Unstable Fables: 3 Pigs & a Baby (2008) Movie Script

[Generator shutting down]
[Bell dings]
[Generator whirring]
[Electricity arcing]
[Ripped from DVD by funnykiddy]
[Car horns honking]
[Wolves howling]
[Muffled grunting]
How did you get us into this mess?
How did I get us into this mess?
I like that.
I told you it would all come to no good.
- I warned you both.
- [Scoffs]
- Always the oldest brother, always the boss.
- To the bitter end!
[Sinister laughter]
Yeah, well, since these are apparently
our last moments, I'll just say it.
- I detest you!
- Well, I loathe you!
You are a prissy, fussy,
little self-help basket case.
And you are a bloated,
puffed-up egomaniac with terrible taste!
Please, let's make our last moments
on earth full of love, okay?
You mean while they boil us alive?
- [All laughing]
- Before you're parboiled,
do you three pigs
have any last requests?
[All gasp]
Yes. A flashback.
[Beeping]
Big Bad Wolf to Wolf Pack 1.
I'm fanged out, locked and loaded.
Identified soft target.
Locking in on straw house.
Commencing Operation
Suburban Storm.
[On Radio]
Wolf Pack to Big Bad Wolf,
commence atmospheric percussion
with straw house,
Repeat: Straw house,
Roger dodger.
- Whoo-hoo!
- [clucks]
- Yeah!
- [gunshot]
- Aw!
- [Pounding on door]
[Clears throat]
Little pig, little pig, let me come in!
Uh, not by the hair
of my chinny-chin-chin, dude.
Then I'll huff, and I'll puff,
and I'll blow your house in!
- Yeah, right, whatever.
- [cocking]
[Inhales deeply]
Whoo-whoo-whoo! Whoa!
[Shouting]
[Shouting continues]
Whoa! Later for this crib!
[Sinister laughter]
Straw house down.
Repeat: Straw house demolished.
[Sinister laughter]
[Panting]
## [classical piano]
[Pounding on door]
Let me in, bro!
A wolf's on my butt!
Bro, it's a wolf!
Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude!
Careful. I just refinished the door.
Little pigs, little pigs,
let me come in!
Not by the hairs on our chinny...
[whimpering]
Oh, oh, what is it again?
Go to my calm space.
Deep breath, deep breath.
Chin-chins!
Not by those hairs!
[Growls]
Then I'll huff, and I'll puff,
and I'll blow your house in!
Oh, great.
There goes my whole night.
[Inhales deeply]
[Pigs shouting]
[Shouting continues]
[Whimpering]
[Screams]
My limited edtion Dorothy and Toto!
- [Statue shatters]
- [Huffs]
Dude, we're gonna
[Sinister laughter]
[Sniffing]
Stick house is history.
One blow, good-bye.
I'm on to the brick house.
- Oh!
- [Panting, snorting]
- Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude!
- [Shouting]
- Open the door!
- Who is it that wants into
my very solid and secure brick house?
It's Richard and Sandy, your brothers!
Richard and Sandy who?
No joke, dude! Let us in!
State your mother's maiden name,
Oh, for the love of pork! It's Pig!
What? Dude,
that's my mom's maiden name, too.
- [Gate squeaks]
- [Wolf laughing]
Oh, no!
Big Bad Wolf, pace yourself
on the brick house,
Remember your training, Stay frosty,
Yeah, yeah. I know what I'm doing.
The brick joint is going down.
Open up, Mason!
He's getting really close!
Jeez, I know! I can smell him.
[Growling]
What is going on,
barging in on me like this?
I was alphabetizing my receipts,
and now I'm gonna have
to start all over!
[Pounding on door]
Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in!
Not by the hairs on our collective
chinny-chin-chins!
Then I'll huff, and I'll puff,
and I'll blow your house in!
[Coughing]
[Inhales deeply]
[Coughing]
[Mutters, barks]
As if any wolf has a chance
against my brick house.
Something you two should've considered
with your building materials.
Wolf Pack 1, we have a problem.
Negative on brick house.
[Pants]
I'm going off plan.
Heading down the chimney!
What the heck is he doing?
Abort. Not the chimney.
Abort now.
Shut it down,
Repeat: Abort the chimney plan,
Big Bad Wolf, respond!
- [Thudding]
- [Gasps]
Dude, I think he's on the roof!
[Gasps]
- Wait. Maybe it's Santa.
- Oh!
What if he comes down
the chimney?
Build a fire.
You two, get your fat hams moving.
Fat? Who are you calling fat?
I am at Pilates four days a week.
[Sinister laughter]
More sticks. Hurry!
- You call that a stick?
- [Whimpers]
How am I supposed to
start a fire with a log?
I think I know my way around sticks.
Dude, you should really
bank the sticks,
like tepee style, against the back.
And if it was me, I'd use straw.
- But, you know, your fire.
- [Thudding]
- Be quiet!
- [Stammers]
- I was just saying...
- Be quiet!
Wolf power!
[Gasps]
The fire.
Wolf power!
[Shouting, screaming]
[Static]
[Huffs]
- Very nice.
- Whoo!
In fact, Big Bad Wolf!
- I am proud and elated.
- Happy space.
- High-hoof, everyone! Come on!
- We did it!
