V/H/S (2012) Movie Script

Back up. Back up, back up.
Turn around, turn around.
Oh, yeah.
There they are.
Show her tits!
Ha ha ha! Whoo!
Oh, shit! Run, run, run!
Go, go, go!
- It's cool, huh?
- Hell, yeah.
All right,
watch your head, dude.
It's all right.
I got it, I got it.
It's all right.
I'll just fuckin' find
you a better camera.
That's not a better camera
than this camera.
Man, I'm gonna draw
two balls at once.
What tape are you filming on?
- Do what?
- What tape are you filming on?
What the fuck are you
talking about, dude?
Where'd you get the tape?
What's on the label?
I don't know.
It was in your room.
- But you don't know.
- Lights, lights, lights!
Come on, come on, come on!
- Stop!
- Show her tits!
See? That is exactly
why I picked her.
She has great fuckin' tits.
Oh, you just knew
'cause you're a boob psychic.
Yeah, well, we've
done this so many times.
Dude, we get $50 every time
we do one of these things.
I can get us more
than 50 bucks, man.
I mean, that's
not bad for this-
fifty dollars for
each time we do this.
Dude, tell him about
the deal that you got.
We hooked up with,
like, a reality porn place.
Have you actually got paid?
Has he said he'd
pay you, like, money?
thirty times, yeah.
I can get us more money
than that in one night.
How you gonna get
more money than that?
You can drop this fuckin'
pawnshop shit right now,
if you want.
We need to do skirts.
Like, this coming summer.
Hey, shut the fuck up, man.
And run by and do- you
know, like, up-skirt stuff.
Shut the fuck up, dudes! We
can get more money than that!
What the hell, Gary?
God damn!
...get more than
that in one night!
Okay, go up left here and
head towards Ryback road.
Okay, here's the deal:
We've gotta break
into this house,
and all we have to do is
steal this one VHS tape.
Dude, let's use
that fuckin' tape.
Why don't you use that tape?
Now, man, let's use the tape.
Yeah, we got
a tape right here.
Dude ain't gotta check it!
Anyways, the job pays,
so, like...
It could lead to more work.
Anyway, he also said
he saw some of your stuff
online, so you have a fan.
How's that work, man?
We don't put our names
on any of this shit.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I wouldn't worry about it.
Hey, you got crumbs
in your beard.
Uh, yeah, sure.
No problem.
What's that?
- What are you talking about?
- Is that your camera?
- What camera? What are you talking about?
- What the fuck?!
Hey, rock, hey, can you hold
my camera for a second?
Be careful.
Be careful, okay?
Dude, this nigger's house
is a mansion.
He must be goddamn rich!
Hey. Hey.
Who stays here?
Some old guy.
Like, some old guy's
here right now?
Some old guy's here right now,
and he's fucking sleeping,
so you've got to stay quiet.
Wait a minute. Wait, wait.
What if he wakes up?
Well, I'll fucking take
care of that, I guess.
Yeah, I'll take care of that.
Just shut your
fucking mouth, man.
You're not gonna do
anything about it.
You two go upstairs, and we're
gonna look around down here.
Fuckin' go up there.
Shut the fuck up, dude.
Where the fuck is this tape?
Everything's pretty much
empty in here.
Fuck, what?!
What the fuck-?
What the fuck, dude?
Oh, shit!
- Fuck.
- He's dead, man.
- What?
- I figure he's dead.
No fuckin' way.
Oh, man, he smells.
What the fuck?
Why are they yelling?
Shut the fuck up.
You keep telling me
to shut the fuck up, dude.
Look at all this.
Look at all this.
He's dead.
Don't touch the dude.
What did you fuckin' do to him?
Hey, Gary, Gary.
They took care of it.
Who took care? Fuck you!
Who took care of him?
- Shut the fuck up!
- There ain't no tape.
Gary, there ain't
no tape. Just take this.
Let's check all these.
I told them to keep looking.
Did you look in
the fucking machines?
Hey, let's go-
hey, Gary.
Let's check out the basement.
Tryin' to find
the fuckin' tape, dude.
Brad, Brad, Brad.
- What?
- Stay with me, man.
Fuck, no.
You stay in here.
Those tapes haven't
been checked, dude.
Hey, fuck you, man!
I'm not fuckin'- whoa, shit.
Aw, fuck! Stay in here and
check out those tapes, man!
Fine! Jesus!
Oh, fuck.
Is there something...?
Put 'em on,
put 'em on, put 'em on.
Come on.
Okay, yeah.
Oh, perfect fit!
Gimme one of these!
It's perfect!
- That shit is so quad.
You can't even fuckin' tell!
Oh, my God!
Look at him, huh?
Hey, dude, check it
out, check it out.
- You like these glasses, right?
- Yeah.
These are not just any
glasses, my friend.
They're dork glasses.
These are video glasses, bitch!
There's a camera in that shit,
there's a fuckin'
Mike in that shit.
Dude, look at 'em!
You can't see 'it!
It's awesome!
- Where can you get 'em?
- Internet, like...
Am I just, like, a spy now?
Yeah, superspy, man-
super ass- and-titty spy.
Yeah, tonight, I'm tellin' you.
I get it.
I know what you want to do.
Yeah, you do!
Oh, come on, turn
your fucking dick on.
Turn it on, man!
Let's do this!
Come on!
- You're damn right!
- I'm not filming a porno.
Let's do this! Shut up!
We're doing this!
Come on, man!
How do I turn these off?
Controls are on the top.
Now, this
is for fuckin' Clint,
for fuckin' bein'
the fuckin' man tonight.
Come on, let's do this!
Let's go, let's go!
Ohh, so wholesome!
Power up!
Check it out. Turn
your brights on, yo.
That's what we're doin'
to this girl, right there.
That girl that
you see right there,
we're gonna fuckin'
talk to her tonight,
we're fuckin' doin' this shit.
Ohh! Fuckin' thigh-high!
...no! If you're filming
right now, make sure-
I don't want to
run out the battery.
Roll on that ass.
Roll on that fuckin' ass.
Like a cross between...
What? Speak up!
I can't-!
We gotta fuckin'
get out of there.
Okay, okay.
Where we gonna go now?
Get your game face on.
You got it!
I'm on! I'm on.
It's on right now.
You're my boy. You got it.
