V/H/S/Mixtape (2026) Movie Script
1
[Eerie music plays]
[VCR whirring and clicking]
-Y'all already know
what the fuck time it is!
It's Grodius Maximus from GWAR!
We're here jacking off
in my mom's room today.
Check her out.
'Cause I'd be liking to jack off
doing some jackoff stuff
in here, if you know what
I be sizzlin' and sayin'.
Ha ha ha! The craziest thing
happened last week.
That's why I got all
these cameras set up.
'Cause nobody's
ever gonna believe me.
Also, I'm borrowing
my mom's butt boy.
His name's Frugal Boots,
and he's gonna document
the whole thing.
Fuck you, Frugal Boots!
Let's go over to
this magical altar right here.
If I take any of these drawings
that I did
when I was a little kid
and I ejaculate
right onto the drawing,
the fucking thing comes to life!
I will jack these pictures off
into fucking existence!
Oh, what about this hot dog?
You guys want to see that?
-Crowd: Yeah!
-Watch this. Mmm. Yeah.
Let me get...
Ohh, mama's titties.
And shalamazam!
[Cackles]
Here we go!
Oh, my God!
It's a fucking hot dog!
And it's covered in my cum.
That's kind of gross.
I like that.
[Muffled]
I'll tell you one thing
I've always wanted to cum on.
That's my own beautiful,
luscious face.
But I don't quite bend that way.
Why don't we
go over to the altar?
We're gonna get a little drawing
of a miniature Goko...
Grodius boy.
[Splat!]
Oh, there we go.
So get ready for action.
[Insects chirping]
Well, I don't know. Usually
something happens by now.
I don't know.
Maybe I just lost my mojo, baby.
Huh? Oh! Oh, my God!
That is an evil Grodius!
Would you look at that?
Well, hot dog, Grodius!
That's a nice pee-pee!
Wait. No! No, no!
Don't cum on me!
Please! No!
Aaah!
Oh, yeah?
Two can play at that game!
[Growling]
[Knock on door]
-Are you boys jacking off
in my room without me again?
Ooh...
[Groaning]
[Groaning]
[Eerie music plays]
[Beep]
[Static]
-Why, hello!
I am The Berserker Blothar!
And we are GWAR!
[Laughter]
-Hey! That's us!
-Yes.
So sit back, human filth,
and revel in the unholy horrors
that we're about to show you.
[Rock music plays]
[Birds chirping]
-Hello! Hemlock here!
-And I'm Riptide!
-Skeeto reporting for duty!
-Hi! [Clears throat]
I'm Botulism. Hee-hee-hee!
[Laughter]
-Whoo! Hey, Riptide.
What time is it?
-Great question, Skeeto!
It's time to sing the song!
-All: Yay!
-Today's song is really special.
It's about something
that happens
to everybody
in the whole wide world.
-Learning how to swim?
-No.
-Hmm. Body changes!
-Well, sort of.
-[Gasps] Oh, I know!
Come here, come here, come here.
[Whispering gibberish]
-That's right, Botulism!
Today's song is about...
-Wait, wait, wait, wait!
But first we need to pick
a friend from the audience
to help us sing the song!
-All: Hmm!
-Audience: Me, me, me, me!
-[Gasps] You.
-[Gasps]
-You. That's right. Come on up.
-Yeah!
-Come on up here.
[Gasps]
-Aah!
-Welcome to
"The Curious Chorus."
-[Sighs]
-Hey. What's your blood type?
[Laughter]
-Do you like to sing?
-Ooh.
-Yeah.
-I bet you do!
Would you like
to sing along with us?
-Please!
-Yay!
-Oh, he said yes!
-Flowers lose their petals
-Waves go back to sea
-Everything that lives
and grows
-Will one day cease to be
-Yes, it might be painful
-And, yes, it will be sad
-So don't, don't you
dare waste your last chance
-Until we die, we're gonna
Dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance
Life is one big party
Dance until
your feet fall off
Dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance
Once we get it started,
don't let the music stop
Stop, stop, stop...
[Static crackling]
-Hi, I'm Daisy.
-Vanessa: Good morning.
-Sam: Hey. What up?
-Oh, um, I didn't know
you'd be filming.
-Oh, yeah, just a little...
"How It's Made"
for the marketing team.
Sam's idea.
-Sam: Oh, Mom, stop.
-It's like a promo doc.
Do you know what that is, dear?
-Yeah, I-- I do.
-Sam: Is that okay?
-Of course it's okay.
Um, actually, we're on
a bit of a tight schedule,
so can we get this moving?
-Daisy: Oh. Of course. Yeah.
-So, did you ever watch
"The Curious Chorus"?
-No, I'm not that old.
So that's the one
you guys are rebooting?
-Rebooting? No.
We're not rebooting anything.
No one likes a reboot.
It's a re-imagining...
for a new audience.
And the show was
so popular back in the day,
it's poised to be a big hit.
-Sam: We just need to
get the designs right.
-Daisy: What do you mean?
-Oh, we're gonna do a digital
scan of the original puppets
and render that into 3-D images.
-Daisy: Oh, man.
George isn't gonna like that.
-Sam: The show was so popular.
How come it only had one season?
-It only neededone season.
No reason to bring it back,
especially not the way
you'redoing it.
-Everyone, this is George.
He's in charge of the puppets.
-Sam: Hey, George.
Whatcha working on?
If you-- If you want to see
how the scan process works,
I can show you.
Just need a place to set up.
-Uh, there are some tables
in the other room.
I'll show you.
-Daisy, don't you have
some work to be doing?
-Yeah. Uh, sorry, guys.
-Okay. We got this, guys.
Come on. Let's get to work.
I don't understand
what the problem is.
-Chris: Oh, shit.
-Vanessa: I mean,
you don't own these puppets.
-Chris: Drama.
-Nobody "owns" them.
-Oh, yes, they do!
The studio owns them!
And I'm the studio!
And you, George,
have two choices.
You can either
give us the puppets,
we scan them,
and we give them back to you...
or we take them
up to our offices,
and you never see them again!
-Okay. You sure?
-Give me the puppets, George!
-Okay.
-Chris: Shit.
-Fucking guy.
They're fucking puppets.
What the fuck is wrong with him?
-Sam, you gotta cut this
because-- I'm sorry.
I just went off for a minute,
so we can't use this.
[Beep]
-Chris: Yeah. Cool. Thanks, man.
So come check it out.
Process is pretty cool,
actually. Um...
Just scan the puppets here.
[Beeping]
Vanessa: -Yeah, that's a new
machine we just picked up.
Works great.
Hey, um, George,
could you step away, please,
so he can get the backside
of the puppets?
Thank you.
-Uh, and it should be popping
up on my laptop over there.
Uh, you see it?
-Sam: Um, yo, Chris, are
they supposed to look like that?
-What? What happened?
-Vanessa: You tell me. Fix it!
-Chris: Uh, it's fine.
We can scan it again.
We can scan it again.
-You're just gonna
get more of the same.
-Why?
-Well, clearly,
they don't want to be scanned.
You're over there
plotting their demise,
and they're not having it.
-Who the fuck are you?
Geppetto?
-Chris: Yeah,
I think I just went too fast.
It'll take like five minutes.
-Okay. Yeah. Do it.
So do it again.
-Chris: Okay. Yeah. Sorry.
Um...
-It's probably just
a little glitch anyway.
-Chris: Yeah, it's no big deal.
-Vanessa: Alright.
No. I trust you. You can do it.
-Sam: I'm getting out of here.
-Chris: Oh, man.
It's still not looking right.
-Vanessa: Yeah.
-Chris: And if you go
a little fast,
it distorts the image a bit.
-Vanessa: Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
The only thing is, I got to
go fast out of here, so...
-Chris: I know.
-Vanessa: I have other meetings.
-Chris: Yeah, your assistant
told me five minutes max.
-Vanessa: It's fine.
-Chris: We'll get you out.
-Sam:
God. This is fucking boring.
[Chatter]
Restricted? I wonder why.
Whoa!
Jesus Christ!
Huh? Alien!
[Chuckles]
Whoa.
Is that-- That's--
I think that's
George's workstation.
How do you do, fine sir?
Tough crowd.
Okay. Whoa.
Huh. Skull collection.
-Oh, hello, kitty! Hello!
[Imitates pigeon cooing]
[Chuckles]
Man, there's a lot
of stuff in here.
Whoa. [Chuckles]
What's this?
This little guy.
[Beeping]
[Chuckles]
"My name is George,
and I like toys!"
[Laughs]
I see you!
-Dance until
your feet fall off
-Sam: What the fuck?
-Dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance
Once we get it started,
don't let the music stop
Stop, stop, stop
-Don't matter
if you're poor or rich
-Or green
-Or black and blue
-Like mold
comes for a sandwich
-The darkness comes for you
[Static hisses]
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
[Woman screams]
Life is one big party
Dance until
your feet fall off
[Distorted] Dance,
dance, dance, dance, dance
[Song distorting]
-Sam: Is that...George?
[Thud]
Shit!
Ohh. You got to be kidding me.
-George: What are you doing?
-Sam: Jesus! What am Idoing?
What the fuck
are youdoing, man?
-Scans are done. Time to go.
-Sam: Oh. Thank God.
Oh, fuck.
-Actually, don't you want
to get a look at the set?
-Chris: Where is this guy
taking us?
-Sam: Can't see shit in here.
-Chris: I think we should
get out of here.
-Sam: Hey, can we get
some lights on, please?
[Click]
Did he move the puppets
over here?
-Vanessa: Wow. This has all
just been sitting here?
-George: Well, they've been
using it for storage, mostly.
-Vanessa: Storage?
This is fantastic!
Great production value.
I love it.
-George: Uh, everybody, come on.
Take a puppet.
-Sam: Uh, I'm-- I'm good.
-Well, I wasn't asking.
You all wanted to bring back
"The Curious Chorus."
That's what we're gonna do.
-Yeah. It'll be good
for the promo doc. Come on.
Ohh! [Chuckles]
"Oh. Hello. How are you?
I'm fine. How are you?"
[Laughs]
"Hey, lady. What's your name?"
[Gasps] Vanessa.
-I mean,
there's only three of us,
so I don't think we can do it.
-George: Uh, right. Um...
Daisy?!
-Jesus Christ.
-George: Daisy!
-Hey. Do you remember
the day you were adopted?
I brought you to a puppet show.
-Mom, shut the fuck up. Stop.
-What do you mean,
shut the fuck--
-This is ridiculous.
Why are we here?
-This is not ridiculous.
This is fun.
-George: Daisy,
put Skeeto on for me.
-Vanessa: This is gonna work.
I love it.
It's gonna be great.
Come on.
-George: What--
What are you waiting for?
Put them on.
-[Chuckles]
-George: Put...them...on.
[Chuckles]
-Jesus. Alright.
-George: Now, if you want to do
"The Curious Chorus,"
you got to know their best song.
Hang tight.
I got it all cued up right here.
[Gentle music plays]
-Sam: Did anybody else's puppet
just move on its own?!
-Yeah!
-Vanessa: George!
How do we stop it?!
-Will one day cease to be
-Vanessa: George!
-Chris: I don't want
to do this anymore!
-And, yes, it will be sad
-So don't you dare
waste your last chance
-Until we die, we're gonna
[Bone snaps]
[Vanessa screams]
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
-Get it off! Get it off!
-Life is one big party
Dance until
your feet fall off
-Get it off!
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
[All screaming]
-Once we get it started
Don't make the music stop
-Don't matter
if you're poor or rich
-Or green
-Or black and blue
-Like mold
comes for a sandwich
-The darkness comes for you
-We can smoke and puff
the day away
-Go for early morning runs
-But you will meet
your maker
-Each and every one
So...
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Life is one big party
Dance until
your feet fall off
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Once we get it started
Don't let the music stop
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
-Ooh, O positive!
-Life is one big party
Dance until
your feet fall off
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Before tuberculosis
-[Vomiting]
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
[All screaming]
-[Vomiting]
[Indistinct shouting]
[Sizzling]
-[Screaming]
-Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my fucking God!
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
-What the fuck?! What the fuck?!
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
-[Screaming]
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
-What about your little movie?
Wait till you see the next part.
