okay, you got me.
Wait. Um, so how did you
fall off a ski lift?
Uh, we were kids,
we took a Christmas trip
to Sun Valley once,
and Rocky dropped his glove,
and I reached for it
and tried to grab it.
Yeah.
Head first, ten, 15 feet.
Uh, I remember just hearing
this snap in my wrist.
- Jesus.
- Yeah.
- I love skiing.
- Oh, no way. You like skiing?
Yeah, yeah. I-I ski.
- Um, I'm from Michigan.
- That's cool.
- You don't even have an accent.
- Okay, my turn.
I can't whistle,
I once traded my cat Noodles
for my neighbor's
Princess Diana Beanie Baby.
The deal was revoked
hours later.
And what else, what else?
Um, oh.
I auditioned
for The Real World...
...San Diego
when I was in college.
Mm, your second one
is too specific to be a lie.
And you didn't audition
for Real World.
Yeah, you hesitated
before that last one.
- I think that's...
that's probably the lie.
- Yeah.
I think you can whistle, right?
- I've never had a cat.
- Oh, my God!
- What?
- You are so good at this.
Yeah. Well, the trick is
to say something
that is emotionally true
but factually false.
- Yeah.
- Okay, um, my turn.
Uh, when I was ten,
I almost lost a testicle
in a diving board accident...
You know, I used to feel...
I don't wanna say "superior"
to singletons, but...
Yeah, like, I felt bad for them.
And now,
I'm just like everybody else.
Except worse.
Because I know.
I see twins everywhere I go.
My bar, my park.
I had to switch juiceries,
because my go-to hired
twin cashiers.
- Hi, boys.
- Hey.
- And good morning.
- Morning.
I snuck it past security.
- My God, you're so naughty.
- No, I didn't.
- I just asked really politely.
- Oh.
I would've brought you one,
but Roman says
you don't drink coffee.
Yeah, coffee's bad
for your teeth. I drink tea.
You know, tea actually contains
a higher tannin content
than coffee,
so it's more likely
to stain your teeth.
- Interesting fact!
- I didn't know that.
- Yeah.
- Starbucks sells tea, FYI.
Oh, I brew my own coffee.
I just really like
their travel mugs.
- You look really cute today.
- Thanks, baby.
Oh, Dennis.
I saw a pair of twins
at the gym yesterday,
and then I saw another pair
of twins on my walk home.
It's like they're everywhere.
- That's the frequency illusion.
- What?
Also known as
the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon.
It's like when I got
my navy blue Prius.
Suddenly, I was seeing
navy blue Prii everywhere,
but they'd always been there,
I just wasn't paying attention.
You are so smart today.
I mean, you're smart every day,
- but especially today.
- No!
I was a psychology major.
That's why
you're a receptionist.
'Cause you're so good
with people.
Thanks, Dennis.
Anyway,
it, uh, reminded me of
the discussion we had in group.
What group?
The support group
I'm always talking about.
Wait, does Dennis have a twin?
Yeah, that's how we met.
I thought I told you this.
No, I...
Dennis, you told me
you were an only child.
- Mm, I didn't tell you that.
- Yeah, yeah!
It was bagel Friday.
I remember,
because I'm an only child too,
and-and we're both Leos.
Well, I am an only child now,
because my twin, Dean, died,
and it's very personal,
so I guess I didn't feel
comfortable telling you that.
- I'm so sorry.
- It's fine.
It's okay.
You know,
I feel like such a doofus,
because there was
that one time at work
a couple of months ago,
and I didn't want to pry,
but you were so sad,
and-and you were
kind of hard to understand,
but you were saying
something about
how the love of your life
had been hit by a--
No! Stop!
- Dennis?
- You okay, man?
Uh, I-I need to get out of here!
I'm-I'm claustrophobic,
and I don't wanna talk
about Dean!
I think he's having
an anxiety attack.
Yes! I-I'm having
an anxiety attack!
Anxiety attack! Anxiety attack!
- Hey.
- So, I spoke with Sharon,
the manager--
Oh, she's a sweetheart.
