Two of a Kind (1983) Movie Script

Neverstand behind a golfer, dummy,
when he's gettin'ready, to take a shot.
Stand over there.
- Want some chicken?.
- I quit eatin' meat. It slows me down.
Let's go, boys. The boss is on his way.
I'm glad he's comin' back,
but there goes my golf game--
weekends too.
Should be around here somewhere.
Hey, Gonzales, you see
where my ball went?.
I'm notyour caddy. I'm a garbage man.
Yeah, butyou got eyes.
You can see that garbage.
You oughta be able to
see a little white ball.
- Charlie! Charlie! You see my ball?.
- Yeah, I saw it.
- Where is it?.
- God only knows.
You know, Charlie, you
oughta ask them fora change.
You've been a bum down there
for almost a millennium.
Look, you worry about what you do,
and I 'll worry about what I do.
Do you know what it's like to hear
you guys argue through eternity?.
Well, put some chicken in your ears.
Charlie, give me my ball. I
knowyou took it! Gimme my ball.
Stop arguing, boys. Give him his ball.
Did he saywhat he's been doing?.
Where's he been since 1960?.
- I mean, may,be he forgot he's God.
- Listen...
he's been working 24 hours a day,,
six day,s a week since the dawn oftime.
Don't you think he deserves
some kind of rest and change?.
Yeah, but he
hadn't even--
- How was your vacation?.
Oh, I think I caught a cold.
- Bless yourself.
- Thanky,ou.
Can't I turn my back for a minute?.
When the cat's away,
the mice will play, huh?.
I leavey,ou fourin charge
fora mere 25y,ears--
a drop in the bucket
oftime, by,the way,--
I come back, and the
world is a total mess.
We're understaffed.
Oh, y,ou're gonna pass the
buck, huh? That's y,our answer?
No, I - I think I have to do
something drastic. I wanna start over.
- You mean, real ly... start over?.
- Right. Right.
You remember the Bible, Adam and Eve.
May,be I'll start with a woman this time.
H m m. A flood worked
before. Yeah. I like it.
- But you said you'd never do that again!
- That's right.
- Didn't he promise?. -
Yes! - You did. You did.
Hey! I'm God. I changed my mind.
But there's still a lot of
goodness left in the world.
- She's right. There is.
- Yeah!
Yousay,there's goodness
left in the world, huh?
Okay,. Show me one goodperson.
What about him?.
- Great choice, moron.
- There's a good person!
- Ruthie, give me a ty,pical man.
- There's one!
- Which one?
- Him!
That kid? Done!
- He looks nervous.
- Since when is nervous a crime?
Looks like my, cousin, Paco.
He 's doing time in Folsom.
All right. Hold it
down. I like this. Yeah.
How you doi n', Stuart?.
$ 13,464.
Stuart, I told ya I 'd
get it for ya. I promise.
I want it today at 6..00.
- All right.
- Hold him.
Or else, I'm gonna takeyour ears.
Ya understand?.
- Say "yes."
- Yes.
It worked.
Zack, no more excuses this time.
I want that money, and I want all
ofit, or I'm gonna takeyour ears...
and I'm gonna grind them and all those
stupid inventions ofyours into dust!
Ya hear me?. Pick up the phone,
Zack. I knowyou're listening.
Don't stand so closely.
Get back in the car.
Zack! 6..00 or it's all over. 6..00.
Howya doin'?.
You know, I came toyou becauseyou are
by far the foxiest chick in the bank.
Broadway Savings. Good
morning. Can I helpyou?.
This is Susan Elliott.
- Uh, your check!
- Oh, thanks.
Morning. I, uh, came to you...
'cause I thinkyou're the
prettiest chick in the bank.
I'm sorry. I'm closed.
Twenty,, 40, 60, 80, 100.
Howya doin'?.
You know, I, uh, came to you
because I think you're by,far the
foxiest chick in the bank.
Can I help you?.
$13,464 and smile.
You're kidding.
I only have 600.
All right. Go in the
back and get the rest.
Ifyou screw this up,
I'm gonna shoot somebody.
No. Her.
Oh. Okay.
I have to go in the back.
- Nothing.
- What?.
Your mustache is falling off.
How 'bout now?.
It's still a little off.
- You'd really look betterwithout it.
- Don't get cute.
Just get the money, will ya?.
- Goodmorning, Debbie.
- Hi.
All right. We've been here too long.
I'll meet you at the swinging door.
That reallywouldn't be
very smart, would it?.
- Everyone will seeyou.
- Then take this shopping bag...
- that I left hereyesterday and fill it.
- Okay.
- I'll look for it.
- Okay. Thankyou.
- Can I helpyou?.
- No, I'm just, uh--
I left a bag hereyesterday. I'm
waiting to see iftheyfind it.
- Oh, you found it?. Thankyou.
- You'rewelcome.
I'm single.
Mr. Sikes!
Back! Get down! Get down!
Oh, nice try.
Look, let's not waste any more time.
I'm not gonna change my mind.
Wait! Wait! Hold it.
Okay, he's rotten.
Let's pick another one.
No, no, no. He was your choice.
- Not mine.
- I didn't tell him to rob that bank.
- He looked like a nice kid to me.
- Looked like my cousin, Paco.
Can we please choose someone else?.
But could we have a few more
hours?. Just a little more time?.
"I wasted time, but now
doth time waste me. "
Richard I I, act five, scene five.
Tonight. J ust give us until tonight.