-Don't let the music stop
[Sam screaming]
[Eerie music plays]
[Indistinct shouting]
What the fuck?
What the fuck? What the fuck?
[Sam grunting]
[Sam grunting]
[Creatures growling]
[Whirring]
[Sam whimpering]
-Hi!
[Sam screams]
[Evil laughter]
-Bye-bye, die-die!
[Cackling]
-Hey, handsome!
Give this possum a kiss!
[Cackling]
-You die tonight.
Tonight, you die.
Tonight, you die.
-Come here!
I wanna have a bite!
[Cackling]
-Dance, dance, dance...
[Sam screams]
What the fuck? Holy shit!
[Evil laughter]
[Sam gasps]
-[Screaming]
[Saw whirring]
-We're having fun, everybody.
-Sam: Get the fuck away from me.
-Hey, I'm working here!
You're next! [Chuckles]
-Sam: Exit. Exit. Exit. Exit.
There's gotta be...
[Whirring]
[Evil laughter]
-Sam: Okay. Okay.
[Creatures shouting
and laughing]
Stop. Stop, stop, stop!
Please, please, please!
I'll do whatever you want. Okay?
[Evil laughter]
No, no, no, no!
-Run! [Laughs]
-Here I come!
-Ha ha ha! Got him!
[Static crackles]
[Indistinct shouting]
-Sam: Oh, my God!
[Sam crying]
-Up!
-You got a pretty smile!
-Holy shit!
-We're just gonna
take a little off the top!
[Laughter]
[Indistinct shouting]
-Here we go!
-[Grunting]
-Sam: What the fuck?
[Thud]
[Whirring]
[Laughter]
-Mommy!
-Hold him down!
-[Sam screaming]
-Mommy! Mommy!
[Laughter]
-Face...off.
[Laughter]
-Hey, guys! Check this out!
"Dance, dance, dance."
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
-Oh, yeah!
You're all gonna die!
-Dance, dance, dance, dance
-[Spits]
[Laughter]
[Beep]
[Water dripping]
[Eerie music plays]
-[Grunting]
[Bones crack]
-Let's get Salaminized.
Salum...mineh...
Minimized. Mini...
Slim. Slim. Slim?
-"Salaminizer"!
-Cram it, Stubs!
[GWAR's
"The Salaminizer"plays]
-Cat got your tongue?
[Music continues]
Ahh!
[Screams]
[Insects chirping]
[Eerie music plays]
[Clock ticking]
[Eerie music continues]
[Eerie music continues]
-No!
[Eerie music continues]
[Eerie music continues]
[Eerie music continues]
-VHS Tape?
Don't look like tape.
It doesn't stick to anything!
I don't understand how this
is supposed to make a movie.
Show me the movie!
-Uh, I don't know.
I think maybe it goes in here?
Oh, it goes in...there?
Yeah! See?
How do you push play?
It's a double feature.
[Chuckles]
Oh, no!
[Rock music plays]
-Maya: Action.
-Alright, squad, quick update.
We're now 30 minutes out
from the spot.
And trust me. This one's insane.
-Three months ago,
one of our subscribers
sent us a screenshot,
said he spotted
something strange
in the woods
near the Bulgarian border.
See that number right there?
That's a Soviet military code.
-So we started digging.
Old military maps.
Archived satellite images.
Forums nobody's visited
since 2007.
No photos online.
No roads leading to it. Nothing.
-Which usually means
we're about to get arrested.
-If we're the first people
inside-- and we will be--
this video is gonna blow up
like a fucking nuke, so...
-Hit subscribe,
smash that like button,
and come along with us!
-Whee-hee!
[Chuckles] Look at this ass.
-Wes: Oh.
-Maya: [Purrs]
-Wes: Like it?
-Maya: So hot.
-Why are you filming me
all the time?
I mean, I'm trying to do
beautiful shots here.
-Because I love you.
-Oh. That's beautiful.
-Maya: [Laughs]
I don't think we're walking
towards the main entrance.
I think this could be, like,
a secondary entrance.
Maybe an emergency exit.
-Wes: Slow down.
Slow the fuck down!
-Maya: [Laughs] Come on!
-Yeah. Come on.
-Maya: We're almost there.
-Wes: [Groans]
Remind me why I'm dating
a drill sergeant.
-Because you love suffering.
[Wes groans]
What is that? Look at this.
Comrades!
I think we're close.
[Singing in Russian]
-Idiot.
-Wes: I'd have an Emmy by now.
Ahh.
Right. Am I right? Am I right?
-Maya: [Laughs] Look at that.
-Wes: Holy...
Okay, Maya,
go down on your knees...
and make as if
you were discovering it, right?
Alright. You ready?
Discover it. Discover it.
Yes.
-8-5-4, baby! Whoo!
-Ooh.
-Wes: Oh, wow.
-Maya:
How do we get down there?
-It'll be okay.
Okay.
-Maya: Yes!
-Your turn.
-[Laughs]
Maya: Okay.
Let's do the intro again.
This is way creepier.
Let's go.
-Alrighty,
beautiful night owls.
Welcome to another episode of
"Wes and Maya's
Midnight Misadventure."
Tonight's special feature,
we're taking you
inside a Cold War
military installation
that hasn't been visited
in at least 40 years.
-Yeah, and, folks,
let me tell you.
If this place doesn't
have at least one
creepy government experiment
left behind, I'm blaming you.
Oh, wow.
-Maya: I knew it.
-Wes: Come on.
Don't pretend to speak Russian.
-Maya: Oh, yes, indeed I do.
It's written...
"Wes, you better invite Maya
to dinner tonight."
-Wes: I'm gonna try to open it.
[Grunting]
Fuck!
[Cackling]
-Maya: [Laughs]
-Wes: Yes.
-Maya: Yes.
Good job.
-Wes: Okay.
Alright. Getting in.
[Door sliding]
[Wes grunts]
-Maya: Oh, babe. Look at this.
I hate seeing things like this.
-Wes: It's creepy.
-Maya: Hi, baby.
It's the worst part.
-Wes: Maya. Come here.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
[Whistles]
-Maya: Yeah.
-Wes:
That's not terrifying at all.
-Maya: About 60 feet.
Piece of cake. Okay. Let's go.
[Thud]
Ouch.
-Wes: That's cool.
-Maya: I know. 1967?
I don't think we're looking
at a bunker.
I think it's more likely...
-Wes: Infrastructures.
-Yeah. Infrastructures.
Common center?
Communication hub?
Oh, maybe a listening station.
That's right.
It's a listening station!
[Laughs]
"Ministry of Defense. Sector 3."
-Wes: [Chuckles]
Alright. That's cool.
-Maya: Thank you.
-Wes: Wow.
-Maya: Oh.
-Wes: [Echoing] Ay-ohh!
[Maya chuckles]
-Wes: Whoo!
Alright. Next door.
Want me to open it?
-Maya: I would like to.
Let me check.
-Wes: [Grunts] No, no.
-Maya: "Testing chamber."
I'm trusting you.
-Maya: Ohh.
-Wes: Okay.
Next stop...generator.
Okay. Are you ready?
-Maya: I don't know.
[Chuckles]
-Open sesame.
-Maya: Action.
[Click]
[Thud]
-Wes: Aah!
-Maya: I love you.
One, two, three.
Oh, my God.
-Wes: Oh.
-Maya: Oh. What?
Holy moly.
Oh, my God. I knew it.
[Chuckles]
Gonna clap.
Hear that, Wes?
No reverb. Perfect silence.
[Vocalizing]
I've never heard my voice
in a place like this!
-Wes: It's amazing.
Oh, my God. It's the best.
-Maya: Eee! Okay. Let me just...
"Do not remain in this area
for more than 15 minutes."
-Wes: Okay.
I guess we'd better hurry.
-Maya: Oh, yeah.
Alright, folks, so we're
inside an anechoic chamber,
and engineers use room like this
to test antennas
throughout the system.
Anything that actually requires
a total acoustic isolation.
And now,
with those little microphones,
you'll be able to hear
exactly what we hear.
-Wes: Right on.
Right. Sound check.
Sound check.
One. Two. One. Two. One. Two.
Alright.
Alright, alright, alright.
Wes and Maya are in the house.
-Maya: I think
you can hear my heart.
[Faint thumping]
Can you?
[Faint thumping]
[Chuckles] That's crazy.
-Alright, guys.
We're gonna try to switch it on.
It should be easy because
we already opened the door.
Alright, alright.
Yellow and yellow should work.
[Click]
Shit! Oh, my God!
-Maya: Wow. That's crazy.
-Wes: Alright.
[Man speaking Russian]
[Loud thud]
[Rumbling]
-Wes: What is that?!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
-Oh, fuck.
[Man speaking Russian]
-Did you touch anything?
-No, I didn't.
I didn't touch anything.
-Wes: Come on. Wait, wait.
It can't be. It can't be.
It's an old door.
It's an old...
Wait, wait, wait. Wait.
Let's think.
Let's think. Let's think.
Let's think.
-Maya: Fuck. Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I don't have any signal.
-Wes: Okay...
-Maya: How are we
gonna get out of here?
-Wes: Help me.
Come on. Come on. Pull it.
[Shouts]
Shit!
[Grunting]
-Maya:
There must be some kind of way.
You opened this door
with-- with cables.
You must--
You must be able to reverse it!
I don't know.
Like, some kind of solution!
I don't know
what the hell to do!
-[Muttering]
Shh, shh, shh, shh. Shh!
Okay.
Can you hear it?
[Thumping]
-Hear what?
-Wes: I can hear everything.
[Thumping]
-Maya: Wes?
Let's get our location right.
-Wes: Shh, shh!
-Wes?
-Wes: Shh! Please! Shh!
-Maya: Wes...
-[Breathing sharply]
-Maya: Wes, please tell me...
-Wes: It's noise.
-Maya: Tell me
you sent the coordinates...
-Wes:
No. No, no, no, no, no, no!
[Indistinct shouting]
[Wes screaming]
[High-pitched ringing]
No! Stop it! Stop it!
[Wes groaning]
[Wes groaning]
[Maya crying]
[Wes groaning]
[Bones cracking]
[Maya groaning]
[Wes groaning]
[Wes screams]
Please stop! It has to stop!
-Maya: What the hell?!
[Wes screaming]
[Muffled shouting]
-Maya: Stop!
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Fuck!
Oh, fuck!
No!
No. Baby. I'm here. I'm here.
Oh, fuck! Fuck!
Oh, fuck!
[Sobbing]
[Breathing heavily]
Babe.
[High-pitched ringing]
[Sobbing]
[High-pitched ringing]
[High-pitched ringing continues]
[Gasping]
[Indistinct singing]
[Sobbing]
[Thumping]
[Gasping]
[Clatter]
Leave me alone!
Hi, guys!
How are you guys?
It's been, uh-- Pbht!
[Laughing] I have no clue!
I think it can be, like,
16 or 17 or something like that.
The only thing that I know
is that I'm stuck.
I am so fucking stuck!
[Laughs]
There's noises everywhere.
I can hear my blood.
I can hear when I do like this
with my eyes.
This...I can hear.
[Gasps]
There's something else
that I can hear.
Do you want to hear it?
[Laughs]
Let me show you.
Okay. I just have to take
this little microphone.
And then I put it on my belly.
Sick, right?
[Laughs]
[Warbling]
[Gasps]
I don't have anything
to give to my baby.
I don't have anything to eat.
How the fuck
am I gonna do this?
How the fuck?
[High-pitched ringing]
Wes. Wes!
Wes! Why don't you
answer me, Wes?!
[Laughs]
[High-pitched ringing]
[Maya sobbing]
[Thud]
I love you.
[High-pitched ringing]
I'm sorry.
[Squishing]
[Buzzer]
[Thud]
[Rumbling]
I love you! I love you!
[Man speaking Russian]
-Alright! We need some fucking
coke on the catering table!
And I'm not talking about cola!
Ah! Time to act.
I'm acting like I give a shit
about this whole fucking thing.
I am the Berserk-- Line.
I don't know.
What's going on here?
My name is-- Line! I don't know.
I can't remem--
I don't remember anything.
I haven't seen a script.
The-- Line!
Oh, yeah! We're gonna
get fucked up tonight!
