Undecided: The Movie (2016) Movie Script

[anchor 1]
The 2016 presidential election
may come down
to the undecided vote.
[anchor 2]
...13% of voters' poll say
they don't back either
major party candidate...
[anchor 3] ...come October,
November, they're gonna
have to pick a side...
[anchor 2]
...well, with these numbers,
they could decide
the election either way.
[John] Oh! Florida!
Home, sweet home, huh?
My name's John, I live here
in West Palm beach, Florida.
I was up in Orlando
for seven years for college,
UCF - You Can't Fail!
Proved them wrong.
My dad, he's got his own
law firm, Nelson & Nelson,
the other Nelson is my brother.
My dad and him are always...
always working together,
so, they, they're busy
a lot of the time.
Which is fine 'cause I--
I'm busy too.
Typical day here in Florida,
you hit the beach
with a couple of your boys,
play some volleyball,
bring a 12-pack,
we can't beat that.
Girls would, just like,
go to the beach in a bikini.
It's basically like,
a bra and underwear.
You'll see when you
follow me around.
I'm kinda the Mayor
of this town.
Yeah, yeah. I know Julian.
We had shots at the bar
the other night.
That's Julian,
I call him J-Birder.
What was your name, again?
Who are you?
Class of '05, right?
I don't know who you are!
I don't know who the fuck
you are.
She's being weird.
I think we probably hooked up,
once or twice.
[Dan] Well, my hometown
has about 50,000 people in it,
which sounds like a lot,
but feels really small.
Hey, guys, uh, come on in.
It's Dan and mom's house,
for a little while longer.
Oh, God!
I was on the hockey team
for a couple of years.
I'm not in either
of the photos because
I was the equipment manager.
I took... took the photos.
You know, I used to get
the equipment from
the equipment room
out to the ice so fast,
like a locomotive.
They used to call me
Danny, the Tranny.
I was one of the guys.
I've never, uh...
had a girlfriend.
I mean, I don't
like to put
labels on things.
But I know that I've never
had a girlfriend.
Defense, come on!
[John] You know,
I've always been a Republican,
but I hurt my shoulder
and didn't have insurance,
so I had to sign up
for Obama Care.
My dad is running
for office, it is very
anti-government handouts.
A local newspaper found out
that I signed up for
Obama Care, and they kinda had
a field-day with that. [laughs]
Then my dad kinda
cut me off, big time.
I guess, I'm a
liberal moocher now.
I... I'm a little
conflicted over it.
You guys wanna see
top rope hurricanrana?
[Dan] My mom, you know,
took out a second mortgage
on the house,
so I could open up
my Mac & Cheese shop.
I was always a Democrat,
and I think paying people
a living wage is really
important, so we had a meeting
the before we opened
the shop, and everyone said
that $25 an hour
was a living wage, and everyone
is really excited, you know?
the High School kids.
I mean, they were laughing.
[Dan] We won Best Fall Eats,
and three weeks later,
we were closed.
Since the shop
went under, my mom
has just been
hangin' out upstairs.
She'll kind of work on
a corona over the course
of few days.
I love you, mom.
The good news is, we don't
have to pay a moving company
to take everything out,
'cause the bank said,
they would just take it.
[Dan] So, yeah, I guess,
I've just been questioning
things, a little more.
Hopefully, I can do this show
and my dad'll see that
I understand politics,
and I don't need handouts,
and I'm not a moocher,
and he'll let me
move back in the house.
[Dan] I'm excited to do
this show because
then I'll have enough money
to pay my mom back,
and the bank won't take
the house, and...
I wanna go on a road trip,
you know?
'Cause that's something
you do with a friend.
I get to learn about
all these great people
who are in-charge of keeping
the American dream alive.
the American dream
is dead!
The stakes for America's future
are about
as great as they come.
[Hillary Clinton]
We all know
we're not yet running the way
America should.
For most Americans,
their reality is that
they're working longer hours
for lower wages.
[Marco Rubio]
Despite our troubles,
we have it within our power
to make our time
another American century.
That is what
makes this nation
an indispensable nation
in the history of the world.
Ladies and gentlemen...
...I have a message.
I am proud to announce...
...I've decided...
...to run...
...for President
of the United States...
Yes, I am running
for President.
We're in this race to win.
I declare...
...that I am a candidate...
-I'm a candidate...
-...for President...
...for President
of the United States.
Thank you, all.
Join us! Join us!
[news anchor] Just seven days
to go before the Iowa caucuses,
we have team coverage for you
as the candidates make their
final pitch to voters...
You guys excited
for this project?
[man] Oh, yeah!
-[Jen] The set looks great.
-[man] Nice sling.
[John] All right,
so just... Keep this
in my pocket?
-[man] John's here,
you want me to send him in?
Okay, we're all set.
Send him in.
Just to get you
in this chair.
-Hi, John, I'm Jen.
-Nice to meet you in person.
-Yeah, nice to meet you.
I was out there
for like ten minutes.
Oh, sorry about that.
Uh, feel free to take a seat.
-I'm gonna be on camera
here, huh?
-[Jen] Yeah!
-[Jen] Yeah, yeah, yeah!
-[Jen] Hi! You must be Dan.
-Sorry, everyone, I'm late.
Yeah. I couldn't find
the baggage claims.
Not a problem,
nice to meet you in person.
-[Dan] Okay,
so I'll sit here--
-[Jen] Take a seat.
-[Dan] Okay.
-Can I ask you
a quick question?
Shouldn't it be like
a guy and a girl doing this?
[Jen] We don't have a lot
of time, we actually have to
get on the road pretty soon.
-Too slow.
Uh, tell us your name, and why
you're an undecided voter.
My name is Dan Stiefler,
I'm from Colorado.
-[Jen] Hold on, one more time.
-[Dan] Yeah.
[Jen] John, if you're going
to sigh, the camera's going
to pick that up, so...
I didn't vote in the previous
election. My mom told me
that I wasn't old enough yet.
[Jen] How old are you, Dan?
I'm 32.
[John] This is cool.
This is your home
for the next six months.
There are two beds,
one on the--
-[John] I'll take this one.
-[Dan] You want that one?
Okay, got a bunk. Wow!
I can talk to the driver--
I'll see you get
a weekly stipend
and then you'll get your
lump some at the end
of your six months.
Actually I want that one.
The RV is equipped with Wi-Fi
to research the candidates,
which are all listed
on the white board right here
just to keep track...
-This is good, too.
-That's mine.
-Get you out of here.
All right. Three pillows!
Is it haunted?
I'll put my bags here,
and then you can just sleep,
-maybe sleep over here,
grab the floor.
At first, I was like this
might suck, but this
looks like its a lot of fun.
Oh, its gonna be fun.
Yeah, it's already been
so much fun. What is that?
A fridge in a car?
Hey, what's the deal
with bringin', uh...
girls back?
[Jen] Whatever you guys
wanna do...
It's not gonna be
a problem for me.
[Jen] As long as
it's consensual.
I like this bed.
Maybe we'll be best friends.
-This is the production phone,
all right?
-Got it.
All correspondence needs
to happen in this phone,
got it?
Now, upload the footage
every night, and then
the hard drives,
-keep them locked up
in this bad boy...
-Got it.
And keep that locked
in the RV at all times.
Obviously, keep the footage
locked in a safe place.
-That's all I'm saying.
Oh, hey! Hey, guys.
This is Raj.
-Oh, hi.
-Yeah, it's Raj.
Raj... Roger.
-Good to see you.
Now I'm the guy who
sticks behind and does
the ground work,
while you guys are out
having a good time,
making magic happen.
Right, you're like
our assistant.
Yeah, sorta like that. Yeah.
Anyway, this is gonna
be exciting, six months
on the road...
-They're excited.
-Wow! Politics brings
people together.
That should be good,
and remember, you guys
keep rolling everything.
I want all the footage,
just keep those cameras going,
all right?
-Good, great!
-Good to see you.
-Yeah, nice to see you, Raj.
It's Raj, but that's cool.
I'm gonna head out.
Could you get me
a sparkling water
while you're out?
-It'll be great.
-Will do.
-Thank you.
-Absolutely, all right.
Have fun, okay.
Am I supposed to tip him?
We met Roger, I guess
he represents the investors.
Yeah, I don't even know
what that means.
But a really slick dresser.
And he shook my hand
way too hard.
What are you guys
looking for in a candidate?
I want somebody who
is a man, you know,
30, 40 years older than me,
supportive of me,
and loves me no matter what.
You're talking about
a candidate?
Yeah, candidate for president.
I'm maybe not making
myself clear, so issues
in terms of like...
-The environment.
-...the environment.
Yeah, and I think
the best environment
to hang out with somebody
would just be a place
where you can bond,
and eat so much ice cream
our stomach hurts together,
you know.
You want a candidate
who you can eat
ice cream with?
I mean, that would--
Is that-- Yeah.
