Under the Boardwalk (2023) Movie Script

[singers harmonizing]
[tires squeal]
Hello! Guess where I am!
That's right.
Jersey Shore, baby!
[shutter clicking]
[tires squeal]
[horn honks]
[groans] Tourists.
Here we go.
[harmonizing continues]
The wait is over
The waves are warmer
Ah, ah, ah
And not a minute too early
Oh, heaven is a place
Called New Jersey
Come on!
[chuckles] Hey.
How you doin'?
Doin' great. How you doin'?
Everybody's doing great.
It's summertime!
[all] How you doin'?
Welcome to New Jersey
Get in a Garden State
Of mind
Welcome to New Jersey
We'll show you
How to summertime
Get ready for wild life
We're about
To hit record highs
Where the f-falling in love
Gets even hotter at night
Then bada bing, bada boom
The world's your oyster
By June
If you get bored
On the shore then...
What's-a matter with you?
you forgot your lunch.
I love you, Ma.
Me, I'm a fourth-generation
Crustacean from the docks
All of our mothers
Are saints
But you know who
Is the boss
Go check the calendar page
It just says, "Glory Days"
I put on all of my bronzer
Here comes the golden age
Lots of blue collar
In the air
But there ain't a place
I'd rather be
[scoffs] Tourists.
You're welcome, New Jersey
We're here
To start your summertime
You're welcome, New Jersey
We'll bring your sleepy town
To life
Can you believe these guys?
There's something quaint
About it
Oh! Quaint?
Forget about it
You're welcome
You're not welcome
To New Jersey
This is our summer
This is our summer
This is our...
[crab] This is our...
[tourist 1] Our...
[tourist 2] Our...
[all] This is our summer
Welcome to New Jersey
Get in a Garden State
Of mind
Welcome to New Jersey
We'll show you
How to summertime
Welcome, oh, welcome
To New Jersey
To New Jersey
[both sigh]
Look at this place, Anemone.
The sun is shining.
Everybody's out there
having fun, socializing.
Yeah, makes you wanna
get out there
and join 'em, doesn't it?
It sure does.
Well, I'll see ya.
Armen, what are you doing?
Just a little
[scoffs] Come on.
We did spring.
Oh, no, not this spring.
No, no. Next spring.
You know, it keeps recurring.
You know,
I just like to get an early--
Hey, wait. Anemone.
Give it back.
I can't do that, man.
For somethin' so tiny,
you really take up
a lot of space.
[glass shatters]
Hey. Wait.
Was that necessary?
If I had known my roommate
was gonna be
such a stick-in-the-mud,
I never would have moved in.
What are you talking about?
We're thriving in here.
I got my bonsai going.
You learned a new language,
[speaks Spanish]
I picked up a new instrument.
Put it down!
You wanna play
rock paper scissors again?
Come on. Rock, pa--
That's enough already!
Come on, Armen.
It's time to face the music.
You just gotta put
yourself out there.
I want to, Anemone.
Believe me.
But I'm not like
these other crabs,
all right?
I don't throw
my claws in the air.
I don't wave 'em
like I just don't care.
Because I care. Very much.
Yo, Armen! [chuckles]
Hey, what are you doing?
Where you been?
Get outta here.
[sighs] Good luck, boys.
I'm tapping out.
[chuckles] Hey, Bobby.
How's it going, you guys?
What up, bro?
He looks so pale.
Get this crab some vitamin D.
Let's get to work, bro.
Ready to tear it up
this summer or what?
[all grunting]
It's, like, 9:00 in the morning,
but, yeah.
You coming to the club tonight,
Armen? Don't say no.
Oh, we gotta get in that club.
What's the point of working out
if I can't show off
the Condition?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
The "Condition"?
What is that? Like a rash?
Pfft. No.
It's my new nickname. Huh.
Look at them go.
They got a mind of their own.
Look at 'em.
Boom, boom, boom, boom.
[drumbeat plays]
I don't even want any critiques.
I'm the Condition.
Maybe you should see a doctor
about that, Jimmy?
[both chuckle]
Oh, come on.
It's a great nickname.
It's gonna stick,
I'm telling ya.
[chuckles] Hey,
so you coming to the club
with us or what?
Yeah, you know what?
Maybe I better sit this one out.
Give the rest of you guys
a chance, huh? [chuckles] Oh!
[chuckles] Hey, come on.
I can't kick off summer
without my best friend.
It's the Jersey Shore, baby!
[all chattering]
Oh, geez louise. Sea crabs.
There's gotta be twice as many
as last summer.
It's not fair.
They got the whole ocean.
Unlimited shells.
All the riches of the sea.
They can go
wherever they want.
Why do they gotta come
to our town?
I'm just throwing it out there,
but aren't you all hermit crabs?
I mean, you're crabs.
They're crabs.
Maybe you got more in common
than you think?
This guy.
That is blasphemy.
Are you kidding me?
We got nothing in common.
We live on land.
They live in the sea.
They stay out of
the water too long...
[sea crab whimpering]
I don't feel so good.
[gasps] Oh, my gosh.
[breathes heavily]
I rest my case.
They're imitation crabs.
[sea crab] Namaste.
What'd he call me?
Didn't you read the sign?
[all] Locals only.
[yelps] Namaste! Namaste!
Take a walk, pal.
I think it's time to start
cracking some shells.
What the--
Holy Bon Jovi.
Bobby, this shell
was made for you, bro.
XXL. Sleek, yet spacious.
Maybe throw a spoiler on it?
Oh, couple of jell-EDs
for that underglow.
Save up for hydraulics.
That's cool.
It is cool. It is.
Why don't you take a test walk,
Yeah, baby.
You know what that means.
Oh, no.
Vacancy chain!
Vacancy chain?
Vacancy chain!
Vacancy chain!
I saved you a spot, bro.
You didn't have to do that.
All right.
Who's ready to move up a size?
[all] Yeah!
[crab] Oh, yeah!
Step one.
Grab on to your future shell.
Grab on, bro.
Hey. Morning.
Lot of eagerness.
Wow, great energy.
Step two.
Remove your future shell.
Uh, actually, this one
might be a better fit for you.