Hey. [Grunting]
Smells like a glory hole
in here!
Fucking ammonia everywhere.
It smells like Lysol,
and dicks keep popping
through a hole in the wall.
What the fuck else
do you call it
but a glory hole, Maury, huh?!
[Electronic music plays]
[Rock music plays]
-Hello, scum.
It's me, Sawborg Destructo.
That's right. I know.
I'm the drop-dead sexiest
scumdog there is out there.
But enough about me.
It's our guest here.
What do I call you?
Do I call you the Elder Gods?
The Old Ones?
What do I call you?
How do I address you?
-[Chuckles] Well. That's dumb.
I mean, mysterious.
Mysterious. Yeah.
Well, so, what's it like
being an all-knowing entity?
-Libations, you say?
Oh, no, I don't go for that.
If there's one thing I hate,
it's liars.
Liars. Ahhh! Blblblblblb!
-[Grunting]
[Rock music plays]
[Evil laughter]
-[Screaming]
-[Screaming]
[Rock music continues]
[Echoing Wilhelm scream]
[Beep]
-So, this is the start of
my student documentary project,
my life, day to day.
The assignment is
to record my daily activities
and organize them into a story.
[Beep]
My tools will be
my trusty dusty
Sony compact vlog camera,
which is shooting me right now.
And here-- drumroll, please--
is my new expensive
secret weapon.
My new camera eyeglasses
with a built-in 4K camera.
This is so folks won't know
I'm shooting them.
So...let's get started.
This is my room.
The furniture
is a bit...antiquated,
but, hey, it was included.
A room without a view.
But at least
I have plenty of space.
And the bathroom's right there.
I don't want my picture took!
-Philip: Ohh!
Okay. Let's give this a shot.
[Violin playing in distance]
Sounds like
somebody is practicing.
[Violin continues]
Oh. Hello.
I'm Philip.
Uh, I'm Philip.
I just moved
into the corner room,
so I guess we're neighbors.
[Clears throat]
Who's that playing the violin?
Do you know?
-Mrs. Blandi: There he is!
How's the new apartment,
Mr. Howard?
-Philip:
So far, so good, Mrs. Blandi.
-Oh, good! Oh!
I didn't know you wore glasses.
Nice frames!
So you getting settled in okay?
-Philip: Yes, I am.
But can I ask you?
Who is that playing
that crazy violin?
-Oh, that's the gentleman
named Mr. Sze.
He lives on the top floor.
Kind of strange,
but you'll get used to it.
-Philip: Why strange?
-Well, he works most evenings
at some cheap club
in the orchestra.
Then he comes home
and plays that crazy music!
That's why he stays
in that lone apartment,
so he can play during the night.
-Philip: He doesn't play
allnight, though, does he?
-Well, he comes and goes.
Ooh! There! He stopped.
See? He's a strange old bird.
But you know what?
He stays to himself
and doesn't bother nobody.
-Philip: So there's
only one room up there?
-Yes. The attic. That's his.
He came with
the building kind of.
-Philip: Uh, thanks.
Have a good night.
-Night, dearie!
[Humming]
-Philip: Good night.
[Beep]
[Violin playing in distance]
Listen.
[Violin playing in distance]
Hear that?
It's fucking
3:15 in the morning,
and he's up there
playing his ass off.
This music is amazing.
Weird...fucking...incredible.
[Violin playing in distance]
[Violin stops]
Oh, well. Show's over, I guess.
Hmm!
[Humming]
Oops. Shit!
[Beep]
Excuse me. Mr. Sze?
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to surprise you.
Uh, my name is Philip Howard,
and I'm a big fan of your music!
Your violin work
is truly amazing!
-Mr. Sze: You--
You heard my music?
-Philip: Yes, sir.
I have heard it.
And I think it's brilliant.
-Thank you.
-Philip: Mr. Sze.
Would you play
some of your music for me?
-Are you a musician?
-Philip: No, sir. I'm a student.
A film student.
-A what?
-Philip: A film student, sir.
And I would love
to shoot you playing.
-Shoot me?
-Philip: Uh, yes, sir, but
with a camera. A video camera.
But, Mr. Sze, this is a good way
to share your art
with the world.
Your music will be recorded
for posterity.
I'm making a documentary, and
I would like to put you in it!
Okay. Guess...not.
-Mr. Sze: Excuse me. Mister...
-Philip: Uh, Howard.
-Mr. Howard.
You say you can record my music
and save it
for future generations?
-Philip: Yes, sir.
Not only a musical record,
but also video footage
of you playing.
Performing.
-When can we do this?
-Philip: Anytime you want, sir.
You tell me.
-Can we do this now?
-Philip: Right now? Yes, we can.
Can you give me a few minutes
to get my stuff, my equipment?
-Yes.
-Philip: Okay. Be right back.
-Come, come. Come.
Move. Move.
Have to...
Have to close...
Close the window.
Sit. Sit.
[Beep]
[Violin playing]
[Violin stops]
[Hands clapping]
-Philip: Bravo! Bravo, Mr. Sze!
That was absolutely beautiful!
You know,
what I'd really like to hear
is another song
I heard you play.
It goes something like this.
Da, da-da, da da...
-Stop! Stop that immediately!
[Rumbling]
[Mr. Sze gasps]
[Rattling]
[Rumbling and rattling stop]
Listen! Never repeat that music!
Do not play it!
Do not imitate it!
Never listen to it!
Tell me. When did you hear it?
-Philip: Last night. I heard
you playing through my ceiling.
My apartment's
right under yours.
-You heard me?
Then you have to
move immediately
to a different apartment
on a lower floor!
-Philip: What? Why?
-I will arrange it
with Mrs. Blandi.
And I will pay for it.
Now leave!
Stop your camera
and please leave!
[Beep]
-What the fuck was that?!
You saw Mr. Sze's face.
He was genuinely terrified.
Why? And his window.
Those steel shutters
were shaking
like somebody
was trying to break in.
But he's on the third floor,
so that doesn't make any sense.
No. I'm telling you.
There is something weird
going on up there.
Okay, here I am, moving down
to my new apartment.
-Stop it. I told you.
I don't want my picture took!
-Philip: Uh, don't worry.
No pictures.
-What's the matter?
You moving out?
You don't like us no more?
-Philip: Nah, I'm just
moving down to the first floor.
But, uh, tell me something.
What do you know about
the old guy up on the top floor?
Mr. Sze.
-Nothing.
I don't know nothing.
-Philip: How about you?
Yeah. Okay.
-Mrs. Blandi:
Oh, there you are, dear!
We just got the place
cleaned for you.
Josh just did your floor.
-Philip:
Thanks, Mrs. B. Thanks, Josh.
-And as Mr. Sze stipulated,
your rent's all taken care of...
as long as you stay here.
-Philip: Ever heard of anybody
doing anything like that before?
-No.
Frigging peculiar,
if you ask me.
Enjoy your new place!
Uh, Mr. Sze.
Uh, Mr. Sze, wait, sir.
I'm sorry about earlier.
I really didn't mean
to upset you
with the documentary and all.
But you see, sir,
I'm still making it.
And I'm almost finished.
I think maybe if we could do
one more interview,
then, you know, we could
talk more about your music.
And it doesn't have to
be that other song.
I know the one
that upset you so much.
Even though it's really great.
But I'm just a fan now, sir,
and I think maybe
you could be an inspiration
to many other artists
like you and-- Sir, wait!
Fuck.
Jesus!
[Beep]
[Violin playing in distance]
Yep. At it again.
[Violin continues]
Whoa.
Wha-- Wha--
[Philip grunting]
What is going on?
[Violin stops]
What the fuck?
Hi, Mr. Sze. I was just coming
to see how you were doing.
Oh, my God! Your hair!
-Please excuse me!
-Philip: Yeah, Mr. Sze.
Of course. I'm sorry.
Oh, my God. His hair.
[Grunts]
Whoa.
Interesting.
[Eerie music plays]
Hm. Whoa.
Whoa. What the hell?
[Eerie music plays]
[Gasps] What the fuck?
[Ethereal music plays]
[Creature growling]
[Ethereal music continues]
[People screaming]
[Ethereal music continues]
[People screaming]
[Creature growls]
[Violin playing]
-Mr. Sze: Get away from there!
Get away from there!
No, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no!
-Philip: W-What is that?
-Mr. Sze: It sees you now!
It's coming! It knows you now!
-Philip: What is that?!
[Thud]
What is that?
Mr. Sze?
What the fuck is happening?!
Mr. Sze! Mr. Sze!
[Violin playing]
[Distorted]
Mr. Sze, what's happening?
[Violin continues]
Mr. Sze!
[Violin continues]
[Philip grunting]
-[Screaming]
-Philip: Oh, my God!
[Creature growls]
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
What the fuck?!
[Philip panting]
-What is going on?!
-Philip: Run! Get out now!
I'm telling you!
Something is coming!
[Mrs. Blandi screams]
-Philip: No!
-What the fuck are you?
Piece of shit!
-Philip: What the fuck?!
-[Grunting]
-Philip: No! No!
[Sobbing]
No!
Holy fuck.
Hit him in his eye!
[Creature growling]
[Man screams]
-Philip: No. No, no, no.
Go back!
[Philip screams]
[Philip panting and sobbing]
[Rumbling]
[Philip screams]
Josh! No!
[Philip screams]
[Philip panting]
[Creature growls]
Fuck.
[Philip screams]
-Oh, man! That was great!
-That was sick!
-Yeah.
-Yeah. You know, that was cool.
I like those--
those found-footage movies.
-Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!
I know about those.
Those are great. How do you find
the found footage, though?
-I don't know. We should find
somebody to go find footage.
-Wait a minute. Wait.
Testiclees!
Hey, go find us that found
footage that we need to find!
-Unh!
-Aw, man!
-No!
-No!
[Screams]
-Ohh! The sounds
of human suffering!
Is there a more beautiful music
in all of existence?
The euphony of pain.
The melodious agony
of the tormented soul.
Horror and sound...
inexorably married,
entangled like lovers...
feeding off
each other's suffering...
filling our nightmares
with the din of dread.
Sound. Simple vibrations.
But sound holds a power.
The power to bring grown men
to their knees
quaking in utter terror...
desperate to escape the torment,
attacking their aural canal.
Boring deeper and deeper
into their soul.
An unstoppable...
uncaring noise!
-[Chanting]
[Repugnant's
"Premature Burial"plays]
[Song continues]
-Decrepit as
you've fallen in deceased
Joints are withering
as they freeze
Decomposition
eating through your head
Mistakenly
you're confirmed as dead
Opening the torso,
remove the stinking crud
Tapping your veins
of fluids and blood
Your yawning gap
sewn shut in haste
An attractive corpse,
dried-out human waste
Panicking
yet you're paralyzed...
Screaming,
silent and voiceless
As you are lowered
into the grave
Premature burial
Trapped in a box
six feet under ground
You slowly fall apart
never to be found
Black putrefaction,
odor is sumptuous
Smelling sweet and sour,
stench of puss
Festering posture
of malignant phlegm
Hungry maggots causing
internal mayhem
Deafened by the silence,
dark is all you see
Inside this rotting coffin
you'll spend eternity
Panicking
yet you're paralyzed
Your worst nightmare
has come true
Screaming, silent,
and voiceless
As you are united
with the dew
Premature burial
[Grunting]
[Song continues]
As one with the cemetery
Frozen, decayed, rotten
Soon you will be
but a memory
Undead, buried
[Eerie music plays]
[Man whimpering]
[Man screaming]
[Man screaming]
[Song continues]
[Song continues]
Panicking
yet you're paralyzed
Claustrophobic wooden cell
Screaming, silent,
and voiceless
If only you could
burn in hell
Premature burial
[Squishing]
-[Grunts]
[Thud]
[Whistling]
-Wow! That last clip by...
[Crunching]
...was incredible!
-So-- [Screaming]
-Hey. You're gonna love
this next clip by...
[Crunching]
-[Grunting]
[Beep]
-Lydia: When I was a kid,
my dad was a legend.
He was the greatest producer
I ever heard.
He cut hundreds of tracks.
[Rock music playing]
Two months ago, when he died,
everything changed.