How about religion?
We used to walk past
a church on the way
to the pumpkin patch.
-Are you a Jew?
-Are you a Jew?
Is that a problem?
Okay, uh, let's talk
about something else.
[news anchor] After months
of speculation, today
Rick Santorum made it official.
Besides the presidency,
the former US Senator
will try to win back to back
Iowa Caucuses.
So, Jen thought it'd be
a good idea for us to meet
our first candidate,
Rick Santorum,
at a gun range in Iowa.
I've never fired a gun before
in my life.
[Dan] Cool, all right, yeah.
And how much is the ammo?
But we can share, right?
How're you doin'?
Good to see everybody.
How are you?
[Dan] Apparently, this guy won
the Iowa Caucus four years ago,
so the odds of even gettin'
near him are pretty slim.
All right, where we headin'?
I think we got to take
a gun-safety course in here.
[John] So, having
a concealed carry permit
doesn't give you a waiver?
[Rick] I don't think it does.
[Dan] It should, though, right?
That would make sense.
-You would think so, right?
-[Dan] Yeah.
All right, let's go
to lane number four.
-It's like bowling.
- When you hear a cease fire,
immediately take your finger
off of the trigger,
bring your elbows down to your
side, while keeping the muzzle
pointed down range
and then wait.
Before you get ready
to shoot, make sure
your sights are lined up...
You ever fired assault rifle?
-Yeah, sure.
-Oh, yeah?
-We own three...
-Oh, nice.
-...fifteens, yeah.
-Oh, sweet.
Do you guys have a lot
of land to go shooting?
We do have land but,
you know,
the county I live in,
you're not allowed
to discharge a firearm.
Oh, really?
What, really? You can legally
shoot people, or animals too?
Uh, you can't shoot anything.
My dad would always take
my brother to the gun range,
and he wouldn't take me.
Why didn't he take you
to the gun range? Seems like
it would be easy to...
How's it lookin'
for the Caucus?
How you feelin'?
I feel, you know, I feel
like we're gonna
surprise some people.
Yeah, that's what I felt.
And confidence is key,
-Yeah, people pick up on that.
-[Rick] We feel good.
-Been tryin' to rally as much
support as I can for you guys.
-Thank you.
We can take this.
-Thank you.
Do you have any questions?
-No, that was great.
Let's shoot a gun,
let's do it.
-Did you get us a lane?
-I hope he hits it.
-Yeah, he will.
Don't worry about that,
Rick could do anything.
Nice, that was a neck shot.
Nice shot, dad.
-You want to take a shot?
-Yeah, I'd love to.
-Could you
help me load this?
Are you good to go?
-Just shoot.
-I dunno if the
safety's on or not.
That is awesome.
I feel like I've got
so much power, right now.
No one's gonna mess with me
when I got-- Oh!
Put that down, good job...
I get the-- I get it now,
that makes sense.
-Lot of fun.
-That is fun.
-You want to shoot this one?
-I do.
It was weird to shoot a gun
near Rick Santorum,
because I've never shot one
before, and nobody asked
who I was.
So I just--
Finger off the trigger
until you're ready to go.
That was great.
Ever since, I, you know,
I was off my-- Oh!
...my medication, I feel
like I finally found
a sense of peace,
you know what I mean?
This-- this was incredible,
thank you.
Could I keep that
as a memento?
What do I do?
Oh, my God!
Long story short, we would've
killed this guy for sure.
He would have died.
I love Rick Santorum.
He sat with me and watched,
uh... watched a movie,
taught me how to fire a gun,
and if he's gonna
be there for me now,
imagine if he's president.
Can you get out of here,
Oh, fuck!
[news anchor]
In other news tonight,
Democrat Martin O'Malley
met with the voters north
of the quad-cities, today.
Jen said we're gonna go to
a rally for Martin O'Malley,
which rhymes.
I think one of the crew members
must've gone on our computer,
'cause there's some really
weird stuff on there.
[John] Yeah, that's
probably the crew.
[Dan] I just wanted to do a
little research about the next
candidate, Martin O'Malley.
-[John] Who?
- He seems really--
Martin O'Malley.
We're gonna go
see him right now.
I'm really excited,
he seems like a smart guy.
-[John] Who?
- Martin O'Malley.
-You want me to tune it?
-You know how to tune it?
-Yeah? What's your name?
-My name's Dan, how are you?
-Hey, Dan, how are you?
You know, I just want to say
that, I... you know...
I've been hearin' about what
you're sayin', and you have
a friend in me...
-Thanks a lot, man.
This is so fun,
we're friends, right?
-We are friends.
-We need friends, everyone
needs a best friend.
-What's your name?
-Martin O'Malley.
Oh, Martin, nice to meet you.
Well, look, it's wonderful
to be with all of you,
I love your state.
I love its beauty,
I love its landscape,
I love the warmth.
[crowd laughing]
I love its people.
[Dan] He's funny.
With three of us in this race,
there's only one of us who
could upset the apple card.
[Dan] We're rootin' for you.
Well, thank you,
and I need you.
Caucus night, I know that
you guys take this very,
very seriously.
Can we get an amen
to that one?
[Dan] Yeah!
Seems a little bland.
Thanks a lot for coming out.
I tell you, you're talkin'
a lot about togetherness,
and most importantly,
We're all in this together.
Martin O'Malley
is the candidate for me,
he's really the total package.
He's got nice-ness,
he's got, um...
He cares--
he's got caring...
Where's that guitar?
-It's broken.
-I don't think-- I think
we're way out of tune, man.
[crowd laughing]
We'll do an A Capella.
Home in the midst
Of the corn
The middle of
The US of A
Here's where I was born
And here's where
I'm goin' to stay
Here's the chorus.
Winter, spring
Summer or fall
Come see
Come, dance with me
To the beautiful Iowa
It's very well done.
Winter, spring
Summer and fall
[John] He's a big pussy,
he's gonna lose.
[Dan] What are you talkin'
about? Look how many people
are in there.
[John] They hate him.
[Dan] He's a friend of mine.
Don't talk about
a friend of mine like that.
[Dan] Don't talk about
a friend of mine like that.
I pick a winner.
When I pick a winner,
I'm all in.
-You gonna be okay?
-Yeah, it's like a dull pain.
You want a lollipop?
The people at the tattoo shop
were lookin' at me
like I was crazy.
[John] I'm sure there are
a lot of Santorum 2016
tattoos out there.
You think it was a good idea
to get a tattoo on...
on your arm there.
That's a really
stupid question.
That's the next president
of the United States.
Oh, no, I know, but like,
you know, what if he...
If he doesn't win or...
I just wouldn't want our votes
to cancel each other out...
Shut up, shut up!
You're an idiot.
You know, my mom always
said that if somebody
didn't like you,
they weren't worth liking back.
Oh, do you
know what else
your mom said?
[talking gibberish]
[John] Here he is.
Oh, this is exciting.
-Hey, Rick.
-How are you?
-Good to see you.
-It's good to see you again.
I wanna let you know
I got this...
-For you.
So, we're gonna
take it home, right?
-All right.
-Pretty cool, right?
-Yeah. It's interesting.
So, I met a really
good friend today, and also
a presidential candidate.
I just thought I'll make him
a couple of gifts,
the best way
to have a friend
is to be a friend.
I made him a mix-CD,
and then I made him
a picture of us,
um, and some woman,
probably maybe his wife.
I just really hope
he likes 'em.
Hey, Marty.
I made you a couple of things,
I wanna say, I made you a mix
with the Iowa thing on it
and a fun picture,
and I hope you know
no matter what happens,
I just think you're
gonna be a good friend
going forward, and...
and I hope to see you
at lunch tomorrow,
or racket ball, or something.
-We're gonna hang out, right?
-All right, Dan.
-All right.
-[Dan] Come on, all right.
-[John] Who's that guy?
-It's Martin O'Malley.
That's the President,
that's the future president.
He's a great--
[news anchor] Iowa is choosing,
the world is watching,
and this night will
change the course
of the 2016 campaign.
To win Iowa, everybody
wants to do it.
Tonight's the night,
Iowa Caucus.
Martin O'Malley is gonna win,
and I'm gonna feel so happy
for my friend.
Martin O'Malley
is a loser.
Rick Santorum is a winner,
and we're takin' it home
Two in a row! He's not gonna
let me down. Whoo!
The best way that I can,
uh, do what I set out to do
when we announced to run
for president to be done,
uh, by not furthering our
campaign, by not continuing
our campaign, and by--
[news anchor] Do you mean you
are suspending you campaign?
[Rick] ...suspending
our campaign as of this moment.
Wait, he just quit the race?
Martin O'Malley, uh... he looks
like he dropped out too.
He told me
we were gonna
take it home.
Just to lose?
Martin O'Malley said
he'll play racket ball--
No! That's-- We're not talkin'
about Martin O'Malley.
