U.S.S.S.S... (2003) Movie Script

What's love got to do it,
got to do it.
What's love, in the sector.
Come on! Hey!
What's love got to do it...
I need you to watch the
store for a while.
Yeah, ok.
- And give me my phone back.
I'll be there in half an hour.
You got a cig?
- No.
Got any money?
Good day, officer.
Officer. What do you mean "officer"?
It's just slang.
How about you talk Icelandic
when you live in Iceland?
- Step out of the car.
What did I do?
What did you do?
You came into this world.
Well, well, well.
A nigger!
I'll have one red Gold Coast.
That'll be 305 krnur.
Don't light it in here.
- No, don't worry.
Listen, I just have 300.
Isn't it okay?
Do you think this is a charity?
Huh, no.
Do you have five krnur?
Can I borrow them?
No, not really.
Lend me five krnur or I'll
rip out your throat.
Easy there, buddy.
I'll have no threats in here.
Get out.
Fuck this.
Come here.
What are you going to do to me?
What are we doing here?
Do you know how boring it is to be
a cop in Reykjavik?
At least when I joined the police
back in 1994.
I expected something else than
sitting on my ass
waiting for some 17 year olds
to go over 60 km/h downtown.
The years passed by.
One. Two. Three.
And nothing happened.
Just some fucking bureaucracy
And maybe a case of domestic
violence. If you're lucky.
Then, three years ago, I was watching
Surviving the Game with the boys.
Starring Ice-T.
Have you seen it?
- Yes.
Do you remember the story?
A bunch of white guys go
to the countryside.
And bring a black guy to hunt him.
You're crazy.
It may well be.
But at least we ain't black.
So you just randomly pick someone,
take him to the countryside and kill him.
Just to break up the monotony
of everyday life.
Is that it?
Not exactly. There are rules.
We don't just kill anybody.
The chosen one has to belong
to a certain minority.
Immigrants, invalids, gays, witnesses.
- Witnesses?
Jehovah's witnesses.
Hi, sweetie.
Just wait one second.
So, where are you?
There was a man who said he'd rip
out my throat. Then he stole my bike.
What! Where are you?
No, don't go anywhere.
Stay there.
What's wrong, sweetie.
Stjni's bike was stolen.
The Trek bike with the suspensions.
Yeah, 80 thousand krnur.
- No!
Easy, we'll do it afterwards.
Let's toss him in the trunk.
It's only noon.
What's this?
This is the new, fully automatic
carpet cleaner.
Did you steal it?
- Why?
Because I'm a thief.
Wasn't that the deal? I steal
things and you sell them.
This ain't no fucking bike shop.
I don't want this thing around
Wait, were you and Koll quarreling?
Why do you say that.
Just, you're so tense.
She went apeshit on me.
She threw a book and a rooster
at me.
And tossed the TV at the neighbour.
The TV at the neighbour!?
She's so tense.
Sli, broads are crazy. I'm always
telling you that they drive you insane.
My philosophy is; you have to
sacrifice a steady sex life
for mental well-being. It's a fact.
Yeah, maybe.
What about you? Did you mount her?
Didn't you hear?
Faster. So good.
- What are you talking about?
What's wrong?
Give me the phone.
I'll be right back.
You watch the store meanwhile.
Fucking genius.
Genius? Easy, there's more.
Wha! Are you leaving?
- Yes.
Wait, that's not fair.
Life isn't fair, now is it?
So? Weren't you bummed out?
Bummed out? I was crushed.
I hope you didn't let that fucking
bitch get away with it.
I was really pissed so I went after
her like a fucking Dracula.
Why did you stop in the midst of
the game?
I just can't sleep with someone
I don't respect.
That you don't respect.
Don't you respect me?
Being of christian upbringing,
I just can't
respect someone who goes down
on me on the first date.
Were you crying?
Come with me. We'll leave the
talking to Baddi.
Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.
What happened?
You know you can't cry like that.
You can't show any signs of weakness.
I know. I was just so angry that
I didn't lock my bike.
Yeah, but remember rule number three.
- Let me hear.
Never, never acknowledge
your errors.
Always, always blame someone else.
Exactly. Don't worry about
the bike.
Baddi and I will find the
guy who stole it.
We'll arrest him, punish him,
and it'll be over.
