Vampire Dog (2012) Movie Script

( electric flickering )

( owl hooting )
( gasping )
( gasping )
( thundering )
It's about time.
Where have you been ?
I won't always be around
to look out for you.
What would I do
without you, boy ?
You're everything to me.
( whimpering )
( man )
Yo, get all these
loaded and then we'll...
we'll get the couch,
all right ?
You okay ?
Being the new kid
I know.
It's tough being
the new kid in town.
The music program
needs my help.
Really ?
Well, the superintendent
asked me to come here
because they may want
to close the school down.
If I can improve
the music program,
then Lugosi Public School
becomes a fine arts school.
Oh, I'll take those.
What can I say ?
He's very careful
about his drums.
We have neighbors.
Oh, hey.
That's really great,
but you have
school in the morning.
Mom ?
If I'm supposed to be
the man of the house,
could we skip
the "sweetheart," "honey,"
and all that stuff ?
Okay, big guy.
I understand.
Get to bed, okay ?
Sleep well... sweetheart.
Drive in with me ?
No, it's okay,
I'll walk.
Don't want to be seen
with the new teacher ?
I just don't want to
embarrass you.
Why would you
embarrass me ?
Well, you're the music teacher
and I can't play
in front of people.
Every musician deals with
stage fright, Ace.
You're only 12.
You'll figure it out.
Drive in with me.
( school bell ringing )
That's just great,
late on the first day.
Can you see anyone
in there ?
They lock the door
after the first bell.
Sorry, we're new.
You don't have to be sorry
for being new.
Hi, I'm Susan Cunningham.
The new music teacher.
I'm in your class.
Hi, Skylar.
This is my son, Ace.
I live on
your street.
We better
get to class.
( playing poorly )
Okay, stop.
Well, that was
just terrible.
What ?
Oh, well,
maybe your new teacher
can whip you into shape.
Class, this is
Mrs. Cunningham.
Hi there.
Listen, Principal Hickman
might have been exaggerating
when he said you
were terrible.
I hear real
potential in this class.
You're probably
the only one.
Oh, by the way,
this is my son, Ace.
You play an
instrument, Ace ?
Well, well, a drummer.
Why don't you show us
your stuff, kid ?
I don't think
that's necessary.
It's all right.
get off the drums.
Give this kid a shot,
will you ?
Check out
the new guy.
Yeah, he came in late.
He seems pretty cool.
I assume you're
being sarcastic ?
His mom is the teacher.
What's wrong with that ?
Nothing, it just
means he's a total dork.
Okay, Ace.
Give us a simple
and then take it
wherever you want.
Whoa !
( laughing )
Oh !
( girl )
That must have hurt.
( all laughing )
Epic fail, bro.
You started great.
Let's take it
down a notch.
A few notches.
( girl )
Text me the link.
( playing poorly )
Oh, my God.
There's the baby.
Mommy loves you,
baby boy.
Sky, are you
with us or what ?
Of course, I'm just reviewing
for my science test.
Studying ?
Studying is for geeks.
You're not a geek,
are you, Sky ?
No, of course not.
( all laughing )
( children laughing )
Bright side is,
you're a hit.
Look, over 30,000 views.
My life is over.
No, it's not.
Next time, try not to
get so nervous.
You know
you're a good drummer.
You can do this, Ace.
You just have to
work up to it.
What's wrong ?
Do you remember your
Grandpa Sylvester.
Yeah, Dad's dad ?
That's right.
He passed away, Ace.
Oh, gee, that's too bad,
I never got to meet him.
I know.
He was a good man.
And he's
sending you something.
You're grandpa's sending
you a dog.
A dog ?
His name is Fang.
he's been around
a long time, I guess.
( doorbell ringing )
He's sending me
an old dog ?
What am I supposed
to do with an old dog ?
Teach him new tricks.
A new town, new school,
last thing I need to do
is take care of an old dog.
Hey !
Hello ?
( dog growling )
Hello ?
( dog growling )
( growling )
That's just great.
A cranky old dog.
Come here, boy.
We got some nice
cold water for you.
He won't come out.
Hi, Fang.
I'm Susan.
Welcome to
your new home.
You are not going to believe
my latest development
in antiaging technology.
Who are you
talking to ?
Frank, get out of there.
I'm practicing
for investors.
My newest product,
Get Away Wrinkles,
guarantees a younger look
with just one application.
My assistant Frank's youthful
has been ravaged by
too much sun and hard living.
Really ?
No, that's--
I don't know
if I want to do this.
Don't worry about it.
A little there.
It's very easily
There we go.
Aren't you
gonna say something ?
Oh, um...
Wow, I feel
younger already.
Oh !
Actually, it's...
it's kind of burning.
Oh, it's already working.
No, no, no, no, no.
Of course it's working.
It burns !
It burns !
Ow !
Ya-how !
( sizzling )
Don't mix it with water,
it's unstable.
Ahh !
( moaning )
Oh, can the crying, Frank,
and get over here.
( whimpering )
Well, well, well.
Check this out.
He had long fangs
and glowing eyes
and he lunged at me.
When I turned around,
there was this dog.
Jelly was
in the bowl.
Cherry jelly.
the legends are true.
Oh, I need that dog.