We're talkin' about
Rick Santorum,
we're talkin' about him
just turning his back on people
that believe in him.
I'm not doing this,
everybody is the same.
You know what? I quit, I'm out.
-I'm out.
-[Jen] Are you serious?
Yes, I'm serious.
[Jen] Hmm... That's...
-[Jen] That's not cool.
-It's just me now, huh?
-No, it doesn't actually work
like that.
-What-- What do you mean?
Um, if John's out, then
we're gonna have to recast.
What? They'll still...
They'll still pay me, right?
-You told me.
-[Jen] Um...
You know, I think,
for the week, uh...
Hi, yeah,
John just walked out.
Yeah, he like left, left.
-[Jen] I don't know.
-We lived in a car for a while.
[Jen] Can you call him?
[Jen] Yeah, I know.
I don't know how to--
I don't know how to--
I do not want to do.
Or you could try that.
You just tell my dad that I'm--
I'm gonna be comin' home
tomorrow, and, uh...
I'm not gonna embarrass
him anymore, and...
I might need
a place to stay.
All right, yeah. Thanks.
-Hey, John.
-Jesus Christ!
Sorry, who was that
on the phone?
It's my dad's assistant.
That's fine, I think
you should bring up
your dad,
'cause I overheard
Jen talking to him just now.
He was sayin' something about
how he really wants you to,
to stay on the show,
and kinda be your own man.
-My dad said that?
I should call him
right now, then.
No, no, no. No!
Because he said that
he wouldn't admit it,
like, if you called him.
I think if we work together
we'll find the right candidate.
We'll really both be
successful, and you can prove
something to your dad.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, maybe, maybe.
Hey, it's on her.
Oh, that's me.
What are you doin'?
You got to talk to her.
I've to--
I've to talk to her?
Yeah, she bought you a beer,
that means she likes you.
-All right--
-Let's go.
Why are you coming?
'Cause I'm your wingman.
-[girl] He's cute.
-All right.
[woman moaning]
Dan, what are you doin'?
It's freezing out here.
Ah, hi, Jen.
Uh, yeah, I was just...
just bein' a wingman.
Get up.
Come on, get up.
It is really nice in here.
Should I... Should I sleep
on this floor, or this floor?
-Anywhere's good.
-You can sleep on the couch.
-That's fine.
Cool, all right.
A pillow? Okay.
Is John here?
Uh... I haven't seen him, no.
Did you call him and see?
-Ah, yeah. I've called him
20 times...
So, I have no idea
where he is.
-But we are leaving
in ten minutes.
-And then it's...
-Mornin', guys.
You made it.
He's back.
Got you a coffee,
cream and sugar.
Thank you.
I guess my dad wants me
to stay on the show,
and the whole thing is a test.
He wants to see if I can
do somethin' on my own.
So, thank you.
I appreciate that.
Let's hit the road.
Uh, off to New Hampshire.
Yeah, is it close?
It's gonna be so fun.
Road trip!
After the disappointment
of our first two candidates,
it was kinda hard
to bounce back.
We're just a little nervous
because there are so many,
and it starts to feel
You know, when I was a kid,
whenever my family was faced
with a really tough decision,
we would seek
spiritual guidance.
I was never religious,
so you'll have to kinda
show me how it goes.
Oh, yeah, I mean, I don't
believe in God, or anything,
but I'm very religious.
[indistinct chatter]
[Dan] It's hard to pick, right?
Yeah, I just feel like we need
a little bit more help.
We got to get this done
for Governor Huckabee.
The story of Nehemiah
reminds us that Nehemiah
had been called
to build that wall
in Jerusalem,
just like you were called
to be here today.
The next President
of the United States...
[crowd cheering]
I put it this way.
Tomorrow night is in God's
hands and in yours'.
I trust his hands,
I trust your hands as well.
People will say, "Oh, my!
He done did it again!"
-[crowd cheering]
-Thank you, guys.
[crowd shouting slogans]
Hey, Mike, how're you doin'?
We're just gonna do
a very quick prayer with you,
it's gonna be so fast.
All right.
Why don't we wait till we get
all of these folks go,
it's kinda crazy right out,
or you wanna do it real quick?
Dear Lord,
please give all of our
candidates strength
to fight for you in office,
in you name and in Jesus' eyes.
And Lord, please give
the candidates the strength
to know when to quit
and to leave,
so we don't have to be lookin'
at nine different candidates
to decide our President...
And to crush ISIS.
In Jesus name, amen!
Hey! Yeah.
No, I think it's
going great too.
They're, like,
becoming friends.
It's kinda cool.
Okay. No, I see what you mean,
I just thought that we could
get there organically, maybe.
That's kinda not what I had
pitched you guys, originally.
All right, I'll--
I'll figure something out.
I think we should get more
involved in the whole process,
that's the only way
to really understand it
is to be involved.
-We're about to go meet
Marco Rubio.
What's his deal?
Senator from Florida, right?
Yeah, exactly.
He's from Florida,
he's very charismatic.
Some people compare him to,
like a Republican Kennedy,
He's really young and cute
Two dollar bill?
Wanna sign it?
He's so cute.
What do-- What is--
He looks like--
Who's the Karate Kid?
Ralph Macchio.
-He's like a heartthrob,
a little bit, right?
Yeah, I get it.
[Jen] I didn't realize
how cute he was until
I saw him in person.
-He's a good-looking guy.
Mr. Rubio, my girlfriend
has a crush on you,
and I'm gettin' a little
bit jealous, I'm gettin'
a little bit jealous.
I really am gettin'
a little bit jealous.
What can I do
to win her back?
You won her away from me.
-Don't get jealous--
-I'm gettin' sad about it.
-I keep seein' the way
she looks at you.
-That's a lie.
Jen? Did she...
Did she leave with him?
You're gonna cross off Rubio?
Yeah, I-- I don't like him
as a candidate. I don't think
we should vote for him.
No, hey, I-- I kinda like him,
I'd like to hear him speak.
No, I really don't like him.
We said we'd do this together.
So, no Rubio.
Jen, uh, who's
the next candidate?
Aw! You crossed off
Marco already?
I was told
that that was
within my rights.
That's my room!
I just need some privacy
for a second.
Well, go to your bunk.
Your bags are all over
the place, up here.
Are you gonna complain
about my bags every night?
So, tonight we're going
to this rally for this
fresh, young Senator
from Texas, named Ted Cruz.
-You all right?
[crowd applauding]
[man on mic]
How awesome would it be
to have a president
of the United States
who kneels down
and asks God for guidance
as he's leading our country.
Everywhere Ted Cruz has been
he has been an advocate
for what he believes in
and that's who he'll be
as your president.
Give it up for Ted Cruz!
[crowd cheering]
He looks so weird.
I'm starting
to feel weird.
I don't feel so good.
Ted Cruz looks so weird.
[Dan] Oh, God!
[Dan vomiting]
[crowd laughing]
I've never seen anything
like that before in my life.
I saw the shape of his face
and it looked like it was
a man but it was melting.
[Dan vomiting]
I'm gonna say it.
Ted Cruz.
[Dan] I Feel like I'm
a pretty good judge of things
most of the time,
but this one, I just don't get.
[John] It doesn't make sense,
it's not of this world.
"And I stood upon the sand
of the sea, and saw a beast
rise up out of the sea
having seven heads."
Those are his seven chins.
"...and they worshiped
the beast saying,
'Who was like unto the beast.'"
The voters.
Man, this is a scary book.
Do you realize what this means?
He's possessed.
He has a demon inside him.
We have to help him.
Ted Cruz--
[John] I don't know
if I'm ready for this,
to be honest with you.
The evil we're gonna
face today...
[Dan] I think we're
doin' the right thing.
[Ted] We need to defend
our Constitutional Rights.
If I'm elected President,
the first day in office,
I will instruct
the Department of Justice
and the IRS that
the persecution
of religious liberty
ends today.
[Dan] Ted Cruz,
look in the mirror
and let the evil spirit leave.
Leave. Your power-hungry
demonic soul will leave
your wretched body.
It will leave
your wretched body,
the evil can confront itself.
Look at yourself in the mirror.
[Dan and John shouting]
That's why the body
is so disgusting to look at.
Please leave, demon.
Evil, out.
[John] ...into the snow.
[Dan] ...fresh air...
The spirit touched me
in my soul.
I'm so sick of the food
on the truck.
-Hmm, it's not that bad.
-Fast food.
Eatin' at truck stops,
I can't do this.
We should go out for, like,
a nice steak dinner.
[Dan] John had
a really great idea.
He realized if we can make
a little bit of our own money,
then maybe we can have
a nice meal.
[John] So, we're walkin'
down the street,
and we saw these fliers
from Dale Herbert Events.
Dale Herbert Events is lookin'
for enthusiastic seat fillers
at campaign events.
-That's what
we're doin' anyway.