Do we want credit or a refund?
- Refund.
- Credit.
Jonny died.
My dog.
I shouldn't have named him
after my brother.
It's like he's gone
all over again.
After... Jonny died,
the real Jonny,
I became glued to my wife.
She said I was
trying to replace my brother...
- Dennis.
- Maybe you should get it.
It's the third time.
It could be an emergency!
Oh, my God. Shit.
Hey, buddy, it's late.
Everything okay?
Yeah, sorry.
Did I wake you?
No, no.
Just, uh, hanging with Marcie.
Oh, right, Marcie. So needy.
- Uh, you're on speaker.
- Hi, Dennis.
So, what's up?
Just wanted to see
what you were doing.
Uh, we're doing nothing,
talking about Christmas
and stockings and all the stuff
we want to stuff in them.
Nice. Mm.
Are you headed home
for Christmas?
Um, I'll be here, alone, again.
I mean, don't worry about me.
I'm used to it.
I'm sure
I'll find something to do.
You know, I've got that whole
unread collection of books
I like to look at.
Dennis, hang on. I'm just gonna
put you on hold for a second.
Uh, sure.
Yeah,
I have nothing better to do.
Hey, buddy,
sorry that took so long. Um,
how'd you like to spend
Christmas in Moscow?
Moscow, Idaho?
That's the one.
She rolls the window down
And she talks
over the sound
Do you have
enough leg room, Dennis?
No.
Of the cars
that pass us by...
- Where are the decorations?
- I'm sorry, what?
Decorations?
Where are the lights?
Anything? Christmas?
Where are the decorations?
What are you talking about?
- Did you not even get a tree?
- No, I didn't get a tree.
Why don't we call
the fucking butler?
It's the holiday!
Why wouldn't you get a tree?
Don't start with me.
Please, don't start with me.
It's fine.
Why didn't you bring a tree?
- I'm supposed to lug a tree?
- Whose job is it?
- No!
- It's selfish! Yes, it is!
Don't say that to me!
How can you say that to me?
Because it's the fucking truth!
It's not what he wanted!
It's not fucking what he wanted!
You don't know that.
You don't know everything.
Yes, I do! Everybody
who fucking knew him knew that!
You don't know everything.
Do you guys want wine
with dinner?
- Wine's good.
- Yes, thank you.
Idaho... Hasn't even fucking
lived here for ten years!
Do you think
I was being too mean?
I think you're both grieving.
Hmm, hey, it's all right.
- We can still save Christmas.
- What's the point?
If you're going to hell,
keep going.
- "Through hell."
- Hmm?
"If you're going
through hell, keep going."
Because it gets better.
It's a Winston Churchill quote.
Oh.
Yeah, that makes way more sense.
I knew that too.
Nice, buddy.
Would you please get up?
It's afternoon.
Mom.
Socks. Thanks, buddy.
You're welcome.
Uh, who's next?
- Oh, the card's for you, Marcie.
- - Oh!
Oh, it's a koala.
I love koalas.
"Merry Christmas. Dennis."
Oh, God.
A gift card to the Olive Garden.
I freaking love
the Olive Garden.
How did you know?
I just had a feeling.
I am obsessed
with their Toscana soup.
Thank you.
- All right, babe, all right.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- All right.
And, Dennis, this one's for you.
It's a book.
I thought you could, uh,
redesign the cover for me.
It's The Giving Tree.
It's my favorite book.
It's the only one
I've ever read twice.
It's an iconic cover.
Yeah, well, I believe in you.
I don't get it.
Um, why are you giving Dennis homework?
Oh. It's his, uh, dream
to be a book designer.
- Really? That's neat.
- Yeah.
I didn't know.
I thought you wanted
to be a lawyer.
No, I hate lawyers.
Then why were you studying
for the LSAT?
For fun.
Oh, why would that be fun
if you hate lawyers?
I don't know, Marcie.
Why do people walk on hot coals?
So they can say they did.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
Do you know
when Dennis's twin died?
Dean?