I've been stuck in a rut trying
to mix this beat in his honor.
[Rock music playing]
So I went back to his
old demo tapes for inspiration.
And then I found this.
-Dad: Lydia, if you've
found this recording,
my corporeal form
is likely toast...
but the beat is eternal.
Lay down a track
with these steps,
and I'll stay with you forever.
Take heed
to document the process.
These are the five lessons.
Number one,
start with the drum and bass.
The rhythm is the foundation.
The secret is finding sounds
that are unique, original.
You know how many people
use the same bland presets?
Making the music
sound cookie-cutter?
-I can't fucking find
the sound I'm looking for.
But I'm not gonna
give up for you, Dad.
You know, some of the greats...
Hendrix, the Peppers,
Lil Wayne...
they used other things
to reach higher levels.
[Sighs]
I don't think my dad did.
But maybe...
[Eerie music plays]
-Dad: My success came from me
introducing new organic sounds
into my production,
sounds that were one of a kind,
fresh to the human ear.
[Beep]
-I'm documenting everything
like you said, Dad,
and the track is developing.
I just need more inspiration
for the source material.
[Eerie music plays]
[Beep]
[Chatter]
-There she is!
Thanks for coming
on such short notice.
I didn't think
you'd actually show.
-Lydia: No, I think I needed
this as much as you did.
I've been cooped up
in the studio all day.
-What's with the camera?
-Lydia: Oh, it's for
a documentary project
I'm working on.
-Okay.
If I have a few more of these,
I'm sure
I wouldn't mind anything.
So document away, beautiful.
-Lydia: [Chuckles]
-Cheers. To your project.
-And I'm working
on a concept album.
-Oh, shit. Really?
Kind of music?
-Black metal.
Lots of organic percussion.
Captured live.
-[Laughs]
-Don't laugh at me.
-I'm not. It's just surprising.
I mean, you look too sweet
to be making heavy beats.
-A lot of people say that
until they get to know me.
-And then what?
-And then it's just too late.
You can leave your shoes
at the door.
-Gold records?
I didn't know you were that big.
-Lydia: [Chuckles]
No, they were just my dad's.
But I'm working
on something right now
that I'm hoping can be that big.
-Alright. Lovely place.
-Lydia: Thanks.
This is my bedroom.
-Shall we?
-Lydia: Yeah.
-Oh. More cameras.
What is this? "Boogie Nights"?
-Lydia: What if it was?
I thought you said
you were down for anything.
-You are a serious freak,
aren't you?
-You have no idea.
I have something
I really want to try with you.
You down?
[Beep]
-[Grunts]
Oh, wow. Legs, too?
-[Chuckles]
-I want you
completely vulnerable.
[Jazz music plays]
-I need total isolation
of the source material.
-[Grunts]
[Music stops]
-Ohh. Hey.
-Let me help you with this.
[Whirring]
-Hey!
That's pulling me tight! Stop.
-Sorry. I just need to establish
a baseline frequency.
-Hey.
T-This isn't funny anymore.
Hey. No. No.
[Muffled shouts]
[Beep]
-[Whirring]
-[Grunts]
-Sorry.
I'll try to be more gentle.
[Bones cracking]
[Grunting]
[Thumping]
-[Screams]
[Cracking]
[Whirring]
[Crack]
[Grunts]
[Glasses clinking]
[Whirring]
[Sounds playing rhythmically]
-Dad: Lesson two.
Create the vocal layer.
[Beep]
-Lydia: Yo!
Hey. I happened to catch
your set at the bar tonight.
That was really
something special.
-[Chuckles] Thanks.
Uh, you actually listened?
-Lydia: Well, no.
It was all I could focus on.
You have a really incredible
natural tone.
Have you ever looked into, like,
recording a proper demo?
-It's just all you?
-Lydia: Just me.
-So you were saying this is,
like, a recording studio?
-Lydia: Yeah, the booth is
in the back, right over here.
-Cool.
-You can just
head right on in there.
-Oh. [Chuckles]
-And make yourself
nice and cozy.
-Sounds...good. Uh...
-Alright. You ready?
You feeling good?
-As good as I can be. Yeah.
Um...
-Yeah, you can adjust that
however you want.
-Seems pretty good.
-I'm just gonna
get us set up here.
Alright. We are all set.
This is where the magic happens.
-I see. Um...
Oh. Oh.
Uh-- [Clears throat]
What's this,
uh, plastic on the ground?
-It's all just set up
for a very special sound.
-Got it. That's cute.
Is it, like, what you normally
wear for sessions?
-Oh, you know, just to add
to the feng shui of it all.
-[Chuckles]
Definitely feng shui.
Uh, so, I still don't really
know what we're doing.
What am I singing?
What genre?
-Soul music.
-Don't really do soul music.
I, uh-- I'm more of
a classical lyricist.
Yo, what are you --
Yo, look. I don't mind
a little bit of drugs.
That looks crazy.
Um...
-Okay.
[Chain saw buzzing]
-What the fuck?
What the fuck are you doing?
Fuck you.
Fuck! [Screaming]
[Intermittent screams]
[Rhythmic screams]
-Dad: Lesson three.
Give the track breadth.
Create ghost notes
in the key of the song
to give it an airy,
dreamy feel.
-Lydia:
Hey. Sorry to bother you!
-Yeah. What do you want?
-Lydia:
I'm moving some equipment
out of my studio
down the street,
and my back is killing me.
I just need some help
picking up, like, two crates.
It'll take 20 minutes, tops.
I'll give you 50 bucks cash
and buy you dinner?
Here.
[Clattering]
-50 bucks cash?
-Lydia:
And a pack of cigarettes.
Hop in.
Let's get you out of this cold.
-By the way,
why are you filming all this?
-Lydia: So I can replay it
when I'm sad.
[Beep]
-[Gasps] Oh, my God.
[Eerie music plays]
[Sobbing]
Help!
Help me!
Someone, please!
Help!
Someone! Help me, please!
[Sobbing]
[Coughing]
-Hey, girl.
Ready?
-[Screams]
[Gagging]
[Eerie music plays]
[Gentle music plays]
[Music stops]
[Knock on door]
-Sharpe: Miss Van Horn?
-Shit! Shit.
[Knock on door]
[Beep]
-Miss Van Horn?
Detective Sharpe.
Sorry to disturb you.
-Oh. No. It's fine.
Is everything okay?
-What's with the camera?
-Oh, I'm recording
my creative process.
-It's not exactly protocol
to let you record
this conversation, ma'am.
-But you're recording me.
-Touch.
-We can exchange footage
if you want.
-Okay.
Well, I won't hold you up.
Unfortunately,
we've had a string
of missing-persons reports
within the last two weeks
in about a ten-block radius.
-Oh, no, that's too bad.
-So I guess I'm just here
to check if you seen
or heard anything.
-Pbht. Oh, gosh. I don't know.
You see all kinds of weird stuff
in these parts, right?
-Yeah, well...
-It is the big city, after all.
But, no,
nothing stands out to me
as particularly...
murderous lately.
-Murderous?
-Yeah.
When adults go missing
and it's been over 48 hours,
I'm pretty sure the odds
of it being a homicide
increase by 70%.
-Do you live alone?
-Yes. Yep.
Just me and my recording rig.
-Cool.
-You know,
you have a very airy voice.
Have you ever recorded a demo?
-Funny. Very funny.
I dabbled.
A little bit in high school.
But my calling
wasn't making beats.
Walkingthe beat was.
-Well, I'm working
on a track right now.
I feel like your voice would
be just the addition I need.
-I'm flattered, but, no.
I'm still on the job.
But, please, do let me know
if you see or hear anything.
-Of course.
-Have a productive day,
Miss Van Horn.
And good luck on that track.
[Beep]
-Dad: Lesson number four.
Don't hide behind the machines.
Get in there and experiment.
-[Gagging]
[Crack]
-[Screaming]
[Sobbing]
Deconstruct. Reconstruct.
Build your melody.
-Man: Sweet fucking axe!
Mind if I play it?
-Sure. Go right ahead.
[Gas hissing]
[Man screaming]
[Gas hissing]
-Just remember
to protect your neck!
-Some of the process is messy.
That's what creates
an authentic, raw sound.
Remember.
It's okay to blend genres.
Add that classical flair.
[Woman sobbing]
-Okay, sweetie.
I'm just gonna need a C-major.
[Woman sobbing rhythmically]
[Woman screaming]
[Woman sobbing]
[Woman screaming]
[Knock on door]
-Sharpe: Miss Van Horn!
Miss Van Horn,
this is very serious.
We have security footage
of you talking to a man
outside of a convenience store
about a week ago.
A Mr. Mark Stephenson.
Who hasn't been
seen or heard from since.
-And you think he's in here?
-Well, would you mind
if I take a look around?
-Actually, yes, I would.
I don't know what kind of girl
you take me for,
but you are embarrassing me.
-Miss Van Horn,
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to
get realembarrassing
if I have to come back here
with a search warrant.
-I guess it will.
[Suspenseful music plays]
[Beep]
[Clicking]
-Dad: Lesson five.
Put yourself into the work.
[Suspenseful music continues]
[Beep]
[Knock on door]
-Sharpe: Miss Van Horn!
I'm back with that warrant!
Things are not
looking too good for you.
[Beep]
[Rhythm playing]
[Crash]
Miss Van Horn?
[Man grunts]
-Sharpe: Shit.
[Cracking]
Mother of God.
-[Sighs]
[Breathing deeply]
I don't know
if I can do this one, Dad.
-Sharpe: Don't move a muscle!
You're under arrest!
-It's okay.
[Beats playing]
The music makes it worth it.
[Screams]
[Mid-tempo music plays]
[Music stops]
[Radio beeps]
-We got multiple homicides.
At least four.
I got to count all the pieces
to be sure.
Hands. Feet.
Man, there's all kinds
of fucked-up in here.
[Radio clicks]
[Click]
[Lydia grunting]
[Beats playing]
We did it, Dad.
It's perfect.
[Mid-tempo music plays]
[Music continues]
-Lydia: Death tone.
-To all the human creatures
My eyes with a razor
[Indistinct singing]
Motherfucking hellraiser
[Indistinct singing]
Motherfucking hellraiser
To all the human creatures
My eyes with a razor
[Indistinct singing]
Motherfucking hellraiser
To all the human creatures
My eyes with a razor
[Indistinct singing]
Motherfucking hellraiser
Hellraiser, hellraiser
Motherfucking hellraiser
Hellraiser, hellraiser
Motherfucking hellraiser
[Song continues]
[Indistinct singing]
[Indistinct singing]
To all the human creatures
My eyes with a razor
[Indistinct singing]
[Screams]
To all the human creatures
My eyes with a razor
[Indistinct singing]
Motherfucking hellraiser
Hellraiser, hellraiser
Motherfucking hellraiser
Hellraiser, hellraiser
Motherfucking hellraiser
["Dance, Dance, Dance, Dance"
plays]
-Flowers lose their petals
-Waves go back to sea
-Everything
that lives and grows
-Will one day cease to be
-Yes, it might be painful
-And, yes, it will be sad
-So don't you dare
waste your last chance
-Until we die, we're gonna
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Life is one big party
Dance until
your feet fall off
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Once we get it started
Don't let the music stop
-Don't matter
if you're poor or rich
-Or green
-Or black and blue
-Like mold
comes for a sandwich
-The darkness comes for you
-You can smoke and puff
the day away
-Go for early morning runs
-But you will
meet your maker
-Each and every one
-So
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Life is one big party
Dance until
your feet fall off
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Before tuberculosis
or a whooping cough
-Stare into the expanse
-Panse, panse
panse, panse, panse
Of endless darkness
It's our last chance,
chance, chance
So dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Once we get it started
Don't let the music stop
Failed heart transplant,
fire ants in your pants
-Working in finance
Terrible circumstance
Lung disease
-Stormy seas
-Buried alive
-Choked on a chive
-Tuberculosis,
broken promises
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
-Oh, yeah,
you're all gonna die!
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
-Dance!
[Laughter]
[Static crackles]
-George: Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Alright.
You want to see mypuppets?
Come on.
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
[Sighs]
They look so peaceful.
I'm gonna have to
hire a new intern.
