Twisted Neighbor (2023) Movie Script

[instrumental music]
[crickets chirping]
[man on TV] Hello, America! And welcome to Facts Or Fiction.
-I am your host Rosco. -[audience applauding on TV]
On today's show let's welcome back our champion, Bunny!
[audience cheering, applauding on TV]
[Rosco] And how are you today? [Bunny] Oh, I'm fine. I'm fine.
[Rosco] Feeling lucky? [Bunny] Oh, yeah.
-[audience laughing] -[Rosco] Oh, that's great.
[app alert] NeighborNews!
[Rosco] Bunny has won $17,380!
[man on phone] Good neighbors keep a tidy home.
-[audience applauding on TV] -[indistinct chatter on TV]
[Rosco] ...challenger? Ha-ha... [Bunny] Oh, yeah, really...
[Rosco] Okay, Bunny. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Let's bring in a new mystery challenger.
[app alert] NeighborNews.
[audience laughing on TV]
[man on phone] I said good neighbors keep a tidy home.
[bottles clinking]
[intense music]
[crickets chirping]
[audience laughing on TV]
[music continues]
[app alert] NeighborNews.
-[message beeps] -[man on phone] Smoking kills.
[banging on door]
[ominous music]
[intense music]
I-I'm not afraid of you!
[Edith panting]
[eerie music]
[intense music]
[intense music]
[instrumental music]
I promise I'll come visit you as soon as I'm settled. Yeah.
You know, the neighborhood is gorgeous.
-It's beautiful. Yeah. -[car honking]
-Hi. -Do you want a ride?
This road is notoriously pedestrian-unfriendly.
Oh, no, no, no, I'm okay. I-I'm almost home.
-Thanks, though. -Suit yourself.
-[Colleen] Bye. -Bye.
See, look at that. A friendly lady just offered me a ride.
You don't get that in New York.
[instrumental music]
[camera clicking]
[Vanessa] I still don't get why you picked Sunny Vista.
We're bodega people, we're not minivan and box-store people.
Okay, well, speak for yourself. Okay?
It turns out I am willing to trade in my bodega
for high ceilings and-and friendly neighbors
and an honest-to-goodness yard.
[Vanessa] You get a live, love, laugh sign,
and I will die, puke, hate.
Did I tell you I took up dancing?
Like no one's watching!
[Colleen laughs]
[instrumental music]
[Vanessa] Just can't imagine a Kirk being happy somewhere
that prides itself on being charm--
It literally means very pleasant.
And remember, I'm not a Kirk anymore.
Oh, well, I hope you enjoy your
pleasant new life and all your pleasant new friends.
Glad you can leave all this unpleasantness behind.
[music continues]
Okay, thanks. Get back to work.
Shit! Shit!
[cell phones chiming]
[Quinn exhaling sharply]
[instrumental music]
Hey, you dropped this.
-Oh, thank you. Oh. -I'm Quinn, by the way.
I'm Colleen.
Oh-oh, boom. Yo, check it out. Fresh meat.
-Boom. -Ah, shit!
-[instrumental music] -Damn it. Oh.
They really don't make these bags for long distance.
[Colleen mumbles]
-[sighs] Lesson learned. -[laughs]
-Right. -I'm Dan.
-Hi. I-- -You must be Colleen.
Uh, news travels fast around here.
[Colleen chuckles]
Well, it's nice to meet you.
[instrumental music]
Have a grape day.
Bet your ass I will.
[both laughing]
-Thank you. -Bye.
[birds chirping]
[instrumental music]
[bees buzzing]
[ominous music]
-Hi! -Hi.
You really should have taken that ride. You're gonna be late.
-For the meeting. -I'm sorry. What meeting?
The Home Owners' Association meeting. It starts at 6:00.
-The details were on the app. -Oh!
The NeighborNews App.
I mean, this was all in your welcome package.
Participation is expected.
-Ok-okay. -But don't worry.
You have just enough time to change.
-Yeah, I'll change. -Yeah. Yeah.
Just running around.
I am Jillian, by the way. This is Shorty.
I'm just gonna walk her home and I'll see you very soon.
-Okay, yeah, yeah. -Yeah. Chop-chop.
Got it. Um...
Okay, yeah. Well, change.
Yeah. Okay, okay.
[Jillian] All right, so it's really easy.
-Just keep trying. -Okay.
I thought you were gonna change.
-I-- -Just punch in your zip code.
You get approval to the Sunny Vista group.
Okay, I-I don't really do apps.
That's cute. You'll get the hang of it.
It's where we like to keep track of things.
-Like what? I'm sorry, what? -Everything.
Garbage schedule changes, weather warnings, meal trains.
-That's okay. Oh, God. -New neighbors.
Oh, you're in for such a treat.
-Theo throws a great party. -Yeah.
We're a little competitive that way.
-Okay. -Oh...
-[indistinct chatter] -Yum!
Why don't you make yourself comfortable?
-Oh. Yeah... -Um...
-[chuckles] -[indistinct chatter]
[woman 1] Oh, God. [woman 2] Oh, gimme a pink one.
[woman 1] Pink? [Jillian] Ladies.
[Ashton] Hi. [Jillian] Hi.
[Jillian] Hello, Ashton. [Ashton] Hi.
[Jillian] So should we get this HOA party started?
[Ashton] We should. [Jillian] Yes.
So, Colleen, tell us about yourself.
I'm sorry, how does everyone know--
We've been literally dying to know more about you.
[Theo] Maybe we should introduce ourselves
before giving her the third degree.
-Hi. -Hi.
I'm Theo. This is Kim.
-Berley. -[Theo] Kimberley.
HOA vice president slash treasurer.
I also sell essential oils online,
in case you're experiencing any anxiety,
inflammation, bloating--
Thank you. Ashton.
HOA secretary. Dental hygienist.
And my husband is a dentist. Guess how we met.
[sighs] And I take it you've met Jillian.
-HOA president. -Hi.
So, where did you move from? We all come from somewhere.
Well, not me. I was born here.
-Um, New York. -[Ashton] Told you.
I saw your to-go mug. Looked it up.
[Jillian] What do you do for a living?
I know what your house sold for. Not cheap.
Single woman purchasing property. You go, girl.
-You are single, right? -I'm a cookbook editor.
[Ashton] I knew it was something creative.
You know, you've got that whole artist vibe.
Oh. Um, well...
It's-it's actually not as artistic as I would have hoped.
-I'm sure the food's amazing. -Actually, no.
Why does a New Yorker move here?
I just... I wanted a, a fresh start.
You just don't leave New York for Sunny Vista
unless you're married and expecting.
-Wait, are you expecting? -Ah...
Single moms! So brave.
No, I'm, I'm not pregnant.
I, I just...
I-I really like the idea of living someplace very charming.