-That's perfect.
Dale Herbert,
what kind of
a name is that?
There's no way
that's a real name.
-Who's this seat-filling thing
for, anyway?
-Who cares?
[John] I can't believe we're
makin' 50 bucks just
to sit here for two hours.
[Dan] I guess, that's
the job here, right?
Come fill this seat.
This is impressive.
We got a whole
network of people
just helping fill seats.
Oh, my ass is fallin' asleep.
It's one hour, two hours...
It started to spill over
to the third hour--
-That's overtime.
We weren't paid
for overtime.
[announcer] Please welcome
the next President
of the United States,
Jeb Bush.
Thank you all for coming.
I wanna thank Governor Branstad
for coming here, and well,
he won't endorse,
like my mother who claims that
I am her favorite son.
[crowd laughing]
...and volunteers from...
Wait, so who is this guy?
[John] Is he-- Is he in charge?
I mean, he's the one
she said he's in charge.
-Dale Herbert?
-[Dan] Yeah.
-I don't know.
-[Dan] I'm gonna ask.
We just have been in here
for a long time.
[Dan] We've been here
for a long time.
I know, but we--
-We should just ask.
-[Dan] Yeah.
-Excuse me!
-[Dan] Sorry.
We've been here
for over two hours,
we haven't gotten paid
for our--
We got the $50.
Is Dale Herbert here?
Get out of here, man.
No, I'm serious.
We've been-- It's been
two-and-a-half hours.
[Dan] You just
have to give us...
We're already...
we still need another $12.50.
This is not a joke.
We need to talk
to Dale Herbert,
are you Dale Herbert?
Are you Dale Herbert?
I don't understand...
Dale Herbert! Dale Herbert!
Is Dale around?
I want their names.
Take their picture.
-[woman] You guys
are shit-bags.
-[Dan] That's not nice.
Shit-bags, shit-bags,
The rumor was that
he needed to pay people
to be seat fillers.
And in the middle
of him speaking,
this is what happened.
We're already-- We still
need another $12.50.
Obviously, the rest
of the crowd
didn't enjoy it
and Jeb Bush
definitely did not
enjoy it.
We deserve
to get paid
for our time.
But we got to have
a really nice dinner.
-This is a nice meal, right?
-This is a really good idea.
Yeah, this is great.
I'm gonna have to thank you
for letting me know
about my dad's test,
otherwise, I wouldn't be going
on this awesome journey
with you, so, thanks.
Yeah. I mean, I should tell you
something about that because--
I was also thinkin' about,
we should go out tonight,
get some girls, have a little
like RV party,
put a sock on the door.
Ah, I can't do that.
Oh, come on, man.
It'll be fun.
I just-- I wouldn't
feel right about it
because there's actually
somebody that I--
think I like, you know.
-I may love, yeah.
-Jen, Jen?
-Yeah, you said,
-if somebody does something
nice for you--
-I like you.
She's done a lot
of nice things for me,
and I feel the same way.
Well, that's great.
I mean, you have to tell her.
Oh, no, I can't.
No, you need to tell her
how you feel, man.
-I would feel uncomfortable--
-Dan, Dan...
...and she would feel
uncomfortable, and would be
hard to become--
-Listen to me.
You can't start a relationship
off with a lie.
If you do that, it can ruin
the whole thing.
-You know what I mean?
What were you gonna say
about my dad? I think
I cut you off before.
I'm-- I'm just so glad
I could help out, you know.
[glass shatters]
What were you reaching for?
Oh, my gun.
You have a gun?
Yeah, I've had a gun
since the shooting range.
-Me too!
Yeah, because I felt
so powerful and I wanted that--
No one's gonna mess with you
when you've got a gun.
-You could shoot
right in the head.
What kinda gun do you have?
I haven't read mine, yet.
I think mine's a Beretta.
It says, a wal-- Walther.
-[man] He's got a gun!
[woman screams]
I can't believe they'd
kick us out just 'cause
we've got guns.
Yeah, I mean, what if someone
came in there with a gun?
What if a masseur
came in there?
-Who would stop him?
Yeah. Everybody should
have guns.
What if the only person
that could stop a bad guy
with a gun...
...was everyone?
-We gotta get to work.
-That's amazing.
-[John] Oh, shit!
-That's mine.
-[Dan] Is that mine?
-This one's yours.
When this falls out, there's
not another one there, right?
I don't know,
I don't know much about guns.
Here, this is yours,
it's lighter.
[Dan] We realized that
people don't understand
the importance of guns,
here in America.
So, we kinda came up with
something that we think
is pretty special.
It's gonna be a new law
called Arm Americans.
Jen is gonna take us to a rally
of a candidate who is really
[Dan] Hello, people,
our little table's over there.
[John] How's it goin'?
Can I get your
John Hancock on this?
-You wanna sign here?
-You want to sign a petition
for mandatory carry?
-For what?
-Mandatory carry.
[Dan] Requiring everyone
to have a firearm.
[John] Yeah, just to be safer.
We want everyone to carry
a gun.
I got misdemeanors...
-That wouldn't be a problem.
-Safety first.
-Over the age of 16, of course.
-We're not bein' stupid.
-We're not insane.
-[John] Hmm...
-[Dan] Well, it's for safety.
[John] Technically,
it's for everyone
to have guns, so, no,
but it would--
It's for safety.
-[John] ... couple more
signatures there.
-I don't want my son
carryin' a gun.
-Well, how old are you?
He's 14.
-Yeah... so two more years.
-You got two more years.
I'm actually kinda hungry.
I think I saw some guy
selling some food nearby.
I'll be right back.
-It says,
"Support mandatory carry."
That looks insane to me.
No, 'cause everyone will have
a gun to protect against
mass shootings
and things like that.
That seems crazy!
-John I found--
-Oh, sweet.
-[Dan] Yeah.
-Is that a brownie?
That's an interesting texture.
Yeah, it was really expensive.
How much was it?
-It's like $40.
-What is this?
We want to make it
a requirement for everyone,
over the age of 16,
-to carry a firearm...
-So fuckin' stupid!
-Can we just get your sign--
-I'm a journalist.
I'm not gonna sign
any kind of petition.
It's okay... Just put
your name there, you know.
I'm sorry.
-What do you mean?
-I'm sorry.
Well, I'm sorry too,
but I definitely
don't wanna hug you.
Hey, Tucker, are you
in Washington D.C.?
Tucker Carlson,
write it down.
That's probably
the most valuable--
Yeah, we got
a celebrity endorsement.
-You want some brownie?
It's such a beautiful day out,
The snow is glistening.
When I look at you, am I
lookin' at you for too long,
or the right amount of time?
Like, when I'm like...
-Oh, shit!
A little bit more...
No, these are not
regular brownies.
We have to pack this up.
[Dan] Let's go
in the rally and see what
Bernie's all about.
[announcement] The next
President of the United States,
Bernie Sanders!
[crowd cheering]
[Dan] It's so cool that Jen
got us into VIP for this.
[Bernie] The reason is we've
treated the American people
as intelligent human beings
and we've told them the truth.
We are dealing with a broken
criminal justice system,
kids get arrested
for possessing marijuana...
[crowd booing]
Feel like we need
more brownies.
There's definitely
something in it.
-I think it's...
Yeah, that's what
I was going to say.
...public education should
go through to college.
People shouldn't have
to pay for college.
-That makes sense.
Feel like I'm gettin'
more and more...
Free health care, free college,
they're like brownies.
Everyone should have one.
Bernie! Bernie! Bernie!
Bernie! Bernie! Bernie!
If they search your feet,
you'll have different socks
than when you came in...
[both laughing]
Wages in this country
are too damn low.
I think I stepped in a puddle.
[Dan] I feel like what we have
to do is figure out a way
to get more brownies.
We got to find a doctor
and get a prescription.
[indistinct chatter]
[Dan] We're out of brownies,
and I gotta be honest,
these ideas are startin'
to wear off.
We got-- I'll be right back.
Dr. Carson, I hate to bother
you, could I get an autograph?
Thank you.
It's for my...
for my girlfriend, Mary.
Yeah, she's with us, Mary Jane.
Yeah, thanks.
Oh, that's so great.
[John] What is it?
He signed this prescription--
I mean, it's blank, so we
can fill it out for whatever
we want, really,
but I guess if we need
more brownies...
we can make 'em.
The ideas that
we are fighting for
are the ideas
of the future of America.
You have to put
more Bernie in it.
[both] Yeah!
It's 22 minutes on 375
till we feel the Bern.
Let me thank all of you
for being part
of the political revolution.
[John] Tonight's show
was awesome.
It was amazing!
[John] I loved when he played
the top 10 percent...
...of the top one-tenth
of one percent...
We were due shows
in four days...
But then, he like,
randomly got another show
in Wiscon--
[crowd] Bernie!
Are you guys watchin' us?