Step three. Move in, baby!
The Condish just got an upgrade.
Yeah, I'm gonna do
some damage in this.
Come on, Jimmy. You wanna
spar with me? You're flinching.
You're flinching.
Yeah, this is nice.
Bit tight for me, though.
Moving on.
Look at all these happy faces.
Keep it moving.
Never wipe that smile
off your face...
...promise me.
You look amazing.
[sighs] That went well,
don't you think?
Come on, Armen.
That's all you.
Uh, you know,
it's a little
ostentatious for me,
and I can't--
I can't leave Anemone.
No, we have lived together
long enough.
Will I be sad?
Yes, I will miss you.
But I will get over it.
You go on. Get in there!
Armen, come on.
You can do it. Get in.
Just take it.
[all clamoring]
[all chant] Armen!
Hey, guys, thanks for the offer.
Give it to someone who needs it.
Don't waste it on me.
[all] Aw.
[sighs] Every time.
I don't get it.
That shell was butter.
Hey, come on.
Cut him some slack.
And after everything
he's been through...
[beachgoers chattering]
Hey, hold-- hold up, Armen.
Armen, hold up.
You all right?
You know, my parents
gave me this shell.
It's, like,
all I have left of them.
I know, buddy. I know.
[chuckles] Hey, come on, Armen.
You're just in a rut.
That's all.
You gotta get out of your shell,
buddy. Take a risk.
Get the blood pumping.
Yeah, you should pick a fight!
Yo, you wanna start, bro?
You wanna start?
Yeah, you should talk
to a girl.
How's it going, Denise?
Drop dead.
See? Just feels good.
Just come to the club tonight,
So I can stand in the corner
and watch you hit on girls
and get in fights?
No, forget it, Bobby.
I can't do it again this summer,
all right?
I'm just gonna punch the clock.
Get in. Get out.
Order up.
I don't want any trouble.
Since when do I
get us in trouble?
Bobby Marinara,
this ain't your personal buffet!
[sighs] All right, listen up.
All of youse.
Everybody settle down!
[bell dings]
Order up.
Not that kind of bell.
That's a manager bell.
It's my bell.
[both giggle]
[clears throat]
As I was saying--
[bell dings]
What? I slipped.
You try wearing these heels.
[all giggle]
Oh, show some respect.
He's our manager.
Continue, sir.
Thank you so much
for your permission.
Now, where was I?
Sorry, allergies.
I get 'em every summer.
[all laughing]
Next one who rings my bell
is fired. You hear me?
Now do not forget
you are the help.
They are the guests.
They can be rude, condescending,
call you names, ignore you.
And guess what? I don't care!
And we do not spit
in their food, Jimmy Romaine.
Just get to work,
you numbskulls.
[bell dings]
Get out!
This isn't the only resort,
you know?
I can give you three nights free
if you stay for a week.
Sir? Come back!
[all laugh]
To day one, Armen.
A fresh start.
Anything could happen.
Who knows?
You might even fall in love.
Yeah, right.
Like that'll ever happen.
[laughs] We're almost there.
Oh, finally.
I can see the surface.
Girls, now stay close.
Yeah, stay close, Shelly.
Race you to the top.
Let's go!
Oh, these girls are gonna be
the end of me.
[all shout]
[sea crab gasps]
Whoo! Oh, that feels so good.
[chattering, laughing]
[sea crab] Whoa!
[both giggle]
Dry sand.
Oh, you gonna pay for that.
You mind?
Hey, I'm walking here.
Hey, hey!
Just go around.
[blows raspberry]
What's the matter?
Is she deaf?
Yes, she is.
Hey, how was I
supposed to know?
[scoffs] Land crabs.
Girls! What are you doing?
Come on, Mom.
Can't we just explore
a little before we check in?
You know the rules, Ramona.
We do not go past the wet sand.
[both sigh]
Now can we please
get to the resort?
Mama needs a cocktail.
[sea crab] Whoo-hoo!
[all chuckle]
Care for a spritz?
All right, you're welcome.
Oh, yes,
and one for you too.
And you're welcome.
Ah. I can see it in your eyes.
You want to-- Here you go.
Don't mention it.
Not that you were going to.
[whistle blows]
[sea crabs shout]
Hey, no running.
And stay hydrated.
Oh, you were right, Camille.
This place is exactly
what I needed.
Right. Land views?
Spa days for the mums?
Ron's at the Clams Casino.
I won't have to see him
for a week.
[both chuckle]
So how are things, Val?
Really, I don't know
how you do it, adopting
two girls on your own.
Oh, they're great.
Shelly's at the top
of her class,
and Ramona,
she got early admission to Kale.
Oh, Mako got into Kale.
Well, it's between
Kale and Prawn.
[chuckles] Mako!
[all chuckle]
Oh, hello, Mum.
Didn't see you there.
Nigel, Chauncey, see you
for more fun and games later.
How was the game? Who won?
Oh, Mum, you know
I don't keep score.
I'm just playing
for my personal best
and sheer narcissism these days.
You remember my friend Val?
How lovely to see you.
I thought Mako and Ramona
might get along.
Where is Ramona?
They were just here
a minute ago.
[chuckles] Stop. Okay, okay.
On the count of three.
One, two--
Hey! Shelly.
[water splashes]
[Ramona chuckling]
["Cuz I Love You" playing]
You better look out.
I thought that I didn't care
I thought I was
But, baby
I'm cryin' 'cause I love you
I'm cryin', hey
[song ends]
Ooh. She's cute, Armen.
Huh? What? No, gross.
She's one of them.
She must have slipped.
Whoops. [chuckles]
[smacks lips]
Yoo-hoo, spritzer boy.
Service, please.
Oh, uh, sure.
Be right there.
On my way to you.
Just a little shortcut.
I'm closer than I appear.
[children laughing]
Almost there.
[all] Aw.
[chuckles] Not long now.
[children laugh]
That sunshine. Whoo.
Apologies for the delay.
Your spritzer has arrived.
Here you go.
And you're welcome.
You're welcome.
Ramona, you remember Mako?
You guys used to
play together.
Yeah, that's it.
Keep it coming. Don't be stingy.
That's enough now.