Bros, can I just point out
how amazing it is
that we, like, actually
got along for once
and accomplished something, right?
Password?
Wolf power, dawg.
[Chattering]
We're all saddened
by the loss of our comrade,
Big Bad Wolf.
He...
[stifles sob]
- He was a brave member of the pack.
- [Sobbing]
Why, Big Bad Wolf? Why? Why?
He was a lone wolf.
He wouldn't work with others.
He wasn't a team player.
- [All talking at once]
- Quiet! Quiet!
All right.
Maybe he wasn't a team player,
but he was brave as they come.
If I had him during
Operation Red Riding Hood,
that little brat wouldn't have made it past
[high-pitched voice]
"What big eyes you have!"
Well, maybe you should've sent
Short Smart Wolf
or Svelte Friendly Wolf
or Unctuous Salesman Wolf
or Overweight Flamenco Wolf
or Too Dumb To Be Scared Wolf, dawg.
Don't forget Musical Comedy Wolf.
# Little pig, little pig, let me... #
[shouts]
Why do we have to go through this...
this blowing down houses
and eating pigs?
Why can't we all
just love one another?
[Laughter]
Ah, you kill me, man.
Thanks, Wide-Eyed Pacifist Wolf.
That never gets tired.
[Wolf]
Gentlemen.
[Bird screeches]
[German accent]
We have been thinking too small.
Not now, Tailie.
We have to think bigger!
Dr. Wolfowitz, do you always
have to make such a dramatic entrance?
But of course. I am an evil scientist.
Yeah, about as evil
as Little Miss Muffet.
What is the use of all
this huffing and puffing?
We are in a modern age of masonry,
not the Middle Ages!
Modern problems
call for modern solutions.
I say the time has come
to utilize the Doomsday Device!
[Gasps]
Doomsday's top secret!
Hold on here.
I'm Big Boss Wolf. I'm in charge.
You're the minions.
And you're the audience.
The time isn't right. Darn it, Wolfowitz.
Come up with something practical.
Stop it, Taily, this instant.
I'm in an important meeting.
Well, there is
Operation Special Delivery.
[All muttering]
Stop with the muttering!
Here's how my evil plan works.
[Wolves snickering, laughing]
A team of wolves
approaches the target house
with what we call "the package."
They ring the doorbell
and leave the package on the front step.
The pigs open the door
to see what it is
and discover that it's a baby,
which they find adorable
and take inside und raise as their own.
When the package
is sufficiently grown up,
it leaves the key to the house
under the doormat,
and then we let ourselves in
und get those pigs!
Then revenge will be ours!
- [All cheering]
- Sweet revenge!
Sweet like a strudel!
[Male voice on TV]
Only a week has passed
since the destruction
from the wolf attack on Pigsty Place,
and there has been little change,
Yet the Foreseen Emergency
Management Association...
or FEMA...
has promised quick relief,
Yeah, right. When wolves fly.
Why don't you have more furniture?
Because I live alone.
Hey, look! It's my house! Whoa!
It's totally trashed,
like I had some huge party.
Looks like we need
your couch a while, bro.
Nope, nope, nope.
You two need to get out, soon.
Very soon.
Personally, I can't wait
to start rebuilding
and get back in my own place.
Oh, do I like
the way that sounds, Richard.
The sooner you two get fixed
in your houses, the better.
[Mooing]
I don't understand, Laura.
What do you mean,
the stickly furniture is back ordered?
Wall's painted. Wanna look at it?
What kind of color is that?
Off-cream.
I checked it against my own cream.
Laura, I specifically told you,
my contractor,
that I wanted the walls
painted biscuit.
I think I know the difference
between dairy products
and baked goods.
And please, don't show me
that swatch again.
So we're painting the wall?
We're not painting the wall? What?
[Huffs]
Every detail is a fresh trauma.
Go to my calm space.
Go to my calm space.
Okay, you go to your calm space.
We gotta go to our other job.
[Door opens]
How many jobs
does that cow have?
[Gunshots, chicken clucking]
Sorry we're late.
Our other client is a total pig.
[Chuckles]
Nothing personal.
Hey, it's all good, bro.
Okay, lots to do.
Gotta gather straw, tie 'em into bundles.
Walls need to be put up.
The walk-in mud bath goes over there.
My Zen meditation spot is there.
Sound system goes...
Oh. You guys play Silo?
Bring it on, bro.
- [gunshots]
- To the right, to the right, to the right!
Frustration!
There's no progress
being made on my house.
That contractor cow
is there for two seconds,
and then, poof, she vanishes
off to some other job.
Probably for two seconds.
No progress at all.
Whoa! Well, my crew's
totally making progress.
Well, good for you.
Yeah, we got to level 4 on Silo.
- Dude, it's awesome.
- [Sighs]
[Doorbell rings]
- Just one more night?
- We promise.
- Really. Pig's honor.
- [Grunts]
[Groaning]
- Dibs on...
- Dibs on the couch!
Tha... That's my pillow!
Stop hogging the remote!
[Huffs]
I hate PIG: Miami!
[Groans]
I'll never get rid of these guys.
Can we have peace and quiet
for one night, please?
[Richard]
Sandy, what year did you last take a shower?
[Sandy]
Whoa! Lighten up, dude.
I mean, we are pigs.
[Wolf]
HQ, package is approaching target porch.