I need the DNA
of a vampire dog
to perfect my antiaging
That's step one
of my comeback plan.
You must get me
the dog or else...
Or else what ?
Sorry ?
Well, you said
"or else."
People always say that but they
never finish the sentence.
Or else what ?
It's an implied threat,
Well, maybe if you were
a little more specific
I'd be a little
more motivated.
All right.
Kilmore Cosmetics
has ordered
2 million unites of
Get Away Wrinkles.
If we don't make good
on that order, we're--
How shall I put this ?
Um... dead.
Dead-dead ?
( thundering )
( screeching )
Oh !
( screaming )
I need a new sidekick.
Mom, is he just
gonna sit there all night,
staring at me ?
Are you just gonna sit there
all night, Fang ?
He's got a lot of
Well, this is all very
unfamiliar to him.
Give him some time.
Mom, he's an old dog.
He doesn't have
a lot of time.
Very funny.
Good night,
Ace of Hearts.
Good night, Fang.
I'll make you a deal.
I won't bother you
if you won't bother me.
Wanna shake on it ?
( farting )
( owl hooting )
( trash cans clanking )
Why are we here ?
I have a surprise
for you.
Oh, grow up, Frank.
You know, surprises are
for spoiled children.
I love surprises.
If you don't
spit it out--
I found the vampire dog.
You finally did
as you were asked ?
Where is he ?
Well, the old man who used to
own the vampire dog
is now deceased
and he has relatives
who live in this house.
So what ?
So what ?
He sent them
the vampire dog.
( gasping )
Are you sure ?
Am I sure ?
Well, not 100% sure,
but then again, I mean,
whoever is 100% sure ?
God, shut up, Frank.
f you look at--
Is the dog in
the house or not ?
I'm pretty sure.
But I need to
think of a way in.
Here's an idea.
Break in, steal the dog
and then we can leave.
Pardon me, Dr. Warhol,
I don't mean to be speaking out
of turn here...
but don't you think
that maybe a more
subtle approach might--
I will subtly approach
your face with a frying pan
if you don't get me
that dog !
Holy smokes !
Oh, then I can finally
implement step two of my plan
in this town !
Oh, what's step two ?
Shh !
There is a local school
that's going to close soon.
It's right around the corner.
In its place,
I will build a facility
dedicated to preserving
youth and beauty
for the world's
rich, famous and elite.
It will be called
the Dr. Warhol Institute
of Youth and Beauty.
That's catchy.
I'm gonna put Kilmore Cosmetics
out of business
because we'll charge an
arm and a leg for our services.
Literally ?
No, not literally,
you dunce.
No, no, no, no...
But all of this hinges on
finding the vampire dog.
Okay, get me up.
( gasping )
That's him !
We got him !
( groaning )
Let's get
out of here.
Oh... oh !
I'm so sorry.
Idiot !
What am I supposed to do
with Fang
while I'm at school ?
We'll put him in the backyard
with the long leash
and plenty of water.
Come on, I'm gonna
be late for school.
Man, you're strong.
( whining )
I'm sorry, I just
have to go to school.
( school bell ringing )
Sorry, late again.
No worries.
I'm on hall monitor duty
this week.
I won't tell.
Really ?
Cool, thanks.
No problem.
( playing poorly )
Ace, that was
your cue.
Oh, sorry.
Don't worry,
you'll get it next time.
Class, I see some real
improvement here.
you finally gonna tell them
how much they suck ?
Mr. Hickman, that is not
I need your attention.
Lugosi Public School
will be closed
by the end of this year.
Case closed,
say no more.
That's not entirely true.
We do have a chance to
save the school.
We're hosting
a music competition,
a battle of the bands.
If we win the battle
of the bands,
we will be
declared a charter school
and the school will
stay open.
You'll lose.
I want you to break off
into groups.
Form your own bands.
The aim here is to impress
the school board
with our live playing
and keep this school open.
Ace... wanna
join our band ?
Good one, Sky.
Dream on,
Mama's boy.
( drums pounding )
Fang !
Fang ?
Do you want
some water ?
Do you want
some food ?
Is that what you need ?
What do you need ?
Uh, jelly ?
What ?
Do you have
any red jelly ?
What did you
just say ?
Uh, strawberry jelly
would be fine.
if you have cherry.
Really, any red jelly.
Uh, uh, pomegranate !
That's not easy to
locate in these parts.
Pomegranate jelly--
Oh, great.
Okay, I guess I'll be
taking care of this.
Let's hope
for red jelly.
Come on, red jelly !
Looking for some
cherry jelly now !
Smells pretty good here.
Yep, yep,
that's got it.
Whoa, jackpot !
( burping )
All right.
Let's get this
kid upstairs.
Whoa, I just had
the weirdest dream.
( Fang )
Oh, oh, was it the one
where everyone notices
that you don't
have pants on ?
I hate that one.
How did I get up here ?
I dragged you.
What do you mean,
you dragged me ?
Like a giant
sack of potatoes.
Okay, this is freaky.
How can you talk ?
I exhale,
move my mouth,
and, hey, presto,
words come out.
You're lucky I'm
talking to you at all.
Leaving me out in the sun
all day.
Why didn't you just
drink some water ?