That young man's gonna
shape up. Let's watch him.
All right. All right. One more look.
Fuck it!
Broadway Savings. Good morning.
Hi, baby.
- How you doin'?. You having a good day?.
- Oh! Oh!
Debbie? Wait. Don't
come in. Close the door.
Yeah, this is Monarch Photos.
That checky,ou wrote bounced.
Couldy,ou give us a call and
straighten this out? Thanks.
You're welcome.
- You're home early,.
- I got fi red.
- Where's my bed?.
- It was repossessed.
Chotiner let them in this
morning when we weren't home.
- He wants y,our rent money,.
- Okay.
Al I right! I 'm com i ng.
Listen, you shouldn't keep
buyin' things you can't afford.
Very irresponsible. Can I have my rent?.
Look! Lookwhat I got!
Can you believe it?.
Chicken liver forever, Brando.
Hundred dollar bills!
Here's this month's and next month's
in advance. Good night, Mr. Chotiner.
Listen, where'd you get this money?.
I told you I'd get it. You should have
more faith in people, shouldn'tyou?.
Listen, I caught a cold
from your cat. Oh, yes.
Humans don't catch colds
from cats, Mr. Chotiner.
He came down...
the fire escape and in mywindow...
and sat on my chest and gave me a cold.
Now, look. I wouldn't mind
catching a cold from you...
but not from your precious cat.
- Get lost!
- I mean it.
I mean it! I mean it! Listen!
I'm home ifyou everwant me.
Here, honey,. Willy,ou
hold this? Not that!Stop it!
Hey, guys, where are you going?.
Look. I got steak, Dom Perignon...
and I have your favorite
cheese in there, Ron.
- Oh, were you gonna cook
dinner for us?. - Uh-huh.
Oh,y,ou're kidding. We have this
party, that Ron forgot to tell me about.
Hey, by the way, why'd
you get fired this time?.
This is terrific cheese. We'll
eat it at the party. Thanks a lot.
- Come on. Let's go.
- Are you gonna be all right?.
What arey,ou gonna do?
Yeah. I'll go to the gym,
work out or something.
Okay,. By,e. Oh! Hey,! Why,
didy,ou get fired this time?
They said I flirted with a bank robber.
Stuart. You're early, man.
Put those dogs in another room!
Right. Back, boys! Back! Down! Down!
Vinnie! Biff!. Get back there!
Stuart, you know, what I'm gonna
have to do is, uh, put the dogs...
in the-- in
the bathroom.
But it'll take a minute, all right?
Right with you.
- Here I come!
Back!Away,from the door! Now, get in
the bathroom! That's it. That's it.
Good boy,s.
What the hell is going on, Zack?
I ' m com i n'! Down, boys!
- Oh, wow.
- Get i n there!
- How?.
- How?. Li ke this!
Damn it!
Hey! These are great! I
love these! Look at this.
Moron! I almost had a heart attack.
You think that's what he borrowed the
13 grand for?. To have those made?.
- How should I know?.
- Look at this stuff. Look at this.
Nobody'd buy one!
Of course nobodywould buy one!
They,'re gimmicks foridiots.
Would you buy one?.
Come here. Get outta here.
Come on!
- I don't like music. It
all sounds the same to me.
- Don't you think he'd be gone by now?.
- What?. I payyou to think?.
You know, boss, I too have feelings.
"I too have feelings"?. What are
you doin'?. Goin' to college now?.
- Huh?. Huh?.
- Aaah! Aaah!
- How's that feel?.
- It hurts!
You're right. You got feelings.
Get outta there! What's he doin'?.
- Get him off ofthere!
- Not finished.
There he is! There he is!
Come on! Get goin'!
Hey! Here's your money! Come on!
Hey,! Ya all right?
Hold it. Hold it. Go!
Go! Go around him!
- Follow him! Damn it!
- All right!
Move it! Come on!
- Keep drivin', man. You hear me?.
- I'm drivin'!
Get alongside ofhim!
- Pull over!
- No! Don't! Don't listen to him!
- Pull it over! Pull it over!
- I'm drivin'!
- I've got a gun too!
- Don'tshoot!
I'm driving! I got a family,! I
got three kids! I got a mortgage!
Goddamn it! Where are you going?.
- Cut him off!!
- What do y,ou mean?
- I mean do this!
- No!
Oh, I imagine it must
be tough being wrong...
but look on the bright side.
It's a new beginning. Water
for the deserts, no pollution.
I'll put Hawaii closer to the
mainland. Gonzales, make a note ofthat.
I can't bel ieve you're
real ly gonna do this.
Trust me.
Where will everyone go?.
Oh, we've got plenty of room.
You mean you'll bring
everybody up here?.
To do a great right, you
must do a little wrong.
- Macbeth?
- Hamlet.
Doesn't any,body, read any,more?
Merchant ofVenice, act four, scene one.
- Wait!
- Wait?
For what? Let's get going.
Wait a minute. Wait a
minute! I got an idea.
What ifthat kid down there
turned himselfaround...
and he sacrificed everything
for another human being?.
Charlie! A selfish kid like that
would never make a supreme sacrifice.
But if he did, that would be a miracle.
Okay,. Uh-huh. Oh, I see.
You're gonna show me a miracle that
proves man is worth saving. Uh-huh.
Okay,. I like it, actually,.
But on one condition. Her.
- Her?.
- Yeah.
- The bank tel ler?.
- He has to make a sacrifice for her?