Or am I watchin' you?
[Bernie] ...and we are
gaining momentum everyday.
[Dan] We should go
to Bernie Man!
That's probably the biggest
show of the year.
-Yeah, Bernie Man's happening
in New York.
-We should go.
Are you goin' to
the Bernie Sander's rally?
Bernie Sanders?
Who is he?
-Oh, dude!
-I'm not political.
He's on his last tour...
-Oh, no, no, no, no.
-Come on.
Come on.
One, all right.
-All right, we should
get to Bernie.
Tearin' down the fences
Comin' to my senses
Seein' what I really know
And I giver her
Get you cross that river
[Dan] Feel the Bernie!
I'm on a train to nowhere
[Bernie] And I'm so inspired
to see all of you here.
Yeah! Tom Ribbons!
This is what
democracy looks like!
[crowd cheering]
The status-quo no longer works.
Real change never occurs
from the top on down,
it's always from
the bottom on up.
[Dan] A little help.
A little help,
a little help...
There is nothing
we cannot accomplish.
[crowd cheering]
Will you pass me a brownie?
Oh, no. I don't have anymore.
But if you-- I need a brownie,
so if you just give me one,
then I'll have it.
You give me one
and then I'll give you--
I'll give you one, but
you just give it right back.
Let me just find one.
I don't have anymore.
Can you pass me one and--
I guess we got to find
another candidate.
Wait, we were
on the Bernie tour
for a month?
Have you ever played slap hand?
-See, put your hands like that.
-Like this.
-Then that.
Hey, guys...
There's another
Marco Rubio rally
in, like, 20 minutes.
Do you wanna go?
Yeah, I'd go
check him out again.
Awesome, Dan?
Do you wanna go
to see Marco Rubio?
Can you hear me
with your small ears?
I'm just kidding.
-They are kind of small though.
-I know, I never noticed that.
They're just the regular size
for a smaller person.
They're cute. A lot
of women, I'm sure,
would like small ears.
I'm kinda excited
to see him again.
-[Jen] Oh, yeah...
He's so charismatic.
-[indistinct chatter]
-[Jen] Yeah.
-[John] So, how far away is it?
[Jen] Hmm, it's like
10 miles away.
So, we will get there in time.
[Dan] Did Jen say anything
to you about meeting him
or anything that? Or...
Yeah, she said
he's pretty cute.
He's really good-looking.
-He's kinda the total package,
-Who is?
[crowd applauding]
...Senator Marco Rubio,
soon to be President of
the United States of America...
[crowd chanting]
[crowd applauding]
On the eve of this
very important election,
not just for Florida,
but an important election
for our country.
What is this election about?
[distorted speech]
Can you hear me
with your small ears?
Well, most elections
are a choice between
a political party
and another--
That's enough! I have to tell
everyone that Marco Rubio
is tryin' to steal
my girlfriend.
He is, I-- They met
in New Hampshire,
and she doesn't look at me
in the same way anymore.
I don't see anymore love
in her eyes, and he's--
I'm serious!
He is using his power
and his money, and--
Yeah, he's a little bit
better-lookin' than me,
and that's true.
You-- You shouldn't vote
for him, he's probably gonna
steal your's too.
He has a flexible immigration
policy and people love it.
Someone needs to take a stand.
-You're right.
-I have to use the bathroom.
-This way.
-I have to use the bathroom.
-[Dan] Don't let him steal her.
-Let's go.
-Don't let him.
-All right.
-Don't let him steal
my girlfriend...
-[John] Dan!
What happened?
I-- I-- Someone
had to say the truth.
-Is that true?
You saw, she said...
She said, she...
He's an ear-guy, okay?
And I have... mine are small.
I'll leave, I'll leave,
I'll leave...
Just like a love thing,
you know what I mean?
And I just think you
should know, people
should know.
-[cop] Do you have weapons
on you?
-[Dan] No. No, no.
Apparently, you're
not allowed to accuse
presidential candidates
of tryin' to steal
your girlfriend.
I just wanted that.
[Jen] You can't just interrupt
presidential candidates
as they're speaking.
Like, we're not gonna be
allowed back in, and now
we're, like, a day
behind schedule.
I'm, yeah... I'm really
sorry about that.
So, there's this girl
that I like,
and I think she likes
Marco Rubio,
and I don't think
he's good enough for her.
'Cause she's...
She's really great, and...
And I'm sorry.
[John] I'm super pumped
to go back to West Palm Beach.
Kind of a big deal there.
Actually, I worked here
for a summer,
they fired me after a couple
of weeks, they accused me
of stealing.
I said I did,
but I really didn't.
Just, you know,
wanted street cred.
-Hey, Steve, how you doin'?
-Ah, that's too bad!
Hey, what's up?
That's harsh.
I have experience.
I know how to tell
a good story and I think
the best way to do it
is to just step back
and let them...
And then, do you shave
your penis?
Do I shave my own?
-[John] Sometimes.
I think that there is
enough conflict
and I think if we try
to force it, it's gonna...
What do you want me
to do about it?
No, I don't want
to lose my job.
West Palm is pretty cool, huh?
Yeah, it is.
-This building right here...
...is the Court House.
It's where my dad works.
I want to introduce you
to him.
[stammering] Hold on.
Remember we talked about
that whole testing you thing
and if you go in there
right now
you're probably ruining
the whole thing, you know?
You're my friend,
he's my dad, I want
you guys to meet each other.
-Yeah, you said--
-He's right here.
Let's go say "hi."
You mean a lot to me,
I really don't want to
go in there.
I'm really sorry,
I just...
As a friend if you...
What else should we do?
-There's Downtown
and the gardens.
Yeah, they got
all sorts of shops.
-Banana Republic, J Crew.
-Old Navy.
West Elm.
I don't mean it.
And I had to get the fuck
out of there
because he's trying to sleep.
Funny game we play.
How do you stay
so positive all the time?
Well, you know,
when I was young,
my mom was really sad
and somebody kind of
had to smile
for the two of us.
So, that was me.
-I'm sorry to hear that.
-It's okay.
-You know...
So, what was it about you
at the Court House with John?
Oh, um...
The truth is that
I kind of lied to John
to keep him on the show.
I told him that I overheard
you and his dad talking
and that his dad actually
wanted him to stay
on the show.
Sorry I lied to him.
But, just please, please,
please don't say anything.
I won't, but, you told him
that I talked to his dad?
You said you won't
say anything, so,
that's fine.
-I'm not going to say anything.
-But, don't do that, okay?
I promise.
Okay, I just...
No, no, no, no,
I didn't mean to...
[laughs sheepishly]
-It's okay.
So, it's okay
when you do it.
-I'm guess I'm trying
to learn what...
Okay, I promise.
-It's almost decision time.
Jen says we have to pick
our candidate
on-stage at the convention.
They're going to air
that episode the night
before the election.
-Ten million households--
-Waiting to see who we pick.
[nervous laughter]
I'm so nervous.
-Don't be nervous.
-I just am though.
We want to play
for you something.
This is Al Baldasaro.
He is a Trump Campaign
New Hampshire State
This is him on
the Jeff Queener show.
If we could roll that sound.
[Al] Hillary Clinton should be
put in the firing line
and shot for treason.
Put in the firing line
and shot for treason?
-How's it going?
All right.
-Thanks for joining us.
Okay, we'll have
a little bit of fun.
Yeah, I think so.
-I'm a State Representative.
-[both] Oh, cool.
Donald Trump is the real deal.
I support him 150 percent.
We don't know
much about him
as we wish we did.
Well, I'll give you an idea.
I mean...
What he said on banning
He didn't actually
just say ban Muslims.
He said ban Muslims
until the system
is fixed.
So, if you don't know
which ones are bad,
it's easier to not let
any of them in.
-That's right.
-And that's what Trump
is saying?
Yes, that's what he's saying.
All the terrorists
are Muslims.
That are... You know,
been attacking us here.
Like that church
in South Carolina, right?
No, wait, there's a church
in South Carolina...
-There was a--
-There was a guy in Colorado.
Yeah, in the
movie theater line.
I'm not sure whether
he was a radical Muslim.
No, I was talking about
the planned parenthood guy.
No, he was a sicko.
-Oh, he was a sicko?
-Yeah, he was sick.
The Columbine shooters,
I think there was
a religious element.
Now, let's talk about
what he said
about the Mexicans
that they're killing,
raping and murdering,
all the stuff
I'm talking about.
But if you listen to what
he said at the end of it.
He said, "but not
all Mexicans are bad."
You know, he has Mexicans
that are working for him.
You have freedom of speech.
I'm scared to say
something now
because we're worried
that you might hurt
somebody's feelings.
I say tough shit.
Can I say that?
-I'll say it too, tough shit.
-Tough shit.
We've had hundreds
and hundreds of volunteers
that show up to help him.
You think he's
a strong candidate,
that he's the strongest?