I already told you,
I eat jelly.
Why ?
That's what I said, "Y."
You must have really hit
your head there, kid.
I'm losing my mind.
Oh, and I'm highly allergic
to direct sunlight, okay ?
So don't leave me
out there again,
( Susan )
Ace, I'm home.
It's my mom.
She's home.
Don't talk in front
of her, okay ?
Yeah, don't worry, I don't
want to have to carry her
up those stairs, too.
Ace, did you eat
all the red jelly ?
Mom, I'm taking Fang
for a walk.
Let's keep it in
the shade, kid,
let's keep it in the shade.
So why are you
allergic to sunlight ?
Now, kid, I don't
want to alarm you, but--
well, I'm actually--
I'm a vampire.
A vampire ?
Yeah, but don't worry,
I'm a friendly vampire dog.
You see, about 500 years ago,
I was living in Transylvania
with six monkeys
and a giraffe...
... anyway,
we settled out of court.
But the thing to
remember is,
don't ever run out of
red jelly or I am pooched.
Red jelly.
Got it.
But don't forget.
So why did grandpa
send you to me ?
'Cause you were
next in line.
Next in line for what ?
To be my caretaker.
To watch over me.
In return,
I protect you.
But I have to tell you,
I am not that easy to
take care of sometimes.
So I'm your caretaker ?
No, no, Justin Bieber
is my caretaker.
From you, I need
directions to his house.
Of course you're
my caretaker.
( sighing )
Is he talking to
a dog ?
Looks like
he's arguing with it.
What a freakazoid.
Psycho's more like it.
Earth to Sky.
Come on.
What's wrong ?
I'm talking...
to a dog.
Kid, you're
Put your head between
your knees.
Here, try
breathing in that bag.
( breathing heavily )
Oh, dude, did you have to
give me the poop bag ?
Oh, my-- my bad.
What happened to
your room ?
Did you get robbed ?
What's wrong
with my room ?
Well, it looks like a bomb
went off in here.
Followed by
several smaller bombs
and then some Vikings
had a party.
I guess you go sleep on
the kitchen floor then.
No, no.
I got this.
What just happened ?
I'm super fast.
As a matter of fact,
it reminds me of a story.
Back in 1947, I think it was.
And that, my friend,
is why the chicken
crossed the road.
Well, time to unpack.
Let's see here.
( cuckoo clock clucking )
No, not in there.
( donkey braying )
I don't even remember
putting that in here.
( farting )
( cat screeching )
Oh, sorry, Pickles.
( chain saw revving )
Whoa, whoa, whoa !
Biscuits !
Ah, kid, need a little
help here, eh ?
What's this thing ?
It's your grandfather's
fetching stick.
Just don't-- don't
touch it, put it back.
It's meant for fetching.
That's beneath me,
I'm a vampire dog.
I don't--
I don't fetch things.
Just-- just put
that back.
That's it,
put it back.
And what's this ?
That's it, kid.
That's my life story.
The tall tale,
the whole shebang.
Big adventure.
It's all in there.
You'd think it'd
be bigger.
What's this ?
Oh, actually,
that's pretty cool.
Check this out.
My custom-made
collapsible coffin.
What do you need
a coffin for ?
Uh, hello ?
Vampire dog ?
You mean you
sleep in that thing ?
No, I use it
as a canoe.
Ha-ha, very funny.
Look, it's a school night
and I have to go to bed
and I'm seriously
freaked out.
All right, kid.
I'm a light sleeper,
though, so no snoring.
( Fang snoring )
Kitty, kitty,
kitty, kitty, kitty.
( snoring )
Jelly, jelly, jelly,
jelly, jelly.
Huh ?
Okay, we're here.
Now get me
that dog.
Can we use
the walkie-talkies ?
I have exited the van.
I am now approaching
the house.
These guys again ?
It's party time.
( chuckling )
I am hungry for
Chinese food.
I'm ascending
the stairs.
( whispering )
I'm at the door.
Oh !
( chuckling )
It seems the doorbell
is not working.
What ?
You're supposed
to be breaking in.
Who rings the doorbell
at a break-in ?
Moron !
You've made
a wonderful point.
( clearing throat )
( farting )
( chuckling )
I'm in.
Oh !
( screaming )
( whimpering )
What happened ?
I don't wanna
talk about it.
( chuckling )
Oh, look out
for the--
Oh, that's not good.
Oh, no.
Oh, oh...
Oh !
I love those guys.
( coughing )
Wow !
Wow !
What a ride !
That was fun.
Looks like we're gonna need
another van, though.
( giggling )
( imitating monkey screeching )
( Fang )
Hey, kid.
Hey, kid.
Kid !
Oh, sorry, did I wake you ?
I want you to smuggle me
in and out of school today.
You want me to smuggle you
in and out of school ?
Is there
an echo in here ?
The kids at school already
think I'm a freak.
This is not gonna help.
Well, we could do something
about the way you dress.
What's wrong with
the way I dress ?
Well, you're
a musician, right ?
So you need to look
the part.
I can rock this.
You know it, kid.
( Fang )
Kid, why are
we here so early ?
'Cause I don't want
anybody seeing me.
Not one of
my finer moments.