Don't overdo it.
I don't wanna be saturated.
You're welcome.
Sorry. [chuckles]
I didn't mean to splash you.
Oh, not at all.
Excellent form, by the way.
And extra points
for giving Mother here a rinse.
Oh, this is my sister,
[giggles] Stop.
Hey, hey, hey.
Are you talking about me?
Was that the sign
for "handsome"?
Ugh. [clears throat]
There's more to me
than just looks.
Hi, sorry to interrupt.
Would you care for a--
I'm okay. But thank you.
Uh, you're-- you're welcome.
So, is this-- is this
your first summer being here?
At the shore? Have you--
Are you going
to the club tonight?
The club? Um, yeah...
[chuckles] ...that sounds fun.
[Mako] Splendid.
I'll meet you there.
You'll find me
in the VIP section.
[Ramona giggles]
Can't wait.
Come on, Mom.
What's the big deal?
[Val] It's not safe on land,
Ramona. You know that.
I won't be gone long.
I'll be back
before you know it.
Uh-uh, no. You are
not going up there alone.
I'll take Shelly.
Girl, have you lost your mind?
Shelly, go to your room.
Go to your room.
Ramona, honey,
you don't know this place.
The crabs here,
they are not like us.
Mom, seriously?
Sweetie, they're jealous.
Here we go.
Stuck in this small town
their whole lives.
We get to travel
wherever we want.
We get to see
the whole world.
Yeah, except everywhere we go,
we never leave the resort.
Look, you are not
going on land, Ramona.
And that's final.
[crabs chattering,
So, probably another
quiet night in for us, huh?
Yeah, sounds good.
Oh, honey,
you got a little sauce
on your chin.
How cute.
Anyone else, anyone else
If I were anyone else
Anyone else
I wouldn't hide in my shell
All by myself
If I were anyone but me
Anyone else, anyone else
If I were anyone else
Anyone else
[all chuckle]
Come on, lads. Let's go.
[Ramona] I could decide
For myself, nobody else
If I were anyone but me
Feels like no one knows all
The words to my song
It's so lonely knowing
I'll never belong
With everyone else
'Cause I'm not
Like anyone else
[Val snoring]
That's it. I'm doing it.
World, meet Ramona.
Night, Anemone.
Good night, Armen.
[sighs] Finally.
[shell rumbling]
Yo, Armen!
What's up, my bro?
Hey. What's going on, you guys?
What's going on?
We're here to pick you up.
Gosh, you know what?
Anemone's already asleep.
No, I'm not.
I'm good to go.
Oh, no. I already told you guys,
I'm not going to the club.
You know what?
This is for your own good,
How could this be
for my own good?
[all chanting] Gym, tan, shell!
Guys. Guys.
Gym, tan, shell!
["Night of My Life" plays]
This is the night of my life
Gym, tan, shell!
Gym, tan, shell!
[music playing, muffled]
All right, guys.
Let's save some embarrassment
for inside.
Oh, no.
Not you knuckleheads.
Hey, Donny.
Armen? Is that my nephew?
What are you doing here,
You don't call,
you don't visit.
You know, I just show up
when you least expect it.
I'm like back pain.
And you brought friends.
What up, Bruno?
You're looking good.
What, you lose a little weight?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's just keep our claws
to ourselves tonight. All right?
Aw, yeah!
We're doin' it, baby! Hey!
Come on!
What's up?
What's pumpin', baby?
This is the night of...
House music all night long!
House music all night long!
Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
[both laughing]
Watch where you're going.
Are they laughing at us?
They're laughing at us.
It was just an accident.
Hey, Bruno. I don't get it.
How come you so loyal
to these turistas, huh?
A crab's a crab, Manny.
In my joint,
everybody's welcome.
[all cheering]
As long as they pay their bill
at the end of the night.
You hear me, Curly?
Now, go on.
Quit botherin' me.
And stay out of trouble.
[all] Aw, yeah!
[Bobby] House music!
House music!
What are you doing?
You're not gonna join 'em?
No. Yeah. I'm--
I'm sitting here, waiting
for the right song, you know?
A song with the right amount
of beats per minute
for my particular body type.
Hey, kid,
don't overthink it.
Go and try to have some fun.
No, I'm not overthinking it.
I've thought about it
the right-- the right amount.
[song ends]
["Level Up" plays]
Five, four, three, two, one
Let's go
Level up, level up...
Aw, yeah!
Oh, it's my jam.
Come on, homey.
Let's get in there.
Just give me a second.
I haven't stretched yet. [sighs]
Nobody looks cool when
they're hopping around
with a pulled groin out there.
Are you done?
Because I did not
do my hair for nothing.
We're going in.
[whimpers] Whoa!
Man, you are
freakishly strong.
We came all this way.
We are having a good time,
whether you like it or not.
Whoo! Yeah.
Hey, it's her.
Ask her to dance.
What? Are you insane?
You got moves, girl.
What did you say to me?
What? Oh, no, no.
That wasn't me.
That was him.
Him who?
[chuckles] Okay,
you can come out now.
Come on, man.
She thinks I'm crazy.
What are you doing?
Sorry. He's not normally
this annoyingly adorable.
Aw, he's so cute.
[cooing continues]
Yo, Denise.
Check it out. [grunting]
I had one of these
when I was a kid.
What is he doing?
You're just such a sweetie,
aren't you?
Yeah, he came with the shell,
you know?
[both chuckling]
Say, I know you.
You're the spritzer boy.
Hey, fellas.
It's the spritzer boy.
He has a name, Mako.
Yeah, please call me Spritz.
Less formal.
You're funny.
Now, why don't you take that
winning sense of humor of yours
and shove off?
[Bobby] What up, Mako?
Bobby Marinara.
[sea crab chuckles]
You messing with our boy?
Is there a problem down there?
Ah, no, nah, we're just dancing.
Just dancing. Right, Mako?
Oh. Right.
Yeah, of course.
Dancing. Whoo.
How was the offseason, boys?
Another cold winter,
battling mediocrity?
Oh, snap!
[Bobby] What did I tell you
about the club, Mako?
This is our turf.
You are the surf.
Mic drop. Boom.