And she for him.
- But that's impossible.
- Hey,. You brought up miracle. I didn't.
And one more thing. I
want it in two day,s.
Two days?. I t took you six
days to create the world.
Very good, Earl. That's very good.
Okay,, I'll give y,ou a week...
and don't ever say, I wasn't generous!
What about the devil?.
- I say, what about the devil?.
- Oh, don't bother me with details!
You've got until midnight,
one week from tonight.
Um, is that Pacific, Mountain
or Eastern Standard time?.
Hmm. Eastern Standard.
Freeze it! Rewind.
- Aaah!
- Freeze it!
These two are going to have to
sacrifice everything for each other?
Ha! Marvelous. I shall soon
have a full house, won't I?.
And, of course, I shall reserve...
a very special place
fory,ou, my,pretty,.
- Get away from her.
- Charlie boy!
Charlie boy,.
Uh, look, Charlie boy. Let's have
another little wager on this--
on this flood business, shall we?.
- I'll bet you dogs.
- Dogs?.
Yes, dogs. I mean, ifthere is a
flood, then you pitch in dogs as well.
Look. I haven't got any animals
down there, but I've got a lot of...
very strange people that
love... to kick dogs.
You make me sick!
Gonzales! I don't believe this. They
still haveyou living like a pig?.
And Charlie's a bum.
Earl! He still drives a bus?.
Earl. Fore!
I don't want nothin' you got.
Well, Ishall be needing a
lot ofextra help fairly,soon.
As you fellows will
all be out on the dole,
perhaps we can strike
a deal right now, hmm?.
You like loose ladies?
- Ignore him.
- Hmm?.
Charlie boy, you like the
ol' loose ladies?. Hmm?. Oh.
Well, ifyou changeyour mind, I've
just taken a suite at the Plaza.
What a bummer! On top of everything
else, nowwe got him toworry about.
What did you expect?. Him to
sit idly by on the sidelines?.
Boys, we've got a lot ofwork to do.
Let's get started.
- Ah!
- Rewind!
Freeze it.
- Unfreeze.
- There he is!
Come on! Get goin'!
Hey! Here's your money! Come on!
Hey,! Ya all right?
Hold it! Go! Drive!
What the hell?.
Damn it!
Forget the horn! The bus died.
Am I gonna have to
pick this up in 2 weeks?.
Not this time.
- Hey,, man, leave the girl alone.
- Hey, Laurie, I'm tired.
Aw, break my heart.
You think it's easy,
working withy,ou all day,?
Ify,ou could move y,our legs as fast as
y,ou move y,our mouth, we'd be in business.
- We're going two flights up.
- Give me a break.
"Bank robber flirts and escapes
with 15, 000 smackeroos!"
" Debbie Wylder, an
aspi ri ng actress...
who studies at the Warren Robertson Theatre
Workshop, said the man was maniacal."
Debbie... Wylder. You
wanna come up, please?.
Will you kinda settle
down a little, please?.
- Hi, Debbie.
- Hi.
- Howya feeling?.
- Terrific.
- Debbie, you had quite a
scare yesterday, didn'tyou?.
It was, um, terrifying.
Let the laughter go. That's
just a nervous reaction.
- Keep letting it go. Try to
feel the real feelings behind it.
- Letyour arms relax.
What I wantyou to do--
Go right back to that moment
when the guy came into the bank.
Really tell him what you were feeling.
Come on, Debbie. Tell him.
See him there,just like he was.
- Recreate the moment.
- Please don't hurt me.
I'll do anything you say.
- I can't do this.
- Deborah, keep going.
Come on. You're just trying
to avoid the real feelings.
I feel like laughing.
And anotherway to avoid whatyou
really feel is to argue with me.
I'm not arguing with you, Warren.
Debbie,just don't talk
fora minute andlisten to me.
This guy comes in and points
a gun at you. Is that right?.
I mean, it's really not much, is it?.
Justyour life?.
So, come on. Put this guy
out here and tell him off!.
How dareyou point that gun at me!
How darey,ou threaten
to blowmy,brains out!
You're acting, Debbie. Stop "acting. "
You thinkyou're a pretty hot shot
with that gun in your hand, don't you?.
But you're nothing but a cheap crook!
You're a clown, an impotent joke.
An impotentjoke?
Debbie, stop writing
dialogue now, and let's feel.
I do feel. I am feeling!
Don't take it out on me. Take it out
on this guy that had the gun on you.
Come on. Look at him and tell him this.
You moron. You imbecile!
You bastard!
That's it!
- There he is!
- Fine. Now,justsee it through.
- See him! It's real!
- There he is!
- Just keep seeing him. That's it.
- He's right there!
- That's right. Now really see him.
- There he is!
- Tell him what you're really feeling.
- No, he's right there!
- Somebody,help me!
- That's right! Scream forhelp. Come on!
Call the police! No!
J ust let the feelings
go. Let your body go.
- That's right. Let the body go.
- He was right there.
That's fine. J ust let the body go.
That's right. Just breathe.Just let go.
Letyour head go.
Let your head go.
- Unbelievable exercise.
- Terrific.
- I wasn't kidding. He was right there.
- But that's the point!
He's right out there waiting for me now.
You'll be all right. Don't worry.
You want a Kleenex?.
Here. Blowyour nose.
Listen, I know you guys
were planning to go...
straight to Fire Island, but
would you come home with me...
and I'll pay for a cab foryou
to go to Grand Central?.