I heard you playing
when I was fighting for
my life under the back deck.
You're not half-bad.
You remind me
of a guy--
Is that a dog ?
Why are you here
so early ?
Battle of the band
Unlike you, we don't
"feeb" out
when we play
in front of people.
So you're trying to
save the school ?
You bet.
That's nice
of you guys.
Gag !
We're not doing it
to be nice.
We're doing it to get in
the newspaper, get discovered,
get a record deal and blow
this popcorn stand.
( Fang )
... a long story
but it's--
Ace, Ace ?
Ace, are you there ?
( snoring )
Dr. Warhol, I presume.
There are two things
in this world
I detest, Mr. Hickman.
Children and dogs.
Sorry, I...
Those belong
to my ex-wife.
I always hated those
Filthy animals.
So you've
accepted my proposal ?
I haven't made
a decision yet.
( gasping )
Well, my mind's made up
and I fully support
your proposal.
And if all goes well,
you'll be working for me
at four times your
current salary.
Now, I told you about
our school's
precarious situation.
How do you plan to deal with
that situation ?
As long as the board
doesn't approve us
as a charter school,
you and I have
nothing to worry about.
What's this
battle of the bands ?
Oh, the dying gasp of
a music program.
It's no longer relevant.
This won't have any affect
on our plans, will it ?
I have a few
tricks up my sleeve.
Your so-called tricks
better work, Hickman.
This school...
will close,
and if you let me down,
I will carve you up like
a Thanksgiving turkey.
( Fang )
We gotta talk about
this bag, kid.
It's a little
cramped in here.
I've been in purses bigger
than this.
You know, maybe a wheelie bag
would be good for you.
Are you listening
to a word I'm saying ?
What's the matter
with you, kid ?
Look alive.
Easy for you to say.
Taking care of
a vampire dog is hard.
Jeepers, kid, it's only
been three weeks.
Just get in there,
I'll see you at lunch.
Yes, yes,
that reminds me.
Don't forget my jelly.
Don't forget.
It's very important.
Don't forget my jelly.
He's totally gonna
forget my jelly.
Today we're
doing lab work.
Everyone partner up.
Ace, you and Skylar,
okay ?
Bummer, Sky.
I heard you were
early today.
Oh, yeah,
I had some stuff to do.
So how do we do this ?
Okay, step one.
Whoa, that was fast.
Well done, you two.
How did you do that ?
Don't tell anyone, okay ?
My friends don't
like brainiacs.
Your friends
don't like anyone.
I know, but this is the first
time in my life
that I've ever, ever,
ever had cool friends
and I don't want to blow it
by being a science nerd.
It's okay.
Your secret
is safe with me.
I heard you playing the drums
the other night.
Really ?
I live on your street.
I heard you playing.
You're really good.
Stalk much ?
I'm kidding.
But please
don't tell anyone.
Why not ?
It's just--
Whenever I play in front of
people, I always mess up.
You should have more
confidence in yourself.
Look who's talking.
If you tell my secret,
I'll tell yours.
( Fang whistling )
Hello ?
Is somebody in there ?
Uh, no.
( whistling )
( whistling continues )
( whistling continues )
( chuckling )
( school bell ringing )
They're a basic technique
of drumming.
What-a-diddles ?
I know they sound goofy,
but they're important.
Is she seriously
hanging with that freak ?
After he totally put on that
show in music class ?
He's a total spazz.
Whatever he is,
he's a total weirdo.
He shouldn't be
infecting Sky
with his weirdness.
We need to put
a stop to this situation.
Oh, man !
Clumsy me.
Come on.
Come with me.
Sorry I had to
rescue you.
Are you okay, Sky ?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Is Ace okay ?
Who cares about him ?
Well, what if I do ?
Yeah, right.
You're way too cool
for that geek.
( Fang )
Whoa, I need jelly.
Where's that kid ?
I gotta
get out of here.
I must be getting weaker.
I can't even
open this door.
I need jelly !
Sorry, kid, you've left me
no choice.
Ahh !
It's jelly time.
I think we
should do an R&B song
or something old school,
like The Beatles.
Arbuckle and I were
talking earlier
and we think
we should do a rock song.
Earth to Sky !
Oh, uh, sorry.
Pay attention, okay ?
We're gonna do a rock song
for battle of the bands.
Sounds good.
What's wrong
with you ?
( wind whistling )
What's that sound ?
( boy )
Whoa !
Ah, jelly !
( all screaming )
Ha-ha-ha !
Ahh !
Whee !
What are you
doing out ?
Jelly attack.
Did anybody see you ?
Uh, maybe a few people.
Come on, let's get you
back to my locker.
And by the way,
when I said a few,
you know I meant a few
hundred, right ?
What ?
( school bell ringing )
Nothing, nothing.
Hey, slugger.
How's things ?
Not so good, Uncle Barry.
Good to hear,
good to hear.
Huh ?
How's rehearsals ?
Okay, I guess.
Not too good, right ?
No, no.
I'm doing what you told me,
Uncle, sir...
I'm not gonna get in any
trouble for this, am I ?
Not if you do what I tell you
and keep your mouth shut.
Okay, okay, I will.
Keep it cool on
the flip side, Clyde.
My name's not Clyde.