Ah, you see, I knew that article was gonna reach--
Yes, Ashton, you know everything.
You still haven't told us if you're single.
Don't we have some very important HOA business
to take care of? What was it, hazardous amounts of garbage?
Yes. Edith's place. I mean, it's really out of hand.
[Kimberley] It's such an eyesore.
[Ashton] Super awful.
Okay, so how is the renovations going? Everything good?
Everything's fine. I mean, it's taking a really long time.
Oh, my gosh. You have to call my guy.
-Hey, you really don't have to. -[Colleen] Oh, I don't mind.
Though I don't blame you for wanting a break.
So, Colleen, tell us your deepest, darkest secrets.
They are brutal.
They definitely love their gossip.
But, you know, I'm just happy they have fresh blood.
[app alert] NeighborNews!
-Uh, speaking of... -Oh.
[Colleen] What is the deal with this app?
I mean, I feel like Jillian is obsessed.
Uh, everyone is obsessed lately.
Whenever there's an event, it heats up.
-An event? -You know...
Like a prowler in the neighborhood
or a new neighbor.
Great. Remind me to avoid it.
[app alert] NeighborNews! NeighborNews!
NeighborNews! NeighborNews!
-[gasps] -[Kimberley] Oh, my God!
-[indistinct chatter] -Quinn tore his meniscus.
-He calls it his hibiscus. -Oh.
-Sweet, simple Quinn. Hm. -Oh.
He's a quarterback, everyone thought he'd go pro,
put Sunny Vista on the map, so we can bask in his glory.
Like we have anything to do with his success or failure.
But they're definitely freaking out about this one.
-Ya need to write a new article. -Oh, my God, you're right, I do.
What happens to one person in Sunny Vista affects everyone.
[Jillian] Oh, this is not good.
[Ashton] I know, this is very bad.
[laptop keys clacking]
[app alert] NeighborNews!
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[message alerts]
[ominous music]
[knocking on door]
[door opens]
It's, it's your new next-door neighbor.
I brought you a pie.
[door creaking]
-[door shuts] -[Colleen] Hello?
Hey, buddy.
Aw! I love turtles.
Hey, buddy.
[music continues]
[intense music]
[plate shatters]
-Whoa! It's me. What's wrong? -Ah!
[Dan] Yes, thank you. Police are on their way.
How long do you think she's been like that?
Well, judging by the look of her,
I'm guessing a few days, tops.
-I watch a lot of true crime. -[app alert] NeighborNews!
-[doors shutting] -[Dan] Word's out.
I didn't post it. People listen in on police scanners here.
-Seriously? -Seriously.
This is just awful.
I'm gonna organize a community response right now.
This is exactly why you need to be
part of the NeighborNews group.
I can give you a peppermint-oil roller if you need one.
I mean, you'd have to pay for it.
[Ashton] You know, this is exactly why I always
wear a nice outfit, even home alone, you just
never know when someone's gonna find you dead.
-My uncle-- -Ashton, now is not the time.
-So how did she die? -[police siren wailing]
They said this was a friendly neighborhood,
but they are ghouls, I mean, they're already
placing bets on what Edith's house will sell for.
I mean, not to mention the conspiracies about her death.
This is what happens, when your life is too pleasant,
you start inventing problems.
[Vanessa] Lord knows you like a good problem.
-[doorbell rings] -[Colleen] Mom, I gotta go.
Do you have any idea how long it took me to get on the phone?
-Hey. Hey. -Hey.
I just wanted to check in on you.
I heard you were the one that found Edith.
Yeah. Yeah.
Um, I went to warn her that the HOA was about to descend,
and offer some help and...
Look, that's what a good neighbor does.
It is awful that you are the only one who checked on her,
and you just moved here.
Hope you don't think they're all that bad.
-Oh. -[chuckles]
Well, I'm hosting a little get-together.
Like, nothing fancy. Just cocktails and canapes.
You know how I do. Oh, you actually don't know.
You just moved in here, yeah, but, but,
um, it's to remind everyone that
there are real people behind the user names.
Okay, yeah. That'd be great. Thank you.
-Thanks for the invite. -Love it. My place tomorrow.
[upbeat music]
Thank you very much.
[indistinct chatter]
I love the house, so I'm kind of...
-[indistinct chatter] -Yeah, you do.
What's gonna happen?
-I was... -[indistinct chatter]
Um, no, that's...
[indistinct chatter]
[music continues]
[Dan] Yeah, I hear where you're coming from, I broke my ankle
in high school, and I bounced back.
Real sorry about the tear, Quinn.
Any sense of how long you'll be out?
I'm gonna go get a drink over here, man. Talk later.
Well, hello.
[chuckling] Hello.
-Hi. -[both chuckling]
Nice to see you under happier circumstances.
Much happier.
I was coming to get some spicy pineapple glaze.
-Hm. I heard it's good. -Hm. Me, too.
Looks like you survived your first HOA meeting.
-Yeah. -In the hot seat.
I remember my first meeting. Scared me the hell out.
I was worrying about the length of my lawn
and the weight of my recyclables.
I've tried to stay invisible ever since.
-Oh, please tell me how. -Oh, if I told you...
Then I'd have to kill you.
-Oh, I'm so hungry. -Oh, is any of this gluten-free?
Colleen, this is Jared, my husband.
Why is it always cocktails and blue cheese?
I'd kill for a beer and a steak.
Ah, this guy knows what I'm talking about. Right?
We should go out to the bar sometime.
[upbeat music]
It appears you and Dan are getting acquainted.
-Hm. -Quite the coincidence.
You both found Edith around the same time.
You know, I can actually see you two hitting it off.
He loves a damsel in distress.
Hm. I'm sorry, damsel in distress?
Let me give you just a little bit of friendly advice.
Everyone here knows everything. Casual doesn't exist.
So until you're certain you wanna be serious with him,
I would keep things exceptionally discreet.
Discreet? Discreet about what?
Oh, just, you know, picking chicken out of my teeth.
So I was thinking we should do something in Edith's memory.
You know, maybe like a donation to her favorite charity?
Anyone know what she liked?
Hm. She liked sitting on her stoop.
That's true. She did.
Maybe a bench with a plaque in her memory?
That's a really nice idea.
Is that the spicy pineapple?
-Yeah. -[Theo] Oh, I know you love it.
[Colleen] It's so good. Yeah.
Girl, we're gonna be best friends.
[all laughing]
[upbeat music]
-Having a good time? -Yeah.
It's really great to meet everyone properly.
[chuckles] I'm glad Theo organized this.
Theo is...
I just wouldn't get too friendly with him is all.
Why not?
Never mind. I shouldn't have said anything.
-[music continues] -Ow!
[Colleen] Yeah, I already told you. No.
You guys need to stop calling me. Okay?
I am at an event right now that I can't even enjoy
because you guys are harassing me!