Um, I think a year ago,
year and a half maybe.
Did he live in Portland?
Dennis said
he worked for the IRS.
Is the IRS in Portland?
- Oh, the IRS
is everywhere, baby.
- Oh.
- Why do you ask?
- No reason.
- Where is he?
- Oh, my God.
They went hiking. They said
they'd be back after sunset.
You like Pokmon?
Yeah. I like Pokmon.
Rocky and Roman
loved those cards.
All they could talk about.
I spent so much
fucking money on them.
And then Rocky just left.
He couldn't be bothered
to take his shit with him.
I'm like a storage unit.
Do you want 'em?
Yeah, I-- If you don't
want them, I can take them.
Roman said you lost a twin.
I, uh...
did, yes.
So you know what it feels like.
To be split.
Hmm.
He doesn't talk to me.
They say there's nothing worse
than losing a child.
But maybe there is.
I'm glad he has someone
who understands.
I'm heading out.
Before you leave,
Marcie wants to see you
in the conference room.
- Why?
- I didn't ask.
Okay. Have fun at the concert.
Thanks.
Did I tell you
I was going to a concert?
Yes.
Thank you for agreeing
to meet with me.
I need to talk to you, Dennis.
Okay, well, I have somewhere
I have to be.
You don't really have a twin,
do you?
Roman mentioned
that Dean passed away,
like, a year and a half ago,
and that didn't make sense
because I knew you, like,
a year and a half ago,
and I should've known that.
And you don't have
photos of him on Instagram,
and I thought,
"Well, that's strange,
but maybe he deleted them."
So, yesterday, I texted
my friend Sheri at the IRS,
and she said there was
no Dean Benver in their records.
And then last night,
I called Kevin Ross,
who I saw you went
to high school with.
I met him
in an oil painting class,
and he said
you didn't have a brother
and he's 100 percent sure
because you sat alone
at lunch every day
and his mom made him go
to your birthday party
and no one else showed up
and you have a twin bed,
but just one, and he also
made it sound like
you fooled around in it,
but I couldn't be sure
'cause I heard his wife
in the background--
Why are you spying on me?
Did you know
Roman's brother Rocky?
- No.
- I don't believe you.
Let it go.
Roman thinks you met
because you lost a twin.
A twin that doesn't even exist.
You can't keep this
from him, Dennis.
He has to know the truth.
I will tell him when I'm ready.
You need to tell him now
or I will.
You're not telling him, Marcie.
I mean, God,
you have everything.
Everybody likes you,
you have a million friends,
you have both your parents.
I bet none of your houseplants
ever fucking die.
Let me have one good thing.
I'm happy. He's happy.
I help him.
When he needed
somebody to talk to at 3:00
in the morning, I'm the one
who picked up the phone.
Where the fuck
were you then, huh?
You wouldn't even know Roman
if it wasn't for me.
What do you expect me to do?
I know I need to tell him.
I just...
I want a little bit more time.
Please.
She said she couldn't
see me this weekend.
Then she kept apologizing
and said
that I should talk to you.
I mean, are you sure
she didn't say anything?
Oh, you know what?
I totally forgot
we're doing this company-wide
fundraiser for MS research,
and Marcie took
a vow of silence.
- Really?
- Hmm.
Why wouldn't she
just tell me that?
We had to sign
nondisclosure agreements.
Oh.
Okay.
Oops. I guess I missed you.
I promise
to call you back ASAP.
I hope you're having
a wonderful day.
Hey, it's me.
Just, uh...
I know you can't talk
'cause you're saving lives.
Roman?
Roman.
Hey.
Someone cracked the bourbon.
Mm, ooh.
Well, I started without you
'cause I was bored.
I'm gonna hop in the shower.
No, don't.
You already left me alone
for so long.
Oh, wow, you are drunk.
Wow.
Uh, here.
I poured you one.
I didn't put anything in it.
I could've though.
You never know.
You don't know me.
Thanks.
God, these fucking shoes
are killing me.
I think my feet got bigger.
Mmm. Well,
you know what that means.