Look, I don't know what lingo
you kids are using these days.
Keep the swizzle on
the skizzle.
That's so lame,
Uncle Barry.
Just get out of here,
will you ?
Hey !
Get, get, get, get.
( school bell ringing )
Ace !
Ace !
Ace, wait up.
Thanks a lot,
you set me up real good.
I didn't set you up.
Come on,
I'm not stupid.
Didn't you hear
what happened ?
This crazy dog tore apart
the cafeteria
and Arbuckle got
a lapful of milk shake.
( Fang laughing )
What was that ?
What was what ?
What are you
carrying in there ?
Let me see,
what was that ?
Don't do it, kid.
Whoa !
Crackers and beans !
Is that a dog ?
Did it just talk ?
Come on.
Skylar, this is Fang.
Fang, Skylar.
How you doing, Skylar ?
What's a pretty girl
like you
doing in
a place like this ?
How did you do that ?
A drummer
and a ventriloquist.
You're an interesting
guy, Ace.
You got a talking dog
over here
and he's interesting.
That is seriously
How do you do that ?
Well, there's no sense trying
to convince her, right ?
After all,
it's better for my cover
if she thinks this is
all a big trick.
Good point.
What's going on here ?
I can explain.
Do we really get to
eat all this jelly ?
No, but when the dog
needs his jelly fix,
he'll have to come to us.
Hey, can we get some
whipped cream, too ?
No, I still need to
get to two more stores.
I want every ounce of
jelly in this town.
( chuckling )
how did you get to be
a vampire dog ?
Two words.
Bad luck.
About 500 years ago, one of
Ace's ancestors led a rebellion
against a terrible king named
Vlad the Impaler.
This guy Vlad was a vampire.
Ace's great-great-great-great-
great-great-great grandfather.
Oh, wait, I think I said
one too many "greats."
We get the point.
Anyhow, he led an army
against Vlad.
Vlad tried to bite your
ancestor, so I jumped in.
You jumped in ?
What could I do ?
The guy
was my owner.
Long story short,
I got bit,
but your
ancestor took out Vlad.
He freed Transylvania
from tyranny
and he destroyed
the last vampire on earth.
He vowed that from
that moment on,
his descendants
would take care of me.
That's epic.
You're a hero.
Nah, kid,
I'm a monster.
No, you're not.
Just once I'd like to be
like a real dog.
Play in the sun,
nap in the sun.
Poop in the sun.
I'm sorry, Fang.
Hey, it's not
your fault.
Let's go to the park.
Oh, not the stick.
Kid, I told you not to
bring that thing.
Don't throw it.
Now, don't you
throw it, don't--
Ahh !
Okay, that wasn't so bad.
Okay, don't
throw it again.
Don't-- no, come on, Ace !
Aw !
Aw, this is
So why do you eat jelly ?
You're a vampire,
don't you drink blood ?
Oh, gross, don't even
say that word.
Yuck, I hate bloo...
You know, the red stuff.
Well, before jelly was
invented, what did you eat ?
You know, deer antlers,
horse hooves.
Of course.
What ?
Gelatin is a processed form
of collagen.
Look, I don't
speak Spanish.
Jelly contains gelatin.
The natural form of gelatin
in animals is collagen,
so Fang needs
collagen in the same way
that a vampire needs
Instead of blood,
Fang needs collagen.
Wow, you're really smart.
I have no clue what you're
talking about.
Hey, that's you
and your dad, huh, kid ?
You know, you're a lot like
he was at your age.
I'm really
sorry he got sick, Ace.
It's okay.
He was a good dad.
Yeah, I bet he was.
He raised
a good kid.
You're not a monster,
you know.
You're a dog.
A good dog.
( knocking )
Good morning.
Good morning.
What's that ?
It protects you
from the sun.
Well, it fits.
It looks all right.
All right ?
I look fantastic.
Can you drool
for me, Fang ?
For you, Skylar,
What's that for ?
I'll tell you
at school.
So, what's up
with the spit ?
I have an idea.
I'm gonna try to get some lab
time before rehearsal starts.
You need your lab partner
for that ?
This isn't homework.
See you guys.
So, how we gonna
get you in school ?
Don't worry about me.
You worry about asking
that girl out on a date.
What are you
talking about ?
I've got super smell, kid,
and you smell like a guy who
wants to ask that girl out.
Just ask her,
you know you want to.
You coming with me ?
No, I think I'll take this
suit out for a test drive.
Just leave
your locker open.
Okay, see you later.
This could be
our chance.
( music playing in distance )
Cut it.
Can I help you ?
Then what
do you want ?
I don't know.
Your drummer,
he just sounds... off.
No, I don't !
I sound great.
I told you.
Get it together.
At least I can play,
not like
Mr. Critic over there.
Why don't you get out
of here, Space Ace ?
Take five, everyone.
Where's Sky ?
I don't know.
( beeping )
( whistling )
Candygram !
( humming )
( chuckling )
( sniffing )
Ugh !
Smells like
an old sock in here.
( unzipping )
Did you order
that jelly ?
I did,
but they were out.
Even the grocery stores
were out.
A jelly shortage ?
What's next ?
The apocalypse ?
Aw, man, I can't have this
clown tailing me all day.