No, I already talked to her. And guess what she did?
She completely twisted my words in the interview.
And that's not even what I said originally.
Yeah, I know, it just...
I, I have to go.
[eerie music]
I'm so sorry. Ah. I just needed to make a private phone call.
[Colleen] And I just needed some privacy.
Hope you're enjoying the party.
[intense music]
[number pad beeping]
Hey, the police are on their way!
Sorry. Did I freak you out?
I-I-I was just leaving some
spicy pineapple marinade in your backyard,
but I realized you wouldn't find it, so I came around the side.
Oh, my! I am so sorry. Here I'm waving a weapon at you. I...
This is so nice. Oh, th-thank you. I just...
[siren wailing]
Oh, shoot!
They would just love to witness a crime in progress.
This is a disaster.
-[indistinct radio chatter] -Evening.
[Reaves] I'm here on reports of an intruder at this address.
Hi, officer. Yes, that was me.
I am so sorry for the misunderstanding.
I heard a noise, and someone posted about an intruder--
Someone posted? Where?
-NeighborNews? -[Colleen] Yeah.
That app turns everyone into a vigilante.
Folks, reminder, an overgrown lawn,
not a reason to call the police.
A teen in baggy pants, not a reason to call the police.
A yard sign that you don't like--
N-not a reason to call the police?
-Ah. -[mumbles]
Be mindful of wasting resources, hm?
Consider carefully before calling.
Will not happen again. You can count on me.
[laughs] A midlife crisis,
not a reason to call the police.
Oh, I cannot believe I called the police!
Everyone is probably talking about it.
And loving it, you gave them enough material
to keep them entertained for days.
Uh, Sunny Vista ain't that bad.
Yeah, they can be a little, mm, nosy,
but once you get to know them, they're mostly decent.
Okay, but how long did it take for you
to really get to know them?
-I'm not sure I really do. -Oh...
I think I need to do, like, a massive drug trip
to connect on a deep level.
[laughing] Yeah, probably.
Hey, do you wanna connect on a deeper level?
Shrooms. Well, psilocybin in easy-to-swallow capsules.
-Shut up. -Oh, they're totally safe.
Promise. Like, I do it all the time.
I just wanna share the experience, and I think
I finally found the right person.
-I mean, I don't know. -Oh, never mind. Never mind.
-I can go, I can go. -No, no, no. No, no, no.
No. Okay, okay, okay, okay.
How long does it last?
[upbeat music]
-[Theo] Whoo! -[both laughing]
[music continues]
You know, I've always had
a really hard time making friends.
You know, sometimes I'm really shy and, like, awkward.
-Same. But with relationships. -Yeah.
But I feel like dosing really helped me find who I am.
[Theo] I'm hoping self-awareness and self-love
are the first steps to finding Mr. and Mrs. Right.
-You are so cool. -You're amazing.
Why did you come to Sunny Vista?
Something happened.
Something really bad.
Theo, I have to tell you something.
-[app alert] NeighborNews! -I'm not...
One minute.
-Hey! Hey! Hey! -Ah...
Hey. Hey. It's okay. -All right. Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm, I'm not who I said I was.
I don't know who I think you are yet.
-I'm somebody else. Um... -It's okay.
We're just getting to know each other.
[both panting]
[instrumental music]
[both] Oh...
-Wow! Wow, wow! -Wow!
Is that a person?
-I think it's a UFO. Oh. -Oh.
-[cell phone chimes] -[app alert] NeighborNews!
[man on phone] I thought I told you to be a good neighbor.
You continued to peddle smut. And now you're doing drugs?
I have to go.
-Where are you going? -To deal with some nonsense.
-Are you gonna come back? -Yeah. Yeah, I'll be right back.
You promise?
[instrumental music]
[Colleen on voicemail] Hey. Um...
I thought you said you were coming back.
I didn't say anything stupid last night,
did I?
Okay, call me back.
[knocking on door]
Oh, um, I'm sorry. Is, is Theo home?
Okay. Uh, I'm sorry, why are you here?
-He asked me to house-sit. -Oh.
Okay. Oh, I'm sorry, wait. Uh, sorry.
Last time I was here, I lost a earring.
And it is my favorite earring.
D'you mind if I just quickly come in
and take a really fast look around?
Thank you so much for letting me come in here again.
Those earrings are really important to me.
Family heirloom, actually.
You know, it's funny.
Theo never mentioned that he was going anywhere.
[Colleen] You know, we were actually hanging out last night,
and then he just disappeared.
Um, stopped answering his calls.
Um, maybe he needed a breather.
You seem like a lot.
Did he mention where he was going?
Didn't ask. I mind my own business.
I know, shocker.
Look, it was late. I just wanted to get here and crash.
Wait, he asked you last night?
Yeah. Check the stupid app.
[sighs] And when I woke up, he was gone,
and he's not answering his phone.
And if I tell the police, they probably won't even believe me
because of my stupid false alarm.
[Vanessa] Why would you call the police?
He vanished.
He is a grown man who made plans for a house-sitter.
Yeah, that's what Theo said. But what if he did something to him?
You call the police, you're gonna have to tell them
that when he disappeared, you were high.
If you call the police, they're gonna dig into everything.
I don't know. Something just doesn't seem right.
I'll figure something out.
Okay, I gotta go. Bye.
[instrumental music]
[cell phone chimes]
[instrumental music]
Oh, Dan!
[Colleen] Hey, Dan! Hey.
Dan, hey.
Oh, sorry.
-Hi. -Hey.
Um, sorry. Weird question.
Um, at the party, I remember you saying
that I shouldn't get too close to Theo and...
Yeah, I-I was just wondering why.
I just... Stupid gossip. I shouldn't have said anything.
Yeah. Are you sure? Because, hey, you, you could tell me.
There's just talk about how a guy on a teacher's salary
can afford a house like that.
But it's just gossip. People making his life tough.
And I guess I just didn't want anyone
making your life tough, too.
Right. Okay.
Well, do you know if he has like a vacation home or something?
Because he took off pretty quickly.
Ah, I doubt it.
I was assuming he went to go visit his mom.
She's in a care home somewhere.
Really? Do you remember the name?
-No. Sorry. -Just curious. That's all.
Anyway, I'm sorry, I've interrupted your run, so...
You know, I, I'd probably remember if I saw it.
Why don't you come over for dinner, and we can do
a little Internet sleuthing?
See if anything jogs my memory?
-Okay, I'd like that a lot. -Okay.
-Okay. -I'll see you later.
-My house at the end. -Bye. Yeah.
[instrumental music]
[cell phone ringing]
-Hi. -Hi.
Come on in.
[Colleen] Um, I brought us this wine.
It's my favorite wine type ever.
-[Dan] Great. -[mumbles]
[Dan] Welcome. [Colleen] Thank you.