We've got an 11:00 train to catch.
Oh, Ron. We'll catch a later one.
Hold it!
All clear.
- Hey, hey, hey! What is this?.
- An armoire.
- You bought a stereo?.
- Yeah.
Hey, you bought all this stuff today?.
You sure that was just a little residual...
or did someone in your
family die, darlin'?.
Come on, Ron.
Check her bedroom.
Let go, you impotent joke!
- That's not funny. She's really upset.
- Excuse me.
Listen. We have got to get to the beach
by 9:00. I've got serious rays to catch.
- You'll be okay in a little while.
- Come on.
- Hey! Doyou want to come with us?.
- No. It's fine, really.
Wait a minute. That's not a bad
idea. We could have a menage a trois.
You could sleep on the couch.
No. It's fine, really.
I appreciate it. Thanks.
Forget it. You should've seen me the
night I broke through. I was a basket case.
- Wasn't I?.- You were a basket case,
babe. Come on. Let's go.
Brando! You're a bad boy!
How many times have I told you,
"Not the sink, okay??" Now, get down.
Want something to eat?. Huh?.
- You're always hungry. You
have the appetite of a dog.
Here's your dinner. Here we go.
Okay, now, where's your dish?.
You're not starving, areyou?.
The window's the onlyway out.
- Operator.
- Operator?.
Is it really a good idea to
bring the police into this?.
This is the operator.
May I helpyou?. Operator--
- Where's the money?.
- What money?.
- Get it. - I don't
have it. - Get it.
- I spent it.
- On what?.
Armoire. I bought a stereo.
I had clothes to buy.
When's the last time
you went shopping?.
- How much is left?.
- $3,000.
- How much?.
- What areyou doing?.
- Oh, a nun. That's typecasting, isn't it?.
- Will you put those down?.
Don't do that! They're irreplaceable. That's
every play and everything I've ever done!
Oh, irreplaceable, huh?.
- How much?.
- I told you. 3,000.
- How much?.
- All right. 5,000.
5,000. I don't believe it.
Okay. 8,600.
- 8,600. That's all there is. I swear.
- 8,600?. Get it.
- Get it!
- You know I got fired because ofyou today?.
They fired me becauseyou had the gall
to rob mywindow. Can you believe that?.
Ugh. These are terrible.
- 8,600. Count it
ifyou don't believe me.
You have some set ofballs
on you, you know that?.
- You would have done the same
thing in my position.- Right.
- Ifyou were a gentleman, you'd
give me half ofthat.- I'm not.
Well, the leastyou
can do is fix my door.
You're a clever girl. You figure it out.
Where's my doorknob?.
- Don't do me any favors.
- I won't.
Don't touch me!
Doyou want me to put it in or don'tyou?.
You see, the whole
trick to this thing...
is thatyou've got to hold
the nuts whileyou screw.
- What's going on out here?.
- Everything's fine, Mr. Chotiner.
Doorknob fell off. We're
just screwing it in.
- Who's he?. -
Nobody. - Nobody.
See?. Works fine.
- It better.
- Harry? Harry, the healing's starting!
- The word is "thankyou."
- Thankyou?.
You're welcome.
Let's not take the 7:00.
We have to get up too early.
- Let's get the 9:00.
- Let's take the 9:00.
- That way, we'll have a chance
to get some sun on the beach!
- What happened?.
- We missed the last train.
- Oh, I'm s-- - Oh,
you're very sorry.
- She doesn't give a damn.
- Shh!
- I don't care ifshe hears me.
- Well, I do.
Why,shouldy,ou? She's an
idiot, for God's sakes. Why,?
- Do you wanna buy somethi ng?.
- Li ke what?.
Anything. My armoire, my stereo.
I 'm broke. I need the cash.
- Well, so do I.
- What do you mean?. I just gave you $8,600.
- Gave me?. That was my money.
- It was the bank's money!
Announce it. Tell everybody.
What doyou need so
much money for, anyway?.
My ears, okay?.
- Your ears?.
- Yeah, they're gonna slice 'em off...
if I don't come up with the difference
between what you spent and gave me.
I suppose you're tryin' to tell me
you're mixed up with the "underworld."
I'm expected to believe
that, I suppose, huh?.
I don't give a damn whatyou believe.
They really cut offyour ears, huh?.
Oh, you sound excited.
Would you like to watch?.
Yeah, but I'll play it by ear.
Anyway, why areyou in debt?.
- Oh, I'm gonna tell you, right?.
- You can tell me. You knowyou can trust me.
- Oh, of course I can trustyou.
- Don't tell me. I don't care.
My invention. Check it out.
- Your invention?.
- Yes.
- Sunglasses?.- More than that.
They're edible. Check it out.
- You're insane!
- Oh, come on. Taste it. Delicious.
They're great.
Ech! That's disgusting!
Tastes like shit! They,'re absurd!
That's what they said about the pet
rock. It was a million-dollar industry.
I wouldn't buy a pet rock, and
I certainlywouldn't buy those.
- Anyway, don't they melt?.
- Slight oversight.
So, what else did you invent?.
I revolutionized somethin' that's
gonna revolutionize the pet industry.
- Do awaywith the flea collar.
- Hmm. What is it, a yeast spray?.
It's a yeast spray?. Oh, it's so simple!
Yeah, well, good ideas are. Good night.
- Taxi!
- Oh, we're so touchy.
- And I was gonna buyyou dinner.
- Oh, really,? With what?