[Eerie music plays]
[VCR whirring and clicking]
-Y'all already know
what the fuck time it is!
It's Grodius Maximus from GWAR!
We're here jacking off
in my mom's room today.
Check her out.
'Cause I'd be liking to jack off
doing some jackoff stuff
in here, if you know what
I be sizzlin' and sayin'.
Ha ha ha! The craziest thing
happened last week.
That's why I got all
these cameras set up.
'Cause nobody's
ever gonna believe me.
Also, I'm borrowing
my mom's butt boy.
His name's Frugal Boots,
and he's gonna document
the whole thing.
Fuck you, Frugal Boots!
Let's go over to
this magical altar right here.
If I take any of these drawings
that I did
when I was a little kid
and I ejaculate
right onto the drawing,
the fucking thing comes to life!
I will jack these pictures off
into fucking existence!
Oh, what about this hot dog?
You guys want to see that?
-Crowd: Yeah!
-Watch this. Mmm. Yeah.
Let me get...
Ohh, mama's titties.
And shalamazam!
[Cackles]
Here we go!
Oh, my God!
It's a fucking hot dog!
And it's covered in my cum.
That's kind of gross.
I like that.
[Muffled]
I'll tell you one thing
I've always wanted to cum on.
That's my own beautiful,
luscious face.
But I don't quite bend that way.
Why don't we
go over to the altar?
We're gonna get a little drawing
of a miniature Goko...
Grodius boy.
[Splat!]
Oh, there we go.
So get ready for action.
[Insects chirping]
Well, I don't know. Usually
something happens by now.
I don't know.
Maybe I just lost my mojo, baby.
Huh? Oh! Oh, my God!
That is an evil Grodius!
Would you look at that?
Well, hot dog, Grodius!
That's a nice pee-pee!
Wait. No! No, no!
Don't cum on me!
Please! No!
Aaah!
Oh, yeah?
Two can play at that game!
[Growling]
[Knock on door]
-Are you boys jacking off
in my room without me again?
Ooh...
[Groaning]
[Groaning]
[Eerie music plays]
[Beep]
[Static]
-Why, hello!
I am The Berserker Blothar!
And we are GWAR!
[Laughter]
-Hey! That's us!
-Yes.
So sit back, human filth,
and revel in the unholy horrors
that we're about to show you.
[Rock music plays]
[Birds chirping]
-Hello! Hemlock here!
-And I'm Riptide!
-Skeeto reporting for duty!
-Hi! [Clears throat]
I'm Botulism. Hee-hee-hee!
[Laughter]
-Whoo! Hey, Riptide.
What time is it?
-Great question, Skeeto!
It's time to sing the song!
-All: Yay!
-Today's song is really special.
It's about something
that happens
to everybody
in the whole wide world.
-Learning how to swim?
-No.
-Hmm. Body changes!
-Well, sort of.
-[Gasps] Oh, I know!
Come here, come here, come here.
[Whispering gibberish]
-That's right, Botulism!
Today's song is about...
-Wait, wait, wait, wait!
But first we need to pick
a friend from the audience
to help us sing the song!
-All: Hmm!
-Audience: Me, me, me, me!
-[Gasps] You.
-[Gasps]
-You. That's right. Come on up.
-Yeah!
-Come on up here.
[Gasps]
-Aah!
-Welcome to
"The Curious Chorus."
-[Sighs]
-Hey. What's your blood type?
[Laughter]
-Do you like to sing?
-Ooh.
-Yeah.
-I bet you do!
Would you like
to sing along with us?
-Please!
-Yay!
-Oh, he said yes!
-Flowers lose their petals
-Waves go back to sea
-Everything that lives
and grows
-Will one day cease to be
-Yes, it might be painful
-And, yes, it will be sad
-So don't, don't you
dare waste your last chance
-Until we die, we're gonna
Dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance
Life is one big party
Dance until
your feet fall off
Dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance
Once we get it started,
don't let the music stop
Stop, stop, stop...
[Static crackling]
-Hi, I'm Daisy.
-Vanessa: Good morning.
-Sam: Hey. What up?
-Oh, um, I didn't know
you'd be filming.
-Oh, yeah, just a little...
"How It's Made"
for the marketing team.
Sam's idea.
-Sam: Oh, Mom, stop.
-It's like a promo doc.
Do you know what that is, dear?
-Yeah, I-- I do.
-Sam: Is that okay?
-Of course it's okay.
Um, actually, we're on
a bit of a tight schedule,
so can we get this moving?
-Daisy: Oh. Of course. Yeah.
-So, did you ever watch
"The Curious Chorus"?
-No, I'm not that old.
So that's the one
you guys are rebooting?
-Rebooting? No.
We're not rebooting anything.
No one likes a reboot.
It's a re-imagining...
for a new audience.
And the show was
so popular back in the day,
it's poised to be a big hit.
-Sam: We just need to
get the designs right.
-Daisy: What do you mean?
-Oh, we're gonna do a digital
scan of the original puppets
and render that into 3-D images.
-Daisy: Oh, man.
George isn't gonna like that.
-Sam: The show was so popular.
How come it only had one season?
-It only neededone season.
No reason to bring it back,
especially not the way
you'redoing it.
-Everyone, this is George.
He's in charge of the puppets.
-Sam: Hey, George.
Whatcha working on?
If you-- If you want to see
how the scan process works,
I can show you.
Just need a place to set up.
-Uh, there are some tables
in the other room.
I'll show you.
-Daisy, don't you have
some work to be doing?
-Yeah. Uh, sorry, guys.
-Okay. We got this, guys.
Come on. Let's get to work.
I don't understand
what the problem is.
-Chris: Oh, shit.
-Vanessa: I mean,
you don't own these puppets.
-Chris: Drama.
-Nobody "owns" them.
-Oh, yes, they do!
The studio owns them!
And I'm the studio!
And you, George,
have two choices.
You can either
give us the puppets,
we scan them,
and we give them back to you...
or we take them
up to our offices,
and you never see them again!
-Okay. You sure?
-Give me the puppets, George!
-Okay.
-Chris: Shit.
-Fucking guy.
They're fucking puppets.
What the fuck is wrong with him?
-Sam, you gotta cut this
because-- I'm sorry.
I just went off for a minute,
so we can't use this.
[Beep]
-Chris: Yeah. Cool. Thanks, man.
So come check it out.
Process is pretty cool,
actually. Um...
Just scan the puppets here.
[Beeping]
Vanessa: -Yeah, that's a new
machine we just picked up.
Works great.
Hey, um, George,
could you step away, please,
so he can get the backside
of the puppets?
Thank you.
-Uh, and it should be popping
up on my laptop over there.
Uh, you see it?
-Sam: Um, yo, Chris, are
they supposed to look like that?
-What? What happened?
-Vanessa: You tell me. Fix it!
-Chris: Uh, it's fine.
We can scan it again.
We can scan it again.
-You're just gonna
get more of the same.
-Why?
-Well, clearly,
they don't want to be scanned.
You're over there
plotting their demise,
and they're not having it.
-Who the fuck are you?
Geppetto?
-Chris: Yeah,
I think I just went too fast.
It'll take like five minutes.
-Okay. Yeah. Do it.
So do it again.
-Chris: Okay. Yeah. Sorry.
Um...
-It's probably just
a little glitch anyway.
-Chris: Yeah, it's no big deal.
-Vanessa: Alright.
No. I trust you. You can do it.
-Sam: I'm getting out of here.
-Chris: Oh, man.
It's still not looking right.
-Vanessa: Yeah.
-Chris: And if you go
a little fast,
it distorts the image a bit.
-Vanessa: Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
The only thing is, I got to
go fast out of here, so...
-Chris: I know.
-Vanessa: I have other meetings.
-Chris: Yeah, your assistant
told me five minutes max.
-Vanessa: It's fine.
-Chris: We'll get you out.
-Sam:
God. This is fucking boring.
[Chatter]
Restricted? I wonder why.
Whoa!
Jesus Christ!
Huh? Alien!
[Chuckles]
Whoa.
Is that-- That's--
I think that's
George's workstation.
How do you do, fine sir?
Tough crowd.
Okay. Whoa.
Huh. Skull collection.
-Oh, hello, kitty! Hello!
[Imitates pigeon cooing]
[Chuckles]
Man, there's a lot
of stuff in here.
Whoa. [Chuckles]
What's this?
This little guy.
[Beeping]
[Chuckles]
"My name is George,
and I like toys!"
[Laughs]
I see you!
-Dance until
your feet fall off
-Sam: What the fuck?
-Dance, dance, dance,
dance, dance
Once we get it started,
don't let the music stop
Stop, stop, stop
-Don't matter
if you're poor or rich
-Or green
-Or black and blue
-Like mold
comes for a sandwich
-The darkness comes for you
[Static hisses]
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
[Woman screams]
Life is one big party
Dance until
your feet fall off
[Distorted] Dance,
dance, dance, dance, dance
[Song distorting]
-Sam: Is that...George?
[Thud]
Shit!
Ohh. You got to be kidding me.
-George: What are you doing?
-Sam: Jesus! What am Idoing?
What the fuck
are youdoing, man?
-Scans are done. Time to go.
-Sam: Oh. Thank God.
Oh, fuck.
-Actually, don't you want
to get a look at the set?
-Chris: Where is this guy
taking us?
-Sam: Can't see shit in here.
-Chris: I think we should
get out of here.
-Sam: Hey, can we get
some lights on, please?
[Click]
Did he move the puppets
over here?
-Vanessa: Wow. This has all
just been sitting here?
-George: Well, they've been
using it for storage, mostly.
-Vanessa: Storage?
This is fantastic!
Great production value.
I love it.
-George: Uh, everybody, come on.
Take a puppet.
-Sam: Uh, I'm-- I'm good.
-Well, I wasn't asking.
You all wanted to bring back
"The Curious Chorus."
That's what we're gonna do.
-Yeah. It'll be good
for the promo doc. Come on.
Ohh! [Chuckles]
"Oh. Hello. How are you?
I'm fine. How are you?"
[Laughs]
"Hey, lady. What's your name?"
[Gasps] Vanessa.
-I mean,
there's only three of us,
so I don't think we can do it.
-George: Uh, right. Um...
Daisy?!
-Jesus Christ.
-George: Daisy!
-Hey. Do you remember
the day you were adopted?
I brought you to a puppet show.
-Mom, shut the fuck up. Stop.
-What do you mean,
shut the fuck--
-This is ridiculous.
Why are we here?
-This is not ridiculous.
This is fun.
-George: Daisy,
put Skeeto on for me.
-Vanessa: This is gonna work.
I love it.
It's gonna be great.
Come on.
-George: What--
What are you waiting for?
Put them on.
-[Chuckles]
-George: Put...them...on.
[Chuckles]
-Jesus. Alright.
-George: Now, if you want to do
"The Curious Chorus,"
you got to know their best song.
Hang tight.
I got it all cued up right here.
[Gentle music plays]
-Sam: Did anybody else's puppet
just move on its own?!
-Yeah!
-Vanessa: George!
How do we stop it?!
-Will one day cease to be
-Vanessa: George!
-Chris: I don't want
to do this anymore!
-And, yes, it will be sad
-So don't you dare
waste your last chance
-Until we die, we're gonna
[Bone snaps]
[Vanessa screams]
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
-Get it off! Get it off!
-Life is one big party
Dance until
your feet fall off
-Get it off!
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
[All screaming]
-Once we get it started
Don't make the music stop
-Don't matter
if you're poor or rich
-Or green
-Or black and blue
-Like mold
comes for a sandwich
-The darkness comes for you
-We can smoke and puff
the day away
-Go for early morning runs
-But you will meet
your maker
-Each and every one
So...
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Life is one big party
Dance until
your feet fall off
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Once we get it started
Don't let the music stop
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
-Ooh, O positive!
-Life is one big party
Dance until
your feet fall off
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Before tuberculosis
-[Vomiting]
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
[All screaming]
-[Vomiting]
[Indistinct shouting]
[Sizzling]
-[Screaming]
-Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my fucking God!
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
-What the fuck?! What the fuck?!
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
-[Screaming]
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
-What about your little movie?
Wait till you see the next part.