[camera clicks]
[cell phone chimes]
[Colleen] Hm. What about Summit Creek care home?
-Does this need more salt? -Oh.
Oh, careful. It's hot.
[Colleen chuckles]
Mm, it's perfect.
Mm, high praise coming from a cookbook editor.
-Pine. -Yeah, toasted pine nuts.
No, Pine Retirement Home.
If I help you figure out which one it's, will you relax
and enjoy the evening?
Uh, Sierra Vida. That's it.
Uh! Now relax and enjoy. Huh?
[Dan] Chin-chin, okay. Ahem.
I think we're almost ready. Pasta, cacio e pepe.
Well, I'm gonna have to cook for you next time.
That was delicious.
I would like that.
[instrumental music]
I would also like to kiss you.
[music continues]
[Dan moaning]
[exhales sharply]
Quinn was one of Theo's students, right?
Uh-uh. What happened to relaxing and enjoying the evening?
[sighs] Uh...
I don't know. He probably.
Most students had him.
I could ask my wife.
[chuckles] Okay, yeah.
Wait, what?
You're married?
-Yeah. I thought you knew. -Oh, my God...
What? Why would I know?
I wouldn't be here kissing you if I knew!
You know, it's not like that. Listen--
No, you, you listen, okay?
You just... I... Leave me alone.
Uh, you're... Oh, wow.
Colleen, honestly, it, it's not a big deal.
[dog groans]
Why are you so dumb? Uh, of course...
You should have known that this was gonna freakin' happen.
-[engine revving] -You're so dumb, stupid. Just...
-[car tires screeching] -[mumbles]
[Colleen screams]
[ominous music]
[instrumental music]
[ice rattling]
-[cell phone chimes] -[app alert] NeighborNews!
[ominous music]
[dramatic music]
[ominous music]
[intense music]
Hi. Hi, is this, uh, Sierra Vida Retirement Home?
-[man on phone] It is. -Oh, great. Okay.
Um, so, I have a friend named Theo Coleman, and I was
wondering if he's recently visited your facility.
[man on phone] I'm sorry, I can't help you with that.
Okay, a-are you able to at least let me know
if his mum is a resident there?
It's confidential information.
I can't talk about it with you.
Look, I understand that you can't disclose
that information, but this is very important.
I'm-I'm really, really worried about him.
Listen, I wish I could help, but there's not much
I can do for ya. Is there anything else?
Yeah, no. It-it's okay, I understand.
-All right, then. All right. -Okay. Thanks.
[glass shatters]
[ominous music]
[message alert]
[music continues]
Hey! Did you throw this?
What are you talking about?
You and Theo, you were seeing each other.
And he ended it and you got mad and--
Okay. Brace yourself for this.
He asked me to housesit. That simple.
-It's all here. -Nice.
Appreciate you.
[door opens]
You were his drug dealer.
-[door shuts] -Right?
What did he tell you? Did he let the cat out of the bag?
I was hoping I could catch you.
Everything okay?
Yeah. Fine.
Can we talk? Privately?
I thought you knew I was married.
Uh, okay.
Well, everybody knows everything around here.
-I figured-- -Well, you figured what?
[sighs] That my wife had explained
the situation and you were on board.
Uh, when would she have explained that to me?
-We're in an open relationship. -Okay.
We're not public about it in the community.
Not that it stopped other people
from speculating on the app or whatever.
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
She's seeing somebody and she's been
encouraging me to do the same.
She knew I liked you. I thought you knew.
So, what, she didn't throw a brick through my window?
W-what? Are you okay?
No! I'm not okay!
Well, I'll look through our security surveillance.
Maybe I can see who, but it wasn't Jillian.
[dramatic music]
I'm sorry, what?
-What what? -Your wife is Jillian?
-You're joking, right? -Oh. Uh...
-Jillian? -Jillian is totally on board.
-I... You talk to her. -Why would I talk to Jillian?
What do I have to talk to her about? What?
Talk to me about what?
I'm sorry, what are you guys doing in my house?
The door was open.
We saw the broken window. We were worried.
Mm-hmm. Uh, you should get that fixed ASAP.
One broken window attracts the wrong kind.
There is a whole theory. I listened to a podcast about it.
Yeah, maybe we should be more concerned about Colleen.
You seem concerned enough for all of us.
You know what, maybe Jared can help Colleen...
-Get her house in order. -[Dan] I can help.
[Jillian] I think you've done enough already.
Honey, it's time to go.
Make sure you get all the glass.
I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself.
[eerie music]
Is your friend prone to taking off without notice?
Um, I don't know.
I don't actually know him that well yet.
So why do you suspect foul play?
I got a really disturbing message on NeighborNews.
Oh, good Lord. Not that again. God, that app is a menace.
But somebody threw a brick through my window.
My guess is neighborhood teens.
I'll ask around, but I wouldn't let it worry you too much.
Sunny Vista is a very safe neighborhood.
[indistinct radio chatter]
[eerie music]
[upbeat music]
[door unlocking]
[door opens]
[message alert]
[breathing heavily]
Oh, goodness.
[Jared] Hey!
I see you!
[dramatic music]
I can't watch the tape without a stupid VCR.
Then just go back to the dead lady's house and take hers.
I can't do that. Last time I was there, I almost got caught.
There's a pawn shop down the street, I'm gonna see if they
have one, but the only trouble with these tapes is
that they tape over themselves every 24 hours.
So I could see who threw the brick,
but not the night that Theo... Sorry, hold on.
There was a prowler at Edith's last night.
Might be the same person who broke your window.
[Jared] Did you happen to see or hear anything?
No. I didn't see or hear anything.
Actually, I was, um, fast asleep. Heh.
[chuckles] Such a city girl,
sleeping soundly after someone breaks your window.
I'd be a nervous wreck.
-I'm just gonna take this. -Hm.
Uh, you know, if you wanna watch
some old tapes, you're always welcome at ours.
Or we could just lend you the--
No, no, no. It took forever to hook up.
I wouldn't know. Jared did it.
That's really generous of you, but, um, actually,
they're emotional home movies.
So I'd need a little privacy.
Oh, family drama. Juicy.
[chuckles] Yeah.
-Just on a call. -Yeah.
[Vanessa] My calls are limited, I would appreciate it if you
saved the neighborhood chit-chat for some other time.
I know. I know. I'm sorry. Just...
Maybe I should check Theo's again. I don't know.
Listen, I know it's how you make your living or how you made
your living, but you don't have to solve every murder.
I know, but I can't turn it off.
[suspenseful music]
[crow cawing]
Why do they even lock their door?
[clock ticking]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[tab switches on]
He hasn't read any of my messages.
[message alert]
[ominous music]
[message alert]
[upbeat music on video]
[Theo moans]
You want some? Hm?
[chuckles] Shut up.