You are a chicken.
( clucking )
Can we help you ?
( clucking )
( clucking )
Now, that is enough !
( coughing )
Huh ?
( wheezing )
( gasping )
What happened to you ?
( coughing )
I don't want to
talk about it.
What are you doing ?
Why weren't you
at rehearsal ?
I was just doing
some extra lab work.
We got the morning off from
class to get ready for
battle of the bands
and you're-- you're...
Nerding out
in the science room.
What is wrong with you ?
Do you want to go back to
eating your lunch alone
in the library ?
I took a chance
on you, Sky.
Two years ago,
you were a major dork,
but I saw something in you
and let you
hang out with us.
It's okay.
Ditching us like that was
a real slap in the face.
I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry.
What do you want ?
I've come to
talk to Skylar.
Her name is Sky
and you'd know that
if you weren't such
a dweeb.
The only dweebs I see here
are you two.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna talk to Skylar.
We're her friends.
you want to say to her,
you can say in front
of us.
Okay, fine.
Skylar, would you like to
go out with me sometime ?
( laughing )
The answer is no.
I wasn't
talking to you.
Skylar ?
Well ?
I don't
think so, Ace.
All right, Sky.
I better see you in
the auditorium in ten.
Don't you think we can
take a day off ?
A villain never rests.
Yeah, what about
a sidekick ?
Shut up !
( gasping )
We've arrived.
( groaning )
Well, that's
the last of it.
Well, I guess you better
go get more then.
Ugh !
You know, you could lend
a hand once in a while.
I'll pretend
I didn't hear that.
This is gonna take
a few hours to settle.
You wanna get
some pizza ?
I've whipped up this solution
that will gelatinize this
right away.
( laughing maniacally )
Come and get it.
Come and get it.
Come and get it !
Come and get it.
( beatboxing )
Ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh !
Come and get it come and
get it come and get it
Whoo !
Come and get it
come and get it
Is there any jelly ?
No jelly.
No jelly ?
No jelly.
( thundering )
No jelly.
No jelly ?
No jelly !
Oh, this is bad,
I need jelly.
I wish we could stop
saying "jelly."
You need to find me
some jelly.
( sniffing )
What is it ?
Jelly !
( all screaming )
Hey !
What was that ?
( scampering )
( gasping )
What was that ?
I don't know.
But it doesn't
sound good.
( gasping )
Get that dog.
Hey !
( growling )
Hey !
Hey !
Hey !
That's my dog.
No, that's my dog.
Who are you ?
None of your business.
Now give me
my dog.
He's mine.
He's going to
the pound.
I need that dog.
Hey, Frank.
Break's over.
Get in the van.
Yes, sir.
Uh, ma'am.
Doctor !
Please, mister, you can't
take my dog to the pound.
He's not like
other dogs.
Give me
a break, kid.
Ace, what is Fang
doing here ?
I know he's not
supposed to be here,
it's just that Fang--
Fang is a--
Fang is a what, Ace ?
Fang is a special dog.
Every kid thinks their
pet is special,
but Fang doesn't
belong in school.
I just followed
a trail of destruction.
I understand it was
caused by that dog.
Principal Hickman,
I am so sorry.
Would someone
mind explaining
why a disgusting dog
is in my school ?
Wait !
Mom, you can't let them
take Fang to the pound.
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
But, Mom !
Don't make it
Ace, come on.
Aren't you glad we got that
loser out of your life, Sky ?
Where are you going ?
If you leave, you're
no longer in our band.
You take
one more step !
You turn that corner !
You're in.
You're lucky you didn't
get expelled.
You're lucky
I didn't get fired.
I have enough to worry about
with the big concert
I'm sorry.
Can we just go get Fang
from the pound now ?
No, we can't.
I have too much to do,
we can get him tomorrow.
He can't be alone,
he needs me.
Ace, that's enough.
He's a dog,
all right ?
Now, you are not
to leave this room.
What about
the battle of the bands ?
After what you pulled ?
I can't show up
with you.
Why not ?
Because I'm an
embarrassment ?
Of course not.
But if tonight
doesn't go well,
then I could be out of a job
and you could
be out of a school.
That's it !
( harmonica playing )
Hey, Gus ?
Gus ?
Can you-- can you
take five, please ?
( man )
Sorry, Fang.
( pebble clanking )
( cat screeching )
( Skylar )
Sorry, Pickles.
What are you doing here ?
I called before, but your
mom said you were grounded.
I think I found a way for
Fang to walk in the sun.
Go around the back
so my mom doesn't see you.
I tested him for
That's when you're
allergic to sunlight.
All Fang needs is allergy
Are you sure ?
It can't cure him
of being a vampire,
but at least he can live
like a normal dog.
I was in the lab all afternoon
working on this.
What about your friends ?
I can't be friends
with people
who don't
like me for who I am.
( dogs barking )
Hey, fellas ?
Fellas ?
Trying to make
a call over here.
( phone ringing )
( woman )
Operator, can I help you ?
Yeah, lady, I'm trying to
reach my friend Ace
but I don't
know the number.
Not a problem,
what's the last name ?
Uh, hang on,
let me think.
Something about pigs.
No, that's not it.
No, Cleverswine.