-Don't let the music stop
[Sam screaming]
[Eerie music plays]
[Indistinct shouting]
What the fuck?
What the fuck? What the fuck?
[Sam grunting]
[Sam grunting]
[Creatures growling]
[Whirring]
[Sam whimpering]
-Hi!
[Sam screams]
[Evil laughter]
-Bye-bye, die-die!
[Cackling]
-Hey, handsome!
Give this possum a kiss!
[Cackling]
-You die tonight.
Tonight, you die.
Tonight, you die.
-Come here!
I wanna have a bite!
[Cackling]
-Dance, dance, dance...
[Sam screams]
What the fuck? Holy shit!
[Evil laughter]
[Sam gasps]
-[Screaming]
[Saw whirring]
-We're having fun, everybody.
-Sam: Get the fuck away from me.
-Hey, I'm working here!
You're next! [Chuckles]
-Sam: Exit. Exit. Exit. Exit.
There's gotta be...
[Whirring]
[Evil laughter]
-Sam: Okay. Okay.
[Creatures shouting
and laughing]
Stop. Stop, stop, stop!
Please, please, please!
I'll do whatever you want. Okay?
[Evil laughter]
No, no, no, no!
-Run! [Laughs]
-Here I come!
-Ha ha ha! Got him!
[Static crackles]
[Indistinct shouting]
-Sam: Oh, my God!
[Sam crying]
-Up!
-You got a pretty smile!
-Holy shit!
-We're just gonna
take a little off the top!
[Laughter]
[Indistinct shouting]
-Here we go!
-[Grunting]
-Sam: What the fuck?
[Thud]
[Whirring]
[Laughter]
-Mommy!
-Hold him down!
-[Sam screaming]
-Mommy! Mommy!
[Laughter]
-Face...off.
[Laughter]
-Hey, guys! Check this out!
"Dance, dance, dance."
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
-Oh, yeah!
You're all gonna die!
-Dance, dance, dance, dance
-[Spits]
[Laughter]
[Beep]
[Water dripping]
[Eerie music plays]
-[Grunting]
[Bones crack]
-Let's get Salaminized.
Salum...mineh...
Minimized. Mini...
Slim. Slim. Slim?
-"Salaminizer"!
-Cram it, Stubs!
[GWAR's
"The Salaminizer"plays]
-Cat got your tongue?
[Music continues]
Ahh!
[Screams]
[Insects chirping]
[Eerie music plays]
[Clock ticking]
[Eerie music continues]
[Eerie music continues]
-No!
[Eerie music continues]
[Eerie music continues]
[Eerie music continues]
-VHS Tape?
Don't look like tape.
It doesn't stick to anything!
I don't understand how this
is supposed to make a movie.
Show me the movie!
-Uh, I don't know.
I think maybe it goes in here?
Oh, it goes in...there?
Yeah! See?
How do you push play?
It's a double feature.
[Chuckles]
Oh, no!
[Rock music plays]
-Maya: Action.
-Alright, squad, quick update.
We're now 30 minutes out
from the spot.
And trust me. This one's insane.
-Three months ago,
one of our subscribers
sent us a screenshot,
said he spotted
something strange
in the woods
near the Bulgarian border.
See that number right there?
That's a Soviet military code.
-So we started digging.
Old military maps.
Archived satellite images.
Forums nobody's visited
since 2007.
No photos online.
No roads leading to it. Nothing.
-Which usually means
we're about to get arrested.
-If we're the first people
inside-- and we will be--
this video is gonna blow up
like a fucking nuke, so...
-Hit subscribe,
smash that like button,
and come along with us!
-Whee-hee!
[Chuckles] Look at this ass.
-Wes: Oh.
-Maya: [Purrs]
-Wes: Like it?
-Maya: So hot.
-Why are you filming me
all the time?
I mean, I'm trying to do
beautiful shots here.
-Because I love you.
-Oh. That's beautiful.
-Maya: [Laughs]
I don't think we're walking
towards the main entrance.
I think this could be, like,
a secondary entrance.
Maybe an emergency exit.
-Wes: Slow down.
Slow the fuck down!
-Maya: [Laughs] Come on!
-Yeah. Come on.
-Maya: We're almost there.
-Wes: [Groans]
Remind me why I'm dating
a drill sergeant.
-Because you love suffering.
[Wes groans]
What is that? Look at this.
Comrades!
I think we're close.
[Singing in Russian]
-Idiot.
-Wes: I'd have an Emmy by now.
Ahh.
Right. Am I right? Am I right?
-Maya: [Laughs] Look at that.
-Wes: Holy...
Okay, Maya,
go down on your knees...
and make as if
you were discovering it, right?
Alright. You ready?
Discover it. Discover it.
Yes.
-8-5-4, baby! Whoo!
-Ooh.
-Wes: Oh, wow.
-Maya:
How do we get down there?
-It'll be okay.
Okay.
-Maya: Yes!
-Your turn.
-[Laughs]
Maya: Okay.
Let's do the intro again.
This is way creepier.
Let's go.
-Alrighty,
beautiful night owls.
Welcome to another episode of
"Wes and Maya's
Midnight Misadventure."
Tonight's special feature,
we're taking you
inside a Cold War
military installation
that hasn't been visited
in at least 40 years.
-Yeah, and, folks,
let me tell you.
If this place doesn't
have at least one
creepy government experiment
left behind, I'm blaming you.
Oh, wow.
-Maya: I knew it.
-Wes: Come on.
Don't pretend to speak Russian.
-Maya: Oh, yes, indeed I do.
It's written...
"Wes, you better invite Maya
to dinner tonight."
-Wes: I'm gonna try to open it.
[Grunting]
Fuck!
[Cackling]
-Maya: [Laughs]
-Wes: Yes.
-Maya: Yes.
Good job.
-Wes: Okay.
Alright. Getting in.
[Door sliding]
[Wes grunts]
-Maya: Oh, babe. Look at this.
I hate seeing things like this.
-Wes: It's creepy.
-Maya: Hi, baby.
It's the worst part.
-Wes: Maya. Come here.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
[Whistles]
-Maya: Yeah.
-Wes:
That's not terrifying at all.
-Maya: About 60 feet.
Piece of cake. Okay. Let's go.
[Thud]
Ouch.
-Wes: That's cool.
-Maya: I know. 1967?
I don't think we're looking
at a bunker.
I think it's more likely...
-Wes: Infrastructures.
-Yeah. Infrastructures.
Common center?
Communication hub?
Oh, maybe a listening station.
That's right.
It's a listening station!
[Laughs]
"Ministry of Defense. Sector 3."
-Wes: [Chuckles]
Alright. That's cool.
-Maya: Thank you.
-Wes: Wow.
-Maya: Oh.
-Wes: [Echoing] Ay-ohh!
[Maya chuckles]
-Wes: Whoo!
Alright. Next door.
Want me to open it?
-Maya: I would like to.
Let me check.
-Wes: [Grunts] No, no.
-Maya: "Testing chamber."
I'm trusting you.
-Maya: Ohh.
-Wes: Okay.
Next stop...generator.
Okay. Are you ready?
-Maya: I don't know.
[Chuckles]
-Open sesame.
-Maya: Action.
[Click]
[Thud]
-Wes: Aah!
-Maya: I love you.
One, two, three.
Oh, my God.
-Wes: Oh.
-Maya: Oh. What?
Holy moly.
Oh, my God. I knew it.
[Chuckles]
Gonna clap.
Hear that, Wes?
No reverb. Perfect silence.
[Vocalizing]
I've never heard my voice
in a place like this!
-Wes: It's amazing.
Oh, my God. It's the best.
-Maya: Eee! Okay. Let me just...
"Do not remain in this area
for more than 15 minutes."
-Wes: Okay.
I guess we'd better hurry.
-Maya: Oh, yeah.
Alright, folks, so we're
inside an anechoic chamber,
and engineers use room like this
to test antennas
throughout the system.
Anything that actually requires
a total acoustic isolation.
And now,
with those little microphones,
you'll be able to hear
exactly what we hear.
-Wes: Right on.
Right. Sound check.
Sound check.
One. Two. One. Two. One. Two.
Alright.
Alright, alright, alright.
Wes and Maya are in the house.
-Maya: I think
you can hear my heart.
[Faint thumping]
Can you?
[Faint thumping]
[Chuckles] That's crazy.
-Alright, guys.
We're gonna try to switch it on.
It should be easy because
we already opened the door.
Alright, alright.
Yellow and yellow should work.
[Click]
Shit! Oh, my God!
-Maya: Wow. That's crazy.
-Wes: Alright.
[Man speaking Russian]
[Loud thud]
[Rumbling]
-Wes: What is that?!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
-Oh, fuck.
[Man speaking Russian]
-Did you touch anything?
-No, I didn't.
I didn't touch anything.
-Wes: Come on. Wait, wait.
It can't be. It can't be.
It's an old door.
It's an old...
Wait, wait, wait. Wait.
Let's think.
Let's think. Let's think.
Let's think.
-Maya: Fuck. Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I don't have any signal.
-Wes: Okay...
-Maya: How are we
gonna get out of here?
-Wes: Help me.
Come on. Come on. Pull it.
[Shouts]
Shit!
[Grunting]
-Maya:
There must be some kind of way.
You opened this door
with-- with cables.
You must--
You must be able to reverse it!
I don't know.
Like, some kind of solution!
I don't know
what the hell to do!
-[Muttering]
Shh, shh, shh, shh. Shh!
Okay.
Can you hear it?
[Thumping]
-Hear what?
-Wes: I can hear everything.
[Thumping]
-Maya: Wes?
Let's get our location right.
-Wes: Shh, shh!
-Wes?
-Wes: Shh! Please! Shh!
-Maya: Wes...
-[Breathing sharply]
-Maya: Wes, please tell me...
-Wes: It's noise.
-Maya: Tell me
you sent the coordinates...
-Wes:
No. No, no, no, no, no, no!
[Indistinct shouting]
[Wes screaming]
[High-pitched ringing]
No! Stop it! Stop it!
[Wes groaning]
[Wes groaning]
[Maya crying]
[Wes groaning]
[Bones cracking]
[Maya groaning]
[Wes groaning]
[Wes screams]
Please stop! It has to stop!
-Maya: What the hell?!
[Wes screaming]
[Muffled shouting]
-Maya: Stop!
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Fuck!
Oh, fuck!
No!
No. Baby. I'm here. I'm here.
Oh, fuck! Fuck!
Oh, fuck!
[Sobbing]
[Breathing heavily]
Babe.
[High-pitched ringing]
[Sobbing]
[High-pitched ringing]
[High-pitched ringing continues]
[Gasping]
[Indistinct singing]
[Sobbing]
[Thumping]
[Gasping]
[Clatter]
Leave me alone!
Hi, guys!
How are you guys?
It's been, uh-- Pbht!
[Laughing] I have no clue!
I think it can be, like,
16 or 17 or something like that.
The only thing that I know
is that I'm stuck.
I am so fucking stuck!
[Laughs]
There's noises everywhere.
I can hear my blood.
I can hear when I do like this
with my eyes.
This...I can hear.
[Gasps]
There's something else
that I can hear.
Do you want to hear it?
[Laughs]
Let me show you.
Okay. I just have to take
this little microphone.
And then I put it on my belly.
Sick, right?
[Laughs]
[Warbling]
[Gasps]
I don't have anything
to give to my baby.
I don't have anything to eat.
How the fuck
am I gonna do this?
How the fuck?
[High-pitched ringing]
Wes. Wes!
Wes! Why don't you
answer me, Wes?!
[Laughs]
[High-pitched ringing]
[Maya sobbing]
[Thud]
I love you.
[High-pitched ringing]
I'm sorry.
[Squishing]
[Buzzer]
[Thud]
[Rumbling]
I love you! I love you!
[Man speaking Russian]
-Alright! We need some fucking
coke on the catering table!
And I'm not talking about cola!
Ah! Time to act.
I'm acting like I give a shit
about this whole fucking thing.
I am the Berserk-- Line.
I don't know.
What's going on here?
My name is-- Line! I don't know.
I can't remem--
I don't remember anything.
I haven't seen a script.
The-- Line!
Oh, yeah! We're gonna
get fucked up tonight!