Let's do this.
So, you're- when you're
having your country breakfast,
how many fuckin' flapjacks
are you gonna put down?
I can do, like, five.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah!
- That's a good one!
- At the same time.
Talking about
flapjacks with a girl.
I could never do that.
How could you even film that?
You ready to shoot
Irish shit? What?
Yeah, sure! Yeah!
All the time.
Hey. Two.
Two of your finest Irish shit.
Hey, there's two more.
- How 'bout-?
- Top-shelf Irish shit?
Four Irish shit.
Four of their
finest Irish-
this isn't enough.
What about your friends?
Yeah? Yeah!
Bring 'em over!
Go introduce me.
Alex, do what she says, man.
Get your bread!
Get on it.
- What, man?
- Dude.
I- I have no idea
what you're saying.
Why are you all alone?
Thanks, man.
Hey, you want to go
meet some people over there?
I like you.
Well, I like you too.
So, do you ever come here...
I like you.
Oh, okay.
Jesus. Fuck.
What the fuck are you doing?
What's up, guys?
I'm leaving.
It's over.
I need you to leave, sir.
Get going.
Okay, I'm going, I'm going.
I'm fuckin' going.
Tube tops are fuckin' stupid.
Aw, you bein' a bitch!
Aw, shit, all right,
be cool, be cool.
Hey, lady, how you doin'?
You all right?
So, you found a buddy?
You comin' back with us?
What are you doing sitting
on the fucking ground?
You look fuckin' stupid.
Dude! Cleared out quick!
All right, so you
guys are good to go.
She's a fuckin' trip, huh?
Which one of you
chuckleheads is driving?
Holy shit!
I'm coming down a little bit!
I need to take it up
a fuckin' notch!
# Takin' it up a notch,
takin' it up a notch #
She is on some
fuckin' drugs, dude!
Look at her eyes.
You can't even look at her.
She's gon' suck yo' dick off!
No, what's that?
This is the notch, my dear.
The notch.
Oh, no!
- Take it up your snosh!
- Oh, no, this-!
Don't do it!
Dude, she doesn't
want to, all right?
Fine! She's a grown-ass
fuckin' woman!
I don't think
she ought to do it.
Grown-ass woman.
All you've got to do
is cover up
this little guy here
and take a sniff.
You don't
gotta trick her, man!
What do you mean?
I'm not-
I'm not tricking anyone, dude!
Yeah! You're not fuckin'
trickin' anybody!
There's a bunch of
grown-ass adults in here!
You know what?
We are grown-ups.
We're two fucking
grown-ass women,
adults who crawled out of a
bar and got into your car.
Stop it.
All right, all right.
We did it 'cause
we fuckin' wanted to.
You're not in charge, you dick.
Hey! Watch with the-
the heavy-handedness!
I don't know nothin'
'bout birthin' no babies.
Come on, y'all, let's go.
What the fuck?
I got the key.
I got the key.
Jesus Christ. You're
doing it wrong, man.
Just go. Come on,
come on, come on.
It's blinkin'.
Do it. Go in.
Oh, what is that?
Like you're on fire!
What's up, my negro?
After you.
You've reached the- the
freshness threshold.
Get beyond that...
You are such a dork!
I need- I need
to take a shower, dude.
Hey... Are you okay?
Yeah, dude!
I guess they
like each other.
I like you.
what's up, man?
I'm just fuckin' sittin'
on the couch, dude!
I mean...
Oh, my God.
What are you, like a
fuckin' cat or something?
Oh, Christ.
Okay. We're cool,
we're cool, we're cool.
This is cool.
This is weird.
Do you want to go?
Do you want to go?
Do you understand?
Yeah, let's go.
Fuckin' garter belt's
gonna be tough.
They're even tougher when
the girl's passed out, man.
You shouldn't... What?
She's done, dude, she's done.
Don't do it. Stop now.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
Yeah, totally out, man.
Yeah. Unresponsive right there.
- Leave it alone.
- Wake up. Come on.
Dude, she's passed out.
Statutory, dude.
Whatever! Don't
snap at me, asshole!
Hey, come on.
Come on, wake up.
It's cool.
She's had a lot to drink.
# But now she's asleep #
Come on!
Dude, chill out.
Shut the fuck up!
Hey, whoa.
Whoa, hey, man, it's cool, man.
Hey, it's cool, man.
Fucking wack!
Hey, chill
dude, it's cool!
Hey, is everything cool?
Yeah, everything's cool.
Everything's fucking cool. Yeah, whatever.
- We're cool.
- Jesus Christ.
Hey, we doin' this
or what, huh?
Doing what? I
don't- hey, are you okay?
You okay?
You doin' all right?
Fuck, man!
You're beautiful.
I like your face.
Shit, man,
shut the fuck up.
what are you doing?
Get over here.
Get this shit.
Ohh! Oh, shit!
This is crazy!
Hey. Hey, come here.
Get this shit, dude.
hold on, Shane.
Hey, hold on, look at this.
Shane, come on, man.
Fuck! Dude!
Hold on, guys.
Hold on.
Hold on, I-I've got
to get outta here.
You could have got her, man.
What? Shit!
Sorry, Clint!
- That girl just fuckin' bit me.
Dude, what?
Oh, fuck! She really
just fuckin' bit me!
- Jesus Christ!
- Shane, she fuckin' bit him, man!
No means no, asshole!
- No, no, just stop.
- She's not into him.
No, just stop, dude.
Just stop, man.
Don't touch her.
What's your fuckin' problem?
I wasn't gonna- rrraaaaahhhhh!
Get the fuck
off of me! Shit!
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
What the fuck is that?
What the fuck is that-?
Patrick, shut up!
Open the door!
What the fuck is going on?
What the fuck is that?
What is going on?
What did you see out there?
Shane is dead!
I don't know!
Shane's dead? Shane's dead?
Shane's fucking dead?
I don't know!
I don't know!
Fuck! Shit!
What the fuck?
God damn it!
What did you see?
What did you fuckin' see?
What did you fucking see?
- He's dead.
- He's dead?
He's dead.
He's dead.
He's- what do we do?
Patrick, what do we do?
What do we do, man?
What do we do?
Come on.
Patrick. Patrick.
Where are you going?
Patrick, what are you doing?
Oh, shit!