No, no, wait,
Cunningham !
I have one listing for
I'll connect you.
( phone ringing )
Hello ?
Susan, hey.
Yeah, I'm in a little bit
of a pickle over here.
May I ask who's
calling, please ?
It's Fang.
I'm stuck at
the animal shelter.
You need to tell Ace
to come get me.
Who is this ?
It's Fang.
Your new dog ?
Yeah, sure it is.
You've got to be
kidding me.
He can try the medicine
when we pick him up tomorrow.
Thanks, Skylar.
And for what it's worth,
if you were to
ask me out again,
I'd definitely say yes.
Somebody made a prank call
pretending to be Fang.
I'm heading to school.
Okay, sure.
( dialing )
( phone ringing )
( Fang )
Uh, animal shelter
speaking ?
Fang ?
Ace !
Ace, you've got to
rescue me, kid !
It's Fang,
he's in trouble.
Ace ?
Need a little help here.
Don't worry, Fang,
we'll get you out of there.
Just stay put.
Yeah, like I have a choice.
I used all my strength
getting to the phone.
Let's go.
( dogs barking )
Keep it down,
keep it down.
( chuckling )
Ah, these two just
do not know when to quit.
Well, it's closed.
What do you mean,
it's closed ?
You wanna get some
Chinese food ?
No, what-- what is it
with you and Chinese ?
I told you,
I'm on the Atkins.
You are ?
I've been meaning to
tell you, you look great.
Oh, Frank, give it up.
Have you been
lifting weights ?
I'm cutting out the buns.
Cutting out the buns,
that's how you do it.
Bread'll do it
every time.
What are you doing ?
Use your lock thingy.
What ?
Come on.
Sorry, this is taking
a little bit longer to...
Ow !
Here we go.
Oh !
Did I ever mention
how much I hate animals ?
Nice doggie.
Nice doggie.
Heel, heel...
There he is !
You don't scare me,
little dog.
Your little vampire
tricks won't work on me.
Tricks ?
Well, then I guess
I shouldn't try this.
Oh !
Meow, meow, meow !
( hissing )
Meow, meow...
Ace, Skylar !
Hey, guys,
let's get out of here.
My mind control only lasts for
a few minutes.
( meowing )
Kids, the show's over,
let's go.
( laughing )
Okay, let's go !
( howling )
( Dr. Warhol meowing )
What are you doing
up there ?
Meow, meow, meow...
That stupid dog !
Ahh !
I'm a doctor !
Well, they're not
clever enough to go home,
so where would they go ?
Come on, Athia.
Think like a moronic
Of course.
That ridiculous
battle of the bands !
( laughing )
I'm coming for ya,
Get the van.
Athia ?
( crowd applauding )
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome
the Lincoln
Middle School Jazz Ensemble.
( cheers and applause )
( playing together )
We should go backstage.
Come on !
Oh !
Sometimes I don't know
why I even bother.
Wow, it's a pretty good
turnout, huh ?
All right, it's time to
find those kids.
And their
little dog, too !
Ha-ha-ha !
What ?
You sound like
that old witch.
Which old witch ?
The Wicked Witch.
Oh, shut up.
Get down !
She didn't see us.
Gotcha !
Run !
Whoa !
( cheers and applause )
( all laughing )
Dolt !
( all laughing )
Thank you to the Lincoln Middle
School Jazz Ensemble.
Now it's
Kennedy Middle School's turn.
( snoring )
You guys go ahead,
I'll catch up.
Ace, I think
this is the point
where we call the police.
But Fang said that--
Who's the caretaker,
you or him ?
Guys, I'm standing
right here.
I can hear
everything you're saying.
Good point.
Call 'em.
Well, well, well.
( chuckling )
I'm not
gonna hurt you.
Just give me the dog.
Why don't you guys
just leave us alone ?
Look, I won't hurt you.
Just give me
the dog
and you and you and your
little girlfriend can go.
( groaning )
( crickets chirping )
Yeah !
Yeah !
Woo-hoo, whoo !
Yeah, all right !
( whistling )
Thank you to the representative
from Kennedy Middle School.
And now a band from
Lugosi Public School
has something special
for us tonight.
( cheers and applause )
Well ?
Did you get him ?
I was thwarted
by a herd of nerds !
You idiot.
( rock music playing )
Hold it, hold it !
Hold it !
( feedback blaring )
I'm sorry to admit that
Lugosi Public School...
is cheating.
This is a computerized
drumming program.
That boy can't drum.
Your music program
is a fraud.
They told me to cheat !
They told me to do
whatever it takes to win !
That's not true
and you know it.
( man )
I'm sorry,
Lugosi Public School,
but we have to disqualify you
from this competition,
pending investigation.
Ace, listen to
what's happening.
No one told that boy to cheat,
We would never--
Perhaps not.
I mean,
so far this evening,
Lugosi's musicianship
has been exemplary,
but the fact is,
the band in question is now
unable to compete.
If they had another drummer,
could they continue ?
Well, I don't
see why not.
( Fang )
Well, this is
your chance, kid.
This is your time to show
everyone you got talent.
I can't help you
from here.
This you have to do alone.
But, Ace, you're
a talented musician.
Now get out there and share
your talent
and believe in yourself.