Well, that's
delightful wordplay, Bobby,
but I'm afraid
your boy crossed the line.
Crabs like you
shouldn't even be in here.
[Mako] Crabs like me...
...are the reason
you have a job. For now.
[Ramona scoffs]
Are you instigating to me?
Why don't you
toddle off home sideways
and eat some of
your mother's vile cooking?
You did not just bring
Mrs. Marinara into this.
Turn down for what?
["Turn Down for What" playing]
[Armen whimpers]
Nope. No.
[Manny shouting]
[both grunting]
Hey, hey, hey.
All right.
Get out of here.
All of youse.
Oh, come on.
They started it, Bruno.
And I'm finishing it.
Hey, watch the shell.
I just got a wax.
Get your claws off of me.
[shouts, groans]
Jimmy, your shell's digging
into my side, man.
Because your feet
are in my face.
Your friends are jerks,
Hey, you know what?
We don't need
your stinking club.
We can dance right here.
Come on, Jimmy, dance.
I'm coming. Here I go.
Make me look like an idiot.
There we go.
In your face.
[both] In your face.
I'm right in your face.
[both grunting]
[both] In your face!
Hey, where you going?
This is exactly why
I didn't want
to come out tonight, Bobby.
It's always
gotta end in a fight.
What are you talking about?
We had to defend our turf, bro.
It's rule number one
of the brocal code.
"Locals only, bro."
Is this about that girl?
Why were you
talking to her anyway?
What, you like her
or something?
I don't even know her.
She's a sea crab, bro.
She's got gills.
Doesn't she?
I'm out of here.
Well, that's how it is, huh?
Hey, don't forget who
your friends are, Armen.
[chuckles] Friends?
You used me
to get in the club.
Yeah, but that doesn't mean
I didn't want to hang out.
Well, I don't want
to hang out with you, Bobby.
All right.
I never want to hang out.
Then go home, Armen.
Nobody's gonna notice
you're gone anyway.
[thunder rumbles]
Hey. You okay, Armen?
It got a little
heated back there.
I know. I know.
I just-- I--
I'll talk to him
in the morning. Okay?
Gotta go!
Not so tough without
your boys around, are you?
[both chuckling]
All alone, are we?
What happened?
You couldn't close
with my girl?
Where are you going?
We just want to talk. Here.
No, no, please no. No.
[claws snapping]
No, no. Stop. Stop.
Let me help you out.
[shouts, grunts]
Oh, I can see your bum.
[all laughing]
[sea crab]
There's the bum now.
Give me back my shell.
Would you look at his head?
Here, up to me.
No, please. Please stop.
Ugh. I wouldn't be caught dead
wearing this thing.
Give it back. No.
[all laughing]
Come on. Stop, stop.
It's all I have.
Come on, Nigel.
Give the rest of us a turn.
Do you ever wash this thing?
[grunting] Give me my shell.
Playtime's over, spritzer boy.
[both grunt]
No, no, no.
Leave him alone.
What do you care?
He's a townie.
Armen! Armen, help me.
I'm coming, Anemone.
Help, help.
[breathing heavily]
I'm coming, I'm coming.
Closer, a little closer.
[both shout]
This is not how
I'm going out, Armen!
[Armen] Anemone!
Anemone, just hang on!
Ramona, let's go.
Get your claws off of me.
[Ramona] Hey, look out!
[Armen gasps]
[all screaming]
Here, hurry.
I got you, sweetie.
My shell! [shouts]
[all shout]
[electricity crackles]
[sea birds squawking]
[muffled grunts]
[grunts, breathes heavily]
This can't be our town.
Ma? Ma!
Bobby, is that you?
Pop? Where's Ma?
We're okay, Bobby.
You hungry?
Yeah. Yeah, I could eat.
All right now.
Uh, where's my kitchen?
Ah, this will do.
Hey, yo, Bobby.
You all right?
That was a rough one.
By the way, Mrs. Marinara,
I'll take a little bit
of whatever you're cooking.
Hey, anybody seen my nephew?
Armen, where are ya?
[gasps] Armen?
Armen? Oh, no.
[crab] Armen.
[crab 2] Armen?
Where am I?
[seagulls squawking]
It's gone.
[grass rustles]
Hey! Hey, hey, hey, wait up.
Have you seen my shell?
It's about yea high
and it has an annoying
anemone on the back...
Shh. Keep it down.
...a little slimy-- Sorry.
It's just that you develop
sort of a love-hate
relationship over the years
which also is very symbiotic
and codependent.
[ground rumbling]
[Armen gasps]
[crab shouts]
Where? I don't have--
That was a close one.
Hey, stay safe out there.
All right-- [shouts]
Oh, no.
[breathing heavily]
[crab speaks Spanish]
[pop music playing
through headphones]
[breathing heavily]
Good luck to you.
What? What the shell is that?
Wait, no. No.
Uh, there seems to be
some kind of mistake.
[crab] Hey,
you get what you get, pal.
It ain't like any of us
got the shell of our dreams.
Ain't that the truth?
[groans] I'll trade you.
No, you don't understand.
My shell is very
important to me. Okay.
Okay. Bye.
Has anyone here seen it?
It's-- It's about my size.
It's tight but not too tight.
Kind of a tapered cut
at the hip.
Hey, watch where you're going.
Oh, sorry, sorry.
I was just looking for my shell.
It was stolen.
Stolen, huh?
Is that an accusation?
What? No, no, no. I--
Whoa, whoa.
Hang on a sec.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I think I know this guy.
You do?
Me? This guy?
It's Armen, right?
Yeah, you know, Armen.
Is he a friend of yours
or a friend of ours?
He's Bruno's nephew.
Oh, yeah.
How you doin'?
[grunts, groans]
I'm good. You know,
lost and afraid for my life.
But, um, other than that,
I can't complain.
Hey, tell your uncle
Big Sal and Little Junior
says hi.
Will do, Little Junior.
No. I'm Big Sal.
He's Little Junior.
Right. That--
That makes more sense.
So, what is this?
Your first pinch?
Ah, don't worry about it.
Everybody gets pinched.
What matters is that
you don't squeal.
All right?
Don't say nothin'. All right?