Roger that,
Delivering package to target.
Deliver package to target.
Porch it.
[Huffs]
Put it on the porch!
Package delivered,
Roger.
Activate greeting klaxon.
Activate greeting klaxon.
[Sighs]
Ring the doorbell, Cubby.
[Doorbell rings]
[Snorts]
Who on this pink earth could that be?
Coming!
Take cover!
- [Doorknob rattling]
- [Gasps]
[All gasp]
Oh, my!
Hmm?
When did you put all the new shrubs in?
Boy, those magic beans
I traded for the cow really worked.
[Rustling]
Whoa! Hey, dibs on fruit basket.
Looks like a muffin basket to me.
- No, fruitables. I can tell.
- Oh, what do you know?
Stop! Who knows what it is?
Let an expert deal with this. Step aside.
[Giggling]
[All gasping]
- [All awing]
- [Cooing]
[Together]
It's a baby.
Mission accomplished!
[Chuckles]
A little too soon for
"mission accomplished", cadet!
They haven't taken it inside.
Ah.
[Wolf]
We're in, Package is in,
[All cheering]
Yeah!
- [Gibberish]
- But we don't know who left him.
This doesn't add up.
I'm going to call the authorities.
[Gibberish]
Richard's gonna take care of 'ou.
You're so "wucky"
you found this house.
Oh, that's perfect, bro.
We'll call him Lucky.
- [Cooing]
- [Gibberish]
Hi, Wucky. Hi.
It's me, Richard, your daddy!
Hey, Lucky. I'm Sandy,
- your... other daddy.
- [Mason stammering]
Wait, wait, wait. "Daddy"? Hold on.
Who said we were
actually keeping him?
This place is too crowded already,
and now we're adding a baby?
But you two know zip
about raising babies.
Has he had his shots?
[Chuckles]
It's no big deal, bro.
Just feed him a little pizza,
and he sleeps in his little basket.
We'll change him and read to him.
And you could read
The Wallsty Journal to him,
- I could?
- [Sandy] Yeah.
There's a lot that someone
of your vast knowledge
could impart on
the next generation, bro-bro.
I always wanted an heir,
someone to leave all my money
and considerable insight to.
Right, right. Exactly.
- [Sandy] Totally, totally.
- Mason Junior!
[Bell dings]
Bro, we already decided to call him...
Lucky.
[Chuckles]
We should really call the authorities.
Oh, look at him, Mason.
He's got your eyes.
He does? He does, doesn't he?
He looks a little like a...
[yawns]
- An angel.
- From...
- [Richard, Sandy] Heaven.
- All right. It's settled.
We'll raise Lucky as one of us.
As our own little piglet.
Because for better or worse,
we're stuck together.
[Sobbing]
Yes!
[Richard, Sandy]
We're stuck together.
[Sandy]
Bro, totally.
Yes!
[Richard, Sandy]
We're stuck together,
Now we wait. [sinister laughter]
[Beeping]
[Beeping continues]
[Yawns]
[Insects buzzing]
- [Grumbling]
- Ooh!
Yummy strained carrots.
Mmm! Organic.
[Crying]
[Sighs]
I can't get him to eat.
And he's ruined my best Tommy "Hilpiger."
- You try.
- No problemo,
[bell dings]
Here you go, little buddy.
Yeah, good stuff, huh, bro?
It's called candy.
Are you insane?
You can't feed a baby garbage like that.
[Sandy]
Hey, man, whatever works.
That's my philosophy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kid just needs to learn some respect.
Now watch me and learn something.
[Chuckling]
There you go, son.
- Eat your carrots.
- Aahh!
[Laughs]
Missed me.
- Come on, kid.
- [Screaming]
[Richard, Sandy laughing]
Oh, snap, bro.
[Flatulence]
[All groan]
[All groan]
What'll we do?
You're the child-raising expert.
You change him.
You said the kid needs to learn respect.
Respect this!
[Giggling]
[Groaning]
Oh, sooey!
Yuck! Doo-doo!
Oh! You try. Here.
Oh, no! You're the oldest. You do it.
No, you!
You're the one that wanted him.
- [Giggling]
- Ah, let's just do this.
Okay, give me the "oinkment."
[Giggling continues]
At least Lucky's having fun.
[Grunting]
Da-da.
Da-da.
And this little piggy went,
"Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee,"
[giggles]
All the way home.
[Yawns]
[Muffled cooing]
[Switch clicks]
The longest day of my life.
[Yawns]
Dude, careful.
Don't ding my stick.
I'll ding your stick!
[Grunting]
Will you two be quiet!
[Lucky crying]
- [Richard, Mason] Your turn.
- Your turn.
[All]
Rock, paper, scissors.
[Scoffs, shouts]
[Crying continues]
[Laughs]
Dibs on couch.
Brrooom! Brrooom!
[Imitating engine rewing]
- Brrooom!
- [Cowbell clangs]
[Slurps]
[Huffs]
Laura, we need to completely
redo these blueprints.
How long is it gonna take?
- Don't tell me. Years.
- Hmph.
Well, they just need to be better.
That organic straw you wanted
is on backorder.
But I'm sure we'll get it
before wolf season.
Yeah, yeah. I trust PEMA.
They'll... They'll deliver on time.
I mean, I was, uh,
on hold with them the other day,
so, you know, that's a good sign.