I do.
I'll do it.
Ace, you're here ?
Can I drum ?
Be my guest.
You guys need
a drummer ?
You ?
Yes, me.
Sky, could you
tell this spazz
we don't need his terrible
drumming ?
Jenny ?
What ?
My name is Skylar,
okay ?
Now shut up
and let Ace drum.
He's really good.
All right !
Woo-hoo !
( rhythmic clapping to music )
Aroo !
( cheers and applause )
( cheers and applause )
( man )
All right !
( cheers and applause )
Woo-hoo, woo-hoo !
( cheers and applause )
Let's get out of here.
We'll grab him
on their way out.
( gasping )
We had a complaint of a couple
weirdos chasing some kids.
I don't have any idea what
they're talking about.
What about you ?
I, uh...
Oh, I just want this
nightmare to be over.
Uh... we're the weirdos.
You traitor.
Shut up, you fake.
You're not even
a real doctor.
How dare you ?
Officer, I surrender.
What ?
No !
You've got it
all wrong.
All right, let's go.
There's been some mistake.
You've got
the wrong people !
This isn't part of
my comeback !
We're parked illegally.
Ladies and gentlemen,
after careful
we rule that
Lugosi Public School...
has displayed an excellence in
music education
that should continue.
As the school board
I rule that Lugosi be
declared a charter school
for music education.
( cheers and applause )
Ace, I'm not happy about
you sneaking out, okay ?
Even if it was for Fang.
But I'm also very,
very proud of you
for drumming tonight
and your dad would have
been proud, too.
No, I--
The dog
is a vampire !
I need his DNA !
Sure, lady.
Don't you know
who I am ?
Yeah, you're
a nut job, lady.
If I could just explain...
He planned
the whole thing.
He threatened to kick me
out of the school
if I didn't help him.
Oh, way to
sell out your uncle.
Both of you
be quiet now.
You're both in
a lot of trouble.
Arbuckle, Mrs. Cunningham
will take care of you.
Hickman, you're fired.
Don't look.
It's okay, Fang.
You can trust me.
I'm not so sure,
Ace, what's
gonna happen to me ?
Will you just trust
her, Fang ?
Well, it's no jelly,
but it's not bad.
Come on, boy.
Come on, Fang.
If this doesn't work,
I'm gonna fry, you know.
What are you,
chicken ?
Buk-bok !
Nobody calls me
Woo-hoo !
Yippee !
You did it,
I can't believe it !
I'm in the sun,
I'm in the sun !
I'm actually running in
the sun !
This is fantastic !
Ah, it's good to
be a vampire dog.
Come on, Fang !
Let's go, buddy !
Come on, let's go !
Come on, buddy !
Who's a good boy ?
Come on, Fang !
Let's go !
Let's go !
( playing together )
I'm a mouse
You're planning--
Okay, shut up.
Why are we here ?
Well, we're...
( both )
Trying to get
a vampire dog
( man )
The other way.
Kilmore Cosmetics has ordered
2 million units
of Wrinkle--
Not Wrinkle Be Gone.
Two million units of
Get Away Wrinkles.
If we don't--
Get away--
( man )
Sorry, that's--
I got a cousin
who's a rat
You're lucky...
( man )
It's okay, start again.
What are you
carrying in there ?
... cheese
So can't you
Hey, slugger.
How's things ?
Not so good,
Uncle... Barry.
How's things ?
Not so good,
Uncle... Barry.
Uh, not too good,
Uncle... Barry.
Not so good,
Uncle Hickman.
Good, good to hear.
( man )
Okay, sorry,
let's go back to one--
It's okay, it's okay.
( man )
Keep going.
Au gratin
I want every ounce of
jelly in this town.
( laughing )
You know,
tuna's on special.
Then we can leave.
Oh Caravane
Oh Gorgonzola
There's no thing
on it.
Cheese, cheese
cheese, cheese
Don't you think that maybe
a more subtle approach--
I will subtly
approach your face
with a frying pan if you
don't get me that dog.
( laughing )
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Wait, where is it ?
( man )
Oh, it's on the counter.
( man )
That's okay.
Look right up
like that.
Shake it down
Get back
Just like that
( man )
( whimpering )
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
( clucking )
Now that is enough !
( clucking )
I didn't
break an egg.
All right,
let's talk about it.
It's Vietnam
in there.
Where were you ?
( men laughing )
The only dweebs
here are you two.
Now if you'll excuse me.
( man )
All right, start from
walking into the door.
( man )
Sounds good.
( man )
Say it louder, Ray.
( man )
Okay, rolling.
All right.
You look like
Raggedy Ann.
2 million
units of Getaway Gone.
If we don't make
good on...
All right.
( chuckling )
2 millions units of
Get Away Wrinkles.
( chuckling )
( man )
If we don't make good
on that order,
we are...
Ahh !
We gotta go back.
Cut, cut.
Don't look.
( man )
( beatboxing )
( Dr. Warhol )
Ooh !
Come and get it
( beatboxing )
Come and get it
Come and get it
Come and get it
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Come and get it
come and get it
Come and get it
come and get it
Come and get it
Ohh, ohh
Come and get it
come and get it
Come and get it
ooh, ooh
Oh !