No, no, I wasn't.
You don't know nothin'.
No, I don't.
I'm confused, truth be told.
That's a good kid.
[cage rumbling]
What's happening?
Hermit crabs, two for one.
Hey, kid.
You want a hermit crab?
[crowd clamoring]
[carnival music playing]
[people scream]
[crabs shouting]
It's happening again.
[crab crying]
Hey, uh, are you okay?
[gasps] You're alive.
It's you.
Where are we?
On the boardwalk, I think.
Uh, how far
are we from the ocean?
In-- In crab legs?
I don't know.
Maybe a million, give or take.
I've never been
out of the ocean
for this long.
If I don't get to water soon,
I-- I don't know
how long I've got.
I don't belong in here.
What, you think
we belong in here?
No, no.
That's not what I meant.
You think you're better than us,
huh, princess?
No, I--
Hey, guys, guys, guys,
come on.
Go easy on her, okay?
She's with me.
[chuckles] What is she?
Your girlfriend or something?
What, are you kidding me?
Armen knows better
than to date a sea crab.
[chuckles] Yeah.
No. Yeah. What?
Locals only, guys. Hello.
You don't understand.
I need to get home.
We're not going home,
sea crab.
At least not
the one you came from.
What do you mean?
This is a death sentence.
How-- How exactly?
[both shout]
I want that one.
Are you gonna feed it
this time?
That's how.
[both scream]
[both shout]
[crab yelps]
Tell them nothing,
you hear me? Nothing!
[crowd murmurs]
Thank you for coming.
Now, I know the storm
has affected all of us.
Yeah. Just look at poor Curly.
The guy's living
in a milk carton now.
Aw, poor guy.
[all] Aw.
Everyone, this is Val
and her daughter Shelly.
Her other daughter, Ramona,
has not been seen
since the storm.
Oh, Val.
Don't you worry,
we're gonna find her.
As some of you know,
my nephew, Armen,
is also missing.
[all] Oh.
Whatever we can do to help.
That's right.
So, if anyone has any info
on Armen or Ramona's
last-known whereabouts--
Why don't you ask Mako?
He was with the girl
last night.
[all gasp]
As a matter of fact, I was.
Sweet Ramona came to meet me
For a dance
We were falling
Under a summer spell
Oh, such a vision
Spinning graceful as an angel
She didn't move
Too bad herself
She looked parched and so
I went to get some water
Keep the change, mate.
And they said
Chivalry was dead
But that's when Mr. Spritzer
Swooped in and tried
To pinch her
And chased her down
The shoreline
With his friends
[gasps] Who?
Well, I'm not one
to point claws, but...
It was Bobby Marinara...
Manny Orzo...
And Jimmy Romaine
Present! Ow. What?
That's bull shark
And you know it
Easy, boys.
I tried to save her
But that's when the wave hit
Bull shark
That's the same
Bloodthirsty face
I saw when Ramona
Was swept away
[all] That's it
There's a line in the sand
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And everyone knows
Where they stand
A line in the sand
Yeah, yeah
That no wave can wash away
[Bobby] Where's Armen?
What are you hiding?
What did you do to him?
Please, let's not fight
I wouldn't harm a hair
On his chinny chin chin
But I can't speak
For the riptide
I hope he can swim.
Bull shark
Are you calling
My son a liar?
Are you calling
My son a liar?
Oh! Cacciatore!
[snaps claws]
I understand. You're fired!
Oh! Whose side are you on?
There's a line in the sand
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And everyone knows
Where they stand
A line in the sand
Yeah, yeah
That no wave can wash away
'Cause there's us
And there's them
And that's how
It's always been
No, they'll never understand
On the other side
Of that line in the sand
[all chattering]
[Bruno] Oh, please, come on!
We're all in the same boat here.
This is bad. This is really bad.
I don't know what's worse:
dying or knowing
my mother was right.
[clears throat]
Are you finished yet,
sea crab?
'Cause you're standing
in our drinking water!
All yours.
[sighs] I need to get
out of here.
Hey, hey.
Maybe we should
just try to adapt.
There's obviously
no way out.
I mean... [chuckles]
...except the way in.
Wait. That's it.
The way in is the way out.
Now how do I...
Hey, thanks.
Shiny lady! Shiny lady!
[gasps] Ah.
Hello, gorgeous.
Uh-huh, that's it.
You know you like what you see.
Whoa, whoa.
Hey, what are you doing?
Getting their attention.
Excuse me, excuse me.
How much for this one?
It's working.
Uh-huh. I see that.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
[breathing heavily]
The man is coming!
Save yourselves!
[all screaming]
get out of the way!
No, I'm tryna get in the way.
That's it. Come to Mama.
Oh, this one,
she's out of her mind.
Look, I know that sea crabs
are wrong about
absolutely everything,
but in this one particular case,
she may have
a teeny, tiny point.
Don't miss your chance.
This train
is leaving the station.
[whimpers] You better be right.
They don't pinch, do they?
What? These little cuties? Nah.
[distorted shout]
[all] Freedom!
Come on.
["Born to Run" playing]
[pedestrians screaming]
[both shriek]
[high-pitched screaming]
You didn't see nothing.
In the day we sweat it out
On the streets
Of a runaway
American dream...
[children gasp, chuckle]
In suicide machines
[both chuckle]
Sprung from cages
On Highway 9
Fuel injected
And steppin' out
Over the line
Oh, baby...
[both scream]
Oh, hey! Look at us.
We're free!
Ain't life beautiful?
[both shout]
This way.
Come on.
Baby, we were born to run
Are you crazy? [yelps]
Tramps like us
Baby, we were born to run
[merchant grunts]
[both shout]
[Ramona chuckles] Whoo!
It's okay. Open your eyes.
[yelps] I liked it better
when they were shut.
Look. Water. Let's go there.
Wait, wait.
No, no, no, no.
On the count of three.
One, two.
Stop counting.
[song ends]
Ah. It's not salt water
but it still hits the spot.
Come on in.
The water's great.
I'm good, thanks.
Why are you afraid of the water?
[chuckles] What? Afraid?
You said afraid-- Please.
You got a funny brain.
[engine revs]
Whoo. My heart. Wow.