[Theo] You're in my world now.
Don't you know I make the rules?
You disgust me.
-[whip lashing] -Ah, ah...
Where did I put my fucking spike?
You pigs better start emptying your wallets.
Thank you, daddys.
[Theo on video] Come find me, lovers.
Find My Phone.
[birds chirping]
[dramatic music]
[Colleen panting]
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
[indistinct radio chatter]
[Kimberley] This is tragic. It was only a matter of time.
I've been saying forever, this road is dangerous.
[Jared] She does. She says it all the time.
No, this wasn't an accident.
Okay? Theo was murdered.
There's no need to get hysterical.
I mean, it, it was a hit and run, right?
-Definitely what it looks like. -No, no, look.
Someone was leaving Theo threatening messages. Look.
[man on message] I thought I told you to be a good neighbor.
You continued to peddle smut. And now you're doing drugs?
Was he on drugs when he disappeared?
[dramatic music]
We took psilocybin.
Oh, my God!
-What is that? I knew that. -Shrooms.
I mean, I guess that explains why he was wandering
all over the road.
How much did you take?
Really? That's what you're worried about?
I mean, shouldn't you be tryin' to hunt
down this anonymous user?
We will ask NeighborNews for their data, but they
are notoriously reluctant to share.
Well, it sounds like your friend got high,
went for a walk in the middle of the night,
and he got hit by a car. It happens.
[Reaves] It's tragic, but it happens.
[instrumental music]
[door opens]
-[door shuts] -Hi, honey.
Hi, mom.
[Colleen] The app is just a steady stream
of theories about me now.
Well, did you tell them that Anonymous targeted you, too?
No, I don't want them digging into me
any more than they already have, I mean, if they find out
that I'm related to you, they might somehow think
that this is all part of a scam.
You know I wasn't planning on scamming anyone, right?
And I just needed some time for myself.
And people started jumping to conclusions,
everything spun out of control.
-Come on, mom. -What?
You are so self-involved.
I lost my entire career, my friends.
I had to leave New York and move to freakin' Murderville, USA,
because I had nowhere else to go, because of you.
-Well-- Oh, no. -I don't even wanna go there.
Life's too short to leave words unspoken.
Learned that from a lady on my cell block.
She killed her husband.
So you need to track down a VCR.
Dan says he's gonna bring me one.
-Oh, is he? -What?
-Nothing. -Mom.
I'm not sayin' anything.
He's being kind.
He's checking up on me.
I think he hopes that I'm gonna reconsider.
[scoffs] He is standing by you while the rest
of the neighborhood turns their back on you.
I mean, you might wanna give him a chance.
Yeah yeah, I know, he's married.
Life is...
It's infinitely more complicated than you ever let it be.
If he likes you as a brunette, he's a keeper in my books.
[suspenseful music]
[footsteps approaching]
[bottles clinking]
Hey. Did we change the recycling day?
-No. Why? -Nothin', just...
Thought I had a bunch of bills and stuff in here, but...
Thank you.
-Means a lot. -No problem.
Love to be helpful.
Hey, I have a box of classic VHSes
I haven't been able to get rid of.
If maybe you, you wanted to watch them together?
Yeah, I don't know if--
[Dan] Oh, I'm not asking you to date.
I get the timing is off.
I'm just tryin' to be a good neighbor.
I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through.
If there's ever anything you need, anything at all, just...
-Just ask. -Okay.
Hey. Um...
Thank you. This is very helpful.
Maybe when I'm done with it, we can, uh, catch up.
[VCR whirring]
You can't even see my driveway.
[eerie music]
[dramatic music]
[clicking on VCR]
[intense music]
-Hey, Quinn. -Hey.
-How's it goin'? Yeah? -It's good. What's up?
-What are you doing? -You're not really hurt!
-Are you crazy? -Okay.
What is this, a cover? Huh?
So no one would suspect that you killed Theo?
You are the anonymous user.
You're the one who's been threatening me,
you're the one who threatened Theo!
Okay. This anonymous user?
[man on message] Good neighbors don't deal drugs.
I thought only Theo knew. But he's dead.
And then I came to the realization he told you, too.
Yeah, I'm not the one who's faking an injury
and I'm not the one who was in his house when he died.
But you were the last person to see him alive.
Okay, I faked an injury.
People were endlessly asking me every day
when I was gonna go pro.
Football is just a blimp on my radar.
But try telling that to Sunny Vista.
Theo was one of the only people who knew I wanted to quit,
but didn't hold it against me.
I'm hella messed up about his death, too.
You guys were close?
I guess. But not like...
Look, people say dumb shit.
We weren't hooking up like you tried to,
what's the word, e-exsanguinate.
Okay, well, he posted on the app all the time about a
house-sitter, and you are always the one
to respond. So where did he go?
That was a code for a drop-off from me.
We made it up, made it super public, so I could explain
when people saw me coming and going from his place.
It was all smoking mirrors.
Uh, do you know who Anonymous is?
No. But I'll do some digging.
[instrumental music]
-[message alert] -[app alert] NeighborNews!
[eerie music]
Oh, no.
-[door shuts] -[Kimberley] Wait, who is she?
[Jillian] Anybody google her? Anybody search--
[Kimberley] I don't, I don't feel safe here.
[Ashton] I thought you said you vetted her.
[Kimberley] I tried, I...
It's not my fault she's a con artist.
-[Jillian] President. -Do we need to move?
-[Kimberley] I don't feel safe. -Well, let's find out.
-...feel safe. -Not who she says she is.
-Let's ask her. -I didn't write it.
-So you're not Colleen Kirk? -Mn-mn.
Wait, how do I know this name? Who is Colleen Kirk?
-The shitty writer. -[gasps] Oh.
Daughter of that scam artist, Vanessa Kirk,
the one who faked her own kidnapping.
-It's complicated. Okay? -No, it isn't.
-You either are or you aren't. -[Jared] Mm-hmm.
[Ashton] She's totally Vanessa Kirk's daughter.
-Look at the resemblance. -Hm.
That's how you paid for this house.
[scoffs] The scam fundraisers.
No, I-I didn't know it was a scam.
And I returned all of that money
the moment that I knew it wasn't true, you guys,
I honestly thought that my mom was kidnapped.
This is why we need to do a criminal-record check
on all new neighbors.
I don't have a criminal record--
...people search Sunny Vista, the first thing
that's probably gonna come up is Colleen Kirk
instead of most charming suburb!
I worked so hard to get that article out there.
-You did. Yes. -Okay, can I just explain--
I, for one, will not be driven out of my neighborhood.
-This is my home. -Guys!
[grunts] Guys, just stop talking, please!
And let me talk for a minute. Yes.
Okay, I'm Colleen Kirk. I am the daughter of Vanessa Kirk.
-I knew it. -Okay, but that has
nothing to do with why Theo died.