Uh, sure.
Besides, there's no real hurry.
I can chill for a while.
I got a total setup over at Mason's crib.
[Clears throat]
Uh, construction cows,
less talking, more constructing.
- [Cow mooing]
- I'm with my other client.
Well, how about the rest of you?
We're on a lunch break.
Again?
Cows have four stomachs?
Oh!
Dude, first day of school tomorrow.
Our little boy. I'm so nervous!
- Don't be nervous, Dad.
- Okay.
Is my backpack ready?
[Stammers]
I think I put everything
on the list in it, son.
Did you lay out the clothes
I'm wearing tomorrow?
Yes.
Did you lay out the clothes
you're gonna wear tomorrow?
I'm still deciding, but I will.
Remember to bring
your calm space.
Did you make me a sandwich
for lunch?
Done and done, Lucky.
I got your P, your B
and your all-important J.
Okay, I think we're ready.
Dads, tomorrow's a big day.
I think maybe you
should go to sleep,
get some extra rest tonight.
- Bingo.
- Good advice.
And don't be nervous.
Everything will be fine.
- Good night.
- Good night.
[Shuddering]
[Crying]
- Bye, Dad. Bye, Dad. Bye, Dad.
- [Horn honking]
- Do your best on your first day of school.
- Be careful.
- Hang loose!
- But hang loose while getting A's.
- And don't hurt yourself.
- While still having fun.
So no pressure, bro-bro.
- It's all good.
- Don't worry.
Everything will be fine. Bye!
[Bell ringing]
[Sobbing]
- I'm Lucky.
- Hi. I'm Hamlet.
Do you mean like the play?
No. Like honey-glazed.
What the heck are you?
I'm Lucky.
Think so?
Looked in a mirror lately?
- [Both laughing]
- More like "Unlucky."
[Snorting laughter]
- What kind of pig are you?
- Maybe he's a warthog.
I'm Lucky.
I didn't say, "Who are you?"
I said, "What are you?"
[Laughing]
I'm just a piglet.
Well, this is my playground,
and I make the rules. Get it?
Come on, Grunt.
Let's play wolf in the middle.
Nah, I'm bored with that.
Let's play capture the wolf.
So, who's gonna be the wolf?
Hey, how about you?
Feeling lucky?
I don't wanna be captured.
I'll do it. I'll be the wolf.
[Shouts]
- [Bell ringing]
- [Lucky] Wow, school is hard.
Especially slop class.
And everybody stares at me
like I'm a freak.
Come on. You're not a freak.
What a freak.
- [Chuckling]
- [Sighs]
Look, everyone's a little different.
I have this patch on my ear,
I walk kind of pigeon-toed,
and I usually throw up after lunch.
Mom says that's what
makes me special.
You have giant fangs,
claws like knitting needles,
and you look like
you're wearing a grizzly bear.
See? That's what makes you special.
- I guess.
- [Horn honks]
- Lucky!
- Oh, my!
[Gasps]
Bye, Hamlet.
- Hi, Dads!
- My little boy.
How was your first day?
Did you make us proud?
- Huh?
- Was it a total blast?
It was...
great!
- [Laughs]
- [Relieved sigh]
[Crying]
What's become of our little baby boy?
- Everyone grows up.
- You know, bros,
to everything there is a season.
Oh!
Oh, Lucky,
did you try on the jacket I bought you?
- Good heavens!
- Yeah.
It's a little small and a lot lame.
- Stop shopping for me.
- [Chuckles]
Hmm.
[Lucky growls]
[Grunts, scoffs]
[Scoffs]
[Scoffs]
Come on!
[Sighs]
[Groans]
[Nervous chuckle]
[Yawns]
Whoa, dude!
My, what big, sharp teeth you have.
I brushed 'em.
- Give me a break!
- Where are you going?
- Out.
- Uh, who are you going with?
- Friends.
- When are you coming back?
- Later.
- [Door slams]
What's become of our little baby boy?
Good question. It's like there's a huge,
hairy beast living in our house,
with 4-inch fangs
and claws like garden shears.
- He's becoming a brute.
- Hello!
Teenagers.
[Mutters]
What's shakin', bacon?
[Chuckling]
Hey! Let's play a game.
- Okay. What's it called?
- Something.
Not sure. But it goes like this.
- [Clattering]
- [Lucky] Hey!
[Lucky, Hamlet groaning]
[Chuckling]
[Laughs]
I just thought of the name.
Shove the losers into the lockers.
[Large Pig]
You're smart.
Huh! Still a freak.
[Bell ringing]
[Growls]
Laura just sent over
the latest blueprint for my house.
Whoa. All right. Draft 68.
Yes, but I'm sure
this is the one.
Cool! My crib's chugging
along, too, you know.
Yep. PEMA's gonna send
that check any day now.
Oh, good news. Tomorrow, Silo,
new version coming out.
Eager Young Wolf to Wolf Pack 1.
In position.
All quiet at target. Over.
[On radio]
Copy that, Eager Young Wolf,
Oh, man, what a long tour of duty.
I mean, we've been sitting, waiting
for this package for what, years?
I know.
The package might never be ready.
All I know is, we better have overtime
coming out the wazoo.
By the way,
your radio's still on, pinhead,
[Eager Young Wolf]
Oops. Sorry.