I'll owe ya.
Come on.
Where to?.
The Plaza.
- Hmm.
- I'll take your drinks to the table.
- What?. - Did you ever
commit any other, uh--
- Crime?.
- Yeah.
How doyou think I got the
materials to make the sunglasses?.
I broke into the special
effects department of a movie.
Never told anybody that, so don't
ever repeat it. You hear me?.
Look, afterwhat we went through today, you
really think I could tell anybody that?.
There's one thing I'll
never do is break myword.
- Hi, Debbie! How areyou?.
- Oh, hi, Nicholas. How areyou?.
Great. Acapulco's great. We miss you.
- It's good to see you.
- Good seeing you.
- Debbie, darling! How'vey,ou been?
- Hi, Bobby. How are you?.
- Marvelous.
- Good to see you. You look great.
- Yes, so doy,ou.
- Do you know what you want?.
- No, but it seems you do.
- It's not what you think.
Who am I to judge?. Come on. You're
a beautiful girl. This is New York.
A lot of rich guys. Why not?.
Did you know that one
night, one guy actually
offered me $10,000 to sleep with him?.
- Oh, really?. What did you do?.
- Served him his dinner.
- You worked here?.
- Yeah, before I was a bank teller...
but I hate to be
thought of as a waitress.
You're a snob. Somebody's
gotta serve the food.
Yeah, but not me.
I wanna work as an actress.
Believe me, you will.
I haven't worked since I got here.
Don't actors have dry spells?.
Yes, but I'm beyond dry.
I'm almost desiccated.
Almost. See?. There's a little
hope in this nice girl's life.
Yes, there is a little
glimmer on the horizon.
I'm praying I'm gonna get a
callback forthis Broadway show.
I've auditioned for it five
times. The part is perfect for me.
The first time my
accent could work for me.
My agent says it's between
me and two other girls.
- What's the name ofthe show?.
- Carnaby,Street.
To Carnaby,Street.
So nice to see you, Mr. Beazley.
Please follow me. This way.
Ah, my good man, the
cane on the chair, please.
Bon appetit.
You Busby, the guy that called?.
Who referred you?. How'd
you get my, number?.
I have had your number, dear
boy, since you were born.
Your mother's on the phone.
Hey! Stuart. I got
something foryou, man.
For her sake, I hope you do, because if
you don't, I'm gonna cut her ears off.
What ifl told you I
- I had halfthe money.
I'll only cut off one ear.
Freeze it!
Oh, come on, Charlie.
Come on, old mate. You can't keep
doing this, can you?. It's unfair.
- Let's set some guidelines.
- There's somethingy,oushouldknow.
Ifthere's a flood, he is
bringing everyone up there.
- Hmm.
- Don't laugh. It's true.
There'll be no more people down here.
You'll be reduced to having
to teach evil to animals.
- Charlie, you're peachy.
- Well, think about it.
Doyou really believe he would
willingly helpyou fill your place?.
Well, he is the one that's
going to flood theworld.
I suppose he must know
what he's doing, mustn't he?.
Beazley,, I'm telling the truth.
Both ofus will be out ofbusiness if
those two don't fall hopelessly, in love.
You sound frightened. I love fear.
Listen, y,ou evil bastard.
I'm tellingy,ou the truth!
Charles. Language. Language.
Do you want to set some rules?.
- You won't abide by rules!
- No. I want to win without manipulation.
You see, mankind is basically,
selfish, rotten and evil.
- And I want to rub it right in his light.
- Stop that!
Don't you understand, you fool?.
Both of us will lose in a flood.
Don't you understand, you fool?.
Both of us will lose in a flood.
As you say, Charlie
boy. No rules. Unfreeze!
- Freeze! - This is
ridiculous! Fast-forward.
Freeze it! Rewind!
- Freeze it!
- Fast-forward!
Freeze it! Rewind!
Freeze it! Fast-forward.
Freeze it. Rewind.
Temperamental, isn't he?.
Charlie, stop abusingy,ourpowers.
Hello, there, Governor!
How are you doing?.
Stay calm, please!
A pipe must have broken.
Please. No fighting!
Please, gentlemen, this
is an elegant restaurant!
Oh, Charlie boy!
I want my money!
Hey! Come on, guys!
Can't we talk about this?.
Who is it?.
Debbie, it's me.
- Good-bye. - Please open up
the door. I have to talk toy,ou.
- I have nothing to say to you.
- Please open up the door.
Look. What kind of a
man are you, anyway?.
You just left me there. They were gonna
cut my ears off, but what do you care, huh?.
You don't care about
anybody but yourself.
I - I ran away,because I knew
that they,'d follow me.
Ha! You ran away to save your own neck!
That's not true. I had the money,.
I knew that they,'d come after me.
- What's that smell?.
- It's me.
Don't ask any, questions.
I don't have the answers.
Look, al I I know is suddenly the place was
flooded. Everybody started throwing food.
- That's all I know.
- You're weird. You know?.
- I mean, you are really,weird.
- Can I come in and tell you the rest?.
- Probably the weirdest guy I've ever met!
- Please?.
I'm gonna end this relationship right
now, okay,? It'sjust masochistic.
Look. Before you end it,
could I have a towel?.
- Wait there. Okay?. Don't move.
- I 'll drip right here.
- Thankyou.
- So what happened?.
I don't know. The maitre
d' said that a pipe broke.
A pipe broke?.
In your apartment?.
No, stupid. In the Plaza.