[Ramona chuckles]
What's the matter with you?
You can't swim?
No, no, I can swim.
I can. I totally--
I just don't anymore.
I've heard some
health advisory things
that just gave me pause.
Put it that way.
And what's the real reason?
I said I don't wanna talk
about it. All right?
Well, you didn't, but whatever.
You know...
...this may be the furthest away
from my mother I've ever been.
It feels amazing.
Very cool. Very cool.
[grunts] There's just no
comfortable way to wear
this thing. Is it on straight?
Hey. Hey, where you going?
When we get back,
my mom's never gonna let me
out of her sight ever again.
I'll be underwater
for the rest of my life.
So I say
we take the scenic route.
Yeah, or, you know,
the route less traveled.
Could be a fun option.
That's worked for me
in the past.
Ooh! What's that?
[children laughing]
Mmm. [giggles]
How you like me now?
Help. Help.
[giggling, snorts]
Mmm. Dang, that's good.
What is in this?
It's just pure sugar.
Whoa. [chuckles]
It's got a bit of a kick.
Look out!
You're gonna get us killed.
You have no idea
what you're doing.
Please, if it wasn't for me,
you'd still be in the cage.
Fair point.
That's a fair point.
Now can I return the favor
by getting you home
in one piece?
Alive preferably.
Now where is the ocean? [scoffs]
I-- I can't see a thing
from down here.
We gotta get to higher ground.
That looks like it's headed up.
Nice and slow too.
Come on, come on.
We should sit in front
to get a good view.
All right, up you get.
[both grunting]
[Armen whimpering]
We could walk quicker.
I mean, if this is what passes
for fun in your town,
I'll take the ocean any day.
Yeah? Okay, well if the ocean's
so great, then why didn't you
just stay there?
[scoffs] You know, you're just
like those meathead friends
of yours at the club.
[imitating Bobby] "Ay, yo, way.
Forget about it. House music."
a terrible impression.
It's spot on.
I'm nothing like those guys.
Yeah, right.
And besides,
I'd rather be a meathead
than one of those
Richie Rich pretty boys
that you find attractive.
[imitating Mako]
"Where's my tea and crumpets,
You know what, never mind,
I'll just take yours.
Oh, I can see your bum.
There's Armen's bum." [laughs]
You know what?
As soon as we
get off this thing,
I think we should just
go our separate ways.
Sounds good to me.
I don't need anybody else
holding me back, Mom.
And I don't need
a tour guide
with a death wish.
Great, you'll go your way
and I'll go mine.
That's exactly what I want.
Well, I said it first, so...
I'm saying it too.
We both said it.
There's the ocean. See?
Now how do we get down?
["Lonely Boy" playing]
Oh, no.
Oh, boy.
[all screaming]
Oh, oh, oh, oh
I got a love
That keeps me waitin'
Oh, oh, oh, oh
I got a love
That keeps me...
I'm a lonely boy
Whoa! [chuckles]
I'm a lonely boy
Oh, oh, oh, oh
[all cheer]
[Ramona chuckles]
[breathing heavily]
Finally, it's over.
[roller coaster rumbles]
[gears hiss]
No, it's not!
[horn blares]
[all screaming]
I got a love
That keeps me waitin'
[song ends]
Oh, that was so much fun.
Uh, Armen?
Yep, just one sec.
[Armen retches]
You need some help?
That might be nice.
Here we go. Big step.
You okay?
You gonna be sick too?
I'm fine.
I think
I just need some water.
Oh, okay. Um...
[bottle spraying]
[baby crying]
Be right back.
Look at you, spritzer boy.
Hey, just doing my job.
Here you go.
Feel any better?
Yeah. Keep it coming.
Do my back.
Mmm. Feels so good.
Ah! Not my eye.
Sorry, sorry.
I haven't worked
with this model before.
[people chattering]
This place
is pretty amazing.
Yeah, tourists love it here.
I mean, locals too,
I-- I wouldn't know.
You've never been here?
And you live here?
Armen, we're doing this.
I just did a double take
Light-headed from the thrill
About to levitate
Can't tell me all this
Ain't blowing your mind
Right now's
No time to be shy
Hold up, don't run away
'Cause this silver spoon girl
Wants a funnel cake
Can't you see that most things
Ain't like they appear
Twisted like us
In that mirror
So here's a little about me
I just wanna be free
If you think you can keep up
Baby, don't sleep
Look around
[Armen yelps]
And you might be surprised
At what you find
[all crying]
Through someone else's eyes
Makes the world
Look brand-new
From your point of view
Come on, now
And look what happens
[shutter clicking]
When you look around
I'm ready
For my close-up
You think you know me
'Cause I hail from the ocean
But look closer
And I'll open your mind
You might even
Have a good time
I mean, sheesh, you act salty
But you really sweet
Can't hide from me
'Cause I see
Your true colors
Like a coral reef
Ramona, hold up
I've got this crazy head rush
Like I could maybe throw up
Oh, no, Armen
I think you're having fun
Look around
And you might be surprised
At what you find
Through someone else's eyes
Makes the world
Look brand-new
From your point of view
Come on out
And look what happens
When you look around
[Armen] Whoo!
[Ramona] See what
I'm talking about, Armen?
Look what happens
When you look around
Anything can happen
Look around
Anything can happen when you
Look around
Come on. Come on.
I'll race you
to the Ferris wheel.
Whoa. Whoa.
Dizzy again, huh?
I'll be fine.
Just give me a sec.
We should try
to find you some water.
Come on, this way.
[Ramona sighs]
[water dripping]
Hey, Donny. You seen Armen?
I swear,
if Mako messed with that kid,
I'm gonna tear him apart.
I'm gonna eat his claws
with melted butter.
Oh, Manny, take it easy.
Take it easy?
You heard what
Mako said about us.
All right, come here.
All of youse.
Let me tell you a story.
I used to be tough,
all right.
Once upon a time,
I used to get into fights too.
And sometimes
I would lose a claw.
And every time I lost a claw,
another one would grow back
in its place.
But then I got into
one fight too many.
And when I lost my claw,
it didn't grow back.
Now you keep going
down this road,
how do you think
it's gonna end?