Darn it, Lucky!
I said no more motorcycle magazines!
[Stammering]
That boy is so grounded.
Ah.
## [Humming]
Hey, anyone seen my nachos?
- I left 'em here last night.
- [Clattering]
[Snarling]
Uh, dude, you didn't happen
to see some leftover nachos?
Barely filled a cavity. I'm starving.
There's nothing to eat
in this whole kitchen.
Uh, Lucky,
that's 'cause you ate everything
- in the kitchen.
- [Growls]
Mellow out, young one.
Hey, you can have my nachos.
[grumbling]
[Groans]
Where's Lucky?
He is in big trouble.
Uh, right. You know, the thing is,
I don't think this is a great time
to yell at the kid.
What are you talking about?
Well, I wasn't even yelling at him,
and he nearly bit my head off.
Aah, don't let his tone get to you.
Lucky!
You know what?
Oh, man!
Sometimes...
Yeah, my mom!
I-I mean, like...
- What you said.
- Totally.
Yeah.
[Chuckles]
I wish I could talk to my dads
like I can talk to you.
[Sighs]
Teenagers! We're not even sure
where he came from.
Yeah, I mean,
who is he, anyway?
It doesn't matter.
He's ours, and we love him.
[Snorts]
Hmm? Nah.
Bills, bills.
[Snorts]
Bills.
I love bills!
Another motorcycle magazi...
I'm keeping it, and you can't
make me take it back!
I'm sick of you telling me
what to do all the time!
Now, Lucky, I love how
you're using your words,
but pigs just don't ride motorcycles.
- We don't.
- Use my words? Okay.
I'm keeping the motorcycle.
I'm not a little kid anymore.
[Richard]
I know you're not a little...
Please put down the water cooler.
All right, Lucky.
Put down the furniture.
And that motorcycle that's outside,
you're not keeping it.
Oh, yes, I am!
Excuse me.
Show some respect.
In my day, we never talked
to our elders like that.
It's not your day anymore.
It's my day. And I am
keeping the motorcycle.
Whoa, cease fighting, bros!
Let's all collectively calm down
and, like, do something together.
Like chant!
No! We're not going to chant!
What we're going to do
- is teach Lucky some respect.
- ## [loud rock]
- And that music he listens to...
- Teenagers, dude.
Come on. We all did it.
We all rebelled.
He's just figuring things out.
- Hello! I'm right here.
- He just can't do what he wants.
And by the way, we all didn't rebel.
- I didn't.
- Hey, maybe that's your problem, bro.
[Belches]
What is wrong with you, Lucky?
Dad, you used to think
that was cute.
[Chuckling]
Yeah, dude. You really did.
Well, it's not! So excuse yourself!
Everyone, please,
go to your calm space!
Maybe Lucky just needs a safer hobby,
like collecting snow globes.
Hogwash! All he needs
is more discipline.
- It's nothing military school can't solve.
- [Both] What?
I'm enrolling Lucky in Sergeant Slaughters
School for Wayward Pigs.
Are you insane?
Hey, who died
and made you the man?
You're tearing me apart!
Stop tearing me apart!
You say one thing, and he says another,
and he yells about something else!
- Look, you're not helping him.
- Oh, and you are?
Listen, dudes, it's all good.
Stop! Stop! Stop it!
None of this matters.
You don't know anything.
L... I wish that you'd
never given birth to me.
But we didn't, Lucky.
We found you on our doorstep
in that basket.
funnykiddy rip for Subscene.com
You mean I'm adopted?
[Grunts]
- [Grunts]
- [Squeaks]
Eager Young Wolf to Wolf Pack 1.
The package is ready. Over.
[On radio]
Read you loud and clear,
Good work, gentlemen,
- Lucky?
- [Mason, Sandy] Lucky?
[Mason, Sandy]
Lucky? Lucky?
- Dude, Lucky!
- Lucky!
- I'm gonna call the authorities.
- No.
That'll send the wrong message...
that Lucky's some kind of criminal.
Hey, maybe he'll be back,
and maybe he won't.
I mean, maybe it's like that song, man.
If you love somebody,
you set them free.
I just feel like we did something wrong.
- We drove Lucky away.
- Ah, it's my fault.
- No, it's my fault.
- It's all our fault.
[Panting]
[Dog barking]
[Sighs]
[Helicopter whirring]
[Siren wailing]
[Animal howls]
[Bird screeches]
[Exhales]
- [Bell dinging]
- [Sighs]
[Train horn blaring, distant]
[Panting]
Are you lost?
Yeah. Lost in this city,
in this lonely universe.
Lost deep down in my soul.
I had to ask.
I know how you feel.
I've been where you are, man.
You have?
You feel lost in this city,
in this lonely universe.
Lost deep down in your soul.
Whoa! You do understand.
Hey, I know a place we can chill.
My uncle's pad. You in?
Uh, I don't know.
He's got food!
[Stomach growling]
Well, let's go.
[Wolves chattering]
Pay attention, will you?
[Chattering continues]
Hmm.
## [Piano]
All you can eat. Open all night.
## [Ends]
[Gulps, nervous chuckle]
So, any wolves here?
Uh, wolves?
[Nervous chuckle]
Come on, brother.
We can all see it. You're a wolf.