I can't stand that guy.
Now, what's going on?
Stuart grabbed the money, it went
all over the place, and now I'm broke.
So what do you want?. What
did you come here for?.
- You wanted a towel, right?. -
That-- That's exactly the reason.
That's it!
This is interesting. It say,s that human
intelligence hasn't changed in 10,000y,ears.
Yeah, we're just as dumb now as we were
then. We just know a few more facts.
How is it that I'm in there,
hanging up your clothes, and you're--
How is it that I'm in there,
hanging upyour clothes, and you're--
I'm hanging upyourwashing, and
you're lying there reading my book?.
Well, according to
this book, itwould be...
because men have larger
brains than women.
You'd better read on, because it also
says that it's relative to body size...
and that a woman's brain is equal to
if not slightly larger than a man's.
- Good night.
- Come on.
- Oop!
- Come on, Debbie.
- Bedtime.
- Don't go to bed.
It's time to sleep. Come on.
- Aren't we having fun?.
- A wonderful time, but good night.
- I heard your cat.
- You did?.
- Yeah. It's outside.
- You sure?.
- Definitely.
- Poor Brando.
- I don'tsee him.
- That's all right. He'll come back.
Miss Wylder?.
Would you care to dance?.
I'm sorry, but, uh, I promised
this dance to a gentleman.
Oh, well, then I guess
I'll go home to the sewer.
Uh, but he's a little late,
so I'll slum it for one number.
- What ifyou getyour hands dirty?.
- Song's almost over.
You smell good.
- So doyou... now.
- Do I?.
Oh. Now.
- Let me look.
- Forget about them down there.
- Please.
- Finish your apple. Don't eat it so loud.
Shame on you.
But I was just seein' if
everything's gonna be okay.
- Mmm. You feel so good.
- Mmm. Zack, don't do that.
It's no good. We're just
drivin' each other crazy.
I don't mind gettin' crazy.
I do.
I'm not gonna make love.
All right.Just don't
stop touching me, okay?.
Oh. That's right.
- You feel good.
- Don't. Stop.
- You want me to stop?.
- Yes. No.
Oh, God.
No. We'll end up making love.
- We won't do anything
you don't wanna do.
- That's a bad line.
- It's not a line. I mean it.
- You do?.
- I think so.
- Hey, guys, you wanna take a look?.
- Yeah.
Well, you can't.
I guess you're mad at me
now 'cause I don't want to.
No. I thinkyou're right. I wouldn't
make love to me either ifl wereyou.
No. I mean, I wanna make love toyou,
but-- I don't know. I'm glad you won't.
- Men are insane.
- They're the scourge ofthe earth.
Look. Ifl had a daughter,
I wouldn't let one near her.
Okay?. As a matter offact, if
someone like myself came to my door...
to take my daughter out,
I think I'd get a gun.
There's plenty oftime.
I'm not goin' anywhere.
I'm not leavin' New York.
You were so! You flirt with them.
Everysingle time we go out,y,ou flirt--
Oh. Sorry. Don't stop. Don't stop.
Do you know how long it's been
since this woman's done that?.
Oh, Ron!
J ust a second. Come back here!
No. We never really got along. His
friends tell me he's a great guy, but--
He's really not bad.
It's just that he's--
I guess he was just disappointed in
his only son and all that kind ofthing.
- What did he wantyou to be?.
- Him.
How aboutyou?. What did you do when
you got here?. Did you know anybody?.
No. I didn't know
anybody. All I did know was
that I wanted to be an
actress, a good one...
and where I come from,
ambition is a rather dirtyword.
So one day I packed my bags,
and the next day I was here.
- What?. What areyou thinking?.
- I don't believeyou took that money.
You can't believe it. I
can't believe it either.
I mean, it was right there, and
I needed the money, and, um--
I still don't believe that I did
it myself, but I always do things...
on the spur ofthe
moment, and--
What's the matterwith the horse?.
She's old.
But, you know, I've
had her for a long time.
Zack, I've gotta get my messages, okay?.
This is Milton. You got the
final callback for Carnaby Street.
- Zack!
- It's 10.:00 this morning at the Palace.
- 10:00?. Oh, no!
- Debbie, this is Milton. Where are y,ou?
- It's 2:30. Get over there by, 3:00.
- Zack, please.
- Oh, damn it! Milton?.
- Hello?.
- Milton, Debbie.
- Great.
- What?.
- You blew it.
I'm sorry. What happened?.
What do you think happened?.
You should have had the part.
- You were better.
- No. Come on!
- Forget it.
- Can't they see me tomorrow?.
- It was a final callback.
- You must be able to--
There's nothing I can do.
I've had it with you. Good-bye.
- What happened?.
- It's cast.
- There'll be other parts.
- There won't be other parts!
You don't understand. I've
been here eight months.
How many parts do you
think there are...
for an Australian who's
neverworked a day in this town?.
Oh, no!
Charlie, take a look.
- Not at the apartment.
- Down on the street.
Where is it?.
It's apartment--
It's apartment eight.
Hey, wait a minute. Who areyou?.
- What doyou want?.
- Yeah. Who areyou?.
- What doy,ou want?
- I wantyou to get what's coming toyou.
What doyou want?. A cut?. How much?.
I wantyou, sunshine. I likeyou.
I want him.
I thinkyou're despicable.
Whatnow, Charlie?
Well, you can't do anything. He's
forbidden us to use our powers.