What is it?
What is it?
What do we do, man?
Hey, where you going?
Lisa, wake up!
- Hey.
- Oh, shit.
Patrick, wait!
Wake up! Wake up!
Lisa, wake the fuck up!
Come on!
Patrick, what are you doing?
Wake up!
Oh, shit!
Get off me!
Get off of me!
Get off of me!
Ohh! Oh, God!
I like you.
No like?
I'm sorry.
Please! Please!
Help! Help! Help!
Please let me in!
Please let me in!
Let me in!
Oh, God! Help me, please!
Get me out of here! Please!
Couldn't find it.
The fuck-?
What the fuck?
It's not filming.
I mean... yeah...
Then what's this
fucking red light?
I mean, it's
a camera, but-
Well, looks like we've
found all this guy's shit.
Yeah, there's a ton
of shit in here.
All right, you go that way.
- I'm gonna go over here.
- All right.
Found it!
You got it?
Yeah, yeah.
All right,
let me get over there.
Which one is it?
I don't know, man.
He said we'd fucking
know, but I don't,
so... uh... Get a bag,
and let's just take
all this shit up to the car.
All right, let me-
let me find something.
We're just gon' take all of it?
Yeah, take all of it.
Okay, this crate.
This crate right here.
Oh, shit. Okay.
This bag is better.
Ah, shit! Gary!
- Gary! Gary!
- What?
There's a fuckin'
man down here!
Shut the- dude, I'm
fuckin' dead serious.
Do you want me to replay this?
Here. Take this fuckin' backpack.
Here's a fuckin' crate.
Let's just fuckin' go.
There's not a man down here.
Man... Mmmm...
I just saw- look.
Right. I'm telling you,
he just crawled back there.
Hey, dude,
there's nothing there.
You're tripping.
That's what trippers do.
I don't blame you.
But, like-
I mean, it's a good
job at that,
but you didn't see an
old fucker or whatever.
Let's just hurry up
and get this shit and go.
Oh. Um... okay.
This is... uh...
We're going on a road trip.
Sam and I are going
on a road trip,
and I'm gonna be recording
our mementos, our memories.
Um... first memory
is Sam already pulling over
to go to the bathroom.
But this is what we're
going to be looking at
for a long time.
What we got there?
I don't see it.
Looks like there's
bullet holes in the side.
Wonder if people go out there
and shoot their guns at it.
It's just, like, a fff...
Really messed-up car.
That's crazy.
Uh... Don't forget to drive
really slow on curves.
What are you doing? You don't
want to get a sunburn?
No, I don't want
to get a sunburn,
and I forgot to buy sunscreen.
It must suck to be
woken up all the time.
Babe, are you
gonna wash your hands?
Promise me before we eat
you're gonna wash your hands.
I'll wash my hands after
I eat with my hands.
So this must be
the main drag.
I can't imagine
there being much-
singing barbecue.
Singing pig.
So, Sam got this room.
It's kind of dirty, and
there only two beds.
I guess he didn't reserve
with enough time
so that we could get
a room with one bed,
which is annoying.
But I guess it's okay,
'cause then at least
he won't steal the sheets.
But I'm gonna investigate
to see how dirty it is.
This is the germiest part.
Aah. Ew.
There's, like,
stains all around.
You think I could
pull off cowboy boots?
- Mnh-mnh.
- No?
- No.
- I don't think so either.
I wish I could.
It's sort of appealing
to me, but...
How 'bout a big ol'
wallet like that?
I like that.
I would want that.
Big billfold.
Yeah, I think that'd be cool.
Cowboy hat? Could I
wear a cowboy hat?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Definitely.
- Think so?
- Yeah.
- Should I go in and try one on?
Where are we?
We're in wild west town.
Old town, wild west.
We're at the wild west
All right?
Come on in.
Believe it or not,
this old miner here
can see your future.
Got some money? I'll
tell you all about it!
- You got some money?
- I don't.
How much does it cost
to tell your future?
I think it costs a dollar.
But remember the movie big?
Are you afraid of your future?
Hold on, let me see
if I've got a dollar.
Hey there, feller.
This here's pappy,
and it must be your lucky day
'cause I have some words
of wisdom just for you.
Listen up, now, you hear?
A closed mouth
gathers no foot!
Yep, yep. That's right.
It's a whole lot better
to say just a little bit
than to say too much
and wish you hadn't.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Now, don't you be a stranger.
I've got lots more
to say to you.
Oh, here we go.
- Okay, ready?
- Yeah.
"A new turn of events
will soon come about.
- A happy reunion with... "
- Hey, there, partner!
- Yep, I'm talkin' to you!
- "A happy reunion... "
Pappy here's
got some wisdom for you!
"A happy reunion
with a loved one
"will make life all
that you ever wanted it
"or dreamed it to be.
"You have a very
trusting nature
"and are easily taken in
by so- called friends.
"Do not be so anxious
to do favors unto others,
"as there is one
who is just waiting
to take advantage
of your good nature. "
A new turn of events
will soon come about.
Happy reunion with a loved one.
That's great. I'm gonna
keep that forever.
- Mm-hmm?
Don't put that on.
- Why not?
- 'Cause I don't want you to.
I'm about to go to sleep.
Oh, Jesus!
Oh, sorry.
That scared me.
Hold on,
take your sweatshirt off.
Are you recording this?
- Yes.
- I really don't want to.
Don't want to what?
Come on, just take-
hold on.
Take your sweatshirt off.
I have a really good idea.
Just for one second, I promise.
It's a super good idea.
- Please don't do this.
- What?
I just said I didn't want you
to record something like this.
What are you asking about?
I'm saying that... Stop!
- Come on.
- I don't want to film this.
Come on. Come on, make out
with me for a second.
I will make out with you
if you put the camera away.
- But I don't want to.
- Why?
'Cause it's so good.
You look so hot, babe.
Come on. Why are you
turning away?
'Cause I don't-
Don't put that back on.
I said I would do it if you
would just turn the camera off.
Well... That's boring,
with your sweatshirt on.
Will you take your pants off?
Come on! Gimme-
gimme something.
Give me one victory.
Ohh, you're so- oh,
God, you're so sexy!
What are you doing? You
can't even enjoy this!
You're holding a camera!
- You're being too loud!
- I'm not being too loud.