Me? No, I'm not a wolf. [chuckles]
## [Piano]
# Well, you ain't no wolf #
[yelling, grunting]
- [Whining, blowing]
- What are you, then?
I'm a pig.
[Laughter]
- Yeah, sure you are.
- [Muttering]
Denial: My favorite river in Egypt.
My dads are pigs.
Take a load off.
[Big Boss Wolf]
Pigs, eh?
They're my dads.
Awesome rec room.
Where'd this table come from?
Do you look like 'em, your dads?
[Stammering]
Well, they're my dads.
Showtime!
I'm sure you'll like it.
Just sit back and relax.
- Enjoy the show.
- [Laughter]
[Laughter continues]
You don't look like this?
Well, uh, gee.
Your dads, they look like this?
Yeah.
You're a pig.
Uh, I meant...
[chuckles]
I meant I was raised to be a pig.
But my... my dads are pigs.
[Howling]
[Howling]
Did I just do that?
# Well, you ain't... # Aah!
I told you, we don't have a big enough budget
to make this a musical!
[Blowing on paws]
So, what are you, then, Lucky?
I'm... a pig, sort of.
[Wolves whooping, whistling]
- [Panting]
- Hey, Lucky.
This is Teen Girl Wolf.
Oh.
[Chuckles]
- Hi, Lucky.
- [Stammers]
But you must know her
from school, right?
You do go to...
Pigville Academy in Pigville City.
Uh, Pigville.
Pigville Academy?
Whoo, that's, like, snooty, right?
Don't you feel out of place?
[Lucky]
Yeah.
Don't you feel different and left out?
Do you ever get
these weird feelings?
Yes, feelings! Like... Like stuff.
It just builds up, and... and...
Yeah, it totally builds up.
That's, like, such a wolf thing.
Why do you go
to Pigville Academy?
Uh, because l... I'm a pig?
Maybe, Lucky.
Maybe.
[Kisses]
Maybe you're a wolf.
A wolf?
## [Piano]
## [Vocalizing]
## [Jazz]
# Ah, a wolf, the heck, you say #
# Him, a wolf? There ain't no way #
[chorus]
# A wolf, wolf, wolf, yeah #
# You ain't no wolf, no, you're not #
# You ain't got nothin'
that a wolf has got #
# A, wolf, wolf, a wolf, hah #
# You ain't no wolf for just one thing #
# If you wanna be a wolf,
you gotta have fangs #
# Fangs, fangs, fangs #
- # Fangs, fangs, fangs #
- But look.
# Fangs #
# Okay, so what? You got big teeth #
# You can't fool me,
'cause underneath #
# You ain't no wolf, you ain't because #
# If you wanna be a wolf,
you better have claws #
# Claws, claws, claws #
- # Claws, claws #
- Yeah. Look.
# Claws, claws #
# You can't be a wolf,
'cause if you were #
# You'd be head to toe in #
# Fur-fur-fur-fur-fur-fur #
- # Fur-fur-fur-fur-fur-fur #
- You mean...
- # Fur-fur-fur-fur-fur-fur-fur #
...like this?
# I see what you mean,
it's more than a hunch #
- # You like pork? #
- # I could eat it every day for lunch #
# And after dark,
you feel the need to prowl #
# It's, like, sometimes
I kind of, I have to #
[howling]
# Well, what do you know?
You may be right #
# We just might have
a new recruit tonight #
# Welcome, kid, we've got your back #
# You might even say
that we're your pack #
[chorus chanting]
Wolf, wolf, wolf, wolf, wolf.
- The fur, the claws.
- [All howling]
Huge fangs, hunger pangs.
# You're a... #
# I'm a... #
- Say it!
- Wolf, wolf, wolf, wolf, wolf.
- Wolf, wolf, wolf.
- I'm a wo...
[howling]
[Wolves howling]
Okay, that was a good rehearsal.
But next time, le...
[shouts]
[Howling continues]
I'm a wolf!
[Wolves]
Wolf power!
Lucky, you've taken
that first critical step.
You've recognized
that you are a wolf.
Now you must fulfill your destiny...
that sacred mission
that all wolves have.
Will you do this mission
for your wolf family?
Yes!
Your mission is to leave
the key to the brick house
under your doormat two weeks from now
on the night of
the full harvest moon.
We need the key
to get into the brick house.
Then we'll come for the pigs.
"Come for the pigs."
[Chuckles]
For what?
That's on
a need-to-know basis, Lucky.
And you don't need to know.
It's top secret.
Yep, yep. Tippy-top secret.
Oh, top secret.
Do you accept
your mission, Lucky?
Do I ever, Big Boss Wolf!
Wolf power!
I knew we could count on you.
Come on, Lucky. Time to go back.
Here's a mix CD I made.
Some righteous wolf tunes.
You'll dig it.
[Snorts]
[Doorknob rattling]
- [Laughing]
- You're back!
We were out of our minds,
we were so worried.
- Where the heck were you?
- I was out.
No sewage, Sherlock. Out where?
Who cares?
The important thing is he's back!
[Bell ringing]
[Grunts]
So sorry.
Unlucky.
[Chuckling]
- Hey!
- Huh?
Watch where you're going.
[Growling]
[Growling]
- [Growling continues]
- [Gasps, screams]
What'd you say?