Come on, I'll show you something
Mum's the word, ok?
Baddi and I are going hunting
afterwards. Wanna come with us?
It would be awesome.
- Ok.
Go see your mum
and grab a bite to eat.
Baddi and I will get your
bike back.
Then we'll head out together.
- Ok.
Just look how he's grown.
This is why I get up in the
Stop, before I cry.
What did the geezer say?
It became fast clear what he
would grow into.
I can't remember him other than
being a bloody little thief.
He was only eight when I
first caught him in the act.
What do you think you're doing?
You're going nowhere, my friend.
Give me back those caramels.
What caramels?
Give them back or I'll
call the police.
Stop, stop it.
You can't kiss my peepee.
Yes. That's for sure. He
must have stolen that bike.
His name is Rebbert Grmsson.
How are you doing?
I'm a happy man.
I'm incredibly happy.
Life loves me.
- Okay.
Do you have...
Britny Fox.
I don't think so.
I'll check.
- Didn't you rob a corner shop once?
A filling station.
Did you hit the jackpot?
Here it is.
- Great, man.
Tell me about it when you robbed
the corner shop.
It was a filling station, man.
Yeah, whatever.
Just tell me about it.
Are you for real?
Empty the cash register, bitch.
- Yes! Bitch.
Open the register.
- Yes, calm down.
There isn't much in there.
It's just been emptied for the weekend.
Do you want the change too?.
- Yes.
And? Did you get away with it?
There is no being sorry.
I mean, there are some things
you simply don't do.
I need you to be completely
honest with me.
Have you done...
Anything like this before?
That's good.
His name is Brur Svarsson.
The address is on the business card.
He accepted to meet you on
such short notice
After I told him what you did.
You told him what happened?
Are you crazy?
- Relax, he's a shrink.
He's bound by confidentiality.
Just go talk to him and
I'll see you afterwards.
Have you calmed down?
Is she still fussing?
I don't want to talk about it.
Sli, how would you like to
earn five millions?
Please don't bother me.
Sylva, the girl I was with
last night.
She once worked for the grumpy
old man in Lllab.
And she told me that he had a
In his office
Which holds about 5 millions,
hard cash.
And the best thing about it, is that
it's tax fraud money.
So if we rob him,
He can't do anything about it.
Come on, man.
Sli, what's wrong with you,
this is totally bullet proof.
What's this?
Why did you do that?
Because you're in La-la land.
It's always the same old story.
Each time I get an idea,
you shoot it down.
What kind of a friendship is this?
If I weren't here to hold you back,
you'd either be dead or in prison.
I have to go.
Can I borrow your coat?
Where are you going?
I need to buy new shoes.
Do you want to come and pick
a pair for me?
I could as well screw it up.
I think you can handle it
by yourself.
Just remember that you
use number 45.
I use number 43, you asshole.
Could you maybe lend me
some money?
Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.
I need a gun.
How much for the black one?
This one costs 79.
79 thousand krnur.
How about this little one.
That's for big boys.
A rifle. 22 caliber.
Good for shooting the gulls.
Yeah. So how much for the little...
big boy gun?
30 thousand.
Yeah, I don't really have 30 thou.
I, uh...
I only have five thousand.
Do you have anything for five thousand?
Five thousand.
- Yes.
A five thousand krnur bill?
- Yes.
I have loads of stuff for
five thousand.
But no gun.
I was just wondering if you had
something in the back maybe...
something old and decrepit would work out.
I don't know. I just need a gun.
I do have an electric bass guitar.
I can give you my bracelets or
something, I don't know...
Or the jacket as a downpayment.
- Hey.
Where's your pride, man?
I'll find a gun for you.
Jesus Christ.
This was my grandpa's rifle.
It's a bit dusty.
Is it functional?
Yes, it's a family heirloom.
I wouldn't sell it to just anyone.
Erm, I...
I don't think so.
Please close the door.
Please excuse this mess.
I don't usually greet people at my home.
Sli told me you were bound by
confidentiality, right?
Yes, that's right.
So I can tell you anything but
you can't tell anybody?
Shall we begin?
Good afternoon.
- Afternoon.
Two .38 caliber Smith & Wesson
Not more, nor less.
Is it your birthday today?
How much?
Oh my God. So? Did you kick
his ass?
- No! What then?
I let him finish.