Yes, you are!
You disturbed the neighbors!
No, you disturbed
the neighbors.
Come on, go answer it.
Well, I'm not going
to answer it.
- You go answer it.
- I don't want to. I'm scared!
Are you-?
Go answer it!
It's a girl.
Will you come out here
and tell me what happened?
Will you come out here
and tell me what happened?
What happened just now?
Um... well, somebody
knocked on our door
and I answered it,
and it was a girl-
well, I don't know.
She was like, young, but not-
not, like, a girl girl,
like, a college-age girl.
She asked if we could
give her a ride...
- Tomorrow.
- Where?
I don't know. It
didn't get that far.
It was, like, really creepy.
That's so weird.
I know. It is
really weird.
My only guess is that she must
be just going door to door
and asking everybody,
but why wouldn't you,
like, wait for people to be
getting into their cars tomorrow
to ask for a ride?
It's, like, really...
- Maybe it's an emergency.
- It didn't seem like an emergency.
And also, she's,
like, not-
she wasn't physically
but I got instantly...
There's something
really scary about her,
even though I wasn't, like,
afraid she was gonna hurt me,
but she was just, like, weird.
She's gone.
She's gone.
She's not there anymore.
That's good, right?
Yeah. Do you think we should
still call the police, though?
Why not?
I don't know.
I wouldn't really
know what to say...
- About it.
- Oh.
And also, I just
don't feel like it.
Haven't you noticed
there's, like,
way more hitchhikers here
than you've ever seen?
And also I think this is, like,
a part of the country
that has drug problems-
- like, meth problems.
- Mm-hmm.
So I feel like I would
rather just let it...
- Go.
- Okay.
And if she's still
there in the morning,
then maybe we can
think about...
Doing something about
it, but right now...
I'm happy to let it drop.
That's fine.
Do you want to sleep
over here with me?
Um, no. That's okay.
I'm fine.
All right.
- Good night.
- Good night.
I hope it doesn't rain.
Does it look like
it's gonna rain?
Yeah, it looks like
it's really gonna rain.
As far as
you can see, we've covered-
tents, trucks, trailers,
whatever you can think of,
for our fifth annual
rain dance festival.
Mini casinos, fortune tellers,
helicopter rides,
games, games...!
Did you take money
out of my wallet?
Yeah, you did.
No, I didn't.
Well, you must have because
I had $100 in here...
- When would I do that?
- And now I have zero dollars in here.
Well, I didn't, so maybe you
didn't actually have that money.
What'd you buy?
I didn't buy anything!
I have my own money. I don't
need to take your money.
Are you serious?
- Did you...?
- What do you think I did?
Well, I don't know...
I've been with you...
- ... because the money's not here!
- ... this whole time!
I've been with you
this whole time.
I have no idea what you could
possibly be imagining right now.
Well, it wouldn't be
the first time...
You decided to treat yourself.
How far can you go?
I could probably go farther,
but I'm too scared.
Here, I'm gonna go
a little further.
Are you alive?
Did you fall?
It's just a lady...
Out there having a
conversation on a cellphone,
but it's so quiet
that I can hear her
even though she's
about 50 yards away.
Oh, weird!
I don't think I can
get back up.
- Do you need help?
- Maybe.
Can't quite find
anything to grab on...
Nice work.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
All right, so,
babe, I'm thinking...
That we could drive home on 40
and spend the night
in lake Havasu,
and sort of break the trip
up so it's not so brutal...
My new idea is we could go a
little bit out of the way
and spend the night in Vegas
and still break the trip
up, for the most part,
but also have, like, one
more day of... Fun.
I just really badly
wanna play craps.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
I had so much fun
playing craps last time,
and I haven't done it since.
It's, like,
the really fun game.
Real group participation game.
Well, whatever you want to do.
You- you get to pick.
All right. That is definitely
what I want to do.
I'm feeling lucky.
Can I turn off the light?
Did you erase it?
What the fuck was that?
What's so special
about this tape, anyway?
I don't know.
Maybe it's a tape of a senator
fucking his daughter
or something,
and we're gonna use it
for blackmail.
I don't know,
as long as they pay us,
but I'll tell you this,
we're gonna make tapes-
- copies of the tapes.
- More money.
Can you not put that
so close to my face?
It's so annoying.
Wait a minute- you go
to this lake every year?
- Yep.
- By yourself?
Um... yeah.
But this year, I have you
guys, so it's gonna be fun.
What do
you do, just, like,
walk around the woods
and play with yourself?
If- if that's what you do,
can I play with Samantha?
Get it out-!
Guys, let's
scare this guy.
- Where?
- This guy over here.
Are you ready?
Wait, wait, wait,
what is he doing?
Oh, shit!
Ho ho ho!
You almost fuckin'
killed that guy!
He was
kind of cute, though.
- What?
- He was.
You are- you seriously
want to fuck anything
that has two legs with a
third tripod in between.
I would never fuck you
and I would never fuck you.
- Oh.
- Take it back. Take it back.
- I might fuck you one day.
- Yeah, what kind of guys are you into?
I'd fuck me.
Would you, Spider?
- Fuck you?
- Yeah.
Eh, probably.
I don't understand.
You go to this lake every year.
It's just, like a tradition-type
thing, or what's the deal?
No, it's just fun, and not
many people go up there,
so we'll have the place
to ourselves.
I'll get the door.
It's good,
I want to see
you get it.
Can I
have a piece?
I just got
a piece for you!
Because when you told me
about this trip,
you said it was just
gonna be us girls,
but now we're...
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I need to document this, okay?
You told me, Wendy-
Wendy, my sweet-
that this was just
gonna be you and me,
and now you've told her
that it's gonna be
all girls trip.
I'm just glad I'm with
some people and not alone.
I don't want to hear
a word about you jerking off.
I don't jerk off
that much, but...
- Not that much?
- Come on!
Is this it?
I don't know.
Is this it?
Oh, okay, yeah.
This is-
Ooh, dead end!
Let's take the left!
Really, Wendy?
...to go,
so fucking go, man.
I can't catch that thing.
Just get it.
You have your
bowie knife, right?
Oh! Get him, get him,
get him, get him!
Do you got him?
- What is that?
- It's a barracuda.
- A what?
- A barracuda.
- That's a fish, you idiot!