Who do you think you're
talking to, fur face?
- Yeah, you freak.
- A freak, huh?
That's interesting.
You know what else is interesting?
You two used to make the rules
around here. You got it?
Yeah.
[Nervous chuckle]
[Both shouting]
- Hey! Help me out!
- Help!
- Help!
- Hey!
Oh, I've been looking for that gum.
Hey, Lucky, 'sup?
[Chuckles]
What do you care what's up?
You've never talked to me before.
Ever.
Well, that was then.
This... is now.
Hmm. Well, you look good enough to eat.
[Laughs]
Oh, so now you're gonna be
friendly and nice, huh?
Remember third grade,
how you treated him?
I do.
Beat it, pinkies.
Did you see their faces?
[Laughing]
[Chuckles]
That's right.
Yeah. Best friend.
[Both laugh]
[Clears throat]
So, Lucky, how was school?
Fine.
[Engine rewing]
What did you learn today?
Nothing.
- Nothing?
- Nothing?
I have no further
questions at this time.
[Coughing]
Less than two weeks
till the harvest moon, you wolves.
Train harder.
[Groans]
Train faster.
No slacking.
I'm gonna puff,
and huff, and blow...
Oh, Grandma, what
a small brain you have.
No, not puff and huff.
It's huff and puff!
Now drop and give me 20!
[Grunts]
Break.
[Moos]
Game on, bros.
We're up to level 12.
Talk about progress.
[Chuckling]
You really think this is necessary?
He's our son.
We have to show him we care.
Good luck, I guess.
All I've gotten this week from him
is two farts and a grunt,
which is one more fart than last week.
Let's get him, Richard.
I know there's been some tension
in the house lately.
I had parents, too, of course,
so I've been there.
You've never been here.
Believe me.
Lucky, you can talk to me anytime
and tell me anything.
I will not listen, I'll just judge you.
No, wait, that's wrong. That's wrong.
The other way around.
Just forget it, okay?
You can't even imagine
what I'm going through.
What's so different about
what you're going through?
It's hairy, man. It's very hairy.
[Gasps]
And I quote, "Very hairy."
Typical teenager.
Thinks he's the first
to go through adolescence
like he invented it.
Dudes, maybe I should talk to him.
Nope, I'll handle this.
# Eat the pigs, eat the pigs #
# Eat the pigs, eat the pigs #
# Eat the pigs, eat the pigs #
# Eat the pigs, eat the pigs #
# Eat the pigs, eat the pigs #
Eat the pigs?
Nah.
Oh, hey. How's it going, man?
We was just talkin' about you, Lucky.
Really?
Hi, Lucky.
Hi.
Hope you didn't forget the key, Lucky.
Oh, the key.
The key, the mat. You remember.
Yeah, the key.
So, why am I putting
the key under...
Yeah, the key, the mat.
Just part of the...
What are we calling it? The...
You know, the plan.
Right. The plan.
But I still don't get why we have to...
Well, we're throwing your dads a party.
Yeah.
Right, a party. Big party.
We'll all be there.
I'll be there.
Key, mat, party.
Sounds good, huh?
[All chuckling]
Key, mat, party.
Oh, I get it.
A party at the house 'cause...
my dad's houses are gonna be finished.
Right. Exactly.
'Cause their houses
are gonna be finished.
But it's a surprise party.
So... shh.
Party on the harvest moon.
Remember, Lucky?
I'll remember.
Key, mat, party.
Harvest moon.
Be cool, man. See you very soon.
Later.
Cool.
Man, she is hot.
How do you know them?
I don't know. Just, you know,
met 'em somewhere.
Don't really remember.
So, there's gonna be a party.
And she's gonna be there.
What's a harvest moon?
Harvest moon.
Key...
mat...
party.
[Howls]
Goodness gracious. Wolf season.
[Howling]
Oh, yes. He's definitely a wolf.
So, it's a deal. Yeah.
You'll pick up the motorcycle
here tomorrow.
See you then. Bye.
Wait.
Who's picking up my bike?
Lucky, your dads and I decided
to sell that motorcycle.
- It's for the best.
- What?
That motorcycle is mine!
You can't sell it!
I just did.
No!
I can't believe this!
I'm out of here.
[Door opens]
And I'm not coming to your stupid party!
Stupid party?
[Howls]
Launch Operation Full House!
Repeat: Launch
Operation Full House!
# Eat the pig, eat the pig #
# Eat the pig, eat the pig #
# Eat the pig #
My, what big, sharp teeth...
Mellow out, young one.
Any wolves here?
[Howling]
[Laughing]
You're a wolf.
Eat the pigs?
[All]
Little pig, little pig, let us come in.
Oh, you are not serious.
I just finished this place,
and I am in the middle of playing Silo,
so not by the hair
of my chinny-chin-chin,
dudes.
Then we'll huff, and we'll puff,
and we'll blow your house in!
Whoa!
Dude, that truly is the last straw.
[Laughing]
Save my game.
Must you slam the door?
I'm just getting my last picture hung.
- Is it straight?
- I don't know.
- Uh, yeah.
- Good.
Then every last thing
in this house is straight.
[Squeals]
[Wolves]
Little pigs, little pigs, let us come in!
Absolutely not by the hairs
on our chinny-chin-chins!
Chins!
Was that enough chins?