-Trump's strong.
It's a good idea.
You guys should do it.
No, we don't do that.
[both chanting]
Trump Strong, Trump Strong.
All right, that's fun.
Trump Strong.
I could stand in the middle
of Fifth Avenue
and shoot somebody
and I wouldn't lose
any voters, okay?
Who would say that?
How stupid are
the people of Iowa?
It's like he has
no shame or pride.
[laughing boisterously]
-It's a joke.
- I would bomb the [beep]
out of them.
-He's fearless.
-And funny.
Ah, I don't know what I said.
I don't remember!
If we're going to support
Trump, we're not going
to do it from the stands.
We're going to be out there
getting our hands dirty.
What would Donald do?
-That was right.
Join Trump Strong
and wear Trump Strong
Armband with confidence.
It is a symbol of strength,
it is a symbol of unity.
And most of all, it is
the symbol of pride
in your beliefs.
-Do you want one to wear?
-[Jen] I'm okay.
It's almost like,
remember World War II?
Rosy the riveter.
-You can do it.
So, we made
these armbands.
And today we're going to
walk around town
and kind of show them off.
It feels good, you know?
-[John] I feel like I'm
walking with a purpose now.
-Wearing my heart on my sleeve.
[John] I was actually
thinking about going
shirtless at the beach.
-Yeah, just this.
You guys making a movie?
[John] Oh, yeah.
They say Trump...
Trump Strong.
[John] I don't know, you could
say it looks like that
or it looks like Trump.
-[John] No, I mean,
I think pride is important.
-All right, good luck
with the movie.
-Have a good one, guys.
-Trump Strong.
-That was kind of weird.
Are you going to
give it back?
Yeah, we just have
the one.
[Carl] Just a moment ago,
we met a couple of guys
who were walking down
the sidewalk and had
Trump armbands.
It's not the kind of thing
you normally see.
Buttons, bumper stickers,
occasionally t-shirts.
But, armbands is
a fairly new phenomenon
in American Presidential
We ran into this guy.
Guess he was a news reporter
or something like that.
And he said he wanted to
put them on the air.
He told a lie on TV
and said that
we said we got them
from the Trump campaign.
Two guys said that they were
being passed out
by the campaign
and that they were free.
And it had this feel
of sort of
fascist militant attire.
That's just kinda weird.
Hey guys, uh...
We're heading out
in five minutes.
I got us great seats
at a Trump Town Hall.
-That's great.
-Thanks, Jen.
-I'll see you there.
I'll be in the production van
following you guys.
Hey, this isn't what Trump
would want us to do?
-He wouldn't want us
to be waving flags,
being cheerleaders.
He'd want us to take action!
Yeah. So, what do we do?
Lots at stake here
in the Republican race today.
Is Donald Trump
in for a big night?
Can Rubio and Kasich
win their home states?
[indistinct chatter]
[announcement on PA]
Donald J. Trump.
[crowd applauding]
Hello, everybody.
So, thank you all
for being here.
This is really amazing.
I mean, we're coming to
the end of a beautiful,
beautiful journey.
It's going to be
a very big day
for the nation.
And we're going to see.
What do you think?
We're going to do well?
Make America great again?
It was win or go home night
for Governor Kasich
and he achieved his goal
by winning Ohio.
[crowd cheering]
Kasich is going nowhere.
Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere.
I have never seen a human
being eat in such a disgusting
You better believe it.
You better believe
it's about America--
You got to drop out.
You got to make room
for a real candidate.
You got to drop out.
Come on, it's best
for America.
Trump, Trump,
Trump, Trump.
Come on, guys,
it's the right thing
to do!
The big headline here
in Florida is that
Senator Marco Rubio
did not have much
of the support of voters.
With a double-digit loss
to Donald Trump,
he decided to suspend
his campaign.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
please welcome
Senator Marco Rubio.
[crowd howling and cheering]
I just want you to know,
there's nothing more
you could have done.
Little Marco,
little Marco.
He couldn't be elected
dog catcher.
It really began
back in 2007.
You lost, Marco.
You lost, little Marco.
Trump for President.
Everybody needs to follow
Donald Trump.
Trump for President.
Hey, there's my hat.
Hey, hey,
we're going for Trump.
Hey, I need my hat back,
I need my hat.
Trump, Trump,
follow me.
Follow me.
You lost, you loser!
It's the classy thing to do.
He's gotta drop out
and he's got to make room
for someone
who can really win.
Trump, Trump.
I saw it on the Internet.
RubioISIStruth.org, okay?
A lot of people are saying
there might be a connection.
I wouldn't mention that.
You know, it takes guts
to run for President.
[Jen] They did what?
I've never done this before
and I'm enjoying it...
Listen, guys. When you say
you're going to be somewhere,
you have to be there.
We're on a tight schedule
and we can't afford to have
you guys going
to different events.
When we all say we're
going to meet
at the Trump Town Hall...
Look, I'm sorry, honey.
We were just doing
what Trump would have
wanted us to do.
we had to, okay?
We like Trump now,
and we have to let them know
to their faces--
That they're losers
and it's really terrific.
-And, and, and--
-Everything else is sad.
-Every other candidate.
-[both] You're fired,
you're fired.
I'm not filming you
with those on.
-Are you serious?
Take those off,
they're so offensive.
[people clamoring]
[woman chanting]
U.S.A! U.S.A!
[woman] You're fucking racist.
Lose some weight!
Oh, man, just look at him.
-[man screaming] Donald!
-We love you.
[excited grunts]
That was great.
We settled on a
Monday morning
and you're packed.
And it's like that
all over again.
We have a lot of things
to talk about.
Trump is leading 26
Cruz 24 in the rest
of them are... Bingo!
[John laughing]
Some of those zeros,
what are they doing?
[John] Get out of here!
Basically how to fix
the problems?
Elect Trump as President.
-[crowd cheering]
-[John] Obama, you're fired.
Obama, you're fired.
-That's right,
President Obama--
Obama, you're fired!
[both chanting]
Obama, you're fired!
Thank you.
I've got
an enthusiastic person.
Oh, here's a good one.
Just came out.
Against Clinton,
Hillary Clinton.
[crowd booing]
Hillary for prison!
Hillary for prison.
Hillary for prison!
...Hillary for prison.
We will build a wall...
[crowd cheering]
Who's gonna pay for the wall?
[crowd chanting]
Hope all is well
and that you had
a wonderful Holiday season.
Happy New Year, Amanda.
[John] This isn't even funny
anymore. He stopped
telling his jokes.
Would you have lunch with me
at my club?
He has a club, nice club.
I had a hamburger.
I said I'll tweet it.
So, I put out a tweet.
He's super low energy,
Super, he's super low.
Super low energy!
That's a good thing
and that's a good thing.
We need strong energy.
It's time to do something
about it.
Sit down and shut up!
[both] This is boring.
We're bored.
Tell us some jokes,
something, entertain us.
We're bored.
Come on.
Are you kidding me?
We're bored.
Get him out of here.
-Are you serious?
This is boring.
-This is boring!
We came here
to be entertained.
[Trump] There's nothing
funny about it.
I want to be entertained.
-This is boring.
-Out, out!
[John] So boring.
Get out of here.
He's got
a very serious problem.
I love Donald, but
he's so freaking
It's getting a little old.
I want a few jokes.
-This appeared to be
one of the supporters too.
-I mean, he's wearing a hat.
-Does the heckler have a point?
During a Donald Trump rally
a man was kicked out
for yelling, "this is boring."
Hey, guys.
-[Jen] Hey.
You look so sad.
What's wrong?
Oh, I don't know.
Seeing all these candidates.
It just seems hopeless.
You haven't seen
everybody yet. There's still
one candidate left.
Okay, what's his deal?
Only you should say that.
It's actually not a "he."
Oh, is it like a trans?
As long as those trans people
stay out of the bathroom.
-That's all I care about.
-No, you have to use
the bathroom.
You guys, the first
female President.
That's exciting, right?
-I think so.
-All right, great.
Oh, I just thought
about Donald Trump.
I got to lay down.
Yeah, even for a second.
Oh my God.
He is so fucking boring.
It's on the side
of the show.
It's like a kind of bipartisan
coverage of what's
going on with the elections.
Undecided though.
[Jen] Yeah, I know.
That's why I'm having
them talk to you.
-[Jen] This is Karina.
-[John] Hello.
She's a Hillary supporter.
We've seen all the candidates.
-So, we are trying to
figure out who we want.
And you're obviously
for Hillary.
Why should we vote for her?
You should vote
for Hillary because
I think, um...
Women should have a voice.
We're overdue to have
a woman President.
-She's been in the White House
in a different role.
She's been working for
the American people
to get health care,
to represent disabled folks,
children, women.
We could have something new
as opposed to
the same old thing,
but still at the same time
kind of...
Same old thing, yeah.