Hey. [Grunting]
Smells like a glory hole
in here!
Fucking ammonia everywhere.
It smells like Lysol,
and dicks keep popping
through a hole in the wall.
What the fuck else
do you call it
but a glory hole, Maury, huh?!
[Electronic music plays]
[Rock music plays]
-Hello, scum.
It's me, Sawborg Destructo.
That's right. I know.
I'm the drop-dead sexiest
scumdog there is out there.
But enough about me.
It's our guest here.
What do I call you?
Do I call you the Elder Gods?
The Old Ones?
What do I call you?
How do I address you?
-[Chuckles] Well. That's dumb.
I mean, mysterious.
Mysterious. Yeah.
Well, so, what's it like
being an all-knowing entity?
-Libations, you say?
Oh, no, I don't go for that.
If there's one thing I hate,
it's liars.
Liars. Ahhh! Blblblblblb!
-[Grunting]
[Rock music plays]
[Evil laughter]
-[Screaming]
-[Screaming]
[Rock music continues]
[Echoing Wilhelm scream]
[Beep]
-So, this is the start of
my student documentary project,
my life, day to day.
The assignment is
to record my daily activities
and organize them into a story.
[Beep]
My tools will be
my trusty dusty
Sony compact vlog camera,
which is shooting me right now.
And here-- drumroll, please--
is my new expensive
secret weapon.
My new camera eyeglasses
with a built-in 4K camera.
This is so folks won't know
I'm shooting them.
So...let's get started.
This is my room.
The furniture
is a bit...antiquated,
but, hey, it was included.
A room without a view.
But at least
I have plenty of space.
And the bathroom's right there.
I don't want my picture took!
-Philip: Ohh!
Okay. Let's give this a shot.
[Violin playing in distance]
Sounds like
somebody is practicing.
[Violin continues]
Oh. Hello.
I'm Philip.
Uh, I'm Philip.
I just moved
into the corner room,
so I guess we're neighbors.
[Clears throat]
Who's that playing the violin?
Do you know?
-Mrs. Blandi: There he is!
How's the new apartment,
Mr. Howard?
-Philip:
So far, so good, Mrs. Blandi.
-Oh, good! Oh!
I didn't know you wore glasses.
Nice frames!
So you getting settled in okay?
-Philip: Yes, I am.
But can I ask you?
Who is that playing
that crazy violin?
-Oh, that's the gentleman
named Mr. Sze.
He lives on the top floor.
Kind of strange,
but you'll get used to it.
-Philip: Why strange?
-Well, he works most evenings
at some cheap club
in the orchestra.
Then he comes home
and plays that crazy music!
That's why he stays
in that lone apartment,
so he can play during the night.
-Philip: He doesn't play
allnight, though, does he?
-Well, he comes and goes.
Ooh! There! He stopped.
See? He's a strange old bird.
But you know what?
He stays to himself
and doesn't bother nobody.
-Philip: So there's
only one room up there?
-Yes. The attic. That's his.
He came with
the building kind of.
-Philip: Uh, thanks.
Have a good night.
-Night, dearie!
[Humming]
-Philip: Good night.
[Beep]
[Violin playing in distance]
Listen.
[Violin playing in distance]
Hear that?
It's fucking
3:15 in the morning,
and he's up there
playing his ass off.
This music is amazing.
Weird...fucking...incredible.
[Violin playing in distance]
[Violin stops]
Oh, well. Show's over, I guess.
Hmm!
[Humming]
Oops. Shit!
[Beep]
Excuse me. Mr. Sze?
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to surprise you.
Uh, my name is Philip Howard,
and I'm a big fan of your music!
Your violin work
is truly amazing!
-Mr. Sze: You--
You heard my music?
-Philip: Yes, sir.
I have heard it.
And I think it's brilliant.
-Thank you.
-Philip: Mr. Sze.
Would you play
some of your music for me?
-Are you a musician?
-Philip: No, sir. I'm a student.
A film student.
-A what?
-Philip: A film student, sir.
And I would love
to shoot you playing.
-Shoot me?
-Philip: Uh, yes, sir, but
with a camera. A video camera.
But, Mr. Sze, this is a good way
to share your art
with the world.
Your music will be recorded
for posterity.
I'm making a documentary, and
I would like to put you in it!
Okay. Guess...not.
-Mr. Sze: Excuse me. Mister...
-Philip: Uh, Howard.
-Mr. Howard.
You say you can record my music
and save it
for future generations?
-Philip: Yes, sir.
Not only a musical record,
but also video footage
of you playing.
Performing.
-When can we do this?
-Philip: Anytime you want, sir.
You tell me.
-Can we do this now?
-Philip: Right now? Yes, we can.
Can you give me a few minutes
to get my stuff, my equipment?
-Yes.
-Philip: Okay. Be right back.
-Come, come. Come.
Move. Move.
Have to...
Have to close...
Close the window.
Sit. Sit.
[Beep]
[Violin playing]
[Violin stops]
[Hands clapping]
-Philip: Bravo! Bravo, Mr. Sze!
That was absolutely beautiful!
You know,
what I'd really like to hear
is another song
I heard you play.
It goes something like this.
Da, da-da, da da...
-Stop! Stop that immediately!
[Rumbling]
[Mr. Sze gasps]
[Rattling]
[Rumbling and rattling stop]
Listen! Never repeat that music!
Do not play it!
Do not imitate it!
Never listen to it!
Tell me. When did you hear it?
-Philip: Last night. I heard
you playing through my ceiling.
My apartment's
right under yours.
-You heard me?
Then you have to
move immediately
to a different apartment
on a lower floor!
-Philip: What? Why?
-I will arrange it
with Mrs. Blandi.
And I will pay for it.
Now leave!
Stop your camera
and please leave!
[Beep]
-What the fuck was that?!
You saw Mr. Sze's face.
He was genuinely terrified.
Why? And his window.
Those steel shutters
were shaking
like somebody
was trying to break in.
But he's on the third floor,
so that doesn't make any sense.
No. I'm telling you.
There is something weird
going on up there.
Okay, here I am, moving down
to my new apartment.
-Stop it. I told you.
I don't want my picture took!
-Philip: Uh, don't worry.
No pictures.
-What's the matter?
You moving out?
You don't like us no more?
-Philip: Nah, I'm just
moving down to the first floor.
But, uh, tell me something.
What do you know about
the old guy up on the top floor?
Mr. Sze.
-Nothing.
I don't know nothing.
-Philip: How about you?
Yeah. Okay.
-Mrs. Blandi:
Oh, there you are, dear!
We just got the place
cleaned for you.
Josh just did your floor.
-Philip:
Thanks, Mrs. B. Thanks, Josh.
-And as Mr. Sze stipulated,
your rent's all taken care of...
as long as you stay here.
-Philip: Ever heard of anybody
doing anything like that before?
-No.
Frigging peculiar,
if you ask me.
Enjoy your new place!
Uh, Mr. Sze.
Uh, Mr. Sze, wait, sir.
I'm sorry about earlier.
I really didn't mean
to upset you
with the documentary and all.
But you see, sir,
I'm still making it.
And I'm almost finished.
I think maybe if we could do
one more interview,
then, you know, we could
talk more about your music.
And it doesn't have to
be that other song.
I know the one
that upset you so much.
Even though it's really great.
But I'm just a fan now, sir,
and I think maybe
you could be an inspiration
to many other artists
like you and-- Sir, wait!
Fuck.
Jesus!
[Beep]
[Violin playing in distance]
Yep. At it again.
[Violin continues]
Whoa.
Wha-- Wha--
[Philip grunting]
What is going on?
[Violin stops]
What the fuck?
Hi, Mr. Sze. I was just coming
to see how you were doing.
Oh, my God! Your hair!
-Please excuse me!
-Philip: Yeah, Mr. Sze.
Of course. I'm sorry.
Oh, my God. His hair.
[Grunts]
Whoa.
Interesting.
[Eerie music plays]
Hm. Whoa.
Whoa. What the hell?
[Eerie music plays]
[Gasps] What the fuck?
[Ethereal music plays]
[Creature growling]
[Ethereal music continues]
[People screaming]
[Ethereal music continues]
[People screaming]
[Creature growls]
[Violin playing]
-Mr. Sze: Get away from there!
Get away from there!
No, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no!
-Philip: W-What is that?
-Mr. Sze: It sees you now!
It's coming! It knows you now!
-Philip: What is that?!
[Thud]
What is that?
Mr. Sze?
What the fuck is happening?!
Mr. Sze! Mr. Sze!
[Violin playing]
[Distorted]
Mr. Sze, what's happening?
[Violin continues]
Mr. Sze!
[Violin continues]
[Philip grunting]
-[Screaming]
-Philip: Oh, my God!
[Creature growls]
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
What the fuck?!
[Philip panting]
-What is going on?!
-Philip: Run! Get out now!
I'm telling you!
Something is coming!
[Mrs. Blandi screams]
-Philip: No!
-What the fuck are you?
Piece of shit!
-Philip: What the fuck?!
-[Grunting]
-Philip: No! No!
[Sobbing]
No!
Holy fuck.
Hit him in his eye!
[Creature growling]
[Man screams]
-Philip: No. No, no, no.
Go back!
[Philip screams]
[Philip panting and sobbing]
[Rumbling]
[Philip screams]
Josh! No!
[Philip screams]
[Philip panting]
[Creature growls]
Fuck.
[Philip screams]
-Oh, man! That was great!
-That was sick!
-Yeah.
-Yeah. You know, that was cool.
I like those--
those found-footage movies.
-Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!
I know about those.
Those are great. How do you find
the found footage, though?
-I don't know. We should find
somebody to go find footage.
-Wait a minute. Wait.
Testiclees!
Hey, go find us that found
footage that we need to find!
-Unh!
-Aw, man!
-No!
-No!
[Screams]
-Ohh! The sounds
of human suffering!
Is there a more beautiful music
in all of existence?
The euphony of pain.
The melodious agony
of the tormented soul.
Horror and sound...
inexorably married,
entangled like lovers...
feeding off
each other's suffering...
filling our nightmares
with the din of dread.
Sound. Simple vibrations.
But sound holds a power.
The power to bring grown men
to their knees
quaking in utter terror...
desperate to escape the torment,
attacking their aural canal.
Boring deeper and deeper
into their soul.
An unstoppable...
uncaring noise!
-[Chanting]
[Repugnant's
"Premature Burial"plays]
[Song continues]
-Decrepit as
you've fallen in deceased
Joints are withering
as they freeze
Decomposition
eating through your head
Mistakenly
you're confirmed as dead
Opening the torso,
remove the stinking crud
Tapping your veins
of fluids and blood
Your yawning gap
sewn shut in haste
An attractive corpse,
dried-out human waste
Panicking
yet you're paralyzed...
Screaming,
silent and voiceless
As you are lowered
into the grave
Premature burial
Trapped in a box
six feet under ground
You slowly fall apart
never to be found
Black putrefaction,
odor is sumptuous
Smelling sweet and sour,
stench of puss
Festering posture
of malignant phlegm
Hungry maggots causing
internal mayhem
Deafened by the silence,
dark is all you see
Inside this rotting coffin
you'll spend eternity
Panicking
yet you're paralyzed
Your worst nightmare
has come true
Screaming, silent,
and voiceless
As you are united
with the dew
Premature burial
[Grunting]
[Song continues]
As one with the cemetery
Frozen, decayed, rotten
Soon you will be
but a memory
Undead, buried
[Eerie music plays]
[Man whimpering]
[Man screaming]
[Man screaming]
[Song continues]
[Song continues]
Panicking
yet you're paralyzed
Claustrophobic wooden cell
Screaming, silent,
and voiceless
If only you could
burn in hell
Premature burial
[Squishing]
-[Grunts]
[Thud]
[Whistling]
-Wow! That last clip by...
[Crunching]
...was incredible!
-So-- [Screaming]
-Hey. You're gonna love
this next clip by...
[Crunching]
-[Grunting]
[Beep]
-Lydia: When I was a kid,
my dad was a legend.
He was the greatest producer
I ever heard.
He cut hundreds of tracks.
[Rock music playing]
Two months ago, when he died,
everything changed.
I've been stuck in a rut trying
to mix this beat in his honor.