-Prove it. -The night that Theo died...
He was threatening to reveal the anonymous user
who was sending him threatening messages.
Someone from Sunny Vista killed him.
The night that he died, he was hanging out with you.
-Yeah. -[Colleen] If I killed him...
Why would I be trying so hard to figure out what happened to him?
I don't know, cover your tracks?
Anonymous is someone from this neighborhood.
You have to have our zip code to get on NeighborNews.
Well, just because someone was sending him anonymous messages
doesn't mean they killed him.
I mean, it could be a coincidence.
I buy a nosy neighbor, not a murderer.
No, you guys, look, okay, Theo is not the only one who's
getting threatening messages. I did, too.
Anonymous is going after people with secrets.
Quinn was a target, too.
What was Quinn's secret?
Well, it's not my place to share.
-Oh! -Of course.
-No. Convenient. -No, you guys, stop!
She's just trying to get people to spill their secrets, I mean,
if you have secrets to spill, which I don't.
-No. -Yeah, she's lying about Quinn.
-Uh, go ask him yourself. -Yeah, Ashton.
-Go ask him. -What? Why me?
-Go. You're in flats. -What? No.
[Ashton sighs]
You better be telling the truth.
[sighs] Hi, Quinny.
-Quinn. -[ominous music]
[instrumental music]
[birds chirping]
[message alert]
[clock ticking]
[message alert]
-[bottles clinking] -[door opens]
-Hey! Hey! I see you! -Whoa! Whoa! Okay!
Please don't hurt me. I'm just a reporter.
[panting] I mean, I tried to call you. Remember?
You didn't answer me, or you screamed in my face.
So I, yeah, I tracked you down.
I just want your story.
Look. Look, Colleen Kirk, right?
Everyone wants to hear your side of things.
No, they don't. Nobody wants to hear my side.
-It's not that simple. -Okay. Explain it to me.
No. I will not explain anything to you! Okay?
'Cause I have tried! Nobody wants the truth.
They just want some juicy, gossipy story.
You want a real story, you should look into
the three murders that happened here.
-Sorry. -Wait.
[instrumental music]
I saw your light the night that my friend went missing.
Um, do you recognize this man?
Yeah, I'm, I'm not proud of it,
but I-I saw this car following him.
[ominous music]
[Colleen] She had a photo.
No, Theo was followed by some kind of black car
that had a bumper sticker on the back, looks like
some kind of college logo, so I'm checking
every black car in the neighborhood.
[Vanessa] Please be careful.
[Colleen sighs] Dammit.
[intense music]
What do you think you're doing, Kirk? Hm?
-Nothing. Easy. -Wow.
You're trying to break in to my car?
You trying to break in to my house?
[Colleen] ...not what I did. [Ashton] How dare you?
-That's not what I-- -Help!
Help! She's threatening me!
I'm not threatening you! You threatened me!
-I'm leaving! [Vanessa] -What's goin' on?
Just getting accosted by a friendly neighbor.
[Vanessa] You really should move back to New York.
I can't! Okay?
I owe it to Theo and Quinn
to find out what happened to them.
Okay? If Quinn had not just gone--
You don't! You don't owe them anything!
You're only fixating on this mystery because
you've-you've got nothing else going on!
[Vanessa] You know, at least if you were back in New York...
-You could be-- -I can't move back to New York!
Okay? What you did exploded my life!
[Colleen] And you never once apologized to me!
Do you know why nobody is helping me
look into two murders,
and why everybody is suspicious of me?
[sobbing] It's because I'm a Kirk!
-I didn't realize-- -No, of course not.
Because you are the most selfish, self-centered person
I've ever met in my entire life!
But guess what, the world doesn't
revolve around you anymore!
[sobbing] You know what, have fun
rotting in prison, where you belong!
-What did she do? -She's threatened me.
[indistinct chatter]
[sobbing] Fuck.
[intense music]
[receiver clangs]
[instrumental music]
Theo is...
I just wouldn't get too friendly with him is all.
Why not?
Never mind. I shouldn't have said anything.
[music continues]
[knocking on door]
I'm here to see Dan. Is...
I didn't expect you to be home.
It's actually perfect, I was just saying to Dan
that you and I need to have a little tete-a-tete.
Come in.
I didn't poison your wine, if that's what
you're worried about.
[Jillian] So... you and I need to clear the air.
First, yes, absolutely, Dan and I are in an open relationship.
-I didn't come to talk about-- -But it's not public.
You two parading around has made life very difficult for me.
My friends are understandably worried he's cheating on me.
I've had a lot of explaining to do,
something I don't exactly relish.
Okay, well, that seems like
a conversation for you and Dan to have.
No. Dan's very clear I don't care what you two do.
Just keep it behind closed doors
so I don't have to explain.
Are you clear?
Kiss and make up?
I like you, Colleen.
But Sunny Vista just isn't ready for open relationships.
So as far as they're concerned, you're my sworn enemy.
The hussy who stole my man.
It's too bad you weren't more discreet.
I think we could have actually been friends.
[footsteps approaching]
All yours.
You don't have to go.
[Jillian] Mm, my date's waiting.
[door opens, shuts]
You must be freaked out.
[Dan] Living alone, Quinn being right across the street.
I'm really happy you decided to come over.
I was worried about you.
I'm not gonna cause anymore problems with Jillian?
-I know she can be a bit much. -Mm.
Mm. She's always had the flare for the dramatic.
And she gets obsessive
worrying about what other people are thinking.
But she likes the idea of you and me.
Fresh slate.
Like, we don't even know each other.
-More anonymous. -[clattering]
Bad luck.
Oh, um, your security system
is Camro-Tek, right?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, I think so. More of Jillian's domain. Why?
I was just thinking, you know, with everything going on,
that I should probably get some cameras installed.
And I like that Camro-Tek keeps
all of their information on file.
Anyway, where's your washroom?
-Upstairs. -Okay, I'll be back.
[ominous music]
-[keyboard keys clacking] -Okay.
[mouse clicking]
[whispering] No password? Seriously?
Come on. What is with this town?
[Colleen breathing heavily]
[Colleen] Come on.
Oh, come on. Come on. Come on.
-[intense music] -What are you doing in here?
Um, I was just admiring this.
Um, caught my eye on the way upstairs.
I didn't realize that Sunny Vista had a softball team.
-Used to. -Oh. What happened?
-There weren't enough players. -Hm.
Jillian decided to invite some people to join
from outside the neighborhood.
It didn't go over well.
Apparently, they weren't upholding Sunny Vista values.
It was a whole thing, people started questioning
whether Jillian should even be head of the HOA.
They worried she wasn't committed
to protecting the neighborhood.
She loves her role, so she doubled down
on maintaining the Sunny Vista brand.
-[Colleen] Hm. -[intense music]
Wow, that was..