- It's a barracuda... Fly.
Oh, seriously?
I don't know.
You wanna see me eat it?
Oh, fuck.
You're not really
gonna eat it, are you?
Oh, my God! Oh, my go-!
I mean, I was
here to fuckin' boink her.
What are you-?
Wait. I have a question.
What are you doing here?
See that, uh, blonde
goddess up there?
- No, where?
- That's what I'm here for.
I don't see much of
a blonde goddess anywhere.
Or, uh... Blonde crack
whore, according to you.
- Hey, give me the camera.
- She is a crack whore.
You're not gettin'
the camera, bro.
- Just gimme it for one second.
- Why?
- 'Cause I wanna do something.
- No. Go fuck yourself.
Joey... Joey...
Did she wedgie you?
That's more like it, dick-wise,
right above your head.
Look. Stop-stop!
It's coming right
out of your head.
It's about the size
of your dick,
and it's moving!
We're walking around
the middle of
the fucking woods.
Where the fuck are we going?
Can you get a shot of this?
Yeah, sure. Of what?
What, of the wall?
Just humor me, okay?
It's tripping me out.
The last time I was here,
my friend fell over it.
All right. Well...
hi, wall. "Hi, Joey. "
- Good?
- You're so- soon as you get back up.
Why are you
carrying around grass?
Okay! God! Jeez-!
You mother fucker!
I didn't do it!
Wendy did it!
Well, I- you shoulda
ninjaed that shit!
- Oh, fuck me!
- Did I break it? Is it okay?
Oh, my God!
Yo, that is gnarly!
- Hey, Samantha! Hey, look!
Hey, you like this?
Ohh, easy!
reminds me of your mom!
Oh, that's funny.
That's really funny.
You guys
are fucking disgusting.
Seriously, that's gross!
Stop poking it!
Oh, my God,
it's not gonna hurt you.
- Oh, look!
- Yo, that's filled with nutrients.
Just suck on it.
Bite into it!
What are you doing
over there, crazy girl?
What's with this camera?
Whoa, whoa, look at that!
Look, this!
- Look at this.
- Oh, wow.
- Isn't that awesome?
- Yo, we could trip all day on that.
Oh, yeah.
- You like that? Yeah?
Dream on.
Joey... You're all gonna
fuckin' die up here.
- Tell me you got that.
- Nice!
That one skipped,
like, 20 feet.
Nice, dude!
I'm not getting
in that fucking lake.
- Yo, give me that.
- You get this?
What's up, guys?
What up?
What are
you guys doin'?
Just fuckin' chillin'.
Here, babe.
Are you
guys doing drugs?
He fuckin' calls it drugs!
Wait, I gotta get this.
No, oh, my God, Spider, the
look on your face right now...
Are you guys doing
drugs right now? Seriously.
- No, seriously.
- Spider, can I tell you something?
- Okay.
- You're a fucking dweeb.
Whatever. I don't-
I don't do drugs.
How 'bout that?
How's that sound?
Spider, what's wrong?
Why do you look so scared?
I'm... scared of
getting the fear.
The fear.
You never heard of that?
Don't laugh, don't laugh!
I'm serious. The fear.
You know, when you do
too many drugs
and then you get, like,
all freaked out and crazy?
Spider, there's no fucking
such thing as the fear.
Just take
a hit, bro.
Take a fucking
hit and chill out!
- I'll take a hit if you don't film it.
- Promise.
Scout's honor.
- Ahh.
- No, no, no.
You've got to, like,
breathe it in-
- through my nose?
- Breathe through your nose.
That was
huge, girls!
Oh, man!
Oh, my God!
gonna die!
Fuck this.
Can't take that.
Careful, bro!
- I'm sorry!
Oh, my God,
my throat's on fire.
Wendy, what the fuck
were you saying before
about us all gettin' killed?
Wait, what?
When did she say that?
We were over by
the mushroom tree.
When we were standing
over by the tree,
she was like, "you're all
gonna fuckin' die!"
What do you mean, like, here?
Like, here-here?
- Did you guys not hear about this?
- No.
Why the fuck would
I come to this lake
if I heard about some
damn murders out here?
Yeah. It was
pretty bad.
- Wait.
- Are you being serious?
You're fuckin' with us!
Get outta here!
No, I'm being dead serious.
what happened?
You know, the weird thing is
that I don't remember
what he looked like.
What do you mean,
you don't remember?
What who
looked like?
What are you talking about?
- What?
- Fuck you! Fuck you! I told you guys!
- What the fuck?!
- The fear! You see!
She gave me
the fuckin' fear!
- You know what?
- Fuck this! Fuck this!
- I'm going swimming.
- Seriously?
- Yep, seriously.
- Go for it!
Will you strip
down for me, Joey?
- I don't care.
- Oh, yeah?
Are you
sure you wanna see that?
Like I said earlier,
2- inch cock.
Probably gonna be
two inches in a minute!
Aah! Oh, fuck!
Oh, it's fuckin' cold, man!
Oh, my God! You-!
That was crazy!
That was fuckin' beautiful.
I'll join you in a minute.
Or not. We'll see.
Are you se-?
What the hell?
Is he-?
- I'm fuckin' with you!
- Fuck you!
Dude, I've got to take a shit. You
just scared the shit outta me.
Can I come with you?
Spider, did you
bring the fucking camera?
So, what was the deal
with Wendy...
- And all that killer shit?
- I don't know.
That fucking story
was creeping me out.
- She is weird. - I know, right?
That's what I'm talking about.
The fear, right there.
What are you doing behind there?
It really stinks.
Spider, you wanna
see something sickening?
- Sure!
- It's fucking disgusting.
This is my new tryout,
Spider, just for you.
No one has seen this yet.
This shit is red hot.
Prepare for awesome.
Wait, what?
What the fuck?
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, your eye!
Look at your fucking eye!
What the fuck?
Oh, fuck! Fuck!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Hey, Joey.
Oh, hey, what's up?
Oh, God, it's gettin'
fuckin' cold.
Where are the other guys at?
They left. Wanna fuck?
- They left?
- Did you hear what I said?
Uh... so they just
left their stuff?
Joey, please do not
tell me you're a virgin.
Come on, I think we should
get back into the lake,
fuck each other's brains out,
and we could even film it
for prosperity.