[Rock music playing]
So I went back to his
old demo tapes for inspiration.
And then I found this.
-Dad: Lydia, if you've
found this recording,
my corporeal form
is likely toast...
but the beat is eternal.
Lay down a track
with these steps,
and I'll stay with you forever.
Take heed
to document the process.
These are the five lessons.
Number one,
start with the drum and bass.
The rhythm is the foundation.
The secret is finding sounds
that are unique, original.
You know how many people
use the same bland presets?
Making the music
sound cookie-cutter?
-I can't fucking find
the sound I'm looking for.
But I'm not gonna
give up for you, Dad.
You know, some of the greats...
Hendrix, the Peppers,
Lil Wayne...
they used other things
to reach higher levels.
[Sighs]
I don't think my dad did.
But maybe...
[Eerie music plays]
-Dad: My success came from me
introducing new organic sounds
into my production,
sounds that were one of a kind,
fresh to the human ear.
[Beep]
-I'm documenting everything
like you said, Dad,
and the track is developing.
I just need more inspiration
for the source material.
[Eerie music plays]
[Beep]
[Chatter]
-There she is!
Thanks for coming
on such short notice.
I didn't think
you'd actually show.
-Lydia: No, I think I needed
this as much as you did.
I've been cooped up
in the studio all day.
-What's with the camera?
-Lydia: Oh, it's for
a documentary project
I'm working on.
-Okay.
If I have a few more of these,
I'm sure
I wouldn't mind anything.
So document away, beautiful.
-Lydia: [Chuckles]
-Cheers. To your project.
-And I'm working
on a concept album.
-Oh, shit. Really?
Kind of music?
-Black metal.
Lots of organic percussion.
Captured live.
-[Laughs]
-Don't laugh at me.
-I'm not. It's just surprising.
I mean, you look too sweet
to be making heavy beats.
-A lot of people say that
until they get to know me.
-And then what?
-And then it's just too late.
You can leave your shoes
at the door.
-Gold records?
I didn't know you were that big.
-Lydia: [Chuckles]
No, they were just my dad's.
But I'm working
on something right now
that I'm hoping can be that big.
-Alright. Lovely place.
-Lydia: Thanks.
This is my bedroom.
-Shall we?
-Lydia: Yeah.
-Oh. More cameras.
What is this? "Boogie Nights"?
-Lydia: What if it was?
I thought you said
you were down for anything.
-You are a serious freak,
aren't you?
-You have no idea.
I have something
I really want to try with you.
You down?
[Beep]
-[Grunts]
Oh, wow. Legs, too?
-[Chuckles]
-I want you
completely vulnerable.
[Jazz music plays]
-I need total isolation
of the source material.
-[Grunts]
[Music stops]
-Ohh. Hey.
-Let me help you with this.
[Whirring]
-Hey!
That's pulling me tight! Stop.
-Sorry. I just need to establish
a baseline frequency.
-Hey.
T-This isn't funny anymore.
Hey. No. No.
[Muffled shouts]
[Beep]
-[Whirring]
-[Grunts]
-Sorry.
I'll try to be more gentle.
[Bones cracking]
[Grunting]
[Thumping]
-[Screams]
[Cracking]
[Whirring]
[Crack]
[Grunts]
[Glasses clinking]
[Whirring]
[Sounds playing rhythmically]
-Dad: Lesson two.
Create the vocal layer.
[Beep]
-Lydia: Yo!
Hey. I happened to catch
your set at the bar tonight.
That was really
something special.
-[Chuckles] Thanks.
Uh, you actually listened?
-Lydia: Well, no.
It was all I could focus on.
You have a really incredible
natural tone.
Have you ever looked into, like,
recording a proper demo?
-It's just all you?
-Lydia: Just me.
-So you were saying this is,
like, a recording studio?
-Lydia: Yeah, the booth is
in the back, right over here.
-Cool.
-You can just
head right on in there.
-Oh. [Chuckles]
-And make yourself
nice and cozy.
-Sounds...good. Uh...
-Alright. You ready?
You feeling good?
-As good as I can be. Yeah.
Um...
-Yeah, you can adjust that
however you want.
-Seems pretty good.
-I'm just gonna
get us set up here.
Alright. We are all set.
This is where the magic happens.
-I see. Um...
Oh. Oh.
Uh-- [Clears throat]
What's this,
uh, plastic on the ground?
-It's all just set up
for a very special sound.
-Got it. That's cute.
Is it, like, what you normally
wear for sessions?
-Oh, you know, just to add
to the feng shui of it all.
-[Chuckles]
Definitely feng shui.
Uh, so, I still don't really
know what we're doing.
What am I singing?
What genre?
-Soul music.
-Don't really do soul music.
I, uh-- I'm more of
a classical lyricist.
Yo, what are you --
Yo, look. I don't mind
a little bit of drugs.
That looks crazy.
Um...
-Okay.
[Chain saw buzzing]
-What the fuck?
What the fuck are you doing?
Fuck you.
Fuck! [Screaming]
[Intermittent screams]
[Rhythmic screams]
-Dad: Lesson three.
Give the track breadth.
Create ghost notes
in the key of the song
to give it an airy,
dreamy feel.
-Lydia:
Hey. Sorry to bother you!
-Yeah. What do you want?
-Lydia:
I'm moving some equipment
out of my studio
down the street,
and my back is killing me.
I just need some help
picking up, like, two crates.
It'll take 20 minutes, tops.
I'll give you 50 bucks cash
and buy you dinner?
Here.
[Clattering]
-50 bucks cash?
-Lydia:
And a pack of cigarettes.
Hop in.
Let's get you out of this cold.
-By the way,
why are you filming all this?
-Lydia: So I can replay it
when I'm sad.
[Beep]
-[Gasps] Oh, my God.
[Eerie music plays]
[Sobbing]
Help!
Help me!
Someone, please!
Help!
Someone! Help me, please!
[Sobbing]
[Coughing]
-Hey, girl.
Ready?
-[Screams]
[Gagging]
[Eerie music plays]
[Gentle music plays]
[Music stops]
[Knock on door]
-Sharpe: Miss Van Horn?
-Shit! Shit.
[Knock on door]
[Beep]
-Miss Van Horn?
Detective Sharpe.
Sorry to disturb you.
-Oh. No. It's fine.
Is everything okay?
-What's with the camera?
-Oh, I'm recording
my creative process.
-It's not exactly protocol
to let you record
this conversation, ma'am.
-But you're recording me.
-Touch.
-We can exchange footage
if you want.
-Okay.
Well, I won't hold you up.
Unfortunately,
we've had a string
of missing-persons reports
within the last two weeks
in about a ten-block radius.
-Oh, no, that's too bad.
-So I guess I'm just here
to check if you seen
or heard anything.
-Pbht. Oh, gosh. I don't know.
You see all kinds of weird stuff
in these parts, right?
-Yeah, well...
-It is the big city, after all.
But, no,
nothing stands out to me
as particularly...
murderous lately.
-Murderous?
-Yeah.
When adults go missing
and it's been over 48 hours,
I'm pretty sure the odds
of it being a homicide
increase by 70%.
-Do you live alone?
-Yes. Yep.
Just me and my recording rig.
-Cool.
-You know,
you have a very airy voice.
Have you ever recorded a demo?
-Funny. Very funny.
I dabbled.
A little bit in high school.
But my calling
wasn't making beats.
Walkingthe beat was.
-Well, I'm working
on a track right now.
I feel like your voice would
be just the addition I need.
-I'm flattered, but, no.
I'm still on the job.
But, please, do let me know
if you see or hear anything.
-Of course.
-Have a productive day,
Miss Van Horn.
And good luck on that track.
[Beep]
-Dad: Lesson number four.
Don't hide behind the machines.
Get in there and experiment.
-[Gagging]
[Crack]
-[Screaming]
[Sobbing]
Deconstruct. Reconstruct.
Build your melody.
-Man: Sweet fucking axe!
Mind if I play it?
-Sure. Go right ahead.
[Gas hissing]
[Man screaming]
[Gas hissing]
-Just remember
to protect your neck!
-Some of the process is messy.
That's what creates
an authentic, raw sound.
Remember.
It's okay to blend genres.
Add that classical flair.
[Woman sobbing]
-Okay, sweetie.
I'm just gonna need a C-major.
[Woman sobbing rhythmically]
[Woman screaming]
[Woman sobbing]
[Woman screaming]
[Knock on door]
-Sharpe: Miss Van Horn!
Miss Van Horn,
this is very serious.
We have security footage
of you talking to a man
outside of a convenience store
about a week ago.
A Mr. Mark Stephenson.
Who hasn't been
seen or heard from since.
-And you think he's in here?
-Well, would you mind
if I take a look around?
-Actually, yes, I would.
I don't know what kind of girl
you take me for,
but you are embarrassing me.
-Miss Van Horn,
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to
get realembarrassing
if I have to come back here
with a search warrant.
-I guess it will.
[Suspenseful music plays]
[Beep]
[Clicking]
-Dad: Lesson five.
Put yourself into the work.
[Suspenseful music continues]
[Beep]
[Knock on door]
-Sharpe: Miss Van Horn!
I'm back with that warrant!
Things are not
looking too good for you.
[Beep]
[Rhythm playing]
[Crash]
Miss Van Horn?
[Man grunts]
-Sharpe: Shit.
[Cracking]
Mother of God.
-[Sighs]
[Breathing deeply]
I don't know
if I can do this one, Dad.
-Sharpe: Don't move a muscle!
You're under arrest!
-It's okay.
[Beats playing]
The music makes it worth it.
[Screams]
[Mid-tempo music plays]
[Music stops]
[Radio beeps]
-We got multiple homicides.
At least four.
I got to count all the pieces
to be sure.
Hands. Feet.
Man, there's all kinds
of fucked-up in here.
[Radio clicks]
[Click]
[Lydia grunting]
[Beats playing]
We did it, Dad.
It's perfect.
[Mid-tempo music plays]
[Music continues]
-Lydia: Death tone.
-To all the human creatures
My eyes with a razor
[Indistinct singing]
Motherfucking hellraiser
[Indistinct singing]
Motherfucking hellraiser
To all the human creatures
My eyes with a razor
[Indistinct singing]
Motherfucking hellraiser
To all the human creatures
My eyes with a razor
[Indistinct singing]
Motherfucking hellraiser
Hellraiser, hellraiser
Motherfucking hellraiser
Hellraiser, hellraiser
Motherfucking hellraiser
[Song continues]
[Indistinct singing]
[Indistinct singing]
To all the human creatures
My eyes with a razor
[Indistinct singing]
[Screams]
To all the human creatures
My eyes with a razor
[Indistinct singing]
Motherfucking hellraiser
Hellraiser, hellraiser
Motherfucking hellraiser
Hellraiser, hellraiser
Motherfucking hellraiser
["Dance, Dance, Dance, Dance"
plays]
-Flowers lose their petals
-Waves go back to sea
-Everything
that lives and grows
-Will one day cease to be
-Yes, it might be painful
-And, yes, it will be sad
-So don't you dare
waste your last chance
-Until we die, we're gonna
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Life is one big party
Dance until
your feet fall off
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Once we get it started
Don't let the music stop
-Don't matter
if you're poor or rich
-Or green
-Or black and blue
-Like mold
comes for a sandwich
-The darkness comes for you
-You can smoke and puff
the day away
-Go for early morning runs
-But you will
meet your maker
-Each and every one
-So
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Life is one big party
Dance until
your feet fall off
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Before tuberculosis
or a whooping cough
-Stare into the expanse
-Panse, panse
panse, panse, panse
Of endless darkness
It's our last chance,
chance, chance
So dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Once we get it started
Don't let the music stop
Failed heart transplant,
fire ants in your pants
-Working in finance
Terrible circumstance
Lung disease
-Stormy seas
-Buried alive
-Choked on a chive
-Tuberculosis,
broken promises
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
-Oh, yeah,
you're all gonna die!
-Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
-Dance!
[Laughter]
[Static crackles]
-George: Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
Alright.
You want to see mypuppets?
Come on.
Dance, dance,
dance, dance, dance
[Sighs]
They look so peaceful.
I'm gonna have to
hire a new intern.