Then we'll huff, and we'll puff,
and we'll blow your house in!
[Gasps]
The Keith Haring!
[Screams]
[Laughing]
[Wolves]
Little pigs, little pigs, let us come in!
[Pigs]
The wolves!
Not by the hairs
on our chinny-chin-chins!
Then we'll huff, and we'll puff,
and we'll blow your house in!
[Laughing]
Blow yourselves silly, you hairy slobs.
We pulled every permit.
This house is totally up to code.
It ain't going down.
[Laughing]
Whoa, long flashback.
But everything's still all good.
Except for the fact that we're tied up,
and hanging over a huge pot
of boiling water!
Whatever you do to us,
at least let us make a phone call
and arrange for someone
to take care of our son.
[Chuckling]
Oh, yes. Your son.
Glad you asked.
[Clears throat]
Many years ago,
we made a plan, a brilliant plan,
to plant a spy in your sty, if I may.
A spy? What spy? Who spy?
The spy is your dear, sweet, loyal,
adopted son Lucky!
[Gasps]
Are you out of your carnivorous minds?
That's not possible.
Lucky's our son.
He'd never betray us.
You got the wrong Lucky, dudes.
[Laughing]
[Evil laughter]
No such luck, pigs.
Now, read my lips.
Oh, no. I'm an awful lip reader.
Lucky is a wolf.
Oh, man, it's hard out here for a pig.
[Sniffs]
Is that butter?
[Pigs]
Help!
No one can save your pig skins now!
[Motorcycle engine]
[Pigs]
Lucky!
That son of three pigs!
Thank goodness this bike
has a sissy bar.
The main gate!
Shut the main gate!
[Growls]
Well, those pigs
will go back to their...
[spits]
...brick house,
and won't be leaving
a key under the mat this time.
Yeah, my love, I couldn't agree more.
Gentlemen, it is time
for the doomsday device!
The doomsday device?
- [Bird screeches]
- It's never been sufficiently tested.
- We have to try it!
- What else can we do, fool?
Darn it, this isn't a democracy.
I'm in charge!
[Wolves howling]
[Wolves]
Doomsday! Doomsday!
Doomsday! Doomsday!
Doomsday! Doomsday!
Doomsday! Doomsday!
[Maniacal laughter]
Doomsday! Doomsday!
Doomsday! Doomsday!
Doomsday! Doomsday!
Doomsday! Doomsday!
Doomsday!
Dads, I'm so sorry
I didn't tell you about all this.
I guess you know I'm a wolf.
And we'll always love you.
- What the heck is that?
- [Gasps]
[Bird screeches]
Aah!
[Horn honks]
[Laughs]
I chose that horn.
Oh, fine, Tailie. We chose that horn.
Oh, no, it's here!
I was so hoping it was going
to Humpty Dumpty's house.
Doomsday! Doomsday!
Doomsday! Doomsday!
I'm going to do it.
I'm going to blow that house in!
Afterburners on!
[Laughing]
Hey, you hear that?
What?
That. I'm gonna have a look.
[Screaming]
[Mooing]
[Laughing]
That's it, I'm calling the authorities.
Great, no cell service.
Lucky!
What the heck now?
Lucky, get out of there!
You'll be blown to bits!
Get out now!
If you wanna blow down
this house,
you'll have to blow me down first!
Seriously, get out now!
I'm staying right here.
Blow it down! Blow it down!
Doomsday!
[Laughing]
Not oscillate!
We don't wanna hurt you.
But we will blow this house down, son.
I'm not moving.
And I'm not your son.
I'm their son.
You aren't gonna win this.
We're wolves. We're a family
that sticks together and wins.
What do you know about family?
I love my dads.
I can't just let anything happen to 'em.
You've never been
in this type of situation.
Family in danger,
and you have the chance
to save the ones you really love.
Don't you tell me about family.
I lost a member of my family
in this very spot.
That young rebel known
as the Big Bad Wolf.
He was my son.
We all have families, kid.
Wolf, even pig.
10, 9, 8, 7, 6...
Abort!
Abort now!
Shut it down!
I will never abort this mission
nor shut it down!
Now, Tailie, now!
[Grunting]
[Screams]
Why? Why? Why?
All I ever wanted to do
was destroy those filthy pigs.
I hate them!
No!
You won't get away with this!
[Electricity crackles]
What's the plan now, Big Boss Wolf?
Operation Full House is over, done.
That crazy Wolfowitz is history.
Call off the pack.
Lucky got lucky here tonight.
Maybe we all did.
Tell your... dads
it's okay to come out.
They're spared.
Thanks.
Man, you're sparing the pigs?
Yup.
They're his family.
Hey, you're family, too, Big Boss Wolf.
Sorry, I, uh...
I have trouble expressing emotion, kid.
I...
I feel like...
[sniffles]
Like I'm gaining a son.
And from that day on,
my life became
way different,
Then again, in some ways,
it stayed the same,
My two families signed
the pig-wolf pact,
It's full of peace,
love, and understanding,
You know, no blowing houses down
or saying nasty stuff,
Hopefully, telling my story
will inspire all animals
to work on getting along,
Am I lucky?
[Chuckles]
That's for sure.
[Sighs]
So, Tailie, this is where we end up,
on a tiny desert island.
A tiny desert island that I shall rule!