- That's becauseyou abuse them.
- Boys.
- Relax. Eat a marshmallow.
- Forget the marshmallows.
I understand missing chances. Mywhole life
is a series of missed chances. Believe me.
There'llbe otherparts.
There won't be other parts.
It's different for you.
- How?.
- You can createy,our own inventions.
I can't create my own parts.
My inventions?. They're
probably destroyed right now.
- I can't go home and find out.
- Well, at least you have a home.
Because ofy,ou, I was evicted. I don't have
any,money,. I don't have anywhere to live.
You got more than me.
You got all this stuff.
Oh, all this stuff?.
Why don't you take it then?. Take all this!
Take my armoire, TV and stereo and sell it.
- I don't want it.
- Suddenlyyou have ethics?.
- Yes, I have ethics.
- What ethics?.
I keep trying. That's my ethic. I
stay one step ahead of everybody.
Look. I don't wait for
anybody to give me anything.
Hey, things aren't going
that well for me either.
I mean, I'm a gimmick man.
I got novelties I make...
and most ofthem really suck.
But I'll tell you something. One day, I'm
gonna do something I'm definitely proud of.
That's my ethic: to keep goin'...
which is exactly what
I should do right now.
Why couldn't they calm down and talk?. They
forgot theywere having a wonderful time.
- Where's the money,?
- I don't have it.
Get her!
Where's my,money,?
It's gone!
What do you mean, it's gone?
I want my money!
- I've got some money.
- Get it.
Cover him.
I like your doorbells.
Come on.
Ten dollars?.
That's it. Didn'tyou guys
get any at the Plaza?.
Boss, I think he's tellin' the truth.
I am tellin' the truth.
- Gag him. - Yeah-- No. Boss, but I
think he's tellin' the truth. Really.
You'll do what I tell
you! Now, hold his mouth!
All right. Hold this! Thereyou go.
Takeyour 10 dollars and go. Get out of
here. Quick. Take it. Get out ofhere!
- What areyou doing?.
- Don't be mad.
Don't be mad?. You're
gonna pay for this!
Holdit right there. Let's go. Let's go.
You have the right to remain silent,
refuse to answer any questions.
Anything you say will be used
against you in a court oflaw.
You know the rest. Let's go. In
the car. Let's go, lady. You too.
- Hey, Sarge, you gonna
tell 'em about the reward?.
Thankyou, sir. There will be a reward.
No. Please, officer. I'm simply
doing my duty as a good citizen.
Come on.
Come on. Give it up, Zack. I mean, they
fired her because she flirted with you.
You came awaywith nothing. She
took the money. We figured that out.
But ify,ou'll testify against her, we'll
chargey,ou as an accessoryto the robbery.
I'll talk to the D.A., who's a friend, and
I might be able to gety,ou off!on probation.
Now, this is the last time I'm
gonna make this off!er, Zack.
What do you say?.
Just what I 've been saying.
I don't know what this is about.
All right. I 'll talk to her. And
just watch how fast she makes a deal.
Okay,, Debbie. Come on.
- Hey, what you doin' with her, man?.
- Hey,, wherey,ou takin'her?
You said before you didn't know Zack
before he came in to rob the bank.
I didn't say I knew the
man who robbed the bank.
- We know it was Zack.
- Then what do you want from me?.
Shut up over there!
Debbie, I wanna give you a chance...
to refute the allegations
that Zack made againstyou.
Look, I've seen police shows,
and I know howyou try and turn
people against one another.
It's not gonna workwith me.
What you got?.
That Beazley fella says we should ask
Zack about the special effects robbery.
All right.
Just turn around and stare at her.
Man, she threw you to the sharks!
We got more than we needed.
She didn't tell you anything.
You know, it's funny.
I mean, the police had given up...
on trying to figure out who pulled
that special effects robbery.
on trying to figure out who pulled
that special effects robbery.
You know, I meet women
like her every day,.
She didn't care
abouty,ou; only,the money,.
I just hope you didn't have
any plans for the next 10 years.
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- You want to make a deal?.
- Yes.
- Then you tell me the truth right now.
- Fine.
- Good.
- All right. She did
take the money, okay?.
I went to herwindow at the bank. She
gave me what I thought was the money...
but when I got home, that bag was
filled with envelopes andpapers.
- She took it.
- Okay.
Come on, Debbie. Now, look.
We don't wanna put you
away, Debbie. We want him.
He thinks I made some
kind of a deal. I didn't.
- Now, I can get 'em to reduce the
charges againstyou to embezzlement-- - No.
"No"?. Are you crazy?. I'm
off-- I'm offering you probation.
I goty,ou eitherway,, but ify,ou
identifyhim,y,ou don't go tojail.
I've got nothing more to say.
Debbie. Now, the next 10y,ears
ofy,our life are on the line.
Believe me. You don't wanna go to jail, be
stuck behind bars, treated like an animal.
And when you get out, you'd be deported.
Eitherway, you'll never see him again.
Look. Why,arey,ouso willing to
sacrificey,our entire life...
- fora guy, who doesn't
give a damn abouty,ou?
I don't believe that.
Look. He turned against you!
Aw. Okay.
Come on. J ust come on.
You're a fool.
But it's not fair. He wasn't going to
betray her until Beazley interfered.
The devil's alway,s around to tempt
man. Zack shouldn't have lost faith.
But she didn't. She's going tojail
rather than testify against him.
That's love. Even though she's
furious, she won't turn on him.