- What?
- Nothing.
Do you want a foot massage?
- Uh, nah, I'm okay.
- Are you sure?
I'm super good.
I went to massage
training school
in college in the summer.
Okay. Yeah, mm.
Maybe it'll help.
Yeah, I bet it will.
Come on over.
The bed is fine.
- Just like this?
- Yeah.
Sorry, man. I bet my foot
smells like death.
Mmm. I don't mind.
Oh, wow.
Oh, shit, you are good at that.
Just drink your drink.
All right, hold your hippos.
What did you say?
"Hold your hippos."
It's like, uh...
it's like
"hold your horses," but...
It's just something
Rocky and I say.
Oh.
Did you and Dean
ever have anything like that?
Um...
"Jinx, you owe me a soda."
Right, but everyone says that.
Well, we started it. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's the fucking spot.
Ooh. Wow. That's really good.
Mmm.
Oh.
This is actually really helping.
Oh, wow.
Wow, wow,
wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
What are you doing?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What the fuck was that?
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to do that.
I don't know if they teach that,
like, in-in massage school,
but I'm just, uh,
I'm not into that. So...
I'm sorry. It's just...
You look so much like him.
Like who?
Oh, I don't want you to hate me.
I don't hate you.
It's not a big deal, you know?
Just don't do it again.
Yeah, if I tell you,
you're gonna hate me,
and then it's gonna be over.
What are you talking about?
Why... why would I hate you?
Because, um...
I don't have a twin,
and Dean isn't real.
Wha--
What do you mean?
What do you mean he isn't real?
I made him up. He doesn't exist.
What the fuck
are you talking about?
Why are you
in the support group?
I just started following you.
I thought it was a sign,
and I kept trying to tell you,
but I--
I mean, how do you say...
Oh, I was in love
with your brother.
Except it wasn't really love
because I only knew him
for a day, but at the time,
that felt like enough, and...
And I was the crazy guy
in-in the intersection,
and, you know,
it wasn't technically my fault,
but if he never met me,
he'd probably still be alive,
and it was the worst day
of my life and...
I don't know why I kept lying.
I just... I wanted
to be close to you,
and I thought
I could make it better,
but I just kept
making things worse.
And-and Marcie
isn't on a silent retreat,
and I... I didn't go
to massage school, but...
You are my best friend.
And I don't want that to change.
I don't know what to do.
Do you hate me?
Roman? Please say something.
Roman. Do you hate me?
Don't fucking touch me.
Roman, please. I... I'm sorry.
Don't fucking touch me!
I just kept hitting him.
Couldn't stop.
Hi, Dennis. It's Marcie.
So you're not at work.
Sage asked me to call you.
Are you coming in today?
Look, Roman's pretty upset.
He wants you
to stop calling him,
and he doesn't want me
talking to you either,
but I'll be thinking of you.
Do you see what... I see?
I don't know what you see,
but what I see is me.
I see me too.
Does that mean
there's two of you
or... or two of me?
Oh.
Wow.
There really is two of us.
Don't you find this odd?
No, this is weird.
This is really, really weird.
Wait a sec.
You live at the Callaway house.
And you're that girl from camp.
They thought I was you!
So who'd like to start today?
Okay, if no one's gonna say it,
then I'll say it.
Roman sent us all an email
that said you made Dean up,
and I think
that you're a fucking creep.
Is this true, Dennis?
True? Uh, I mean...
Technically... it's true,
but I-I've always felt
so connected to all of you,
and I've always wanted a twin.
Sometimes Dean felt real.
His favorite snack
is a hot pretzel
with sea salt and...
You know, maybe twin identity
is really just a construct,
like gender.
Oh, okay.
Or it's maybe not. Um...
I was reading about
vanishing twin syndrome.
Because I've always thought
there was something
or someone missing.
And it's possible that I had
a twin in my mother's womb,
but I ate him.
And I'd ask her,
but I can't because she's dead.
Really dead. She's real.
We believe you got a mom.
I don't.