Wow. Uh...
Turn that shit off.
Don't you wanna fuck me?
You were serious
earlier, weren't you?
About the murders?
I remember reading
about it now.
It was, like, four kids
were killed, and the guy-
they said the guy was,
like, insane.
He was beyond insane.
He was evil.
This lake ran red
with their blood,
and I came back... To move on.
I- I get it.
It's some kind of, like,
post-traumatic stress
therapy or something.
No, it's not therapy.
I brought you back
because I needed bait.
They never caught him, Joey.
They never believed me, how-
how he was everywhere.
How he could be
at two places at once.
That wall back there- my friend
smashed her head open on it.
Wendy, this is crazy, okay?
I think you need help.
Maybe we should just get the others
and get the fuck outta here.
- They're dead, Joey.
- He's back. No.
And this time, I'm ready for you.
Get that shit outta here.
I think you need help.
Give it to me. Shit.
Come on!
Come on, fucker!
Why can't I film you?
Oh, shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
Oh, fuck.
You came... Back... For nothing.
If you're watching this...
Don't come here!
are you waiting for?
I beat you,
one on one, asshole.
Oh, fuck!
Where the fuck
did those guys go?
Where the fuck did they go?
Here you go.
I've got a flashlight.
Probably fuckin'
each other downstairs.
Dude, we were just downstairs.
They're not downstairs.
Where do you think they're at?
I don't know.
I'll go look for 'em.
You look through these
fuckin' tapes, okay?
No, no, no.
Just- look-
just like that, you're gonna leave
me in here with this dead fucker?
Sorry if your vagina
hurts there, sister,
but someone's gotta do it.
Just get outta the way.
Just... fuck it.
- Hey!
- Hi!
How was-
how was work?
It was fine.
One of the other girls,
uh, called in sick,
so I was the only one
answering phones all night.
Also, my- my arm's
been really bothering me.
It's like I bruised it
or something,
but I don't remember how.
I think you can see.
There's a bump there.
Can you see?
I know I said
I didn't want this,
but when you're a doctor,
could you just support me,
and I'll just...
Stay at home?
I guess, yeah,
if you want that.
That was easy.
I mean, do you want me to
make it difficult for you?
Like, um...
I don't know, Emily.
I guess you'll have to
convince me here.
I mean... maybe
a little convincing, or...
Well, how 'bout now?
Maybe a little more?
How 'bout now?
Well, now I can
show you my apartment.
Yay. I mean... I'm gonna
see it soon enough.
Well, fall break's
not soon enough.
Um... I know.
All right, so this...
Like, right here...
Uh, this is where
I heard the footsteps.
Um, back there?
I mean, could it have been
coming from upstairs?
No. I mean...
I know- I mean, my
neighbor always wears heels,
so I know what
that sounds like.
It was weird. It was like,
while it was happening,
it didn't seem like it was
real, but I was awake.
And you didn't check?
Are you kidding me?
No way.
I can't believe
I was even, like,
able to fall back asleep.
I mean, it sounds like
you were asleep.
Okay, well,
next time it happens,
I'll call you
and you can watch me,
and maybe I'll be brave
enough to open the door.
Hello? Hey.
Hey. Hey.
What's going on?
There's something
at my door. Listen.
Did you hear that?
What was that?
Did you see that?
Emily, what are you doing?
I'm going to open
the door with you here.
That's stupid. Why?
No, no, this is
just like before.
See? I told you.
My apartment's haunted.
It's not haunted. I'm sure there's
a reasonable explanation.
No, no, this feels
really familiar.
What do you mean?
Well, remember the first time
that you got- you got
transferred off the base
when your father got transferred
to fort Leonard wood?
- I was, like, 12?
- Yeah.
Well, that was when things
got really bad for me,
and I had- you know,
I had my big accident
and I had to have surgery,
and it was the first time
we were apart
since I was really little.
- Mm-hmm.
- I mean, now is the first time...
We've been apart since high
school, and I just- I just-
So, you think you saw...
Are you sure you saw,
like, a little kid?
I mean, I-I think
I saw something,
but it could have
been anything, Emily.
Like, you know,
maybe it was, like...
A breeze or something like that.
Man, of all the times for you
not to be recording our chat!
I'll record it next time.
I need to find out
if a little kid died here.
I'm gonna ask my landlord.
Um... I-I don't know
if you should do that.
I- I don't- I can't imagine he'd be
thrilled to have that conversation.
Yeah, well, I think
he has to tell me.
I think it's the law
or something.
The law?
Why are you messing
with your arm like that?
What's wrong?
It's not...
It's not getting better.
It's like this...
Like, a lump under
my skin or something.
You shouldn't do that.
It's not good for you.
Just stop touching it, and
when I come and see you,
- I'll check that, okay?
- Okay.
You're right.
Hey, Emily, what's going on?
I'm hearing the noise again.
I'm gonna go check it out.
Okay. Um...
Do you have a weapon?
No, should I?
Yeah, I think that
would be a good idea.
Okay, okay, hold on.
Be careful.
W- w-wait. Look- look
towards your living room.
Well, I don't-
there's a lamp...
Okay, well, do you
have a flashlight?
No. Oh, I have-
I'll use this.
You here?
James, are you there?
I didn't see anything.
- See anything?
- Mnh-mnh.
Emily! Emily!
Close your door.
Are you okay?
I should talk to him.
I should have talked...
Are you all right?
Hey, were you recording that?
No. What do you mean? I just
got caught up in the moment.
Next time I call you
in the middle of the night,
please press record!
Okay. All right.
I promise.
Will you stay up
with me tonight?
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
Thank you.
So, I talked
to my landlord today.
He said no one's ever
died in my apartment, ever.
That's not exactly something
he'd want to advertise, right?
Yeah, but he said, like,
no kids ever lived here.
It's always been
student housing.
What's that?
What are you doing?
Oh, well, I felt that lump
move in my arm today.
Emily, what the fuck
is that? Don't do that!
Thought it might be
a spider bite.
You know,
how you hear about-?
That's an urban legend.
That's not real.
It's right under there.
Look, look, I'll show you.
Stop! Stop that!
Don't do that, okay?
That's not good for you.
This is like your leg,
like seven years ago. You
still have a scar from that.
Emily, what the fuck
are you doing?