Wasn't it here, 34?
Park here.
Ok, wait a minute.
I'm not satisfied with this story.
You were dead drunk at
a costume party.
Held by the narcs.
- The narcs?
Yes, the narcs threw the party.
So this dude walks in.
- Ptur sgrms.
Ptur sgrms. Who's that?
A blonde, quite big.
He worked for us last summer.
You know him well.
Ok, so you wake up. This guy is
down on you. And you let him finish.
- Police. May we have a word with you?
What do you want?
Can you open the door?
- We're looking for Rebbert r.
There's no Rebbert at this address.
That's strange.
This is his legal residence.
Will you let us in.
Do you have a warrant?
No buts, I'm busy. Go away.
So we're wanking, are we?
May I help you?
- Yes.
You can start by emptying the
cash register.
Then we're going into your
and you'll empty the safe for me.
How do you like that?
I've kicked you out of this store
once before today, and that was definite.
I'm giving you ten seconds
to get out of here.
Or I'll kick your dirty ass.
You're still here.
Sit down.
Look straight ahead.
Put your hands behind your back.
That's quite the story.
This probably explains most
missing cases in recent years.
But if I may be completely honest
with you, Koll.
You have to understand, that even
though I'm a psychiatrist
and bound by confidentiality,
I'm also bound by certain
moral codes.
And I'm also obliged to report
all crimes of that kind
to the authorities.
Check this out.
What's this?
- That's about five million krnur.
Did you steal it?
No, I pooped it out.
See this one.
She'll be hot in three or four years.
Three or four years?
She's totally hot now.
Relax, man.
This is 100% bulletproof.
Yeah, sure. And what are
those two doing here?
Looking for some old
Pink Floyd records?
And so I tell him
"If there isn't enough ketchup
on the hot dog,
then there'll be a fucking
mace party over here. "
Isn't that the bike?
Yes it is.
Good afternoon.
Can I help you?
What is your name?
- rsll r. Nicknamed Sli.
Can I see your identification?
Yes, no problem.
Whose bike is it outside?
- I don't know
May we have a look in the back?
- I'd rather not. It's so messy.
What's in there?
You know what
I don't think so.
Are you sure?
- Yes.
Do you think it's bad?
No, absolutely not.
I just don't see the market in this.
The market? Are you crazy?
This is the only stretching video
for small persons in the world.
I've been going from door to door,
selling these babies.
They sell like hotcakes.
Then why don't you sell them
I'm going to Sweden to record
a music video
with Sven Ingvars.
This is my last box.
You'll get one tape for 1500kr.
There are 30 tapes in here.
That'll be 45.000kr.
Oh, it squirts everywhere.
Oh, I can't stop squirting.
I'm just a little bitch.
Tell me I'm a bitch.
Ok, thousand krnur.
Sorry, I'll have to ask you
to leave right now!
700 knur. My dance video
You goddamn fucking maniac,
I'll sue you, you bloody alien.
What are you doing in there?
Open the fucking door or I'll
break it down.
- Yes.
Open the door.
- Yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
What's the deal with the
What have you done?
I only did what had to be done.
Is there a full moon or what?
Has everyone gone crazy?
Have you killed them both?
One of them is half alive.
I made him watch while I
made a stew out of the other one.
Of course I didn't kill them, man.
What do you think I am,
a murderer?
What's up with the knife, then?
I'm boiling sausages.
You want some?
No, not really.
I just want those cops
out of the store.
And why are you boiling
when you've just taken two
cops into hostage?
Are you completely cuckoo?
I just haven't eaten anything
I think more clearly when
I've eaten something.
Did you know they came
here because of the bike?
How so?
The bike you stole this morning.
You left it outside the store, Einstein.
No shit?
That means they don't know about the heist.
That's great.
Yes. Yes, that's super-duper.
You should just return the bike
and apologize to them.
I'm damn sure they will
forgive you
After you kicked their butts
and fully duct taped them.
These boys look so
gentle and sweet.
Chill out, man.
I'll start by removing
the cop car.
You wait here.
What now?
There's a nigger in the trunk.
There's a tied up nigger
in the trunk of the cop car.
Are you fucking with me?
Come outside and see.
There's a nigger in the trunk.
I know, I just told you so.
What should we do?
That's none of my business.
This is your mess.