She rolls the window down
And she talks
over the sound
Of the cars that pass us by
And I don't know why
But she's changed
my mind...
Excuse me.
Can you take a picture of us?
No. No, I can't. You have
no idea how lucky you are.
Well, sorry we asked.
...And as she carries on
without a doubt
I wonder
if she's figured out...
Fuck.
What are you looking for?
I can't find Rocky's sweater.
Uh...
The one with the--
with the stripes, the...
Did you move it?
Did you put it somewhere?
No, I didn't touch it.
I bet Dennis stole it,
that fake twin fucker.
I'm sure it'll turn up.
Yeah, how the fuck
do you know that?
I'm sorry.
You can't talk to me like that.
I know. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I forgive you.
I don't deserve it.
Deservedness is not
a requisite for forgiveness.
I'll help you look.
- Not right now.
- When?
- Thirty more minutes.
- You said that 30 minutes ago.
Well, think of it like
edging.
Oh, no.
What do you want to do
for dinner tonight?
Oh, I'm going to Shelly's,
remember?
Oh. Forgot.
Can I come?
It's girls' night.
- We talked about this.
- Okay. Fine.
- Don't mope.
- I'm not moping.
Sorry, there was a line.
I can't stay long.
- Thank you.
- Sure thing.
Sorry, I shouldn't
have ordered anything.
- Do you want my sandwich?
- No, I'm good.
- I got a promotion. Oh.
- How are you?
Congrats.
Thanks.
Sort of. It's a ladder move.
Lateral move?
- What?
- Lateral.
Means you're moving sideways.
I guess you could have
a sideways ladder,
but I can't think
of a use for it.
Fuck.
I said "ladder move"
to, like, so many people.
Well, monkey bars.
That's a sideways ladder.
Great.
So where you working these days?
Marcie said you quit.
Fired, but that's sweet of her.
I'm in the process of getting
my real estate license.
What, no book designing?
I decided I'd rather be
middle class and unhappy
than poor
and slightly less unhappy.
Yeah. Makes sense.
And that said, I did...
Wasn't sure if it was
in poor taste or not, but...
Think it's definitely
poor taste.
Yeah, I can see that now.
- I can take it...
- No, no, I'll...
I'll keep it.
Did I break your arm?
Uh, unrelated. Sort of.
Sorry.
For hitting you like I did.
It's all right.
No, it's not.
I shouldn't have done that.
I think I outclassed you
in that department.
Yeah, I just don't, um...
I don't understand
how someone could...
I mean, who are you?
You know how people say
"just be yourself"?
Like, what version of me?
I hate most of them.
But the version of me that was
just hanging out with you, I...
I wanted to be him all the time.
So, you--
you said you were
in love with Rock.
With the caveat
that I am insane.
He ever talk about me?
Do you want details?
Do you want my sandwich?
No, I'm going to dinner
with Marcie.
So I can't stay long.
Right. You said.
How is Marcie, by the way?
Every day is a good day
in Marcie-land.
I remember.
I'll just have a bite.
Hmm.
I started taking karate again.
There's a skinny guy
in my class, reminds me of you.
Aren't those classes useless?
I hear you can only really learn
how to fight in the streets.
Well, we learn
in the streets too.
My sensei, he, uh, follows me
after work and attacks me.
Do you think
we would've been friends
if we met under
different circumstances?
I don't know.
I'd like to think so, but...
Right.
God, this cast is so itchy.
- How long you have it on for?
- A month.
Keep it dry.
Rocky said you broke
your own foot once.
He told you that?
You dropped
a bowling ball on it?
He said you were...
the good twin.
It was with a brick.
How are y'all doing?
Can I get you anything?
Can we get a box to go?
Sure thing.
So I'm the lucky one
Better men
wouldn't carry on
What was the first line?
We had a good time
Know you twice
So I'm the lucky one
Much better people
proved me wrong
They set a high price
To know you twice
So I'm the lucky one
Nothing's new under the sun
Thought you could be
all you know
Strikes once
We had a good time
So I'm the lucky one
We had a good time