Well, I think if I just...
No, no, no, no, no.
Put that away.
Seriously, Emily, look at me.
Emily! Emily,
look at me, okay?
You need to put that
away, all right?
Digging around in your arm is
not gonna do any more good.
You just need to put
some alcohol on that
or iodine or something
like that
and- and- and put
a bandage on it
'cause otherwise it's just
gonna get infected, okay?
You know, I'll be there in a
week and I'll look at it,
but for right now,
just leave it alone.
You're acting really
crazy, all right?
Okay, okay.
Okay. I mean...
Can you go to the bathroom
and clean that off?
Yeah, yeah.
I'll be right back.
- Emily? Are you there?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I gotta- I gotta do some
work, so what's going on?
I know. This'll
only take a minute.
- What's up?
- He's outside my room.
I can hear the little
boy's footsteps.
That's really scary, Emily,
what are you talking about?
Well, I just- I need to talk
to him, and I need your help.
- Um... I mean, I'll help in any way
that I can. - Okay. Great, great.
So, I'm gonna close my eyes
so he doesn't scare me.
- What? - I'm gonna close my eyes
so I don't freak out...
And run back in here, okay?
So you're just gonna
tell me if he's there
and if he's paying attention to
me, and then I'll talk to him.
I'll find out
what he wants-
if he wants me to find his body, or...
I just. Uh...
I don't want to look at him.
He's a ghost.
He freaks me out.
What?! Um... Okay. All right.
Okay, can you do that?
Okay, okay.
So, as soon as- as soon
as I open the bedroom door,
I'm gonna close my eyes, and then
you'll tell me what's there, okay?
All right.
- Okay, are you ready?
- Yeah, yeah.
All right,
I'm closing my eyes.
What's there?
Uh... I-I don't
see anything.
It's just your hallway.
- Anything in here?
- Um... no. No, it's...
Go in your living room.
Okay, I'm not looking.
Listen, I don't see
anything, okay?
Yeah, you should go
back to your room.
See him?
No, I don't see anything.
Maybe... he's
done for the night.
I'm almost disappointed.
- What are you doing?
- What?
- Emily!
- What?
Close your eyes.
Oh, okay.
Is he here?
Back to your left.
- Okay.
- Emily!
Emily. Emily.
You're telling me
part of this thing is human?
Well, how many more times are you
gonna have to do this to her?
I don't know if she
can survive that.
I mean, you're telling me.
She thinks I'm in Michigan.
That's far away, okay?
And that tracking device
in her arm,
does that have
an expiration date?
Good, well, take care of it.
We're gonna have to make this
look like an accident again.
It's fine.
We have people
that can take care of it.
I'm just gonna have
to break some bones.
For fuck's sake!
Hey, how's it going?
Made it back okay?
Yeah, yeah.
The drive was fine.
Are you all right?
Uh, yeah.
So, your professors
aren't mad at you?
No. Um... I haven't
spoken to my advisor yet,
but, uh, I'll
explain it to him.
It'll be fine.
How are...
How are you?
Okay. Um...
I went to see Dr. Aberdeen
today, like I told you.
Yeah, she came
very highly recommended
from my colleagues,
so... did things go well?
She seems really professional.
She... she diagnosed me
as schizoaffective.
It's a mild form
of schizophrenia
and bipolar disorder.
I mean,
it explains a lot-
you know, why I thought
I'd seen ghosts,
why I don't remember
running out
into the middle
of the street that night.
I'm just crazy.
Don't say that.
Well, anyway, she's got me
on some medications-
um, perphenazine,
and, uh, I don't-
I don't remember.
Listen, you're gonna be okay.
- You don't know.
- I do. You're gonna be fine.
You deserve to be
with someone normal-
you know, someone who
doesn't have so many problems.
What if we want to have
kids someday?
You know, um...
You're the only person I've
ever wanted to be with, Emily,
so just... stop acting
like I have a choice
in the matter, all right?
I don't know what I did to
deserve to deserve someone...
You're so good to me.
Get some rest.
I love you.
Talk to you later.
All right.
How's it going?
I have, like,
a sore spot or something.
Did you- did you hurt it
on the hike today, or...?
Maybe I bumped it.
I don't know.
I keep fiddling with it.
Well, don't do that.
I'll look at it
when I get there.
What are you doing?
Changing into my jammies.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
You can keep going.
I miss you.
There was a lot of couples
on the hike today,
and I just felt
alone, you know?
Alone? Yeah?
How's that?
Sit back a little bit.
There. Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
What were you saying?
Uh, nothing.
Hey, Zac.
I can't find any-
what the fuck...?
You fuckers.
Oh, fuck!
Aah! Aah!
Hey, Matt!
We not- we forgot.
We forgot.
Did you guys bring
any tools, or...?
That's what I was using.
I was using-
Oh, the Styrofoam plate?
On the grill! Ha ha ha!
That's good. That
doesn't really send
any kind of chemicals
into our food.
That's how men cook.
It's problem-solving.
You're truly a man.
You want the burnt one
or the burnt one?
She wants
the really long one.
The really, really long one.
This long.
Here we go. Here we go.
Hey, dude, your
dumb friends are here.
You know all this stuff's
coming down at midnight, right?
I'll be right down.
Come out, dude, it's gonna
be an awesome party.
Or not.
Dude, come on, aren't you
a bit old for this shit?
Happy Halloween!
Ha ha ha!
What's up, guys?
How's it going?
That is awesome.
What the hell?
Are you a bear?
- I'm a nanny-cam.
A nanny-cam!
Better than the Unabomber.
Let's go and do this.
Paul, you know
where we're going, right?
No, yeah, you're gonna
wanna go to-
no, you wanna go 134 west.
You wanna stay on the 134.
- Fuck!
- Sorry, bro!
Way to give yourself an option
by being in
the far-right Lane.
I thought
we were going-
I'm just gonna give
myself the option of maybe...
It eventually will,
I think, hit spring street.
You say it was too dark,
and then you just took
off your sunglasses?
You're fine.
How many people are supposed
to be at this party?
Do you know?
Oh, my God!
Are the girls
coming out tonight?
Yeah, they'll be there.
They're coming out later.
...was it?
That's- it starts-
it's here.
I thought you said
it was mariposa.
Just pick one!
Mariposa or Montecito?