I-I didn't think you wanted to.
I've been so preoccupied with Theo lately,
I just haven't had the time to thank you
for everything you've done for me.
-Happy to help. Anytime. -[both chuckling]
Not that I'm some big hero or anything.
-Oh, wait! -Uh...
I'm sorry. Um...
I changed my mind. I'm so sorry. Uh...
I just realized that I can't, um, do this right now.
I-I actually don't wanna be intimate with anyone. I'm sorry.
I hope you understand.
[dramatic music]
[laptop keys clacking]
[sighs] Thanks for being my big hero.
[upbeat music on video]
[whispers] Are you kidding me?
Hey, Dan.
Are you home alone right now?
-[Dan] Mm, yeah. -Good.
I'm coming over.
[eerie music]
Everything okay?
More than okay.
[instrumental music]
[both moaning]
Well, uh... Well, well... Oh, okay.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I've got, uh...
I thought you didn't want to. You didn't.
I've changed my mind.
Now go upstairs and lie on the bed,
[whispers] and I'll be right there.
[Colleen] Are you ready?
-Ooh. Naughty. -[Dan chuckles]
[both chuckling]
I've never done this before.
Uh, yeah. You naughty boy.
[both laughing]
-Okay. -Oh.
-Stay there. -[laughs]
Uh, be good.
[Dan] Oh, this is so adventurous.
My nipples are hard.
Hey. What are you doin' over there?
I'm getting ready for you.
[breathing heavily]
[whispers] Come on, come on.
Gettin' cold over here.
You've been a bad, bad boy and I need to punish you.
Oh, I thought I was your big hero.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Oh, ooh. There you are. -Hey. I am.
Mm, I can feel you, without, like, feeling you.
It's really nice.
-[Colleen grunts] -What?
[cell phone unlocks]
What are you doing with my phone?
Theo had a side hustle as a cam boy.
-Right? -What are you talking about?
He didn't even get to tell me that, but you knew
because you were his client!
Hm? Right?
Fine. Yeah.
Yeah, okay, I was his client.
So you're gonna torture me over it?
He was blackmailing you, so you killed him!
I saw how Jillian reacted when the news about us spread.
Imagine how she'd react when she finds out
that you're spending a fortune on a cam boy! Huh?
Not exactly upholding Sunny Vista values, is it?
-You think I'm a murderer? -Maybe it was an accident.
You were sending him messages.
He found out that you were Anonymous.
Jillian set that up.
You can only have one profile, and she wanted to send
messages that couldn't be tied back to her.
-Jillian? -She sent exactly one message!
To Edith. About cleaning up her place.
As soon as I found out, I put a stop to it.
Guess I didn't uninstall that stupid app.
And here I thought you actually liked me.
What... How do I know that you're telling the truth?
Check the sent messages. Pretty sure there's only one.
Fine, I will.
Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, Colleen Kirk.
I don't know how she wasn't my first suspect.
I mean, of course, the head of the HOA is gonna do
anything she can to protect her reputation.
But she only sent one message.
Yeah, from Dan's phone, and, I mean, I'm sure she found
a way to get another account once he realized.
I mean, now it's gonna be my word against hers.
And no one is gonna believe me. Okay?
And I turned Dan against me, who was my only ally,
because I pulled that stupid stunt.
I mean, I don't even know what I was thinking.
You were thinking you wanted to find out what happened
to your friend, and that you would do whatever it took
to find out, even if it meant playing dirty.
I should've just left everything be. You know...
-Quinn would still be here. -Hey, it is not your fault.
You did not kill him.
you and I are different.
I did the wrong thing a lot. Very often.
But you, you've gone way too far in the other direction.
You over-compensated. You're always being good.
You're always putting other people ahead of yourself.
You know, you-you shouldn't be so afraid
of what other people think of you.
You should be afraid of what you think.
[Vanessa] Look, what is gonna make you prouder?
Playing nice, or outing the person who killed your friend?
[instrumental music]
-[sighs] -[shattered glass rustling]
-[gasps] -[dramatic music]
[message alert]
I'm gonna get Jillian to confess that she's Anonymous,
that she killed Theo in order to cover up the fact
that Dan was his client.
[Vanessa on phone] How exactly are you gonna do that?
I'm very confident that I can get her to open up.
Actually... I think it's time for all of Sunny Vista
to really get to know each other.
[Colleen] Theo would approve.
[footsteps approaching]
Feels like we've been here forever.
Who do you think posted the invite?
Could be a trap, from the murderer.
[sighs] It was me.
[Colleen] Sorry, I didn't think that any of you would show up
if you knew I did the invite.
But Theo deserves a memorial.
He gave Edith one, so you guys owe him.
I'll start.
Cool if I go back for seconds?
Oh, please. By all means.
I didn't know Theo for that long,
but I didn't have to.
I could see that he had an amazing free spirit.
I mean, he was so unapologetically himself.
[Colleen] I think we should all take a page from his book.
Theo was complicated.
He was a beloved teacher
and he was also a cam boy.
You mean, like, hobby photography?
-[indistinct whispering] -Oh.
He was afraid that you guys would judge him, which you did,
despite some of you being his clients.
That's enough! We shouldn't be speaking ill of the dead.
I feel funny.
Was this plant always so alive?
[Colleen] Theo also did drugs, frequently. So did Quinn.
Quinn was actually Theo's dealer.
Zip it! Disrespectful much.
It should never be disrespectful to tell the truth.
[mumbling] Zip it...
-I don't wanna hear it. -I don't feel so good.
I think I need to text my husband.
[Jared] That's your wallet.
Quinn faked his own injury
because of all the pressure you guys put on him.
He couldn't even handle it.
It's the same pressure that you guys put on everybody else
and also yourselves, just to be perfect.
I mean, I know now why you guys are all so obsessed with
NeighborNews, so that you can plan out what you're gonna say,
so you can keep up these facades
and your distance from each other.
But are you really, truly good neighbors
if you can't share things with each other?
I mean, this is a safe space, if anybody has some secrets
to spill, some confessions to make,
please unburden yourself.
I have chronic yeast infections.
[Kimberley] Jared! [Jared] Guys get them, too.
Feels good to get that off my chest.
I'm really glad you took me under your wing, Kimmy.
But sometimes I feel like you don't respect me.
It's Kimberley.
I worry you care more about what other people think
than our marriage.
See, without secrets to hold over your head,
Anonymous is powerless.
Right, Anonymous?
[Colleen] But I know why you did it, Anonymous.
It's because you had secrets of your own.
And you thought that if we were all so scared
about our own secrets being revealed,
that we would miss yours,
and we would miss that your spouse was
Theo's biggest client.
I need some air.
I'm invisible. I'm invisible.
[Kimberley] Bye, honey. Ooh.
-[Dan and Kimberley laughing] -[door opens]
[door shuts]
You knew that?