It's not exciting, but,
it's like a reasonable choice.
Yeah, that is reasonable.
You feel totally comfortable
thinking about everyone
and then
settling for Hillary?
Oh, yeah.
Hillary is our lady.
-I guess
I'll settle on Hillary.
-Thank you!
-Thank you for your support.
-Yeah, I'll settle
for Hillary.
Guys, why not settle
for Hillary? Everyone else
is too crazy, right?
Settle for Hillary, okay?
Settle for Hillary?
Who else could you
possibly vote for?
She's the least bad
out of everyone.
The least bad?
Oh, true.
We were with Trump
for a little bit.
He's a snooze fest.
Disappointingly boring.
Settle for Hillary.
I mean, she's fine,
whatever right?
Could be worse,
could be better.
For sure though,
could be worse.
We put up with so much crap
and finally we settled
for Hillary.
We're still putting up
with crap...
Hope you guys
settled on Hillary Clinton.
You want to settle
for Hillary?
-They're making us leave?
What's do you mean?
-Let's just go.
I don't know.
I guess I don't really care.
I'd rather get dinner.
Hillary Clinton
is running
for President.
I agree.
We're just going to
go there tonight,
you know, to her rally
and just kind of show...
-Our presence.
[choir singing
"America the Beautiful"]
Former President
Bill Clinton here.
[John] Oh, yeah, that guy.
He would say,
"are people better off
The children have
a brighter future.
How about coming together
instead of being torn apart?
Hillary Rodham Clinton.
[John] Why not?
[Hillary] Hello!
Thank you all.
Thank you so much...
Imagine what we can
do together.
Imagine an economy, very much
like what we did have
in the 1990s.
[John] I'll settle for that.
Settle for Hillary!
[man] Excuse me,
if you could just
follow me?
We're not really
comfortable with
the message there.
We're for Hillary.
We're for Hillary.
I don't understand why
we're getting kicked out
for voting for her.
I feel like he's against
Hillary or something.
[Dan] I'd love to
give her a shirt
if she would...
I'll take it from you
if you want
and give it to her, sure.
Promise you're going to
give that to her?
I don't know,
just head out.
Security guy got mad,
but he asked for a shirt
and said he'll give it
to Hillary.
So I think we're getting
the word out.
I think it's
going to work out.
[Jen] Great.
Oh, you're peeing. Okay.
I'm really proud of you guys
for picking a candidate.
-Yeah, sure.
But I also want to see
your excitement.
This has been
a long process.
And it'll be really helpful to
have the audience get
a sense of your excitement.
-That makes sense, actually.
We should go 100 percent.
We'll turn up the volume
a little bit.
Well, by turning up,
don't go overboard.
-Going overboard?
-You know just--
-We're just going to
show our support.
-Okay, cool.
-Okay. Yeah, sure.
-We'll try.
We have bridges
that are right now
too dangerous
to drive on
although people take
a deep breath
and drive across them.
We finally found a candidate
to settle for. We're gonna
settle for Hillary Clinton.
That's right.
[news anchor] Clinton
distracted by
shirtless men at rally.
The Daily Mail did it in
true British tabloid fashion.
Hot for Hillary.
People haven't necessarily
noticed that it's always
the same two guys.
But now, here's the news.
The Clinton Campaign
has decided to make
these guys
part of their campaign effort.
[crowd cheering]
Okay, so,
as I was saying...
So, what to make of this?
I don't know
what you want
me to say.
What do you want me to do?
What do you want me to do?
All right, fine, fine.
You want conflict?
I will fucking
give you conflict.
[John] I think, listen.
You like Jen right?
Yeah, I love her.
Then you need to tell her
how you feel
before we end this.
Or you're going to
regret it for the rest
of your life.
Go to her hotel room
and just speak
from the heart.
I'm really scared though
because what if she doesn't
feel the same way?
You'll always miss
100 percent of the shots
you don't take.
I never made a shot.
-You keep it.
Hey, there you are.
Mind if I join you?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Why aren't you back
at the hotel?
I don't know. I just wanted
to be out and about...
Hey, can I a get a beer
and two shots of tequila?
-Thank you.
That is unpleasant.
I know, I don't drink a lot.
I do, I drink a fair amount.
That's why I wanted...
Maybe just have, you know,
one shot and call it...
Are you sure?
You don't want
just one more shot?
See where
the night takes us?
-You already hesitated... Yes.
-You're gonna have one more?
So, this is crazy.
I wanted to
tell you something.
It's not a big deal.
You know how
Dan told you that
I've spoken
with your father?
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
my dad's, like, doing...
-...the test.
-Yeah, it never...
It didn't happen.
How is that possible?
Then, what happened there?
Dan lied?
-That upsets you?
-It upsets me
that he would lie.
That has consequences
for my family.
So, then, just don't even
think about it right now.
Tomorrow is another day,
and then, that's when
you guys can...
Just doesn't seem like Dan.
-To friendship.
-To friendship.
-Let's get out of here.
I had
-eight tequila shots?
-Right here.
-Do you mind if I lie down?
-No, of course.
-You'll feel better that way.
-I feel like I'm gonna go.
I wanted to say
that I like you
and I noticed
that you have a done
a lot of nice things for me
and I haven't tried to do
a lot of nice things for you,
and I brought these
because I think
that we would be
better together.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Dan.
[solemn music playing]
-That's a joke right?
Your email.
No, you're fired.
-I don't understand.
-You're fired.
I did everything
you asked me to do.
What I asked you to do
was put a wedge
between them and make them
fight with each other.
That's how TV works.
I did exactly what you said.
I put a wedge between them.
Really? When did you do that?
Dan has a little bit
of a crush on me,
and so, I made him think
that I hooked up with John.
[scoffs and chuckles]
I mean,
that's really fucked up.
Technically, that is awesome.
Thank you.
Okay, good.
So, then I'll just
finish the...
No, you won't.
They're gonna
finish this project.
-It's gonna be fine--
-Who's "they"?
The investors, they will
put together whatever--
Put them on the phone,
let me talk to them.
You're not gonna talk
to the investors, Jen, okay?
They are these offshore guys.
They've got tax deals,
it's their thing.
Okay, look, they are gonna
cut this together.
You're gonna be very proud
whatever version
they end up using.
What do you mean
"whatever version"?
...you're gonna be
really proud of it.
What do you mean
"whatever version"?
Okay, look, I would just
drop it, all right, champ?
Dan is not my friend.
Dan is a liar.
John can go suck a turd.
-So, Jen quit.
Did she say anything
or where she was...
Yeah. She said something.
She said that
one of you
made her uncomfortable.
Okay? I'm not gonna say
which one of you
because I'm cool like that.
The good news is
Jen is gone.
The better news is
I'm your new daddy.
Okay. So you're gonna
listen to me now.
We're gonna go to
John Kasich's rally tonight.
Is it Kasick or Kasich?
-We don't know.
-Yeah, nobody knows.
Nobody cares,
he is not gonna win.
Here is the point,
big celebrity
introducing him, all right?
Maury Povich, I think.
So we're gonna go there,
Morgan Freeman
is introducing him,
we're gonna cover that.
Danny, you're riding
in the RV.
Johnny, coming with me
in the Batmobile.
-Let's go.
-Yeah, get out of the RV.
I'm the RV guy.
I can do anything I want.
Your dad,
West Palm Beach,
big Republican City Council?
I like that guy.
Good family values.
Hey, what do you
think of Dan?
You think
he's really undecided?
Or is he a democrat?
You got something
in your teeth.
Let's go.
I'm not settling
for Hillary.
...not had
a Presidential candidate
visit our community
of Bay Ridge
since Gerald Ford in 1976.
So, we're real excited to have
Governor Kasich with us today.
And I have
the great opportunity
of introducing a very special
guest who is joining us today.
Without further ado,
I'd like to welcome
Montel Williams.
I wanna explain to you
why I'm here tonight.
-Montel, Montel...
Just before we go
I just want to let you know
that guy in white shirt
is a democrat.
-No, you can stop now.
-No, he is a democrat.
And he been saying things
around town about my family.
-No, no, no, well. look--
-Yes, he has.
-That's not true.
No, no, no.
-That's correct.
You've been talking
about my dad.
Hey, hey, you used to be
my best friend...
-Tell them what you did.
-I didn't do anything.
-Okay, I was drunk.
-He made love to a girl...
...who I cared about.
That's not true.
Robust foreign policy,
that's all he cares about.
That's bullshit. No, no, no.
You could say I don't
care about this?
Hey, let me get out of here!
Let's go, go!
White trash!
White trash!
You have to live what you did.
I'm a Republican,
I should stay!
I'm undecided.
You don't go away for free.
Typical democrat!
I'm undecided.
You're a democrat!
I know you're a democrat!
Come on, they're gonna go,
you gotta hurry.
That was awesome.
What made everyone so weird
and sad that they
had to come out here?