[glass shatters]
What-- What's going on
in there?
[sighs] Sea crabs.
[muffled laughter]
What are they doing in there?
That's our club.
It's my club.
I'll handle it.
Come on.
["Rasputin" playing]
[all gasp]
Ra Ra Rasputin
Lover of the Russian queen
To hedonism!
To decadence.
[all cheering]
To consequence-free living!
Ah! [shouts]
[song ends]
This guy!
Are we gonna let him
get away with this?
Hey, come on. Forget him.
Let's just go look for Armen.
Hey! Where you going?
Finding our friend is more
important than teaching some--
some sea crabs a lesson.
Yeah, but this guy!
This guy!
You know what? [scoffs]
Ah, forget it.
Well, it's not the ocean,
but will this tide you over
for a bit?
Uh, yeah.
[lights clanking]
[gasps] No.
Don't worry, Ramona.
I got this.
I'll get the next one.
Hang in there.
[distorted shout]
[shouting continues]
[water splashes]
I'm so sorry, Ramona.
Are you kidding?
That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.
Hey, it's not your fault.
I got myself
into this mess.
There's just, like,
all this pressure to be
perfect all the time. I--
[sighs] I guess
I just wanted to make
my own mistakes for once.
You know?
Well, I'd--
I'd say you did it.
I mean,
this has gotta be up there.
As mistakes go,
you know, top five ever made.
So congrats.
You should be proud.
Shut up, Armen.
Where are you, buddy?
Hey, kid.
Kid, you all right?
Are you lost?
Do you need help?
[shouts, groans]
Okay, clearly you
don't need my help.
And I assume
you're not lost neither.
I got it.
You're probably
looking for your sister.
Well, I was just looking
for my friend and--
All right, look, I get it.
You don't trust me.
But we didn't have
anything to do with
anything Mako was saying. I--
I mean, we're land crabs,
but we're not animals.
Can I get off the ground now?
Really? Nothing?
All right.
Maybe it's better
she's not looking.
Okay, I did it.
Hey, wait up!
You think maybe
we could join forces?
I could use the protection,
Sorry, I didn't realize
you were, uh...
I mean,
I thought you could, uh...
Were you born this way?
Me? [chuckles] Yeah, yeah,
I was born this way.
Oh, hey, you know what?
I got a cousin who's deaf.
Do you know him?
Nah, I mean,
of course you don't know him.
I just mean, you know,
like, I thought maybe
you'd stick together.
You know,
'cause it's probably
not easy to--
You know, I mean,
it's gotta be hard
to deal with-- to-- to--
To deal with stupid idiots
asking boneheaded questions.
Bobby, you really
are as dumb as you look.
Look, I'm sorry.
Okay? I--
Everybody looks at me
and assumes that
I'm some meathead
that wants to fight
all the time.
You know, it's like
they expect it from me and--
Well, I'm just sick and tired
of not being seen for me.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I have a feeling you do.
Hey, hey, hey.
Maybe we have more
in common than we think.
That's not what I said, is it?
Well, was it close at least?
Come on, kid.
Let's get you back.
You know, this is cool.
I never had
a female friend before.
[Ramona] Armen?
Can I ask you something?
[Armen] Sure.
If Mako
hadn't interrupted us
at the club,
would you have asked me
to dance?
What? No. Definitely not.
No, I just mean,
I-- I've never done
anything like that before,
so it would have been completely
out of character for me.
To ask a sea crab
to dance?
Or-- Or anyone.
I haven't done a lot of things,
not for a long time.
Why not?
There was a storm
when I was a kid,
and my parents
didn't make it.
I haven't been
in the water since.
Oh, Armen.
The truth is
I've been hiding in my shell
my entire life.
After they were gone,
it was just a good excuse
to stay inside.
Hey, I think you're
a lot braver than
you give yourself credit for.
Yeah, well, you're seeing me
on a particularly good day.
I mean,
if I've been brave at all,
it's only because of you.
I can't believe
I just said that.
I'm such a weirdo.
Yeah, you are.
You're not like anyone.
That's a good thing.
Well, this is your stop.
Don't worry, kid.
We'll find 'em.
But no more sneaking out,
all right?
Get your claws off of her!
No, ma'am.
We were just out here looking
for your daughter and--
Don't you come near us!
[breathing heavily]
I know exactly who he is.
Ma'am, you don't understand.
Haven't you done enough?
I'm sorry, I--
I wasn't--
You stay away from her!
No, ma'am, please.
I'm not who you think I am.
Stay away!
["More Than a Meathead" playing]
The heart is a muscle
It's the strongest one I got
But you can't see me flex it
You just see me for my claws
The heart is a muscle
The one you need
When hope is lost
The one you need
When times are desperate
I don't know why
No one gets it
'Cause I'm more
[singers] More!
More than a meathead
I want more
[singers] More!
Than the club every weekend
My beach needs me
Please believe me
That I'm more
Than a meathead
No one else can see it
But me
If we can't have the club,
then no one can.
[can whistles]
[all screaming]
I've got to be the change
I wanna see on the beach
They can see my pain
Not just a lump of crab meat
I'm turning over
A new seaweed leaf
To make peace
[sea crabs screaming]
Donny, Donny, what's going on?
I don't get paid enough
for this. I'm out!
Oh, no.
What have you guys done?
Hey, look who finally
came to his senses.
Here we go.
Now it's a fair fight.
[both grunt]
Where's the fun in that?
Boys, please, no more fighting.
Here comes the Condition!
Whoa. Guys, guys,
it doesn't have to be like this.
Bobby, help!
[muffled shouting]
Let him go!
[all grunting]
Manny, no. Let go.
Guys, come on.
Break it up.
That's enough!
[inhales, coughs]
[all gasp]
Hey, he had it coming,
You did
what you had to do.
Way to go, man.
Is a high five
in this moment?
Mark my words,
this isn't over!
Oh, yeah?
Looks pretty done to me.
[Mako] Your friend Armen...
he's dead.
Anemone, are you okay?
My nephew, is it true?
The wave.
What did they do to you?
I think he's shell-shocked.
This means war.
Come on!
You coming, Bobby?