[ominous music]
[Jared] Are you okay? [Jillian] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We just, we can't be seen together, okay?
What? Come on, chill, Jill.
Oh, please don't ever call me Jill.
Let's go back inside and tell everyone.
-I don't care who knows-- -No, no, no! Shh...
I-I wanna scream it from the roof!
[Jillian] No. Shh, shh. I can't go back inside.
Colleen knows way too much about me, all right?
-Okay, just, I need to cool. -What?
[ominous music]
[dramatic music]
[message alert]
[music continues]
[eerie music]
[intense music]
[car engine starts]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[Kimberley laughing]
[both laughing]
Oh, uh...
I just... Does the steering wheel seem small?
No, but the streetlights seem to look like fireworks.
-Ashton? Ashton? -[gasps]
[gasps] Oh, no, she knows it's me.
-[Ashton panting] -Well...
Well, now we definitely have to kill her.
[gasps] Uh, what?
Oh, no. Come on, Kimmy, please.
You know how I feel about blood.
[both panting]
[both laughing]
Oh, you know, I can't go to prison.
They make you wear the same outfit every day.
I know, but all this killing, it's really mean.
What did I tell you about being more solution-oriented?
I'm trying! I'm trying. Okay. Okay. Okay.
[Ashton] What if we drive, like, super, super far away
and-and-and we just leave her in the middle of nowhere?
Yes! To die by the elements.
No! Just so that she's far away.
And then, and then if she says anything,
we'll just say she's a liar, okay?
She's got a family history.
Grow a spine, Ashton!
You know what will happen to Sunny Vista
if we let these people live.
You mean live here, right?
-Sure. -Oh, man. This is a lot.
I really thought we were just going to scare them.
But then poor Edith and Quinn...
-[sobbing] And Theo. -He was trash.
You have to take it out, or it will attract animals.
-[gasps] -[screams]
[tires screeching]
[Ashton] Colleen! What the hell?
[Kimberley choking]
[Ashton] Colleen, Colleen, what the...
[intense music]
[Colleen panting]
[Kimberley] Get her!
-[screams] -[grunting]
No! Ashton, you don't have to do this, okay?
I know you're just going along with Kimmy.
You don't have to do it, okay?
-[Colleen screams] -I am not a follower!
[taser zapping]
[Colleen grunting]
Oh, my God. Are you okay, Kimmy?
Oh! No!
[indistinct yelling]
-Shit! -[Kimberley bawling]
-Oh, God. -Oh.
[mumbles] Get off the road, you...
-Hey. -[Kimberley groaning]
Hey, Jilly. What are you doing here?
Hey, Kimmy.
-[Kimberley groans] -What the heck?
You killed Theo.
You killed Quinn.
Jillian, come on. It's...
[Jillian screams, groans]
[taser zapping]
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
[groans] No!
[Kimberley] Hold her down.
-[grunts] -[Ashton giggles]
Look what you made me do.
You don't belong in Sunny Vista!
I'm a good neighbor, bitch!
[both grunting]
[Kimberley] Oh, no.
You got a really good arm.
Do you play softball?
I mean, seriously, you keep a pair of fuzzy handcuffs
in your vehicle?
-[scoffs] -[chuckles]
[Colleen] How'd they know to come?
I posted on the NeighborNews app.
Said if I wasn't back soon, to track my phone.
Mm, guess that app has its uses after all.
-Told ya. -[Dan] Whoa, whoa, whoa, who.
Jared. Jared, help us!
Oh, my God, Kimberley.
You told me so many times that you would kill
to protect Sunny Vista, I didn't think it was literal.
But now it's like I'm seeing your true colors.
And, Ashton, you'd do anything for Kimberley.
I was there once. It passes.
Is everyone okay?
-Mm-hmm. -I think so.
Actually, there's something I really wanna share with you all.
[yells] Dan and I are in an open relationship!
Ah, it feels so good to say it out loud.
-[scoffs] -We thought so.
I guess I should tell everyone that Jilly and I are,
well, we're together.
Actually, not anymore.
[Jillian] Tonight's given me a lot of clarity,
and I, I don't think I like you anymore.
Also, your wife's a murderer, and I think
you should be more focused on that.
Yeah, you guys seriously keep breezing past murders.
In the spirit of sharing, I was Theo's client.
[Jared] His cam-boy client?
-I'm bi-curious. -Oh, I knew it.
And since we're all sharing, if you haven't figured it out yet,
I seriously dosed you with a shit ton of magic shrooms.
[Dan laughing] No shit.
Uh, what?
[all laughing]
I think I kind of like it.
[sirens wailing]
Am I bleeding?
I mean, people always say that
there's two sides to every story.
But, I mean, in reality, I think
that there's so much more.
I mean, it's like a prism, you turn it the other direction
and then light refracts differently.
I love my mom, but I have a lot of empathy
and compassion for the people she defrauded.
And I think, you know, if she had just had
the courage to be honest with me
about how much she was really struggling,
that maybe she wouldn't have done what she did.
And, I don't know, maybe, maybe she did try to tell me,
and I just, I didn't listen.
Maybe I didn't wanna know that she wasn't perfect.
So, what's next for you?
I am co-writing a new book.
It's called Twisted Neighbors.
[both chuckling]
[interviewer] Wow. About Kimberley and Ashton?
No, no. It's about all of us. I mean, we all made mistakes.
I'm gonna collect everyone's stories.
I think it's very important that
everyone gets to talk about what happened, in their own words.
[interviewer] That's awesome.
It's gonna be crazy.
It's a wild ride.
-[Jillian] Here we go. -Hey.
So my editor said that we're gonna move Edith back
and we're gonna move my breakdown forward.
-Sounds great. -Yeah, right?
Remember when I thought you almost poisoned me?
Remember when you actually did
kind of poison me?
Shorty has been walked and pooped. I'm heading out.
-Where are you going? -Gonna have a beer with Jared.
[Jillian] I thought you didn't like Jared.
I didn't, I don't, but his wife just went to prison
and his girlfriend dumped him in a pretty humiliating way.
-Am I really that bad? -Yeah.
-Yeah. -That's why I love you.
[both chuckling]
-Oh. -Have fun.
-Stay out of trouble. -Peace.
-Bye. -[Dan] Bye.
-[door opens] -I feel so bad about the...
Oh, God, no. Are you kidding me?
He's still trying to get me to re-enact it.
-Aww. -Let's put that in the book.
Oh, it's definitely going in the book.
-[indistinct chatter] -Hey.
I have an important question to ask you.
Would you help me get a Sunny Vista softball team
up off the ground?
Are you kidding me?
Yes! Oh! How soon do we start?
-[oven timer dings] -Oh! Cupcakes are ready.
No green icing this time.
[message alert]
[Colleen sighs]
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