It's one of those.
- Mar vista?
All right,
I'm going left.
"M"- Madison? This
doesn't make any sense!
It's fine, don't worry.
- Yeah, it is right.
- Oh, fuck. Is that right on the corner?
- Can you park here?
- Yeah, it's all right.
I think it's fine.
Maybe we can come out
and check on the car later too.
Yeah. Fine.
- Can you grab this beer?
- Yeah, I got it. Here.
Sword? No sword?
Absolutely sword.
It's an awesome sword.
I'm wearing a stupid helmet.
Here, gimme a beer.
Thank you.
I wanna hold 'em.
- Can I get one, les?
- Yeah, sure.
I'm holding the-
here, hold on.
What the hell, dude?
Suck me.
- Hello!
- You might try to just walk in.
Might want you
to ring the doorbell.
Where is everyone?
This is a nice place.
Maybe it's like a- go around back.
Don't worry, guys, I'll-
are you guys-? Oh!
Is anyone else's beer warm?
That actually hurt!
I'll break it!
Dut- dut- dut- dut- dut!
Where'd it go?
It's mine.
You sure this is it?
All the lights are on.
Maybe we're a little early.
Yeah, go that way.
- Ooh! - Ooh!
- Ooh! - Ooh!
Yo, Justin!
This party fuckin' sucks!
See? It's a haunted house.
It's an empty house.
A really shitty haunted house.
So shitty!
He probably went to get beer.
First one's through.
What is it?
All right.
God, look at that shit.
All right.
Okay. All right, maybe not the
scariest thing I've ever seen.
There's a chair. Obviously,
there was a struggle.
A chair!
There was a struggle!
Oh, fuck! Holy shit!
Oh! Another room
that's locked up.
Tenant's out. Yeah.
This is pretty cool.
Whoo! It's, like,
a nautical theme in here.
Heavy clouds too...
Oh, Jesus!
What? Whoa, whoa, whoa?
What, what, what?
It was like people
reaching out of
the wall at you.
What happened?
What happened?
I've never seen that before.
That was fuckin' awesome!
This is rad!
- This is not that bad!
Shh shh shh shh!
You hear that?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Go! Go!
...last year's party, rented
this castle in the desert.
It was like this
weird, medieval...
I don't know. I got
a sword out of it.
Guys, not funny!
Fuck, dude.
Where's the fuckin' party, man?
I don't know. We're
gonna go scare Matt.
This place is fuckin' awesome!
On two.
Don't! Don't!
Ow, ow, ow!
All right, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, dude.
Come on.
No, dude, that fuckin' hurt!
Come on, dude.
I can't believe
they can afford this!
I just don't want
anything to jump out at me.
I'm tired of it.
If you think about what
we're doing right now,
we're walking through a house.
- It's okay.
- What the fuck is that noise?
How do we
get upstairs?
Yeah, where the
fuck is the party?
Anything in there?
I think
I found the party.
...and then,
through the unity
of the men with the sword.
Arise, O lord!
Do as ye have said,
and fall upon him
and burn him,
that thou mayest take away
the innocent blood
which Joab shed,
from me, and from
the house of my father.
Arise, O lord!
Cast you down!
A sword is upon the liars!
A sword is upon the mighty men,
and they shall be dismayed.
A sword is upon their horses,
and upon their chariots,
and upon all the mingled people
that are in the midst
of her. Arise O lord!
Cast you down!
Arise, O lord!
Cast him down!
Cast him down!
Cast him down!
Who are you?
Who are thou foulings?
- Cast... you...!
- What are you doing here?
We're just here for the party.
- What are you doing here?
- Sorry.
You shouldn't be here!
- Leave!
- - Run!
Please help me!
Quiet, you, quiet!
Get away from me!
Whoa! Hey!
...understand me?!
- Whoa, whoa!
Holy shit!
Oh, shit!
What the fuck is that?
- What the fuck is that?
- Leave!
Oh, fuck!
Oh, shit!
Oh, fuck!
Get outta here!
Oh, fuck!
Oh, shit! Fuck!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
- We can't leave.
No, wait. What?
Go, go.
What are we
gonna do?
Just get
the girl and leave.
Oh, God!
Back up,
back up, back up!
Go, Chad!
Oh, shit!
Get the fuck off of me!
Get off me!
Okay, I got her,
I got her, I got her.
Go. Go, go, go.
Come on! Shit!
Oh, fuck!
Go! Fuck!
Oh, Jesus!
Get the door!
Oh, shit!
What the fuck?
It's fucking burning!
Guys, come on!
Oh, shit! Fuck!
We're trapped!
We're fuckin' trapped!
Over here! Over here! Go, go!
Watch it.
Slow. Now. Aah.
this way!
Watch out
for your head, dude.
This way!
Come on!
Go, go!
Almost got it!
You go first.
You go first.
Holy shit!
Go! Go!
Go, go, go!
One more step.
One more step.
Pull. Help.
Get the car!
Get the car!
what's over there?
Don't leave me!
Okay. Get in.
Hold on, hold on.
Okay, okay.
Her feet, her feet.
Hold her, hold her, hold her.
I got her.
I got her.
You got her?
Go, Chad, go!
What the fuck
was that?
can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
What street
are we on?
Just focus and find
the fucking hospital!
I don't even know where
the fuck we are!
What the fuck
was that back there, dude?
Just keep her awake!
Keep her awake!
Stay with me.
Stay with me.
Deep breaths.
Hey, would you guys
calm the fuck down?!
...just breathe.
What the fuck, dude?
Dude, you gotta hurry!
What the fuck is wrong with the car?
Why are you stopping?
What the hell is wrong with the car?
Dude, drive!
Fuckin' stalled, man!
Fuckin' drive,
dude! Come on!
Oh, shit!
Ohhh, shit!
What the fuck?!
Where'd she go?!
What the fuck?!
Holy shit!
What the fuck?
Where'd she go?
Where the fuck did she go?
What the fuck?
The fuck was that?
What the fuck, man?
Oh, Jesus!
Fuck me!
The fuck does she want?
Unlock the doors, Chad.
At least open my door.
What the fuck, man?
Unlock the doors!
Fuck! Chad!
Go! Go! Go!
Aah! Aaaahhhh!
Oh, shit! Run, run, run!
Go, go, go!