I don't know
what my question is...
Can I have a hug?
I miss
my friend Daniel a lot.
-You have faith, all right?
-Yeah, thank you.
Here's the thing.
This whole place,
owned by one of
our investors.
They got one
in every capital now.
It's crazy. That's a lot.
Danny, you
are a sharp guy.
-Yeah, you're a sharp guy.
He tried to hold me
back one year...
No, but this...
What I'm trying to say is,
do you wanna be the next
American hero?
-Yeah, it sounds good. Yeah.
-Hero, right?
Okay, look, take this.
-What is this?
-put it in your pocket.
-Oh, gosh. Okay.
-Take a puzzle...
-Just pick it up.
Pick up. Here,
put it in your pocket.
-Yeah. Okay.
-Put it in there, all right?
Now, look, there's more
where that came from.
So, let me tell you
a little secret.
The people who
are doing the show,
they think the democrats
are the good guys,
which is good for you
because it means
you're gonna be
-the hero.
-The hero.
Sp, what I need you to do
when the finale happens
and then when this show airs
right before the election,
I need you to
make a decision
-You're gonna decide...
-I'm gonna decide...
-The blue hat, the blue shirt.
-What about John?
-He'll be fine.
So, Jen introduced us
to Roger today,
-Really nice guy.
He, apparently,
represents the investors.
Politics brings
people together.
They're gonna finish
this project.
Whatever version
they end up using.
Larry, how you doing, buddy?
You know, I never thought
I'd see the day when
half the country jumps
when you snap your fingers,
you motherfucker.
Bill, how are you pal?
Can you believe you're running
the show over there already?
Well, I'd thought you were
a fuck up, but, you know,
who knows.
Hey, fuck you.
Okay, listen to me,
listen to me.
We've been radio silent
on this so far, okay.
But we've got a product,
and I think it's gonna be
very interesting to you.
Listen to me,
it is a Truman show...
...meets Circus...
...meets Forrest Gump...
...meets Citizen Kane.
Right? Have I got
your attention?
Ten million households...
...falling in love
with your guy...
...and hating their guy.
Forget their one percent,
this is the one percent
that will determine
the election,
delivered to you
on a platter.
You know what we want.
It does sound like
a small price to pay
for the presidency,
you're right.
I'm glad you're interested.
Look at this,
you got the bathroom,
you got the king-size bed,
you got the
flat-screen TV,
this is way better than that
-stupid RV, am I right?
-Yeah, the RV sucks.
You know I've been looking
at you and Dan, John.
Doesn't seem like
you guys are getting along.
Yeah. I mean,
Dan, he lied to me.
-He's a liar.
I think it's maybe he just
doesn't share our values.
-Our values?
I don't like him.
I don't trust him.
I thought he was
my best friend
for a little bit.
No. I'm going to propose
something to you.
Now, wait till you think
about this very carefully.
But not for too long.
You want to be
the next American Idol?
-Yes. Yes, I do.
I think they canceled it.
This is the last season.
No, I don't mean
literally the American Idol,
I mean it's a metaphor.
Here, maybe this
will explain it.
That's for you. Take it.
You're gonna be the hero
of this show.
-Jen, what are you doing here?
-Look, I'm sorry.
No, no, no, no, no!
Sit down. Please sit down
for just one second.
I just want...
I want to apologize,
Well, I don't know
how I can trust you,
I knew that if I ever
saw you again I wanted to say,
-darn you.
-I'm sorry.
-Well, you slept with John.
-I didn't slept with John.
There was a sock, and...
I made it look like
I slept with John
just to get you guys fighting.
I was under
a lot of pressure.
And if I could have
done it over,
I would have stood my ground,
or left earlier, but I didn't.
But why would they wanna
drive us apart?
Dan, if you either one of you
chose as a candidate,
the investors will have
all the footage
that they need
to make whatever version
of the show they want.
They are planing to make
one of you look like
the biggest asshole
on the planet.
What do you mean?
There he told me
I was gonna be
-a hero.
-Yeah, they were just saying
whatever they needed to say
to get you on board.
How do I know
you're telling me
the truth right now?
We have to stop John
from going in that rally.
-Are you with me?
-All right, then let's go.
-I am.
Are we gonna get
in trouble for this?
I'm a little scared,
but I don't mind it.
Where is Dan?
Why is he not at the event?
You lost him?
[chanting] Donald Trump!
The clowns are chasing me.
[chanting continues]
Rick, hey.
You shouldn't have
dropped out, you know.
You're really disappointed
my friend, John.
He was so bugged.
-That's very kind. Thank you.
-All right. Okay. Thanks.
You know where John Nelson is?
I gotta find him.
-John, I'm so sorry.
-I lied to you.
-You shouldn't be here.
I shouldn't have done that.
Please, you gotta
hear me out.
They're trying
to drive us apart. Okay?
-They're telling us these lies.
-Dan, I've made my decision.
I just wanted you to stay on...
-You need to go, Dan.
...and operate
on the premise that
it's your money, you pay the
lowest tax rate you
possibly can pay,
and then you decide
what you wanna
do with it instead of the...
John, you gotta
hear me out. okay?
-I'm sorry I lied to you.
I'm sorry I lied, but they're
trying to drive us apart.
No, no, no, no.
They're trying to get power,
and influence
ans it's all about the money.
Money? You took money.
I did,
but I don't care about it.
This whole thing
was about money for you.
-That's the whole reason you...
-I don't care about the money.
I don't care about it.
I don't care about the money.
I don't even care about it.
-Y ou know what?
I don't care about it either.
I just want to be friends.
-They're trying to
drive us apart.
It's Roger is who it was.
He took us to his hotel room,
he gave us money,
he made me do things
I'd never do.
It was Roger.
He took me to a fancy
country club and he
offered me money,
to do disgusting things.
Listen, I saw it.
I'm gonna get
to the bottom of this.
It's gonna be fi...
What do you mean I'm fired?
I'm fired.
-I missed you so much!
-I missed you!
John, don't let 'em
drive us apart.
I don't care about
your political...
I don't care that you're poor.
Thank you so much!
You're my best friend
in the whole world.
So, we kinda ruined the show.
Yeah, they can't use
any of that footage
after what we pulled.
-Roger was so mad. Yeah.
-He sued us.
So, my mom and I
lost the house.
My mom was pretty mad,
but she showed up
everyday to court with me.
Then John's dad
offered to represent us.
Yeah, in a weird way, it kinda
helped me and my dad reconnect.
And it actually helped my mom
meet John's dad,
they were at court
everyday together.
They fell in love,
so now, we all live here.
She's got a great big house.
And I finally found out what
my dad was running for.
And it sounds like
an awesome job,
I decided to run.
Hi, everyone,
my name is John Nelson
and I'm here to announce
that I am running
for Congress in
the great state of Florida,
the Sunshine State.
What... No. Vote Nelson!
And I'm his campaign manager.
It's just like being
a hockey equipment manager,
I still have people telling me
what to do all the time.
-Gimme that drink.
-Oh, sure.
You said you were
a little sick.
Yeah, I'm not feeling well.
My dad's running as Republican,
I guess this other guy's
running as a democrat.
So, I'm running
as a dependent.
It's independent.
Yeah, and we have
the smartest
PR department ever.
It turns out all those
interactions we had
with the candidates made for a
pretty awesome YouTube channel.
Jen made a pretty good
use of that footage.
-Yeah, she stole it.
I took the footage
because I'm thinking about
showing people
what really happened.
Am I gonna vote for John?
I don't know,
but there's one thing
I'm not undecided about.
We're gonna stay friends.
Yeah, we're not gonna let a
whole bunch of political issues
drive us apart.
-Oh, shit.
I gotta go!
You goddamn indepedent.
John's dad is pretty upset
with him all over again,
you know,
'cause he's running against him
and everything.
We thought he'd be proud,
but it did not
work out that way.
My shoes, my shoes, my shoes.
John Nelson, 2016.
I just think this election's
gonna be so fun.
-[woman] Dan?
Yeah, no. I'm sorry.
Yeah, I forgot.
-I didn't start
the mac and cheese.
-It's fine.
No, it'll be done
really fast, mom.
-The fastest ever!
-All right.
We can cut, guys.
How are you doing?
-How are you?
-My name is John.
-Pleasure to see you.
-Uh, nice to see you.
Could I shake
your hand as well?
I wanted to know,
could you run
for president here?
Actually, it's very simple.
I'm not an American boy.
-Ted Cruz.
-Ted Cruz.
Yeah. No, but he was
born as an American.
Yeah, but all our guys
are so bad.
You gotta believe us.
We met 'em all.
They're so terrible.
They're either boring,
weird, you have to
settle for them.
We'll do anything.
We're begging you.
-We will literally beg you.
-We're begging you.
-We will literally beg you.
-We're begging you.
-Please, run for president.
-Seriously, please
run for president.