At least help me get
him inside.
Where should we put him?
In the kitchen.
Remove the car.
- Yeah.
Hold on a second.
Let's see.
You're welcome.
It's been a while since I was
bondaged so well.
Oh... really...
Will you tell me why you were
in the trunk of that cop car?
First I'd like a cigarette,
then I'll tell you.
- No problem.
Here you go.
Thanks. I thought I'd die
from the stink.
You know, breathing with
the nose and all.
I see.
There's a knife in the top
kitchen drawer.
Could you fetch it and
cut me loose?
Who suspended you like that?
- Two seriously twisted cops.
They were looking for
my roommate.
- Do you know him?
Do you know where he is?
- No.
Are you sure?
Why do you want to know?
I owe him money.
Bullshit, nobody owes
Rebbi money.
Easy there.
If I tell you,
will you cut me loose?
Yes, of course.
He's probably hanging at the
collector's shop with Sli.
What collector's shop?
On Frakkastgur street.
- Hello.
I'm Gumundur Georg.
Can I talk to you in private?
Yeah, no problem.
Are you crazy? Have you already
cut him loose, no problem?
Yeah, why not?
He must've been in the
trunk for a reason.
Yes! You see, petty criminals
are put in the back.
But only murderous rapists
are put in the trunk.
Relax, man. He ain't no criminal.
He's a victim.
- A victim?
A victim of those two
lunatics in there.
He could be our ticket
out of this mess.
How so?
Don't tell me, that those two
tied up cops in the kitchen
are some kind of neo-Nazis from Hell
that practice ethnic cleansing as a hobby.
Not a hobby. More like a lifestyle.
And how can we use that in our
We'll squeeze something out
of them
that we can use against them.
Where's he going?
Leave him alone.
Do you really think it could
Yes. We only need a camcorder.
Where's the gun?
- Huh?
I told you that cutting him
loose was a bad idea.
Are you alright?
Help me, man.
Let me see.
It's gonna be okay,
it's just a flesh wound.
Hold on to this.
It isn't that serious.
Take this, wait for a second.
- Ok.
What the hell happened?
We're in a bit of a pickle.
You mean in a huge pickle.
Ok. What the hell happened?
The nigger shot you.
Then Lrus entered and was
gonna shoot me.
But I jumped inside and he
shot them by accident.
Then he entered and was gonna
blast me but I popped him first.
Give me a cigarette.
You have to change your clothes
and clean yourself.
Come here.
What should we do?
Call the cops?
Go into exile?
Then what?
How much did you steal?
I don't know, about five
or six millions.
Ok, I know how to
fix this.
But I want two thirds
of the loot.
Two thirds?!
- Yes, two thirds.
Ok, I'll make a phone call.
Hi, honey.
I'm at the mall. The fashion
boutique just got a new delivery.
I'm in such dire need of...
Huh? Wait... Calm down.
Tell me what happened.
- What?
Is there something you
want to tell me?
No, I don't think so.
So you don't want to tell me
why you called Koll
to get rid of four, you know,
No. What's left on the grocery list?
We've got everything but
power saw blades.
What's that?
It's for some special saw
that Koll owns.
That she uses for occasions
like these, I suppose.
Yeah, something like that. Come on.
I see you have one of those
bank card machines.
Does it accept both credit
and debit cards?
It's better that way.
- Yes.
Do all cabs have machines
like that?
Most of them, it's become a
Yeah... People use less and less
cash these days.
Everyone's got a card now.
Hi, honey.
What the hell are you doing?
Open the bag wider.
You should be the one doing this, not me.
What good did you think it would
do to open up his stomach?
I just wanted to see how it looked.
Then look!
There's something wrong with you.
I'm joking, man,
what's your problem?
I just misunderstood Koll.
How should I know how to do this?
I'm no pro, like some.
Are you sure nobody can link
you to those disappearances?
Yeah, I don't think so.
Don't think so, know so!
There may be one.
What the hell!
There may be one!
Are you Stjni, Biggi's son?
Who are you?
I work with your dad.
He asked me to come fetch you.
How old are you?
What grade are you in?
6th grade.
Are you going to be a
policeman like your dad
when you grow up?
Cop, or maybe an aviator.
Aviator. That's exciting.
Well, we're almost there.
See that store?
Go inside and ask about your dad.