What do you think it'll be like
when we get back?
Big step.
I mean, you know,
what do you think
they'll think of us?
[boxes clatter]
Hey, I think I found
a little calamari.
[grunts] Oh, no, no, no,
that's just chewing gum.
Ooh! Found some cannoli.
Yeah? Let me see.
Oh! What is this?
No. No, Ramona, I--
What are you doing, kid?
Oh, whoa. [groans]
Hey, kid. Come here.
Let me give you
a piece of advice, right?
A young guy like you,
you don't want to get
tied down yet.
Just forget about her.
[scoffs, gasps]
Ramona, wait.
Want some cannoli?
Who turns down cannoli?
[pedestrians chattering]
[Ramona groaning]
Ramona, I'm sorry.
I messed up back there.
I just--
Please, just give me
another chance?
What, are you gonna
introduce me to your friends?
Are you gonna meet my family?
I mean, what do you think
my mother's gonna say?
[breathing heavily]
Forget it, Armen.
This was never gonna work out.
[grunting continues]
It's okay. I got you.
This is our beach.
It's time to take it back.
Tourist season is officially
[all cheering]
What are we doing here?
How many claws
must be lost?
Your nephew is dead
because of them.
So, if you won't fight for this,
what will you fight for?
Who do they think they are?
If we let them take
our summer vacation,
what's next?
Spring break?
Winter holiday? Boxing Day?
Are we gonna let them
run us out of here?
Or are we gonna fight?
Are you with me?
Um, I mean-- For Ramona!
[all] For Ramona!
[all chanting]
[breathing heavily]
Hold on, Ramona.
The ocean's right there.
It's just on the other side
of this dune.
See? It's right over there.
[wind whistling]
It's too far. I can't. I--
No, no, no. Please.
Please wake up.
[grunting] Come on.
I can't do this without you.
I'm not strong enough.
[ice pop cocks]
[both grunting]
[horn blows]
For Ramona!
[all shouting]
For Armen!
[all] Armen!
[all shouting]
I'm gonna go get a snack.
Bye, Dad.
Have fun. [grunts]
Really packed in here.
[high-pitched shouting]
Crank it. Crank it. Oh!
Here comes the Condition!
Boom! Boom!
[all grunt]
One order of
Ma's special meatballs,
coming up.
[laughs] Love you, Ma!
Love you too, baby!
Where do you think
you're going, huh?
Light 'em up, ladies!
[all grunting]
You came.
Ah, someone's gotta
look out for you knuckleheads.
Look out.
[breathing heavily]
For Armen!
What the--
[all shouting]
[swords clanking]
[both grunt]
Wait. What is going on here?
[all grunting]
You're okay.
[Val] Ramona!
Oh, my baby.
Mom. I'm so sorry.
Oh, honey. I'm sorry.
Hey, Armen.
Yo, Armen.
That was legendary.
Way to go, buddy.
Bro, you were awesome out there.
I am so proud of you, kid.
Yeah, so, uh,
you gonna introduce us
to your friend over there?
This is Ramona.
My girlfriend.
Wait. Your girlfriend?
You got a girlfriend.
Armen's got a girlfriend!
Holy Bon Jovi.
Way to go, Armen.
Thank you for saving
my daughter.
You are very brave.
See? Told you so.
Yeah, well,
she did the same for me.
How did we get here?
You wanna know
how we got here?
Mako lied.
That's how we got here.
Well, that's not true.
Tell them, Mako.
Well, I just thought--
I mean--
Well, I saw her first!
I bribed your way
into the finest prep schools,
and this is how you repay me?
Oh, you're just
like your father.
No, Mommy, please don't go.
And if you do,
will you continue
to support me financially?
So, you wanna come
for dinner?
I'm making a sauce.
I'd like that very much.
Nature. [sniffles]
It's so beautiful.
[Bobby] On three.
One! Two! Pull!
[all grunting]
[all cheering]
Shore Point!
Back in business, baby!
[Mako] Hey, Marinara.
[crowd murmurs]
You got something
to say, Mako?
I've got something for you.
It's a start.
Your mother
put you up to this?
She's got good taste.
You treasure her.
Vacancy chain!
Vacancy chain?
Vacancy chain.
Vacancy chain!
Vacancy chain!
[all cheering]
Aw, yeah. This is butter.
Definitely butter.
All right, let me take
this puppy for a spin.
Hello, Denise. Looking well?
Oh, Jimmy, I think
I'm coming down with
the Condition.
She called me the Condition.
I told you it was gonna stick,
Way to go, Jimmy.
Hey, hold up.
Hold up, Armen.
What's going on?
I don't know.
Look what we found.
Hey, roomie!
Anemone. You're okay.
It is good to see you
out of the house, Armen.
It's good to be out.
Any shells left?
It's time, Armen.
You sure about this?
Oh, 100%.
Anyone here got a shell?
Hey, Curly.
Check me out.
Come, Curly.
Let's paint this town.
[Anemone laughs]
So, you hanging on to
this one, huh?
[chuckles] Yeah.
Kind of grew on me.
The tide is going out
And so are we
It smells like algae
And possibilities
I'm polishing my shell
Until it shines like abalone
Oh, oh, oh
Anything can happen
On a summer night
If you play
Your moment right
The sunset casts a spell
It makes you wanna
Kiss and tell
Anything can happen
On the shore
When the sky shines
Through those boards
And you hear
Your song come on
You could be anyone you want
[bell dings]
We're going out
We're going out
Under the boardwalk
We're gonna shake
Like jellyfish and anemones
Whoo, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
We're going out
We're going out
Down the shore
We're gonna break some rules
And make some memories
Don't wait up, girls.
Don't the air just
Taste like freedom?
Nothing's stopping us
Go and turn some heads
At the sandbar
But there's no need
To fight
Anything can happen
[Anemone] Anything!
Anything can happen
[both giggle]
Come on.
Like the neon
Through the pylons
The future's
Always bright
Anything can happen
On a summer night
Summer night
How you doin'?
How you doin'?
[both laugh]
I never want this summer to end.
[both giggling]
Anything can happen
On a summer night
[sea bird squawks]
[camera shutter clicking]