That's a sacrifice.
That's half a miracle.
- I want a whole miracle.
- He'll come around.
I know he will. Give us more
time. Please give us one more week.
- I guarantee he'll come around.
- You're guaranteeing me?.
Sorry. Tomorrow's the last night.
At midnight, mankind is a memory.
Where is the assistant district
attorney?. Does he think we have all day?.
Where did Charlie go?. He
said he'd be right back.
I don't know where he went.
Doyou know where he went?.
No. I don't know.
Your Honor, may I approach the bench?.
The cassette now is gone. Someone must
have broken into the room and taken it.
Hey, Debbie. I guess we got
lucky that tape got lost, huh?.
- I was lucky. You didn't need luck.
- What are you talkin' about?.
I told you I'd never break myword.
What doyou mean?.
It's just a shame thatyou
can be tricked, isn't it, Zack?.
Come, now. It was a valiant effort.
Well, she did come through
for him, didn't she?.
But to get him to perform
a great sacrifice...
Well, that was unrealistic, wasn't it?.
All right. Let's drop the act.
He wouldn't flood the world.
I mean, where would everybody go?.
You suppose he'd give them to me?.
I told you. He's going to bring
everyone up. He's going to end life.
It'llbe like man never existed, because
no one will be here to rememberhim.
Except you.
When I think that she risked everything
for me-- She could've gone to jail.
- She's incredible.
- Sounds like a beautiful lady.
- Doyou love her?.
- Yes, I do love her.
Tell her.
- You wait here for me, all right?.
- I'll be here foryou.
Hey,! Psst!
- Hi.
- You ready?.
- Yeah.
- Get in.
Debbie,y,our chicken salad's up, and
I think that table's ready, to order.
- Can I talk to you?.
- I can't talk right now.
- What time do you get off?.
- Late. Too late foryou.
Well, we'll wait.
- "We"?.
- I brought the horse and buggy.
- Can I get an order to go?.
- Debbie,y,our chicken salad is still up.
She takes the orders to go.
You want an order to
go?. I'll get you a menu.
- What happened?.
- Some guy just hit a poster shop.
- Second robbery this week.
You want an order to go? - No.
- What's going on here?.
- There was a robbery.
- Look. Have you found Earl and Gonzales?.
- No!
Ohh. What a time for them to disappear.
I wantyou to get this area cleared out.
Excuse me. Police. We have a gunman in the
area, and I have to evacuate the premises.
Let's go.
Clear the street.
People coming out ofthe
restaurant, this way, this way.
Get out ofhere, Zack.
He's gonna kill me.
Come on. Look. You want
her to stay alive?. Come on.
Come on. That's it. Come on.
Come on.
Come on! Go!
Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on!
Get him back there. Get him back there.
- What areyou gonna do, man?.
- Hey. Back behind the barricade.
That's my girlfriend in there.
What areyou gonna do?.
Wait to hear his demands.
Oh,just wait?. That's it?.
What doyou suggest we do?.
Go in there with guns blazing?.
Come on. Back behind
the barricade, please.
Why is it Ruth and I are the
only ones who give a damn?.
Where have the two ofyou been?.
- We went up to talkwith him.
- You did?.
We beggedhim formore time. He saidno.
Well, he wants $11.48 and a
chopper to fly him to Newark.
Eleven dollars and 48 cents? Newark?
- Who's in Newark?
- His mother.
His mother? That's terrific. We got
another "looney, tunes"on our hands.
Just what the city needs.
He's giving us one
hour to meet his demands.
- Or what? He's gonna
kill that waitress.
- Off!. Get him off the roof!.
- Get him off, man!
Please get him off!.
All right. All right. Off, everybody! Get
them off!. Clear everyone offthat roof!.
Everybody,! Clearthem!
Evacuate the rooftops.
Clear everyone off!that roof!
We're going up to the roof, and if anybody
surprises him on the way, I 'm dead!
There'll be no surprises.
- We cleared positions. We're off the roof.
- That's good. Okay.
- Let's just wait him out.
- I don't agree. We have no cover from here.
- I said we'll wait him out.
- You can't wait him out.
Would you get him behind the barricade?.
The helicopter! Where
is it? Please get it!
It's coming! It's coming.
- Is there a helicopter?.
- What?. Are you kidding?.
No! No! Go get him!
Let go of me!
No! No! No!
Take him out.
Zack?. Zack! Zack. Oh, Zack.
Zack?. Zack! Zack. Oh, Zack.
Zack, no. Zack. Zack.
No! No, Zack! I'm here with you.
- You okay?.
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry.
- No. Zack. No.
- You saw him fall. He
had to have been killed.
Where's the body,? Where the hell did
it go? Sergeant,y,ou check the stairway,.
You come with me. We'll check
the other side ofthe roof.
No! No!
No! Oh, Zack!
Oh, no!
Zack, I love you.
Very tricky.
- Man.
- Zack.
What happened?.
You were shot.
- I don't understand.
- I don't either.
Zack, hold me.
I'll be right back.
- Did I hearyou say that you love me?.
- You did.
I loveyou. I loveyou. I loveyou.
You're crazy.
Those don't belong to me.
Bruno! Bruno! What happened?
- You're not gonna believe it.
- Try me.
Hey,. Cany,ou spare a cigarette?
- Don't smoke.
- You read?.
- Do I know you?.
- Course you do.
- Where'd he go?.
- I don't know.
God. This has been a crazyweek.
It sure has.